Transactional Analysis Journal

ISSN: 0362-1537 (Print) 2329-5244 (Online) Journal homepage: https://www.tandfonline.com/loi/rtaj20

“Stroking Up” Our Children

Mavis Klein

To cite this article: Mavis Klein (1977) “Stroking Up” Our Children, Transactional Analysis Journal,
7:4, 306-309, DOI: 10.1177/036215377700700406

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1177/036215377700700406

Published online: 28 Dec 2017.

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 "STROKING UP" OUR CHILDREN
Mavis Klein
On the assumption of a fixed amount
of congenital energy which is distributed
amongst the Ego States in accordance
with biologically and culturally pro-
grammed developmental stages, I have
evolved the view that healthy child
development may be described in terms of
parental stroking. Each stage in develop-
ment form birth to maturity manifests an
unstable equilibrium in the distribution
of energy between the various Ego States,
and the task of parenthood is essentially
that of "stroking up" particular Ego States
in order to effect the child's healthy transi-
tion from that stage to the next." In this
paper I briefly describe developmental
stages and indicate where "stroking up"
is appropriate.
*Ages and stages are based on the traditional
psychoanalytic model of child development. For
individual children, of course; the ages are not
precise, although the stages themselves and their
order are assumed universal. In this I recognize
some inconsistencies between my view and pre-
viously published material on developmental stages
by Levin (1974) and Schiff (1975). Most of these
inconsistencies are, I believe, minor in that we
have each chosen to delineate the same emergent
phases with slightly different focuses. However,
both theoretically and through my living experience
with my own and other children, I am committed
to the psychoanalytic view that the personality is
essentially complete by about six years of age. I am
prepared to concede that P2 may not be externalized
until late in latency, but I am unconvinced by Levin's
account of the turbulence of 6-12 years, which she
associates with the formation of P 2 • On the
contrary-assuming that the previous develop-
mental stages have been healthily completed-the
vast majority of parents will, I believe, testify to the
306
SUMMARY
The author describes how healthy child
development can be described in terms of
different kinds or amounts of parental
stroking. She outlines and diagrams the
stroking needs of each developmental
stage.
Dando Caricias a Nuestros Hijos
La autora explica como puede-des-
cribirse el desarrollo sana del nino en
terminos de las diferentes clases 0 canti-
dades de caricias proporcionadas par
los padres. Ella esboza y diagrama los
requerimientos de caricias de cada etapa
de desarrollo.
Lassen wir unsere Kinder liebkosen
Die gesunde Entwicklung des Kindes
kann im Rahmen von verschieden Arten
oder Mengen von Streichelns gesehen
werden. Sie gibt die Streicheln-Bediirf =
nisse bei jedem Entwicklungs-Stadium an.
Encouragement de nos en/ants par
des caresses
L'auteur explique comment on peut
presenter le developpement enfantin sain
en termes de differents types ou differentes
quantites de caresses provenant des
parents. II resume et presente sous forme
de diagramme les caresses essentielles a
chaque stade du developpement,
validity of the psychoanalytic description of latency
as singularly the calmest (most A2 cathected) in the
whole of development from birth to maturity.
Trans. An. J., 7:4, October 1977

STAGE I - 0-1 YEARS
c, A,
The Natural Child demands and his
demands are stroked. In the second half
of this first year the child's healthy
development depends on parents' willing-
ness to let go of their Parental omni-
potence and emphatically "stroke up"
the emerging AI-i.e. crawling, exploring,
and 'getting into things. '
STAGE II -1-3 YEARS
c, A, P, A2
The stroking emphasis here in on
socialization through P I-e.g. saying
'Please' and 'Thank-you', not spitting or
screaming for what you want, but delay-
ing gratification. There is a secondary
stroking emphasis on Az-above all else
on the acquisition of language. The child's
healthy development through this stage
depends on parents' awareness of the
difference between constraints necessary
for socialization and those which serve
to reinforce not-OK elements in their
own Child(s).
STAGEIII-3-6 YEARS
c, A, P, A2
Trans. An. J., 7:4, October 1977
"STROKING UP" OUR CHILDREN
The stroking emphasis here in on P z-
on sharing and caring for others through
the explicit teaching by the parents of
their own code of morality and values. To
a lesser extent, A z continues to be stroked
for language and other skills-e.g. toileting
self, doing up shoe laces, etc. Healthy
development through this stage depends
on the same-sexed parent's awareness of
and willingness to forgo his/her jealousy
of the attachment of the child to the
opposite-sexed parent.
STAGE IV - 6 YEARS OLD
C:z A2 P2
c, A, P,
Energy is evenly cathected into all
Ego States and the parents' task of pro-
viding the chosen contents of the various
I Ego States is essentially completed. All
Ego States are now available to the child
for their appropriate uses.
STAGE V - 6-12 YEARS
A2
P,
The personality responds to its needs
for aculturalization through cathecting
heavily into A z. Much of the responsi-
bility for the child's healthy development
through this stage is handed over to
teachers, who "stroke up" the culturally
demanded skills of literacy and numeracy.
Subsidiarily, parents stroke A z in their
individualistic ways (informed by their
own Pz's) by taking the child on outings,
P2 l arranging swimming and music lessons,
307
MAVIS KLEIN
etc. (The behaviors in A 2 which the
parents stroke at this stage tend to be an
extension of the Al and A 2 behaviors
they stroke in earlier stages.)
STAGE VI -13-16 YEARS
C2
A2
P2
C1
A 1 1 P1
I
The child is suddenly overwhelmed by
the biologically-determined surge of sexual
aggressive energy into C I , and manifestly
demands its fulfillment as if in infancy
again. But, unlike Stage III of which it is
so reminiscent, where the parents added
content to the still evolving personality,
there is now no escape for the child from
the established realities of A 2 and P 2'
Much as he might wish, he cannot escape
into the naivety of infancy and he is
desperate for help. Instinctively, parents
"stroke up" P I with 'Don'ts' and appeal
to A 1 with spending money in order to
redress the balance within C 2, while
teachers do their best to keep on "strok-
ing up" A 2• But P 2 remains essentially
swamped.
This is a holding-on stage and healthy
development through it depends on
parents' self-confidence, through their
own Al awareness, in keeping their A 2 in
the executive while stroking from PI to
their child's P I and A r-
STA GE VII - LA TE ADOLESCENCE
C2 A2
P2
C1 A1 P1
308
By this stage A 2 has acquired the capa-
city to think deductively and is functionally
complete. Through the recent stroking to
A 2 of educational attainment, the
energy cathected into C 2 and A 2 is much
more equalized now than it has been since
age six, but P 2 still needs its share of
cathexis for the early harmony of Stage
IV to be restored.
PARENT
The child knows now that he still needs
his parents to help him achieve this final
stage in his maturation. But usually, for
a complex of reasons including sexual
rivalry with his same-sexed parent and
the taboo against intimacy with his
opposite-sexed parent, he needs to play
games around getting this need fulfilled.
Often he will use his A 2-now capable of
deduction and sophistry-to launch a
two-pronged attack on his parents' A 2
and P 2 with his now self-confident A 2,
but covertly he is begging for P 2 - P 2
strokes from them, which will achieve the
final balance of cathexis in his own Ego
States necessary for him to leave home
safely and function as an autonomous
adult. His healthy development through
this stage depends on his parents' aware-
ness of the game he is playing and their
self-confidence in insisting (without
humiliating him through open confronta-
tion) on the Parent's as well as the Adult's
right to autonomy within the personality.
Trans. An. J., 7:4, October 1977
 "STROKING UP" OUR CHILDREN

STAGE VIII - MATURITY transiently in the six year old, is restored

C2 A2 and maturity is achieved.

Mavis Klein, BA is a Clinical Member

ITAA. She is a psychotherapist in private
practice in London, England.

REFERENCES
Levin, P. Becoming the way we are. Transactional
The balanced cathexis of energy into all Publications, 1974.
Ego States, previously only manifest Schiff, J. Cathexis reader. Harper and Row, 1975.

The TAJ would be happy to receive book reviews of non-TA books.

Thank you.

Trans. An. J., 7:4, October 1977 309