Writing Practice Task 1

13/12/2021

The given diagram illustrates how the metamorphosis of salmon fish from egg to become an adult fish
that is ready to procreate. Overall, salmon fish has four developmental stages. It was started from egg,
the second stage is called ‘fry’, the third is ‘smolt’, and the last is ‘adult salmon’ . The unique thing from
this species is it starts its early stages of life in the river, whereas when it has already become an adult
fish, it lives in the sea, and then the fish will come back to the river to lay its eggs.

Salmon starts its first three developmental stages in the river. The eggs stay between the reeds and
small stones in the upper river with a slow stream for about 5-6 months. After that, the eggs will grow
into a small fish called ‘fry’ which has 3-8 cm long, and it lives in the lower river where the stream is
faster. After 4 years approximately, the ‘fry’ will grow longer into 12-15 cm, which is called ‘smolt’, and
this is the last stage when salmon become a river fish.

Turning to the last development stage of salmon, after reaching the ‘smolt’ phase, salmon will start to
migrate to the open sea until it becomes an ‘adult salmon’. This stage will take approximately 5 years in
its life cycle. And when it is ready to procreate, salmon will go back to the river to lay its eggs, and the
cycle starts again from the first stage.

EXTRA COMMENTS:

1. You might want to reduce the number of words in your essay by shortening the overview part as
it contains more than 2 main features.
2. Please be careful with the total number of stages/phases in a process diagram as there are clear
labels showing the order of each stage.
3. Please ensure that you have mentioned all information provided on the diagram, including the
size of an adult salmon.
4. When dealing with the life cycle of an animal you are expected to use specific words for it, such
as mating, habitat, reproduction, hatch, upstream, downstream, laying eggs, breed etc.

Task Achievement: 6.0

 addresses the requirements of the task
 presents an overview with information appropriately selected
 presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points but details may be
irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

 arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be
faulty or mechanical
 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately
Lexical Resource: 6.0 
 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede
communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6.0 

 uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms
 makes some errors in grammar and punctuation but they rarely reduce communication

OVERALL WT 1 BAND: 6.0