TOPIC 7: LISTENING IN

INTERPERSONAL
COMMUNICATION
Sub topics:
A. The process of listening
B. Listening barriers
C. Style of effective listening
D. Culture, gender and listening
The Importance of Listening
1. Professional
◦ Essential to workplace effectiveness,
◦ Establish and communicate power

2. Personal Benefits
◦ Develop and maintain relationship.
◦ We want partners who listen to us.
◦ To share thoughts and feelings.
 A. The Process of Listening
◦ Traditionally – spoken messages.
◦ Internet era i.e. social media - listening means receiving and
processing of auditory signals. (reading the messages)
◦ Definition: The process of receiving, understanding, remembering,
evaluating and responding to verbal (spoken or written) and/or
nonverbal messages.
◦ All five stages overlap and listening is never perfect. Because
they are lapses in attention, misunderstanding, memory,
inadequate critical thinking and inappropriate responding
Example: listen + attentive+ critically evaluate + feedback = your
response to the conversation
The goal is to reduce these
◦ The process is circular obstacles.
Five-Stage Model of
Listening

• Listening is NOT the process of transferring an idea from the mind of a speaker to the
mind of a listener.
• Rather, it is a process in which speaker and listener work together to achieve a
common understanding.
Stage One: Receiving
• Hearing and attending to the verbal and nonverbal.
Hearing is passive and mindless, while listening is active and
mindful.
• You note what is said verbally and nonverbally, as well as
what is omitted.

Suggestion!
•There are 3 skills to improve receiving:
i. Focus your attention - on the speaker’s verbal and
nonverbal messages & avoid focusing on and
rehearse your response or miss what the speaker
about to say
ii. Avoid distractions - in the environment e.g. take off
the ear bud or turn off your cell phone
iii. Maintain your role as listener - avoid interrupting
Stage One: Receiving
Use disclaimers when you want your listeners to
receive your message fairly and without prejudice.
Hedging - helps you to separate yourself from the message e.g. ‘I
may be wrong here, but…’
D
Credentialing - helps you establish your special qualifications e.g.
I
‘Don’t get me wrong I’m not discriminating…’ OR As someone who
S study, I’
C Sin licenses - ask listeners for permission to deviate in some way
L from topic of conversation e.g. ‘I know this might not be the best
A time…’
I Cognitive disclaimers - help you make the case that you are
M thinking clearly e.g. ‘I know you think I’m crazy but let me explain
E the reason…’
R Appeals for the suspension of judgment - ask listeners to hear you
S about before judging e.g. ‘Don’t shut me just yet until you listen to
my side of the story…’
 Stage Two: Understanding
• Learn what the speaker means; grasping the thoughts and
emotional expressed. You can improve understanding by:

i. Avoid assuming you understand - what the speaker is going

to say before he or she actually says it. i.e., assumption =
misjudge
ii. See the message from the speaker’s point of view, i.e., asses
the intent of the speaker
iii. Ask questions for clarification i.e., details or examples
iv. Rephrase (paraphrase) the speaker’s ideas in your own
words, i.e., silent (rehearse and learn material)or aloud
(confirm understanding)
Suggestion!
Stage Three: Remembering
◦ Retaining what you hear in memory.
◦ Effective listening depends on remembering. In most
interpersonal communication situations note is
inappropriate. Example: Writing down an appointment
or direction
◦ Memory for speech is not reproductive, it is
reconstructive. Example:Anna told you she is getting a
new phone, next meeting you ask her about the
purchase.
◦ Information passes from short-term (limited in capacity)
to long-term memory (unlimited).
◦ There are FOUR suggestions to facilitate the passage of
information from short to long-term memory.
 Stage Three: Remembering

◦ FOUR suggestion:
i. Focus - your attention on the central ideas, repeat the
ideas to yourself and focusing on minor details.
ii. Organize - what you hear, summarize the message in a
more easily retained form. Use chunking e.g. grocery
item "FLOAT“ figs, lettuce, oranges, apples, and tomatoes
iii. Unite - the new with the old, relate new info to what you
already know e.g. Constructing example for the new
concepts learned in IPC’s class
iv. Repeat - names and key concepts silently or aloud.
Stage Four: Evaluating
◦ Thinking critically about and judging the
messages in some way.
◦ Evaluate the speaker’s underlying intentions or
motives. e.g. I got an A for IPC exam – seeking
compliment or showing off?
◦ Sometime your evaluation is more in the nature
of critical analysis e.g., Project presentation – how
is it practical or what’s the evidence?
 Stage Four: Evaluating
◦ To help evaluation:
i. Resist evaluation - until you understand the speaker’s point
of view, e.g. putting a label like she is a liberal or
conservative
ii. Distinguish facts from opinions and personal interpretation
by the speaker – fix the label e.g. Adam thinks Jake is a
playboy.
iii. Identify any biases, self-interests or prejudices of the speaker
e.g. slanderous statement
iv. Recognize fallacious form of “reasoning” such as:
◦ Name-calling – using favorable and unfavorable labels to
color perception, e.g. smart, Neanderthal
◦ Testimonial – using positive and negative spokespersons to
encourage rejection or acceptance , i.e. celebrity
endorsement
◦ Bandwagon – everyone else is doing it e.g. using social
media, don’t attend class after barring week
 Stage Five: Responding
◦ Answering or giving feedback to the speaker.
◦ Occurs in two phases:
a) Immediate feedback - responses you make while the
speaker is talking.
◦ Important for face-to-face communication e.g. nod, smile,
frown
◦ Include back-channeling cues e.g. ‘I see’, ‘uh-huh’, ‘hmm’
b) Delayed feedback - responses you make after the speaker
has stopped talking e.g. Q&A session, like photo or post on
FB
◦ Generally more elaborate and might express empathy,
asking for clarification, challenging, agreeing, or giving
support.
 Stage Five: Responding

◦ Strategies to improve responding include:

i. Support the speaker with verbal and nonverbal cues
e.g. nod, ‘mm-hmm’, like ‘icon’ , comment on photos
ii. Own your responses. Use “I” language – be responsible
for what you say e.g. I do believe the news is legit
iii. Resist reacting by trying to solve the problem unless of
course you’re ask for advise e.g. the expression ‘lending
my ears’
iv. Focus on the other person & don’t multitask e.g. take of
earphone, don’t play with your phone
v. Avoid being a thought-completing listener – listens a
little and then finishes the speaker’s thought e.g. ‘I knew
it’, ‘I already know it.’
B. Listening Barriers
1. Distractions: Physical and Mental
• Physical can include hearing impairments and physical
noise e.g. playing with your phone during lecture.
• Mental can include your mind wandering and becoming
overly emotional e.g. day dreaming, thinking of two
many things at a time

2. Biases and Prejudices

• Avoid gender bias e.g. topics like cleaning, car, sport,
fashion etc.
• Avoid closed-mindedness e.g. feminist argument, LGBT
issue, western ideas
B. Listening Barriers
3. Lack of Appropriate Focus
◦ Listen only for information with an obvious relevance
to them.
◦ Anticipate how you will respond prevents you from
hearing the message in full. Don’t rehearse your
response while listening. e.g. everyday conversation
◦ Enormous amount of info that surrounds you makes
maintaining an appropriate focus difficult. e.g.
Facebook page – clutters with posts, photos & ads.

4. Premature Judgment
◦ Assuming you know what the speaker is going to say.
◦ A common listener reaction is to draw conclusions or
judgments on incomplete evidence. e.g. sexist or
culturally insensitive remark.
◦ Listen first, judge second. e.g “hear me out”
 C. Styles of effective listening

The type of listening that’s appropriate will vary with

the:

• situation (sharing of knowledge in class or cinema)

• the purpose (advise or joke)
• your conversational partners (friend or stranger)
• type of message (private or public)
C. Styles of effective listening

◦Empathic and Objective listening

◦Non-judgmental and critical listening
◦Surface and depth listening
◦Polite and Impolite Listening
◦Active and inactive listening
 1. Empathic and Objective
listening
a) Emphatic listening is when you want to understand what a
person means and how he/she feels.
◦ To empathize means to feel with them, to see the world as
they see it, to feel what they feel.
◦ It can enhance your relationship.

b) Objective listening is important when you need to

measure meanings and feelings against some objective
reality – listen with detachment.
◦ Go beyond empathy
◦ Sometimes have to put empathic responses aside
1. Empathic and Objective
listening
◦ Suggestions for adjusting your empathic and objective listening:

1. Punctuate from the speaker’s point of view – cause and effect

of an event that influence the speaker.
2. Engage in equal, two-way conversation – close physical gap
(put down your gadgets) and don’t interrupt.
3. Seek to understand both thoughts and feelings –
agree/disagree, happy or anger.
4. Avoid “offensive listening,” – listen to bits and pieces or
listening to find fault with the speaker – critic all the points
made.
5. Strive to be objective when listening to friends and foes alike –
don’t pick and choose what you want hear
 2. Non-judgmental and
critical listening
a) Non-judgmental listening - listen with an open mind towards
understanding.
b) Critical listening - listen with a view towards making some kind of
evaluation or judgment.
◦ First, engage in non-judgmental listening and supplement it with
critical listening.

◦ Suggestions for adjusting your non-judgmental and critical listening:

1. Keep an open mind and avoid prejudging – know the intend
and content of the speaker.
2. Avoid filtering out or oversimplifying complex messages –
disregard the info due to your belief or principle.
2. Non-judgmental and
critical listening
3. Recognize your own biases – it distort the message
reception via assimilation because you have the tendency
to integrate and interpret what you hear, e.g. ethnic,
nationality, religion
4. Avoid sharpening – exaggerate, highlight, emphasize one
or two points of the message or incidental remark
5. Recognize the fallacies of language
 Weasel words are terms whose meanings are slippery and
difficult to pin down (Hayakawa & Hayakawa, 1989).
 Euphemisms make the negative and unpleasant appear
positive and appealing.
 Jargon is the specialized language of a professional class.
 Gobbledygook is overly complex language that
overwhelms the listener instead of communicating
meaning.
 3. Surface and depth
listening
a) Surface - a literal reading of the words and sentences.
You will miss the underlying message and miss the
opportunity to make meaningful contact.

a) Depth - reveal another, more important level or meaning

of the word/sentences.
◦ E.g. do you like my clothes (surface – like/dislike; Depth –
praise/critic)
◦ E.g. child talk about unfairness(surface-not happy with other
children; Depth – asking for comfort and love)
3. Surface and depth
listening
◦ Suggestions for adjusting your surface and depth listening:

1. Focus on both verbal and nonverbal messages – ask if its

doubtful and recognise omission.
2. Listen for both content and relational messages – e.g. child &
parent argument
3. Make special note of self-reflexive statements – statement that
refer back to the speaker as people inevitably talk about
themselves. e.g. specific word or emotion, self referential ‘I, we,
third party’
4. Don’t disregard the literal meaning while looking for the hidden
meaning– sensitive not obsessive e.g. spousal conversation
4. Polite and Impolite Listening
◦ Impolite listening – showing disapproval by showing that
you are not even listening.

◦ Suggestions for demonstrating you are listening politely:

1. Avoid interrupting the speaker, i.e., in turns or avoid
changing topic
2. Give supportive listening cues, i.e., nodding, ‘I see’, ‘yes,
its true’, moving closer
3. Show empathy with the speaker, i.e., smiling, cringing,
echoing the feelings of the speaker
4. Maintain eye contact, i.e., maintaining or avoiding
5. Give positive feedback, i.e., public (personal attack),
private or forced (to redo a task)
5. Active and inactive listening
a) Active listening - a process of sending back to the
speaker what the listener thinks the speaker meant, both
in content and in feelings.
◦ Not merely repeating the speaker’s exact words, but rather
putting together your understanding of the speaker’s total
message into a meaningful whole.
◦ E.g. Assignment’s group discussion:
◦ Matt – I have to compile and revise everything, I spend
the whole night doing it, can you guys check it again.
Two different responses:
◦ Jack – That’s what group leader should do.
◦ Eric – Wah you revise everything till late night?
Appreciate it and yes I will check it.
5. Active and inactive listening

• The Functions of Active Listening:

i. To check your understanding of what the speaker

said and meant e.g. I would like to kill my boss –
(crime or complaint)
ii. To let the speaker know you accept her feelings e.g.
You sound angry and annoying
iii. Stimulates the speaker to explore his feelings and
thoughts e.g. My boss comment didn’t make any
sense
5. Active and inactive
listening
• Avoid sending “solution messages,” which tell the speaker
how to feel or what to do.

• Four types of message send solutions, and you’ll want to avoid

them in you active listening:
i. Ordering: “Do this…” “Don’t touch that…”
ii. Warning and threatening: “If you don’t do this, you’ll…” “If you
do that, you’ll…”
iii. Preaching and moralizing: “People should all…” “We all have
responsibilities…”
iv. Advising: “Why don’t you…?” “I think you should…”
5. Active and inactive listening
◦ Techniques of active listening:

1. Paraphrase the speaker’s meaning - in your own words

what you think the speaker means and think
◦ be objective, don’t overdo, when you feel the chance
of being misunderstood, support and keep
conversation going.
2. Express understanding of the speaker’s feelings – echo the
feelings the speaker expressed or implied.
◦ e.g. you must have felt horrible, happy, proud – being
more objective and elaborative
3. Ask questions - but don’t pry into other areas
◦ e.g. Is the food expensive – how is your financial, do
you dine in high-end restaurant?
D. Culture, Gender and Listening
1. Culture and Listening

a. Language and Speech – speakers will have different

meanings for words even if they speak the same language
due to dialects and accents. Variation in pitch may seems
be puzzling to listeners e.g. Japanese, French, German
pronoucing certain English letters. Translations between
languages are never perfect.
b. Nonverbal Behaviours – different cultures have different
display rules. Nonverbal gestures can have different
meanings in each culture e.g. “Okay”
c. Feedback – some cultures give direct frank feedback
(U.S.) and some value giving positive feedback over
truthful feedback (Japan and Korea).
D. Culture, Gender and Listening
2. Gender and Listening

a) Rapport and Report Talk

◦ Women build rapport, establish close relationships, feelings and
relationships
◦ Men often play up their expertise and use it to dominate interaction
b) Listening Cues
◦ Women give more listening cues and make more eye contact e.g.
‘Yeah’, ‘Uh-huh’, nodding, smiling
◦ Men give fewer listening cues and look around more
c) Amount and Purposes of Listening
◦ Men listen less than women because it places them in an inferior
position
◦ Men may seem more argumentative when listening
◦ Women are more likely to ask supportive questions