Jurnal ISLAMIKA, Vol. , No.

(20--): X—X

Immerse The Islamic Manners in Family's Daily Life.

Dewi Suriyani Djamdjuri

dewi.suriyani@uika-bogor.co.id
Tya Monica Putri
tyamonicaputri21@gmail.com
IBN KHALDUN UNIVERSITY BOGOR

ABSTRACT
The main role of parents in children's education is as a basis for moral
education and a religious outlook on life. Manner (abad) is a value of honour that
is obtained from the education process, especially in the family. Islam views that
the family has an important role in shaping the character of a child. Manners
(Adab) applies to all aspects of life both inside and outside the home. The best
way to teach etiquette to children is to set an example, if you want a civilized
child, parents must provide an example of civilized attitude from arranging
words to deeds. Manners in the family environment include manners of husband
and wife, manners of parents towards children, and manners of children towards
parents.
Keyword: Education, Family, Islamic Manners, Parents.

INTRODUCTION
Family is the first place to share affection, a place to tell stories and
problems and a place to shape one's character. In addition to being a gift from
Allah SWT, children are given to parents as gifts. To be nurtured, nurtured and
built into qualified children, having the strength and resilience to make a journey
through life in her adult life. It is the key task of educating and nurturing children
to have knowledge and ability in dealing with the life of the world. The main is
both his parents. Parents are expected to have a clear role and concept in giving
education and parenting to children (qs. An-nisaa: 9, qs. Al-anfaal: 28, qs. At-
taghaabun: 14).
The main role of parents in children's education is as a basis for moral
education and a religious outlook on life. The nature and character of children
are mostly taken from their parents and other family members(Hasbullah,
2017). Children's education is necessary for the parents to create the maximum
overall personality of the child and to know virtue and to practice it (Basri,
2013).
To build the character of the child, parents should teach manner (adab) to
children. Manner(abad) is a value of honour that is obtained from the education
process, especially in the family. Islam views that the family has an important
role in shaping the character of a child. According to Jalaluddin, the family is a
fieldthe first education and the educator is both his parents . Parents (father and
mother) are natural educators whom Allah mandated to care for, supervise and
guide their children, as the message of Imam al-Ghazali, a Persian Muslim

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philosopher and theologian:

"A child is a mandate or a gift from Allah to his parents. The child's heart is still
clean, like a precious jewel, devoid of all kinds paintings and depictions. When
the child is accustomed to good things, it is taught to him the good things, then
the child will grow up to be a good man and will obtain happiness in this world
and the hereafter. Both parents also get rewarded too.”

Education in Islam begins with studying manners, before gaining

knowledge itself. Manners (Adab) in the view of Islam is not a trivial matter. It
has become one of the core teachings of Islam. Such is the importance of this
case until the salaf scholars have compiled a special book that discusses these
manners (adab). Manners (Adab) has a meaning; politeness, friendliness, and
refinement character put something in its place, banquet and others.
Manners (Adab) is a very important part of education about aspects of attitudes
and values, both individuals and values contained in religion need to be known,
understood, believed and practised by Indonesian people to become the basis of
personality so that they can become a complete human. and in life, even the
smallest thing has its own rules (Ali, 2011).
The important role of the family in children's education and first
education before science is manners (adab). Therefore the author wants to
explain (Effendy, 1989) immerse Islamic manners in the family's daily life.

METHODOLOGY
This type of research is qualitative research which focuses on library
research by examining the al-Qur'an text, books, and manuscripts sourced from
the literature treasures relevant to the problems raised in this study
(Efendy,1989). The data source used is divided into two forms primary and
secondary. Primary data is a book that is used as the main guideline in the form
of child development studies from an Islamic perspective.
Meanwhile, secondary data are books that are still considered relevant
with research studies (Arikunto, 1993). The analytical method used is
descriptive analysis, which is used to determine the relationship between
categories with others, through interpretation following the research map
guided by the problem that is being studied. Examine in research objectives, to
realize appropriate theoretical constructs with research problems (Surakhmand,
1980).

RESULT
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Manners (Adab) or moral education is very important to be taught to

children, in addition to shaping the character of children, civilization education is
considered capable of fortifying children from the moral crisis that is rife in
Indonesia. Abu Zakariya al-'Anbariy rahimahullh said knowledge without adab
is like fire without firewood, while adab without knowledge is like a spirit
without a body (Atsar History of Al-Khathib Al-Baghdadiy in Al-Jami 'li Akhlaq
Ar-Rawi, 1/80 ). Family education takes place in the family carried out by
parents who have the duty and responsibility to educate their children
(Djamarah, 2004).
Manners (Adab) applies to all aspects of life both inside and outside the
home. The best way to teach etiquette to children is to set an example, if you
want a civilized child, parents must provide an example of civilized attitude from
arranging words to deeds. Manners in the family environment include manners
of husband and wife, manners of parents towards children, and manners of
children towards parents.
A. Manners of married couple (husband and wife)
Shaykh 'Abdul Hamid bin' Abdurrahman as-Suhaibani explained
the manners of husband and wife, there are; 1) Each husband and wife
should primp themselves only for their partners. 2)Husbands should
carry out the sunnah of fitnah, namely; circumcision, cleaning pubic hair,
cutting a moustache, cutting nails and pulling out armpit hair. This also
applies to a wife and does not leave it for more than 40 days. A wife
should abstain from resembling pagan women in lengthening her nails
and painting them. 3) Should a wife abstain from tattooing, shaving /
plucking the eyebrows in whole or in part or any similar manner.
Likewise, you should not loosen your teeth, that is, separate your teeth
from one another so that they are far apart from one another. All these
things unclean and the culprit is damned by the Prophet sallallaahu 'alaihi
wa Sallam, as in the following hadith:
" ‫لعن هللا الواشمات والمستوشمات والنامصات والمتنمصات والمتقلجات للحسن المغيرات‬
‫خلق هللا‬.”
"Allah cursed women who make tattoos and women who ask for
tattoos, women who pluck their eyebrows or women who ask for their
eyebrows to be plucked out and women who stretch their teeth to
beautify themselves by changing God's creation." 4) Husband and wife
should pray together. two rak'ahs together (before committing Jima '/
copulation). As the statement of tsar from Ibn Mas'ud Radhiyallahu and
that he ordered Abu Huraiz if his wife came to him to pray behind him
before hanging out with him. [History of Abu Bakr Abi Syaibah and ath-
Thabrani. See Adaa-buz Zifaf p.95 by Shaykh al-Albani] This is a warning
for married couples, if they want to achieve happiness in this world and
the Hereafter, they should base all their behaviour with taqwa values. 5)
Should the husband, put his hand on his wife's head (top of his head) and
then chant the Name of God, and pray for the blessing and say a prayer:
“‫اللهم إني أسألك خيرها وخير ما جبلتها عليه وأعوذ بك من شرها وشر ما جبلتها عليه‬.
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"O Allah, I actually ask You for the kindness of this woman, also the
goodness of her character (character) and I ask You for protection from
the ugliness of her character." 6) Husband does not forget to say a prayer
before intercourse with his wife by reading:
ِ ِّ‫ اَللّهُ َّم َجنِّ ْبنَا ال َّش ْيطَانَ َو َجن‬، ِ‫بِس ِْم هللا‬.
‫ب ال َّش ْيطَانَ َما َر َز ْقتَنَا‬
"By chanting the Name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from
shaytan and keep away the shaytan so as not to disturb what You are
telling us." [5] Meanwhile, the continuation of the hadith recitation is: ...
ِ ُ‫فَق‬. "... If you are destined to have children, then Satan
ُّ َ‫ َي بَ ْينَهُ َما لَ ْم ي‬:‫ض‬
ُ‫ َره‬:‫ض‬
cannot interfere forever." 7) It is permissible for husband and wife to see
all of their partner's genitals. As the hadith of 'Aisha radi anhuma:
‫كنت أغتسل أنا ورسول هللا صلى هللا عليه وسلم من إناء بيني وبينه واحد (تختلف أيدينا فيه‬
‫ وهما جنبان‬:‫ قالت‬,‫ دع لي‬,‫ دع لي‬:‫فيبادرني حتى أقول‬.
"I once bathed together with the Prophet Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wa
Sallam from a container that lies between me and him. Our hands
scramble to pick up the water in it. He sallallaahu 'Alayhi wa Sallam won
in the struggle, then I said,' Save it for me, save it for me. 'Even though at
that time we were in a junub state.” 8) It is preferable for someone who is
junub to perform ablution 'when he is going to sleep, especially when
taking a bath. This is based on the hadith 'Abdullah bin Qais, he said, "I
asked' Aisyah, 'What did Rasulullah Sallallahu' Alayhi Wa Sallam do when
he was in a junub state? Does he take a shower before going to bed or
sleep before taking a bath? "Aisyah replied," All that he has done
Sallallahu 'alaihi wa Sallam, sometimes he takes a shower before going to
sleep and sometimes does ablution "then sleeps," I said. "Praise be to
Allah Who has provided flexibility in this matter." [HR. Ahmad VI / 73,
149. See Adabuz Zifaaf p. 118-119].Do not be reckless with lots of sexual
intercourse, because there is a lot of damage in it and it narrows down the
good in this world and the hereafter.
B. Manners of parents towards children
True parents are not free to do anything to their children. Some certain
manners or ethics must be considered by parents regarding the obligation
of their children to serve them. According to Imam Al-Ghazali as
mentioned in his book entitled Al-Adab fid Din (Cairo, Al-Maktabah At-
Taufiqiyyah, page 444) there is at least five (5) etiquette of parents
towards their children as follows:
‫ وال يلح عليهم في وقت ضجرهم‬،‫ وال يكلفهم من البر فوق طاقتهم‬،‫ يعينهم على بره‬:‫أداب الوالد مع أوالده‬
‫ وال يمن عليهم بتربيتهم‬،‫وال يمنعهم من طاعة ربهم‬.

Meaning: "Adab parents towards children, namely: helping them do good

to their parents; does not force them to do good beyond their limits; not

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impose will on them in times of trouble; does not prevent them from
obeying Allah SWT; doesn’t make them miserable because of wrong
education. "

From the quotation above, the five manners of parents to their children
can be described as follows:

First, help children be nice to him. The attitude of children to their

parents is very much influenced by the attitude of their parents to them.
If parents love their children, they will certainly reward them with the
same kindness. Children can't be kind to their parents if they are treated
arbitrarily. Therefore, when parents are kind to their children the
parents have educated and helped their children to become good children
too.

Second, do not force the children to do good beyond their limits.

Parents need to understand developmental psychology so that children
can live their lives according to the phases of their development. It is not
wise if children who are still in kindergarten have been ordered to fast for
a full day during Ramadan. They do need to be trained to fast but not be
that heavy. Likewise, it is not wise if parents force their will so that they
always rank 1st in their class, for example, while their abilities are less
supportive.
Third, do not force children when it is difficult. Like adults,
children can also feel bad, for example, because they have lost something
they love, such as a pet or something else. At times like this, parents
should be able to understand the child's psychology by not adding to the
burden. For example, parents do many and heavy commands so that it
increases the child's burden. Instead, people should be able to comfort
and encourage their children that God will replace what is lost from that
child with something better.
Fourth, it does not prevent children from obeying Allah SWT.
Parents should not prevent their children when they intend to obey Allah
SWT, for example, practising the Sunnah fasting Monday-Thursday. But
indeed parents need to give directions not to fast first, for example, when
the child's condition is sick. Parents need to explain that it is permissible
for some people not to fast, for example, those who are sick, or a mother
breastfeeding her young child. For Ramadan fasting, it must be replaced if
it is abandoned, the sunnah fast does not have to be replaced.
Fifth, do not make children miserable because of wrong education.
Parents must educate their children as well as possible so that children
have sufficient knowledge and skills required. If parents do not
adequately equip children with the necessary knowledge and skills and
instead spoil them, then this can be miserable for the child in the future.
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Children can be stupid and not independent in many ways so that they
cannot help themselves, let alone others. This situation will make the
child miserable in his life.
In short, the five things above, namely conditioning the child to be
able and able to do good to parents, respect for children's achievements in
achieving good things according to their ability limits, understand
children's feelings when they are in trouble, support children to obey
Allah SWT, and make children being able to live happily with the right
education, is the minimum manners or ethics that every parent needs to
do to his children (Ishom, 2020).
C. Manner children towards parent
As a child, filial piety to parents has become mandatory. This has also
been instructed in the Qur'an and Hadith. One form of filial piety is to pay
attention to ethics and manners between children and their parents.
Regarding the adab of a child to his parents, Imam Al-Ghazali has also
discussed in a treatise entitled Al-Adab fid Diin which is contained in the
book Majmu'ah Rasail. In this article, some of the manners of a child to
parents that need attention, namely; 1) Listen to the words of the
parents.A child needs to listen carefully when parents speak. This is
especially so if the conversation is serious talk or advice. If a child plans
to interrupt the parents' talk, it is better if the child asks permission first.
2) Stand up when parents stand. Apart from being a form of courtesy, this
also shows the readiness of the child to help. If at any time parents need
help, then children can immediately assist. Conversely, if the parents are
already seated, then the child should also sit down unless there are no
more seats available. 3) Obey parental orders. As long as parents give
orders that are not against Allah's rules, it is obligatory to follow them.
Also, if the parental orders exceed the child's ability, then a child needs to
try his best or refuse in a good way if he has to refuse. 4) Fulfil the call of
parents. As soon as the child hears his parents calling him, he must come
immediately. Even if he is performing the Sunnah prayer, it would not be
a mistake to cancel the prayer to fulfil the call of the parents. 5) Be
humble with affection and pain. Humility towards parents must be
maintained even though the child is more pious and smarter than the
parents. Also, this respect must still exist even though in the past parents
were not always able to meet children's needs. And a child must also
understand the limitations and abilities of parents so that they do not
demand something that can be difficult for their parents. 6) It is not easy
to feel tired in doing good to parents. A child must understand that his
parents have nurtured and raised him tirelessly. So, a child is obliged to
do good and try to please his parents by doing what the parents ask. 7)
Not looking with suspicion. A child must also always maintain good
prejudice against parents. If you have something you want your parents

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to know, don't ask questions that sound suspicious. Try to keep the
questions asked are good and not hurtful.
Pollite ways to parents, there are; 1) Obey parental advice. 2)
Thanking both parents. 3) Be gentle towards parents. 4) Lingten the
burden on parents. 5) Pray for parents so that they will always be blessed
with mercy and forgiveness by Allah SWT (Fuatul, 2015).
Those are the etiquette that children need to have towards their
parents. These manners need to be known and understood by a child.
Also, parents need to teach their children to this manners. So, children
will get used to and understand well about these manners until they are
adults and their parents are old.

CONCLUSION
Manners (adab) position is very important in educating children. Even
position takes precedence over science. Moral education starts from the family
environment because the family is the first place where children's character is
formed. Parents play an important role in teaching manners to children. As well
as being an example of immerse manners in children. Adab in the family
environment isn't only manners of children towards parents but there is
manners of husband and wife and also parents of children.

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Effendy, O. U. (1989). KAMUS KOMUNIKASI. Bandung: PT. Mandar Maju.
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