2 Broke Girls BG 210 2ND REV TABLE 11-2

“And The Big Opening”
Episode #210
Production #2J6710
Written by
Michael Patrick King
Directed by
Lonny Price
2ND REV. TABLE (PINK)

November 2, 2012
© 2012 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

This script is the property of Bonanza Productions Inc. No portion of
this script may be performed, reproduced or used by any means, or
disclosed to, quoted or published in any medium without the prior
written consent of Bonanza Productions Inc.
Episode #210
CAST
MAX BLACK........................................................................................................... KAT DENNINGS
CAROLINE CHANNING .............................................................................................BETH BEHRS
EARL....................................................................................................................GARRETT MORRIS
HAN LEE ................................................................................................................. MATTHEW MOY
OLEG....................................................................................................................... JONATHAN KITE
SOPHIE ...........................................................................................................JENNIFER COOLIDGE
GUEST CAST
ANDY......................................................................................................................... RYAN HANSEN
JOHNNY ........................................................................................................................... NICK ZANO
ROBBIE ..........................................................................................................................NOAH MILLS
NEVEL .............................................................................................................. DARRYL STEPHENS
STAPLES LADY..........................................................................................................AMY TOLSKY
HIPSTER.......................................................................................................... BRANDON HERMAN

2 Broke Girls a/o 10/30/12
Tentative Production Schedule

Episode 210 - “And The Big Opening”
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2
8:00A Rehearsal Stage 21
12:00N Studio/Network Run Thru
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 5
8:00A Crew Call/Company to Backlot Stage 21/Backlot
9:00A Shoot Sophie’s House Jungle
10:30A Company Move to Stage Stage 21
11:30A Camera Block/Pre-Shoot
2:00P Lunch
3:00P Camera Block/Pre-Shoot Stage 21
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6
10:30A Crew Call Stage 21
11:00A Camera Refresh/Camera Block
3:30P Lunch (Catered) WB Commissary
3:30P Load-In Audience
4:30P Touch-Ups, Speed-Thru
5:00P Audience Show
PLEASE NOTE: ALL TIMES SUBJECT TO CHANGE AND DO NOT CONSTITUTE A “CALL”
PLEASE CONSULT PRODUCTION OFFICE AT (818) 954-1170
Episode #210
SFX/MUSIC
SFX
N/A
MUSIC
N/A
Episode #210: “And The Big Opening” 2nd REV. TABLE (PINK) 11/2/12
COLD OPENING (1)

INT. DINER – NIGHT (N-1)
Max, Caroline, Earl, Extras
ACT ONE
SCENE A (3)
INT. DINER - LATER (N-1)
Max, Caroline, Earl, Han, Oleg, Sophie, Extras
SCENE B (10)
INT. MAX’S HOMEMADE
CUPCAKES/OFFICE AREA/MALLWAY -
NIGHT (N-2)
Max, Caroline, Oleg, Sophie, Andy, Nevel,
Staples Lady, Waiter Extras, Sophie’s Friends
Extras
ACT TWO
SCENE C (19)
INT. MAX’S HOMEMADE
CUPCAKES/MALLWAY/MAX’S
HOMEMADE CUPCAKES OFFICE
AREA/CANDY ANDY’S SWEETS AND
TREATS/CANDY ANDY’S STORAGE
ROOM – LATER (N-2)
Max, Caroline, Earl, Han, Oleg, Sophie, Andy,
Johnny, Nevel, Robbie, Staples Lady, Woman
Extra, Waiter Extras, Party Guests Extras
ACT THREE
SCENE D (32)
INT. MAX’S APARTMENT – THE NEXT
DAY (D-3)
Max, Caroline, Andy, Johnny, Chestnut
Page 1 of 2
Episode #210: “And The Big Opening” 2nd REV. TABLE (PINK) 11/2/12
SCENE E (37)
INT. MAX’S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES –
LATER THAT MORNING (D-3)
Max, Caroline, Mall Extras
DISSOLVE TO:

THE NEXT DAY (D-4)
Max, Caroline, Hipster, Mall Extras
DISSOLVE TO:

THE NEXT DAY (D-5)
Max, Caroline, Andy, Hipster, Mall Extras*
SCENE H (42)
EXT. SOPHIE’S DREAM HOUSE IN
POLAND – DAY (D-5)
Sophie, Cab Driver Extra
SCENE J (43)
INT. DINER/DINER KITCHEN – THE NEXT
NIGHT (N-6)
Max, Caroline, Earl, Han, Oleg, Johnny, Extras
PROGRAM CONTENT: 20:55
Page 2 of 2
2 BROKE GIRL$ #210 2ND REV. TABLE (PINK) 1.
"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 C/O
COLD OPEN
INT. DINER - NIGHT (N-1)

(MAX, CAROLINE, EARL, EXTRAS)
MAX WALKS UP TO EARL AT THE CASHIER'S DESK WITH A CHECK.
MAX
Earl, time to play "Marry, Sleep With, or
Kill -- Diner Edition." Ladies; Booth One?
EARL LOOKS OVER AT THE BOOTH -- IT'S THREE ATTRACTIVE LADIES.
EARL
Sleep with, sleep with, sleep with.
MAX
Nice.
EARL
Okay, Max -- the dudes at Table Ten.
MAX LOOKS OVER AT A TABLE OF TWO FAT GUYS (30'S).
MAX
Sleep with, then kill myself.
EARL
Well played.
CAROLINE WALKS UP WITH A CHECK AND CASH.
MAX
Jump in. We're playing "Marry, Sleep
With, Kill -- Diner Edition."
CAROLINE
No way. There is no one in this diner
I would ever marry or sleep with.
MAX
It's just a game. Pick a table.

"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 C/O
CAROLINE
Nope. Even in a fictional scenario,
I cannot permit myself to go there.
EARL
Girl, you'd take the fun out of a
punch bowl full of cocaine.
CAROLINE
Okay. Fine. (LOOKS AROUND; THEN, TO
MAX) Sleep with Earl. Marry you.
MAX
Not us! Jeeze. What are you, a freak?
EARL
I feel uncomfortable, Caroline. Like I
don't know how to look at you anymore.
MAX
Now I can only see you in a creepy
wedding dress.
MAX STARTS AWAY -- CAROLINE CALLS AFTER HER.
CAROLINE
You said it was a game! (THEN; TO
EARL) It was just a joke, Earl.
EARL
The things we say in jest, darlin'.
The things we say in jest.
HE LOOKS AT HER DIFFERENTLY. CAROLINE IS EMBARRASSED.
FADE OUT.
END OF COLD OPEN

"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 I/A
ACT ONE
SCENE A
INT. DINER - LATER (N-1)

(MAX, CAROLINE, EARL, HAN, OLEG, SOPHIE, EXTRAS)
MAX IS AT THE COUNTER. CAROLINE HURRIES UP, CARRYING A FOLDER.
CAROLINE
Oh my God, look at the RSVP list for
our opening party. Max's Homemade
Cupcakes is at capacity!
MAX
Hey, we might even be overbooked. *
Because in my experience, even when guys *
say they're not going to come -- they do. *
EARL COMES WALKING UP BEHIND THEM TO GET COFFEE.
CAROLINE
(RE: LIST) This is so exciting. Nothing
says "success" like an overbooked party.
EARL
Except maybe floor seats at a Knicks game
and a limo full of hookers.
EARL TURNS AWAY TO FILL UP HIS COFFEE CUP.
MAX
Now I feel like Earl's going to be
disappointed in our party.
CAROLINE
And I got vodka and wine donated from a
local liquor store.

EARL
(AS HE GOES) Then I'll be fine.
MAX
How'd you get free booze from a liquor
store? I know you didn't do it the
traditional way -- standing in the parking
lot and letting guys look down your hoodie.
CAROLINE
I told them it was a charity event for *
needy and homeless women. (OFF HER *
LOOK) Don't give me that look. I am *
needy -- and if the shop fails, we're *
halfway to homeless. *
HAN COMES UP TO THE COUNTER. HE POINTS TO A BOOTH.
HAN
Caroline, Booth Two has been waiting
for service for ten minutes.
MAX
And Han knows how frustrating that is
'cause he's been waiting to be
serviced for years.
HAN
Not that it's any of your business,
Max, but I have a very active sex life.
CAROLINE
(TESTING HIM) So, then, Han -- will *
you be bringing a date tomorrow night?

HAN
Ah... no.
MAX
(TO HAN) You do understand that sex
involves two people, right? And that
one of those people has to be you.
HAN
What is all this dirty talk? This is
a diner, not a dirty talking place.
CAROLINE
Sorry, Han. I'll go right over to the
booth. We were just talking about our
big opening party. *
HAN
All you ever talk about is your big
opening.
MAX
Now, who has the potty mouth?
HAN THINKS; THEN, EMBARRASSED, TURNS AND WALKS AWAY.
CAROLINE
Max, I need your guest list names.
MAX
Oh. Okay. Still waiting for them to
confirm. So just put me down for ten.
CAROLINE
Okay, but I need their names ASAP.
I'm running a tight door. I got a
(MORE)
CAROLINE (CONT'D)
bouncer from a local club to donate
his time.
MAX
What'd you tell him it was? "Cupcakes *
for Cooch Cancer?" *
CAROLINE
No, Max! Cancer's too far. Eczema. *
(OFF HER LOOK) What? We'll make a big
donation when we're successful, but
for tomorrow -- every now and then,
just scratch a little.
THE DOOR OPENS; SOPHIE ENTERS. SHE IS VERY EXCITED.
SOPHIE
Hey everybody, I have great news!
OLEG APPEARS AT THE PICK-UP WINDOW AND SMILES.
OLEG
Me, too. All three things are not
contagious.
SOPHIE
Oh, that's just another Tuesday
compared to this. (OPENS HER PURSE) I
got a fax from Poland. And look -- my
dream house is done!
SHE HANDS THE PHOTO FAX OF A HOUSE TO THE GIRLS. THEY LOOK.
SOPHIE (CONT’D)
Isn't that amazing?!

MAX
It is amazing. I haven't seen a fax
in, like, five years.
SOPHIE
Well, the fax machine just made it to
this small Polish town. They are
calling the postmaster a wizard.
CAROLINE
Sophie, it's so pretty. Look at all
the sweet gingerbread woodwork on the
porch. It's really, really lovely.
SOPHIE
Oh... well, now I'm going to have to
start liking you.
OLEG ENTERS AND WALKS UP BEHIND MAX, WHO IS LOOKING AT THE FAX.
MAX
Wow. Who's the cute guy on the porch? *
SOPHIE
That's my contractor, Sylwestor. He
has so many muscles, I call him
"Sylwestor Stallone."
OLEG
(OFF FAX) He doesn't have so many
muscles. And is that a hair lip?
SOPHIE
I don't know, I never look at his
face. And girls -- wait 'til you see
(MORE)
SOPHIE (CONT'D)
him last summer in his Daisy Dukes.
Here.
SHE OPENS HER PURSE AND HANDS THEM ANOTHER FAX PHOTO.
SOPHIE (CONT’D)
See. Shirtless -- his chest is so *
smooth and sexy. *
OLEG
What's sexy? He has no hair. Look at *
that pathetic trail peeking up from his *
hot pants -- I'll bet his shaft has a *
comb-over. (THEN) That's not me. I am *
like a jungle. Tell them, Sophie. *
SOPHIE
(TO GIRLS; MATTER OF FACT) He is. So *
much hair down there.
OLEG
(TO GIRLS) Yes. She hasn't had to
floss in months.
CAROLINE
We can never "un-hear" that, right?
MAX
Nope. That may be the last thing we
think about on our death beds.
SOPHIE
(LOOKING AT FAX; EXCITED) Oh my gosh --
three years waiting to see my house. I
am on Air Poland flight after big party.

OLEG
You're going to Poland? That's news. *
And when were you going to tell me?
SOPHIE
Now. And I'm going for a month. I
mean, why take fifteen hat boxes for
just the weekend?
OLEG
(COVERING) Oh, a month. That's cool.
It will be good to have some time away
from the old ball and chain.
OLEG EXITS INTO THE KITCHEN. SOPHIE LOOKS AT THE GIRLS.
SOPHIE
He's not talking about me. We use a
ball and chain in our love making.
(THEN) Okay. Well, bye-bye. See you
tomorrow night at my big going away
party!
CAROLINE
Sophie, the party's for our cupcake
business.
SOPHIE
See, this is why I don't like you so
much.
SHE TURNS AND CROSSES OUT OF THE DINER. CAROLINE TURNS TO MAX.
CUT TO:
"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 I/B
SCENE B
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES/OFFICE AREA/MALLWAY - NIGHT (N-2)

(MAX, CAROLINE, OLEG, SOPHIE, ANDY, NEVEL, STAPLES LADY,
WAITER EXTRAS, SOPHIE'S FRIENDS EXTRAS)
THE CUPCAKE SHOP IS READY TO OPEN. THE TABLES AND CHAIRS ARE
PAINTED AND PRETTY. THE CARNIVAL RED ARROW HANGS ON THE WALL
ABOVE A SLEEK GLASS CUPCAKE COUNTER FILLED WITH DELICIOUS-
LOOKING CUPCAKES. A LONG TABLE UPSTAGE IS BEING SET UP AS A
BAR BY A FEW YOUNG WAIT PERSONS WEARING BLACK T-SHIRTS THAT
SAY: "MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES." CAROLINE ENTERS THROUGH THE
SWINGING DOORS. SHE IS DRESSED FOR A PARTY, AND CARRYING THE
FINAL TRAY OF CUPCAKES TO PUT IN THE FRONT COUNTER.
CAROLINE
(CALLS OVER) Guys, thanks again for *
donating your time. It's fund-raisers
like this that will help put an end to
undescended testicles.
THE WAITERS NOD. THE FRONT DOOR OPENS AND MAX ENTERS, WEARING
HER PEA COAT. HER HAIR IS BLOWN-OUT STRAIGHT AND AMAZING.
MAX
Hi. I'd like to meet the owner of
this awesome and totally cool cupcake
shop? Oh, never mind, that's me.
CAROLINE
Max, you got a blow-out!
MAX
Yeah. I figured I'd finally see what
all the fuss about getting blown is.
NEVEL (30) -- AFRICAN-AMERICAN; STYLISH IN BLACK -- ENTERS.
CAROLINE
Oh, hi. We're not quite ready for
guests yet.
NEVEL
Girl, I'm your doorman. Nevel.
CAROLINE
I'm confused -- I thought my doorman was-- *
NEVEL
Straight, white, and boring? He was.
But boring came down with the flu -- now
you got gay, black, and definitely not
boring. So, what is the charity tonight?
MAX CAROLINE
Eczema. Undescended testicles.
CAROLINE (CONT'D)
People with eczema and undescended
testicles.
NEVEL
Lord child, that is a cross to bear.
Get me the door list and let's make
those poor itchy boys some money.
HE WALKS BACK TO THE WAIT PERSONS AS HE TAKES OFF HIS COAT.
MAX
Another fake charity? You have some
balls -- even if they aren't descended.
MAX STARTS AWAY -- OVER BEHIND THE COUNTER AREA. *
CAROLINE
Max, we so lucked out. Nothing says
"successful party" like a bitchy gay
(MORE)
CAROLINE (CONT'D)
doorman. (THEN) Give me your guest
names. I'll write them down. *
MAX TAKES A FOLDED PAPER OUT OF HER POCKET AND READS. *
MAX
Okay, fine. Put down: Tommy, Dylan, *
Spike, Robbie, Johnny...
CAROLINE
Robbie and Johnny? Wait -- Max, are
these all your ex-boyfriends?
MAX
Perhaps.
MAX EXITS THROUGH THE SWINGING DOORS. CAROLINE FOLLOWS HER.
RESET TO:
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES - OFFICE AREA - CONTINUOUS (N-2)

(MAX, CAROLINE, NEVEL)
THE CUPCAKE SHOP STORAGE AND OFFICE AREA -- SHELVES OF CUPCAKE

BOXES AND A MAKE-SHIFT FOLDING TABLE DESK WITH FOLDING CHAIRS
AND A LAMP. CAROLINE'S COAT HANGS ON A HOOK ON THE WALL. MAX
ENTERS, FOLLOWED BY CAROLINE -- HOT ON HER HEELS.
CAROLINE
Max, the invited guests were all
supposed to be business contacts.
MAX
See, this is why I didn't tell you
sooner -- you're a control freak. And
for the record, these guys have all
had contact with my business.

CAROLINE
You are using our launch party to get
back at ex-boyfriends!
MAX
Ah, yeah! That's what success is for!
To say "suck it" to people who dumped
you. "See my blown-out hair? Suck it!"
"See my cool cupcake shop? Suck it!"
SHE TAKES OFF HER COAT AND IS DRESSED VERY "CLEAVAGE-Y".
MAX (CONT’D)
"See these in this blouse? You wish
you could suck it." (THEN; HANDS LIST)
And here. It's not just boyfriends on
my list. I also invited the lady from
Staples who gives me attitude. She
can suck it, too.
CAROLINE
(INCREDULOUS) I'm sorry, you want the
random lady from Staples to "suck it?" *
MAX
Every time I go in, she waits 'til I
get right up to the front of the line
and then goes like this--
MAX HOLDS UP HER FINGER AS IF TO SAY: "WAIT."
MAX (CONT’D)
After which, she walks right to where I
can see her and does nothing. I don't
(MORE)
MAX (CONT’D)
know what she has against me, but I'm
successful now, so she can suck it.
CAROLINE
Fine. (OFF LIST) But how is inviting *
Johnny and his new wife a victory?
MAX
Like this: "Hi, Mrs. Johnny, nice to
meet you. You got him, but I got (RE:
BOOBS) these and (RE: SHOP) all this.
So suck it!"
CAROLINE
I'm not so sure this is healthy.
MAX
Are you kidding me?! This is the
healthiest thing I've done in my life!
I even thought about inviting my mother
to come and suck it, but then she'd
realize maybe I didn't commit suicide
two years ago like my note said.
NEVEL STEPS IN THROUGH THE SWINGING DOORS.
NEVEL
I'm about ready to open. Shouldn't we
be putting up some testicle banners or
scrotum posters or something? (THEN) *
Also, there's a cute blonde boy out
here asking for you that I'm 'bout to
eat alive.
NEVEL TURNS AND WALKS AWAY.
CAROLINE
That's Andy with the free bar stuff. *
MAX
Go. I want to stay here and practice my
"suck it" face for a while. How's this?
SHE MAKES A SUPERIOR-LOOKING FACE AS SHE NODS HER HEAD.
CAROLINE
That look is so much more "suck it" *
with the straight hair.
CAROLINE TURNS AND EXITS BACK INTO THE SHOP.
RESET TO:
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES - CONTINUOUS (N-2)

(MAX, CAROLINE, OLEG, SOPHIE, ANDY, NEVEL, STAPLES LADY,
WAITER EXTRAS, SOPHIE'S FRIENDS EXTRAS)
CAROLINE ENTERS TO SEE ANDY HANDING BOXES OF LIQUOR FROM A

STANDING DOLLY TO THE WAITERS AT THE BAR. HE STARTS OVER.
CAROLINE *
Hi, honey -- how'd it go at "Pete's *
Liquor?" *
ANDY
Well, I got a little confused about what *
charity we're pretending to help, so I *
told him my sister lives on the street *
and my balls are up inside me. Now we *
just gotta hope Pete's not a gossipy *
man. (THEY KISS; THEN) Oop -- they just *
dropped. *
CAROLINE LAUGHS. MAX ENTERS THROUGH THE SWINGING DOORS. *

MAX
Hey, Andy. Question: What does this
face say to you?
MAX MAKES HER SUPERIOR "SUCK IT" FACE AND NODS HER HEAD.
ANDY
I don't know -- like: "I'm cool."
CAROLINE
Ooh, so close! Guess again.
MAX IS STILL MAKING THE FACE. HE LOOKS AGAIN.
ANDY
Like: "I'm better than you." No --
like: "I'm 'it' and you can suck it."
MAX
Yes! Yes! They can suck it!
CAROLINE
(TO ANDY) Is that what you're wearing
tonight?
ANDY
Yes. (OFF HER HEAD SHAKE) No?
CAROLINE
A sweater? I always saw you in a suit
tonight. Run home real quick and put
on a suit. It's my big night. Go.
Hurry back.
SHE KISSES HIM AGAIN. THEN, HE LOOKS AT HER.
ANDY
Max is still making the face.

MAX
I know! Can't stop. I've waited my
whole life to make this face.
ANDY SMILES AND EXITS. CAROLINE WALKS OVER TO MAX.
CAROLINE
Max. Look. Our business is open.
MAX
Wait, wait. Not quite. In five,
four, three, two--
MAX REACHES DOWN BEHIND THE COUNTER FOR A SWITCH. THE BULBS
IN THE ARROW LIGHT UP. THE GIRLS CHEER. THE STAPLES LADY
(40) ENTERS. SHE SEEMS AVERAGE AND NICE.
MAX (CONT’D)
It's her. The Staples lady!
CAROLINE
I cannot believe she actually came.
MAX
What else does she have to do? She
stops torturing people at five. Go
invite her over here for a cupcake.
CAROLINE GOES OVER TO GREET THE STAPLES LADY.
CAROLINE
Welcome to Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
I'll go get you some wine while you go
over there and select a cupcake.
THE STAPLES LADY SMILES AND WALKS OVER TO THE COUNTER. MAX IS *
STANDING BEHIND IT, MAKING HER "SUCK IT" FACE AND NODDING. *
STAPLES LADY
They all look wonderful. I'll have a--

MAX HOLDS UP HER "WAIT" FINGER. THEN; STEPS AWAY TO CAROLINE.
MAX
Greatest night of my life!
RESET TO:
INT. MALLWAY - CONTINUOUS (N-2)

(OLEG, SOPHIE, NEVEL, SOPHIE'S FRIENDS EXTRAS)
SOPHIE AND OLEG, FOLLOWED BY A CROWD OF PEOPLE, ARRIVE AT DOOR.
SOPHIE
Sophie Kuchenski. Guest of honor!
NEVEL
How many in your party?
SOPHIE
See that? I knew it was my party! (RE:
CROWD BEHIND HER) And these are all my *
guests! *
MAX AND CAROLINE WATCH, STUNNED, AS SOPHIE, OLEG AND HER MANY
COLORFUL FRIENDS ENTER THE CUPCAKE SHOP.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE

"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 II/C
ACT TWO
SCENE C
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES/MALLWAY/MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES

OFFICE AREA/CANDY ANDY'S SWEETS AND TREATS/CANDY ANDY'S STORAGE
ROOM - LATER (N-2)
(MAX, CAROLINE, EARL, HAN, OLEG, SOPHIE, ANDY, JOHNNY,
NEVEL, ROBBIE, STAPLES LADY, WOMAN EXTRA, WAITER EXTRAS,
PARTY GUESTS EXTRAS)
THE PARTY IS IN FULL SWING AND VERY CROWDED; A MIX OF COOL

WILLIAMSBURG TYPES, YOUNG PROFESSIONALS AND SOPHIE'S FRIENDS.
THE WAITERS WALK AROUND WITH CUPCAKES ON TRAYS. CAROLINE
HURRIES UP TO MAX, WHO IS PUTTING CUPCAKES IN THE COUNTER.
CAROLINE
Max! There's a line all the way down
the hall, and I've given out, like, a
hundred business cards! You know what
that means? Being poor can "suck it!"
THEY BOTH MAKE THE SUPERIOR "SUCK IT" FACE. NEVEL WALKS UP.
NEVEL
Girl, the fire marshal just dropped by
and told me I can't let any more
people in 'til some folks go out.
MAX
What?! No way. My guests aren't even
here yet. Look, Nevel, it's very
important you let in any guy who looks
hot but you know would screw you over.
NEVEL
Is there any other type?
NEVEL WALKS AWAY. CAROLINE LOOKS AROUND AT THE CROWD.

CAROLINE
I'll just go tell Sophie to tell some
of her uninvited guests to leave.
SOPHIE WALKS UP TO THE GIRLS WITH A CHAMPAGNE GLASS.
SOPHIE
Oh, girls -- everything is so
beautiful! When I gave you all the
money to open this place, I never
dreamed it would turn into a goodbye
party for me and my many friends!
CAROLINE
Well, it's the least we could do.
SOPHIE
It certainly is. All you have to eat is
cupcakes. Order a pizza or something.
SOPHIE WALKS AWAY. MAX SEES THE STAPLES LADY NEARBY.
MAX
Well, you wussed out, so I'll go tell *
the Staples lady to get out of here *
before I three-hole punch her. *
MAX GOES OVER TO THE STAPLES LADY, WHO IS TALKING WITH

ANOTHER GUEST. AS MAX GOES TO SPEAK, THE STAPLES LADY PUTS
UP HER FINGER FOR MAX TO WAIT. A FURIOUS MAX TURNS AND EXITS
THROUGH THE SWINGING DOORS. ANDY ENTERS AND WALKS UP TO
CAROLINE. HE IS STILL WEARING THE SAME SWEATER.
ANDY
How's it going so far, babe?

CAROLINE
Andy, what are you doing? I told you
to come back in a suit.
ANDY
Yeah -- but I like what I'm wearing.
CAROLINE
So -- you're telling me that you'll
just go and do what you want, no matter
how much I try to control you? (OFF HIS
NOD) That is so freaking hot.
SHE GIVES HIM A BIG SEXY KISS. HAN CALLS FROM THE DOOR.
HAN
Caroline! Caroline! Over here!
HE WAVES AND WAVES AS THEY JUST KEEP KISSING; OBLIVIOUS.
RESET TO:

(EARL, HAN, NEVEL, ROBBIE, PARTY EXTRAS)
A LONG LINE OF PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO GET IN. HAN IS AT THE

FRONT, SPEAKING TO NEVEL, WHO IS NEXT TO A RED ROPE STANCHION.
HAN
Caroline! (THEN; TO NEVEL) See, I know
her and my name's on the list. Han Lee.
NEVEL
Honey, if I was a fat girl and your
name was Sara Lee, you still wouldn't
be getting in. We are at capacity.
ROBBIE COMES WALKING UP TO THE DOOR. NEVEL TAKES ONE LOOK.

ROBBIE
Hey. Robbie. On the list.
NEVEL
Go right in, child.
NEVEL LIFTS THE RED ROPE AND ROBBIE ENTERS THE CUPCAKE SHOP.
HAN
(TO NEVEL) Ah -- hello? Do you need a
dictionary to define the word "capacity?"
NEVEL
I have clear orders. Only very hot
men who look like trouble.
EARL WALKS UP TO THE DOOR. NEVEL TAKES ONE LOOK -- LIFTS THE
ROPE. EARL SMILES AND ENTERS THE PARTY. HAN IS FRUSTRATED.
RESET TO:

(CAROLINE, ANDY, ROBBIE, WAITER EXTRAS, PARTY GUESTS EXTRAS)
ROBBIE WALKS OVER TO WHERE CAROLINE AND ANDY ARE STANDING.
ROBBIE
Excuse me, would you know where I
could find Max?
CAROLINE
Yes, she's in the back. (NOTHING)
Robbie. It's me. Caroline.
ROBBIE
Oh. Sorry -- did we have sex?
CAROLINE
What?! No. I'm Max's roommate.

ROBBIE
Max had a roommate? I was pretty much
wasted that whole time. I remember,
like, nothing. But I'm in the program
now. "One day at a time."
ANDY
(NODS TO ROBBIE) Hey. Andy.
ROBBIE
Oh. Sorry -- did we have sex?
CAROLINE
No, you did not have sex. He's
straight.
ROBBIE
So am I, but one day I woke up wearing
some sixty year-old guy's long johns
with the trap door open. That was my
bottom.
ANDY
Literally.
CAROLINE
(POINTS) Well, Max is through there.
ROBBIE
Cool. (THEN; TO CAROLINE) But we did
have sex, right?
CAROLINE
No, we did not have sex. You offered,
but I wasn't into you.

ROBBIE
(AMUSED) Yeah, right.
HE TURNS AND WALKS AWAY.
RESET TO:
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES - OFFICE AREA - CONTINUOUS (N-2)

(MAX, ROBBIE) *
MAX IS PUTTING CUPCAKES ON A TRAY, AS ROBBIE ENTERS. MAX SEES *

HIM; PUTS DOWN THE CUPCAKE TRAY AND MAKES HER SUPERIOR FACE.
ROBBIE
Hey, Max. (THEN; OFF HER LOOK) Why are
you making that face? Do you have a
toothache or something?
MAX
No. I'm successful and this is my shop.
ROBBIE
Cool. So, listen, I'm an alcoholic now
and I did a lot of stuff to you that
wasn't cool and I came here 'cause the
program says I have to make almonds.
MAX
Almonds?! You mean "amends."
ROBBIE
Cool. So, I cheated on you behind
your back. Like, every day.
MAX
Well, we don't need to go into all this
now -- kind of a big night for me.

ROBBIE
And I stole money from you. Like,
every time we had sex.
MAX
But we had a lot of sex.
ROBBIE
Yeah. I stole a lot of money.
MAX
Well, this just went from "suck it" to
"it sucks," so -- lift up your shirt.
(OFF HIS LOOK) I gotta get something out
of tonight.
ROBBIE LIFTS UP HIS SHIRT, REVEALING HIS AMAZING EIGHT-PACK.
MAX (CONT’D)
Money well-spent.
MAX PICKS UP THE CUPCAKE TRAY AND EXITS OUT INTO THE PARTY.
RESET TO:

(MAX, CAROLINE, EARL, HAN, OLEG, SOPHIE, ANDY, JOHNNY,
WAITER EXTRAS, PARTY GUESTS EXTRAS)
MAX ENTERS THROUGH THE SWINGING DOORS. CAROLINE IS THERE.
MAX
Just found out I've paid for more sex
than an Arab businessman. (THEN) Maybe
this wasn't the healthiest thing I
could have done tonight.

CAROLINE
What do you want to do? Should I tell
Nevel to keep Johnny out?
MAX
Too late. Way too late.
JOHNNY COMES WALKING UP BEHIND CAROLINE. HE LOOKS GREAT.
JOHNNY
Max. Look at you. Under the arrow.
In the spotlight. Where you belong.
MAX CAN'T HELP BUT SMILE -- AND MELT A LITTLE.
MAX
Hi.
CAROLINE, HER BACK TO JOHNNY, IS DOING MAX'S "SUCK IT" FACE

AS A REMINDER FOR WHAT TO GIVE TO JOHNNY.
JOHNNY
Hey, Caroline.
CAROLINE STOPS MAKING THE FACE -- TURNS QUICKLY; BIG SMILE.
CAROLINE
(HIGH-PITCHED) Hi, Johnny. (THEN) Oh
God -- my voice is so high. What's
that about?
JOHNNY
Man, this place is so awesome. It's
like you're throwing the finger at
everyone who didn't believe in you.
MAX
Nooo -- we're not petty like that.
OLEG IS STANDING IN THE CENTER OF THE ROOM.

OLEG
May I have everyone's attention? I'd
like to make a goodbye toast to the
woman that I have been sharing a bed
with. But not only a bed -- we've
shared the floor, many restaurant *
tables, various unlocked cars, and one *
drainage pipe in Central Park.
SOPHIE
(CUTE STORY) We got caught in the
rain. What are you gonna do?!
CAROLINE
I better go stop him before he gives
more details and the Board of Health
shuts us down.
CAROLINE STARTS AWAY -- JOHNNY LEANS OVER TO MAX.
JOHNNY
A little loud in here. Can we go out
in the hall and talk?
MAX NODS, AND THEY START AWAY -- CAROLINE STOPS AT ANDY.
CAROLINE
Keep your eye on Max. He broke her
heart and I don't trust him.
ANDY NODS. CAROLINE CONTINUES OVER TO OLEG, WHO IS *

CONTINUING HIS TOAST. *
OLEG
(RE: SOPHIE) This is woman I have taken *
fifty-three blood tests to be with.

SOPHIE
(CUTE STORY) It's true. You never
know -- right, ladies?!
CAROLINE GOES TO THE CENTER OF THE ROOM AND TAKES FOCUS.
CAROLINE
Delightful toast, thanks. But
tonight's not about blood tests. It's
about Max's Homemade Cupcakes!
SOPHIE
And about me and my house!
ALL OF SOPHIE'S FRIENDS APPLAUD. SHE WAVES.
RESET TO:

(MAX, HAN, JOHNNY, NEVEL, PARTY GUESTS EXTRAS)
MAX AND JOHNNY ARE NOW IN THE HALL -- TALKING.
JOHNNY
Max, you look amazing. As always.
MAX
Thanks. Now maybe you could repeat
that to your wife, and where is she?
JOHNNY
We never got married.
HAN, STANDING IN THE BACK OF THE LINE, SPOTS MAX AND CALLS.
HAN
Max! Max! I can't get in!
MAX
(TO JOHNNY) Wait -- what do you mean,
you didn't get married?

HAN
Johnny! Hey, Johnny! I'm back here!
JOHNNY
I didn't know if I should even tell
you, but then when I got your invite--
HAN
Max! Johnny! I'm back here!
JOHNNY
Should we go back there and say hi?
MAX
Ah -- no -- not right now. Stay here.
MAX TURNS; HURRIES OVER, AND EXITS INTO THE CUPCAKE SHOP.
HAN
(CALLS TO NEVEL) Better watch out now,
doorman. Max looks very pissed you
didn't let me in. And, fool, you
don't want to get on the wrong side of
that!
MAX RE-ENTERS FROM THE CUPCAKE SHOP WITH A KEY. SHE WALKS
OVER TO ANDY'S CANDY SHOP; PUTS THE KEY IN, AND OPENS DOOR.
MAX
(TO JOHNNY) Yes, I have keys to a
candy store now. That's how awesome
my life is without you.
SHE INDICATES FOR JOHNNY TO GO INSIDE; HE DOES. SHE FOLLOWS.
RESET TO:
INT. CANDY ANDY'S SWEETS AND TREATS - CONTINUOUS (N-2)

(MAX, CAROLINE, HAN)
MAX AND JOHNNY ENTER THE DARKENED CANDY STORE. MAX LOCKS THE
DOOR BEHIND THEM -- THEN, SHE TURNS TO FACE HIM; BREATHLESS.
JOHNNY
Max, I've thought about you a lot.
MAX
Stop. Before you say anything else--
SHE REACHES INTO A BARELL OF CANDY AND EATS A HANDFULL.
MAX (CONT'D)
(THROUGH MOUTHFUL OF CANDY) Continue.
JOHNNY
I called off the wedding because I
knew she wasn't the one. Do you want
to know why I knew that?
MAX NODS AND CHEWS -- ENTHRALLED; EXPECTANT. HAN'S FACE APPEARS

OUTSIDE OF THE CANDY STORE DOOR. HE BANGS ON THE GLASS.
HAN
(CALLS) Max! Johnny! I can't get
into the party!
MAX DOESN'T LOOK BACK, BUT TAKES JOHNNY BY THE HAND AND LEADS
HIM TO A DOOR IN THE STORE MARKED "PRIVATE." MAX TURNS ON *
THE LIGHT. THEY EXIT IN. *
HAN (CONT’D)
(CALLS) Help me out! Seriously! That
doorman is a biattch!
RESET TO:
INT. CANDY ANDY'S - STORAGE ROOM - CONTINUOUS (N-2)

(MAX, JOHNNY)
MAX AND JOHNNY ARE IN THE TIGHT STORAGE ROOM STOCKED WITH
BOXES AND BOXES OF CANDY ON THE SHELVES. THEY ARE NOW MAKING
OUT. MAX PULLS AWAY FOR A SECOND.
MAX
Wait -- what are we doing?
JOHNNY
Making out in a room full of candy.
MAX
Right.
THEY MAKE OUT AGAIN. SHE PULLS AWAY AGAIN.
MAX (CONT’D)
Wait -- this can't happen -- I was
going to give you my "suck it" face.
JOHNNY
Okay. Give it to me. I deserve it.
SHE LEANS HER HEAD AND GIVES HIM HER SUPERIOR "SUCK IT" FACE.
JOHNNY (CONT'D)
(TAKES IT IN; THEN) How'd that feel?
MAX
Not as good as kissing near candy.
HE LIFTS HER UP AND SETS HER ON A SHELF AND THEY MAKE OUT. AS
THEY MOVE AROUND -- A BOX OF GIANT GUM BALLS OPENS UP ABOVE
THEM, AND MANY, MANY COLORED GUM BALLS RAIN DOWN OVER THEM.
MAX (CONT’D)
Greatest night of my life!
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO

"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 III/D
ACT THREE
SCENE D
INT. MAX'S APARTMENT - THE NEXT DAY (D-3)

(MAX, CAROLINE, ANDY, JOHNNY, CHESTNUT)
THE MORNING AFTER. CAROLINE, IN HER PJ'S, IS IN THE KITCHEN

WATCHING ANDY, IN A T-SHIRT AND BOXERS, MAKE CHOCOLATE CHIP
PANCAKES. THEY ARE KIND OF WHISPERING, AS TO NOT BE HEARD.
CAROLINE
So, you just gave Max the keys to the
candy shop even after I told you to
keep your eye on her?
ANDY
Didn't think it was any of my business.
CAROLINE
So, what -- you're just going to keep
doing what you think is best, no
matter what I say? (THEN; OFF HIS NOD)
That is so freaking hot.
ANDY
Am I the first guy to ever tell you
"no?" (THEN; OFF HER NOD) That is so
freaking hot.
THE BEDROOM DOOR OPENS. MAX AND JOHNNY ENTER. THEY LOOK
RELAXED. SHE HAS ON A T-SHIRT, AND HE HAS ON BOXERS AND IS
PULLING ON A T-SHIRT THAT READS: "GIRL POWER."
JOHNNY
Disclaimer: this is not my t-shirt.
Even though I'm all about the "G.P."

MAX
Disclaimer: that's not my t-shirt
either. Some nerd left it in a dryer
at the laundromat.
CAROLINE
It's mine.
MAX
Girl Power. (SNIFFS; THEN) No way --
no way! Do I smell chocolate chips?
And is Uncle Andy making pancakes?
ANDY
You do, and I am.
JOHNNY
Dude, I don't know you -- but
chocolate chip pancakes are the balls.
THE GUYS HIGH-FIVE. CAROLINE HAS A TIGHT SMILE ON HER FACE.
CAROLINE
How did you two sleep?
JOHNNY
(CUTE; TO MAX) Did we sleep?
CAROLINE
(SHARP) So, what's going to happen
now?! (THEN; OFF EVERYONE'S LOOK) I
meant today. At the shop. Our big
first day in business! Whoo! Whoo!
MAX
First, we have to clean the party mess up.

CAROLINE
Andy and I did it last night... when
you didn't come back.
MAX
Um -- can someone here mellow out and
put some pancakes in her pancake hole?
JOHNNY
No, I get it, Caroline. It's been a
rocky ride for Max and me. (THEN; TO
ANDY) We met when I had a girlfriend--
CAROLINE
Which he never told her about, and--
MAX PUTS A FORK FULL OF PANCAKE INTO CAROLINE'S MOUTH.
MAX
And keep eating.
THROUGH JOHNNY'S SPEECH, CAROLINE IS BREAKING UP PIECES FROM

A PANCAKE WITH HER HANDS AND STUFFING THEM INTO HER MOUTH.
JOHNNY
So, because of that, Max and I never
really got together. And then that
girl and I broke up. And by the time
I saw Max again, I was--
CAROLINE
(MOUTHFUL) Engaged to be married.
JOHNNY
Yeah, I was going to get married.
ANDY
Wait. To that same girlfriend?

CAROLINE
(MOUTHFUL) Different one. Different one.
JOHNNY
But that didn't work out either. And
I've had a couple of girlfriends since
then--
CAROLINE
(MOUTHFUL) Oh, only a couple??!!
JOHNNY
Yeah. But none of them seemed to work
out. None of them are Max. (KISSES
HER; THEN) Hey -- save me a pancake.
Looks like Caroline's got plans to eat
them all.
HE EXITS TO THE BATHROOM. THE DOOR CLOSES.
CAROLINE
Well, Max, as far as your "suck it"
plan goes, it looks like somebody
sucked something.
MAX
(POINTS) Pancakes. Pancake hole.
(THEN; TO ANDY) He's a good guy.
ANDY
(NODS) Yeah. He seems cool. Kinda
falls in love a lot, but -- hey.

CAROLINE
And I did not tell him to say that.
He never does what I say -- it's hot.
MAX
(TO ANDY) "But hey" what?
ANDY
Oh, we're continuing? Uh -- I don't
know. Maybe I'm a little partial, but --
Max, you're an "A." He seems kinda like
a "B."
CAROLINE
(MOUTHFUL) Minus.
MAX
First of all, let's get something
straight: I'm a "C" tops -- a "D" if I
have any more of this syrup. (THEN) *
And I don't think he falls in love a
lot.
JOHNNY COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM; HEADS OVER.
JOHNNY
Man, I love, love, love pancakes. If
I could, I would marry a pancake.
CAROLINE OPENS HER MOUTH TO SAY SOMETHING. MAX SHOOTS HER A

LOOK. CAROLINE SHOVES PANCAKE IN HER MOUTH.
CUT TO:
"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 III/E
SCENE E
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES - LATER THAT MORNING (D-3)

(MAX, CAROLINE, MALL EXTRAS)
MAX AND CAROLINE STAND BEHIND THE COUNTER, WEARING "MAX'S

HOMEMADE CUPCAKES" T-SHIRTS. EVERYTHING IS PERFECT AND READY
FOR BUSINESS. EXCEPT THERE IS NO BUSINESS.
MAX
What time is it?
CAROLINE
10:20. (BEAT) Well, it's the first day
open. All those people are probably
tired from the party.
MAX
Yeah. (NOTICES ARROW) Oh, and look --
we forgot to light it up. People
don't know we're open. (REACHES BELOW)
In five, four, three, two--
THE ARROW LIGHTS UP. THEY CHEER. THEN; LOOK TO THE DOOR.
CAROLINE
(LONG BEAT) First day.
MAX
Yep. (BEAT; THEN) No one's here.
CAROLINE
Remember -- all we have to sell is
seventy cupcakes a day to keep on track.
MAX
(BEAT; THEN) What time is it now?
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES - THE NEXT DAY (D-4)

(MAX, CAROLINE, HIPSTER, MALL EXTRAS)
MAX STANDS BEHIND THE COUNTER IN THE EMPTY SHOP. CAROLINE *

COMES THROUGH THE DOORS, CARRYING CUPCAKES. *
CAROLINE *
Okay, Day Two -- all we have to sell *
is a hundred and forty cupcakes. *
MAX
(REACHES DOWN) In five, four, three, two--
SHE FLIPS THE SWITCH; THE ARROW LIGHTS UP. THE GIRLS CHEER
SLIGHTLY LESS ENTHUSIASTICALLY. THEN; SILENCE. *
MAX (CONT’D)
(BEAT; THEN) No one's here again.
CAROLINE *
Just the second day. *
A GUY HIPSTER CUSTOMER OPENS THE DOOR. THEY PERK UP.
MAX/CAROLINE
Welcome to Max's Homemade Cupcakes!
HIPSTER
Easy. Just want to use your bathroom.
THEY NOD. HE WALKS TO THE BATHROOM.
CAROLINE *
(BEAT; THEN) Want to look at pictures *
from the party again? *
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MAX'S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES - THE NEXT DAY (D-5)

(MAX, CAROLINE, ANDY, HIPSTER, MALL EXTRAS) *
MAX AND CAROLINE ARE BEHIND THE COUNTER -- AGAIN. STILL NO

ONE. MAX REACHES DOWN AND FLIPS THE SWITCH; THE ARROW LIGHTS
UP. NO CHEER. SILENCE -- THEN:
MAX
Do you know what the hardest thing *
about three days with no customers is? *
CAROLINE
Constantly suppressing the urge to
scream in a complete panic?
MAX
No. All this standing around and
thinking. Thinking's the worst.
CAROLINE
Well, what are you thinking?
MAX
That I made a mistake. With Johnny. *
That maybe I'm one of those people who
only wants something they can't have.
And then when they get it, they don't
want it anymore.
CAROLINE
Okay, but -- do you feel that way
about the cupcake shop, too?
MAX
(THINKS; THEN) No. I love our red *
arrow, and despite the fact that we *
spent twenty thousand dollars and sold *
almost no cupcakes -- I've never been *
happier.
CAROLINE
I know. Me, too! Those seven hours
when nobody -- literally, nobody --
walked in, I still had the craziest
smile on my face. At first I thought I *
had a stroke. But then, I realized I *
was just happy. (THEN) Max, we did it. *
MAX
We did.
MAX PLAYFULLY HITS CAROLINE. *
CAROLINE
So, what are you going to do about
Johnny?
MAX
I don't know. It sucks. But you know
what really sucks? He's our only
customer.
THE DOOR OPENS -- ANDY ENTERS, HOLDING A MANILA ENVELOPE.
ANDY
Man, this place is packed! (WALKING
THROUGH IMAGINARY PEOPLE) Excuse me,
coming through. Pardon me, coming
through. Hey! Watch it, buddy! No,
your mother's a whore! (AT COUNTER)
Hi. How many cupcakes do you have to
sell today?
CAROLINE
Three hundred.
ANDY
I'll take two. (KISSES HER; THEN)
Here. This was laying against your
door when I went by this morning.
HE HANDS HER THE MANILA ENVELOPE. SHE LOOKS; OPENS IT.
CAROLINE
It's from the restaurant inspector --
it's our health code grade. (PULLS IT
OUT) It's an "A!" We got an "A!"
MAX
I was expecting a "C" or a "B" -- tops.
ANDY
(SWEET; IMPORTANT) See that? Told *
you, Max -- told you you were an "A." *
CAROLINE
Let's hang that up right now. People
will see it and be all: "Oh, look!
They have an 'A?' I'll take three
hundred cupcakes, please!"
THE SAME HIPSTER RE-ENTERS. *
MAX *
Oh, no. No. Take your coke dump *
somewhere else -- we have an "A." *
CUT TO:
"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 III/H
SCENE H
EXT. SOPHIE'S DREAM HOUSE IN POLAND - DAY (D-5)

(SOPHIE, CAB DRIVER EXTRA)
CLOSE ON: A TAXI CAB, WITH POLISH WORDS WRITTEN ON THE SIDE.
IT PULLS AWAY, REVEALING SOPHIE STANDING AT THE BOTTOM OF HER
BEAUTIFUL LAKE HOUSE. NEXT TO HER IS HER LUGGAGE AND MANY HAT
BOXES. SHE GOES UP THE STEPS TO HER HOUSE AND TURNS TO TAKE
IT ALL IN. SHE SMILES. THEN, SHE LOOKS AROUND AND CALLS.
SOPHIE
Sylwestor?! Sylwestor?
NOTHING. SHE WALKS TO THE DOOR AND OPENS IT TO GO INSIDE.

BUT THERE IS NO INSIDE. JUST TREES... AND MORE TREES. THE
HOUSE IS JUST A FACADE. SOPHIE FAINTS AND HITS THE PORCH.
CUT TO:
"And The Big Opening" 11/2/12 III/J
SCENE J
INT. DINER/DINER KITCHEN - THE NEXT NIGHT (N-6)

(MAX, CAROLINE, EARL, HAN, OLEG, JOHNNY, EXTRAS)
MAX, CAROLINE, AND EARL ARE AT THE COUNTER. OLEG IS AT THE

PICK-UP WINDOW.
OLEG
There was no house. Only big fake *
front! I'd go over there and kill *
that Sylwestor myself, if I wasn't on *
the "No Fly List." (THEN) What? I *
smoked cigar once in coach. It haunts *
you the rest of your life. *
EARL
I don't trust two types of people -- a
grown man in jean shorts and Taylor
Swift.
EARL WALKS AWAY.
CAROLINE
Poor Sophie. How is she?
OLEG
She flies back tomorrow. Never wants
to see Poland again.
MAX
Oleg, are you kind of smiling?
OLEG
(HE WAS) No -- is terrible tragedy.
But to remind her she has something *
nice to come home to, I faxed her a *
(MORE)
OLEG (CONT'D)
picture of my penis. She got *
charged for seven pages, but it was *
worth it. *
OLEG WALKS AWAY. THE DINER DOOR OPENS; JOHNNY ENTERS.
CAROLINE
Max, Johnny's here! You didn't talk
to him again today?
MAX
(OFF HER LOOK) What? Look at him.
He's like handsome crack. I know it's
bad for me, but I can't stop.
CAROLINE
Well, now you're just stringing him
along. You're as bad as Sylwestor.
JOHNNY ARRIVES AT THE COUNTER. MAX SMILES.
JOHNNY
Hey, how's it going?
CAROLINE *
Johnny, I just want to thank you very *
much for all the cupcake business. *
(RE: MAX) And now she needs to talk to *
you. *
MAX *
Yeah, we should talk. (OFF CAROLINE *
NOT LEAVING) In the kitchen.
MAX TURNS AND EXITS INTO THE KITCHEN. JOHNNY FOLLOWS HER.
RESET TO:
INT. DINER KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS (N-6)

(MAX, CAROLINE, HAN, JOHNNY) *
MAX IS IN FRONT OF THE OPEN WALK-IN DOOR WHEN JOHNNY ENTERS.
JOHNNY
We're either about to have crazy kitchen
sex, or I'm getting expelled.
MAX *
We're not having kitchen sex. It's *
way too dirty in here. From other *
people having kitchen sex. *
JOHNNY *
Oh. Then I'm getting expelled. *
MAX
It's weird, right? Between us?
JOHNNY
It's not great. Not what it was.
(BEAT; THEN) What do you want to do?
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER. HAN APPEARS IN THE WALK-IN DOORWAY.
HAN
Max! Johnny! I thought I heard you!
MAX REACHES BACK AND CLOSES THE WALK-IN DOOR IN HAN'S FACE WITH
HER FOOT WITHOUT TURNING AROUND; THEN -- LEANS AGAINST IT.
MAX
I don't know. Maybe we're only at our
best when you have another girlfriend.
Maybe -- give me a call after you get
that going, in, like, ten minutes.

HAN (O.S.)
(CALLS) Max! I can't get out!
JOHNNY
Yeah. Or I could wait and then hit
you up at my actual wedding.
MAX
Cool. Just call me, like, a half hour
before the service and I'll be there.
Better yet -- maybe call at, like,
your fiftieth wedding anniversary.
JOHNNY
Yeah, that's hot.
HAN (O.S.)
Johnny! Help me! I'm cold!
JOHNNY
Should we let him out? (OFF HER HEAD
SHAKE) Okay. Well. Kiss goodbye?
SHE NODS; HE LEANS IN AND KISSES HER. IT'S LOVELY.
HAN (O.S.)
Seriously, guys, I can't feel my toes!
MAX
Go. Go. I got this.
JOHNNY SMILES; STARTS AWAY, THEN TURNS BACK.
JOHNNY
So, I'll see you at my fiftieth -- if
not before.
SHE NODS. HE EXITS. SHE IS LEFT ALONE. HAN POUNDS ON THE

DOOR. SHE TURNS AND OPENS IT. HAN STANDS THERE.
HAN
First the party, now this. When I have a *
party, you won't be on the list. *
MAX
You're right -- I deserve that. *
HAN *
No, I was doing a power move. Please, *
I'm begging you to come. *
MAX *
We'll see. And to make it up to you, *
come into my shop anytime -- I'll give *
you a free cupcake. *
HAN *
But I can get a cupcake right here.
MAX
True, but at my shop -- I have a cool
red arrow and a big ole "A."
HE SMILES. CAROLINE COMES IN. *
CAROLINE *
(TO MAX) So how did it go with Johnny? *
MAX *
I don't want to talk about it in front *
of Han. *
CAROLINE GOES OVER AND CLOSES THE WALK-IN DOOR ON HAN. *
HAN (O.S) *
Caroline! Max! Max! Caroline! *
FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW

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2 Broke Girls BG 210 2ND REV TABLE 11-2

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“And The Big Opening”

Michael Patrick King

2ND REV. TABLE (PINK)

© 2012 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.

MAX BLACK........................................................................................................... KAT DENNINGS

CAROLINE CHANNING .............................................................................................BETH BEHRS

HAN LEE ................................................................................................................. MATTHEW MOY

OLEG....................................................................................................................... JONATHAN KITE

SOPHIE ...........................................................................................................JENNIFER COOLIDGE

ANDY......................................................................................................................... RYAN HANSEN

JOHNNY ........................................................................................................................... NICK ZANO

ROBBIE ..........................................................................................................................NOAH MILLS

NEVEL .............................................................................................................. DARRYL STEPHENS

STAPLES LADY..........................................................................................................AMY TOLSKY

HIPSTER.......................................................................................................... BRANDON HERMAN

Tentative Production Schedule

COLD OPENING (1)

INT. MAX’S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES –

INT. MAX’S HOMEMADE CUPCAKES –

PROGRAM CONTENT: 20:55

INT. DINER - NIGHT (N-1)

MAX WALKS UP TO EARL AT THE CASHIER'S DESK WITH A CHECK.

Earl, time to play "Marry, Sleep With, or

Kill -- Diner Edition." Ladies; Booth One?

EARL LOOKS OVER AT THE BOOTH -- IT'S THREE ATTRACTIVE LADIES.

Sleep with, sleep with, sleep with.

Okay, Max -- the dudes at Table Ten.

MAX LOOKS OVER AT A TABLE OF TWO FAT GUYS (30'S).

Sleep with, then kill myself.

CAROLINE WALKS UP WITH A CHECK AND CASH.

Jump in. We're playing "Marry, Sleep

With, Kill -- Diner Edition."

No way. There is no one in this diner

I would ever marry or sleep with.

It's just a game. Pick a table.

Nope. Even in a fictional scenario,

I cannot permit myself to go there.

Girl, you'd take the fun out of a

punch bowl full of cocaine.

Okay. Fine. (LOOKS AROUND; THEN, TO

MAX) Sleep with Earl. Marry you.

Not us! Jeeze. What are you, a freak?

I feel uncomfortable, Caroline. Like I

don't know how to look at you anymore.

Now I can only see you in a creepy

MAX STARTS AWAY -- CAROLINE CALLS AFTER HER.

You said it was a game! (THEN; TO

EARL) It was just a joke, Earl.

The things we say in jest, darlin'.

The things we say in jest.

HE LOOKS AT HER DIFFERENTLY. CAROLINE IS EMBARRASSED.

END OF COLD OPEN

INT. DINER - LATER (N-1)

MAX IS AT THE COUNTER. CAROLINE HURRIES UP, CARRYING A FOLDER.

Oh my God, look at the RSVP list for

our opening party. Max's Homemade

Hey, we might even be overbooked. *

Because in my experience, even when guys *

say they're not going to come -- they do. *

EARL COMES WALKING UP BEHIND THEM TO GET COFFEE.

(RE: LIST) This is so exciting. Nothing

says "success" like an overbooked party.

Except maybe floor seats at a Knicks game

and a limo full of hookers.