Dirk J.

Ziegler

Becoming
Living a meaningful live
 Table Of Contents

Foreword 2
Acknowledgement 6
I am a time traveller, through the space of endless
opportunity 8
What does not destroy me, makes me strong 17
My health is my wealth 27
The power of relationships 38
Conscious dealing with relationships 41
My purpose 59
Focus 73
Driven by stories 76
My Avatar 82
De ning my Core ‘Me’ 84
Meaningful evolution 102
My journey 111
In control 121
Final words 129
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be

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author. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website,

or distribute it by any other means without written

permission.

Dirk Ziegler asserts the moral right to be identified as the

author of this work.

Dirk Ziegler has no responsibility for the persistence or

accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites

referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that

any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or

appropriate.
I dedicate this book to my daughters,

Milena and Ayline.

We are going through times of profound change. It is difficult

right now to predict the future, making it increasingly

difficult to plan our life.

With this book I want to empower everyone to become the best

version of themselves, while making their life the most

fascinating experience.

‘What if happiness was never the destination, but the

journey?’

Your life is the most important project you have. Make it your

priority.

Become the best version of yourself.

1
Foreword
The moment I have noticed consciously my existence, the

circumstances around me already had made their impact on me,

and my view of the world had started to shape itself. While I

was still busy arriving in my body, trying to make sense out

of the multitude of signals perceived, my parents and others

saw what they qualified as a baby and they dealt with me from

their perspective of things, gradually transmitting their

views to me.

Life happens to us, and we cannot escape from letting it be.

Every touch, each sensation, take us away from the

unconditioned self, limit our choices and directs us in our

thinking. Like every word in this book contributes to its

story and message.

I grew older and over time, I have learned the concepts

shaping my beliefs through my experience of life, both forming

the lens of my vision of reality. Education and experience

influencing my choices, determining the expectations set on

me. Most of it became my unconscious memory, my learned

representation of my perceived, self-constructed reality.

2
 Foreword

There is little thought given to ever teach us about

ourselves, helping us to realize the impact of, question and

validate our beliefs, to understand how we function. Mostly

because to begin with, no one ever learned it, and then

because the system has its own concepts and expectations from

us.

We become a product, with a shelf life, disposable and

replaceable. We are predictable in behaviour, which makes us

useful, while never giving a meaning to our life that is ours.

Early in life we are supposed to make far reaching decisions,

the choice of our professional development, the partner for

the lifetime. Many of us live the program they have been

prepared for, making the decisions that come with it, not from

within them, thinking this is life, the way it is. We compare

us to others, and it becomes what we think life is about. The

reward we are meant to strive for often is limited to money,

not personal fulfilment nor impact. This leaves us with the

difficulty to find meaning.

3
 Foreword

As always, life continues to happen to us and there seems to

be little we can really influence ourselves. Well, that is not

life. That is how we are meant to look at it.

To make your journey in this book your very personal learning

experience, from here onwards, the first person perspective,
'I' refers to 'you', not to the author.

We are here, on Earth. There is a reason I have come here,

that is far bigger than serving a system. I exist and I have a

mission. Deep inside me, I am sure, I will find my purpose and

the direction, pulling me.

I have learned to rely on my obvious senses to discover the

surroundings and paint the picture of my reality. Everything I

perceive has a name, a colour, a meaning, a place in the

overall order of things, nature. That is all acquired

knowledge, not self-discovered. Colours, odours, sound, touch,

it all adds to my perception. Beside those sensations, there

could be more my body can perceive. I need to learn more to

discover it.

In this book, from here, 'I' refers to 'you', not to the author
4
 Foreword

I now sit comfortable in a quiet area, with my hands touching

my chest, my eyes closed.

I breathe deeply and slowly, feeling my heartbeat and

listening to my breath, slowly and deeply.

I continue for a few minutes, and eventually I calm down. This

is my moment, the value time I spend caring for myself to

arrive in this moment, in me. I feel my body, I experience

myself.

There it is, the most precious treasure ever, well hidden

behind my senses. I kept searching for happiness, while the

truth always was, the treasure is so close, inside me. There

is power inside, that I am not aware of and that I did not use

so far.

With this book I will embark on a journey to a meaningful

life, enjoying every moment and making the best out of my

time, actively developing the relationship I have with my

body. I will gradually become the best version of myself.

I become the creative art director of my life experience.

The treasure is well hidden, behind my senses

5
Acknowledgement
This book is meant to open my heart and my senses. It does not

claim to provide the one and only methodology. Personal

fulfilment is personal.

All this book wants to achieve, is to make me realize the

power I get from giving meaning to my life, enjoying the

journey, and striving to a higher goal, close to my heart.

The thoughts and concepts shared are meant to inspire and

initiate a fundamental inner review. I will discover myself

and I am free to adapt everything to my personal way.

The ideas and thoughts shared here are the result of personal

reflections by the author. May it inspire me, may it allow me

to ignite something in me that sets free an energy powering me

to new highs.

If this book makes only one person happier, it has achieved

its goal. Hopefully I will be one of them.

I am inspired to reinvent myself through self re ection

6
 Acknowledgement

Every chapter tries to remain as short as possible, while

still providing sufficient information for me to understand

the concept. However, it will need practice and further

thinking for me to fully master any new habit.

It takes at least 3 months to form a new habit. I will give

myself the time it needs.

I thank myself for the time I set aside to read this book and

for the effort I bring to work on me. This is the most

valuable investment I can make.

I will read carefully and feel deep inside me, to uncover my

inner power.

7
I am a time traveller, 
through the space of endless opportunity

https://waitbutwhy.com/

In this moment, the past is gone. I know where I am coming

from, and I am aware of where I am now. However, I do not know
all the other paths I did not walk. The way I came from is
just one path out of many that have ended here.

The past, the now, and the future. Pathways to Happiness.

8
 Travel in time

Looking back, I may find some of these paths and I can learn
from that. One thing to realize is, that there is never the

one and only path to a direction.

Each path I take will have its obstacles, its highs, and its

lows.

I remember mostly the crossroads, when I had to decide where

to go. My memory of the past really is limited to what I was

able to see on my journey. That memory at least allows me to

understand myself today. Get to the roots of my beliefs and

behaviour.

I can learn how certain situations have formed me. Most

importantly, I realize the nature of my memories - colourful

and often vivid stories.

I want to understand where to go next from here. Before

anything, to make sure I can focus my full energy on my next

step, I need to close with the past, derive the lessons

learned and free my mind from anything still not closed. If

there are things keeping my mind busy, I ask myself if there

is anything I could still do to make a difference. If yes, let

me do it right away. If not, it is important to get that out

of my mind as soon as possible.

Learn from the past. Close the past and move on.
9
 Travel in time

I then need to understand what has happened, why it did and

how it impacts me. Then I can ask myself what I learn from it,

searching the lesson to take with me. Now I am ready to free

space in my brain, to maximize brain capacity for what lies

ahead. I close the situation and put myself at peace with it.

‘The one is happy, who forgets, what he cannot change

anymore’. My energy does not serve me well when wasted on

whatever I cannot influence.

Forgiveness is key here. To ‘for-give’ means to give away from

me. It does not mean to pardon, to excuse. When I for-give, I

delete it from my brain, freeing up space and energy, and I

let it go in peace. Like deleting data from my smartphone. I

keep the memory of the lesson. No search for revenge, beside

if indicated, I may need to take legal steps if the situation

demands that. Forgiveness empowers me, sets me free.

In this moment, I let go the past and I become aware of the

lessons learned. I have arrived in this moment, able to access

my potential for the execution of my next steps.

Forgive, learn, focus forward.

10
 Travel in time

The future is not here yet and I cannot see it, at least not

for what it really will be. I can dream it, imagine how it

will be different and I can investigate what others predict,

explore ideas, and play with assumptions. I can paint a vision

of what the future may well be, and I should do that. Then I

should exchange with others to identify the version that I

believe most into. This is my guide when projecting myself.

However, I cannot predict it with precision, nor can I decide

on it. To a certain extend I can influence my future by making

the right decisions today, like adopting a healthy lifestyle

or learning a new skill, somehow increasing my chances in the

future, but even here I am not sure it will help me in any

way. The future remains vague, while it is attractive, and I

should look to it with positive expectations. When the outlook

comes with negatives, threats, I need to remind me that

chances are big, those will not occur. I can still keep that

picture and prepare for any eventuality; however, I must not

get too attached to it and it must not impact my motivation

today.

11
 Travel in time

The past is my teacher, the future is my creative playground.

This is where I am free to imagine just any reality, painting

with whatever element I can think of and identifying my

vision. This vision is needed to identify the gap between who

I am today, where in my life, and what separates me from that

future version of myself.

Combining modern digital technologies, big data, Artificial

Intelligence (AI) and Machine Learning (ML), Non-fungible

Tokens (NFTs), Cryptocurrencies and impressive computing power

through the cloud, the Metaverse creates a virtual reality,

either fully virtual or adding the virtual elements to the

reality, creating an immersive experience by augmenting

reality. In any way, the Metaverse offers glimpses of the

future, as this is the space where imagination and ideas

become reality, in virtual form. When I am creative, I imagine

something in the future, creating the future. Therefore what

we experience in the Metaverse teaches us about the

expectations others may have from the future and it is the

space where I can learn, explore and play. This is also where

I could create the virtual representation of my vision, then

allowing me to learn from it.

The past is my teacher. The future is my creative playground.

12
 Travel in time

I see the present moment, the now. Really? Most of the time

what keeps my mind busy, is the future. I rarely truly see the

moment. When I focus on something, the visible area around is

not sharp enough and to the outer area of my vision, colours

and details are fading out. This means that my memory equally

only remembers with detail what is in that focus. This could

tell me much about the quality of my memory.

Staying in the 'Now' for a moment, I can identify other

positions I could have found myself in. Looking to the chart

above, I could have ended up in any position on the line of

‘Today’. Other paths would have taken me there. However, I

cannot return and change the way things went for me. Then, I

could be tempted to still explore the points along that line,

seeking to see the difference it would have made right now and

trying to look back and paint the path I should have taken.

Chances are that this would need much of energy, while it

comes with the risk that I may get lost in emotions, knowing

there is little I can do to move up or down that line right

now.

Memories are only a part of the truth. 

13
 Travel in time

It is key to remember, I need to focus my energy on what

serves me best. Knowing I can move only forward, this is where

I need to focus. I realize that if I want to be sure that my

position on that line at a future moment, the future ‘Now’,

will be where I should be at that specific moment on the

imaginary trajectory through time to my future vision, or at

least nearby, I need to identify such trajectory and it should

be helpful to know some positions in time as a guide. The

paths forward start in my current position and there are

endless possibilities. Every path is an option, even if I know

my goal.

‘Ayline’ admitted that when she solves a labyrinth, rather

than using trial and error, drawing the way from the beginning

towards the end and starting over upon the first obstacle, she

would start at the end, going backwards. It first sounds as if

there was little difference. However, when trying, I realize

the choices reduce getting closer to the exit, meaning it is

wise to start from the goal and work the way backwards.

Like in the labyrinth, I can backtrack my path from the desired future position
14
 Travel in time

The Global Positioning System (GPS) uses this when identifying

the fastest, shortest, most convenient link between two

points. Each point on the map comes with metadata, containing

information such as its position versus the nearby points,

describing the distance, the time it takes to get there, the

kind of connection, beside other information. This metadata

allows the GPS to identify the path for the journey, and to

propose the choices to us. I would not want to miss the

guidance of the GPS. It helps me to find my direction, avoid

some obstacles, readjust my route upon sudden changes, know at

any time my position and the time and distance to my goal. How

nice that would be if I had a similar system to maneuver my

life.

A navigator for my life would make the journey fun, which is

my life. From my current position I could set my destination

and the system would indicate the route, considering my

priorities and limitations. If anything happens, it will allow

me to identify alternatives, actively helping me to avoid

obstacles and bypassing roadblocks, and sometimes identifying

the hidden path. It would make me confident at any point in

time, knowing where I am and seeing the way forward to my

goal, no matter what.

The 'GPS' for my life, helping me nd my way to my goal

15
 Travel in time

This is where this book comes in to help me build the

awareness and the tools, enabling me to have such guiding

system, making my life fun, by focusing my energy on what

serves me and on what matters to get me to fulfilling my

purpose. A meaningful life.

16
 My foundation

What does not destroy me, makes me strong

In life things do not always go the way I expect them to do.

Events out of my control have the potential to impact my

trajectory at any time, like a heavy storm, extreme

temperatures, drought, an earthquake, a health crisis, or

social unrest, war, an economic downturn, politics. Also an

illness, chronic diseases, an accident, a crime, divorce, loss

of job, either hitting me directly or indirectly through

someone I am depending on. Disturbances cannot be excluded and

their likelihood may change over time.

Risks are part of anything we do. I cannot evolve if I do not

take any risks at all. It would mean to stay confined in a

static environment and protect myself against just any risk,

cutting me off from anything new, outside my prison. Later in

this book I will find how to manage risks and allow me to be

courageous. Evolution is the response to risks, not avoiding

those, but learning and transforming to strive despite them.

17
 My foundation

I imagine the worst-case scenario, something really

devastating happening to me. It is winter, temperatures have

already reached well below zero degrees Celsius, snow has

covered the area.

Last week, a heavy earthquake has destroyed large parts of my

hometown. Nobody got injured in my family, nor any of my

friends. My house in the surroundings of the city has survived

but will need repair. The supply of food, electricity and gas

has already been heavily impacted. The authorities are warning

us of a rising risk for diseases spreading, with hospitals

already filled to capacity with the injured. The police and

the army are present to secure the area. Our offices in the

city have been destroyed and some of my colleagues have lost

their belongings, some their life or a beloved one. Definitely

a devastating event and sadly, even if it was never top of my

mind as a possibility, I did not prepare myself even if I

remember the mayor warning us since many years that some shake

up was becoming a higher possibility.

18
 My foundation

Putting myself into this reality, I identify a fundamental

choice to make: am I rather trying to defend my status quo,

eager to remain the same, and continue my life as before, or

am I prepared to respond to the challenge with change,

adapting to the new reality and maybe becoming even stronger.

That choice holds an important insight into how I should

prepare for crisis in my life.

If my goal is to safeguard a specific way of life, acquired

over time, I need to build strong defenses and protect myself.

However, if I am preparing myself to survive a disturbance,

and eager to survive and adapt, I should identify what

prepares me best for the worst case, not focusing on

protecting just everything, but knowing what makes me strong

and how I can build on that to survive and conquer the new.

19
 My foundation

The rock in the rough sea withstands the tough conditions, not

changing itself, but getting through the disruption to still

stand straight after the storm. It is robust enough to hold

against the threat. When things around me are in chaos, it

becomes difficult to predict the near future and potentially

it does not help me to defend my previous position against a

changing environment. Looking to living organisms, through

evolution they seem to learn from disruption, adapting to the

environment and preparing themselves for similar events.

Resilience is the ability to learn, adapt and transform,

coping with the disturbance and evolving to take advantage of

the new conditions. Rather than trying to be able to defend

against any threat and safeguard for any eventuality, it seems

wise for us as living beings, to develop the capability of

resilience. It involves that to some point I must be prepared

to abandon my current state, transform to something different

and re-emerge. I must not be eager to remain the same no

matter what happens, but rather accept challenges to happen

and have the ability to respond in a way allowing me to

survive and to pursue my purpose, not necessarily without

transforming myself.

Robustness versus Resilience

20
 My foundation

In history, all living organisms have gone through evolution

and still are, which is putting challenges on organisms who

respond through adaptation, creating more efficient and better

organisms, prepared to adapt.

I remember when a child, in the dark I was afraid and it was

the light that has helped me to calm down, as it allowed me to

recognize at least pieces of the known comfort. I feel fear,

when I am not in control of a situation. It could be the

situation is completely new and I simply have no reference, or

what I perceive is in contrast to my fundamental beliefs,

challenging me and thus not allowing me to identify my

response. This makes fear a valuable emotion, as it clearly

tells me where I can learn something new. I only learn when

exposed to a new situation, where I do not have any experience

yet.

Knowledge and capabilities make me strong in any situation

21
 My foundation

Then there is anxiety, that I want to separate from fear. I am

able to sense danger, perceived as a warning signal, the

emotion of anxiety, or fear. My body never wastes any

resource. Therefore, I need to be vigilant and listen to every

emotion I perceive. I carefully validate if what I perceive is

related to a potential danger, or if it is because I do not

have the experience of a comparable situation yet, the missing

knowledge. In that last case, I can be courageous and decide

to go on, despite my fear, consciously seeking the opportunity

to gain experience. Courage is not to override a warning

signal and act against it, without checking its origin and

reading the message behind. A danger must not represent the

end neither. It helps to be aware of the danger, understand

its potential impact, identify if there is a way to reduce the

likelihood of it becoming a reality or to limit its impact,

and potentially prepare a mitigation strategy. Courage is a

conscious response, actively choosing while ensuring both,

survival, and evolution.

22
 My foundation

The light that helped me as a child, today is my knowledge.

Foremost the knowledge of myself. Knowing my own capabilities

and enabling assets, I can trust in my ability to master the

situation and find peace within. As a child we have little

experience and therefore we perceive fear more often. The

knowledge of ourselves is what we should nurture more in life.

Knowledge also of others, present in the moment and sharing

the situation. The understanding of the specifics in that

situation, the locality, the impacts, and consequences. The

more I can light up, and learn, the more I can paint the

picture in my mind, helping me to identify the way forward and

adding to my feeling of control and trust. It is about

scanning the situation and identifying the way forward.

23
 My foundation

I remember the earthquake. To stay calm and keep faith in such

a demanding situation, I need to remain strong in my feet,

meaning, the better I know myself, the more I can trust my

abilities and focus on resolution. I need the comfort of a

safe harbour, a kind of retreat, something where I can return

to when a disturbance strikes. Knowing myself, I prepare my

responses, not trying to defend the old, but seeking to

understand the impact first, learning, before consciously

adapting. My fallback position is my ‘self’. To be able to

evolve, my fundamental needs must be covered, survival comes

before evolution. Those needs are my priority in a crisis, and

once covered, I can focus on rebuilding myself.

Learning from this, it makes sense for me to include my

ability to cover my fundamental needs into the definition of

my ‘self’. If I cannot guarantee for my basic needs, there

will be conflict with fear as a result, not allowing me to

survive. It is important to have a clear understanding of what

these basic needs are, to make those a centrepiece of my

evolution.

24
 My foundation

Identifying fundamental needs, I need to cover in life

Looking to my life from different perspectives to identify my

wishes, I can identify the fundamental needs I should strive

to cover sustainably. On a global level, I wish to have the

possibility to travel and explore the world to widen my

horizon, and to benefit from the diversity of cultures. On

regional level, I would add Security and Safety. On national

level, the need of belonging seems to be important, e.g., to a

nation, a religion, a political direction, a family. On local

level, the fundamental needs are derived from what ensures my

survival.

25
 My foundation

Shelter, food, water, energy, heat, hygiene, clothes,

safety/peace/security, education/ knowledge/ information,

belonging and stability capture well those needs that I must

keep in focus throughout life, building the foundation of my

fallback position. Thinking of resilience, if I want my energy

to remain focused in any situation on learning and adaptation,

ensuring my survival, these fundamental needs must be covered

at first. This makes these needs a first important set of

goals when describing the minimum of attributes of my ‘self’.

Everything I do in my life needs to serve me in terms of

maximizing my ability to fulfil these needs, among others that

I will define. The better I can secure my needs, the less

disruption will have the potential to impact me.

26
 My foundation

My health is my wealth
‘Mens sana, in corpore sano’ - a healthy mind lives in a

healthy body.

There is the distinction between the physical body and the

mind, the soul. My soul lives in my body for a lifetime. I

perceive reality and experience life through my body. My life

therefore is much impacted by the ability of my body to

perform at its very best, producing the multi-D, full and true

colour, extreme resolution, omni surround sound, immersive

experience.

My perceived reality is the result of my brain translating the

signals received from my sensors. Only a healthy brain can

produce a coherent perception, provided it receives strong

signals from healthy sensors.

Health is wealth.  Mens sana, in corpore sano.

27
 My foundation

It is fundamental for me to care for my body. Anything

touching my body will have its effect on it.

This includes sound waves, electromagnetic waves including the

visible light, gases including the breathable air, liquids not

limited to water, germs, food, chemicals including food

additives, plants, and derivatives.

I may think only medicine is active, as designed to perform

and demonstrated to have an effect by scientific research.

That is a misconception. Medicine is the result from studies,

and supported by evidence, while any other element equally

represents a challenge to the body, having its specific

impact.

I need to be careful in choosing what I am exposing myself to,

its dose and duration of exposure. My mind is impacted by

words, music, vibrations, and my own thoughts. Resulting

stress has an impact on my health.

Anything touching my body, inside and outside, has an impact

28
 My foundation

In society, we often stigmatize mental health. Still today

many people are hesitant to admit when they experience

problems with their mental. I need to free myself from stigma

and make my mental health as much a priority as my physical

health. Mental and physical health go hand in hand.

A healthy lifestyle also considers the mental well-being,

ensuring there is ample time for relaxation and meditation,

while carefully choosing what I am exposing my mind to. I need

to create my personal habits, setting a routine of regular

sports and defining the healthy choices in terms of inputs I

want to maximize for my healthy body. No need to become an

athlete. There is sufficient evidence that too frequent high

intensity sports are detrimental to our health.

Also here, the dose and frequency make it a cure or a poison.

The right combination of things makes my healthy lifestyle

stick to me. The more I care for my body, the more I can

expect in return. After a strong effort, I need to ensure

there is sufficient time for recovery, which takes place to a

large extend during sleep.

29
 My foundation

It is not astonishing that depending on my age, I need between

5 to 11 hours of sleep every night to allow my cardiovascular

and nervous systems to recover.

There are sleep tracking apps available that help to monitor

the heart rate and blood oxygenation during night. This helps

to identify patterns to adjust the training agenda, avoiding

injuries while maximizing the beneficial effect for my health.

In all medical studies there is the notion of the placebo

effect. It makes me realize that our body under certain

conditions has the capability to treat itself to a certain

extend.

The more I listen to my body, the more I care for the signals

I receive, and I act on early signs that I will learn to

identify, the better my body will be able to overcome early

disease. This needs me to provide the right ingredients and

ensure a health promoting intake.

30
 My foundation

I must never delegate the knowledge of the health of my body

to others. My body is my most important asset throughout my

entire lifetime. I need to learn to make the right decisions

every day that prolong my health and avoid disease.

Over time, caring for my health, I learn to choose the healthy

stuff and it becomes a rewarding game to make the right

choices. In return this will teach me to care for the quality

of what I consume, leading to a different view on the world.

The self-care will result in caring for my surrounding,

valuing nature and the wider ecosystem.

My health is my greatest wealth. With all the money, I cannot

buy health once I have seriously lost it. Medicine is often

able to treat symptoms, however it is rarely really curing the

patient completely from disease. Too often the focus is on the

obvious perceived symptoms, rather than looking into the

underlying triggers of the disease.

Self-care teaches me to value the natural ecosystem

31
 My foundation

On a two-sided scale, on one side is my mental and on the

other is my physical health. If I take too much on one side,

the other will go down. Even when balanced, both sides may not

be at their best, and a small change on one side can leed to a

dratsic change.

I am at my best when the scale is in perfect equilibrium and

both sides are filled to their maximum.

Too often when the physical health is hampered, the focus is

on treating the physical symptoms, neglecting deficiencies on

the mental side, putting the scale down on one side.

Mental disorders are often less visible at first, and we start

acting only when the physical health consequences begin to

show.

There is need for me to learn to better feel the state of my

mind and how I can care for it.

The sensitive equilibrium of mental and physical health

32
 My foundation

There is great progress in the science of aging, seeking to

identify the changes in our body at the level of the

molecules, cells, tissues and organs, leading to disease over

time. The research has already surfaced many important

concepts and there are ways to influence certain mechanisms,

allowing tissues to rejuvenate and organs to regain their

functionality. Rather than searching the therapy for symptoms

once diseases have developed, longevity looks into ways to

prolong the time without diseases and promotes a high quality

of life. A healthy lifestyle has been confirmed as one

important pillar. It all together provides the evidence that

age by itself does not need to mean disabilities, and that we

can influence our long-term health with the right habits

throughout our life.

My mental state influences my physical state, and the other

way around. This interdependence puts responsibility on me. I

need to see the connections and recognize early signs

signalling the beginning of imbalance.

Longevity supports me in living a longer healthy life

33
 My foundation

In English, ‘dis-ease’ indicates that things are no longer ‘at

ease,’ meaning the equilibrium of my mental and physical is

disturbed. Only when both, mental and physical are doing well,

can my body be at its best. That is underlined when referring

to ‘We’llness in contrast to ‘I’llness. The harmony between

body and soul ensures the best life experience. When not

caring for my health, only focusing on my aspirations and

demanding from my body without caring for it, there is no ‘We’

and my body will become sick.

Interdependence of Mental and Physical Health, and triggers for increased or decreased

health.

At ease vs. Dis-ease.  'We'llness and 'I'llness. Mental & Physical Health triggers
34
 My foundation

As I have seen in the previous chapter, it is important for me

to know myself. This includes my health status, not referring

only to the eport received from my doctor, that covers merely

a few vitals, without allowing me to see the status of the

equilibrium. It is my responsibility to care for my body and

soul. I am a running team performing at is best, referred to

as ‘Me’. Ideally I integrate some aspects of active management

of my health into the definition of my fundamental ‘self’,

defining my ‘Me’. Knowing at any moment that I can rely on my

strength, includes my health, as I cannot perform well

otherwise.

It is very important that I am aware of what impacts my

health, positively and negatively, the mental and the

physical. Knowing the interdependence, stress from separation

or social exclusion will make its negative impact on my

physical health. This teaches me to take my health more

serious and to keep the control of it. Many external events

impact the triggers for health and disease. Knowing these, I

can learn to act differently, protecting my health and

avoiding disease.

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 My foundation

The earthquake has the potential to disturb my health, either

directly through mental stress from anxiety and fear or via

injury, but also indirectly, when the access to supply needed

to cover my basic needs is broken, either by quality or by

volume, or both. That is why I must be prepared to defend my

health even in the moment of a crisis. A doctor will never be

able to provide that support, that is far too complex and

beyond the medical service.

The chart above makes it clear to me how external events

actually have their impact, positively and negatively, not

just on me, but on society. Aware of triggers leading to

disease, I can counteract early and maneuver through

situations. I also realize how vulnerable my health is from

external factors outside my control. That teaches me that I

must not strive for complete defence and security, but rather

seek to prepare my immune responses and optimize my body’s

resilience.

Prevention is key. The healthy lifestyle is a strong pillar in

ensuring an active and reactive immune system. Certainly, it

helps to build out my ‘Me’ in a way I can rely on a solid

foundation and counteract any disturbances.

I need to make my body resilient to health challenges

36
 My foundation

There is a difference in reacting to a trigger, which happens

often spontaneously and is subject to my internal bias, or to

respond carefully. A response to a situation always is the

result of reflection. I first stop, collect the information to

understand, and then I evaluate my choices. Choosing the

response that serves me most is the preferred way forward, and

it could be that the decision is not to respond at all. A

reaction may trigger a vicious circle of cause and effect,

creating a very different situation. I keep the control of my

inner equilibrium by choosing my response, allowing me to

manage the energy I am willed to invest.

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 My foundation

The power of relationships

I return to my current position in time, my 'now'. There is

the vast choice of paths in front of me. I know one thing for

sure, even with time and increased learning, with more

experience, I will always face the situation that to master

the next task, I will have at least one gap in my

capabilities.

‘Every next level will need a next version of me.’

I have the choice to either first learn the new skill, or to

ask for help to get me started right away, working together

with others. When partnering with others who complement my

skills, I can make my move while learning on the go, making

the exercise beneficial even would I not reach the goal right

away. I learn while benefiting from the journey.

Every next level will need a new version  of 'Me'

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 My foundation

I have my goal and purpose, and others will have theirs. My

journey is not necessarily the one of those around me. This

does not exclude that we walk together for a moment, helping

each other. Somehow our paths cross at a moment, when and for

as long as it makes sense for each of us.

I respect the choices of others, and I can support where need

is and where I can be of value, while keeping my goal in

focus. We all are different by our past, our experience and by

our future goals. We are here together in this moment, with

the opportunity to gain experience from each other and create

something new together. I want to look to relationships and

partnerships with different eyes, having a short to mid-term

horizon, and if they are to survive for longer, then there

will always be a good reason for it.

Generally, I do not compete with others, beside for resources

if limited. I focus my energy on what serves me and what gets

me to my goal.

I am happy to collaborate and to bene t from the help of others, to reach my goal faster
39
 My foundation

Assuming I know my goal, which I will investigate at a later

stage, and I know myself, my ‘Me’, I can connect with others

with a clear idea of what I am looking for to complement my

skills. I am ready to collaborate, actively working on tasks

that help my next goal and theirs. Again, I am stronger with

others than in isolation, increasing my chances of success.

The ‘We’ wins over the ‘I’. ‘If you want to go far, do not go

alone.’ (African proverb)

Once I know who I am and what I am capable of, my needs and

what I can contribute, I will appreciate the collaboration

with others. Knowing my purpose, I will strive for the

combined power of ‘us’.

I realize that I am stronger when finding people with

capabilities and traits complementary to mine, not the same.

We are stronger in diversity, and it is our differences that

make us strong.

We are stronger together, combining capabilities. The power of 'Us'.

40
 My foundation

Conscious dealing with relationships

Relationships make our life. Nature has not created us to

travel alone, not in time and not in space.

However, not every connection is meant to last forever. Often

it feels as if we do not meet people by coincidence. There are

people who come into our life only for a brief time, others

stay for longer.

Over time, growing from experience, I change and with that my

needs evolve. Every relationship demands energy and care,

enough reason to deal consciously with every single

relationship.

There are distinct levels of relationship and I decide whom I

let into the next layer. I also decide who needs to leave a

level.

Every level comes with a higher intimacy, meaning the closer

the person gets to me, the higher their impact is on me, and

the more energy the relationship will need from me.

The closer someone gets to me, the higher the intimacy and with this, the vulnerability
41
 My foundation

This is not about becoming a manipulator, eager to use others

for my personal benefit. In contrary. When I enter a

relationship with someone, on any level and for whatever

reason, it means I occupy space in their mind, and I will have

expectations that will demand time and effort, from both.

I do not want to waste other people’s time and resources, nor

do I want to deceive others, failing to deliver on

expectations. I must ensure that I invest my time and

resources wisely, as they are limited. Me making the effort to

respect the other side, I can expect a similar behaviour from

others. The better I understand what I invest, what I bring

and how I benefit, and how I value a relationship, the more I

can become aware also of the other side with their

expectations, realizing the responsibility I have in making

this valuable for both. I realize that there are always two

sides and I need to be careful in my choices. As a result, I

become aware of my relationships and I learn to regularly

evaluate those and to make the changes needed.

A relationship is a win-win, each side achieving their goal together

42
 My foundation

Depending on where I am with someone in my relationship, in

which level or zone, the way I act will need to be different.

Every exchange happens on a different level of trust and

emotions, triggering the depth of engagement and commitment,

with a varying readiness to share personal, increasingly

sensitive information.

The closer it gets to my inner world, the more I grant access

to my thoughts, capabilities and in some way to my behaviour,

while gradually lowering my defences.

Learning the art of managing my relationships teaches me about

others, helping me to protect myself from manipulators and

toxic beings who may try to make use of me. I see the specific

level of vulnerability and risk that comes with every

evolution of an engagement, and the impact it has on my

capacity to act freely for my benefit and goal.

My capacity to handle multiple relationships at a given time

is limited, depending on how much I need to engage and to

maintain the relationship.

I need to carefully manage my relationships to ensure wise use of resources

43
 My foundation

I do not expect others to give the same importance to our

relationship as I do. I make it clear what I need, letting the

other free in their choices. They have the same right to have

their expectations. I am eager to make every relationship a

win-win for both, asking to understand their needs and

clarifying our differences, while aligning the shared value.

There comes the point at which any additional effort from my

side will start resulting in a decreasing return. That is when

I decide if it is worth to continue the relationship or I need

to make changes. I can move the relation backwards to a

different zone, freeing some of my capacity. I may realize

that there is a change in the motivation of the other and I

may need to reiterate the importance of our relation, or I may

find a new objective that reiterates the engagement, allowing

me to evolve the relationship.

In essence, at any moment, I am aware of every relation, and

each has its meaningful position and purpose, delivering the

return I expect and relative to my investment.

Conscious relationship management is respect and adds value to everyone

44
 My foundation

I provide the incentives to entertain the relationship. I also

need to acknowledge positive achievements and provide the

rewards, thanking them and letting them know how it

contributes to my happiness. The balance of give and take is

important, similar to what I have seen in the relationship I

have with my body.

Every relation demands someone to walk a portion of my path

with me. We are sharing that moment in life for some time. I

want the memory of this to be as positive as possible, for

both. Another reason for me to focus on positives and be open

about it, while acting when there is less value for both, and

acting accordingly.

On my way to happiness, being aware of and able to manage

actively my relationships, to complement my capabilities and

allow me to grow, is one of the most important pillars in what

defines ‘Me’. This ability allows me to emerge from

disruption, engaging with others when I need it the most.

My ability to relate with others is key for me in complementing my skills and abilities
45
 My foundation

The relationship zone that I am most familiar with, is the

friend zone. I may never have thought about it, but there is a

sensitive reality outside the friendship, as we meet before we

become friends. Some friends make it deeper into our life,

allowing to distinguish stages of increasing intimacy within

that zone, before describing intimacy. We all have the memory

of those friendships that turned bitter and ended up far away

from us, in another sphere, the once-upon-a-time friends. The

friend zone really is only one among others, each a part of a

bi-directional flow that I can learn to actively steer. I

decide who gets attention and to what level I allow them to

influence me. This is the critical point, I must realize that

the deeper the commitment, the more I am guided by emotions

and dependencies, rather than logic.

There are at least 4 distinct zones of contact, each with the

potential to differentiate further in terms of stages, but I

keep it simple for now. With time and experience, I will add

shades of green to every layer from my learning, from

experience, making it my personal guide.

The friend-zone comes with increased intimacy, paid with higher vulnerability
46
 My foundation

Zones of relationship, levels of intimacy.

I imagine a luxury gondola of a larger warm air balloon.

At its centre a cabin, in which I only allow a select number

of passengers. The space of intimacy. There is truly little

space in the luxury comfort, bringing each other remarkably

close and sharing the same limited amount of air. Being so

close to each other means I need to choose well and eventually

over time there will be reasons to let go or I let someone

else enter.

Zones of relationships 
47
 My foundation

Around that cabin and surrounded by the balcony, is where I

welcome a selected number of people I really care for, my

'friend-zone'. I limit the number of guests, always aware of

the weight I can carry with my balloon.

On the edge, the top of the balcony, there are people sitting,

waiting to be invited to mount on board. There are people I

have allowed to approach closer as they help me with something

or they are part of my life, sharing a situation and part of

my journey for some time, like colleagues at work, all not

having a deeper relationship, but with some shared interests.

This are my supporters, enablers, peers, and followers. One

step away from entering the inner zone, some eager or with the

potential to become my friends. For the time being, they

represent additional ballast.

48
 My foundation

Outside, on the large surrounding field, there are people

walking around. Those are foreigners, by-walkers who either

pass by coincidence or attracted by my post on social media,

announcing my flight.

Some are attracted by me or by the spectacle of my

undertaking, others come closer for their own reason. This is

the ‘fremd’-zone, the world around me filled with people from

a variety of occupations. The endless sea of opportunity.

There are other balloons around, like mine getting ready to

lift-off. Each balloon represents a person, like me, and each

has its own reality and a similar luxury gondola.

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 My foundation

The signal comes, the break is over, and we all get to go for

the next flight. One after the other, the balloons take off. I

ignite the fire.

To leave, I need to reduce the weight, decide how to let go of

ballast. A difficult choice. It may be that I prefer to let go

a friend rather than a supporter. Those choices do not come

easily, unless I am prepared, and I know my game. Impossible

to carry all people and some have been there already for many

flights before.

I make my choices, act accordingly and lift off. I must not

feel guilty, as long as I have clear reasons for my decision.

Sometimes a friendship may be toxic. I decide what is best for

my equilibrium, remembering the effect it can have on my

health.

Before take-off, I have fixed the ropes of three neighbouring

balloons to mine, people, relationships I care for, flying on

their own, staying close to me.

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 My foundation

I keep thinking this further, imagining the flight.

One of the ropes got cut-off due to a discussion over the

phone that did not make me happy. The other balloon distances

itself.

Someone in the friend-zone has forced his way into my cabin,

disturbing my intimacy. I am shocked and I have asked him to

leave immediately, throwing him overboard - everyone has a

parachute.

Another balloon has approached, and I have accepted to fix

their rope on my balcony. Suddenly someone from that balloon

is trying to come over to mine, walking on the rope. The rope

gets cut on the other side and the person is hanging down from

my gondola, seeking to climb up to the balcony. After a short

exchange I decide that person should not be with us and I cut

the rope.

Already my balloon is gaining in speed.

51
 My foundation

This image allows me to become vigilant and to realize that in

life, I must not carry too much people ballast with me

neither. I need to decide whom I let into which zone, why and

for how long. The number of passengers I can manage at a given

timeis limited.

Most important is that I know what I expect from everyone and

that I voice my needs. I must never assume the other is aware

of my needs and expectations. In every relationship, I must

entertain the dialogue. I want to understand the motivation

and needs of the other, and in exchange of me caring for them,

I share mine, hoping to identify the common ground.

I want my balloon to fly high and far enough to reach my

destination, while I take with me the balloons sharing my

destination or at least an intermediate milestone, where our

ways may separate.

I decide who shares which space with me.

I actively manage my relationships

52
 ForewordVivamus vestibulum ntulla nec ante.

The ‘fremd’-zone holds the opportunities for future

relationships.

I may not know today whom I need tomorrow. Therefore,

networking and socializing are valuable.

It is about scouting for future relationships, available to me

when they become a need, or just allowing them to happen at

the right moment.

These are the opportunities that will knock at the balcony of

my gondola. Those contacts do not occupy space in my gondola,

they add ballast.

Networking demands effort I need to consciously set aside,

again cutting into my capacity. My future undertakings will

benefit from support, in any area of my life.

I am stronger when joining forces with others.

It is important that I learn how to find the right partners,

how to attract them and to engage with them. A capability I

may want to nurture as part of my ‘Me.’

Networking creates the pool of opportunities for future support

53
 My foundation

I must remain in control of my decision-making and master my

social touchpoints and links. In times of social media this is

becoming a core skill I may need to relearn from scratch. I

perceive my virtual contacts the same way as any relation. Not

knowing my followers for more than what they share and knowing

they make me see them for what they want me to believe, I am

aware that I do not have the information to understand their

real self. I must define the rules for me of whom I let into

which zone. It is impossible to care for hundreds of virtual

followers the same way as my friends. Some can make it into my

gondola, however, I need to decide how and why. The moment I

let them in, they take place and resources, while I may not

get the return I need. With technology I need to decide how to

use it and why. Technology offers possibility, not the

solution. I know the problem I want to solve, and technology

can be part of the solution. I may think that virtual friends

do not add weight to my balloon. They do, as my balloon is a

virtual concept too.

My relationships inlcude the social media followers

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 My foundation

As always there will be special situations, relationships with

a delicate character demanding a differentiated strategy.

Family can be a tricky example. Our roots are important, and

belonging is among the fundamental needs of every human

being.

I must not deny where I am coming from, and I must honour

everyone who has supported me. I love my family and I care for

them. Still, there are situations when family becomes the

burden, and this is when I must be prepared to still manage

the balance of my gondola.

I can choose to move someone closer to the balcony, even

outside. However, I must be aware of the consequences for

both. I will do an extra effort to reorient the relationship

before making any move and I will be open in my exchange,

giving it every chance. Having clear rules on which I choose

to manage relationships is a strong defence mechanism,

preventive and effective, protecting my health and defending

what I stand for.

55
 My foundation

I am aware that I cannot always know everything and there is a

big chance that I make wrong decisions and choices. I am after

learning. Therefore, I am open to admit my faults and learn

from them. However, sometimes I can avoid risks and still

learn the lesson by simply listening to someone who tries to

guide me. It is important that I am receptive for other

opinions and feedback, not only positive.

The more I am aware of my relationships and their impact, the

more I realize whom I care for and therefore whose feedback I

want to listen to. In doing so, I still decide on my own,

while I respect certain relationships for the value they

bring, widening my horizon, eventually allowing me to see

something I was not able to capture from my experience. I am

also happy to give candid and constructive feedback when

asked, or where I feel to be in the position to be invited to.

Knowing that myself I do not care for the input from just

anyone, I choose respectfully when, whom and how to give my

feedback.

I care for feedback from whom I value

56
 My foundation

There is a difference between on one side following the

opinion of others, blindly, adopting the trend, copying

others, and on the other side having my own definitions and

vision of me, still reflecting on the feedback of valued

persons, allowing myself the error, and adapting my thinking

where needed. When entering a confined place with a group of

foreigners, like the metro, a coffee house, a bar or even a

restaurant, I sometimes feel observed and my thoughts are

about what the others may think of me. The reality is, that I

make others the judge over myself. I am giving them power they

never have asked for, and they may not even have realized my

arrival. Generally, it is good for me to know myself, make a

conscious decision about who I am, how I look like, how I

behave and why, to then stop allowing others whom I would

never ask for feedback to influence my life, actively or

imaginary. I decide, I stand for my decision. I may be wrong

and that is OK. I choose the people whom I listen to. Careful

here. I must make sure that I do not just choose those who

always tell me what I love to hear, as I cannot evolve if not

challenged.

57
 My foundation

Therefore, I invite feedback from people I respect for at

least one thing, and I value their effort to tell me by

listening and by reflecting.

The same applies when I realize a gap on my side, in my

thinking or in my capabilities and capacity. I am free to

identify whom to reach out to, aware that the other person may

not be prepared to support me, and in full respect of their

situation. I should know my relations well enough to identify

whom I can reach out to, for support. In return, I know, I

will owe something back.

There must always be balance in every relationship. This

raises an issue I need to be aware of. I must remain free in

my choices. Therefore, I must always evaluate my relationships

in terms of expectations from both sides and how the

engagement over time may create a dependency in any form. I

may reject gifts when it means that I must return an effort

that is against my convictions. I also need to be aware that

my actions can have consequences with an impact on my inner

circle. At any time, I must be vigilant that I keep the

control of my relations, not the other way around.

I keep control of my relationships, not the other way around

58
 My Core 'Me'

My purpose
I am more thrilled when I really know what I want to achieve

and when that goal makes my heartbeat. Beside that vision, it

is my perceived ability to cope with the complexity of the

challenges posed by the goal, which will trigger my

motivation, beginning with my willingness to take on the

challenge rather than looking for a different goal.

Ability is a function of available resources including money,

time and tools, competencies and skills, health, and brain

power. Those are all variable by nature and to some extend I

can influence them.

The challenges that come with the goal will be measured by my

inner perception, which again I can control if I am conscious

of my previous achievements.

My goal therefore needs to be as appealing as it can be, and

it should not be reduced only because of my first impression.

I must set the right goal, and work on my perception. If I

really want it and it really makes my heart beat, I find the

way to make it happen.

59
 My Core 'Me'

When my resources are limited and I am committed to my goal, I

am not alone, I can ask others for help and support, knowing I

can rely on my relationships. Knowing my ‘self’, I can

identify the gaps and plan for the completion of my resources.

Truly, the sky becomes the limit.

I remember, when a child, my focus was much on having fun,

which was nothing else than experiencing new stuff, on the

side letting me learn new capabilities. Sure, I had to follow

the program and go to school, do my homework. Live happened

outside of those things. I was simply seizing every available

free moment, not worried about the past, nor trying to control

the future. Nothing seemed impossible until proven so and

obstacles could rarely make me walk away. Even failure was

never really a roadblock to success, as I would simply try

again after making tweaks.

Anyway, we all had fun together, enjoying our failures for

laughter. For every risk there was an answer and when

something still happened, well, somehow, we found a solution

and, in the end, I was learning another lesson.

Failure is part of the learning process

60
 My Core 'Me'

I have learned to speak and to walk after observing others,

not inventing it myself. That has continued and gradually I

have copied behaviours. Like everyone, I have learned to use

my sensors, those we all know too well. I never have explored

my body any deeper to discover further capabilities not that

obvious. Never I have tried to go a very different way from

what I have seen around me.

My choices seemed influenced by and largely reduced to what my

world seemed to expect from everyone.

We learn to obey and to avoid punishment and criticism,

adopting the habit to evaluate others, as if there really was

only one way to live.

When I am judging someone, I project that same behaviour on

people I do not know, expecting them to judge me, applying a

shared standard. I am giving them power, they have never asked

for, and which they are not aware of. By doing so, I make them

my benchmark, imposing the standard on myself. I am sure,

everyone does the same.

61
 My Core 'Me'

By putting my focus on searching for the positive and by

sharing constructive feedback, I gradually change my

expectations from others, hopefully igniting the change, and

giving me the chance to be myself.

I have learned to fit into the standard, doing things the way

we all are supposed to do. Now I see the need to break that

habit, as it limits our evolution.

Getting older, life becomes a more complex story. I had to

learn to live independently. Suddenly I had to look forward,

try to understand the future and derive what needed to happen

now to prepare. My focus wandered forward and naturally I have

lost the control, while prediction is often wrong, and I

cannot control future events. More importantly, I lost my

focus on the moment, living in the future, then facing

obstacles I never saw coming, with events happening I did not

prepare for.

From the comfort of my virginity, I had moved into the

discomfort of everlasting fear, as less control and

unpreparedness bring fear.

Lack of control and knowledge lead to fear

62
 My Core 'Me'

I began a vicious circle of trying to protect the feeling of

stability, safety, and control, never reaching that again.

With this, I have replaced my appetite for the adventure with

the desire to avoid risks and pretend control.

This is when I began to stagnate as with less challenging

situations in the unknown, there was ever less new I could

learn. It is outside of my comfort zone that I can evaluate my

beliefs and learn, and it is from failure and pain only that I

learn.

The child does not look to life the same way. The future is

just far away and expected to be wonderful. It is always the

source of positive energy. Life happens now and is there to be

lived. The adult fears instability and death.

The child looks for the adventure, eager to learn

63
 My Core 'Me'

We have traded our aspirations for money and all rewards are

financial. We value in financial terms, fixing a price tag.

Anything that cannot be identified as a distinct, tangible

asset, therefore cannot change the owner. Therefore, there is

no market to find the price defining the value. This has

resulted in the absence of value for what really matters in

live, those things that sustain life. Love, truthfulness,

loyalty, friendship, they do not have such value and get

overruled in a system geared to purely financial gains. Our

incentives and rewards are mostly financially oriented, thus

not maximizing what we really need to grow. Therefore, I need

to be careful in choosing my personal goals with a clear

understanding of how they matter to me, not financially, but

how they contribute to me becoming the best version of myself

and achieving my purpose in life.

64
 My Core 'Me'

A meaningful life means to achieve something that makes my

life valuable to me. Making me stronger individually or us

together as society. Ensuring my survival and improving the

quality of my life, allowing me to learn and grow. My life

must serve me and ideally society, not just serving an

artificial concept referred to as economy. It is the

maximization of the quality of every single life that needs to

be in our common focus.

Our personal goals are linked to our long-term choices, and

learned concepts of what success should look like. We compare

each other with each other, all versus the same targets. We

are losing our diversity and with this, we annihilate the

benefit of joining complementing forces, hampering what

humanity could achieve together on this planet. Every life

must serve the betterment of life on the planet.

A meaningful life serves me and ideally adds value to society

65
 ForewordVivamus vestibulum ntulla nec ante.

My goals therefore need to procure a meaning to my life. Every

goal must be aligned to my personal true purpose. Like the

child, who needs the thrill, I need the energy, the kick. If

my heart does not beat for it, if it is just something

somebody expects from me, it is not my goal. A 20% increase in

sales of a business that is not mine, if not coupled to a 15%

increase in salary, is just not a goal that gives my life a

meaning. I must always ask myself, what does that mean for me,

how does it make a difference to me, how does it bring me

closer to the best version of myself.

I realize that the more the goal is out in the future, the

less it really attracts me today. The Africans say, to eat an

elephant, you need to proceed bite by bite. Even the most

compelling goal, if too distant, leaves me with a low

motivation. A long-term goal can be bold and look

overstretched compared to who I am today. I break it down into

small, incremental, feasible steps. Challenging, however very

desirable and not fully impossible, if only I go for it the

right way. I am setting my goal the way it pulls me, seeing

the opportunity to learn in the stretch.

A goal must be challenging, appealing and achievable with effort

66
 My Core 'Me'

As young adults we are asked to take decisions that will

influence our life. In school we need to decide whether to

leave early and go for a professional development or finish

with the high school exam. In both cases we are confronted

with the choice of a profession, which is presented like a

decision for the entire lifetime. At the same time, we are

still making sense of who we are and what we really want to

achieve in life. Choices with impact that are made with little

knowledge and direction, yet they set us on a trajectory,

often with far reaching consequences determining just anything

describing our life. We follow the system into which we have

grown. This is not about us having a clear direction and

planning our next steps. It is about complying with the

demands projected on us, fitting into the mould, living the

life of someone else. We are supposed to get married at some

point, found a family, raise kids, and get promoted until we

reach the retirement. That concept repeats in our life. We

perform, not really enjoying the task, but because we need the

money. We live from weekend to weekend, from vacation to

vacation, reducing life to those little moments, saving money

for retirement.

Break free, nd your mission and live your life

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We plan our life to happen after the accomplishment of what

serves us little more than paying. The salary therefore is

nothing else than trading in our time and effort, reducing our

dreams and serving the system.

There is little space for self-fulfilment, and rarely have we

even thought about what that would mean.

The fact we debate the age for retirement shows that what we

do is not what we love, and we negotiate time to finally live.

If I change this to do what I love and evolve through that, I

do not need to stop doing that at a given age.

I could see my work as a means in getting to my purpose.

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What I am after is a different life that has a meaning, where

I am passionate and I know what I stand for.

Probably it is less important to estimate the future and

preferable to master the moment, preparing the ground for the

future, not trying to live for the future nor in it.

It means, I can have a long term vision of what I want to

achieve in my lifetime. Not a professional decision that

defines me, nor a financial dream. A vision of higher value,

representing who I want to be, how that looks like, what

difference it will make to me, my family, my community and to

the world. My long-term vision is about my purpose.

This gives me the energy and the drive for any undertaking.

I want to define myself, my value, not through a job, a

position, but through something that I can nurture over my

lifetime and that holds, whatever happens to me.

I shape a de nition of makes me, something I can nurture and grow

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In Japan, IKIGAI means ‘sense your purpose’ or ‘the reason for

being,’ my ‘Why.’ It provides a concept helping me to identify

my purpose. Most of the defining variables evolve over time,

indicating that my purpose may also be subject to change.

Something we do not consider in the Western culture when

making profound decisions for a lifetime, rather than making

the right choices for the time we can oversee and respecting

who we are.

In essence, IKIGAI recommends to slow down, focus on the

present, as all I have control of is now, care for my health,

reconnect with nature, ensure proper relationships, be

thankful of the moment like a child, know my purpose and

decide on my next step.

In Japan, retirement is not a subject as everyone continues to

be active throughout their lifetime. This is part of their

lifestyle and thought to be one of the triggers of their

longevity. A meaningful life from purposeful activity.

IKIGAI is about a meaningful life

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themindfool.com/IKIGAI

IKIGAI focuses me on the now, installing the feeling of

emotional stability through the right relationships and making

my health a centrepiece of my lifestyle. The traditional chart

above is missing ‘What You need,’ knowing what I have and what

I need to complete me. Thankfulness for who I am, what I have,

the trivial things in life. Bringing me back to my ‘self,’

becoming aware of ‘Me.’ Know my value, my strength, and

capabilities.

IKIGAI should be completed with thankfulness for what I have

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IKIGAI is a valuable concept underpinning my learning here and

that we will put into practice with the methodology explained

in the next chapters, allowing me to make the change happen.

Life is about being aware of who I am, what makes ‘Me’ strong,

knowing my purpose, and choosing my next step, like a child

always eager to learn and grow, becoming the best version of

myself. I am purposeful, energized and I am conscious of

myself.

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Focus
Knowing my purpose and what defines me at any point in time,

my ‘Me’, I can focus my energy on what serves my evolution. I

need to distinguish between what I can control and what not.

The past and the future are good for learning, however, I

cannot control them. People outside my contact zone do not

deserve too much of my energy, and I do not give too much

weight on their feedback, criticism, and opinions. The events

happening around me, I cannot control, but I can respond to

those if it is needed. Those things must not consume me. I

focus a major part of my energy on what serves me most. My

responses, thoughts and decisions, my inner talk, lifestyle,

boundaries, goals, and the strengthening of ‘Me’ as a

foundation for resilience. The emotional stability, perceived

safety and security, are the basis for a focused mind.

I focus my energy on what I can control

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My ‘Me’ becomes the centre of my focus, as this is what I can

control and what serves me most, when becoming stronger. This

is my fallback position throughout life, meaning this is

always from where I start a new undertaking and where I can

return to if anything fails or happens. My purpose is what

drives my energy. My ‘Me’ is my backing, my safety belt. From

here I start the exploration, taking risks and seizing the

opportunities that I have identified for my growth, making any

activity meaningful and serving my purpose.

My purpose is difficult to define if far out in the future. It

is possible to give my life a meaning by choosing a focus that

is in my immediate control. The careful strengthening of my

‘Me’ allows me to become a stronger person over time. Knowing

that ‘Me’ is my fallback position where I can cover my

fundamental needs, changes the way I live my life. I can focus

on my evolution, striving to learn and improve, knowing my

existence is sustained and allowing me to go after the

opportunities I see upcoming.

Choosing 'Me' as my focus in life, gives me purpose and strength

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Putting my ‘Me’ in the focus of my evolution, I seek the

experiences that allow me to learn and grow. I have a longer-

term vision, a purpose in life, and I know how my ‘Me’ needs

to look like to achieve that purpose. I focus on learning

opportunities. What defines me at any point in time is ‘Me,’

not a profession, position, title, nor my income.

My short-term purpose is to grow. I know my weaknesses as much

as my strength. At any moment, whatever happens, I cannot lose

what I have built, my ‘Me.’ Making me strong and allowing me

to stand through challenging situations. I am resilient, able

to respond to crisis by returning to my last known fallback

position, and prepared to learn, adapt, transform if needed,

and strive again, going for my purpose. I care for my ‘Me’

that includes my health, my relationships, and what I need to

cover my fundamental needs.

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Driven by stories
Life is about learning, when facing the new. To learn, I

either come to the conclusion that an existing belief is wrong

and needs to be overwritten, or I sharpen and increase my

knowledge, or I improve a skill with further input and

experience. Then there is the situation where I learn

something very new to me, going beyond my fear and learning

from the experience.

A few examples are learning a new skill, diving deeper into a

new subject, getting to know a new person and discovering a

different mindset, a new behaviour, traveling the world to

discover nature and cultures.

These are a subset of the opportunities for me to widen my

possibilities. I need to either be aware of a gap and then

seek to learn, knowing why I need it, or I need to master a

new situation which forces me to learn, aware of the new and

making sense of it. In any case, I learn through the

experience. My learning is not via data nor facts, or someone

just telling me.

I put myself into situations allowing me to learn

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The dialogue I have with myself, my inner exchange, matters

much. A negative view of myself will quickly impact me and my

expectations of what I can achieve. It is the story I tell

myself that triggers my self-perception. My brain memorizes

emotions and stories, communicating with me via stories.

My dreams are not a series of facts, but stories most often

expressed in very visible and vivid scenes. My brain produces

the stories to work on unfinished thoughts, often alert me of

something I did not consciously realize, like a danger, or try

to make sense out of too much information received and in need

to be sorted. Those stories if still available when awake,

hold information I need to analyse.

My subconscious memory is filled with emotions, that trigger

thoughts in form of stories. The more I become aware of this,

the better I can describe my avatar and myself, become

stronger in understanding myself and learning to read in

others, increasing my chances to obtain what I want.

Stories drive my life

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When making a decision, I do not always search the internet

for the latest research to review the charts and identify the

data. My memory is not made by a chain of facts, but it

captures my emotions linked to situations. Those emotions form

my fundamental beliefs behind my decisions. Anyone wanting to

make me do something very different, will need to help me

overcome my beliefs. Observing myself and thinking through my

decisions tells me about myself. Knowing how I function can be

protective against others trying to use my emotions to change

my beliefs for their advantage.

Digital tools like ChatGPT by openAI, use large language

processing to not just provide the links to information

relative to my query, but present the story using the data.

The algorithm has the capability to imitate the way we digest

information, not in bites of data or facts, but via the story

creating emotions. It really is stories that drive our life,

and this is what I will use more actively going forward for my

own evolution.

Emotions drive my decisions

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I make learning my maxime in life, consciously setting me up

for growth. My learning choices shape my life. It is in my

control, which path I choose. I learn through the situations I

experience, actively exposing myself and observing, collecting

the lessons and memories. I can influence my learning by

creating the opportunities for it, becoming the creator of my

life experience.

To create a film, it needs the story. The same applies here. I

author the stories for me to create my learning experience,

visualizing the situation I want to create. I design my

personal ‘user stories,’ my learning experience consciously

stretching my comfort zone.

I am the architect of my life experience, the creative art

director of the stories I want to live through, allowing me to

learn what I need to fulfil my purpose. Now I have meaning, I

know where I am today, who I am, and I know what to focus on,

becoming a higher version of ‘Me,’ fully in my control.

I am the architect of my life experience, the creative art director of the stories I experience
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My imagination uses anything needed to describe the specifics

of that experience. The location, the circumstances, the

people involved, anything that I need to be able to learn what

I need to grow. I switch my focus from the long-term

professional career to the learning pathway that fuels my next

level ‘Me.’ That still implies a professional choice, but with

a shorter term focus, as I am after the learning and therefore

my job is aligned to what I want to take with me. I make

change part of my life, knowing that circumstances evolve and

allowing me to change profession depending on my aspiration.

It means my choices are less in the future, not short term,

but linked to my learning pathway.

Reality is made in my mind, and from now on I take control of

shaping this reality. Each story allows me to be creative.

Focus is on WHY and WHAT, and in which situation. The HOW will

come later when the story goes into production. The story

identifies the specific learning goal and captures the

context.

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I am free to add details as I like, helping me to visualize

the situation and support me when working on that story in the

production. Story clarifies what specifically I will learn and

how it is adding to my Core ‘Me,’ and it includes the

resources I will need.

sample story, open for imagination

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My Avatar
When imagining my stories, my personal avatar provides me the

information I need to design the context and the situation. To

define my avatar, I begin with the description of my persona.

Like any marketing specialist would create the personas of

distinct customers to be able to design the customer

experience, I create my persona to support me.

My persona is a description of who I am, and it allows me to

become self-aware. I write a brief description of my person,

values, principles, thoughts, and beliefs as far as I am aware

of those. I note my drivers and triggers, making it clear for

me how I function. I describe my daily routine and how it

helps me. I capture what makes me happy and what makes me

angry, trying to understand my emotions. Finally, I describe

my needs in life. By keeping this avatar updated over time, it

helps me see the progress and make me aware of myself. The

avatar will allow me to identify gaps, the areas for

improvement, my learning needs.

My avatar is the protagonist in my stories

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Through my avatar I can also explore imaginary situations to

learn and potentially bring it back to my reality. A virtual

experience needs less resources and I can assume capabilities

I do not have yet, while also reducing risks. I may want to

explore the Metaverse for virtual learning experiences.

The resulting avatar always is who I am at that moment. It

allows me to reflect, and it serves as a basis for the

evolution I want to create. It is the person I want to spend

time with, get to know in detail. I want to fall in love with

my avatar, feel it, care for it and help it grow, becoming the

best version of itself. Through this persona I can identify

patterns, help me predict my behaviour and emotions. Therefore

I spend some time to make it as realistic as possible.

Each of the stories I will design will begin with my review of

my avatar. The avatar inspires the details of my story,

clarifying areas for growth and learning goals and how it will

make a difference to me.

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De ning my Core ‘Me’

I am now ready to define what exactly describes ‘Me’. The

minimum attributes that I want to focus on and that I will

develop through my stories to become my strong fallback

position. My focus is on ‘Me’, putting its strengthening in

the focus of my life, making ‘myself’ my most important

project.

There are two distinct sets of attributes forming my Core

‘Me’. The Universal ‘Me’ composed by Capabilities, Health and

Purpose, representing the outcome of my learning, building

together my foundation. The Contributors/ Enablers are needed

to sustain the Universal ‘Me’ throughout time, ensuring I can

utilize my foundation to rebuild myself in crisis. Reputation

influencing my ability to access the opportunities I seek,

Social links I can leverage, my relationships, and Resources

underpinning the basic needs to allow my survival and enable

the continuation of my evolution. For each attribute there is

a minimum level I need to achieve before my Core ‘Me’ is

strong and sustainable.

My 'Core Me' has all the ingredients making me strong 

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The idea is to make the Core ‘Me’ as strong as it needs to be

to make me feel comfortable while standing strong in a

challenging situation. Therefore I need to always identify the

level of completion needed, ensuring my survival, while

enabling me to strive after a crisis and to keep faith.

Remember the earthquake. The immediate need is not to keep my

fortune, but to be able to cover my basic needs, and those of

my beloved ones. For resilience I do not need to safeguard the

entire achievement of a lifetime. I accept change and I know

there is always risk. However, to feel comfortable, I need to

decide on the minimum to be achieved at each level and

attribute, so that I can focus on my next step. Over time this

minimum will change depending on what I perceive as a minimum.

My life is meant to be about learning, growing and reaching my

purpose. Therefore this is what my Core ‘me’ needs to allow me

at any moment in life.

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My Avatar informs my capabilities, knowledge, skills, values

and behaviour, the experience I have accumulated. These

determine my ability to perform and competencies, allowing me

to engage in my next steps. What is important is not what I

have done in the past. What I need to capture is what my past

has taught me and how my competencies have developed, allowing

me to accomplish new tasks to learn again. For my work history

I keep my CV updated regularly, noticing my competencies for

professional engagements, and more importantly, allowing me to

identify the next challenge I need to learn and grow in my

job. However, capabilities are not limited to my professional

life. In my Core ‘Me’ I want to keep track of my larger

competencies. I want to identify my talents, my skills I am

good at and what procures me with energy and happiness when

performing it. I need to picture the entire set of what I am

able to perform. Keeping this wider focus I will be able to

identify what really drives me, helping me when defining my

purpose. We mostly focus on the capabilities we can trade for

money in a job. That reduces us to a product, not valuing our

much larger potential and not inspiring us for potentially a

different path.

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The Health section captures my status and habits at any given

moment, describing my vitals and my healthy choices, including

Mental and Physical Health. I need a healthy body to be able

to perform, and survive. The quality of my life depends on my

health, making this a key pillar of focus. Over time I will

build my routine, my healthy habits. The easiest is to follow

a simple rule, define consciously my choices, always clear of

my why, for what I want to do to entertain my mental and

physical health. I have my way to make changes to my current

behaviour. Generally it takes 3 to 5 weeks keeping up a new

behaviour, until it becomes a habit. I may choose to go with a

complete overhaul, launching a massive change program shaping

anything from food choices, the way I prepare my food, the

choice of my drinks, perhaps cutting alcohol and sweets, and

regular sports, mind care, or I can decide to take it bite by

bite, starting to exclude sugar, or simply to begin the day

with some yoga. There are coaches and apps out there that can

support me. Having my health in focus will make it a priority

for me, and that should help to get it running. On one side I

may start monitoring some indicators to help me see progress

and measure impact, like e.g.

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my heart rate during the day or at sleep, blood pressure,

VO2max, weight, Body Mass index, anything that indicates an

improved health. There are different smart watches with

adequate sensors and apps.

On the other side, I need to learn to handle my health and how

it matters, celebrate improvements, and reward me for the

smallest success. I am responsible for my health. If only it

was easier to keep up the habits. It needs to be fun to care

for me.

Over time my choices become natural, and I will not even be

tempted anymore by alternatives.

Purpose reminds me of what drives me, clarifying my direction.

This is where I obtain the reason for being and perceive the

meaning of my life, which in turn helps to sustain my health.

Building out my awareness of my holistic capabilities, my

talent, and skills, I know my current status. My purpose is a

guide to identify the areas where I need to develop my

capabilities. Purpose gives me meaning in life, capabilities

allow me to achieve and they make me confident to achieve my

purpose.

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Capabilities, Health and Purpose do not vanish when an event

strikes and the awareness allows me to stay calm and confined,

ensuring the emotional stability referred to in IKIGAI and

adding a sense of security and safety.

My Core ‘Me’, over time and if updated regularly to stay aware

of the latest version, is what defines me more and more.

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Reputation is the perception others have about me, supposing,

thinking, holding a belief about me, my values, principles,

concepts, and behaviours. Often it is not the result of

reflection, but triggered by emotions, subject to the bias of

their personal lenses, filters, beliefs and experience. Any

touchpoint leaves an imprint, a direct encounter, a post on

social media, or a short interaction in a meeting or over the

phone. It can be verbal, written, body language, the way I am

dressed, my appearance, my behaviour. Even someone without any

prior contact will have a set of expectations when the

opportunity for the encounter with me appears. Interestingly,

it is far less the content of my communication than the

emotion it creates, what seems to impact my reputation.

Obviously I cannot control the perception of me by others and

my goal must therefore not be to control the process with just

everyone. I can only fail. What I control is the overall

experience others have with me, the story they live with me.

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How do I create the perception I have of someone? There are

differences depending on the level of the relationship. The

further away from the intimacy zone, the less I have an

objective perception. The closer the relation, the more I

could shape my perception through experience with the other

and to learn. I am not sure I have ever consciously built that

perception. It is the by-product of my interaction, the result

of my inner interpretation and thus subject to error, unless I

validate any conclusion before making it my belief. I have the

tendency to fill gaps in my knowledge via extrapolation, often

implying, assuming, unconsciously using similarities from

better known relations, still existing or from memory. The

more I think about it, the more I realize that there are never

zero preconceived patterns when interacting with someone, and

truly little of what I project into the encounter is fact

driven. A shocking realization, and important to know. Chances

are, others act the same way and my reputation in their mind

is not the accurate reflection of me, and it is not built on

facts. Again, with increased intimacy, the perception gets

closer to reality. I can learn from assessing my perception of

someone I know and asking myself of the reasons why.

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Now, why is reputation so important if I have little room to

steer it? The people I need in life are not all in my contact

zones and certainly those present today are not all to stay

for my entire lifetime.

The opportunities I will want to pursue will need me to

attract new relationships, engage in partnerships and obtain

support, or simply a job. This is where reputation matters as

it is the door opener. We are emotion driven.

This means, our perception of others, right or not, creates

expectations which in turn create early emotions.

When there is anything the other person triggers in us that

creates the wrong emotion, even before meeting them, this is

what will colour the perception. My perceived reputation of

someone impacts the way I engage, serving me as a guide in my

behaviour and decision making.

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If I do not have my own opinion, I tend to rely on what others

report, maybe too much, however rarely allowing me to go

without at least an expectation. I may google the person or

look them up in LinkedIn, shaping my initial perception. The

further away a person is from my gondola, the more I should

refrain from any judgment, but rarely I do.

Knowing this has the potential to influence the outcome of my

interaction, I decide to work on me. I must develop a

conscious process of how I allow myself to get to know a

person without having the prejudices. There is so much value

in our differences, while it seems my mind tries to simplify

things, thereby hindering me from the opportunity to discover

others.

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For every area of my life I will have a specific target

audience and my desired reputation will be different with each

group. On the professional side, my reputation among peers is

important to higher my chances to evolve. I want to keep my

chances wide open to change my professional direction.

Therefore I need to shape a reputation not too specifically

linked to one industry, rather to capabilities and

achievements that can be of value.

My personal brand is a valuable concept. Building on my

purpose and my capabilities, I can work on the stories that

communicate my evolution and allow others to experience me the

way I wish them to see me. LinkedIn is the valuable platform

where I can build my personal brand and positioning, eager to

shape my reputation.

In private I communicate via my behaviour and action. I shape

my reputation with every interaction and by delivering on my

commitment and promises.

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The danger of my care for my reputation is that it has the

potential to impact my evolution. Reputation is important,

however, I need to stay myself and stand for my values and

principles. That leads to an internal conflict. Only if I

value myself and I know who I am and what I bring, can I

become confident enough to be myself, respect others and shape

my messages. I will find that sometimes for the sake of my

reputation I will need to care more of my entire

communication. This does not mean I have to betray myself,

which would work against me over time. It means I must train

my ability to adapt my communication. It is a kind of

invisible social control mechanism that aligns us on a

standard, letting us participate or not. I may just not be

able to publish my opinion on LinkedIn, without the consent by

my employer, both eager to care for reputation. Another reason

my personal brand is important, differentiating me from my

employer. Reputation is the door opener for opportunities, and

it will hamper my thirst for freedom, unless I change the

definition I have of myself, and my vision of what success

means. I need a fundamental reputation allowing me to thrive.

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It could be I cannot entertain the reputation I need for a

specific industry or sector. It is my decision to either focus

on my personal growth or to submit myself to the game.

Reputation is key to be in my focus over time.

I need to check my reputation in different target audiences

from time to time. Within my gondola I can ask for feedback,

perform a 360 review at work and simply listen to those who

provide their feedback without me asking. Outside the gondola,

it is more complex. On LinkedIn I get a sense of how my

reputation works for me or not, by checking the reactions on

my articles, posts, and comments. I do not get a view of my

overall reputation. Companies perform expensive research to

capture a glimpse of their reputation in their target

audience. As a person I can use large events like congresses

and webinars to test the reactions, still not getting a deeper

understanding of my reputation.

Social Media is a tricky tool, as there are many fake accounts

and the opinions shared by many rarely are reliable measures.

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What is left is the realization that I must be very careful

with the signals I emit, especially to my target audience,

without having a handle on nor a glimpse of the resulting

reputation it creates. To do at best what I can control, I

need to understand my target audience, become aware of what

matters to them and how they make their perceptions.

Similar to selling a product, I am selling myself and I need

to know my customers so that I can deliver the right messages

and stories, triggering the emotions which result in the

buying behaviour.

The Social part captures my contact zones, making me most

aware of my relationships. This is where I obtain support and

I fill the need of a sense of belonging, forming a fundamental

pillar for focused execution. This is where I capture what

happens inside my gondola, during the flight with my balloon

and when down on the fields.

I am selling myself similar to a product

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Resources are vital for me to sustain my life project,

allowing me to leverage my capabilities, strive for my purpose

and care for my health. There is a link between wealth and

reputation when status comes into play. On purpose I want to

disregard status going forward. The Core ‘Me’ is about minimum

levels needed to ensure my survival, covering the basic needs,

and allowing me to survive, strive and achieve my purpose. A

crisis has the potential to destroy my status. A job loss may

cost me my social position.

Wealth and possessions drive status, while not being the

foundation of what should define me in my foundations. My

purpose should be higher than these. Therefore, resources are

meant to be those needed to feel safe at any moment. Meaning

to be able to survive in dignity and continue to thrive.

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Together, all attributes forming the Core ‘Me’ allow me to

cover my fundamental needs. This makes the building and

strengthening of my Core ‘Me’ the right focus in my evolution

over time. By developing each area and staying aware of my

accomplishments, I can stay composed in demanding situations,

knowing my foundation on which I can rely.

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It is important to also understand the external factors that

have the potential to impact my Core ‘Me.’ My health is

subject to misinformation and environmental influences either

natural or fabricated. This needs my attention going forward

and I will need to be vigilant and learn how to protect

myself. Education, culture, and religion play a vital role in

how I have learned to think, decide, and behave. I need to

learn how I function to be able to better serve my own

interests.

Politics, governance and citizenship come with further

limiting concepts and rules, each making me the product of a

system, not striving for my personal purpose in life.

Through the awareness of my Core ‘Me’ as a foundation and the

clarity of my purpose, I will shape my personal Vision,

Aspiration and Goal in a way that my life has its own

direction and meaning. I need to understand the rules of the

surroundings, but I must not be limited to those.

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Meaningful evolution
Now I understand what defines ‘Me,’ describing my Core ‘Me’.

Knowing who I am and what makes me strong, allows me to trust

in my ability to evolve. Putting my focus on what makes me

stronger, gives me the feeling of control, thereby comforting

me. Switching my focus on what I can control and choosing the

experiences I need to grow, makes my life meaningful.

Like the sailor, who in the heavy storm navigates the rough

sea to reach the nearest harbour for safety, I have now my

fallback position where to retreat to when things turn bad.

Having a definition of myself, knowing what makes me,

disruption will have a much-reduced impact on me. The sailor

will take time to repair his ship, reinforce the structure

where needed, prepare for the next adventure, while waiting

for the storm to calm down. The destination he had when the

storm had strike will not change.

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The same for me in my retreat. I still know my goal and

purpose, while I had to withdraw from the last undertaking. I

use the moment for learning from the event, reviewing my goal,

checking the situation, and preparing my next move, still

pursuing my goal. This allows me to strive again, rebuild

myself and keep my goal in sight.

Speaking of the goal, I cannot really predict the future. I

can investigate and create different ideas of what the future

will bring, tapping into publications and exchanging with

people I trust. It is helpful to identify the one version I

really believe into, without having the certainty. I can build

my Vision using this estimate as a guide.

I do not control the future. However, I know my purpose in

life. From here I can shape the vision of what my Core ‘Me’

will look like. My vision can be very distant in life, it is

purely imaginary while fully aligned to my purpose and close

to my heart.

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 My Destination

It should make my heart beat when thinking of it. From there I

work backwards, finding my way from the exit to the entry of

the labyrinth. I can imagine what lies 5 to 10 years ahead,

when things become more predictable, while still not in my

control. I picture what my aspired Core ‘Me’ should look like

by that time, the way it would make me confident on my way to

my vision, confirming that I am on the right path.

This is an important part of the GPS for my life. I set the

destination and now I work backwards, defining the

intermediate stations.

Next, with a timeline of 2 to 5 years, I set my goal,

describing the Core ‘Me’ that I will want to have achieved by

that time. Breaking the vision down to the aspiration and then

the goal, allows me to feel the evolution, see the difference

and make it most relevant for me. I need to buy into my goal,

feel it with my heart and know why I want to achieve that.

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 My Destination

At this moment I return to my current Core ‘Me’ to validate

the current level, becoming deeply aware of my Now.

My goal is just at the distance of what I can foresee,

allowing me to plan how to get there. From today, building

this, my goal is rather a concept and the closer I get to

today, the better I can plan, having a better understanding of

the situation and the environment. My goal, aspiration and

vision are difficult to describe in detail and therefore kept

in a conceptual form, with decreasing level of details the

further out in time.

Finally, I can break my goal into incremental small steps,

bites, always describing small incremental changes of my Core

‘Me’. I will gradually identify how my life will allow me to

grow this Core ‘Me’. Those incremental steps I can describe in

more granularity.

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 My Destination

Over time, from today to my vision, I will gain an increasing

satisfaction from my Core ‘Me,’ making my heart beat. With

this exercise I am building the foundation for my drive and

for the meaning of my doing.

The exercise of shaping Vision, Aspiration, Goal and

Increments, will come with introspection. I look to my avatar

and I plan its evolution along that sequence, translating

changes into stories that will allow me to learn, aligned to

what matters to me. This is where I give meaning to what I do.

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 My Destination

So far, my live was about projects, tasks, big ticket items

that were often not really meaningful to me, as connected to

the system more than to myself, matching expectations. The

choice of my profession has influenced my entire life, as if

once set, I had to stick to it.

Often projects are difficult to manage as spanning long

periods and demanding discipline while not entirely procuring

the meaning I need. Less control means fear, instability,

stress, which leads to disease. By focusing my energy on what

I can control and feel, my emotions, stories, the conscious

learning experience, I make it more concrete and thereby

relevant.

The Japanese concept of ‘IKIGAI’ reminds me that I need to

find the activity making me happy. As long as what I do is

meaningful for me, purpose driven, it procures me the energy

for my efforts.

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 My Destination

I focus on the stories, capturing them and making it clear to

me how each story contributes to the evolution of my Core

‘Me’. This is an ongoing process, not limited to the planning

session. Whenever I identify the need for learning, I will

design the story and relate it to Vision, Aspiration, Goal and

Increments, describing it with creativity and adding it to my

book of stories. The Book of stories is the collection of all

my stories to come, the wealth of value I am going to create

for myself. Over time I will become better in writing those,

having the experience. The story reminds me of my reason.

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 My Destination

Switching away from projects reduces complexity. Looking for

the learning experience makes me aware for what I am looking

for. The next job may be the scene necessary for the next

learning environment, offering the opportunity to acquire

specific skills. It will have a purpose with lasting value.

Focus on learning changes my view on career choices. I am

better prepared to learn other capabilities and change my

profession, knowing that I need to align what I do with my

purpose.

I am taking control of my life and I can gradually reduce the

time horizon of my commitments, allowing me to evolve freely

while achieving meaningful milestones. I am defining myself

through my Core ‘Me’ and my purpose, not the job or my

belongings.

I am the CEO of my personal undertaking, leading my experience

with purpose.

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 My Destination

My life is about the evolution of my Core ‘Me,’ geared to my

purpose. I identify my weaknesses and turn them into strength

by actively exposing me to challenging situations offering the

learning experience I seek. To move fast, rather than trying

to perform alone, I fill any gaps via my relationships, that I

learn to use actively. As a result, I strengthen my ability to

achieve, while becoming resilient, allowing me to seize any

opportunity in my life.

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My journey
An agile methodology offers the process to put my stories into

reality. It is meant to serve me as a guide, to get me

started, while I will develop my own routine over time.

My Core ‘Me’ is always the starting point for every new

production sequence, taking me to the next Increment, on the

way to my Goal.

To begin with, I identify the changes I have planned to

achieve with the Increment. How will my Core ‘Me’ look

different, and I remind myself why that matters to me. Then I

identify in my book of stories those related to this

increment, ensuring they are at the top of the book, ready to

move and understood. I may realize that there are not

sufficient stories, or they do not fully allow me to reach the

Increment. Then I add the stories that will serve my needs.

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The realization of stories occurs in ‘Iterations.’ I need to

live my stories with my emotions while staying engaged in the

process. Therefore, an iteration is limited to between 4 and 8

weeks, allowing me to see the progress and keep control of my

actions. Again, with experience I will adapt the duration to

what works best for me. Every iteration needs my full

attention, and unfinished work creates chaos and fear. This

reduces the number of stories I should take into an iteration,

meaning I may need more than one iteration to reach the

increment, my next version of me. Having a shorter time

horizon allows me to be aware of my progress and adapt to any

changes throughout the process. For each iteration I will

choose the stories I am able to handle from the book of

stories, forming the ‘Iteration List’ of stories, representing

the learning experiences I am going to live next on my way to

the Increment.

However, there are stories which will need a longer time

horizon, like a job, a training, or studies. Those stories

will continue in parallel, staying on my radar and reducing my

capacity for additional stories in iterations. I include those

in my review in each iteration, keeping them close to me and

staying aware of my achievements.

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Every iteration starts with the planning. I build my iteration

list, review those stories, and clarify for me what I am to

learn, why and how it has influence on me. The learner must

actively seek the knowledge, knowing the gap. Now I identify

my needs to enable me to realize those stories. Do I have all

capabilities or should I either add through learning or

complement from my relationships? Do I need support in any

form and where do I find it? Do I have the funding I need? How

am I going to find the situation I am looking for? I work out

my specific plan for these stories, with steps and milestone

achievements that allow me to see progress and clear

timelines. I measure achievement only by realizing the

effective learning.

I am now getting closer to my GPS. Already I become clearer of

setting the direction, knowing my Vision, Aspiration, Goal,

and the Increments. The plan for the next iteration gives me a

path and a time to the first destination on my journey. With

that, I begin to take control. I feel empowered, as it is all

serving myself and it is the result of my imagination and

effort.

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Then I begin to execute the story. Every week I take time to

review progress, identifying obstacles and comparing with my

plan. Progress is when I have learned something new. It is not

related to executing the story. There is always the

possibility that things do not go as planned. When I realize

that I cannot learn what I was looking for, I need to decide

if I can still get to my goal by making tweaks, or if it is

better to abandon that story. Failure is not any issue. It

allows me to learn. I review what has hindered me, what went

wrong and how could I perform better next time. Then I rewrite

the story the way it could work, and I put it back into the

book of stories. If I continue, then with a change in my

actions and only if I still believe in the feasibility. I am

free to allow more time for the story, keeping it running

beyond the current iteration. There is learning in this

process too, as I can inform my planning going forward and I

will become better in writing my stories and in the planning.

Becoming aware of the learning, it still contributes to my

Core ‘Me’.

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If I am getting supported in my iteration, I need to include

my partners in the review process, keeping them as engaged as

myself and attached to the achievement. This is where I need

to be the leader. I should know what they are looking for when

helping me. Knowing their incentives helps me to align the

shared target. Sometimes thanking them for their contribution

while making them feel the value it has for you, is the best

reward. I honour my commitment to them.

In the middle of the iteration, after 2 to 4 weeks, I perform

a deeper ‘check-in’. I review the progress versus plan and

identify where I need to focus more. My goal is to achieve the

specific learning from those stories. I therefore review the

stories and evaluate consciously how what I am living

contributes to that. It needs my active reflection for me to

learn. Therefore, this is the moment to reflect on the

experience so far and to get a feeling for the lesson. Then I

switch focus. I choose the stories for the next iteration to

become aware of those and prepare my thoughts. It helps to be

prepared when starting the next iteration, and to include

learning from the current iteration into the process.

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At the end of the iteration, I need to decide if I have

achieved the goal of the stories in execution, looking to the

criteria for achievement that I have noted down when writing

the story. If I can confirm, I can close the story, if not, I

need to evaluate if I continue to work on the story and make

it part of the next iteration, or if there is reason to

abandon. Then I review the entire experience of that iteration

to identify learning for the improvement of my methodology. I

will learn how I can improve throughout the process to become

more efficient over time. This is the feedback loop the

machine learning uses to keep improving.

Time to reward myself. What went well and what have I

accomplished. I may want to celebrate the moment with friends

and certainly with those who have helped me. I need to make

myself proud of the effort I am investing in myself. This

contributes to my self-esteem. It also increases my trust in

my ability to perform, making me strong in situations of

disturbance, increasing my resilience.

Now I can move to the next iteration, repeating the same

cycle, until I have executed all stories, I had planned to

execute for this production cycle.

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Production sequence. Realizing my stories to evolve to my next version.

At the end of the cycle, I review the Increment and verify if

I can confirm the achievement of the aspired changes. Once

confirmed, I make the Increment my new Core ‘Me,’ before

initiating a new production cycle.

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Every next level of my life will need an upgraded version of

‘Me.’ Here I come. This process allows me to consciously make

learning the purpose of my life. I now have the possibility to

become just anything, follow any opportunity, able to

accommodate changing needs and expectations. Nature has

oriented our senses forward. We are meant to move and explore

what is in front of us. We are future oriented, not attached

to what lies behind us. However, the runner will teach me,

that it is the focus on the moment, the listening to the

breath, the heartbeat, and the constant control of the

movement, counting most. To stay tuned, the mind is not

thinking of the long distance ahead and visualizing the goal,

but focus is on the next corner, that tree on the horizon, the

next kilometre. This is what pulls the runner and the reward

of having reached those intermediate steps is what allows the

runner to perform over the entire distance. I need to train my

mind accordingly. It is all about keeping faith in my

capabilities and strength, knowing I can count on my body and

my ‘Me.’

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 Production

At least once a year I validate my Vision, Aspiration, Goal,

and Increments. Things will change around me and with

experience comes a different mind. The GPS needs to get the

information about changes, obstacles, and roadblocks. It is

important to adjust the direction accordingly. This allows me

to ensure the alignment with my evolution, keeping the

increments meaningful and relevant.

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During the production cycle, a ‘Kanban board’ gives me the

overview of the status of stories in their level of execution.

From my iteration list stories move into ‘Work-in-progress,’

those at the end of an iteration are validated if they have

achieved the closing criteria and finally there are the

stories completed.

I can only manage so much at the time. Knowing how much time I

need to validate, I can carefully manage the number of stories

I start with, allowing to finish those in progress with

priority and complete the validation. This visualization is

helpful when there are stories with longer timelines, taking

place and resource within every iteration. The board clarifies

their presence and allows me to identify capacity for

additional stories, or not. It is a tool I may want to use in

any form.

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In control
If I want to learn, I need to leave my comfort zone, as I must

face the unknown. This means I will have to take some risks.

Intelligent risk-taking means that I am aware of the nature of

risk, its probability to occur and the impact it can have on

me. I need to evaluate if the benefit is greater than the

risk, and if there is a way to mitigate the risk, either by

reducing its probability or limiting its impact. Every

opportunity comes with at least one risk. That is life. I can

learn to live with that by developing my ability to identify,

understand, and deal with risk. Courage is not the absence of

fear. It is when I know the risk and still decide to go ahead.

However, it is stupid, to go ahead without managing the risk.

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Risks deserve my attention. I need to keep an overview of the

risks of which I am aware. My stories will bring risks. There

are general risks affecting me, outside my stories. There are

risks from a legal perspective, where I may need to ensure my

compliance, and there is risk from events, life, nature, my

relationships, and so many more. Every month I need to review

my list of risks I have identified, my strategies and

progress, and update it, carefully monitoring the situation.

This allows me to stay vigilant, still engage and keep my

energy focused on my stories. At the beginning of each

production cycle, I check for potential risks from my stories.

In the iteration planning I will remind myself of those risks,

deciding on my mitigation strategy. I will keep an eye on

these risks and review regularly during the iteration and at

its end.

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Some risks I can delegate, cover with an insurance, or

identify someone able to manage the risk. Others are good to

know, however not allowing me to do anything about it. I can

decide to accept those and keep an eye on them. It could be

changes in the environment either naturally, politically, or

socially, not in my control and not possible to cover in any

way. Important to be aware of the potential impact. There are

risks I can plan to mitigate.

Starting from my Core ‘Me,’ I engage in the production cycle

to grow. This represents the space of opportunity for growth

for my Core ‘Me.’ The Core is what I have acquired and

secured. This is what I cannot lose. However, during the

production cycle, in every iteration, I expose new parts of my

‘Me,’ those in development, to risk. I do that knowing of the

risk, consciously. There is no growth if I do not take risks.

However, I do not risk my Core. This ensures that whatever

happens, I can return to my Core ‘Me’ as the fallback

position.

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I may risk my fortune, however never to the extend it would

hamper my ability to care for my basic needs. I remind myself

that the Core ‘Me’ is about my foundation. That is what I must

never put at risk in any way, and I need to protect.

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 Production

‘Shit happens. Always.’ Risks alert me, and I know it.

Disruption can occur from any side. That is what I wanted to

be prepared for when identifying my methodology, to become

resilient. Managing risks makes me aware and gives me the

possibility to mitigate as much as possible, but not to

exclude events from happening.

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 Production

When disruption occurs, I pull back into my last position, the

acquired ‘Me.’ Here I find refuge. I can stay calm as I know

that I find all to support me. I may not yet have achieved the

level of ‘Me’ needed to fully capture my basic needs, no

matter what. Still, I have my capabilities, hopefully my

health and my relationships that should support me. The better

prepared my Core ‘Me’ is and the more I am aware of what it

contains, the more I will stay composed in challenging

situations.

Whatever happens around me, it will not change my Core ‘Me’

and it cannot hamper the value I perceive of myself. When

someone decides to separate from me, dismiss me from my job, I

am still the same person I was the tiny moment right before

that news. I must define me by my Core ‘Me,’ nothing else.

That is who I am, and I know my Why.

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 Production

In such a moment, I take time to quickly verify my Core ‘Me.’

An emergency check. If I have an injury, I need to seek care.

Once I have stabilized, I analyse the situation, reviewing my

Vision, Aspiration, Goal, and Increments, potentially having

to shape those depending on the situation. Some disruptions

may lead to a profound transformation of the surrounding

conditions for good. It may not be possible to look further

than a few months and the future may look very uncertain. In

that case I seek to imagine different scenarios of the likely

future. Talking to my trusted relationships I can identify the

version I believe most in. That version becomes my guide, and

I will build my Vision on it. From there I can plan my next

move and return into the next production cycle.

My life depends on my choices only. I can choose my responses

and I can choose my actions. I control only myself. Having

identified for myself the key components making me strong and

securing me, allows me to make my evolution the purpose of my

life. I am prepared to learn. There is so much I will

experience and there is always a way for me to find what I am

striving for. If I do not ask for it, I will not get it.

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Resilience really is about smart adaptation to disruption,

always keeping myself and my needs in focus, building on my

known ‘Me.’

The dandelion adapts to the environment. It pushes its roots

through hostile ground, into the soil, searching for

nutriments and water. It grows in unexpected territories,

always keen to fulfil its purpose. I will flower and produce

the seeds for the next generation, no matter where and under

what conditions. It adapts, folds its leaves when there is too

little water and even pulls back into its roots, waiting for

better times. It does not give up. Only if I pull out the

entire root and plant, will I be able to displace it.

If I am in control of myself, I can support others and become

their guiding light in the dark. Therefore, my initial focus

must be on securing myself. The more I discover myself, the

more I will care for me. This creates self-love which is the

energy for profound change within me and around me. My love

will make me see the world with different eyes and knowing who

I am, the world will perceive me differently.

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Final words
Anything I can imagine; I can bring into reality. Thoughts

travel in the future. I create in the future, but with my

current talent and thinking. I must learn to let my mind go

without the boundaries of the present. This is not easy as I

am not aware of all my boundaries. To inspire me and teach my

thinking, I should put myself into challenging and new

situations, with people who think differently. I can use

stories to create the experience. I can also visit an art

show, meet with artists, talk to strangers in a bar or

restaurant. With an open mind and ready to learn, actively

seeking to recognize differences.

Like a child, I should break free from learned concepts. My

creativity is stimulated when I use it throughout the day. I

can identify my own fashion style, start a creative hobby,

participate in creative sessions.

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 Final words

The future is likely to be influenced by technology. Digital

technology is developing fast. I know that every big

technology will eventually impact the way I live. That means I

should be interested in learning about innovative technology.

I can be curious and explore new offerings at an early stage.

Knowing what they offer, allows me to better imagine the

future. My vision and aspiration will benefit from a more

precise imagination. The same applies to any innovation.

Change is a given and I can only benefit from understanding

the trends.

It is not easy to make a complete turnaround in life. However,

it is possible. It all depends on my motivation. Provided I

invest the effort to understand where I want to be and why,

making it so attractive that my vision really makes my heart

beat, I will find my way. It helps to find like-minded people

who have embarked on a similar path, working on themselves,

and making changes. I need to find my way of how to stay

tuned. I will see the benefits over time, I only need to get

through the initial change.

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 It is my life

I am worth the effort. I only have one life, but there are endless opportunities to
begin a different life while here.
The moment I sit down to think about myself, this is the beginning of a love
story. Self love is the foundation for a meaningful life.

To build a habit, it takes 3 months of consistent execution. It is not easy to make

a profound change, implementing just all what I have learned here at once.
Ideally I do not embark alone on this journey.

The author is available to coach and mentor through this process. Over time a
community of like-minded people will build, bringing together their learning
from  their journey to support others.

Everyone is unique. We can learn from each other and we will complement
each other.

Let us shape a different world together.