A guide with exercises connected with assertive behaviour

Expressing yourself assertively is a core skill that everyone needs to learn. Being
assertive can help you express yourself effectively, taking actions using nonverbal skills and
standing up for your point of view. These 20 assertive communication exercises and activities
can help your students improve their assertive communication skills and be heard without
being aggressive or dismissive. 
1. Practice Active Listening
By teaching a student to listen actively, you are teaching them to show mutual respect to the
speaker and foster other social skills that they need in order to give an assertive response.
Your students can practice these skills with a friend. Give each person a standpoint and
remind them to maintain eye contact and remain calm throughout.
2. Model Behavior 
One of the first things to teach when teaching students assertive communication is teaching
them appropriate assertive behaviors like saying no, standing their ground, and talking about
their feelings. A great way to teach these behaviors is by modeling. 
3. Play ‘Mystery Bag’
This fun game is a simple way to teach students to have confidence in themselves and their
guesses. Place a few mystery items in a bag and let students guess what’s in it. They need to
share what they think and then explain why they think it’s a certain item.
Find five small objects to put in a bag (draw string
bags work well since you can make the opening fit
just over your child’s arm so they cannot see
inside).  Have your child choose one object, feel it
in their hand without taking it out of the bag, and
have a guess at what it is.  Then take it out to see
what it is.  Encourage them for guessing!  Let your
child find objects and have you guess.  Discuss
how it takes courage to try something new and have a go at something.   It’s great if
you can focus on having fun, and not let your nerves about the situation prevent you
from enjoying yourself.
4. Role Play
Role Play is one of the best ways to teach assertive communication. You can assign roles to
different students and talk them through how to best assert themselves when communicating
with the other person.
Role play being friendly by meeting a new person.
Role play meeting a new friend by introducing your students to a puppet ( hand
puppets, stick puppets, or craft dolls would work great).  Let your students practice
introducing themselves and ask the puppet if they would like to play.   You may like to
visit a playground after this activity, with each person’s goal being to meet someone
new.

5. Assertive vs. Aggressive

When learning about assertiveness, knowing the difference between assertiveness and
aggressive behavior is important. The aim of being assertive is to get your point across
effectively without being aggressive. For this exercise, plan to have someone barge into the
room unexpectedly- displaying anger instead of assertiveness. Take time to discuss with the
class what the person should have done instead.
6. Assertive Communication Worksheets
These psychoeducation worksheets provide practical examples and practice exercises for
students to practice eye contact, body language, and effective communication; all of which
are important aspects of assertive communication. 
7. Passive, Assertive, or Aggressive?
Write down a couple of scenarios where someone is either acting passive, assertive, or
aggressive. Give each student three colored pieces of paper; blue to represent passive, green
to represent assertive, and red to represent aggressively. As you read each scenario, the
students need to distinguish between the communication style and hold up the correct color. 
8. How To Say No
Saying no in a nice but assertive way is one of the greatest conversation skills a child can
learn. Ask the students a few questions that they have to say no to, but help them come up
with ways to say no assertively. 
9. How To Be More Assertive Worksheet
This wonderful worksheet will help your students be more assertive by establishing their
reasoning, developing a script, practicing assertive body language, and listing situations
where they want to display better assertive skills.
10. Understanding Different Communication Styles
There are four main communication techniques and styles: passive, aggressive, passive-
aggressive, and assertive. This description of communication styles can help your students
determine which style they rely on most upon; helping them change their bad communication
styles to positive, assertive styles.
Passive Communication
 Not expressing feelings or needs; ignoring your own personal rights and allowing
others to do so
 Deferring to others for decision making in order to avoid tension or conflict
 Often leads to misunderstanding, built-up anger, or resentment
 Can be a safer communication option when a conflict may escalate to violence
Examples include statements like “I’m okay with whatever you want to do”; body language
includes failing to make eye contact or looking down.
Aggressive Communication
 Expressing feelings, needs, and ideas at the expense of others; ignoring others’ rights
in order to support your own
 Defensive or hostile when confronted by others
 Often alienates and hurts others
 Can help meet your needs quickly
Examples include statements like “this is what we’re doing,” or “get over it”; body
language includes crossing arms, eye rolling, or finger pointing.
Passive-Aggressive Communication
 Appearing passive on the surface, but subtly acting out anger
 Exerting control over others by using sarcasm and indirect communication, or
avoiding the conversation
 Limited consideration for the rights, needs, or feelings of others
Examples include passive statements and body language followed by giving the "silent
treatment", spreading rumors, and sabotaging another person’s efforts.
Assertive Communication
 Direct, honest communication of thoughts and feelings
 Respecting the feelings, ideas, and needs of others while also asserting your own
 May not be effective when interacting with individuals that threaten your personal
safety
  People often misinterpret assertive behavior as aggressive –  Americans
and women are often mislabeled as a result
Examples include “I” statements like “I feel...when you…and I need for you to do…”; body
language includes eye contact, straight posture, and relaxed gestures.
Keep in Mind
Most of us don’t use a single communication style in every interaction; they’re simply
tools that you can use to communicate.
In general, assertive communication is most likely to lead to respectful and longer-
term relationships, so that’s the style to strive for in most situations.
However, passive and aggressive communication might work better on some
occasions. For example, if you are feeling fearful that you are about to be harmed, passive
communication may help to defuse the situation and aggressive communication might
prevent the problem from getting worse.
While the passive communication style can be helpful, when people pair it with subtle
aggression, the passive-aggressive style is likely to interfere with or undermine healthy
relationships.

11. Emotion Awareness

Knowing your own emotions and understanding the difference between negative and positive
emotions can help your learners be more assertive. This easy activity prompts them to
identify various emojis and group them according to certain emotion-evoking scenarios.
Being attuned to our own emotional needs is the foundation of understanding why we are
happy or frustrated with others. Many teens have trouble putting words to how they are
feeling, and that is often a matter of knowing how to identify complex emotions.
In this activity, provide each participant with a sheet of various emojis. Take the group
through various emotion-invoking scenarios. Have them keep track and label the emotions
that popped up for them. Being able to name emotions as they are cued is a first step in
improving emotional intelligence, and also relaxes the amygdala from over-firing.

12. I-Statement Worksheets

At times it’s hard to express yourself when faced with a host of overwhelming emotions.
These I-statement worksheets aim to help your students use the right language to express
themselves effectively.
13. Fists
Divide students into two groups and give them their instructions separately. Tell the first
group that they must make a fist and not open it unless someone asks nicely and assertively.
Tell the second group they just have to get the first group’s fist open. 
Divide the group into pairs. The pair will get two different sets of instructions.
Person 1 instructions will read: Person 2 will make a fist. You MUST get that fist open.
Person 2 instructions will read: Person 1 is going to attempt to get you to open your fist. You
must NOT open your fist unless he/she asks you politely and assertively.
Most people will try to pry the fist open. It is an opportunity to efficiently explain assertive
communication. Knowing the power of good communication skills is important in building
them properly.
Discuss with the students how the directions influenced their actions. Did they consider a
peaceful way of asking? Why or why not? What communication role-models do movies and
media offer?

14. Assertive Communication Handbook

This downloadable handbook provides great activities, worksheets, and games to help you
effectively teach your students how to be assertive in stressful situations.
15. Situation Samples
Create a list of scenarios where a person should be assertive. Let the students practice
responding in different ways by being passive, aggressive, assertive, or passive-aggressive.
Run through the different responses afterward.
Have a list of scenarios where assertive communication would be the most effective. Offer
the teens an opportunity to practice responses to the situations. Have them demonstrate
aggressive, passive, and then assertive styles.
When they know the difference, the better they may practice it in real life scenarios.
Some sample scenarios could be:
 You are standing in line at the check-out and two salespeople are engrossed in a deep
conversation ignoring you.
 Your teacher graded a paper that you feel should have received a higher mark.
 Someone calls you a name that is hurtful.
Go through various options for responses and get the teens brainstorming.

16. Keeping Cool

A big part of building assertiveness is to keep your cool in difficult conversations. These
simple exercises can help you keep your cool and respond calmly and assertively. 
Activities for Teaching Assertiveness Skills
Activity 1: Keeping Cool
Teaching assertiveness begins with teaching simple relaxation and self-calming techniques to
deal with strong negative feelings. First, discuss with the children how people may feel in a
bullying situation, such as angry, fearful, sad, upset, embarrassed, or confused. Then ask the
group what kinds of things people want to do when they feel this way, such as yell, throw
something, hit something, hide, cry, or try to make someone else feel as bad as they feel. Ask
if they think these are good or helpful things to do. Explain that at times everyone has strong
negative feelings. These feelings are important because they often tell us that something is
wrong or needs to be fixed. But strong feelings can also lead us to do the wrong thing, unless
we learn how to calm ourselves, keep a cool head, and do the right thing to fix the situation.
Ask children to describe and demonstrate the things they can do to keep calm and cool-
headed if they feel angry, fearful, or upset in a bullying situation. For example:

 Close your eyes and take several slow deep breaths

 Count to 10
 Stand tall
 Relax the muscles in your face and body
 Talk silently to yourself and repeat a soothing phrase, such as “Keep calm” or “I
control my feelings”
 Get a drink of water
 Go sit by a person you trust
Have the group choose what they think are the best techniques and then practice using them
together.
Activity 2: Ignoring
Children who attempt to bully other children are often seeking a reaction. If children learn
how to actively ignore minor bullying-related behaviors, potential bullies may lose interest.
Explain to the group that when another child is doing small things that annoy you but are not
yet bullying behaviors that hurt you, you can often get the child to stop simply by keeping
cool and actively ignoring him or her. Generate a list of ways to actively ignore a child who
is attempting to provoke or annoy you. For example:
  Stop playing
 Walk away
 Turn your body away
 Turn your eyes away
 Don’t answer a question
 Keep talking to the other person you’re with
Role-play some of these situations, with the teacher playing the potential bully. Show them
how the provoking child often loses interest after one or more attempts have been ignored.
Activity 3: “Yes” or “No”
Early childhood educators can teach children to respect their own right and the right of others
to decline a bullying demand, as opposed to a polite request. In this activity, children practice
deciding to politely say no or yes to a request or a demand, as well as to accept either a no or
a yes from others.
Begin by asking the children what they would like to say to a child who is demanding a
particular toy. If the children say they would like to say no, ask what they think they should
say. Children may well think that they’re supposed to say yes. Explain the difference between
a bullying demand and a polite request by using a rude voice to say “Give me that!” and then
a pleasant voice to say, “May I have that toy, please?” Assure them that it is always okay to
refuse a bullying request, but when a child is politely asking, they can choose whether to say
yes or no.
Have the children form pairs, and give a toy to one child in each pair. Have the child without
the toy demand the toy. Have the other child keep cool and assertively say, “No, I’m playing
with it now. You can have it when I’m done.” Next, ask the child without the toy to politely
ask for the toy. The other child can choose to politely say either, “No, I’m playing with it
now, but you can have it as soon as I’m done” or “Yes, you can play with it now.” Have the
child without the toy respond by saying, “Okay, I’ll wait until you’re done” or “Okay, thanks
for letting me play with it.”
Conduct the role-play again, with each child playing the opposite part.
Activity 4: Standing Up to Bullying
It is important for children to learn an assertive style of responding to bullying situations.
Knowing how to stand up for themselves and to speak up assertively on another’s behalf
gives children a sense of control and an air of self-confidence that can deter others from
bullying them. Early childhood educators can teach children who are being bullied and
children who are bystanders to stop the bullying by responding assertively and/or by asking
an adult for help.
Begin this activity by talking about the best way to respond to a bullying situation. Ask the
children what they think will happen if they provoke the bullying child by retaliating, or if
they reward the bullying child by submitting. Elicit that the bullying is likely to continue.
Explain to the children that the best way to get the bullying behavior to stop is to respond
assertively to bullying by standing up and speaking up, whether you are the one being bullied
or whether you see it happening to someone else. Remind them that they can also ask for help
from an adult.
A note about tattling: Children may have been told not to be a tattle-tale or that it’s wrong to
“tell on” somebody else. Remind children of the difference between bullying (involving a
power imbalance) and conflict (involving disagreement among children of equal power).
Explain that it is never wrong to ask for adult help in a situation that involves bullying.
Make up some short bullying situations to role-play, or select a few from the Bullying
Actions and Victim Responses chart [Eyes on Bullying Toolkit, p. 19]. Have children
generate and practice various ways for a victim or a bystander to stand up and speak up
assertively, rather than to respond aggressively or submissively, to the bullying provocations
of a child (role-played by the teacher). Be sure that some of the role-played responses include
asking an adult for help.
Conclude the activity by reminding children how important it is to stop bullying by standing
up, speaking up assertively, and/or asking an adult for help in bullying situations.

17. Eye Contact Circle

One of the most important elements of effective and assertive conversations is eye contact.
This simple exercise requires participants to form a circle. Each participant will have to
answer a simple question that the person across from them asks. Then, they need to trade
places without breaking direct eye contact.
This nonverbal skill is essential in assertive communication. A creative way to build this skill
is with this circle. Create a circle with group participants. Each participant will answer the
same question (ie: what is your favourite ice cream flavour) and after answering must find
mutual eye contact with someone across the circle.
Once this eye contact is made, the participant must call out their partner’s name and slowly
switch places with them, while maintaining that eye contact. Eye contact is one of the basic
principles of communication and trusting others.
18. Chair Hopping
Create a circle with chairs and place one extra chair in between each person. The people
sitting down on the chairs have to convince a person who is standing up to sit next to them.
This activity can help students recognize the difference between aggression and assertiveness
when extending invites and giving instructions. 
Purpose
This exercise shows the importance of different communication styles. In particular, it shows
the effect of assertive request in obtaining a desirable outcome.
Objective
Delegates will try to persuade other people to sit on the chair next to them.
Setup
 Delegates sit around in a circle and are separated from each other by one empty chair.
 Delegate’s aim is to fill the empty chair on their right as soon as the exercise starts.
They can use any method of communication such as eye contact, shouting, pleading
and hand gestures to persuade others in sitting on their right. As soon as a chair on
someone’s right becomes available that person should try to get someone to sit on it.
Timing
Explaining the Test: 5 minutes.
Activity: 5 minutes
Group Feedback: 15 minutes.
Discussion
Ask delegates which method of communication they found most useful in this task. Was it
aggressive persuasion or assertive approach that paid off more? Does assertive request always
works or sometimes it is better to be more aggressive in getting what we want?

19. Listen And Draw

This fun exercise will help your students practice their listening skills. Two students must sit
back-to-back. One of the students will talk about something, describing it in detail. The other
person has to listen carefully and draw what is being described. When assertive
communication is employed, drawings are more accurate. 
20. Square Talk
Blindfold a group of students and give them a piece of rope. Tell them that they have to
create a square with that piece of rope, but no one is allowed to let go of it. This exercise will
distinguish between effective and non-effective communication skills and teach students how
to react when faced with a communication crisis.