mb m ry of t he t heological 5 0m im ry

P R IN C E T O N NE W 'E R S E Y

P R E S E NT E D B Y

Ru f us H . L e F e vr e

B W EW ‘ ’
 PRE FAC E .

TH E SE d el i ve r ed a t the re q u es t of the
l ec tu r es ,
F a c u l t y of U ni o n B i b l i c a l S em ina ry D ay t o n O hi o , , ,

befo r e its s tu de nts we r e prepa r ed w it h no th o u gh t

,

of t he ir be i n g prese n ted t o t h e p u bl ic B ut a ft e r .

t hey ha d b e e n del i ve r ed a r eq u es t c am e fr o m t he
,

S em i n ar y t ha t t he ir c o nt e nt s m i ght b e p ut int o
perma n e nt fo r m a n d g i v e n a l a rger h ea ri n g .

A ft e r t he lapse of some mo n ths ti me ha s be en ,

fo un d t o add a c hap t e r a ddres s ed espe ci ally t o

pa rent s t he t h ree le c tu res w it h sl i gh t exce p ti o ns
, , ,

be in g l e ft as o ri g inally del i ve r ed .

T h e ma n y i mperfe cti o n s of t he s e add r e sses p re ,

pa r ed in t he m i ds t of th e ev er p r ess in g d uti e s of a -

large pasto r al c ha rge a r e not un k n ow n t o the

,

aut ho r ; b ut it i s hoped t ha t eve n so i mpe r fe c t a

c o n tri b uti o n t o th e d i s c u ss ion of the i mpo r ta nt
s ubj e c t t rea t ed w i ll awa k en increase d int e rest a n d
acc ompl i sh good .

T h e re have be en a dd e d al so s ome extrac ts fro m , ,

art i c les w ritt e n d urin g r e cent yea r s by my fa ther ,

Re v I L B ookw a l t e r un de r th e tit le
. . .
,
“
T he F a mi ly ,
'
S c hool an d p u bl i s h ed from ti me t o ti me i n th e
,

Reli g i ou s Telescop e T hese t ogethe r make w h at I

.

c o n s i de r a va l uable app en d ix t o th e book .

L B O O 'WA L TE
. R .

DA YT O N , O HIO , A u g us t , 1894 .
 C O NTE NTS .

P R E F A CE

I NT RO D U C T O N
I

CH AP TE R I .

F I R ST L E CTUR E — TH E F A M I LY AS A N I N S T IT UT I O N .

Introd u c to r y —I m p orta n c e O f th e S ubj e c t —Th e Per

so n s A ddr e s s e d —I n tere s t i n t h e S u bj e c t N ee d e d

D ut y o f M i ni s ters —O ri g i n O f t h e Fa m i l y — D ivers e
V ie ws C hri s tia n ie
V w — M arri a g e — I t s B a i
s s —Typ e s
o f Fa m i ly L i f e — G ree k s Rom a n s H e b re w s —C h ri st s
, ,
’

Te ac h i ng — C e l i b ac y — Th e F a m i ly t h e Fou n d ati o n O f
t h e S o c ial O rd er —P eri l s T h re a te n i n g th e H o m e
T eachi ngs of Pl at o a n d O t h ers — E ra ti c M o ve m e n t sr

D ivo rc e a n d Its E vi l s —M i n i s ter s t h e G o d A ppom ted -

G uard ian s o f th e Fam i ly

CH APTE R II .

S E CO N D L E CT U R E — T H E H U S B A N D A ND WIF E A ND TH E IR
RE LA T I O N S .

Typ e F a i ly to b e C
of m o ns —
i dere d D el i cac y
o f I nter
—
fere nce by t h e M i n i ster Th e M i n i s ter s Infl ue n ce ’

Th e H u s b a n d a nd W i f e — M arri a g e a U n i o n f o r L i f e
T e nd e n c y to L oos e n e s s o f t h e M a rri a ge Re l ati on
S ec u lariz atio n o f M arri ag e —Th e Re l i gi o u s C ha racter
o f M r iag e
a r — Th e C h o i c e o f a C o m p a n i o n M i 'ed
M arri a ge s P rotes ta nts and C a thol i cs — C hri s ti a ns
' ~

a n d h
t e U n re g e n era te — S c ri p ture E 'a m pl e s a n d
111
 C ON T EN TS

—
P AG I

T e hi g
ac F a m i l ie s
n s ith I rre l i gi o us M e m b ers
w
W i s e a n d U n w i s e M arri a g e O f M i n i s ters — E qu a l ity
o f H u s b an d a n d W i f e — T h e H u s b a n d t h e N o m i n a l

H ea d o f t h e Fa m i ly —H u s ban d a nd W i f e S h o u ld
S h a re D uti es Sac ri fi c e s Re s p o ns ib i l ities a n d C o u ns els
, , ,

— Pa re n t ag e — S i ns A ga i ns t Pa re n tag e — N e c es s ity O f
t e P re s erv ti o
h a n O f t e F
h a m i l y
— Th e F am i ly t h e
S o u r c e o f t e C hurc
h h — Th e P rote c tio n o f L a w
Th e L a w o f G o d to b e Ob s erve d

CH AP TE R I I I .

TH I R D L E CT U RE —T H E RE LA T I O N B ETWEE N P A REN TS A ND
C HI L D REN
.

h
T e C hi ld M a k e s t h e M a n — Th e I n fl ue nc e o f t h e H o m e
n h h —
u p o t e C i ld I n c reas e d A tte n tio n No w G ive n to
C h i ld re n L iterature O f t h e S u bj e c t —Th e M i n i s ter s
— ’

D ut y a n d P rivi l ege D ut y a nd Res p on s i b i l ity O f Par

e n ts —Rights O f th e C h i ld — D uties o f t h e C h i ld
Fa l s e T e achi n g as to C h i ld T ra i n i n g — G overnm e nt O f
-

th e C h i ld N e c e ss a r y — S c ri p ture T e a c hi n g — C hri s ti a n
—
N urture a Re l i g i o u s D uty Pre p a rati o n O f th e M i n i s
ter to G ive I ns tru c ti o n u p o n th e S ubj e c t — A F e w
B o o k s M e n ti o n e d —B o o k s S h o u ld b e Pl a c e d i n t h e
H a n d s o f Paren t s M i n i s ters S h o u ld b e E ' a m pl e s i n
G oo d H o e G ver e t Th e Pl a n o f G o d —N ota
m o n m n —
bl e E 'a m pl es O f t h e T ra i n i n g o f P i o u s Pa ren ts
R e l i g i o u s H o m e s t h e S o urc e O f Po w er a n d t h e
,

Stre ngt h a n d H o p e o f th e C h urc h

C H A PT E R IV .

W O R D S TO P A REN TS .

pe c ifi c I nstru ctio ns n o t N ee d e d a s M u c h a s a D ee p
S e nse o f D ut y —M a terial C o m fo r t n o t S u ffi c ie nt
A tte nti o n t o C hara cter N e c e ss a r y —O rd er E ss e ntial
T rue M eth o d o f G o vern m e n t — R u l i ng by A utho r ity
F u ndam e nta l —H O W t o Mai ntai n A uth o rit y — P un
 C O N T EN T S V
P A GI

i s h m e nt O f C h i ldren —Rea s o n an d A ff e c tion n ot to

b e D i s card e d — L ove t h e L i fe a nd S o u l o f th e Fam i ly
— S y m path y w it h t h e Chi ld re n —O ver Govern i ng t o
.

b e A voi d e d Pro p er Free d om o f t h e C hi l d — C u l tiva

—
ti on o f S e l f C o ntro l a n d D eve l op m e nt o f S e lf D e p end
- -

e nc e — Ri ght o f t h e Chi ld to th e G oo d E 'a m pl e of th e

Pare n t s — A g r ee m e n t a nd C o op erati on o f Fa th er a nd
M o th er — G e n ui n e P iety E s s e ntial to Re l i g i o us T rai n
i ng — Th e H om e A tm osp here — “
Th e Pare nts As so ci
’

ati on O f Am eri ca

A PPE N D I ' .

TH E F A M I LY S CH O O L .

B y Rev I . . L . B ookwa lter .

A NE W M O V E M EN T N EE D E D
FA L S E M E T H O D S O F S E CU R I N G O B ED I EN CE
TH E D U T Y O F M I N I ST ER S
S E L F DEN I A L
-

L I TT L E T H I N G S
A G O O D M O T H ER
 INTRO DUC TIO N .

GOD h as o rda in ed t hr ee institutions fo r t h e wel

—
far e o f ma n k in d the fam i ly t he c h u r c h t h e , ,

stat e T he mos t i mporta n t a n d r e s po n s i ble is t h e

.

fam i ly be c a u se it fu r n i shes t he fo u n dat i o n o n

,

wh i ch the o t he rs m u s t b ui ld t h e s u bj e c ts w ith
,

whom t hey m u s t do t he ir work ; t he more r es po n

si bl e in t h at it doe s it s par t firs t a n d fa i l ur e her e,

can b e remed ie d o n ly in part ; t he mo r e res po nsi bl e

be cau se wh i le t he s tat e look s t o ci v i l r i ght s a n d
,

t he c h urc h t o sp i r itual c u l tur e the fa m i ly the , ,

firs t o rda i n ed ha s t he c a r e O f t h e p h ys i c al t he m en
, ,

tal an d the moral I t has to do w it h be i n g as well

,
.

as w it h rel ati o n s It i s un de r h eavy bo n ds fo r th e

p ro p er stru c tur e eve n t o th e fu r n i sh in g an d be au
,

t i f y i n g O f eac h O f t h e t h r ee S tor i es of m a n s na t ure

’
,

an d of all O f t hem t oge t he r wh i le t h e c h u r c h

,

—
has the c o ntr a c t o n ly fo r o n e t h e S p i r i t u al a n d
, ,

on ly the fi ni sh i n g O f that as b eg un in the home ,

an d t h e s tat e merely s tan d s g uar d a s t h e wo r k is

be in g do n e by t he o t h ers .

T he fam i ly i s t h e mo r e i mpo rtant a n d r es po n

si ble be cau se it i s pos si ble for it t o m e e t a ll of its
O bl i g a t i o ns w it ho ut e ith e r of t h e o t h e rs It s wo r k .

w e ll do ne le a ves almo st n o thin g fo r t hem t o do I f .

s o res po n s i ble w h y so l itt le s a i d by p u bl i c t ea c h e rs

, ,

mi n ister s ed itor s stat e s me n aut hor s as to h ow t o

, , , ,

c o n s truct d i g n i fy a n d be auti fy the ho m e '

, ,

V II
viii I N TR O D U C TI ON
H ow Jes u s t he grea t t e ac he r t o u c hed a n d u p
, ,

l i fted t he hom e H e ha d l itt le t o say abo ut o t h er

.

a ge n c i es H e p uri fied th e s t ream i n t he fo u n t a i n

.
.

H e blessed t he pare n t s a n d t he c h i ldre n .

IS the r e a n y c onn e c ti o n be t wee n t he pall i d fa ce

an d e x ha u s t ed mo veme nt of t ha t mo t her be c a u s e ,

o f th e i n s u bo r d inati o n of h er boy a n d he r w i llfu l ,

d i s r esp ec t O f he r ow n fat he r a n d mo t her a ge n era

ti o n ago o r be t wee n t he gr i ef a n d d i sappo int me n t
,

O f t hat fa t her o ve r t he c areless n es s of h i s da u ghter ,

j u st bloom i n g i n to woma n hood a n d h i s o w n di s r e ,

ga rd O f mo ral bea ut y w he n s h e w as yo u n g a n d
i mp ressi ble ' T he fr uit i s b itt er n o t less be c a u se ,

it i s O f t h ei r ow n pla n t i n g a n d t hey h ave eate n O f

it fo r t we nt y a n d t h i r t y years U n eq u ally yoked .
,

G o d s o r de r s e t a t nau gh t t e l ls t he story
’
,

T h i s b oo k wi ll be a n in sp ir a ti o n to fa t hers ,

m oth er s a n d c h i ldre n t he ma rri ed a n d un marri ed

, , ,

be cau se G od s i deal of fam i ly l i fe i s held u p It

’
.

i s s u ggest i ve r a t her t h a n e x ha u s tiv e It i s plai n .

o n del i c ate po i n t s of th e s u bj e c t .

T he a uth o r by n at ur e a n d g r a c e by t h e h om e
, ,

fr om wh i c h he c ame by k n ow i n g how t o ru le wel l ,

hi s ow n ho u se by h is e x per i e n c e a n d s u cc ess as a
,

p ubl ic t ea c he r i s fi tt ed t o S peak o n th i s t oo m u c h
,

n egle c t ed s u bj e c t a n d deserves a large hea rin g

,
.

T he added w ord s by t he father of the a ut ho r ,

t h e promo t er of t hese le ctu res t o t he st u de n ts O f

t he S em in a ry a r e from a m a n O f prayer p i ety
, , ,

s ymm et ry an d ex p e r i e n c e
,
.

G A F UN 'HOUSE R . . .

UN O N B
I A S MN
IB L IC L E I A R Y,

D A N O O A g t 1894
YT O , HI , u us , .
 THE FAMILY,

THE HO M E AND T HE T RAINING OF C HILD RE N .

C H AP T E R I
F I R ST LE C T UR E — TH E F A M I L Y AS I N S TIT U TI ON .

G entle/hen o f the Sem i na r y

P E RH AP S in no more intelligib l e and appropriate

w a y could b oth the subj ect and speaker be intro
du ced than b y the reading of the following letter
recently received b y me from the P resident o f
your F aculty
D A Y TO N O HI O N ove m b er 21 18 9 2
, , , .

_M Y D E A R B RO T H ER : I t h as b ee n a l o ng cherishe d d e s ire
-

o f y o ur fath er t o h ave so m e l e c ture s d e l ivere d to th e s t u

d e nt s i n th e S e m i nary u p on The Re sp onsib i l ities O f t h e

“

H om e '
or D ut y o f Parents to Their Chi ldre n F or
“
.
'

th is i f g iven d ue atte ntion a n d k e p t u p fr om y ear to y e ar

, ,

h e d esire s to g ive so m e m o n e y . I thi n k B rother M i ll er h as

g ive n h i m th e d esire d as s uranc e And n o w th e Fac u l ty
.

d e s ire that y ou shou ld fi ll t h i s pl ac e fi rs t g i vi ng t w o o r

,

three p re p are d l e ctures u p on s u ch p hases O f t h e ab ove

nam e d s u b j e c t as wou ld b e m o s t pl eas i n g to y our father

a n d m o s t b e n efi c ial to t h e s tu d e nt s .

A n early acc e p tanc e a n d c o m pl ianc e wi ll pl eas e y our

fell ow work ers a n d
-
,

Y o urs tru ly ,

G . A F U N 'H O U S ER
. .
10 T HE F A M I LY

NO thoug htful person will question the impor

t ance this subj ect It is important because
of .

practical ; practical because it bears directly upon

the formation o f moral and religious character .

But all this will appear it is hoped as we proceed

, ,

with the discussion .

I t is quite likely however that this question

, ,

—
Of the home O f family government and train
ing — is seen in clearer light and very probably ,

with more nearly a just conception of its real

import by those of advanced years and e x tended
,

Observation than by us whose personal knowledge

is more limited A t least we notice that elderly
.

men and women manifest the most concern r e

specting the proper conduct o f the home This .

fact is worthy o f ou r attention as justly calculated ,

to give to the matter additional weight A nd .

further gray haired fathers and mothers and

,
-

silver haired grandfathers and grandmothers have

-

passed through the more active and responsi b le

years of fami ly relations and duties and s ee both
—
their successes and failures the latter no doubt , ,

seeming to them to fill too large a part of their

life s picture They would gladly have something
’
.

said and done to enable those who come after

them to meet their duties with better equipment
and better success S o it might be supposed that
.
 THE F A MILY A S AN I N S TIT U T I ON 11

on e whose life covers so much o f o b servation and

experience respecting fami l y govern ment as does
that o f my father wou l d b e concerned for the
general improvement o f family life H e has no .
,

dou b t in common with others of like age seen

, ,

and noted many things which have created in

him this interest in the subj ect o f the proper and
successful training o f —
chi l dren notably per ,

haps the living demonstrations o f his own fail

,

ures .

Just here I think I should state that as th e

time approached that I must reply to the r e
quest s ent me I felt hesitancy in complying
, ,

because o f a want o f time to give to the subj ect

that thorough study and to my rem arks that,

careful preparation and finish which both the

‘

subj ect and my hearers should claim My min .

i s ter i a l and pastoral duties are such as to demand

well nigh all my time and energies M y c on cep
-
.

tion of the theme be fore us is such as to lead to

the feeling that its j ust treatment is no ordinary
task S ome men make short and easy their treat
.

ment o f the su bj ect under consideration as if by , ,

quoting a few passages of S cripture on the m u

tual duties of husb ands and wives and on the
training O f chi l dren and whirling a birch rod in
,

the air they were setting before an audience the

,
12 T HE F A M I LY

whole question S uch a conception of the s u b

.

j e c t i s far enough be l ow that entertained by at least

, ,

some of u s and it may b e hoped b y u s a ll

, , , .

I am remin d ed that these remarks are n o t to

be directed to a class o f hearers such as o n e is
accustomed to address when Speaking upon this
topic It were a common and comparative l y Si m
.

p l e task to discourse to a mixed congregation of

fathers and mothers respecting parental duties .

But I am speaking to but few such and O S ,

-

f
tensibly not o such direct l y
r — w ere even every
,

man b efore me a l ready a hus b and and father ;

though it is hoped that these discussions may prove
o f mu c h practica l value to each when in the ,

years to come h e sha l l have assumed the head

sh ip o f a home .

R ather it is the aim to reach parents i n

,

—
directly through those w ho a r e them s elves to
b e the i nstr u ctor s o f parents an d w h o are b y
,

direct speech and contact and persona l examp l e

, ,

to b e the molders and promoters o f true Chris

tian family life among the people S o he who .

here speaks upon the family is supposed to be

speaking to the gu a rdians and teachers of the
home — to b e an instru ctor O f instructors in home
government and traini n g .

But it will it i s hoped occur to no one that the

, ,
 T HE FAM I LY A S AN I N STI T U T I ON 13

ai m Sha ll b e to mere l y l ay do wn a sort of out l ine

o f rules to present a list o f practical suggestions
, ,

touching the subj ect N or does it occur to me

.

that this i s the chief thing first wante d either ,

here o r on the part O f a pastor with his peop l e .

To my mind the o ne great thing wanted every

,

—
where is i nter est real interest in the su bj ect The .

immediate aim should be to ca l l definite and i n

t el l ig en t and continuous attention to this thought ,

an d to thus awaken in it a deeper interest among

a l l classes .

It wil l genera ll y be conceded that this impor

tant and vital su bject of the family — with all that
that word means o f re l ations and duties between
,

hus b and and wife parents and chi l dren and of its
, ,

relations to and influence upon society at large

is receiving far too l itt l e attention E v en in the
.

most advanced Christian communities and in ,

professedly religious homes where family interests

,

are supposed to be most carefu l ly studied and

best directed there is need o f much improvement
, .

N ay it must b e said that the public teachers o f

,

morals and re l igion themselves the ministers of,

the gospel are giving to this great question far

,

less attention than its impor tance demands .

Wise and go d ly instructions by pastors either ,

fro m their pu l pits o r at the fi r es i des o f their peo

14 TH E F A MILY

ple are not very often given I t is very seldom

,
.

that a preacher awakens his congregation and the

community to serious thought upon this subj ect .

Why ' Why should ministers s o general ly fail to

give attention to the home life matters of their
-

people ' Certainly not because it is unnecessary ,

f o r the most widespread and grave evils o f ou r

time are largely to be attributed to the general
looseness in family life and traini ng I t may .

seriously be asked whether a gospel minister i s

true to his calling who does not interest and
inform himself and interest and inform his peop l e
, ,
.

upon the subj ect of true family life and give to ,

them such instruction as the heads of every

househ o ld will be interested and blessed in r e
cei vi ng .

Before entering upon the more practical phases

Of our subj ect let us stop a Short time to consider
,

that institution which is at the very foundation

of —
all the fami l y So “
The F ami l y as an
.
,

'
I nstitu tion wi l l be our topic this morning E ven .

a mere glance at its origin history relation to , ,

the social order relation to religion the dangers

, ,
.

that threaten it etc will be of interest and profit

,
.
,
.

We are aware that in the minds of many inde

pendent and advanced investigators certain ques
tions relating to the origin of the human rac e
 TH E F A M I LY A S AN I N ST IT UT I O N 15

are considered to b e unso l ved S uch are the .

questions o f the manner and the p l ace and the , ,

time of the race s beginning the origin of the

’
,

various languages etc Then passing on a littl e

,
.
,

farther the beginning of the family is placed

,

among these unsolved problems and as o n e of ,

the most interesting and important M r and M rs . . .

Thwing in their valuable work The F ami l y A n

, ,
“

'
H istorical and S ocial S tudy state the whole ques ,

tion briefly thus : Was the family the original unit

,
“

o f the social economy ; o r is it as a distinguished ,

ethnologist has remarked the product of a vast ,

‘

and varied experience ' Wa s the primal condi ’

tion of men and women communistic whence has ,

gradually arisen the modern family ; o r was that

condition one in which separate and distinct pairs
o f human beings o f opposite s e' were recognized '
, ,

S tudents of prehistoric times belong in general

to one o f the two classes suggested by these ques
tions They hold either that communism of th e
.

sex es was the archaic state or that some sort o f ,

family first existed I n support of each of thes e

views is evidence .

This statement of diverse views respecting thi s

point is not introduced because of any inclination
on the part of any of u s to look upon it as an
'
“
unsolved problem but to broaden ou r view of
,
16 TH E F A M I LY
this great question There is here too the .
, ,

solemn l y Signi fi cant an d practical suggestion I f ,

not the fami l y then what '

,

But it is a fact that the family is the first social

institution we find in historical investigations — no
history no facts only speculations carrying us
, , ,

back of this recogni zed human condition The .

fami l y is found in all candid historical researches

, ,

to exist as the original social type and unit .

While M oses does not need the support of the

ethno l ogists of the nineteenth century in co r r ob o
ration of his statements yet it is interesting to ,

know that such thinkers as H erbert S pencer S ir ,

H enry M aine and Charles D arwin are not sure

,

but that the family pure and simple may have , ,

existed from the very b eginning o f the human

race That primitive times were characterized
.

by much departure from this social rule is of ,

course also a well known historica l fact

,
-
.

In our Christian view the family is a divine ,

institution established as says C hrist at the “

, ,

b eginning In his reply to the P harisees Christ

.
,

’
said in interpretation and expansion of M oses
,

account of the creation and marriage o f the first

pair : H ave ye not read that he which m ade
“
, ,

them at the beginning made them male and

female and said F or this cause shall a m a n leave
, ,
 T HE FAM I L Y A S AN I N STIT U TI ON 17

father and mother and Shall cleave to his wife

,
:

and they twain S hall be one flesh ' Where fore

they are no more twain but one flesh What ,
.

there fore God hath j oined together let not man ,

p u t asunder Thus
. are marriage and the family
o f d ivine appointment and n ot the creation of ,

society o r civi l l aw They were instituted before

.

there was any society and as the basis o f ,

society The relation o f society and civil law to

.

marriage and the family is that of recognition

an d proper regu l ation and this re l ation is b y no
,

means unimportant Thus whi l e the family is

.
,

in an important sense a human institution it is ,

not an institution o f h uman origination or as , ,

M organ says the product of a vast and varied

“
,

experience .

The family has its basis in marriage without

it the family cannot exist “
F o r this cause Sha l l .

a man leave father and mother and shall c l eave ,

'
to his wife : and they twain S hall be o ne fl esh .

M arriage i s esta b lished upon two foundations — th e

natura l b asis in s e' and the spiritual basis in
,

aff ection The spiritual basis is the exclusive

.

aff ection o f two persons of opposite s e' fo r each

other and is s upreme and comp l ete
,
“
It is an .

a ff ection of soul for soul of mind for mind of , ,

body f o r body Thus marriage i s as M ilton re

.
,
18 T HE FAM I LY
marks the hi g hest form o f human society
,
The
d ivine purpose of marriage is chiefly the con “

ti n u a n c e of the race the protection and the tr a m m g

,

o f c hi l dren an d the development o f the charac

,

'
ter of the hus b and and wi fe The race might .

have been perpetuated without the bonds of w ed

lock b ut the mere continuance o f the race is n ot
,

the only aim of marriage Its chief purpose is .

to perpetuate the race under the b est possi bl e con

diti on s to d eve l op the race to enno bl e it
,
The ,
.

o ff spring needs the nurture and training of the

home F urther n ot the general se x ual instinct
.
,

o f the race but the pure ,

exclusive aff ection of ,

two of opposite s e' for each other is th e on l y true ,

basis o f parentage This saves h umanity from

.

b estia li ty This develops n ot lust but love

.
,
.

This makes the family A nd also within the .

,

home un d er the influence of the mutual needs

,

an d o bl igations the necessary se l f sa cr i fi c e and

,
-

self surrender O f the marriage relation is forme d

-
, ,

the strongest and purest type of manhood and

womanhood We may therefore assuredly know
.

that to promote the purity and happiness o f the

race he had created w a s the wise and benevolent
purpose of God in the institution of marriage and
the family .

S ays B ishop in his work M arriage a n d D ivorce

, ,
 T HE FAM I L Y As AN I NS TIT U TI ON 19

By whatsoever reasoning w e arrive at the c on

c l u s i o n that marriage is as often expresse d a
'

, ,

,
—
d ivine institution the truth that it is such o r in ,

other words that it is a parcel o f the wisdom

,

which entered into the creation o f man — is pa l pa

bl e and is g en er a l l v acknow l edged Commencing
,
.

with the race an d attending man in all periods

,

an d in a ll countries of his existence this i n sti tu ,

tion o f marriage has ever been considered the

particular glory of the social system But for .

it a ll that is valuable virtuous and desirab l e in

, , ,

human existence would long since have faded

away in a general retrograde of the race an d in ,

the perilous dark ness in which its j oys and hopes

would have been wrecked together A nd as m an .

has gone up in th e path of his improvement

still has this institution of marriage remained
the first among the institutions of human society .

The history of the family is one of the most

fruitful and instructive fiel ds in all historical
study and I would commend it to every minister
, ,

especially as important in furnishing broad and

,

intelligent views o f the central p l ace the fami l y

ho l ds in everything that m o l ds socia l institutions
—
and tends to human good or to human i l l .

The student in this fie l d wi l l b e much inter

es ted ,
and perhaps surprised to learn that the
,
20 TH E F A M I LY

differences in customs politics an d re l igion which

, ,

distinguish the two great hi storic b ranches O f the

race the S emiti c and A ry an are l arge l y due to
, ,

the diff erenc e in the fami ly l i fe III the S emitic

‘

group we have the H e b rews P hoenicians Syrians , , ,

A rab s and Babylonians ; in the A ryan are em

,

braced the P ersian In d ian Greek L atin S l avonic

, , , , ,

Teuton and Ce l tic races H ere are two great

, .

types o f human thought and life .

A summari zing paragraph by an a bl e writer

will be instructive h er e In these two great “

races the n the S emitic and the A ry an we find

, , ,

at an ear l y period the fa mily as the t y pe of the

social structure But the S emitic family and
.

the A ryan are founded upon di ff erent principles

and pursu e di ff erent methods The S emiti c .

family is patriarcha l the A ryan is individual ;

,

o n e m akes the father the unit the other makes ,

the f amily itself the unit ; one is polygamous in ,

the other monogamy prevails ; one gives all du ti es

to women the other gives some duties to men
,

and some rights to women The patriarchal

S emitic system is the germ of the monarchy ; the
A ryan fami l y is the b eginning o f the po l itica l
'
commonwealth Thus do we t o day o f Teuton ,

and C e l tic b lood trace the germs o f the social and

,

civi l in s titutions o f E urope and Am erica back to

 T HE FAM I LY As AN I N STIT U T I ON 21

the distinctive f a m i ly lif e o f ou r A ryan fore fathers

as developed in the remote past when b efore , ,

their migration they y et had their home in the

,

tab le land of central A sia

-
.

Valuabl el essons are gained in the study o f the

family among the Greeks and R omans and also ,

among the Jews A mong the G reeks and

.

R omans there was much in their fami l y life to

commend especiall y in their earlier national li fe
,
.

With both peoples the family was a re l igious i n

s ti tuti on and marriage a most so l emn and sacred
,

rite I n later times however the constancy of

.
, ,

husbands and wives b ecame weakened ; divorce ,

once very rare became first frequent then com

, ,

m on ,
the family w as debased parentage dis ,

counted and children neglected

, .

I n R ome especial l y domestic purity and peace

, ,

were undermined L oose views of the fami l y

.

prevai l ed among all classes Sylla Caesar An .

, ,

ton y and A ugustus repudiated their wives ; a n d

,

SO upright a m an as Cicero f or n o j ust cau s e , ,

divorced his wife of th irty years and marrie d his

ward a y oung and wealthy woman from whom
, ,

again speedily he w a s divorced The subsequent .

social an d civil history of R ome can be writt e n

in o n e s h ort sentence With the fall of the Ro .

man family fell R ome .

22 T HE FAM I LY

A mong the H eb rews as among a l l S emitic peo

,

ples polygamy w a s the great crime against the

,

family Whi l e not countenanced b y the teaching

.

of M oses it w as quite common in th e ear l ier

,

histor y of the nation and wh ereve r practiced ,

left its bl ighti n g in fl uence It was however .

, ,

little known a fter the captivity and be fore ,

’
Christ s time had disappeared But withal .
,

among the Jews marriage and the family have ever

he l d a first place ; and the mutual relations of
husban d and wife and of parents and children
, ,

have been given greater attention than among

any other people of the earth A nd what intel .

l ig en t student of human a ff airs can fail to s ee in

the pre s ervation of the Jewish f am i ly the marvel
o u s preservation of the Jewish people '

But the true conception of marriage and o f the

fami l y was n ever reached until the dawn of
Christianity Christ places them o n the original
.

basis While upon most matters a ff ecting society

.

he only laid down principles respecting the i n ,

s ti tuti o n o f marriage h e lays down a de fi nite ru l e .

I t is clear fr o m his S ermon on the M ount and

,

teaching recor d ed e l sewhere that in his j udgm e nt

,

only fornication or its moral equivalent i s s u ffi

, ,

cient cause f o r the dissol ution of the marriage

relation A lso in every feature Christ gave to
.
,
 T HE FA MI LY As AN I N STITUTI ON 23

the fami l y higher idea l s ; first respecting the

,

mutua l re l ation and the personal equality of

hus b and and wife then j ust conceptions of
,

parental duti es and proper ideas o f the duties of

children ; and s o w a s the home made indeed the
type of the heaven l y kingdom o f God .

Time will n ot allo w me to dwell upon the

influences in the heathen wor l d and a l so other
,

tendencies soon deve lo ped in the early church

itself — such as the praise given to celibacy etc
, ,
.
,

which cast a shadow over the famil y and

for centuries weakened its influence among all
classes The importance o f the blow struck by
.

t he R eformers against the celibacy o f the clergy ,

and indirectly against the corruption and fa l se

popular opinions which were bearing down with
fearful weight against pure family life can hardly ,

be realized at this distance Wifehood mother

.
,

hood and fatherhood — th e fami l y — long dis

, , ,

counted and well nigh undermined were rescued

-
,

and started on their way to the recovery of their

true p l ace and E uropean institutions were saved
,

from rotting down in medieval corruption .

The family is if possible seen more clearly by

, ,

each succeeding generation to be the great con

server o f human good ; and among those who ,

are its true friends and the especial su bjects o f its

24 T HE F A M I LY

bl essings its characte r and t y pe are nearer the

,

true Christian ideal than ever before No true .

statesman philanthropist o r Christian hesitates

, ,

f or a moment to pronounce the fami l y to be the

very b asis of social order the foun d ation o f the
,

social fabric ; none question its essential re l ation

t o true religion and a l l agree that without it there
,

i s no chastity possi b le n o domestic felicity no

, ,

home for man ; that with the family destroyed ,

there wou ld b e mora l and social chaos o n every

hand .

S o the preservation of the family and i ts

a d vancement to the highest possi bl e standard
shou ld stand first in the thought and foremos t
in the aim of every lover of his race So it
.

becomes us b oth to study the methods for its tru e

promotion an d a l so to guard it against th e
dangers which threaten it .

In now calling attention to the influence s

which imperil the home I need not raise the
,

cry of a l arm against defunct propositions and

schemes in which i t has b een attempted to esta b
lish the social fab ric upon other foundations tha n
that of the fami l y ; as the b o l d and darin g co n c ep
tion o f Pl ato in his R epub l ic o f a community
, ,

of wives an d chil d ren with pu bl ic hymenea ls a ,

conception rev i ve d in 1 6 2 3 by the Italian phi los o

 T HE F A M I LY AS AN I NS TIT U TI ON 25

pher Campane l la in his C ity o f the S un o r

,
“

the wild Utopia of S ir Thomas M ore ; o r the

New A t l antis o f B acon ; o r in our century and
o u r o w n country the S haker an d R appite move

ments founde d o n ce l i b ac y a l itt l e community of

,

whom ca ll ed S hakertown now about extinct is

, , ,

situated a few mi l es s outheast o f ou r city ; a n d the

communistic eff orts led b y O wen in Indiana in
1 8 2 4 an d the mov e m ent o f F ourier a n d h i s f o l
,

lo wers i n 1 8 4 2 having communities in di ff erent

,

S tates and the famous O neida C o m munity in New

,

Y ork a ll n o w either extinct o r in the last stages

,

o f decline Those which still li nger have b een

.

compell ed by th e dem a nd of arouse d public senti

ment to abandon at least in pro fession Sexual
, ,

communism ; and they have as they proclaim in , ,

de ference to pu b lic sentiment placed themse l ves

on a platform which a ll o w s marriage but prefers ,

celi b acy These schemes a l l interest u s however

.
, ,

in this connection not because o f their commun

,

ism in the common Significance of the word ,

a community o f —
material goods but because the ,

o n e feature common to them all is that they

a b olish the individual fami ly The y eventual l y .

are ranged under two classes advocating at o ne ,

extreme celibacy at the other free love each

,
-
,

and all abrogating marriage and abolishing the

26 T HE F AM I LY

family annihilating the home and destroying

, ,

d omestic li fe .

SO far as I am aware there does not now exist ,

e ither in theory o r in practical avowed e ff ort

,

anywhere in C hristendom any system aside from ,

t h e dying remnants named proposin g itself as a ,

rival of the fami l y in the field of a b asis f o r the

s ocial order N or does it seem proba b le that any
.

further e ff orts in this direction wi l l ever be

attempted so widely and s o deeply h a s the idea
, ,

t h e divine idea o f the family estab lished itse l f

,

a mo n g the more enlightened peoples of the race .

A n d for this great triumph there is reason f o r

g ratitude and
,
cause a l so for strong hope for
g rowing human advancement and happiness .

But there are influences and tendencies wi thi n

the family entertained along with the idea of
,

marriage family and home which are not only

, , ,

o u t of harmony with it but at variance with and ,

d estructive of it .

—
We have seen that marriage the constancy ,

un b roken and li felong o f husband and wife true, ,

wedlock — IS at the foundation o f the family I t .

i s a fact too most painful to s ee that right at its

, , ,

foundation is where the institution of the family

is b eing assailed The breaking of m arriage vows
.
,

with the wreck of families by divorce is both ,

 T HE FAM I LY As AN I NS TIT U TI ON 27

the peri l an d the shame o f mo d ern society This .

evil prevai l s throughout the civi l ized world an d

e vidently with steady i f not rapid increase .

F acts and figures are a b out the on ly channel

t hrough which to bring the Situation b e fore us .

W ou l d that there nee d be no divorce courts no ,

b oo k s on the l aw O f d ivorce ; or i f these must ,

b e would that the demand for them were a

,

t housand times less .

S aying nothing about the various countries of

E urope whose statistics upon marriage and div o rce
,

t e l l a sad story and bode evi l let us as A mer , ,

i can citizens and A merican ministers look at the ,

S ituation among our o w n people I find that in .

the di ff erent S tates the ratio of divorces to

marriages ranges from one to ten to o ne to fifty
s i' . Think of this for a moment In O hio f o r .
,

t h e year c l osing June 3 0 1 8 9 1 there were

, ,

m arriages and divorces ; about 1 divorce to

1 3 marriages D uring the ten years closi n g June
.

3 0 1 8 9 1 there were in this S tate

, ,
divorces ;
in the United S tates D uring the year
c losing June 3 0 1 8 9 2 there were in M ontgomery
, ,

County O hio ( ou r county '

, marriages and
,

7 6 divorces — 1 divorce to about 1 3 marriages .

What wreck of homes '

Within the last s i' weeks in our city a , ,
28 T HE FAM I LY
man recent l y promin ent in pu bl ic a ffairs and
, ,

the wi fe in another fami l y prominent in the

,

community were taken in adu l tery ; b oth g ot a

,

divorce in ou r court and within ten days were

married ; tw o families destroyed and out o f their ,

—
ruins anot her suppose d to be made ' a ll done
within a month ' A n d a s I have stated the ,

a l arming thing is that a l l this is going on with

the idea Of marriage and the home ostensi b ly
maintained ; is a l l done by the very civi l ord er
through which marriage is supposed to b e regu
lated and preserved ' This thi s I repeat is th e
, , ,

peri l o f the Situation that all this wreck and ruin

,

is accomplished in a regu l ar legal way a nd , ,

apparently in harmony with public sentiment .

I have n ot time gentlemen to trace the causes

, ,

of a ll this : whether it be the extreme individual

i s m o f o u r ti m e b y which the person is so mag

,

n ifi ed as it would seem to lift him almost abov e

, ,

the most sacred relations to others and the family ,

as a unit is discounted and thus degraded below

its essentia l and G od ordained p l ace ; whether it
-

be because marriage is n ow more a secu l ar than a

religious institution ; o r whether we are to throw
the bl ame at the door o f our loose di vorce laws .

N or can I enter Upon the d iscu ssion of the rem

edies But these points I leave with y o u to i n
.
 T HE FAM I LY A S AN I N STIT U TI ON 29

ves ti g a te and with y ou I would also and esp e

c i a ll y l eave this fact a n d leave it i f I could as a
, , ,

deep impression that you a s ministers of the

, ,

gospel are the fir st the God appointed guardians

, ,
-
,

o f the fami l y .
 C H AP T E R II .

—
S E C ON D LE C T U RE T H E H U SB AND A ND WI FE A ND

TH E I R RELA TI O N S .

Gentlem en of the Sem i nar y :

Y O U will remember that the special subj ect to

which w e gave attention some weeks a g o as the ,

thought fundamental to this who l e question o f

goo d order in the fami l y was The F ami l y as an
,
“

Institution .
’
We g l anced at its origin ( d ivine
origin ' its fundamental basis ( marriage '
, ; we
touched upon its history noted its relatio n to the
,

social order as its very basis and named some o f its

,

chief perils I am pu r su a ded that even SO brief

.

and imperfect a V iew as we took of ou r su bj ect

increased our interest in it and deepened our i m
,

pres sion respecting the vital relation of the fami l y

to every human good and helped each o n e o f us as
,

m i n i sters o f the gospel an d the custodians of divine

institutions if possi b le to a more intel l i g ent and
, ,

more intense rea l ization of o u r Specia l responsi

b i l i ty in the mainte nance of the fa m i l y and the
e levation o f the fami l y li fe amo n g the peop l e .

We are now prepared for the more practical

30
 TH E HUSB AN D AN D WI FE 31

features o f the su bj ect A s a simple but com

.

prehensive heading under which the variou s

topics that claim attention may b e range d let ,

this be named : The Individual M embers of the

“

F ami l y and Their R elations .

But j ust here first let us consider what s or t

, ,

o f a family what typ e of family life w e as m i n i s

, ,

ters should have before u s as the ideal and ,

Should strive to secure Before the indivi d ua l

.
“

'
mem b ers o f the family what should we p l ace a s
the proper fulfi l ling of their re l ations ' Upon
“ '

this prime matter there should be b ut on e senti

ment ; that is the C hristian fami l y must b e o ur
,

ideal in which every re l ation is h eld as sacred

, ,

and all duties are faithful l y performed according

to the wi ll and in the fear of God There are .

many fami l ies which are in a sense good yet are ,

not go dl y Many homes are high l y respecta bl e

.

n —
that are ot C hristian po l ished b ut n ot pious , .

I n many others re l igion has pro fessed recognition ,

but is given a secon d ary place — the household

gods are set in the corner There is a great deal
.

o f such fami l y l i fe a l l a b out us a b so l utely with

,

o u t private reproach where undivided aff ection

,

and domestic peace reign S uch a fami l y we .

,

are told w a s that o f the late Jay Gou ld where

, ,

the husband and father was especia lly considerate ,

32 T HE FAM I LY

true and kin d

,
In the estimation o f many
.
,

families of this k ind are model fa m i l ies theirs is ,

the true fami ly li fe But can a Christian min

.

ister look upon such fami ly regu l ations and li fe

as fu l fi l ling Go d s purposes in the househo ld '
’

A ssured l y not N o home however or d er l y and

.
,

refined is what God would have it and what he

,

would delight to make it without his worship and

love S o in all our re fl ections and sugg estions
.

here and In all o u r eff orts to make the home l i fe

,

o f our peop l e and o f all people better we Shou l d ,

think and p l an and work from the standpoint of

the Christian fami l y .

A nd now again the de l icacy of this entire mat

, ,

ter of having to do with the family aff airs of

peop l e is felt b y every minister These matters .

are recognized as domestic as private as personal, ,

.

B ut are not almost all questions of practical reli

gion quite personal and private and indeed
, ,

domestic in their final true app l ication ' A nd

here as everywhere in the serious b usiness o f fu l
, ,

fi l ling our duties as the guar d ians and physicians

o f souls the sense of dut y must overb a l ance even
,

the sense o f de l icacy This a ls o is a fact which

.
, ,

should give ever y faith ful minister encouragement

and hum bl e b o l dness in his e ff orts in b eh alf of
the homes o f his people namel y : that no other
,
 TH E HUSB AN D AN D WI F E 33

man not even the fami l y phy s ician i s received

, ,

into such intimate re l ati o ns an d close con fi dence

in the family as is i ts pastor ; and SO his pub l ic
teachings and private counsels i nbehalf of the
fami ly welfare are given kind and considerate
attention and accorded no ordinary weight But
, .

further to a great extent the more private and

, ,

supposedly em b arrassing features o f his duty are

o b viated by the minister gi ving instructions upon
these matters faith fully from his pulpit The .

people we may hope will i n respect to their home

, , ,

a n d private aff airs as in respect to other practical

,

matters make for themselves the application

,
.

AS we now turn our attention to the members

o f the family the first to enter o u r minds are th e
,

husband and wife The uniting of t w o in these

.

re l ations makes a family A family may b y and

.
,

b y compr i se more ; it cannot in its b eginning

, , ,

comprise less A nd ever W hatever its numbers

.
, ,

from its founding to its final breaking up the ,

family takes its Spirit and type from those W hose

marital vows and relations constitute it S o let .

us take The H usband and Wife and Their R ela

“

tions for a topic at this hour The ruin and .

destruction of th e tree of the family by the s ev

ering Of its doub l e trunk were referred to in o u r
first paper This question o f the true re l a ti o n
.
34 TH E FAM I LY

of hus b and and W i fe i s s o vital and the failure to

,

recognize it so fraught with d isaster that it ca ll s ,

f o r more than a sing l e and passing notice .

M r Bishop a leading writer upon this subj ect

‘
.
, ,

says : “
The nature O f the marriage state does
not admit o f its being the su bj ect o f e x perimenta l
and temporary arrangements and fl eeting part
n er s hi ps .The union i s and Should b e f or l ife
, , .

It i s so equally in reason in the common senti

,

ments o f mankind and in the teachings o f

,

religion No married partner should desert the

.

other commit adu l tery beat o r otherwise a b use

, ,

the other o r forb ear to do all that is possible f o r

,

the sustenance and happiness of the other and

Of the entire family F iguratively speaking th e
.
,

two shou l d walk hand in hand up the steep s

Of li fe and down its dec l ivities and green S lopes ,

then l ay themselves together f o r the final S l ee p

at the foot o f the hill Consequently there shou l d
.
,

b e no divorces no d ivorce courts n o books on

, ,

the law o f divorce In U topia it W ill be so ; i t

.

'
ought to be so in ou r own country .

This condition is far enough from being real

i z ed in this or any other land O n the othe r .

hand the tendency to looseness of the marriage

,

relation is recogni zed by all P assing over the .

legal and business and social phases that are

 T HE HU SB AND AND W I FE 35

evident l y connecte d b oth as causes and again as

,

proposed reme d ies l et us note what interests us

,

as ministers .

O ne of the chie f causes o f this condition is the

secu l arization of marriage It has b een especia ll y
.
,

among P rotestants l arge l y d ivested o f i ts religious

,

character H ence with many people the c on c ep

.
, ,

tion of the marriage relation is not clear as to

whether it is a sta te or a contr act many evidently ,

l eaning to the idea o f a contract .

But real Christianity has ever in keeping wit h ,

the teaching of its F ounder not only hel d it to b e

,

a state b ut has invested marriage and th e cere

,

mony of marriage with a religious character .

E ven among the ancient heathen nations it

partoo k of the nature o f a religious service — and
that of the m ost solemn character A nd yet we .

know that notwithstanding the measure o f the

,

religious which people generally a l ong with their ,

ministers connect with marriage the sense of its

, ,

peculiarly sacred character is not very deep seated -

.

A n d ou r modern divorce legislation is the pro d uct ,

o r rather the e x pression o f this lo o se and perverted

,

conception “
. I t does n ot in the least recognize
'
any peculiarly sacred character in the institution .

O ur duty is clear to seek to make matrimony

indeed a holy estate
“
Whenever this relation is
.
36 TH E F AM I LY
named by us in ou r pu bl ic ministrations in either ,

sermon or prayer let it b e in language and spirit

,

unmistaka bl e ; that b oth those who are married

and those who contemp l ate marriage may have
'
a clear view Of i t as God s ordinance
“ ’
A nd .

especially both our bearing and o u r words when

,

sole mnizing matrimony should tend to make

the service sacred and solemn while at the same
,

time j oyous .

U pon this question we must confess that the Ro

m a n Catholic Church has been rather more faithful

in b oth teaching and practice than the P rotestant .

To the teaching of the Church of R om e that mar

'
r i a g e is a sacrament we o f course cannot assent
“

but w e can and Should learn from the Catholic

Church some l essons in insisting more strongly
upon the sacred and bindin g relation between
husband and wife We as P rotestants and esp e
.
,

ci a l l y as P rotestant ministers should in loyalty

, ,

to the teaching of Christ and to the historic spirit

and sym b o l s of P rotestantism more thoroughly
,

surround matrimony with reli g io us sanctions ;

should insist upon its being much more than a
contract — that it bears a l so sacred relations to
society and to God ; and should in ever y po ssi b l e '

way emphasize the religious elements Of marriage .

The wise choice of a companion is a matter of

 T HE HUS B AND AN D WI FE 37

first importance in i ts bearing upon the happi

ness o f the family But what has a preacher to
.
“

'
d o with people s courtships say you
’
either pro , ,
“

o r co n ' Is he to engage in the match making -

o r match b rea k ing b usiness '

'
-
NO No r is he .

t o b ecome a l ecturer on Courtship and M ar “

’7
riage . H e is simp l y to be a faithful overseer of
his fl ock j ealous l y watching over their Spiritua l
,

interests ; and in so doing he will assuredly fin d

himsel f deeply concerned and th at quite f r e ,

quently In the li fe companionships his peop l e

,

are making H armony of view and o f pro fession

.

and li fe on mora l and religious matters is a prime

essential to th e harmony and happiness of a home .

The Word o f G o d the good j udgment of the ,

thoughtful and experience all unite in teach

, ,

ing that a Christian Shou l d choose for a c om pa n

i on not a worldly person a non professor but
, ,
-
,

a Christian “
Be ye not unequally yoked to
.

'
gether with un b elievers .

What is popularly called mixed marriages

“
,

that is in Short the marriage of P rotestants with

, ,

Catho l ics is almost a l ways the source o f evil to

,

the souls o f both and of discord in the family ,

.

O ften such marriages are entered into with the

condition imposed b y o ne party that the other
sha l l renounce th e former religious li fe and
38 T HE FA MI LY

make specia l promises concerning the religi o us c on

n ecti o n o f the children and this condition is stren
,

u o u s l y sought and far most frequent l y secured o n

the Catho l ic side ; or frequent l y there is a tacit

agreement that each shall go his or her ow n way
as to religion and church connection H ere i s a .

b a d start almost who l ly bad W hatever the agree

, ,

ment has been and it is b ound to go from b ad

,
-

to worse As for themselv e s th ey each and b oth

.
,

b ecome discouraged an d in d i fferent in respect to

re l igious d uties and a fter f or a time either b oth
,

atten d ing worship W here o n e i s rea lly not a w or

s hi per o r each going his o r her lon e l y way t o a
,

separate church both g o nowhere to wor s hip and

, ,

re l igious antagonis m has resu l ted in re l igious

death A n d w ith the birth of the fi rst chi l d the
.

case has only b ecom e more perplexing Instead .

o f the loved product o f their a ffection b e ing as ,

Go d d esigne d the cau s e O f their even c l oser union

, ,

it becomes the occasion first o f dispute and s o , , ,

O ften finally of cruel estrangement

, ,
What .
“

shall b e its religious training ' is the question

'
.

“
S hall it go with father o r with mother — b e C ath
olic o r P rotestant ' I f promi s es were made at
'

the demand o f the priest at marriage these a r e ,

reca l led perhaps to b e repudiate d b y on e an d

,

insiste d upon by the other O r i f b y mutual .

,
 T HE H US B AND AND W I FE 39

consent religion an d church were s et aside at

,

m arriage s o n o w the religious train i ng o f the

,

chi ld is let g o b y de fau l t But whether with .

the children it be religiously this way o r that

way or as I have known a divided way for a
, , , ,

time a fter fi fte e n or twenty o r thirty years have

,

passed l et it b e asked What are the chi ld ren of

“
,

such and such families religiously ' and nine'

,

c ases o u t of ten the rep l y will be O h y ou kno w “

, ,

that those families were divi ded o n church mat

ter s and the fact is their chi l dren are nothing
, , .

We are aware that R ome has a c l ose eye on

thi s matter and by manipulations at marriage
, ,

w here her priests succeed in controlling this part ,

a n d afterward through the con fessional even at ,

the cost o f domestic fe l icity s h e holds a c l ose grip,

o n what s h e has and what She claims as right fu l

gains But g enera ll y as we have seen it is not

.
, ,

R ome or P rotestantism but the devil that gets

, , ,

th e b est o f these unwise and unrighteous bargai n s .

H ere I speak from personal o b servation and could ,

give facts that might startle y ou and which would ,

certain l y impress the point I urge SO if we as .

,

ministers would s ee o u r people become the found

e r s o f true and happ y ho m es a n d would save ,

them to Spiritual li fe and true re l igion and to ,

th e church and to heaven and save also their ,

40 TH E F AM I LY

children with them and a fter them we must b e ,

a l ive to the duty of saving them from mi xed

marriages To thus believe and do is n ot illiberal
.

and u n A merican ; it is wise and the more ex

-
,

tended o u r O b servation and investigation the more

clear and fixed become ou r convictions respecting
this matter Through private ways chie fl y in
.
,

th e homes o f o u r people and with the you n g

,

people themselves we can as occasion demands

, , ,

give advice respecting this su bj ect now becoming ,

more and more a live question in this country ,

and especially in o u r cities .

But what Shall be said respecting the much

more common the ver y common marriage of
, ,

C hristians with the ordinar y unregenerate people

o f the world M ay not S cripture teachings he l p
us to a correct position relative to this ' What
i s the will of G od respecting the family a l liances
o f his people ' A lso may not e x perience help us

to wisely apply S cripture and come to a correct

j udgment ' What is the influence of marital
union w ith the ungo d l y by Christians upon their
ow n spiritual li fe and upon the general Spiritual
,

life Of the church '

Turning to S cripture we find the principle of
,

separation from the people o f the worl d applied

’
in the parent family o f God s chosen people .
 T HE H U SB AND AND W I FE 41

N ote the care of Ab raham to have his son I s aac

not take a wi fe of the dau g hters o f the C anaan
ites among whom he d we l t b ut to marry within
, ,

the circle of his own people I saac and R e b ek ah .

,

b eing deeply grieved at the marri ag e Of Es au

with the daughters O f H eth contrary to the fami l y
,

tradition purposed most positively to have Jaco b

,

kept from the snare and the fami l y line kept

,

pure The fami l y decision w as Thou shalt not

.
“
,

'
take a wi fe of the daughters o f Canaan but of ,
“

the daughters of L ab an thy mother s brother ’

.

This patriarcha l regu l ation was made a l a w b y

M oses governing re l ations with the peop l e of
,

“
Canaan N either shalt thou make marriag es
.

with them ; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto

his s on nor his daughter shalt tho u take unto thy
,

'
s on Joshua in his dying coun ,

sels repeated the same positive prohibition

, .

( Josh 2 3
. 1 2 The reason
,
for this singular
and di fficult regulation is given in the fourth
verse of D eut 7 : F o r they will turn away thy
.
“

s o n from following m e that they may serve other

,

'
go d s . H ere is wel l stated a great princi ple as ,

well as prophetic al ly an historic fact The s ub .

sequent histor y o f Israel proved by s ad apostasies ,

through marriages with the heathen that the ,

M osaic restriction was wisely made H ow dark .

42 T HE FAM I LY

the s tain thus made upon even the glor y o f S0 10

mon an d how bane ful h i s in fl uence upon the
kings an d peop l e who ca m e a fter ' When the day
f o r re for m c o m e s with the good and b ol d E zra
,

a s l eader these un l aw ful int e rmarriages are foun d

,

t o b e b o th the great est cause of apostasy and the

o n e prevailing and po w er ful in fl uence in the
w a y of national re l igious renovation and revival .

R ead E zra chapters 9 and 1 0 for the most

, ,

impressive lesson in all history touching this

q uestion .

We do not wonder that with all this history

a n d teaching handed down from God s ancient
’

c hurch it shou ld be hel d among his n ew

Israel that their marriages shou l d be only in “

'
the L ord as s ays P au l ( I Co r 7 :
,
. .A nd .

it appears clear that in his second letter to the

Corinthians ( 6 : 1 4 etc ' Be ye not unequal l y
, ,
“

'
y o k ed together with unbe l ievers etc P aul had ,
.
,

marriage as o n e thing in m ind But with multi .

'
tu d es of b elievers in o u r day not only is b eing
“
,

yoked together in marriage with unbelievers

n ot questioned o r considered for a moment but ,

they rush into such a l liances eager l y especial l y ,

i f wealth and social posi tion may thus b e secure d .

We cannot but qu estion the common sense o f this

course and especially the piety of it O ne will
,
.
 T HE HU S B AND AND W I FE 43

be surprised upon l oo k ing the matt e r up to fi n d s o

, ,

large a num b er of fami l ies in which b ut one o f

the heads o f it is a C hristian In many churches .

i t wi ll b e d iscovered upon attention to the m atter

, ,

that in o n e thir d o f the fami l ies represented such

-

is the case It i s generally the hus b and w h o is

.

the irre l igious mem b er an d the Situation i s on l y

,

the same as O b tained at the foun d in g o f the

fami ly In a num b er the C hristian h a s ma d e
.

a profession Since marriage b ut in the m aj ority ,

o f cases th e re l igiou s con d itions are as t h ev were

at the founding of the family Of such fami l ies .

certain thing s are almost the universa l necessary ,

c h aracteristics There i s no family prayer n or any

.
,

f ormal act o f f a m il v d evotion Chil d ren i f in .

,

the home are not b rought up at l east fu ll y in

, , ,
“

t h e nurture a n d admonition o f the L ord the

family atmosphere is not re l igious While num .

bers O f such husbands or wives are d evoutly

p ious ,
man y y ie l d to their spiritual
,
hurt to the ,

adverse influences to which all are su bj ected .

M any are kept by influences direct or indirect

, ,

f rom the sanctuary and means o f grace H eart .

aches t rials Of faith and not unfrequent per s ecu

, ,

tions cru s hing o f spirit an d secret tears could b e

, , ,

named as a part o f many a life s cup The pious ’

.

s eldom influence the godless to come with them

44 T HE FAM I LY

to Christ and the chur c h b ut strong in fl uence is

,

o ften e x erted the other w a y ; and the pastor

fi n d s that his e ff orts to reach and save these
b rothers i n law and Sisters i n l a w of the church
- - - -

are as a ru l e unsuccess ful though they may b e

, ,

as they g eneral l y are specia l and tire l ess

,
.

Of course the in fl uence o f a l l this upon the

genera l spiritual li fe of the church i s o f the same
‘

character as that exerted upon the religious l i fe of

the individua l and fami l y direct l y a ff ected The .

who l e matter is to b e deplored It cannot b e.

p l easing to G o d It is against the spiritua l good

.

o f mu l titudes o f people and o f thousands o f homes ,

and is a great strain upon the vital spiritual

current o f the church of Christ .

Certain l y in the interest o f church and family

,

and of the in d ividua l Christian more attention ,

shou l d b e given to this subj ect .

It might b e supposed to be unnecessary to

suggest to the unmarried young ministers b e fore
me care fu l and godly attention to this su bj ect
in making selection o f their ow n l ife partners ;
but w e are a ll aware that many a you ng minister
has been drawn into o r has rushed into unwise
, , ,

“
unequal an d very unfortunate marriage
,
.

W hile the use fu l ness o f many capa bl e ministers

is cripp l ed b eyond repair by their unfortunate
 TH E HUS B AND A ND WI FE 45

fami l y l i fe o n the other hand the genuine help

, ,

receiv e d in hi s work an d the increa s e d in fl uence

gained b y the preacher an d pastor w hose wife
and fami l y are what every minister s should b e ’

a r e a bso lute l y b eyon d computation .

C oncerning those mutual d uties O f love kind ,

attention concession fo r b earance and bestow

, , ,

ment of becoming honor and the thousand ,

thing s littl e and great and sacred that must b e

, ,

constantl y receiving attention by those who are

“
no more twain but on e fl esh I have n ot
, ,

spoken — n ot b e c ause of their want of importance

, ,

f o r b oth the Wor d o f God and the very re l ations

o f the married life g ive them great prominence It .

shou l d scarce ly need to b e stated that the proper

relation between hus b and and wife shoul d be pr a c
tically that of equality We do n ot b e l ieve that.

the old idea of the lordship of the husband and

’
the wife s obedient subordination is the original
and divine conception of their relation “
SO .

God created man in his ow n image in the image ,

o f God created b e him ; male and female created

he them A nd God blessed them and God said

.
,

unto them Be fruitful and multiply and r epl en

, , ,

ish the eart h and su b due it ; and have dominion

,

over the fish o f the sea and over the fo w l of the,

air and over every living thing that moveth

,
46 T HE FAM I L Y

upon the earth H ere are common place in

.

creation and j oint authority an d ru l ership ove r

the lower order o f creatio n and equa l rights and
,

privileges S ays Thwing : The idea o f equa l ity

.
“

between the husband and wi fe i s the product

o f the thinking O f the last century I t is th e .

d irect outgrowth of the principles of the P rot

es t a nt R e formation which have relaid th e fou n
,

d ations o f n ot a few o f o ur soci a l structures .

The truth of this idea is admitted by compara

t i vel y few persons in theory but in pract i ce it is
,

a l most universall y recognized .

Just here however it seems to me there i s

, ,

need f or the r ecognition of certain evident and

acknowledged distinctions as to the relation o f
husband and wife A s a l ready indicate d a s ,

individua l s they stand o n an equality ; b ut it

wou l d p l ainly b e pressing the point too far to
—
insist as wou ld seem to be done by the mor e
—
l iberal school that as the heads of the family
they stand on exact l y the same plane R ather .
,

it shou l d b e acknowledged that in the organi c

relationsh i p of the home upon a natural basis
, ,

as so designated l i k ew Ise In S cripture and als o ,

recognized by the common consent and custom

—
o f mankind the hus b and is placed as the nomi
,

nal head N ecessity seems to require this F or

. .
 T HE HU SB AND AND W I FE 47

instance b y what name shall the n ew famil y b e

,

k nown The one general custo m of the ages

has been that the woman Shou l d l ose her name
an d take that o f her husband N otice that in .
,

a ll this there is no setting the tw o apart the ,

o n e as superior and the other inferior ; the W i fe

may b e and o ften is in personal character the

, ,

ac k nowle d ged superior I t is a matter of re l ative

.

rank in the organization o f the family and not

o f a b solute rank as intelligent and moral agents

and children of God A nd as stated this matter

.
,

o f rank is not t o be pressed ; but in the contro l

and management o f the home their interest and ,

eff ort should be practica ll y o n the same plane ;

the y should j oin as equa l s in its duties sacrifices , ,

responsibilities and counse l s This is in keeping

,
.

with the spirit of the gospel the dictates of j us

,

tice and the demands of high e x pediency Those

,
.

homes are the best and happiest and produce th e ,

noblest character where husband and wife meet

,

on a level and each recognizes the complete indi

vi du ali ty Of the other ; where the central ide a

of true wedlock the idea o f mutual self surrender

,
-
,

constantly prevails ; and where a double headshi p

saves the home from both the obnoxious tyranny
and the m any follies of a sole dictator “
They .

'
tw ai n shall be one .
 TH E F AM I L Y

The tw o fun d amentals in the making of a tru l y

happy Christian home name l y a true conception
, ,

o f the religious character and sacredness o f matri

,

mony and the wisdom and duty o f Christians

,

being not unequally yoked together with unbe

l i ever s in wedlock have been d iscussed because
, ,

first they are fundamental and co m prehensive ;

,

secondly b ecause the disregard o f th em is s o

,

common and the deleterious results therefrom to

re l igious fami l y li fe and to the family in general
, ,

and to religion in general are s o widespread ,

and thirdly because as ministers and as a peop l e

,

we are giving to them too little attention .

There is another subj ect bearing direct l y upon

the re l ation Of husband and wife and a ff ecting so ,

vitally their h appiness and having also such a

,

re l ation to the general s ubj e ct b efore us that I feel ,

it Should claim at least brief attention though it ,

be a matter o f acknowledged d elica c y A true .

conception o f marriage inc l udes parentage To .

be a husb and mean s t o b e a father and to b e a ,

wife means to be a mother Nature or rather ou r .

,

wise and b en efi c ent C reator has j oined with wed ,

lock as a h end — its mo s t holy product shall we

, ,

say — and also as its highest j oy for those truly

wedded the ba b e A hom e without c hi ld ren does
,
.

not rise to God s intention in founding the fa m ily

’
.
 T HE H U S B AND AND W I F E 49

It is well said b y M r P omeroy that the heart .

“

o f society i s the home and the heart o f the home ,

is the crad l e The home which has never b een

.

ha ll owed b y the influence of a little child can

never completely fulfill the ideal of a home and ,

almost needs an apology for being Would that

pu b lic sentiment and public practice were in
universal accord with these God instituted and -

heaven b lessed conditions of wedlock S ays R ev

-
. .

J T D uryea D D in words as plain as true

.
,
. .
,

They who are not willing to become parents

ought not to marry They who are not willing .

to consecrate marriage to the family and th e ,

'
family to its high ends ought n ot to marry , .

D ivorce has b een na m ed as a great enemy of the

fami ly but divorce is not the worst enemy There
,
.

i s a perversion o f marriage that stri k es a more

deadly arrow at its heart ; that stains it with
worse than scandal — with blood I re fer to that .

s i n whose foul character has stamped it as name

“

'
less but which must be named the destruction
, ,

o f unborn human life — a s i n against nature ,

high treason against the family a crime against ,

society and a s i n whose cry pierces highest

,

heaven A nd it must be said for it is the shame

.
,

ful truth that this particular dou ble dyed s i n

,
-

lies at the door n ot of the s o called lower classes

,
-
,
50 T HE FAM I LY

but chiefly at the d oor of the s o cal l ed highly -

respecta b le people We blush to acknowledge

.

that such a crime S hould be at all preva l ent in

Christendom We have the greater Shame that
.

the nation s across the water ca l l it the A merican

“

'
sin . O ne of our writers upon this su bj ect asks ,

“
M ust it always remain true that in A merica
wea l th and prosperity of the fami l y put a pre
mium upon its decay
I have neither time nor disposition to d well upon
the diverse methods o r to weigh the supposed
,

di ff erences of their o ne common crime and s i n

, ,

used in preventing parentage It is against every

.

phase and feature o f this destruction of prenatal

life that I would raise my voice The minister .

and the patriot and the philanthropist have much

to give them anxiety for the future Of true family
life and f or the future general we l fare of the com
munity I call your attention to t his question
.
,

that as public teachers you may give it due con

s ideration a n d be prepared to deal with it in such

ways as you may s ee most fitting and eff ective .

I suggest for your reading and for y ou to r eco m

,

men d to young people ( married and sing l e 'such ,

'
wor k s as E thics O f M arriage b y H S P omeroy
“
. .
,

’
MD . In the closing sentences of D r D uryea s
. .

abl e introduction to this book are these words

 T HE HUS B AND AND WI FE 51

The family is the source o f the church an d ,

enters it as a unit of its l i fe a so l id factor in its

,

organism F or this reason a l l teachers o f reli

.

gion shou l d mani fest their cordial sy mpathy and

give their hearty support to the socio l ogists w h o
are endeavoring to secure the integrity and purity
of marriage to devote it to the family and so
, ,

conserve its high ends and according l y aim to

,

instruct and guide to caution and warn the

, ,

peop l e in respect O f the uses and a b uses o f these

'
fundamental and sacred institutions .

L et the genera l intelligence and the common

moral sense be summoned to lend their aid in
elevating both the idea of the family and its tone
of life and let lawmakers and law e x ecutors be
,
-

invoked to continually throw around this most

sacred relation of husband and wife the prote o
tion of wholesome laws — all this is helpful ; but
,

more and esp eci a lly let the enlightened Christian

, ,

conscience led by the Christian ministry be

, ,

brought to bear in molding the family life of

the land ; and above all let the law of God be
, ,

made the g uide in all things pertaining to the

union of hands and hearts and l ives in the
founding and conducting of every home .
 C H AP T E R III .

T HIR D L E C T U RE — TH E RELA TI O N B E T W EEN P AREN TS

A N D C H I LD REN .

Gentlem en f o the S em i nar y :

THERE remains yet untouched in our consider ,

ation of the family the relation of parents to

,

children S o before us lies the whole of the great

.

subj ect of family government and home child

training .

To b e compelled to s ay to you b r ethren that , ,

ou r consideration together of this vital subj ect

must b e confined to this one hour is to me a
matter of regret and to enter upon its treatment
,

in one short paper seems almost worse than

trifling with the subj ect But we can at least i f
.
, ,

w e cannot do more hold the question up be fore

,

us and take one steady l ook at it with the hope

, ,

that thereby we may b e led to see its importance

and to give to it the future attention which that
import ance demands .

That the child makes the man and shapes the

man is as true of soul and character as it is of
body and form A nd where is the child most
.

52
 P AREN T S AND C H I LDREN 53

powerfully impressed ' A t home Who then .

, ,

are the natura l and heaven ordained guardians -

an d mo l ders of child l ife and so of manhood ,

and womanhood ' The parents Thus at home .

by his parents are exerted upon the mind and

sou l o f the child those influences which in a pre ,

vailing degree shape h i s character and gui d e his

,

destinies f or time and eternity .

A great fact a truth that should have c o m

,

manding force is stated in the last sentence

, .

This has been recognized by the more observing

among the good o f a l l ages ; but in this century ,

and especial l y in our day it is evidently claiming ,

wider attention True its practica l disregard is

.
,

sti l l sad l y prevalent b ut at the same time its

,

inte ll igent and practica l consideration is o n the

increase . I think that the occasion of this
increasing attention to the home training of
children is due in a large degree to the increased
, ,

attention in genera l that is being given to chil

dren ; to their education public as well as private ;
,

to their reading sports pleasure etc and espe

, , ,
.
,

c i a l l y due to the interest and e ff ort being directed

toward the moral and religious good o f children

and youth as through the S unday school chil
, ,

’
dren s bands and other like agencies
,
.

The most valuable and almost the only well

54 T HE FAM I LY

written literature upon the s ubj ect i s the product

of the l ast sixty years and the best and most has
,

been penned during the l ast twenty years The .

choicest book upon the subj ect o f which I have

knowledge is the latest that by H C l ay Trum b ull
,
.
,

editor O f the Sunday Schoo l Ti m es entitled H ints

-
, ,
“

on Chi l d Training-
O f the earlier works that
.
,

written in 1 8 3 3 by R ev John S C A bbott under

.
,

the tit l e The M other at H ome is perhaps the

“
, ,

most thorough and valuable .

Between these books have appeared a goodly

number o f vary ing size and with di ff erent de
grees o f merit M eantime magazines and other
.
,

periodicals have been calli n g m ore repeated at

tention to the subj ect P hi l anthropists and phi
.

l O SO ph er s are studying the subj ect with new

interest and we not in frequent l y hear weigh ty
,

words from such men as Joseph Cook and others .

E ven statesmen of the type of Chauncey VI .

D epew upon fitting occasions are giving their

, ,

mature and deep convictions upon the home

duties o f parents in e l oquent and stirring pu bl ic
speech Women o f truest heart and c l earest
vision are bein g heard The question i s in the
.

minds and upon the hearts o f the b est pe o p l e .

I t is upon the advanced wave o f Chri s tian

thought and with each year its vital relation to
,
 PA R EN TS AND C H ILD REN 55

mora l s and religio n wil l appear more clear and

command greater practical attention I n the .

pre face of his admirable work Christian N ur

“
,

'
ture H orace Bushne l l well says This subj ect is
,
“
,

o n e o f the hi g hest in the order o f consequence ,

both a s respect s the welfare O f religion and of

’7
human society . In the second paragraph of the
first chapter is this sentence : “
F ew questions
have greater m o ment ; and it i s on e o f the pleas
ant Signs o f the times that the subject involved
is b eginning to attract new interest and e x cite a
Spirit of inquiry which heretofore has not pre
vai l ed in our churches .

A nd should n ot this theme be prominent in

the thought of the mini s ter ' A s the directors
and leaders in a l l matters relating to the for
mation of Christian character we certainly can ,

not but be deeply interested in and foremost ,

in promoting the more intelligent a n d success

,

fu l Christian home traini n g of the chi l dren of the

church and o f the land A nd it is a fact that
.
,

as in a l l fie l ds of advanced religious thought

and wor k s o here the pens and voices o f wide
, ,

awake and pious ministers are the power that i s

awakening and leading This is but the n atu ra l
.
,

a nd w e may sa y inevitable feeling and po s ition

,

o f a true gospel minister ; for he seeks to uti l ize

56 T HE F AM ILY

every moral agency in the work of saving men .

N o w here he sees in the parent o n e more power

fu l than himself in d etermining personal charac
ter and destiny H e sees the home the family
.
, ,

wielding moral influence and directing character

f o r good o r bad before he and the church can
,

reach the young subj ect ; and a fter he has reached

him e x erting that influence always more co ntin
,

u ou s l y and with more telling and lasting effect .

H is evident duty is if possi bl e to direct that

, ,

agency giving it true moral tone and turning it

,

along lines of wise and b en efi c ent influence .

’
Thus it becomes the minister s duty and privi
lege to take an interest direct and practical in the
, ,

proper Christian training o f the children of the

families of his people This interest is not to b e
.

merely passive and quiet but to be of value to his

, ,

people must be active and efficient H e wi l l s ee

,
.

it his duty to give the parents of his congregation ,

an d the children also instruction upon the su b

,

j e c t o f proper family government an d or d er .

S hould not a pastor kind l y assist a mother and

father in their e ff orts to properly rear their chil
dren ' Why not ' Very frequently during a
pastoral visit conversation turns upon the chil
d ren perhaps at school and the parent expresses
, ,

deep concern for their good H ow opportune the .

 PA R EN TS AN D C H I LD R EN 57

occasion to o ff er suggestions that would be he l p

ful. S hould the pastor give instruction from
—
the pu l pit shoul d he preach upon this subj ect '
Why not ' I used to said a certain preacher
“
, ,

“
and in my younger days gave the parents o f
my flock full and frequent instructions how to
rule their households and train children ; but
since I ve severa l o f my own my inclination and
’
,

'
ability along that line seem to have declined .

To this it may be said that whi l e he honestly

acted from inclination in both cases in neither , ,

perhaps did he act wisely A ge and observation

,
.
, ,

and e x perience shou l d b e as help ful here as

an y where But i f what has been said is true
.
,

and its truth is apparent — parents shou l d be b oth

,

informed as to their duty and assisted in perform

ing it .

E vidently and in logical order the first thought

, ,

to be impressed upon parents is their duty and

responsi b ility in this regard O f this most parents .
,

have at least some idea though it may be quite ,

superficia l and vague Y et but few have any j ust

.

and full conception of the towering import o f this

matter N or do parents generally realize how
.

their ow n happiness o r misery in middle o r later

life is determined by their faithfulness or unfaith
fulness in bringing up their children .
58 T HE FAM I LY
E very child has a right to the very b est train
ing his parents can give “
H e has the right to
.

t h e personal care of both father and mother a ,

c are which can never be delegated to others

'
without serious loss to b oth parent and chi ld .

O n e has said : “
TO be fed and clothed are among
the minor rights which children may demand of
parents .I t is their right to learn from their
parents both by precept and e x ample those prin
, ,

c i pl es o f truth o f honor
,
o f personal purity in
,

thought and life which are a heritage of meal

,

c u l ab l e worth .Such instruction can b e le ft to no

teacher however faithful ; to no religious guide
, ,

however devoted The parent owes it to the

.

child for whose e x istence he is responsible

,
.

The duties which the child owes the parent are

many and may be briefly comprehended in
,

obedience and loving confidence But however “

.
,

great and important these duties it cannot b e ,

overlooked that the parent owes far more to the

'
child than the child to the parent The impera .

tive nature of the duty on the part o f parents

to carefully and wisely direct their children ,

especial l y in the paths of true moral and reli

gions li fe arises from the universal need o f it
,
.

R especting this point a keen writer has Observed

,

th at a certain loose vie w is bei ng asserted by

 PA R EN TS AND C H I LDREN 59

some to the eff ect that the true principle o f

training for children is practica ll y no training
a t all ; the b est government no government ,
.

'
“
W hy not s a y the y l et the chi l d have his o w n
, ,
“

w ay think his o w n thoughts and SO be developed

, ,

i n the freedom and b eauty of the flowers ' L et

’
us not put harsh restraint upon the child s natural
li b erty but a ll ow him unstunted to grow up as
, , ,

a genuine character a large minded liberal ,

-
, ,

origina l and b eauti ful soul

,
I f h e Should .
“

sometimes fall into bad tempers and disgrace fu l

o r uncomely practices as fl owers do not let hi m, ,

learn how to correct hi m self and be ri ghted by

his o w n discoveries S uch a theory implies a
.

c onfi d ence in human n ature complete But a l as ' .

experience is ag a inst this a ngelic theory and ,

teaches that children left to merely blossom into

c haracter come to character such as no true
parent would desire and such as secures anything
,

but good to th e se l f directed child and youth -

.

F reedom from parental curb ing instruction and , ,

guiding is seen to be peri l ous and ruinous A .

“

child left to himself bringeth his mother to

'
s hame ( P rov 2 9 : .

H ence further S cripture gives great prominence

, ,

to the duty o f parental care and instruction Of .

A braham God say s I know him that he will

“
, ,
60 T HE FAM I LY
command his chi l dren and his household after
'
him and they shall k eep the way of the L ord
,
.

O f his statutes and j udgments God said to his ,

ancient people Teach them thy sons and thy

,
“
,

sons sons ;
’
that they may teach their chil
dren ( D eut 4 : 9 . A nd these words ,
“

thou sha l t teach diligently unto thy chil

dren and shalt talk o f them when thou sittest
,

in thine house etc ( D eut 6 : 6 ,

F or he . .
,
“

established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a ,

l aw in Israel which he comman d ed our fathers

, ,

that they Shou l d m ake them known to t h eir

chi l dren ; that the generation to come might
know them etc ( PS 7 8 5
,
“
Chasten thy
.
°

so n while there is hope Correct thy son and .

,

he sha l l give thee rest Train up a chi l d in .

the way he should go ; and when he is o l d he ,

'
wi l l n ot depart from it ( P rov 2 2 : “
Ye .

fathers provo k e not your children to wrath : but

,

bring them up in the nurture and admonition o f

'
the L ord ( E ph 6 : .

The training the Christian nurture o f their

, ,

children is in the very n ature o f things and b y

, ,

the Word o f G o d the most sacred and most i m

,

portant of all the religious duties of pa r ents .

SO brethren wherever you go

, ,
“
these things ,

'
command and teach .
 PA R EN TS AND C H I L DREN 61

A nd now having awakened in the minds of

,

parents a proper interest in this vital matter and ,

a pious desire to fulfi l l their o b ligations it is our ,

duty and ou r glad duty to aid them in their

, ,

seeking of further light and in their eff o rt s — per

,

—
haps entirely new to make their homes really
orderly and Christian .

H ere is imposed upon us no ordinary duty

nay indeed but an extraordinary and a most
, ,

delicate task F or its successful performance

there is needed special preparation ; there is
needed particu l ar interest in the su bj ect and a ,

grasp of it in general and in detail A nd I dare .

to assert that there is need of all these in such a

.

degree as I regret to s ay but few ministers possess

, , .

The fact is that while as before stated a new

, , ,

interest is being awakened upon this subj ect the ,

vast body of the ministry are still asleep as to its

real import Very few have given the question
.

serious study Very few clergymen have works

.

in their li b raries t r eating upon it and a person ,

might listen to a thousand sermons before he

wou l d hear o n e upon fami l y government o r home
religion I have really anticipated — presumed
.

—too much for the minister in supposing that he

h as a lr ea dy interested his people upon the matter .

H e cannot do this until he has first interested

62 TH E F AM I LY

himself H e must first have thou g ht and read

.

and praye d an d prayed and read and though t

,

again ; and this I repeat is what but few minis , ,

ters have as yet done .

H ow then shall we thoroughly qualify ou r

, ,

selves to first interest and then properly instruct

o u r people H ow shall we bring this truly great
matter out of i ts place of general and harmful
neglect in the rear to i ts true p l ace of d ivine l y
,

appointed and he lpful prominence in the front '

The method is simple and the means at h and .

I n addition to personal observation investigate , ,

study read the subj ect up care fully

,
F irst .

—
stu dy it as set forth in the Bible as laid before
God s people by the H oly S pirit This will open
’
.

up a mine a field which will be a reve l ation

, ,

—
indeed Then read the abl e b ooks now growing
.

to be numerous — written upon the su bj ect This .

i s scarcely less important than the study of the

S criptures and I would even urge this upon every
,

on e . I ncidentally I have already named three

books to which I here add a fourth and give
, ,

together their titles and authors : The M other “

'
at H ome by R ev John S C A bbott
,
. . .

“
Gentle M easures in the M anagement Of the
'
Y oung by Jacob Abb ott
,
Christian “

N urture by H orace Bushnell ( 1 8 7 6 and H ints

,
“
 PA R EN TS AND C H I LD R EN 63

on Child Training b y H Cl ay Trum b u l l

-
,
.

Th ese are unexcel led but as many more might

be named of a l most equal merit from which the
, ,

eager student wi l l make further selections The .

very names o f some o f these writers are j ust

ground f or high expectation and the study of ,

their books will more than satis fy it By thei r .

pages this su bject wil l b e opened to your mind

in such a l ight as it has not before appeared and ,

wi ll b e impressed upon your heart with suc h

weight as at the present it is impossi b le for y ou
to feel The su bject is discussed in a l most every
.

possi b le phase embracing the vigorous treatment

,
.

of all the fundamental principles involved as ,

wel l as the presentation o f the practical applica

tion o f these principles in the most per fect and
hel pful detail .

It will at once occur to a minister that he has

come upon a very practica l moral and religious
question in which b oth himself and his people
,

are in common concerned and he wi l l b e anxious

,

that these books on e o r more Of them shou l d

, ,

also be in the hands o f every parent o f his fl ock .

The y are written f o r parents but from want o f ,

information and interest very ver y few parents

, ,

even know of their existence What a b lessing to .

a home to the many disorderly and practically

,
64 TH E F AM I L Y

unchristian though professed l y religious hom es

, , ,

such a book would be A t the earnest s ug

.

gestion of their pastor many parents would ,

g l adly procure it But these books are a necessity

.

to every minister both as a source of interest and

,

inspiration an d as fertile suggesters o f practical

thoughts for his people .

There is another consideration in view o f

which it becomes a gospel minister to be well
informed upon the subj ect of fami l y government
and nurture That is that he himse l f when in
.
, ,

’
Go d s providence he has become the head o f a
household may be able to j oin with the wife and
,

mother in the cond u ct of a truly orderly and

pious home bring i ng up his own children in th e
,

nurture and admonition o f the L ord Indeed the .

,

Word O f God Specifies his ability to do this as one

o f the qualifications necessary to his being placed
“
in this responsible office H e must b e . on e

that ruleth well his ow n house having h i s children ,

in su bj ection with all gravity ( for if a man know

not how to rule h i s own house how shal l he ,

take care o f the church of God The logic of

this is irresistible and when we reflect that in
,

this particular especially the minister and his

family are ex pected by both God and men to be
, ,

'
“
ensamples to the flock we see the i m m eas ur,
 PA R EN TS AND C H I LD R EN 65

a bl e importance of the pastor s home being one ’

not on l y without dishonor or even weakness in

this regard but o n e where the positive character
,
~

i s ti cs and the sweet and shining graces and virtue s

o f true Christian fami l y li fe constantly and i n

their b est form prevail P assing the j oy a

.

minister himself takes in such home conditions

and l ife and the special moral strength his heart
receives therefrom we are considering only their
,

beari ng upon his influence and usefulness among

his people P erhaps the wholesome influence of
.

such pastoral family life in the leading of the

flock is the better appreciated because o f the
inj urious influence Of its Opposite A nd of such .

instances we are a l l pained to know there are

, ,

not a few F rom such sa d and blighting home

.

conditions God designs that hi s ministers may be

saved and from such they shall b e saved i f they
, ,

will give proper attention to the direction of their

f a m il v concerns The rather it is certainly the
.
,

purpose o f the Great S hepherd that each under

’
Shepherd s little home flock Should be a sample
to all the other family circles of the entire flock
over which he i s placed A nd for the meeting
.

o f o u r responsibility he has given instructions ,

and his o w n word declares that he wi ll crown our

Sincere eff orts with success .

5
66 THE F AM I LY
The great general fact back o f all and that ,

call s for all that is here b eing advanced O f argu

ment o r assertion the fact of the controlling
,

power of family life in molding character both ,

in d ividual and s o also general has its root in

, , ,

the eternal nature and fitne s s of things I s ay .

fi tn ess o f things
,
f o r w e can s ee that it is fit and

wise and indeed gracious that God should have

, ,

so ordered . Being then fit and n atural it is the

, , ,

di vm e design that it should b e made to co operate

in the carrying forward o f God s great purpose ’

o f grace in the gospe l .It i s his wish that his

church and peop l e recognizing this universal
,

ru l e and l a w in the impressing of principles and

practices upon each rising generation of men ,

Shou l d plan their work a c cordingly should make ,

u s e o f parental direction and home l ife should ,

sanctify this mighty agency of power and turn it

into the channel of the church s aims This we ’
.

know w a s done in the ancient Jewish church

b y general statute and through the ages o n
“
,

down to this day the power of fami l y instruction

has b een able to mold into the b eliefs and char
acter of their ancestors o f thirty fi ve centuries -

ago each succeeding generation Al so when we .

,

trace b ack to their sources the influences that

have been potent in the formation of the charac
 PA R EN TS AND C H I LD R EN 67

ter of pa r ti cu lar m en in the history o f God s peo ’

ple we find almost universa ll y that they had their

,

formation their rea l b irth in the training O f pio us

, ,

parents and especially of pious and faith ful

,

mothers .

The counsel and training of his father and

m other when a child made Joseph the pure and
, ,

strong and great character he w a s despite the ,

utter ab sence of help ful associations a fter hi s ear l y

youth M oses wa s reared in a luxurious heathen
.

court but by hi s m other The mother s power in

,
.
’

the case of S amue l is distinctly to l d in O ld Testa

ment history ; and also by P au l Timothy s char , ,
’

acter is ascribed to the faith ful instruction o f

mother and grandmother The history of the .

Christian church is made radiant by the beautiful

examples o f pious mothers in training their chil
dren for God and the church N o r m a mother of .
,

Gregory Na zi an z en An thu sa mother of Chrys

, ,

O s t om and M onica mother of A ugustine will

, , ,

ever hold an honored place in the annals of early

ecclesiastical history because o f their faithfulness
,

in rearing their children F or the great sons .

and leaders they trained f or the church every

generation of God s people wi l l rise up and call
’

them b les sed “

.
'
S aint A ugustine as M r Trum ,
.

bull says has been called the most important

“
,
68 TH E F AM I LY

convert to the tr uth from S aint P aul to L uther .

N ear the c l ose of his eventful li fe S aint A ugustine

said : It i s to my mother that I owe everything
‘
.

I f I am thy child O my God it is b ecause thou

,

gavest me such a mother If I pre fer the truth to .

all things it is the fr uit o f my mother s teachi ngs

,
’
.
’

’
L uther s pious mother gave the stamp to his
’
life N ote the mother s we ll known influence in
.
-

the cases o f P ayson Baxter and D oddrid ge What

, , .

mighty influences for good the pious parents o f the

Wesleys started in their humble home We know .

of the part played by a pious mother in giving to

us and the world o ur o wn O tterbein “
H ome .

'
influence directed by a pious mother said VVa s h
, ,

'
i ng ton “
is the source Of my success
,
John .

'uincy A dams and P resident N ott delighted to

refer to their godly mothers .

When on his death bed R ev D r A dams of -

,
. .
,

N ew Y ork remarked I o w e everything to the

, ,
“

'
j udicious training of my parents .

The mother of L incoln died when he was but

ten years of age and even at that age he w as well
,

instructed in the S criptures and o f hi s mother he ,

said A ll that I am or hope to be I owe to my

,
“
, ,

'
mother .

The devotion of Garfield to hi s mother was

only equaled b y her faithful devotion to his early
 P AREN T S A ND C HI LD R EN

C hristian training John B Gough once said in

. .

re ference to h i s mother b efore a gre at audience

, ,

“
I stand before y ou t o night to d eclare that i f I
h ave ever accomp l ished anything in the world if ,

I have ever done aught of good what I am a n d , ,

what I have done by the grace of G o d has been

, ,

'
through the influence of that mother .

Thus does history utter o n e voice in proc l ai m

ing the b en efi cence and power of pious homes ;
thus do generals statesmen j urists re for m ers
, , , ,

and divines unite i n attributing their correct

heart belie fs and their li fe successes to the godly
parental nurture given them in childhood A nd .

this is a fact of almost universal prevalence

with the great army of godly active Christian ,

workers to day — among S unday school teachers

- -
,

missionaries ministers of the gospel professors in

, ,

Christian institutions and students in theological

,

seminaries L et all o f us here this morning who

.

have been blessed with the prayers and i nstr u c

tions of pious parents raise the hand ' A lmost .

every right hand went u p ' A h yes brethren , , ,

we are here t o day giving ourselves to this high

and holy calling because we have had godly
parents. Valuable as is the instruction given
us here the foundation upon which these faithful
,

and learned teachers build was laid in ou r child

70 TH E FA MI L Y

hood by modest devoted mothers With truth

,
.

an d force does Sh a i r p s ay “
Co ll ege learning is
,

good b ut all the l earning of a ll the universities

,

o f E urope cannot compensate for the loss o f that

which the youth reared in a re l ig ious home has

, ,

'
learned in chi l dhood at his mother s kn e e ’
.

O h what power for good in the narrow and

,

sacred enclosure of the home With what signal

blessing has Go d a l ways stamped parental i ns tr u c
tion and home rel igion S tarting at humble
.

family altars , what mighty streams o f power

have poured forth to fl o w through the earth .

To day of the many forces sanctified and used by

-
,

God f or the spread of truth and righteousness ,

none can take the place o f and none can equa l

, ,

the power exerted in the mil l ions o f o u r hum b le

Christian homes .

“
It is to thoroughly good and righteou s family
life that the church must look f o r it s gr eatest
'
e l ement o f strength To e x alt this fact in the
.

estimation of the people and to secure among

,

them more intell i gent and faith ful attention to

the Christian nurture of their children is at once,

both the sacred duty and th e high privilege of

the Christian minister .
 C H AP T E R IV .

W O RDS TO PAREN T S .

W H I LE every husband and wife and especia l ly ,

every parent wou l d be interested an d it is hoped

, , , ,

profited by the reading o f the foregoing lectures

, ,

whose contents were originally prepared for min

i s ter s it would seem that in Offering them for
,

general reading an additional chapter Should be

written addressed directly to parents B u t w h o .

can do anything like j ustice to the subj ect of

parental duties in a few pages ' The family
training of children is a theme of such impor
tance and of such a multitude of phases and
points theoretical and practica l that it needs
, ,

volumes for its j ust treatment A nd upon it .

vo l umes have been written H ere nothing more

.

can be attempted than to make suggestions which

ma y be help ful in themselves and which will
prompt parents to greater attention to and further
study of the subj ect .

P erhaps just here it should be said that our

need as parents is not so much specific instructions
h o w t o control ou r households a n d proper l y b rin g
71
72 TH E FA MI LY
up our children a s a deep sense of ou r sacred
,

duty in this regard A ll faith ful parents recog .

—
nize the d uty and j oy ful l y give their l ives to its
—
performance of provi d ing to the best Of their ,

a b i l ity for the material comfort of their children ;

,

but mu l titudes of such almost utterly neglect

fami l y discipline They feed and clothe their
.

boys and girl s and that is about al l D O children

, .

need in the home nothing more than this

, , Do
not parents kno w that while their chi l dren s ’

bodies and minds are developing there is a l so ,

developing dai l y something else character 'A nd

who is to direct this growth ' O r does it n eed
no over sight and direction ' It i s so ordered
in the nature o f things that the child wi l l b ecome
and will do largely what the parent b y his i n
fl u en ce determines M r H Clay Trumbull truly
. . .

“ ’
says respecting this point : I t is a parent s privi
,

’
lege and it is a parent s duty to make his
, ,

children by God s b lessing to be and to do what

,
’
,

the y should be and do rather than what they ,

would l ike to be and do I f indeed this were n ot .

so,
a parent s mission would be sadly limited in
’

scope and diminished in importance and pre

,

c i o u s n ess The parent wh o does not recognize

.

the possibility of training his children as well as ,

instructing them misses one of his highest priv

,
 W ORD S To PAREN T S 73

il eg es as a parent and fails of his most important

,

'
work for his chi ld ren .

The fi r st a nd great essential i n every well c on -

ducte d home is or d er ; that is the d ai l y operation

,

and fruits of good family government Without .

this it is impossi b le to properly rear any child .

It is folly to be c onsidering the training o f their

chi l dren on the part of any parents w h o have
n o t l earned first to govern them Time cannot .
,

and need not be taken to argue this palpable

,

truth But what Shall be the fundamental prin

.

c i pl e of the home government ' Various princi

ples and methods are in vogue among parents .

S hal l the method b e reason ' M ust the parent

d epend upon his a b ility to convince his child
o f the reasonableness o r propriety of the child s ’

recognizing the justice of parental control in gen

eral and the righteousness o f each particular c om
,

mand 'This would hard l y stand as a practical prin

c i pl e f o r young children are n ot capa bl e o f know
,

ing or b eing made to understand al l the whys “

'
and where fores o f even the wisest requirements .

S hall aff ection be the method M ust the appeal

’ ’
to his boy s love be the fa ther s dependence f o r
obedience ' Very likely at times the b o y s self ’

l ove — his genuine self wi l l — will overbalance

-

his love for his father an d his father s will ’

.
74 T HE FAM I LY

S hal l the mother base her control the home of ,

SO o ften l eft to her Sin g l e e ff ort upon the mutual

,

love that should exist and does exist between her

and her children ' L ove is a mighty power in
every true home and s hould be cu l tivated and
,

used to its utmo s t strength ; but can government

be built upon it ' S uppose selfishness and aroused
passion should override it ; what then '
IV i th ou t giving further attention to faulty prin
c i pl es I assert that the o n e only true method of
,

governing a ho m e is by a uthor i ty This is the .

fundamental princip l e that must be recognized in

theory and practice It is simply the inevitable
.

outgrowth of the recognition of wh at the posi “

tion Of a parent mea n s — one of direction and

,

authority — and what the relation of children

,

—
means honor and Obedience '
S uch is the
.

teaching o f S cripture which expects a father to

,

'
be a man who ruleth we l l his o w n house and
“
,

requires o f children that they O b ey their par

ents This order in the home rests on the very
.

nature of things and cannot change whatever

, ,

may b e the Spirit o f the age ; and this order of

things is to b e assumed at once by parents as a
matter of cour s e an d thus it will be recognized
,

at once b y the children a l s o as a matter of course .

Y es the authority o f parents is the only basis

,
 W O R DS TO PA R EN TS 75

u pon which they can b ui ld the government and

c arry ou t the g overning o f their households .

N ow having s ett l ed upon the b asis of author

,

i ty the important inquiry i s how it shall b e

, ,

firm l y esta bl ished an d made practical l y success

f u l and b en efi cen t P erhaps the maj ority of
.

parents be l ieve In this principle The error is .

'

n ot in principle but in practice , H ow to govern .

,

how to maintain a u th or i tv s ecuring its whole

some resu l ts is the great practical matter In
, .

g eneral ,
i t should not b e done by harsh or severe
methods Gentle measures natural measures are
.
, ,

at once the reasonab le and the successful ones .

T hreats scolding s caring cu ffi ng and the like s o

, , , , ,

common are no part o f wise parental conduct

, .

These things weaken authority as does the i m ,

p osing o f unreaso n able and unpaternal require

m ents . H ere let it be remembere d that the chi l d

h as rights P are nts have n ot a right to act as
.

t hey ple a se toward childre n S ays 'ate D oug .

las Wiggin : The child has rights an in d ivid

“
,

u al i ty ; is not owned mind body and soul b y the , , , ,

parent ; he owns himself The parent i s Simply .

a divinely appointed g uardian who acts for his

-
,

child until he attains what we ca l l the age of

’
discretion A nd children have a keen appr eci a
.

tion of their rights Their sense of justice their

.
,
76 T H E FA MI LY

perception of things unreasonab le unkind op , ,

pressive passionate and crue l is won d erful l y

, , ,

quic k and their sensitive susceptible natures are

, ,

capab le of the deepest wounding Just as with .

a perso n Of years their whole nature rises up

,

against felt encroachments upon their rights I t .

i s sadly unnatural when the administration Of

authority in the home is such that the souls
o f the children are wounded and chafed and , ,

goaded to the point o f disrespect f o r the parental

government and fina l ly as is SO O ften the case
, , ,

to the point of disregard .

The punishment o f children in some meas u re

may enter now and t hen as a necessary factor in
their proper training This may be imposed
.

in various ways O ne general method may b e b y

.

curtai l ing some of their usual privi l eges in case of

o ff ense s The most diffi cult method to correctly
.

administer is corporal punishment This should .

be resorted to only as an ex treme measure and a

last resort The better the home government
.

the less Of bodily punishment appears in i ts a d

ministration O ne has put the matter th u s : that
.

it is a question of greater o r less skill in parents ,

an d of h igher o r lower means It is much as in .

civil government ; there are higher and m ore

enlightened forms and there are lower and more
,
 WO RD S To PA R EN TS 77

coarse forms A nd s o it is a reflection upon the

.

management of a home that its theory and prae

tice o f government should be by the rod In .

this way obedience i s sought and obtained through

fear of punishment and the chi l d becomes a slave
,
.

AS said the rod should not be the settled method

, ,

—
but the i ncidental one the very last resort .

This i s surely the position of S cripture upon this

point . But if it becomes necessary to inflict
co r po r a l pu n i sh m ent let it be done in the right
,

Spirit It should n ever be done in anger The

. .

great difficulty lies right at this point M ost .

parents are apt to punish the off ending child

when they are irritated b y the provoking off ense .

S pace cannot b e taken to point ou t the many

evils o f such a course . In his admirable work ,
'
“
H ints on Chi l d Training M r Trum b ull devote s
-

,
.

an entire chapter to the topic Never P u ni s h a

“
,

'
Child in A nger It is one o f the most timely
and valuable chapters in his excellent book .

When in o u r inquiry for the true method of

governing it was agreed that it must be by pa
rental authority and not by reason or a ff ection
, ,

these two forces in the home were not supposed to

be discarde d They are to be constantly active
.

as potent and essential aids to the reign of peace

producing authority F or instance it will cer
.
,
78 T HE FA M I LY
t ai n ly lead a chil d to more wi ll ing and intel l igen t
obedience to s ee also the reasons for what i s r e
,

quired L et not ou r assigning of duties be s i m

.

ply b y the cold stern word of command NO

, .

home should be under martial r ule Y et we can .

'

not be expected to always give ou r children th e

reasons for ou r comman ds That they are our .

commands is the prime and suffi cient reason for

their ready fulfillment but v ery o ften a word of
,

ex planation will both interest the child and en

list him i n his obedience .

A s to aff ection there can be no true home with

,

o t t
u i — no true fulfilling o f the d uties of parents
or of children L ove is n ot on l y the greatest “
.

'
thing in the world but it is the very life and
,

soul of that inner sacred world the family NO

, ,
.

parent can possibly e'ercise true parental control

w h o has not reigning in his breast parental tender
ness and love ; and that Obedience is but formal
and forced which is not the obedience Of l ove .

H ouseho ld s where love reigns are generally house

ho ld s where order reigns and vi ce ver sa P arents
,
.

w h o seek to rule l arge l y by the power Of aff ection ,

will find their influence over their children well

esta bl ished and constantly increasing L ove in .

’
the parent begets love in the child and the child s ,

love prompts him to ready and true obedience .

 WORDS To PAREN TS 79

P arents wi ll strengthen their hold up o n the

chi l dren by cu l tivating a sympath y a n d pr o per
familiarity between themselves and their chi l
dren C hi l dren are especia l ly appreciative o f
.

any interest taken in the th in g s which concern

them W e shou l d enter into their j oys and s or
.

ro w s into their p l ans and p l a y s ; in short shou l d

, ,

enter into their li fe H o w f ew parents do this '

.

and by this want of sympathy how much they ,

lose of power to direct and aid S ays o n e Ther e .

,
“

are however parents w h o sympathize w ith their

, ,

chil d ren in all things and as a result they prae

,

tica lly train and sway their children as they wi ll

for when there i s entire sympathy between two
persons the stronger on e is necessari l y the con
,

'
tro ll ing force with both M r H opkinson S mith
. .

wrote to fathers : “
O pen your heart and your
arms wide for your daughters and keep them ,

’
Open ; don t l eave all that to their mothers A n .

intimacy wil l grow up with the years which will ,

fit them for another man s arms and heart when ’

they e x change yours f o r his M ake a chum of .

your boy hail fe l low well met a comrade

,
‘
, ,
’
.

Get down to the level o f his boyhood and bring ,

him gradually up to the level of your manhood .

’
D on t look at him from th e second story win dow -

'
of your fatherly superiority and e x ample M an y .
80 T HE FAM I L Y

par ents d o n ot feel prompted to this beautiful and

he l p ful sympathy but it can be cu l tivated ; in
,

fact i t needs in almost al l cases to be persistent l y

,

cultivated Children also who are wanting in

.
, ,

sympathy will soon reciprocate it and so there ,

can be secured that mutual love and esteem

which promote every natural and divinely
.

or d ered re l ation b et ween chi l dren and parents .

In applying even gpod princip l es parents are ,

liable to many mistakes and faults There is .

such a thing as overdoing in the matter of child

training This evil may be as great as that o f
.

neglect A nd it is like l y that this mistake wi ll

.

be made most frequently by young parents who

are deeply interested and thoroughly co ns c i en
tious in the proper training of their children .

S o watch ful and untiring and particular are they

that they almost stand over their children and ,

scarcely allow them to make a move without

their kindly direction and aid S uch constant .

guarding and guiding are bound to unnecessarily

worry and cramp and even confuse a child It .

is started ou t by a command here and confronted

'
by a prohibition there ; it m ust not do this a nd “

it must do that a n d so it is forever un der the

“
,

'
parent s must
’ “
The poor little creature is never
.

free U nder this over attention it feels a constant

.
-
 WOR DS To PAREN T S 81

restraint S uppose a chi l d does step aside now

.

and then or even frequent l y ; it will be much the

,

better course to not see every l ittle fault L et the .

fault at least when not fl agrant pass unnoticed

, , .

S ome parents actual ly acquire a ha b it of contin

u a ll y obj ecting to whatever their children are
doing whenever they are within Sight or hearing .

This kind o f a ttention is almost a l ways of a fault

fi n di ng Spirit and leads the parent to be given
,

'
to a nagging habit There is constant danger
“
.

also by this overdone strictness of provoking a

, ,

c l ashing of wills The clashing of the will of the

.

child with that of the parent ought i f possible to , ,

be avoided The true aim o f the parent should

.

be the directing and training of his child s will ’

,

not the breaking o r crushing o f it in a s et battle .

O f course the will o f the parent must be the

recog nized law o f the home b ut it will at once ,

appear as the most blind and stupid folly to

pursue a course that must half the time array the
will of the children against it A s said e l se .

’
where let the chi l d s individuality be recognized
,
.

O n the other hand a parent should s ee it wise

,

and right to give his child no little freedom H e .

’
should even indulge the child s desires when they
are of an innocent kind and have no harm ful
tendencies P roper indulgence is not at all in
.

6
82 TH E F A M I LY

compatibl e with the e x ercise of the fullest author

ity and control But here is a very vital point
.
,

and it requi r e s no little wisdom on the part of

parents to j u dge L oose and indiscriminate i n
.

du lg en ce of children has proved the ruin of

thousan ds and the destroyer of the happiness of
,

multitudes of homes A nd attention ought to b e

.

cal l ed to the present tendency to the ov er indu l -

gence of children With many there is such a

.

s winging a way from the old time rigidity of -

restrai nt th at it carries them over to the other

equally hu rtful extreme It is the golden mean.

toward which the wise parent will aim To fol .

low this golden mean requires great wisdom It .

calls for both kindness and firmness NO other .

question is more di fli c u lt to deal with A nd this .

i s especially the case when the children have

reached more advanced boyhood and gir l hood .

A thoughtful writer suggests that at this period o f

the child s development parents Should on the o n e
’
,

hand guard against such c l ose watching as will

,

prevent self action an d the cultivation of self con

- -

trol and on the other against giving that full free

, , ,

do m which at this age the chi l d is by no means

qualified to e x ercise without great peril H ere i s .

wha t is often a nd is right l y cal l ed the critical age .

O nce helped safely through these unsteady and

 W ORD S TO PAREN TS 83

fatefu l years the young man and young woman are

,

most li k e l y out on an open s ea and a safe voyage .

The cultivation of self control and development

-

Of the spirit of self dependence is a matter of

-

great importance at this preparatory stage S oon .

the boy and girl must act for themselves whether ,

ready f or sel f direction or not It is certainly the

-
.

duty o f the parent to prepare his child f or the

assuming of life s real and stem tasks
’
This .

cannot be done otherwise than by giving him

freedom an d imposing duties and even thrusting
, ,

him amid common temptations and perils all ,

under parental supervision and aid U nder .

standing this principle men of large commercial

,

interests which are b y and by to fall into th e

,

hands and control o f sons thrust their sons out

,

into the practical business world while under

their tutelag e They are prevented from com
.

mitting great blunders in their amateur attempts ,

— —
but they are a l so taught sel f taught i n the -

tact ics of success ful business What we parents

.

want to do is to prepare our children if we can , ,

for the real world that awaits them We want .

to te a ch them moral stability such as will surely

,

be required in o u r si n ruined world-

A nd so .

let the drill and first skirmishes be part o f the

e x perience of their training days at home .
84 TH E F A M I LY

I t has b een agreed that the chi ld has hi s

rights O ne o f his first rights and most sacred i s
.

the right to a good example in his parents The .

child is to be pitied who has not this Children .

live during their earlier ye ars largely in the

rea l m of the s enses Their impressions are gotten
.

chiefly through the eye and ear and t hat other ,

unnamed sense which we may designate as that

o f instinctive soul perceptio n They are great .

imitators They are very impressible by the

.

evident character of those nearest them They .

are apt learners from obj ect lessons It is after .

,

all not so much the home rule that molds the

,

children as the home living The living father .

and mother their own inner a n d outer self this

, ,

is the felt and molding force of the home The .

important m atter is th e ruler within the rulers .

O way ward chil dhoo d would st th e n h o ld fi r m rul e

’
er
’

An d s u n th ee i n t h e l i ght o f happy fac es '

L ove ho p e a nd p atie nc e th ere m u s t b e t h y g rac es
, ,

An d i n thi n e o w n heart l et th e m fi rst k ee p s c hool .

I t is especially important th at parents do not

S how a lack of command of sel f To manifest .

the very weaknesses o f temper which they

forbid in their children is exceedingly u nf o r tu
nate and to give way to them in the midst of
,

the administration of family order and discipline

 W OR DS To PA R EN TS 85

is the very clima x o f weakness Very often

.
“

a father or mother i s the chie f figure in a house

hold uproar the biggest chi l d of them all and
‘

, ,

whose only superiority either real or recognized

, ,

consists in superior b rute force In thousan d s o f

.

homes almost every day parents actua ll y quarrel

with their chi l dren .What a s a d Sight ' This
is s owm g to the wind whose reaping is sure to
,

be the whirlwind F rom the children Of such a

.

home has already flown their last feeling of

respect for its mock authority and sadder from , , ,

their so uls will soon be driven their last l ingering

breathings Of filial aff ection “
F athers provoke
.
,

'
no t your children to wrath .

O ne thing has been taken for granted in these

suggestions to parents respecting their e ff orts in
the direction o f fami l y aff airs a n d that is that there
,

i s agreement and co operati o n o f the father and

—
mother co Oper ati on both as to the general plans
o f the home order and also as to the methods
o f their practical carrying ou t This is a most
.

vital matter so vital that it would seem that

,

parents of the most ordinary intelligence wou l d

see it and invariably act accordingly But the .

fact is that in very many homes no such order

of things exists . I n some matter touching the
conduct of the children one parent proposes a
,
86 TH E FA M I LY
certain course and the other proposes something
,

quite the opposite Then most l ike l y the chi l

.

dren in about equal numbers take the two Sides ,

o r in a case of the administration of discipline it ,

is not infrequent l y the case that the correction

administered by the father for instance is ob , ,

j ec t e d to by the mother and s o the

,
child comes
to think himself to b e given full indu l gence by
o n e while he holds the other as a tyrant The .

many ruinous results of such a course are appar

ent If in any case on e of the heads of the
.

household may have b een driven by trying prov

ocati o n Of some act o f insubordination t o some

really e x treme or unwise administrative act let ,

the other raise no obj ection and make no mention

of hi s adv erse Opinion in the hearing of the
children S uch matters should be ta lk ed over
.

where none may know of it but the parents

themselves A house divided against itse l f can
.

not stand Both parties in the dual rulership

.

Of the family must b e j ealous each o f the good

standing o f the other b efore the children E ach .

must b e the oth 3r s supporter ; the t wo must inva

’

r i ab l where it is at all possible work together

y
, ,
.

I am aware that there are not a few homes in

this land where o e o its leaders i t may be
n f —
the mother it is most likely to be the father
,
 W ORD S To PAREN TS 87

is a l most whol l y recreant to the sacred parenta l

trust and whose in fl uence is most of the time
,

’
against the home s best good In such cases the .

parent who still seeks to fulfill the duties of the

father or mother must manage thi s delicate
matter the most discreet l y and w isely that the
un fortunate circumstances wil l permit .

That the moral and religious training of their

c hildren should stan d first ought to need no ,

arg ument with faith ful parents NO doubt the .

duty here suggested is in a way recogni z ed — b y

all Christian parents at least The important
,
.

demand o f ou r day is that recognized dutv be

carried into practice Whether children Shal l
. .

in mature years be moral e r immoral religious

, ,

o r irreligious depends more upon the moral and

,

re l igious influence of their home than upon all

other influences combined That children in our .

day may and do receive much moral instruction

outside of the home is a gratifying fact With
.
.

many indeed their only religious direction must

, ,

come from the S unday school the church and , ,

the various agencies o f church work But no .

parent can aff ord to commit this his first duty to ,

his children to any other hands I t is to be

, .

feared that in many of ou r homes religious mat

, ,

ters are not given their due prominence I f there .

88 T HE FA M I LY
is really n ot gen uine piety in the home if family ,

devotions the religious family paper the rea d ing

, ,

and study o f the Bible religious conversation , ,

’
attendance at the services o f God s house ob ser v ,

f —
ance o the L ord s day i f these conditions are
’

wanting there can be no religious training there

,
.

In fact it should be said and said with em

, ,

phasis that the proper moral and religious

,

atmosphere of the home is the one great general

essential in the correct and successful rearing o f
chi ld ren A l l that has been commended as cor
.

rect in principle and method in the training of

chi l dren will b e of little worth unless the general
Spirit an d ton e Of the home are good If these .

are hea lth fu l i f the parents are possessed of

,

pure tender unse l fish cheerful conscientious

, , , , ,

patient Chri stlike hearts and impulses a like

, ,

spirit wil l be imparted to all the circle What a .

di ff erence in the home atmosphere o f families '

It can be felt by a visitor in an hour s call A nd oh ’
.
,

what a difference in the stamp given to the chil

dren of homes of a healthful and of an unhealth
fu l atmosphere ' By this silent yet ever present ,
-

and mighty influence the tender an d impressi b le

,

young l ife is being dai l y and sure l y formed for ,

its permanent good or permanent il l What a .

mighty power is moral influence personal i nflu ,

 W ORD S TO PAREN TS 89

ence 'and nowhere else in all the earth i s it s o

mighty as in the home by par ents upon their
,

o w n children
.
. A nd s o do we come b ack to the
general truth the momentous truth the truth
, ,

which is a part of the sett l ed or d er of human

a ff airs th a t in the home by parents are wielded
, , ,

the influences that mold the succeeding genera

tions of men H i story corrob orates this state
.

ment and every day o b servation enforces the

,

l esson of all the past F ather mother what are

.
, ,

u doing to meet the high and holy r es on s i b i l

y o p
ity that G o d has placed upon y ou ' I s it your
daily study and your highest delight to train up
your children in the way they should go bring ,

ing them up in the nurture and adm onition of

the L ord
P arents of our day are favored by the publi
cation o f books and maga zines on the subj ect of
child training as have been parents o f no other
-

age Of some o f these books I made mention in

.

another chapter H ere I wish to call attention

.

to an e x cellent organization for the promotion of

interest upon this vital su bj ect and the spread o f
use ful information I refer to what is ca l led
.

“ ’
The P arents A ssociation of A merica I ts ob .

j ec t s are stated in its constitution t o be :

“
To aff ord to parents Opportunities for coopera
90 TH E FA MI LY

tion and consultation s o that the wisdom and

,

e xperien ce of each may be made profitable for

a ll .

To stimulate their enthusiasm through the

s y mpathy O f numbers acti ng together .

To cr eate a b etter pu b lic Opinion on the subject

o f the training of children and with this obj ect
,

in vi ew to collect and make known the b est

,

informat i on and e x perience o n the su bj ect .

“
To assist parents to understan d the b est prin
ci pl es and methods o f education in a l l its aspects ,

and especially in those which concern the forma

tion of habits and character .

“
To secure greater unity and continuity of
education by harmonizi ng hom e and school
'
training etc ,
.

It consists Of a central society and local

branches .

F or particulars as to membership and full i n

formation a d dress D r George Wil l iam Winter
,
.

b urn N o 2 3 0 West O ne H undred and Thirty

,
.

second S treet N ew Y ork ,

.
 APPE ND I' .

TH E F A M IL Y S C HO O L .

B Y RE V . I L
. . B OO 'WA L T ER .

I . A NE W MO V EM E N T N E EDED .

M UC H has been sai d an d writt e n in re g ard to

S abba t h s c h o Ol wo r k
-
It tru ly in volve s v e r y i m
.

p ort a nt go s pel ma c hiner y fo r th e s a lv ati o n an d

mo ra l elev ation of m an k in d ; an d w o n de r fu l p r og
r ess has bee n ma de in the l ast sc o re o f ye ar s in

b rin g in g thi s l ine of Chr i s tian wo r k to its prese nt

s t a t e O f pe r fe c ti o n U po n t h is w ork are bro u gh t
.

t o bea r S abba th s cho ol asse mbl i es conventi o n s

-
, ,

S abb at h s c hool j o urn al s t ea c hers mee ti n gs a c r it

’
-
, ,

i c a l exa m ination o f the S c r i p tu res les s o n s e tc , ,

.

A ll thi s i s ri ght a n d j ust a s it s h o u ld be B ut

,
.

m a y I n o t make t he su gge sti o n t ha t t he r e is an o t he r

s c hool a noth e r in s titution d ivin ely o r d aine d t ha t

, , ,

i f ri ghtly man aged is O f much mo r e for c e a n d

,

p owe r f or the good O f o ur r a c e th a n t he S abbat h

s c ho o l I mea n th e fam i ly s chool T h i s pre c ede s
. .

e very o t her me an s of in s tru c ti o n S ome ve r y good .

a n d th o u ght fu l me n ha ve g iven it as th e i r j u dg

ment t h a t mo re c a n be do n e by p ar e nts a t h o m e in ,

t he p ro p er c are contr ol a n d teachin g o f their Chi l

, ,
e

91
92 T HE FAM I LY
d r e n fr om t he fi r s t t o t he seve n th or e i ghth y ear t o ,

S hape t he ir future moral a nd rel i g i o u s c hara c ter

t ha n by all o t he r me a n s c omb ine d ; a n d from c are
fu l O bserva ti o n d urin g my thirt y nin e ye ars of l i fe -

in t he m ini s tr y I b e l iev e t h is is abo ut c o rr e ct

,
.

S ome t h i n g in deed is sa i d o n t h i s i mpor t a n t

, ,

su bj e ct by t he p u lp it a n d pre ss b ut h o w very l itt l e ,

i n c omp ari so n with W ha t i s sa i d an d do ne c o n c e rn

i n g S abba th s ch ool s a n d t he bes t me t hods o f c o n
d u c ti n g th em W o u ld it n o t be well en o u gh al so
.

t o h ave fa m i ly s c hool assembl i e s a n d c o n ve nti o n s '

-

W h y not at l east h a ve at a l l o ur ge n e r al S abba th

S chool asse mbl i e s a day o r t w o d evot ed e x c l usiv ely
t o t he d i s c u ss i o n by t he bes t t ale nt t h at c ou ld b e
,

secur ed O f t h e i mpo rt a n c e of t h i s s u bj e c t an d t h e
, ,

bes t a n d m os t e ff e c ti ve met hods of con d uctin g

fam i ly gove r n me nt ' In my op ini o n t h e impor
t a n c e of t h is ma tter c a n n o t be o v e r e sti m at ed .

M a y n o t t he la c k of whol eso m e d i s c i pl ine in

c h u r che s t he S la c k e n for c eme n t of laws in th e
,

state t he bold v i olat i o n of th e S abb ath d a y t h e

, ,

gre at nu mber of d iv o rc es t he fr eq u e nt o ut b ur s t s
,

O f anarchy i n t o w hi ch o u r c o unt ry i s s o fe ar fu lly

dr i ftin g a n d th e ala rmin g s t a t e of morals in th e
,

larg e citi es be largely t ra c ed ba c k t o the ge n eral

,

a n d in c r e asi n g sla c k n es s of fam i ly t ea chi n g a n d

c o n tr ol ' In ma n y s o called C h r i s ti a n fa m i l ie s
-

th e re is no al t a r of worsh i p n o da i ly fam i ly p r aye r

, ,

an d the chi ld ren are allo we d t o have abo ut a l l

t hey want an d do p r e tt y mu ch as th ey pleas e
, ,

w ithout a n y wh ol es ome ch ec k b ein g pl ac ed u po n

their se lfi sh a nd deprav ed desires by p arental
.
 APPEN D I X 93

authorit y W e have d e p arte d entire ly t o o far fro m

.

t h e good old P urit a n m ann e r s a n d from th e strict

hom e ru le a n d p i e t y O f o u r S ax o n fa th e rs .

A llo w m e t o s u gg est that o ur r el i g i o us p ape rs

s ho u ld o cc a si o n ally p rint a we ll m a tur ed artic le o n -

t h is very i mpor t a nt ma tt e r g i v in g the ma n n e r

,

an d bes t me t hods fo r the hom e tr a inin g of c h i l

d ren a l so se c urin g ab le c ontri b uti o n s o n th e s ub
,

j ec t an d r e c o m me n d in g t h e sa me as t op ics fo r c o n
,

ve n t i o n s ser mo ns an d l ectures
, , S ur ely t h e alarm
.

i n g l i ber a l is m of th e tim es w ith it s d e g en e ratin g

,

i n fl u e n c es sho u ld e n l ist th e c a r efu l attenti o n of

,

a ll t he r el i g i o us j o ur n als in t he l a n d T hus the .

c h u r c hes wo u ld b e awake n ed a n d t h e min d s of

,

t he parents wou ld be m ore int e ns ely d ir e ct ed t o

t he gr ea t d ut y of lo o k in g mo re c a r efu lly a fter the
p ri n c i ples an d l i ves of th e i r c h i ld ren .

A cc o r d i n g t o my vi ew afte r mu c h thou ght an d

,

o bse r vati o n t h ere i s s c a r c ely an y q u es tion befor e

,

the Ch ri s tian w o rld of mo r e i mpo rt a nce to th e

w elfa re of m an k in d t h an this wh i c h re l ates to
t he w or k and d ut y of p ar e nt s p r op er ly ta k in g
c ar e o f t he ir chi ld ren at hom e whi le q uite yo un g ,

i n W ise ly teachin g th em an d e ff ecti v e ly contr oll in g

t h em W hy n o t h ave a n o rmal dep art m ent in
.

eve r y Chr i s tian c ollege in t he l an d w it h a pr o f es ,

s o r s h i p t o g i v e well m atur ed weekly le ctu re s on

,
-

t h e im po rtance an d be st me tho ds O f c o n d uctin g

fami ly go vernment ' W h y n o t b rin g the matter
befo r e t he C hri s tian p u bl i c an d wa k e u p so m e
,

good hear ts an d w i se h ead s to w rite text b ooks on

—
th e subj ect o f h o me trainin g somethin g l ike
94 TH E FAM I L Y
Rev . J S C A bbo tt s M othe r at H o m e o n ly
. . .
’ “
,

mu ch more fu ll a n d mo r e at le n g t h in de tai l '

,

T h ere are se minari es to q ual i fy y oun g m en t o

p r e ac h the g os p e l T here are nor m a l sch o o l s an d
.

n orm a l depa r tme nt s t o t ea c h yo un g m e n a n d

w om en h o w t o be c ome e ff e c ti ve t e ac he rs bo th in ,

c om mon day s ch ool s a n d also i n S abba th schoo ls

,
.

S o a l s o in almos t e ve r y l in e of b u s iness an d ,

hu m an lea rnin g int e r es t an d d ut y ; a n d in recen t

, ,

year s m an y S tat e s a r e i n tr od u c i n g int o t h e c ommo n

s chools t emperan c e i n s t r u c ti o n t o assi s t in fo r ,

ward in g t he g re a t t empe ra n c e refo rm S e e in g that .

t he in tell i ge nt world i s s o W i de aw ake o n eve r y -

o t her mea n s O f i mproveme n t why sho u ld th i s ,

powe r fu l in s tru m e n t al it y fo r good wh i ch l i es a t ,

th e fo un da ti o n of b oth chur ch an d stat e b e so ,

g reatly n egle ct ed '

I hav e e n de a vored to drop a fe w see d th o u ght s -
,

w ith t he hope t ha t more able me n w i ll t ake u p t h e

'
subj e ct a n d c o ntinu e a t i t w i th l in e u po n l in e
,
“
,

“
p r e c ep t u po n p r e c ep t unti l t h e Chr i s ti a n c o n
,

s c i e n c e is ar o u sed a n d a p u bl i c s e nti me nt c rea t ed

t ha t w i ll b rin g abo ut a mu c h n eeded r eform in -

s oci ety .

II . FALSE ME T HODS OF SE C U RI NG O B ED I EN C E .

T h e mos t i mpor t a n t arra n geme nt in t he u n i vers e

i s l a w order a n d O bed i e n c e A s ha s bee n well
, ,
.

sai d law has it s sea t i n t he bosom of t he F athe r

, ,

a n d its vo ice is t h e h ar m o n y of t h e world SO .

als o in th e fami ly : good ru l es an d o rde r with ,

strict o bed ience t o them by b oth parents an d

 APPEN D I X 95

c hi ld ren ar e absol ut ely nec ess ary f or a g ood nobl e

, , ,
“
a n d s u c c es sfu l Ch ri st i a n fa m i ly G o d sa y s . To ,
'
O bey is be tt e r th an sa c r i fi c e P arents are un d er
.

law to God an d chi ld r e n ar e un de r l a w t o th e ir

,

p ar e nts In t h i s i mpor tant wo r k i f t h e O bed i e n c e

.
,

o f the c h i ld r e n c an n o t be se c ur ed by lov e an d m i ld
m e ans th e n t he d i v ine o r der sho u ld as far a s
, ,

poss i ble b e a dop t ed ; na mely

,
“
W ho m t he L or d
lo veth h e chast e n e t h a n d s c o u rge th e very son
,
'
wh o m he re c e i v eth T he w i se m an say s F oo l
.
“
,

i s h n es s is bo un d in t he hea rt of a c h i ld ; b ut t h e
'
r od of c o rrecti o n s ha ll d riv e it far from h i m To .

se c ure the O bed i e n c e of t he ir chi ldre n w ith o ut

do in g this s omewh at u n pleas a nt d ut y p ar e nt s ,

o ften res o rt t o fals e an d m ista k en m etho d s A .

few o f t hem I wi ll n o w n o tice .

F i rs t s om e pa re n t s c o n tinua lly threaten their

,

c hi ld r e n t o ge t the m t o do so m e thin g that t hey

,

do n o t w ant t o do an d ne ve r fu lfill th e ir thr ea ts

,

u n ti l perhaps th e pare nt be c om es des pe rat e an d

, , ,

in a b ur s t of an ge r g iv e s th e c h i ld an unm e rci fu l
blo w ( perhaps upon the he ad ' a n d thus the ,

matter en ds in a sort o f dis g rac efu l ri o t T h is .

h a r de ns chi ld ren and teach e s them to d i sobey

,

a n d t o be S la c k in th e ir prom is es a n d fo sters bad ,

h ab it s an d a ve r y b ad t empe r t ha t w i ll foll ow the m

,

all t h r o u gh l i fe .

A noth e r false m od e is t o de c e i ve th e ir chi l dren ,

an d tell them all k inds o f thin g s th a t are not true ,

t o in d uc e ob edi e nce F or i n s t a nce th e c hi ld is sic k

.
, ,

an d r efu ses t o tak e t he med i c in e p r e scri bed be cause

“
i t tastes b ad Then the p ar e nt s a y s
. O h it tastes , ,
96 TH E F A M I LY
'
sw ee t an d g o od ; it i s n t bad at all Thus th e
’
.

c h i ld is in d uc ed t o t ake it b ut fi n d s it ver y b itte r

, .

T he be tra yed chi ld looks u p int o the f a ce o f the ,

pa rent wit h feel in g s o f b itt e r d i s appo intment an d

“
sc o rn a s much as t o s a y Y o u h ave l ie d t o me
, , ,

and I c a n n o t tru s t yo u a n y m o re T hu s th e p a r .

ent teach es th e c h i ld t o l i e a n d p ractice d ecept i o n

one of th e v i lest tr a i t s of char a cter in th e c at a
l o g ue o f hu ma n dep r av it y .

A nother i mp r ope r a n d false way i s t o p urch a s e

the chi ld s O bed i e n c e S ome w i ll say t o t he chi ld
’
.
,
“
I f yo u w i ll do t h i s o r th a t I w i ll b u y yo u a doll a , ,

new hat o r s o m e c a n dy
,
I was o n c e in a C hri s ti a n
.

ho me in O h i o w h e r e th e r e w as a l itt le boy abo ut

“
fo ur ye ar s old H i s mo t he r sa i d t o hi m Jo hnn y
.
, ,
' '
y ou br in g in some wood fo r the st o ve “
No he .
,
' “
s a i d I won t do it
“
,
’
Y es J ohnn y yo ur m oth e r
.
, ,

w ants yo u t o do it b ut h e w o u ld n o t do it S h e .

p ar l e yed w it h h i m some ti me ; b ut h e i n s ist ed th a t

he w a s n o t go i n g t o do it T he mo th e r ev i de nt ly .

fel t s o m ewha t d i s c o n c e rt ed S he n o w t r i ed a n o th e r
.

“
dev i c e S he s ai d Joh n n y i f yo u w i ll do it I
.
, ,
'
w i ll b u y yo u a ni c e sti c k of c a n dy Joh n n y n o w .

b e gan t o t h i n k that it was a p r e tt y fair O ff er b u t ,

not q uit e e n o u gh H e look e d u p with hi s wagg ish

.

“
e y e an d sa i d t o hi s mo t he r I f y ou w i ll b u y m e
, ,
'
two stic k s of can dy I w i ll do it S he p ar l e y e d .

awhi l e ag ain an d fi nally agreed t o b u y hi m two

,

stic k s ; then th e boy d i d a s h e was to l d Al l this .

I s a w with m y ow n e y es NO W w ho was the m aster .

in this case ' E vide nt ly the b oy g ained the vi c

t or y Si m i l ar thin g s i n spiri t ar e t ak i ng pl ace
.
 APPEND I X 97

in fa mi l i es all o ve r t h i s la n d T h us the m o the r .

helps t o pla n t a n d fos t er i n h er b o y a sp i r it of

s tu bb orn s elfi s h n ess s o th a t w h e n h e be c o m es a ma n
,

i t w i ll be in h i m n e ver t o d o a k in d act t o a n y
o n e un les s he sees in it a t t he same ti me s om et h i n g

t ha t w i ll be n efi t h i m s el f
-
.

T he abo ve false me t hods w it h m an y m ore t ha t ,

m i ght be n amed wh i c h ar e so c ommo n w it h ma n y

.

pare n ts are ve r y w r o n g a n d h urt fu l a n d do g r ea t

, ,

m is c h ie f to t he futur e l i fe a n d c h a ra ct e r O f t he
c h i ldr en C h ee r fu l an d h a ppy O bed i e n c e by t he
.

c h i ld r e n t o t he ir pare n t s S ho u ld be re n dered ,

be cau se God has s o orda in ed a n d be c a u s e it i s a ,

pleas u r e fo r t hem t o do so T h e ru les O f t he home

.

have bee n W i s e ly es t abl i shed fo r the ir good fr om ,

ve r y l o v e a n d pa rent al c ar e fo r t h e m It is all .

r i gh t n ow a n d t he n t o g i ve p r ese nt s t o chi ldre n t o

—
plea s e a n d e n c o u rage t hem n o t t o br i be t he m t o
do r i ght b ut b ecau se t hey a r e good a n d obed ient
,
.

III . TH E DU T Y OF M I N I S T E RS .

T he false r uin o u s ways abo v e hinte d at ar e

an d
ma i n ly d u e t o th e s la c k n ess a n d i g n o r a n c e of p ar
e n ts u po n t h i s v it al s ubj e c t A n d u po n w h om.

res t s t h e re s po n si b i l it y of thi s i g n or anc e ' It

u n do u b t edly r e st s u po n t he mo r al t ea c h ers of t he

people a n d m ini s t ers of t h e gospel W he n we .

earn es t ly e nt e r a c harge aga in s t m ini s t e r s O f th e

gospel fo r s o ge n erally n egle c tin g to in s tru c t th e
people o n this v e r y i mpo rt a nt su bj e c t bo th by th e ,

p e n a n d from t he p u lp it a bo ut th e foll
,
o w i n g
“
apology i s ge n e rally made : W ell it I s a del icat e ,

7
98 THE F AM I LY
m atter t o m e ddl e with the l itt le d uti es an d dom es
t i c a ff a ir s of t h e fam i ly B esi de s b ut few of us .
,

can say I h av e a m odel fam i ly an d train m y chi l

,
‘

d r e n abo ut r i gh t H e n c e we l a y o urs el v es l i able t o

.
’

t he r e t o rt P hy si c i a n he a l th yself an d Y o u
,
‘
, ,
’
,
‘

h ad be tt e r s weep before yo ur ow n doo r I kno w .

’

t h i s c alls for he r o ic c o urage self de ni al an d fa it h ,

-
,

fu l n ess e spe c i ally w h e n w e r emembe r t he m a n y

,

m i s t ak e s an d fa i l ure s th a t tru ly a tt a c h th e mse l v e s

t o o u r ow n hi s t o r y Y et God s ti ll c omma n d s u s
.
,

n o t w ith s t a n d in g o u r ma n y weak n esses t o pre ach

“
,

t he wo r d ; he inst a n t i n s e aso n o ut of s easo n ; ,

r epro v e r eb u ke e x ho rt w ith a ll lo n g s u ff er in g
, , ,
-

'
a n d do ct r i n e I f t he above e x c u ses are val i d
.

t he n p e rhaps mos t p r ea chers m i gh t de c l in e t o

r eb u k e from t he p u lp it almos t eve r y w r o n g o r sin
t ha t m en are g ui l t y of be c a u se b ut fe w of u s ca n ,

s ay I am free fro m all th e s e defe cts

,
“
T h e t r ut h
i s God has c hose n h i s i n st rum e nts fr om we a k an d
,

defe c t i ve h u ma n it y ( saved by gr ac e 't o in s truct

a n d sa ve weak a n d Sin fu l me n a n d r efo rm the

w orld T h erefore we are t o r e c e i ve th e w or d fr o m

.

t h e mo uth o f G od a n d del i v er t he messag e fa ith

.

fu lly t o th e people ; a n d i f th e c h i ps fly int o our

o w n fac es we sho u ld c o n fess o u r fa i l in g an d tr y for
,

the future t o m e n d o ur w a y s as w e urge o th e rs t o ,

do W h e n God ga ve M oses t he c omma n dme n t ,

'
T h o u shal t n o t k i ll M oses m i gh t h a ve sa i d
, ,

O h I c a n n o t t eac h t ha t ; for my breth r e n a ll k now

, '

th a t I k i lled a ma n in E g y pt a n d b urie d him in

the san d ; t he r efore it d oes not b ec o me me t o say
'
a nyth i n g ab out mu r d er .
 APPEND I X 99

Wh e n God by in sp irat i o n told P a u l in all h i s

epis t le s t o wri te to h i s bre t h r e n t o lo ve o n e an o t h er ,

t o p ut away all a n ger wra t h m al i c e e tc t o pra ct i c e

, , ,
.

meek n ess a n d k i n d n ess forbear in g an d forg i v i n g ,

o n e a n other i f a ny have a q uar rel aga i n s t a n y he

, ,

m i ght h a ve sa i d O my L ord it do e s n o t be c om e
, ,

m e t o prea c h s u ch a message of love an d fo rg ive

n ess t o my b r e t h r e n w h e n th ey all k now wh a t a
,

q u arre l I ha d w it h B arnabas w he n th e c o nt e nti o n ,

grew so sh ar p th a t we c o u ld n o lo n ge r wo r k
'
t oge t he r b ut ha d t o s ep arat e
,
P e t er s c as e i s .
’

a n othe r stri k in g in s tan ce i ll u s tr a tin g th e same

p ri n c i ple D e a r bre t h r e n a d i spe n sat i o n of t h e
.
,

gospel i s c omm it ted t o u s an d we m u s t s ee t o it ,

t ha t we are fa it hfu l to t he d i v i n e c o mmi s si o n .

In deed we may le arn i mpor t a n t lesso ns fr om o ur

,

i g n ora n c e defe c t s an d fa i l u re s i f we t a k e them in

, , ,

the r i gh t S p i r it as well a s from o u r w i ses t meas ur es

,

a n d bes t succ esses ; as w as sai d of t he Jew i sh h i g h

pr i es t who c a n ha ve c ompass i o n o n t h e i g n ora n t

, ,

a n d o n t hem t ha t a re o ut of t he w a y ; fo r th a t h e

hi ms elf also i s c o m p a ssed w ith in fi rmit y We .

s h all th e re fo re b e th e be tt e r abl e t o teach and com

fo rt o ur we ak an d c om mo n h u m anit y
IV . SELF DEN I AL
-
.

T o de n y onese lf a n d ta k e u p th e r oss is the c ,

R edeeme r s g r ea t c omma n d S elf d enia l l i es a t

’
-
.

t he ver y thresh old of a ll t r u e r el i g ion and acc ep t

.

“
able w o rshi p J esus says . I f thy r i ght han d ,
'
O ff e n d th e e cut it o ff a n d cast it fr o m thee an d
, , ,
“
I f an y m a n wi ll come aft er me le t him d en y ,
1 00 TH E F A MILY
himse l f and take up his cr o ss d ai ly a n d follo w
, ,
'
me . It is a fear fu l fa ct th a t by Si n the human
fami ly has b ec o m e invo l ve d in an a wfu l state
of dep r av it y w hich sh o ws itse lf ev er yw h e re in
,

su p r eme selfi shn e ss F o r t h is the go s p e l g ran dly

.

p r ov i des a rem edy A n d o n e of th e m os t pow e r fu l

.

me an s t ha t God h a s o r da in ed t o m ake the r e m edy

e ff e c ti ve i s t he c arefu l r el i g i o us t ra i n i n g o f the
c h i ldr en i n the h ome of their par e nt s G od s ays .

t o e v e r y mo ther a t th e b irth Of ev e ry c h i ld T a k e
,
“
,

t h i s chi ld an d nurse it fo r me an d I wi ll g ive ,

'
th ee t hy wages P a r e nts are e mp h a ti c ally put by
.
,

d i v i n e a u tho rit y in th e pl a ce of God t o ta k e care

, ,

of a n d t ra in th e c hi ld r e n in the i g n o ra n c e an d
h elpless n ess of in fan c y B ut ho w much i g n o rance .

a n d in d i ff e r e n c e p r ev ai l at this point ' T h e c hi ld

fro m it s v e r y b irth begi n s t o m ani f e st it s s elfi sh

n ess by per s i s tent eff or t t o ha ve its ow n way so ,

O ften se e n in it s fall in g dow n k ic k in g abo ut a n d , ,

scr e a m in g at t he t op O f it s v o ice Ri ght her e the .

m oth er s ho u ld b e g in w i sely and w ith a firm ,

de t e rmin a ti o n to t ea ch th e chi ld s elf de nial a n d

,
-

l et it k now once for all th a t it c ann o t have its ow n

wa y b ut t h at it m u s t s u b mit t o th e w i ll o f it s
,

pa r e nts .

“
D r T ru mb u ll s ay s
. A s a ma tt e r of fa ct th e
, ,

i ss u e of t he l i felo n g ba tt le i s ord i n ari ly set t led in

'
c h i ldhood H ere i s W here so ma n y pare n t s fa i l ‘

. .

T hey ha ve n o t t he w is do m a n d c o u rage to c ar r y
t h i s ma tt e r t hro u gh t o s u c c ess ; for they i mag i n e
t ha t t o le t a c h i l d the firs t t wo or t hree ye a r s of it s
,

l i fe have all it wants a n d do abo ut as it please s

, , ,
 APPEND I X 10 1

is a mark O f refi n eme nt a n d i n d i c ates s u pe ri o r

,

lo v e a n d k i n d n ess NO g r ea t er m i stake has eve r

.

b een made T he hi s t ory of very ma n y fam i l ie s

p rove s i t r eal c r ue l t y in the almos t in var i ably sad
resu l ts t h at follo w P are n ts who su ff e r t he i r c h i l
.

d r e n t o grow u p sl a ves t o t h e i r p assi o n s an d ev i l

h ab it s ar e g ui lty before God I do n o t plead fo r.

m u c h w hi pp i n g ye t a n o c c as i o n al u se of t he r od
,
“
m a y b e n e c essary . H e t ha t spa r e t h his r e d hate th
h is s o n : b ut he t h at loveth hi m c h as ten e t h h i m
be ti mes P are n t s S ho u ld g i ve c o n st a n t a n d care
fu l a t te n t i o n to t he l it tle t h i n gs a t home a n d n e v e r ,

s u ff e r t he ir a u t hor it y t o be d i sregarded b ut see t o ,

it t ha t t h e ir c omma n ds are always heeded A s t e rn .

look a n d a firm a n d de t e r m i n ed word w i ll g en

er a ll y s e cu re the e n d so u gh t .

W esley says : Neve r g i ve a c hi ld t ha t for wh i ch

“

it c r i es I f yo u do it w i ll cr y again a n d use this

.
, ,

as a weapo n w it h w h ich to mas t e r i t s pa rent s '

Is .

n o t t h i s t he way in hun d re ds of fam i l i es ' P ar e n ts

ofte n t ho u gh t le s sly stimu la t e a n d s t re n g th e n t he
selfish pr i n c i p l e in t he ir c h i ld r e n by in d u lg i n g
t hem to a n ex c ess i ve e xt e n t in t oys c os t ly dress , ,

a n d in ov e rea tin g O f ri c h food thu s m a k in g t he m

,

gl ut to ns an d perh aps dyspep ti c s for l i fe M a n y

, .

s a d thin gs o c c u r alo n g t h i s l in e I on c e k n ew a.

yo un g coup le who ha d a ve r y br i ght l itt le boy .

W h e n abo ut t w o ye ar s old t hey t ook h i m to a

F o u r th of J u ly p i c n i c a n d they allowed t h e boy to
,

have a ll d a y lo n g as m u c h of swee t ca kes ca n dy

, ,
-
, ,

nuts r a isin s c heese lemo n a de et c as he wa nt ed

, , , ,
.
,
.

A t ni ght the y b r o u ght h i m home deathly s i c k H e .

102 THE F A MI LY
l in ge red in pa in fu l d i s tr e ss abo ut fo ur we ek s and ,

d i ed A n d t he par e n t s ha d th e b itt e r r efl e c ti o n
.

tha t t h is wa s the s ad resu l t o f their o w n weak ness

an d folly .

O ft e n th e self wi ll an d con c e it of c h i ld ren ar e

-

m uc h s tr e n g t he n ed by u n g u arded fla tt ery I o nce .

k n e w a p r e ache r o n e of t he mos t able m e n i n t he

,

c o n fere nc e who w a s a ls o p i o u s a n d a n e x ce lle nt

, ,

wo r ker an d ge n e r ally v e ry su ccess fu l B ut he w as

,
.

s o i rr itabl e in his te mp er a n d so se lf w i lled a n d s e t

,
-

i n hi s w a y t ha t t he c o n fere nce o ft e n ha d tr o u bl e
,

w ith h im a n d th e people whe r e he l abored had

,

m an y unp l e a s a nt t h i n gs t o e n d ur e T he c h i ef .

caus e o f this Obj e c ti o n abl e fea tur e in h i s otherw i se

good a n d str o n g c hara c t e r was in hi s e a rly tra i n i n g ,

a s I lea rn ed from h is o w n l i p s H e w a s h i s fa ther s .

’

pet boy w h o let him h av e h i s o w n w ay a n d O ft e n

, ,

spoke o f hi m in h i s pr es e n c e as t he s m ar t es t of
.

all his chi ld ren T h u s he was p a mpe r ed in d u lged

.
, ,

an d s po i led s o that e ve n g r a c e it self d i d n o t w h olly

,

r emo ve t h is u n ple asant fea tur e of hi s l i fe In t he .

la n g u age O f a n o th e r e very c h i l d n eeds t he help

,

of h i s pare nts i n keep i n g c o ntr ol o f h im self .

W ise t ra i n i n g c a n s e c ur e i t M a n y a m an s l i fe i s
.
~
’

m a de s a d th ro u gh h is h opeles s l a c k of th a t self
c o ntr ol t o w h ich h e c ou ld have be en h elped in
chi ldhood i f o n ly hi s pa r e n t s h ad underst ood his
,
'
n eeds a n d be en fa it hfu l acc o rd in gly
,
.

F ro m W ha t ha s bee n s ai d we lea rn th a t th e e as y
,

an d S la c k w ay of Chr i s ti a n pare n t s i n t he ove r

i n d u lge n c e O f t he i r ch i ld r e n i n gr a ti fy in g t he ir
,

s e lfish des ir es a n d pass i o ns is t he grea t m i stake ,

 APPEND I X 1 03
“
a nd ba n e o f m o dern so ciet y Pau l s a y s I keep .
,

u n de r my body a n d b rin g it int o s u bj e c tion ; l e s t

,

I m yself sho u ld be a c as t aw a y -
.

V . L ITT LE T H I NG S .

It is th e l itt le thin gs of hu ma n l i fe a n d of t h e
fa m i ly that are most l i kely t o es c ape th e att e nti o n
O f pare n t s altho u gh th ey ar e O f v as t i mpo rt a n c e
, .

It is th e l itt le t h in g s that c ome t oge th e r and en

l arge a n d fi n ally aggrega t e t he su m t o tal T he .

c o ra l in se c t a dded o n e by o n e grad u ally c rea t e s an

‘

, ,

is la n d in th e o c ea n u po n wh i c h grea t c iti e s ar e
b ui lt T he l itt le d r ops of wa t e r th a t fall u po n th e
.

h i lls make th e rivu le t s an d th ey make large r ,

s t reams a n d th e se c o n v er ge a n d fo r m th e m i gh t y
,

r i ve r s u po n w hi ch flo ats the c o m me rc e of t h e
w orld . S o also t he S p irit an d l itt le a c ts of th e
, ,

pare n t s in t h e h ome l i fe wi ll e x e rt a de c i s i v e
i n fl u e n c e u po n th e c hara c t e r of t he ir chi ldre n ,

e it h er fo r w eal o r woe i n all a fte r l i fe

,
Wh e n t h e .

c h i ld t wo or t hree ye a rs old wa n t s t o do some t h i n g

t ha t t he mo the r k n ows it o u ght n o t t o do or wa nts ,

some t h i n g t ha t it o u gh t n o t t o h ave or r efu ses t o ,

do someth in g that it o u gh t t o do very ofte n n o ,

n ot i c e is t ake n O f it w i th t he remark : O h t h i s is
,
“
,

s u c h a l it tle t h i n g a n d t he c hi ld i s so yo u n g tha t
, ,

it do n t ma t t er or amo u n t t o a n y t h i n g L e t t h e
’
.

d ear l itt le boy e nj oy h i mself a n d h a ve a l l the ,

pleas u re h e c a n ; for h e w i l l h ave t ro uble e n o u g h

'
i n the yea r s to c ome forg ettin g t ha t t he i mpres
,

s i o n s of c h i ld h ood c a n n eve r be fu lly erased It .

is al l ri ght an d d ut y i n deed fo r p a r e nts t o g iv e

, , ,
1 04 T HE FAM I LY
to t h ei r c h i ldre n all the happ iness the y can in
every prope r an d leg iti m at e way . B ut p ar e nts
o u gh t t o k n o w t h at t h ro u gh i g norance n egle ct a n d
, ,

selfish o r fa l s e s ympathy an d a mis g ui d e d k in d

,

n ess t ho usa n d s have la i d th e foun da ti o n for t h e

,

futu re fa i l u re a n d w r e t che d ness of their chi ld r e n .

Good p e ople are uni n t e nti o nal ly do in g this ver y

t h i n g t o day all o ve r t h is la n d .

T he g re a t fa ct of s i n an d moral perver sit y the ,

g r ea t trut h of God a n d o ur a c c o u n t ab i l i ty t o h i m ,

a n d of wha t is d u ty c a n be t a u gh t in Si mple
,

l an g u age t o c h i ld ren m uc h earl i er tha n mo st people

t h in k It s eem s that chi ldre n w it h a n intui t i ve
.
,

a p tnes s w h i c h G od h as pl ant ed i n every hu ma n

so u l c a n v er y s oo n le ar n t o k n ow good from ev i l ,

a n d are e s pe c i ally su s c ep ti ble of d i v in e in fl u e nc e .

B y th e c ar efu l t ea c h i n g a n d e a r n e st prayers O f
my mo t her before I wa s seve n ye a rs O l d a deep
,

c o n v i c t i o n was a l r eady made u po n my hear t of ,

r i gh t a n d w r o n g of G od of h eave n of hell of a
, , , ,

j u dgme nt t o c ome a n d o f my c h i ld i s h fa i l u res

, ,

tha t often m ove d me t o tea r s ; a n d I wo u ld oft e n

resolve in m y h eart t h at at s o m e fu t u re day I
wo u ld g i ve myself fu lly t o G od a n d be a Chr i s tian .

T ho u gh I delayed a lo n g t i m e ye t at t he age of
,

t we nt y on e I w a s c o n ver t ed a n d bega n t o le a d a
-

n e w l i fe .

A s soo n a s th e c h i ld can un de rsta n d th e ma tter ,

t he pr in c i pl es of ho n e st y a n d t r ut hfu l n e ss sho u ld
be c arefu lly ta u gh t bo t h by pre c ept a n d e x ample
, ,

i n t h e l i ttle o c c u rre n c es O f everyday l i fe as betwee n

,

bro t her s a n d si s t ers a n d in th e m i n gl i n g w it h oth e r

 P EN D I X
A P 105

c h i ld ren a nd especi ally in all ou r o w n b usin e ss

,

t ra n sa c ti o ns with o u r nei gh bo rs R i gh t here is .

where o u r c o n d uct ma k es th e m o st l a s tin g impres

sions upon our chi ld r e n L e t the parents s ee to i t .

that their l itt le boy s a n d g i rls a ct j u s t ly a n d fair ly

in ev e r y thin g with t he ir p l ay mates an d as a ru le , ,

by the bl e ss in g o f God t hey wi ll g row up t o b e ,

me n an d wo m e n w o rt hy of t r u s t in an y position
t o w hi c h t hey m a y be c alled .

I n d u s t ry i s a n o th e r i mpo rt a nt virtu e th a t must

b e tau gh t in e arly l i fe B ut in mode r n ti mes this
.

i s sadly n egle c t ed t o th e ruin of th o u sa n ds of

,

otherw is e prom i s in g yo u n g me n a nd w ome n I dl e .

n ess i s o n e of t he gre a te s t c u rses O f t h e yo ut h of

a n y c omm u n it y Co n stant employme n t s uit ed
.
,

t o th e a ge a n d s tr e n g th O f t he c h i ld bo th o f t h e ,

m in d a n d body sho u ld be t h e ru le with perh aps

, ,

s ome e xc ep ti o ns T h is wi ll pro d uce go o d h eal t h

.
,

st ro n g m u s c les an d a v i go r o us v irtu o us mi n d an d
, ,

he a r t I k n o w it is sa i d th a t all work an d n o
.
“

play m a ke s J ac k a d u ll boy T h i s may in pa r t be

.

so B ut it i s also tru e that a ll pl a y a n d n o w o r k

.
,

makes J ac k a l az y ra s c al A n d t h e world i s fu ll of
.

s u c h M o de rn d isc overe rs ha ve n o t a s ye t bee n able

.
~

“
t o se t as i de God s a n c i e nt de cr ee In th e swea t of
’
,

t hy fa c e s h a l t th e n ea t b r ead An d w h oe v er tri es
t o ge t b r ead o ther w is e wi ll fi n d t ha t d i sas t e r w i ll
c o m e in s o m ew h er e a n d at some ti me ,
E m pl o y .

me n t fo r the boys an d g ir l s o n th e farm in th e , ,

k i t ch e n in th e s h op or i n t he stor e ca n be m ade a
, , ,

ma t ter O f su ch pleas u r e an d int e r es t t hat play or

i dl en e ss wi ll b e b ut l itt l e des ired o r so u ght a ft e r .
1 06 T HE F AM I LY
E c o n omy i s an o th e r im po rt a n t matt e r In d u s try .

w it ho ut w i se e c o n omy wo u ld s c ar c ely se cur e a n d

re t a in ha lf a loaf P ar e n t s sho u ld labo r t o i n st i ll
.

the p rinci ple ver y e ar ly int o t he m in d s of the ir

c h i ld ren F ru ga l it y o r a p ru de nt an d sparin g
.
,

us e of m o n ey o r goods as it regards a succ essfu l

, ,

us efu l a n d ha ppy l i fe is in d i spe n s ably n ec es

, ,

s ary ; for fr o m the l ac k o f thi s v it al p ri n ci ple

i n p ra c tica l b u s iness m atters s ome o ther w i se good
people have made a l most an e ntire fa i l ur e in
a ll l i fe s pl an s an d oppo rtunities Slac k i de as
’
.

of current ex pe n se s th e extr av agance O f p ri de

, ,

a n d a l a v ish w a y of s p en d i n g m o ne y fo r a n y

t h in g exc ep t the re al nec es sities of l i fe h av e ,

ruin ed man y fami l ies an d b r o u ght th e m t o g ri ef

a n d sha m e .

C hi ldre n wi ll v er y soon reach o ut int o lav i s h

e xt ravaga n c e if n o t care fu lly t a u gh t an d restri c t ed
by t he ir pa r e nts In t h is d a y of va nit y an d fe e l
.

i s h ri val r y ma n y p a re n ts in t he ma tt e r o f c o st ly
, ,

doll s su pe r fl u o us dress eq ui page swee t mea ts et c

, , , ,
.
,

i n o r de r t o e q u al o r sur pass t h e ir n e i ghbo r s o ve r ,

lo a d sur fe it an d s p oi l the ir chi ldre n T hey do

, ,
.

t h i s g r e at wr o n g with o ut an y th o u gh t O f w h at an
e n dle ss l e gac y o f futur e s orr o w an d d i s tre ss th ey
ar e lay in g u p fo r t he ir lo v ed o n es T o remedy .

t h i s demo ral izin g s tat e of thin g s c a ll s for c o urag e

an d fi rmne s s .

VI . A G OOD MOT H E R .

I h ave fel t f or a num b er of y ears that I ou ght to

l a y asi d e m y natural mo d est y and for th e b ene fi t , ,
 APPEND I X 10 7

of mo t hers an d mini s t e rs g i ve t h e foll o w in g ,

m em ~

o r i e s t o t he p u bl i c .

M y m o th e r s m aiden na me wa s E l i z abe t h L an d is
’
.

S h e was bor n in B er ks Co unt y P e n n sylv a n ia in , ,

t h e ye ar 1 7 8 1 . H e r fa t her was of S w iss des c e n t a ,

m embe r O f th e M e nn o n it e C hu r ch a ve r y h o n es t , ,

u na ss u m in g p i o u s C h r i s ti a n ma n b enevo le n t in
, , ,
“ '
S pirit O ft e n h av in g
,
b i g mee ti ngs a t his h o use .

O n these o cc as i o n s h e w o u ld g i ve a free d inner t o

a l l p resent .

M y m o th e r w a s con ver t ed a t th e ag e of fift ee n ,

u n der the eva n gel i st i c labo r of t h a t mos t e x c elle n t

an d devo t ed ma n of God Ja c ob A lbr i gh t t h e , ,

f o un de r O f th e c h u r c h of t he E va n gel i c al A sso c ia
ti o n . D urin g his labors amo n g t he sp iritually
dead chur ch e s a g r ea t a n d ge n ui n e rev i val of r el i
,

g i o n t ook pla ce in whi

,
c h m a n y so u ls wer e c o n

vert ed A ft e r a l ap se of five o r s ix yea rs M r Al

.
,
.

b ri gh t in th e S p i r it of S a i n t P au l made an o th e r
, ,

e va n gel i s tic t o ur throu gh th e c o untr y w h e re h e h a d

p r ea c hed before t o see ,

h o w his c o nv e rt s wer e do
i ng . M y mo th e r h ad n o w bee n ma r r i ed s ever a l
m o n ths t o m y father Josep h B o o k w a l ter a n d w a s , ,
.

s e tt led on a far m M r A lbr i ght in his fa i t h fu l

. .
,

p as t o r al v i s it s c am e
,
t o th e ir h o u se M y fa t h e r .

w as n o t at h ome In hi s pla in a n d perso n a l t alk

.

c o n c er ni n g h e r sp iritua l c o n d iti o n abo ut th e fol ,

low i n g c o n ve r sa ti o n t ook pla c e

“
A re yo u a C h r i s ti a n a n d do yo u sti ll e nj oy ,
“
r el i g i o n T h e an swe r was Y es I am t ry i n g t o , ,
' “
d o t h e bes t I can W ell a s yo u are n o w ma rri ed
.
, ,

a n d yo u an d yo ur hu sba n d h ave ent ered u po n the

108 TH E FAM I L Y
r espo n si ble d uti e s of t h is s a cr ed r el ati o n do y ou ,

h ave da i ly fam i ly praye r in yo ur h o u se ' S h e '

s a i d N0 ; my h u sba n d is n o t rel i g ious theref ore

,
“
,
“ ' '
t h i s d ut y i s n egle c t ed W ell sa i d h e cou ld
.
“
, ,

yo u n o t pray in the fami ly ni ght a n d mo rnin g ,

prov i ded yo ur hu sba n d d i d n o t O bj e ct ' Sh e '

an swe r ed that s he d i d n o t k n o w ; that s h e ha d

n eve r th o u ght of that T h e n h e u rged thi s d ut y
.

u po n h e r in a ver y ea rn es t ma n n e r a n d sa i d , ,
“
W i ll yo u do thi s : whe n yo ur h u sb a n d c ome s
h ome t ell hi m o f t he c o nver s ati o n w e h ave had
, ,

a n d ask him i f h e w i ll h av e an y O bj e c tions t o yo ur

s e ttin g u p an a l tar o f w orsh i p in yo u r home an d

i f h e doe s n o t obj e ct w i ll yo u a tt e n d t o t h i s d ut y
,

yo u rself ' S he at o n c e a n swe r ed th a t Sh e w o u l d

'

do so T h o u gh my fa th e r w a s n o t at that ti me a
.

C hri s ti a n h e w a s somew h a t r el i g i o u sly inc l ine d

, ,

a n d c h e er fu lly c o n se n t ed t o h e r r eq uest ; an d
aft e r t ha t fam i ly prayer was a perma n e nt i n s ti t u
ti o n i n o u r home M y mo t her was a very m o de st
.
,

u n ass u m i n g ti m i d w oma n ye t r el i g i o u sly by th e

, , ,

help of d i v i n e gra c e she ma n i fes t ed a grea t de a l

,

o f woma n ly c o ur a ge E very n i gh t a n d mor n i n g s h e

.

wo u ld s i n g a l i t t le Ge r ma n hym n a n d t he n k n eel ,

d ow n a n d pray This s h e wo u ld do n o ma tt e r
.
,

wha t s t ra n gers m i ght be p r ese nt .

In 1 8 1 6 th ey r emoved t o R oss Co unt y O hi o o n , ,

a fa r m T h e cou n t ry was v ery n ew a n d th e pe o

.
,

ple we r e subj e c t t o ma n y p ri va ti o n s a n d m u ch
h ar dsh i p V ery few l uxuri es or eve n c o m fo rts
.
, ,

were k n ow n fo r so me year s in my pa r e nts n ew ’

h ome a n d t here w as a gre at deal of sic k n ess i n th e

,
 APPEND I X 109

fam i ly Y e t th i s arra n geme n t of fam i ly p r aye r

.

w a s kep t u p u n i n terr u pt e d l y I do n o t c la i m t ha t
.

my m o t her h a d n o defe c ts or weak n esses b u t I ,

m a y c la i m t hat her ma n y v irtu es a n d godly li fe

are wor t hy of o u r adm i rat i o n a n d i m itati o n S h e .

d i d n o t l i ve in the day of c o n ve n i e n t s c hools o r

moder n p ri v i leges A ll the lear n in g she h ad wa s
.

to read the Germa n la n g u age fai rly well H e r .

bo oks were t he B i ble P i lg ri m s P rogr ess H ar l a n

,
’
,

P age T homas a 'emp i s F l a ve l E l ij ah the T i sh

, , ,

b i te a n d some o t he r book s of s t ro n g devo ti o n al

,

sp irit T hese she read espe c i ally in h e r O lde r

.
,

days w i th g r eat i n t e r e st a n d pleas ur e

,
S e c re t .

p raye r was a d u ty she n ev e r n egle c t ed We .

yo un ger c h i ldre n whe n t h e O lde r o n es were o ut

,

at work O ft e n heard he r u ps t a ir s i n t he O l d log

,

ho u se plead i n g w it h God fo r h e r chi ld r e n and

ho u sehold w ith g r ea t e a r n e stnes s W he n r egu la r .

p r ea c h i n g wa s sca r c e she fr eq u e n t ly walk e d o ve r

a m i le t o a s cho olho u se t o m e e tin gs o n a w e ek
day c arry in g he r yo u nges t c h i ld in h er ar ms I
, .

n ever hea r d he r S pe a k a n u n c has t e o r fool ish

wo r d B ut Sh e O ft e n spoke of God a n d h e a ve n
.
, ,

a n d Chr i s tian d ut y a n d w a r n ed u s ag ain s t s in

, ,

a n d t au ght u s t o p ra y S he was k in d a n d a ff ec
.

t i o n a t e ye t firm a n d labored t o r e c e i ve o ur a tt e n
, ,

ti o n a n d O bed i e nce t ho u gh it somet i mes r eq ui red

,

the u se of th e r od S he was ver v be n evole n t a n d

.

l i be ra l t o th e poo r a n d n o o n e I n n eed that eve r

,

c ame t o o ur ho u se we n t aw a y emp t y M y fa t he r .

w as e v entu ally c o n v ert ed at abo u t the age of fi f ty

fi ve and th erea fter he assisted m oth e r in fa m i ly
,
110 T HE FAM I L Y
wo r sh i p H e d i ed a Chr i s tian s o me years afte r
.
,

in 1 8 38 .

O u r home w as a l w ays a r es ti n g p la c e fo r weary

i t i n er ant s M o t he r l i ke t he woma n of S h u n em
.
, ,

t ook grea t pleas u re i n mak i n g t hem as c omfor t abl e

a s poss i ble a n d very m u c h e nj oyed t he Ch ri s ti a n
,

fellow s h i p a n d c o uns el of God s p ur e a n d de e ply ’

d evo t ed m esse n g ers .

M o t he r d i ed in the yea r 1 8 4 9 S he pas se d a way .

in g r e at triu m ph T he j oy o f h e r depa rti n g

.

mome nt was c le arly in d i c a t ed by her c o unt e nance

a s well as by h er wo r ds .

—
T h ere w e r e nine c hi ld r e n fi ve boy s an d fo ur
g i rl s S eve n of them have a l r eady c rossed the
.

r i ver an d we have g oo d reason t o bel i e v e tha t t hey

,

a r e a ll s a ve d an d happy in h ea v e n NO do u b t t h i s .

r es u l t is l ar gely d u e t o mo t he r s p ra ye rs c o u rage
’
, ,

an d faith fu l nes s God t old M r Car vo s s o whe n h e

. .
,
“
p r ayed s o ea r ne s tly fo r hi s c h i ld ren th a t n o t a ,
'
h oof Shou ld be left be hi n d .

T h es e circumstanc es O f lo n g a g e ca n n ev er b e
forgo tt e n T h ou g h I am n ow beyo n d t hrees c or e
.

yea r s an d t e n ye t the y a re as vi v i d in my m i n d
, ,

an d as s w eet ly ch e ri shed in my h e art an d in deed ,

m ore S O th a n th ey we r e w h e n I was a boy in the

,

h appy ho me O h h o w th a n kfu l I am t o God fo r

.
,

su c h a mo t he r ' I feel th a t I S hall n eve r be abl e to

c omp ute fu lly the a mo unt of bless i n g s t ha t h av e

c o me t o me an d all the f a mi l y thr o u g h h e r p r ayer s

a n d pe rs eve rin g faith fu l ne ss No w as I a m ne ar i n g .

the e t e rnal Sh o r e m e thin k s sh e wi l l b e t h e fi r s t

,

of shinin g ones t o m eet m e an d wel c ome me o u t

 APPEN DI X 111

of ear th s b att le s a ffl i c tion t o i l a n d s o rrows hom e

’
, , , ,

int o heave n s swee t r es t

’
.

T hi s n arrat i ve may t ea c h t he follo win g i mpor

tant l e sso n s :

F i r st . W e le arn h o w m u c h a fa ith fu l minist e r

ma y d o t o star t a cu rre n t of in fl u e nc e th at w il l t ell
wit h g r ea t powe r fo r good in ge n e r a ti o n s t o c ome .

Seco nd A m i n i s t e r in hi s pas t oral V i s it s s ho u ld

.

be pla i n a n d spe c i fi c in every fam i ly a n d a lway s

,

as c e r ta i n whether t hey have reg u l a r fam i ly praye r

o r n o t a n d ear n es t ly u rge th a t this ver y i mpor t a nt
,

d ut y be n o t n egle ct ed .

Thi r d H ere we lear n wha t a ti m i d a n d u h

.

le arn ed woma n as a w i fe a n d mo t he r c a n do i f s h e ,

wi ll in h er r e tir ed sp h ere to br i n g ab un da nt an d
,

p erma n e nt rel i g i o u s bless i n gs u po n her fami ly .

F ou r th W h i le God c alls s om e w ome n t o u sefu l

.

an d h o n o rable work abroad and in p u bl ic l i fe h e ,

“
c all s m a n y t o r ema in a t h om e with a meek a n d
'
q uiet sp irit un obser v ed by th e gr e at o ut w ar d
,

wor ld t o c ar efu lly a n d pr aye r fu lly g u ard a n d mold

,

t he ho u sehold of c h i ld r e n a n d br i n g t hem u p in
,

t he nu rt ur e a n d admo n iti o n o f the L o r d an d thus,

.

do a grea t wor k for humanit y .