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EC
IA
LE
DI
The Magazine Devoted to Mental Health Apr 2019 TI
ON
£4

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Joe SAVE
OUR
Wicks
An intimate chat on
PLANET
Make your home
an eco-haven
embracing fatherhood
& healing old wounds

5
must
YOU reads
GOT Say ‘sayonara’

THIS
Running a
to stress

dementia
revolution

Sass
Get creative • Inspo booklet
Explore nature • Giveaways Spirit
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04
Stilettos
Meet Layton Williams,
the West End musical star
9 772514 373000 everybody's talking about
Photography | Joanna Nix

“ Owning our story can.

be hard, but not nearly as.
difficult as spending our.
lives running from it.
– BRENE BROWN
 The power of kindness
We’re big fans of Hamilton at Happiful HQ, and
there’s one particular line from the musical that’s
been stuck in my head recently: “When my time is up,
have I done enough?”
We can hardly believe it, but as this is officially
our second birthday issue, celebrating what we’ve
achieved, along with reflecting on the difference we
still want to make, seems appropriate!
We’ve come a long way in two years and are so
proud of the supportive community we’re a part of,
and the amazing people we’ve featured. But we know
there’s always more we could, and want, to do...
We’re thinking about the impact we can all have
in this world – saving the planet, the legacy we
leave behind, and supporting others. You cannot
underestimate the impact of a kind word or smile to
a stranger. We’re all making a difference, even when
we don’t know it.
And it’s got us thinking: imagine the power we could
have if we all actively tried to do more good. With
one positive deed a day, where would our world be
Get in touch with us on social media,
we love hearing from you!
happiful.com happifulhq
in five years time? How would empathy have changed
the game?
We want you to finish this issue feeling empowered,
emboldened, and excited to spread the love – and
see how the world changes for the better.
From Joe Wicks changing children’s mindsets
towards health and exercise, to England footballer
Fran Kirby paving the way for girls and women to
break into the beautiful game, and West End superstar
Layton Williams stamping out stigma in style,
sometimes just being true to ourselves can make the
biggest difference of all.
As Gandalf the Grey, said in
JRR Tolkien’s The Fellowship
of the Ring: “All we have to
decide is what to do with the
time that is given to us.”
Let’s make it count.
Rebecca Thair
Editor
@happifulhq @happiful_magazine
In this issue
EXPERT PANEL
Experts are at the heart of what we do, ensuring we can offer high quality advice
that you can be confident in. This month, meet the team of people who have
come together to deliver information, guidance and insight throughout this issue
FE ROBINSON
MUKCP (Reg) MBACP (Reg)
Fe is a psychotherapist
and clinical supervisor,
and an EMDR therapist.
RACHEL COFFEY
BA MA NLP Mstr
Rachel is a life coach
encouraging confidence
and motivation.
RAV SEKHON
BA MA BACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor with
more than 10 years'
experience.
RHIANNON LAMBERT
BSc MSc RNutr
Rhiannon is a nutritionist,
author, and founder of leading
Harley Street clinic Rhitrition.
FURTHER INFO
Happiful magazine is FSC® certified. Please help us
preserve our planet by recycling this magazine. Why not
pass on your copy to a friend afterwards? Alternatively,
please place it in a recycling bin. Our two-for-one tree
commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source
all our paper from FSC® certified sources. The FSC®
label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced,
or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will
ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used,
by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity.
Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions,
GRAEME ORR
MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind
Graeme is a counsellor
working with both
individuals and couples.
SUSAN HART
MFHT MENT
Susan is a nutrition
coach, food writer, and
vegan chef.
LINDSAY GEORGE
MA Dip RGN MBACP (Accred)
Lindsay is a counsellor,
psychotherapist and
registered nurse.
DR CAROLYNE
KEENAN
Carolyne is a registered
psychologist and
counsellor.
views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the
authors of that content and do not necessarily represent
our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine
constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is
provided for general information purposes only. We do
not accept liability for products and/or services offered
by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company
limited by shares and registered in England and Wales
with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB
920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3,
Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.
OUR TEAM
EDITORIAL
Rebecca Thair | Editor
Kathryn Wheeler | Editorial Assistant
Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor
Fe Robinson | Expert Advisor
Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director
Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer
Rosan Magar | Illustrator
CONTRIBUTORS
Gemma Calvert, Kat Nicholls,
Bonnie Evie Gifford, Fiona Thomas,
Lucy Donoughue, Lindsay George,
Andy Barker, Beth Wood, Ellen Hoggard,
Rhiannon Lambert, Simon Shlomo Kahn,
Lauren Derrett, Dipti Solanki, Sara Steele,
Lacey London
SPECIAL THANKS
Fe Robinson, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey,
Rav Sekhon, Lindsay George, Susan Hart,
Harry Cullen, George Painter, Nathan Fallon,
Jennifer Bartram, Mark Bunko,
Dr Carolyn Keenan, Antony Butcher
COMMUNICATIONS
Lucy Donoughue
Head of Content and Communications
lucy.donoughue@happiful.com
Amie Sparrow
PR Manager
amie.sparrow@happiful.com
MANAGEMENT
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Emma White | Director & Co-Founder
Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Steve White | Finance Director
Happiful
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FIND HELP To find out
Crisis support more on other
If you are in crisis and are concerned for your services visit
own safety, call 999, or go to A&E happiful.com/
Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email where-to-get-
them on jo@samaritans.org help

General listening lines:

SANEline
SANEline offers support and information from 6pm–11pm:
0300 304 7000
Mind
Mind offers advice Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm except bank
holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk
CALM
The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is a line
for men, and is open from 5pm–midnight: 0800 58 58 58
Switchboard
Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–11pm:
0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt

DOMESTIC ABUSE
Run in partnership with Refuge and Women’s Aid, the National
p14 Domestic Violence Freephone Helpline is there for support for
those who think they might be experiencing domestic abuse.
Call them free on 0808 2000 247

PSYCHOSIS SUPPORT
If you know someone who has psychosis and you would like
p43 to know more information about how to offer your support and
care, visit rethink.org

HOMELESS SUPPORT
If you suspect someone is living on the streets, head to
p46 streetlink.org.uk and raise the alert. They will then pass this
to the relevant local authority to help.

ALCOHOL ABUSE
If you think you or someone you know may have an alcohol
p57 problem, there is a free helpline available for support and
guidance provided by Alcoholics Anonymous on 0800 9177 650

NUTRITIONAL GUIDANCE
Whether it’s finding out about the gut-brain connection, or
p62 healthy and quick lunch ideas, Nutritionist Resource has a
wealth of information, with opportunities to connect to
professional dietitians, visit nutritionist-resource.org.uk
46 The Uplift

8 In the news
13 The wellbeing wrap
14 What is gaslighting?
Spot the signs of the form of emotional
manipulation that feeds off self-doubt

78 Dementia Revolution
The powerful campaign that's running for
one year to raise money for vital research

Features
16 Joe Wicks
The fitness coach and author opens up
about fatherhood, finding balance, and
how addiction shaped his childhood

26 Easy environment-savers
Take sustainability into your own hands
with these simple eco-conscious swaps

30 Emily Dean
The broadcaster chats bereavement and
the life-enhancing power of dogs

43 The reality of psychosis

78
What does it mean to experience
psychosis, and what can we do to dispel
the stigma surrounding it?

Life Stories Culture

37 Sharing my story 35 Things to do in April
Simon was constantly pushing himself
on to new highs, before the pressure
caught up with him. By reaching out to
52 Happiful reads
his online community, he found positivity Read the book that celebrates 40 of the
world's most inspirational women

57 Finally free 90 Quickfire: MH matters

'Wine o'clock' was a staple in Lauren's
routine until it threatened to take over her
life. Now, 13 years later, she's found the
strength to take back control

73 Facing the truth

Dipti's first panic attack was terrifying.
But after examining the cause, she was
able to address her unresolved grief

87 Gaining perspective

66
Serious health problems uprooted Sara's

83
life. But the experience also brought
valuable lessons about the things that
matter most to her
 Lifestyle and READER OFFER
Relationships
Print
46 Make a house a home
Meet the couple re-vamping the homes
of those who have fallen on hard times

66 Layton Williams
The West End star on rising above
bullying and breaking boundaries
ENTER CODE:

71Stress-reducing reads HAPPISPRING

Recognise triggers and take back control AT THE CHECKOUT

83 England's Fran Kirby £57

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Food & Drink
60 Boost your beverage
Savour the flavour of these delicious,
nutritious drinks
62 Plate-up for the planet
With agriculture accounting for 30% of
worldwide greenhouse gases, change
starts with what we put on our plates
Happiful Hacks
24 Write your worries away
40 The benefits of 'birding'
54 Stop negative thoughts
76 Set boundaries online
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Visit happiful.com
 In the US, dogs have
been used for more
than 20 years to
provide support for
victims of serious
crime, and witnesses
who are considered
vulnerable

ANIMALS

Dog therapy for

victims of crime
For the first time in Britain, emotional
support dogs will be used to help
victims of crime remain calm while
giving evidence to police. Two-year-old
Oliver, a labrador-retriever mix, will be
used by Kent Police as part of a study
into the the effect animals can have on
witnesses during investigations and
trials. Victims of crime will be allowed
to stroke Oliver to help them remain
calm through these situations.
Led by Canterbury Christ Church
University, this new project has taken
inspiration from practices in the US
and Canada, which now have around
200 emotional support dogs that help
children, victims of sexual assault, and
witnesses with mental illnesses.
In the US, dogs have been used
for more than 20 years to provide
support to victims of serious crime,
and witnesses who are considered
vulnerable. While there has yet to be
any empirical evidence of their benefits,
individual cases have seen up to a 50%
reduction in interview length when a
support dog is present.
Set to continue throughout 2019,
researchers hope to conduct further

The Uplift
studies with Oliver over the next seven
years, to benefit victims of crime.
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

8 • happiful • March 2019

 HEALTH
Reclaiming social media for good
Viral campaign to bring positivity back to our social posts
reaches 21 million people
Spearheaded by innovative tech
company Lightful, a campaign to
‘reclaim social media for good’
has gone viral. Using the hashtag
#ReclaimSocial, large and small
charities from the US and UK have
joined forces to share uplifting and
inspiring stories on social media,
sharing more than 6,500 posts and
reaching 21 million people.
The WWF (World Wide Fund
for Nature) shared stories
surrounding nature and wildlife,
Samaritans highlighted the benefits
of a supportive community, and
Pancreatic Cancer UK raised
awareness and found new supporters
through their posts.
Celebrities and influencers have
also joined in, including actor Rob
Delaney, who shared stories about
child bereavement, and footballer
and social activist Neville Southall,
who focused on ways we can achieve
faster treatment of pancreatic cancer.
The premise behind #ReclaimSocial
is to counteract the negativity that
can be prevalent on social media,
and instead remind us of its positive
impact and potential.
Vinay Nair, CEO and co-founder of
Lightful said: “It has been inspiring
to see thousands of charities, social
enterprises and everyday people
engaging on #ReclaimSocial. It is
an incredible feeling to have such
positivity rolling through our social
media feeds. It makes us realise that
we can, and must, re-establish this as
the norm.”
So, next time you need a dose of
online positivity, take a trip through
the #ReclaimSocial hashtag.
Writing | Kat Nicholls
EDUCATION
School
launches a
dedicated
wellness centre
A school in North Yorkshire has
opened the country’s first purpose-
built on-site wellness centre,
dedicated to providing mental health
support to students.
In a move that puts old-school
attitudes to mental health in
detention, Harrogate Ladies’ College
will use the space to offer targeted
activities such as mindfulness
training, meditation, yoga, massage
and reflexology, stress management,
and nutritional advice for all
students.
Following a year that marked the
UK’s highest number of suicides
among girls aged 15 to 19 since
records began, Principal Sylvia Brett
said that wellness centre is “about
spreading the message that wellness
is a good thing”.
In addition to the wellness
activities, the centre hosts speakers
covering topics ranging from the
importance of sleep, to LGBT+
issues, and also opens its doors to
offer subsidised yoga and pilates
classes to staff, and hosts NCT
and support groups from the
surrounding community.
“I think at the heart of my
philosophy of education is a focus on
sharing and open-mindedness,” says
Sylvia. “Because that’s what builds a
nation. It’s the closed-mindedness
that dampens things.”
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
Principal Sylvia Brett of Harrogate
Ladies’ College, North Yorkshire
April 2019 • happiful • 9
Toshi Walker found a change of
diet helped manage her menopause
symptoms, including hot flushes and
mood swings

Me.No.Pause
by Holland & Barrett
Cassandra Fellingham-Orr believes
a positive mindset is key to a better
menopause, often pushing herself to
attend a boxing or running session
even when feeling low
SOCIETY

Award-winning
campaign
breaks the
silence around
menopause
Created by Pablo London, the award-
winning ‘Me.No.Pause’ campaign from
Holland & Barrett aims to support
women through menopause, and break
the silence around the topic.
Taking first place in the Transport
for London’s (TfL) diversity campaign,
Me.No.Pause will be shown on £500,000
of ad space across the TfL network.
The competition challenged brands to
rethink their approach to advertising,
to better represent London’s diversity
by including women from all
backgrounds, shattering harmful
gender stereotypes, and breaking taboo
topics while they were at it.
In an interview with Campaign,
chief marketing officer for Holland &
Barrett, Caroline Hipperson, said: “We
hope this campaign will give all these
amazing women the confidence to talk
about what they are going through,
and seek advice or tips on how to
alleviate any symptoms if needed. We
have invested in training for all our
store colleagues, so we hope women
experiencing the menopause come in
and speak to us.”
Runners-up, Mothercare, created
a fantastic campaign that celebrated
‘Unseen mums’, by championing post-
birth bodies.
Advertisers expanding their subject
matter, better representing society,
and challenging taboo topics definitely
deserves to be celebrated. We’re here
for it! Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
 Take 5
Time to sit down, rest those feet and engage that brain.Get lost in the moment
with some brain-teasing fun, for wordsearch wizards and keen quizzers

W P A R P S Y B E P G D J D
Word Search
A P S Y C H O S I S R G O E
Find the following words and
phrases from this month's
L O F B O Y B S G Y O T E M
issue in the grid
C H A R I T Y O T O J N W B
JOE WICKS
Z A S I A P D M S M O A I E DEMENTIA
R P M K B M C H A T H L C A REVOLUTION

E O O N I P P G S N I O K C PLANET

CHARITY
V C H A S T L N B Y T O S Y
PSYCHOSIS
A L N R I Y A I T N E M E D
DOGS
L T R F S X N D T O G S I D
FRAN KIRBY
S R E B P M E R H A P P Y T BIRDING
R E V O L U T I O N W E C K SMOOTHIE

T A R S A T D B S L J O M I ANTS

S C H L R A S M O O T H I E

Wheels in motion
W F Have a go at our word wheel and see how
many words you can create!

N U • Each word must contain the How did you

do?
O letter in the middle
• All words must be at least
Search 'freeb
shop.happifu
ies' at

L D four letters long

• Find the nine-letter word
to find the an
l.com
swers,
and more!
R E
for a bonus point

0–10 great job 11–20 superstar 30+ legend

 The
wellbeing
wrap
Going up Dog owners
are reaping the benefits of
Home sweet their four-legged friends,
Cut the clock Chemistry, a magic
walking an estimated
In a campaign to reduce stigma formula? The secret home
for veterans, Help For Heroes to love may still By taxing 870 miles a year!
projected the average number of elude us, but a empty homes in
Sea turtles years it takes for them to seek study has revealed developed cities, a
have increased mental health support on to that how similar new study suggests it has
98% since 1973 iconic London buildings. They re- we are had almost the solution to locals being priced out
vealed the average delay is four no effect on of the housing market. The idea is this
years, and encouraged the public participants' tax would discourage second or holiday
to share, donate and support the happiness. The home investors, generating income
veterans so that, together, we heart wants what for communities, and rebalancing the
can #cuttheclock. it wants... housing market. Well, we're sold!

Bright IKEA Recycle the cr*p out of it Feeling awe-some

Remote- Scientists in Australia have come up with an innovative
controlled boats way to recycle treated sewage – by creating bricks.
to collect rubbish During the waste treatment process, around 30% of the
world's leftovers (called 'biosolids') are stockpiled or put
in landfill sites, but this new discovery from down under
could provide a sustainable solution. The biosolids can
be used as fertiliser, and even building materials.
It sure puts a new meaning to 'bricking it'.
A period emoji Alpaca your bags, it's yoga time
is coming to Peace, serenity, and a field full of alpacas – the classic
keyboards in set-up for a yoga sanctuary. No? Well, it soon could be.
2019 A small farm in Devon's new retreat, which is a first for
Britain, has created the unique alpaca yoga classes
which the owners say are "great for mind, body and soul."
Mindful meditation with the animals, or picnics with the
alpacas, are also on offer – who could say no to that?
Icons | shutterstock.com, Font Awesome: fontawesome.com
That feeling when you gaze up at
the stars and take in the vastness of
space. Seeing new life come into the
world. That moment when someone
offers you to go ahead of them in a
queue. That emotion when you feel
a small part of the bigger picture
in life, well, we call that awe, and
scientists say it supports our health,
happiness, and social engagement.
A 2018 study discovered that those
who experienced more awe in their
day-to-day lives, were seen to be
more humble. This in turn made
people more keen to engage with
others, and build stronger social
connections. From small things
come great possibilities.

Hay fever alert! Orkney in

Stockpile tissues,
the season has
Scotland
has been
Tickling your taste buds
arrived early
named the Who doesn't love a good home-cooked meal? It turns out our
best place to live in penchant for food made with love causes us to be drawn to
the UK! A survey from restaurants that use more homely typefaces, as we believe
the Halifax looked their food is better for us! According to a study from Ohio
at factors including State University, fonts that look more handwritten appeal
personal wellbeing, to us, as the customer feels "like there is more heart, more
Crocs bags education, and effort, and more love in it". This trick won't work for
No one needs a housing, to determine fast food chains, but when it comes to the more
shoe for a purse the areas with the health-conscious establishments, the font choice
best quality of life. could be the secret ingredient for success.

Going down
 What is
gaslighting?
When a lie is repeated often enough, we start to accept it as the truth –
even when it may conflict with the facts, or our own experiences...
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford Illustrating | Rosan Magar
H
as anyone ever denied
saying or doing something
mid-argument, that you
100% know happened?
Perhaps they’ve refused
to admit they are wrong, despite the
facts contradicting them? If you’ve ever
been in a situation like this, you may
have experienced a form of gaslighting
first-hand.
WHAT IS IT?
When someone tries to manipulate you
into second-guessing things that you
have seen, heard, or know to be true,
this is considered to be ‘gaslighting’. In
the broadest sense, the term gaslighting
is used to explain when someone tries
to convince others – individuals, a
group, or a nation – that something
that happened, or a commonly known
fact, is wrong. A form of psychological
manipulation, it most often happens
between a single deceiver and target.
Ranging from disagreements to
refusing to listen to someone’s point of
view, or being unable to accept they’re
wrong, regardless of evidence, people
from any background can experience
gaslighting at any age. Gaslighters may
be their partner, a family member,
friend or colleague. While we all have
14 • happiful • April 2019
small disagreements from time to time,
often stemming from pettiness or an
unwillingness to be proven wrong, it’s
when this stubbornness has a more
malicious intent that it is most often
considered to be gaslighting.
IS IT DANGEROUS?
Over time, extreme cases of gaslighting
can have a huge impact. From making
someone doubt their own memories
of events, to causing them to question
their sanity, it can impact someone’s
self-esteem and confidence, cause them
to doubt their decisions, ultimately
pushing them to become more reliant
on the person who is gaslighting them.
Creating an unbalanced power
dynamic where one person is subjected
to micro-aggressions and non-fact-
based scrutiny, gaslighting can be
a form of psychological abuse and
control. Unlike many physical forms
of abuse, where there may be signs
that friends and family could pick up
on, emotional abuse can be harder to
recognise.
For those experiencing gaslighting
themselves, it can feel like the ground
is always shifting beneath them. If they
recognise they are being manipulated,
they may still second-guess or blame
themselves for what is happening,
further impacting their confidence and
self-esteem.
SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING
There are a number of signs you
can keep an eye out for if you are
concerned someone may be gaslighting
you, or someone you care about. These
can include indicators such as blatant
lying about small or big things, denial
of saying or doing something you
know to be true, or a clear disconnect
between what they are saying and
doing. Some gaslighters may use
something important against the
other person to undermine them, for
example, if they have children, they
may focus on making the other person
doubt their ability to be a fit parent.
People who gaslight aim to wear
their target down over time, using
snide comments and occasional lies.
Gradually, these lies may increase. At
first, the target may not even realise
what is happening. Gaslighters will
continue to dismiss what their target
is saying or doing until they begin
to question themselves, using the
confusion and self-doubt to make
them turn back to the gaslighter for the
‘correct’ information.

Remain defiant
in the face of
gaslighting. Trust
your emotions and
your own version
of events
WHAT CAN I DO?
If you think someone may be
gaslighting you, it’s important to act. It
can be easy to let things slide or dismiss
them, but over time this behaviour
could harm your wellbeing.
Try to see the situation from the
outside. It can be helpful to talk over
your concerns with friends or family
you trust to give an objective opinion.
Discuss the situation with several
people to get different perspectives.
If in doubt, ask yourself: if this was
happening to someone I care about,
would I be worried? If the answer is
yes, it’s worth taking a closer look.
It can be easy to dismiss gaslighting
behaviours if it seems unintentional,
but this doesn’t make these behaviours
OK; it can still be a form of emotional
abuse.
Finding the right time, place, and
way to talk with the person about your
concerns can be a big first step. It may
be tricky, but things can’t get better if
they aren’t addressed. However, your
safety must remain the priority. If
you’re concerned that raising the issue
could negatively impact you, then seek
external help as soon as possible.
Remain defiant in the face of
gaslighting. Trust your emotions and
your own version of events. We all want
to believe others have our best interests
at heart, but that isn’t always the case.
It’s important we put ourselves (and our
wellbeing) first.
WHAT CAN I DO IF I THINK
SOMEONE IS GASLIGHTING ME?
Counsellor Rav Sekhon has some
words of advice:
•S
 peak to someone you trust to
reality check what the ‘gaslighter’
may be saying or doing. This will
provide insight from a rational
perspective.
•D
 epending on what kind of
relationship exists, talking about
the issue with your partner
may highlight what’s actually
happening, before it gets worse.
•R
 elationship counselling may be
helpful to enable you both to work
through the issue.
It’s hoped that one of the above
options will be effective. If not,
it could be an indicator that the
relationship may need to end.
Seek external support from local
services if family or friends are not
available. Gaslighting is a form of
emotional abuse, and for those
affected, the consequences can be
severe if it's not addressed early on.
April 2019 • happiful • 15
LEAN
ON ME
He’s sold three million books, transformed the lives of
millions more, and is Britain’s number one health guru
– all from showing us how to get fit and eat better in
15 minutes flat. Now, Joe Wicks is taking stock. Here,
The Body Coach sits down with Happiful to talk new
fatherhood, learning to believe in love, finding balance
in a busy world and – for the very first time – how
addiction shaped his childhood

Interview | Gemma Calvert

J
oe Wicks is at the far end
of The Body Coach HQ in
Richmond, Surrey, in a sofa
booth, sipping water from a
metallic flask, when he flings
open the doors to his past.
“I grew up in a dysfunctional
household, but ain’t they all?” he
says, matter of factly. “I grew up on
a council estate, but I still had a roof
over my head, we still had food, I went
on school trips. I wasn’t completely
deprived. I had a great childhood. The
only thing was my dad was in and out
– that was difficult. My dad was in and
out of rehab, so he wasn’t always there.”
I have been warned that Joe, 34, won’t
talk in detail about his personal life
before we meet to discuss his latest
book, Veggie Lean in 15 – his seventh
since his wellness empire took off
like the clappers in 2014, catapulting
Joe from a grafting personal trainer
to Britain’s number one fitness
phenomenon, thanks to his reknowned
Instagram videos, and three little words
– lean in 15.
In five years, he’s amassed 2.5 million
Instagram followers, flogged three
million books pushing his 15-minute
recipes and workouts, secured a series
on Channel 4, and even created his
Continues >>>
 own Wicks-ionary – he cooks with
‘midget trees’ (broccoli), ‘midget
sprouts’ (peas), and says everyone
should chuck out ‘the sad step’
(scales).
He’s self-made, globally famous,
and worth a reported £14.5 million,
but Joe’s feet are firmly tethered to
the ground, because he deliberately
swerves the limelight. He’s never on
a red carpet, can afford a car park
of sports cars but still drives a Mini
Cooper, and despite employing a
50-strong army of “support heroes”
who could easily pick up the social
media slack, he personally engages
with his gazillions of fans who reach
out via Instagram at all hours of the
day and night – no mean feat for a
new dad.
Crucially, beyond Joe’s shouty
recipe demos, HIIT workouts, and
occasional Instagram snapshots of
family life with six-month-old Indie
and fiancée, model Rosie Jones, Joe
is more private than most in the
spotlight. So when he volunteers
never-before-revealed details of his
childhood struggles, I am surprised,
and half expect him to backtrack.
Only he doesn’t.
“My dad was a drug addict from a
very young age, so he was in and
out of rehab when I was a kid,”
reveals Joe. “He’s been through the
12-step programme God knows how
many times, but he’s clean today,
which is the most important thing,
and he’s doing the London Marathon
this year.”
Joe tells me he “grew up around”
Narcotics Anonymous, and
frequently joined his father Gary,
a roofer, on NA family days, where
children would play while parents
attended support groups. He says that
at one family meeting, he spoke to a
therapist, but insists he “didn’t really
need it in the end”.
I wonder if Joe’s father’s troubles
were the catalyst to his own hunger
for good health?
18 • happiful • April 2019
“Not health, but it definitely made
me never want to get involved with
drugs,” confirms Joe. “It made me
understand how damaging drugs can
be to a family and someone you love,
so I learned through his mistakes.”
Joe and Gary are “really good
friends”, and it was Gary who loaned
Joe £1,000 to buy “kettle bells, boxing
pads and stuff ” when he was setting
up his personal training business. Joe
has huge respect for his father, who
separated from is mum, Raquela,
when Joe was 16.
It made me
understand how
damaging drugs can
be to a family...
so I learned through
his mistakes
“I love him because of the journey
he’s been on. I don’t look back
and go ‘oh, the trauma’ and ‘I was
abandoned’.
“I don’t live with judgement or
resentment, I don’t have time for it.
My mum and dad have gone through
therapy for so many years, and I
always think: ‘If you keep looking
back, what are you doing today? How
are you going to feel good today?’
“I love my mum for raising us, and I
love my dad for teaching me what to
avoid. I really believe you need to have
some challenges in life, because you
come out of it, and are better for it.”
It’s this bright-side mentality,
combined with sweet sincerity, that
makes Joe perfectly suited to fulfil his
‘calling’ – helping others become the
best possible version of themselves.
After graduating from St Mary’s
in Twickenham, with a degree in
Sports Science, Joe hankered for a
career in PE, until he quit his job as a
teaching assistant to follow his heart
into personal training. He started
out running boxing boot camps in
Richmond Park, then began posting
recipes and workouts on Instagram,
and the Lean in 15 idea was born. The
rest is HIIT-tory.
Joe inherited his caring nature from
Raquela, a social worker, and says
he was a born extrovert who was
passionate about fitness at school,
always drumming up new recruits for
sports clubs and the football team.
Although sporty, he was thin as
a teenager, and battled insecurities
about his appearance until the age of
16, when he took charge and bought
his first gym membership.
“I got a job at Wilkinson’s in Epsom
and was probably earning £80 a
month, but I was spending £40 of that
on my Holmes Place membership.
I’d go home from school and straight
to the gym for an hour, and it was
definitely driven by a need to want to
look different, to be bigger and not be
skinny,” says Joe.
“I used to think: ‘I want abs because
I want to go to Ibiza.’” He shakes his
head in disbelief.
“I’m not driven by physical aesthetics
like I used to be. Because I exercise, I
feel the benefits and I’m using it as a
narrative now. I don’t say ‘join my plan
so you can burn fat and lose weight’,
I don’t say on my Stories ‘you should
exercise today so you can look good in
your dress next month’, I always come
back to ‘you should exercise today
because you’re going to feel better’.
Now, it’s about mental health.”
It’s why he launched Schools Fitness
Week in September 2017, with the
principle goal of getting one million
kids exercising. Rather than initiating
change by petitioning the government
à la Jamie Oliver, Joe went directly
Photography | Meyer Cookware
to schools, and urged teachers to
encourage pupils to partake in daily
morning workouts he live streamed
from his YouTube channel. He
believes that if kids buy into exercise,
parents will naturally become more
health conscious too. Continues >>>
Driven by DREAMS

March 2019 • happiful • 19


, Indie
ith their daughter
Joe and Rosie w
“You’re going to feel better, have
more energy, focus more, become
smarter,” he says of the benefits,
adding he would “love” to see all
businesses contracting staff to
exercise within working hours. At his
offices overlooking Richmond station
– the place he not long ago canvassed
for clients as a jobbing PT – there’s a
glass-walled gym where staff can go
“anytime they want”.
“I notice that when people do a
workout, when they come back
they’re buzzing, as opposed to going
into the kitchen and grabbing a
chocolate bar or an energy drink,”
informs Joe.
I love it and I’m still so engaged with my
audience... If I get a question, I send a
voice note back and they love it
Does he actually stock his staff
kitchen with sugary treats like
chocolate bars? Joe glances over his
shoulder to the table directly behind
us and a half-eaten Thornton’s gateau.
“We have chocolate cake!” he
smiles. Yesterday it was his elder
brother and right-hand man Nikki’s
Celebrating with his little girl
birthday. Every other Friday, Joe pays
for a lunch delivery, chosen by one
nominated staff member. “Sometimes
it’s a healthy wrap, other times it’s
Nandos, some of them have pizzas
delivered – anything they want,” he
says. Balance, it’s clear, is key.
Joe notices his mood changing
when he doesn’t eat well and eases up
on exercise. “I just feel a bit flat, I’m
not as productive,” he says, adding
he last felt this way after “eating crap”
over Christmas and New Year until –
Joe clicks his fingers. An audible full
stop. “I was like ‘no, this is why I eat
well’. Then I can stop and I won’t eat
any chocolate or junk.”
It’s inspiring talk. When I ask
how many lives he’s transformed,
Joe multiplies a rough average of
three people per household by the
number of books he’s sold, and guess-
timates nine million. Then there’s
the “hundreds of thousands” who
have subscribed to his £147-a-pop
‘Lean in 15’ on
tour!
Images | Instagram: @thebodycoach
90-day transformation plan, which
prescribes high-intensity workouts
with high-calorie healthy meals. He
must feel proud of his achievements?
“Yeah, I love it and I’m still so
engaged with my audience. I still
send video messages to people, and
Instagram now does voice notes, so
if I get a question, I send a voice note
back and they love it.”
Joe labels his daily screen time of six
hours “savage”, but it’s unavoidable
when running a “massive business
online” where authenticity is key.
Is he addicted to his phone? “We’re
all addicted,” he confirms. “You want
to capture every moment and then
you want to share every moment. You
go to a restaurant, but want to show
all your mates you’re at the restaurant
and what you’ve had. It’s weird. We
never used to be like that.
“The worst thing is, I’ll be with
Indie and I’ll look at my phone. She’ll
look at me and I think, ‘Why am I
looking at my f***ing phone?’ and I
put it down and feel so bad that all
she’s seeing is the back of my phone,
but it’ll happen again.”
Joe also struggles with working
dad guilt. After being “away all day”,
in the evening he wants to see his
girls, “exercise” and “play the guitar
 JOE’S
MUST-TRY

LENTIL
RECIPE

BOLOGNESE
salt and pepper. Cook for 6 minutes
Serves 2 until mostly softened. Stir in the
Ingredients garlic and rosemary sprigs. Cook
for another minute until it smells
• 2 tbsp olive oil
fragrant, then tip in the lentils.
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
•2 medium carrots, peeled and •G
 ive everything a good stir, then
chopped into cubes pour in the red wine. When most of
• Salt and pepper the wine has bubbled off, chuck in
• 2 cloves garlic, crushed the chopped tomatoes, then re-fill
Photography | Maja Smend

• 2 sprigs of rosemary one of the tins with water and pour it

• 200g dried green lentils
• Glass of red wine
•2 x 400g tins of chopped tomatoes
• 1 tbsp tomato puree
• 60g walnuts
•1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
•C ooked pasta of your choice
•G rated cheese, to serve – optional
Method
•A
 dd the oil to a saucepan over a
low heat. Tip in the chopped onion
and carrots, along with a pinch of
in. Stir in the tomato puree, and then
leave to cook for 20 minutes, until
the sauce has thickened and the
lentils are soft.
•W
 hen the lentils are nearly cooked,
toast the walnuts in a dry frying
‘Veggie Lean in 15’ by
pan over a medium heat until lightly Joe Wicks is out now
browned and smelling nutty. Allow (Bluebird)
to cool and roughly chop, then
add them to the pan. Stir in the
balsamic vinegar and season your •S
 erve with cooked pasta and, if
bolognese to taste, removing the you’re like me, loads of grated cheese
rosemary sprigs. on top!

for an hour” before disappearing for
two hours to interact with his army
of followers – 6pm onwards when
people are finishing work is peak time
for engagement.
“I feel bad because Indie will be
downstairs, and I think ‘I should be
with Indie right now’,” admits Joe,
who, like everyone, is searching for
work-life balance. “I’m getting to
where I want to balance that, so now
I’ll dedicate two hours to work, then
I’ll have an hour with Indie and give
her a bath.”
Joe has the glint in his eye of a
besotted new parent who, by the
grace of God, is evading sleep
deprivation thanks to Indie waking
only once or twice a night. When
we meet, she is days away from
starting weaning, and Joe is bursting
with trademark positivity about
introducing her to food.
“I have a vision that she’s going to
love everything I’m going to give her.
If you give your child sweet stuff,
their taste buds become receptive to
sugar so they’ll reject the kale, the
spinach and the broccoli,” he says
eagerly. “My philosophy is going to
be try to do greens, greens, greens for
the first two weeks, then introduce
the pear and apple.”
Joe’s subsequent Instagram posts
documenting Indie’s foray into food
feature the hashtag #WeanIn15,
clearly the title of Joe’s next release, a
children’s cookbook he’s tells me he’s
co-writing with a child nutritionist,
Charlotte Stirling-Reed.
Presumably, critics will accuse
him of cashing in on fatherhood,
but Joe won’t care. In the early
days, comments from online trolls
tormented him – he would panic
about what his clients thought and
overthink criticism – but these
days, he actively ignores negativity.
Only a few weeks before we meet,
Joe announced a new range of
Body Coach protein powders on
Instagram – with protein aiding
recovery following a workout – which
attracted some grumbles.
“Sometimes I’ve put something
out there, like the protein – ‘you’re
a sellout, I can’t believe you’ve done
this’ – but I concentrate on the people
that are enjoying it and giving it a go,”
Continues >>>
 he says, sagely. “It’s about letting go
of that need to control everything all
the time, be loved by everyone all the
time. It’s not going to happen.”
In his heart, Joe knows the only love
that truly matters is that of Rosie,
best life for him. He was 10 when his
little brother George was born, and
the pair were inseparable. “I took
him everywhere. I came home every
day and wanted to teach him to ride
a bike, play football, everything. I

who he proposed to last November
after two years of dating. He
announced the news in an emotional
Instagram post, which detailed his
struggle watching his parents, who
never married, repeatedly making up
and breaking up.
“I didn’t used to believe in marriage,
I didn’t used to think I’d ask anyone
to marry me. I just thought people
quit, leave each other, and start
afresh, always constantly chasing
that new love feeling,” he explains.
Last year he suddenly found himself
checking out engagement rings.
feel like I learned how to be a dad by
hanging out with George – feeding
him a bottle, giving him a bath,
putting him in his buggy – all the
practical things,” recalls Joe.
But when George went travelling
to Thailand for 12 months recently,
Joe struggled.
“Our bond’s not as close as it was
because we’ve not been living near
each other,” he says.
“My biggest vulnerability is the
need to be close. I’d rather be really
close to one person, than have
millions of people who like me. I’m
the guy that gets everyone together.
WIN!
For your chance to win
one of two signed copies
of Joe Wick’s Veggie Lean
in 15, drop us an email at
competitions@happiful.com,
telling us what your favourite
dish is and why. Closing date
for entries is 21 April, open
to UK residents only.
Good luck!

My biggest I need to be connected.”

The wedding, which he reveals will
vulnerability is be “later on in the year sometime”,
will be the perfect opportunity for
the need to be the next big family union, but there’s

close. I’d rather be

really close to one
person, than have
millions of people
who like me
“I kept getting excited by the
thought of it and I just had this
urge to ask her to marry me,” says
Joe, running a hand through his
trademark curly locks. “She didn’t
know it was coming. I got down on
one knee and told her I really loved
her and wanted to have a nice family,
and that was it! Now, I’m in a really
stable relationship and I would never
leave them two. That’s my mind
changing as I’ve grown up.”
Joe despises being alone, which
might explain why having 2.5 million
followers in his back pocket is the
plenty on the work front to keep Joe
busy until then. He recently teamed
up with recipe box company Gousto,
not to mention promoting Veggie
Lean In 15, which he hopes will
inspire meat eaters to occasionally
try vegetarian eating, as well as
inspiring people to be kinder to
the environment. Then there’s the
biggest job of all – being a dad.
“I’m optimistic about the future.
I’m the happiest and most content
I’ve ever been,” smiles Joe, before
generously posing for a photograph,
recording a ‘you’ve got this’ video
message for a friend, gifting me a
set of ‘Prep Like A Boss’ cooking
spatulas, and putting on a pair of
black-rimmed Hockney spectacles.
Just like that, The Body Coach
business resumes.
Find out more about Joe at
thebodycoach.com, and follow him
on Instagram @thebodycoach

22 • happiful • April 2019

 Creative writing
as a self-care tool
4
POSITIVE
THOUGHTS

Creativity is an aspect of self-care that often goes unexplored. You may have been
recommended to keep a mood diary, or write down your problems as a form
of therapy, but there is a way to use creative writing as a self-care tool
that goes beyond the idea of journalling...
Writing | Fiona Thomas Illustrating | Rosan Magar

H
aving a crafty hobby
is a fun way to pass
the time, but research
suggests that creativity
can have a tangible
impact on our mental wellbeing. In
2017, the All-Party Parliamentary
Group on Arts, Health and Wellbeing
reported that the “act of creation, and
our appreciation of it, provides an
individual experience that can have
positive effects on our physical and
mental health, and wellbeing”.
Supporting this, a study has found
that 79% of people in deprived
communities in London ate more
healthily after participating in group
art projects, while 77% engaged in
more physical activity. Overall, 82%
enjoyed greater wellbeing, proving
that an enriched creative life can
contribute to a more positive mindset.
To learn more, I spoke to Suzy
Reading, chartered psychologist and
author of The Self-Care Revolution:
smart habits & simple practices to
allow you to flourish, who explained
why creative writing is such an
effective self-care tool.
She tells me that people tend to have
a deeper knowledge about themselves
when they are encouraged to give a
voice to their experience, and that

24 • happiful • April 2019

this undervalued self-care tool is
“a way to be heard, even if you’re
just listening to yourself. It’s a way of
processing your thoughts”.
If you needed more incentives to give
creative writing a go, then perhaps
note that not only is it effective, but it
is simple, accessible – and free. Here
are some tips to get started:
1 Let go of expectations
Many people give up at the first
hurdle, because they think that they
aren’t naturally creative. But the most
important thing to remember is that
no one else ever needs to read what
you’ve written. This is just for you,
so it doesn’t matter if you’re the new
Shakespeare, or if you can’t tell a
semicolon from a exclamation mark.
You may want to give the process
a sense of occasion by choosing a
particularly nice pen and a special
notebook to write in, but this doesn’t
necessarily work for everyone. If
the thought of writing in a beautiful
journal fills you with dread, Suzy
advises the complete opposite. “Grab
a scrap of paper with no intention
to keep it, and just jot down your
thoughts.”
2 Create a happy
memory bank
One way to use creative writing to
foster positive emotions is to write
about happy memories. The act of
reminiscing about sights, smells, and
textures, will inform your writing,
and when you read the words back
you may experience those feelings all
over again.
For those who can’t think of
anything in particular, Suzy suggests
using prompts, such as specific
types of emotions. “Write about
a pleasurable emotion like awe,
curiosity, wonder, love or connection,
and let that guide you.”
An enriched feeling mentally well. When you feel
life is great, that’s the perfect time to
creative write and record positive emotions.
Then, when challenges arise in the
life can
future, you can refer back to your
writing and rest assured that the bad
contribute
times won’t last forever.
“In those times, it’s about reflecting
to a more
on previous writing, and using that
sense of context and perspective,”
positive
says Suzy.
Creative writing isn’t about
downloading the negative thoughts
mindset
and rereading them. You want to hold
on to the positive experiences, the
affirming life experiences, and reread
Another prompt would be to think those when you feel tested by life.
of one good thing that has happened
recently, and write about it in detail.
3 Learn to savour
Writing about your happy memories
doesn’t need to involve creating long
lists of all your achievements or
defining moments. In fact, it’s just as
effective to write about all the little
things that make life great.
Suzy says: “People who have
consummated the ability to savour
are often happier than those who
aren’t aware of the skill. It’s something
that we do already, but I think once
you name it you can do it more often,
and with greater effect.”
Whether it’s your first cup of coffee
in the morning, or a sequence of
calming yoga poses before bed, the
act of savouring can have a really
potent impact on wellbeing. Try
writing about a positive moment in
your day, and thoroughly describe
every aspect of what made it so
enjoyable.
4 Timing is key
People often associate creative
writing with the idea of expressing
negative emotions, but it can actually
be easier to master when you’re
April 2019 • happiful • 25
Global
change
starts at
home
From ditching cling film
to feeding your pooch
insect larvae, here are
some simple (and
perhaps surprising)
steps to a more
sustainable lifestyle
Writing | Kat Nicholls

W
e all know by now that
in order to keep our
planet around for longer,
we need to take action.
Judging by a recent poll we put out
on Twitter, many of you are already
making changes to your lifestyle with
this in mind. We found that 84% of our
followers said they’re already taking
steps towards sustainability, 8% said
they weren’t yet, but plan to, and only
8% said it’s not on their radar.
If sustainability is on your radar,
you’re probably already aware of some
changes you can make – getting a
reusable coffee cup, ditching plastic
water bottles for a swanky metal one,
and reaching for canvas bags when you
go shopping.
These are all amazing steps... but why
stop there? Whether it’s in the kitchen,
at the office, or in your wardrobe, there
are plenty more places where you can
make a difference. Here, we’ve broken
down some areas where small changes
can have a big impact.
 In the kitchen
STOP CLINGING TO CLING FILM
If we bundled up every piece of
cling film used in households across
ask customers to bring their own
containers to fill up and do their It’s estimated
weekly shop, waste-free.
To take things a step further, start that more
than 45 billion
getting palm oil aware. Linked to the
destruction of the world’s rainforests,

period-related
Britain in a year, we’d be able to go palm oil plantations are threatening
around the circumference of the the homes of many endangered

products end
world 30 times over. Being a single- species, including orangutans.
use, tricky to recycle item, cling film Calling itself a ‘sustainable

up in the bin
is one of the first things to replace. shopping companion’, the Giki app
Consider switching to sealable can help you be more conscious

containers, or reusable options like
beeswax wraps. Beeswax coated
cotton has been used to preserve
food for centuries, and now
companies like Bee Green Wraps
are creating modern-day versions
(which also happen to look hella
Source: beegreenwraps.co.uk
every year
with your shopping choices. Simply
search a product and get the low-
down on its impact on the planet,
and whether or not it contains palm
oil from sustainable sources.

cute). Described as ‘biodegradable, In the bathroom

reusable, and chemical-free’, the
company donates 5% of profits to the
Marine Conservation Society, to help
reduce plastic pollution. Check them
out at beegreenwraps.co.uk
In the supermarket
PUSH BACK AGAINST PLASTIC
AND PALM OIL
Since the 5p tax on plastic bags was
introduced, supermarkets have given
out 80% fewer plastic
bags. This is a small step
on the long journey
supermarkets need to
take to become more
sustainable. Plastic
wrapped food packaging
is still a major problem
in most big retailers.
While taking your own
containers and heading
to the meat, fish and
dairy counters can help,
more needs to be done.
Taking matters into their own
hands, zero waste shops are popping
up all over the UK. Full of products
with minimal packaging, these shops
STEP AWAY FROM SANITARY
WASTE, AND RETHINK YOUR
RAZOR
If you reach for disposable razors
every time you shave, now’s the time
to invest in something a little more
long-lasting. A more sustainable
alternative is an old-school safety
razor made from metal – not only
will this bring down your waste
pile, it’ll save you money in the long
run. We love the Bamboo Razor
from bulldogskincare.com
made from sustainable
materials – it even comes
in recyclable packaging.
Another area to address
is sanitary waste – period
products like tampons
and pads. It’s estimated
that more than 45 billion
period-related products
end up in the bin every
year. Alternative options
like menstrual cups (we
love the organicup, available at Planet
Organic and Amazon) and period
pants (try shethinx.com) can help
reduce this for a waste-free period.
Continues >>>
Surprising sustainable steps
• Got a penchant for glitter? Next
time you get your sparkle on,
opt for a biodegradable option
as most glitters contain plastic
– ecoglitterfun.com has an
amazing range.
• Need to wrap some gifts? Avoid
shiny or sparkly paper and go
for a rustic look with recyclable
brown paper, or try reversible,
reusable wrap from
wragwrap.com
• Putting a wash on? Add a
bag from guppyfriend.com
in with your next load to trap
microfibres that get released
in every wash.
• After more sustainable dog
food? Try Yora pet food.
Made from insect larvae, it’s
sustainable and perfectly
suited to your dog’s nutritional
needs. Check them out at
yorapetfoods.com
April 2019 • happiful • 27
Eco-warrior giveaway!
To help you get started on your sustainability shake-up, we have
a bundle of 10 eco-goodies up for grabs, including a tea strainer, a
guppyfriend pack, and various items from the article – as well as
several other things we think you’ll love.
For you chance to win, email us at competitions@happiful.com
with the subject line ‘sustainability competition’, noting in the
message what has inspired you most to live more sustainably.

Competition closes 21 April, open to UK residents only (sorry!)


In the office
TAKE A BREAK FROM TEA BAGS,
AND INVEST IN YOUR INK
Every day in the UK, we get
through an estimated 165 million
teabags, and almost all of these are
made with plastic. Adding to the
plastic pile, tea bags are perhaps
the most innocent looking culprit
in the office, but we promise we
won’t ask you to give up your tea
break. Instead, why not get yourself
a tea strainer and start making your
brew with loose-leaf tea?
Another easy swap for the office is
to ditch the big packs of disposable
pens, and encourage colleagues
to get an investment pen
instead. For a super
eco-friendly
writing tool,
check out bamboo
fountain pens –
friluk.co.uk have
beautiful options
in their lifestyle
section.
Every day in
the UK, we
In your wardrobe
CHOOSE CHARITY
SHOPS AND JOIN THE
RENTAL REVOLUTION
When looking at taking steps to be
more sustainable, we couldn’t skip
the wardrobe. The fashion industry
is considered the second largest
polluter in the world (with the oil
industry in at number one). This
is down to a number of factors,
including the toxic waste dumped
into rivers by factories, and the
amount of water it takes to produce
clothing (did you know it can take
up to 20,000 litres of water to
produce just 1kg of cotton?).
Fast fashion is the enemy
here; when we buy items,
wear them a couple of
times and then throw
them away, we’re
contributing to this
damage. But fear not
fashion lovers, there are
ways you can fuel your
passion while taking care
of the planet.
Firstly, make more investment
buys – spend a little more on pieces
from sustainable sources, and wear
them with love. It will cost you a
little more money initially, but the
Top tips for a
sustainability newbie
Lucy Lucraft is a freelance
journalist, blogger, and
podcaster, who creates content
for the ethically-conscious.
Here, she shares her top tips for
those at the beginning of their
sustainability journey:
1. Don't aim for perfection
“Don't focus on those who
produce a Kilner jar of waste
each year, because the reality
is that we all have very different
lifestyles, not to mention
recycling schemes! For
example, my kerbside collection
only picks up plastic bottles.
Just do what works for you and
your family.”
2. Be gentle with yourself
“In the same vein, you may
feel discouraged from buying
products like Keepcups and
water bottles by zero-waste
purists, but I don't agree. Buy
a few to help you on your way.
Accept we live in a capitalist
world where we are bombarded
with advertising daily, and try to
make your purchases as ethical
as possible. Beyond that, give
yourself grace!”
3. Think about going meat-free
“Animal agriculture is one of

get through quality means it will last longer. the leading causes of climate
Next, consider charity shopping. change, water consumption and

an estimated Buying second hand is a great way

to be more sustainable, and you
ocean pollution, so going for a
plant-based, flexitarian diet will

165 million could get lucky and snag a designer

item at a fraction of the cost.
impact the planet way more
than ditching straws. There
teabags, and Finally, instead of buying a fancy
dress for that wedding, consider
are far more vegan options
around now, from Iceland to
almost all of renting one. Websites such as
ourcloset.co.uk allow you to browse
Waitrose, so it's relatively simple
to introduce more plant-based
these are made designer goods and rent them for a products into your diet."

with plastic
certain period of time, so you can
get your fashion fix guilt-free.
Find out more about Lucy and
her creative mentoring for
ethically-conscious business
owners at lucylucraft.com
Dog days
Writer and broadcaster Emily Dean had longed for a dog from
childhood, but becoming a ‘dog family’ was never on the cards.
After her sister died, followed by both her parents, Emily encountered
a period of great change and self-discovery, resulting in a decision
to write her own story, and welcome four paws into her life

Writing | Lucy Donoughue

E
mily Dean has
been chatting with
royalty prior to our
interview. She’s spent
the afternoon at the
Mayhew Animal Home, and has
met the Duchess of Sussex (Meghan
Markle, if you weren’t sure), the new
patron of the north London based
animal charity.
“She asked me to show her a
picture of Ray,” Emily says laughing,
referring to her own dog. “I was
desperately scrolling through my
phone, trying to find a picture where
he didn’t look weird, and it turns out
he looks weird in all of them.
“Luckily she laughed and thought
he was very cute. So my passion for
dogs has introduced me to royalty!”
It’s absolutely fitting that Emily
should have been at this royal meet
and greet. Her passion for our canine
chums is something she wears with
pride, today and in ‘Walking The
Dog’, her hugely popular podcast for
The Times.
Each episode, Emily meets actors,
comedians, and presenters, and they
go for a dog walk together, while
chatting about their lives, careers,
and thoughts on their canine friends
– occasionally interrupted by a also here to talk about Emily’s book,
pause to greet another walker or Everybody Died, So I Got A Dog.
comment on the array of pooches in Emily has written all through her
the park. adult life. She was deputy editor of
The podcast is always a funny and InStyle magazine for eight years, and
insightful listen. Emily never fails has penned pieces for other titles
to delve deep into her companion’s including The Times, Evening Standard
backgrounds, and I wonder Continues >>>
whether this is helped by the
momentum of the walk?
“It’s interesting, the conceit of the
dog walk because you’ve got all those
distractions, you’re kind of extracting
thoughts by stealth. It’s misdirection
in a way…” she pauses.
“I think there’s something about
not having eye contact that helps. If
I was saying to a comic face-to-face,
‘Have you had therapy?’ it could
be uncomfortable. That’s an easier
question to ask if you’re kicking
leaves and there’s a Labrador pooing
in the corner.”
Our interview, however, doesn’t
take place over a dog walk (though
we’ve both shared pictures of our
pups – mine, Zac, a spirited rescue
with a sparse feather duster tail;
Emily’s, Ray, an inquisitive, much-
Emily’s book ‘Everybody Died, So
loved Shih Tzu).
I Got A Dog’ is out now (Hodder &
While our mutual obsession with Stoughton, £16.99).
dogs will be a theme throughout, we’re

April 2019 • happiful • 31

and You Magazine, and now also co-
presents a Saturday morning show on
Absolute Radio with comedians Frank
Skinner and Alun Cochrane.
However, Everybody Died, So I Got
A Dog is all hers, and completely
personal – firstly reflecting on her
eccentric, extraordinary and bohemian
childhood as a family unit of four
(actor mother, broadcaster father, and
older beloved sister Rachael).
Emily explores the ever-changing
dynamic between her parents, their
glamorous gatherings while dodging
of red-topped bills, her father’s
academic outbursts, and her belief that
other families were able to have dogs
because they were stable and normal,
unlike her’s.
Her passion for dogs and pursuit of
them, as well as the love she has for
her ‘anchor’ Rachael, are the golden
threads that run throughout her entire
story to date.
As the book moves from childhood
to adulthood, Emily shares the
devastating news of her sister’s liver
cancer and death at the age of 43, less
than a month after diagnosis. Her own
experience of grief was compounded
by the deaths of her mum and dad
Emily's beloved Shih Tzu, Ray
in quick succession, leaving her as
the sole remaining member of her
original family unit.
“Rachael’s death was really hard,
and I think it hit me in a way that I
possibly didn’t even process at the
time,” she explains. “Then my mum
got sick. She was diagnosed with
motor neurone disease and she died,
and then my dad died six months
after her.”
She smiles and I sense she is trying
to make the conversation easier for
those listening. “I referred to it as
the Game of Thrones finale – it was
that episode. Everyone experiences
bereavement, it happens to all of us,
but I got mine all in one episode, and
I could have done with it being spread
out throughout the series.”
To lose all your closest family over
such a short period of time seems
unimaginable. “It felt like no one had
warned me, and with the nature of
my family, it felt like they were bright
lights that burnt out.
“It was tough and I felt very lonely,”
she continues. “I also felt with my
sister, that she was my witness, and
my witness had died. There are things
about my childhood that no one else
would understand.”
A particularly dark
period followed after her
dad’s death, and Emily
struggled to cope with her
grief. She regularly saw
her counsellor, Sue, and
describes these sessions
as “becoming a cocoon of
comfort… like getting into
a warm bath, where I could
turn off the outside world
and shed my skin”.
However, over time,
the enormity of grief
bore down on her, and
she found herself calling
Samaritans to talk, when
the pain of loss became
too much for her to want
to share with other friends
It felt like no
one had warned
me, and with
the nature of
my family, it felt
like they were
bright lights
that burnt out
and family. Then, in Emily’s own
words, “I felt out of control and didn’t
want to pretend anymore.”
This realisation led Emily to the
Hoffman Process – an intensive
seven-day therapeutic retreat that
helps to release and resolve issues,
and promotes healing. Emily is
immediately effusive about the
experience: “For me, what was
powerful about it was learning to
love, forgive and understand my
family, particularly my parents.
“They have this mantra at the
Hoffman, ‘Everyone is guilty, no
one is to blame,’ and to me that’s
really important. You realise
everyone comes from a place of
vulnerability, even anger comes from
vulnerability… It’s something I’ve
learnt now, and I can’t unlearn that.
“It may sound odd,” Emily reflects.
“But it took losing my parents to
really love and appreciate them in
the way that I do now. I feel them in
me and I see them in me, and I think
about them every day in little ways.
“There were some difficult moments
in my childhood, but I love what I
feel their legacy is, which is that sense
that it’s OK to be a little different. I’m
Photography | Olivia Beasley
really grateful to them for that.”
The Hoffman Process seems to
have had a major impact on Emily
and her ability to focus on her own
life. She came to understand how
her perception of herself had been
 Ray allowed me to see people
at their most benign and
nurturing… He made me
deliriously happy just by existing
formed by her role in her family
unit, and that she could now move
forward, as – and for – herself.
Emerging from the retreat, Emily
made the decision to make a home
that reflected who she really was,
incorporating her “weird passions”,
pursuing the career she wanted, and
getting the dog she had dreamed
of since childhood. The dog she
had always longed for, but never
felt that her family, the time, or her
circumstances were right.
Enter Ray, who Emily describes
as looking like “a one night stand
between a Wookie and an Ewok”,
the first time she met him. A little
Shih Tzu who made her heart burst,
and later admits proudly, without
comedic punchline, that getting him
was the best thing she’d ever done.
Ray’s arrival, she says, opened up
new avenues and perspectives of
others. She began to meet different
people in parks, at a puppy class
(where Ray did spectacularly, being
secretly older than the others), and
she writes of seeing business people
visibly soften at seeing a dog in an
otherwise corporate environment.
“Ray allowed me to see people at
their most benign and nurturing…
He made me deliriously happy just
by existing.”
We both agree that dogs are pretty
special and life enhancing. Now,
Emily’s dog Ray has a royal seal of
approval, as well a prime place in a
brilliant book she has written about
her life – in which he is very much
a firm fixture, regardless of what
younger Emily might have thought
was possible.
Follow Emily on Twitter @Divine_
Miss_Em, listen to her podcast
‘Walking The Dog’, and catch her on
Absolute Radio, Saturday mornings
from 8am.
April 2019 • happiful • 33
Happiful Hero

Photography | Linh Nguyen

34 • happiful • December 2018

“ Spring is the time of.
plans and projects.
– LEO TOLSTOY
 A P R I L
Happiful

TOP
10
Try something different this month with the new podcast from David
Tennant, a fresh twist on the 210-year-old Boat Race, and an app that
helps you discover the world around us

1 6
PAGE-TURNERS THE CONVERSATION
The Heat of the Moment by World Autism Awareness Week
Dr Sabrina Cohen-Hatton
A week for looking at the things we can do to create
After leaving school at the age of 16, Dr Sabrina a world that works for autistic people. Raise funds or
Cohen-Hatton went on to become one of the
Images | ‘David Tennant Does a Podcast With...’ play.acast.com, Game of Thrones: Helen Sloan/HBO, Donté: Instagram @donte.colley

spread the word by joining the conversation online.

world’s most senior female firefighters. Here, she Use the hashtag #AutismAwarenessWeek and find
shares stories from life on the frontline, as she fundraising resources on autism.org.uk
takes us to the core of firefighting. (1–7 April)

7
(Out 11 April, Doubleday, £16.99)

TECH TIP-OFFS

2
LEND US YOUR EARS
‘David Tennant Does a Podcast With…’
This podcast does exactly what it says on
the tin, as David Tennant sits down to chat
with showbiz A-listers about work, life
and everything in between. From Olivia
Colman to Ian McKellen, tune in for candid
conversations, and lots of laughs.
(Available from iTunes)
Fog of World
How much of the world around you have you
seen? This app puts a virtual ‘fog’ over a map.
Tracking your GPS, the fog clears as you walk or drive
around an area. With maps covering the planet, and fun
achievements to unlock, this app turns everyday tasks
into adventures. (Available on iOS and Android, £9.99)
PLUGGED-IN

3
Donté Colley
Donté is the
SQUARE EYES 21-year-old Instagram
sensation guaranteed
Game of Thrones season eight to put a smile on
Buckle your seatbelts as the worldwide your face with his
fantasy sensation takes over our screens, motivational dances.
and staff-room conversations, for the last Follow Donté for
time. In the highly anticipated finale, who daily pick-me-ups,
will prevail to sit on the Iron Throne? lookbooks, and life-
(Starts 15 April on Sky Atlantic in the UK) affirming positivity.

4
(Follow @donte.colley)

PUT ON A SHOW
GET GOING

9
The Oxford vs Cambridge Goat Race
If the boat race isn’t really your thing, hitch a ride
to Spitalfields City Farm, Bethnal Green, to witness
the Goat Race. With all proceeds used to fund the
educational farm, get in the sporting spirit as two goats
– one representing Oxford and the other Cambridge –
dash around the farm to be crowned 2019’s winner.
(7 April. Find @TheGoatRace on Twitter, and follow the link in
their bio to buy tickets)
Walk for Parkinson’s
Head to Ticknall, Derbyshire, to join hundreds of walkers
as they take on a 7.1 or 2.1 mile walk around the beautiful
grounds of the National Trust’s Calke Abbey. All in aid of
Parkinson’s UK – and with a suggested £50 sponsorship –
take steps to help fund life-changing research.
(28 April, visit parkinsons.org.uk to find out more)

5 10
OUT AND ABOUT
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the
Night-Time – a relaxed performance
Experience the play based on Mark Haddon’s novel in
this ‘relaxed’ performance that welcomes people on
the autism spectrum. Effects will be altered, and there
will be a chance to join actors for a Q&A session.
(6 April, Piccadilly Theatre. Book tickets by calling the box
office on 020 7452 3000)
TREAT YOURSELF
Jerry Bottles
One in eight people worldwide
don’t have access to clean and safe water. But we
have the power to change that. Jerry bottles are
reusable water bottles with 100% of profits funding
water projects around the world. Flip the bottle
over to find the coordinates of the project your
purchase has funded engraved on the bottom.
(Visit jerrybottle.com)

Q I was recently
promoted, but
part of that includes
pitching to clients. I’m
experiencing severe
anxiety and issues with
my digestion. How can
I overcome this fear of
public speaking?
A The biggest and most
common cause of anxiety
is the belief that we aren’t good
enough. We can learn this fear
of rejection as a child, and it can
stay with us through our adult life.
Try affirmations such as ‘I am
good enough’, ‘I am safe’, ‘I am
calm’. It is also beneficial to use
your imagination in your favour.
Instead of it working against
you, start expecting a different
outcome. We put lots of pressure
on ourselves to be perfect, but
remember it’s OK to
make mistakes.
THE EXPER
SK
TS
A
Fiona Lamb is a certified, advanced clinical
hypnotherapist based in Harley Street and High Street
Kensington, London. You can find more information about
Fiona and her practice on hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk
Brought to you
by Hypnotherapy
Directory
Hypnotherapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
Ask the experts
Harley Street hypnotherapist Fiona Lamb
answers your questions
Q I need help with
my sleep. I’ve
tried herbal methods
and exercise, but
nothing is working. I’ve
heard hypnotherapy
could help? I’m
desperate to get
some rest…
A Since hypnotherapy works
with the unconscious part
of the mind and sleep is such
an unconscious process, this
method works really well. The
main cause of insomnia is
anxiety – as our minds sense
threat or danger, the adrenaline
keeps us awake, keeping our
minds active and alert.
In hypnotherapy, we work through
fears so your mind can think
logically, and you can get the sleep
you need. When you generally feel
calmer and more relaxed, it’s easier
to doze off.
Q I’m an
emotional
eater and would like
to break the cycle.
I commute daily, so
I stock up on treats
before the train home.
Photography | @katesharpphotography
It doesn’t help that I
hate my job, too…
A Identify the underlying
feeling causing you to eat,
and ask why you don’t like your
job. Food is distracting you
from the real issue.
If there are feelings of
sadness, find natural ways to
boost those happy hormones.
Regular exercise, getting more
daylight, and surrounding
yourself with uplifting people
are good places to start.
Once you deal with the
emotion, the habits will be
easier to break. Distract
yourself on the train by taking a
good book. The less attention
you give to food, and the
more you find other ways
to deal with your emotions,
your dependence on food will
decrease.
 Speaking my truth
As a world-class beatboxer, Simon pushed himself
to continuously reach new highs, but emotions he’d
been hiding from eventually caught up with him.
Following two breakdowns, he found the power
in being vulnerable, and realised that his online
community could truly be a place of positivity
Writing | Simon Shlomo Kahn

W
e all know how toxic
social media can be,
myself included. A few
years back I realised
that I struggle with addictions, one
of which is internet addiction. It
had reached a point where I was
so desperate for online validation
that I would be awake all night,
isolated, and unable to break the
loop. I would always pretend to be
OK, only sharing a perfect, always
happy, infinitely successful version
of myself.
But recently this all changed.
I made the decision to be open
online about my battle with
depression, trauma, and addiction,
and the transformation I have seen
in my life has been astonishing;
ultimately, my virtual community
saved me from suicide.
I have lived in a whirlwind
my whole adult life – soon after
leaving home, I started gaining
recognition as a beatboxer, breaking
world records, a live looping
artist winning World Looping
Championships, and performing
with household names like Ed
Sheeran, Damon Albarn and
Basement Jaxx to huge crowds
around the world. I was growing
up on the road, on stage, and in
the public eye. I was desperate to
prove myself.
Beatboxing is hugely
empowering – you can stand up
and literally move people with
nothing but your voice and a
microphone.
I started beatboxing as a child as
a way to practise the drums after
my baby sister had gone to bed. I
had the rhythm bug – I couldn’t
switch the music off in my head,
so I started using my voice to
express what I heard in my mind.
When my friends heard the
sounds I was making, they
would freak out. I realised I had
something special, so I practised
with a passion, and in 2003 I
left my astrophysics degree at
Leeds University to pursue music
full-time. Continues >>>
Simon’s Story
For more from Simon, visit
his website skshlomo.com
I’ve always loved the thrill
of performance, and at the
start I used to get these huge
rushes from the shows.
I’d be soaring high from
all the endorphins, all the
energy from delivering this
passionate and adrenalised
experience. But the problem
is you can quickly get
addicted to those highs. It
was almost compulsive the
way I would push myself. I
was always trying to be bigger
and better, to outdo myself, or
break the next world record.
One day in summer 2008,
I performed on the Pyramid
Stage at Glastonbury, which
had been a massive dream of
mine. I walked off thinking
I should feel amazing, but I
just felt empty. Now what?
Now I have to find something
even bigger to do. It felt
like it would never end. I
couldn’t understand why my
life felt like a race, and why
I was never satisfied by my
achievements.
38 • happiful • April 2019
I desperately wanted to
create an album of my own,
but I spent years obeying the
voices in my head telling me
I’d fail. In January 2017, in a
moment of inspired courage,
I vowed to stand up to my
inner critic. I was coming off
tour to get this album written.
But the process of stopping
the whirlwind was far more
painful than I had imagined.
I thought it would be easy,
but the isolation completely
broke me.
In May 2017, after weeks of
mixed success trying to write
my album, I had a breakdown.
My addictions relapsed, and
I quickly found myself in a
suicidal space.
I didn’t want to live any
more. I was fantasising about
how I could escape my own
life. I was lucky though.
Michelle, my wonderful life
partner and business partner,
could see I wasn’t OK. When
she gently asked me what
was wrong, I could finally
Simon has performed with the likes of
Ed Sheeran and Damon Albarn
I made the decision to be open
online about my battle with
depression, trauma and addiction;
ultimately, my virtual community
saved me from suicide
admit how I felt. With her
encouragement, I sought help.
By September 2017, I started
cognitive behavioural therapy,
and after another breakdown
in March 2018, I was referred
for trauma therapy.
In trauma therapy, I learned
tools to process something
I had been too afraid to
talk about: when I was
four years old, I had a near
death experience ending
with emergency abdominal
surgery. I never realised that
I had been running from the
trauma my whole life.
After seven weeks away from
work, piece by piece, I slowly
began to rebuild myself.
Music was my therapy. By
writing down my stories and
embracing my pain, songs
were starting to take shape. I
realised the album I had been
writing was all about this
journey with trauma.
By June 2018, I had written
half of the album, but I knew
I’d need funds to record and
Photography | Ben Hopper
release it. I decided to launch
a crowdfunding campaign,
which could also raise mental
health awareness, and money
for a mental health charity.
To launch the campaign,
I posted a video about
my mental health. People
immediately started reaching
out to me, sharing their
own journeys and offering
support. I felt more real, more
connected to the world than I
ever had before.
But then the funding stalled.
I started doubting whether this
was a good idea. I was getting
supportive messages every day,
but a lot of them contained
traumatic stories, and I wasn’t
sure if I could cope.
Then one day over summer
2018, I was attacked on Twitter
about my mental health.
Someone sent me a barrage of
tweets, telling me that I should
be ashamed. That it was my
own fault. That depression and
suicide were evolution’s way of
weeding out weak men.

Photography | Left: Andy Teo Photocillin, Right: Matt Allen
People
immediately
started reaching
out to me,
sharing their own
journeys and
offering support
My mind was racing. What
if I’m not fit to be a father to
my two sons? I spiralled back
into terrifying suicidal anxiety.
But things were different
this time. Since I’d opened
up online, I was no longer
isolated. My friends,
family and fans knew I
was vulnerable. They were
checking in with me every
day. And sharing what had
happened to me brought me
some new-found courage.
To defy my attacker, I
posted my story in depth,
sharing my truth with
anxiety, addiction and
trauma. The reaction was
overwhelming. I received
hundreds of messages, from
all over the world, containing
love, hope, support and
strength. And stories of
similar struggles.
My community rallied
around me, the article
soon went viral, and my
crowdfunding total zoomed to
112% within days.
More importantly, my
followers also started talking
honestly about their own
mental health. It seemed to
spread – people reported
that their own network had
started supporting them with
struggles they had previously
been too afraid to share.
That summer I started
#WEARELISTENING – a
series of ‘real talk’ live streams
inviting guests to open up
about mental health. The first
live stream with Grammy
winning artist Jason Mraz was
True LIFE
#WEARELISTENING is Simon’s series
of mental health live streams
watched by more than 95,000 I urge you to try something.
people around the planet. Try sharing your truth today.
I learned that sharing Post something vulnerable
vulnerable truths online you might not normally share,
is scary, and maybe the and invite your friends to do
reluctance to be open is the same.
because of a fear that people Who knows, it might help
don’t want to hear about the someone else speak their truth
pain. But we can all work tomorrow. Ultimately, it might
together to create a tolerant save a life.
online culture.
If you’re with me and you Listen to tracks from Simon’s,
believe that the internet aka SK Shlomo’s, forthcoming
can be a tool for positive album that’s raising mental
social change, rather than a health awareness, out 29
popularity competition, then March: skshlomo.com/listen
Our Expert Says
Simon’s story reminds us of a universal truth – we are all
vulnerable. We may not always feel it, but inside all of us is a
part of ourselves that needs to be listened to and taken care
of. Simon discovered it was something he’d long forgotten
that he needed to process. The point we stop and have space,
is often when our mind focuses on unresolved
issues. It is at these times that we need support
– Simon found a way to do that for himself and
thousands of others. However alone you may
feel, remember we are all stronger together.
Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr
Life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation
April 2019 • happiful • 39
 The benefits of birding
Mother Nature is calling, and she’s got your number!
Birdwatching can do wonders for your wellbeing, and you don’t
need to live in the country or own a flat cap – we promise. Start
in your garden, and reap the mental health rewards
Writing | Kat Nicholls Illustrating | Rosan Magar

I
t’s no secret that spending time
in nature is good for us; getting
outdoors, soaking up some
vitamin D, and breathing in that
Simply being able to see birds,
and spending more time in nature,
has been shown to lower the risk of
anxiety, stress and depression.

fresh air can have a grounding
effect we all crave from time
to time. So, it should come as no
surprise that activities involving
nature support our wellbeing
too, and this is especially true of
birdwatching (or ‘birding’ as the
experts call it).
And it’s not just the act of seeing
the birds that’s beneficial either. We
spoke to Jamie Wyver from the Royal
Society for the Protection of Birds
(RSPB), who told us about a study
from Kings College, London, that
revealed birdsong can lift our mood
for several hours.
“You might not see another person
all day, but the blue tits, robins and
blackbirds that hop, flutter and sing
in your garden cheer
you up, and make
you feel less alone –
more connected to
the outside world,”
Jamie explains.
This connection, to
nature and other living
creatures, is a basic need,
and birding is an activity
that encompasses both.
Add to this the learning
aspect (identifying
different species), the way it
gets our bodies moving, even
the mindful benefits, and it’s easy
to see the appeal.
Interested in
giving birding
a go? Here’s
how to get
started...
5
NATURAL
WONDERS
1 Start in your garden
(or local park)
Find a quiet spot and stay very still.
You’ll be amazed at what you can see,
even in just 10–15 minutes.
When you want to take things
further afield, Jamie says wetlands
are ideal. “Open spaces with plenty
of waterbirds are great fun to watch.
Innocent looking ducks – which
are in fact the pirates of the pond,
snatching food from coots. Graceful
grey herons standing like statues.
Spectacular seabird cliffs, mountain
birds, heathlands, woodlands…
There’s so much to see!”
2 Get some optics
Birding doesn’t have to cost a thing
from your garden, but if you want to
start exploring further from home,

40 • happiful • April 2019

Jamie encourages you to invest in
equipment. “To get the most out of
it, you’ll need ‘optics’ – binoculars or
a telescope – because once you start
looking for wild birds in more open
settings, you’ll find they’re often just
slightly too far away to identify.”
3 Learn more about the birds
While it certainly isn’t a prerequisite
for you to know about birds, it can
help you get more enjoyment out of
the activity. Jamie suggests starting
with the birds already visiting your
garden or local park.
“Garden birds are a good group to
start with because they tend to be more
comfortable around people. The RSPB
website has an excellent bird identifier,
where you work through a series of
questions to help you uncover what 5 Take it to the next level
you’ve seen – as you get more involved, Contributing to surveys and
bird books are very handy.” bird counts help charities and
organisations learn more about our
feathered friends, so they can protect
4 Keep a list of what you see them better.
Another way to make the most “Big Garden Birdwatch is run by the
of birding is to track what you’re RSPB, but there are many projects up
spotting. Jamie started with a and down the country. Once you’re
notebook and pencil, but now uses an confident, there’s the British Trust for
app. “Keeping a list challenges you, Ornithology (BTO) Breeding Bird
and encourages you to explore. Once Survey, too,” says Jamie.
you’ve seen the easier-to-find birds,
you then travel to find the more The RSPB are ooking for volunteers –
scarce ones.” visit rspb.org.uk to get involved.
This spring, the RSPB is aiming to get birdsong into the charts
as part of its Let Nature Sing campaign, which is highlighting the
way birdsong is disappearing from nature. Lend your voice to the
campaign by visiting rspb.org.uk/letnaturesing
April 2019 • happiful • 41
 Photography | Hian Oliveiray | Rutgers University
It’s been found that people who.
smelt flowers reported being.
three times happier than they.
were before smelling them.
 The reality
of psychosis
For many of us, the world around us remains fairly constant, familiar. But for
some people with severe mental illness, psychosis can turn that world upside
down, as their relationship with reality becomes distorted.

Here, counsellor and psychotherapist Lindsay George explores psychosis, what

it really means, and treatment options, with the insight of her patient who has
experienced this first hand. Hira opens up to quell the stigma attached to the
condition, and speaks out for others living with mental illness
Writing | Lindsay George

S
“ he was standing in the
corner of the classroom
shouting at me, so I
shouted back!” Hira told
her friends, who, confused,
asked: “Hira, who are you yelling at?
There’s no one there.” She now felt even
more frightened and alone.
“It was very, very scary. I thought I
was going crazy back then,” Hira told
me recently. “I just couldn’t make sense
of why I was feeling the way I was.”
Sadly for Hira, she felt unable to tell
anyone about her experience, for fear
of being stigmatised.
Now a mental health advocate
for Youth Mental Health Matters
(a Manchester-based charity, who
provide a platform for young people’s
mental health needs), and in her first
year at university, Hira is working hard
at keeping herself mentally well.
For her, what helps is a combination
of a little exercise, checking in weekly
for her counselling sessions, and
socialising with her wide circle of
friends, who have provided her with
much needed additional emotional
support over the years. “They actually
saved my life,” she freely admits.
However, three years ago, things were
very different for Hira. She had been in
year 11, studying for her GCSEs. Little
did anyone know back then, but she
was regularly hearing voices and seeing
people, who she now acknowledges,
weren’t actually there.
Unfortunately for Hira, they had felt
very real at the time, and had become
part of her normal day-to-day life
for well over a year. “They would say
negative things to me, and encourage
me to self-harm,” she tells me. Even
more terrifyingly, these voices would
goad Hira in to attempting to take her
own life.
Tragically, it took a suicide attempt
and an admission to hospital for Hira’s
situation to finally come out into the
open. She was diagnosed with severe
depression, and was experiencing
psychosis. She was just 15 years old.
WHAT IS PSYCHOSIS?
Psychosis is a symptom, often of an
underlying mental health condition,
where there is a loss of contact with
reality. Individuals may experience
hallucinations (hearing or seeing
things that do not exist), and delusions
(believing things others don’t).
The fear of not understanding what
is happening, and not knowing why
we are feeling the way we do, is both
frightening and isolating. It can
make us feel even more alone in not
knowing who or where to go for help,
as Hira knows only too well.
It was after Hira’s sucide attempt that
she finally told someone about what
she was experiencing.
Continues >>>
Note: As a member of the BACP,
Lindsay follows the rules and regulations
with regards to client confidentiality.
With this article, Hira has agreed for
her story to be shared publicly, with
the hope that it will dispel stigma.

April 2019 • happiful • 43

For support and more information about
psychosis, visit nhs.uk or mind.org.uk
It was at this point that, thankfully, she
was able to receive the much needed
mental health support and medical
intervention she required, in order for
her to begin her slow recovery process.
Unfortunately this is not always
the case. The scary fact is that 75%
of mental health issues (apart from
dementia) arise before adulthood.
Statistics state that mental health
issues affect one in four of us in the
UK, but what about those specifically
related to psychosis? While it is hard
to actually track the exact figure,
it is believed that 0.7% of the UK
population experience this extreme
mental health disorder at any one time.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF
PSYCHOSIS?
It is sometimes possible to identify
the cause of psychosis through a
specific mental health condition,
such as schizophrenia, and bipolar
disorder. However, psychosis can also
be triggered by extreme stress, trauma,
alcohol misuse, substance abuse, or
the side-effects of certain prescribed
medication.
In Hira’s experience, her severe
depression was linked to long-term
bullying at school. Like many young
people, she tried to manage the
situation on her own. The extremes of
that particular story are not within the
scope of this article, however, suffice
to say she became very unhappy and
mentally unwell over a period of time.
Research has also
shown that support
from family and
friends can be
invaluable, and
helps to reduce the
need for hospital
treatment
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS
OF PSYCHOSIS?
While no one person's experience
will be exactly the same, the
following are symptoms often
associated with psychosis that
might help you to know when
someone might need support:
• Difficulty concentrating
•D isorganised thinking and
speech, switching topics
erratically
•S leeping too much or not enough
• Restlessness
• Anxiety
• Suspicion, or paranoia
•W ithdrawal from family and
friends
• Delusions
• Hallucinations
• Depression
• Suicidal thoughts or actions
GETTING HELP
If you’re concerned about
someone who you think might be
experiencing psychosis, you could
contact their GP. Alternatively, if
they’re receiving support from a
mental health service, you could
contact their mental health worker
for advice or support.
In addition, if you think the
person’s symptoms are placing them
at possible risk of harm, and they
are in agreement, you could suggest
taking them to the nearest accident
and emergency (A&E) department.
Alternatively, call their GP, or 999,
and ask for an ambulance.
TREATMENT OPTIONS
Treatment options for psychosis
involve a combination of antipsychotic
medication, and psychological
therapies. One-to-one talking therapy
such as cognitive behavioural therapy
(CBT) has proved successful in
helping people with psychosis.
Research has also shown that
support from family and friends can
be invaluable, and helps to reduce
the need for hospital treatment.
Usually after an episode of psychosis,
most people who get better with
medication need to continue taking
it for at least a year. Generally 50% of
people require long-term medication
to prevent symptoms recurring.
It is only with hindsight that Hira
wishes she’d spoken out sooner. Sadly,
her words resonate in my therapy
room all too often. People can often
feel at a loss about what to do, and
unable to address their own mental
health issues head on. They may feel
embarrassed and prefer to avoid
taking the risk of being judged.
Hira is fiercely passionate about
mental health issues. This is proving
to serve her well in her recovery, as it
provides a healthy coping mechanism
for her.
In the same breath, Hira has waived
her anonymity for the purpose of this
article, so that she can help others
who may be experiencing their own
mental health issues.
“People need to start opening
up about their own mental health
needs,” says Hira. “That way we can
help remove the stigma that is all too
often associated with having a mental
health issue.”
As I said to Hira, it takes a
courageous person to do this. Hira is
definitely one of the brave ones.
In my experience, early intervention
is key to recovery, as with any mental
health issue, including psychosis.
I am privileged to witness Hira’s
experience, and to be a part of her
recovery process.
Lindsay George is an integrative
counsellor and trained nurse, who
works with adults, couples, families,
and young people. She specialises in
areas including depression, eating
disorders, and relationships. Visit
lindsaygeorge.co.uk
April 2019 • happiful • 45
 Community Furniture Aid

Making a
house a
home
A home is where we feel most safe. It’s where we go to recharge
and relax. And for many of us, our home – and the things inside it –
become an extension of who we are. But what happens when all this is
taken away? Community Furniture Aid is the charity refurbishing the
homes of those who have been left with nothing, and changing
the trajectory of their entire lives in the process

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

M
ore and more people
in the UK are living
in ‘hidden poverty’
– the poverty that
takes place behind
closed doors and leaves people in
dire living conditions, struggling to
afford the essentials.
The Trussell Trust’s latest mid-
year stats revealed that 658,048
people were given three-day
emergency food supplies between
April and September 2018. But it’s
not just about food. Many are now
finding themselves living without
the basic necessities in life – a chair
to sit on, a bed to sleep in, or even
light bulbs.
In 2014, husband and wife team
Julian and Marianne Cash from
Pontycymer, in Wales, decided to
step in. They founded Community
Furniture Aid, a charity that collects
unwanted furniture, and fills and
decorates the homes of those most
in need.
Storing the furniture in an old
church, and working with just nine
volunteers to distribute the packs
throughout their local county
borough, the small team are there
to give those living in poverty the
helping hand they desperately need.

CFA store furniture donations
in an old church
LAYING THE FOUNDATIONS
“It started when we were
volunteering with another charity,
which had to close because they ran
out of funding,” Marianne tells us.
“But we decided there was such a
need for what we were doing that we
were going to start afresh.”
Marianne and Julian spoke to local
charities and agencies and asked
them what people really needed.
The answer? Absolute basics: beds,
bedding, sofas, kitchenware.
“We wanted to be like mum and
dad to all of these people,” says
Marianne. “We would provide them
with all the things they would need
to set up a home. We take all of that
worry away so they can actually get
on in life.”
With Julian and the volunteers out
in the community delivering and
collecting furniture – and Marianne
manning the phones from the
charity’s office at the couple’s home
– CFA works with 52 agencies across
the county of Bridgend, including
Women’s Aid, Citizens Advice,
probation services, foster services,
church groups, and many more.
We decided we would be like
mum and dad to all of these
people, and we would provide
them with all the things they
would need to set up a home
“They contact us and say they’ve
got a person who is in need, and we
work with them from there to help,”
Marianne says. “We meet the clients,
and then build what we call a ‘pack’
that’s individual to their needs.”
THE HOME TRUTH
From young mums at 17, right up
to elderly couples, the team serve
people from all walks of life. But
demand for the service is on the rise,
with calls coming in from further
afield, asking for help.
Marianne tells us that she has
seen a particular increase in the
number of calls they get from
women escaping domestic abuse –
an observation which is in line with
statistics from the Crime Survey for
England and Wales, which found
Husband and wife team
Julian and Marianne
consider themselves
'charity ninjas'
a 23% increase in the number of
domestic abuse-related crimes being
reported last year compared with the
year before.
“I get phone calls from women
who may be thinking of running
away,” Marianne says. “I’ve got
peace in my heart knowing that
we’ve got them somewhere safe.
And they know that they’ve actually
got a whole home; they’ve got a
new life.”
But the value of the work they do
stretches beyond the life-changing
furniture packs that they provide.
They are a beacon of hope in their
south Wales community, and
Marianne tells us that she often
takes calls from people who don’t
know where else to turn.
Continues >>>
April 2019 • happiful • 47
Find out more about Community Furniture
Aid and donate at cfa.cymru
 “Sometimes these are people who
have been living in their homes for
some time – months or even years
– without any furniture because
they’ve been too ashamed to admit
to anyone that they haven’t got
even the basics, like a bed for their
children. But they approach us
because we’re not the authorities.
“So, I get loads of calls from people
who don’t really need to speak to
me, but who know that they can
phone me, because I’m not scary.”
REBUILDING LIVES
For Marianne, as she reflects on the
people they have helped, one story
instantly springs to mind.
A man had been living in
surrounding woodlands for 20
years, before finally being given
accommodation. But the place
came completely unfurnished and –
though he now had a roof over his
head – he still lacked the basics.
“So, obviously we furnished the
place,” Marianne tells us. “And one
of the volunteers took him down a
foot spa. Well, his feet had been in
the forest for all those years, and so
a foot spa would be a good thing!”
A couple of months ago he got
back in touch with CFA. He’d
managed to get a job and was now
moving into a larger property. After
all this, he wanted to re-donate his
items back to the charity in order for
the next person to use.
But despite the incredible, tangible
effect that Marianne and Julian’s work
is having, these instances of gratitude
are neither common nor expected.
“We call ourselves charity-ninjas,
because we don’t get to know them
personally, and if you asked them We know it
who helped them they wouldn’t
really remember us,” Marianne
works because
explains. “But that’s absolutely fine,
because we’ve done what we needed
we’ve never
had the same
to do. We’re just there to make their
lives better.”
family come
AND IT’S WORKING
So far, CFA has furnished 350
back to us
houses, part-furnished 150, and
helped 1,400 people in total. In just
twice for help
a year, Marianne tells us she took
disabilities, this group of people are
about 5,000 calls.
giving the gift of a home to those
But numbers can’t quite portray
who need it most.
how profoundly they change lives.
Though, as inspiring as their work
“We arrive at a property and it’s
is, it is important to remember
completely empty. By the time
that hundreds of people are being
we’ve finished, they’re there with a
left behind in a way that no one in
cup of tea – because we’ve provided
2019 should. But, in these difficult
a food pack as well – with the
times, CFA are proof of the power of
kiddies playing with the toys we’ve
kindness, and that’s something that
provided. Mum and dad are sitting
we can all be a part of.
at the table, and it is as if they’ve
lived there for years.”
“We always think it’s like planting
trees. You don’t see it straight away,
and it can be quite a long time
before you know that it has made a
difference. But, when you look back,
it’s like looking at a little forest.”
CLOSE TO HOME
The things that the tiny team at CFA
have achieved are incredible. From
Marianne, who has Ehlers-Danlos
syndrome – a condition that means
that she lives with chronic pain – to
Julian who, as well as taking the
hands-on roles at CFA, is a full-time
carer to Marianne and their 23-year-
old son who has Aspergers, and the
'We're just there to
volunteers who Marianne explains
make their lives better'
all have mental health and physical
April 2019 • happiful • 49
 Birthday
special
It’s our two-year anniversary, and we’re inviting you, and everyone
who’s been a part of this journey, to join us in celebrating it
W
hen we
launched
Happiful
magazine
in April
2017, we had a mission in
mind: to reduce mental health
stigma, and help build a
happier, healthier society.
Two years and 24 issues
later, this goal is still at the
heart of every single thing
we do. But the truth is, we
couldn’t do it alone.
We count ourselves
incredibly lucky that we
get to work with so many
inspirational change-makers;
people who are driven by a
desire to make the world a
better place, who dedicate
their lives to their cause, who
prove that all of us have the
power to make a change, and
who are open and vulnerable
so we can all be, too.
Since starting out, it’s been
our pleasure to feature so
many of these marvellous
individuals and organisations this trip down memory lane
in our magazines. But these as we find out more about the
people are in it for the long power we all have to make a
run, and their work continues real difference.
way after the last copies of
Happiful are picked off the
shelves.
So we got back in touch
with some of them to find out
more about what they’ve been
doing since we last spoke, and
this month we’re bringing
you a special 10-page dossier
devoted to the world-changing
work that’s happening out
there, right now.
From one of our first cover
stars, to
the people
behind
agenda-
setting social
enterprises,
and those From our first issue
individuals (above) to now (left)
speaking up
for what they
believe in,
join us on
 Matt Johnson

Who is he?
Charismatic, charming, and with his
soothing Welsh lilt, our June 2017
cover star, Matt Johnson, is a fiercely
honest mental health advocate,
speaking openly about his own
depression and near suicide, as well
as the issues young men are facing.

What’s he been up to?

A presenter, campaigner, and
an ambassador for Mind, Matt’s
Photography | Joseph Sinclair

also recently created a mental

health podcast with life coach and
friend, Ben Bidwell. The pair
stand out from the crowd
with their honesty, humour,
and by not being afraid to
expose themselves – both
figuratively, and literally. ‘The
For people like Naked Professors’ tackle tough
topics, from alpha maleness to
Matt to lay addiction, but also inspire us all
themselves bare, to lead truly fulfilling lives.

and speak out Why we love him

for every man
struggling, is
invaluable
Podcast: The Naked Professors
Twitter: @mattjohnsons
Instagram: @mattjohnsons
In a time when suicide is the
biggest killer of men under
45, for people like Matt to lay
themselves bare, and speak
out for every man struggling,
is invaluable. Matt’s genuine
investment in men’s mental
health is an incredibly positive
breath of fresh air, as someone
who really wants to help people,
and is doing everything in his
power to make that happen.
Ray Dodd

Who is she?
Ray Dodd is a coach who
specialises in helping women claim
their space. In her own words, this
means “existing in the world as you
really are” – something that sounds
simple, yet in reality is anything but.
Encouraging women to stop
making themselves small, to stop
apologising for existing, and to
stop holding themselves back from
raydodd.co.uk pursuing their dreams, Ray is an How she’s helping
Instagram: @ray_dodd empowerment sensation. Ray supports women through
many avenues, including e-courses
What she believes in and her online communities. From
Ray’s work is rooted in feminism charging your worth, to being more
and a desire for equality of power. comfortable being visible online, her
Ray’s work To balance the scales, Ray believes
all women need to believe that they
courses are ideal for those looking to
run their own business.
is rooted in are capable. Capable of taking up The community aspect is really at

feminism
space, capable of earning more, the heart of everything Ray does. You
and capable of achieving more. can experience this particular magic

and a desire
Revolutions start with small steps by joining her Facebook groups,
and Ray is leading the way, giving watching her live talks on Instagram,

for equality gentle nudges of encouragement

to those of us struggling.
or attending her first event, ‘Taking
Up Space: Live’, on 27 April.
 Wheel design by La Scarlatte The drive to
shine a light
on disability
fashion is at
the heart of
everything
they do
Who are they?
Everyone should have the freedom to
express themselves. But for the 1.2
million wheelchair users in the UK,
the options to do so are limited. That
was until Ailbhe and Izzy Keane, the
Irish sisters behind Izzy Wheels – a
brand that makes unique, colourful
wheel covers for wheelchairs – came
storming on to the scene.

What sets them apart?

Born with spina bifida, Izzy struggled to
find mobility equipment that reflected
her personality. When Ailbhe came to
do her final project at art and design
college, everything fell into place. Her
designs became their first range, that
went on to sell in 35 countries and win
the pair 10 national awards, including
Forbes 30 Under 30.
Since Happiful spoke to the duo

Izzy
in October 2018, these young
Photography | Sarah Doyle

entrepreneurs have gone from

Wheel design by Tarsila Schubert strength to strength, launching their
2019 collection featuring designs

Wheels
from artists including La Scarlatte,
Decoy, and Tarsila Schubert.
And collaborators are in no short
supply, as they have a waiting list
of more than 900 artists who want
to design for Izzy Wheels.

Why we love them

The drive to shine a light on
disability fashion, and give
everyone the right to express
themselves, is at the heart of
izzywheels.com everything the sisters do. We
Instagram: @izzywheels couldn’t be more excited to see
Twitter: @izzy_wheels what they’ll do next!
 Grace
Victory
Who is she?
A bopo blogger and force of fashion, as
her website and social state, she’s got
‘style and substance’, and both come
in abundance. Featured in our August
2017 issue, Grace is the outspoken
author, blogger and motivational speaker,
breaking taboos left, right and centre –
and we love it.

What does she stand for?

From searingly open and vulnerable blog
posts on her journey through sexual
trauma, eating disorders, and therapy,
to encouraging her community to think
beyond the hashtags and awareness
weeks to create long-lasting, tangible
change.
Grace’s words are raw, unapologetic and
deeply moving. She speaks out on difficult
topics to pave the way for others to know
they’re not alone.

Her memorable moments

graciefrancesca.com
Instagram: @gracefvictory
Twitter: @GraceFVictory
Since we first featured Grace, she
went viral for sharing an image of
her period blood on Instagram – and
lost followers because of it. Her
poetic post was followed by a Story
reflecting on the fact we still live
in a day and age where people are
embarrassed by something natural,
experienced by half the population.
To support a culture that empowers

Grace’s words
women, she created The Waking
Woman (Insta: thewakingwoman). In
Photography | JKG Photography

are raw, Grace’s words: “Your higher self has

arrived. Step into her.”
unapologetic Defying the critics to put real life,
real issues, and real emotions in the
and deeply spotlight, Grace is a changemaker,
groundbreaker, and she’s only just
moving getting started.
 Neil Laybourn
Neil’s ability to
be honest about
the needs of
men in today’s
society, is just
one of the
reasons we
love him

Who is he?
Neil won a special place in our
hearts, along with fellow mental
health advocate Jonny Benjamin,
on our November cover shoot last
year. Although the pair met in the
toughest of circumstances, they
work together to raise awareness
around mental health and suicide
prevention, and were the perfect
pair to spend a late autumn Friday
afternoon with.

What has he been up to?

2018 was a particularly busy year
for Neil, one in which he had his first
child, and was instrumental in the
organisation of workplace wellness
conference, ‘This Can Happen’,
which was a huge success
– attended by 750 delegates
(including the Happiful team) and
mental health champion, HRH The Why we love him
Photography | Joseph Sinclair

Duke of Cambridge. Neil’s ability to be very honest about the

Plans are afoot for the second
‘This Can Happen’ conference
in 2019, with Neil continuing to
advocate for healthier workplaces
and campaigning for Mental Health
First Aid.
needs of men in today’s society, when
it comes to workplace stress, is just
one of the reasons we love him. That,
and the fact that he has two chickens, tchevents.com
Margot and Betty, and is unabashed Twitter: @neillaybourn
about his adoration of them!
Melissa Hemsley melissahemsley.com
Instagram: @melissa.hemsley

Sharing her
feelings
of stress
and anxiety
encourages
others to do
the same

Who is she?
Melissa Hemsley had just
released Eat Happy, when we
spoke in 2018. Beyond a beautiful,
salivation-evoking cookbook, Eat
Happy also champions no-waste

Photography | Issy Croker

cooking, loving your leftovers, and
how to make your cooking more
environmentally sound.
Now we’re cooking
Since then, Melissa has continued
her podcast, ‘Live Life Better’, and
spreads the message about living
positively on the planet – penning
blogs on purchasing with purpose,
sustainable restaurant eating, and
working towards a plastic-free
kitchen. She recently collaborated on
a campaign for Fairtrade Fortnight
– including a pop-up hot chocolate
salon in Dalston… sounds delicious.
Why we love her
A mental health
advocate, Melissa
participated in
#honestgram last
year – highlighting
the reality behind our social media
squares – sharing her feelings of
stress and anxiety at that time, and
encouraging others to do the same.
A big shout out goes to Melissa’s
sidekick Nelly, too – an adorable
blue Irish Staffordshire Bull
Terrier who frequently appears on
Melissa’s ’gram.

Who are they?
“What if your morning coffee could
change lives?” The question posed by
social enterprise Change Please is one
that will undoubtedly spark interest.
Created in 2015 by Londoner Cemal
Ezel and Big Issue founder John Bird,
Change Please has a vision to end
homelessness. With 70 million cups
of coffee being drunk in the UK every
day, it is utilising our love of caffeine to
fuel a social revolution.
What do they do?
Demand for coffee suppliers is ever
increasing, and in the UK alone more
than 4,000 people sleep rough every
night. Change Please is on a mission
to change the lives of homeless
people, training them in skills to be
baristas, paying the London Living
Wage, and aiding them with housing,
Change Please
changeplease.org
Twitter: @ChangePlease
mental health support, along
with other living essentials. The
coffee is available from vans
across London, and also available
in Sainsbury’s stores as ground
coffee.
Why we love them
Frankly, what’s not to love?
Change Please is not only bringing
Change
much-needed attention to the Please is on
homelessness crisis, they’re
directly addressing it in an a mission
innovative way. London Mayor
Sadiq Khan sees their recipe for
to change
success too, providing £110,000 in the lives of
funding in February 2019, as part
of a wider campaign to support homeless
rough sleeping services across
the capital. people
Hussain
Manawer Who is he?
A poet, an artist, an advocate –
Hussain Manawer is breaking
stereotypes with his work. Whether
handing out free hugs on Oxford
Street to those suffering from anxiety
and depression, or creating videos
that challenge cultural norms, Hussain
takes the lessons he’s learnt in life,
and shares them with us all.

The difference he makes

Starting conversations in the
mental health industry’s blind spots,
Hussain discusses topics like cultural
differences, the need for education,
and masculinity. Coming from east
London and citing his mother as an
inspiration, it’s the way he delivers his
message that resonates.
Poems laced with humour, honesty
and down-to-earth normality, it’s
impossible not to be drawn in.
Layering his words with music,
vocals and stunning camera work,
his YouTube channel now boasts 14K
subscribers all listening and sharing
his message.

What he stands for

Hussain’s mission is to
pass on knowledge and to

Photography | Performance: Illustrious Music, Portrait: Kevin Scullion

communicate his message
to the masses. Tackling
topics like depression,
suicidal thoughts, and grief,
his work is refreshingly
honest and open. Watching

Tackling topics his videos, it’s clear that

diversity and culture are
like depression, pillars of his activism, shining
light on issues we rarely see
suicidal thoughts, in the mainstream media.

and grief, his work

is refreshingly Youtube: Hussain Manawer
Twitter: @hussainmanawer
honest and open
Deborah James
Who is she?
Co-host of the Radio 5 podcast
You, Me and The Big C, Deborah
is the charismatic writer sharing
thoughts and advice for others
who have joined ‘the club that
no one wants to be part of’ – the
‘cancer club’.
After the death of great friend
Her Instagram
Rachael Bland, celebrated
broadcaster and creator of You, Me
Stories range and The Big C in September last
year, Deborah and fellow presenter
from brutally Lauren Mahon, spoke publicly
about their love for ‘Rach’, the
honest and importance of her work, and the
new de-stigmatised conversation
heartfelt, to around cancer as a result of the
podcast.
hilarious Just days before Rachael’s death
You, Me and The Big C reached
number one in the iTunes charts,
Podcast: bbc.co.uk/youmebigc
Instagram: @bowelbabe
Twitter: @bowelbabe
and today, Deborah and Lauren
continue the show Rachael started
with them, as well as the close
friendship that was formed as
a result.
What has she been up to?
Deborah has been nominated for
National Press Awards Columnist
of the Year for her contribution
to The Sun, and continues to talk
about the impact of living with
Stage 4 cancer – juggling treatment,
side-effects, parenthood, and
friendships, alongside day-to-day
life. Her Instagram Stories range
from brutally honest and heartfelt, to
hysterical and hilarious.
Why we love her
Her willingness to talk and say, in her
own way, what she is experiencing,
feeling, and processing, opens the
door for others who are living with
cancer to do the same.
There’s now a campaign to get
Deborah on Strictly Come Dancing.
We fully supports this, and looks
forward to featuring her in the
magazine, raising that glitterball
aloft! #BowelBabeForStrictly
Deborah is real, fabulous, and we
love listening to her and Lauren chat,
laugh and raise a glass. We’re raising
one (or two) right back at you, ladies!

Who is she?
When we first spoke in December
2017, it was clear that dodie was
something special. Already defying
all the expectations of an unsigned
musician, dodie has gone on to
reach new heights.
Her career began seven years
ago, uploading music to YouTube
from her bedroom. Since then,
dodie has attracted millions of
followers, documenting her life and
sharing her music.
What makes her stand out?
Much of dodie’s music is inspired
by her own experiences, and
she has become a beacon of
hope for many, speaking openly
about depression and anxiety, as
well as her lesser-known mental
illnesses – derealisation and
depersonalisation.
dodie
Constantly on tour, the
music just keeps on coming.
In June 2018, she performed
‘All I Do is Dream of You’ from
Singing in the Rain for an Audi
advert, before going on a sold-
out tour across Europe and
America in September. In early
2019, dodie released her new
EP Human, which shot straight
to number five in the UK Official
Charts, demonstrating her power
to normalise the conversation
around mental health through her
creative musical talents.
She has
become a
beacon of
hope for
many people
Photography | Kyle Jones
dodie.co
Instagram: @doddleoddle
Twitter: @doddleoddle
Why we love her
With sweet tones that are bound
to soothe any worried mind, we’re
confident to say that dodie is one
of the most exciting independent
artists out there right now. If you
haven't listened to her before,
stick on ‘If I’m Being Honest’ or
‘Human’; we guarantee these
tracks will turn you into a devotee.
 Choose yourself
Download

b e
l e s s
postcards

we
here

t h e r e ʼ l l
m o r e
CHIDERA EGGERUE

t h e

MATT JOHNSON
t a l k ,
T h e

f e a r

Allow yourself
to feel the love
PEOPLE LOVE
you deserve IMPERFECTIONS
MUNROE BERGDORF OLIVIA BUCKLAND
 unapologetically you
h a p p i n e s s
c h a s e y o u r

Be fearlessly
GIOVANNA FLETCHER

BRYONY GORDON

WE SHOULD JUST BE

KINDER
T O E A C H O T H E R
You can do more than
you think you can
DENISE WELCH SCOTT MILLS
SO, WHAT’S NEXT?
There are lots of things in
the pipeline at Happiful
HQ right now, and we’re
practically bursting at the
seams with excitement!
Here’s a quick run-down of
what to look out for:
‘I AM. I HAVE’
Earlier this year, we launched
‘I am. I have’ – a weekly
collaborative
podcast with
our sister site
Counselling
Directory. Each
episode, we speak
with celebrities,
public figures, and
professionals to
explore the person
we are beyond
our mental health
challenges.
PODFEST FOR
MENTAL HEALTH
2019
If you’ve been enjoying ‘I
am. I have’, then you’ll love
this. On 30 March we’ll be
bringing together some
of the most prominent
voices in the mental health
community for day-long
festival Podfest for Mental
Health 2019, at King’s Place,
in Kings Cross, London.
You’ll have the opportunity
to listen to live recordings of
Keep up to date with everything
that we’re doing by following us
on social media!
 @happifulhq
 @happifulhq
 @happiful_magazine
Listen to
‘I am. I have’ on
Spotify, iTunes
and Google
Podcasts
THE HAPPIFUL APP
Our tech-wizards have been working
hard to bring you a whole new way to
experience Happiful magazine and be
a part of our supportive community.
Keep an eye out for further
announcements, coming soon!
‘I am. I have’, as well special edition All proceeds from these
podcasts from ‘The Book of Man’, tickets will go to the Mental
‘What I Wish I’d Known’, and ‘The Health Foundation. Visit our
Naked Professors’. Facebook page for the latest
Day-ticket holders will also have special guest announcements
access to a lunchtime talk with the and to book your tickets. We
Happiful team. can’t wait to see you there!
 Book review
Voices of
Powerful Women
Author Zoë Sallis shares words of wisdom from
40 of the world’s most inspiring women
Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
A
ll it takes is a quick
look over the current
headlines to feel like we
are living in bleak times.
In our post #MeToo
era, power is still held by those who
disrespect what is different from their
own experiences; the gender pay gap
remains; and as a nation, we appear
to stand divided, rather than remain
united. We’re at a point where we need
all of the hope – and courage – we can
get. Zoë Sallis’ latest book, Voices of
Powerful Women, seeks to do just that.
SO, WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
Featuring interviews with 40
influential women from around the
globe, each chapter focuses on a single
question. With topics ranging from
52 • happiful • April 2019
their early life and greatest fears, to
what makes them angry, who inspires
them, and their advice for younger
generations, each woman shares
her personal motivations and life
experiences.
Providing a rounded selection of
empowering women from different
backgrounds, disciplines, cultures,
careers, and parts of the world,
Voices of Powerful Women shares the
experiences of influential women
from every walk of life – from
humanitarians to Nobel Prize winners,
activists to artists.
LIFE’S INSPIRATIONS
The question: ‘What inspires you
in life?’ provides some of the most
fascinating answers in the book.
Reading the variety of things each
woman highlights is not only
intriguing, but insightful. While some
answers are unsurprising, others may
prompt readers to re-evaluate what
inspires them personally, as well as
what sparks feelings of admiration and
determination.
Kathy Kelly, a coordinator of Voices
for Creative Nonviolence (a campaign
of resistance that urged leaders to end
the Iraq war and global war on terror),
speaks of the lessons she learned from
those who “don’t let inconvenience
get in the way of living according to
their values”. It’s something many of us
may know all too well, having allowed,
at one time or another, our personal
convenience to rule over what we
know is right.

Women
throughout
the book urge
us to realise
our potential.
We each have
a voice
Political humorist, entertainer,
and author Kate Clinton shares her
belief that laughter can provide the
best antidote for lack of attention
and presence, while award-winning
journalist Soledad O’Brien speaks
of the comfort that she found in the
love from her family, and through
embracing the stress and chaos of living
with small children.
Perhaps one of the most relatable
answers comes from Dame Tanni
Grey-Thompson, 16-time Paralympic
medal winner and holder of 30 world
records. “I’m probably inspired by my
own self-criticism. I never think I’ve
done enough, so I keep on striving to
be the best I possibly can.”
Great for…
• Readers struggling to find
motivation or direction
• Young adults looking for
inspiration and words of wisdom
• Individuals looking to learn
about strength and courage in
its many forms
ADVICE FOR YOUNGER
GENERATIONS
From encouraging young people to
discover their passions and ditch
a materialistic modern way of life,
to highlighting the connection that
can only come from genuine human
interaction, women throughout Zoë’s
book urge us to realise our potential.
We each have a voice. We each have
the ability to affect change. Each of us
should take responsibility for standing
up and speaking out against the
injustices we see.
Human rights activist, lawyer, and
Nobel Peace Prize winner Shirin
Ebadi summarises it best: “Have self-
confidence. Don’t be scared of making
mistakes. One of the rights of a human
being is the right to make mistakes.
What counts is to learn lessons from
them, and not insist on continuing
guiltily on a mistaken course.”
SHOULD I READ IT?
Yes. Yes. Yes. While you’re bound
to recognise many of the more
mainstream names within Voices of
Powerful Women, we guarantee that
there will be least one or two others
who you’ll want to know even more
about. Providing inspiration and
hope, Zoë shares the wisdom and
experiences of extraordinary women
who have changed, and continue to
change, the world for the better.
Creating an overall message of hope
– for the future, for change, for a more
compassionate world where strong
women are confident to stand up and
be heard – if you are struggling to
find motivation or direction, Voices
of Powerful Women can provide that
spark to get you started.
For many of us, our goals can seem
impossible. We hesitate out of fear
we may make a fool out of ourselves,
be judged by others, or outright fail.
Reading the stories of these exceptional
women opens the door towards taking
that first courageous step; to moving
towards what we want, despite our
fears. To doing the best we can – for
ourselves, for our communities, and for
the world we live in.
Voices of Powerful Women
By Zoë Sallis
(Watkins Publishing, RRP £9.99)
IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU’LL LOVE…
I Am Malala
By Malala Yousafzai
(£8.99, W&N)
Discover the start of the
journey that took Malala
from a remote valley in
northern Pakistan to Oxford
University, as the Nobel
Peace Prize winner shares
how she was shot while
fighting for an education.
How To Be A Woman
By Caitlin Moran
(£8.99, Ebury Press)
Part-memoir, part-rant, Caitlin
asks all the questions we
don’t know the answers to:
why does everyone ask when
you’re going to have a baby?
Do men secretly hate us?
And, why are we supposed to
get Brazilians?
Shrill: Notes From a Loud Woman
By Lindy West
(£9.99, Quercus)
Taking a candid look at
everything from fat-shaming
and Twitter-trolling, to racism
and rape culture, Guardian
columnist Lindy recounts
how she went from being
the butt of people’s jokes, to
discovering her own voice.
April 2019 • happiful • 53
 How to stop
Automatic Negative
Thoughts
Writing | Andy Barker and Beth Wood Illustrating | Rosan Magar
Do you have an ANT problem? Does your mind immediately go to the worst case
scenario? While there’s nothing wrong with being prepared for every eventuality,
spending too much time dwelling on things we can’t change can hold us back from
moving forward. Here, Mind Fitness experts Andy Barker and Beth Wood share their
insights into how to stop automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) in their tracks...
I
t may surprise you to know that
almost all of us have a problem
with ANTs. Scientists believe we
have between 20,000 and 60,000
thoughts a day, but only about 5%
of these are spent on the task in hand.
The rest is ‘noise’, and a good deal
of that is infested with automatic
negative thoughts (or ANTs).
We all have a tendency to dwell
on the past, and to replay situations
in our mind that cannot be changed.
We also spend a vast amount of time
worrying about the future – or more
accurately potential futures. But if we
can adjust this perspective, we can
utilise this time and energy better.
1 Watch your negative self-talk
A common type of noise is negative
self-talk – the things we tell ourselves
we can’t do, and the list is endless.
Our self-criticism can be intensely
personal and judgemental; we ‘say’
things to ourselves we would never
say to anyone else. For some, this
negative self-talk can be like living
with a gremlin, who is always ready
to leap out and attack.
Both past and future noise, and
negative self-talk, make ripe pickings
for ANTs. One negative thought
leads to another, which leads to
another. Before you know it you’ve
gone down the rabbit hole.
Learning to bring your thoughts
back to the present moment is key.
Visual, aural, physical, kinaesthetic
and creative mindfulness exercises
can help, such as going for a mindful
walk, using the NOW technique to
Notice, Observe and Wonder, or
writing a gratitude journal.
2 Stop catastrophising!
Try shifting your perspective to keep
the ANTs at bay. We all fall prey
to cognitive bias – and one of the
most common is the tendency to
awfulise, or catastrophise. There
are, of course, situations where
terrible things do happen. But,
we also often have a habit of
sweating the small stuff, and see
comparatively ‘trivial’ situations as
worse than they are.
Awfulising is one of the strongest
ANT magnets, drawing us down the
spiral of often increasingly negative
thoughts and emotions. Try to get
into the habit of recognising the start
of this cycle and asking yourself:
‘How bad is it, on a scale of 1 to 10?’
Take a step back from the situation to
gain perspective.
When the really difficult things
come along, for example when
facing a bereavement, it is absolutely
necessary to allow ourselves time to
grieve and feel the sadness. But try
to let yourself ‘sit’ with the emotion,
rather than letting yourself become
distracted by the ANTs that will
attach themselves to it.
3 Write down positives
Shifting your perception of
yourself can be powerful. For a week,
write down the negative self-talk that
comes to your mind. Beside each
negative phrase, write the opposite –
the positive equivalent. Don’t worry
if you don’t believe it yet, still write
it down. After a week, choose a few
to change, and develop a positive
affirmation for each, and repeat
those sentences to yourself each day.
It works best if it’s present tense – ‘I
am...’ rather than ‘I will be...’ – and
avoid double negatives, such as ‘I am
not afraid of spiders.’
We change our mindset by building
new neural pathways related to
our new thoughts and beliefs; it
takes about six weeks for the new
pathway to become the stronger
route as our brain always takes
the path of least resistance, so give
this time to work.
4 Keep doing mindful exercises
One way to repel ANTs is by doing a
mindfulness exercise, which helps to
reduce stress, and improves our focus
and wellbeing.
Integrating mindful walking into
your daily life is a great way to do
this. When we do the same journey
every day, it’s likely that we won’t
notice much about it. When was
the last time you were aware of your
surroundings? The sights, the sounds,
the smells?
Set off on your walk and be
aware of your feet making contact
with the ground. Is the surface
hard or soft? What sound do
your steps make? Now become
aware of your breathing. Is it
steady? Look around you. What do
you see? The trees. Their shapes. If
other thoughts come into your head,
acknowledge them and return to
focused observing. A functional walk
becomes a restorative event.
‘Unlock You’, by Beth Wood and Andy
Barker is out now (Pearson, £12.99).
Visit mindfitness.training for more
information, and find the book on
Amazon.
April 2019 • happiful • 55

Q My partner is
distant, and her
preoccupation with
her phone is causing
arguments. What can I
do to get the attention
back on us spending
quality time together?
A This is a common issue with
couples in this Instagram
era. Even though you might be
physically in the same space as
your partner, you’re not always
there mentally.
A way to address this is
to discuss, together, some
boundaries around phone use.
Maybe you keep phones out of
the bedroom, or agree on a ‘phone
free’ time? Both partners need to
have input when agreeing these
boundaries, otherwise it might feel
like one person is imposing rules
on another, which can
cause resentment.
THE EXPER
SK
TS
A
Lee Valls is a psychotherapist and counsellor, and
clinical director of The London Practice. You can find
more information about Lee and his practice on
counselling-directory.org.uk
Brought to you
by Counselling
Directory
Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
Ask the experts
Lee Valls, psychotherapist and clinical
director of The London Practice, answers
your questions on relationships and sex
Q My partner
has mood
swings. He doesn’t
shout, but is passive-
aggressive, and when
I try to talk about it
he says I’m being
over-sensitive. How
can we have a better
conversation about
his moods?
A When having a
conversation about
something that is troubling
you in your relationship, but
the other person can’t see this,
they may feel attacked. Try to
start the conversation from
the standpoint of: “This may
not be the situation, but this is
how I feel…” This introduces the
issue as a conversation, rather
than what could be seen as an
accusation.
Q We had our
first child eight
months ago. My
husband and I have
been really distant,
sexually, since. I’m
feeling incredibly
unwanted, under-
appreciated, and
unloved.
A There’s a lot of change that
happens when a couple
have a child. As a new mum,
you may feel that your identity
has changed drastically, so the
first thing I would suggest is to
get back in touch with who you
were before you had your baby.
Communicate with yourself.
What do you want and need?
Give yourself the space to
understand this.
Then, schedule quality time
together with your husband.
Dress for each other, get away
from the domestic situation, and
talk about what you both want
and need in your new normal.
Let each other know what is
troubling you.
Turning my back on booze
Lauren thought her daily ‘wine o’clock’ drinking
was harmless, until she realised it had become a
dangerous habit that threatened to ruin her life.
After 13 years, she finally found the strength to
ditch the booze, and now she feels better than ever
Writing | Lauren Derrett

I
woke up with the familiar sense
of shame that followed a night
of heavy drinking. Which was,
in fact, pretty much every night.
My disappointment in myself
hit around the same time as the
shame, and reminded me of how I’d
vowed that I wouldn’t do it again,
or only do it midweek, or only do
it in the house, or only do it when
I was alone. It wasn’t uncommon,
in fact it was pretty predictable that
I would do all the above, over and
over again.
The headache and nausea once
again driving my promise that I was
going to give up the booze for good
this time, while desperately trying
to push away my very repetitive
internal monologue of ‘but you’ve
tried and failed so many times,
what’s the point?’
I was laying in bed, pretending
to still be asleep, listening to my
family downstairs. I couldn’t face
joining them, knowing that I had
a day full of mumming; a day
where I would have to hide my
hangover and pretend I wasn’t
carrying the burden of guilt and
embarrassment from another
night of public drunkenness. I
shuddered when I thought back
to the desperate attempts to not
slur my words, trying to maintain
eye contact so I that I could pass
off as looking interested in a
conversation that I wasn’t even
listening to – I was too busy
trying to stay upright. Had it
been glaringly obvious that I was
drunk? For those close to me,
was it glaringly obvious that I was
becoming a drunk?
It had been my niece’s 21st
birthday, and we were having a
family meal. As the night went
on, I got drunker and drunker. I
was celebrating (not that I needed
an excuse to drink, but it did
justify it). Whenever I got drunk,
I would go overboard trying to
look sober. The problem with that
was a drunk acting sober is more
obvious than a drunk not acting
at all. Continues >>>
Lauren’s Story
Lauren Derrett is the author of ‘Filter Free: Real Life
Stories Of Real Women’, available on Amazon, and
via her website at thisgirlisenough.co.uk
The problem with that was a drunk
acting sober is more obvious than
a drunk not acting at all
I had started drinking in my
teens, but didn’t everyone? It
was just at parties, clubs and
social gatherings, but not an
everyday occurrence, not
something that I needed.
And then 15 years ago, I had
my third child. I had found
motherhood really hard since
having my first; it didn’t come
naturally to me, so by the time
we had our third (with the
promise that I’d be better at it
this time), I fell apart. I felt so
trapped by motherhood and
the responsibility it brought.
I don’t consider my hatred
for motherhood and my love
for my children the same. The
problem was, you can’t have
one without the other. Me
having children that I loved
58 • happiful • April 2019
more than life meant I had to
also have the motherhood.
I began drinking as a way to
‘loosen up’, to shed the ‘mum’
tag for a few hours a day.
From the birth of my
daughter onwards, my
drinking became more
regular. By the time she was
six months old, I would be
drinking a bottle of wine a
night, feeling carefree for just a
few hours. Wine had become
my ‘go-to’ happy place; wine
had become my addiction.
My daughter was a year
old when I told my husband
that our marriage was over.
This was driven by a need
to reclaim myself outside of
marriage and motherhood,
my need to escape. Looking
After signing up for Dry January,
Lauren’s life completely changed
back now, I’m sure the wine,
which is a depressant, also
played a part.
I split up with my husband
and we agreed to share the
kids half the week each. The
times my kids were with their
dad were the times when
alcohol really took over. I
didn’t want to do life without
my kids (can’t live with them,
can’t live without them), and
so when I was without them,
I drank, a lot. I drank until
I couldn’t feel their absence
anymore. I drank until I fell
asleep so that I wouldn’t have
to feel the emptiness of the
house. I drank until I was in
a warm, safe place where real
life wasn’t real.
I got remarried to a man
who also loved to drink. I
loved this; it made me feel
less guilty, it made it seem
acceptable to be drunk
every night. He was a
high-functioning alcoholic,
and I matched him drink
for drink. I too became a
high-functioning alcoholic –
we both had good jobs, you
couldn’t pick us out on a line
up; we weren’t the picture of
the stereotypical alcoholic.
Before too long, the
relationship had deteriorated,
and after four years together,
we split up.
I was once again back on my
own, but my ever faithful and
dependable booze was by my
side. I felt it was manageable;
until eight years later, and now
being married (again) to a man
who doesn’t drink, I realised
that my habit had gone on
for 13 years, and was actually
having a negative impact on
my life.
I was permanently exhausted,
my relationship felt like an
uphill struggle, and sex was
pretty much non-existent. I
even noticed that I was seeking
negatives in my day just so that
I could justify having a drink
in the evening. ‘I deserve this’
rolled off my tongue a little
too easily.
It was finally time to stop. I
had tried so many times, but
this time I meant it. Was my
daily reward worth more than
me feeling in control, strong,
positive, and sober?
I decided that the only way
I could crack it was to really
give it my all, and make myself
accountable.

I drank until I
couldn’t feel
their absence
anymore
I had to say it all out loud to
myself: ‘I am drinking too
much’, ‘I need to drink daily’,
and the one that nobody ever
really wants to admit, ‘I am
slowly killing myself ’.
That day I signed up for Dry
January, telling myself I could
just do it for a month. I shared
my donation link everywhere
I could, knowing that once
it was out there, I had to go
through with it.
I made a pact with
myself that the 30 days was
non-negotiable, but that I
could review it again on 1
February. The idea of never
drinking again was too much,
I was going to have to take this
slowly, one step at a time.
My friend sent me a book
called The Sober Mummy
Diaries, which introduced me
to its writer, Clare Pooley, and
a whole world of incredible
sober women that I never
knew existed. To justify my
drinking, I had sought out
others who shared the same
pattern, and tried to reassure
myself that everyone was
doing it. Except not everyone
was doing it; there was a whole
movement of women who
have, and are choosing to live,
sober lives.
I surrounded myself online
with these women. I felt I
needed safety in numbers, I
felt I still needed to feel part of
something cool, I needed to
replace my tribe.
I searched the hashtag
#sober on Instagram, and hit
follow on accounts of women
who had turned their back on
the booze, and were loving
life. I found Love Sober, a
True LIFE
Lauren now wants to reach out to
others and help them take back control
podcast of two women who better. I’m far less negative (I
knew exactly what it was I was no longer look for reasons to
going through.
I learnt loads about the
start drinking at the end of the
day), I have far more energy,
health risks of daily drinking
which, although it was a really
and my relationship is so
much better. I feel free.
tough read, proved to be quite It’s hard knowing I’ll never
a wakeup call. It was definitely enjoy a drink again, but the
time that I faced the facts, feeling of being in control, the
head on. rise I’ve seen in my energy,
With this new world, where the freedom from the guilt I
sobriety was equally cool and carried, all the money that isn’t
equally accepted, I felt ready going to waste, the impact on
to quit the booze for good. I’ve my health, and living my life
now been sober for more than with full clarity, are worth the
150 days and have never felt trade-off.
Our Expert Says
Motherhood was a difficult transition for Lauren and she started
using alcohol to cope with her feelings. Her marriage was a
casualty, and although she met someone new, she used alcohol
to manage her emotional state. She knew something needed
to change, but struggled until she found her online tribe; mums
who had become sober and felt that life could be positive without
alcohol. Often deciding on the change and
starting small is the key, and as Lauren found,
having a supportive community really helps.
Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP
Reg Ind counsellor
April 2019 • happiful • 59
 Bottoms
up!
Full of flavour and super fruity, these four
non-alcoholic drinks are perfect for any occasion
Writing | Ellen Hoggard

W
hether you’re in
the mood for a Experimentation
morning pick- is key, and playing
me-up, plan to
impress your
around with flavour
partner with weekend brunch, is a great way to
or simply want to get an extra
portion of fruit and veg in your
kickstart your love
life, these drink recipes will do for food and drink
the trick.
A typical day may start with
GRAPEFRUIT AND MANGO
coffee in the morning, then water
during the day, and maybe a glass SMOOTHIE
of wine with dinner. Perhaps Serves 2
you’re prone to the odd fizzy
Ingredients
drink. Whatever your beverage
1 small grapefruit, peeled and sliced PINEAPPLE AND KIWI SMOOTHIE
of choice, change can be exciting,
1 banana, peeled and chopped Serves 2–4
and if it gives you extra nutrients
1 mango, halved, stoned and chopped
and vitamins, as well as a boost of
200g natural yoghurt Ingredients
hydration, then even better!
A handful of ice cubes 3 kiwis, peeled and chopped
As always, taste is personal. If
400g pineapple chunks
you don’t like an ingredient, get Method
200ml water
creative and swap it out. Take Place the banana, mango, and half the
6 fresh mint leaves
inspiration from books, cafes and grapefruit in a blender. Add ice and
A handful of ice cubes
restaurants. Experimentation is yoghurt. Blend until smooth, adding
key, and if you’ve lost your way, a splash of water if too thick. Taste. Method
playing around with flavour is a If you want a tarter flavour, use the Add the water, ice, kiwi, mint and
great way to kickstart your love remaining grapefruit. Place in the pineapple chunks to a blender. Blend
for food and drink. Cheers! fridge for 30 minutes to chill. Serve. until smooth. Serve cold.

60 • happiful • April 2019

 OUR EXPERT SAYS…
Find a Blackberry mint iced tea
nutritionist A 100g serving of blackberries will
near you at
nutritionist-
not only provide you with more than
resource.org.uk one-third of your recommended daily
allowance of vitamin C, but also good
levels of fibre. If you’re concerned
about the environment or unnecessary
chemicals, consider using loose leaf
tea, or tea bags that are bleach or
plastic free. Make this drink vegan by
BLACKBERRY MINT ICED TEA swapping honey for maple syrup.
Serves 2–3
Grapefruit and mango smoothie
Ingredients This could make a great breakfast or
100g fresh blackberries post-workout smoothie. By adding
6 fresh mint leaves a handful of oats you’re upping the
2 green tea bags fibre and protein content, and it will
750ml hot water keep you feeling fuller for longer. Try
Honey, optional eating the smoothie with a spoon, or
sipping it slowly to help aid digestion.
ORANGE AND CARROT JUICE Method
Add the green tea bags to a jug. Pour Pineapple and kiwi smoothie
Serves 4
the hot water into the jug and stir. This sounds like a really refreshing and
Ingredients Add the blackberries, mint leaves and cooling drink. Pineapple contains an
6 carrots, peeled and chopped a drizzle of honey, stir well. Leave to enzyme called bromelain, which helps
4 sticks celery, peeled and chopped steep for 15 minutes. Remove the tea ease inflammation in the body. To
600ml orange juice bags and place the jug in the fridge to make the pineapple softer and juicier,
A handful of ice cubes chill for 3–4 hours. Serve with ice. keep it at room temperature for one or
two days before using. As well as being
Method anti-inflammatory, a few chilli flakes
Place the carrots, celery and half the will add a little kick to the drink.
orange juice in a blender. Blend until
smooth. Add the ice and remaining Orange and carrot juice
orange juice. Blend. Leave in the fridge Purple, red, yellow and orange
to chill before serving. coloured foods are especially high in
nutrients. In particular, carrots are
bursting with antioxidants, which
are great for supporting the immune
system and maintaining good eye
health, while oranges contain high
levels of vitamin C. Why not pair this
drink with a vegan green stir fry to
help the body access the plant-based
iron from the veggies?

Susan Hart is a nutrition

coach and speaker. As well as
delivering healthy eating advice
to individuals, Susan hosts
regularworkshops and runs
vegan cooking classes. Find out
more at nutrition-coach.co.uk

April 2019 • happiful • 61

 Feed the world
With all the news about climate change, deforestation, and growing
demands on our food resources as populations expand, saving the
planet is something we should all consider on our plates...
Writing | Rhiannon Lambert
W
“ hat a wonderful
world,” sang Louis
Armstrong, but
fast-forward little
more than 50 years
and that world needs some care and
attention. With billions of people
around the globe either malnourished,
or eating unhealthily, along with the
damage humans have inflicted on our
environment, a change is overdue.
At the start of 2019, the EAT-Lancet
Commission on Food, Planet, Health
brought together leading scientists
from across the world to define a
diet that would be both healthy and
sustainable – addressing both the
human needs, and that of our Earth –
called the Planetary Diet.
WHAT IS THE PLANETARY DIET?
The key purpose behind creating this
diet is to save lives, feed 10 billion
people, and all without causing
catastrophic damage to the planet.
62 • happiful • April 2019
Developed by 37 of the world's
top scientists at EAT-Lancet, the
Planetary Diet acknowledges the
changes we can make in our meals
to support sustainability, while still
getting the nutrients we need. You
might be thinking that this diet
would consist of turning vegan
immediately – with the impact on the
climate often being a factor in people
deciding to go vegan. So you may
be surprised to learn that it does not
completely banish meat and dairy.
WHY IS IT NEEDED?
Today, food production is having
a significant impact on our planet.
Food and agriculture account for
30% of global greenhouse gases,
and in the words of The Lancet:
“Global food production is the single
largest driver of environmental
degradation, climate instability,
and the transgression of planetary
boundaries.” It plays a role in
Food and
agriculture
currently
account for
30% of global
greenhouse
gases
issues such as deforestation, soil
degradation and more. It’s clear that
action is imperative, and adopting
a diet that is more sustainable than
the one at present could have a
significant impact on our world.
Meanwhile, the world’s population
is expected to reach 10 billion by
2050. At the same time, the health of
the population is increasingly under
pressure from several different forms
of malnutrition. Continues >>>
Rhiannon is a registered nutritionist,
author, and founder of leading Harley
Street clinic Rhitrition
 It’s not about
deprivation;
instead it is
all things in
moderation,
and a focus on
healthy, plant-
based eating
Therefore, food production must
increase to meet the needs of a larger
population while being nutritionally
sound. These two conflicting ideas
mean taking care of our planet, while
meeting the demands of the human
population, presents a significant
challenge.

WHERE DOES NUTRITION FIT

INTO ALL OF THIS?
From a nutritional perspective,
it is crucial that a diet promoting
sustainability for such a large
population also meets their health
needs. Our bodies cannot function
to an optimal level without adequate
nutrients, in the form of macro and
micronutrients.
This is something that the
Planetary Diet claims to take into
account. EAT-Lancet suggests that
the diet will prevent about 11 million
people dying each year, by cutting
some of the most fatal diseases
which can sometimes be caused by
unhealthy diets, such as heart attacks,
strokes, and cancers.

WHAT DOES THE DIET

ACTUALLY CONSIST OF?
This is a really important question,
and one we need to be aware of to
ensure we do not become deficient
in any vitamins or minerals, which
would majorly affect our health.

64 • happiful • April 2019

 The main premise is an increase
Plant-based in fruit and vegetable intake, and a
decrease in meat and dairy. More
protein specifically:
•F or red meat fans, you’re looking
at a burger a week, or a large steak
a month.
•A couple of portions of chicken a
week, and a couple of portions of
fish a week. Plants are where the
rest of your protein will need to
come from, with nuts and a good
helping of legumes being consumed
every day.
Sustainable •A significant increase in fruit and
veg, which should make up half of
fish every plate we eat.
Essentially the diet is depicted as
half a plate of vegetables, fruits and
nuts, with the other half comprised
of whole grains, plant proteins (in
the form of beans, lentils and pulses),
unsaturated plant oils, modest
amounts of meat and dairy, and some
added sugars and starchy vegetables.
Seasonal This Planetary Diet is not about
veg deprivation; instead it is all things
in moderation, and a focus on
healthy, plant-based eating. For those
thinking that going 100% vegan
or veggie is the way forward, EAT-
Lancet notes that if it were just about
“minimising greenhouse gases, we’d
say everyone should be vegan”, yet “it
was unclear whether a vegan diet was
the healthiest option”.
SO WHAT ARE THE KEY
Nuts TAKEAWAYS?
Whether you want to ease yourself
in to committing to the diet as a full
lifestyle change, or just want make
some small changes to get yourself
started, begin by trying to:
•R educe red and processed meat
intake, while increasing plant-based
proteins, such as beans and soya.
•E njoy varied and sustainable fish
sources.
•C onsume dairy as a source of
Grains calcium, iodine, vitamin D and
vitamin B12, as opposed to protein
(thus naturally reducing intake).
You can also opt for fortified plant-
based milks.
• Find seasonal and local fruit
and veg, and increase its overall
consumption. Something local
but not in season can still be
environmentally taxing, so knowing
what’s in season is important!
• Increase whole grain carb intake
– this ups fibre consumption and
lowers your carbon footprint.
WHAT IS RHIANNON’S VIEW?
My philosophy around food is that
we must find something that works
for us. Our bodies really are as
unique as our personalities, so each
of us should strive to find a way of
eating that works for us individually.
I believe in empowering everyone
to embrace a healthy way of living
through the food we enjoy, and the
life we lead.
We must make changes for the sake
of our planet, and we could all benefit
from some of the changes proposed
in the Planetary Diet. But, my role as
a nutritionist is to ensure that people
are able to make informed, gradual
changes to their diets, in a way
that works for them. I would never
encourage somebody to change their
food consumption because they feel
pressured to do so.
Our diets should be about what we
can add in, as opposed to what we
take out.
Check out
Rhiannon’s eBook,
‘A Simple Way To
Eat Plant-Based’.
Use the code
RHITRITION20
for 20% off when
you visit rhitrition.com, or follow
Rhiannon on social @Rhitrition for
daily, free nutritional information
and inspiration.
April 2019 • happiful • 65
 That's my vibe
Layton Williams’ life in the limelight began aged eight, when he took on the title role
in Billy Elliot the Musical on the West End, before becoming a regular on the stage
and screen – including roles in the BBC’s Beautiful People and Bad Education. This
year, he takes on his biggest challenge yet as the lead in Everybody's Talking About
Jamie, the award-winning musical inspired by the true story of a
16-year-old boy chasing his drag-queen dreams
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

Hi Layton! You opened That feels very timely for 2019.

Everybody's Talking About Jamie
at the end of January. How’s it
going so far? Amazing. It’s been a
bit of a whirlwind, though. On the
first night, it was kind of just: “Go.” It
was such a short rehearsal period, but
now it’s nice to be settled and just get
out there to enjoy telling a story.
What makes this show different
to others? I think people are
surprised when they come to the
show, because they didn’t realise it’s
got such a heart to it. The audience
don’t think they’re going to go on
such a journey with this young boy
who’s just trying to figure stuff out.
Everyone can relate to going
through that time when you’re a
teenager; trying to find out who
you really are, and everybody else
has their opinions on you, too. It’s
Photography | Michael Shelford
It is. Lots of people are being
suppressed, and we’re still fighting for
rights all around the world. In 2019,
we’re lucky that a boy can be out and
gay in school, and can decide to go to
prom in a dress in this country. But
elsewhere that kind of thing is illegal,
or is absolutely frowned upon.
We forget that the world outside
of our little bubble isn’t as forgiving.
Us just being ourselves is actually a
form of activism every single day.
So, it’s important for our kids in this
country, and people everywhere else,
to see that we’re not going anywhere.
You get lovely messages from
people who've felt empowered
by the show. That must feel
amazing! It’s absolutely beautiful.
I’ve literally just come into the theatre Did you have affirmation like that
today and I’ve got fan mail from growing up? I think so, because I

just about being unapologetically
you, being happy, being free, and
comfortable in your own skin.
It has a message that says: ‘We are
the change. We are this generation.’
And: ‘You’ve got to just grow up, be
proud of who you are and represent.’
little kids. They send me drawings,
and young boys and young girls
send messages saying they now feel
proud to come out to their family,
and they’ve come out at school… It’s
just like, wow. This is really changing
people’s lives.
was so young when I got into this
industry. But it was different back
then. You weren’t able to switch
on the TV and see somebody
represented like you are now. I lived
in a bit of a bubble, so it was different
for me. Continues >>>

April 2019 • happiful • 67

 Kids do me
drawings, and
young boys and
young girls send
messages saying
that they now feel
proud to come out
You were thrown into the
spotlight at such a young age for
Billy Elliot, what was that like? I’m
always so thankful for that show, and
the beginning of my career. What
better show to play the title role? And
now look, it’s happened again! When
I got into it at that age, I didn’t think
that this was going to be a full career
path, I was just going along with the
ride to be honest. But I’m so happy
that it happened.
You also got involved with
charities from when you were
young, like Stonewall at 17. What
made you want to do that? I knew
that I was lucky to be in an industry
where it was so accepted to be out
68 • happiful • April 2019
and proud. Coming
from a small estate
in Manchester, it’s
absolutely not the
same there, so I
understand that. I
wanted to make sure
I could reach out
to as many kids as
possible, to let them
know that they’re loved, know that
they can be supported, and know that
they’re absolutely fine, and not wrong
for being who they are.
You’ve spoken quite a lot about
being bullied growing up. Was
there a turning point in your life
where you felt like you could stand
up to it? I guess coming to London,
finding myself and being free, seeing
other people that were like me. It’s just
another world here, and I was like: “Oh
my God, I want to be this type of boy.”
I started dressing differently, I started
expressing myself differently. Well, not
differently, but who I really was inside.
It really freed me up to be a confident
person, and then I never turned back.
Photography | Johan Perrson
Anyone who follows you on
social media will see that
confidence in the form of a
young man, loving himself
and loving life. Is that a true
representation? So true. I try to
put out there, on my social media,
the most real moments. Like this
morning, I got on the wrong train, it
pissed me off, so I’m saying: “Oh my
God, this is annoying.”
Private stuff is private stuff, but I
think what I put out there is a true
representation of me – it’s not fake.
I don’t even use a filter. I just think:
“You know what, if this picture
doesn’t look cute and I’ve not found
the lighting, then I don’t need to be
changing this to make myself look
better, because that is not me.”
There’s another side where you’re
using your online platform to call
out discrimination and injustice.
Was that a conscious decision?
It’s a representation of my life as a
black, gay man living in the UK.
Those things are always going to be a
part of my life, you can’t ignore it.
I think even if I didn’t, I would still
be vocal about that stuff because if we
don’t speak up then who’s going to
make the change?
Do you think social media has
the power to make that change?
I hope so. I do get lots of messages,
especially when I air my opinions
on certain situations. It creates a
conversation and that’s what we
want to do; we want to open up
conversations and make sure we’re
not pretending these things don’t
happen. So, hopefully, silly people
won’t do those things again.
So, I saw you did a social media
detox for January...
Yes! Can you believe?
No easy feat! How did it go?
Do you know what, it was so much
easier than I thought it would be. I
mean, I do my odd little story here
and there – there’s always some
drama happening in my life – but
it’s all just documenting. Once
I was lucky to be
I’ve documented what I need to in an industry
document, I put my phone down and
I get on with my life.
where it was
So, I just logged out, deleted the accepted to be
apps and it was really easy. It was
nice to just not have anyone else’s
out and proud.
opinions and anyone else’s voices, Coming from a
anyone else’s stuff, apart from my
own, going on in my head. I got some
small estate in
real headspace. Manchester, it’s
Is self-care something that’s
absolutely not the
important to you? Yes. So, the first same there
thing I do when I wake up is I open
my blinds, let the sun in, let the day
in, sit there, and do my 10 minutes
of meditation. It’s not so much like
zoning out, it’s almost checking in to
what’s going on in my body and my
mind, essentially. And there’s not a
week goes by where I haven’t had a
massage, truly, because I’m always
running around the stage in heels. So,
I look after myself. That’s my vibe.
'Everybody’s Talking
About Jamie' is
booking at the Apollo
Theatre, London, until
September 2019.
Keep up-to-date
with Layton by
following him on
Twitter and Instagram
@LaytonWilliams
 Photography | Dario Valenzuela

“ My mother taught me how.

to sur-thrive. That’s.
my word for it.
70 • happiful • March 2019 – CARRIE FISHER
 Read all about it
Learn to uncover your stressors, create a healthier work-life balance, and overcome
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This best-seller
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Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
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April 2019 • happiful • 71
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Breaking free from grief
Dipti’s first panic attack was terrifying
and, unfortunately, it wasn’t her last. But
something good did come from it; she came
to understand the unresolved grief she had
carried for most of her life. Only then could she
find the power to address it
Writing | Dipti Solanki

O
ne minute I was
having a lovely meal
with my new husband
and friends, and the
next I found myself
lying in a hospital bed, convinced
I was going to die. My heart was
racing, the world felt like an alien
place. I was restless and petrified, I
couldn’t breathe. Nothing anyone
was saying to me was making sense.
I felt as if I was under water – I just
wanted it to stop. This was my first
panic attack.
Looking back, I believe I
had experienced undiagnosed
depression since I was a teenager.
I lost my mum in 1990, when I
was aged 13, but then carried on
as if everything was normal – or
pretended that it was. In actual fact,
feeling sad and low for days on end
had become my new normal. But
none of this, lying in a hospital bed
having a panic attack, made any
sense. Everything was so good in
my life. I’d married my best friend
and had a wonderful job.
It was when I went to university
in 1995, that I first really
started to struggle. I had felt so
triumphant; despite all I had gone
through after my mum had died,
with the support of my amazing
teachers, here I was at university,
able to enjoy all the freedom and
fun that I wanted.
The first month or so was fine,
but then it all changed. I was
only able to go to lectures, and
withdrew from everything social.
I thought this was because I was
missing home, as I was so used to
having all my family around me
all the time. Things became really
bleak and I spent a lot of time
crying and in my dressing gown.
I felt sad all the time, I couldn’t
eat, and felt totally invisible.
I remember my sister being
visibly shocked at my thin frame
when I went home one weekend.
I just pretended I was having so
much fun that I didn’t have time
to eat. It felt like a failure to tell
her how things really were.
Continues >>>
Dipti’s Story
To the outsider it was the stuff
dreams were made of, but
looking back I clearly remember
a sense of detachment
Somehow I got through
university – I don’t know how.
I never told anyone how sad
I felt. I never told anyone that
I cried all the time. I never
told anyone, because I didn’t
understand that feeling like
this wasn’t normal.
After miraculously getting
my degree, I became caught
up in the whirlwind of a big
Indian wedding in 1998,
74 • happiful • April 2019
which lasted for three weeks!
We were then on honeymoon
for four weeks. To the outsider
it was the stuff dreams were
made of, but looking back
I clearly remember a sense
of detachment, almost of
me looking in on someone
else’s life. Feelings of dread
frequently surfaced, and I
had the constant worry that
something bad would happen.
For Dipti, homeopathy gave her the
tools she needed to deal with grief
That first panic attack in
1999, the first of many, was
utterly terrifying. It made no
sense to me. I was deeply in
love and finally happy with
how my life was going. We
were dining in a restaurant
in the famous St Katherine’s
Dock in London, with two of
our good friends. Initially, I
had just started to feel uneasy
and excused myself to go to
the restroom. The feeling of
‘uneasiness’ persisted, and I
then couldn’t focus on what
people were saying; I had
the strangest feeling that I
was almost out of my body. I
thought fresh air would help,
so stepped outside. But my legs
became totally weak, unable to
hold me up, and my husband
found me sitting on the floor,
slumped against a brick wall.
I was terrified at how fast my
heart was pounding, gasping
for air, and eventually passed
out. The hospital told me that
I had experienced a panic
attack, and assured me that I
wasn’t dying.
This is when homeopathy
entered my life. It really helped
by giving me tools to deal
with the panic attacks until
they eventually went. But I
was still unable to understand
why, almost eight years later,
I couldn’t experience joy
properly – after all, I had so
much to be happy about. I
felt depressed, lacked energy
and confidence, and I didn’t
know why. Everything was so
good in my life now; it was
2007, I had two beautiful boys,
and I had spent three years
retraining as a homeopath.
The day had come when we
were graduating homeopathy
college in the summer of 2008,
and we had all been asked to
make a speech before receiving
our Licentiates. On getting
to the stage, I thanked my
family for being there. I then
mentioned my mum (who had
died more than 18 years ago
at this point), and I became a
blubbering mess and couldn’t
say much more. Later that
afternoon, a colleague and
friend pulled me aside. She
told me she believed I was still
consumed with grief, and that
she felt I needed to go through
a grief coaching programme.
I had been to see counsellors,
cognitive behavioural therapy
practitioners, hypnotherapists
(all I had benefited from),
but had never heard of grief
coaching. My initial thoughts
were: ‘That was all so long ago,

To find out more about Dipti, grief
coaching, and homeopathy, visit
diptisolanki.com
Grief coaching
helped me to
breathe again.
It showed me
how loss and
grief layer up
over the years
I’ve dealt with that.’ However,
I decided to give it a go, and
had no idea how drastically it
would change my life.
Grief coaching helped me
to breathe again. It helped me
to see how the grief of losing
my mother had caused my
depression, anxiety, panic
attacks, sadness and loss of
confidence.
Dipti and her husband Sanjay, on their
honeymoon
It showed me how loss and
grief layer up over the years,
and how unresolved loss and
grief can have debilitating
effects on your emotional,
physical, and spiritual health.
It enabled me to identify
each one of my losses, and
then attend to every one of
them in a safe and structured
way. It helped me understand
that my loss and grief was
about so many things,
including the death of my
mother, my miscarriage, and
being deeply betrayed by one
of my best friends.
Unresolved grief can
accumulate, and then the
mind and body cannot be
separated. I have learned that
all losses need to be given
the respect they deserve,
and need to be dealt with
in the unique way that grief
coaching offers.
True LIFE
Today, I am happy to say life coach. I help people with
that I don’t experience panic
attacks any more. I am deeply
depression, anxiety, grief, and
panic attacks.
respectful of my feelings and It’s a privilege to be able to
never ignore myself. I am offer hope and healing to
more confident, at peace, and people, and it never ceases
more optimistic than ever;
I have broken free from the
to amaze me just how many
people are struggling in
prison grief keeps you in. silence, not knowing that the
These days, I am very proud way they are feeling doesn’t
to say that I am a qualified have to be their reality. I’m
homeopath, grief coach, and living proof of that…
Our Expert Says
Dipti highlights the profound effect grief can have on us.
Grieving is a process that needs time and space, if we do
not turn towards ourselves and allow our sadness and loss
to be fully felt, then symptoms can become problematic
later. Dipti gives hope to the many people who are touched
by difficult loss, and rightly says it is not just
death that we grieve, we lose relationships
and other things held dearly, too.
Fe Robinson | MUKCP (reg) MBACP (reg)
psychotherapist and clinical supervisor
April 2019 • happiful • 75
 Setting boundaries
when helping people online
It’s great to be there for someone who needs to talk through
their problems. But taking on too much responsibility for
others can bring its own issues. Sometimes you
just have to take a step back

Writing | Fiona Thomas Illustrating | Rosan Magar

T
here was a time when
reading the problem page
in a magazine seemed
like the easiest way to
get informal advice on
sensitive subjects such as mental
health. But nowadays, people look
for a more immediate response to
their concerns. Instead of penning a
letter and sending it off by snail mail,
Time to Change, the mental health
movement, reports that 47% of people
aged 21 and under find it easiest
to talk about their mental health
problems online.
With influencers like Zoe Sugg
and Estée Lalonde sharing about
their mental health publicly, a lively
community of mental health bloggers
and Instagrammers has emerged
online. But if you find yourself in a
position where people are regularly
asking you for help and advice, how
should you respond?
There’s a bit of debate around the
subject, but one thing is clear –
healthy boundaries are essential.
Here’s how to create boundaries to
protect yourself and others.
1 Define your purpose
Whether you’re a registered health
professional or a keen mental health
advocate, it’s worth evaluating what
you initially set out to do online.
If you’re helping others as part of
your job, then make sure you’re
only online during working hours,
and if you’re doing it as a hobby, ask
yourself if helping others is always
your responsibility.
Clinical psychologist and
Counselling Directory member
Dr Carolyne Keenan points out:
“Whether it’s online or in real life,
sometimes you can become quite
invested in other people’s problems,
because it’s a really good distraction
from your own.”
2 Think about your basic needs
Constant stimulation and information
overload can trigger emotional distress.
Tune in to your own needs, and think
about how supporting others online is
affecting your wellbeing.
Are you taking your phone to bed
when you should be winding down?
Are you waking in the night to check
messages? Maybe you’re preoccupied
with your phone during meals?
Dr Emma Svanberg, a clinical
psychologist, explains that a “surefire
warning sign is when you’d rather
look at social media than connect with
people around you”.
Make a rule that you won’t use social
media when you should be spending
time with family and friends. Try using
the Do Not Disturb setting to turn off
all notifications except important calls.
3 Respond in your own time,
and signpost accordingly
Even trained medical professionals
aren’t expected to be on call 24/7, so
it’s important we acknowledge that just
because we can be contactable at all
times, doesn’t mean we should be.
If you’ll be required to offer emotional
support every time you log on, you
need to limit that to a reasonable
amount of time every day.
A good way to ensure this is to assign
set times when you respond. It can be
easy to feel obliged to answer every

76 • happiful • April 2019

 Tips from influencers
Jess (@thefatfunnyone)
I limit my response time, and don’t
query as soon as it appears, but this will respond after 11pm. I’m open
drain your time and energy. about how I’m feeling, so people
Dr Keenan says that setting realistic know when I need a break – I
expectations about your capacity often see a decline in messages
to offer support is key. She advises: requesting support, and more
“Just be honest about your human offering it.
relationship with the platform, that
you’re not going to be there 24/7, but Becky (@mother_like_no_other)
that there are lots of services that are.” I provide links and numbers for
Make a habit of guiding people to professionals who can help,
helplines, such as Samaritans, Mind and then check in with that
or SANE. If you’re using Instagram, person the next day. I find this
create a post with useful numbers and method really works for me,
save it to your highlights reel so that as I overthink and feel what
people can find help from trained others feel, which can leave
professionals. me emotionally drained.

Jo (@lobellaloves_jo)
4 Serve yourself first I do a #swtichoffsaturday.
Think about how supporting others From Friday night to Sunday
through their mental illness makes morning I delete Instagram,
you feel. For many of us it can actually which I find essential for
improve our mood, but if it’s starting my own self-care.
to make you feel anxious, tired or
depressed, then you may need to
take a step back.
Before you log on, think: “Have
I served myself first?” If the answer
is no, then consider a tried and tested
activity that gives you energy – such as
yoga, a nap, or a shower.
If you’re feeling
overwhelmed, turn
off all notifications
and take some time
away from social
media.

5 Red flags that

mean you need to
step away from helping
others online

5
• Scrolling has become an automatic
compulsion.
•You feel anxious whenever you log
on to social media.
•You feel a sense of ‘obligation’ to be
online 24/7.
• You feel unqualified to answer the CYBER
questions you’re being asked. SECRETS
 Jog on, dementia
Since being founded in 1981, the London Marathon has raised an
incomprehensible £955 million for charitable causes. For the hundreds of
organisations that get involved, the annual event is an opportunity to raise
vital funds and get people talking about the issues of today
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

I
n 2019, the charity of the year
is Dementia Revolution – a
one-year campaign that sees
the Alzheimer’s Society and
Alzheimer’s Research UK join
forces to overthrow outdated
attitudes about dementia, and lead
the charge towards a cure. Here, we
find out more about the charity of
the year, and the runners hitting the
road to make a change.
For the 850,000 people living with
dementia in the UK, the diagnosis
can be life-shattering. Dementia is
an umbrella term used to describe
different brain disorders that trigger
a loss of brain function; symptoms
include memory loss, confusion,
and problems with speech and
understanding. Worldwide,
the World Health Organisation
estimates that the number of cases of
dementia could triple by 2050. But,
together, we can make a stand.
Change-through-unity is the
inspiration behind Dementia
Revolution’s 2019 marathon
campaign. To find out more, we
spoke to Nina Ziaullah, Dementia
Revolution’s campaign manager,
about the might of the London
Marathon, and what it means to be
a ‘revolutionary’.
Photography | Harry: Sean Spencer/Hull News & Pictures Ltd
LONDON’S CALLING
“The Virgin Money London
Marathon is one of the world’s
most iconic sporting events,” says
Nina, when we ask what makes the
London Marathon such a special
event for Dementia Revolution.
“For any charity, this level of
public exposure is unprecedented,
and brings with it much-needed
awareness and donations to carry
out their work.”
The London Marathon named
its first ‘official charity’ in 1984,
and now partners with one or
two charities every year. And the
life-changing consequences of this
commitment are palpable. For the
past 12 years, the marathon has been
consistently breaking its own record
for the amount of money raised
in an annual single-day charity
fundraising event. In 2018, runners
raised a staggering £63.7 million.
THE REVOLUTION
“One of the things that makes the
London Marathon so iconic is the
incredible atmosphere on the day,”
Nina explains. “And we wanted to
make sure we had a campaign that
captured that feeling.”
Dementia Revolution is more than
just an attention-grabbing name;
Nina tells us that they wanted a
campaign that would capture the
sense of normal people coming
together to bring about change.
“For too long, people have
wrongly believed that dementia is
a lost cause, and we saw the Virgin
Money London Marathon as a
unique opportunity to overthrow
old attitudes, and set the record
straight,” explains Nina.
“From scientists powering
groundbreaking research, to people
sharing their heartbreaking personal
experiences of dementia, it’s all
coming together to make a huge
difference to our ultimate goal.”
Harry Cullen George Painter with
his grandma
Search Harry
and George on
uk.virginmone
y
giving.com
Meet the revolutionaries
Personal stories are at the heart of Dementia
Revolution’s work. We spoke with two runners
to find out more about what inspired them to
tie their shoelaces and hit the streets
HARRY CULLEN GEORGE PAINTER
“When I first found out about “Dementia is sadly one of the
my dementia diagnosis, I felt biggest health threats facing
like I was in a vacuum – not society today. From a personal
knowing where to go, or who to perspective, dementia has really
go to for help. I found this really hit our home hard. My grandma,
difficult. But running gave me a who turned 90 at the start of
purpose. December, has dementia. It’s
“It’s taken a long time, but been so painful to watch her
it’s helped me to feel like I’m memory fade over the years,
coming out the other side and and witness first-hand how
that there’s nothing stopping me. remorseless this disease is.
Running is giving me freedom. I “So this year, I am making a
feel in control. stand. I am pledging to fundraise
“I’ve joined Dementia and run the marathon in order
Revolution, and am taking to do what I can to help with
part in the London Marathon Dementia Revolution’s campaign
because I want to help others. By to power groundbreaking
running, I’m making a difference dementia research, to overthrow
to other people like me, and that old attitudes, and to lead the
is really special.” charge towards a cure.”
Continues >>>
April 2019 • happiful • 79
Stories from the heart
Last year, more than 40,000 people –
from elite athletes to first-time runners
– took part in the London Marathon.
Over the years, hundreds of millions of
pounds has been raised for charities, with
750 different British charities involved
through the Golden Bond scheme that
saves places for charity runners. So what
inspires people to take on the gruelling
26.2 miles?

ANTONY BUTCHER FOR

THE MS SOCIETY
“My journey to the Marathon began
shortly after the millennium, in my
early teens. I came home one evening
to the news that the obscure illness
my mum had was Multiple Sclerosis.
Over the past decade, I’ve raised £15k
for the MS Society.
“In 2017, I had my first depressive
episode, partly fuelled by the sadness
of seeing my mum deteriorate. I
survived – dreaming of the day I’d be
the old me again.
“I’ve learnt two things on this
journey. Firstly, it’s OK to talk about
how you are feeling – especially for
us blokes, who often bottle things up.
Secondly, we all have the power to do
amazing things. You’d be amazed by
what happens when you say yes.”
justgiving.com/fundraising/
antonyjcbutcherlondonmarathon
JENNIFER BARTRAM FOR
CANCER RESEARCH UK We all have
“One night when I was 16, I woke
up to hear my mam shouting that
the power to
dad was having a seizure. After a do amazing
things. You’d be
few tests, it was discovered that he
had both lung cancer and a brain
tumour. He received some treatment,
but by the time the cancer was amazed by what
found, it was too advanced, and he
died 12 weeks later.
happens when
“That was 20 years ago, and cancer
treatments have advanced so much
you say yes
since that he would have stood a
much better chance of survival now.
Cancer Research UK relies on us to
keep their research going, and even – I wasn't much of an athlete when I
to play a small part in that means the was younger. I know that memories
world to me. of my dad and the determination to
“I know that the Marathon is going help more people fight the disease
to be an emotional rollercoaster of a will get me over the finish line.”
race. My dad would have laughed his justgiving.com/fundraising/
head off if he was still around today jen-bartram

MARK BUNKO FOR
PARKINSON’S UK
“Dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s
in his early 50s. The hardest part for
him was having to give up working
for the company he had owned and
run for more than 30 years, and the
activities that he loved, including
golf and going to watch his beloved
Norwich City.
“Running the Marathon and being
public with my story is helping me to
honour my dad’s memory, and also
bring something positive from a very
negative situation. I have struggled
with coming to terms with what had
happened, and the way it has affected
me and my family, and I’m finding
that training and fundraising is
helping with that; I’m physically and
mentally stronger.”
uk.virginmoneygiving.com/
MarkBunko
NATHAN FALLON FOR GREAT
ORMOND STREET HOSPITAL
“I was born with a congenital heart
defect – transposition of the great
arteries. Within the first 24 hours of
being born, I was rushed to Great
Ormond Street Hospital and had
an operation to give me a chance to
survive. Then, at just three months
old, I had open heart surgery, which
still only gave me a 50/50 chance.
At the time, this operation was rare
and the process was challenging for
GOSH. If it wasn’t for their courage
and perseverance, I wouldn’t be here.
“At 26 years old, I am exceeding all
doctors’ expectations and I am a keen
sportsman. I have wanted to give
back to this charity for a long time,
and running my first marathon in
London seems like the perfect way.”
justgiving.com/fundraising/
nathan-fallon
The Virgin Money London Marathon
2019 takes place on Sunday 28
April. Find out more by visiting
virginmoneylondonmarathon.com.
Donate to Dementia Revolution at
dementiarevolution.org
Running the
Marathon and
being public
with my story
is helping me
to honour my
dad's memory
Whatever the cause and no matter
the time it takes to complete, the
London Marathon is the UK’s
biggest celebration of both human
physicality, and of our generosity.
Together, we can take steps to create
a better world for all.
April 2019 • happiful • 81
 Photography | Angelos Michalopoulo

“ Don’t look at your feet.

to see if you are doing.
it right. Just dance.
– ANNE LAMOTT
Finding her feet
Professional footballer Fran Kirby has a magnificent year in front of her, notably with
the Fifa Women’s World Cup taking place this summer. Fran talks to Happiful ahead
of this major global tournament, and shares her passions, along with her thoughts on
depression, grief, and learning to put her own needs first
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
I
defy anybody not to feel a sense
of awe at the achievements and
accolades listed in relation to
professional footballer Fran Kirby.
In the 2017/2018 season alone, she
scored 25 times for her club, Chelsea FC,
picked up PFA and FWA Player of the
Year awards, became the first player to
win the female version of the latter, and
was also named Chelsea Ladies’ Player of
the Year, and Players’ Player of the Year.
If that’s not enough, Fran is also a
member of the England Women’s
Football Squad and will be making
her second World Cup appearance in
France this summer.
As you can imagine, Fran is immensely
disciplined. She committed to football
from an early age, with her first
professional signing for her hometown
team, Reading, at the age of 16 –
although she had already been playing in
their youth team for nine years.
Along with her passion for the sport,
one of the first things that comes across
is Fran’s self awareness.
“I talk to myself…” she explains. “I back
myself when other people might suggest
I’m struggling. I’m the kind of person
that reflects on what I think, rather than
listening to what others are saying about
me. Our game is growing bigger, so
you have to accept that you’ll get more
criticism along with the plaudits. I’ve had
to learn to deal with that quite quickly,
and focus on my own opinion.”
But along with the praise, Fran admits
she can be tough on herself. “I look at
everything I do, whether in training
I talk to myself...
I back myself
when other
people might
suggest I'm
struggling
or during a game, and if I’m not
happy with how I’ve performed, it
can irritate me. So I have to try to
level out that self criticism by adding
in more positives on top of those
negative thoughts.”
Alongside her self-talk, Fran is a very
visual person with a good memory.
A technique she often uses to analyse
her own performance, by re-playing,
in her mind, moments from a game.
This skill, it seems, is a family trait.
“My whole family are football crazy,
so I grew up watching a lot of it,” she “That was one of the harder periods
tells me. “My dad would sit there and for me. It taught me a lot about
analyse the game out loud, so I think growing up, and learning to deal with
I picked up on a lot of that. That’s really difficult situations. Obviously
where I learned to know what does my situation was quite extreme.
and doesn’t work.” “It was a time where I was feeling
Alongside these happy family down, I wasn’t enjoying doing
memories, of course, comes the more anything, I couldn’t get out of bed
difficult, painful ones. The sudden and I didn’t have energy. I think that’s
death of her beloved mum – and when I began the self-talk.”
biggest champion – Denise, when Fran stopped playing football for
Fran was just 14 was a real mental a while, but did start to go the gym,
health challenge for her, and is and trained on the treadmill. “I’d just
something she’s been vocal about. run, run, run, and then when I got
Around two years later, Fran off, I would feel so much better.”
experienced a bout of depression. Continues >>>
April 2019 • happiful • 83
The Fifa Women’s World Cup France 2019 starts
on 7 June. England play their first game, against
Scotland, on Sunday 9 June at 5pm
 By doing the small things, getting
out and exercising, Fran believes she
was telling herself to start living life
again. This depressive period was an
important catalyst for her to stop and
reflect on the grief, and to address
her thoughts about her own future.
“I had fallen out of love with
football, because I was so down,”
Fran says. “I needed to get back to
‘normal’. Football had taken over my
life. When mum passed away, I went
to school two days later and straight
back to playing. I didn’t give myself
time to acknowledge and accept what
happened. I think that’s why there
was such a delay in grieving.”
But when she did stop to
acknowledge her emotions, Fran was
able to come out the other side with
a more positive attitude towards the I knew I had to
beautiful game. Now, memories of
her mum drive her forward. “I think
live the dream
that her belief in me was one of the my mum told
biggest things that helped with what
I was going through. She wrote me
everyone about
a birthday card that said I would be
going to the World Cup – and that Now, Fran wants other girls to
definitely motivated me. I knew I know that feeling, by inspiring them
had to get to a World Cup, I had to to play. “Five years ago, being a
live the dream that my mum told professional footballer wasn’t really
everyone about.” happening for women. Now there
While she’s worked through that are professional teams, we want to
initial grief, emotionally it can still inspire girls to play, and not only And on a personal level, what does
be tough. “Being able to do what that, we want to change the game so the future hold? “I want to keep
she wanted me to do, even when it’s that the girls coming through have playing well for Chelsea, and win the
going great, can be hard. We won the best possible opportunities. World Cup for England. That’s every
the double last year, I won individual “We’ll speak up when we don’t kid’s dream growing up.”
awards too, and the one person I agree with something, so the next She pauses. “I want to improve not
wanted to pick up the phone to was generation don’t have to. We want only as a professional footballer, but
my mum. It does still creep up on to change the way that people talk as a person, too. Sometimes people
you, but now I can see it in a more about women footballers; we want to see you just as a footballer, and they
positive light than negative.” change every detail that it needs to need to know we’re human beings.
Fran has certainly achieved all that make it as professional as possible.” That’s important for young girls
her mum hoped she would, and And what areas in particular would coming into the game; they need to
more. This year will be her second Fran like to see change this year? know we go through trauma too, like
World Cup, after playing in Canada “More media coverage of women’s I did, and that’s OK as well.”
2015 where she scored for her football, greater accessibility for
country at the age of 22. people to come and watch, and more Follow Fran on Instagram @frankirby, and
“I will never forget the feeling when information about when games are her England squad @lionesses
I scored at the World Cup. That was on – promote it on TV when the men Find out more about women’s football, at
just…” she trails off. are playing,” she replies immediately. thefa.com/womens-girls-football
 Photography | Candice Picard

The weather has a real effect on.

.
our mood; 13.9°C is thought to be.
the ideal temperature for happiness.
An outburst of emotions
For Sara, the past year of her life has certainly
been a tumultuous one. After going through
severe meningitis, not once but four times, and
developing epilepsy, she’s learnt about what
truly matters to her
Writing | Sara Steele

I
t was Christmas Day. I was
walking around Old Town in
Stockholm when suddenly it
felt like my head, neck and
spine were about to explode.
I rushed home, and went straight
to bed in complete delirium, when
my roommate found me and
instantly called for an ambulance.
In what felt like mere moments
later, I found myself in intensive
care, diagnosed with severe
meningitis and encephalitis – an
hour later it would’ve been too late,
the doctor said.
I only remember fragments of
what happened. Having my blood
pressure taken and feeling like my
arm would burst. The agonising
lumbar puncture. And finally,
when I stopped breathing. I could
hear my mother’s voice calling
my name while clawing my arm,
trying to wake me up.
But I didn’t.
The following three days, I
was stuck in a nightmare on a
loop. I was being swept through
landscapes and obscure
underworlds where my loved
ones’ faces would be distorted
into demonic figures, trying to
take me with them to a ‘better
place’. I had been put under a
medically induced coma.
When I woke up, I was still
in bad shape and had to spend
the next two and a half weeks
in the hospital on medication
and under constant observation.
I never knew how much I had
underestimated walking my dog,
or doing the dishes. After what
felt like an eternity, I was finally
allowed to go home.
I’ve never been a person who
is good at taking it easy – even
three or four parallel projects
make me feel restless. And now
I wasn’t allowed to stimulate my
brain, or actually do anything.
Not even read a book, just rest.
I tried my best to do so. I left
my dog with a friend. I planted
seeds in my kitchen and I
watched them grow.
Continues >>>
Sara’s Story
I had home visits from the
rehabilitation centre three
times a week. That was it. It
drove me absolutely crazy.
Three weeks after I left
the hospital, it was my 28th
birthday, and my sisters took
me out to celebrate. I hadn’t
been very social for a long
time, and I was happy to
leave the house and just feel
like things were going back
to normal.
That same evening, my
sister and a couple of friends
88 • happiful • April 2019
came back to my house and
we stayed up for a while and
talked.
Beep… Beep… Beep…
A familiar noise.
Beep… Beep… Beep…
I was back in the hospital.
I was told I had some kind
of seizure and blacked out,
so my sister called for an
ambulance.
What I initially thought
would be the first and last
time, was actually just the tip
of the iceberg.
The meningitis was back,
but this time I was also
diagnosed with epilepsy – a
result of my first infection.
I was back in treatment for
only a few days this time,
before being sent home again.
Over the course of
the following month I
experienced regular seizures,
and my spirit was gradually
sinking. My temper had
changed – with blackouts,
emotional breakdowns, and
complete fatigue.
Sara feels that what she’s been
through has helped her to
become a better person
I found myself in intensive
care, diagnosed with severe
meningitis and encephalitis –
an hour later it would’ve been
too late, the doctor said
I stopped drinking as
soon as I knew about my
condition, became vegan,
took every supplement I
could, and was on several
types of medication. My body
and mind were a mess.
In March 2018, the third
wave of meningitis came.
This wasn’t ‘supposed’ to
happen. I felt desperate.
I didn’t know who I was
anymore. The doctors didn’t
know what to do.
My whole persona was
based on always being on the
move, going on adventures,
being creative and social.
Now, all I felt was apathy. I
couldn’t eat because of the all
the medication. I didn’t want
to see anyone. I told people
to stop calling and texting. I
isolated myself.
Shortly afterwards, I was
put on antidepressants and
began having cognitive
behavioural therapy.
Another month passed,
and I was still hiding in my
apartment that had started to
feel more like a prison.
During my next checkup,
the doctor wanted to do a
final lumbar puncture, just
to just make sure there were
no active cells left. She called
that same afternoon and said:
“Sara, I need you to check
yourself in again…”
It was my fourth wave of
meningitis. This time around
was by far the worst time of
them all. Shuffled through
different wards, CAT scans,
EEGs – test after test, seizures,
no sleep, and more seizures. I
spent two more weeks in the
hospital, and was put in touch
with a specialist who finally
seemed to have some answers.
We kept in touch, and I still go
to her for regular checkups –
and so far, no more relapses.
I’m slowly coming to terms
with what actually happened
over the past year, wrapping
my head around being so close
to death, and being robbed
of my identity and freedom.

Photography | Kari Jay
You can find out more about
STEELE and listen to her album
at iamsteele.com
But also realising how many
people actually care, and how
much your body and mind
can endure – it’s all very
overwhelming, and incredibly
enlightening. I feel like I’ve
been so incredibly lucky.
Epilepsy, and all that comes
with that, is a small price to
pay for your life.
I really do believe that
things happen for a reason.
You might think it sounds
like a cliché, but all things –
good and bad – dictate the
path you should be on. And I
know now I wasn’t supposed
to bend over backwards to
prove something, or to please
others. I was supposed to lose
myself, and the people who
then left, they were always
going to be temporary.
Instead, I made room for
a new self. I started taking
serious care of myself, both
physically and emotionally.
I stopped doing things
that made me unhappy. I
pursued the things I wanted
to do rather than listening
to judgemental and toxic
remarks. I sought out support
with people in similar
positions, and got so much
love back. I learnt that ‘no’ is
the best word in the world.
I wrote and recorded music
during my time being sick
that ended up being my debut
album Paroxysm, under my
stage name STEELE.
‘Paroxysm’ means ‘an
outburst of emotions’. I guess
that kind of sums it up.
Being a musician, I know I’m
True LIFE
Sara’s album was written and recorded
during the period she was sick
I’m slowly coming to terms with
what happened. But also realising
how many people actually
care, and how much your body
and mind can endure – it’s all
incredibly enlightening
bound to encounter all of Not only do I feel like a
the stereotypical situations better person, but it has
like parties, alcohol, drugs certainly added depth
– basically everything that’s and substance, to both
bad for my condition. But my behaviour, as well as
I somehow have this sense my music. And all of this
of empowerment by my happened just a few months
anti-rock star approach to ago – imagine how I’ll feel in
be honest. a few years time?
Our Expert Says
Sara tells a harrowing story of a recurring,
life-threatening illness that turned her world upside
down. It is inspiring to read about the way she has made
room for her deeper self and is investing in relationships
and activities that enrich and nourish her. Her story
is a reminder of the importance of mindful
attention to the gift of life and health, and the
rightness of trusting our wisdom about who
and what we find fulfils us.
Fe Robinson | MUKCP (reg) MBACP (reg)
psychotherapist and clinical supervisor
April 2019 • happiful • 89
 nM E NTA L
Best-selling author Lacey London shows the world what it’s like to live with
anxiety through her characters. Now, she’s giving us insight into her own story
Mental health matters to me
because… fighting anxiety made
me realise just how debilitating
mental health matters can be. Before
my first panic attack, mental health
wasn’t really something I thought
about, but once anxiety crept into
my life, I couldn’t think of anything
else. It made me open my eyes to the
fact that everyone you meet may be
fighting a battle you know nothing
about.
When I need support I… used to
seek comfort from my parents, but
as I’ve grown older, I’ve discovered
that being my own hero when anxiety
strikes is my best tactic in defeating
a panic attack before it gets off the
ground. Speaking out and asking for
help when you need it is the most
commendable thing you can do. But,
learning to have confidence in your
own ability to control your anxiety is
a priceless tool. I am a firm believer
that there is a superhero in all of us.
H E A LT Hn
Matters
We just need a sprinkle of faith to
discover our capes.
When I need some self-care, I…
take myself for a walk. I’m lucky
enough to live close to some
incredible countryside walks, so
when I feel particularly anxious,
or recognise the tell-tale signs of
an impending panic attack, I pop
my trainers on and get outside. The
fresh air and feeling of escaping the
hustle and bustle of the world help
me to put things into perspective.
The books I turn to time and
again are… any by Dr Claire
Weekes. Self-Help for Your Nerves
is my favourite self-help book for
anxiety. When I first started to
feel ‘unwell’, I refused to believe
that anxiety was the cause of my
symptoms. This book described what
I was experiencing, and made me
accept that anxiety and panic were
behind my physical symptoms.
People I find inspiring online
are… the ones who speak out about
their mental health. We’ve come
a long way in removing the taboo
from matters of the mind, but we
still have a way to go. Standing tall,
and speaking out about what you are
going through, is the best thing we
can do to normalise it.
Three things I would say to
someone experiencing mental
ill-health are…
• S mall steps can lead to big
changes. Celebrate every
achievement, however small,
because one day you will look back
and realise those tiny steps were
leading you to a better place.
•Y  ou’re brave. Battling your own
mind every day of the week takes
an incredible amount of strength.
Remember this as an example of
just how strong you really are.
• Th is too shall pass. Storms don’t
last forever. Brighter days are on
the horizon.
The moment I felt most proud
of myself was… on the release
day for Anxiety Girl. Publishing
a book inspired by my darkest
moments was extremely daunting,
but hearing from readers who have
found comfort in it gives me an
overwhelming sense of pride, and
makes what I went through totally
worth it.
Lacey’s first book in the ‘Anxiety Girl’
series is free on Amazon Kindle. Visit
laceylondon.co.uk, and follow her on
Twitter @thelaceylondon
Photography | Charis Gegelman

Typically, in a lifetime we spend.

21 months just waiting for things..
Don’t waste another minute.
December 2018 • happiful • 91
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