LESSON6|LOVE, INTIMACY, AND RELATIONSHIP

Lesson Objectives:
When you finish reading this chapter, you should be able to:

1. define terms such as “love,” “attraction,” “relationship,” and other related terms;
2. discuss different theories of love;
3. identify needs, issues, and concerns experienced by people who are in a romantic relationship; and
4. reflect upon one’s attitudes towards love, intimacy, and relationship.

Definition of Terms:

 Love- a complex phenomenon characterized by and affective and cognitive inclination to

someone and a set of social behaviors geared towards cohesion.
 Intimacy- the psychosocial component of love; knowing and being known by someone in a
deeply personal level; emotional closeness and connection
 Passion- the emotive and physical component of love; drive towards sexual and romantic
attraction.
 Commitment- decision to engage and maintain a loving relationship.
 Relationship- social bond between and among individuals manifested through communication
and other forms of interaction. This bond may be biological or determined by social contracts
such as social consensus or laws.

The Filipinos say “I love you” approximately 17 times a week, making us sixth among the countries in the survey,
which are most articulate and expressive.(Hegina 2015)

LOVE AS A HUMAN EXPERIENCE

Love is a human experience differently defined and conceptualized.

Love is a culture universal

 it is similarly experienced by people across time and cultures regardless of their geographic location
 love is an experience that transcends time and culture

Love as a social phenomenon

 loving entails communication- the process of giving and receiving information between and among people.
 It also entails the use of language- symbols that are culturally agreed upon as possessing certain meanings used by
people to express certain realities and worldviews.
Love as an emotion
 Emotions are physiological responses that we evaluate psychologically as we experience particular life events.
 Basic emotions
o joy o disgust
o sadness o anger
o fear

 Complex emotions
o Combination of basic emotions in varying magnitudes and are made intricate by circumstances surrounding
the experience. Love is a complex emotion.

Love as a neurobiological event

 Neurobiologically, the experience of love is associated with various parts of our brain.
o activation of ventral tegmental area (VTA) of our brain which is just right behind our left eyes.
o increased amount of endorphins

Theorizing Love
Psychodynamic view on love
 Psychodynamic theory is a collective term, which pertains to the psychoanalytic tradition forwarded by Sigmund
Freud.
 Psychodynamic theory posits that we have desires and motives fuelled by our life (eros) and death (thanatos)
instincts.
o Desirable behaviors that promote positive relationship with others might be viewed as influenced by our life
instincts,
o while aggressive behaviors that hurts, manipulate, or harm ourselves and others might be viewed as
influenced by our death instincts.
o Desirable behaviors and aggressive behaviors are though to stream from our unconscious.

 Psychodynamic view puts prime on the influence of our early life experiences.
o Formative years( from conception to around six years old)- relationship with the primary caregiver
o attachment with our primary caregiver/s (typically the mother) influence our relationship in later life.
 From a psychodynamic view, love can be seen as a manifestation of our eros and the placement of our libido (life
energy) unto an object (a person towards who we transfer our psychic energies to ease pain or achieve pleasure).
Color wheel of love
 John Alan Lee (1973), a Canadian Psychologist, suggested that there are different types of love.
o The primary types are:
 Eros(sexual and romantic)
 Philia (friendly)
 Storge (parental/ filial love)
o The secondary types are:
 Pragma (practical love)
 Agape (universal love)
 Philautia (self love)

Triangular model of love

 Sternberg(1986)- this theory looks at love from a psychometric stance.
 It is generally concerned about trying to measure love as a psychological variable.
 Love has three interlocking dimensions- passion, intimacy, and commitment.

Romantic and compassionate love

 Hatfield and Rapson (1978, 1993)- suggests that there are two general types of love: romantic love and
companionate love.
o Romantic love- intense passion and longing for union.
o Companionate love- intense intimacy and emotional closeness (liking)

Love languages
 Garry Chapman (1996) posited that there are generally five love languages;

1. words of affirmation Verbally express their thoughts and feelings of love towards the people they love
2. touch Express love non- verbally through hugs, kisses, or, simply, a tap on the back.
They value proximity and physical contact.
3. time Value quality moments.
4. gifts, and Want to show and receive affection through material objects, especially during special
occasions.
5. acts of service. Willing to serve other person by helping her or him in things that they do.
Love and Intimate Relationships
Love, although well studied and variedly- theorized, remains abstract and obscure unless viewd in the contect of human
relationship.

 George Levinger (1982) postulated that there are five stages of intimate relationships.
 The ABCDE of intimate relationships
o Acquintance
 Attraction
 Propinquity- closer to one another
 Exposure- repeated interactions
 Similarity-
o Buildup

 frequency of interaction increases

 kinds of activities shared become diverse
 introducing each other to family and friends
 testing the waters before engaging fully and committedly in the relationship
o Consolidation and Continuation

 commiting to a long term relationship with one another

 personal or social agreement
o Decline and Deterioration

 Infidelity
 Irreconcilable differences
o Ending

 Termination of agreements
 Informal or formal

Humans are social beings and the core of this nature, is relating and connecting with others. Central to understanding human
relationship is the concept of love, an experience so abstract, yet so meaningful to many people.
Lesson 7| SEX AND SENSES

Lesson Objectives
When you finish reading this chapter, you should be able to:

1. discuss the human sense in the context of sexual response; and

2. show appreciation of how the sensorium contributes to our experience of human sexuality.

Definition of Terms:

 Sensorium- the totality of our senses and perception; a conglomerate of the individual sense organs.
 Olfaction- sense of smell.
 Tactile- something associated with touch.
 Pheromone- a substance believed to be emitted by organisms and which is thought to be influencing
social behaviors.
 Major Histocompatibilty Complex- a set of protein molecules associated with the immune system.

Five Primary Senses (sensorium)

Eyes 1. Sense of sight (visual)
Nose 2. Sense of smell (olfaction)
Ears 3. Sense of hearing (audition)
Tongue 4. Sense of taste (gustatory)
Skin, muscles, and joints 5. Sense of touch/ feeling (tactile)

HUMAN AFFECT AND THE SENSES

Interestingly, while human beings are hailed as rational beings who are constantly making choices and are behaving
through a set of rational choices made from higher order thinking, it is hypothesized that our affect (emotions and feelings)
actually pla a major role in our behaviors.

Affective Primacy Hypothesis (Zajonc 1980) postulates, that in many cases, cognitive processing plays a lesser role in
compared to our emotional responses in eliciting behaviour.

 Our emotions take precedent primarily because these are only processed and modulated by the limbic system- the
part of the brain involved in our behavioural and emotional responses, especially when it comes to behaviours we
need for survival: feeding, reproduction and caring for our young, and fight or flight responses.

 Three Primary Emotional Responses

o refers to involuntary physiological changes that happen in the body and mind when a person feels
threatened. This response exists to keep people safe, preparing them to face, escape, or hide from danger.
 1. fight
2. flight
3. freeze
 In all three basic emotional response, there is a requirement:
1. We should be able to sense the environment,
2. organize the stimuli we receive, and
3. interpret these stimuli.
 We will not be able to arrive at the behaviour if not through our senses. This makes our sensorium a necessary
component of the emotional response arc.

SENSES AND SEXUALITY

 Visual Experience Rupp and Wallen (2007)

o men respond more to visual sexual stimuli- visual cues
o women more influenced by context- nature of relationship; someone they know and trust
o heterosexual men and women both respond more intensely

 Olfactory Experience
o sense of smell may play an important part in our sexual response.
 Signature odor
 Pheromones- excreted by our glands which signals mood and affects social behaviour? act as
attractants
 Tactile Experiences
o Our skin totally accounts for 16 to 20% of our body weight. – every square inch of skin houses more than a
thousand nerve endings.
o Touch has some elements.
 Tactile- smooth, rough, hard, or soft
 Thermal- warm or cold
 Vibrational- pressure of touch: strong or weak/ moving and pulsating or steady and stationary
o Different threshold of tactile experience
 Primary erogenous zones
 Secondary erogenous zones
o Oxytocin
o
 Auditory Experience
o Sounds give additional context to sexual situations.
 Words that triggers sexual response or verbal expression of affection

A survey of popular music will show that love and sex are among the common theme songs nowadays.