MERLE & JEAN: A LOVE STORY

FADE IN:
EXT. ST. PETE BEACH - DAY
Afternoon: The beach is crowded with sunbathers and
swimmers. MERLE N. MONROE, in his thirties with windblown
hair and shabby office clothes is sitting alone on a
concrete bench outside a surfwear shop.
MERLE
(agitated and mumbling)
I’ll show them! They can’t fire me! I’ll
chop ‘em to bits, yeah! They’ll all be
like “Oh I’m so sorry we fired Merle!”
and “Oh-my-god-getting-chopped-to-death-
sucks-so-bad!”
Nearby, Obliviously to Merle, a concerned SURFER whispers
with a SHOP OWNER who nods and rushes to dial 9-1-1.
MERLE
So what if my design for a sports car
ejection seat killed two test drivers?
How could you have betrayed me Belinda?
You told them everything!
Merle giggles maniacally and drops his hand in his left
jacket pocket where a glint of metal briefly shows.
MERLE
Oh, Belinda! You should’ve agreed to go
out with me to the JediCon. My Magic-
Eight-Ball told me that you were going
to say yes when I asked you to marry me!
I had a wedding dress picked out just
for you, it matched nicely with my
stormtrooper armor! Oh, if only the
boyfriend you thought had died
tragically in that blimp accident over
Chicago hadn’t turned out to be alive
instead and come back and moved in with
you; we could’ve been so happy together!
Merle pats the bulging pocket of his jacket affectionately
as the sounds of a police SIREN grows louder. A police
MERLE & JEAN: A LOVE STORY BYERS 2

cruiser parks in front of the building and OFFICER JEAN

SCZIMINS, late twenties, blond hair pulled into a tight bun,
steps out. She walks up to the surfer.
JEAN
What seems to be the trouble, citizen?
SURFER
Yeah, like, that dude over there is
mumbling about blowin’ stuff and people
up with his laser sword or something. I
think he has a weapon in his pocket. The
shop owner here said that the dude has
been sitting there all morning in them
hot clothes.
Jean looks over at Merle and sees an upset man in distress.
JEAN
I’ll take it from here good citizen, the
City thanks you for your vigilance!
SURFER
Oh, it was nothing. Well, y’know, once
when I was in the Badger Scouts as a kid
I—
Officer Sczimins leaves the surfer in mid sentence and walks
up to Merle and sits next to him on the bench.
JEAN
Hey there! What’s your name?
MERLE
M-Merle. Merle Monroe.
JEAN
Well hello Merle. Mine is Officer
Sczimins. Some people over there were
concerned that you’d been sitting here
in that hot jacket for three hours in
this heat. Is everything all right?
MERLE
Oh. Yeah, well—yeah, everything is just
great.
JEAN
It doesn’t sound like everything is
okay. Tell me about it why dontcha?
MERLE & JEAN: A LOVE STORY BYERS 3

MERLE
(begins blubbering)
Oh I’m such an idiot! I was fired this morning for being
early again. I just loved my job so much, how could he
punish me for loving my job so much?
JEAN
How early were you coming in?
MERLE
I was only coming in three hours early!
I mean, there was so much to be done. I
had to start the coffee, order flowers
for Belinda, line the toilet seats with
those paper protectors, and type up my
daily report on the state of the
Galactic Civil War so Belinda would know
what to expect when the Imperium invaded
the planet and enslaved us all! That’s
why I invited Belinda to the JediCon; so
she would learn to fight alongside me
when the time came! But when I asked
her, she told me about her boyfriend who
was actually alive and had just moved
back in with her!
JEAN
Ohmygod! You’re going to the JediCon? I
am too! I am going to wear my homemade
wookiee suit! I made it out of brown
shag carpet and a dust mop! What are you
going as?

Merle looks at Jean as if she had just materialized right in

front of him. He wipes the tears from his face with the back
of his grubby hand.
MERLE
What?
JEAN
I said I’m going to the JediCon too. Maybe we can go
together?
MERLE
You? You’re going?
MERLE & JEAN: A LOVE STORY BYERS 4

JEAN
Are you sure you’re okay? Have you been
hit in the head recently?
MERLE
No, but--
JEAN
But nothing. Lemme know what you are
going as and we can match our costumes.
Merle shakes his head, clearing the mental fog.
MERLE
(tentatively)
I’m a Jedi Knight going in disguise as a
stormtrooper with an attitude problem.
Jean’s radio SQUELCHES her car number and a code. She
reaches down to turn the volume down.
JEAN
That’s so cool! Hey, I gotta go, there’s
a peeping tom at the Bella Vista Nursing
Home. So, you alright then? Not gonna go
all Episode Three Vader on the office
staff for firing you?
MERLE
N-no, I don’t think so.
JEAN
Good, I didn’t want to have to bring you
in, even if you are good-lookin’. Here’s
my card, lemme know if you wanna go to
the Con with me.
Merle’s eyes light up and the confusion wracking his face
vanishes, leaving a look of pure adoration. He screws up his
courage for a moment before apprehensively asking a
question.
MERLE
Umm--what are you doing later tonight?
JEAN
Having dinner with you. How about
Guiermo’s Bistro at seven?
MERLE & JEAN: A LOVE STORY BYERS 5

MERLE
Okay. Sure, see you then.
JEAN
Yeah, and try not to play with that
lightsaber in your pocket too much in
public. People might get the wrong
impression about you.
Jean gets up and leaves a stunned Merle alone on the bench.
INT. GUIERMO’S BISTRO – NIGHT
Merle sits by himself, dressed in a different yet similarly
wrinkled suit. He checks his watch every few seconds.
INSERT – MERLE”S WATCH
On which the hands read 10:41 PM.
BACK TO SCENE
A WAITRESS arrives at the table and hands a note to Merle.
INSERT – NOTE
On which is handwritten: “I am so sorry about tonight, the
peeping tom at the nursing home held a poodle hostage for
eleven hours before the SWAT team took him out! What a job!
Anyways, I’m sorry! Call me please!”

BACK TO SCENE
MERLE
(excitedly)
Oh wow! She didn’t just blow me off!
Thanks! I gotta go!
Merle throws a wad of cash on the table and bolts out of the
restaurant.
INT. MERLE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Merle is relaxed on his bed, talking on the phone. The room
is filled with Star Wars memorabilia.
MERLE
So, what about the poodle? Was it hurt?
INT. JEAN’S ROOM – NIGHT
MERLE & JEAN: A LOVE STORY BYERS 6

Jean is lying back on her Star Wars comforter talking on the

phone.
JEAN
No, amazingly enough the bullet just
missed him. They washed all the blood
off and gave him right back to the old
lady.
INTERCUT MERLE AND JEAN
MERLE
I’ve never met anyone like you Jean. How
is it that you aren’t already married?
JEAN
Well, my ex-boyfriend called Chewbacca
an overgrown ewok once, so I threw him
out.
MERLE
You are so perfect. I can’t believe it.
I think I’m in love with you.
Merle mouths the question “Will she marry me?” to the Magic-
Eight-Ball in his hands.
INSERT – MAGIC-EIGHT-BALL
A triangle appears bearing the words: “It is Meant to Be”
BACK TO SCENE
MERLE
Jean, Will you marry me?
JEAN
Oh! Oh my, yes! Yes Merle! I will!
FADE OUT:
THE END