MarriageandParenthoodtheCatholicIdeal 10000035

A YOUN G
W OMAN S PRO B LEMS ’
Cou nsel s to Y ou n g Gir ls on t h e T hreshold of Life

B y t h e R e v P A HA L PIN . . .
Hand omel oun Cloth 9 C es yB d in N et 0 nts
' Ma l
,
‘ m)
By i , P os t p a i d , x.
The e i om in from th e pe n of a m a er
est o ns st
w i ll i e w
g s sn c g
} el ome oun g wom e n and
a rm l y w c d byy
all tho e wh real i e th e i m po rtant w i h om an
s o z a rt h c w
fill i n th e
s fl g o f th e a e a nd
u pl i h e elop m e
in r c n t e d v nt
of Ch ri ti an i ili ati on
s c v z .
WORLDLY WISDOM
FO R T H E C A T H O L I C Y O U T H
Cou ns els for Yo u ng M en
C hr st a n Ru l e of i i
fe Li
By M EN T OR
Hand om e aper o e r 4 Ce t s P C v N et . n s
'y M ai l o t pa i d 4 5 Ce nt )
,
B ,
P s , s
O th e T h re hol o f i fe
n aith the ou nda i o n of
s d L F F t
a M o ral ife h hi ef A m of Youth A
.
,
L T e C i s Pu r
po Cho i n g a ife W o r H ealth ' alue
. .
se os L k I ts
elf Cont rol le n e A ood ame
' '
. .
S y l n d u st r vs . id ss . G N
Co m a n i on o pular Am u ement T e m pera n e i
-
. .
s. P s s. c n
al l i T Th h i ti a n Y outh the uture Hea d
n gs . e C rs F
o f th e Ch ri i n mil y
,
st a Pa .
J O SEP H F . W A GN ER
PU B L IS HER
9 B AR C LA Y ST R EET . N EW YO R'
M A R R I A G E AN D
PA RE N T H O O D
a t) : a nab ol ic 3 a
,
B Y TH E
RE' . THO MAS J G i IRRARD .

-
AU T HO R O F
w u wm s n
‘
co w s o r A DA M ,
“
“ n u: s v xs l ou ,
J O S E P H F W A G N E R .
NEW YO R'
M A R R I A G E AN D
PA R EN T H O O D
m a thol i c
yc 9 m
m
B Y TH E
RE' . THO MAS J GE RRARD .
AU T H OR OF
WAYPARB R
'
c ow s o r ADAM , T HE
“ “ '
S v rsro n,
J O S E P H F . W A GN E R
NEW YO R'
fiibi l O bstat
REM IGIUS L AP ORT s , . T L
. .
Ca rer
am ateu r
B
v
J O H N M . FA RLEY , n o .
Ar cbb xxl w
' '
pqf New f or }
w You , Im us ' 1 9, 1 91 1
Copyr igh t , 1 91 1 , b yjosnr u F . WAc s, N ew Y ork
THE v u l v z ns r n r P RESS, C AMB RI DG E ,

v . s A
. .
C O N T E N TS
IN STITUTI ON AN D PURPOSE
THE SAN CTITY or MARRIAGE

CHOI CE OF A STATE
CHOI CE OF A M ATE
M I' ED MARRIAGES
B E TWEEN H USB AND AND WIFE
CONJ UGAL RE STRAI NT
B EF ORE AND AFTER CHILDB IRTH
THE B LESSIN GS or MANY CHILDREN

B ETWE EN PAREN TS AN D CHI LDREN
SE' UAL IN STRUCTI ON F OR THE YO UN G

CATHOLI C EDUCATION
N OTE T O REVI S ED ED ITI O N
I B EG to express my grateful a ckn owl e dgm ents

t o the large num ber o f cl ergy medi c al men and
, ,
parents who have so kin dl y favored me with most

valuable criticisms and suggestions And I de .
sire to make spe c ial mention of Surgeon General -
Maunsell C B who as President of the Guild of

, . .
,
Sts Luke C osmas an d Damian has been able

.
, , ,
to se cu re for me su ch a we alth o f expert opinion .
Here and there I have been unable to follow even

a very weighty authority not however be c ause I
, , ,
set my own j udgment against it but be c ause it ,
appears to me to be outweighed by a c onsensus O f

equally grave authorities Some few ideas too
.
, ,
I have decided to omit as pertaining rather to a n

other book Whi c h I have in p reparation on the
attitude of the C hurch t o wards the Eugenic
movement .
THE A UTH OR .
M a rriage an d Pare n t h oo d
m; a stat'
) ol i c Si '
nes
I
><
I NTRODUCTION
A MAN t h i nk s he is very clever i f he c an ma k e an
a éroplane Th é u s a n ds O f other men thi nk he is
.
a genius if he can fly over the Alps even t h ough

,
at the end o f the j ourney he break h is neck But .
the s e are paltry tr i fles compared with the work

o f training a soul for the kingdom O f God . Such
a task needs the genius o f the C atholic C hurc h .
Amongst her many helps for this purpo s e n o t

the least important i s the Sacrament O f marriage .
T he ideal which sh e holds be fore the world and

the power which she gives for t h e reali zing of
such ideal stand out as the chief hope for the
s alvation o f modern society . On every side we
see influences at work which ten d to b reak up the
family and consequently to break up s ociety The .
increase o f divorce the falling O ff in the birth

,
r ate , the s p read O f the white slave t r a fli c

, these
a MARRIAGE AN D PARENT HOOD
are a few of the mo re ob v i ou s sym pt om s which
f o llow upon a low ideal of t h e m arriage bon d .
That there is something wrong is admitted on

al l h ands as i s proved by the attempts t o mend
,
matters The Divor c e Commission a t present sit

.
ting in Lo ndon is an evidence O f such unrest The .
formation O f the Eugenics Education Society i s

another I n these movements however the C ath
.
, ,
olic s tu dent d ete cts a lack O f the knowledge O f

foundation principles Most O f the remedi es pro
.
posed are a ti nkering with the symptom rather

than a treatment o f the root caus e .
Here and there however the value o f the C ath

, ,
olic ideal asserts itself Thus for instance in the

.
, ,
evidence before the Divorce Commission Sir John ,
Bigham then President O f the Divorc e Court

, ,
s a id :
“
My experience shows m e that members
O f the Roman Catholic Church seldom come to
ou r court and I attribute that fact to the gre a t

,
influence O f their priesthood and to the respect ,
which is in cu lc ated amongst Roman Catholics for

”
the ma r ri age v ow .
Another witness Dr Glynn Whittle O f Liver

, .
,
p o ol bore magni ficent testimony to the fidelity O f

,
the Catholic poor Speaking as he did in favor

.
o f divorce there was a double weight in his

,
words He said he had questione d c ountless po o r

.
INTROD U C TI ON
wo m en v ict i m s O f habitua l cruelty as to wh et h er
, ,
they would avail themselves O f di v orce if t h ey

could get it The answers had been most impres
.
“
sive Protestants said Yes
. Roman C a t holics
said N He could not re c all a single Protes
tant exception .
What is the cause O f t h is grand steadfastness

amongst Catholics and O f weak c h angeableness
amongst their Protestant neighbors ' A member
O f the C ouncil O f the Eugenics Society shall make
answe r Writing in a London j ournal he says
.
1
Marriage like other natural and ne c essa r y rela

,
tions is sacred O nly in C atholicism is it a S a cra

,
.
ment ; in scienti fic sociology the term is meaning

less. Protestantism will have none O f it .
The Reforma tion in this as in other points a

,
revolt from Catholicism ex pressly de clared that

,
marriage is not a Sa c rament that it is essentially,

”
a secular matt er .
For the present disastrous state O f a ffairs th e n , ,
we have t o thank the system which for three hun

d red years has proclaimed the denial t h at mar
r i a g e is a S acra m ent But as we have seen the
.
, ,
leav en O f truth is still working Th e prea ch ing .
and t h e practice O f the sacra m ental ideal with all

its impli c ations i s to be the leaven O f the wh o l e
1 Da i ly Dispatch, Nov . I t , 19 1 0.
4 M ARR I AGE AN D PARENTHOOD
m ass T o pr o mote and foster this i deal is t he a im

.
of the following pages .
It is also hoped that a r e statement of the Cath

olic ideal in the face o f modern ideals to the
,
contrary w i ll tend to increase the happiness o f

,
C atholic family life We cannot shut ou r eyes to

.
the m any failures In all cases they are due either

.
to ignorance o f the ideal o r to a refusal o f it s

graces T hey may be traced largely to t h e fact
.
that false views o f marriage and parenthood do

make their way into C atholic homes These .
views concern the most intimate t h e most delicate

, ,
and the most sa c red marriage relationships The .
protective modesty so natural to a good con

,
science has been c arried too far and false doc

, ,
trine h as been able to make headway simply b e

cause th e true was n o t p resent to resist it .
Now reticence in these matters is a ve r y strong

prote ction against temptation But there is some
.
knowledge which we must h ave Some people .
require more others can do with less I a cknowl

, .
edge that I have found the greatest di fficulty in

deci ding wh at must be left out o f this book What .
has been retained has been retained by advice o f

auth ority much more c ompetent t h an myself If .
knowledge in th ese matters is needful then that

k nowl edge must b e ac qu ire d and w e must tru st t o
I NTRODUCTION 1
grace to k eep us from abusing i t No l ess an .
authority than St C lement o f Al ex andri a has

.
said : Be not ashamed to know what God was

”
n ot ashamed t o m ake .
Let it be admitted at once that isol ate d points

o f this doctrine may seem harsh and unkind t o the
individual At the same time let it be re m embered

.
that the Church is an expert in human nature and

that by her divine gu idance she c a n see further
than the i n div i du al When under her direction
.
the larger vision has been gained when through ,
painful experience the lesson has been learnt the n ,
will Mother C hurch be discovered t o be right

a fter all What a man loses as an i ndividual
.
,
through keeping the Chur ch s laws he gains as a ’

,
member of a world wide society ; what he loses in

-
a portion of life he gains in the whole o f life yea ,
a thousandfold in the li fe eternal .
The Church guards a divine ideal that i s ,

'
w hy sh e is always right A nation s decadence ’

.
consists not so much in the actual lowering o f its

moral li fe as in the lowering of its ideal If it
, .
preserves its ideal there is hope o f its r esu rr ec

tion But if it c alls good bad and bad good t h en
.
,
it s doo m is sealed .
I h ave to a cknowledge my indebtedn es s to Dr .
Gi deon W B Marsh Fellow of the Royal So

. .
,
6 MARRIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
ci ety o f Me dicine a n d Vice President of the Guild
,
-
o f Sts Luke Cosmas and Damian for valuable

.
, , ,
sugg est io ns reg a rding the medi c al side of the sub

jec t. I h ave tried t o avoid all topi c s that do not
involve m oral principles These must be sought .
elsewhere Un fortunately many books most ex

.
,
cell ent fro m the medical and nursing point of
view contain directions here and there

, , contrary ,
to C ath oli c principles I f they are t o be used with

.
o u t har m therefore they must be read with cau

, ,
tion and duly corrected according t o the reader s ’
kn owledg e o f the Catholic ideal .
T HOMAS J G ERRARD . .
N a w HALL, CR s Lu s r oan,
Fea r: of tin Nati vi ty, 1 9 m .
CHA PT ER I
IN STITUTION AN D PU RPO SE
ON E of t h e most re m ark able ph en ome n a of the

social life of the new c entury is the movement
a m ong womankind fo r a readjustment of the rela
t ions betw ee n man and woma n The m o vement

.
a ii ect s all sp h eres of life It m akes most n oise in

.
the sphere o f politi c s But as the a fia i r s of the

.
State have their root i n the a fia ir s o f the family ,
i t is to the family that we must l oo k for the cause

o f the disturbance There wo uld seem to be some
.
t hing wro ng with m any o f the current idea s co n
c erning the relatio nship betw ee n husban d a n d wife .
Th e fact i n deed is t h at in many quarter s th e Ca t h

olic ideal of the g reat Sacra m ent of m atrimony
has beco m e obs cured The pro tective l o ve of the
.
husba n d t ow ard the wi fe has been changed into a

tyran nical o verlor ds hip The loving a cquie sc ence
.
in t h at pr o te ction o n the p art o f the wi fe h as b ee n

con strued in to a serv i le O bedi en c e The outr a g e
.
o n b o th n ature and g race has re n dered the mutual

l i fe irks om e beyond enduran c e and co n s equently
,
i d ea s h ave be c ome preva l ent whi c h tell both
against t h e sanctity of the marriage state and
against the indissolubility of its bond Let us s ee .
the n what t h e Chur ch has to say about this won

dr ou s mystery .
The very institutio n o f marriage has its rea son

in t h e weakness and insu fficien cy o f man God .
,
alth o ugh supremely happy in the company o f His

own blessed Trinity had willed to exercise His
,
love outside Himself He had willed to produce

.
a created world in whic h there should be o n e c lass
O f creatures bearing His own likene ss .
After separating the night from the day an d ,
th e land from the water a fter making the fishes ,
o f the s ea the fowls o f the air and the cattle of

, ,
the earth He ma d e man to rule over th e earth

, .
He made man a reasonable being capable o f giv ,
ing a reasonable service But even with all the .
delights o f that paradise of pleasure with all his ,
unimpaired intelligence and power o f or d aining

things for God s glory man by himself wa s n ot
’
,
enough for God s purpose There were parts in

’
.
God s great design which man by himself c ould

’
not accomplish He was wanting in both physical

.
,
mental a n d moral c omplements SO God said

, .
It is n ot goo d for man to be alone : let us make

”
him a h elp like unto himself SO Go d cast Adam .
INSTITU TION AN D PURPOSE 9
into a deep sleep took a rib from his side from

,
which He built a woman And w hen God brought

.
the woman to the man then did Adam s ay: This

,
now is bone o f my bones and flesh of my flesh ,
she shall be called wom an because she w a s taken

ou t o f man . Wherefore a man shall leave father
and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they
, ,
”
shall be two in one flesh Having been thus.
made for each other and united to each other they ,
then received the m essage o f God as to the en d

for which all these things had been arranged .
Increase a n d multiply and fill the earth and sub

,
”
due it.
The formation of Adam and Eve an d their

u nion in the matrimonial bond had however a , ,
ve r y much wider signi ficance than the mere multi

plication o f human beings and the replenishment
o f the earth God when He created them h a d
.
, ,
also in H i s mind H is own Incarnation and H i s

C hur ch The institution o f matrimony w a s to be
.
a kind o f prophecy of His Incarnation and a figur e

o f His Church As Adam w a s made weak s o
.
that Eve m ight be given to him to be h i s strength ,
so the Son of G od beca m e weak emptyi n g Him ,
self o f Himself s o that He might take upon Him

sel f the form o f a se rvant and clothed in flesh , ,
might accompl i sh the strong victory over sin a n d

Io MARRIAGE AN D PARE N THOOD
death As Eve was tak en fro m the side o f Ada m
.
as he slept and became the mother o f all living

, ,
so was the Church taken fro m the side of Christ

as He slept upon the Cross and be c ame for H im ,
His chosen spouse the Mother of all those to

,
whom He had come to give life .
The state of marriage therefore as reflecte d , ,
in the mysteries of the Incarnation and the Churc h

is seen to have the high funct i on not only of pro
creating human beings to replenish the earth b u t ,
also o f training them in the higher life of grace

and thus preparing them for the still higher life
o f glory . Christ came into the world solely t o
save sinners The end o f the Church is merely the
.
salvation o f souls If therefo re matrimony is a

.
, ,
figure of the Inca r nation and the Church then its ,
chief en d is the population o f heave n with imm or

tal souls .
Seeing then that the chief en d o f m atrim o ny

, ,
i s so high and noble the means ordained fo r the

,
a c complishm e nt o f that end m ust be proportion

ately high and noble And so we fin d that nature
.
h as provi d ed such means T h ese may be summed .
u p in the tw o properties o f mar r iage it s u n ity and ,
its indiss o lubility .
And i f w e wou ld probe furt h er int o t h e mystery

a n d fin d th e com mon sour c e of these properti es o f
IN ST ITU TION AN D PU RPO S E I I
m arri a g e we dis c e r n it in t h at al l attr a ctive beauty-
o f the st ate c onjugal love The mere procreation

, .
of children could not possibly be the end of matri

mony ; for this could be done without the bond ,
without the uni t y without the perpetuity without

, ,
the love M anifestly then the chief reason for

.
, ,
the institutio n of matrimony was the welfare of the

o fls p r i n g n o t merely the existence of the o flsp r i n g
, ,
but its gr o wt h and d evelopment the promotion o f ,
all its interests There fore it was that God so

.
made man and woman that they should love ea c h

other that t h ey should foster that love and con
,
centr a te it on ea ch other by excluding all other

love of the same kind that they should make it so
,
strong and lasting that only death should be able

to bring about a breach o f the union .
All this poi nts to the fact that the marriage bond
is a law o f nature It is a mutual agreement by
.
which a man and a woman give themselves to each

other u n til death a n d this chiefly for the sake o f
,
the highest interest o f the childr en whi c h s h all be

born to th em .
It s natural perfe ction however in cour s e o f, ,
ti m e be c ame c o r rupte d I mpu r ity then even as

.
,
now , led to hardn ess of heart Consequently .
Moses allowe d divorce The Pharisees knowing .

,
’
t h is br o ught it a s a n obj ection t o Our Lo rd s
,
Ia MARRI AGE AN D PAREN T HOOD
teaching Our Lord however was able to quote
.
, ,
an earlier and more fundamental l aw Have ye .
not read that He who made man from the begin

ning made them male and female ' An d He said
,
For this cause shall a man leave father and

mother and shall cleave to h i s wi fe and they shall
, ,
”
be two in one flesh Moses had taken into con
.
sideration the hardness of their hearts a n d for the

sake o f preventing greater evils had p ermitt ed them
to put away their wives But Our Lord t e
.
,
”
minded them from the beginning it w a s not so
,
.
In this a s in many other matte rs G od had a

, ,
greater design in 'iew He desired to provide a

.
remedy for all this i rregu lar life by raising the

natural state of marriage to a supe rnatural plane .
Forbidding divorce and insisting on the essential

unity and indissolubili ty O f the marriage tie C hrist ,
raised it to the dignity O f a Sacrament Thus it .
became a more perfect figure of the Incarnation

and the C hurch Through the union of the G od
.
hea d and the Manhood C hrist in H i s huma n ,
nature was filled with all grace and knowledge

compatible with H i s created nature Through the .
union of C hrist with the C hurch the C hurch is ,
sancti fied a s H i s one perfect and unspotted bride .
SO likewise through the union of man and woman

in the Sacrament O f matrimony there is conferred ,
I NSTITUTION AN D PURPOSE 13
on them all the graces needful to enable them to

carry out the arduous duties of that state Hu s .
”
bands says St Paul love your w ives a s C hrist
, .
,
“
,
also loved th e C hurch and delivered Himself up

,
for it that He might sancti fy it cleansing it by the

, ,
laver of water in the word of life So also .
ought men to love their wives a s their own bodie s .
He that loveth h is wife loveth himself This is a .
great Sacrament ; but I speak in C hrist and in the

”
C hurch .
When St Paul speaks of marriage being a great

.
Sacrament he does not u s e the word in the strict ‘
sense in which we u s e it now He means merely

.
that it is a great S ign of something sacred a m ys ,
tical symbol o f the union between Christ and His

Church Neverthele s s o n account o f the similar
.
,
ity of the marriage bond to the bond between

C hrist and H i s Church we are able to gather that
,
marriage i s a Sacrament in the strictest sense of

the word The union between C hrist and H i s
.
C hurch consists of sa n ctifying grace It consists .
further of a continual flow of all those graces

which are needful for attaining the C hurch s end
’
,
namely the salvation of all the souls for whom

,
t h e C hurc h w a s instituted I f therefore the mar

.
, ,
r i a g e bond is like the bond between C hrist and His
Church it must be the means by which graces

,
I4 . MARR IAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
s anctifying th e marria g e stat e ar e con f er r ed A .
Sacrament o f the new law is a s a c red sign in sti

t ut ed by Christ to signi fy and t o confer gra c e If .
,
therefore the marriage bond signi fies and confers

,
the graces needful f o r the marriage state and if ,
instituted by Christ then it is on e of the s even

,
Sacraments o f the new law SO it wa s then that

.
C hrist placed His divine seal on the natural c ontract

and with His o wn lips proclaimed it hencefo rth to
be a bond forged in h eaven What there fore
.
, ,
”
Go d hath j oined together let n o man put asunder .
From the fact that C h r ist rai sed the natural

c o ntract into a Sacrament it follows that the
,
parties to the contra ct are the ministers o f the

Sacrament It is the man and woman wh o hand
.
themselves over to each other making a mutual con

tract to live together till d eath It is the man and
.
woman therefore wh o confer on each other the

, ,
Sacrament enabling them to ful fil the higher duties

which are involved in the C hristi an ma rried state .
The priest is not the minister O f the Sacrament ,
but only the witness o f it Our late Holy Fath er

.
,
P ope L eo XIII emphasized this when he insisted

,
that the contract and the Sacrament were n o t two

separate things The distincti o n or rather sep
,
”
aration he said cannot be approved o f ; since
, ,
i t i s clear that in Chri stian matrim o ny the contra ct

INST I TUT IO N AN D PU RPOSE 15
is no t separab l e fro m the Sacrament an d cons e ,
q u e n tly that a true and lawful contract c annot e x is t

with o ut being by that v ery fact a Sacrament For .
C hrist Our Lo rd endowed mat r imony wi th the

sacramental digni ty ; but matrimony is the contra ct
i tself provi d ed that the contract is rightly made
, .
Therefore i t is plain that every true mar

,
r i a g e am o ng Christians is in itself and by itself a
Sacrament ; and that nothing is further from t h e

truth than t hat the Sacrament is a sort of added
ornament o r quality introduced from without ,
which may be detached from the contract at the

” 1
discr etion o f man I f there fore the Sacrament
.
, ,
is the mutual contract it i s the woman who as

, , ,
’
God s minister confers on the man those soul
,
beauties which make him a figure of C hrist t h e ,
b r i degroom o f the C hurch ; and so like w ise i s it

the man who as God s minister confers o n the
,
’
,
wo man those soul beauties which make her a ,
figure of the Church the bride of Christ

, Hus .
band and wi fe are thus seen to be the compl ement

of each other in their supernatural as well as in ,
their natural relationships

, .
It is well to keep this supernatural aspect o f the

c ase pr om inently before our minds when we con
s ider the duties and O bligations o f the state The .
1
Leo 'I II, En cyc Ar canu m . .
I 6 MAR RIAGE AN D PAR ENTHOOD
en d for which marriage was institute d was a mos t
di fficult end to attain Indeed it were an im p os
.
,
sible task without the special divine helps provided .
Remembe r ing these helps how ever the married

, ,
couple may face their d i fli cu lt i es with a good heart

.
The sacra m ental e ffect o f matrimony does not

spend itself out within a week o r two o f the nup
tial ceremony The g race conferred on the wed
.
ding morning remains with them when they leave

the church remains with them in their home life
, ,
fo rt ifies them in their discouragements and steels

,
their wills t o the e m ergenci es o f every di fli cult

situation .
Th e Church t h en h aving m ade this clear to

,
them sets aside all false modest y and tells them

,
in grave and plain language what their duties are .
The first duty is the bringing o f children into t h e

world and the educating o f them in the service of
God ; the second duty is m utual love and s ervice
in the companionship o f domestic life In the .
nuptial Mass the p r i est solemnly prays over them

that they may be fruitful in their O flsp r ing and t hat
they may s ee their children s children unto the third
’
and fourth generation And finally in h i s exhorta

.
tion he warns them to be faithful to each other ,
and to remain chaste at special times o f prayer ,
during the fasts and solemn seasons o f the Chu rch .

INSTITUTION AN D PURPOSE 17
N OW all this involves much trouble and anxiety

both on the part o f the husband and of the wife .
With the former lies the p aramount obligation o f

worki ng for the sustenance of the household ; with
the latter lie all the cares of child bearing ; with
-
both lies that a nx iety for the temporal and spir

itu al well being o f each other and of the children
-
.
“ ”
But if thou take a wife says St Paul
, . thou ,
“
hast not sinned But i f a virgin ma r ry sh e hath

.
,
n o t sinned ; nevertheless such shall have tr ib u l a

,
”
tion o f the flesh . Those who enter this state ,
there fore should do s o with their eyes wide open

,
to the fact that it i s a li fe fraught with di fficulty

and that both man and woman are supposed to be
willing to bear grave inconveniences When a .
man complains of h i s loss of libert y o r the i n

creased burden on h is pocket ; or when a woman
complains of the troubles of children there has ,
evidently been some radical misunderstanding as

t o the end of the institution of marriage and o f its
burdens What is needed o n those occasions is

.
the consideration that marriage i s a Sacrament ,
a Sacrament which i s a channel of divine stren gt h

t o bear the burden o f divine light to see the way
,
out of the di fficulties of divine refreshment for

,
the constant renewal of conj ugal life and love .

CHA PTE R II
TH E SAN CT ITY O F MARRIAGE
I T i s part o f God s providence t h at wh e n H e sets

’
before us an end to be attained He provides us

also with the means of attaining that end So in .
the case o f marriage having ordained it fo r the

,
high purpose o f preparing souls for heaven God ,
h a s endowe d it with qualities which make it an apt

instrument for the purpose for which it was insti
t u t ed .These qualities are revealed in the truth
o f C hrist and the C hurch C hrist s C hurch was
’
.
to be o ne only and it was t o last until the end of

,
time The bond o f C hristian marriage must like

.
wise b e o ne only and m ust la st until broken by

death Unity and perpetui ty are the qualities
.
which make the marri age state specially fitted for

the great obj ect of bringing children into the world ,
o f nourishing them in body mind and spirit

, , ,
of bringing them t o the final perfection f o r which

man was created I f the bringing o f children into
.
the world is attended with great pain and labor ,
the bringing o f their souls to perfe cti o n i s att en ded

THE SANC T ITY OF MAR RIAGE 19
wit h still greater pain and l abor It requires noth

.
ing else th an the u nited li fe and love of bo th

pare nts .
N ow such is the natu re o f m an a n d wom an th a t

t h ey c annot love eflectu a lly with a divided love .
Let either partner give the other the slightest cause

fo r j ealousy and there is an end of that perfe ct
love a n d harmony in the family which is so needful
fo r the well being o f the children
-
The a r chtyp e
.
o f perfect love is the mutual lov e o f the three Per
sons o f the bl essed Trinity One of the faires t

.
created reflections o f that love is the triple love

o f family li fe the love o f husband wife and child
, , , .
It will bro ok no intrusi o n from without It cannot

.
bear the prospect o f it coming t o an end This is .
a funda mental a n d universal law of nature a law ,
o f nature which is accen t u ated ennobled an d

, ,
made perfect by a law o f grace The Sacrament

.
of matrimony implies a special divine san ction to

the laws o f u n i ty and perpetuity in the marria g e
bon d .
The need o f the h igher s anction and help is

seen from the p assing nature o f the merely natural
charms The mere physical pleasures pass away
.
with their satisfaction Y o uthful ardor burns ou t

.
before the mat ure part O f li fe is reached In the .
course o f a li fe so int i m a t e as that of husb and

20 MARR IAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
an d wi fe many faults of character become exposed .
M arriage certainly bri n gs a revelation of many

new beauties of character but it also brings a rev
,
elation o f many faults O f ch aracter It i s fraugh t .
with disappointments even a s with agreeable sur

p rises The fading o f bodily beauty also tends t o
.
weaken the n a tural bo n d When the hair turns

.
gray and the eye lo s es it s luster and the features

, ,
fall into wrinkles ; when the general buoyancy and

ardor of youth tones down into the prose of mid dle
age ; then indeed i s there need o f somethi ng more
sustaining something more l a sting than the mere
,
tie o f natural a ffection or n atural contract It is .
found in the uni ty and perpetuity o f the Sacrament .
The Sacrament imparts all the courage the en ,
er g y the refreshment
, and the love needful t o
,
make the bond strong a n d lasting It renews the .
youth o f married life and makes it satisfying even

in spite O f years .
The Church claims to have the care of this Sac

rament The Church therefore h a s ever insisted
.
, ,
o n i t s unity and perpetuity The C hurch regards

.
the sin of adultery a s something in fin itely more

heinous than any s in possible among the u nm a r
ried The father who h a s to provide for h i s chil
.
dren must be certain that they are hi s own He .
c a res for them only on the supposition that they

T HE SAN CTITY OF MARRIAGE 21
are his o flsp r in g An y in fidelity therefore on the

.
, ,
part O f the woman mu s t of nece ss ity tend to break

up these sacred family relationships A father .
cannot love and care for children who may be

those of the man who has don e him the greatest
possible injury And if a woman gives u nswer v
.
ing fidelity to her husband s h e h a s a right to claim

an equal fidelity in return In fidelity on the part
.
of the man although i t does n o t act directly in

,
rendering the O flsp r in g of the family uncertain ,
yet it strikes at the root of co nj ugal love and thus ,
almost directly at the fou n dations of family li fe .
A violation of the sanctity of marri age then by

e ither party i s a double violation of God s law a
’
,
violation of chastity and a violation of j ustice

, .
Hence We have the most stri n gent laws against

,
adultery against polygamy and against divorce

, , .
Among the Jews the pe n alty of adultery was

death by stoning In the most savage races O f the
.
earth i t s punishment i s immediate death The .
law o f C hrist makes the law O f nature and the law

O f Moses more perfect Thi s it does by all the
.
conditions and rules which it lays do wn fo r the

prevention o f polygamy a n d divorce By polyg .
amy we usually understand the possession o f two

wives at the same time The possession O f two
.
husbands a t the same time i s kn own a s polyand ry

-
.
22 MARRIAG E AN D PARE NT HOOD
Both a re equally con de mn ed by th e Ch r i stia n
law .
The c ases o f polygamy a m ong the Jews are ft c

quently quoted by those who want an e x cuse fo r
disregarding the laws o f Ch r isti a n marriage At .
tention must be paid t o th e circumstances of time

and race I f polygamy w a s permitted then it was
.
fo r a special reason And the permission was

.
mere toleration The circumstances o f t he times

.
r equired that it should be permitted in order to

avoid greater evils Nevertheless G o d did not
.
,
cease to give signs to His people as to what was

the great ideal The most wondrous love song
.
ever sung by man was that inspired by the Holy
Spirit the song o f songs which tells o f the love

, ,
between one bridegroom and o n e bride the love ,
which lasts till death One is my dove my .

“
,
perfect one i s but on e I to my beloved and

.
my beloved to me who feedest among the anem

,
ones . Put me as a seal upon thy heart as ,
a seal upon thy arm for love is strong as death

, ,
j ealousy as h ard as hell the lamps thereo f are fir e ,
and flames My beloved to me and I t o him

.
wh o feedeth among the lilies till the day break ,

”
and the shadows flee away SO the young Tobia s .
could say to hi s wife Sara : For we are the chil

dren of saints an d we must n ot be j oined together
,
TH E SAN CTITY OF MARR IAGE 23
like heathens that know n o t Go d In praying .
to God for a blessing on his marriage he referred

back to i t s original conditions Thou madest
:
“
Adam o f the slime o f the earth and gavest him ,
Eve f o r a h elper And now Lord thou knowest

.
, ,
that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister t o wife ,
b u t only f o r the love O f posterity in which Thy ,

”
na m e may be blessed forever and ever And Sara .
prayed with him : Have mercy on us a n d let us ,

”
grow ol d both t o gether in health .
Furt h er the Church alth o ugh s h e insists that

, ,
the marriage bond lasts only ti ll d eat h although ,
sh e allows remarriage a fter the death o f one o f
the partne rs yet she looks up o n such remarriage

,
a s something les s perfect Her ideal is that a

.
marriage should be s o distinctly o n e and perpetual

a s to exclude any other marriage even after the
firs t has been dissolved by death A ma r ri a g e is .
not merely a uni on O f t wo in o n e flesh but also of ,
two i n one spirit The more perfect thing there

.
,
fore would be to consider the bond o f love lasting

,
right through death The reason why the Church

.
allows re m arriage after the death of o n e o f the

p artners is because there are other ends of matri
mony besides mu t u a l love T o g ive expression to
.
her wish how ever an d to m ark t h e distincti o n b e

, ,
tween t h e m o re perfect state an d t h e l ess perfe ct

24. MAR RIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
state the Church does not give the nuptial bless
,
ing in cases where the bride is a widow i f she h a s

received it in a previous marriage She gives it
.
where the bride i s being married for the first time ,
even though the bridegroom be a widower Hav .
ing regard to the dignity of the bride the Church ,
in this case overlooks the defect in the bri degroom .
Her end i s achieved by withholding the blessing

only in the case of the marriage o f widows as ,
st a ted above .
T h is b r ings us to the all importa nt questio n o f

-
divorce I f both the natural and divine laws

.
maintain the uni t y and perpetuity of the ma rriage

bond then no power on earth not even the
, ,
Church h a s power to grant a divorce

, What.
,
therefore God hath j oined together let no man put

,
”
asunder .Here on the threshold o f the questio n
,
it is necessary to make a clear distinction o f term s .
When it is said that no power on earth can gr ant

a divorce divorce mu s t be understood in a p ar
,
t icu l a r and strict sen s e o f the word Let u s dis

.
t i n gu i s h then between three ki n ds of sep ar a tion .
First there is a separation which i mplies that the

,
husband and wife are allowed t o live apart I t i s .
called in juridical language a judi ci al separation .
It is calle d in theological langua g e s ep a r a ti o a

m ens a a i t h or o or s epar a tion from bed an d board
, .
THE SAN CTITY OF M ARRIAGE 25
Its meaning i s that althou g h the parties are sep

,
a r a t ed from each other yet they are not free t o

,
marry a g a in I f they were allowed to marry again

.
the separation would be said to be a v i ncu l o o r ,
sep aration from the bond Th e actual contract .
o r tie would be broken N o w the first ki n d of

.
separation is allowed by the C hurch whenever

there i s a grave reason such for instance as the
, , ,
misconduct of o n e O f the parties But the second .
kind the C hurch allows never The bond which .
h a s been made by G od may n o t be broken by man .
One o f the pa rties may forfeit certain rights of

marriage through in fidelity to the partner but can ,
n ever thereby acquire the freedom to marry again .
And further the Church makes no distinction in

,
this respect between the i n n ocent party and the

guilty A bond i s a bond the co n tract is a two
.
,
sided o n e and there fore a s lo n g a s the bond or

, , ,
co n tra ct remai n s it must bind both the p arties .
However u n fair it m ay seem to the i n nocent part y ,
yet it is G od s law and G od will s ee to it that those

’
who Observe H i s la w will in the final balancing

, , ,
receive their j ust reward .
Then there i s another kind o f sep ara t ion which

is frequently believed to be a divorce and which
i s a source O f mu ch perplex i t y to Catholics a n d
n o n C a tholics alike
-
. It is c alled a de clara ti on o f
26 T HE SAN CTITY OF MAR R I AGE
nullity It me a ns that th at which has appeare d t o
.
be a m arriage is declared never t o hav e been a

m ar riage from the beginning The partie s have
.
g one th r ough the ceremony but ,there has been

s ome O bstruction in the way which has prevented
the kn ot from being tied and so the suppo s ed mar

r i a g e must be declared null and void .
Let us take an instance A Jew mar r i ed to a

.
baptized Christian wife seeks for a divorce in t he

law courts He is successful in his suit The n
. .
h e becomes a C atholic falls in love with a

,
Catholic girl and wishes to be married t o her

,
i n the Catholic Church . There i s no d ifli cu lty ,
t h e Church approves of the m arriage What .
h as happe n ed ' The un disce rning public think

that the Church has approved o f di vorce and of
the remarriage O f a divorced person And if .
the man happens t o have bee n a wealthy Jew

the undis c erning public is not sl o w to attribute
unworthy motives to the Church But again
.
,
what has really happened ' The Jew s first mar

’
r i a g e was really no marriage at all in the sight
of the Church B apti sm is the first Sacrame nt

.
and th e do o r of the oth er Sacrament The J ew .
ha d not received the Sacrament o f baptism and

s o wa s in c apable of re c e i ving t h e Sa c ra m ent of
m a rriage . And bein g unbaptize d he was fur

t h erm o r e i ncapable of m a ki n g the co ntract o f
T HE SAN CTITY OF MAR RIAGE 27
m aking the contract o f marriage for the Sacra ,
ment is the contract Therefore the marriage .

,
which by the la w o f the land w a s de clared to be

, ,
dissolved was by the law O f the Church declared

never to have existed t o have been null and void
,
from the beginning Consequently when the Jew

.
,
became a Catholic and received the Sacrament o f

baptism he was quite free and capable o f uniting
himself with the partner o f his choice .
There are t hree exceptions to the law o f indis

solubili ty The first two concern marriages rati
.
fie d but n o t consummated Such may be dis .
solved either by p apal dispensation for some grave

reason or by the solemn religious profession of
, ,
o n e of the parties The third is kno wn as the

.
Pauline privilege It may happen only in a mar

.
r i a g e between unbeli e vers and this even when ,
consum m ated I f o n e of the parties is converted

.
to the Christian faith and t ile other refuses to live

,
peaceably o r shows contempt for Go d and reli

,
gion o r tries to pervert th e faithful partner t hen

, ,
the faithful o n e h a s a r i ght to a real divorce

' I C o r vii.
,
Within these limitat i ons th e Church is ab s o

lu t ely inexorable agains t any attempt at sepa ra
tion fro m the bond She has su fler ed the loss O f
.
who l e n ations from the faith ra ther than sa cr i fic e

one j ot o r tittle of h er princip l e Th e care of the
.
Sacrament has b een committed to her keeping and ,
to have condoned a denial of the sacramental na

ture o f the matrimoni al bond even in one case , ,
would have been to renounce the divine charge

given t o her For the English speaking world the
.
-
Pope s firmness in refusing to grant a divorce

’
,
to Henr y VIII must ever be a monument O f the

,
fidelity of the Church to the sanctity o f the mar

r i a g e state
. And the famous Encyclical of the
late Sovereign Pont i fl L eo XIII must ever r e
, ,
main the character o f woman s digni ty and sa fety

’
a s to her marriage right The great evils

“
.
,
Wrote the Po nt i fl of which divorce is the sp r ing

,
can har dl y be enumerated When the conjugal .
bond loses its immutability we may expect t o see

benevolence and a ffection destroyed be t ween hus
band and wi fe ; an encouragement given to i n fi
d el ity; the protection and education o f children
rendered more di fli cu lt ; the ge rms of discord sown
between families ; woman s di gnity diso wned ; the
’
danger for her of seeing h erself forsak en a fter ,
having se rved as the instrument o f man s passions ’

.
And as nothing ruins families and destroys the

most powerful kingdoms like the corrup t ion o f
manners it is ea sy t o s ee that divorce which is
, ,
only begotten of the depraved m anners o f a

THE SAN CTITY OF MARRIAGE 29
people is the worst enemy o f families and o f

,
States and that it opens the door as experience

, ,
attests to the most viciou s habits both in p riv a te

, ,
”
and in public life .
Vi ews subversive o f the Catholic ideal are n ow

ve r y prevalent and are becoming day by day more
,
prevalent In the matter of the sanctity of mar

.
r i a g e as in many other things

, it is the Catholics
,
who are the salt o f the earth Whilst other reli

.
g i o u s bodies are prepared to give way under any

specious pretext which may arise the Sec of Peter ,
proclaims the principle o f no compromise And .
when the Churches which ought to g uard the s anc

tity O f marri age show themselves weak and a ccom
m o da t i ng t o the lower pleasures of man we must ,
n o t be surprised i f non religious bodies speak

-
openly in favor o f divorce and all unashamed , ,
make profession of free love This indeed has .

, ,
come to pass .
High time i s it then for Catholics to make their

, ,
voice heard in protest Nay absolutely impera

.
,
tive is it that Catholics should rally themselves

anew with even greater loyal ty around the Holy
Fa ther who watches the marriage Sacrament so
anxiously and sees its dangers SO clearly Legis .
lation is made which may be i rksome ; but the irk

so m enes s thereby su fler e d is trifling compared with
3 0 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
t h e irksomeness thereby avoided Let us admit .
b oldly that the marriage state is fraught with di fi

cu lti es that love is liable t o grow cold that child
, ,
bearing is a burden that the education of many,
children is a tax on the family s resources that a ’

,
d ru nk en hu sb a n d is an almost intolerable nuisance

'
that a gossiping wi fe is a plague of a life ; let us

admit all this but at the same time insist that the
,
Sacrament o f marri age has power either t o pre

vent o r mitigate the evils It restrains the pas .
sions But let the idea of divorce once get estab

.
l i s h e d and there is an end of restraint The pas .
sions are let loose and fall victim to every little

counter attraction to family li fe The hal f hearted
-
.
-
partner who realizes that there is an easy escape

from the burden of married life makes no serious
attempt to bear it Then comes the sad spectacle
.
o f a mother left alone with a house full o f childr en
and no father t o provide fo r them ; or what is

perhaps even more sad a father with a house full ,
o f chi ldren and no mother t o take care of them .
The Church s laws may be hard to bear at times

’
.
They are h owever as the yoke o f Christ sweet

, , ,
and easy to hea r i f only we spread th em o ut o ver

,
the short run o f l i f e .

CHA PTE R II I
CHOI CE OF A STAT E
HOW is it that nearly the whole of

the c reative
literature of the world has been made to center
round the young girl ' How is it that love stories
ab o ut ma rried people widows and widowers
, , ,
have such a prosaic savor and so o ften tend

towards degeneracy ' It is because there is some
thing mysterious i n virgini ty There is a power
.
hidden in the vi rgin mind which can change the

destinies of men of nations of the race Shall
, , .
th is p o wer be divided minis tering to the procre

,
ation o f body and education of soul ' Or sha ll it

renounce the carnal part and be devoted ex clu
si v ely t o the care o f the spirit '
These questions are very ol d perhaps as Ol d a s

,
th e human race itself ; fo r there is some reason to

believe that the sins o f ou r first parents had some
thing to d o with the vow o f virginity At any .
rate we know that in t h e earliest Roman times the

prob l em faced the maidens o f t h e family Vesta .
wa s th e go ddes s o f the hearth . B ut fami ly wor

3 2 MARRIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
s h ip was not enough A special san ctuary was
.
needed where all the citizens of the State could

worship as one great family The goddess w a s .
there represented by an ete r nal fir e burning on her

hearth or altar And virgins were set aside to
.
keep alive this fir e The goddess w a s chaste and

.
pure a s the fir e symbolized The virginity o f the

, .
priestesses both figured and realized that purity .
Thus even i n natural religion virginity was r e

,
garded as a higher type of spirit li fe .
When G od became incarnate He added a higher

sanctity to virginity by cho o s ing to be bo r n of a
Virgin By the same act too he rai s ed the dig
.
nity of motherhood Both st ates O f li fe were

.
needed for the perfection O f H i s plans Some .
would be called to one state others to the other

, .
Christ Himself declared th a t renunciation of mar

r i a g e w a s more ble s sed than fruition provided it ,
was done f o r t h e kingdom O f heaven s sake Not ’

.
every one could receive that word but h e who ,
could let him

, .
St Paul applied this doctrine when he said

.
He that giveth h i s virgin in marriage doeth well ,
”
and he that giveth her not doeth better .
In biblical language the term virgin includes

m en as well a s women Thus St John in the
. .
Apo c a lypse says : These are they who were n ot

CHOICE OF A STATE 33
defil ed with women : for they a r e virg ins In .
modern language we speak o f the men as celibates .
The Council o f Trent uses both words in de fining

that single blessedness is the higher gift If any .
one says that the married state is to be placed

before that of virginity or celibacy and that i t is ,
no t a better and more blessed thing to remain in
virgini ty o r celibacy than to be j oined in matri

”
mony let him be anathema
, .
The virginity or celibacy here sp oken o f is not

necessarily that O f the ecclesiastical o r religious
li fe The Church recognizes three normal states
.
of li fe : marri age which i s good ; single blessed

,
n ess in the world which is better ; single blessed

,
n ess in religion which is best

, .
This does not mean however that the single life

is better for everyb o dy n o r that the religious life
,
is the best for everybody These states are only .
go od better and best when regarded in them

, , ,
selves If we look at them with regard t o p a rt ic

.
ular people the order of good better and best

, , ,
may be reversed Indeed for the vast maj ori ty

.
,
o f people marri age is by far the best thing The .
single li fe in the world would mai m them and per ,
h a ps li fe in reli g ion would ruin them Everyt hing .
d epends o n the individual s circumstances his tem

’
,
p e r a m en t h,i s health h i s a b ility his

,
desires above , ,
3
34 M A RRIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
all his graces This then is the pro blem w i t h

.
whi ch all young people are confronted : To what

state of li fe am I called '
Let us say at the outset that the soluti o n i s l ov e .
But what is love ' Its mystic n ature de fies a n

ex haustive description Th ere is however a .
, ,
s imple de finition which may b e applied to every
kind of love It is : To will good for some on e

. .
This is the essence of love whether of father , ,
mothe r husband wi fe child friend or ene my

, , , , , .
It may b e accompanied by the passion of a flect i on

or by the passion of aversion I f I love my .
mother a ffection is also present I f I love my

, .
enemy aversion i s probably present I may feel

, .
a dislike to a man yet at the same time wi ll to do

,
him good .
Further love may be dev o id o r almost devoid

, , ,
of passion I may have a love fo r the religious

.
li fe for instance without having any a ffecti o n fo r

, ,
it I may see that only by entering religion shall

.
I be able to do the greatest good to my fellow

men Even though I have an aversi o n for com
.
m on life and loss of liberty yet I may s ee in those ,
things my b est chance o f salvation and l o ve them

a cc ordi ngly .
In the choice o f a state o f l ife then the lea ding

ue st i on will be : Whic h state do I re a lly l ove '
q
CH O I C E O F A STATE 35
D o I w ant t o be marri ed ' Do I want to live

singly i n the world and devote myself to a special
profe s sion ' Do I want to be a pri est ' Do I
want to be a nun ' Above all is my desire con ,
stant or do I waver between one thing an d a n

,
o ther never knowing my own m ind '

,
Marri age will be the choice of most It is t h e .
state for which they are by nature fitted and for ,
t h em the highest and most perfect li fe which the y
can l i ve .
In most cases the choice is settled by a chance

meeting and by the accident kn o wn as falling in
l ove Mutual passion for each other i s the pre
.
d o minant attractive force If this passion is con

.
s o na n t wit h reason and revelation then it i s all
good and beauti ful If there are impediments to

.
the proposed marriage then the passion is ou t o f

place an d must be checked Passion cannot be
.
good if it has for i ts obj ect that which tends to the

ruin of the end of marriage But the impediments
.
placed by God and by the Church are all arranged

t o prote ct the end of marriage and therefo re pas
,
sio n must never seek to overri d e them .
The case however often arises in whic h o nly

, ,
o n e of the p air feels the passion What is the

. .
other t o do ' Supp o se it t o be the girl an d sup ,
p os e h er m ind t o be e x p re s se d b y s om e suc h saying

as this : I like him you kn ow but I c a nno t say
, ,
that I am in love with h im .
There is need here to distinguish between love

and passion Love is essentially an act of the
.
will ; passion i s essentially a mere sensation Let .
us repeat though that the most perfect love for

, ,
married people is that in which the will is fired by

passion and in which the passion i s controlled by
the will But let us never forget that the lasting
.
element in such love is that of the wi ll Passi o n .
burns out in time .
The girl then who i s in every w ay fitted fo r

marriage receives an o ffer from a young man who
is in many ways suitable She feels that she can .
honor and respect him but hesitates about accept ,
ing h im because she does not feel in love I f she .
is young and likely to have other chances sh e may

wait But i f she is likely to become an old maid
.
th en she may forti fy h ersel f with the philosophical

distinction be t ween love and passion I f she b e .
l i ev es that the man will do all he can to make her

happy and S he is determined to do all she can to
,
make him h appy she will be well advised to m a r ry

,
him Go o d will i s the real st u ff o f which love is

.
made passion is but an added perfection More

, .
o ver t h e good wi ll in such cases invari ably rouses

,
the passion be fore the days of c o u rtshi p are en ded .

On th e part o f the man the doubt is hardly ever

a s t o whether he i s in love or not nor yet as to ,
whether he is called t o marriage or the Church .
He usually knows quite w ell what he wants He .
doubts only his power of ful filling the O bligations

o f the n ew state of life .
In regard to marriage he i s a fraid he cannot

a fford t o keep a wi fe The number is growing
.
O f those y o ung men who abstain from marriage in

order that they may have the pleasure of trifling
lu xuries They pre fer to be free for the j oys O f
.
cigarettes and billiards rather than undertake the

burden of marriage with it s greater j oys Such a .
choice is nothing but low unworthy sel fishness

, .
More important however i s the case where the

, ,
young man finds the S ingle life a co n stant t em p ta

tion to impurity Then must he seriously turn his
.
attention t o marriage a s to h i s salvation It is .
”
better to marry than to burn And it is best of
.
a ll to marry early before bad habits are formed

, .
The number o f unhappy homes caused through ,
youthful indiscretion before marriage i s appall ,
i ng
. It were better therefore to marry even with ,
poverty in prospect than to lead a single li fe con

,
t i n u a lly tempted and perhaps continually falling .
Vocations to the celib a te li fe usually be g in t o

Sh ow th emselves before the age adapted to mar
3 s MARRIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
i
r ag e . Parents nee d to kn ow that such a vocati o n
is a speci al gi ft o f Go d Its chief Sign is a spon
.
t a neou s and constant desire Two dangers a re

.
t o be avoided Parents must not f o rce the idea

.
o f the priesthood or of the Cloister on their chil

dre n Nor on the other hand must they suppress
.
it when it appears Indeed they will be on the

.
,
lookout for the si gn s of zeal and piety which a c

company the desire s o that the vocation may have
,
e very chance of coming to maturity It is a great .
pri v ilege to be able t o o ffer a child f o r the special

service of Go d .
There is a prevalent impression i n m any C ath

oli c families that there are only two c allings fo r
girls either to get married o r to become a nun
, .
Now such i s not C atholic teaching There is an .
impression too that the single stat e outsi de mar

r i a g e or religion is something lower than eith er .
Neither is that C atholic teaching On this point .
the Church is in full s ym pathy with the age She .
sanctions and encourages a career for certain

women in a life of single blessedn ess without the
cloistral vows And more she provides the m eans
.
,
in her Sacraments by which such a life is li ved to

its h ighest perfection .
I think the origin of confusion i n r egar d to t he

Church s teaching comes from misunderstanding
’
her pra ctice as t o the taking of vows She stro ngly .
discourages the taking of any v ow and especially ,
the vo w of virginity outside a r e gious order or

,
l i
congregation There i s not the same protection

.
fo r it in the world as there is in religion The Sac .
r a m en t s o f B aptism Con firmati o n Penance and

, , ,
the Eucharist are all powerful against the t em p t a

-
t i on t o incontinency but they are by no means

,
pro o f against the desire for the Sacrament of mat

r im o ny . The practice of spiritual directors there
fore is to recommend not a vow but a resolution .
Thus if a girl makes a r esolu t i omt o lead a single

li fe o utside religion and afte r wards receives an
,
of fer o f m arriage which she wants to accept then ,
there is no d i fli cu lty whatever in changing her

re s olution Whereas if she were under a v ow she
.
,
would have t o make serious e fforts to keep the

vow and could only be dispensed from it on the
,
underst anding that she could not possibly keep it .
I f however this single life in the world be

, ,
a d opted it must be a d opted fo r the kingdom o f

,
heaven s sake N o r does this mean that it must

’
.
be live d in continuous contemplation or in con ,
t i nu ou s s l umming A certain amount of contem

.
p l a ti v e prayer will be included in it and i f,one has ,
tim e and opportunity a certain a mount of slum

,
m ing o r similar charitable work will be helpful to

4 0 MARRIAGE AN D PARENTH OOD
it What is meant h o we v er is that the life shall
.
, ,
be lived at least in a state of grace and that e ffo r t

shall be made s wards spiritual perfection
‘
The renunciation o f marriage i mplies po wer to

remain chaste and involves the duty of availing
,
one s self of the means to do so Religion is the

’
.
only reliable help We carry ou r treasure i n

.
frail vessels The flesh lusteth against the spirit

. .
Therefore the spirit must be continually strengt h

ened by renewed communion with the spirit world .
In marri age the flesh is to a certain extent satis

fied .In virginity and celibacy the flesh is morti
fied .And this m o r t ifica t i o n is sustaine d just in
p roportion as the spirit satis fies it s supernatural
longing for G od Regular Confession and Com
.
munion therefore are the first normal conditions

o f a chaste li fe outside the ma r riage state .
In the natu ral order the no rmal conditi on O f

chast i ty is work Ren é B azin in his exquisite story
.
, ,
”
“
Redempti o n draws a fin e picture o f a young
,
mi lliner wh o made her occupation a fascinating

and consoling j oy But she was an exception and
.
,
’
ended m o reover by taking the nun s veil The
, , .
o ccu pation of women in workshops does n ot O f its '
natu re tend t o keep them good It is drab and .
uninteresting Marriage therefore is their hope

.
, ,
.
And if they a dopt th e single l i fe e i ther vol an ,

CHOICE OF A S TATE 4 I
t a r ily or in willing submission to necessity their ,
hope lies almost solely in the re gular use o f the

other Sacraments .
The single li fe is more easily cho sen by the

woman of the middle and upper middle classes -
.
She can enter the learned p rofessions An expe rt .
autho ri ty has said though the statement h a s been

,
questioned that from twenty to thirty per cent O f

,
women are by temperament adapted to single life

in the world Whatever the exact percentage may
.
be it would seem to pertain to th e normal state of

,
a h ealthy society that a certain number should be

free from the cares o f a family so a s to be ,
able to take a more active and independent part

in the social and spiritual regenerati o n of the
community .
It is well in these days t o insist upon this phase

, ,
o f the Catholic ideal Single blessedness thus

.
,
sancti fied by the C hurch h a s a social as well as an ,
individual value The restraint practiced in the

.
S i ngle life r e acts generally o n the whole social

-
organism It r e acts particularly o n the marriage

.
-
state strengthening it and keeping it pure We

, .
are all members one o f another The power o f .
self c o nquest which virginity implies is b o und to

-
tell in greater o r l ess degree on every member o f

s o cie ty .
Let no o ne t h e n despair o f being unable t o fin d
a vo c ati o n Those who marry d o well fo r with
.
,
out them n either the Chu rch n o r the worl d could

continue Those who marry n ot do better for
.
,
th ey sacri fice themselves for the whole spir i tual

kingdom bearing fruit to the extent o f many souls
, .
I f they do not choose this state spontaneously ,
even so they can sancti fy it by using it and direct

i ng it to the higher claim s o f th e spirit
.
CHAPTER IV
C HOI C E O F A M AT E
T HAT was a na i ve answer given by t h e little Iris h

girl Asked by the priest what w a s the way of
.
prep aring for the Sacrament of matrimony sh e ,

”
replied : A little courting your reverence
, The .
truth th ereby unconsciously spoken needs to be well

spread abroad in these days C ourting time i s a
.
preparation for a great Sacrament .
In speaking of this even as of all other phases

,
O f C hristian life there i s need of much common

,
sense On the on e hand the young people who

.
have ar r ived at this interesting stage may be ex

p ec t e d to take it seriously but
, on the other hand
they mu st n ot be expected to deport themselves as
i f they were preparing for a funeral C ompany .
keeping i s on e of the happiest times of life and ,
i f it i s n ot attended with j oy and brightness there

i s someth i ng wr ong some where At the outset.
,
then let it be known to all p arents that there is

,
noth i ng s in ful i n their grown u p children l ooking

-
for p artners . Let it b e known to all nuns that

44 MAR RIA G E AN D PARENTH OO D
there is nothing wr o ng in b ig children o f Mary
speaking t o the young m en of t he c ongregation .
Let it be kn o wn to all young men and all y oung

maidens that the a ffair of courtship is not some
thing to be ashamed of Of it s nature it involves
.
a certain amount of modesty and shyness Still .

,
from its earliest signs and movements it is some

thing which ought to be perfectly aboveboard ,
known to father and mother acknowledged in the

,
presence of the family It is a preparation for a

.
great Sacrament and i t s verve and j oy and delight

,
can su ffer no loss through being re g ulated by the

claims of religion .
N ow although falling in love is Somet h ing

,
which ought t o be controlled by reason it is not ,
entirely an a ffair of the reason It i s primarily an

.
a ffair of the heart I f only such marriages took

.
place as were the result of clear reasoning and

mere reasoning from begi nning to end this would ,
become a ve ry dull and uninteresting world and ,
we might indeed have grave fears for the survival

of our race.
But in addition to reason G od has given man

,
and woman a ffection and love The a ffection and

.
the love h ave reason to guide them but thei r action,
depends largely on their obj e ct The light O f in

.
’
t el lect in the man cannot make a woman s face
CHOICE OF A MATE 45
lo ok mo re beautiful The l ight o f i ntellect in a

.
woma n cannot make a man s fo rm l oo k mo r e

’
handsome A case o f real love between a man

.
and woman is beyond adequate exp lanation A .
man may love a woman fo r her good looks for ,
her domestic virtues for her intellectual endow

,
ments ; but the kind o f love she likes best is t hat

when he is obliged t o say : I do not kn ow why
”
I like you I only know that I d o
,
.
So the problem to be solved by all young C ath

ol ics is this : How are the claims of this m ys t er i
o u s and inexplicable love and a f

fection to be recon
ciled with the claims o f ste m reason and sublime
reli g ion ' Let it not be supposed that these rival
claims are incompatible with each other They all .
come from on e and the same Author and so it is ,
only a question of adjustment In order to make

.
this adjustment then both parents and children

, ,
should know What are the rules o f the Church and

What are the r ules O f right reason With this
.
double guiding light th e young people may t h en

frequent such places and cultivate such company
as shall be likely to a fford a fitting environ
ment for the passion O f love when it makes its
appearance .
The rules of the Church come first Mar r iage .
i s a great S acrament and the Chur c h having th e

, ,
4 6 MARRIAGE AN D PARENTHO OD
g uar d ianship O f all the S acraments claims t h e ,
right t o s a y what is the best preparation for m ar

r i a g e and what are the conditions under which it
may be contracted She has a right t o say what

.
conditions a ffect the validi ty and what conditions

,
a ffect the lawfulness of the contract The contract

, .
is the Sacrament and therefore only the C hurch

, , ,
can say what impe diments render the contract u n

l awful and what impediments render the contract
,
null and void They will all be found to be emi

.
u ently practical and possessed o f a special apti tude
to foster that pure and passionate love which th e

young people value s o highl y .
The first quali fication that a C at h olic wo uld l o ok

for in a p artner for life would be that the p artner
should also be a C atholic Mere acquaintances
.
feel that they have a common and lasting b o nd

between them if they are both C atholics This .
feeling must be inde finitely intens i fied between

two who are to live together in the intim at e li fe
o f holy matrimony Indeed the advantages of
.
,
such a co n dition together with the evil co u se

,
n ce s following upon the neglect O f it need a

q u e ,
s ep a rate tre a tment It will be su ffi cient here to

.
say that the C hurch regards the matter a s of the

most vital importance The impediment is classi
.
fied with two others under the title o f Pr oh ib i

, ,
CHOICE OF A MATE 47
tion O f the Church These two also will r ecom

.
mend themselves as obviously co nducive t o the

s afe guarding of the Sacrament
-
The one is the
.
p r o clamation o f the banns by which each

, p arty is
prote cted against possible fraud or mistake The .
other is that which requires the consent o f p arents .
I t is part o f the solemn duty of parents t o watch

over the chi l dren in an a f fair o f great consequence .
An d indeed parents especially the mother do

, ,
watch their children most anxiously The law o f .
nature compels it the law of the C hurch sanctions

,
it Wi th reason then does the C hurch oblige chil

.
, ,
d ren to cons u lt t h eir parents in the matter Of .
course cases may and do arise in which the consent

,
of the parents is unjustly held ba ck Some parents.
ou t of m ere sel fish love dislike to lose their chil
d ren an d a ct all regardless O f the divine ordinance

,
th at fo r the sake o f matrimony a man shall leave

h is father and mother In case of dispute how.
,
ev er the children will not go against the wishe s

,
o f t h eir parents without first consulting their

confessor .
Again since the Church regards ma r r i age as a

,
g reat Sacrament she

, encourages her children t o
celebrate it with great pomp and festive j oy It .
h appens as a rule only once in a li fetime and ,
th eref o re is mo st fit t ingly accompanied with ban

,
4 8 MARR I AGE AN D PAREN THOOD
quet and me rry making All t h ese thi n gs h ow
-
.
,
ever would m anifestly be out of pla c e during

,
times set about for the more sole mn religious ex er

cises The Church ordains therefore that mar
.
, ,
r i a g es shall be discouraged duri ng the seasons of
Advent and Lent ; in Advent until the feast of the

Epiphany in Lent until L ow Sunday inclusive
, .
A marriage may however be pe rmitted during

, ,
these times but it must be celebrated wi thout any

,
o f that external display which woul d other wise

be so fitting on such an occasion .
A third condition fo r a lawful m arri age i s that

neither p arty shall be engaged t o any on e else .
There are three points of view from which a pre

vion s engagement must be regarded It has a per .
sonal aspe ct a legal aspect an d an ecclesiastical

, ,
aspe ct .
N o man o f h onor will enter into a n e w engage

ment until he has been formally released from any
previous engagement in which he may have b e
come involved It would perhaps be needless to
.
, ,
say that he ought not t o make se rious overtures

to another partner until he has been released by
the first ; for O ftener than otherwise it is the ap
, ,
p e a r a n ce O f a new face which is the cause of dis

satisfaction with t h e Ol d one A man in such a .
predicament Owes it both to himsel f to h is p r e ,

C HOI C E OF A M ATE 49
v i ou s pa rtner and t o his prospe ctive partner to

,
a rrange an honorable sett lement as soon as pos

sible The claims of society demand that neither
.
girl sho uld be kept in a false position The pre .
v i ou s p artner too may have legal rights to com

, ,
p e n s a t i on for breach O f promise .
Then again there is the ecclesiastical aspe ct O f

the matter The law has recently been c ha nge d
.
,
and h enceforth only those engagements hold good

in ecclesiastical law which have been made in writ
ing signed by b oth parties and signed by the parish
,
priest or ordina ry o r at least tw o witnesses O f

, .
course couples may marry lawfully without such an

,
agreement in writing but without such an agree

,
ment the engagement will not be binding in con

science Or produce any canonical e ffe ct It woul d .
produce a legal e ffect and a social e ffect ; it woul d

hold good in the eyes o f the law of the count ry an d
in the eyes of al l respectable society Nay more .
, ,
although there would be no O bligation to marry ,
although the espousals were invalid through wan t

,
of proper formality still those invalid espousals

,
would render a person liable to all due restitution

o r damages j ust as if they were valid Thus the .
C hurch protects the weaker party in two ways .
First s h e gives the warning and protects young

,
people again st imprudent engagements enga g e,
4
ments entered into without deliber a ti on a n d under ,
circu mstances when innocence an d ignorance hin

der th e du e consideration of the dignity o f th e S ac
ra m ent Secondl y she obliges the g u ilty pa r ty t o
.
,
ma k e fitting restitution for all the material loss

which t he innocent p arty may have su ffered in
c onsequence .
An other impedi m ent similar to that o f previous,
betro thal is the impedimental vows O bviously a

, .
,
v ow to do one thing is a hin drance to the making
of a vow to do something contra r y So rarely .

,
however does this impediment arise that it may

,
be left for individual treatment I f there has been .
a vow O f any kind the m a tter should be mentione d

,
t o the confessor .
Further there are a number o f i mpedi m ents

,
which not only render a marriage unl awful and

sinful but also null and void Let us clearly u n
, .
der st a n d the di fference between what is unlawful

and what is invalid I f I burn down my neigh
.
bor s haystack it is validl y burnt d o wn for there

’
, ,
is no haystack left ; but it is unl awfully burnt

down My action is valid but not la w ful I f I
.
, .
s h oot at my neighbor in the dark and miss him ,
my action i s both unlawful and invalid I have .
intended to take m y neighbor s life but h av e f ai l e d ’

,
t o do so .
CHOICE OF A MATE 5 1
Lik e wi se there may be certain attempts to get

mar r ied which o n account O f certa i n Impediments
, ,
produce no e ffe ct Such ceremonies are both u n

.
l awful and invalid It is the duty of the priest to

.
inquire whether t h ere be any such impediments

before he allows the celebration to take place .
Most of them a r e so rare as not to need public

tr eat m ent .
When the banns are published the faithful are

told that i f they know of any i mpediment either ,
of consang u inity a ffi ni ty or spiritual relationship

, , ,
they are bound to declare the same a s soon as pos

s ible
. The impediment of spiritual relationship is
that which arises out of the Sacraments of Bap
t i sm and Con firmation The chances o f this rela
.
t i o ns h ip are reduced to a minimum by the custom
o f havin g a man as sponsor fo r the boys and a

woman as sponsor for the girls .
The two great diriment impedi m ents therefo re , ,
which need to be carefully watched by young

people are t h e impediments of consan g uinity and
a ffini ty Consanguini ty is the connection of blood
.
relationship ; a ffinity is the connection O f relation

s h ip by marriage The Church excludes marri ages
.
betw een persons who may be related to each other

wit h in certain degrees of relationship She thus .
f o rbi ds marriage betwe en first second o r third

, ,
5 2 MARRIAG E AN D PARENTHOOD
cousin s ; and also betwee n a m an a nd hi s dece a sed
w i fe s sister
’
These are the more commo n cases
.
in which di fficu lty arises and which need to be care

fully g uarded against In some o f them of
.
,
course which are not involved in the prima ry law

,
O f nature the C hurch may grant a dispensation .
Nevertheless she regards them as evil and only

, ,
grants dispensations in order to preve n t greater

evils The disastrous results of intermarriage are
.
well kn own It leads to deterioration o f the race

.
,
to insanity to physical deformity and to a general

, ,
weakening O f the social bond The C hurch there .

,
fore in setting her face against such marriages

, ,
proves hersel f to be the friend and guardian of

the temporal as well as o f the spiritual well being
, ,
-
O f her people .
Now although the C hurch is very st r ict in limit

,
ing the freedom of her chil dren whenever it is for

their good yet at the same time s h e leaves much
,
to their own individu a l judgment Those who .
look forward to a happy marriag e therefore must , ,
avail themselves of that freedom which the

C hurch allows and u s e also their own sound judg
,
ment and common sen s e In this sphere one can .
not lay down hard and fast rules What is good .
in England may be bad in America ; what is per

mis sible in on e degree o f society may be in a dvi s
CH O ICE OF A MATE 53
a bl e i n an o ther The custom of the c ountry or of

.
t h e particular sphere of C atholic society is a point
which must always be considered Nevertheless .

,
a few g eneral suggestions may be O ffered .
C haracter or virtue will be the first quality to be

s ought for in the choice of a mate The p r edom i .
nant and essential virtues expected from the man

are honesty and sobriety These are especially
.
manly virtues In the natural order it i s the sense

.
o f honor which will keep the husband faithful to
his wife and insure for her that resp ect care
, , ,
and protection to which s h e h a s a right Sobri .
ety too i s absolutely necessary for the making

, ,
O f a happy home The love may be there and

.
the fidelity may be there but they will be in ,
constant peril if th ey are accompanied by d r unken

ness And i f drunkenness be a failing during the
.
days of court ship a reform a fter marriage cannot

,
be expected The pity O f it is that girls are only

.
too eager to fin d excuses for a lover addicted to

this failing . O h but he is as quiet as a lamb
,
when he i s sober ' The only reli able advice to

give to a girl with an intemperate sweetheart is to
break o ff the engagement at once The p r edom i .
nant virtue expected from the woman is chasti t y .
This will be measured by the care which she takes

in avoiding occasions of s in Here it is not a ques
.
tion o f having sinned g ri evously but o f a constant ,
O b s ervance O f all those habits o f modesty reti ,
cence sobriety o f language and gesture and above

, , ,
all utmost decorum in all n ecessary intercourse

,
w ith me mbers of the opposite sex They are .
habits which can be observed and felt much more

e ffectu ally than th ey can be described In fact .
,
eve ry C atholic g irl knows them and no one is so ,
observant O f and sensitive to them as the honor

able young man who comes to pay court t o her .
Next compatibili ty of temper must be exam

,
i n ed It i s easy to discern 'uarrels during time

. .
O f courtship may be reasonably excused from time

to time The proverb that true love never runs
.
smoothly implies that in the common estimation of

,
mankind lovers quarrels are a p art o f the business

,
’
o f love making among those who are not angels

-
.
But there are some lovers whose courtship seems

to be o n e perpetual quarrel on e everlasting carp ,
in g j ealous insinuation and complaint

, , Ob v i .
o u sly such a life would only be accen t u ated in the
marria g e state and the s ooner the en g agement

,
is broken O ff the better for both p arties .
Th e question of health too ought not to be , ,
o verlooked In earlier days the C hurch spoke

.
m or e ex plici tly o n the matter thou g h now she ,
l eaves it to the parties th em selves to decide The .

‘
C HOICE OF A MATE 55
cases i n wh ich the di fficul t y most frequently arise s

are those O f insani ty and consumption As a .
counsel O f perfection it is we ll in such circum

stances to abstain from matrimony But where .
this abstention is fraught with moral danger then ,
the advice O f a medical expert should be sought .
Parents have a duty toward their prospe ctive o fl

spring as well as to themselves The scien c e O f .
heredity is anyt hing but an exact science As for .
consumption the treatment of it has n ow been so

,
vastly improved that very many consumptive

people may now marry without serious danger
either t o each other or to their o ffspring Those .
,
however who contemplate such a ma rriage ought

,
always to consult a specialist previously .
The questions of age soci al standing an d

, ,
wealth m ay not be overlooked C ertainly many

, .
happy ma r riages have taken place between persons

far removed from each other in age fortune and , ,
position These however are exceptions rather

.
, ,
th an the rule A young person will not naturally

.
seek a much O lder o ne with a view to matrimony .
But th e cases o f those hunting after a larg er for

tu n e an d hi g her position are onl y too frequent .
An d it is these wh o come to grief in marri ed life .
L a stly t h ere is t h e question O f passion a nd per

,
sonal beauty Let it be said at once that passion

.
5 6 MAR R IAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
is not a bad thing in itself I t is only bad wh en it .
override s reason Let it be said too that beauty

.
, ,
of form and looks is not a thing in itself to be

despised The C hurch in her O ffice of virgins
.
, ,
applies to them the words of the psalmist : With

thy comeliness and thy beauty s et out proceed ,
”
prosperously and reign , So long as it is kept in
.
due subordination to the gi fts O f chara cter and

vi rtue then it may be prized for what it is worth
, .
Only when opposed to the fear of G od is beauty

said to be vain and form fallacious
, .
’
The great principle to be kept before one s
mind therefore in the choice O f a mate is that
, , ,
the Sacrament of marriage is not a crushing or a

cramping of human nature but a perfecting and ,
realizing of it If limits have been placed by the

.
law of God by the law of the Church by the la w

, ,
o f reason then those limitations of choice are the

,
conditions of a wider and nobler freedom I f it .
seems hard to have one s choice limited to a part ’
ner of the same religion remember that that law ,
duly observed will be a safeguard against a m u lt i

tude O f more irksome limitations in the future .
I f it seems unfair to have one s choice limited to ’
th o se who are not O f blood relationship remem ,
ber t h at that la w duly observed will probably mean

salvatio n from some o f t h e most horrible calami
CHOICE OF A MATE 57
ties wh ich can befall the marri age state I f love

.
seems to have limits set to it by reason remember

,
that those reasonable limits are the ba r riers which

prevent love from degenerating into mere passion ,
and insure f o r i t a strong and l asting en duran c e

.
CHAPTER V
M I' ED M ARRIAGE S
TH E Church in her dispensation o f the Sacra

,
ments always acts as a good and kind mother

,
.
She has regard to the weakn ess as well as to the ,
strength of her children Her divine message is

.
all beauti ful The ideal which she sets before her
.
children is a perfect ideal She ever emphasizes

.
this ideal even though she knows that in many

cases it will not be realized She wishes her chil
.
dren to conform to the ideal as nearly as possible .
C onsequently she condescends to them and where ,
i n her wisdom she finds that the weak ones cannot

realize what s h e wishes s h e allows within certain
, ,
limits that which is less good She knows that the

, .
Sacraments were made for men not men for ,
the Sacraments She prefers then to a dminister

.
, ,
the Sacr a ments with certain accident a l im p er fec

ti on s rather than allow her chil dren to go without
th e g r a c e which the Sacraments convey For this .
rea s o n she tolerates what are known a s mixed

ma rria g e s Strictly speaki ng mixed marr iages are
.
,
MIXED MARRIAGES
those which take place between b a p ti z ed persons ,
of whom one is a C atholic and the other a non

C atholic Thus the ceremony performed between
.
,
a C atholic and a Jew would not be a mixed mar

r i a g e in the sense of the word as we use it A .
mixed marri age generally speaking is that which

, ,
takes place between a C atholic and a Protestant .
Now although the Church tolerates such mar

,
r i a g es under certain conditions yet she ever dep

,
recates them They fall below her ideal In

. .
order then to unde rstand clearly why the Church

, ,
looks so unfavorably on such marriages we must

keep before our minds the nature O f her ideal .
The bond between man and wi fe is as the bond

between C hrist and His Church .
The chief characteristic of the bond betwee n

C hrist and His Church is i ts intense intimacy and
absolute perfection C hrist indeed by another
.
, ,
comparison likens it to the substanti al union b e

,
tween Himsel f and H i s eternal Father Nowhere .
can distinctness and uni ty be s o complete as in the

bosom of the blessed Trini ty The distinctness is
.
infinite and thus enables the Father and the So n

,
e a ch to receive an in finite love Their unity is

.
that of one in finite substance which enables them

,
to c ommunicate to each other an in finite love a ,
love which issues in the person o f the H o ly Spir i t .

60 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
This is a typ e O f the union between Christ and His
Church The Church of course is a finite crea
.
, ,
ture and incapable o f giving an in finite love to

Christ Nor again is the un ion between Ch r ist
.
and the Church a substantial union The Church

.
a n d Ch r ist do n ot make up together one substance .
B ut S ince that union has been likened to the sub

st a n ti a l a n d in finite union of the Father and the
Son we conclude that it must be o f a nature far

,
m ore in t imate and far more perfect than we can

ever hope to comprehend And since the union of
.
m an and wife has been likened to the union of

C hrist and the C hurch we conclude that that also
must be o f a nature far more intimate and far
more perfect than we can ever hope to compre
hend The Sacrament of marri age i s a great mys
.
t er y a shadow O f the mystic union of C hrist an d

,
His Church a S hadow of the eternal and su b st an

,
tial uni o n of the Father a n d the Son in the blessed

Trinity .
The first an d foremost reason why the Church

d eprecates mixed marriages is because they spoil
’
God s ideal Christ came on earth to speak the
.
mind o f the eternal Father The Church exists to

.
speak the mind O f Christ Any suggestion of di f

.
fe r en c e of tho u ght between the Fa t he r a nd the

S o n or bet wee n Christ and H is Chu rc h c arri es
, ,
MIXED MARRIAGE S 61
with it the evident mark of its own absurdity .
From this absurdity however we may gather , ,
something of the imperfection o f a marriage unio n

in which the p arties profess di fferent faiths The .
Catholic faith is the most precious treasure the ,
most illustrious adornment which a man can pos ,
sess It is a possession moreover which is unique

.
, ,
o f i t s kind It cannot combine or make terms with

.
any other faith I f one article h e changed only

.
in the slightest degree the whole faith i s rendered

vain A marriage union therefore in which on e
.
, ,
party makes profession of C atholicism and the

other o f Protestantism cannot be but an ungra c e
ful thing in the eyes O f God .
Indeed there are few people who do not recog

,
nize the irregularity It is only the i mmediately

.
interested couple who for the time bein g canno t

, , ,
see that it i s a matter o f the highest importance .
They are madly in love and where it is a question ,
O f s o much love the faith must accommodate itself
to circumstances Yet if th ey could only see the

.
,
connection between faith and love they would ,
have to recognize that diversity of faith in the

marriage union must eventually tell against love i n
the marriage union Faith is the gi ft by which we
.
believe in G od and in His word Without belief .
in G o d we cannot love Him Witho ut the ful l ac .

62 MAR RIA G E AN D PARENTHOOD
cep t an ceof His word we cannot follow His com
mands and ordinances We cannot live in sym
.
pathy with that wonderful system o f morality by

which He adjusts and fosters the love b etween
man and man .
Thus it is that the Protestant married to a Cath

olic cannot avail himself of the teaching and the
Sacraments o f the C atholic C hurch which might
be so e ffectual in fostering love between man and
wi fe Real love i s that O nly which has faith fo r
.
i ts foundation But in the mixed marri age the

.
faith i s all on one S ide It does not flourish with

.
that fecundity which would be present were the

part ies united in one and the same belief Fur .
ther this absence of faith informed love on the

,
-
part of the non C atholic partner must in a meas

-
ure react on the C atholic partner Grace is ve ry

.
powerful but it needs a nature upon which to act

, .
An d i f the faith info rmed love of the Catholic

-
partner finds no response in the non Catholic part -
n er i f it receives an inferior love in return or i f

, ,
it discovers itsel f misunderstood and u n a pp r eci

ated then i f it does not dwindle away it at least
, , ,
fails in it s possible measure of fruitfulness .
The Church has her eyes wide open to the

w eakness of human nature when s h e tolerates a
m ixed marria g e A mixed marria ge is a re al Sa c
.
MIXE D M AR RIAGES 63
ra ment a n d all the graces of the Sacrament are

,
capable O f being conveyed through it though these ,
graces may often fail in their e ffects through the

want o f disposition in the non C atholic part y -
.
The C atholic party may do his or her best a s the ,
case may be but as human nature is so weak there

, ,
is naturally an ever present danger of the Cat h o

-
lic losing the faith O ver and above the certainty

.
of spoiling G od s ideal there is the disa dvantage

’
of risking the loss of faith altogether .
Therefore it i s that the C hurch whe n she ,
allows a mixed marri age insists on the condition,
that the Catholic partner shall not be hindered i n

the practice of the faith The non C atholic must
.
-
give an explicit promise to this e ffect He may .
n o t make any contrary conditions either before or ,
a fter the marriage Any attempt to compel or

.
persuade the C atholic to go to a Protestant

C hurch to stay away from Mass or t o abstain
, ,
from Confession is a dishonorable violation O f

,
the condition and promise .
The Church by a long experience k nows that

such attempts are only t o o common Sometimes .
they are done openly and menacingly Oftener .

,
perhaps they are done quietly and in a friendly

,
way Numberless are the occasions when the dan

.
er c ree s i n T h e Cat h lic is erha s t l t

g p . o p p oo a e
64 MAR RIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
fo r Mass on Sunday Then the O bvious su gg es
.
tion of the non C atholic i s :

-
Oh well come to , ,
”
our Church for a change O r it may be merely
.
a social gathering under Protestant auspices a ,
bazaar a tea party an excursion

, , surely o n e '
cannot be so narrow a s to O bj ect to these ' There

would be less danger in them for a C atholi c who
was ou t and out a Catholic a Catholic j oined to ,
a C atholic in marriage and generally subj ect to

,
C atholic influences But for the C atholic who is

.
the part ner of a Protestant and who is without all ,
those helps which an entirely C atholic family p r o

vides these social functions are so many pitfalls
, .
They seem harmless enough in themselves but they ,
lead from one thing to another from the social ,
to the religious Indeed wherever o ne pa rtner

.
,
is Protestant the opportunities O f perversion are

,
as persistent in their frequency as they are sub tle

i n kind and degree In this as in all other dan
.
,
gers prevention is better than cure Foster a

, .
strong dislike for mixed marriages Avoid com .
pany where you are likely to meet a partn er of

another religious persuasion Rej e ct the firs t .
overtures made by on e who is not o f your faith .
Then i f circumstances have been too many o r t o o

,
strong for you make up your mind at once that

,
only by strict O bservance o f the co n ditions laid

MIXED MAR RIAGES 65
down by the Church can your faith and yo ur h o pe

and your love be saved .
The fostering of mutual love however even , ,
the most perfect and most spiritual love is not ,
the chief end of marriage The chief end o f .
marriage is the begetting and educating of chil

, ,
dr en for the kingdom of heaven The C hurch .

,
therefore in her legislation fo r mixed mar

,
r i a g es has a special care for the children that
may be born of them The child pertains to the

.
ideal of the great Sacrament In the mystery o f .
the blessed Trini ty it i s the united love of the

Father and the Son in the person O f the Holy
,
Ghost In the mystery of C hrist and His C hurch

.
the on e is bridegroom the other the bride and

, ,
they are united for the purpose of bringing f o rth

c hildren for the kingdom o f heaven .
SO i f the Sacrament of marriage must be true

,
to it s mystic types it must be so ordained as to be

,
an apt principle for the bringing forth an d f o r the

educating of children in the Catholic faith The .
faith i s s o important for the child that its i n flu ,
ence should be felt at the first dawn o f reason and ,
all through those impressionable days O f child

hood and youth No demonstration is needed to
.
show that only when both father and mother are

united i n the faith can those early impressi o ns b e
5
66 MARRIAGE AN D PAREN T HOOD
effi ciently imparted A di fferent faith in eith er on e
.
,
o r the other must inevitably tell on the chara cter

,
O f t h e child In the interest then o f the O ffspring

.
the Church looks askance on the mixed marriage .
When however she permits it as something

, ,
l ess good and for the sake of avoi ding some

,
greater evil then she plac es a special condition in

,
favor of the children The non Catholic party .

-
must explicitly promise that all the children must

be brought up in the Catholic religion There .
m ust be no compromise Oftentimes the non .
C atholic party proposes to meet the Church half

way and suggests that the girls shall follow the
,
mother while the boys follow the father An d .
the idea prevails in some quarte r s that the Church

is willing to allow this Let it be clearly made .
k nown that the C hurch knows nothing of such half

m easures According to her law eve r y child o f a
.
mixed marriage must be brought up a Catholic .
Th e soul of a boy i s just as valuable as the soul O f

a girl and the soul of a g ir l i s just as valuable as
,
the soul of a boy for both have been bought with

,
an in finite price In their education therefore

.
, ,
t here must be no compromise All without ex cep .

,
tion must be brought up in the C atholic faith

, .
Further the C hurch h a s also a cure for the non

,
Cath o li c party H e h as already re ce ived th e Sac

.
MIXED MAR RIAGE S 67
r am e n t o f baptism and now he receives the Sa c r a

m ent o f matrimony He is a subj ect o f th e
.
Church albeit a rebellious subj ect His rebellious

, .
state may be due to n o fault o f his own and he ,
may not recognize his rebellious state The .
C hurch however recognizes it and consequently

, ,
makes a special e ffort to win him back to her Ob e

d i ence . She places a third conditio n to a mixed
marri age the C atholic party must strive to
'
bring about the c onversion of the n o n Catholi c -

.
Th e c ondition tends to the perfection o f the

ideal tends to the preservation of the faith o f
,
the Catholic partner tends to the preservation of

,
the faith of the children tends to the eternal salva

,
tion of the non Catholic partner The reasonable

-
.
ness of the condition i s evident Its application .

,
h owever seems at first S ight to be fraught with

,
considerable di fficulty How is one to know

.
wheth er there is any hope o f a professing Protes

tant becoming a C atholic ' Does not the Spirit
breathe where He will ' Must t he non Catholi c -
have already entered upon a course of instruction '

T he practice o f t h e Church does not require the
ma ni festation of such clear signs as suggeste d in
the last question B ut the two conditions con c ern
.
ing the faith of the wi fe and the children if gen ,
er ou sly ful filled would s eem to go a long way

,
t o ward ful filling the third condition If the non .
C atholic party willingly signs the declaration that

h i s wi fe may have the free exercise o f her religion ,
and that the children may be brought up Cat ho

l i es then that may be deemed su fficient grounds
,
for hoping that he too may some day become a

, ,
Catholic Evidently he is not fighting against the

.
Church Evidently he has some good will toward

.
i t Presumably he i s not resisting grace Under

. .
s uch conditions one may reasonably hope that the
g race o f God will some day prove e ffectual .
We must strive then to keep three things well

, ,
t o the front of the C atholic consciousness First .

,
t h e union o f marriage is a great Sacrament having ,
i ts ideal likened to the union between the Father

and the Son and t o the union between C hrist and
,
H i s C hurch Secondly mixed ma r riages are dis

.
,
c ountenanced by the C hurch because they spoil

God s ideal because they endanger the faith of
’
,
the C atholic pa rty and because they endanger

,
t h e faith of the children Thirdly they are some

.
,
times tolerated in order to avoid greater evils ,
and then only on the three condi tions that the

Catholic shall have free exercise O f religion that ,
a ll childre n S hall be educated as C atholics and ,
that there shall be a reasonable hope o f the

Pro testant becoming a C atholic .
CHAPTER VI
B ETWEE N HU SBAN D AN D WI FE
T H ERE is a very O ld Hindu legend in which t he

making of the first woman is described in this wise .
When the creator Tw a shtr i had made man he

gathered together a million contradicto r yelements ,
and out of them he made a woman whom he pre

sented to the man After eight days the man b e
.
c ame dissatis fied.
”
My lord he said the creature you gave me
, ,
poisons my existence She babbles unceasingly

.
,
she takes all my time she grumbles at nothing

, ,
and is always ill .
SO Tw a s ht r i took the woman away B ut after

.
a nother eight day s the man became agai n uneasy .
My lord he said my li fe is very solita r y

, ,
“
”
s in c e I returned this creature .
SO Tw a shtr i gave him the w o man back agai n .
This time however only three days had go n e by

, ,
when the man came once more to the god .
”
My lord , he said I do n o t kn ow ho w i t is
, ,
7 o M ARRIAGE AN D PA RENTH O OD
b utsomehow the wom a n gives me more annoyance
”
than ple a sure I beg o f you to take her a way
. .
But Twa sht r i would n ot Go a n d do you r

.
”
best he said
, .
But I cannot live with her cr ie d the man, .
Neither c an you live wi thout her cried the ,
Woe is me ' mourned the man I c an ,

”
n either live with nor withou t her .
Since that story was written thousands upon

thousands have felt the conflicting experience
which the sto r y expresses The underlying truth
.
is that when man and woman are j oined together

in matrimony neither of them is perfect It is .
their mutual life and constant adj ustment of mind

and heart under the influence of matrimonial
,
grace which is to make them perfe c t Marriage

, .
i s one of the means of their salvation Let us .
refer to St Paul to s ee how the grace acts

. .
He touches two sensitive nerves when he says

Wives be obedient to your husbands as you
,
should be in the Lord Husbands love your

.
,
”
w ives and be not bitter toward them .
Doubtless the Apostle was writing to correct

certain abuses prevalent among the people to
who m h e wrote He was not necessarily giving a
.
full an d comprehensive descriptio n of the mar

B ETWEEN HUSBAN D AN D WIFE 7 x
r i ag ei dea l Fo rgetting this many people have

.
,
m isu n derstood the Apostle s words especially that

’
,
po rtio n o f them which speaks of the obedience of

wives How many women there are now who
.
,
reading the epistle in the light of present da y

“
abuses cannot stand that man Paul i
, Let our
consideration then be con fined to these two vir
tues o f conjugal relationship love and obedience , ,
for it is the failure to appreciate their true nature

which issues in multitudes of other evils a ffecting ,
not only individual families but com munities na , ,
tions nay t h e whole human race

, , .
”
Husbands love your wives The Apostle is
, .
evi d ently referring to a neglect on the part of the

husbands He is not talking a s if love were t o
.
be a o n e sided a ffair The very nature o f love

-
requires that it should be reciprocal and shoul d ,
exist at least between two persons The ideal love .
requires three persons In G od it i s the love o f .
the blessed Trinity In the religious it is the love

.
of God and of one s neighbor In the fam ily i t is

’
.
the love of husband wife and child The l ove , , .
betw een two is the inchoate and root love which

is sues in the perfect love between three The love .
of the Fat h er and the Son issues in the persona l

Spirit o f love A religious must love God befor e
.
she c an l ove h er nei g hbor Husband and wi fe .

7 a MARRIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
m ust l ove each other before they can love their
ch ildren perfe ctly It often happens that a wi fe
.
who i s without a husband s love can take refuge ’
in the love of her children B ut she can love her .
c hildren mor e when she knows t h at she possesses

also the love of their father .
The nature o f man and w o ma n h owever i s , ,
s uch t h at the love of the man toward the woman
n eeds a m o re c areful watching a more careful ,
cultivation A woman s love is as a torrent which

.
’
i s always flowing It has been used even by G od

.
as one of the most forceful ana l ogies by which to

m ake men realize His love for ma nkind It i s .
of its natu re so generous and s o constant as to

overshadow th at other e n dowm ent O f woman her ,
intellige nc e .
The di fferen c e however between the two fa c

, ,
u lt i e s
, t h e faculty o f loving and the faculty o f
thi nk i ng is not s o great as has been frequently
,
supposed . In our end eavor t o emphasize the

quality of a woman s love we may not undervalue
’
her intelli gen c e We must ever remember that

.
woman is essentially a rational being j ust as man

i s She h erself is beginning to reali z e th i s all the
.
world over O n e of the most remarkabl e phe

.
n om en s o f t h e age is the m o vement for the

eman ci p atio n o f women Wh ile a dm itting a n d
.
B E TWEE N HUSBAND AN D WIFE 73
asserting t h e n t h e claims o f woman s intelligen c e ’

,
we cannot overlook the fact that it i s in a ffairs of

the heart t h at she is the stronger .
On the other hand it is ordinarily speaking , ,
the lot of the ma n to be the breadwinner of the

family He it is who must use hi s brains in the
.
learned professions in commerce in the arts and

, , ,
in the crafts .
There are ex ceptions Oftentimes t h e wi fe is.
the brains of the family Half of the teaching .
profession c o nsists of women But the lady doc .
tor the lady dentist and the lady professor usu

, , ,
ally fin d it more convenient to retire from their

professions whenever they enter the state of matri
mony And simply because man is the working
.
brains o f t h e family h i s faculty of loving needs

a special c ulture He has s o many outlets for his
.
a ttention that i f h e does not take the greatest care ,
his love which sh o ul d be devoted to his wi fe an d

family is ab so rbed in his business or o ther int ell ec
tual pursu i t .
T he lines up o n which the cultivation o f a hus

band s love should take place wil l be decided a c
’
cordi ng to the c haracter and disp o siti o ns of the

wi fe Genera lly ho wever it must h ave the three
.
, ,
qualities of bei n g a ffectionate practi c a l and exclu , ,
s i ve . I t must b e first o f all a flecti on at e The .

double a ffection of a woman for her children an d
her husband springs from the same a ffectionate
n ature. I f it is to flourish it must be fed The .
need must be satis fied or it will shrivel away .
There is a tendency among men to regard the tim e

of courtship as the time o f poetry and the tim e ,
of marriage as the time o f prose And there i s.
a n axiom among women that they are to expe ct
a bout half as much a f fection a fter marriage a s

be fore It is very sad that it should be so al
.
,
though it may be excusable There are far more

.
cares in the married state than i n the single which ,
o f their very nature tend to take the poetry out
of li fe It has been divinely foretold that such

.
s hall have trouble in the flesh . But it need not

be so bad as it is Nay the very cares which tend
.
,
to lessen the a ffection ought to be the occasion of

i ts increase . To cultivate such a ffection requires
a n active will and a keen intelligence The man
.
ought to be a man That is he ought not to allow

.
,
himself t o be moved merely by his passio n s a nd

feeling s He ought to use his intelligence to fin d
.
out wh a t li ttle acts o f sympathy kindness intere st

, , ,
a n d a tt en t i o n a f
fe ct hi s wife s feelings to w ard
’
h i m sel f The n he ought t o put forth a strong will

.
in the fr equent repetition of such act s I t i s e x .
tr em elyb eautifu l whe n an ol d Darby and Joan ca n

BETWEEN HUSBAN D AN D WI FE 75
look back on a married li fe of say forty years and ,
tell you with a kn owing smile that they have not

yet finished courting They have learnt the secret
.
o f cultivating a ffection o f seizing upon a dv er ,
si ry only as an occasion for deeper sympathy of ,
s t u dying each other s likes and dislikes of saying

’
,
the word which gives pleasure o f avoiding the ,
word which gives pain .
Secondl y a husband s love must be practical

,
’
.
Here again it is a question of external attractions

against the attraction of the wife at home Some .
men there are so absorbed in their business or

profession a s to regard their wife a nd home as a
mere accident in life Their busine s s is not as it
.
,
were a means o f keeping one s sel f wi fe and

,
’
, ,
family in comfort but rather the wi fe and the

,
family are the means of carrying on the business .
Or again the counter attraction may be only low

, ,
pleasures the pleasure o f company the pleasure

, ,
of the club the pleasure o f the public house All

,
-
.
are violations of the practical love due from hus

band to wi fe Frequently the wi fe can just toler
.
ate them provided she gets the a ffection But that

, .
i s onl y becau se by nature s h e has such a strong

a ffe ction.
Nevertheless a prolonged neglect of the p r a ct i

,
’
cal side o f a husband s love m ust wear out a wi fe s
’
7 6 MAR RIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
af
f ection and then there is an end of all love the
, ,
family life i s broken and the strength o f society

’
is sapped at its foundations The husband s pra e .
tical love o f his wi fe there fore hi s care fo r her

, ,
dress her housekeeping her health her pleasures

, , , ,
h a s consequences reaching much further than

would appear at first sight His a ffection must be
.
translated into action else he fails in one o f the

,
g reatest duties of his manhood .
Thi rdly a husband s love must be exclusive

,
’
.
The C hristian dispensation in forbidding polyg

amy shows how much more it is in conformity with
the laws o f human nature than the other religions
which allow plurality o f wives If there is one .
instin ct which is paramount in woman it is that

the love given to her by her husband must be ex
cl u s iv e And what the law of nature demands
.
the law o f revelation con firms and sanct ions T he .
Christian wi fe cannot for a moment tolerate the

idea which prevails in the Mormon or the Mo
h a m m ed a n social systems .
Even more peremptory is the law o f natur e

a gainst the crime o f adultery Nowhere how .
,
ever are these laws o f nature more carefully pro

,
t ect ed than i n the Catholic C hurch She has had .
twenty centuries experience o f human nature

’
.
Sh e kn o ws quite well that those laws can n ot be

BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE 77 ,
observed by merely forbiddi ng the g rosser s in s o f

adul tery or polygamy One does not fall i n to
.
those sins suddenly while leading an othe rwi s e

,
pure a n d blameless life The way is prepared by

.
a se r ies of seemi n gly less ha rmful sins the u n ,
chaste thought the unchaste look the u n cha ste

, ,
word Therefore it i s that in the matter of purity

.
,
the C hurch brands as mo rtal sin even the lesser

faults when deliberately committed .
The t r ue Christian husband then will not be, ,
content with merely guarding against sin He .
will st r ive all he can in the opposite direction .
He will avoid even innocent attentions to others

which may possibly give displeasure to his wi fe .
He will make it a special study and e ffort that his

wi fe shall realize that sh e i s the only one who
has any attraction for him I f this habit of
.
thought a n d action b e sedulously cultivated it will

bear fr ui t on both sides The mutual love b e
.
tween husband and wi fe will be so strong and

c onstant a s to leave no room for j ealousy for such ,
love is strong as death and a ctually is the death

,
of that j ealousy which would be hard as hell .
What has been said of a husband s love applies ’
equally to a wife s love It must be a ffectionate

’
.
,
practical a n d exclusive Although these qualities

, .
are o r dinarily found more pro n oun c ed a nd m ore

7 3 MAR RIAGE AN D PARE N THOOD
n ta ural in the wi fe than in the husba n d yet even ,
the wife cannot a fford to leave them to natura l

impulse She also must cu ltivate them must
.
,
watch them must seek out oppo r tunities of giving

,
them free and healthy exercise There is o nly .
a slight di fference in their order Bending to the .
n ature o f the man instead of making her love first

,
a ffectionate then practical then exclusive she

, , ,
will simply reverse the order s o that her love ,
shall be first ex clusive then practical and then

, ,
a ffectionate .
“
Wives be obedient to your husbands in the
,
”
Lord . Like all other social movements the ,
movement for the emancipation of women is

fraught with the danger of rushing into the oppo
site error o f that whi ch i s to be remedied Impo .
tent o f discernment the agitator will purge away

,
both the dross and the gold together Especially .
in this ques t ion of the obedience of wives to b u s

bands will he o r rather she persist in confusing
, ,
the true obe dience with false in condemning an ,
obedience which no C hristian wife is supposed to

render .
Let us see then what is conjugal obedience .
No o n e will deny that in some sense the husband

i s the head of the family Man was made first
.
,
and made lord of the earth In his overlor dsh ip .

B E TWEE N HU S B AN D AN D WIFE 79
h e was l on ely and h a d nee d o f a h elp m eet fo r him .
To t his end Wa s a woman taken fro m h i s flesh

and bone and given t o him t o be his wi fe S he .
was not t o be recko n ed among the rest O f cre a ,
tion as p a rt of the man s goods a n d chattels Nor

,
’
.
yet was she to be reckoned above m an N o r yet .
again was she to be reckoned as ful filling the sa m e

o ffice as m an She was to be h i s complement
.
,
helping him in those things for which by n a ture

he was unsuited H e was to be the stro ng ele
.
ment she the gentle He was to be her protector ;

, .
she was to fin d her j oy in the sense of the secu rity

of hi s protection Obviously then she was m eant
.
, ,
to yield at least to some extent to his overlord

, ,
ship The only question is a s to what e xtent

. .
We all know the distinction between servile an d

filial obedie n ce The one is the obedience o f
.
slaves informed by the m otive o f fear ; the other

,
is the obedience o f sons i nfo rme d by the m otive ,
o f love So likewise there is a disti n ction b e

.
, ,
twe en servile obedience and conjugal obedience .
The obe di e nc e of wives is as much rai sed above

that o f so ns as that of s on s is above that of slaves '
.
Doubtless there have been many husbands who

have de m an ded o f their wive s the O bedie n ce
o f a slave .And doubtless su c h husba n ds are
l ar g ely r e sp o n sible for much of the present mis
So MARRIAGE AND PARENT HOOD
understanding of the natu r e and limit s o f wifely
obedience B roadl y speaking we may say that the
.
obedience of the wi fe is due to the husband only

within certain limits It i s not absolute It is
. .
due to him in all those matters where it is evide nt

that he must rule It is not due to him in those
.
matters where it is evident that the wife mu st

rule .
Al l matters of business everyt hing which seri

,
o u sly a ffects the income o f the family the c hoice ,
of trades or professions for the chil dren these ,
evidently belong to the judgm ent of the husband .
The wife may be and ought to be frequently c on

, ,
su l t e d But having expressed her opinion she

.
ought t o abide by the decision o f the head of the

family On the other hand the interior domestic
.
arrangements pertain to the judgment of the wi fe .
The management of serva n ts an d babies for in ,
stan c e are points upon which the husba n d should

,
have nothing to say except perhaps when he is

,
asked o r when he divines that his su g gestion will

,
meet with h is wi fe s approval And a wife woul d

’
.
be acting well within her rights were she to resent

any interference in these matters .
Hard and fast rules however cannot be lai d

, ,
d own Much depends upon the tempera m ent o f

.
individuals a nd the force of circumstan c es I f a .

B E TWEEN HUSBAN D AND WIFE 81
m a n has fail ed in business say three ti m e s a nd

, ,
eventually has to depend on his wife s dowry for ’
a livelihood o r upon another business built up by

,
his wi fe then he cannot expect to have the same

,
authori ty as one possessing the full c omp l ement

o f manhood .
Again no obedience is due to him when h e i s

,
obviously demanding something contrary to divine

law To require a wife to give up any o f her
.
religious duties as a C atholic to ask her to do ,
something which is against any of the Ten Com

m a n dm ent s these are occasions when she not
,
'
o nly may but must disobey In all c ases o f

, .
doubt however the presumpti o n is in f a v or o f

, ,
the husband .
Above all things h owever the o be dience must

, ,
have its foundation in mutu al love Unless there .
is present that dete rmination to love each other

through thick and t hin t hrough su c cess an d,
through adversity t hrough life and through death

, ,
it will be useless t o try t o decide by argument who

has the right to c om m and and who the du ty t o
obey T he love in marri age is a great m ystery
.
,
and he who would r educe it to mechanical laws

m ust posse ss a higher knowl edg e t h a n that ever
yet poss essed by m ere m an .
CHAPTER VII
CO NJ U GAL RE STRAINT
AL L who look forward to m a rriage do so as a to
state o f ideal happiness Yet how m any fail to

.
realize their ideal ' It m a kes you jump a s Ches ,
terton would s a y when you thi nk of what you

,
expected a n d comp are it with what you have got

,
.
So we come round again to the same old theme

i f you want t o enj oy the C atholic ideal of a per
fect m arriage you must follow the C atholic rules .
He who wishes for the end wishes also the m eans

to the end .
Now one of the chief means to happiness pro

posed by the C hurch is conj ugal restrai nt It .
would be very strange i f in all the other animal

tendencies she counselled moderatio n and in this
,
a llowed unlimited indulgence Yes there can be

.
,
debauchery in the pleasures o f ma rried li fe j ust

as in the pleasures of eating and drinking Such .
excess is a violation o f the law o f nature a nd ,
inevitably bri ngs o n nature s punishment In this

’
.
,
a s in all o ther functions of ma n vi rtu e happi n e s s

, , ,
CO N J U GAL RESTRAINT 3
an d we ll being a r e t o be found in mo der a tion

-
an d mo d eratio n is secu red by rational restraint .
The question before us is not so much a s to

what is sin o r no sin but rather a s to what helps
,
to a higher happiness The C hurch allows a wide

.
freedom in the enj oym ent o f conjugal pleasures .
She never for a moment forgets that one of the

ends for which marriage was instituted was tha t
it should be a remedy for concupiscence In order .
therefore that there shall be no danger o f in du l

gence outside lawful matrimony the wi dest p o s ,
sible exercise is pe rmitted within matrimony The .
Church goes hand in hand with nature to the fur

, ,
t h erm o st of nature s limits b e

’
fore she says that
such or such an a c t is sin She counsels the mar
.
ried pair however not to avail themselves of the

, ,
whole range of nature s freedom She declares

’
.
that rational restraint i s the way to the highest

a n d fullest happiness in married life .
The root reason o f t his counsel is to be found

in the fact tha t by restraint the sexual appetite is
brought under control of the will The will is .
g u ided by reason ,and reason in its turn is i ll u m

in ed by divine wisdom Thus restrained and con
.
,
trolled the sexual appetite can be directed t o the

,
three great ends for which it was made and thus ,
ca n it b e preve nte d fr o m a buse f o r which it w a s

,
not m a de The order an d higher satisfaction t hu s
.
s e cu red constitute the essence o f happiness .
Let us see now how this higher satisfaction is

r e a c hed There are three ends for which mar
.
r i a g e was instituted and consequently three reasons

,
which m ake the marri age act lawful and holy The .
first a n d chief i s the begetting of children The .
second is the calming of concupi scence and con s e ,
quent avoiding of incontinenc e The third is the .
fostering o f conjugal love and a ffection But all .
these minister t o the perfection both of the i ndi

vidual and of the race The married pair s ee in
.
their o ffspring the continuance of their own life .
T heir j oy is to know that a child i s bo rn to them ,
to s ee the child grow up and become settled in

life to hea r tha t their own son is making his
,
m ark in the world o r that their own daughter

,
i s marrie d well and happily .
The se c ond and third reasons minister to the

first . Unless there were a remedy for concu p i s
c ence incontinence would follow and with it all
, ,
the evils of j ealousy quarrels illegitimacy sepa

, , ,
ration or divorce Fu r ther the fostering of con

, .
,
j ugal love tends both to the increase o f o ffspring ,
and t o its good bringing up when bo rn .
Se n sual pleasure for it s own sake i s not amongst

the re c o g nized reasons for the ex ercise of the
CON J U GAL RESTRAIN T 85
marriage act It passes away with its own sati s

.
faction and i f indulged merely for that purpose

,
has neither u se nor dignity As a matter o f fact

.
it was made to minister to higher ends It is a .
mere adj unct to the marriage act intended to m ake,
it attractive for the bene fit o f the race If there .

,
for e it i s perverted and made an end in itself

, ,
and if its higher ends are excluded then i t defeats ,
the aim o f matrimony it kills the love betw een

,
husban d and wi fe it shirks the burden o f chil dr en

, .
In order that sensual pleasure may be the ser

vant and not the m aster o f man it m ust be r e
strained Ir must not be crushed or destroyed
. .
That was the error o f Manicheism and Buddhism .
But it must be moderated s o that it may remain

as long a s possible a help towards conj ugal love ,
towards the normal satisfaction of the sexual

appetite and towards the pro creation of a l arge
,
and healthy family of children To let it have .
its full fling is to lessen its keenness to d estroy ,
its power and t o render it disgu sting

, .
There can be n o general law for everybody .
What is excess for on e pair may be moderati o n for

a n ot h er What is m oderation for one partner
.
m ay be ex cess for th e other Each case must .
b e j udged ac c ording to its own circu m stance s .
In d e ci ding this the existence and the we l fare

,
86 MARR IAGE AN D PAREN THOOD
of the o ffspring is the fir s t consideration Incon .
t i nen ce tell s a gainst the interests o f the o ffspring .
Each partner then has the duty of seeing that a s ,
far as possible the other shall not be exposed

,
to this danger For the sake of home and family

.
,
therefore each one is bound to render the debt

,
as often as reasonably asked .
For such a sacred purpose either partn er shoul d

be willing to undergo serious inconvenience In .
deed marriage i s supposed to be fraught with

,
serious inconveniences These are love s op p o r tu

.
’
n it i es and love i s given to overcome them

, The .
cares of child bearing are no excuse for the wife

-
refusing consent nor yet is the expense o f the

,
child s education an excuse for the husband refus

’
i ng consent Not even a di fficul t childbirth is

.
a su fficient reason for refusing The only justi .
fica t i on for refusing is something so serious as

to involve danger of death or long painful i llness
,
.
C omplete debauchery will come within this cate

gory Such exces s ive indulgence may s o weaken
.
a ma n s will as to render him liable to i n con ti

’
n en ce . In the interests of conjugal fidelity th e

wi fe would in such a case be j usti fied in refusin g .
Th e intention o f this chapter however is to , ,
indicate counsel rather than precept to point the ,
w a y of the higher happiness rather tha n th e lo w

CONJ U GAL RES TRAINT 37
est de g ree o f s trict ju stice St Paul is our inspired

. .
a uthori t y . In laying down h i s d o ct rine h e i s

careful t o say that it is a mer e recommendation
a n d not a binding obligation Defraud not one

.
another except perhaps by consent for a time

, , , ,
that you may give yourselves to prayer ; and

return together again lest Satan tempt you for
,
your incontinency .
In the first place he de fends the conjuga l rights

o f each partner The husband i s not to take
.
upon himself any extraordinary restraint without

the consent of the wife nor the wi fe without ,
consent of the husband The aim of restraint

.
is t o acquire a wider and deeper spirit li fe But .
to do s o at the ex pense o f another s rights is an ’
a ct o f injustice which o f i t s v er y nature militates

‘
against the deeper li fe desired G od instituted .
marriage as a remedy for concupiscence But to .
deny the right is to put the other partner in danger

o f in c ontinence .Such an act of inj ustice can only
entail spiritual loss to all concerned and become ,
the s o urce of di scontent and unhappiness in the

family ci rcle .
Law ful re stra int require s three conditions .
Fir st it must be by mutual co n sent ; secondly it

, ,
mu st be only for a limited time ; and thir dly it ,
m ust be f o r t he sake of a higher spirit life Al l .

88 MARR I AGE AN D PARENTHOOD
t h ings h ave t h eir season : a time to embrace a n d
a time to be far from embraces And the time .
most fitted for this abstention is the time of

solemn fast or feast Blow the trumpet in Sion
.
,
sanctify a fast call a solemn assembly : let the

,
bridegroom go forth from hi s bed and the bride ,

”
ou t of h er bride chamber The two o b s erv
-
.
a n ces are mutually helpful : the abstention pro

m otes religion and religion promotes restraint
, .
The C hurch makes no law about the times o f

this restraint She recommends however that it
.
, ,
be practiced at the times o f the ecclesiastical fasts

and festivals At the end O f the marriage service
.
the priest is directed so to admonish the bridal

pair Owing to the delicacy o f the public con
.
science this admonition is usually omitted It .
r emains however to be read privately by all those

, ,
who will avail themselves of the wisdom o f

Mother C hurch .
The counsels of St Paul and the C hurch are .
supported by the counsels o f nature N ature .
will allow a wide liberty but s h e will rebel if ,
she is over tax ed It is astonishing how the race

-
.
continues considering the extent to which its repro

,
du ct iv e powers are abused But nature i s both .
kind a n d strict She gives ample warning as the

.
limits of m oderation are transgresse d I f the .

CON JUGAL R ESTRAINT 39
ex c e ss be p ersistent and gra v e she vi s its the o flen ,
der s with grave chastisement .
The married pair then have the advantage o f

, ,
two g uides nature and religion Nature will

, .
give the firs t warning against ex cess The mod .
crate exercise o f the sexu al life ought not to inter
fere with the working life of either husband or

-
wi fe The strengt h O f the weaker partner then

.
, ,
will be the measure by which restraint is judged .
I f the advice of the C hurch too be followed , , ,
it will be a strong help to the married couple to

regulate the i r li fe within the bounds of physical
fitness . To be ex plicit the C hurch mentions the
,
eves o f all great festivals and the seasons of Ad

,
ve nt and Lent But once again the rule is not one

.
, ,
o f obligation but only one of counsel and can t hus

,
be changed to suit each one s individual needs ’

.
This restraint is not acc omplished by unaided

n ature It is the result of a special grace of God
.
wh ich is conferred through the matrimonial Sac

ram ent The woman is the minister of grace to
.
t h e man and t h e man to the woman Grace is

,
.
given t o accomplish all the ends of matrimony .
But this re straint is n eeded for these e n ds There .
fore it will be supported by grace Thus t h e .
Cath olic i deal is again seen to be the po wer m aki ng

fo r family h appi n ess It tends to keep t he p a r en t s
.
9 0 MARRIAGE AN D PARE N THOOD
in good health and consequently te n ds to pro du c e
a healthy O ffspring In preventing excess it pre
.
vents the mar ried p air from becoming mere i nst ru

m ents o f pleasure for each other a n d c onsequently
,
promotes a reverence and l ove wh ich d ebauchery

would destroy .
Now although this abstention during eccl esi

,
a st i ca l seasons is n ot of obligatio n yet there are ,
occasions when it is of obligation ; and it will

then be di fficult to observe unless t he n o n obli -
g a t o r
y restrai n t has been practiced .
Common decency demands that abstinence

should be observed during the wh ole period of
menstruation The same must be said of the ti m e
.
immediately following childbirth There is an .
idea prevalent especially amongst the poorer

,
classes that it is bad luck to return to the m a rried

,
li fe until the woman has been churched There .
is no rule of the Church to this e ffe ct But it is .
a good custom provided it is regarded merely a s

a custom and not adorned with the sa nction of
,
m agic o f good lu ck o r bad luck

, , .
Then comes the question of times o f i llness .
Fo r one partner there i s danger of grave illness ,
whilst for the other there is danger of inco a ti

nency R ather than e xpose a partner to the danger
.
o f sin th e other p artner is bound to su ffer gra ve

CON JUGAL RESTRAIN T r
inconvenience but is not bound to go so far as

,
t o incur dangerous illness It is di fficu lt some .
times to draw the line and wherever the line is,
drawn it means dissatisfaction for one or other

of the parties concerned How much better it .
would be then i f both had practiced restraint when

, ,
it was not of obligation ' It would have produced

a habit of mind and heart by which the stronger ,
partner would S how a tender regard for the

weaker It would have become an e ffective ex
.
pression o f love powerful to create a re turn love

,
and thus to weld anew th e ma r riage bond .
Ther e may also arise the necessi t y of temporary

separation on account of bus iness A commercial .
traveler may be away from home for months at

a time A sailor may be ordered abroad for a
.
year or perhaps two Whenever possible a man.
should take his wife with him on his travels But .
S ince this for many is not practicable the m ind

, , ,
must be especially strengthened by the practice

o f restraint when it is not obligatory .
The plight of the very poor calls for special

consi deration There are thousands upon thou
.
sands who have not got a living wage yea indeed , , ,
thousands upon thousands who have no wages at

all A poor dock laborer of Liverpool wr iting
.
-
to me on various topics of the social questio n ,

9 2 MAR RIAGE AN D PARE N THOO D
thus very delicately tells h is sto ry : I will now
”
touc h briefly he says on the bi r thrat e Many
, , .
g ood earnest minded-

men have O ften said of us
workers that it was a crime for a man earning
,
a small wage to marr y and bring children into the
world whose only heritage was one of poverty

,
an d want TOO well do we kn ow with what

.
a nx ie ty the arrival of each little new comer is -
looked forw ard to a s it means more to feed and

,
clothe while the earning power of the bread win

,
-
ner is gradually growing less But as the C hurch

.
tells us tha t we are obeying the law of God we ,
may well ask Is it ever to be thus ' Must we ,
i n order to do what we were created for commit ,
a serious c rime against our own o ffspring ' And ’
in this dilemma we inquire : Whi ch is the greater

crimi n al the working man for obeying God s law
,
-
’
,
or h e who is responsible for his c ondition in life

a n d who prevents him from rearing his family
i n decency and comfort ' Although I look on

’
littl e children as precious heirlooms sent from

God and with full knowledge that they beget
,
h a ppiness co uld I be blamed should I advise my

,
son s n ot t o ma rry till late in li fe o r else refrain

,
fr o m m a rri a g e altogether ; and so further restri c t

th e bi rt h r a te the decline of wh ich is causing s o
,
much a gi t ati on throug hout the country '

CON JUGAL RESTRAIN T 93
Th e writer is a good C atholic and so do es not

g o so far a s to suggest the arti ficial rest r ictio n
within marriage This evil though is closely

.
, ,
bound up wi th the economic evil o f wh ich h e

speaks .
Let it be said at once then that pov erty is n o

, ,
bar to the Sacrament of marriage The poor a re .
entitled to receive all the graces and all the j oys

which pertain to the marriage state and the pos ,
session o f children Poverty in it s extremity des

.
,
t i tu t i o n that i s i s a deplorable evil ; but it i s

, ,
a mere trifle compared wi th the sins of inco a ti

nen cy which would surely follow i f the poor wer e
forbidden to marry It i s a mere trifle compared
.
with those detestable sins against nature t h e arti ,
fici al restrictions of the birthrate .
Of course there is no reason why young people

should not abstain from marriage until they have
a living wage or having married abstai n fro m
, , ,
the marriage act provided this can be done without

,
danger of incontinency This course in d eed m ay .

, ,
be pro fitably recommended and the Sacraments

of the Church will be the best help in c arrying
it ou t But Satan will be busy amongst those who
.
try it I f it fails marriage is the remedy in

.
,
spite of all poverty marriage and all the norm a l

,
blessing s of m arriage the procreation of c hi ldren

, ,
t h e avoidance of incontinency and th e promotion,
o f mutual love and a ffection And i f eventually

.
the mar r i age is to be made ideal and despoil ed

o f the stigma o f destitution it ca n o nl y be by
,
fidelity to the complete ideal of the C hurch for ,
it pertains to the complete ideal of the C hurch

that a man should receive a s much wages for h is
labor as will keep himself h is wi fe and his family
, ,
in reas onable and frugal comfort .
The sexual question therefore though largely

, ,
a physical and economic one is at botto m a relig

,
ious one The restraint needful for a happy mar

.
r i a g e wants religious illumination and strength .
The marri age bond h a s i t s liken ess in the bond

between C hrist and the C hurch namely the bond , ,
o f intense ,
strong love The marriage bon d is
.
thus something quite distinct from lust Lust .
seeks its own ani m al grati fication regardless of ,
any other end but it s own indulgence Love how .

,
ever seeks the higher well being The love of the

,
-
.
married pair then will be tender above all things .
It will be selfless to a degree s o that the weaker

party h as every consideration Whatever sensual .
pleasure may be incidental to this love all wi ll be ,
controlled and directed to t h e higher well being -
o f h usband wi fe and children

, , .
C HAPTER VII I
B EFO RE AN D AFT E R C HI LD BI RTH
THE Church teac h es that children receive t h eir

bodies from their parents but not their souls
, .
Each soul i s speci ally created by God and infused

into the body at the moment O f creation God .
does His S hare at the will o f the parents He has .
s o decreed it as part of His providence Parents .
t h erefore share the di g n ity of parenthood with

God Hence the author of the Epistle to the
.
Hebrews can say Moreover we have had

fathers o f our flesh for instructors and we rever
,
enced the m : sha ll we not much m ore obey the

”
Father of spirits and l ive '
There is a di fference of opi n ion amongst Cath
o lic t h eologia n s as to the precise time at which
t h e soul is infused into the newly forme d body .
S ome say that it is at the very moment of con

cep t i o n whilst othe r s including St Thomas say
, , .
,
no t until some time a fter when the body has been

,
m ore perfectly form ed The first opinion is the

.
m ore common . For all practical purposes i n

regard to marriage it may be more pro fitably
followed ; for whether the soul comes at the m o
ment of conception or later the Chur ch regards ,
the new and inde pendent li fe as existing from con

cep t i o n
. I f the new being h a s not got an intel
l ectual soul it i s nevertheless ordained by God to
,
receive one All harm therefore which may be

.
, ,
inflicted on the new being is harm inflicted on a

human being either directly or by anticipation
, .
Likewise all good done to the new li fe is

,
good done to a human life either directly or ,
by anticipation .
The first duty of parents towards the unbo rn

child is to recognize the sacredness of its li fe .
One of the commonest fea t ures of race suicide

which prevails to day is the destru ction of the
-
unborn child Arti ficial means are adopted in

.
order to prevent conception which are not al ways

succes s ful Then recourse is had to the crime
.
of abortion And the s a d thing is that t h e opinion

.
is spreading that such a destruction of child life

is not a crime Parents speak of it as i f it were
.
an ordinary way of being ri d of an unpleasant

inconvenience Happily the idea has not become
.
prevalent in C atholic families Nevertheless .

,
C atholics need to be on their guard against the

m aterialisti c d o ctrin e and it s c onsequence s Let .
B EFORE AN D AFT ER CHILDBI RTH 97
th e truth be said plainly : All attempts to kill th e

u nbor n c h ild are attempts to commit murder .
Agai n th e child unbo r n has the right to every

,
c are that it shall no t be hurt by accident What .
con stitutes dangerous occupations or amusements

m ust be decided in individual cases by the family
d octor or an e xperienced mother . What is
i n sisted on here is that there is a moral O bligatio n
on the part o f the parents to do nothing which
will dire ctlyinjure the third person c o n cern ed I f
.
anyt hing the child has an especial right t o p r otec

,
tion on account of its inabili t y to protect itsel f

, .
Perh aps m ore important still is the influe n ce

wh ich pare nts ex ert on the sou l of the unborn
child Tr ue it has not received B aptis m and is
.
incapable for the time being of receiving the coy

en ant ed grace consequent on B aptism .But there
can be n o doubt that the heart and mind of the
parents do ex ercise an influence for goo d or for
,
e v il on the unborn child Perhaps it may be only

, .
in the n atural order . But even so this n a tura l

foundation is a preparation for t h e supe rn atural
grace o f Baptism The supe r natural grace w ill
.
be all t h e m ore fru itful i f it falls upon weli pre

p ared n a tural ground .
Th e scie nc e o f education tends t o th ro w back

t h e ti m e at wh i ch the form ation of the child mi nd
7
9 3 MAR RIAGE AN D PARE N THOOD
begins Formerly the best teach ers were reserved
.
for the highest classes in our schools Then it .
was seen that the lower classes were of equal

importance And so o n the impo r tant day was
.
pushed back ; and now there are educationists who

say t h at a child s training begins forty years before
’
it is born Doubtless there is some exaggeration

.
in these sayings yet there i s enough truth in them

,
to show that the parents and chiefly the mother , ,
do exercise an enorm ous influence o n the c hildren

before they are born .
The u se of alcohol by the parents is proved to

predispose the child to alcoho l At t h e ti m e o f .
the exercise of the marriage act both parents ,
should b e quite free from any e ffects of drink .
With regard to the mother it were better that ,
she should be a total abstai n er and particularly ,
during the whole period o f child bearing Only -

.
by medical advice is it wise to take any alcohol i c

stimulant whatever The same advice h olds good.
,
too for the peri o d foll owing o n the birth of th e

,
child .
The dispositions of mind and h eart also r e

pro duce themselves I f the mother is cross o r .
,
depressed o r unhappy dur in g the time of child

, ,
bearing there is a l ikelihood o f the child being

,
tiresome And conversely i f the mother is h app y

.
,
B EFORE AN D A FT ER CHILDBIR TH 99
and contented the c hild will pro bably be goo d an d

,
ea sy to nurse .
But whence comes this h appy dispositi o n in t h e

mother ' Almost entirely from the kindness an d
lo ve of the husband If he is careless about his
.
h ome or s h ows any marked distaste fo r the domes

,
tic inconv eniences c onsequent upon the arrival o f

the new born his disposition will act up o n his wife
-
, ,
and r e act upon his child Hence the duty lies

-
.
with the husband of tak ing the burden o f ma r riage

in the truly C atholic spirit He h a s been w a rne d .
o f the burden and he h a s received a su fficient

,
measure of grace to enable h im to be ar it At .
least for the sake of his wi fe and child he will cor

respond with that grace and ma k e himself a mode l ,
husband and father .
The duty may b e summed up in one word sym ,
pathy The opposite vice may like wise be named

.
in one word niggardliness The coming of a chil d

, .
means extra expense and the sooner the man ,
settles his m ind to this the better fo r himself a nd ,
his whole household It is not his duty merely ; .
it is his privilege He together with his wi fe

.
, ,
s h ares t h e honors o f parenthood with God He .
can do nothing better to m a k e himself worthy o f

that honor than by helping h is h elpmate to the full
,
ex tent o f h is capa c ity .

I OO MARRIAGE AN D PAREN T HOO D
It is not n e c essary for the future mother to
kn o w all about the possible dangers which may
a ri se Indeed it is better that her mi nd should be
.
,
o ccupied rather with the healthy and spiritual

a spect of the situation But dangers may happen .
which i nvolve moral principles Now in order .
that the Catholic mother may act according to

those principles it is well that she should be guided
by a Catholic doctor There are some doctors .
with m aterialistic v iews who advise oper ations ,
which are forbidden by the Church and not 1

,
o nly adv ise them in extreme cases but also in u n

n ecessary cases O wing to the strictness of the
.
Church in forbidding certain operations the p r a c ,
tice of midwife r y in Italy has made enormous

progress The doctors knowing that they were
.
,
forbidden to do these things thought out ways o f ,
avoiding them ; and thus thanks to the de c rees of ,
the Church hundreds of lives both of m othe rs

, ,
and of babe s h ave been saved from destruction

, .
On the o ther hand some operations are both ,
l awful a n d p rai s eworthy The C e sarean oper .
a t io n that by which the child which cannot be

, ,
born in the ordinary way is taken from the abdo ,
1 A fu ll i
t reat m ent of t h s and s m l a r q u est on s i i i i
i s fo u n d n t he
followi ng boo ks , b bi
ot h p u l sh ed b y M r J o sep h F . Wa gn er : Pa s
.
to ral Medici n e n M i
“
,
”
b y A E Sa fo r
. d , . D ,
. . a nd The R gh t t o
Li fe of t he b i
Un orn Ch l d, b y Prof Trenh, M D. . .
B EFOR E AN D AFT ER C HILD B IRTH I OI
m en o f the m oth er is one suc h The questi on as

, .
t o wh e n i t m ay or o ught to b e performed i s a com
plicated o n e and hardl y concern s the general pub

lic When however it is raised by a doctor Cath
.
, , ,
’
oli c or non Catholic a consultati on wit h one s
-
spiritual director is advisable .
The doctrine that the child is a separate an d

distinct human being from the mome n t o f concep ,
tion implies a grave responsibility in the cases o f

,
miscarriage I f the emb r yo whic h comes a w ay is

.
'
alive yea i f it only l ive for a few m om ent s i t has

, , ,
a right to Bapt i sm Many people feel a r ep u g

.
n ance to this idea Still the trut h must not b e

.
shirked I f the soul i s there it must have every

.
,
chance o f salvation for it is of priceless value , .
There is no need for a particular ex aminatio n a s

to whether t h e child i s alive or not The Sacra .
ment is administered conditionall y On the one .
hand the child may be dead I f t h is is certain

, .
,
no Baptis m may take place On the other ha n d .

,
it may be alive yet capable of livi n g only for a

,
few mo m ents The time i s too pr eci o us for de

.
tailed e x amination L et the ceremony be per

.
formed as quickly as possible The doctor or the .

,
nurse will take the whole being t h e embryo with

, ,
i ts cove r ing and put it in a basi n o f c lean luk e

,
w arm wat er T h e covering is then broken so t h at

.
1 02 M AR RI AGE AN D PARENTHOOD
the liquid withi n flows ou t whilst clean water flows
in The embryo should then be moved about in
.
the water whilst the person performing the cere

“
m ony says these words : If thou canst be bap
t i z ed
,
I baptize thee in the name of t h e Father ,
and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost

,
.
When there is danger of death o f the child

during the process o f being born it must be bap
t i z ed conditionall y Eith er the nurse or the phy
.
s i c i a n,
but not the p riest m ust pour water '
, steril
i z ed ) o n such part o f the child as i s apparent ,
th o u g h it be only the hand saying at the same time

,
t h e words with the condition above stated .
Where th er e is danger o f death to the mother

du r ing childbirth she should receive the last Sac
,
r a m en t s . The conditions o f danger are well

known to the members of the medical profession ,
and so the doctor must be the guide This danger .
is present in all cases where operations ar e needed .
The principle wants emphasizing h owe ver that , ,
the Sacraments are for the sake of men and not ,
m en for the Sacraments It is much better to run

.
'
the risk o f a dministering the Sacraments when

unnecessary than to run the risk o f missing them
,
when necessary .
It may be well at this point to call attentio n to

the special blessing which the C hurch i s ready to
B EFORE AN D AFTER CHILDBIRTH I o3
g iv e i n t h e c a s e of dangerous c h ildbirth Sh e .
implores the Creator of all things under the beau ,
ti ful figur e of supreme do ctor and nurse Ac .
”
c ept she says the sacri fice of a broken heart
, ,
of Thy servant so that by t h e obstetric hand o f

,
Thy m er cy h er o ffspring may come sa fely to light

, ,
and be preserved for holy regeneration .
Her e a gain the Church has fore mo st in h er

mi n d t h e h igher welfare o f th e child She has the .
te n derest care for the safety of body but this ,
s a fe t y o f body must be directed to the safe ty o f
t h e spirit When therefore a child has been

.
, ,
brought to a happy and successful birth the duty ,
of its p are nts is to see that it is baptized as soon

as possible I f the child is strong and healthy it
.
,
should be take n to church for this purpose wit hin

eight days I f the child is weak and likely t o take
.
,
harm from the weather then the priest is to be

,
sent f o r As long as it re m ains unbapti z ed it is

.
to s o m e exte n t under t h e power of Satan and all ,
unne c essa r y delay o n the pa rt o f the pare n ts i s

a g rave injustice to the child .
The churching o f w o men is an act o f tha nk s

g ivin g to G o d for having been brought through a
di fficult crisis It is also a blessi n g give n by the

.
Church But it is not a Sacra m ent

. .
Th e r e i s a widespread impression that bad luck

1 04 MARRIAGE AN D PAR EN THOOD
c o m es to t h e w om a n who g o i ng out for the firs t

,
ti m e a ft er c h i ldbi rth d o e s n o t t ak e the Opp or

,
tu ni ty o f being churched So i ng raine d i s t his

.
idea that many women look upon churching as of

far more importance than Baptism Now t h e .
ceremony of churching is of no obligation what

ever whilst that o f B aptism is There can be no
, .
comparison between the two It is a praise .
worthy custom to go to church a n d render t ha nks

t o God as soon as possible but nothing more than ,
a custom . Provided the woman does not stay

away out of contempt for the ceremony but merely ,
for c onsiderations of health and conv enie n ce she ,
commits no sin If on the other hand sh e goes

.
, ,
a s soon as she can she obtains a blessing f o r her

,
s elf and her family .
The law of nature demands t h at mothers s h ould

suckle their own childre n The C hurch in inter
.
,
p r et i n g this law ,does n ot make it bindi n g un d er

pain o f mortal sin If the mother be su fferi ng
.
from bad health or i f she have to a ttend t o busi

,
n ess or other grave du ty then the Church does not

,
ex act this du t y under any p ai n wh a tever B ut .
wherever a nurse is called in the mother mu st see ,
that she i s of good health and moral s .
Wh i lst allowing this liberty of substitute the ,
Church points to the law o f nature as the more

B EFORE AN D AFT ER CH I LD B IR TH I O5
perfect ideal and as ten ding more to the wel fare

,
of the ch ild a n d the happiness of the family N ay .

,
she enn obles the l aw of na ture by setting before

the w o rld that type of mother O f whose Child it
was said : Blessed is the womb that bore thee
”
and t he breasts that gave thee suck Any su g .
gestion of substi tution in this case is S imply u n

thinkable And i f it were not beneath the digni t y
.
of such a moth er to accept the full burden o f her

o ffice so it should not be beneath the digni t y o f
,
the dames o f a worldly society It Should rather .
be their glory t o set the example to their poorer

sisters The poor nurse who is taken away from
.
,
her own child has all the dignity and feelings of

,
motherhood equally with the richest woman in

the land .
Not on this point only but on every o ther that

,
pertains to the care of the child born or unborn , ,

’
the mother s mind is raised and her heart en
kin dl ed by the Catholic ideal This ideal is real .
i z ed in Mary the Mother of God , The Protes .
ta nt consciousness has never become reconciled to

the title and consequently has never learnt the
,
less on which it teache s t o t h e wh ole Catholic

m otherh o od Wh en the eternal God took flesh
.
i n the womb o f the Virgin and deigned to be the,
obj e ct of a m other s tender nursi ng c are and

’
, ,
I o6 MAR RIAGE AND PAREN T HOOD
a ffection then was motherhood raised to its high
,
est grade O f splendor and magni ficence then was ,
the law of nature made perfect by the law o f

grace A real perfect Mothe r o f flesh a n d blood
.
was g iven to the mothers of the world to show

them the glory of their state She was in stru m en :
tal to the forming o f the Incarnate Christ ; they

are to be instru m e ntal t o the f o rm i ng of the
Mystic Christ .
B ut , ev er y day t h at goes
B efore the gazer , n ew M adon nas r i se.
Wh at m a tt er , i f t h e ch eek show not t he rose,
N or look di vi ne is t h er e, nor q u een l y g r ace '

The m ot h er
’
s g l or y li g h ts the h om ely face .
Oh sam ted love : oh p reciou s sacr ifice

, ,
O h h eaven li gh ted eyes

, .
B lest dream of you th ; b est memory of age .

CHAPTER IX
TH E B LE SSIN GS O F M ANY CH I LDRE N
W H EN man and woman were first j oined togethe r

in holy matrimony a divine co mmand was given
,
unto them to increase and multiply and to r eplen

ish t h e earth Adam alone was lonely and lonely
.
,
in more senses than one Eve w a s given him to be

.
his companion not merely however for the sake

, , ,
of companionship but also for the bene fit of the

,
race o f which he was to be t h e father She was .
to be the co principle with him for the procrea

-
tion of the great human family She wa s to be his .
help in domestic life and also his help in the life

of the race The whole earth was to be r ep len
.
i s h ed by their o ffspring .
This was one of the first and most peremptory

l aws of natu re And being such a fundamental
.
law it h as persevered until now and must perse ,
vere until this world is exhausted until there is no ,
more use for t h e law until we are safe in heaven

, ,
where we shall be as the a ngels neith er givi ng nor ,
taking in marriage .
1 08 MARRIAGE AN D PARENTHOO D
This natural law moreover has in the m ean
, ,
ti m e bee n forti fied by additional sanctions The .
n atural law is a reflection of the divine Mind .
The n ew sa nctions therefore do not alter but

, , ,
emphasize the original law Throughout the Jew .
ish dispensation therefore we fin d that fruitful

, ,
ness in child bearing w a s ever regarded as a S ign

-
o f divine predilection as a ful filment of God s ’

,
pr om ises of prosperity And as fruitfulness was

.
looked upo n as a special sign of God s favor so ’

,
w as barrenness looked upon as a S ign o f God s dis

’
p leasure or forgetfulness .
Fu rther when the contract o f marri age was

,
r a i s ed by C hrist to the digni ty of a Sacrament this ,
s a m e e n d o f marriage remained as the chief the ,
p r oc reation o f children ; but at the sa m e time it

was rai sed to a higher plane t h e procreation of ,
c h i ldren both for this world and for the next The .
m other who had done her duty in this matter h a d

ful filled h er h igh est destiny By bringing many .
c hildre n i nt o the world by bringing them into the

,
Church through B aptism by bringing them to their ,
fina l sal vation t h rough h er g o od exa mp l e an d z eal

for C hri st i a n e du c atio n s h e had saved h er o wn
,
She sha ll be save d however t hr o u g h

“
s oul .
, ,
chi ld b ea ring i f She s h al l p ersever e in fai t h and

-
,
”
love an d hol i n ess an d s obriety .
B LESSINGS OF MANY C HILDREN 1 09
S eeing the n that this fruitful ness is acc o rd ing

to God s will it must be rewarde d with G o d s
’
,
’
blessing And indeed it is first a blessi ng to the

.
, ,
family secondly a blessing to the State and eve n

, ,
tu a lly a blessing to heaven itself .
Many children are a blessing t o the family .
First they provide the opport unity fo r t h e ex er

,
cise of one o f the strongest instincts O f nature ,
family a ffection the love of p arents to ward chil

,
dren of children toward parents o f children

, ,
toward each other No matter how many chil .
dren a mother may have her love fo r any one o f ,
the m is not thereby diminished but rather in ,
creased I f she had to pa rt with any one of th em

.
,
s h e could not make the choice They are each .
dear to her because they are her own becau s e th ey

, ,
a r e the children of her husband and because they ,
are br o thers and Sisters to each o t h er Th e fami l y .
l ove is s o woven and interwoven that the greater , ,
the number o f the threads the more di fficult it is to ,
distinguish any one of the m Th i s m ay be t h e .
r e sult of merely natu ral a f

fection .
When h owever the family l ove is i ntertwi ned

, ,
wi th supernatural faith supernatural h ope and , ,
supernatural love then is the family bond m ade

,
inde finitely stronger and the famil ylo v e m ore keen

,
a n d more satisfying The m othe r o f the Ma ch a .

I IO MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
bees did not love her children less but i n describ ,
ably more when s h e had to lead them to be sac

,
r i ficed for the sake o f God s cause An d although

’
.
her natural sorrow must have been o n e o f the

most poignant ever su ffered by mother on account
of children yet her supernatural j oy must have
,
surpassed it in intensity and have produced in her

maternal heart a satisfaction far exceeding the
natural void caused by her bereavement .
Secon dly a large family is a means of develop

,
i ng character both in the parents and in the chil

,
dren In the case of the father it i s a question

.
,
as to whether he will face the task of working and

s aving for the means of bringing up a large family .
He certai nly n eeds courage He certainly needs .
self denial and sel f restraint He certainly needs

- -
.
the help of Sacraments and other religious ordi

nances But these are the very warp and woof o f
.
manly character He is only a wea kling there

.
,
fore wanting in manhood and wa nting in the

,
stamina of a Chri s tian who shirks the duti es of

,
fatherhood merely because they i nvolve a heavier

burden .
I n the c ase of the mother it is a question as to

,
whether she will face the illness and the anxieties

i ncident to a larg e family o f children and pos ,
s ib ly which i s the great est t r i al of a l l displeasure

, ,
B LE SS I N GS OF MANY CH I LDREN I I I
an d n e gl e ct on the p a rt of her husband Th e .
burd e n o f motherho od then a cts against fli msy

att ra ction s o f the w o rld o f pleasure It concen .
t r ate s her atte n tio n on the fa m il y It gives her .
a n interest than whi ch nothing i s m ore absorbi ng

a n d sat i sfying o utside heaven In a word it de
.
,
v el op s h er w omanh o o d An d since she is of the

.
,
gentl er as c ontrasted to the stern er sex her

, , ,
nu m er o us a nx ieties wi ll develop i n h er t h e qua l i ty

of ge ntl e n ess .
Further i f s h e i s so unfo rtunate a s t o have a

,
husban d who is u nkin d or negle ctful o r di fficu lt ,
th en i t wi ll bring ou t h er ch ara cteristic o f tact .
Th ere are few husba n ds who do n ot need s om e

”
ma n a g ing An d it is the glory of some wi ves
.
that t h ey kn ow h ow t o m anage t h eir husbands ;

how to g et what they want without c r ying or quar
r eling f o r i t Surely t h erefore it must be a n
.
, ,
a cco m plis hm ent wo rth cultivati n g to be able t o ,
rule by ta ct and by persuasi o n rath er than by fo rc e

,
o r h ars hn es s .
N ow a l a rg e fa mily implies m a ny relations to be

a dj uste d m any misu n de r standings t o be smo o t h ed
,
o ver ma ny arrange m e nts for t h e m utual welfare

,
o f a ll It is th e mother of the family who has t o

.
do all this It is by her i n stinctive tact and en dur

.
i ng pat i enc e t h a t the fa m ily is held t o get h er The .

I Ia MAR RIAGE AND PAREN THOOD
m ore ccomplish ed she is in thi s o ffice t he bri g ht er
a ,
doe s she s hine as an ex a mple o f mot h erhood An d .
t h e g reater will be her acco mpli s hm e nt in prop or

tio n as she h a s the g reater nu m ber o f c hil dre n t o
care for .
In the case o f the children i t is a que stion o f

g enerosi t y or sel fis hness Who has
. not looked
with dismay o n the spoilt child the only on e o f ,
the family ' Who has not observed the ugly self
c onsciousness pride a n d vani t y o f two children
, , ,
the miserable two who have had n o other com p an

ions but each other during the yea r s when the fou n
dation of their chara cter was laid ' And who h a s
n o t seen the beautiful u n selfis h n es s and generosit y
of the ch il dren of a family o f seven or better , ,
still of a family of fou rteen ' Why even their

, ,
faults and their si n s a r e due t o exces s of gener

o s i t y rather than to defe ct in it
, The principle o f
.
g ive a n d take has been s o often demanded of them

and so O ften exercised that it must have g rown
,
into a fix ed habit by th e time they come to s ep a rate

and go their way in li fe apart The b o ys have .
had their boyishn ess toned down by t h e gentle

influence of the girls whi l e the girls have h ad
,
their g irl is hn e ss to n ed up by t h e str ong i n fl u en c e

o f the boys .
Th irdly a larg e fami ly i s a m e a ns o f stre ngt hen

’
,
B LE S SINGS OF MANY CHILDREN I I3
ing both the temporal and the et ernal i nterests of

the family Eve n from a worl dl y point of view a
.
father is working against h i s own interests in set

ting limits to his family from motives of econ om
ical sel fishness H i s view must be a broad o n e
.
,
however The law of nature pervades the organi

.
z a t i on of society even as it does the organizatio n

,
o f t h e physical universe and none the less does it

,
there reflect the mind of God It is therefore .

, ,
both the law of nature and the law of God

that children should support their parents in sick
ness and Ol d age When however there is only
.
, ,
one child or tw o and these have wiv es and fam

,
il i es o f their own to support there is little op p o r

,
tu n ity of supporting aged parents But where .
the bur d en is divided among s ay seven or eight

,
families then the aged couple have some hope

,
of e n ding their days in reasonable a n d fruga l

comfort .
Again we must re m ember t h at i n m o st coun

,
trie s the provision o f free education is such as to

leave no room whatever for the excuse of economy .
If the fat h er has the pretension to go further and ,
to leave his two children enough inheritance to

save them from the necessity of working for a liv
ing the n he is doing an injustice both t o his chil
,
d re n and t o socie ty Drones are a nuisa nc e i n

.
8
I I4 MAR RIAGE AND PARE N THOOD
eve r y l ine In all sta g e s o f s o cie ty t h e work o f
.
bri n gi n g up a family of children is a burden b o th

t o the fath er and to the mother It is a burden .
,
however which is followed by a ha n ds om e rewar d

,
i f only it is generously accepted .
The children t o o must pro fit by their l arger

, ,
number The world is so wide trades a nd p ro fes

.
,
sio n s are so mani fold as to leave practically little

,
di ffere n ce in the di fficul t y of finding situations for

eight and that of finding situations for two Nay .
,
if we look around we shall find t h at it is the only

boy rather who fails to make a good begi n ning ,
and the only girl rather wh o fails to se cu re a hus

band or a vocatio n Owing to th e absence of fra
.
ternal influence and education they have n ot got ,
the grit in them to make them attractive to others .
Then agai n later in li fe the many are a help to

, ,
each other in tim e o f di fficu l ty They do not all .
meet with adversity at the same time I f o ne is .
low down in business o r lo w d o wn in health his ,
broth ers an d sisters are there to help him each ,
kn owing that he or she may l ikewise depe n d on

the others whenever t h e h our o f distres s sh all
overtake them .
Th is mutual suppo rt extend s a l so to the sp h ere

o f faith and morality How often has not a .
fat h er bee n kept to his religion and a mother bee n

,
B LESSINGS OF MANY CHILDRE N u ;
save d from te m ptat i on by the t h ought of the chil

,
dren ' It is curious how parents who h ave given

up the pra ctice o f religion themselves h ave often ,
insisted on t h eir children being taught religion and

brought up in a good moral at m osp h ere a n d even ,
tu ally throug h the c h ildren have been brought back
again to God Holy marriage is a S acrame nt an d

.
as such is a means of grace It is an i n strument

.
of the Holy Spirit and no o ne can tell t h e multi

,
t u d in ou s ways and times and places i n whi c h t h e
Holy Spirit uses t h is instrument .
The family being the foundation o f th e State ,
its li fe must produ c e an e ffect on the li fe of the

State I f fruitful n ess in c h ild beari n g i s a bless
.
-
ing to t h e fami l y it is likewise a blessi ng to the

,
State A man h a s reached a high state of n atural

.
virtue i f he can be so unsel fis h as to take t h e inter

ests of the State as a motive for his own right
co n duct Hu m an nature being what it is such a
.
,
mot i ve can har dl y b e expe cted to work as t h e pre

do m i n ant o ne I t c a n how ever act an d a ct effec
.
, , ,
t iv ely as a supp l eme ntary one

, It is a m o tive too
.
, ,
which g oes a l on g w ay in the formation Of publi c

opini o n wh ich rea cts o n private opinion .
Wh e n the abuse s o f family li fe were first prop

a g a t ed t h ey were propagated oste n sibly with a
,
vi ew to pro m oti n g the nation s we l fare Th e ’

.
I I6 MAR RIAGE AND PAREN T HOOD
count ry was said to be overpopulated ; a nd t h e s e
a bus es w ere i ntroduced t o reduce the populatio n .
The nations however whi c h have allowed t h em

, ,
selves to submit to these abuses have found ou t

to their heavy cost t h e g reat mistake which they
have made Statesmen with no pretensions t o
.
,
high morals or a go dly li fe have dis c overed tha t

,
this abuse is a canker eating away th e 'itals of th e

nation .
France stan ds out pre emine ntly a s the wors t

-
sinner of all This last year her death rate ex

.
ceeded her birth rate Germany is wide awake

.
to the evil and a movement has been set on foot

,
to counteract the growing practice Otherwise .
prepared for emergencies in the case of war this ,
would be her weakest point E n gla n d has to la

.
m ent her decadence due to practices introduced

from France And in America the s ermo n
preached by President Roosevelt on the burden
a n d duti es o f the married state tells of the prev
,
a len c e of the evil an d emphasizes the fa ct that

,
the evil is a cu rse to any nation It weakens its .
power of production ; it weakens its power o f de

fens e ; it weakens its power of intelligence and
morality ; it weakens the ve ry li fe blood of the
limited o ffspring which a ctually is born for such ,
o ffsprin g must come fro m a prin ciple which

B LE SS I N G S OF MANY CHILDRE N 1 17
is a lrea dy m a rk e d by wea kn es s s o ftn ess an d , ,
d e c adence .
The C h ristia n fa m ily however wa s n ot made

, ,
fo r the State as for its final destiny It w as made .
for the glory o f G o d Fruitfulness in c hild bear

.
-
ing tells eventually for the greater gl o ry of God .
The mutual h appiness of the persons of the bl essed

Trini t y is a ll su fficient for the intr i nsi c glory of
God God however h as chosen t o surround
.
, ,
Himself with a n ex trinsic glory He h as created .
creatures t o give Him ho n or and praise And the .
greatest hon o r an d praise of this k ind whi c h can be

given Him i s that o f man It adds nothing to .
God s internal h appiness but is rather the expres

’
,
sion and di ffusio n o f God s love an d go odn ess o u t

’
side Himself .
God therefo re h aving pr o vided this great h ap

, ,
p i n es s for His c reatures He wis h es as, m a n y as

possibl e to avail th e m selves of it In this way He .
obtains Hi s gr eate st ex ternal glo r y The greater .
t h e number of s ouls t h at are added to t h e n u m ber
of t h e ele ct s o mu ch the richer is t h e music o f

,
n ature s hym n o f pr a ise Th at t hi s i s t h e m ind

’
.
of the C hurch m ay b e seen fro m the e no rmo u s care

whic h sh e ta kes for the h appi n ess o f in fa nt s Her .
pri est s a re b ou nd t o und ergo t h e gra vest incon

v eni ences in o r d er t h at they may appl y the bap
,
1 1 8 MAR R I AGE AN D PARE NTHOOD
t i sm a l water t o any child in urgent need o f it .
Why is this ' It is because Christ has died fo r an d

purchased these children It is because Go d h as
.
chosen f o r Himself a number o f ele ct souls a ,
great number which we cannot count but which ,
we must do ou r best to make up presumi n g o r ,
rather knowing that t o do so will requir e a ll o ur

spi r itual e ffo rts.
To hinder the course o f n ature therefore is to , ,
interfere with G od s plans It is to pull down H i s

’
.
w ork in the Church militant and to lessen His ,
glo r y in the C hurch triumphant A diminution o f .
the number in the children o f the C hurch is a dimi

n u t i on of the C hurch s colle ctive faith and love
’
, ,
and holiness It is a diminution too which reacts

.
, ,
o n the parents ; for since they have wilfully les

sened the number o f subj ects o f faith and love
and holiness they have wilfully lessened their o wn
,
faith and love and holiness They have lessened .
the chances of their own salvation But le tt ing .
nature have its way they contribute to their own

,
eternal welfare they contribute to the co l lectiv e

,
eternal welfare o f the ra c e they contribute t o th e

,
greater glo r y of G od .
Some apology is needed for even venturing to

speak of the abuse o f mat r imony and the apology ,
which is o ffered is the only permissible o ne ,

B LE SS IN G S OF MANY CHILDRE N 1 19
namely absolute ne c essity The evil is widespread

, .
a n d is still growing .I f it is t o be counteracted it ,
must be c o untera cted both by the private good

,
living o f i n di viduals and by the fo rmation o f a

g o od public opinio n N ou C atholics now speak
.
-
ope nl y and without any sense of shame o f their

small families a n d o f their intention of having
o nly s m all families Adverti sements o f the most
.
pern i c i o us nature are flau nt ed ope nl y in the news

p apers Books are published the aim of which is
.
,
t o pro pagate a n d t o make the evil as easily a c ce s

sibl e as p o ssible
.
Seei n g then the high i deal o f matrim ony wh i ch

the C atholic Chur c h sets before th e world she ,
mu st o f necessity look with special h o rr o r on an

abuse wh i c h does away with the primary end for
whi ch m atrimony w as i n stituted Therefo re it is .
that h er preac h ers have to speak out when they

woul d fa i n keep sile n ce And therefore it i s that
.
, ,
eve ry C at h olic should set h is fac e a g ainst all

approval o r toleration o f the abuse .
A fe w pra cti c a l suggestio n s the n a r e o ffered

whic h m ay serve t o indicate the atti tude which
C at holi cs ought t o assume when questi o ns con
c erni ng this m atter arise Th e first i s to keep
.
cl early bef o re on e s mind t h e fact that the law o f

’
n ature the l a w o f Go d a n d the l aw o f t h e Churc h

, ,
MAR RIAGE AN D PAREN THOOD
all condemn a ny wilful interfere n ce wi th the due
cou r s e o f nature A second is to protest vigor
.
o u s ly a g ainst any opinions approving o f such when
proposed i n conversation A third is to boycott

.
all newsp apers books and business h ouses which

, , ,
m ake a trade in p rovidi n g the means for the p er

n i ci ou s practice A fourth i s to take a holy pride
.
i n a large family of well brought u p C atholic - -
chil dren N atural motives a s well a s supernatural

.
m otives may be used for this end N atural as

.
w ell as superna t u ral motives have been proposed

in this consideration But natural motives alone
.
will not su ffice A premium provided by the State

.
fo r eve r y seventh child will not hinder the decrease

o f population .Christi a n principles must be made
the foundation of society li fe ; that i s the family ,
li fe must be governed by C atholic faith and C ath

olic m o rality And i f natural m otives are o ffered
.
and used it is only that they may be added to the

,
strictl y superna tural ones and that they may be

directed t o a superna tural end a nd thu s be come ,
them s el ves supernaturali z e d .

C HAPTER X
B ETWEE N PARE NT S AN D C HI LD RE N
SI N CE children have t o remain with their parents

for such a long time between bei n g b o rn and mak
ing a home for themselves the mutual duties should
be clearly de fined And t h e Church has de fined
.
them Speaking generally the p arents o we their

.
,
children love and education whilst the children

,
o w e their parents love reverence and obedience

, , .
Of educati o n I shall speak in a special chapter .
The love which ought to exist between p are nts

and children is fo unded on the fact o f ge n eration .
That act is the earthly analogy of the divine act o f

creation The relationship between Creator and
.
cr eature together with all it s beauti ful implica

,
tions of redempti o n preservation providence and

, , ,
s o forth is visualized for u s in the invocation of
the prayer o f Christ : Our Father who art in

“
heaven . This i s the a r cht yp e of the relationship

which S hould ex ist betwe en earthly parents an d
their childr en .
1 22 MAR RI AGE AN D PARENTHOOD
Parents are certainly superiors over their chi l
dren But this superiority does not as many o f
.
,
them seem t o suppose give them a right to treat,
their children harshly and inconsiderately I f the .
first attribute of the heave n ly Father towards His

earthly children is th a t of love then the first duty ,
o f earthl y parents to their o ffspring is that o f love .
Their children are flesh from their flesh and as , ,
such nothing under G od should be dearer to them

, .
In s o far as the children are made to feel this so ,
much more will they be able to appreciate the ten

derness o f the Fatherhood of G od .
The habit o f mind by which parents l ove thei r

children constitu tes the special virtue o f p i eta s o r
dutifulness C onsequently o ffences against it are
.
,
sins Parents then ou t of consideration for their

.
, ,
own souls as well as the souls of their children
will be ever on their guard against anger and loss

o f temper This is di fficult for m others with large
.
families All the more reason Why they should

.
recognize the fact and prepare for it by prayer

,
and the Sacraments .
Again they wi ll avoid the habit of always fin d

ing fault Go a nd S ee what Willie is doing and
.
”
tell h im he must n t The habit tends only to
’
.
lessen the authority o f and respe ct an d love d ue,
to p arent s .
PARENTS AN D CHILDREN
On the other hand they will be careful not to

,
spoil the children by giving them all they a sk for .
Such indulgence is a sin against the virtue of

duti fulness .
Above all things they will n ot show favorit

,
ism It would be to o much to expect absolute

.
equality in all cases A m other who h a s had seven

.
girls and then one boy would naturally give the

boy little preferences But preferences ought to
.
be only such as the other children would wi lli n gly

approve o f So l ong as one in th e family i s made
.
t o feel that he or she is n o t in the same favor as
the others he or she will ever be the cause of dis

,
tu r b a n ce and the blame will lie chiefly with the

,
parents .
Having first paid regard to their own family

virtues the parent s will next attend t o the corre
,
sp o n di n g virtues i n the children .
Duties to ward parents are o f course o f less , ,
imp o rtance than duties toward God but o n the ,
other han d they are of more importance than

’
duties toward one s neighbor It is the title under
.
whic h rights are held that give s the relative impor

tance to the corresponding duties G od s rights .
’
come before a parent s rights because we owe to

’
,
Him m ore than t o a parent Nay we owe to Him

.
,
the ve ry fact that we have parents fo r God was ,

1 24 MARRIAGE AN D PARE N THOOD
under n o obligation to create ou r ancestors in the
first instance .
’
A parent s rights come before a neighbor s ’
rights because o u r p arents gave us ou r very life

, ,
the dearest o f all our possessions Under this .
title then our parents have a right to our love

, , ,
revere nc e and O bedience Just a s God is ou r Cre

, .
ator and d emands our love so ou r parents are ,
ou r pr o genitors and demand o u r l o ve Jus t as .
God is in finitely higher than me n in dignity and so

requires a supr eme reverence s o p arents are rela ,
t iv ely higher than their children in dignity and r e

quire a relative reverence Just as God i s supreme .
ruler of the world and has a right to enact an ab so

l ute obedienc e s o the p arents are the rulers of the
,
family and thus within the sphere o f things per

, ,
taining to the family have a right t o exact obedi

,
ence from the c hil d ren .
The love due to parents is on e of the primary

i nstincts o f our nature The sensible a ffection o f
.
the parent for the o ffspring and o f the o ffspring ,
for the p arent is evident thro ugh t h e whole of

,
a nimal creati o n Some anima l s wil l su ffer death

.
rather than give up o r negl ect their young I f .

,
therefore thi s is so in the lower creation how

, ,
much mo re o ught it to be true in ma n who is ,
raised so mu ch h i gher and is endowed with a fr ee

PARENTS AN D CHILDREN 1 25
and intelligent will by which t o enj oy a more per

,
fect love and a ffection .By this reason he is able

t o reflect on the in finite di fference between being
nothing and being something He i s able to know

.
,
and in some imperfect way to realize what cares

,
and responsibilities his p arents have undertaken

in bringing him into the world and tending him ,
until he should come to an age whe n he can look

a fter himself.
Reflecting on these things the grave obligation ,
moreover an honorable and beautiful obligati on ,
is at once apparent of making a willing o ffering to

his parents o f a great love Ecclesiasticus there
.
,
fore preaches both the natu r al and the divine law

,
when he says : Honor thy father and forget not

the groanings O f thy mother : Rem ember that thou
hadst n ot been born but through them : and make
”
a return to them as they have done for thee .
Likewise the holy Tobias when being about to

,
die he spoke thus to his son

, When G od shall
'
take my soul thou shalt bu r y my body : and th ou

shalt honor thy mother all the days o f her li fe :
For thou must be mindful what and h ow great
perils she su ffer ed for thee in her womb An d .
whe n she shall have ended the time o f h er li fe ,

”
bu ry her by me . Indeed God Himself sanc
,
t i o n ed this commandme n t with a spe c ial promise

1 26 MARR IAGE AN D PAR EN THOOD
o f m aterial prosperity a n d ca u s ed i t to b e known
,
ever afterw ard as t h e comm a n dm e n t O f pro m i se .
Honor thy father a n d thy m ot her t hat thou

m ayst be lo n g lived upo n the l a n d wh i ch t h e Lo rd
-
”
thy G od wi ll g ive thee .
We may see more cl early now what ki n d of

l ove that of children t o parents must be It m u st .
not be one merely of external de ference It must .
be that heartfelt love which is huma n a ffection a p

,
prehended by the reason controlled and di re cted

,
by the will raised and spi r i t u alized by grace

, .
Thus cu ltivated it will o f necessi t y bring forth

fruits in external life and condu ct There will be .
n o more black looks or harsh words ; no mo re u n
seemly quarrels and aggravations ; no more com

plaints of parents neglected in sickness and old
age . Of what an evil frame i s he that forsaketh
his father : and he is cursed of G od that a ng er eth
”
his mother .
N ay m ore I f once the real motive o f filial

, .
l ove be grasped and the co n sequent heartfelt a li ce

tion be excited there will be n o need of forced
,
outward deference which even in times o f a n

,
noyance and dissatisfacti on must be observ ed .
All will flow naturally or rather supernaturally

,
for with a person whose heart is right all h i s ,
a c tions how ever n atural easy and p leasant the y

, , ,
are, are spiritua l ize d and cl othed wi th di vi n e

c h arity .
The superiority o f parents invo lve s reverence

on the part of children It is not the reverence .
due from an equal t o an equal nor yet i s it that ,
o f a slave t o a master But it is that speci al kind

.
of a ffectionate regard which is known as filial

reverence It is begotten only by a certain attitude
.
of mind It cannot exist merely as an external

.
show It cannot exist from any purely philo

.
sophical motive Unless there is an inward ac

.
knowl edg m en t to one s sel f of the parent s supe

’ ’
r i o r i t y under G od there cannot be true filia l rev

,
erence This duty therefore must have its foun

.
, ,
dation laid in the heart an d mi n d The habit of .
mind must be cultivated of regarding parents as

representative in some way o f the superior i ty of
G od The reverential fear of G od is the r o ot mo
.
tive of filial reverence o f parents H e that fear .
eth the Lord hono r eth his p arents and will serve
them as his masters that brought him i nto the ,
”
world .From the inward habit of mind and a ffec
tion there will flow forth the external reverence
of words and deeds .
It may happen i t o ften does happe n that a

, ,
parent doe s things which tend t o disturb t h at ia

war d r eve re n c e Here , ho wev er , we a r e con
.
1 28 MAR RIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
c erned with the duties o f children and p a rt icu,
l a r ly with the duty of reverence on occasions whe n

the parent h a s failed in his or her du t y The child .
is never j usti fied in o fferi n g to a parent i rr ev er

ence To attempt to justify such conduct o n the
.
g r ounds that the p arent h a s forfeited the rever

ence due to him i s to have mis s ed the chief mean
i n g o f reverence to p a rents We do not o we them

.
this revere n ce s imply because they are good and

kind and a ffectionate Doubtless those qualities
.
do impose an extra cl a im on us But the fou n da

.
tion reason o f our revere n ce i s the bare fact that

they are our p a rents and that under G od they are
our superiors .
And no amount of subsequent neglect of duty o n

their part can u n do this fact Of course our i n
.
,
ward feelings a r e not always under our control .
Still in such circum s t a nces we can and ought to

,
maintain at least an outward reverence o f word

and deed Then this outward behavior wi ll react
.
o n the inward soul and will tend to fasten the due
inward reverence The exercise o f control over

.
our outw ard actions Will strengthen our inward

patience and the e ffect o f this inw ard patience will
,
make itself felt in the parent and thus be the

means perhaps of making him reflect on h i s du ty
, ,
.
Honor thy father in work and word and all p a

PAREN T S AN D CHILDREN 1 29
t i en ce,that a blessing may come upon thee from

him and his blessing m ay remain in the la tter
,
end .
We come next to the question o f obedience .
The obedience of children toward parents has its

reason in the idea o f family government The .
family is the foundation of the c ommunity and o f

the State I f theref ore men are bound t o obey
.
, ,
the laws of the country in which they live and i f ,
they are bound to observe the b y laws of their com -
muni ty much more are they bound to attend to

,
the c ommands o f parents in all matters pertaining

to the well being of the household The ve r y
-
.
ex istence of a State is dependent on the due oh

servance o f its laws So also is the very existence
.
o f family life dependent on t he due respect for

parental authority Anarchy in the family tends
.
to anarchy in the communi t y and anarchy in the ,
State Filial obedience therefore is an exigency

.
, ,
of the law of nature .
It is an exigency also of the divine law Chil .
”
dren says St Paul
, obey y our parents in the
.
,
Lord for this i s just

, Nay the parents have .
,
a sanction given them to enforce obedience i f need

be They must avoid arbitrary and harsh treat
.
ment yet at the same time they must be fir m i n

,
m ain tai n i ng their rights and insistin g on parental

9
1 3° MAR RIA G E AN D PARENTHO OD
a uthority . And you fathers provoke no t your
, ,
children to anger ; but bring them up in the di s

”
cip l i n e and correction of the Lord Therefo re .
it is that St Paul says again :

. Children obey ,
your parents in all things : for thi s i s well pleasing

”
t o the Lord .
Perhaps however the children m ay ask :

, , Is
there no limit to this parental authority ' Surely
the time must come when I must think and act for
myself ' Yes there are limits which it is well to
,
kno w But first let us be clear as to the extent

.
be fore we speak about the limits First it is man .

,
i fes t that parents have supreme authority in the

management of the househ old The children .
have not the right to choose the kind of house the ,
quali ty of the food the hours o f the me als Se c

, .
o n dly the parents have charge of the children s

’
,
manners and education and therefore they have

,
the right a n d duty of demanding obedience in b e

havior about the house Thirdly they have the.
,
right and the duty of looking a fter the spiritual

welfare o f the children Consequently they are .
,
entitled to say who are fitting companions what ,
are permissible amusements whether it is good to ,
go to this dance o r to that theatre Further o n .

,
account o f this spiritual oversight they have a right

to wa rn th e childre n wh en t he t ime dr aws n ear
PARENTS AN D CHILDRE N 131
fo r the S acraments or when there is any othe r

,
rel igi ous du ty to be perform ed Agai n it is the

.
,
right and duty of the parents to see to the prop er

education of their children in fitting them for th e
battle o f li fe in temporal matters Consequently
.
,
there is a corresp onding duty on the pa rt of the

children o f corresponding with the means pro
v i ded of careful attendance at the school chosen
, ,
o f availing themselves o f all the opportunities for

the improvement o f mind an d body whi c h a
thought ful parent h a s a fforded .
Now we may consider the limits o f pare ntal

authority First l et us recall the root principle o f
.
this authori ty: the parents in the exercise of it

, ,
are only supposed to be car r ying ou t the work of

G o d I f there fore any of their commandments
.
, ,
are mani festly contra r y to the law of G od the n ,
the parents have gone beyond the limits of their

jurisdiction In such c ases it is not only lawful
.
but o f obligation to lay aside the c ommand of the

parent Such a course o f action is n ot di sob edi
.
ence b u t rather obedience t o a higher law But

, .
notice that this i s only allowable when the thi n g

commanded is m a nifes tly against the law of God .
I f there is any d o ubt the presumption is always i n

favor of the parent ; for a wa yward child might
ea si ly p er sua d e it sel f that it was f ol l owin g o ut
God s will while it was in reality only followi n g
’
,
o ut its own p erverse wi ll C onscience certainly is .
supreme but there is need to g uard agai n st a false

,
c o nscience and the only practical rule is to obey

,
the parent in case of doubt .
Among the several kinds of cases i n which the

rights of God the rights o f parents and the right s
, ,
o f children seem to clas h there are two which ,
are c onstantly arising and concerning which the

,
Church has made de finite arrangements The .
question concerns the choice of a state o f life Is .
the child bound to obey its p arents in choosing

whether to get married or to become a priest or a ,
religious '
We are here dealing with what is called a voca
tion Now a vocation is a call from G od It is
. .
kn own by certain signs which are recognized by

the C hurch and with which spiritual directors are
,
well acquainted I f therefore tho s e signs are

.
, ,
present if the vocation is su fficiently mani fest

, ,
then clearly the child is perfectly justi fied in obey

ing the call of G od a n d in setting aside the com
,
ma n d of the parent wh o interferes with the call

o f God And the principle works both ways I f
. .
the child is called t o any given state o f li fe then ,
it is wrong for t h e paren t t o interfere with that

call .
I f on the other hand the child is not called to

, ,
a give n state then it is wrong for the parent to

,
urge the child either directly or indi r ectly to enter

, ,
that state Whether the case be o n e o f entering

.
upon matrimony or the priesthood o r religion

, , ,
’
God s call goes before the wishes of a parent To .
ignore the wishes of parents in such a matter is

no dishonor t o them Our Lord indeed rebuked .
the Pha r isees because under the pretense of

,
honoring religion they taught men t o withdra w

the honor due to p arents The virtues by which .
G od is honored and by which pare n ts are hon

ored are quite distinct from each other but they ,
are n ot at va r iance Each virtue is limited by

.
circumstances Virtue carried beyond this limit

.
is no longer a virtue but a vice Thus the vir .
tue of dutifulness to parents is limited by the

virtue o f religion or the worship of God It ca n
, .
be no honor there fore to a p arent to render hi m

, ,
obedience when obedience t o Go d demands so m e

contrary action .
Thus whenever it comes to a choice betwee n

,
the service o f man and the s ervice o f G od the ser ,
vice O f God must prevail Hence those plain .
words of Chris t : He that loveth father and

“
m other more than me is not worthy of me : an d he

th at loveth son or daughter more tha n me i s not
r 34 MARRIA G E AN D PARENTHOOD
worthy of m e These words apply more p a r tic
.
u l a rly t o the priestly and religious states t h ough ,
there is an equally strong sanctio n as regards the

matrimonial state Christ Himself said : Have
.
ye not read that he who made man from the b e

ginning made them male and female ' And he
said : For this cause shall a man leave father and
mother and shall cleave to h i s wi fe and t h ey two
, ,
shall be one flesh .
O n the other hand t h ere a re circu m stance s

,
when t h e claims of the parents would seem to pre

vail It is not s o in r eality for in these circum
.
,
stances the call of God is not manifest It is when .
the p arents are so very poor that they cannot live

wit h out the support of their children Go d does .
not wish children to leave their parents in such

plight under the pretense of leading a higher li fe
,
.
The highest life in such circumstances is to stay at

home and take care of the parent w h o may b e
poor sick or aged
, , .
There are four chief signs of a religious vo c a

tion namely : constant desire ; fitness fo r the
,
order as to health ability and c h aracter ; accept

, ,
ance b y the order ; the absence o f any obligation

of supporting parents in need If therefore the .
, ,
candidate for religious li fe foun d that in ord er to ,
enter religion he must leave h i s parent in d estitu

,
PARENT S AN D CHILDRE N 1 35
ti o n that would be a clear Sign that h e had no

,
vocation That on e fact would mark the limits of

.
the virtue of religion God could not possibly be

.
h onored by the entrance o f one into religion under

such circu mstances To act thus would be to tu rn
.
the virtue of religion into a vice Hence the duty .
to parents and the du ty to God cannot clash for ,
the limits of the one are outside the limits o f the

other If in any given case they seem to clas h i f
.
,
a child wishes to mar ry or to become a nun o r a , ,
priest or a mo nk contrary t o the wishes o f its

, ,
parents then the practical thing to do i s to consult

,
one s spiritual director He is trained in the the

’
.
ology of the subj ect h e knows something of huma n

,
na ture he kn ows the disasters that are in store

, ,
either for forcing a vocation where there i s none ,
or for destroying a vocation where there i s one .
He kn ows also the blessings that are in store for

t h e true vocation faithfully followed .
By virtue of this division o f labor it comes

about that in addition to the love reverence and , ,
obedience wh ich children owe to their parents ,
there is also a love reverence and obedience due

, ,
t o spiritual superiors The priest i s G od s servant

.
’
t h rough wh ose ministry G od s graces are con ’
v eyed to the soul He is our spiritual father and

.
,
t h erefore in all matters spiritual i s enti tled t o the

1 36 MAR RIA G E AN D PARENTHOOD
O bedience o f the spiritua l children committed t o
his care And by the same title of spiritual father
.
hood he has also a claim on their rever ence and

their love .
Sometimes it is necessa ry for both p arents and

pastors to get others to help them i n their work of
temporal and spiritual education This help is .
represented in modern times by a vast system of

scholastic and collegiate institutions The school .
master the schoolmistress the professor the mas

, , ,
ter of the apprentice al l these too have in their

, , ,
own measure a claim on the love reverence and , ,
obedience of the children committed t o their care .
The teacher stands in place of the parent or pastor .
It is h i s duty to recognize in hims elf an instrume nt

in the hand of G od for the education and improve
,
ment of those committed to his care On this a c .
count therefore he i s entitled to his share of love

, , ,
reverence and obedience True the l ove cannot

, .
,
equal the love o f a parent Still in proportion as

.
,
the schoolmaster takes upon himself the responsi

b il ity of training a child he may lawfully expect
,
from the child corresponding duties The pri n .
cip l e involved is the same The teacher is doing

.
the work of God The child therefore in honor

.
, ,
ing t h e teacher thereby acknowl edges its sub m i s

s io n t o G o d ; and in doing so it doe s honor to
itself fo r it m a kes profession of its right p l ace in

,
the order o f th e world .
I n these days there is a strong tendency among

men to exaggerate their rights and to undervalue
t h e rights of their superiors In the family and in
.
,
th e State and in religion there i s a strong force of

,
opposition to law It i s well then for children

.
, ,
to realize early the dignity of dutifulne s s to par

ents spiritual p astors and temporal masters
, , .
From a merely natural point of vi ew such dutiful

ness can only lead to the good of the children .
But from a supernatural point of view the thought

i s noble in the highest degree We s ee that in .
serving our parents and tho s e in authority for the

s ake of G od we are S e
, rving our own be st inter
ests ; for we are ther eby doing our best to place
ourselves in that adj ustment o f the universe which
God h as ordained a s the most perfect .
The saints have ever been eminent in this virtue .
Let u s take the Blessed Thomas More a s a glori

o u s example . Dutifulness toward h is parents w a s
o n e of the most beauti ful traits of h i s life From .
his earliest years he showed the tenderest a ffec

tion for them Then when in later li fe he came
.
,
to occupy the high post of Lord Chancellor the ,
fondness and reverence for hi s parents increase d

rather than diminished And t h e story i s tol d of
.
1 38 MARR IAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
him how when his father held a position i n o ne
,
of the lower court s he used to be seen every m o m

,
in g t o go and kn eel and ask for the o ld man s

’
blessing
.
The law is clear then and so it remains for

, ,
children to ful fill the commandment and t o look

fo r ward confidently to the reward which will
surely come to them in this life and in the next .
F o r G o d has promised and He is faithful

.
CHAPTER XI
SE 'UAL IN STRU CTION FO R TH E YOUN G
W HEN t h e question is asked point blank whe ther

children should be taught at least the chief facts
of the sex ual life the answer is hard to give
, .
Nearly everybody s instinct shrinks from saying

’
,
“
Yes . All right minded parents and teachers
-
feel a reticence in speaking to children on a matter

which from its very nature i s so private Yet on .
,
the other hand nearly everybody s reason declares

,
’
that children should have such i n struction The .
great maj ority of young girls who go wrong do

so simpl y out o f ignorance o f the tendencies d a n ,
gers and responsibilities of the se xual life Moral

, .
depravi ty in boys too arises chiefly from the fact

, ,
that they acquire their first information from older

boys already depraved Wh at must parents do
.
in the face of this dilemma ' A universal healthy

instinct counsels silence whilst a univers a l healthy
,
reaso n counsels speech Evidently there must

.
be a compromise And t h e compromise is this

.
14 0 MAR RIAGE AN D PARE NTHOOD
there must be spee ch but it m ust be reti c ent and
,
discreet .
The m i nd and t h e senses the brain and the ,
n erves are so related to each other that they act

,
and rea ct on each other SO intimate and organic

.
is this relati o nship that conversation o r reading

about sex ual matters t ends to ex cite the sexual
fun ctions Even though the conversation and the
.
reading may be j usti fied and done with a right i n

tention it is n evert h eless fraught with certain
, , ,
dangers It emphasizes images in the imagination

.
which may become temptations to sin when t he ,
brain is tired or the mind O ff i t s guar d .
There can therefore be only one reason for

e nlig htening children with sexual kn owledge .
There can be only one reason for adults discussing

s e xual topics amongst themselves There can be
.
o nly o n e reason for the w riting of this and similar
c hapters An d the reason is necessity

. .
In 1 90 5 a c o nference o n the subj ect was held at

Mannheim An almost unanimous vote declared
.
that the chief laws of sex should be taught to boys

i n t h e higher classes of secondary s chools But .
the wi dest d iversity o f opinion was expressed as

t o the ma n ner in which the instruction should be
g iven ; and also as to the e x tent of the matter ; nor

y et w a s there any unanimity a s to who sh ould give
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 14 1
the instruction In G ermany experime nts have

.
a ctually been made But the result has not been

.
satisfactory to the C atholic conscience Com .
plaints have been raised both as to the informa

tion given and the way of giving it Indeed ve r y .
,
little reflection i s wanted to S how that in a matter ,
so personal and private class instruction is n ot the

,
desirable thing .
The first principle that may be laid down with

safe ty i s that the du ty of giving the first i n st ru c
tion in these matters belongs to the parents of the
children Even in the more general parts of edu
.
cation the school i s but a supplement to the family .
The school teacher is only supposed to do what

-
the parents cannot e ffici ently do themselves But .
the parent can teach the laws of s ex and ought ,
to be able to do s o even more e fficiently than the

school teacher Moreover the teacher h as a right
-
.
,
to presuppose such knowledge i f in the course of

his lessons questions invo lving sexual laws shou l d
incidentally arise .
It has been frequently said that the mot h er

should teach the girls and the father the boys .
This rule becomes more appropri ate as the chil

dre n grow older Gi rls between the ages of thir
.
teen and seventeen would more naturally turn to

their mot h er whilst boys o f the same age wo uld
,
more naturally turn to their father Parents may .
take this a s a healthy instinct and use their j udg

ment accordingly to direct it .
But questions begin t o arise in the child m ind

long before the age o f thirteen As t he mother .
is occupied almost entirely with the children dur

ing their earlier years it is her duty rather than
,
the father s to watch for the signs of awakening

’
intelligence 'nowledge should never be thrust

.
into the child s mind before it i s asked for The

’
.
s tate of innocence or ignorance whichever we like ,
to call it i s b etter kept untouched a s long a s p o s

,
sible I f a boy or girl can be kept in a state of

.
inn o cence without fear of being smirched by other

,
and more precocious children s ay up to the age ,
o f thirteen or f o urteen he will be all the better

,
for it both in he a lth of mind and health of body .
’
To put sexual images into a child s mind before
due time i s to start a ten d ency towar ds precocity
and moral d epravity The a rrival o f a new baby
.
i s best explained by saying that it i s a presen t

from G od and h a s come in God s good way
,
’
.
Togeth er with this protection from the unripe

fruit of knowledge there should be a correspond
ing observance of s ex hygiene Irritation due to .
uncleanliness or to tight and hot clothing may

, ,
e asily cause undue sex ual developme n t a nd s o

SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 143
b ecome the source of moral di ffi culty in the future .
If any signs of abnormal sexual development

a ppear a doctor should be consulted Under no .
ci r cumstances whatever should children be allowed

the taste of alcohol It leads both to drunken
.
ness and impuri ty .
There comes at l ength a time wh e n explicit

knowledge is in order and must be given The .
dawn of a more intelligent interest begins to glim

mer It comes s o innocently so nai vely that it is
.
, ,
j ust a s likely to e x press itself in the presence of

the mother a s in the presence of other and older
children That is the mother s opportunity
.
’
.
Then and not until then may sh e give the i n fo r

, ,
mation If as i s frequently done she silences the

.
, ,
question by saying that it is one that ought not to

be asked or i f she ignores it by tal king of some
,
thing else then sh e has missed the opp o rtunity

,
’
given t o her by God through nature The child s .
interest has not been crushed but h a s even bee n ,
accentuated and probably directed into a danger

ous channel He wi l l a sk the question again and
.
,
perhaps when he does get an answer it will be

adorned with the attractions of vice The im .
pression will come to him that s o mehow the facts

o f sex are ve ry wick ed but at t h e sa m e t im e very
,
a l luri ng .
144 MAR RI AGE AN D PARENTHOOD
No ' When the right m om ent has arrived ,
when the mother j udges that i f S he does not sp eak

some one else will then she must say the word
,
solemnly and plainly The fact of sex is some

.
thing holy and mysterious I f the child wants to

.
know anyt hing about it it must a sk mother and

,
not other people C hildren g row in the mother s

.
’
body and when the time comes they are born .
I f the matter be thus solemnly but openly

tre a ted there will be no need to go too much into
details The child will make its own inferences
.
,
which will be substantially correct At any rate .

,
they w ill be enough for the time being As the .
child grows older it will want to know more .
Here ag a in no exact rule can be laid down The .
parents will be guided by their j udgment which ,
will partake rather of the nature of an instinct .
As more details are r equired s o will the mother

speak to the girls and the father to the boys To
, .
the parents and not to the schoolmaster n o r still ,
less to boys and girls b elongs the duty of exp l ain

,
ing what i s meant by being born .
This knowledge i s sought for and posses sed , ,
l ong before the knowledge of how children are

begotten The latter is one of the most di fficult
.
things to teach Parents are inclined t o be too

.
retice nt about it with the result that childr en i n

,
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 14 5
va r iabl y get t h eir first kn owledg e from u ndesir

able sour c es Let reason the n de ci de that the
.
, ,
parents shall S ay what is essential and at the ,
same time let instinct deci de that they shall not

say more than is essential .
There is no need whatever for a full and par

, ,
t i cu l a r des c ription o f the sexual act Much less .
is ther e n eed of diagrams a nd pi ctures of the

human bo dy .
The bes t way is to begi n with th e l o wer for ms

o f life The description of the fertilization of a
.
plant is most adm irable The plant excites no

.
harmful images in the imagination T he poultry .
yard too ma y be take n a s a c o nveni ent Obj ect

, ,
lesson I f plants and poult ry are understood

.
,
then the parent m ay go furt h er and say that in the

higher animals and in human beings the young
are produced in a similar way .
The man n er of giving t his inform a tion is m ore

important than the matter There must o n the .
,
one hand be n o tende n cy to l aug h and j oke about

,
it whilst there must o n the other be no attempt

, , ,
t o suppress it as i f it were something wi cke d The .
inquiring mi n d at this stage is alert and receptive .
Moreover it works in harmony with a natural in

,
st i nct . Thus of its own n ature i t rea dily ma kes

the right i n fere n ces and dr aws the n e c essary
Io
14 6 MAR RIAGE AN D PAREN T HOOD
c onclusio n s The aim o f the parent is to keep
.
these conclusions as ideal as possible and to pre ,
v ent them from becoming topics o f conversatio n
and reading The more they act on the se nses

.
so much the more likely are they t o induce an

indu lgen c e o f the senses and thus l ea d to acts of
,
impur ity .
After the age o f thirteen o r fourteen t h e boys

will clai m more particularly the attention o f their
fathe r and the girls that o f their mother Now is
, .
the time for explicit teaching on c ertain we ll

d efin ed matters .
I f the boy has been encouraged to look to h i s

father rather than to his own playfellows for i n
formation o f this kind he will sooner o r later a sk
,
in anx iety about the relief of nature in the night .
He may be told that s o long a s this does not arise

from any tampering with himsel f it is perfectly
,
natural and nothing to be distressed about The .
father may also take the occasion to warn him

against the sin o f sel f abuse This sin i s so p r ev a
-
.
l ent amongst boys that the father n eed hardly be

a fraid of giving the warning too soon Let .
it be said solem nly and plainly that the boy

has c ertain powers given to him by God for ,
t h e purpose of begetting children in lawful mar

r i age
, an d that if those powe rs are abused i n
SEXUAL INSTRUC T ION 14 7
boyhood they will be damaged fo r their fu nct i o n

i n manhood .
Strong motives wil l be require d by the b oy to

keep him straight At this age natural motives
.
are very powerful but they are more powerful if

,
spiritualized and raised to a supernatural plane .
Tell the boy first then that this is a sin against

, ,
Go d The b o dy is the temple of the Holy Ghost

.
,
a nd sins against the body therefore have a special

, ,
mali c e in them and bring after them a speci al

punishment The l aw o f nature is broken and
.
nature will exact a heavy toll But what is the .
law of nature except a reflex of the divine mind '

And what is the retribution of nature except a
ful filment of the divine Will ' Tell the boy then , ,
that self abuse impairs the brai n and shatters

-
the ne r ves that it dulls the intelligence and

,
weakens the will and that these are the e ffects

,
ordained by Go d to follow on the vi olation of

His law .
As the boys get ol der they m ay be warned

against venereal disease The terrible natural
.
e ffects may be pointed out but always these nat,
ural punishments S hould be asso c iated with the

divine law and shown to be but a portio n of the
,
punishment due to such sins .
A pr o posal h as been made and i n Europ ea n ,

14 8 MAR RIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
cou ntr i e s partl y put i n to pra ct ic e to enl ighten
,
you ng minds con c erning the many ex treme forms

o f sexual pe r version This instruction I hold to be
.
de cidedly pernicious I f the b oy is warned against

.
the m o r e c ommon sins he will at once recognize

the less c ommon and more heinous ones i f the
temptation should arise Whereas i f the idea is
.
put into the boy s head unne c essarily temptation

’
,
is put i n his way N ay I would go further and

.
,
s a y t h at b o oks dealing with the extreme forms
o f sexua l pe rversion shoul d n ot be read even by

adults unless their profession obliges them to deal
,
with such cases Obviously the d o ctor the lawyer

.
, ,
and t h e p riest should know all about these things .
B ut the o rdinary laym an can only read them to

his own disadvantage And i f this is true o f
.
s cienti fic w o rks how much m o re true must it be

,
o f ce r ta in novels and pictures ' The policy of

reading and seeing a ll things 13 sure t o work dis
aster on those who adopt it without su fficient
r eason Where there is reason in this matter
.
there is also grace .
Together with reverence for the divi ne law

there sh ould be insti lled into boys a profound
reveren c e and respect for womankind This will .
be di re cted in the first instance towards their own

mo ther and sisters The habit o f m i nd a nd hea rt
.
S EX UAL INSTRUCTION 14 9
thu s formed in early youth will be of the utmost

ser v ice to them when in later year s they have to
associ ate wi th and move amongst women not o f
the family .
The mother will give corresponding instru ctio n

to the girls Directions concerning the first signs
.
o f womanhood must be explicit Our Lady s Vir ’

.
g i n i t y may well be taken a s an occasion to e xplain

the nature of virginity and its importance to young
girls There i s a bodily virginity and a spiritual
.
virginity Bodily virginity is usually taken to be

.
the S ign of spiri tual virginity It is certai nl y a

.
most important protection of the same and as ,
such must be guarded with the utmost care Bodily .
vi rginity may be lost either through sin or through

i gnorance or through accident or through ne c os
, ,
sary surgical operation Such a misfortu ne there

.
fore m ay imply s in o r it may not And i f it .
does not imply sin it may give rise to needl ess

distress and scruples Mothers therefore can
.
do much both to protect their daughters chas ’
tity a n d to preserve their peace of mind by

, ,
ex plaining to them clearly these cir c umstances o f
woma n hood The question has been asked :

.
Who is to inst r u ct those children who have no

pare nts or whose parents are u nfitt ed for the
,
task ' For those who have no parents the du ty

1 5 0 MAR RIAGE AN D PAREN T HOOD
devolves upo n the guardi an Fo r those whose
.
parents are u nfitted the task may be unde r taken

,
by the schoolma ster or the priest But generally .
speaking it i s not advisable that chil dren should

associate such instruction with the priest In the .
confessional he never speaks o f it unless he is

asked or u nless he has reason to suppose that
there is some thing wrong It is not right the re
.
,
fore for parents o r guardians to relegate in s t ru c

,
tion to the confessional for it i s their duty to a n

,
t i cip a t e the wrong by giving inst r u ction before
the wrong has been done .
With rega rd to children at boarding school s ,
there should be some arrangement between parent

and teache r The parent will endeavor to take
.
the lead either before the child is sent to school

or during the holidays and then communicate
,
with the head teacher accordingly .
The time o f going out from home to earn a

living is an occasion for special wa rning Aga in .
,
there is no need to go i nto all the details o f the

dangers o f the streets It will be s u fli ci ent to
.
say that grave dangers do exist and that the chief

o ccasi o n o f these dangers i s the accepti n g o f
acquaintance with unkn own men or women If .
good relationships have already been established

between mother and dau g hter then the girl will
,
SEXUAL INSTRUCTION 1 5 1
w illingly tell her mother o f any new frien dship

she may have made .
Whenever there is a question of a girl leaving

home for a distant town and more especially fo r a
,
foreign count r y the mother may w ell inform her

,
child o f the existence o f the White Slave Tr a fli c .
There are though I believe large numbers o f

, , ,
mothers even who do not know of its existence .
Let it be said here then that this terrible business

is spread all over the w orld It consists o f tricking
.
young women into houses of ill fame under pre

tense o f finding them si tuations The two chief .
means o f enticing gi rls away are chance a cqu a in

t ances h ip s whilst traveling and advertisements in
,
the new spapers .
Provision has been made for the protection o f

C atholic girls by an international Catholic society .
Whenever therefore a girl thinks of taking a

, ,
situation away from home and especially if she ,
be going to a foreign country S he S hould first put ,
herself in communic a tion with this socie ty The .
address for the United States i s : Secretary St , .
Joseph s Home 4 7 East 8 1 8 t Street '

’
, betw een
Park and Madison Avenue s ) New York City , .
The address for Engl a nd is : Hon Secreta r y .

,
S B G 3 04 Vaux hall Bridge Road Westm inster

. . .
, , .
CHA PTER XI I
CATHO LI C ED U CATION
THE s ci e nc e of education is still young What .
”
is kn o wn as method in educ ation has made
“
its best devel o pment in comparatively recent years .
And one o f the chief characteristics of this new

science is that the best tea chers should be a p
pointed t o the yo ungest children It used to be
.
t hought that any one who knew figures and letters
could teach the same to a class o f babies But .
n ow it has been discovered that the teacher must
n o t only know all about letters and figures but ,
also all about babies He must be skilled in th e

.
psychology of the child mind The young intellect

.
may be m ade o r marred forever according as its

,
first operations are well or ill dire cted The boy

.
is the fat h er of the man The results of chil d

.
train i ng reach o ut into youth manhood old age

, , ,
and life eternal Hence the greatest importance

.
i s to be attached to the educati o n o f children .
Thus it is that educationists are realizing ever

more and m o re the rich content o f the prin ciple ,
CATHOLIC EDUCATION 1 53
Train up a child in the way he should go and h e

”
w ill not dep art from it .
I f this is true of education in general it is ,
eminently t rue of Catholic education in p a rticular .
The future o f the C atholic C hurch in any country

depends on the C atholic education of the children .
Give me the children of England and I will

make England Catholic That w a s one of the
.
favorite sentiments of the late C ardinal M a nning .
And a s s o much concerning C atholic educ a tion

pertains to family life all Catholic parents ought
,
to know the leading principles In the field of .
politics the education of the people plays a very

important r Ole And in scarcely any country of
.
the world does the Church have its full desire in

the matter It nevertheless co ntinues to work
.
fo r its ideal a completely C atholic education for

,
every Catholic child .
Education in the best sense of the word i s the

, ,
formation o f habits The formati o n o f good

.
habits is good education The formation of bad .
habits is bad education Education is not merely

.
the acquisition of knowledge The necessity of .
exami n ation especi ally competitive examinations

, ,
is largely responsible for the impression which

identi fies erudition and education Mere erudi .
tion how ever i s o nly a small part o f educati o n

, ,
.
It pertains to the fa culty of memo ry N ow the .
,
memory must be trained but not only the memory , .
All the powers of the child must be brought out to

the highest perfection possible Its intellect must .
be trained to p erceive the t ruth Its s enses inter .

,
nal and external must be trained to perceive what is

,
beauti ful And above all it s will must be train ed

.
, ,
to do what is good Moreover since the soul .

, ,
while in this li fe depends on the body for its due

,
operation the body also must be s o trained as to

,
keep in a healthy conditio n A sound mind in .
a sound body i s an axiom a s old a s the hills A .
training in the fundamental laws of hygiene there ,

’
fore i s ministrant to the training of the child s
,
intellectual esthetical and moral faculties

, , .
Fu rther since man i s destined to an ete rnal life

,
and must attain that eternal life through a li fe o f

the spirit in this world all h i s natural powers ,
must be mad e mini strant to this spiritual li fe .
His bo dily health his habits o f memory feeling

, , ,
taste intelle ct and will must be so trained and

, ,
directed as to bring forth the best possible fruits

in the spiritu al li fe The supern a tural is that
.
which is built on the natu ral not that which is ,
built up in mi d air above sep arated from the

- '
natu ral The two merge one into the other in

.
, ,
s uch a w a y that the natural becomes sup ernatu ral

CATHOLI C EDUCATIO N 1 55
i z ed, the psychic bec om es spiritualized I n mod .
ern parlance the training of the natural faculties ,
without regard to their supernatural destiny is ,
called secular education It is an education

.
adapted merely to the a ffairs of this world O n .
the o ther h an d the training of the natural fa cu l

,
ties with a view to their supernatural destiny is ,
called religious education It is an educatio n

.
adapted to the li fe o f the spirit both her e and

herea fter .
From the foregoing fact certain pri n ciples fo l

low which have an important bearing on present
day educational questions I f man is destined to.
an eternal life then he cannot be satis fied with a

,
merely se cular education I f grace i s ever playing

.
around nature and spiritual i zing it then under , ,
such circum stances nature w ill not be satis fied

,
with merely natural occupati o ns and interests .
Being spiritualized by a supernatural gi ft it must ,
seek a supern atural end and live a supernatural

life A father then who leaves a child to choose
.
, ,
its own religion and make its first e fforts in spirit

,
u a li ty only in after years does the child a grievou s

,
w r o ng What should we s a y of a father wh o o nly

.
taught his ch i ld to walk and did not teach it to

use its ha n ds on the assumption that it would
,
learn that better i n its age of discretion ' Yet

1 5 6 MARRIAGE AND PARENTHOOD
that and something worse i s what the father does
, ,
when he leaves the child to choose it s o wn religion .
He leaves it s spiritual limbs undeveloped rudi ,
mentary useless And since to the C atholic the

, .
,
C atholic religion i s the divinely appointed means

by which the Spiritual li fe i s developed the Ca t ho ,
lic father does h i s child a grievous wrong i f he

does not provide it with the b est Catholi c educa
tion possible .
Again i f on the one hand secular education

, , ,
ought to be spiritualized by the C atholic faith ,
on the other hand C atholic education should avail

itself of the advantages o f secular subj ects The .
Catholic religion being the revelation of Tr uth

itself must appeal to the faculty which has truth
for it s obj ect Being a reasonable religion it must
.
appeal to the reason The more the reason is .
cultivated therefore the better is it able to app r e

, ,
hend the divine revelation I f a s some education .

,
i s ts hold Euclid and Latin composition are the

,
best means o f making a boy think then pro ficiency ,
in Euclid and Latin composition must be a help

in giving the boy a gra sp of his religion .
Again the Catholic religion is the religion of

,
the highest morality It i s the religion which is

.
marked out above all others by its f ruitfulness in

m oral goodness i t s production of saints It must
, .
,
C ATHOLIC EDUC ATION 157
therefore appeal to that faculty wh ich has good

,
ness for its obj ect It must appeal to the wi ll as

.
a ffording it the w idest arena for its exerc ise and

satisfaction noth ing less than the striving f o r the
,
perfect imitation of Jesus C hrist It must appeal .
to the will also as a ffording it the strength to

,
arrive at moral perfection the s trength which ,
comes through the gra c e o f the seven Sacraments .
The stronger then a man s will is the more

, ,
’
,
perfectly it i s exercised in the natural virtues so ,
much the more fitted is it to avail itsel f of the

h elps t o supernatural action Once more the
'
.
,
C atholic religion is a beautiful religion It must .

,
therefore appeal to the faculty w hich has beauty

,
fo r its obj ect the esthetic sense All sound train

, .
ing in the fin e arts therefore whether in music

, , ,
painting or literature may be used for the devel

, ,
op m en t o f the finest and most di ffi cult o f all arts ,
the art of saintliness the art which absorbs at once

,
all the power of intellect will and feeling the art , , ,
which expresses the greatest inspirations o f truth ,
goodness and beauty

, .
Much too often do we hear people talk as i f

piety and intellectual pro ficiency were incompatible
acco mplishments Ability in th e arts and sciences
.
is supp o sed to be an occasion o f intellectua l pri de .
So it is The piety however , which a ffe ct s to

.
,
15 s MAR RIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
despise these gi fts of G od i s the occasion o f a
worse sin the sin o f spiritual pride The natural
,
.
as well as the supernatural i s the creation of Al

mighty God An d if the C atholic school is to
.
ful fill its mis s ion it must aim at pro ficiency in the
natural a s well a s the supernatu ral in the natural ,
for the sake of the supern atural .
The high aim and na ture of C atholic education

postulates some important pri n ciples in it s admi n
i str ation We come now to consider then the
.
, ,
relationships between the school and the family ,
the school and the C hurch the school a n d the ,
State The schoolmaster the parent the bishop

.
, , ,
and the statesman all have something to s a y in

,
the matter of the conduct of the Catholic school .
The question i s complicated admits o f di fferent ,
O pinions a s to d etails and therefore ca nn ot be

, , ,
solved o ff hand or dogmatic a lly There are how

-
.
,
ever certain le a ding principles about which the

,
Catholic ca n have no doubt and w hich he must ,
keep clearly befor e h i s mind in his e fforts to adju st

the various cl a ims .
The first and most important principle i s that

the children belong to the parent under God They .
d o not belong to th e State C ertain States o r .

,
rather certain stat esmen claim this right of p o s

,
s essi on The C atholic can never adm it it Th e

. .
CATHOLI C EDU C ATION 1 59
parents are the authors o f the child s body a n d ’
the parents wills are the o c casion of the creatio n

’
o f t h e child s soul The p arents therefore hav e

’
.
, ,
con fided to their care the nourishment and the edu

cation o f thei r children The m other is fitted by
.
nature for the bearing the nursing and the educa

, ,
tion o f children in their earliest years The father .
is fitted by nature for providing for the mainte

nance o f all du r ing these years and providing fo r ,
the continuance o f the education in a fter years .
The State h a s nothing whatever to do with the

possession of the children .
The State exists for the welfare o f the temporal

interests of the nation I f therefore the temporal
.
, ,
int erests o f the nation demand a c ertain standard

o f education in the youth of the nation the State ,
has the right to require such an education from

the parents And in default of the parents ful
.
filling this obligation the State has a right to

,
adm i nister such education itself In doing so .

,
however it must respect the higher interests o f

,
religion.
The children belong to the pare nts under God .
The parents therefore have the right to dictate

, ,
to the State a s to the religion in which the children

are to be brought up The parents moreover i f
.
, ,
they are Catholics have the duty of submitting

,
to the guidance o f the Church in t he adj usti ng
o f t h e religious and secular claims .
The conditions o f present day society make it -
generally convenient that the State should provide

at least the elementary and for the most part
, , ,
the secondary and higher education of the country .
The fact of the government being democratic or

monarchical makes no di fference to the C atholi c
principle Both are compatible with it Whether
. .
as a represent a tive body carr ying out the will o f

the people or a s an absolute monarch carr ying
,
out h i s own will the ruling body has only the right
,
to admini ster secular education in so far a s it is

compatible w ith the religious education of the
children . So long a s this pri nciple is saved ,
there m a y be much give and take on both sides .
The parents must reserve to themselves the

right to s ay what religion shall be taught to the
children .
The parents however are not absolute masters

, ,
of their own children The Power who c reated

.
all men h a s the possession of all men The p ar .
ents therefore must educate their children accord

, ,
ing to the will of God To the Catholic this .
means that he must be guided by the Church .
Governments how ever do not treat with individ

, ,
n a l s but with representatives of all

,
Individual .
C ATHOLIC EDUCAT I O N 1 61
members o f Parliament or C ongress tre a t w ith

individual C atholics at election time That i s the .
opportunity for the C atholic s action but even

’
,
then it must be according to the advice of the

bishop But when it comes to a conference b e
.
tw een the State a s a body and the Church as a

body then the bishops assume their right to s ay
,
what are the Church s requirements

’
C atholic .
statesmen have no right wh atever t o make terms

with governments except with the co nsent and
,
under the direction of the episcopate .
Owing to diversity of religions and diversity of

races nearly eve ry country in the world holds a
,
di fferent arrangement betw een the Church and the

State So the C atholic te a cher o ften finds it d i fli
.
cult to adjust the claims of the various parties

which in di ffere n t degrees h e represents He may .
be engaged directly by the pare n t as in the case ,
o f a private tutor or governess ; or by the State ,
as in the State schools of the United States ; or by

the C hurch as in the parochi al schools and col
,
leges of higher education in this c ountry ; or by

both State and Church combined a s in the denom ,
i n a t i on al schools in England An d when he enters

.
into his engagement he i s bound i n ho no r to k eep

to the te r ms of h is engagement .
In m ost cases however he i s allowed a cert a in

, ,
II
1 62 MARRIAG E AN D PARENTHOOD
a m ount of freedom It i s the head teacher of the
.
s ch oo l who gives the ton e to the school It is .
well then that he should keep before h i s mind

, ,
the ideal at which he ought to aim in so far a s is

con sistent with the te rms o f h i s engagement It i s .
well that C atholics who have a vote in h i s appoint

ment should have this ide a l before their minds .
And it i s well that non Catholics sho uld have t h e

-
Catholic ideal set before them .
N o w the chief characteristic of this ideal is that

the teacher w hether he be p aid by the parents or
,
by the C hurch or by the State is primarily and

,
esse ntially continuing the work of the parents and

not directly that of the Church o r of the State .
The very existe n ce of the teacher depends only o n

th e assumption o f the p arents not being able to
car r y out the work of education themselves Of .
c ourse in s o far a s the parents are bound to act

,
under the direction of the C hurch or the St a te s o i s ,
the teacher But directly h i s ideal i s to carry out

.
the work which essenti ally belongs to the parents

and which they cannot convenientl y perform with
out him .
The Catholic school therefore sin c e it is merely

, ,
a continuation of the family life and exists merely

,
to help the family to ful fill its de stiny will hav e i ts

,
spirit and tone and plans arranged accordingly .

CATHOLI C EDU C ATION 1 63
Its first prin c iple will be to ai m at trainin g the

children f o r future family life .
Schools taught by religious or clergy are n ot

primarily schools for religious o r priestly voca
tions Doubtless it is the duty o f such religious
.
a n d clergy t o watch careful ly for vocations and ,
t o s ee that n o hindrance is put in the way But .
they must ever remember that a vocation i s an

extra o rdina ry gift whilst marriage is a Sacrament
,
and intended for the generality of men A school .

,
therefore whether fitted for elementary middle

, , ,
o r higher education whether taught by religious

,
o r lai t y should be characterized by i t s likeness to

,
family li fe When St Ignatius conceived and

. .
formula t h i s idea of Jesuit colleges he did not ,
intend those wonderful boarding establishments ,
such a s St onyhu rs t and Beaumont G eorgetown ,
a n d Fordh am He wished to have day colle g es

.
so that the pupils should remain as much as p o s

sible under the direct influe n ce of p arents and
home .
But boarding colleges and convent schools are

n o w a necessity There is however a more strin
.
, ,
gent obligation on them o f approximating as

n early as possible t o the family ideal This is .
m o re espe cially necessary in the schools for girls .
The p revailing spirit of these schools sho uld be

1 64 MAR RI AGE AN D PAREN T HOOD
tha t o f trai n ing th e fu tu re moth e rs o f C a tholic
families .
The m ot h er is t h e priestess of th e home She .
it is who holds the home together She is the a ll .
im portant fa ctor i n developing the ideal of Ca tho

lic family li fe Pers o nal pie ty will be her first
.
a c complishme n t Then will come the ordinary

.
”
school subj e cts with ex tras according to the
, ,
future soci al status of the child Then she must be .
taught how to play We have hardly yet begun to .
learn the gospel of Fr o eb el : Let us teach ou r

”
children to play Cri cket and tennis and drill
.
’
have their place and so has th e doll and the doll s
,
house Then as the school years draw t o an end

.
,
th ere are the important subj ects of cookery a n d

housekeeping The C atholic school that neglects
.
these fails to grasp o n e of its grandest opportuni

ties o f furthering its noble aims ; that is o f ,
strengthening the family life o f m aking the nati o n ,
more C atholic o f hastening the co m ing of th e

,
kingdom o f G od .
From the foregoing p r i n ciples there f o llow so m e

pra cti c al c o ncl usions Parents will first strive to
.
realize that since the educati o n o f ch il dr e n p r i

,
m arily belongs to them and only by delegati o n t o ,
the teachers they the pare nts have the obligation

, , ,
of s e eking out the most suitable school fo r their

CAT HOLI C EDU CATI O N 1 65
children The ne a rest school is n ot necessarily

.
th e mo s t su i table Nor is the c heapest The

. .
s ch ool must first o f all be C atholi c Then in the .

,
cas e of el em entary education the scho ol of the ,
parish o r mis sion will generally be found to be

’
efl i ci ent The elem e ntary sch o ol o f one s own
.
parish theref o re has the first cl a im up o n a par

, ,
e nt s consideration
’
.
In the case o f middle cl as s or higher education ,
the parents will choose by preference a day high

school o r colle g e Then if the circumstances of
.
,
the family require a boarding school or college -
the idea o f ho m e li fe will receive the chief con

sideration I f the future circumstanc es of the
.
children are such that they can dispense with exam

in at i on s then a school which is exempt from publi c
,
exam i nati o ns is better than one subj e ct to them .
The m aj o rity o f children however require paper

, ,
quali fications for t h eir start in pro fess i ona l studies .
The C atholi c parent need have no fear whatever

as to the pro ficien cy o f C atholic s cho ols in se curing
ex cellent results at ex amin ati o ns .
Havi ng used their utm o st dis c reti on i n th e

ch o ice of a school the parents will do well not to
,
meddle with the teacher An obvious irregularity

.
’
may arise in which case it is th e parents du t y
,
to a ct But generally speaking the head m aster

.
, ,
1 66 M AR RI AGE AN D PARENTHOOD
or the head mistress o f the schoo l must b e tru sted
to do what is be st for the chil d To cha nge the .
scho o l even o nce unnecessarily is t o set back the

, , ,
’
child s educati o n To be ever taking the child s
.
’
part against the teacher is simply to ruin the

child s character Nevertheless the parent shoul d
’
.
exercise a supervisio n over the child s school ’
career If the child is backward and there does

.
not appear su fli ci ent reas o n to account for that ,
it Shoul d be medically ex amined for ade n oids .
Lastly i f the children are to be educated by

,
a private gov ern ess then the parents must form

,
the habit of mind and the children and the gov

,
er n es s herself must feel it t hat she i s as a member

, ,
of the family strictly i n l o co p a r en tis entitled to

, ,
deep respect and consideration She i s n ot called .
in a s a household drudge but a s one eve n more ,
quali fied than the parents themselves t o ful fill their

high vocation of forming the characters of chil
dren of making them C atholic in mind and i n
,
heart o f leading them to their eternal destiny

, .
The same principle of p arental responsibility

holds good with regard to eccl e siastical a u tho ri
ties who undertake t he burden o f providing a
,
C atholic education for C atholic families I f the .
State so far neglects its du ty that the C hurch has

to provide ele m ent ary s chools then the p arents ,
CATH O LI C EDU C ATION 1 67 .
ought to support these schools generously It is .
n o t right to allow the priest to go and b eg beg , ,
beg to support a work which is essentially th e

,
work o f parents .
So too with the high schools and colleges It

, , .
ought to be quite unnecessa ry to s a y it yet under

,
the circumstances one must say it parents ought

,
to pay their scho o l bills regula rly and promptly .
The work done by such schools and colleges i s

infinitely more valuable than the money outlay
for their materi al support It is the least that
.
parents can do to s ee that the work is not ham

pered by what so frequently happens the a ccu m u
,
lation of bad debts The work is G od s work

.
’
,
and those who are primarily responsible for it are

the parents of families They have received the
.
Sacrament of marriage They have received the

.
grace s to bear i t s burdens It is not an easy state

.
of life But with the graces which the Sacrament

.
confers the m a rried pai r are made strong for all

ex igen c ies tempor al as well as spi ritu al
, .
C HAPTER XIII
TH E CATHO L I C FAM I LY
THE ideal of the C atholic family has bee n o n c e

fully realized There have been many good exam
.
ples all more o r less approaching the ideal But

, .
all except o n e m ust be regarded as having failed ,
at least in some respects to achieve the perfection

,
o f family life That one o f course is the Holy

.
, ,
Fa m ily o f Nazareth Since there fore G od h a s

.
, ,
given us the ideal fully realized in the concrete ,
it is t o that rather than the more remote symbols

that we must go for our lessons a s to what the
Catholic family should be The Word was made
.
flesh to reveal to u s the mind of the Ete rnal

Father In order then to learn the mi n d of the
.
, ,
Eternal Father conce rning the nature and end of

the C atholic family li fe we cannot do better than
t urn our thoughts to the little home at Nazareth .
The school o f the Apostles wa s formed by O ur

Lord during the years o f His public minist ry .
Then having been or g a nized by Him during H i s

,
THE C ATHOLI C FAMILY 1 69
li fetime it was fully pr o mulgated and endowed

,
with it s special gi fts after His death by the descent ,
of the Holy G host on the day of Pentecost The .
purpose of the Incarnation w a s the salvation o f

souls The purpose of the C hurch wa s the salva
.
tion of souls The purpose of the first C atholic

.
Family w a s the salvation of souls The first and .
foremo st purpose then of every C atholic family

, ,
is t o obtain for it s members the possession o f

everlasting life The family does not exist merely
.
for the sake of the love of husband and wi fe ; nor

for the love of parent and children ; nor for the
acquisition of worldly fo rtunes ; nor for the pro
motion o f the children in business ; nor for the
material prosperity of nations Al l these are law
.
ful and subordinate aims subordinate to the final

,
aim which is to help immortal souls to get to

heaven This i s the first and in a sense the onl y
.
, ,
lesson to be learned from the Holy Family o f N a z

areth ; the purpose of the Catholic family i s the
undoing of sin the hindrance of s in the p r op a
, ,
g a t i o n of those truths and virtues which lead to

life eternal .
The child Jesus grew i n wisdom and age and

grace in the eyes of G od and of men Although .
possessing the B ea t ific Vision and consequently ,
all wisdom knowledge and grace yet Jesus

, , ,
1 76 MAR RIA G E AN D PARENTHOOD
deemed it expedient to acquire a n experimental
knowledge of things to learn from J oseph and
,
Ma ry the great truth s about religion and how to ,
apply them to the development of the spiritual

li fe Jesus w a s the foundation of all grace He
. .
was kn owledge itsel f ; He w a s wisdom itsel f; but

He chose that H i s wisdom and knowledge and
g race should be mani fested gradually He chose .
to undergo that laborious education to s et the

example to all C hristian families to S how them ,
that it w a s only by constant teaching and learning

that C hristian character could be formed The .
C hri stian mother then assiduously watches for

, ,
the first dawn o f conscience in her child She .
knows or ought to know that first impressions are

, ,
the most e ffective and most lasting She delights .
to take her child on her knees and teach it to pray .
Her pride i s to S how her friends how h er little

”
one can say the Our Father and the Hail
“
”
M a ry The time at length comes when the child
.
m ust be sent to school There must be no que stion

.
about the character of the school it must b e ,
C atholic .
The C atholic school will undoubtedly posse s s

a C atholic atmosphere The con stant or frequent
.
presence o f prie sts or religious the C atholic ,
prayers the statues and the fixtures all tend to

, ,
THE CATHOLIC FAMILY 17 1
keep before the min d o f the child the fa ct th a t he

i s a Cath oli c .
N ow t h e Catholic home ought to be a t least

as C ath o lic as the C ath o lic school There ought .
to be prominent signs about the house that it is

the ab o de o f a C atholic family There is a feeling .
in some families having pretensions to be u p to

,
-
date and fashionable to regard a religious picture

,
in the dr awing room as ou t of place This feeling

-
.
is generally the fruit o f worldliness It is also in .

,
a measure due to the large number o f inferior

,
pictures which flood the market those cheap litho ,
graphs o f the Pope or the bishop which are a ,
compliment to neither A zealous father of a .
C atholic family will make an endeavor to hang

up one or tw o good and really artistic religious
pictures They give a tone to the house impress
.
,
ing the faith on the minds o f the members of the

family and expressi n g the faith of the family to
,
visitors .
More importa nt even than Catholic art is

Catholic literature These are days when every
.
b o dy reads o r at least is supposed to read An d

, , .
it is notorious that C atholics do n ot buy books as

they should Our Holy Father has warned us that
.
unless we support a good C atholic press it will be

useless for us to build schools and churches Now : ,
171 MAR RIAGE AN D PARENTHO O D
the Cath olic Church is not wanting either in excel
l ent writers o r ex cellent publishers Ou r book
.
s tores are r ich i n devotional scienti fic and recrea

, ,
tive literature The crying shame i s that s o little

.
of this finds its way into the C atholic family .
Heads o f C atholic families therefore ought to

, ,
see to it at once that there i s a shelf for religious

literature th at there is a regu lar subscription to
,
s o m e mont hl y or quarterly C atholic j ournal and , ,
especially among the working classes a s u b s cr ip

,
tion to some C atholic weekly newspaper It is .
chiefly through the press that the members of the
family learn their relationship to other i nst it u

tions in the world The secular press keeps them
.
provided with political news and so constantly

reminds them of their civic duties But the secular
.
press i s not an ideal medium for showing the

Catholic his duty to the State .
Especially in the matter of education does the

C atholic n eed t o kn ow the bearings between the
mind of the C hurch and the mind of the State .
And he ought to know this not only on general

principles but also in the application o f those
,
principles to the particular circumstances of hi s

country He must know what the bishops have
.
said what the government has done to this or that

,
particular school or college and what the govern

,
THE C ATH O LI C FAMILY 1 73
“
ment proposes to do with schools and colleges i n

the future In a word he must be alive to his
.
,
duties as a C atholic citizen The family li fe is .
the found a tion o f true citizenship Since there .

,
fore the C atholic press is the means by which the

,
C atholic learns the bearings between the family ,
the C hurch the State the C atholic press ought

, ,
to be an institution in every C atholic household .
An d Jesus went down with them and came to ,

”
Nazareth and was subj ect unto them O rder i s .
said to be heaven s first command If on the

’
.
,
other hand love be said to be the first and final

,
law of heaven the statement must be quali fied

,
by making the love a well ordered love Even -

.
s in is only love out of order the love o f something

,
contrary to the Divine Will So also in the family.
life love must be the ruling principle but it must ,
be a well ordered love Our Lord therefo re in

-
.
, ,
order to teach u s this lesson went down with His

parents to Nazareth and was subj ect unto them
, .
Nowhere outside the bosom of the Blessed Trinity

was a triple love s o perfect as that love between
Jesus Mary and Joseph Yet St Joseph was the
, , . .
head and ruler of the family It was St Joseph . .
who was told to fear not but take Mary t o be his

,
spouse It was St Joseph wh o was told by the

. .
angel t o arise and take the C hild and Hi s mother

and flee into E gyp t It was St J osep h who w a s
. .
divinely commanded t o return and take Mary and

Jesus to Nazareth Although Mary w a s s o much
.
spiritually exalted over Joseph yet Joseph was to ,
be the ruler o f the family An d although Jesus was .
s o much spiritually exalted over Joseph and Mary ,
yet in the family He was to be subj ect to both .
Here then is the rule for the C atholic family

, ,
.
The father i s to be supreme ruler the mother is ,
t o rule in her sphere under him the children are to ,
be subj ect to both Moreover the subj ection o f

.
,
the children is not t o be a slavish subj ection but ,
a filial subj ection It must be in formed by love

.
rather than by fear There must o f course be .

, ,
a certain fear present in the children but a rev ,
e r en t i a l fear
, a fear by which one is afraid o f
o ffending love rather than a fear by which on e
,
is afraid of punishment Further the obedience .

,
of children is not unlimited I f parents command .
anything contrary to divine l aw the duty of the

children is to disobey In cases of doubt how .
,
ever the presumption is in favor o f the p arents

, .
But wherever there i s a question o f family interest

or domestic a rrangements the will of the p arents
must be obeyed It is not fo r children to say
.
which school they shall go t o to say where the ,
family shall take up its abode t o say at what h oiIr ,

TH E C ATHOLI C FAMILY 1 75
the family shall dine to s ay what time they shall

,
come in at night These are points upon which

.
children frequently mistake their place in the fam

ily points in which they are obviously subj ect to
,
their parents .
There comes a time too when children grow , ,
up The relationships between them and their

.
parents then become somewhat modi fied Never .
t h el es s there still remain the duties of reverence

,
and love The children are free to choose th eir

.
o wn states of life In this they are not bound to

.
follow the wishes of their parents but they are ,
bound to consult their parents and to weigh the

considerations which they put forth Then later .
, ,
when the parents are ove rtaken with old age the ,
childr en are bound in cases of necessity to support

them .
The Holy Family at N azareth w a s very poor .
C onsequently we cannot look t o it directly fo r

an example in the question of servants But we .
can easily imagine how Our Lady would have

acted did s h e have need to call in a little extra
help now and then We shall only fall short o f
.
the mark when we do our best with our imagina

tion to pic ture the kind and ge n tle con s ideration
,
which Our Lady would have shown to any o n e

wh o did her a se r vice From that picture how
.
,
1 76 M ARRIAGE AN D PARENTHOOD
ever we may get some hints as to the relation
,
s hip between masters o r rather m istresses, and ,
servants in the circumstances o f modern socie ty .
The servants of t o day are not on a level with

-
the children o f the household ; nor yet are they

on a level with the slaves o f an ancient Roman
household They are not the goods and chattels
.
of those who employ them Their service is that .
of free contract And it is something m ore

. .
Since the servants live in the house the house is , ,
in a sense their home

,
.
It is the duty therefore o f the mistress o f the

, ,
house to arrange matters fo r the servants in

s uch a way that they shall feel that they have a
home They must have opportunities for their

.
religious duties whether they be C atholic or Prot

,
e s t a nt They must have a reasonable amount of

.
opportunity for recreation They must have their .
wages paid promptly A mistress can insist upon

.
her servants being kept up to the mark in their

work and yet insist kindly And s h e will do well
, .
to examine her conscience frequently a s to how

often s h e has engaged in gossip about the servants ’
faults There are some women who can spend

.
whole a fternoons and evenings talking on that

and no other topic I f a servant is so bad she has
.
n o l o nger any right to be in the place .

TH E C ATHOLI C FAMILY 1 77
A word should be said too as to the treatment

, ,
o f servants in illness They cannot expect the

.
same a ffection a s the children ; but since they are

members of the household they ought at least , ,
have th e attendance of the family physician and ,
all things necessary to get them well again Here .
is a point where C atholic wives may s et an ex

ample t o the generality of society dames The .
servant may not be s et above the head o f her

m istress but n eith er m ay S he be trampled under
,
'
foot.
From the principles o f order and superiority

and subj ection in the family there arises the du t y
of the parents and especially of the father o f pro
, ,
v i d i n g for the material w ell bei ng of the children

-
.
There is an impression prevalent that worldly

success and Roman C atholicism are not com
patible And it is certainly t r ue that i n m any
.
Protestant communities the C atholic is at a di s

advantage That i s only a n extra reaso n why
.
C atholics should make themselves more pro ficient

in their respective trades and professions If a .
C atholic lawyer o r doctor or engineer excels in

, , ,
h is own vocation then Protestant Jew and Infidel

, , , ,
will engage him in preference An d i f he shine s.
in his C atholicity a s he does in his profession the n ,
the c ause of C atholicity will bene fit in proportion .
12
The fat h er o f the Catholic fa m ily therefore must , ,
provide h is children with a good secular education .
The sch o ol mu st be C atholic but it must likewise ,
be efficient in its secular subj ects Piety must come .
be fore worl dly su c cess but it need n ot be allowed

,
to supplant it We have schools in abundance

.
,
schools as e fficient as any secu lar schools in the

country There i s no need to go outside the
.
C hurch though t h ere may be need to use discrim

,
i n a t i on within the C hurch And this discrimina .
tion is t h e o ffice of the parents of the family .
We may su m up then the principles o f C atholi c

, ,
family life thus : The family i s the foundation o f

the State and the strength and purity of the State
,
depend on the strength and purity of the family .
The famil y however is not the foundation o f

, ,
the C hurch but is rather the child of the C hurch

, ,
ta king its instructions from th e C hurch and exist ,
ing primarily for the same end as the C hurch ,
namel y the salvation o f souls It S hould there

, .
,
fore be Catholic in it s faith Catholic in it s hope

, , ,
and C atholic in its love The C atholic faith wi ll

.
be fostered by ceaseless attention to the Sacra

J
m ents to Ca tholi c education during youth and
, ,
Catholi c instruction through the press during man

h ood From C atholic faith and hope will sp r ing
.
C ath olic l ove Th i s will be made ever mo re an d

.
THE CATHOLIC FAM IL Y 1 79
more fruitful by being kept in order the father

,
and mother ruling by love the children obeying

,
through love The endeavor must be made to

.
carry these Catholic principles into the world of

business and professions and to S how to the non
,
C atholic world that religion and intellectual efli

ci ency are not incomp atible ; nay to S how that only
,
by the observance o f the law o f religion can the

family and consequently the State achieve the
, ,
perfection which it d esir es .

MarriageandParenthoodtheCatholicIdeal 10000035

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

MarriageandParenthoodtheCatholicIdeal 10000035

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

A YOUN G

W OMAN S PRO B LEMS ’

Cou nsel s to Y ou n g Gir ls on t h e T hreshold of Life

Hand omel oun Cloth 9 C es yB d in N et 0 nts

RE' . THO MAS J G i IRRARD .

RE' . THO MAS J GE RRARD .

Copyr igh t , 1 91 1 , b yjosnr u F . WAc s, N ew Y ork

THE v u l v z ns r n r P RESS, C AMB RI DG E ,

THE SAN CTITY or MARRIAGE

B EF ORE AND AFTER CHILDB IRTH

THE B LESSIN GS or MANY CHILDREN

SE' UAL IN STRUCTI ON F OR THE YO UN G

I B EG to express my grateful a ckn owl e dgm ents

parents who have so kin dl y favored me with most

sire to make spe c ial mention of Surgeon General -

Maunsell C B who as President of the Guild of

Sts Luke C osmas an d Damian has been able

to se cu re for me su ch a we alth o f expert opinion .

Here and there I have been unable to follow even

set my own j udgment against it but be c ause it ,

appears to me to be outweighed by a c onsensus O f

I have decided to omit as pertaining rather to a n

a genius if he can ﬂy over the Alps even t h ough

at the end o f the j ourney he break h is neck But .

the s e are paltry tr i ﬂes compared with the work

Amongst her many helps for this purpo s e n o t

T he ideal which sh e holds be fore the world and

increase o f divorce the falling O ff in the birth

r ate , the s p read O f the white slave t r a ﬂi c

That there is something wrong is admitted on

matters The Divor c e Commission a t present sit

ting in Lo ndon is an evidence O f such unrest The .

formation O f the Eugenics Education Society i s

olic s tu dent d ete cts a lack O f the knowledge O f

posed are a ti nkering with the symptom rather

Here and there however the value o f the C ath

olic ideal asserts itself Thus for instance in the

evidence before the Divorce Commission Sir John ,

Bigham then President O f the Divorc e Court

ou r court and I attribute that fact to the gre a t

inﬂuence O f their priesthood and to the respect ,

which is in cu lc ated amongst Roman Catholics for

Another witness Dr Glynn Whittle O f Liver

p o ol bore magni ﬁcent testimony to the ﬁdelity O f

the Catholic poor Speaking as he did in favor

o f divorce there was a double weight in his

words He said he had questione d c ountless po o r

they would avail themselves O f di v orce if t h ey

What is the cause O f t h is grand steadfastness

Marriage like other natural and ne c essa r y rela

tions is sacred O nly in C atholicism is it a S a cra

ment ; in scienti ﬁc sociology the term is meaning

The Reforma tion in this as in other points a

revolt from Catholicism ex pressly de clared that

marriage is not a Sa c rament that it is essentially,

For the present disastrous state O f a ffairs th e n , ,

we have t o thank the system which for three hun

leav en O f truth is still working Th e prea ch ing .

and t h e practice O f the sacra m ental ideal with all

m ass T o pr o mote and foster this i deal is t he a im

of the following pages .

It is also hoped that a r e statement of the Cath

contrary w i ll tend to increase the happiness o f