The Kid from Hell

Setting:

Stage split between kitchen/living room and a kid's bedroom

Characters:

Mrs. Green: Wife of Mr. Green, Mother to Calvin, early 30’s

Mr. Green: Husband of Mrs. Green, Father to Calvin, mid-30's

Louise: Babysitter, high school-aged

Calvin: age 8

Mrs. Green: You have my number, feel free to text us if you need absolutely anything! We

should be back around 9 or 10.

Louise: Thank you again Mrs. Green but, I’m sure we’ll be just fine. Right Calvin?

Calvin: Yeah, don’t worry mom! I’ll be good for Miss Louise.

Mrs. Green: Ok, ok. It’s just with the last couple of babysitters...

Calvin: Mom, I’m 8 now. I’ve grown up a lot.

Mrs. Green: We’ll see now won’t me. Louise, everything I could think of is written down on the

paper on the front table. Again, if you need me-

Mr. Green: She’ll let you know. Come on darling, we have reservations.

Mrs. Green: Yes, yes. You know me, I just worry so much about Calvin.

Louise: I promise I’ll take good care of him. He’s in good hands.
Mr. Green: See? It’s settled. Let’s go.

Mrs. Green: Ok... bye Calvin! I love you, sweetheart!

(Mr. and Mrs. Green exit the stage)

Louise: Ok Mr. Calvin, what do you wanna do first?

Calvin: I wanna play Fortnite! And you leave me alone!

Louise: Ok, how about this? I leave you to play Fortnite for 30 minutes while I get your dinner

ready. Sound good?

Calvin: Ok! Bye!

(Calvin exits the living room and enters his room while Louise turns towards the kitchen)

Louise: (picking up the sheet of paper) What’s on the menu for tonight? Dinosaur chicken

nuggets? I can do that.

Calvin: (giggling to himself) She has no idea what’s coming to her.

Louise: Oven is done preheating, time to put the nuggets in the

Calvin: (running back into the living room) Hey Louise, watch this!

Louise: No Calvin! Put that nerf gun away!!

Calvin: Oops...

Louise: Calvin! You know you can’t shoot that in here! Look you hit the smoke alarm! I'm

gonna have to fix that before your parents come home!!

Calvin: But nerf guns are fun... See?

Louise: Not the lamp! Calvin!!

Calvin: Did I do that? Oops.

Louise: (grabbing the nerf gun from Calvin) Now that’s not something I can fix... WHat am I

gonna tell your mom?

Calvin: I don’t know... maybe that your party got too out of control and someone else knocked

the lamp over.

Louise: Calvin, no. I am not lying to your parents!

Calvin: Who are they gonna believe? You? A stranger? Or me? Their child!

Louise: They are not going to believe I threw a party in their house after they left. They know me

better than that.

Calvin: Fine. I want my dinner now.

Louise: I just put it in the oven, it’ll be another 10 minutes or so.

Calvin: No, I want it NOW!

Louise: Calvin, I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that.

Calvin: You’re awful. I hate you!

Louise: Calvin, I’m doing the best I can do here. I can’t take the nuggets out until their ready.

Calvin: You’re the worst babysitter ever. The last one at least let me shoot the nerf gun whenever

and wherever I wanted.

Louise: Well, I’m not your previous babysitter, I’m your current babysitter so anything I say

goes. Now go wash your hands young man. I’ll come get you when the nuggets are done.

(Calvin storms off stage while Louise turns to clean up the mess)

Louise: I’ll just find the broom to sweep up the lamp mess then try to reattach the smoke alarm.

Shouldn’t be too hard. (grabbing the nearest broom and sweeping) Who does that little shit think

he is? Coming in here causing a mess with the intention to blame me... Ugh, I see why Mrs.

Green was so worried now. I bet he’s like this all the time. Well, I can’t let him get to me, we’ve

got only an hour left till I’m supposed to put him to bed and then the parents will be home an

hour after. Nothing I can’t handle. Just finish cleaning this mess then the smoke alarm. Actually,

what’s that smell?

Calvin: (returning to the stage) Why does it smell like somethings burning?

Louise: THE NUGGETS!!

(Louise runs towards the kitchen to see smoke everywhere)

Louise: No, no, no, NO! How could I let this happen??

(Louise grabs an oven mitt and takes the burnt nuggets out of the oven)

Calvin: Was that my dinner??? How could you??? YOU SUCK!

Louise: Well if I wasn’t stuck cleaning up YOUR mess, I would’ve been able to watch them

closer! I’ll make something else, what do you want?

Calvin: I want my nuggets! You shouldn’t have ruined them!! You’re a sucky babysitter!

(Mr. and Mrs. Green return to the stage)

Mrs. Green: Hey, we’re ba- WHAT IS GOING ON?

Louise: Mrs. Green… you’re back already?

Mrs. Green: Restaurant lost our reservation and we couldn’t get in so we decided to come back

early. What happened to the lamp? And why is the smoke alarm on the floor? And why is there

smoke coming from the oven??

Calvin: Mommy! I’m so glad you’re back, Miss Louise is awful! She broke your lamp and burnt

my nuggets.

Louise: I promise that’s not-

Mrs. Green: Calvin… why is your nerf gun on the counter? And bullets on still on the floor? You

know you can’t have that out in the house! That’s what happened wasn’t it? You did something I

specifically told you not to and now little Miss Louise is in shambles trying to take care of

everything.

Calvin: No mom listen-

Mrs. Green: That’s it, room NOW!

(Calvin begrudgingly exits the stage as Mrs. Green turns to Louise)

Mrs. Green: Dear, I’m so sorry about him. We’ve gone through so many babysitters trying to

find one that can contain him but it's clearly my fault. I shouldn’t have left him here with you.

Here, take extra of what I owe you. And don’t worry we’ll take care of everything. Go home and

get some rest. Again, I’m sorry about everything.

Louise: No, I’m sorry. I should’ve been able to contain everything, there was just so much going

on that I couldn’t seem to keep my head on straight.

Mr. Green: Dear, don’t blame yourself. This happens all the time, you would think we’d have

learned by now but clearly not. We’ll take it from here. Head on home.

Louise: Thank you guys. I’m really sorry again.

(Louise exits the stage)

Mr. Green: CALVIN!

(Lights fade)