Assertiveness

The aims of this work are to establish what assertiveness is, to learn how it can help solve problems,
to help you feel better and to establish better relationships with others. We will also discuss what is
not assertiveness and explore what we mean by aggressive, passive and passive aggressive
behaviour.

A common mistake that people make is to confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness; that to be
assertive is to speak up and tell people what you want to ensure you get your own way. This is NOT
being assertive this is being aggressive.

In order to distinguish different behaviours, we will look at aggression first. List what you think are
aggressive behaviours:

Think of times when you may have used these, give an example.

Did you benefit from that behaviour at the time?

In the long term what has been the impact of this behaviour?

Now we will look at being passive. List what you think are passive behaviours:

Think of times when you may have used these, give an example.
Did you benefit from that behaviour at the time?

In the long term what has been the impact of this behaviour?

Next, we will look at being passive aggressive. List what you think are passive aggressive
behaviours:

Think of times when you may have used these, give an example.

Did you benefit from that behaviour at the time?

In the long term what has been the impact of this behaviour?

Next, we will look at being assertive. List what you think are assertive behaviours:

Think of times when you may have used these, give an example.
Did you benefit from that behaviour at the time?

In the long term what has been the impact of this behaviour?

What factors may prevent you from being assertive?

Learn to pay attention to your own feelings and understand why you feel a certain way, be willing
to look at your own behaviour, are you being to aggressive, passive or passive aggressive.

Assertive communication

It isn’t just the content of what you say that counts; it is the way you put it across. It helps to:

 Take time to think and prepare what you need to say to them
 Learn to find the right time and place for them and you
 Keep calm and stick to the point
 Be clear, specific and direct
 Listen to what the other person is saying
 Attempt to offer other solutions
 Ask, if unsure about something
 If the person tries to create a diversion, point this out calmly
 Use appropriate body language
 Own your messages by using “I”