Joshua Nazario

Professor Hambrick

SPC 3301

January 25th, 2024

Interpersonal Relationship Interview

After classes on Wednesday, I had driven to my grandparent’s home to stay over for a two day

period (my job had given me a day off on Thursday). As I arrived at the driveway, my

grandfather was with his friend disassembling a decommissioned refrigerator. My grandmother

was in the kitchen preparing a meal whilst cleaning the dining room. I came to aid her with the

tasks and felt that it was an ample time to start the interview. After the deeds were done, I

motioned my grandmother to the dining table and asked if she would be comfortable–as well as

my grandfather–to ask these sensitive questions. They are obliged to be truthful and not to

“soften” their answers for research sake. Person “A” will represent my grandmother, “B” will be

my grandfather. I began to ask B first about his relationship prior to marrying my grandmother in

1988. His occupation before the marriage was chief jeweler in the financial district of New York

City. Whilst there, over a period of time, he had many female admirers. They were fond of his

Charisma, appearance, and overall intelligence. By and by, one of the secretaries had gained his

attention and soon they initiated their first motion into stepping into a relationship. When lunch

time came, they would go to the cafeteria lounge to eat and converse about sometimes privy

matters. Overtime, person B became infatuated with the secretary’s passions, beliefs, and morals

that they escalated the relationship so far, so much so that they considered marriage towards the

end of the month! A year into the marriage, person B began to feel “inundated” (as he would put

it) because his wife began to bereft him with his short-commings. What were they? Well, he
claims that she said that he was too “slow”, “not-handy”, and “getting-fatter by minute”.

Eventually, he had cut ties with the woman. I then ventured to ask, “Did that divorce change you

positively or negatively as a result”. I noticed that he darted his eyes to the ceiling and began to

scratch his chin very slowly. Now, that gesticulation caught my attention, it seemed as if he

acquiesced for a moment and began to think deeper to presumably give a “believable” response.

This was his response, verbatim, “You know Josh, I was in a rock-and-hard place when making

that decision to divorce. She was a beautiful, well-rounded, and consolable woman but, to be

honest, I couldn’t take the constant verbal abuse coming from her mouth. I was torn, but I knew

that I had to be transparent. And so, I made the audacious move; she was sorely displeased with

it, but I genuinely felt a thousand pounds off my chest, an anvil lifted off my shoulders, and

ultimately felt like “a free agent”. I was stunned at how vehement he sounded when he referred

to the comments she called him and I also took note of the shift in his tone when he described the

liberty he felt. His eyes were akin to a person reclining on a bed and the relief they feel when

unwinding all the stress, pangs, and worries in the body. I employed the Johari window and

correlated his responses with the Facade corner. If one must know, person B is renowned for

being really stoic, expressionless if you will, when engaged in a dispute or a sober discussion.

That, in particular, is highly paramount to understand since his 1st wife failed to detect his

internal woes. Her comments, scoldings, and downright demeaning attitude towards him had

really “tanked” his self-esteem (as well as his overall self-concept). He began to doubt, question,

and ponder if he was genuinely fit for being a husband. This sort of adverse behavior was

developed by what psychologists call, “perceptual schema”. Recall, person B had specifically

said that she was, “well-rounded” and “consolable”--something of which greatly contrasts with

his persona. He felt intimidated by this stark difference. I then hazard to ask, “have you learned
anything about yourself following this relationship?” To which he responded, “I have. You see,

her qualities rubbed off onto me, I now learned to be more consolable. Far too long, I’ve

appeared as rough and too serious. Now, well, now I’ve overcome that thanks to her. Still, there’s

work that needs to get done.” So, as it seems, her negative feedback, her qualities, really

prompted change in who was as a person; the process of socialization comparison is perfectly

depicted in this case. He later began to tell me that took part of the blame for the deterioration,

yet most of the deterioration went into a landslide after his wife began nagging him on his “poor”

quality traits. Despite this all, I asked, “Has there been any highlights where you and Ms. C both

agreed on something together?” To which he responded with, “Well, if I can retrace my memory,

I’d say the time during hurricane Maria. We both knew the stakes of staying home while the

storm beat the home. I asked C, “I know you can’t stand Mr. S (family friend), but you want to

get out of this in one-piece. Who knows, maybe this storm has changed him? Give him a

chance.” “For once, I think you might be reasonable about something. After all, it’s better than

being cooped up with strangers in a shelter.”-said Ms. C. That concluded our interview. Person

A, my grandmother, was next. Her dossier begins in Poland in the 1960s, where she met my real

grandfather. Her memories with him are somewhat of a vestige, so her recollection was brief. In

that relationship, she had changed for the better. When employing the Johari window, I was able

to parse her reasoning with the, “open window model”. Her former husband, my real

grandfather, complained that my grandmother was a heavy drinker–easily susceptible to falling

to debauchery. My mother, back in Poland, would also play a vital role in my grandmother’s

transformation. My real grandfather, jointly together with my mother, would always worry about

my grandmother’s whereabouts in the day. Sometimes, she would be gone for hours on end; my

mother would wring her hands in fear of where my grandmother would be. After that, my real
grandfather had put his foot down and severed his relationship with her. From this my

grandmother said, “I learned that I was wrong. I feared that my daughter would lose trust, lose

her love for me, and would hate me.” “I learned, Josh, to be more of a loving mother. I think it

was too early to be independent, to leave my daughter alone at home at night–left to think the

most horrible things imaginable– Is she alive? I hope she didn’t get napping, I hope she did not

get drunk and kill herself by accident…” I then asked if she thought the mutual divorce was

something she’d wanted: to which she replied, “ You know Josh, it was for the better. We felt it

couldn’t work out. I liked oranges, he liked apples, we couldn’t get along that well–anymore at

least. I fell for the looks— a foolish decision I had made. I learned to be a more present mother, I

learned that infatuation is a bad gut feeling to trust right away.” When, at any point, did the

relationship work? She paused, pondered, and glanced to the side–glaring at a mirror we have in

the dining room. “Well, it’s hard. You see, he was a difficult man to connect with after our

marriage. If I can recall, in Wroclaw (Polish city), our landlord was vexing us about rent. I felt

infuriated; after everything we’ve done for him, he dares to kick us out after missing the

scheduled rent period by one day? I was quick to argue and get our way. But, if there’s one thing

I admired about your grandpa, he was always calm–the negotiator– he was more rational than

me. He said, “Ela, wait, let’s explain to him, maybe he can give us a chance. He knows us, we

know him. Surely, we can talk him out of it; I know he is a grumpy old man, but maybe we can

change that–let us talk first.”--said my real grandpa. She then told me, “this is a particular quality

I loved about him, something that grandpa (now, step-grandpa) is not too good at.” That

concluded our interview. As an aftermath to this, I used the Johari window and realized that

much of my grandma’s unfavorable characteristics was “Openly displayed” before everyone. She

used my real grandpa and mother’s feedback to really kick-start her motivation to change and
forsake her ways. In summation, this interview really imparted me with a sense of treading

lightly when beginning relationships; to really evaluate the girl that I’m to spend my life with, to

recognize if we truly bond, or are truly led by instant emotions. This was quite the learning

experience that I will cherish and truly hearken back to when a relationship with a girl will

stumble upon me.