54 How to Become a Better Negotiator

What should you do if the rational approach doesn’t work and

the other side is dismissive of whatever is upsetting you? Some-
times a good old-fashioned temper tantrum on your part will focus
people’s attention on a problem. This works best if you have a rep-
utation for being a rational, cool customer. Do it only to get peo-
ple’s attention on a problem; be selective about using this drastic
measure (if you overuse it, you’ll just be seen as a hothead). Even
then don’t make it personal. Direct your anger at the situation, not
at the other person.

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Consider the following situation. You must straighten out a

problem with somebody from the other negotiating team, and
you’re sure that dealing with that person will make you angry. And
your anger will make matters worse. What should you do?

Hint: Let the person know you’re angry. Be specific about de-
scribing what you think is wrong. Stick to talking about actions
and behaviors, not about attitudes or motivations. Listen. Look for
solutions to the problem so that everybody wins. You can influence
and persuade others by not yelling and by remaining in control.

噛5: Appeal to a Powerful Third Party

Sometimes a gentle approach to a problem won’t work. The other
person may not want to compromise; he may not be interested in
finding a win-win solution to the conflict. He may want to use
power to solve the conflict. In that case, you may have to do the
same—by appealing to a more powerful third party. Use this tactic
only when winning is very important, because it will certainly cre-
ate ill will. Here are two examples of appealing to a third party:

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