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COMMUNION OF SILENCE SELF & OTHERS

Article · November 2019

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Harmik Vaishnav
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Dr. Harmik Vaishnav
School of Liberal Studies
Pandit Deendayal Petroleum University

THE COMMUNION OF SILENCE, SELF AND OTHERS

Silence is the ultimate weapon of power.

Charles de Gaulle

In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but
when silence is not understood.
Henry David Thoreau

1. INTRODUCTION

Silence is the absence of ambient audible sound, the emission of sounds of such low intensity
that they do not draw attention to themselves, or the state of having ceased to produce sounds;
this latter sense can be extended to apply to the cessation or absence of any form of
communication, whether through speech or other medium. [1]

Silence, as a concept and as practice has been treated and interpreted variously with no
exceptions of cultures, religious beliefs and educational and professional background. Everyone
knows silence but the question is do they understand it every time? Do they understand the
potency of silence? Or the possible adversity of silence?
Silence has found importance in religion and worship of God and religions. Silence in spirituality
is a symbol for inner tranquillity. A silent mind is free from thoughts and thought patterns. It is an
important step in spiritual development. “Such ‘inner silence’ is not about the absence of sound;
instead, it is understood to bring one in contact with the divine, the ultimate reality, or one's own
true self, one's divine nature. [2]. Many religions indicate the importance of being quiet and still
in mind and spirit for transformation and integral spiritual development. In Christianity, there is
the silence of contemplative prayer, in Islam, there are the wisdom words of the Sufis who insist
on the importance of inner search of silence. Buddhism, allows the mind to become silent and
implies it for spiritual enlightenment. In Hinduism, with the teachings of Vedanta and the many
paths of yoga, the Gurus insist on the importance of silence or Mauna, for inner growth. Perkey
Avot, the Jewish Sages guide for living, states that, "Tradition is a safety fence to Torah, tithing
a safety fence to wealth, vows a safety fence for abstinence; a safety fence for wisdom ... is
silence." In some traditions of Quakerism, communal silence is the usual context of worship
meetings, in patient expectancy for the divine to speak in the heart and mind. [3]

In psychological studies, in creativity, in training etc. sometimes silence is sometimes a therapy

and sometimes it is ruinous. It is also considered by communication and leadership experts as
a potent tool in interpersonal communication or negotiation. Silence has relation with situation
and the individual.
What is the importance of silence? What are the positive aspects of silence? What are the
negative aspects of silence? What is the necessity of silence? How to interpret silence? How
can silence be beneficial or harmful? How to use silence? These are some of the questions this
article will try to discuss. It would be an analytical study based on certain assumptions,
experiences and references. The focus would be on various aspects of silence affecting a
person’s personal and professional life. And silence as a tool and medium of communication in
interpersonal and intrapersonal dealings.

2. DISCUSSION

Silence, philosophically speaking with a metaphoric allusion, is as deep as the Universe, as

serene as the ocean and as varied as the earth. In the discussion to ensue, we are going to
focus mainly on the interpersonal and intrapersonal dimensions of silence and how effectively it
can be used in various situations as well as for self-development and awareness.
2.1 Silence and the self- awareness

Self-awareness, though many of us are not aware or conscious about it, is the first and
sometimes considered the ultimate step for individual development and actualization. A person
who is self-aware finds little difficulty in dealing with others, situations and the mysteries of the
universe. It is also considered that it leads one to the realization of the divine and feeling of
communion with the universe. Contemplation through silence is perhaps the only path leading
to self-awareness. Regular contemplation, introspection in silence relieves one of negativity and
leads to awareness about the self and around. “The mind liberated from even the attribute of
sattva must stand in front of utter silence. Yajnavalkya insists that the spiritual man in order to
experience Brahman must transcend both silence (mauna) and non-silence (amauna). [4] A self-
aware person finds true happiness, contentment, spiritual bliss and a purpose in life. Silence
acts as the facilitator for this. It is therefore advisable to observe silence for a while regularly and
if this can be in a vicinity of silence, it is best. Once you are silent your awareness of being and
communion with self takes place. Your thoughts are channelized and feelings normalized. Many
leaders, saints, artists practice silence by being alone in a silent place. Know thyself as the Bible
says is a paradigm here because if you know yourself you can unite with the others and the
universe in a better manner.
2.2 Silence and Self-development

“I had long since taught myself to follow the inner voice.” [5]
Self-development is next to self-awareness. One cannot have development of the self without
awareness of the self. If you are not aware about yourself, what will you develop? Self-
awareness is on the spiritual plain whereas self-development is on the plain of knowledge and
skills. It is pertinent for an individual to continuously evolve and develop in knowledge, skills and
experiences. Silence helps you to introspect objectively and in SWOT analysis of yourself on
regular intervals. This helps you in personal and professional life. Rarely do we sit with ourselves
and ask questions to ourselves or talk to ourselves or rebuke and advice ourselves, do we?
Silence would facilitate smooth functioning and the path of self-improvement or development.
“This is what the Ritual of Personal Reflection is all about. Figure out what is right and what is
wrong in your days and in your life.” [6]. It is a forgone conclusion that when you train or educate
yourself or when you burn the midnight oil, as the idiom goes for toiling, you do it silently. This
silence helps you to focus on yourself and driving the self to a focal point of your desired
outcome. Even at the peak of your success or achievement, you need to introspect and reflect
on various aspects of life and work and here again silence facilitates the process. A contended
and successful person always finds out solitude and silence for reflection and thinking. Many a
lives have been changed and many a courses of profession have been altered after
introspecting. They have found new persons in them, a new side or an evolved side which made
them what they are.

2.3 Silence and communication

The subtle use of silence in communication and negotiation has always been used by successful
people to grasp the situation, prompt the other party to speak and reveal more and the use of
the power pause with silence always boosts curiosity. When serious negotiations are going on,
silence has the potency to apprehend the other party and it also gives you the cool control on
the situation. “When you give someone the silent treatment you often force the other person to
talk, if only out of discomfort. They inadvertently give you information you might otherwise not
receive. Consequently, there is a favourable shift in the balance of power.” [7]. Whether you are
in a casual conversation or a group discussion on an important topic or business negotiations,
or even making a public speech or presentation; the use of silence or power pause helps you to
gain an advantageous position. Occasional silence in such communication enables you to reflect
and rethink, it also helps you to visualize things if the discussion or negotiation is important, it
also helps you not to commit or react hastily. The other person or party may not understand you
silence and interpret it differently but in either of the cases you are in control. If the other party is
still confused about your silence, or thinks otherwise to your thoughts, you have the trump card
of giving clarity or asking clarity. The observance of silence also depends on the positioning in
professional discussion or negotiation. If you are the person with an upper hand, a valuable client
or boss; you silence will put the other person in discomfort and confusion and it will give you
comfortable position and give clarity. If you are not in the upper hand like the person wanting the
deal desperately or a subordinate taking instructions or facing onslaught; silence will enable you
to gain self-control, let the points and daunting situation percolate, express message that you
are tolerating quietly but don’t agree etc. It is often told that people can misquote your words but
they cannot misquote your silence. It is not advisable to talk a lot and it may not create a
favourable impression or friendly face as contrary believed. In professional meetings especially
with lesser known set of people or in a serious or tense situation, silence is intriguing and an
effective tool. A person talking less or a silent listener is a curious object for many. “In reality, the
quietest person in the room is often the most intriguing, as well as the most powerful. By
remaining quiet, the person creates more conversational open space, which invariably gets filled
by others who are more uncomfortable with silence.”[9] People in power talk less during
conversations and discussions, listen more observe intensely. Here, silence is also one of the
signs of maturity, the effective use of silence. As an experiment, just observe in groups would
you find the talkative person more attractive, reliable and matured or a person who talks less,
listens more and observes a lot?
Silence as a communication tool is many a time more effective that words, questions or rhetoric.
One has to gain expertise of using it effectively and it is achievable with practice, observation of
others over the time.

2.4 Silence and training and management

Does your trainer or manager talk a lot? Does he listen? Sit silently? Observe? A good trainer
or manager uses words sparingly and uses pauses and silence. A trainer is not a lecturer
imparting knowledge or delivering lecture on various schools of thoughts for the students to
absorb and write an assignment. The work of a trainer is to hone the skills of the trainees,
facilitate them to learn, relearn or unlearn so that they can make headway to the next destination
of their career or life. The trainer just invents techniques, pedagogy, interactive activities etc. for
the trainees to take interest, understand and adept to the new tools or techniques. “Every
communication medium has its own techniques for helping its audience remain oriented and
follow the flow.” [10]. The practice of silence is utmost pertinent for the trainer himself /herself
because the trainer does not only develop self but has to mould others effectively. The trainer is
like a metal smith moulding metals in fine designs with the use of skill and imagination. But
doesn’t a metal smith imagine the design and the process sitting silently? And even work silently
on the gold to make fine designs? The work of a trainer like a metal smith is to use the qualities
of each metal, the mould to produce fine pieces of jewellery by silently inventing and following a
process. Silence as a tool can be transferred and transported by making trainees aware about
its use. A trainer or facilitator of learning must practice the use of silence first before
experimenting with a group. The group can be led to observe silence and listen to even the
remotest sound. Simulation of various professional situations and their videos can be used to
lead them to understand and start using silence in situations that they encounter. It will enable
better understanding of the surroundings, grasping the situations, problems and thus tackle
accordingly. “Observed that there was sense of fear in the air, even though no one said anything.
Once again he was experiencing the language without words....the universal language”. [11]

2.5 Biological advantages of Silence

Silence has been attributed to many biological advantages as well. Positive use of silence
enhances mental health as the figure below shows. It is scientifically proven that use of silence
improves memory, develops brain cells and facilitates physical healing faster. It is also a great
stress buster. Silence as a therapy can be a huge topic of research for medical sciences but
from the common perspective we acknowledge a few of its advantages.

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2.6 Limitations of Silence.

Like everything else in the universe, except God, Silence too has its limitations. Like all the tools,
if silence is not used properly it can be injurious and ruinous to the self and interpersonal
relationships. Here we are discussing the effective use of silence as a tool for self, for others and
as a technique. These are the deliberate uses of silence but if silence is forced upon it can be
damaging the emotions, the intellect and also interpersonal relationship. Silence must be used
to hone the imagination, deepen the thought process, reflection and facilitate listening. Overuse
of silence in communication and negotiation depicts tremendous lack of understanding and
interest which is self-destructive for personal and professional development. Nobody wants to
interact with a person who is disinterested or lacks understanding, both intellectually and
emotionally. One must also not recede into silence owing to problems. At times it is necessary
to speak up or ask. Many times talking is better than silence. When there are emotional
pressures, tensions it is better to talk out than to remain silent. In such tense situations silence
gives out a negative connotation. “Silence is rarely a refuge.” [12]
We are concerned here on the good use of silence for betterment of our lives, like fire if controlled
by us as a tool silence makes life and communication better but if out of our control and too much
use like wild fire, it can create havoc in self-development and interpersonal relationship. Forced
silence or silenced again is traumatic and destructive for the self. “It is only by holding one’s own
opinions and judgments lightly, that we can remain in contact with ‘what is’ and allow new
interpretations to emerge.” [13] Psychologically speaking, sometimes people need to speak and
talk as a cathartic effect and if silence is forced it is harmful for the functions of body as well.
Forced silence is also considered as invisible violence wherein the person is not imprisoned
physically but emotionally and intellectually without any outlet or escape. “Liminal space can
therefore be traumatic, and relationally disturbing, precisely because it lacks structure. This is
always a consideration when working clinically; more fragile self-process is likely to require
increased structure, agentic activity and direction.” [14] Hence forced silence or silence as a
negative connotations may require counselling and a favourable catharsis as a therapy.

3. CONCLUSION

The self-training in silence has its tangible advantages besides the blissful effect for mind and
soul. In the day to day life and human dealing be it professional or social silence facilitates:
 Self-control and in channelizing thoughts towards a focal point
  It enhances creativity
 Develops wisdom and hones gut feeling
 To boost curiosity and interest in presentation or communication
 Advantageous in negotiation
 Stress buster

When the emotions are overflowing, especially negative emotions like anger, panic etc. silence
calms the mind gradually and helps in focusing on solution and reflecting on stimuli behind the
negative emotions. This is solution oriented vantage of training yourself in observing silence. A
trainer can use simulation and silence as well as simple techniques of Transactional Analysis
with a group or trainee to develop this practice and skill.
The reaping of silence are many, the challenge is a systematic discipline and training of
observing silence. Occasional silence has also been construed as a sign of maturity. Many
corporate leaders and political leaders have understood the power of silence and have used it
as an effective tool on self and others. “The less you say, the more influence you’ll have.” [15]
It can be used in day to day professional conversation and meetings or negotiations or while
connecting on a mass scale. “Gandhi explored new fields of communication. He would sit and
sway and say nothing and then he would smile and touch his palms together in greeting. He had
communicated. In interviews, Gandhi did not merely make statements or answer questions. His
chief purpose was to establish a close relationship with the other person because that
contributed more to understanding than his words”. [16]
Ask any artist and he/she will elucidate the power of silence. A person indulged in creative
pursuits need to maintain inner and outer silence for churning of ideas and proper flow of
thoughts. Writers and artists have the habit of sitting silently before commencement of work or
performance. This meditative habit gives an edge to creativity. Small assignment based on
creativity like writing, composing music, painting etc. based on the trainees interest can be given
and let creative ideas flow after the observations of silence. A trainer needs to facilitate the
trainee in observing silence and focusing on the creative assignment.
Silence is mandatory for an objective reflection and introspection and this helps an individual to
develop wisdom. The inner voice is always heard in silence and with calm mind and heart.
Challenge trainees with a daunting problem or a person they might have to face, with calm mind
they would develop wisdom enough to deal with such matters. Let them observe various
situations, people and reflect on them, compare their behaviour in similar situations. Silence here
facilitates clear, objective reflection. Wisdom is sceptre of life which ensures smooth sail.
Philosophers for centuries have given silence the status of parenting wisdom. “The absolutistic
interpretation is that silence is the genuine teaching about the ultimate Reality, because the
Absolute is beyond the scope of speech and thought.” [17]

REFERENCES
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4. Mehta, R. (2017). The call of the Upanishads. Delhi: Motilal Banarsidass Publishers
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5. Gandhi. (1940). An autobiography: or, The story of my experiments with truth.

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11. Coelho, P. (1998). The alchemist. New York: HarperCollins Publishers.Pg.80.

12. Albom, M. (2004). Heaven. The five people you meet in heaven. New York: Time
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13. Edmond Virginia, D. J. (2010). Gestalt Journal of Australia and New Zealand, 6(No 2),
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14. Edmond Virginia, D. J. (2010). Gestalt Journal of Australia and New Zealand, 6(No 2),
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15.John David, B. B. M. (2011). It’s Not about You.’London: Penguin Group. Pg.10

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