A59D Diesmos

Seth Diesmos

Before one can understand my analysis of the self during my aging into adulthood, the things
i discovered on the way, etc., then one ought to have a small summary of my adolescence and
childhood. Physically, sexually, economically,digitally, and spiritually i was very basic. As a
child i had no real curiosity, nor did i really care. I knew i was fat, i knew that money was
hard to earn and you had to save, my idea of the digital world was that it was made for
watching youtube videos and playing videogames, and i knew that men who liked other men
were homosexual and that some people would rather be a boy or girl. But these didn’t really
bother me, i was carefree, i did not care. That was basically my view of the self of both
myself and others before i entered high-school.

I suppose the best place to start was in 7th - 8th grade, though my understanding was a lot
more developed compared to the previous grades, i would say it was still rather basic. During
this time i began to understand the gravity of such evaluations to the self and to others,
especially digitally because it was during this time that i began exploring the web. It was
through the web that i began to discover things about sexuality, the deeper issues of it, how
people are identify with it, physicality and how people identify with it as well. It as through
these first interacitions that my view on the world began to change, and i supposed i realized
there were a lot more beliefs in this world than i thought. I also began becoming a more
serious fan of things, i would make fanart, learn lore, etc.

Based on this, one could say that it was during this time i began blossoming into my different
selves, sexually and physically i began to be more aware of things, of other people and who
they were and what they identified as, what they liked, and in turn i reflected these into
myself, i sought to understand and accept them. Digitally, i was more active, here i began to
create an avatar for myself, the way i would comment on videos, the way i would talk to
people online, the way i acted, much of it based on my favorite content or content creators of
the day.

I believe it was during 9th and 10th grade when much of the criterion bar the economic self
began to truly take shape. It was during this time that i truly began my exploration and
discovery of who i was, much of it was obviously influenced by my digital self, to my shame
i would describe myself during this time as “political” in a bad way. I began to watch some..
very very arguements and rants about various topics, be this an economic things, a social
thing, perhaps something to do with my forms of entertainment. Heated opinions filled my
very mind and i decided to identify with these opinions, this was an online avatar of mine,
while i was sure not to disclose these opinions in real life, in the digital world i saw myself as
someone who held onto these opinions and believed in them, the way i acted in the digital
world was completely different to the one in the real world, the anonymity provided me with
the capacity to say things i wouldn’t in real life. However, this was only one part of my
persona, i still subscribed to a great many communities with rather wholesome attitudes, and
through this the personality i kept with them was completely different. I also began to
explore my spiritual side, barring specific details, the digital world, the real world, etc. gave
 me a number of crises of faiths, i began to doubt and question. I am still faithful but i believe
learning about others broadened and empowered my own faith and spirituality, particularly
Bhuddism, while i am no Bhuddist, i began reading a number of Bhuddist teachings even if
the specifics have faded from memory in recent years, i continued to read, nothing specific
some not even official, such as the book Siddharta by Herman Hesse.Sometimes, i’d even
read up on other abrahamic religions such as Islam.I believe these delvings into other faiths
led me to be more faithful of my own, not out of some malicious or antagonistic intent, but
the idea that all faiths in some way are like my own, and we all seek for peace and truth. In
terms of sexuality, i knew that i was straight, mainly because at this time i began noticing
people, women.

So one could say it was during this time that i began to truly develop into myself, it was here that
i discovered my online identities and how my anonymity affected me, it was here that i began to
understand myself, spiritually, what i believed in and it’s relations with others, what i liked and
who.

The Shortest one would me my current year, the other criteria remained almost the same except
that i cooled down on my heated topics, i realized i was childish and everyone deserved their
beliefs and my own political opinions were frankly rather stupid and based on people who only
existed to be contrarian. My true development was my physical self, i began to notice my body,
what it was becoming, how long i would live, i began to fear the day when i’d end up like so
many of my relatives, old and decrepit unable to hold their water without help. I began to
exercise and try dieting to stop myself into turning into that. I also started noticing the females
my age were.. developed, i try to ignore that part, i suppose part of me wants to remain a child.
Economically i also began to be more businessminded, trying to sell off old items or resell
products to make money. Mainly because i was always so hungry at home and i couldnt buy
anything.

It is through this one can see that i understood the changes to myself, back then it was easy
because i was young and energetic, now i actually had to become healthier to stop myself from
becoming decrepit and old. I saw myself as someone who woul end up like that and hated it.
Also i once again began to notice the beauty of others so there is that. Also economically i
realized that i had more desires and i would partake in commerce to achieve those desires.

My journey was long, and through this journey to adulthood i began to see who i was, what i
wanted, and what i believed in. I began to realize the many things in my life from various
criterions of the self, i developed who i was both in real life and digitally, i found what i believed
in and i began to take my physical wellbeinng more seriously.