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Five Ways to Build Rapport Online
Creating Mutual Trust With People You've Never Met
You instinctively know when you feel a rapport with a colleague, client or customer after meeting him or her face-to-face. You just
"click," and have a sense that you share the same goals and values.
Building rapport helps to create trust and mutual understanding between people, and can open doors to new
opportunities.
But, what if you never actually meet your colleagues or team members? Perhaps they're in a different time zone and you
communicate with them online. If rapport is based on strong, two-way connections between people, and nurtured through
empathy , shared experiences, and emotional intelligence , how can you and your co-workers develop it if you're never in
the same room?
Well, now the good news – building rapport online is a skill that you can learn! In fact, you've probably already done it with your
Facebook® friends and LinkedIn® contacts without really knowing.
So, here are five tips for developing mutually rewarding working relationships with people you'll never meet.
1. Show an Interest
The first step in building an online rapport with someone is to find out what motivates him, what he likes to do, what he believes
in, and what he enjoys. Take a look at the Six Levels of Rapport in the table below for areas to explore when trying to deepen
your relationship with someone.
Level Example
1. Environment Do we share a workplace or live in the same town, city or region? Do we experience similar
weather, do we have a similar background, or do we know the same people?
2. Behavior Do we do the same things, share the same hobbies, or act in similar ways?
3. Capability Do we share any skills or abilities? (For example, speaking a foreign language.)
4. Beliefs Do we share principles, values or beliefs about what is important in life?
5. Identity Do we share a sense of who we are? (For example, "a hardworking husband" or "a carefree
artist.")
6. Spirit Do we share a sense of how all things are connected, or how we're connected to a god or to
the rest of humankind?
Note:
The above levels were originally identified by Gregory Bateson, and developed further in the book "From Coach to Awakener"
by Robert B. Dilts, in 2003. Permission to reproduce pending.
The six levels of rapport can help you to identify conversational topics that will establish your mutual interests. Levels 1 and 2
equate to the "small talk" that you'd engage in to break the ice at a face-to-face meeting: a brief chat about your journey to
work, for example, or where you're going for lunch that day.
However, please be aware that each level of rapport represents a deeper connection than the last, so use your best judgment about
what's appropriate for each encounter. If you're not already well acquainted with someone, remember the old adage to "never talk
about religion or politics."
Also, don't dive straight in at Level 5 or 6. If you get it wrong, you risk alienating yourself from that person immediately.
Warning:
If you're "meeting" someone virtually for the first time, be careful how you approach any of her social media accounts that you may
have access to. Don't delve too deeply into her social media activity to find out more about her. If you know too much, too soon,
you may come across as intrusive, or even creepy!
4. Communicate Clearly
Unless you're using a video conferencing tool, online communication means the written word: email, social media, and instant
messaging apps all depend on it.
Always remember that good communication and using clear language is vital in creating online rapport. Words can be
interpreted very differently in text than they would be in person – how often have you received an email that seemed angry or
abrupt, when it was meant to be funny or simply concise?
When you are composing an email or other written communications to a remote co-worker, consider language barriers and
cultural differences , and avoid metaphors or slang that could be misunderstood.
Pay close attention to the tone of your writing and how it could be interpreted by the recipient. Try applying the "mirror and
match" rapport-building technique: if the other person writes in short, simple sentences or uses lists and bullet points, do the
same in return. Just beware of falling into mimicry or parody.
Tip:
Refresh your email communication skills with our articles on Writing Effective Emails and Common Email Mistakes .
Read people's responses carefully, to make sure that you fully grasp their intended meaning and are not just reading what you
want or expect to. As Peter Handal, CEO of Dale Carnegie and publisher of "How To Win Friends and Influence People In
The Digital Age," says in our Expert Interview , "Listen better, listen longer, listen more effectively." Or in this case: read
better, read longer, read more effectively.
Tip:
Emoji, or keyboard "smiley" symbols, can help to convey the mood or sense of what you write in an email or message. One New
York Times blog post describes them as "a way to transcend the limits of one's native tongue to communicate with others
worldwide."
Key Points
You build rapport with a colleague, client or customer when you develop a sense of shared values and mutual trust.
You can build rapport with people online with the help of social media, professional networking sites, video chat and messaging
services, and collaborative software.
Use these five tips to help you to create lasting rapport with colleagues and team members who you'll likely never meet in person:
1. Use online research sensitively to find out what makes a person tick.
2. Be genuine. Create an online presence that's trustworthy and credible.
3. Communicate clearly and precisely.
4. Be accessible, and try to stay available for your online contacts.
5. If the relationship breaks down, don't fixate on fault and blame. Instead, focus on a positive outcome.
Learning Stream
Using Technology Effectively
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