The Gutsem Logs

CLEARANCE LEVEL / MISSION ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL AND OVERSEER
COMPILE 1958322
THE FOLLOWING TRANSCRIPTS ARE COMPILED IN ACCORDANCE WITH NT

COLLECTION CODE 194-1. THE FOLLOWING IS TO BE USED ONLY FOR MISSION
AND ASSET UNDERSTANDING. VIOLATION OF TRUST IS PUNISHABLE UNDER SPACE
LAW
[THE FOLLOWING IS A COLLECTION OF ALL RELEVANT TRANSCRIPT PERTAINING

TO NANOTRASEN EMPLOYEE 1958322. INTEL GATHERED FROM THE HISTORY OF
1958322 IS KEY TO OPERATION CLAMPED GRASP, ALTHOUGH NECESSARY
INFORMATION PERTAINING TO THE MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH OF 1958322
HAS BEEN SEPARATED AND PROVIDED TO NECESSARY MEDICAL RECORD PERSONNEL]
AUTHORIZATION: ROHAN KALAM / ADMIRAL
NOTES [ADMIRAL ROHAN KALAM]: WHILE NOT NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND THE

METHODS AND RESULTS OF OPERATION CLAMPED GRASP, IT IS USEFUL IN
LOGGING KEY MOMENTS AND ASSETS UTILIZED, PRIMARILY 1958322, WHO WAS
INSTRUMENTAL IN LOCATING OPFOR.
Charlie-194 Cloning Research Rig Transcription
Transcript - Research Director's Office Intercom
[TIME START: May 6, 2050 17:34]
Yosyl Iomhar (Research Director): Alright team, buckle down. We're

sending off the first batch to the Central Command, and I'm not
having another incident. I am going to confirm everything went right.
Barryl Smith (Researcher): Mhm.
Ruffle Grawley (Research Assistant): Of course sir!
Yosyl Iomhar: First, the life support and nutrient tracker was
activated? They won't grow properly otherwise.
Barryl Smith: Yes sir.
Yosyl Iomhar: The power for the transport shuttle was full?
Barryl Smith: Mhm.
Yosyl Iomhar: Good, okay, that's set. We have three vats on
transport?
Ruffle Grawley: Yessiree! We had um… one of them started with a G…
Barryl Smith: Ruffle, let me. Gabet Tao, human, age 38, secured.
Estimated time to maturity is 3 hours.
Yosyl Iomhar: That feels like a while… W-what if they take too long
to mature?
Barryl Smith: Sir, please relax, the ship is estimated for 5 hours,
they will be nearly if not already matured by then. Anywho, next is
Pays-the-Bills, saurian, age 25, secured. Estimated time to mature is
4 hours.
Yosyl Iomhar: I think we actually did it! And Sawyer?
Barryl Smith: Right, yes, Ted Sawyer, human, age 56, secure state
unknown since I had our assistant do it-Ruffle, you secured them?
Ruffle Grawley: Yep yep yep!
Barryl Smith: Okay, secured, Estimated time to mature is 6 and a half
hours.
Yosyl Iomhar: What the heck, you said it would be done by then!
Barryl Smith: Sir, I once again request you relax. The other two will
be done and that will be more than enough proof of the use of our
creations to the Corporate Wars. He just is a little genetically
unstable and needs extra time to… ferment, as it were.
Yosyl Iomhar: Right, right, okay… It's okay, well in that case, we
are ready to send it off?
Ruffle Grawley: Yippee! Can I sir, can I?!
Yosyl Iomhar: Oh shucks, why not? It's an occasion, we might actually
get this project funded!
Station Intercom: [The Research Shuttle has left for Central Command]
[TIME START: 20:34]

Yosyl Iomhar: BARRYL SMITH, RUFFLE GRAWLEY, ANSWER YOUR FLIPPING
RADIOS NOW!
Ruffle Grawley: AHHHH WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!
Barryl Smith: What is the problem, sir?
Yosyl Iomhar: Check the statuses on the experiments!
Barryl Smith: Fine, fine. Gabet Tao, 94%, that's right.
Pays-the-Bills, 67%, that's a little slow but fine. Ted Sawyer, 0%,
that's… what?
Yosyl Iomhar: What do you mean "what"?! I promised three living
breathing soldiers, what the flip?!
Barryl Smith: There must be an explanation, let me see. Nutrition:
N/A, Fluid: N/A, Tank Status…
Ruffle Grawley: Why're you looking at me, sir?
Barryl Smith: Ruffle, when you locked the pod into the shuttle, did
you lock in the waste valve and then the hydraulic lock hose to the
tank?
Ruffle Grawley: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…
Barryl Smith: Did you put the red tube with the red tube and the green
tube with the green tube?
Ruffle Grawley: Oh I'm colorblind!
Barryl Smith: Sir, I fear I've made an absurdly foolish lapse in
judgment.
Yosyl Iomhar: Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god-
Ruffle Grawley: [sad whimpering]
Yosyl Iomhar: So where's experiment 3?!
Barryl Smith: Judging by the logs, somewhere… hm… in space.
Yosyl Iomhar: Oh great. That's what I'll tell them! Oh they just FALL
OUT OF TRANSIT WHO DOESN'T GET LOST IN SPACE…
Ruffle Grawley: I'm sure he's fine?
Barryl Smith: Remarkably, likely so. Even without the connecting
tubes to supply it for further growth it will likely remain in stasis
for few weeks at minimum-
Yosyl Iomhar: That doesn't really fix anything, though, does it?!
Crap, fine, you know what? We sent two experiments. One was late.
Ruffle Grawley: But that's not what happened, sir! One of them is
lost in space!-
Yosyl Iomhar: WE. SENT. TWO. And Ruffle?
Ruffle Grawley: Yes, sir!
Yosyl Iomhar: You're a janitor now. Go to the custodian's closet and
mop.
Ruffle Grawley: Yay!
Yosyl Iomhar: [Various objects seem to be being tossed around the
office]
Andesite (Syndicate Battlecruiser)
Transcript - Bridge Intercom
[TIME START: May 13 2050 18:10]
Commander Mauler (Commander): Bahahahahah! Good fighting, team!

Operative Grazer (Operative) We mmmmulched the place! Good recon,
Sparker!
Operative Sparker (Operative): Wassssn't nothing, just glad it was a
quick op.
Commander Mauler: I wish I got more time in! We barely even used our
HE torpedo rounds and I WAS SO EXCITED TO USE THOSE.
Operative Slicer (Operative): Now now, sir, I'm sure we'll get to
fire it when we get our next mission from command.
Commander Mauler: FINE. Did we even get any orders yet?!
Operative Slicer: No.
Commander Mauler: UGH! I could be KILLING something right now!
Operative Grazer: Well ummm, you mmmmight have good news! We're
getting a bio reading just in front of the ship!
Commander Mauler: YES, LAUNCH THE TORPEDOES, BAHAHAHAHAHA, NO ONE
ESCAPES ME!
Operative Sparker: Just for one pod?
Operative Slicer: We can just send a fighter drone, sir.
Commander Mauler: Oh, I must have stuttered. I MUST HAVE. CAUSE IT
DOES NOT SOUND LIKE TORPEDO FIRE RIGHT NOW!
Operative Pummeler (Battlecruiser Technician): [Door opening] Hey
y'all seen that green tube thing outside the ship?
Commander Mauler: You are ruining a SUPER COOL MOMENT right now,
Pummeler! What green tube thing and why should I care?!
Operative Slicer: That's the thing we are targeting right now sir…
Let me see. Oh wow, it looks like a cloning vat from the research
station we took down.
Operative Grazer: It still has a living dude inside? How is that
possible?
Commander Mauler: How explode-able does it look?!
Operative Sparker: SSSir, we might get ssome valuable intel if we
take it on board.
Commander Mauler: Nerd ass… Fine, fine! Pummeler, hop in a pod and
drag the sucker back here! But if this doesn't turn out to be
anything cool, you all are doing ship maintenance with TOOTHBRUSHES
INSTEAD OF BROOMS!
Operatives in unison: Yes, sir!
Transcript - Medical Wing Intercom
[TIME START: 18:28]
Operative Pummeler: [Wheels creaking, followed by a loud thud] Wooh…

Heavy boy.
Commander Mauler: Y'okay, so what now?
Operative Sparker: Uh, well, thing musssst be an experimental… guy?
Operative Slicer: You took research notes from the station, yes?
Operative Sparker: No, I took down posssssible asssault routes and
sssstructural weakpointsss. I didn't think about rooting through
dessskss for loossssse change and paperwork.
Operative Grazer: It was just a question, mmman, no need to get so
defensive…
Operative Sparker: Do YOU want people tell you how to do your job-
Commander Mauler: OH MY GOD, ALL OF YOU SHUT UP AND FIGURE IT OUT
RIGHT NOW.
Operative Slicer: Yes, sir… Pummeler, do you have something that
could cut this safely?
Operative Pummeler: Hah, Slicer asking me for cutting… that's
uh-Right, I could get a saw on it easy
Operative Grazer: Well you can't just saw glass, it mmmight shatter!
Operative Slicer: Not to mention we haven't even discussed what is
inside yet. We need to think about this more caref-[Glass
shattering][Loud thud]
Commander Mauler: DONE, OPENED. Who's this guy?!
Operative Slicer: Sir! You can't be so reckless with it! Well they
look… fine? Almost slimy.
Operative Pummeler: Looks like a half-baked cake, heh
Operative Sparker: Like a guy that got left out in the ssun too long…
Operative Grazer: And his eyes are closed.
Operative Slicer: It's not moving at all. Might be a dud, sir
Commander Mauler: Great, so instead of doing cool shit like
torpedoing something, you dragged me to this medical wing to look at
a naked melting freakazoid! GO TO YOUR LATRINES AND GRAB YOUR
BRUSHES!
Operative Slicer: Sir, please just give us a little more time to see
about them. Maybe we can heal the specimen, or send it to higher
command-
Commander Mauler: YOU. LISTEN. TO ME. I ain't in the business of
poking monkeys for "research" or growing plants or reading any other
FANCY PANTSY BULLSHIT that I don't get paid to do! I WIN GODDAMN
WARS! So you're gonna do what I SAY next time because I KNOW HOW TO
DO MY JOB. AND IF YOU DON'T I AM GONNA SCREAM!
??? (Experiment in Question): [Fierce, gargled screaming]
Commander Mauler: Yeah, like that! OH SHIT-
Operative Grazer: Holy shit!
Operative Pummeler: Oh man, oh man, I'm not dying to an evil clone,
this is bad!
Operative Slicer: Everyone calm down, who or whatever it is, it is
extremely panicked!
Operative Sparker: Okay, I'm gonna grab a sssstunner and get them to
calm down, I'll be right back.
Commander Mauler: Good thinking!
Operative Sparker: [Door opening] WOAH [Screaming and running growing
distant from intercom] Fucker bolted!
Commander Mauler: LITTLE SHITTER THINKS IT CAN HIDE ON MY SHIP?! NOT
A CHANCE, EVERYONE GO FIND THAT SLIMY SUCKER NOW!
[TIME START: 18:45]

Transcript - Cafeteria Intercom
Operative Grazer: MMMMan I ammmm hungry. Commmmmander ain't around is

he? No? He wouldn't mmmind if I just grabbed a candy bar…
Operative Grazer: [Paper unwrapping] [Chewing] Oh so good… I don't
care what no one says, Discount Dan's pulls through sommmetimes… Ooh,
I bet I can land a three pointer with this wrapper into that disposal
unit. Swish! HAH, Nailed it!
???: EEK! [Rumblings from the disposal unit]
Operative Grazer: Oh crap, little dude was hiding in there?! Woah,
hey, hey, dude, calmmmmm down!
???: WAHHHHH
Operative Grazer: Shhhhhhshhhshhhshhhh, heyy, heyyyy!
???: [Rumblings stop] [Heavy breathing]
Operative Grazer: Heyhey! There we are! We okay little dude?
???: HNNNNNGGGG
Operative Grazer: Okay, that's a no. Oh, you know what cheers mmme up
little dude? Chocolate bar! [Paper unwrapping] Eh? Ehhh?
???: [Quick rumbling of trash can] [Chewing]
Operative Grazer: That's my little buddy!
Operative Slicer: Grazer?
Operative Grazer: Oh, hey Slicer, found 'emmmm in the trash chute!
Operative Slicer: Ah, good. I'll report it to the commander
Operative Grazer: Now hold on, before we do that, mmmmaybe we should
give the little dude a chance to breathe. He's been freaking out
since he got out of the tube.
Operative Slicer: Hm. Alright, well let's get them out of there. Come
here, experiment.
???: WHHHRRRG… HNGNGNNNNN-HEEERE. [Trash falling]
Operative Grazer: Awww! He's learning words!
Operative Slicer: We should teach it bathing next, the vat residue on
it smells like formaldehyde. And it is squishy.
Operative Grazer: Leave little Josh alone!
Operative Slicer: You already named it Josh? You're getting very
attached to a half-grown vat-clone hiding in a disposal chute.
Operative Grazer: Oh, so what? I like the little dude!
Josh: NGNGGN… CHOCOOlaTe
Operative Slicer: You fed it chocolate?! It could be allergic! It
might not even be able to digest food yet!
Operative Grazer: Slicer, look at himmm! He's a full grown man!
Operative Slicer: Yes, a full grown man who we recovered from a
stasis tube that is barely processing its surroundings that YOU GAVE
A PET NAME TO.
Operative Grazer: Why are you always on mmmy case, dude? I'm just
trying to lighten the mmmmood around here. Besides, Josh is not a pet
name! It's a cool nammmme.
Commander Mauler: C'mere, freaky freaky freakyyyy! Did you soldiers
find the scurrier yet or are you just lollygagging for no reason?!
Operative Slicer: Right here, sir.
Commander Mauler: THERE YOU ARE.
Josh: EEEEEEE
Commander Mauler: Don't you "EEEEEE" me! State your name!
Josh: NGNAAHH.. JOoSH… ExPERIMENnnT?
Commander Mauler: That's a dumbass name! We'll think of a new one for
you later! Why's he stumbling around?! Josh Experiment, stand up
straight, damn it!
Operative Slicer: I think it is malnourished, sir.
Operative Grazer: I can get Josh another chocolate bar!
Commander Mauler: They aren't gonna get nutrients from a chocolate
bar, you fatass!
Operative Grazer: Oh…
Commander Mauler: C'mere you weirdo. [Vending machine dispenses
something] Syndicate-gifted dinner meal! Pork ribs, bone-in, mashed
potatoes, if this don't fill you up, I don't know what will!
Josh: NNGGHn… SSSiiiIIIRr [Plate scratching and chewing]
Commander Mauler: You got it!
Operative Slicer: What do you want us to do with it now, sir?
Operative Grazer: [Inhales] Can we keep him sir, please please
please?!
Commander Mauler: Well, I don't really see why we should keep the
weirdo.
Operative Slicer: Sir, if I may?
Commander Mauler: You MIGHT may, if I FEEL like it. [Ten seconds of
silence] You may!
Operative Slicer: The subject seems to be some sort of synthesized
human, a copy or maybe completely original in DNA. While we can't be
sure what it knows as of yet, it seems to be learning and adapting to
the ship and ourselves well. Assuming it originates from that
research station, this subject was designed for warfare.
Commander Mauler: Okay, okay, I like warfare, I'm listening
Operative Slicer: This is all to say that we could turn this
experiment against Nanotrasen. Gain an ally with modified combat
abilities that was originally intended to be an enemy.
Commander Mauler: And if it turns out to be LOYAL to NT despite all
this?
Operative Slicer: [Sighing] Then you can shoot it in the face and it
will make a funny sound, maybe.
Commander Mauler: I'm sold! Welcome to the crew, weirdo!
Operative Grazer: Yes!
Josh: CRRReEEEWWW!! [Choking]
Operative Grazer: JOSH, NO, YOU DON'T EAT THE FORK DUDE!
Transcript - Crew Quarters Common Room Intercom

[TIME START: May 14 2050 04:39]
Josh: EEEEEEE, ShOOWEEEER!! [Running and objects being tossed]

Operative Grazer: Josh, dude, commme on! We all gotta take showers!
Was it too hot?
Josh: NO SlImY NoW…
Operative Grazer: Ohhhh, yeah I guess if I was slimmme my whole life
I wouldn't want to lose slimmme either. We have the next best thing
though! [Drawer opening] One of mmmmy spare jumpsuits!
Josh: JumPsuIt?
Operative Grazer: Yeah! Jummmpsuits keep you protected from all sorts
of stuff! Dirt, being cold, you should try this one on!
Josh: [Fabric ruffling] [Zipper pulling] HeEhHeEe, JuMpSuiiT!
Operative Grazer: You're weird, little dude.
Operative Sparker: [Door opening] [yawning] Grazer, what time is it,
what are you doing up with that guy?
Operative Grazer: Just getting an early start on Josh's mmmorning
routine.
Josh: MMmMorning!!
Operative Grazer: Awwwww!
Operative Sparker: Oh great, two Grazersssss. SSSpeaking of, we
should probably get him a proper operative identity.
Operative Grazer: What's wrong with Josh?!
Operative Sparker: Come on, he needs to fit in a little better here,
what about… Burner?
Operative Grazer: We don't really have pyro equipmmmment, what about
Stabber?
Operative Sparker: Nah, kind of a childish verb. Operative… Lasher?
Operative Grazer: Blaster!
Operative Sparker: Perforator!
Operative Grazer: GUTTER!
Operative Sparker: I'm kinda bored of coming up with namesss now
[Intercom linked to Commander's Quarters] Hey ssssir?
Commander Mauler: WHAT.
Operative Sparker: Can we call the new guy Operative Gutter?
Commander Mauler: OKAY.
Operative Gutter: GUTtER, SiIR!
Commander Mauler: HAH! Nice, look at the freako learning! [Intercom
unlinked]
Operative Gutter: FreaKO?
Operative Sparker: Don't think about it too much, he callsss all of
usss namess.
Operative Gutter: OHh
Operative Grazer: Oh mmmy god, Gutter hasn't had pancakes in his
entire life. We are fixing that right now.
Operative Gutter: PAAanCaKES!!
Transcript - Engineering Intercom

[TIME START: 13:29]
Operative Pummeler: [Computer clicking] Now I know I just fixed up

the engine, what the hell, man? Why the hell is the power not going?
[Lights flicker off] Oh what the fuuuuuck?! [Flashlight flicks on]
[Door creaking open]
[TIME START: 13:34]
Operative Pummeler: I literally cannot fucking believe you right now!

Operative Grazer: MMan, chill out dude, I didn't know!
Operative Pummeler: Your 'buddy' there was chewing on the goddamn
wires! Power's out in the cafeteria and range cause of that little
rat bastard!
Operative Gutter: SpaghetTI?
Operative Grazer: No! Drop it, Gutter! No spaghetti!
Operative Gutter: YeS SpAgHetti!
Operative Grazer: Gutter! DROP IT!
Operative Gutter: [Hissing and skittering away]
Operative Pummeler: THAT LITTLE SHIT!
Operative Grazer: Okay, we can fix this dude! We just need a
cardboard box, a stick, and a chocolate bar.
Operative Pummeler: I hate you.

[TIME START: 22:47]
Commander Mauler: YOU SHITTER, GET OUT OF THE DAMN TRASH TUBE!
Operative Gutter: YoU sAid NO CHOCOLAAaTE
Commander Mauler: YOU KEEP SHOVING DOWN CANDY BARS LIKE YOU NEED EM
TO SURVIVE AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO LIFT YOUR OWN FINGERS WITH
ALL THE FAT DRIPPIN OFF EM.
Operative Slicer: Is there an issue, sir?
Commander Mauler: I caught our new soldier chowing through 15 GODDAMN
CHOCO-BARS and now he's hiding in the damn disposal chute after I
yelled at him. Friggin BABY.
Operative Gutter: SiR is MEaN
Operative Slicer: Great… Calm down, Gutter, calm down. No one's mad,
we just need to talk.
Commander Mauler: I'm mad! Furious, actually!
Operative Gutter: NgngngGNG… I WANT CHOCOLATE… NOT SCREaMING
Operative Slicer: Listen, Gutter, you were created to be a fighting
member of Nanotrasen, not a rat that chews wires and hides in
tunnels. It is about time you started filling into your role here
Operative Gutter: …Fighting? Fighting is… YELLING… and ANGRY…
Commander Mauler: Man, that's what EVERY baby says before they get
told to join the Syndicate Operatives Force! Come on, kid, fighting's
awesome! You to get shoot LOUD GUNS, BLOW SHIT UP, AND YOU GET PAID
TO DO IT! I FAIL TO SEE WHERE YOU ARE FINDING ISSUE.
Operative Slicer: What our commander means to say is is that you will
benefit from the discipline necessary to develop your confidence and
operative skillset. Here you can fight for your own cause. Like us.
Commander Mauler: That sounds kinda lame the way you put it, but that
too! We're a damn good elite team, and we reap them benefits all to
our own! You know Nanotrasen FORBIDS WAR CRIMES?! PANSIES, I TELL YA.
Operative Gutter: Become operative.. I can be stRong?
Commander Mauler: DAMN RIGHT!
Operative Gutter: I… OKay!! I am OpeRaative Gutter!
Commander Mauler: BAHAHAAAAH! THATS THE SPIRIT! TRAINING BEGINS
TODAY, YOU AIN'T GONNA LIKE IT, BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU GOTTA DO TO RUN
WITH THE BEST!
Operative Slicer: Indeed, sir. I'll prepare the gym and range. You're
gonna do good, Gutter, okay?
Operative Gutter: YippeE!!
Commander Mauler: Oh don't say YIPPEE, you ain't 12!!... actually
you're younger than that-SAY SOMETHING SOLDIERY, LIKE HOOAH?
Operative Gutter: Wuh??
Commander Mauler: HOOAH!!
Operative Gutter: H-HOOaH..?
Commander Mauler: HOOAHHHHH!!
Operative Gutter: AHHHHHHH-
Transcript - Fitness Area Intercom

[TIME START: May 16 2050 0603]
Operative Gutter: Th…Th-Threeeeeee…

Operative Slicer: Push, damn it, explode upwards!
Operative Gutter: [Thud against the ground] Aaaawgh…
Operative Slicer: Oh good lord, even the new recruits can at least
get to 5. Alright, get up, lets try squat holds this time. Go. [30
seconds elapse in silence]
Operative Gutter: My leGs are sTarting hurt..
Operative Slicer: Then embrace that pain! Every second you stay up is
you getting stronger, now hold it! [25 seconds elapse]
Operative Gutter: HRGH..NGNNGNNNNNNG
Operative Slicer: Hold it.
Operative Gutter: HHHRHGGHGHGHAHHHGGG
Operative Slicer: HOLD. IT.
Operative Gutter: [Something cracks] AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Operative Slicer:O-oh my god! Gutter, how fragile are your bones?!
Okay um-I'll get some splints and
Operative Sparker: [Door opens] Oh baby it'ssss leg day for me, oh
baby time to run thosssse laps-Holy sshit! can bonesss do that?!
Operative Slicer: Shut up and get ready to get them to medbay! I'm
going to get some bandages and stablize this [Bandages unfurl,
wrapping along with Gutter's whimpering]
Operative Gutter: SOrRY, I tRIED My BEST SLiCER
Operative Slicer: Look, it's fine, you'll get there before you know
it! Assuming your bones get stronger than glass. We need to put you
on a diet, maybe.
Operative Gutter: HUH?! BUT CHOCOLATE!
Operative Sparker: Oh god, why couldn't Grazer give you an egg
sssalad or ssssomething when he found you.
Operative Slicer: Both of you, hush, now let's go.
Operative Sparker: Come on, 20 poundsss, buddy, just 10 curlsss,

don't ssstick out your elbow, keep it to your hips.
Operative Gutter: Four… five… six… seeven… eeeeiight…!
Operative Grazer: Yeah buddy, commme on, just two mmmmmore! You got
it!
Operative Gutter: Nniiiiii….iiiinn-[Sound of dumbbell slamming into
the ground]
Operative Sparker: Jeeeesssuss Gutter…
Operative Gutter: Hnnnng…
Operative Grazer: Hey, hey, don't look so down, little dude! It's
okay, I could barely knock out 10 when I started! It'll get better,
okay? Just don't stop mmmoving.
Operative Gutter: Okay, big dude…
Operative Sparker: Oh come on, you didn't make him call you that, did
you?
Operative Grazer: What, no? Still keeping it though! Commmme on
little dude, lets get breakfast
Operative Gutter: Chocolate syrup pancakes?!
Operative Grazer: Hell ye-No, no, Commmmmmander wants mmme to make
sure you aren't getting unhealthy… eggs are good!
Operative Gutter: Not as good as pancakes…
Operative Grazer: I know little dude… I know…
Commander Mauler: [In-cadence running and treadmill whirring]

[Singing] I WANNA BE A SYNDIE AGENT!
Operative Gutter: [Singing and panting] I WANNA-HUH-BE A SYNDIE
AGENT!
Commander Mauler: FILL ENEMY LUNGS WITH SARIN REGEANTS!
Operative Gutter: FILL ENEMY-HUH-LUNGS WITH-HUH-SARIN REGEANTS!
Commander Mauler: YES SIR, THE SYNDIE LIFE IS FOR ME!
Operative Gutter: YES… SIR THE SYNDIE-HHRGH-LIFE IS…. FOR ME!
Commander Mauler: TAKE EM ALL DOWN WITH PLASMA ARTILLERY!
Operative Gutter: TAKE THEM… ALL… GOING DOWN SIR!
Commander Mauler: That's not the goddamn lyric, soldier! It's TAKE EM
ALL DO-
Operative Gutter: [Thud against the treadmill followed by tumbling
and screaming]
Commander Mauler: Oh god damn it. Soldier, at least tuck in when you
cannonball! That's how you don't break trigger fingers! Come on, it
was NOT that bad!
Operative Gutter: [Wheezing] My lungs…! Hurt…!
Commander Mauler: Oh boo-goddamn-hoo, you think the enemy's gonna
care how much your lungs hurt?! They're gonna see you pantin' on the
ground and you know what they'll do?!
Operative Gutter: Um… handcu-cuff-
Commander Mauler: MURDER YOU. SEAR YOUR FACE OFF WITH GATDAMN LAZER
FIRE, THAT'S WHAT THEY'LL DO.
Operative Gutter: [Crying]
Operative Slicer: Good morning everyone, I'm glad to see you both…
training-sir, is Gutter okay?
Commander Mauler: I told him he'd get murked by NT and now he's
MOPING.
Operative Slicer: Oh no, come on, Gutter, you'll… be okay…
Operative Gutter: I-I'm gonna die, they're gonna shoot me in the
f-face cuz I can't run, I can't push up, I can't do anything…
Operative Slicer: Oh you sweet baby-I mean operative. You are going
to get there, I just need you to be strong. For us. We want you to be
part of this team.
Commander Mauler: I'm ambivalent to it really!
Operative Slicer: We all want you here. We're going to stick with
you, okay? You can trust us, as long as you stay with us. Can you do
that for me, Gutter?
Operative Gutter: [Sniffling] U-uhuh. Do you think I can do it?
Operative Slicer: I know you can.
Commander Mauler: Alright, now you owe me 20 pushups since you
faceplanted and had that sob-sesh!
Operative Gutter: Yes sir!
[TIME START: May 20, 2050 0701]
Operative Slicer: There you go, just another 10 seconds, make a new
best!
Operative Gutter: 12… 13… 14…! 15…!
Operative Slicer: Time! Impressive work, Gutter.
Operative Grazer: Way to go little dude!! I knew you had it in you!
Operative Slicer: Soon enough he'll be coming up on your score, huh
Grazer?
Operative Grazer: Hey, I had a big lunch that commmpetition,
tryptophan and all that stuff.
Operative Gutter: Hooah! I did it!! I'm getting better!! Hahahahah!
Operative Slicer: Heh, okay you, lets not get too excited, you still
have a bit to go. But… alright, here, just to treat you, I'll
authorize you having pancakes for breakfast today. Do not tell the
commander or I will shoot you.
Operative Gutter: Okay!
Operative Grazer: Hey, where's mmmy pancakes at?!
Operative Slicer: They're behind your mile run, get hustling and
we'll see
Operative Grazer: Lammmmme.

[TIME START: May 22, 2050 0730]
Operative Gutter: [Fork scraping against a plate] 30 pounds now! I'm
actually doing really good now, Slicer says I'm nailing it!
Operative Sparker: Huh, ain't that ssssomething. Can't ssay I'm not
impresssssed by your progress at leassst.
Operative Gutter: Oh shoot, right, the commander wanted me to clean
the latrines again. See you later, Sparker!
Operative Sparker: Later. [Door opens and closes]
Operative Pummeler: I don't trust that for a moment.
Operative Sparker: Don't trussst what?
Operative Pummeler: Come on, he's just chill now?! Am I the only one
that thinks that's weird? He was a gangly slimy weirdo a week ago!
Operative Sparker: Idunno. SSSSlicer says it's a clone thing
probably. Really fasssst regeneration or ssomething.
Operative Pummeler: Y'all can't be like… serious-The thing just shows
up in SPACE, just so HAPPENS to be in the middle of our path, and now
we're taking care of it like it's a baby-ass recruit, [Door opening]
it's fucking weird, and I don't know why we still have that VAT-BABY
around.
Operative Slicer: That "thing", Pummmeler, has proven their loyalty
and interest in learning
Operative Pummeler: Oh uh-... Heyyy
Operative Slicer: You would do a lot better to put more respect to a
fellow operative. He will be as valuable an asset to our operations
as any of our agents
Operative Pummleler: He hasn't even LIVED for MORE THAN ONE MONTH,
much less fired a goddamn WEAPON, or done SHIP MAINTAINING. You know
what, I think you're going… soft, yeah! You feel bad for the little
twerp!
Commander Mauler: WHO'S GOING SOFT?! [Disposal chute rumbling
followed by operatives' screaming]
Operative Sparker: Sssssir, jesssuss chrisssst, what were you doing
in there?!
Commander Mauler: Maybe Gutter was onto somethin' about this Disposal
Hiding shit! I decided to stay in there for a few hours to spy, and
none of you noticed!! Hell, maybe he's a TACTICAL GENIUS, HAH!
Operative Slicer: …Uhuh, well, sir, I can assure you that I'm not
"going soft".
Operative Pummeler: Bullshit!
Commander Mauler: Can it, both of you! You ain't too wrong, Pummeler.
I don't doubt the gangly weirdo's not just gonna fill in here too
easy. The LAST thing we need is to carry some fuckin goofball out of
combat because he forgot what SAFE means! BUT. I WILL ADMIT THAT THE
TRAINING HAS GONE… BETTER THAN I EXPECTED. I'm not SOLD, sure, but,
hell, if you all can make it as operatives, maybe miracles can come
true! Bahahaha!
Operative Slicer: …Thank you, sir?
Commander Mauler: Slicer, we got em fit enough, we're pushing some
training up the schedule! Starting now, Gutter will be placed into
range training!
Operative Pummeler: Sir, come on, you can't actually be serious-
Commander Mauler: You calling me a joker then?? AM I A CLOWN,
PUMMELER?!
Operative Pummeler: I-I-I didn't-
Commander Mauler: I-I-I-I T-TH-THINK Y-YOU-YOU SHOULD D-D-DO SOME
FUCKING SPRINTS!! RUN, OPERATIVE!! SLICER, YOU GOT THIS YEAH?? NOT
GONNA MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A DUMBASS, RIGHT?!
Operative Slicer: Y-yes, sir.
Commander Mauler: SPARKER.
Operative Sparker: Yessss ssssir..?
Commander Mauler: Eat more goddamn EGGS. Your lack of PROTEIN is
hurting MY muscles! YOU'RE ALL DISMISSED.
Transcript - Range Intercom

[TIME START May 23, 2050 1304]
Operative Slicer: You remember the diagram, Gutter?

Operative Gutter: Yep! Safety off, pull trigger, safety on!
Operative Slicer: More to it than that but… good start. Grazer, you
got the controls?
Operative Grazer (over speaker): Simmmulated target up! Go get emmm,
dude!
Operative Slicer: Get your sight picture.. Align your iron sights,
there you go, proper breathing, good stance
Operative Gutter: …Um, okay, squared hips, align sets, breathe and
sque-[Gunshot] AH!
Operative Slicer: GUTTER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE-[Sharp inhaling]. Let's try
that again. Put your finger on the trigger ONLY when you are ready to
fire, okay?
Operative Grazer: It happened to mmme too, little dude!
Operative Gutter: [Ten seconds of silence followed by gunfire] Did I
hit it?
Operative Slicer: Grazer?
Operative Grazer: Off by just like… uh. You would have totally nailed
the guy to his far right!
Operative Slicer: Fire again. Steady your sights this time, be
confident in your stance.
Operative Gutter: Okay! [Five seconds followed by gunfire]
Operative Grazer: You're aimmming at the guy, right? Like did I leave
a target up or something?
Operative Slicer: No, just… needs a bit more experience. Gutter, try
again. [Gunfire]
Operative Grazer: …Hmmm
Operative Slicer: Again. [Gunfire] Again. [Gunfire] Again. [Gunfire]
Operative Grazer: Nope, nope and… Nnnnnnada.
Operative Slicer: We are not leaving this range until you hit the
target, now try again! [Gunfire]
[TIME START: 1453]
Operative Grazer: [Snoring] [Singular beep] Hu-what?! OH, OH, SLICER,

WAKE UP! HE HIT THE TARGET!
Operative Slicer: Finally.
Operative Gutter: I did? I did it!
Operative Grazer: And it only took [Murmuring numbers] 28 and a half
mmmagazines!
Operative Slicer: Well, we have to start somewhere. But your dreams
tonight better be about practicing weapon drills. But… progress, as
always, Gutter. Have a good rest of your afternoon, you two.
Operative Gutter: Bye, Slicer!
Operative Grazer: Dude, they updated the VR game I've been playing,
you and I gotta go check it out, mmmeet me at the dormmms!
Operative Gutter: WOO! [Doors opening and closing]
Operative Slicer: What do I see in that boy…
[TIME START: May 23, 2050 1345]
Operative Grazer (over speaker): Aimmmm a little higher dude, you hit
emmm in the stomach!
Operative Slicer: You heard them, just adjust your sights a bit. Go
ahead now. [Gunfire]
Operative Gutter: Hmm. Was that good?
Operative Grazer: There you go, almmmmmost deadshot! [Door opening
and closing]
Commander Mauler (over speaker): Alright, hold on, I don't wanna hear
no damn clapping and backpats until I see em shoot! Lets go, Gutter,
Squad contact sim-targets up!
Operative Slicer: Ah, sir, we haven't trained him past single
stationary targets yet-
Commander Mauler: I forgot the part where I asked for your damn
opinion, SLICER. Gutter, you got this, RIGHT?!
Operative Gutter: Uhhh… yeah!
Commander Mauler: Uhhh- YOU BETTER. 3. 2. 1. GO!
Operative Slicer: Good luck, Gutter.
Operative Grazer: You got this, dude!
Commander Mauler: SHUT UP, LET HIM DO HIS THING
Operative Gutter: [3 minutes of gunfire] Done! How was that, sir?
Operative Grazer: You hit like… 11-
Commander Mauler: OUT OF 30!? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU BEING A
SUPER SOLDIER?! I WOULD GET A BETTER SCORE IF BLEW BUBBLES AT EM! I
THOUGHT YOU ACTUALLY WANTED TO KILL, NOT JUST PLAY WITH THE GODDAMN
TOYS!
Operative Slicer: S-sir, please, they haven't even been taught how to
track targets, or how to quick-reload-
Commander Mauler: SHUT UP! I want a GODDAMN REASON TO KEEP YOU, AND
IF YOU CAN'T FIGHT YOU ARE OF NO USE TO ME. You have until 1600 to
retrain on this course, or I'm debating leaving you on the nearest
planet! OXYGEN NOT GUARANTEED. DO I MAKE MYSELF
CRYSTAL-GODDAMN-CLEAR?
Operative Slicer: Sir, you must be joking, we can't train someone-
Commander Mauler: DISMISSED. SEE YOU THEN, DEADEYE! [Door opening and
closing]
Operative Gutter: Oh man…
Operative Slicer: Bastard…
Operative Grazer: He wasn't serious, dude. I don't… think he was
serious… right, Slicer?
Operative Slicer: We have about two hours. Let's go. Start up the
simulation again.
[TIME START: 1416]
Operative Slicer: Don't move your hands or your wrists, just twist
keep your face glued to the gun
Operative Grazer: That's 14 now, dude. 3 mmmmore targets fromm the
right
Operative Gutter: [Gunfire] Rrrggh
Operative Slicer: Damn it, Gutter, don't swing your weapon so far,
you know where the targets go. It is a preset path, just hover where
they will be.
Operative Gutter: I'm trying…
[TIME START: 1445]
Operative Grazer: That's… 15

Operative Slicer: Damn it, that's not good enough. You need to start
trying a lot harder, Gutter
Operative Gutter: I'm trying, okay?
Operative Slicer: Is that score what you call trying? The commander
is going to kill you and this is what you call trying?! Do it. Again.
And focus.
Operative Gutter: My arms are starting to get tired, Slicer-
Operative Slicer: Grazer, start it again.
Operative Grazer: MMMhmmm… Simmmulation is a go
[TIME START: 1526]
Operative Grazer: 20 out of 30. That's 66%

Operative Slicer: You have to be goddamn kidding. Gutter, did I do
something wrong in all of this?
Operative Gutter: I-I'm trying, Slicer, I-
Operative Slicer: Are you stupid?! There's no trying here, you will
be under the eye of the commander and he will fucking KILL you by the
hour if you don't produce successful results. Are you not grasping
that?
Operative Gutter: I don't… know
Operative Slicer: You don't KNOW. Isn't that wonderful? I don't know.
I don't know either, Gutter. I don't know where I failed you.
Operative Gutter: You didn't… fail me
Operative Slicer: The commander expected me to train you to be an
operative. you were counting on ME to train YOU to be an operative. I
have FAILED you. I failed… you
Operative Gutter: [Murmured sobbing]
Operative Slicer: Gutter I'm… sorry. You're a good kid- A good
operative. We're going to do this, okay?
Operative Gutter: I don't want to d-dissapoint you…
Operative Slicer: You could never. I'm proud of how far you've come,
okay? You're going to do this.
Operative Grazer: YOU GO, LITTLE DUDE!
Operative Gutter: Okay… okay! I can do this! Hooah!!
Operative Grazer: Hooah!!
Operative Slicer: Yes, yes, hooah, now no more being sappy, get back
to it.
[TIME START: 1554]
Operative Grazer: 24! That's 80%, that's qualifying!

Operative Slicer: You did it… you passed!
Operative Gutter: YES! YES-YES-YES-YES-YES!
Operative Grazer: You did it faster than I did it, dude! Took mmme a
whole week! Proud of you, mmman!
Operative Slicer: [Sharp exhaling] Okay, let's not lose composure.
You need to do this again in front of the commander
Operative Gutter: Mhm…
Operative Slicer: Hey, you got this, Gutter. You already know exactly
what to do, just call on your training. I believe you can do this.
Operative Gutter: Thank you Slicer! For everything!
Operative Slicer: Just… my duties, Gutter, but you're welcome
Operative Grazer: You're about to kill it, little dude [Door opening
and closing]
Commander Mauler: Alrighty, now's the time!
Operative Grazer: S-sir!! You're gonna love it, Gutter's been working
his butt off on this ra-
Commander Mauler: Shut up, tubby! I'll believe it when I SEE IT.
Operative Grazer: Jeez dude… Uh-okay, Gutter, now's the time dude…
Operative Slicer: You have this. I know you do
Operative Gutter: Mhm!
Commander Mauler: Hold on, I got the… stupid score sheet printed
out-HERE WE ARE [Paper flapping] Operative Gutter, this is your
second and final attempt at the Syndicate Standard Weapons
Qualification Simulation! If you do not meet the minimum passing
score of 21 out of 30 targets hit, you will have failed to meet my
standard! Failure to meet my standard will result in… Meh, I'll keep
it a surprise! I'll find it hilarious at least!! Bahahahahahah!! 10
SECONDS UNTIL I GET THIS FUCKER STARTED
Operative Gutter: Ready in 5, sir!!
Commander Mauler: HAH, It'll take a LOT MORE THAN THAT TO IMPRESS ME,
TUBE-BABY. SIM STARTS NOW
Operative Gutter: [Gunfire]
Commander Mauler: 5… Easy so far
Operative Gutter: [Gunfire] Rgh…
Commander Mauler: HAH! My grandma could hit that shot!! You're at 8
now, hotshot!
Operative Gutter: [Gunfire]
Commander Mauler: Alright, 15 now! Too bad this is the last cycle!
I'm thinking THETA for you!! Maybe you'll take a brullbar with you if
you're lucky!!
Operative Gutter: NOT A CHANCE, SIR! [Gunfire]
Commander Mauler: TALKIN THE TALK, BUT NOT WALKIN THE WALK, YOU'RE AT
19, LAST 3 TARGETS.
Operative Slicer: Take the shot!
Operative Grazer: YOU GOT THIS DUDE
Operative Gutter: DIE!! [Gunfire]
Commander Mauler: Hah! 20… 2. 22! Well, well, goddamn well! You
passed! Ain't that something, eh??
Operative Slicer: Holy shit… Gutter, you did it!
Operative Grazer: WOOOOOOO!!
Operative Gutter: HOOAH!
Commander Mauler: EVERYONE SHUT UP! SAVE YOUR HOOAHS AND HOLLERING
FOR LATER. Right now, you are all to report to the bridge, time NOW.
Operatives in unison: Yes sir!
[TIME START: May 23, 2050 1620]
Commander Mauler: Everyone here?!

Operative Slicer: Accounted for, sir
Operative Sparker: Here, sssir
Operative Grazer: Yo!
Operative Pummeler: Present…
Operative Gutter: Accounted for, sir!
Commander Mauler: Sweet, makes this easier! Well, first off, let's
extend a WARM welcome to our newest member of the team, Operative
Gutter! Who I have determined will be a MORE than helpful asset in
our [Trumpet noises being made with mouth] NEXT MISSION!
Operative Sparker: I wassss wondering when we'd get one of thosssse.
Commander Mauler: Now that I got you all squared away on the training
bullshit, We got a covert op straight from High Command!
Operative Slicer: Covert op?
Operative Grazer: Sounds like big business.
Commander Mauler: We were told to meet at these coords for further
instruction, nearby Outpost 23!
Operative Pummeler: Hey, wait, isn't that pretty close to NT
territory?
Commander Mauler: WELL THAT'S WHY IT'S A COVERT OP, DUH. They said
they'll explain the mission once we arrive. The area's already
scouted and cleared, we'll just post up nearby and keep our comms
down until then!
Operative Gutter: Oh jeez.
Operative Slicer: Do we know if we need any more resources, sir?
Supplies, equipment. "A covert op" is a little vague, usually High
Command gives explicit orders.
Commander Mauler: You all and your damn questions! Questions,
questions, questions!! Where's your SPIRIT? Gimme some damn SYNDIE
PRIDE, HUH?? WET NOODLES, ALL OF YOU
Operative Gutter: HOOAH, SIR!!
Commander Mauler: THERE WE GO, took someone long enough… We move to
coords and await further instructions no later than 1100 tomorrow! In
the meantime, you will all prepare yourselves to move out and kill!
Weapons maintenance and equipment checks for the rest of the day,
lets see shit happen! Dismissed!
Operatives in unison: Yes, sir!
Transcript - Crew Quarters Common Room Intercom

[TIME START: May 23, 2050 1743]
Operative Slicer: Alright, let's go through the checklist. Helmet
with padding and covering?
Operative Gutter: Check!
Operative Slicer: Optical thermal scanner and calibrated team
headset?
Operative Gutter: [Dial turning] Check!
Operative Sparker: [Door opening and closing] SSSSSSSShlisher.. Have
you hic-triedh Grasher's imported brewsh? SSSSHome ssssoviet shtuff,
it'sshh AWESHOME… WOOO!
Operative Grazer: Y-you're like a party lizhard-hic-dude… crazy,
mmmmman! [Stammering laughing]
Operative Gutter: Are they okay? They look poisoned…
Operative Slicer: They're fine, just… pre-mission rituals. I don't
recommend it, but it helps calm the nerves
Operative Sparker: That'sssssh cuz you're uh SSSSQHUARE… HAHHAH…
SSSSSSSSQQHUAARE…
Operative Grazer: Hhhhaaah!! Hold up thoughh… I ghot shommmmmmore
undher my bunkh. Itshh cinnamon flavoredh!
Operative Sparker: Ohhhh sssshit yeah, letsh gho! [Door opening and
closing]
Operative Gutter: Weird
Operative Slicer: Yes, but still great operatives nonetheless.
Trained professionals determined to their duty
Operative Gutter: Do you like being an operative? It looks really
stressful sometimes.
Operative Slicer: All jobs are stressful sometimes, granted, ours is
even downright dangerous. Despite that, I take a lot of pride in our
mission. We are an elite force, Gutter. Very few in the Syndicate,
much less the galaxy, can handle what we do.
Operative Gutter: Woah… Maybe I'll be as good as you all one day?
Operative Slicer: It won't be easy. It took us all a long time to get
where we are. Even the commander was just a confused lieutenant once.
Don't tell him I told you that.
Operative Gutter: Uh… okay. Hey um… nevermind, probably a stupid
question.
Operative Slicer: There's no such thing, Gutter.
Operative Gutter: Don't you ever get worried you'll… you know… like
if a mission goes bad-
Operative Slicer: You're asking if I ever think about dying.
Operative Gutter: I mean, yeah! Isn't it scary? Doing all of these
deadly missions?
Operative Slicer: [Sighing] You'll probably never get a straight
answer on that, honestly. Some people tune it out, some people deny
it, it's… focus on the mission, okay?
Operative Gutter: Okay… It's gonna go good, right?
Operative Slicer: It will go perfect. Just follow your orders and
keep your head up.
Operative Gutter: I'll do you proud, Slicer! Hooah!!
Operative Slicer: [Snickering] Hooah, operative. No idea why the
commander even says that… Alright, let's keep this checklist moving,
then we'll get dinner.
Operative Gutter: Man, I hate spaghetti night
Operative Slicer: Mm… Tell you what. I'll buy you pancakes, kid. I
hate spaghetti night too.

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1121]
Commander Mauler: Pick up… PICK UP, DAMN IT

Operative Pummeler: This op reeks, man. We're basically asking NT to
find us out here
Operative Grazer: Come on mmmman, Higher hasn't less us down yet!
I'mmm sure there's a reason they got us here
Operative Slicer: I'll say it's odd. For an urgent mission, they seem
fairly lax on established operation deadlines
Operative Gutter: Do you think they forgot?
Commander Mauler: FORGOT?! JUST LEFT THEIR INSTRUCTIONS FOR A COVERT
MISSION ON THEIR GODDAMN KITCHEN COUNTER, YOU THINK, HUH?! I SWEAR TO
GOD, I'M GONNA TAKE SOMEONE'S EYEBALLS [Transmission connects]
High Command (Unknown Name): Good morning
Commander Mauler: RIP THEM OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS
High Command: Good. Morning.
Commander Mauler: AND SHOVE THEM UP THE OWNER'S A-
Operative Sparker: SSSSSIR, THE SSSSCREEN!!
Commander Mauler: OH… Good morning, sir! Reporting for further
instruction!
High Command: Finally. We were convinced you had failed to meet our
established report time
Commander Mauler: WHAT-... BUT YOU-...
High Command: First things first. We read your signal at the meeting
point
Operative Grazer: Just as you asked, sir!
High Command: This is not good
Operative Grazer: You're welco-huh?
High Command: We cannot, under any circumstances, allow the Andesite
to be tracked. You are to shut down any non-critical systems and
minimize your signature.
Operative Slicer: I see… but, what if we are discovered? Restarting
the ship would at minimum take a few minutes, which would give
Nanotrasen-
Commander Mauler: You heard your gatdamned superiors! Pummeler, go
down to the engine and get it done!
Operative Pummeler: Aye aye, sir
High Command: Good. I understand you have concerns regarding your
position. Be assured Operation Choking Grasp has been tailored for
the highest chance of success.
Commander Mauler: Sir, with all due respect, I ain't all that damn
confident about any'a this! We're a few minutes out from an NT
outpost, and now we're damn sittin' ducks!!
High Command: Oh, but commander, we have full faith in your ability.
In fact, your advancement is in consideration after this mission.
Operative Slicer: Is this really the time to be discussing rank?
Commander Mauler: You mean I'll FINALLY get my own fleet?! I'm gonna
name each of 'em after my fish!! THE BIGGEST POD IS GONNA BE NAMED
CLAMMY JANE!! BAHAHAH!
High Command: Oh, you will be handsomely compensated, commander.
Would you like to hear how?
Operative Gutter: Don't we have to… do a mission?
Operative Grazer: Yeah, sir, I thought this stuff was urgent
High Command: What you all will do is be patient, stay here, and
entrust we will get that sorted. In the meantime, we have a very long
and intensive list that you need to listen and agree to, commander.
You understand how paperwork is.
Operative Slicer: When have we ever had to do admin work just before
a mission? This is inane, surely this can wait for-
Commander Mauler: HUSH, THEY'RE GONNA TELL ME THE SPECS ON MY FLAMER
POD! I WANT FIRE DECALS, NON-NEGOTIABLE
Transcript - Power Room Intercom

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1141]
Operative Pummeler: [Power draining, devices deactivating] Alright… I

really don't get it, honestly. We aren't gonna be caught out just by
our signals or whatever. I'm almost positive we already ran our
checks on that or… whatever. Look at me, trying to speak against the
proud and eternally genius High Command [Scoffs] [Welding sparks]
What the-
NT-OP-UNIFORM-42: 75%... 85%
Operative Pummeler: Are those sparks?
NT-OP-ECHO-42: 100%, Weapons free, breach and clear
NT-OP-ECHO-45: Weapons free
NT-OP-ECHO-50: Weapons free
Operative Pummeler: FUCK! [Sprinting]
NT-OP-ECHO-42: Contact, contact, contact! [Laser fire]
Transcript - Engineering Intercom
[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1142]
Operative Pummeler: [Door opening and panting] [Intercom connects to

bridge intercom] SIR!!
Commander Mauler (Bridge Intercom): High Command, sir, OBVIOUSLY I
want a gold trim on Pod Charlie-WHAT, PUMMELER??
Operative Pummeler: T-the hull, they-they-they-
Commander Mauler: They-they-they-they-SPEAK UP AND STOP WASTING MY
TIME
Operative Pummeler: You all need-T-to
Commander Mauler: SPIT IT. THE FUCK. OUT.
Operative Pummeler: CONTACT-BLLGK-[Laser fire] [Intercom disconnects]

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1142]
Commander Mauler: …Aw fuck

Operative Sparker: I'm sssssorry, did they say CONTACT?
Operative Slicer: What the fuck?! You gave us this dead drop location
and said it was secured!!
Commander Mauler: MOTHERFUCKERS!! WE DID THE DAMN SHUTDOWN AND
EVERYTHING, HOW DID THEY FIND US?!
High Command (Nanotrasen Admiral Kalam): Because you've been a thorn
in Nanotrasen's side for long enough
Operative Grazer: What does that mmmean?
Operative Slicer: No…
Admiral Kalam: You all are a more than capable fighting force. And as
such, a priority target.
Operative Slicer: We got played for goddamn fools…
Commander Mauler: RRGGHH! [Papers being tossed] YOU FUCKS! YOU
BLUE-SKINNED TWO-TIMING FUCKHEAD!!
Admiral Kalam: Take pride in this. You were hard to locate, it's a
miracle we came across the signal like we did.
Operative Slicer: That's impossible, what would they have even picked
up? Even if they read anything we sent out, it's encrypted… I don't
understand-
Commander Mauler: I'll CLEAVE THROUGH YOUR SKULL WITH MY OWN TWO
HANDS! I'M GONNA TAKE EVERY NT DOG OF YOURS AND RUN MY FINGERS
THROUGH THEIR EYE SOCKETS!!
Operative Sparker: SSSSir, we need to move now!! They're on the ship
and coming right for us!
Admiral Kalam: You know, surrender is an option. We might even reduce
your life sentences by a few years, provided you give intel.
Operative Gutter: F-FUCK YOU… BLUE GUY!
Commander Mauler: WHAT HE SAID.
Admiral Kalam: Very well. You will be dealt with efficiently
[Transmission disconnects]
Commander Mauler: GRAZER, SLICER, CLEAR EAST HALLS. SPARKER, GUTTER,
CLEAR WEST HALLS. YOU GOT YOUR ORDERS, MOVE IT!
Operatives in unison: Yes sir!
Operative Sparker: Just… follow my lead, Gutter
Operative Gutter: Okay!

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1155]
NT-OP-ROMEO-2: Kitchen clear of hostiles, sweep and secure remaining

zones.
NT-OP-ROMEO-4: Reporting sight lines
NT-OP-ROMEO-5: Reporting sight lines [Bottle breaking] …Eyes up [Ten
seconds of silence] [Rolling stun grenade] Huh?!
Operative Sparker: [Cloak deactivating] Wasssn't ready for that one?
NT-OP-ROMEO-2: FLASH FLASH FLA-[Stun grenade explosion followed by
gunfire]
Operative Gutter: Oh wow… nice job!
Operative Sparker: Hah, you know how I roll.
Operative Gutter: Alright, what's next, gym?
Operative Sparker: Keep frossssty, letsss go
Transcript - Common Room Intercom

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1156]
Operative Grazer: [Indecipherable whispering]

Operative Slicer: [Indecipherale whispering] [Door opening]
[Shushing]
NT-OP-TANGO-6: Motion check, all radials. Room one, set to clear
NT-OP-TANGO-4: Room one, set to clear [Door kicked open, followed by
laser fire] Cleared
NT-OP-TANGO-6: Room two, set to clear
NT-OP-TANGO-7: [Door kicked open, followed by laser fire] Cleared
NT-OP-TANGO-6: Room three, set to clear
NT-OP-TANGO-4: Room three, set-[Gunfire]-AGH!! [Sustained gunfire and
laser fire] [Panting]
Operative Grazer: MMMMMotherfucker… Dude got mmmme in the chest….
Operative Slicer: Shit… alright, let's make way to medical. Are you
still good to fight?
Operative Grazer: Always, dude…!
Mission Log Clamped Grasp

[May 24, 2050 Approx 1200]
Officer Brooks: Contact wit' Tango is lost, Admiral…

Admiral Kalam: As unfortunate as this is, I expected it. Send in
Special Operatives Team Alpha
Officer Brooks: Are ye sure, Admiral? The lads are up against some
tough opposition.
Admiral Kalam: They were handpicked for this mission, Brooks. I have
full confidence in them. Tell them to enter portside, through their
medical wing hull.
Officer Brooks: Aye aye, Admiral
Admiral Kalam: And give them authorization to use breach charges. I
want them and their ship demolished.
Transcript - Medical Intercom

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1217]
Operative Slicer: [Radio activating and deactivating] You and Gutter

are alright? Alright, you got the gym and range, but stay safe. Check
corners and don't get complacent just because we got most of them.
Over and out
Operative Grazer: How are they doing…?
Operative Slicer: Good… they are doing good
Operative Grazer: Look at little mmman, huh? Already killing his
first NT ops!
Operative Slicer: …I'm scared for him
Operative Grazer: Real talk? I'mmmm not worried about Josh. I think
he's gonna do nothing but rock it with us!
Operative Slicer: [Chuckles] You still call him Josh?
Operative Grazer: Oh, commmme on, dude! It's fitting!
Operative Slicer: Alright now, let's keep getting you healed. We need
to prepare to evac ourselves A.S.A.P. [Murmured beeping noises]
What's that?
Operative Grazer: What's what-[Explosion] [Transmission force-ends]
POD 29-29
142.1 ASSIGNED NTFREQ
RADIO: ACTIVE
POD STATUS: GREEN
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Report?
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Eesh. Got one heat-sig running down the hall with
limp, female. One bovine, cold-sig by blast
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: Requesting further guidance?
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Split and pursue
[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1227]
Operative Sparker: SSSSlicer, do you read me? SSSSlicer. Do. You.

Read. Me?
Operative Gutter: Why isn't she answering..?
Operative Sparker: Beatssss me… hell, Grazer, that dumbassss better
not have done sssomething-
Operative Gutter: What's wrong?-EEK-
Operative Sparker: SSSSSH… ssssssame plan asss lasssst time, okay?
Operative Gutter: Okay…
RADIO: ACTIVE
OPERATIVE STATUS - GREEN
REQUISITIONED EQUIPMENT - CORNICEN ENERGY RIFLE, NT HEAVY BALLISTIC
OVERSUIT, OPTICAL GOGGLES (THERMAL), DETAINMENT ESSENTIALS KIT
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: We got two heat-sig on my 3 o clock

NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Copy, prepare course to target and kill
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Negatory on one heat-sig, lost viscon… some high
tier cloak-tech there…
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Prep Asset 8
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Area flash is a go, Lights on
OPFOR INSTANCE 1: FUCK, MY EYESSSS!
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Viscon established, executing
OPFOR INSTANCE 2: SPARKER, NO!!
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Hostile down, one remaining heat sig… Is he
crying? Jesus, first op much.
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Don't lose your bearing, Cassandra, focus up.
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Fine. Lets make contact with the heat-sig and
execute, he's running 1 o clock

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1230]
Commander Mauler: [Computer alarm beeping] FUCKING… USELESS IDIOTS…

that's TWO life-signatures down now!! I knew those fuckers couldn't
handle it… Alright, just make my way to escape pods, easy peasy!!
RADIO: ACTIVE
REQUISITIONED EQUIPMENT - SEE NTLOG INSTANCE 1
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: Requesting current sitrep from Split Bravo
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Copy. Split Bravo reports two heat-sig contacts in
cafeteria. One heat-sig remaining, currently on run starboard hall.
Bravo: 100% efficiency. Opfor: 50%. Requesting sitrep from Split
Alpha.
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: Copy. Split Alpha reports contact with pursued
opfor. Opfor fired on my position, fire was returned. Alpha: 80%
efficiency. Opfor: 10%.
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Confidence in opfor estimation?
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: High. I know how to shoot
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Fair enough. Move to bridge
Transcript - Gym Intercom

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1236]
Operative Gutter: No no no no no no… Oh no…

Operative Slicer: [Pained breathing] Gutter…?
Operative Gutter: SLICER?! You're okay?!
Operative Slicer: Where's… Sparker…?
Operative Gutter: Th-they… h-he… [whimpering]
Operative Slicer: Damn it…
Operative Gutter: Where's Grazer?!
Operative Slicer: I'm… sorry…
Operative Gutter: We-we're gonna make it right?? We just need to heal
you a bit and we're gonna get everyone out!! We can't give up, you
can't stop now, right?? T-this is gonna be my first mission and we're
gonna make it out-
Operative Slicer: Gutter, shhh… Listen to me… you are so strong… you
need to protect the commander, okay…?
Operative Gutter: BUT YOU, AND… I NEED YOU, AND GRAZER AND… SPARKER
AND.. PUMME-...PUMME…
Operative Slicer: Shhhh… You're one of the best… you need to be
strong… [Coughing] Go find the commander and get to the… escape pods…
Operative Gutter: Slicer…
Operative Slicer: I'm… so proud of… you…
RADIO: ACTIVE
OPERATIVE STATUS - YELLOW
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: See any of ours on the way?

NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Saw squad Romeo, no survivors.
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: Hell… alright, prepare to breach bridge. Charges
set
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Ready
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Ready
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: 3… 2… 1, Breach breach breach!

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1238]
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: [Explosion] Left no heat-sig

NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: Right no heat-sig
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Center has… no heat-sig. Commander isn't here.
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Well fuck. Where could they be then?
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: If we somehow managed to pass them, they could be
anywhere on the ship
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: I could flip through the camera system. Unless it
has a password or-
Announcement Computer: ESCAPE POD –4- PREPARING FOR DEPARTURE
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Hah. You heard the lady. Lets go
Transcript - Dock Intercom

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 1239]
Commander Mauler: Come on, COME ON! GOD DAMNED AUTHORIZATION

BULLSHIT! SKIP THE DAMN SOFTWARE UPDATE!
Operative Gutter: [Panting] SIR?!
Commander Mauler: GUTTER?! What the HELL are you doing away from your
post?! Where's your squad?! Oh right, they're all dead. FUCK.
Operative Gutter: S-Slicer said I need to protect you…
Commander Mauler: PROTECT ME?! FINE, POST SECURITY WHILE I BOOT UP
THIS THING
Operative Gutter: Are we gonna be… okay, sir?
Commander Mauler: Well, depends on if I can get these damn
coordinates punched in for me… Come on, was it… 422?? FUCK, WHY DON'T
THEY NAME THESE BEACONS…
Operative Gutter: Sir I… hear footsteps!!
Commander Mauler: HAH! THIS ONE'S TO THE CAIRGORN!! I'M SAFE!!
Operative Gutter: We are?!
Commander Mauler: Ehhhh, well, if you can get your OWN escape pod,
then sure! Rated for one person and one person only, and I ain't
riskin saving YOUR ass! BAHAHAH! See you kid!!
Operative Gutter: But… y-you said we don't run from-
Commander Mauler: WHO THE HELL IS WE?!
Operative Gutter: They all.. D-died-
Commander Mauler: Would you shut up?! I can hear 'em too now! I gotta
punch in the rest fast, skip the safety procedure!
Operative Gutter: They… DIED FOR YOU!! [Charging footsteps]
Commander Mauler: WHAT ARE YOU-OOF! [Impact]
Escape Pod Auto-System: Pod 4 recognizes non-recommended weight.
Continue launch?
Commander Mauler: N-NRHGHHH!!
Escape Pod Auto-System: Authorization recognized. Thank you,
Commander [Laser fire]
RADIO: ACTIVE
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: Two heat-sigs recognized, escape pod, execute

NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: Losing contact, sustain fire, sustain fire
NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-1: We got hits, don't drop fire!
{ESCAPE POD 4 – BLACK BOX DATA SNIPPET 24MAY2@%(}

{PASSENGERS - 2 AUTHORIZATION TO LA8@(# (* )%(#)MMNDER MAULER}
{COORDINATES - X: 25.20 Y: 252.@!!}
{HULL STATUS - 70% INTERN#92 STA2@# > @)?!@#!}
{DESTINATION - NOT FO@*#}
{REDIRECTING - BEACON MORS !!!!!NULL!!!!!}
THE PRECEDING TRANSCRIPTS DEMONSTRATE THE ENTIRETY OF OPERATION

CLAMPED GRASP. THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION IS SUPPLEMENTARY INFORMATION
ON THE WHEREABOUTS OF SYNDICATE OPFOR 285 AND COMPILE 1958322.
CONSIDERATIONS FOR ANALYZATION OF DATA CONCERNING PLANET MORS ARE
NOTED.
Mor Outpost Golf - Syndicate Observation Post (Abandoned)

Transcript - Kitchen Intercom
[TIME START: May 24, 2050, 2310]
Commander Mauler: [Explosion and rubble] [Gasping and grunting] YOU…

RGHGHG… WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!
Operative Gutter: Owwwww…
Commander Mauler: Fucknozzles shot the damn ship!! Must of taken out
a few guidance systems… not to mention your DUMBASS
Operative Gutter: OW… DUST IN MY EYES!
Commander Mauler: Dust?! Jesus fuck, it is RED OUTSIDE… AWWWW FUCK!!
WE'RE AT MORS!!!
Operative Gutter: What's Mors?
Commander Mauler: A dirtball of fuck-all but RED SAND and MARTIANS…
FUCK!! WHY ME, HUH?! I DO EVERY GOD DAMN THING RIGHT!!
Operative Gutter: I don't… know, sir…
Commander Mauler: I… no, comms were encrypted… we planned out our
cruise path outside of enemy radius… IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCK ALL SPACE…
HOW…
Operative Gutter: Maybe from the um… research outpost?
Commander Mauler: NO, YOU DUMBASS. How would a research outpost track
a damn cruiser?? Unless we just took a damn beacon on… board… Bahah.
Bahahah!
Operative Gutter: Is… something funny?
Commander Mauler: BAHAHAHA! BAAAAAHAAAAHAAAAH! YOUUUU.
Operative Gutter: Sir?!-[Boot impact] URGK!
Commander Mauler: How else but YOU?! And your DUMBASS POD?! How else
could they have found us?!
Operative Gutter: [Boot impact] Siiiir…
Commander Mauler: If I hadn't brought your sorry ass… IF I JUST SHOT
YOU DEAD WE'D NEVER HAVE BEEN HERE! IT'S YOUR GODDAMN FAULT!
Operative Gutter: Nooo… [Whimpering] [Boot impact]
Commander Mauler: SHUT UP! I could still have my SHIP! My CREW!! I
LOST EVERYTHING AND FOR WHAT, YOUR SORRY ASS?! I TRADED IN MY ENTIRE
FORCE FOR ONE USELESS… TUBE-FACED… MOTHER-[Boot impact]-FUCKER!!
Operative Gutter: Iiii'm ssssoorrryyyy….
Commander Mauler: I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT GOING FORWARD. YOU.
KILLED. EVERYONE. Those BODIES on that ship?? That blood is on YOUR
HANDS, SOLDIER! Congrats on being a KILLER. Now GET UP!
Operative Gutter: [Whimpering]
Commander Mauler: You goddamn baby… [Door opening and closing]
Transcript - Main Room Intercom

[TIME START: May 24, 2050 2100]
Commander Mauler: What do we got for supplies?? A few medkits, not a

lotta food left, training logs… armory's only got a few phasers left,
they cleaned out the rest… fuck it, it'll do! Alright, tube-baby, I'm
gonna pound down this protein bar and sleep up!! Next hit time is
0800 to scout!! SEE YOU THEN, SOLDIER. [Door opening and closing]
Operative Gutter: [Groaning] [Dragging] [Bumping into a table, a
player tape hits the ground] Owwwww…
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: We[Tape warping]o the basics course,
designed to refresh both old time agents and fresh agents alike to
the proper customs, courtesies, rank structure, weapon systems, and
many more fundamentals of the Syndicate to ensure your success as an
operative. Please press the play button to continue. To pause the
tape, press the pause button.
Operative Gutter: O…okay…
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: Chapter 1: History. The fundamental
principles that put pride into our agents is how and why the
Syndicate was first formed. You may note most information of the
Syndicate to the public eye, is heavily swayed in Nanotrasen,
otherwise referred to as N.T., favor, often referring to us as
"Terrorists" or "Insurgents".
Operative Gutter: That's so not fair… Slicer wasn't a danger… well
she was, she killed people… we all did… but she was really nice.
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: What some do not realize was that the
Syndicate was created in opposition to the oppression of Nanotrasen's
control on the star sector as a whole. The Syndicate is not just a
collection of factions, but an idea that retaliates against monopoly.
Against restrictive control on what not the few have a right to, but
the many. Where Nanotrasen sees know-nothings and convicts without
reason to serve them, the Syndicate sees visionaries, warriors, the
future of our galaxy. From earth and beyond, you, no matter who you
are or what you come from, will hold a vital role in forwarding the
Syndicate's mission: The destruction of Nanotrasen and all for which
it stands.
Operative Gutter: Cool…
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: Due to the Syndicate's expansive and
adaptive methodology, you may be in possession of a variety or small
amount of weaponry and equipment. We as an organization must be able
to contend with Nanotrasen on all battlefields, with any armament at
our disposal. With this in mind, the one thing the Syndicate cannot
provide you is your spirit. This, you must bring yourself to truly
bring yourself to the level of an operative that the Syndicate needs.
If you would like a motivational speech performed by Major Fixraki,
the Syndicate's Morale Support Speaker, please continue listening as
normal. Otherwise, press Play to skip.
Operative Gutter: Sure… I could use something right now…
Major Fixraki (Character in Syndicate Basics, Vol 1): Listen to me,
operative! I know what it's like out there! You're facing one helluva
battle, and it's not gonna be easy!
Operative Gutter: Yeah, I know…
Major Fixraki: But that is NO excuse! There are people counting on
you! Not just your squad, not just your command, but the whole damn
Syndicate!
Operative Gutter: They probably don't even know we're out here…
Major Fixraki: Because you have that spirit in you! You do, don't
tell anyone, especially not yourself, that you don't! Remind
yourself, TELL yourself that you do! Do it now!
Operative Gutter: I have spirit…
Major Fixraki: Say it louder!
Operative Gutter: I have spirit, jeez…
Major Fixraki: Say it like you mean it, with the fury and might of
your allies and your values!
Operative Gutter: I have spirit!
Major Fixraki: YOU! HAVE! SPIRIT!
Operative Gutter: I HAVE SPIRIT-
Commander Mauler: SHUT UP!!
Operative Gutter: oops-
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: I hope the previous speech has helped you in
gaining your fighting spirit. Hooah. Press the play button to
continue to chapter 2.
Operative Gutter: [Whispering] Uh… no thank you. But next time…!
Goodnight…!
[TIME START: May 25, 2050 0810]
Commander Mauler: RISE AND SHINE, NUMBNUTS!

Operative Gutter: AHH!
Commander Mauler: While you were sleeping on the ground like a
tuckered-out baby, I scouted out our lucky break!
Operative Gutter: Really?
Commander Mauler: No, I made that up to sound cool-YES, REALLY. I got
some data that the martians ganked one of this station's pod! Which
MEANS we might have some form of fuckery outta this joint!
Operative Gutter: Okay… so where is it?
Commander Mauler: PATIENCE, FUCKHEAD, I'M GETTING THERE.
Operative Gutter: …
Commander Mauler: A couple clicks out to our west should be an old
martian outpost, we get there, see the stats on that pod, and we fly
outta this armpit of a planet, howzat sound??
Operative Gutter: I guess it's as-
Commander Mauler: "GOOD, SIR" IS THE CORRECT RESPONSE. Now hurry up,
we're getting gear on!
Operative Gutter: Yes, sir
Transcript - Armory Intercom

[TIME START: May 25, 2050, 0840]
Operative Gutter: Helmets don't seem like they keep out sand good
Commander Mauler: Come on, it's called "adapting"! So what, a little
red sand in your lungs, it's like… nutrients! Delivered via wind!
Besides, not like we can get PICKY with our equipment.
Operative Gutter: We could probably at least get some loose fabric
from the bays to help keep sand out, like a bandana…!
Commander Mauler: Well look at you, tinkerer Gutter… fine. Lets see,
standard RP-K phasers, a few spare batts, body armor. I ain't felt
more ready in my life! You better have read the map I provided!
Operative Gutter: I did
Commander Mauler: Oh yeah?? Well… spare cells??
Operative Gutter: Left chest pocket?
Commander Mauler: Pff, left chest pocket?? Amateur… come on, let's
go!
RADIO: ACTIVE
144.4 ASSIGNED FREQ
LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS: GREEN
Commander Mauler: TESTING. TESTING.

Operative Gutter: I read you uh, Lima Charlie! How me?
Commander Mauler: Loud and clear!! Alright, you read those coords I
drew out for you??
Operative Gutter: I um… I tried, sir
Commander Mauler: You TRIED and FAILED?!
Operative Gutter: No one ever taught me how to read!
Commander Mauler: WHY WOULD WE HAVE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO READ?! FUCK!
FORGET IT, JUST LISTEN! We're going 3.4 clicks straight 270 to reach
this signal that SHOULD be a pod sending out a distress signal.
Thing's probably our only chance out of this SHIT HOLE. Any
questions?
Operative Gutter: Sir, wh-
Commander Mauler: Good, turn on oxy and let's move!
Operative Gutter: [Grumbling]
[RADIO SILENCE: 10 MINUTES]
Operative Gutter: Can I ask a question now, sir?

Commander Mauler: …WHAT
Operative Gutter: What are "mortians"
Commander Mauler: No. MARTIANS, not MORTIANS
Operative Gutter: But we're on Mors… what the heck is Mars?
Commander Mauler: Ugh, no, Mars is a planet they WENT to, they CAME
from Mors, here.
Operative Gutter: So… they came from Mors
Commander Mauler: Yes.
Operative Gutter: …So they're mortians
Commander Mauler: SHUT UP, WE FOUND THEM ON MARS FIRST, THEY'RE
MARTIANS
Operative Gutter: Okay. How much farther do we have?
Commander Mauler: A good bit longer if you keep asking about it!
What's our pace count, huh? Ever think of that??
Operative Gutter: 472 steps for me, sir! So I guess that's about 600
meters…
Commander Mauler: Holy shit you kept track?-WELL GOOD, I AM TOO. BUT
NO GUESSING, OR WE'LL TURN BACK AROUND AND DO IT AGAIN.
Operative Gutter: Oh… what's your pace count at, sir?
Commander Mauler: KEEP WALKING
Operative Gutter: Uh… okay
Commander Mauler: Rgh… RGGHH

Operative Gutter: Sir?
Commander Mauler: Stupid strap keeps coming loose! Can't holster
jack-shit in this thing!
Operative Gutter: Um… sir, that isn't how the belt loops-
Commander Mauler: Oh, sorry, BOY SCOUT, didn't know I was dealing
with a PRO.
Operative Gutter: Just… the strap laces into the armor… sir
Commander Mauler: No it doesn't!! Look, it just-
Operative Gutter: Goes in, right there… like I said-[Impact] OW!
Commander Mauler: DON'T GET SMART OR I'LL KNOCK YOU STUPID. KEEP
WALKING
Commander Mauler: FUCK-

Operative Gutter: What's wrong, sir-WOAH
Commander Mauler: GET DOWN… LOOK, DUMBASS… CON-TACT
Operative Gutter: O-Oh jeez… that's what they look like?
Commander Mauler: Yeah, and they'll turn us to CHUNKS if we don't
take care of them… they're already scuttling the damn pod. DO EXACTLY
AS I SAY, COPY?
Operative Gutter: Copy?
POD 345-28
NO ASSIGNED FREQ. LOCAL ONLY.
RADIO: ACTIVE
POD STATUS: RED
[TRANSLATIONS PRESENT FROM MARTIAN TO COMMON]
Martian Leader (Name Unknown): -DGD GKAZAD MAKTAR ARDATR PLKDAD (-JUST
STOP MESSING WITH IT, MAKTAR, THE SHIP IS LOST)
Martian Soldier 1: KJFPI JDGLSR MRAKKU ADMARA (HAVE HOPE, LEADER.
THERE COULD BE DATA PRESENT LEADING TO MORE OF THEM)
Maritan Leader: LGKSD KDGPAR IMDKG HALKW LKJAD (YOU ARE JUST PRESSING
BUTTONS. THIS IS GETTING US NOWHERE)
Martian Soldier 1: UNKOAD KDRTRA URVA MBUBA. MANDIRI TDAGA MN- (THIS
OPPORTUNITY CANNOT BE SQUANDERED. THE HUNT FOR THE ENEMY-) [Small
pause]
Martian Leader: LGKSD HPODA JDMAE (YOU HEARD IT TOO)
Martian Soldier (Name Unknown): PRGRA GSDAC MENDRA PDLAD? (DO WE
PURSUE NOW?)
Martian Leader: GKJALD IEPA (BE PREPARED)
Martian Soldier 1: TURA! (LOOK!)
Operative Gutter: Hey, you big… butthole-faces!
Martian Soldier 2: GKLJAP IRAPRA! (THE ARROGANCE!)
Martian Leader: TLKT IEPAROA DLRADI MAHRSA KRAR. DGJA (THE CONFIDENCE
IS ADMIRABLE BUT FOOLISH. KILL IT)
Martian Soldier 1: HRADYAM! (FOR GLORY!) [War cry and charging]
Operative Gutter: Sir, what's the plan again?!
Commander Mauler: Just distract them, I'm gonna figure this out!!
Operative Gutter: WHAT?! SIR, THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!
Commander Mauler: THEN KILL THEM BACK!!
Operative Gutter: AHHHH [Phaser firing]
Commander Mauler: [Whistling] Okay, take this plasma canister, this
warp driver… meh, do we NEED a comm array?
Martian Soldier 2: [Gasping and collapsing]
Martian Leader: KRLAH! (PERISH!)
Operative Gutter: [Bones crunching and impact] RRGHH! [Metal
crashing]
Commander Mauler: HEY, WATCH THE SHIP, TOOLBAG! GO FIGHT OVER THERE!
Martian Soldier 1: NPARDA ARDATR HNDSMR CNDDAA! (THE UGLY ONE IS
SALVAGING THE SHIP!)
Commander Mauler: Hah, they called me handsome! Guess
they-[Charging]-FUCK!
Operative Gutter: I GOT THEM! [Phaser firing]
Martian Soldier 1: Heavy breathing] KEGRA… THGGA… (AVENGE ME…
BROTHER…)
Martian Leader: BDAGKR DNANMA! (YOU WILL PAY!)
Operative Gutter: The last one's retreating… we did it!
Commander Mauler: Yeah, yeah, more IMPORTANTLY, I got the warp drive
from the pod! Bring this baby home and we'll be laughing all the way
back to High-C!
Operative Gutter: And some meds. My chest hurts after that…
Commander Mauler: God, you ruin my mood like CRAZY. Lets go!

Commander Mauler: [Heavy breathing]
Operative Gutter: Uh.
Commander Mauler: [Pained gasping] …what…?
Operative Gutter: Why are you looking like that? Your eyes are sunken
and your… stance is weakening-Sir what is your oxygen at?
Commander Mauler: …five… percent…
Operative Gutter: Wh-SIR!! DID YOU NOT FILL IT BEFORE WE LEFT?!
Commander Mauler: …shut… up…
Operative Gutter: Oh come on, um, okay, here… [Valves turning]
Commander Mauler: …what are you… doing… stupi-[Sharp
inhaling]-HHUUHH… OKAY, PHEW! Nice work, tube-o! I feel like a
million bucks!
Operative Gutter: Just keeping my… superior officer fit to… fight,
sir…
Commander Mauler: As you should, trooper!
Commander Mauler: Status report, Gutter!

Operative Gutter: Hhhhhhhuuuuuh…
Commander Mauler: Good!

[TIME START: May 25, 2050 1453]
Commander Mauler: Hah! Too easy, mission success!

Operative Gutter: [Valve disconnecting and heavy gasping]
AAAAAAIIIIIR…
Commander Mauler: Yeah yeah, you big baby, anyway! We got the warp
drive! Now we can just get the warp drive working!
Operative Gutter: Okay I… hooh, I can input the coords into the comm
array you grabbed, sir…
Commander Mauler: The what?
Operative Gutter: The array? It's how the ship knows where to send
the portal?
Commander Mauler: WHAT?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME TO GRAB IT?!
Operative Gutter: Why would I need to tell you?! The comms array
finds places! That's how it works! Pummeler was talking about it to
me, he said it's Ship 101!
Commander Mauler: FUCK YOU, I NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW THAT SHIT!
Operative Gutter: You owned the ship, don't you know how to run it?!
You can't be that fucking dense-[Metal impact]-RGH!
Commander Mauler: YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR GODDAMN TONE, DEAD WEIGHT.
THINK YOU OWN SHIT NOW, HUH?! YOU AIN'T NOTHING! YOU AIN'T A GODDAMN
THING, KILLER! FUCKING. BURDEN. FUCK! WE GOT THAT SQUARED AWAY NOW,
FUCKNOZZLE?!
Operative Gutter: Yes… sir…
Commander Mauler: Good. I'm gonna do some more investigations on the
radio logs. You sit here and be garbage in the meantime! [Door
opening and closing]
Operative Gutter: Asshole… whatever… [Tape clicking and playing]
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: Welcome to chapter 3, Firearms. A primary
method of performing Syndicate operations throughout the system.
While nowadays, Nanotrasen and the common citizen prefers
energy-based laser and plasma weaponry, the Syndicate has elected to
primarily utilize surplus ballistics-based weaponry thanks to our
comrades in Russia.
Operative Gutter: Thanks, Russia
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: Ballistics, while less efficient in space
based combat and requiring ammunition, do have the benefit of
piercing. This allows lasting internal damage not caused by energy
weaponry. Remember: You can't put a bandaid on a bleeding heart.
Operative Gutter: Ruthless…
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: Energy weaponry, however, has a distinct
advantage of battery operation. Crystal based laser weaponry and
plasma based phasers can be recharged at any power station, making
them useful for long-term engagement
Transcript - Crew Quarters Intercom

[TIME START: May 25, 2050 1500]
[COMMON TO MARTIAN TRANSLATOR PRESENT]
Commander Mauler: Yeah, you could find it useful! Uhuh, what coords?
Swag, too easy. (HTTMA, ALYA YEXA XAKDD. UHUH, OADY RXKHD? XADODA
DAYHKA)
[TIME START: May 25, 2050 1559]
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: Chapter 4, Surviving in Plain Sight.

Syndicate operation often involves emplacing operatives directly
within the ranks of Nanotrasen station crewmembers, leadership ranks,
and other workspaces-
Commander Mauler: Turn that off, tube-o, we got our next mission!
Operative Gutter: [Tape clicking] What is it, sir…
Commander Mauler: Alright, so the first ship is compromised! But good
news, I found intel that the martians might have their OWN ship or
two nearby! We could hijack that shit and get ourselves somewhere
that isn't this shithole!
Operative Gutter: Do you honestly think we can take on a whole
martian mothership?
Commander Mauler: Pff, fuck no! But we can EASILY steal a scout ship
if we play our cards right!
Operative Gutter: I guess, sir… better than nothing
Commander Mauler: God, you are SUCH a buzzkill. I'm getting some
grub.

[TIME START: May 25, 2050 1730]
Commander Mauler: God, these burgers suck so hard! Not bad with
ketchup though. [Door opening and closing] Well, there's the killer!
[Pantry opening and rummaging] Nothing to say, huh? Fine, I sure as
hell ain't begging. Why the hell you look so sad? Oh hell, don't tell
me you're still hung up on those guys?
Operative Gutter: …they were my family
Commander Mauler: They were your COWORKERS, kid. This is a JOB. Well
I mean, now it's a SURVIVAL SITUATION, but it was a JOB too
Operative Gutter: They were ready to die for each other
Commander Mauler: You know what happens to Syndie deserters?! I'd
rather get gunned down by NT thugs too!! Hah! You ain't been as long
as me, you wouldn't get it. What it's like out there.
Operative Gutter: …Where's there?
Commander Mauler: LIFE, YA DINGDONG, THE WORLD! A hellscape of wimpy,
delusional execs and corporate tool bags mixed with psychotic
soldiers and murderers. You know what handshakes and coddling up with
people makes you? A goddamn LEAF that just blows whatever direction
other people blow them, coasting like a lazy river tube until you
unceremoniously curl up and DIE. When push comes to shove, you
couldn't change ANYTHING more than if you had just fell down the
stairs and snapped your neck before you left the DOOR on your way to
WORK.
Operative Gutter: I'm pretty sure it's a little more complicated than
that
Commander Mauler: And that's why people like ME are in charge. People
that aren't afraid to set their standards, people that aren't afraid
to ADAPT and MOLD their situation to THEM. I don't ASK for what I
want, I GET. WHAT. I WANT. Nobody but you can make you do anything,
that's how you make it in this life. Dont sit on a fucking log and
wait for orders, GET OUT THERE AND START CALLING SOME FUCKING SHOTS.
Operative Gutter: Not sure why you have to be such a jerk about it…
Commander Mauler: It's called being ASSERTIVE, twerp. If you ASK for
something, that implies that there's an option to decline, that what
YOU want can be IGNORED ON A WHIM. But nobody ignores me. The people
who don't do as I ORDER get a BOOT TO THE CHEST. So no, I'm not going
to politely request you shoot someone, or defend a position, or see
what happens if you call me an idiot again! I'll tell you, or better
yet, show you!
Operative Gutter: AH-
Commander Mauler: Bahahah, I made you flinch! Sucker! Relax, tube-o,
you're still a LITTLE useful. I'm gettin some early shut-eye, you do
whatever the hell you want! NO CANDIES THOUGH. You saw what happened
to the LAST guy who ate whatever the hell he wanted. Night, killer!

[TIME START: May 25, 2050 1923]
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: And now you see why the gas mask is one of
the most useful and versatile assets you should put to use the moment
you are given the opportunity
Operative Gutter: Sounds stuffy in there though…
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: This concludes Chapter 4. To continue to
CHapter 5: Insider Threats, press play
Operative Gutter: Huh? [Tape clicking]
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: Chapter 5: Insider Threats. The Syndicate
prides itself to being a large, diverse team with many unique
backgrounds and operatives. We do not discriminate from pasts of
criminal background, personality divergence, or corporate interest.
This, however, can lead to incidents of a lack of loyalty to the
Syndicate, or an abuse of its resources for sole personal gain. This
is an issue that only you, yes you, can prevent by being the one to
blow the whistle on malignant members of our Syndicate
Operative Gutter: Me…?
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: While insurrection and insider threat can
take many forms, the most obvious is a lack of will to fight.
Desertion of your comrade is a vile act that destabilizes the
efficiency of each operative squad, and is punishable within most
Syndicate teams by death.
Operative Gutter: b-but… I can't just do that… he didn't try to… No,
he… he did…
Syndicate Basics, Vol 1: We understand the difficulty in accusing
your fellow operatives of acts as grave as these, but in such times,
ask yourself,"If we were going to die, could I trust them to stay by
my side?"
Operative Gutter: [Tape clicking] No. I couldn't. Maybe I have to do
this…
[TIME START: May 25, 2050 2136]
Operative Gutter: You'll pay for what you did… [Trigger clicking]
Okay… just like that. No, don't even say anything. Just do it. Right
into his back [Trigger clicking] That simple. Oh jeez… okay… Do it
for Grazer, for… Slicer… for everyone.
[TIME START: May 25, 2050 2204]
Operative Gutter: What am I saying, this is insane, I can't do this,

he's my superior, what would they think if I did this?! Oh my god,
I'm not even actually part of the Syndicate am I?! They would think
I'm part of Nanotrasen, oh my god, oh my god.
[TIME START: May 26, 2050 0022]
Operative Gutter: He's a conman, a cheat, he let your friends die, it

doesn't matter what he did, he deserted you all and left you to die,
he deserves this and you KNOW it… you just need to pull the trigger,
you'll make it just fine, he doesn't even know what he's doing!
[TIME START: May 26, 2050 0830]
Commander Mauler: Rise and shine, tube-o-WOAH. You look like DEATH,
kid! Yeesh, who pissed in your cereal, eh? Bahahaah!
Operative Gutter: Yeah…
Commander Mauler: Eh, whatever, you're boring. Anyway, coords are
already punched into the grid! Come on, just 10 clicks northeast!
Pack up your oxy and lets go! I'll charge up your phaser for ya, hand
it over. And don't worry, I packed EXTRA OXY, just for you!
Operative Gutter: Neat…
Commander Mauler: Space Christ, Gutter, did your PUPPY die?? Yeesh,
hurry up
RADIO: ACTIVE
144.4 ASSIGNED FREQ
Commander Mauler: TESTING, TESTING, DO YOU READ

Operative Gutter: I read, do you read
Commander Mauler: Like a novel, march on!

Operative Gutter: …Not even a little bit?
Commander Mauler: Huh??
Operative Gutter: You really don't miss them a little?
Commander Mauler: Do NOT even start on this!
Operative Gutter: But they were your crew, you all went on missions
together, weren't you guys… you know… elite?
Commander Mauler: Yeah, they were good fighters, sure. So are a lot
of people! Not hard to be super-killers with the gear we had! Or the
people.
Operative Gutter: But I mean… people aren't just a resource
Commander Mauler: Pff, says you!
Operative Gutter: But-
Commander Mauler: You're LITERALLY a resource! You were GROWN. In a
TUBE. like a PLANT.
Operative Gutter: I… b-but…
Commander Mauler: …BAMBOO. NEW NICKNAME! CUZ YOU SPROUT UP FAST! HAH!
Operative Gutter: [Growling]
Commander Mauler: You know what kid, let me ask YOU something this
time, eh??
Operative Gutter: Sure, why not…
Commander Mauler: What do YOU miss about them so much? You knew them
for about a month tops!
Operative Gutter: And they turned me into who I am now… they were my
first family
Commander Mauler: Oh, so cuz they taught you, they like you now, huh?
You know what a DRILL INSTRUCTOR does, kid? They teach rank-and-file
dime-a-dozens like you and pump em out like HOTCAKES. You ain't
SPECIAL. Slicer's taught a thousand operatives before you, it's as
natural as breathing for her. Hell, Sparker was an infil-runner for
years before he joined us! You get what I'm saying here, tube-o?
Operative Gutter: They were some of the best…?
Commander Mauler: Damn right. And not because of you, that's for
sure! You're a goddamn stepping stone, kid, and you should treat 'em
the same way. They teach you, they get paid, you get knowledge. So
before you try marrying your goddamn TRAINING TAPES, remember what
this operation is. Business.
Operative Gutter: [RADIO SILENCE]
Commander Mauler: You get it, kid!
Operative Gutter: What were you doing at the escape pods, sir?
Commander Mauler: Oh, well eh… you know… Listen, kid, I know a borked
operation when I see one. No point in me going out with all of you!
Why waste good leadership?
Operative Gutter: …Yeah
Commander Mauler: Aaaaand… this is it! Right here. Lets take a rest!
Operative Gutter: A rest? Why? Aren't we close?
Commander Mauler: Uh, yeah, I'm just a little sore is all. Carrying
your ASS, hah!
Operative Gutter: Is that so…
Commander Mauler: Yep! Get comfy, kid, we're gonna chill here until I
feel ready!
Operative Gutter: [Heavy breathing]

Commander Mauler: [Snoring and waking up] Heugh… what's up ki-
Operative Gutter: [Phaser arming]
Commander Mauler: …You better fucking check yourself, soldier
Operative Gutter: You… let everyone die… my… squad, my… family
Commander Mauler: THINK ABOUT THIS KID, YOU AIN'T GOT NO FAMILY,
WE'RE OPERATIVES ON A MISSION. YOU NEED ME. YOU AIN'T GONNA LAST OUT
HERE.
Operative Gutter: I'd rather die than be out here with you anymore…
You're scum
Commander Mauler: I'M JUST NOT A DUMBASS, IS WHAT I AM! THERE'S A
REASON I'M STILL ALIVE AFTER ALL THIS TIME, IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT
THE HELL I'M DOING. DON'T TRY IT KID
Operative Gutter: Rggghh… RRRAAH! [Trigger clicking] H-huh? [Trigger
clicking]
Commander Mauler: Bahaahahah! You think this is my first rodeo,
tube-o?! I know how pissed off you die-hard Syndie-suckups get, I
took the liberty of "Charging your phaser". Anyways! [Boot impact]
Operative Gutter: AWWhhhhh…
Commander Mauler: [Multiple boot impacts] HOW?! DOES IT FEEL?! TO GET
BEAT?! BY A WINNER?!
Operative Gutter: [Whimpering] Just… kill me…
Commander Mauler: You know, kid, don't get me wrong, I was
considering that the first night you went to sleep here. But then I
got to thinking… how would I get leverage against the martians?
Operative Gutter: W-what…?
Martian Soldier 1 (Martian to Common Translator): [Sand rustling]
LDAMK TYHEY PDEXV TDAX (THIS IS THE ONE?)
Commander Mauler: [Backpack rustling] In the flesh! (ADKYA!)
Operative Gutter: LET… GO…
Martian Soldier 2: Rope tying] KYAAD TDXMK HNDSMR LYVA VEMAPX (ASK
THE UGLY ONE IF THE INTEL IS VALUABLE)
Martian Soldier 1: KYAAD TDXMK LYVA VEMPAX, DARAD (THE INTEL ON THIS
ONE IS VALUABLE, CORRECT)
Commander Mauler: Direct from Nanotrasen, came with a tracking beacon
and everything! Loyal to them as can be though, might have to break
him good! (HOVA NANOTRASEN, ATYEMA AAMTL DDKYR REXP, DAYEKTR PEVK!)
Martian Soldier 2: HRDVLA DAMAA KEEXT PMAKA DRADA (TELL HIM NOT TO
TELL US HOW TO DO OUR JOBS)
Martian Soldier 1: RDKG, EKODO, MTADX TXEHLMA HAML. MAULER, ARDATR
KXEP DODLK RMATX (RELAX, EKODO, WE HAVE WHAT WE CAME FOR. MAULER, YOUR
SHIP IS NOW MARKED ON YOUR GPS)
Commander Mauler: Pleasure doing business! (APHRD XAEVE!) [Switch
flicking] And as for you, tube-o? I'll admit it, that was ballsy of
you! I'm proud. Just too little too late, eh? Bahahahaaahhaaahaah!!
Operative Gutter: FUCK… Y-YOU…
Mkaxordo (Derelict Martian Battleship)

Salvaged Martian Audiolog 1
[PLAY]
Kraxadr: WAKE. UP. [Splashing]

Operative Gutter: [Coughing] H-huh? Who are you?! What are doing with
me?! Eugh, what is this pink stuff…
Kraxadr: I RECOMMEND. BEING CALM. I AM KRAXADR. YOUR FRIEND
Operative Gutter: Friends don't tie each other to CHAIRS… RGH…
Martian Soldier 1: KDAKR DKJADA PLKDO- (HE HAS A MOUTH ON HIM-)
Kraxadr: GHLDK (SHUT UP). YOU ARE NANOTRASEN. INFORMATION MUST BE
KNOWN. TELL IT TO US.
Operative Gutter: Tell you what… I don't know anything about NT
Kraxadr: YOUR. COMMANDER. TOLD US THE TRUTH. YOU ARE SPY, YES?
NANOTRASEN-BORN. MANUFACTURED SOLDIER.
Operative Gutter: Maybe, but I'm… I'm not with them, I'm with the
Syndicate!
Kraxadr: [Laughing] WHAT GOOD THAT DID YOU.
Operative Gutter: Shut up, asshole!-[Shocking]-RRRGGAAAHHH!
Kraxadr: COOPERATION. IS ADVISED. NANOTRASEN IS NOT A FACTION WORTH.
DYING FOR. FRIEND.
Operative Gutter: I'm not WITH Nanotrasen! I-I'm wearing the armor,
why would I work with the Syndicate then?!
Kraxadr: HM. DESPERATE TIMES. DESPERATE MEASURES. STRANDED
WARFIGHTERS NOT UNCOMMON.
Operative Gutter: [Shocking] RRRGAAAAAHAAAAAHhhhhh…
Kraxadr: WHERE IS YOUR SHIP? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
Operative Gutter: IT'S… GONE… My squad blew it up…
Kraxadr: A SHAME. TO LOSE HOME. THOUGH A LAB IS NO. HOME. A PITY.
Operative Gutter: [Shocking] AAHHHHHHHH
Kraxadr: PAUSE THE TAPE
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Kraxadr: LET US TRY. AGAIN. A SIMPLE QUESTION. WHO WAS YOUR

COMMANDER.
Operative Gutter: Commander Mauler… a piece of scum…
Kraxadr: HAH. MAYBE. WHAT WAS HIS TRUE NAME. HIS IDENTITY
Operative Gutter: I… I-I don't know-[Shocking]-AHHHHHHHhhhhh…
Kraxadr: WHO WERE YOUR ALLIES
Operative Gutter: W-what…. Th-there was Grazer… A-and Pummeler, but I
didn't know him… a-and Slicer… A-and… [Whimpering]
Martian Soldier 1: GLGKP JAKLA HDDAR? (IS HE CRYING?)
Kraxadr: NOT FOR LONG.
Operative Gutter: [Shocking] AHHRHHGhhhh…
Kraxadr: WAS? WHERE ARE THEY NOW
Operative Gutter: …Dead
Kraxadr: USELESS. A LACK OF FRUITFUL INFORMATION
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Kraxadr: AND WHO ARE YOU?

Operative Gutter: [Coughing] O-operative… Gutter…
Kraxadr: WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR NECK
Operative Gutter: Huh…?
Martian Soldier 1: PFAKD HAPRD LDJAK. RGDKA MDADL. (LET ME LOOK. IT IS
A BARCODE)
Kraxadr: YOU WERE A CLONE, YES?
Operative Gutter: So they s-said…
Kraxadr: I HAVE HEARD OF CLONING. TECHNOLOGIES. WITH HUMANS. THIS ONE
IS NEW. WHAT ARE YOU LIKE? ON THE INSIDE?
Operative Gutter: I mean I… I try to be tough, but I have a bit of a
soft spot for chocol-[Shocking]-AHHHHHHhhhhh…
Kraxadr: YOUR ORGANS FOOL. WHAT IS YOUR BIOLOGY?
Operative Gutter: I um… T-they said I was like… gooey, when I was
found…? H-half baked… I don't know about organs I haven't… checked…
Kraxadr: CURIOUS. PERHAPS THIS INFORMATION COULD PROVE USEFUL. KRDJG
KDLAJ HKDADKK MDLADA (PREPARE THE HEALING POD FOR ORGAN REMOVAL)
Operative Gutter: Hey, where are you taking m-G-get off me-
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: NO! STOP! STOP!! LET GO! HELP! HELP!

Kraxadr: THE SCALPEL WILL ONLY HURT MORE THE MORE YOU STRUGGLE. LET
YOURSELF SUBMIT. IT IS NOTHING PERSONAL, HUMAN. GGGDD KLKAK KJFDAD
MALDKAKD (INCREASE THE CUTTTING TOOL'S POWER. START THE INCISION
THERE)
Martian Doctor: GLAJDKG (VERY WELL)
Operative Gutter: NO!! RGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Kraxadr: HOLD STILL! NO! HGKALD DHGLAK! (RESTRAIN HIM!)
Martian Doctor: KGLAKD DLXAAD! (I AM TRYING TO!) HGGAAAAAA-[Fleshy
impact]
Kraxadr: YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE THIS. YOU WILL FACE THE MIGHT OF THE
ENTIRE. MKAXORDO. YOU WILL DI-[Fleshy impact]
Operative Gutter: DIE!! DIE!! DIE, ALL OF YOU!! [Martian soldiers
yelling, distant fighting]
[RECORDING ENDS]
Salvaged Martian Audiolog 2
[RECORDING BEGINS]
Agordo: EGKA AGORDO AAXFHD GHAJFAD DEA DFXADJL (THIS IS AGORDO MISSION
LOG 9)
Padarsa: FJXAG LHKDA EEHFD AGLA? KDEL (ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE THINGS?
SILLY)
Agordo: GHLKD, PADARSA. LHFJD AAEXK GLEDGDA JHGA (SHUT UP, PADARSA. I
DO NOT RECALL ASKING FOR YOUR INPUT)
Padarsa: DJKAF GHALD GHALKD HALDKA FLKJA KGJAL (MOST WARRIORS IMPROVE
COMBAT SKILL BY DOING IT, NOT TALKING ABOUT IT) [Laughing]
Agordo: FLAK GLKAJ AGJDA KGLKD DKAK GHADL DJLXF (WOULD YOU LIKE TO
TEST MY SKILLS IN COMBAT INSTEAD)
Padarsa: GJLDKA, GHKDAC MDKLAJ HDKAM KDJAK (CALM, I WAS SIMPLY BEING
HUMOROUS)
Agordo: DJAKH LKADR DKLAL RDJALD MLAJD! (I GROW SICK OF YOUR HUMOR!)
Padarsa: DKAMD GJLAKD LKGJAM ZDRDE DLK-GGH?? (STOP MAKING SERIOUS OF
SUCH SIMPLE MATTER-HUH??) [Encroaching screaming]
Martian Soldier 1: KGJLA NGMAHD ALDAHDSR! DLAJD-[Fleshy impact] (ARM
UP, WARRIORS! AN INTRUDER-)
Operative Gutter: I'LL GOUGE YOU LIKE A FUCKING PIG!
Padarsa: IDKJAAA! (INTERLOPEEER!) [Rayguns firing] [Fleshy impact]
Agordo: PADARSA, HGLA! DJFKAL KRHAGEEE! (PADARSA, NO! YOU'LL PAY FOR
THIS!) [Fleshy impact]
Operative Gutter: EVERY LAST FUCKING ONE! RRAAAAAAH! [Distancing
running]
[RECORDING CONTINUES IN SILENCE UNTIL STOPPING]
Salvaged Martian Pod Terminal
Pod Terminal: GJLA. DJFLA MVLKA KDJAR (WELCOME. PLEASE ENTER LOCATION)
Operative Gutter: MAULER!
Pod Terminal: "MAULER" LDDMDL DRARDK DMVADJ ("MAULER" NOT RECOGNIZED)
Operative Gutter: POD?!
Pod Terminal: "SHIP" LDDMDL DRARDK DMVADJ ("SHIP" NOT RECOGNIZED)
Operative Gutter: Are… you… FUCKING… SERIOUS
Pod Terminal: "FKNG" ADLKA MGLJAD GJADKA ("FKNG" POD LOCATED. SETTING
COURSE)
Operative Gutter: I-It worked?! Bahah… BAHAAHAH!
RADIO: ACTIVE
144.4 ASSIGNED FREQ
Commander Mauler: Friggin MARTIANS, and CLONE-BABIES, and RED SAND,

PISSING ME OFF… EUgh, calm down Jameson! Just pretend this is another
body disposal routine. Get right back to it at home! Hell, maybe NT's
hiring after losing some guys! How do you even work this stupid…
[Encroaching engine roaring] Uh oh. [Explosion]
Commander Mauler: [Smoke and fire rolling] F-FUCK… OH GOD… I CAN FEEL
MY LIVER… Just… okay, I'll ask for a new-[Boot impact]-RGGGHHH
Operative Gutter: YOU… CAN'T GET RID OF ME THAT EASY… SIR…
Commander Mauler: You're like a f-FUCKING… TUMOR-[Bone crunching on
impact]-GGGHHHH
Operative Gutter: You… used me… sold me off… so YOU COULD ESCAPE
Commander Mauler: Yeah… I was… [Vomiting] …There…
Operative Gutter: But me?? I'm gonna be the last thing you see.
Before I bash open your SKULL. For ME! For SLICER! FOR EVERYONE YOU
ABANDONED!
Commander Mauler: Damn… hardcore, t-tube-o…! Didn't think you had it…
in you… Proud of you… kid…!
Operative Gutter: SHUT UP! YOU'RE SCUM! WORTHLESS SCUM!
Commander Mauler: Got me this far… besides… don't it feel
good-NRgh-to win…?! Now YOU'Re… A WINNER… FUCK THE M-MARTIANS… FUCK
ME! IT'S YOUR… WORLD… Go get 'em… soldier…
Operative Gutter: [5 minutes of impacts and gurgling]
Tape Recorder #1
[TAPE STARTS]
Operative Gutter: Day 4. This is Operative Gutter of the now defunct

Andesite operative force. I am the… only one left. My squad has been
killed… including my commander. I am alone down here. No operatives
left. No martians left. Just me. For at least the nearest 4000
kilometers. I wouldn't survive a trip longer than a 24 hour period.
The foodstock will only last me a month at most. I do not know what
to do… I… I'm so scared… I-I can't do this… I don't want to do this
anymore… I miss everyone… [Inhaling and exhaling] Gutter out.
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 6. The power of the station is solar powered,

and the wire is set to last what the books say a century. Water and
oxygen is collected from the atmosphere and condensed, but food has
to be… sent here. Which isn't happening. So I'll have to see… I don't
want to know what martian tastes like
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 9. Gutter here. It's really lonely here, but at
least I have the training tape…! Did you know the Syndicate gives
ranks past commander? I knew about high command, but other stuff
like… Idunno, general. Maybe I'll be one one day, huh? General
Gutter… how's that? Hehehehe. Gutter out.
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 17. Food is getting really low… I guess I have
to take the plunge, huh, tape recorder? Heheh. [Sighing]
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 16… Hooh… I brought back one of them. Looks
gross and squishy up close like this. Guess I just… throw them on the
stove? I-I guess? [Sizzling] Eww… [Silence for 30 minutes] Okay, uh,
taste test! [Chewing followed by vomiting] NOPE… NOPE NOPE NOPE.
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 30… I-I-I did it… I finished the martian! T-the
whole thing, i-it wasn't too bad! I-I-I feel kind of shaky after,
I-I-I don't know why, maybe it was the brain part… That's not weird
though, right, tape recorder? No, no, it's f-fine… I-it isn't so bad
with salt!
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 50. I've been hearing weird noises outside, I
swear. It's like the winds, are like… howling at me. It's creepy, I
could swear I hear my real name in them or something…
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: D-Day 56-FUCK. JUST FINI-NISHED LUNCH ANd… AH, THAT
STUPID WIND! IT'S REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF… Did you know
th-that the proper way to hold your… r-rifle when-FUCK! SHUT UP!
SHUT! UP! STOP! NO, FUCK YOU, TAPE RECORDER, YOU DON'T GET TO HEAR
IT!
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 57, I'm gonna find what's calling my name out
there. I'm gonna search high and low and WHATEVER ELSE, I NEED IT TO
STOP!
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT I FOUND IT I FOUND IT! [Body

falling on the floor] It was my old commander!! He's a little
raggedy, but he still has a sassy mouth on him! [Whimpering] Oh my
gooood… I-I just dragged a corpse here… what's wrong with me…
[Sobbing]
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
Operative Gutter: Day 74. Commander Mauler told me how proud he was
of me again. I'm not listening to him though, he's still a ROTTEN
PIECE OF FUCK! [Boot impact] HAH! CAN'T EVEN HOLD ON TO YOUR LIMBS
NOW, HUH?! You're NOTHING!! NOTHING!
[TAPE RECORDER FULL]
Tape Recorder #2
[TAPE STARTS]
General Gutter: DAY 89. THIS IS COMMANDER MAULER, HERE TO CELEBRATE

THE PROMOTION OF GUTTER TO GENERAL! Oh, Commander Mauler-oop-Guess
you're just Mauler now, huh? Hahahahahah! [10 minutes of screaming
and punching into the ground]
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
General Gutter: Day 121! THIS MARTIAN I FOUND IS TRYING TO READ MY

MIND, BUT I'LL SHOW IT WHO'S BOSS. LETS SEE HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT
TELEPATHY WHEN I EAT YOUR BRAINS OUT OF YOUR BUTTHOLE HEAD!! [Chewing
and tearing noises] RBHGAAAAHHAAAAAAH!! DID I EVER TELL YOU YOUR MY
BEST FRIEND, TAPE RECORDER NUMBER 2?!
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
General Gutter: HEY, GENERAL GUTTER, DID YOU KNOW THAT I'M BURNING IN
HELL FOR ETERNITY FOR BEING A FUCKNOZZLE?? Why yes I did, but THAT'S
NOT IMPORTANT. Gutter… GUTTER. WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT? STUPID,
BULLSHIT, Lets get some PIZZAZZ IN THERE, Set a STANDARD… DO WHAT'S
F-U-N FUN. LIKE GUTTING OUT PIGS LIKE YOU, MAULER! GUTSEMFERFUN!
YEAH! YEAHAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAH!
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
General Gutsemferfun: Day… WHATEVER, NOT IMPORTANT. I've decided to

conscript a few martians into my ranks-HEY, NUMBNUTS, STAND UP
STRAIGHT!! ROTTING IS NO EXCUSE, DAMN IT! I'll have to take some time
to square away them, but I have hopes!
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
General Gutsemferfun: What did I tell you about eating so much

chocolate, Slasher?! You're gonna get big and fat if you keep shoving
down so much SUGAR, and you'll NEVER BE ABLE TO RUN AWAY FROM THEM!
AND I'LL LOSE YOU! I'LL LOSE YOU LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, PLEASE GOD,
PLEASE NO… NO… [40 minutes of sobbing]
[PAUSE]
[PLAY]
General Gutsemferfun: WANNA HERE MY RECITE THE ENTIRETY OF SYNDICATE

BASICS VOLUME 1?! WELCOME TO THE BASICS COURSE, DESIGNED TO REFRESH
BOTH OLD TIME AGENTS AND FRESH AGENTS ALIKE TO THE PROPER CUSTOMS,
COURTESIES, RANK STRUCTURE, WEAPON SYSTEMS, AND MANY MORE
FUNDAMENTALS OF THE SYNDICATE TO ENSURE YOUR SUCCESS AS AN OPERATIVE.
PLEASE PRESS THE PLAY BUTTON TO CONTINUE. TO PAUSE THE TAPE, PRESS
THE
Tape Recorder #3
[TAPE STARTS]
General Gutsemferfun: [60 minutes of increments of screaming or heavy

breathing]
Media-Supply Regina Depot 57 - Nanotrasen Station

Transcript - Teleporter Room
[TIME START: July 7, 2053 0920]
Rosalind Goodman (Scientist): And coords are… in!

Mauve Trace (Scientist): You ssssure about thiss, huh? Mors isn't a
very safe place
Rosalind Goodman: Stop being a chicken, it's fiiine!
Mauve Trace: Whatever you ssssay. Good reading, even hassss
atmosssphere? The breathable kind?
Rosalind Goodman: [Gasping] It's an outpost! No way, let's loot it!
Mauve Trace: Read my mind [Portal opens]
Mor Outpost Golf - Syndicate Observation Post (Abandoned)

Rosalind Goodman: Heh, neat

Mauve Trace: Weird, what'ssss that ssssmell?
Rosalind Goodman: Noooo clue! Lemme turn on the flashlight [Clicking]
And what do we-OH MY GOD!
Mauve Trace: Oh my god that'sssss disssgusssting… how many martian
corpssses is thissss?!
Rosalind Goodman: Gnarly! Whatever came through here is HARDCORE
Mauve Trace: Rosa, I don't wanna keep going…
Rosalind Goodman: It's fiiine! Just stick with me and-WHAT WAS THAT?!

Mauve Trace: Oh my god it ssssmells even worsssse in here. It's like

an angry ssssewage beast wrecked the place…
Rosalind Goodman: And look at all these tape recorders. And writings!
Mauve Trace: I think those are just ssscribbless
Rosalind Goodman: Well they tried their best, and that's what
matters-MMPH
Mauve Trace: Rosa? Rosa?? Rosa, where'd you go?! Come on, thisss
isssssn't funny, I'm actually ssscared
General Gutsemferfun: HOLD STILL, BOZO, OR YOU ALL GET MY FULL
WRAAAATH
Mauve Trace: AAAAAAAHHH!
Rosalind Goodman: I'm good, Mauve, just being held hostage!
General Gutsemferfun: THIS IS PRIVATE PROPERTY OF THE GENERAL
GUTSEMFERFUN ELITE COMBAT TASK FORCE! DON'T MAKE ME SICK MY BEST MEN
ON YOUR SORRY ASS!
Mauve Trace: What?! Wait, do you mean those martian corpses with
paper mache helmets on?
General Gutsemferfun: DENSELY PACKED PAPER MACHE
Rosalind Goodman: Woah, your knife is rusty as FUCK, DUDE. Do you
need a wash on that thing?
Mauve Trace: DON'T OFFER HIM HELP
General Gutsemferfun: SCREW YOU, MY SABRE IS THE HIGHEST QUALITY SHIT
YOU COULD AFFORD. Who are you TURDBALLS anyway?!
Rosalind Goodman: You fiiiiirst!
Mauve Trace: W-we're Nanotrassssen ssscientists! Not the drugged-up
ones, the normal onesss
Rosalind Goodman: Speak for yourself! Okay, okay, fine, no drugs, but
hey, it's still party time in the chemlab at all times for me!
General Gutsemferfun: THESE WORDS ALL MEAN NOTHING TO ME.
Mauve Trace: Look, how about uh… how about you come with usss? We
could get you a proper meal, proper… plumbing. Eugh
General Gutsemferfun: And WHY would I trust you WEIRDOS?
Rosalind Goodman: Idunno, I got some chocolate bars in my pack. Want
one of those if you come with?
General Gutsemferfun: …DAMN IT
Central Command Discussion, Incident 2938
Lieutenant Colonel Stevens: Next on the agenda, we have another

teleportation incident at Depot 57
Captain Woofers: Oh boy, here we go…
Lieutenant Colonel Stevens: According to reports, you brought home a
live "Formerly Syndicate Aligned Madman" into the station-
Captain Woofers: Now, that's a harsh descriptor, he's… mad enough to
where he doesn't have any alignment!
Lieutenant Colonel Stevens: Uh-huh. Well, I'll be sure to put that
down, "Too crazy to be considered former anything", perfect on the
record, huh?
Captain Woofers: Now-now-now sir, really! We don't need to tack this
on to my record, right?? It's already as ruff as it is and… and I
can't go back to being a janitor, please!
Lieutenant Colonel Stevens: And what are we supposed to do with them?
They have no record, no place in ANY system I could find, and as it
stands, no useful skills in the workplace.
Captain Woofers: Says who? In fact, I bet they could be a wonderful
leader! He is a general, after all!
Lieutenant Colonel Stevens: He's a lunatic
Captain Woofers: No, no, he's a GENERAL. It says so in the PAPERWORK.
The one labeled 1-0-0-0-0-0-C!
Lieutenant Colonel Stevens: [Sighs] [Phone ringing and dialing]
Hello, mister, what is the name? No, not rank, name. Your… name… is
General Gutsemferfun. Okay. Mhm. Well, we seem to have a leadership
role… open
Welcome to Nanotrasen, General Gutsemferfun

CLEARANCE LEVEL / MISSION ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL AND OVERSEER
THE PRECEDING TRANSCRIPTS ARE COMPILED IN ACCORDANCE WITH NT

COLLECTION CODE 194-1. THE PRECEDING IS TO BE USED ONLY FOR MISSION
AND ASSET UNDERSTANDING. VIOLATION OF TRUST IS PUNISHABLE UNDER SPACE
LAW
THANK YOU FOR READING

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CLEARANCE LEVEL / MISSION ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL AND OVERSEER

THE FOLLOWING TRANSCRIPTS ARE COMPILED IN ACCORDANCE WITH NT

[THE FOLLOWING IS A COLLECTION OF ALL RELEVANT TRANSCRIPT PERTAINING

AUTHORIZATION: ROHAN KALAM / ADMIRAL

NOTES [ADMIRAL ROHAN KALAM]: WHILE NOT NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND THE

Yosyl Iomhar (Research Director): Alright team, buckle down. We're

[TIME START: 20:34]

Commander Mauler (Commander): Bahahahahah! Good fighting, team!

Operative Pummeler: [Wheels creaking, followed by a loud thud] Wooh…

[TIME START: 18:45]

Operative Grazer: MMMMan I ammmm hungry. Commmmmander ain't around is

Transcript - Crew Quarters Common Room Intercom

Josh: EEEEEEE, ShOOWEEEER!! [Running and objects being tossed]

Transcript - Engineering Intercom

Operative Pummeler: [Computer clicking] Now I know I just fixed up

[TIME START: 13:34]

Operative Pummeler: I literally cannot fucking believe you right now!

Transcript - Cafeteria Intercom

Transcript - Fitness Area Intercom

Operative Gutter: Th…Th-Threeeeeee…

[TIME START: May 17 2050 0647]

Operative Sparker: Come on, 20 poundsss, buddy, just 10 curlsss,

[TIME START: May 18 2050 0621]

Commander Mauler: [In-cadence running and treadmill whirring]

[TIME START: May 20, 2050 0701]

Transcript - Cafeteria Intercom

Transcript - Range Intercom

Operative Slicer: You remember the diagram, Gutter?

[TIME START: 1453]

Operative Grazer: [Snoring] [Singular beep] Hu-what?! OH, OH, SLICER,

[TIME START: May 23, 2050 1345]

[TIME START: 1416]

[TIME START: 1445]

Operative Grazer: That's… 15

[TIME START: 1526]

Operative Grazer: 20 out of 30. That's 66%

[TIME START: 1554]

Operative Grazer: 24! That's 80%, that's qualifying!

Commander Mauler: Everyone here?!

Transcript - Crew Quarters Common Room Intercom

Transcript - Bridge Intercom

Commander Mauler: Pick up… PICK UP, DAMN IT

Transcript - Power Room Intercom

Operative Pummeler: [Power draining, devices deactivating] Alright… I

Operative Pummeler: [Door opening and panting] [Intercom connects to

Transcript - Bridge Intercom

Commander Mauler: …Aw fuck

Transcript - Cafeteria Intercom

NT-OP-ROMEO-2: Kitchen clear of hostiles, sweep and secure remaining

Transcript - Common Room Intercom

Operative Grazer: [Indecipherable whispering]

Mission Log Clamped Grasp

Officer Brooks: Contact wit' Tango is lost, Admiral…

Transcript - Medical Intercom

Operative Slicer: [Radio activating and deactivating] You and Gutter

Operative Sparker: SSSSlicer, do you read me? SSSSlicer. Do. You.

NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-2: We got two heat-sig on my 3 o clock

Transcript - Bridge Intercom

Commander Mauler: [Computer alarm beeping] FUCKING… USELESS IDIOTS…

Transcript - Gym Intercom

Operative Gutter: No no no no no no… Oh no…

NT-SPECOP-ALPHA-3: See any of ours on the way?

Transcript - Bridge Intercom