BASIC ESSAY FORMAT

Introduction – contains thesis

Body Paragraph 1 – green/yellow/red

Transition

Body Paragraph 2 – green/yellow/red

Transition

Body Paragraph 3 – green/yellow/red

Transition

Conclusion – restate thesis

 Body Paragraphs – green/yellow/red

Green = topic sentence

Yellow = fact or example that supports topic

Red = detail or explanation for yellow

(Use several yellow facts with red details under
each green topic sentence.)

End body paragraphs with a transition

 EXAMPLE NARRATIVE ESSAY: LEARNING TO SWIM
Learning to overcome your fear of water can be a frightening

experience. As a child, swimming face down in the water was very

intimidating to me. Each summer I’d get invited to pool parties and

make excuses why I couldn’t venture far from the steps. I knew

swimming was an important skill that I should know, but

overwhelming fear kept me from making any attempt to learn how.

All of my friends had learned to swim by the time they were in

Kindergarten. I wanted to play Marco Polo and cannonball off the

diving board just like a normal kid, so the summer I turned nine, I
finally agreed to take swimming lessons. Learning to swim was one

of the most challenging things I have ever done.

When I showed up for my first swimming lesson, I was really

nervous. I stood timidly by the side of the pool waiting for the other

students to show up. A tall red-headed boy and twin girls about my

age arrived . I felt better knowing that I wasn’t going to be the

oldest student in the class . The friendly teacher swam to the ladder,

introduced herself and got us all into the pool. I was glad the water

in this training pool was only four feet deep! During that first
lesson we concentrated on floating on our backs. Floating face up

wasn’t too threatening because my face was out of the water and the

teacher’s hand was under my back. I left lesson one feeling

somewhat assured. Maybe I could learn to swim? When I returned

the next day, I discovered the second lesson would significantly test

my new found confidence.

My face went into the water during swimming lesson two. The

teacher gave us foam kick boards. She held the curved front of the

kick board, and we held the flat back end with our arms outstretched .

We were asked to extend our legs behind us in a Superman-like flying

position . She had us put our face in the water and kick 10 times
before coming up for air. She held the kick board while we kicked, so

we would not move into deep water. Even with that assurance, I let

all the other students go first. It was my turn. I tried kicking with

my face in the water,but I panicked. I couldn’t breathe. I let go of

the kick board and got out of the pool without finishing my turn. The

teacher got out of the pool and spoke kindly to me. She said, “Many

students are afraid at first, but with practice anyone can learn.” I

eventually agreed to continue my lessons. I took 20 lessons that

summer.

During swimming lesson 17, I actually swam. Taking me out

about eight feet from the pool’s edge, my teacher explained I only
had to swim a short distance. She wanted me to swim freestyle

which meant my face would be in the water. Smiling with a

confidence I could now reflect, the instructor reminded me that I

could stand anytime I felt uncomfortable. She gave me a little shove

to start my swim. I swam two strokes towards the pool’s edge before

standing and reaching for the side. With encouragement from my

classmates , I started my next swim farther away from the edge. I

had to sputter for breath, as I made my way from the center of the

pool back to the safety of the edge. I moved my arms over my head,

kicked my legs and this time I made it all the way to the side without

standing or dieing. “Oh my gosh, I really did swim,” I thought to

myself after realiz ing my accomplishment. My teacher swam over and

congratulated me on my first swim. I repeated this feat two more

times before class ended. Puffed with the confidence that comes from

accomplishing a difficult task, I left lesson 17 a different person. I

was really looking forward to my next pool party.

Learning to overcome your fears is an empowering achievement. By

the end of that summer, my fear of water diminished and I was a

regular at the community pool. Recently I’ve looked into taking

lifeguard certification classes at my local YMCA. One success means

there will be others. Challenge met. Fear defeated!

Comment: Red details are often separate sentences which help us to hear, see and understand
the full story. Several red detail sentences may be placed together following a yellow sentence.
Inserted dialogue, prepositional phrases and adjectives are other kinds of red detail that occur
within a yellow sentence. Red details generally do not appear within the topic sentence or thesis.

EXAMPLE NARRATIVE ESSAY: LEARNING TO SWIM (no details)

Comment: Look at how different the story reads without those red details. The narrative still
makes sense because the green topic sentences are supported by the yellow facts, but the story is
too simple. It is hard to picture the story in your mind and fully understand the subject’s fear of
water without red details. Well chosen detail makes your writing more complete.

Learning to overcome your fear of water can be a frightening

experience. As a child, swimming face down in the water was very

intimidating to me. Each summer I’d get invited to pool parties and

make excuses why I couldn’t venture far from the steps. I knew

swimming was an important skill that I should know, but

overwhelming fear kept me from making any attempt to learn how.

All of my friends had learned to swim by the time they were in

Kindergarten. I wanted to play Marco Polo and cannonball off the

diving board just like a normal kid, so the summer I turned nine, I

finally agreed to take swimming lessons. Learning to swim was one

of the most challenging things I have ever done.

When I showed up for my first swimming lesson, I was really

nervous. I stood timidly by the side of the pool waiting for the other

students to show up. The friendly teacher swam to the ladder,

introduced herself and got us all into the pool. During that first
lesson we concentrated on floating on our backs. I left lesson one

feeling somewhat assured. When I returned the next day, I

discovered the second lesson would significantly test my new found

confidence.

My face went into the water during swimming lesson two. The

teacher gave us foam kick boards. She had us put our face in the

water and kick 10 times before coming up for air. It was my turn. I

let go of the kick board and got out of the pool without finishing my

turn. I eventually agreed to continue my lessons. I took 20 lessons

that summer.
During swimming lesson 17, I actually swam. My teacher explained I

only had to swim a short distance. I swam two strokes towards the

pool’s edge before standing and reaching for the side. I started my

next swim farther away from the edge. This time I made it all the

way to the side without standing or dieing. I repeated this feat two

more times before class ended. Puffed with the confidence that

comes from accomplishing a difficult task, I left lesson 17 a different

person. I was really looking forward to my next pool party.

Learning to overcome your fears is an empowering achievement. By

the end of that summer, my fear of water diminished and I was a

regular at the community pool. Recently I’ve looked into taking

lifeguard certification classes at my local YMCA. One success means

there will be others. Challenge met. Fear defeated

*******************
 Narrative Essay Assignment #1
Directions: Using the swimming essay as a guide, write your own essay about something
challenging you or someone close to you learned to do over time. Your thesis could be about
learning to play a musical instrument, sticking with a fitness routine, coping with a disability,
or any other challenge mastered step by step. This could be a challenge recently met or one
mastered long ago. For the best results, choose to write about a challenging experience you are
very familiar with.

Introduction:

In this paragraph, you, the writer should background why this challenge was important to master.
Tell about times your subject tried to learn before. Explain what may have interfered with previous
attempts. Help us understand why this challenge is so difficult for you to master. Tell us the
inspiration which led to this final, successful effort you’ve chosen to write about.

The writer may borrow the same thesis used in the example swimming essay and substitute in the
challenge he/she will write about in their own narrative essay. Here is an example of how to use the
borrowed thesis.
Learning (to play the violin) was one of the most challenging things I have ever done.
The writer may also construct their own unique thesis. In this exercise, the thesis will appear as the
final sentence of the introduction.

Body paragraph 1:

Begin with a topic sentence that introduces the first step taken to master this challenge. This topic
sentence could discuss the first lesson, the first week of training or the first skill learned in a series.
In this narrative it is suggested that all topic sentences parallel the sentence pattern set by the first
topic sentence composed for body paragraph 1.

When I showed up for my first swimming lesson, I was really nervous.

Continue body paragraph 1 by thoroughly describing that first lesson, or first week or first skill
learned. You may choose to write the yellow sentences for this paragraph first and go back and add
the red details later. (Remember prepositional phrases and dialogue can also add detail.) All writers
return to their essay many times to improve and edit.

Finish this paragraph with a blue transition. This transition helps the essay reader to know that time
passes between body paragraphs 1 and 2. It is acceptable to borrow the example transition below
and make a few changes to match your topic. As always, you may create your own transition.

When I returned the next day, I discovered the second lesson would significantly test my new
found confidence.
Body paragraph 2:

Begin with a topic sentence similar to that written for body paragraph 1. Notice the first topic
sentence in the example essay spoke about swimming lesson 1 and the second topic sentence spoke
about swimming lesson 2. By reusing the phrase “swimming lesson” in each topic sentence it helps
improve the clarity and flow of the writing.

The topic sentence for body paragraph 2 should show the subject part way through meeting his/her
challenge.

My face went into the water during swimming lesson two.

Try to include at least six, red, detail sentences in this paragraph. Remember that red detail
sentences must further explain a yellow fact or example. In this narrative essay pattern, the red
detail sentences follow the yellow fact/example sentences they describe.

End with a transition sentence that shows the subject making progress towards meeting their goal.

I took 20 lessons that summer.

Body paragraph 3:

Begin with a topic sentence similar to that written for body paragraphs 1 and 2. This topic sentence
should show the subject about to complete or finally completing the challenge started at the
beginning of the essay.

During swimming lesson 17, I actually swam.

Use dialogue or prepositional phrases to add detail in this paragraph. Doing so makes sentences
more complex and varied.

“Oh my gosh, I really did swim,” I thought to myself after realizing my accomplishment.
(dialogue) (prep phrase)

The climax is reached and the challenge is mastered in this body paragraph. Your subject is likely
excited and proud. Telling the emotions he/she is feeling, provides an excellent opportunity to add
extra descriptive detail to your essay.

Finish this final body paragraph with a transition to the conclusion. You may borrow all or part of
the transition given in the sample essay.
Puffed with the confidence that comes from accomplishing a difficult task, I left lesson 17 a
different person. I was really looking forward to my next pool party.

Conclusion:

In the final paragraph of this narrative essay share, the confidence gained when the subject met their
goal. What has now changed because this challenge was met? Discuss new things the subject will
try to accomplish now that they have mastered this challenge. Restate your thesis.

Challenge met. Fear defeated!

Comment: Reusing some words from both the background information found in the introduction and
those used in the original thesis satisfies the essay readers need for completion. Do not recopy your
entire thesis and introduction, instead repeat a few key words or reorder the sentence.

Editing:

I suggest using green, yellow and pink high lighters to identify the topic sentences, facts/example
sentences and details to assist with editing. Box the thesis and restatement of thesis.
Name: Name:

DUE DATE ________________ Due Date _______________

Scoring the Rough Draft Scoring the Final Draft

Sufficient background information explains the challenge? 0, 1, 2 pts. Suggested improvements made to the introduction? 0, 1, 2, 3 pts

Is a clear thesis present in the introduction? 0, 1, 2 pts

Are all three topic sentences written in a parallel form? 0, 1, 2, 3 pts Topic sentences and transitions increase essay flow? 0, 1, 2, 3 pts

Do the topic sentences occur in chronological order? 0, 1 pt

Are transitions present between body paragraphs? 0, 1, 2, 3 pts Appropriate facts/examples support topic sentences? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 pts

At least three facts/examples sentences support each topic sentence?

0, 1, 2, 3, pts

Numerous details provide clarity and description. 0, 1, 2, 3, 4 pts The quality and quantity of details were improved 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 pts

Conclusion shows subject looking to future goals. 0, 1 pt

Thesis was restated in conclusion. 0, 1 pt Suggested improvements made to the conclusion? 0, 1, 2 pts
______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________
TOTAL POSSIBLE POINTS = 20 TOTAL POSSIBLE POINTS = 20

A = 18-20, B= 16-17, C=14-15, D = 12-13 A = 18-20, B= 16-17, C=14-15, D = 12-13

Additional Narrative Practice: Use the same format to write about the most exciting thing the writer
has ever done or the most embarrassing moment that the writer has ever experienced.

EXTENTION ACTIVITY NARRATIVE ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS:

Option 1

Attend a multicultural ceremony, like Confirmation, a Bar Mitzvah, a Quinceañera or a Hindu Vedic wedding
ceremony. (Receive approval from the instructor for your ceremony choice.) Make sure that you choose an invent
with which you are unfamiliar. Using the swimming essay as a guide, write a narrative essay about what happened
at the event.

In the introduction, tell what you knew about this cultural happening before you arrived to witness it. Write a
thesis about how unusual or interesting you found the event to be.

Use the first body paragraph to discuss what you saw before the ceremony began.

Use the second body paragraph to detail a particularly unique part of the ceremony.

Use the third body paragraph to explain what happened after the formal ceremony.

In your conclusion restate your thesis then review what you learned about this culture after attending the ceremony.
Option 2

Take a field trip to a museum you have never visited before. Using the swimming essay as your guide, write a
narrative essay about what you saw at the museum. Write this essay as if you were a travel guide leading a group
of tourists through the museum.

In the introduction, tell when the museum was built, who assembled the collections in the museum and what
days/hours it is open. Write a thesis explaining what type of items tourists can expect to see on their tour of the
museum.

Use the first body paragraph to discuss what exhibits are seen as you first enter the museum.

Use the second body paragraph to detail a particularly unique or valuable exhibit within the museum.

Use the third body paragraph to explain an exhibit displayed at the end of the museum tour.

In your conclusion restate your thesis then review what you learned about this museum after visiting it.