50 How to Become a Better Negotiator

2. Identify the specific and negative tangible effects of the behav-

ior. Don’t attack the person—that will only put him or her on
the defensive. Instead, attack the problem. For example, don’t
say, ‘‘Your frequent tardiness tells me that you don’t think our
meetings are important.’’ Instead say, ‘‘Your coming late makes
it impossible for the other people on this panel to get their
work done.’’
3. Don’t lecture. Nothing turns people off more than being talked
down to, lecture style.
4. Listen to the other person’s response; don’t be tempted to in-
terrupt.
5. Describe your future expectations in specific terms.
6. Gain commitment or agreement from the other person. Either
you can ask him if he agrees, or you can say, ‘‘This seems like a
reasonable request, doesn’t it?’’ While you’re saying this, look
the other person in the eye, and look for agreement.

Most people want to be reasonable. Getting the other side to

agree that you are being reasonable can be a powerful tool in re-
solving conflict—with either a problem employee or a difficult ne-
gotiating counterpart. It can move the other side to show
reasonableness as well, and that may mean a bigger concession to
you in the future.

Most people want to be reasonable.

With that advice in mind, how would you tackle the following
situation:

Your team is negotiating to buy a large allotment of jet fuel.

Jerry, one of the sellers, has raised and lowered the price of
the fuel several times without explanation. How can you handle
this situation using the assertive confrontation model?

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