20 Ways to Feel Better Faster

Some days are easy breezy. You wake up in a great mood, your hair looks terrific and the sun is
shining. Other days you wake up and drink all the coffee, hate your clothes, stub your toe and
wonder how you’re going to get through the day. To reduce the latter and increase the former,
take action!

Happiness, like so many other things, must be cultivated and actively pursued. Here are eleven
ways to up your happy factor. Try a couple and see how you feel.

1. Seek mental health care.

This is at the top of the list for a reason. We can talk all day about making gratitude lists or
exercise, but if your brain chemistry is out of whack, or if you are experiencing a clinical
depression or other mental illness, you need medical care. That may be talk therapy, or it may be
medication, but getting treatment for a mental malady is just like getting treatment for a physical
one. And just like you wouldn’t try to eat fiber or apply sunscreen to heal a broken leg, you
shouldn’t suffer with a mood disorder or mental health issue, either, or try to treat it with tactics
that can’t work.

INTEGRIS Health offers free mental health screenings as well as comprehensive services for
people of virtually every age. Whatever you’re struggling with, we want to help you find the path
back. Learn more here.

Why Seeking Treatment Is Important

First and foremost, getting your mental illness treated and managed will help to improve your
quality of life. Living with mental illness will always be a battle, but getting the proper treatment
will make it much more manageable, allowing you to enjoy everything life has to offer without
your condition getting in the way.

In addition to improved mental health, seeking treatment can also lead to other benefits, as well.
Good mental health can also positively physical health by improving sleeping habits, the immune
system and lower pain levels. Having your mental health treated can also improve your
productivity, allowing you to focus on daily tasks and give you the motivation to get things done
in a timely manner.
 Improving your mental health can even extend your life expectancy. A 2012 study in the British
Medical Journal found that even mild mental health problems can lead to a lower life
expectancy.

Seeking treatment for mental health conditions is absolutely vital, regardless of what form of
treatment you prefer. From medication to therapy to one of our clinical trials, there is a solution
out there for every individual and we encourage you to find it so you can live a happier life with
good mental health.

2. Sleep enough.

Most of us spend one-quarter to one-third of our lives asleep. The amount of sleep we need
varies slightly by individual, but the importance of healthy sleep habits is clear. Without enough
quality sleep, our minds and bodies just don’t work as well. In the short term, even after one or
two terrible nights’ sleep can affect your memory, judgment and reflexes. You’re at greater risk
of crashing your car. In the long term, sleep deprivation can cause weight gain, increase your
risk of diabetes, elevate your blood pressure and weaken your immune system. Plus it will make
you cranky.

There are two types of sleep, rapid eye-movement (REM) and non-REM, and four stages. We
cycle through all four cycles multiple times a night.

Stage 1 non-REM sleep is a quick stage, just a few minutes. It takes from you to go from being
awake to being asleep. This is relatively light sleep, and your heartbeat, breathing and eye
movements slow down in this stage.

During Stage 2 non-REM sleep, things slow down even more as your body prepares to enter
deeper sleep. Body temperature cools and movements stop. You spend most of your asleep time
in this stage.

Stage 3 non-REM sleep is deep rest. You need Stage 3 sleep to feel refreshed. This is also when
your body repairs your bones and tissue. REM sleep happens several times per night, usually
initially after about an hour and a half. You dream during REM sleep. Your eyes move back and
forth, but your arms and legs are essentially paralyzed which keeps you from acting out your
dreams. REM sleep increases brain activity and promotes learning.
 Think you might have a sleep disorder? Take our quiz, or contact INTEGRIS Sleep Disorders
Centers, we are expertly trained in sleep medicine to evaluate test results and develop a treatment
plan to resolve sleep related issues. Our board-certified sleep specialists and registered sleep
technologists are here to help you get a better night’s rest, beginning with state-of-the-art sleep
studies, which are conducted on site.

A sleep study is a simple, outpatient procedure that monitors multiple aspects of your sleep and
gives your physician critical information required to diagnose and treat sleep disorders. For your
convenience, night and day evaluations are offered to meet your busy lifestyle.

3. Eat plenty of fiber.

Want to live longer, maintain a healthy weight, reduce your risk of certain cancers and lower
your risk of heart disease? Also, not to be indelicate, but you’ll have better bowel movements.
So eat more fiber. There are two kind: soluble and insoluble.

Soluble fiber dissolves in water and turns into a gel inside your colon, where it is digested. The
gel blocks some of the fat and cholesterol you’ve eaten from being digested and it slows how fast
you digest carbohydrates. That helps keep your blood sugar levels steady. Eating plenty of
soluble fiber can also lower the risk of heart disease. Great sources of soluble fiber include black
beans, brussel sprouts, asparagus, sweet potatoes, avocados, apples and carrots.

Insoluble fiber does not digest or dissolve, it just cruises through your digestive tract picking,
um, material up along the way, which you then eliminate when you poop. Your mom might have
called insoluble fiber ‘roughage.’ It keeps you feeling fuller longer, which allows you to eat less.
This is also the stuff that helps you avoid or treat constipation, by moving your digestion along.
Plenty of insoluble fiber can be found in foods like cauliflower, dark leafy greens like spinach or
kale, nuts, peas, pears or lentils.

4. Go outside.

Even 20 minutes spent outside, in your yard, a park or on a walk, can change your mood for the
better. Studies have shown that stepping outside lowers stress, heart rate and blood pressure. It
can boost creativity and optimism. Best of all? It’s free, and right outside your door.

5. Exercise.
Walk, bike, run, swim, play Bocce ball, dance or try some yoga. Get moving and you’ll release
feel-good hormones AKA endorphins, which your body will literally make for you any time you
ask it to by exercising.

6. Do something creative.

Daily creativity is great for your mood and sense of wellbeing. I’m not saying you have to write
the great American novel or paint a mural, although you’re welcome to! Or you could learn to
knit, take up cooking, sing a song or doodle a little picture. Gather pretty leaves and make a
collage. You get the idea.

7. Practice a little escapism.

Sometimes you just need to tune out and ignore all of the ‘shoulds’ in your life. Turn your to-do
list face down and think about something totally different. This is what trashy novels read in the
tub, Hallmark movies and escapist podcasts like NPR’s Tiny Desk Concerts were made for!

8. Help someone.

Whether you volunteer regularly or help your elderly neighbor take his trash out, doing for others
is a known, studied, powerful way to increase your life satisfaction, boost happiness, find
meaning and connect. For a quick boost, write someone a thank-you note or a quick hello, or pay
for the coffee of the person in the drive-through line behind you. Kindness is also incredibly
contagious! It creates a virtuous circle. Doing good/giving makes us happy, which makes us
want to do/give more, which makes us happier.

9. Pet a dog (or cat).

Interacting with animals can raise our oxytocin levels, calm us down, lower our blood pressure
and make us feel loved. Author and animal expert Karen Winegar sums it up beautifully: "The
human-animal bond bypasses the intellect and goes straight to the heart and emotions and
nurtures us in ways that nothing else can."

10. Meditate.

What if I told you that if you commit to meditating 5-10 minutes a day on most days you’ll feel
calmer, more focused and happier? Can I guarantee it? No. Almost, though. For the vast majority
of people who try it, the practice of meditation works. Meditation requires no equipment and it’s
free to all. People notice short-term benefits, including improved circulation, less anxiety and
stress, lower blood pressure and blood cortisol levels, increased feelings of well-being and
peace… even bliss! We’ve assembled a terrific guide to starting a meditation practice.

11. Laugh.

In the short term, cracking up with your bestie or rewatching that hilarious scene can ease
tension, release a burst of feel-good hormones, AKA endorphins and stimulate your heart and
lungs. In the longer term, laughter can give your immune system a boost. When you’re happy,
your body releases stress and illness-fighting neuropeptides. Check out Rotten Tomatoes’ “150
Essential Comedy Movies to Watch Now” and get your giggle on.

12. Eat a balanced diet to improve your physical and mental health

Make healthy choices and eat meals at regular times. When you follow a healthy diet, your
brain and body will both feel better. In addition, feeling good about the choices you're making
can help boost your self-esteem and make you feel more in control of your life. Eat a meal every
3-4 hours, sticking mainly to healthy choices like lean proteins, plenty of fruits and veggies, and
whole grains.

 Avoid eating foods that are high in sugar or refined carbs. These can cause your energy to
crash after a few hours, which can affect your mood.

 A deficiency in certain B vitamins can actually lead to depression. Be sure to include

plenty of leafy greens, chicken, eggs, beans, and citrus fruits, which are all high in these
nutrients.

 Omega-3 fatty acids can also help stabilize your mood, so eat fatty fish like salmon, tuna,
herring, and mackerel

 Craving a sweet treat? Enjoy a piece of dark chocolate, which might help improve your
mood while lowering your stress levels

13. Change your scenery

Get some fresh air, give your body some exercise and notice the world around you and how
beautiful it is. It doesn’t cost anything and walking is good for your body as well as your mind

Self-care means different things to different people, at least in the finer detail. In the general
sense, most of us recognise that self-care means taking care of yourself, your body and brain.

Self-care could be getting your nails and hair done. It might be sitting solo in your car in the
supermarket carpark with just a coffee and quiet for company whilst your kids are at home with
your partner! It could be a quick power-nap or it could be knuckling down to finish that work
project that’s been weighing you down and stressing you out. Self-care could even be
decluttering your home.

Self-care is whatever you need to help your body and brain feel recharged, strong and resilient
for your life.

Take a few moments to think about what self-care really means and looks like to you.

OVERCOMING PROBLEMS

When you were thinking about what self-care means to you, did you also find yourself thinking
about some of the problems you face in practicing that self-care? If you did, I don’t think you’re
alone!

Perhaps you felt:

Selfish for thinking about yourself

Guilty for wanting some time just for you

Frustrated that other people seem to manage it but you can’t

Resentful that your life feels too busy to factor in some ‘you time’

Here are some little self-care ideas that take 10 minutes or less for when time is tight or you need
a quick boost!

Enjoy a cup of tea or coffee and don’t do anything else at the same time but sit and enjoy it!

Listen to a podcast. Choose a topic that makes you happy.

Write an entry in your diary.

Spend time learning a new hobby.

Read a little bit every day.

Have a nap, even if it’s the middle of the day

14. Establish healthy daily routines

The little things that we do every day set the tone for how we feel and what we get done in the
rest of life. By doing things little and often we can create structure and framework for our brains
and our days. It could be keeping the home in order or getting fit and eating healthily. It might be
carving out a little extra time each day to phone a friend, write in our journal or tackle that DE
cluttering project. Think about your day and how it flows. Where can you save yourself time,
stress and create a little more calm, peace and joy

In the words of Annie Dillard… “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”

It’s a powerful thought when you realise that, for many of us, our days are spent largely doing
what we HAVE to do, not necessarily what we WANT to do.
With bills to pay, work and family to juggle, not to mention an increasingly complex and fast
life, we don’t often get the luxury of choice.

Our time, energy, minds and hearts are often filled with a mix of things to remember, people to
see and tasks to do.

Our days run away with us and we run on autopilot…

I hope the ideas I’m sharing below will help you put in place some simple daily habits to make
life easier. They’re little tips that help to keep things running smoothly and free up our time and
energy for the rest of life. I hope they help

1. Make your bed so your bedroom is neat and tidy and it gets you mentally prepared for the next
part of your day.

2. Get up early so you can make a head-start on your day before your day has a head-start on
you! Read more on creating a simple morning routine.

3. Do something for you so you can put yourself first for a little while and do something you
WANT to do, rather than what you HAVE to do. Read more on how to make time for yourself.

4. Put a laundry load on so the dirty clothes don’t build up and you’ve always got clean, fresh
clothes in the wardrobe.

5. Fold/put away laundry before you go to bed so you’re not left with piles of clean but crushed
clothes adding to the clutter.
 15. Deal with the biggest stress in your life

Chances are that you’re unhappy because you’ve got some stuff going on that stresses you out or
makes you feel bad. Find a way to deal with it by doing a brain dump, get clarity over exactly
what’s causing you angst and come up with practical, realistic solutions instead of a fog of
jumbled negative thoughts and worries.

16. Tackle the one thing on your To Do list that’s been bugging you

Get it done and out of the way. Goodbye! For more tips on writing a simple, strategic To Do list
that concentrates your mind and gets the right things done, check out my post on how to write a
great To Do list.

17. Listen to an inspirational podcast

Try pushing aside any negative thoughts for a while and fill your brain with motivating,
encouraging and engaging information to make you feel more alive, more positive and, of
course, happier!

18. Be proud of yourself

Write down your 5 biggest achievements in life and why you’re proud of them. You see, you
ARE amazing. Does that make you feel happier?!

19. Spirituality

Spirituality is acknowledged as an important part of life by most individuals. Annual Gallup

polls consistently show that more than 90% of the US population report a “belief in God”, and
approximately 70% report affiliation with a faith community and attending religious services. In
addition, religion or spirituality has been consistently linked to positive mental (Nooney &
Woodrum, 2002 ) and physical (Powell et al ., 2003 ) health functioning, as well as increased
longevity (Oxman et al ., 1995 ). When mental health services are sought, clergy are most
frequently the fi rst point of contact, with more than 40% seeking counseling from them rather
than mental health providers (Weaver et al ., 1997 ). In the immediate aft ermath of the terrorist
attacks of September 11 2001, more than 90% of those surveyed reported that they coped by
“turning to religion,” second only to “talking with others,” which was endorsed by 98%
(Schuster et al ., 2001 ). However, despite the widely recognized positive aspects of religion or
spirituality, there are large gaps in our scientific knowledge of the dynamic processes of
spirituality that could explain these relationships. As a starting point, promising areas for
empirical inquiry have been identifi ed. It has been suggested that spirituality offers a positive
meaning-making framework for coping (Park, 2005 ). In addition, enhanced social support and
effective cognitive processing of stressful events have also been proposed as mechanisms by
which one’s spirituality might be involved (McIntosh et al ., 1993 )

Religion has long been a topic of discussion and research within the field of psychology, dating
back to William James’ writings early in the twentieth century (James, 1997). Pargament, a
prominent researcher in the field has put forth a brief and powerful definition of religion as, “a
search for significance in ways related to the sacred” (Pargament, 1997 ). Relatedly, Larson and
colleagues ( 1997 ), defined spirituality as the “multidimensional space in which everyone can be
located.” A core element of transcendence is found in these definitions for both religion and
spirituality. A definition of spirituality that we have found useful in clinical work is that of
Drescher and colleagues ( 2004 ): “an individual’s understanding of, experience with, and
connection to that which transcends the self.” In popular usage, distinctions are oft en made such
that many people may profess to be “spiritual, but not religious

Resilience is universally understood as a form of adaptation, or flourishing in the face of

adversity (Hildon, Smith, Netuveli & Blane, 2008; Van Kessel, 2013). Resiliency is achieved
through the utilization of various internal and external resources (Van Kessel, 2013). Although
resilience appears to be a common phenomenon, there is still a lack of clarity on how it is
achieved on an individual basis (Seery, 2011). The importance of resiliency stems from evidence
that, ‘As individual grow older, greater resilience may lead to a more meaningful and satisfying
old age’ (Wagnild & Collins, p.32, 2009). Several studies focused on resilience as a contributor
of longevity, and that it becomes even more profound at a very advanced ages (Zeng & Shen,
2010). A burgeoning interest in resilience among the aging population from different cohorts and
demographics, allows for an opportunity to understand and identify coping tools and associated
characteristics. More specifically, coping, a key component of the resilience process, is a
universal human activity, for opportunity and adversity are universal human experiences.

Additionally, interest in resilience among older adults from different cohorts and population
demographics allows us to better understand and identify the importance of spirituality as a
coping tool, a way of being, or an expression of meaning and purpose. Wagnild and Young
(2009) argued that as individual grow older, greater levels of resilience may lead to a more
meaningful and satisfying old age. According to research, we know that resilience and
spirituality are linked. It is plausible that both spirituality and resilience may vary across cohorts.
Several studies have focused on resilience as a contributor of longevity, and that it becomes even
more profound at a very advanced ages (Zeng & Shen, 2010).

Within the last two decades, spirituality has been identified as one such factor that might play a
role in promoting and fostering positive outcomes in aging. Despite the secularization of society
over the last fifty years, studies show that there has been an increase in spiritual growth and
religious activity in older adults (Lavretsky, 2014). Within the United States, which was founded
in the Judeo-Christian tradition, religious practice and participation is predominant (Lavretsky,
2014). Over 90% of Americans believe in a God or higher power; 69% belong to a church or
synagogue; and 82% acknowledge a need for spiritual growth (Lavretsky, 2014). As Ramsey
(2012) noted, “the scholarly interest in the spiritual dimension in psychology is relatively recent”
(p.134). Despite the growing interest in research on spirituality and resilience, much of the
current body of research is “atheoretical, contradictory, and underdeveloped” (Ramsey, 2012, p.
134). In the research presented here, we aim to theorize and develop the construct of spiritual
resilience and the meaningfulness it provides to the aging experience.

Relationship Between Spirituality and Resilience

Spiritualty and resilience are correlated. Faigin and Pargament (2011) argued, “reliance on
spirituality also provides consolation and comfort throughout life and hopes for recovery during
times of illness” (p.172). Among older adults specifically, it is reported religion holds the
greatest presence and influence on daily life than any other age population (Faigin & Pargament,
2011; Pickard & King, 2011). Studies have shown that there is a complex and dynamic
relationship between spirituality and resilience (Tuck & Anderson, 2014). As an aspect of
resilience, spirituality provides a framework that guides individuals through the challenges of
life, facilitating the positive from the negative (Ardelt, Ai, & Eichenberger, 2008). In the
qualitative study conducted by Manning (2013), the participants experienced spirituality as a
means or pathway to resilience. In addition, the study found that spirituality and resilience were
“instrumentally linked” to having and maintaining well-being (Manning, 2013, p. 6). Although
there are different theories of faith development, researchers agree that spirituality is a life-long
process (Lavretsky, 2014).

The importance of understanding spirituality as a source of resilience extends past the moral
guidance or belief system it provides many. Religion and spirituality are alternatives to medical
treatment gaps, or may complement existing treatments (Pickard & King, 2011). Religiousness,
belief systems, and spirituality sources have been associated in several studies to increased levels
of happiness, well-being, and life satisfaction strengthening resilience (Faigin & Pargament,
2011; Pargament & Cummings, 2010; Pickard & King, 2011). These beliefs are particularly
useful because they are not lost or impaired with physical disability, unlike many other coping
resources that are dependent on health (e.g. hobbies, social relationships, or job; Koenig, 2012).
In addition, finding meaning in life, reframing loss narratives, and building community are some
of the ways in which spirituality reinforces resilience and supports individuals as they age
(Ramsey & Blieszner, 2013). Spirituality is comprised of cognitive, affective, and relational
elements that work in tandem to support an individual’s ability to handle the challenges of later
life, such as illness and loss, as well as to enhance the experience of aging ( Ramsey, 2012). With
the research presented here, we seek to better understand the interplay between spirituality and
resilience for adults as they navigate hardship and deal with adversity later life.

Different aspects may contribute to and influence how people appraise the many facets of their
lives, ranging from individual characteristics that distinguish between happy and unhappy
personalities, to values people consider important and worth pursuing in life or the fulfillment of
social needs (Balzarotti et al., 2016; Diener et al., 2018; Schwartz and Sortheix, 2018). Among
others, a growing body of research investigates the role that spirituality and religiosity play in
individuals’ self-perceived well-being, identifying a positive effect of religion and spirituality on
many psychosocial and health-related outcomes across the lifespan (e.g., Fabricatore et al.,
2000; Fry, 2000; Mueller et al., 2001; George et al., 2002; Levin and Chatters, 2008; Krause,
2011; VanderWeele, 2017).

Given the complexity of religiosity and spirituality constructs, it turns out to be critical to specify
how these concepts have been conceptualized in literature. In line with Pargament (1997),
religiosity and spirituality are intended in terms of the individual’s values, beliefs, behaviors, and
identity, which may focus on either the sacred or the functional aspects of religion.

Specifically, on the one hand, religiosity is often seen as “the formal, institutional, and outward
expression” (Cotton et al., 2006, p. 472) of one’s relationship with the sacred, and it is typically
operationalized as beliefs and practices associated with a particular religious worldview and
community (Iannello et al., 2019). On the other hand, spirituality is conceptualized as the search
for meaning in life, for a personal connection with transcendent realities, and for
interconnectedness with humanity (Zinnbauer et al., 1999; Benson and Roehlkepartain,
2008; Worthington et al., 2011), and it is thus operationalized as the human desire for
transcendence, introspection, interconnectedness, and the quest for meaning in life (King and
Boyatzis, 2015), which can be experienced in and/or outside of a specific religious context
(Benson et al., 2003).

Association Between Religiosity, Spirituality, and Subjective Well-Being

Spirituality and religiosity have been found to be positive predictors of SWB, even if results are
not altogether consistent across studies (Kim-Prieto and Miller, 2018). Concerning the cognitive
dimension of SWB, a number of studies found a positive relationship between spirituality as well
as religiosity and life satisfaction (Yoon and Lee, 2004). To explain these findings, it has been
suggested that people who experience more connection with and direction from a higher power,
that is, people who show high religious and spiritual involvement, tend to give a more positive
appraisal of their lives (Vishkin et al., 2016, 2019; Ramsay et al., 2019). The sense of being in
connection with a higher power, with others, and, in general, with life represents an effective
way to maintain a positive evaluation of one’s life, despite all the possible negative
circumstances that one may encounter. Additionally, religious and spiritual involvement may
benefit individuals’ lives through empowering both internal (e.g., feeling of self-worth) and
social (e.g., sense of belonging to a network) resources (Lim and Putnam, 2010).

Further support to this view consists in the role of religious beliefs and practices that are usually
positively related to life satisfaction (Koenig and Larson, 2001; Abu-Raiya et al., 2015; Krause,
2015). Holding beliefs with strong conviction, whether referring to the existence or non-
existence of God, may itself exert a salutary effect and enhance individual well-being by
reducing the cognitive dissonance. In the absence of subjective certainty, people could
experience a state of psychological tension that they are motivated to reduce (Kahneman et al.,
1982; Kitchens and Phillips, 2018). This could be the underlying reasons to the fact that once
religious and non-religious individuals are fairly compared regarding the strength of their beliefs,
they report a similar level of well-being, as showed by Galen and Kloet (2011).

To better understand the role of religiosity on SWB, it is also important to consider how
religiosity is conceived within the specific background culture. For example, Graham and Crown
(2014) used a large-scale dataset including about 160 nations, and they found an overall positive
relation between religiosity and SWB moderated by culture. Specifically, in cultures with high
levels of religiosity, being religious had a greater impact on SWB, compared to cultures with low
levels of religiosity. The same result has been found by Stavrova et al. (2013): by using the
European and World Values Studies datasets, the authors found that the predictive power of
religiosity on life satisfaction was greater in highly religious cultures, whereas the relation was
negative in cultures that valued atheism.

However, other research failed to find any connection between religiosity and life satisfaction
(Kirkpatrick and Shaver, 1992; Mak et al., 2011), thus questioning the existence of a direct
relationship between individuals’ beliefs as well as attitudes toward religion and their own
satisfaction with life.

As for the effect of religiosity and spirituality on the affective dimension of SWB, findings are
mixed as well. Some studies, which reported a weak relationship between religiosity/spirituality
and positive affect (Diener et al., 2011; Lun and Bond, 2013), highlighted a possible effect of the
social structure provided by religious affiliation on experiencing positive affect.
In particular, it seems that some practices – such as prayer – positively contribute in inducing
positive states such as gratitude (Lambert et al., 2009). Moreover, recent studies report the role
played by self-transcendent emotions, such as awe, hope, love, and forgiveness in mediating the
relationship between religion and well-being (Van Cappellen et al., 2016). These studies
emphasize the role of religiosity in the induction of positive emotions (Fredrickson, 2002).

Furthermore, according to Ramsay et al. (2019), another important mechanism that can explain
the relationship between religiosity and well-being is that of emotional regulation, which consists
in the modulation of emotional states functionally to the environment’s demands. To the extent
that religion constantly trains people to reassess emotional events, religious individuals may
become more used to cognitive reappraisal. These hypotheses have recently been confirmed by
studies by Vishkin et al. (2016), even among individuals of different religions (Vishkin et al.,
2019).

Other studies failed to report a correlation between religiosity/spirituality and positive/negative

affect (Fabricatore et al., 2000), thus suggesting that being more religiously involved and
spiritually integrated does not relate significantly to one’s affective experience.

A possible explanation of the inconsistency of findings across studies might lie in the different
operationalization of these constructs and in the diverse instruments used to measure them. Both
religiosity and spirituality have been defined and measured differently across studies. Multiple
and different indicators of religiosity and spirituality have been associated with SWB, thus
accounting, at least partly, for the mixed evidence (Lun and Bond, 2013).

Concerning the relationship between spirituality and SWB, we found a strong impact of
spirituality – intended as the human desire for transcendence, introspection, interconnectedness,
and the quest for meaning in life (King and Boyatzis, 2015) – on SWB, and this relationship
appears the same regardless of the individual’s religious status. Specifically, the spirituality
dimension that was strongly connected with SWB, both in its cognitive and affective aspects,
was that of purpose and meaning in life. According to Speed et al. (2018), the drive to construct
meaning or purpose in life is a quintessential consequence of being human rather than something
that is conceived under a specific religious or philosophical framework. Thus, our results
appeared as coherent with other studies that already showed the association between meaning in
life and SWB (Fabricatore et al., 2000; Steger et al., 2009). Furthermore, purpose in life, which
addresses the extent to which individuals perceive their lives as having goals and meaning, has
already been associated with positive affect (Chen et al., 2019).

Innerness – intended as the perception of inner peace and inner strength in time of difficulties –
was being negatively related to negative affect. In other words, we found that perceiving to have
inner strength reduce the experience of negative affect. To understand this result, we could hint
at the construct of self-efficacy and defined as the individual’s confidence in producing
designated levels of performance and achieving what he/she wants (Bandura, 1997). Several
studies have found that people high in self-efficacy experience higher SWB than people with low
self-efficacy (Caprara and Steca, 2005; Lent et al., 2005; Strobel et al., 2011).
Furthermore, Lightsey et al. (2006) found that generalized self-efficacy may play a role in the
development of self-esteem, conceived as the general assessment of one’s overall self-worth,
which may help in shaping negative affect.

Surprisingly, we found that interconnection – intended as a sense of belonging and

connectedness to others and to the environment – was positively related to negative affect.
Whereas some studies have shown the possibility of negative interaction within religious groups
and congregations and the deleterious impact of this interaction on well-being (Krause et al.,
2000), the negative effect from a spiritual point of view has been less investigated. It is, however,
plausible to think that sharing experiences within other individuals, regardless of their belonging
to faith or religious groups, may imply possible relational difficulties and negative emotional
experiences. Future research is encouraged to deepen this relationship.

Contrary to our expectations, transcendence was not associated with SWB. We expected to find a
positive association between the transcendence dimension and the affective dimension of the
SWB, as already suggested by Van Cappellen and Rimé (2013). Indeed, the authors proposed
that positive emotions and Self-Transcendence are intertwined; positive emotional states create
an opened and broadened mindset favorable to self-transcendence.

However, in a content review of several notable spirituality measures, including the Spirituality
Assessment Scale (Howden, 1992), de Jager Meezenbroek et al. (2012) stated that the
formulation of several items of that Scale is inappropriate. Items of the transcendence scale, such
as “I have the ability to rise above or go beyond a physical or psychological condition” and “The
boundaries of my universe extend beyond usual ideas of what space and time are thought to be,”
do not require people to reflect about firsthand experience and probably have an inconsistent
meaning because of the figurative language and abstract concepts. This lack of clarity in items
formulation probably did not allow us to clearly test the link between transcendence and SWB.

Religiosity and Subjective Well-Being

Concerning the relationship between religiosity and SWB, we found that having a commitment
towards a particular religion worldview helps both religious and uncertain to feel positive
emotions. This result appears in line with several studies showing the role of religiosity in the
induction of positive emotions (Fredrickson, 2002) and reporting that religious individuals learn
more adaptive strategies to regulate their emotions (Vishkin et al., 2016). Furthermore, positive
emotions have been demonstrated to be a direct consequence of behaviors related to religious
commitment, such as religious attendance (Lavrič and Flere, 2008).

At the same time, having this commitment does not increase the life satisfaction in both groups.
In particular, we found that religious identity commitment has a positive impact on satisfaction
with life, but only in religious and not in uncertain individuals. As shown in the literature (Galen
and Kloet, 2011), religious belief may assist in increasing an ideological confidence in a coherent
worldview, while doubting one’s worldview is frequently associated with higher distress
(Krause, 2015). This could explain why the religious commitment differently impacts well-being
for religious and uncertain. Specifically, we can suppose that having a religious commitment for
religious individuals increases the coherence of their life, increasing in turn the evaluation of the
life satisfaction. The coherence they see in their life helps them to be satisfied with their life.
Instead, this life satisfaction increase does not happen for uncertain individuals as, for them,
having a religious commitment is not fully coherent with their view of life.

Results did not show an impact of in-depth exploration – intended as the process of deeply
exploring one’s own religious beliefs and practices and what they mean to individuals – on
SWB. Even if the same result is confirmed as not significant for religious and uncertain
individuals, we noticed different coefficients across the two groups. In particular, whereas the
process of in-depth exploration was positively – even not significantly – related to life
satisfaction among uncertain individuals, the same process was negatively – even not
significantly – associated with life satisfaction among religious individuals. Probably, in the
process of inner-exploring their own religious beliefs and practices, uncertain individuals might
become more open to and accepting of alternative worldviews (Saroglou, 2013), and this is
associated with life satisfaction. On the contrary, for religious individuals, this kind of
exploration is perceived as a threat to their own religious beliefs and, hence, negatively affects
the cognitive representation of their own well-being.

Finally, the third process of the religious identity model (Crocetti et al., 2010; Iannello et al.,
2019), reconsideration of commitment, referring to the efforts one makes to change no longer
satisfactory present commitments, was not expected to have an impact on SWB (Karaś et al.,
2015), and results confirmed our prediction.

Conclusions and Implications

In summary, we found that both life satisfaction and affect, the two dimensions of the SWB,
showed somewhat different relational patterns with measures used to assess religiosity and
spirituality. As revealed by the analyses, life satisfaction, a measure of one’s cognitive well-
being, was more consistently associated with both religiosity and spirituality dimensions, while
affect, a measure of one’s affective well-being, appeared to be more predicted by the spirituality
dimensions (if we consider the number of significant relations).

On the one hand, religiosity and spirituality are meaning-making systems and serve as ways to
understand the self and the interaction with the world (Park, 2005), and they may engender
perceived control and positive expectations about the future (Jackson and Bergeman,
2011; Speed et al., 2018; Chen et al., 2019). On the other hand, there is a growing literature on
emotional benefits of spiritual practices. Research has shown that specific meditation practices
increase positive emotions, which in turn yield positive consequences for life satisfaction
(Fredrickson et al., 2008; Kok et al., 2013).

To better investigate differences in the role of religiosity and spirituality on SWB, we have to
consider that other moderating variables, such as personal values one attaches to religion and
spirituality, which concerns the respect, concern, and acceptance of the customs and ideas that
traditional culture or religion provide the self, and other socio-cultural, cognitive, and individual
variables may be important moderators of the influences on SWB (Sagiv and Schwartz,
2000; Hayward and Krause, 2014; Van Cappellen et al., 2016).
For example, Diener et al. (2011) found that the positive relationship between religiosity and
SWB was mediated by social support, feelings of respect, and meaning in life. These, in turn,
were moderated by difficult life circumstances. Thus, results showed that when life
circumstances were difficult, greater religiosity predicted greater SWB via greater social support
and meaning in life.

Although interesting, these findings should be considered in light of several limitations. First,
due to the correlational nature of the data, caution is required in the interpretation of the
relationships among the variables as observed in the current research. In our models, we assumed
that religiosity and spirituality led to greater SWB. However, future longitudinal designs are
necessary to better ascertain temporal ordering and causality. The relatively small sample size –
in particular if considering the wide age range among participants – represents a limitation of the
present study. Findings should be replicated with a larger sample, possibly focusing on specific
age cohorts to explore the pattern of relationships between spirituality, religiosity, and subjective
well-being in specific life stages. The third limitation is related to the need to generalize results
to the national cultural context in which the relationship is examined (Lun and Bond, 2013).
Thus, as the sample was mostly composed of Italian Catholic individuals, we have to be cautious
in generalizing these results to other cultural contexts. Different religious orientations involve
ideologies or social practices that could associate differentially with people’s SWB. Up to now,
convincing and legitimate cross-religious studies have not yet been conducted (Rizvi and
Hossain, 2017), and future works are encouraged to take a religion-specific perspective and to
consider how religiosity is conceived within the specific background culture (Stavrova et al.,
2013; Graham and Crown, 2014) to examine the relationship of religion and spirituality with
well-being.

To conclude, we could say that in light of the value and the influence that spirituality and
religiosity have on individuals’ subjective well-being, mental health professionals need to
recognize this issue and integrate them in their work. Results coming from this study emphasize
the importance of orienting clients in identifying their purpose and goals in life and this is in line
with what the Self-Determination approach suggests (Ryan and Deci, 2000). Furthermore, even
if we do not want to deny the importance that intrinsic orientation to religious faith has for well-
being, the results of the present study lead us to not underestimate the positive impact that
adherence to faith and religious practices also exerts on SWB. Thus, psychologists working in
 both clinical and non-clinical settings must have open conversations with their clients to be
aware of the role that spirituality and religiosity may play as a stressor or a resource and develop
a mutually satisfactory relationship (Shafranske and Cummings, 2013).

20. Avoid Drugs

Developing an addiction to drugs isn’t a character flaw or a sign of weakness, and it takes more
than willpower to overcome the problem. Abusing illegal or certain prescription drugs can create
changes in the brain, causing powerful cravings and a compulsion to use that makes sobriety
seem like an impossible goal. But recovery is never out of reach, no matter how hopeless your
situation seems or how many times you’ve tried and failed before. With the right treatment and
support, change is always possible.

 avoiding places where you know drugs and alcohol will be available.

 surrounding yourself with friends who don't use drugs.

 knowing how to resist temptation.

 learning how to cope with stress and relax without drugs.

 distracting yourself with activities like exercise or listening to music

For many people struggling with addiction, the toughest step toward recovery is the very first
one: recognizing that you have a problem and deciding to make a change. It’s normal to feel
uncertain about whether you’re ready to start recovery, or if you have what it takes to quit. If
you’re addicted to a prescription drug, you may be concerned about how you’re going to find an
alternate way to treat a medical condition. It’s okay to feel torn. Committing to sobriety involves
changing many things, including:

The way you deal with stress.

Who you allow in your life.

What you do in your free time.

How you think about yourself.

The prescription and over-the-counter medications you take.

It's also normal to feel conflicted about giving up your drug of choice, even when you know it's
causing problems in your life. Recovery requires time, motivation, and support, but by making a
commitment to change, you can overcome your addiction and regain control of your life.

Think about change

Keep track of your drug use, including when and how much you use. This will give you a better
sense of the role the addiction is playing in your life.

List the pros and cons of quitting, as well as the costs and benefits of continuing your drug use.

Consider the things that are important to you, such as your partner, your kids, your pets, your
career, or your health. How does your drug use affect those things?

Ask someone you trust about their feelings on your drug use.

Ask yourself if there's anything preventing you from changing. What could help you make the
change?

Preparing for change: 5 keys to addiction recovery

Remind yourself of the reasons you want to change.

Think about your past attempts at recovery, if any. What worked? What didn't?

Set specific, measurable goals, such as a start date or limits on your drug use.

Remove reminders of your addiction from your home, workplace, and other places you frequent.

Tell friends and family that you're committing to recovery, and ask for their support.

Explore your addiction treatment options

Once you've committed to recovery, it's time to explore your treatment choices. While addiction
treatment can vary according to the specific drug, a successful program often includes different
elements, such as:
Detoxification. Usually the first step is to purge your body of drugs and manage withdrawal
symptoms.

Behavioral counseling. Individual, group, and/or family therapy can help you identify the root
causes of your drug use, repair your relationships, and learn healthier coping skills.

Medication may be used to manage withdrawal symptoms, prevent relapse, or treat any co-
occurring mental health condition such as depression or anxiety.

Long-term follow-up can help to prevent relapse and maintain sobriety. This may include
attending regular in-person support groups or online meetings to help keep your recovery on
track.

In Dopamine Nation, addiction treatment specialist Anna Lembke explores what causes these
behaviors and how you can take back control. She explains both the neurological and emotional
causes of overindulgence and provides clear actionables to help you stop.

In this guide, you'll learn about how pleasure and pain motivate you to consume, strategies for
keeping your brain’s natural chemicals in balance, and solutions to the psychological reasons so
many people have a hard time stepping away from their favorite indulgence. Our guide
supplements Lembke’s advice with targeted strategies while placing her principles in context
with broader conversations on the nature of addiction.

Solution #2: Use Therapeutic Pain

Lembke’s second strategy for restoring a neutral homeostasis is to intentionally press on the
“pain” side of the seesaw. Because your brain strives for equilibrium, feeling pain will cause
your brain to take weight away from the pain side. This will undo the effects of your high
tolerance for pleasure, leaving you with a neutrally balanced seesaw and a “normal” default state,
instead of a painful default state that compels you to seek pleasure for equilibrium. Lembke
recommends finding a safe way to experience physical pain, like regularly taking ice water baths
or cold showers.

However, she warns, pressing on the pain lever can itself become an addiction. If you experience
pain too much or too often, your brain will homeostatically balance its seesaw in the other
direction—adding weight to the pleasure side and making you feel good in response to pain.
(This is the reason many endurance athletes feel a high after completing a triathlon.) Be careful
not to simply substitute one pattern of indulgence for another.

The Difference Between Chronic and Acute Pain

At first, it may seem counterintuitive that pain is beneficial to your well-being. However, pain
researchers shed further light on the benefits of pain by dividing it into two categories: acute and
chronic. You experience acute pain in direct response to your environment—for example, the
pain you feel if you put your hand in cold water. Your receptivity to acute pain is essential to
your health, as it compels you to avoid damage to your body. Conversely, chronic pain is
something you experience over long spans of time in response to something internal, such as a
back injury. Chronic pain does not provide a clear health benefit and often interferes with your
life.

Using this distinction, we see that Lembke's strategy is to treat chronic pain with acute pain: The
"pain weight" on your seesaw is internal and long-term (chronic), whereas the ice water bath is
external and short-term (acute). Each experience of acute pain causes your brain to rebalance
itself through homeostasis. This takes weight off the pain side so that a chronic experience of
"pain weight" is no longer your default.

The Difference Between Therapeutic Pain and Self Harm

Lembke writes that self-administered pain can reset your seesaw and change your habits of
overindulgence. However, there's a sharp distinction to be drawn between experiencing pain in
ways that are safe and ways that are harmful.

Though often hidden and stigmatized, between 13 and 23% of teenagers have practiced some
form of self-harm such as cutting, burning, or puncturing their skin. This is often done to
alleviate emotional pain or express self-hatred. Self-harm can also be addictive as it can create
pleasurable feelings.

While some people find that self-harm creates some of the same neurological responses as
therapeutic pain, there is a huge difference in the risk.Taking an ice-cold shower isn’t going to
put you in the hospital. On the other hand, self-harm-related injuries are one of the most common
reasons teenagers go to the emergency room.

Part #4: Overcoming Emotional Obstacles

As you recall, overindulgence is driven by both neurochemical and emotional factors. In the
previous section, we explored the neurochemical factors. In this final section, we'll explore four
of the most common emotional obstacles to breaking out of the overindulgence cycle, as well as
Lembke’s solutions for overcoming each.

Obstacle #1: Prioritizing Long-Term Rewards

Lembke’s first obstacle to overcoming overindulgence is the difficulty of choosing long-term

rewards over short-term ones. Most people prefer the short-term rewards of indulgence because
they are easier to obtain and they feel good right away—only feeling bad in the long run. On the
other hand, stopping your overindulgence and going through withdrawal feels terrible in the
short run, and only feels good after about two to four weeks.

Lembke goes on to clarify why we’re primed to ignore positive long-term effects for short-term
gains. She explains that the pursuit of long-term and short-term rewards is handled by separate
parts of the brain. Pursuing short-term rewards relies on emotional parts of the brain such as the
amygdala. Pursuing long-term rewards requires effort by the prefrontal cortex, the part of the
brain involved in logic, conceptual thinking, and long-term planning. In other words, you can
chase what is in front of you by acting on emotional impulse, but prioritizing a delayed reward
requires thinking logically about your goals.
While prioritizing long-term rewards may be hard for most people, those who compulsively
overindulge are placed at a particular disadvantage because overindulging rewires their brains
over time. Researchers have found that people who compulsively overindulge have lower-than-
average connectivity between the reward pathways and the prefrontal cortex. (Shortform note:
Recall, reward pathways are the channels your motivational chemicals, such as dopamine, take
through your brain toward the various goals your brain sets for them.) This means that the
prefrontal cortex is less likely to interject with a logical argument when you pursue a short-term
reward at the expense of a long-term one.

Why Is It So Hard to Prioritize Long-Term Rewards?

In Predictably Irrational, Dan Ariely explains why prioritizing long-term rewards over short-term
ones is a struggle for most people. He draws a distinction between “cool-state decisions” and
“warm-state decisions.” You’re in a cool state when you feel calm and collected and in a warm
state while experiencing intense emotions. It’s relatively easy to pursue long-term rewards and
make rational decisions when you’re in a cool state. However, when you’re in a warm state—
such as when your brain is flooded with dopamine—it’s difficult to ignore your emotions or act
rationally. He writes that most people are very poor at predicting how they will react in a warm
state—they expect they’ll be able to stick to their cool-state decisions even when emotionally
aroused.

He suggests that the solution to overcoming this gap isn’t a pledge to make better decisions but
to prevent yourself from having to make decisions in a warm state at all. For example, Lembke’s
suggestion to create physical distance from your desired indulgence helps to make the decision
not to indulge for you.

How Does Your Behavior Change Your Brain?

Lembke’s discussion of connectivity between the prefrontal cortex and the brain’s reward
pathways is related to the science of neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity is your brain’s capacity to create new connections, learn, and change itself.
Neuroscientists have learned this process happens continually based on how you use your brain.
Your neurons grow and form connections in the areas of your brain you use the most, while they
shrink and lose connections in the parts of your brain you use the least. For example, a musical
instrument becomes easier to play the more you practice. But stop practicing for long enough and
it becomes hard again. This is because the act of practicing uses your neurons involved in
playing music, and they grow and shrink in response.

How does this relate to the pursuit of short- and long-term rewards? If you always pursue the
short-term emotional reward right in front of you, it strengthens the connection between the
emotional parts of your brain and the reward pathways. Meanwhile, because you aren’t using
your prefrontal cortex to think about long-term goals, the lack of activity causes those neurons to
shrink and become disconnected from the reward pathways. Therefore you're less likely to
pursue long-term goals because your brain hasn't built up a strong connection between prefrontal
cortex and reward pathway required to do so.

The Solution: Restore Connectivity With the Prefrontal Cortex

Lembke’s solution is to reinforce the connection between your prefrontal cortex and your brain's
reward pathways through deliberate use of your prefrontal cortex. She advises you to make an
effort to think about your future. Lembke found that just thinking about what you want your life
to look like 10 years down the road activates your prefrontal cortex, helping you gain perspective
and find motivation to change your behavior.

Strategies for Prioritizing Long-Term Rewards

Lembke's solution to the challenge of prioritizing long-term rewards is to practice using your
prefrontal cortex so that you gradually develop a stronger capacity for long-term thinking.
However, this solution only yields results after a significant time investment. Dan Ariely
(Predictably Irrational) offers some practical solutions for prioritizing long-term rewards that you
can start applying immediately.

Make pre-commitments. When building habits, commit to things that are hard to back out of. If
you’re committing to abstaining from pleasure, you can create accountability by doing it with a
friend.

Minimize distractions. Create an environment that limits your access to distractions. If your
attention is constantly being pulled in new directions, it’s easier to lose focus and fall back into
automatic behaviors.

Reward yourself. You can reinforce the behaviors that are most important to you by tying them
to a reward. If you're cutting back on social media, set a weekly goal and treat yourself with a
meal out if you achieve it

Obstacle #2: Recognizing and Accepting Your Patterns of Behavior

Lembke names difficulty in accurately recognizing and accepting your patterns of behavior as
the second emotional obstacle. Often, it's hard to see how your behaviors fit together in a pattern.
This once again has to do with the eroded link between the reward pathways and the logic center
of the brain.

Recall that when you repeatedly pursue short-term and emotionally driven rewards, you decrease
the connectivity between your reward pathways and your prefrontal cortex—the part of your
brain responsible for long-term planning. The prefrontal cortex also narrates your experiences in
real time and keeps you aware of your behaviors, which plays an essential role in self-awareness.
The less internal running commentary you have on your daily actions, the less aware you are of
your behavior.

Furthermore, even if you are aware of your behavior and recognize the extent of your patterns of
overindulgence, it can be difficult to accept that you have a problem. Most people don’t want to
see themselves as lacking self-control and maintain their positive self-image by minimizing,
ignoring, or discounting their patterns of behavior.

How Bad Is Your Cycle of Overindulgence?

Lembke writes that the difficulty in recognizing your patterns of behavior lies largely with a lack
of self-awareness or unwillingness to acknowledge the pattern. A good place to start gaining
clarity about your behavior or acknowledging the existence of a pattern may be comparing your
behavior to standards used by psychologists to diagnose addiction. Psychologists see addiction as
a process with three sequential stages. As you read, consider whether any of these sound
familiar.

Misuse: Someone misuses a pleasurable activity when they are using it to alleviate or distract
from emotional or physical pain. Pay close attention to why you are indulging in your high-
dopamine activity. For example, are you having an alcoholic drink to have fun with your friends
or because you had a hard day at work?

Abuse: This stage is characterized by heavier overindulgence to maintain the pain alleviation
effects. You may be at this stage if you notice that you've built up a tolerance to your pleasurable
activity. Are you engaging in the activity for longer periods than you used to, or ingesting higher
doses of a substance?
Addiction: A repetitive cycle of abuse becomes a full-blown addiction once someone begins
putting great effort into accessing their pleasurable activity. They also begin to suffer the
consequences of their overindulgence in their relationships, mental health, and financial well-
being. To understand if you’ve reached this stage, ask yourself two questions. How did you
respond the last time you weren’t able to access your pleasurable activity? Secondly, what has
pursuing this activity cost you (financially, emotionally, and socially)?

The Solution: Tell the Truth

Lembke argues that to recognize and accept your patterns of behavior, you must make a practice
of telling the truth. By this, she means committing to honesty—even when it feels painful,
uncomfortable, or shameful. This practice offers four distinct benefits in changing your patterns
of overindulgence.

1. Recognition. By honestly calling your behavior to your attention, it will be easier to see your
patterns of compulsive consumption as they really are. The more you commit to acknowledging
each instance of indulgence, the more you will perceive that they are part of a pattern and not
just isolated incidents.

(Shortform note: Lembke writes that practicing greater honesty highlights behavioral patterns,
but this may not be enough: Recognizing patterns of behavior may also require a strong memory
or record of your ongoing behaviors. In The Bullet Journal Method, Ryder Carroll asserts that
keeping a log of your daily activities will help you better remember your behaviors, their
frequency, and their context—creating new opportunities for self-reflection when your own
memory may fall short.)

2. Strengthening the mind. By honestly acknowledging your behavior, you will gradually reforge
the linkage between your prefrontal cortex and your reward pathways. As your brain gets used to
paying more attention to your decisions, it will naturally rewire itself to make this practice easier.
This increased connectivity will then allow you to be more mindful and make better decisions
when facing an opportunity to indulge.

(Shortform note: Lembke writes that you can strengthen your prefrontal cortex by practice—the
more you use it, the stronger it gets. But this may not be the only way. Neuroscience has shown
you can also strengthen your prefrontal cortex through mindfulness activities that don’t
necessarily require you to honestly assess yourself. In The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal
writes that a daily mindfulness practice like meditation increases blood flow to the prefrontal
cortex. Additionally, people who meditate regularly have been shown to have more gray matter
in their prefrontal cortex. When trying to break your pattern of overindulgence, consider making
mindfulness a part of your daily routine.)

3. Accountability. Honesty gives you a greater ability to take responsibility for your actions. By
admitting when your decisions lead to overindulgence, you can find opportunities to interrupt the
cycle. Lembke writes that an honest account of your own behavior is the first step toward taking
control of your decisions.

4. Agency. The final benefit of truth-telling is an improved sense of agency. As you recognize
your own role in your overindulgence, you will see that you have the power to change it. People
who see themselves as the ones making decisions and leading their own lives often have greater
faith in their capacity to change.

Lembke writes that one of the most important ways to strengthen your agency is to be aware of
how you tell your life story. People who tell stories that focus only on what has happened to
them, while overlooking their own decisions, may have a limited sense of their own capabilities.
On the other hand, people who tell life stories that emphasize their own choices tend to see
themselves as having more control over their future choices. This gives them a greater ability to
exercise that control and change their habits of overindulgence.
A Better Way to Tell Your Life Story

Lembke writes that telling your life story honestly and with a focus on your own agency will
provide a sense of empowerment and accountability to overcome your patterns of indulgence.
But how can you go about changing the way you tell your life story? Psychologists offer three
tips.

Avoid binary or absolute language. Phrases like, "There was nothing I could do," or, "It's
impossible to fix this" create a story where you are powerless. This language not only frames you
as having less agency, but it also undermines your accountability for your own actions by
rendering the situation as something out of your hands.

Use simple and direct language to approach difficult subjects. You don't need to approach your
most sensitive topics with strong judgments and opinions. Simple and direct language will make
it easier to lower the emotional barriers to acknowledging painful or difficult truths. For
example, instead of saying, “I made the stupid decision to try a cigarette when I was younger and
idiotic,” simply say, “I decided to try a cigarette when I was 20.”

Think about the life story you would like to have. Reflecting on your greater narrative arc can
help inspire you to tell a new story. Is it a story of growth, resilience, and healing? Or is it a story
of frustration and despair?

Obstacle #3: Isolation

Lembke identifies isolation from others as a third emotional obstacle to overcoming

overindulgence. She explains that your overindulgent behaviors may leave you cut off from
family and friends for two main reasons: 1) shame about your overindulgence and 2) choosing
dopamine over your relationships.
1) Shame: When you compulsively overindulge, you may feel ashamed of your behavior, which
can lead you to conceal it from others. The more time you spend hiding from other people, the
less time you will spend connecting with them. Furthermore, maintaining the façade that you
don’t have a struggle with overindulgence may make it harder to be open and fully yourself
around others. This will erode your ability to connect, leaving your relationships less rewarding.

Shame also creates an obstacle to overcoming overindulgence because it can prevent you from
reaching out for help since doing so would require disclosure. When shame becomes an obstacle
to connection, you may find yourself struggling to break out of your behavior patterns alone.

2) Choosing dopamine over relationships: The second reason compulsive overindulgence

alienates you has to do with the lifestyle it requires. Lembke writes the more time and energy
you invest in pursuing high-dopamine rewards, the less time and energy you have to invest in
relationships.

(Shortform note: While Lembke focuses on the ways overindulgence can leave you more
isolated from others, there is also strong evidence that emotional isolation may be the root cause
of your overindulgence in the first place. People who grew up without secure and nurturing
relationships with their parents are far more likely to struggle to build strong relationships later
in life. This leaves them far more vulnerable to turning towards overindulgence as a substitute
for intimacy.)

Furthermore, Lembke argues, isolation can deepen the cycle of overindulgence. Recall that the
neurological relationship between pleasure and pain creates a cycle by adding weight to the “pain
side” of the seesaw. Isolation feeds into this cycle because loneliness is painful and therefore
creates new incentives to indulge. The lonelier you feel, the greater reason you have to indulge
and feel better in the short run. This will likely leave you more isolated and feeling worse again,
deepening the cycle of indulgence.
(Shortform note: Lembke writes that loneliness is emotionally painful and thus creates a further
incentive for overindulgence. However, this might understate the case. Health researchers have
found that chronic loneliness not only causes emotional pain but can also result in physical pain
and severe damage to your bodily health. Chronic loneliness increases your risk for high blood
pressure, heart attack, stroke, and cognitive decline. It also worsens the symptoms and length of
illness when you are sick. By increasing your physical pain alongside your emotional pain,
loneliness adds even more weight to the “pain side” of the seesaw.)

The Negative Beliefs Underpinning Shame

Lembke writes that shame may isolate you and make it harder to change your behavior. Others
have pointed out that your shame may be the result of negative beliefs about yourself that you
must first overcome. In The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown writes that people struggle to
break down barriers of shame when they believe they are uniquely undeserving of love. She
writes this is the result of two underlying false assumptions.

The source of shame is unrelatable. If you think no one else has gone through your experiences,
then it raises the stakes of sharing them. It's a very small risk to reveal a weakness or fault that is
commonly shared, whereas it's a large risk to reveal a weakness or fault that makes you stand out
from others.

The source of shame negates self-worth. If you are convinced your value as a person is
conditional on being successful, moral, or respectable, then anything that goes against those
qualities can leave you feeling worthless and irredeemable.

When it comes to patterns of overindulgence, both of these beliefs are false. Recall that
compulsive overindulgence is a widespread problem that many people struggle with, and no
one's value as a human is diminished by it. If you struggle with either of these underlying beliefs,
recognizing their falsehood can make it easier to overcome the shame that may isolate you in a
pattern of indulgence.

Solution #1: Form Relationships Through Authentic Sharing

Lembke encourages breaking out of isolation by authentically sharing with others. Recall that
you must be honest with yourself to restore your sense of accountability, agency, and self-
awareness. You must also be honest with others to form closer connections. By being yourself
with others, you create opportunities to bond while overcoming the shame and isolation of
overindulgence.

Lembke writes that forming closer relationships through authentic sharing can help you
overcome overindulgence in three distinct ways.

When you have higher-quality relationships, you will feel less of a need to pursue dopamine-
heavy rewards to cope with loneliness.

Discussing your behavior with others can help you find solutions. Your friends and family may
offer input and advice to help you change your patterns of behavior.

By articulating your patterns of overindulgence to others, you may develop a more honest and
realistic assessment of your habits.

Is Authentic Sharing Enough?

Many psychologists agree with Lembke's assertion that close relationships can play a vital role in
alleviating loneliness, gaining advice, and developing a more honest assessment of behavior. But
some argue that while authentic sharing may be necessary for rebuilding relationships, it may not
be enough. If your patterns of indulgence have seriously damaged your relationships, you may
need to utilize other forms of relationship repair, like conflict resolution or relationship
counseling, to rebuild.
This is especially important to understand, because psychologists have found that relationships
can be a major source of stress in life, and therefore an obstacle to overcoming indulgence. The
added stress of a relationship characterized by broken trust or frequent arguments can provide
strong incentives to fall back into overindulgence. Furthermore, traditional treatment programs
often overlook relationship stress because addressing these issues can appear like deferring
responsibility and blame. Therefore, it is important to remain aware of the health of your
relationships and to seek remedies as needed.

Solution #2: Find a Supportive Community

Lembke notes that your willingness to share is only part of the solution—you also need a listener
who accepts you, no matter what you share. Finding the right listener is vital: Some people may
be put off by your disclosures, and sharing with someone who rejects you will only deepen your
feelings of shame and discourage future disclosures.

If the people around you don't accept you and your struggles, you may need to seek out new
relationships. Fortunately, there are support groups specifically designed to help those who
compulsively overindulge, such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. These
communities are full of people who share your struggle—and therefore won’t judge you and will
have tried and true advice for changing your patterns of behavior. These communities also
provide accountability, because you will be expected to share if you find yourself falling back
into patterns of overindulgence.

How to Minimize the Impact of Rejection

Lembke stresses that rejection can deepen your pain and leave you feeling isolated. However,
you can minimize the pain of rejection if you can respond to it in a healthy, resilient way. If
rejection doesn't hurt you, it won’t discourage future disclosure or cause further isolation. In The
Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, Mark Manson writes that handling rejection is an essential
social skill. The better people are at hearing and saying no, the stronger their relationships will
become because they will feel less need for superficial acceptance. Psychologists recommend
three steps for handling rejection.

1. Acknowledge your pain and let yourself grieve. Feeling rejected hurts. Recognize your
feelings and let yourself process.

2. Don't put the blame on yourself. If you're rejected, it's easy to assume it’s because there’s
something wrong with you. There are many reasons someone might reject you—many of them
having more to do with them than with you.

3. Take this as an opportunity to practice resiliency. If you frame your experience as an

opportunity to practice processing and recovering from rejection, you may see it in a more
positive light and therefore be more accepting of it.

Should Everyone Attend Support Groups?

On the surface, Lembke's advice about support groups may not seem applicable to everyone.
However, recall that Lembke's thesis throughout this book is that the solutions that help addicts
have important things to teach everyone about controlling milder forms of overindulgence. Here,
we'll talk about some of the benefits support groups provide, and how you might find these
benefits through your “everyday” relationships.

1. Non-judgmental listening: One of the core benefits of support groups is that you can feel heard
without feeling judged. Try talking to your friends and family about your attempts to overcome
overindulgence. See if any of them really make you feel heard.
2. Accountability: Support groups keep you accountable. Having to admit to others when you
falter creates a strong incentive to change your habits. Try creating accountability by making an
agreement with someone you trust that you’ll disclose when you fall short of changing your
habits.

3. Advice: Support groups allow you to benefit from the wisdom of people who have already
made a lot of progress in changing their habits. Try seeking out someone in your social circle or
online community who has already overcome a similar form of overindulgence.

4. Encouragement: Lastly, support groups provide motivating encouragement and positive

reinforcement for your success. As you talk to friends and family, see if you can find someone
who is rooting for you to change your patterns of overindulgence—spending more time with
them will help keep you motivated.

Obstacle #4: Escapism

Lembke’s final obstacle to overcoming overindulgence is escapism. People often find their own
lives boring, and so they turn to overindulgence to make their lives more interesting and forget
feelings of dissatisfaction. Lembke’s solution is to discover something new and enriching in your
life—something you may have previously overlooked. She explains that when breaking habits of
overindulgence, it helps to find a new hobby or outlet for your passions that will help you take
more interest in your own life.

How to Have a More Satisfying Life

Lembke writes that people often fall into patterns of overindulgence because they find their lives
unsatisfying and boring. Here we'll discuss the root causes of boredom and the four activities
psychologists recommend to get more satisfaction out of life.
Many writers have attempted to create a definition of boredom. In A Theory of Fun for Game
Design, Raph Koster describes boredom as the opposite of learning. You are bored when you
aren’t receiving new information to reinforce new habits or ways of being. Brené Brown (Atlas
of the Heart) describes boredom as wanting to do something fulfilling but not being able to—a
sense of being cut off from purpose. Finally, in Atomic Habits, James Clear defines boredom as
the state when you are no longer challenged or excited by the things you’re doing.

To find more satisfaction in life, you’ll want to seek challenges, learn continuously, and do
something you consider meaningful and important. Psychologists recommend four specific
courses of action you can take to align your life with these factors and find enrichment.

1. Volunteer. Find opportunities in your community to help people out. Many find it fulfilling to
know that they are helping others, and this could provide you with a sense of meaning and
purpose you were missing.

2. Start a new project. Taking on a long-term project could provide a sense of challenge that may
have been missing. You might take on the challenge of remodeling your kitchen, or set a goal to
read one book every week.

3. Learn something new. You can stimulate your mind and challenge yourself by making an
effort to learn. Try learning a new language, taking a cooking class, or reading a book on
something you know little about.
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