Living with Solitude

The fear of finding oneself alone – that is what they suffer from – and so they don’t find
themselves at all.” (Andre Gide, The Immoralist)

Introduction: History
Human beings are social by nature and often fear isolation. A lack of social support in the
prehistoric age would be highly disadvantageous, and thus natural selection would have
favored social behaviors and a fear of isolation. If alone for too long, our mental health
would suffer, leading to depressed mood, insomnia, and even psychosis. The history of
solitary confinement and exile as punishment illustrate how deep the fear of isolation is in
humanity.

Introduction: The problem in modern context

Yet, in the modern times, when communication with others is easier than ever before
through the information technology available, the fear is no longer restricted to fear of
extreme isolation. Rather, many fear being alone for any extended period of time. This form
of fear of isolation is unnecessary and might even pose a detrimental effect to ourselves and
existing relationship. It is essential for us to have a balanced view towards isolation.
Overcoming the fear and learning to find solace in solitude can in fact be beneficial to us.

The problem: Cause (Personal)

Fear of solitude might in fact stems from a fear of oneself. In our normal daily routines, when
we are preoccupied with work and chores and are often in the presence of others, our social
persona takes center stage, and disturbing thoughts and emotions are pushed to the
sidelines. However, when we are not in the presence of others anymore, these darker
aspects of ourselves tend to rise to the surface.

The problem: Cause (Interpersonal)

Solitude is heavy, as we are forced to confront our own insecurities and unresolvced
emotions. Those who find solitude too heavy might resort to cling to others to ensure they
never left alone to their own thoughts. This in turn limit the chance for self discovery and
change, and would leave one in perpetual stagnation. If one were to attach their self worth
and esteem merely to their relationship with others, they would eventually get lost in the
crowd they surround themselves in, becoming a mere sheep in the herd.

Solution to the problem

To ensure we don’t, like many individuals today, fall victim to dependence-driven
relationships we must develop he capacity to be alone. In developing the capacity to be
alone, one could learn to understand their own authentic self, their own feelings, needs, and
desires.

Meaning can be found and personal growth stimulated when we cultivate, in solitude, a
relationship with some form of creative work that consumes our attention.

(+/- Pitfalls to be aware off)

As we learn to flourish in solitude we must not dismiss the dangers of prolonged and self
inflicted solitude.