Kilclogher

Kilclogher
A Play in 3 Acts
CHARACTERS
MIKO, an Irishman, mid 70’s
TRICK, his eldest son, mid 30’s
MARTIN, cousin & fieldhand, early 40’s
DECLAN, the other son, early 30’s
ELAINE, Declan’s fiancé, 30.
2
ACT I
Kilclogher, County Clare, Ireland.

d

Early afternoon. September 23r .
ACT II
Scene 1: New York City.

t

Afternoon. September 21s .
Scene 2: New Jersey.
Later that evening.
ACT III
Scene 1: Outside Miko’s house. Kilclogher.

d

Late afternoon. September 23r .
Scene 2: Immediately following.
Scene 3: Miko’s house. Kilclogher.

d

Early evening. September 23r .
3
ACT I
4
(Kilclogher, County Clare, Ireland. The afternoon of September
d

23r . An old farm house. Not particularly messy, but not what one
would call clean either. Traditional Irish music is heard in
black and continues as the lights come up on MIKO. He is sitting
at a table with a mug, alone, listening to the radio. He sits.
Sounds are heard outside the door, but MIKO does not react. The
front door opens and TRICK enters, a bandage on one of his
hands.)
TRICK
Turn that off.
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
Fuck, man. Listening to that shit all the time.
MIKO
Alright. Alright.
TRICK
Nobody wants to hear it.
MIKO
(Turning off the radio.)
It’s off. It’s off. Christ almighty.
TRICK
Good.
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
Hey, dad.
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
What? You don’t say hi, anymore?
5
MIKO
Hi, I would have said. Busting through a man’s door. Arguing
about music.
TRICK
Who’s arguing?
MIKO
Who? Ye are. Ye are.
TRICK
I’m not.
MIKO
Ye are. Telling me to turn off me music.
TRICK
There was no argument there.
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
I just asked you to turn it off.
MIKO
Ye didn’t
TRICK
There was no argument. I just asked you to turn it off.
MIKO
No.
TRICK
It was too loud.
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
It was. How am I supposed to say hello to you with the music
blaring?
6
MIKO
It wasn’t too loud, and you didn’t ask me nothing. Turn that
fecking shit off, ye said. No asking, nothing like that.
TRICK
Come on.
MIKO
Is that right?
TRICK
Come on, man. That’s not how it happened.
MIKO
I tell you it was.
TRICK
Nah.
(He looks at his bandaged hand.)
I need new gauze.
(TRICK disappears down the hall. He immediately comes back with

fresh gauze and proceeds to wrap his injured hand over the next
few lines.)
MIKO
Is that right? Is that right, tell me? Coming into a man’s
house, disrupting his peace of mind.
TRICK
Peace of mind?
MIKO
Is that the right way to be? Is that a good thing to do?
TRICK
What are you talking about?
MIKO
Is that the right Catholic thing to do?
TRICK
Jesus.
7
MIKO
Barging into a man’s house.
TRICK
You’re crazy, man.
MIKO
I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy.
TRICK
A little.
MIKO
I’m not crazy. You’re crazy!
TRICK
How am I crazy?
MIKO
Breaking in, surprising a man.
TRICK
Jesus, old man. I haven’t seen you
MIKO
I’m not.
TRICK
Lost it.
MIKO
Ah. Ah. I see. Is that proper? Is that a proper thing to say to
a man? To your father?
TRICK
Alright with that.
MIKO
It’s not right for a son to call his father crazy. It’s not
right.
TRICK
Yep.
8
MIKO
I tell you it’s not. It’s a terrible thing to say. A terrible
terrible thing.
TRICK
Will you just relax?
MIKO
A man calling his father a fool.
TRICK
What?
MIKO
It says it’s not right. It says it.
TRICK
What?
MIKO
It says it.
TRICK
MIKO
It says it in the Bible. The Bible. It’d do ye good to read it.
TRICK
Says what?
MIKO
You should never call a man a fool.
TRICK
Really?
MIKO
Never call a man a fool.
TRICK
Alright.
MIKO
Especially your father.
9
TRICK
Where’s this “fool” talk coming from? I never called you a fool.
MIKO
You did thun.
TRICK
I did not.
MIKO
Ye did.
TRICK
No. And I don’t think it’s in the Bible anywhere. I called you
crazy...
MIKO
Fecking crazy.
TRICK
Fucking crazy, yes. And ...
MIKO
Ye called me a fool.
TRICK
I said you lost it.
MIKO
Same thing.
TRICK
No way. You’ve lost it, that’s true
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
You’re crazy. You’ve been crazy for years, just lately you’ve
lost it a little more.
MIKO
Ahh.
10
TRICK
It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I’m just saying it.
MIKO
Just saying it.
TRICK
Yeah. That’s all. It doesn’t matter. I’m just letting you know.
MIKO
Letting me know.
TRICK
Letting you know. So you know I know.
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
Whatever. Where’s mom?
(MIKO turns the radio back on. He turns the volume down as if
TRICK would not notice. TRICK of course does, but makes no
attempt to turn it off.)
TRICK
Miko.
MIKO
Huh?
TRICK
Where’s mom?
MIKO
Moneen.
TRICK
Huh?
MIKO
Buying food.
TRICK
Oh.
11
MIKO
At the store.
TRICK
Ok.
MIKO
At the store buying food.
TRICK
And you’re just sitting here?
MIKO
What do ye want me to do?
TRICK
I don’t know.
MIKO
I’m listening to me music.
TRICK
Nothing I guess.
MIKO
Nothing. Nothing. I’m just sitting here. Sitting here.
TRICK
Ok.
MIKO
Sitting here, listening to music.
(MIKO drops his mug.)
TRICK
Jesus.
MIKO
Me mug.
TRICK
Leave it.
12
MIKO
Me hands
TRICK
What?
MIKO
They’re not listening
TRICK
(As he picks up the mug.)
Yeah.
MIKO
There’s nothing I can do.
(Beat.)
I’m not bothering anyone.
TRICK
Yeah.
MIKO
Not like you.
TRICK
What?
MIKO
Not like you.
TRICK
What’s that mean?
MIKO
Coming in here, turning off me music.
TRICK
Oh, God damn it.
MIKO
It’s true.
TRICK
Enough of the fucking music. Enough already. Jesus, old man.
13
MIKO
Surprised me. Me not knowing. I could have died. A man of my
age. A surprise like that. Lucky I didn’t drop dead on the spot.
Have a heart attack and die. Lucky it didn’t happen.
TRICK
Who’s lucky?
MIKO
Heh?
TRICK
You knew I was coming.
MIKO
Still thun.
TRICK
Still what? You knew I was coming.
MIKO
Alright, alright.
TRICK
So fucking relax and give the music a rest, ok?
MIKO
Christ almighty.
TRICK
Damn it. Is there any beer?
MIKO
I don’t know.
TRICK
You don’t know?
MIKO
There might be. There might be. I don’t know.
TRICK
Great.
(He proceeds to look.)
14
MIKO
When did you get in?
TRICK
Didn’t I just get here five minutes ago?
MIKO
I don’t know.
TRICK
Haven’t I been with you the whole time I’ve been here?
MIKO
I don’t know.
TRICK
Listening to you go crazy over the fucking radio.
MIKO
Alright. Alright.
TRICK
Crazy.
MIKO
I’m awake. I’m
(Pause. Music.)
Where’s your brother?
TRICK
I don’t know.
MIKO
Outside smoking a cigarette.
TRICK
He’s not.
MIKO
No?
TRICK
Not that I know of. I didn’t see him out there.
15
MIKO
What?
TRICK
I didn’t see him out there.
MIKO
Well, didn’t ye come together? Wouldn’t he be with you?
TRICK
Do you fucking see him?
MIKO
Ahh.
TRICK
(Opening the beer he found.)
I’m hungry.
MIKO
Something’s going on here.
TRICK
When are we eating?
MIKO
Something fishy here. I gotta get to the bottom of it.
TRICK
What the hell are you talking about? Crazy.
MIKO
Ah, again with it.
(Enter MARTIN, dirty from the fields.)
MARTIN
Ah, Jesus, some tea and a nice chair is what I need. It’s a lot
of work for one man and one dog. A lot of movin’ about. Over at
me mam’s place and all, too and
MIKO
Martin
16
MARTIN
Oh, Patrick!
TRICK
Hey.
MARTIN
Great to see you.
TRICK
Yeah. You too.
MARTIN
How was the flight? Not bad. A little long.
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
They always are, aye. Five hours is it?
TRICK
Yeah, about.
MARTIN
Five hours here, and, what? Seven back? Six?
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
Seven?
MIKO
Aye, seven.
MARTIN
Seven.
MIKO
Or so.
MARTIN
Aye, seven or so.
17
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
What with the currents. Or the winds. They change it, they say,
make it a bit longer.
TRICK
Yeah.
MIKO
Well, you’re flying against the wind.
MARTIN
On the way back, yeah. Well, five hours, that’s not so bad.
TRICK
No. Not so bad.
MARTIN
Sleep if you wanna. Watch the movie. They play the movies on
flights right?
TRICK
Yeah.
MIKO
Yeah, on them long flights, they play the movie.
MARTIN
Yeah. A good time to watch a movie.
MIKO
It is.
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
Or sit and read.
MIKO
Yeah. It is.
MARTIN
Well, what else would you be doing?
18
MIKO
Listenin’ to music. Prayin’...
MARTIN
Yeah, or sitting or reading. It’s great for that.
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
Or you could be sleeping. If ye can. Did ye sleep on it?
TRICK
No, not really.
MARTIN
I wouldn’t either. Don’t think I could sleep on a plane.
MIKO
Aye.
MARTIN
I’m not one of those who can just, you know, sleep when they
want to. Wherever they are.
MIKO
Me neither.
MARTIN
I see you’re not either then, Pat?
TRICK
Huh? No. I’m not. I guess.
MIKO
Aye.
MARTIN
Aye. You’re the same, then? Good almost thirty years since ye
left here for good. Only holidays since.
TRICK
What are you talking about Miko? You sleep wherever and
whenever.
19
MIKO
I don’t thun.
TRICK
You always have.
MARTIN
He’s right, Miko.
MIKO
Ahh. Ye going off about thirty years and nothing.
MARTIN
Wasn’t it just last week asleep before the first reading in
Church you were?
MIKO
That doesn’t count.
TRICK
What?
MIKO
It doesn’t.
MARTIN
I think it does.
MIKO
Ahh.
MARTIN
Jesus it does.
MIKO
Ahh.
MARTIN
And he should know. In his house ye were.
TRICK
Wait, who?
MIKO
He’s talking about Jesus.
20
MARTIN
Well, who’s house was it if it wasn’t Jesus’?
MIKO
It was Jesus’ house. Alright. Christ almighty.
MARTIN
Exactly.
MIKO
Ahh, but that don’t count.
MARTIN
Were ye or were ye not asleep before the first reading?
MIKO
Oh, I may have been.
MARTIN
At least by the end of the first reading.
MIKO
Maybe.
MARTIN
Is that a fair assessment?
MIKO
Ye and yer big words.
MARTIN
(To TRICK.)
I like to read.
MIKO
Assessment!
MARTIN
Is it a fair one?
MIKO
I’d say so.
MARTIN
There, thun.
21
TRICK
That’s pretty fucking funny.
MIKO
I’m awake now. I’m awake. Ah, what are you to laugh at it? Dozen
years or more since ye’ve been to Mass.
TRICK
That’s not true.
MIKO
It is. A man is baptized, confirmed, receives the Holy
Eucharist, goes to Catholic school, and for what?
TRICK
Tell me.
MIKO
To not go to Mass on Sundays. It’s not right.
TRICK
Hey, I didn’t ask for that.
MIKO
Ye should be going every day, but no matter that, Sunday is the
most important.
MARTIN
He has you there, Pat.
TRICK
Whatever.
MIKO
It’s not whatever. Ye don’t work on Sunday so ye can go to Mass.
That’s how it is.
MARTIN
Not really anymore, Miko.
TRICK
Yeah, I don’t think so.
22
MIKO
I tell you it is.
MARTIN
Ye make me work half the Sundays a month! Taking advantage cause
me mam says I got to help ye.
TRICK
Well, what’s worse? Going to Church and sleeping through it, or
not going at all?
MARTIN
A fair question, Miko.
MIKO
Of course it’s better to go to Mass. It always is. Even if ye
sleep through it. The good Lord knows ye were there then, and
everything’s alright. The effort was made and he knows that.
That’s all that counts.
MARTIN
That makes sense.
MIKO
Aye.
TRICK
Whatever.
MARTIN
It does.
MIKO
Are you saying that Jesus would fault an old man for nodding off
a few when all he was trying to do was the right thing and go to
Church of a Sunday?
TRICK
No.
MIKO
Ye are.
MARTIN
I don’t know about that, Miko.
23
MIKO
He is.
TRICK
All I’m saying is it doesn’t matter if you go to Church or not.
MIKO
Ah, Jesus. In a man’s own house.
TRICK
What? You can believe in Jesus all you want and like him all you
want without going to Church.
MIKO
Ah, you can’t.
MARTIN
Sure you be talking like a Protestant.
MIKO
Ye can’t.
TRICK
(To MARTIN)
What?
MIKO
Ye can’t.
TRICK
What does that even mean?
MIKO
Don’t be coming here with your heretical ways.
TRICK
God.
MIKO
He won’t be listening to you. Not now.
TRICK
Well, you won’t be listening to him if you’re sleeping the whole
time.
24
MARTIN
Got you there, Mike.
MIKO
Ah, I don’t be sleeping the whole time.
TRICK
Just from right after it starts.
MIKO
And I’m still there to hear it. I’m listening. I’m listening. In
me own way. Absorbing it, you’d say.
TRICK
Well, I wouldn’t.
MARTIN
I’ve read about that.
TRICK
What?
MARTIN
Absorbing things in your sleep. I read about it. They did a
study on it, where was it? In the states. That big oul school
they always going on about. Havrad.
MIKO
Harvad.
TRICK
Harvard.
MIKO
Aye. Harvard.
MARTIN
They did a study on it there, about how you can still absorb
information while you are sleeping. Like music can be played
while you’re sleeping, and then when you get up, you can play it
on the piano.
25
MIKO
And what if you couldn’t play the piano? Then you wake up and
can ye magically play the piano?
MARTIN
I don’t know.
MIKO
Sounds like a lot of nothing to me.
TRICK
I think he means, if you could already play the piano.
MARTIN
Aye.
MIKO
Well, I can’t play the piano, so what good is it? Will sleeping
teach me how to play the piano? Is that all I need?
MARTIN
No.
TRICK
He should have been playing it years by now. He should be
playing a million instruments by now.
MARTIN
Ah.
MIKO
Or is it only piano it works with?
MARTIN
I don’t know.
MIKO
And what if I don’t, and I don’t, have a piano? Then nothing I
guess. I guess that’s why. I guess maybe that’s why I can’t be
playing.
MARTIN
Well, I wasn’t saying ... well, you do like the music a lot.
Listening to it.
26
MIKO
Aye.
MARTIN
Aye. See?
MIKO
Aye, but what has that got to do with playing the piano?
MARTIN
Well . . .
MIKO
Are you saying that since I’m liking the music so much, if I had
a piano, I woulda been able to play it. But since I don’t have
one, it just turned into me liking it?
MARTIN
Sure.
MIKO
Ah.
TRICK
Jesus.
MIKO
Now don’t be bringing it back to him. I’m finding out why Martin
thinks I should have been a piano player.
TRICK
This is insane.
MIKO
Well?
MARTIN
I’m not saying, I’m just saying. It was in a thing I read. A
book. A study of it, it was, is all I’m saying.
MIKO
A book?
27
MARTIN
Or a magazine. Or a T.V. show. No. No. A magazine it was. I
remember now, cause down in Kilkee I was that day, it was a
Friday, I remember. Down there buying me some Taytos and a paper
and then I remember. It was a magazine like thing in the paper.
Not something they normally have, like. Like, one of those
things they have sometimes, inserted in the middle.
TRICK
That’s a weird place to read something like that.
MIKO
In like the coupons?
MARTIN
Yeah.
MIKO
Ahh.
MARTIN
But not like them. Like them cause they’re in the middle.
Together with them is all. It was interesting reading I’d say.
MIKO
All the time reading.
MARTIN
Aye. I like it. I do.
MIKO
All the time.
MARTIN
That’s no harm. No harm in that. I’m not hurting anyone.
Nothing’s illegal.
MIKO
Probably reading out when I’m paying you to work on the fields.
MARTIN
You’re not payin’ me.
TRICK
Relax, old man.
28
MIKO
I don’t know. I don’t know. How’s a man to know?
MARTIN
You know me well enough Michael James Griffin. Well enough
knowing me from when I was born.
MIKO
Maybe so, but we aren’t talking about that. The point of the
matter is you going on and on about your reading and reading in
the fields and reading about studies about me playing piano, and
I can’t play piano. A load of nothing is all it is. All of it.
MARTIN
I’m trying to help you. Trick’s going off on you for sleeping a
bit through Mass, and I try to help out because of my reading
about a study about learning things while you sleep. Not
necessarily piano, but using that as an example. See, all I’m
saying is it does count you being in Mass even if you’re
sleeping and it is better than not going.
MIKO
Ah.
MARTIN
On your side I am. I have been. Don’t you be yelling at me and
judging me and my liking reading. Not when I’m with you on this.
The Hobbit
I’m reading at the moment. Miko, do ye have my ?
MIKO
Does it look like I have it? Sure as ye see, I only have me mug
and me radio! I don’t carry it in me pocket.
MARTIN
Alright.
MIKO
With me hands...
TRICK
What are you going on about?
29
MARTIN
See, I’m saying it’s ok to sleep during Mass cause you’re still
there, is all.
MIKO
But that don’t count.
TRICK
What?
MIKO
That don’t count anyway.
MARTIN
What are you saying now?
MIKO
That kind of sleep is no good. It don’t count. It’s not real
sleep like. It doesn’t make you feel any better.
TRICK
Jesus.
MARTIN
I know what you mean. I do.
MIKO
Ye need real sleep. Real sleep, I tell ye.
TRICK
Yeah.
MIKO
Eight hours or so in a bed. Not half an hour in a Church.
MARTIN
Yeah.
MIKO
Or five hours in a plane.
MARTIN
Aye, is it that long?
30
MIKO
Haven’t we just been through this? Christ almighty, I’m losing
it?
MARTIN
I just got lost is all. Lost in all this madness that ye turn
every conversation into.
TRICK
Ha.
MIKO
Ah.
MARTIN
Ah, nothing. It’s true.
TRICK
I believe you.
MARTIN
Talking around in circles about everything and nothing. Never
making much sense, if any at all. Seeing your son for the first
time in years, and not having a proper welcome. Not even a smile
after what you ... does that make sense?
MIKO
Don’t be talking about making sense, what with nothing but stuff
you read out of books. A grown man scared of his own mam.
MARTIN
So Trick, if I’ve already asked you how long a flight it was,
then I’ll ask you, was it a good one?
MIKO
Jesus.
MARTIN
Is that sufficient?
MIKO
Sufficient?
31
MARTIN
Satisfactory? Does that suit your needs for questions about his
travels?
MIKO
Ah, go on with you and your big words from your books. Never
having read the Bible.
MARTIN
I have thun. A normal question: Was it a good flight? That’s all
I’m looking for.
MIKO
And you’ve already asked him.
MARTIN
I don’t know if I have.
TRICK
It was fine. It was good. I guess. Yeah. Fine.
MARTIN
At least I’m asking. I don’t see ye caring much how his travels
were.
MIKO
Shows as you know, I coulda asked him a while ago. Ye don’t know
when he got here. He was here hours before you came back. I
asked him then, I did.
MARTIN
Nevermind anyway.
TRICK
Flying always sucks. So no matter what, I’ll always just say,
“It was fine.”
MARTIN
Yeah.
MIKO
Yeah, whatever. Whatever is right. Whatever is right.
32
MARTIN
Anyway. It’s good to see you back here, Trick. Very good.
How long has it been, now?
MIKO
Ahh.
MARTIN
Two, three years?
TRICK
Oh, more. Like ...
MARTIN
Four or five, Jesus, it must be.
TRICK
Nine.
MARTIN
That long?
MIKO
Nine years.
MARTIN
Wow.
TRICK
Yeah. And thirty years exactly since we moved there.
MARTIN
Time does fly, now, doesn’t it?
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
I said it before, but I didn’t believe it. I was –
(To MIKO.)
exaggerating. But I guess I was right. Intuitive, I be. I’ve
had thoughts that I might be...
(To TRICK.)
33
Well, it’s all the same back here. Nothing’s changed. Well, I
guess some people aren’t here anymore, but I’d say you probably
wouldn’t be remembering who they were at this time anyway.
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
Ah, old Paddy O’Shea. He died. God rest him. And Mary McMahon,
and Declan McDaniel, and Clancy Lynch, Molly O’Hare, Patrick
Kelly, Franny Farrell, the old drunk down at Hare’s with the
sweater with the hole – always used to be sitting there – he
died – and his replacement. Ye never met him. His sweater didn’t
have a hole. He never wore a sweater, actually. Also, um, Martin
O’Riley, the little old midget two houses from me mam’s – ye
must remember him – Aye. He and his wife. Oh, and Colin
O’Rourke, Susan O’Rourke, Maggie O’Rourke, Michael Jack
O’Rourke, Seamus Owen O’Rourke, Catherine Anne O’Rourke, and of
course ...
MIKO
Enough fecking dead people!
MARTIN
Alright.
MIKO
A lot of people died. In nine years, lots of people die. I think
he would assume that. Whether or not he cared.
MARTIN
Alright. Well, that’s almost it.
(Pause.)
Hare’s is still the same, Desmond’s been running it now.
TRICK
Really?
MARTIN
Aye, he took it over.
TRICK
I guess I figured he would.
34
MIKO
Of course he would, if old Clancy died, who else would take it
over?
TRICK
Yeah, I guess that was always the plan, wasn’t it?
MARTIN
Aye.
TRICK
I didn’t know Clancy died.
MARTIN
Aye, he did.
MIKO
Aye, and didn’t Martin just say that?
TRICK
What?
MIKO
Didn’t he just tell you Clancy died? Didn’t he just say that a
minute ago?
TRICK
Yeah. I guess so.
MIKO
Weren’t listening though, were you. It doesn’t matter. It
doesn’t matter.
TRICK
So Des is running it now. That crazy fuck! That must be great.
MARTIN
It’s the same. Same old people. Some new ones, but no one new
really.
TRICK
I’m going there later.
MIKO
How are ye getting there?
35
TRICK
I don’t know.
MIKO
Not with my car.
MARTIN
Walk I imagine.
TRICK
Yeah, I’ll walk.
MIKO
You’re not used to that.
TRICK
I live in New York.
MIKO
It’s not the same.
TRICK
It’s three fucking miles.
MARTIN
I could take ye in the tractor. Maybe I’d like to go.
MIKO
He’ll walk.
TRICK
I’ll walk.
MARTIN
Ye’ll have a good time. It’ll be good to see Desmond again.
TRICK
Yeah.
MIKO
Three miles of fields and black. And ghosts.
MARTIN
Yeah, everything else is the same here.
36
TRICK
I always forget how small the roads are.
MARTIN
Aye.
MIKO
No whores. But ghosts. All over the place.
TRICK
They’re so narrow. It’s crazy.
MARTIN
Not like the roads over there.
TRICK
No.
MARTIN
No, I imagine you have the five, six lane highways over there.
Right? Five lanes to each side?
TRICK
No, not normally. Sometimes I guess, but usually like three or
so.
MARTIN
Really?
TRICK
Yeah, usually.
MARTIN
But every road is like that.
TRICK
Every road?
MARTIN
Every road.
TRICK
No way. Not every road. No.
37
MARTIN
Really?
TRICK
Yeah, no way, man. There are two lane roads, like one lane for
each direction.
MARTIN
Really?
TRICK
Yeah, some roads with no lines at all.
MARTIN
Really?
TRICK
Yeah, are you kidding me? That would be insane if every road had
like ten lanes total. What the hell do you think it’s like over
there?
MARTIN
Crowded.
MIKO
He’s an idiot.
MARTIN
Crowded I always heard. And seen on the television. And read.
TRICK
It is.
MARTIN
So busy and cluttered highways, I pictured. Lots of lanes,
curving around, crisscrossing and whatnot.
TRICK
That’s why I don’t mess with that shit. That’s why I live in the
city. I walk. That’s how to live. But there’s neighborhoods, and
little towns and stuff. It’s not that crazy, man. I can’t
believe you’ve never been to America.
MIKO
I can.
38
MARTIN
Never thought much about it to be honest with you. Never thought
much on it. But I been thinking now as we been talking here, and
maybe it is time I went. Maybe it is time I took the flight out
there, what is it five hours?
TRICK
Seven.
MARTIN
Seven? Really, I thought we said five.
MIKO
Seven, damn it. It doesn’t matter.
MARTIN
Aye, maybe I will go. It would be nice.
TRICK
Yeah, I guess it depends on where you would wanna go.
MARTIN
Let me be thinking about that, now. I will be thinking on it.
TRICK
Good.
MARTIN
I suppose I could come out there for a visit, now. Being as you
come out here and all.
MIKO
This isn’t your house.
MARTIN
No, but it would be the same thing like. Me going out there
instead of Trick and Declan coming out here.
TRICK
Yeah.
MARTIN
That would be something else.
39
TRICK
Yeah.
MIKO
Ahh.
MARTIN
Ah, but, God, it’s good to see you back here, Trick.
MIKO
It doesn’t matter.
MARTIN
What?
MIKO
What?
MARTIN
What was that?
MIKO
Nothing. Nothing. Just thinking out loud, is all. That’s all.
MARTIN
It is good to see ye, Trick, no matter what the old man says.
TRICK
You too, man.
MIKO
The old man.
(TRICK starts to exit.)
MIKO
Where you going?
TRICK
The bathroom.
(He gets up and crosses to a hallway. He exits.)
MARTIN
It’s good he could make it back for the day, tomorrow.
40
MIKO
Ah, go on with you. Go on. Get out.
MARTIN
Eh?
MIKO
Shut yer mouth will ye? Can’t you shut your mouth for once in
your life? Is that possible, now?
MARTIN
What –
(JAMES, the dog, barks.)
MIKO
Get out will ye, get out. James is barking. Go find him.
MARTIN
Jesus, Miko. Calm down, will, ye?
(MIKO drops his mug.)
MIKO
Me mug, damnit. Me hands.
MARTIN
Alright, are ye?
MIKO
They don’t always listen
MARTIN
What?
MIKO
Me hands me hands. They they don’t always listen like you.
(Beat.)
Get out I say or I’ll kick ye out. Working out in the fields is
what you should be. I’ll kick ye out meself.
MARTIN
What is this? What did I say?
41
MIKO
Talking too much, talking too much. Always going on and on. Well
keep your mouth shut. Keep it shut. Keep it shut or get out or
both, will ye, Christ almighty.
MARTIN
Jesus.
MIKO
Liable to give a man a stroke going on this way.
MARTIN
Now hold on.
MIKO
Opening your mouth, letting things out that shouldn’t be said,
well shut it I say. For ye’re own good.
MARTIN
Things that shouldn’t be said?
MIKO
Ye heard me.
MARTIN
All I said was, what did I say? What did I say, now?
MIKO
Ahh.
MARTIN
All I said was ...
MIKO
Enough with it. Didn’t I tell you to shut your mouth? No mind ye
trying to think of what you’re saying. If you’re too stupid to
know then you’re too stupid to be, now shut up and get out to
the fecking fields.
(Pause.)
MARTIN
By Jesus, Miko. You never told him.
MIKO
Heh.
42
MARTIN
You never told either of them.
MIKO
Ahh. Get on, or I’ll tell yer ma about yer Magnum PI!
MARTIN
A Magnum PI is a television show with the Tom Selleck man
MIKO
Ah, get out, will ye?
MARTIN
Ye don’t want me to let it slip…
MIKO
Want me to open me mouth? About ye Magnum?
MARTIN
‘Tisn’t a Magnum that’s not even a it’s a simple .38 use
it on cans, I do when no one’s around when I’m done my
duties both here and at me ma’s. No one can blame a workin’ man
for some little shooting stuff fun no animals I be aiming at
only cans and bottles only garbage like
MIKO
Ah, take ye’re gun already never touched it, have I once. In
the back room where ye left it. And didn’t I say get out? Didn’t
I say that fifty fecking times?
(Pause, as long as MARTIN needs.)
MARTIN
Ye didn’t even tell yer own kids. Ye made them fly this whole
way
MIKO
So now you know everything about it. The master of everything.
Right here.
MARTIN
Yer own kids.
43
MIKO
Get out, will ye.
MARTIN
Her own kids.
MIKO
Ah, feck you already, feck you. Get out of me house already if
that’s how you think. Coming in here, accusing me
MARTIN
No one’s accusing anyone
MIKO
Accusing of being a disrespectful father.
MARTIN
And husband, now, wouldn’t you say?
MIKO
Dirty fecking field rat is all ye are. Get out of here.
MARTIN
(Leaving.)
Ye’re sick, Miko. Sick. And it makes me sad. Cause I like you.
Lord knows I shouldn’t and I don’t know why, but I do.
MIKO
Ahh.
MARTIN
And something’s wrong with ye. No matter what ye think. Everyone
else knows it. Everyone else knows. How could they not now? How
could they not?
(MARTIN exits. Pause. MIKO turns the music up. It plays. The
announcer speaks.)
ANNOUNCER
And that was “Fairwell to Connaught” as played by the Tulla
Ceili Band. Of course from their “Echoes of Erin” album recorded
back over forty years ago. A good one as always. And already its
first day of Fall . . .
(MIKO turns down the radio as TRICK enters from the front door.)
44
MIKO
Didn’t this already happen?
(TRICK does not respond. He walks to the couch, sits and turns
on the television. Nothing but the music and the TV for a
moment.)
MIKO
Should I be turning off the music now?
(Pause.)
Don’t want to be bothering ye.
(Pause.)
I’ll turn it off so.
(An even longer pause; the TV is on.)
Rifleman
Why don’t ye put on ? That’s a great show.
(Pause.)
Rifleman.
On channel three.
(Pause.)
The best show.
(Pause.)
Have ye seen it?
TRICK
It’s not on.
MIKO
Oh, oh, it’s half past three it comes on, not half past two.
That’s right. That’s right.
(Pause.)
That’s the answer there.
(Pause.)
Riflemanis the best show on TV these
The best show. On TV.
days. These days. These days, anyway, and it’s still an old
rerun. Ah, let me think now, what else was good? Christ
almighty, Archie Bunker. Ah, Archie Bunker, how could I forget
him? Oh, Christ almighty, was he good. Man, alive. Do you
remember him? Trick? Do you remember him, Trick?
(Pause.)
Do ye, now?
(Pause.)
The time with Joey, now, his grandson. Gloria’s baby. When he
baptized him . . . Meathead didn’t, he wasn’t Catholic, and they
weren’t gonna baptize him. And Archie, Archie, man alive . . .
Jesus, if he didn’t take him to the Church himself and putt putt
45
with the water and swoosh, right in the baby’s face. Ah, Christ
almighty, that, that was a funny one. Christ almighty. Lord
above.
TRICK
Yeah.
(Pause.)
MIKO
Where were ye just now?
TRICK
I went to the bathroom.
MIKO
Oh.
TRICK
Crazy.
MIKO
(More to himself.)
Let me see here.
TRICK
Huh?
MIKO
But ye came in from outside.
TRICK
Fuck, man, I went to the bathroom and went outside for a few,
what the hell’s the difference?
MIKO
No difference, no difference. Is it raining out there?
TRICK
No. Is it supposed to?
MIKO
It always is. I don’t know.
(Pause.)
46
TRICK
Fuck.
(Pause.)
MIKO
What?
TRICK
I’m starving. Where’s mom?
MIKO
I don’t know. I don’t know what to tell you. There’s food here,
didn’t I tell you already?
TRICK
There’s no food.
MIKO
There’s something.
TRICK
There’s nothing to fucking eat.
MIKO
I don’t know.
TRICK
Fucking starving.
MIKO
Can’t you wait? Can’t you wait a bit? Can’t you wait for your
TRICK
Ha. Wait for what?
MIKO
Have some patience, like a normal person? Patience? Patience is
a virtue they say.
TRICK
Who says?
47
MIKO
They say. I don’t know.
TRICK
Who’s they?
MIKO
I don’t know. I don’t know. Don’t ye listen? Didn’t ye learn
anything in school? Anything about respecting your elders?
TRICK
Respect?
MIKO
And talking back to them? It’s not right. It’s not, Trick. I
tell you it’s not.
TRICK
I am thirtyfive years old. Enough of this elder shit. I’m not a
fucking twelve year old.
MIKO
Talking to his father like that.
TRICK
Fuck you.
MIKO
Coming here, it’s not right. How do I know? How do I know, now?
TRICK
What are you talking about now?
MIKO
Nothing. Nothing. I’m just thinking to meself now, just
thinking.
TRICK
Thinking. Like you could think.
MIKO
How do I know now?
TRICK
Huh.
48
MIKO
How do I know?
TRICK
(With rising anger)
How do you know what, old man?
MIKO
It’d be a terrible thing to do.
TRICK
MIKO
I don’t know, though. I hate to say it, but I don’t think it’s
out of the picture, now.
TRICK
God damn it, Miko. God damn it.
MIKO
I’m right, am I? So I am I see.
TRICK
What is it?
MIKO
It’s sad. It is.
TRICK
Yeah, sure.
MIKO
I know.
TRICK
Ok... whatever you think I did, I did.
MIKO
All I am is talking, now, all I am is talking.
TRICK
Yeah.
49
MIKO
And now you’re liable to kill me.
TRICK
I’m not going to kill you.
MIKO
So’s I know you are. So’s I know that’s what ye came here to do.
TRICK
What? I was invited.
MIKO
How do I know now? Coming here alone? No sign of Declan.
(Pause.)
TRICK
Yeah.
MIKO
Didn’t ye fly with him? Weren’t ye on the same plane?
(Pause.)
TRICK
No. I don’t know where he is. I haven’t seen him in a while. I
don’t know how long, that’s how long.
(Pause.)
MIKO
That’s sad.
TRICK
That we don’t see each other? I guess.
MIKO
Yeah.
TRICK
Not really, though. Who cares?
MIKO
Well
50
TRICK
I don’t see you. It’s been a lot longer since I saw you than
Declan. A lot longer.
(Pause.)
MIKO
Ye should see each other. Ye live so close.
TRICK
You don’t know where I live. You don’t know anything about what
I do, or who I am, or who my friends are or who I fuck or who I
hate or who I
(He stops himself.)

MIKO
Kill? Is it?
TRICK
What’s that?
MIKO
How do I know?
TRICK
Are you insane?
MIKO
Fellow down the way killed his father.
TRICK
Who?
MIKO
Fellow down the way. Down over the road a piece. I’ve told you.
TRICK
You never told me.
MIKO
I never told ye cause I never see ye. Fellow down the way it
was.
TRICK
Sure. Sounds real.
51
MIKO
It is real. Jimmy O’Shea, wasn’t it?
TRICK
Yeah?
MIKO
Kicked him through the door! The door of the house! I mean
kicked. Knocking down the door.
TRICK
Really?
MIKO
Chasing him around the fields and into the barn. Had his father
pegged up against the wall of the barn there, hitting him with
all his might. Just hitting him like there was nothing else to
do. While all the whole time the poor old man screaming for
mercy. Begging his son for mercy.
TRICK
Yeah?
MIKO
His wife watching the whole thing too. Crying to make him stop.
TRICK
Jimmy O’Shea?
MIKO
Aye, and his own father, too.
TRICK
Yeah. And he killed him?
MIKO
He died, yeah. Some time shortly after, I think. Yeah. Ah, poor
old Mag. Surprised she didn’t get the same thing. Or something
similar. That sick Jimmy of hers.
TRICK
And he still lives there?
52
MIKO
What? Oh. Aye, aye.
TRICK
He killed his father and nothing happened?
MIKO
I don’t know. They couldn’t prove it or something like that. I
don’t know. That’s what they said.
TRICK
Oh.
(Pause.)
MIKO
I see now.
TRICK
Fucking, shut up. Enough with these conspiracy bullshit
accusations. You always think something is going on. You can
never take things as they just are and that is insane. Stop with
the thinking I’m plotting against you and here to kill you and
whatever the fuck else you have swimming around with the
Guinness in your fucking head; I can’t take it. The only reason
I am here right now is because I was invited. By you. I know
that sounds really crazy, but that actually is how it is right
now. That is actually what is going on, I am here because of
you. So stop thinking I’m here to kill you.
(Beat.)
Or I’ll have to.
(Pause.)
I can already see that was the wrong way to end that.
MIKO
Alright.
TRICK
Yeah?
MIKO
Yeah.
TRICK
Are you sure you’re alright?
53
MIKO
Yeah.
TRICK
Are you?
MIKO
I am. Alright. Alright.
(Pause.)
TRICK
Good.
(Pause.)
Where’s mom?
MIKO
Where’s Declan?
TRICK
(Losing it.)
Shut the fuck up about him. I already told you I didn’t see him.
I haven’t seen him in a long ass time. How many times do I have
to tell you that to make it stick?
MIKO
Not many.
TRICK
Crazy old man.
MIKO
(Calmly)
I’m not, Trick. Ye are, I don’t know what went wrong, but
something did somewhere. Maybe it was the college. I don’t know,
but something happened, and we can’t help it. But it’s sad,
Trick, it is.
TRICK
I grew up. I got old. I stopped caring that much. So what? Who
cares? We all check out at some point. You checked out years
ago.
54
MIKO
Where’s Declan?
TRICK
Enough asking.
MIKO
Did you hurt him?
TRICK
Come on.
MIKO
Did you kill him?
TRICK
Ok, now I know. You actually just asked me that.
MIKO
Your brother.
TRICK
Ok, so what if I did? It’s a whole lot better than killing mom.
MIKO
Ah, come on, now, come on. I didn’t – I didn’t me
TRICK
You think I’m stupid? I know she’s not here. There’s one
toothbrush in the bathroom, no food in the whole house, and your
room smells like last week’s ass. So, either she got real lazy
or she’s gone.
(Pause.)
Now, why would she just up and leave and not tell me first? That
seems a little strange. Probably because she’s fucking dead, is
why.
(Pause.)
And why wouldn’t you have told me if she got sick? It’s not like
you don’t have a phone. I know you live in the middle of nowhere
where the closest town is two streets big even so, why
wouldn’t you have called me? Why the fuck wouldn’t you have told
me? Or Declan? Or did you tell him? Did he know? Does he know?
(Pause. TRICK pulls out a gun that had once been hidden.) Do you
wanna explain this? Different from the one I usually carry, but
a pretty big sign, nonetheless, I’d say...
55
(Pause.)
You really topped yourself this time.
(Pause.)
Hello? Old man?
(Pause.)
Old man? Old man murderer? Anyone there? Anybody wanna answer?
(Pause.)
We don’t have to talk about the murder of my dear mom and your
lovely wife if you don’t want to.
(Pause.)
Hey. At least tell me how you did it. Give me that decency.
(Pause.)
I’ll tell you
MIKO
(Cutting him off.) I didn’t kill her. I didn’t ... she didn’t
(Pause.)
TRICK
But she’s dead, is she? Isn’t she?
(Pause.)
MIKO
They… no . . . they
TRICK
It’s real messed up that you didn’t say anything.
MIKO
...weren’t listenin’
TRICK
Whatever you’re mumbling...and since when do you even own a gun?
MIKO
It’s Martin’s. Martin’s. His mam didn’t want it in the house. I
let him keep it here.
TRICK
Believable enough.
(Beat.)
56
So my mom is dead? You don’t tell me. And somehow you think I’ve
killed your son?
MIKO
Your brother. I never said she
TRICK
This is the true Miko coming out. The good Catholic Miko. Tell
me, dad, how does it feel to make such an accusation? Fulfilling
in some sick twisted way? Or are you just doing this out of
boredom? It must be pretty lonely out here, right?
(Pause.)
Yes, sure, of course, why not, I killed him. I fucking killed
him. Is that what you’d like to hear?
(Pause. He moves back to the couch and sits down.)
Oh yeah, I forgot. I’m also here to kill you. That’s the second
part, right? The best part, huh? The part yet to come, being as
I’ve already killed your favorite son, right?
(Pause.)
MIKO
How do I know?
TRICK
Loony old man.
(He turns on the TV, flips between the two stations a number of
times.)
Nothing on.
(He flips through some more.)
Only two stations.
(He throws the remote. MIKO does not react.)
(Pause.)
Turn on the fucking music.
(MIKO does so. The lights fade to black.)
END ACT I
57
ACT II
58
Scene I
(Irish music plays. The same as was used at the beginning of the
first act. A moment or two, and the lights slowly come up on an
apartment in New York City. The place is hip in a modest way,
and though it has a New York City vibe to it, it eerily echoes
MIKO’s house. A few moments of the apartment. Then, out of the
hallway upstage enters DECLAN. He throws down the stack of
clothes he is carrying onto the couch, and moves toward the
kitchen table. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out a bag of
weed, opens it, and proceeds to pack a bong that had been
masquerading as a vase. He finishes packing, lifts it to smoke,
thinks, puts it down, and hurries over to the fridge.
Methodically and simultaneously he opens a cabinet with his left
hand and the refrigerator with his right. He grabs a large
container of iced tea from the fridge and a glass from the
cabinet. He adeptly pours the beverage, puts back the iced tea,
and while moving back toward the table, takes a sip. Putting the
tea down on the table, he pulls the plastic flowers out of the
bong, takes out a lighter, and takes a hit. He puts the bong
down, and runs out via the hallway, returning almost immediately
with a stack of about seven or eight books. He goes through
them, keeping about four and leaving about three in another
pile. He goes back to the table and takes another hit from the
bong. He starts toward the hallway. His phone vibrates. It is a
text message. He looks excited. Interested? Concerned? A few
moments of looking at the text, and then he closes the phone,
and exits out through the hallway. He comes back with notebooks
overflowing with excess papers, a small tape recorder, and a
camera. He drinks iced tea. He checks to see if the recorder
works. He goes to the kitchen, drinking iced tea on his way. He
opens a cabinet, pulls out a white envelope, opens it, removes
the contents, looks at it, puts it away. He drinks. He goes back
to the table. He drinks. He stands. He drinks. He sits at the
table. Reaches for the bong, when his phone vibrates. He runs to
turn the music down. He answers the phone.)
DECLAN
Hello? Oh, you are?
(He crosses to the window and looks out.)
Cool. Awesome. Ok. Ok. Ok. Bye.
(He hangs up, rushes to the computer to turn the music off.
Briefly he contemplates the bong. Opting not to, he puts the
plastic flowers back in as the door opens, and ELAINE enters.
59
About the same age as DECLAN, she is what anyone would call
pretty, and what some would call beautiful.)
ELAINE
Hey, baby.
DECLAN
And here I was thinking you weren’t going to come.
ELAINE
And here I was thinking you weren’t going to kiss me.
DECLAN
Maybe I won’t.
ELAINE
I guess I’ll just go then.
DECLAN
But all of your stuff is here.
ELAINE
Just the stuff you think I have. The rest is with my other
family.
DECLAN
Come here you silly Ohio kiwi girl.
(He grabs her and kisses her.)
ELAINE
Silly Ohio kiwi girl?
DECLAN
Yeah. You’re from Ohio. And I like kiwis.
(He goes to the wine fridge, takes out a bottle and proceeds to
open it.)
So a whole other family? Not just a guy?
ELAINE
Just a guy.
DECLAN
Oh. Are you two married yet?
60
ELAINE
Oh, yes, for about nine years . . .
DECLAN
Married young, then?
ELAINE
Yes, we did. But really it’s since we’ve gotten divorced that
things have been astronomically better between the two of us.
DECLAN
Oh, I imagine.
ELAINE
Things are just fun again, you know? Dancing . . .
DECLAN
Playing tennis?
ELAINE
Not as much as I’d like, but you know, with all the charity
events, and social obligations, and the kids . . .
DECLAN
So there are kids?
ELAINE
Well . . .
DECLAN
Probably really married to him too.
ELAINE
Umm . . .
DECLAN
I can see through you.
ELAINE
Oh, you know you’re going to be my first husband. I’ve told you
that a million times.
DECLAN
Sure.
61
ELAINE
A promise is a promise, Declan.
DECLAN
Well, good. But, you know, saying “first husband” is pretty much
saying you’re going to have more than one.
ELAINE
It’s not “pretty much” saying it. It is exactly saying it.
DECLAN
Ok...
ELAINE
First and only, Declan, first and only. You know that.
DECLAN
I know that.
ELAINE
Oh, you are so cute.
DECLAN
I’m told.
ELAINE
Rifleman
Hey, why aren’t you watching ?
DECLAN
Damn, I don’t know. Turn it on.
ELAINE
What channel again?
DECLAN
3? 27?
ELAINE
One of those sounds right.
DECLAN
Yeah, one of those is right. Oh, wait, don’t bother. It’s only
three. It’s not on for a bit.
62
ELAINE
Oh, darn. I’ve really grown to love that old show.
DECLAN
I know, but think about it this way: at least by then you can be
wonderfully wine high.
ELAINE
I could be.
DECLAN
I will be.
ELAINE
Did you open a red?
DECLAN
Yes.
ELAINE
Which one?
DECLAN
I don’t know.
ELAINE
Pinot?
DECLAN
Maybe.
ELAINE
Or . . .
DECLAN
I’ll check.
ELAINE
No, I want to guess. What color is it?
DECLAN
Red.
ELAINE
Red wine and a red label. Let me try it.
63
DECLAN
No, the label’s not red. The wine is.
(He hands her a glass.)
ELAINE
Hmm.
DECLAN
(Showing the bottle.)
See?
ELAINE
No. Don’t show me.
DECLAN
Ok.
ELAINE
Where’s the fun in that?
DECLAN
Drinking it.
ELAINE
(Taking a sip. Thinking.)
Hmmm.
DECLAN
No iconic swirl?
ELAINE
Huh?
DECLAN
How could you ever tell what kind it is without first swirling?
ELAINE
That’s to test the quality.
DECLAN
I figured it would probably work in telling what kind it is. Or
at least help to.
64
ELAINE
You also buy wine based off of what animal’s on the label.
DECLAN
I can’t help that. I love animals. We’ve all been taught to find
animals endearing and trustworthy, and not at all threatening,
when it comes
ELAINE
I don’t know about that.
DECLAN
Cartoons?
ELAINE
There’s plenty of threatening cartoon animals. Scar in
The Lion
King
.
DECLAN
Ok. Yes. That is a good one.
ELAINE
Ummm . . .
DECLAN
But there’s more than enough kindhearted ones to make up for
him.
ELAINE
And all the hyenas he hangs with.
DECLAN
Yeah, yeah. The hyenas.
ELAINE
Honest John.
DECLAN
What?
ELAINE
Pinocchio
Honest John. From .
DECLAN
Who the hell is Honest John?
65
ELAINE
The fox that –
DECLAN
Tricks him into going to that island.
ELAINE
Pleasure Island.
DECLAN
Well –
ELAINE
Wile E. Coyote.
DECLAN
Wile E. Coyote is not a threatening person.
ELAINE
Well, he’s not a person.
DECLAN
He is misunderstood.
ELAINE
Uh, huh.
DECLAN
A victim of his upbringing which no one can blame him for.
ELAINE
Couldn’t the same be said for any animal? Or person?
DECLAN
Maybe, but
ELAINE
That’s some shoddy philosophizing there. Either way. So we’ve
established that there are at least two threatening cartoon
animals.
DECLAN
Wile E. Coyote not being one of them.
66
ELAINE
Fine.
DECLAN
But I do think it’s fair to say we’ve been programmed to connect
animals with quality merchandise. Advertisingwise, anyway.
ELAINE
At least you think that way.
DECLAN
I prefer bottles of wine with animals on the labels, yes.
Everyone does – because people would rather buy something with a
picture of something they like on it.
ELAINE
Ok.
DECLAN
Instead of something random. Like a house. Or a tree.
ELAINE
Lots of bottles have trees on them.
DECLAN
Or an egg.
ELAINE
As if a Koala’s not as random as a tree.
DECLAN
Or a piece of bacon.
ELAINE
Show me a bottle with bacon and eggs on it! Show it to me!
DECLAN
I’ve seen it.
ELAINE
Where? Show it to me.
DECLAN
Well, I didn’t buy it. It wasn’t appealing.
67
ELAINE
And you like bacon and eggs.
DECLAN
Yes, but not with wine. I don’t want any wine associated with
scrambled eggs.
ELAINE
This whole thing sounds a bit crazy to me.
(By this time she has finished the wine and gotten up for more.)
DECLAN
And what wine was it? Were you able to figure it out by the time
you finished?
ELAINE
Sure ... it’s definitely a red.
DECLAN
It is.
ELAINE
I better get some more. Maybe that’ll help.
DECLAN
Me too, please.
ELAINE
Should I just bring the bottle?
(Pause. No response. DECLAN is immersed in a notebook of his.)
Should I just bring the bottle? Hello?
(Still no response.)
I should just bring the bottle.
(She looks at the label.)
Oh, I figured it out – it is a Pinot.
DECLAN
Yeah?
ELAINE
I was right.
DECLAN
Yeah.
68
ELAINE
Impressed?
DECLAN
Did you look?
ELAINE
No. Of course not.
DECLAN
Oh.
ELAINE
Just when I poured these. That’s all.
DECLAN
Only then?
ELAINE
Uhhuh.
DECLAN
Aww.
(He kisses her.)
I love you, Ellie.
ELAINE
You’re not so bad either.
DECLAN
That works for me.
ELAINE
It’ll have to.
DECLAN
It’s more than I usually hear.
ELAINE
What’s that mean?
DECLAN
More than I usually hear from people, “You’re not so bad
either.”
69
ELAINE
Who else is saying that to you? Who else that matters?
DECLAN
No one.
ELAINE
No one?
DECLAN
That’s the problem.
ELAINE
You don’t need anyone else to be saying anything like that. I’m
the only one you need telling you, “you’re not so bad.”
DECLAN
I know.
ELAINE
It means more when I say it anyway.
DECLAN
I know.
(ELAINE has moved towards the laptop.)
ELAINE
Let’s put on some music. It’s creepy quiet in here. And it’ll
distract you from your work. As if you should even need a
distraction with me here.
DECLAN
I’m not working – I’m
ELAINE
What are you listening to?
(Before he can answer, she has turned it back on. The Irish
music picks up again.)
Ah, some preparation music. I like it.
DECLAN
I felt it was necessary.
70
ELAINE
It totally is.
DECLAN
Who is that?
ELAINE
(Reading the computer and mispronouncing the band’s name.)
Ummm, the Tulla Ceili Band?
DECLAN
Oh, the Tulla Ceili Band. Should’ve known that.
ELAINE
Is it just music?
DECLAN
I think so. Yeah. That one is anyway.
ELAINE
Ok.
DECLAN
That one is anyway.
ELAINE
I like it. It’s very . . . traditional.
DECLAN
Yeah.
ELAINE
Let’s dance.
(She gets up.)
DECLAN
Sure.
(He does not get up.)
ELAINE
Come on.
71
DECLAN
Ha. Ha. No.
ELAINE
Come on, Declan.
DECLAN
What? You were serious?
ELAINE
Yes.
DECLAN
No.
ELAINE
What?
DECLAN
No.
ELAINE
Why not?
DECLAN
It’s not my thing, that’s why. You know that.
ELAINE
It’s not real dancing, like that you hate; it’s just reel
dancing . . .
(She laughs at her own joke.)
DECLAN
No.
ELAINE
One dance won’t kill you.
DECLAN
I know that. I know it won’t. But I’m not into it, that’s all.
ELAINE
But it’s fun.
72
DECLAN
It’s not.
ELAINE
Come on.
DECLAN
No. I don’t want to.
ELAINE
Fine.
(She sits. She drinks wine.)
You know, my other husband
DECLAN
It’s not my thing.
ELAINE
You’re no fun.
DECLAN
What? I’m fun.
ELAINE
You’re not.
DECLAN
I am though.
ELAINE
Eh, sometimes you are. But not all the time. And definitely not
now.
DECLAN
Because I don’t want to dance?
ELAINE
Because you never want to do anything but look at your notes.
Look at your “findings.”
DECLAN
That’s not true.
73
ELAINE
It’s always either work, or tired from work, or terrified from
work. Never anything else.
DECLAN
I’m never terrified at work.
ELAINE
I’ve seen you! I read your articles!
DECLAN
There’s no terror. Not on my part.
ELAINE
We don’t do anything. We never go anywhere.
DECLAN
Eh. I’m tired.
ELAINE
From work. That’s what I’m saying.
DECLAN
And I like being here.
ELAINE
Yes, it’s a nice apartment. But, you know, absence makes the
heart grow fonder. If we left here more, you’d like it more.
DECLAN
That’s crazy talk.
ELAINE
I’m just tired of never doing anything. Never having any
spontaneous fun. You work too much. You don’t enjoy life enough.
You haven’t been on a real vacation in four years.
DECLAN
But I’m always on a vacation of sorts. I’m living proof that
absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’m always all over the
place.
ELAINE
Working. And I never come.
74
(Pause.)
DECLAN
I can’t help that.
ELAINE
Yes, you can. Take more time off. Hell, take some time off.
DECLAN
Well, this is a vacation. I’m not going to be working for the
next week or more.
ELAINE
Sure.
DECLAN
What? I’m going tomorrow, and I’m not working there. Damn it.
ELAINE
Declan.
DECLAN
You don’t have to go crazy saying all this stuff, and that I’m
not fun just because I don’t want to dance with you. I’ve danced
with you before.
ELAINE
Declan –
DECLAN
It’s not my thing, ok? I’ve told you a million times now. I am
just not one of those people who enjoys it. I do not find
enjoyment or pleasure or relaxation or anything when I’m
dancing. Ok? None of that. I feel selfconscious, embarrassed,
and awkward and I don’t ever have the urge to get up and do it.
ELAINE
Ok –
DECLAN
You know this. You know this, Elaine. You know this. I can’t
stand how you always make such a huge deal about the most minute
nonsense.
ELAINE
It’s not nonsense. It’s how I feel.
75
DECLAN
How about how I feel? Fuck.
ELAINE
Declan, please.
(Pause. She remains calm.)
It’s not nice to curse like that.
(Pause. They laugh.)
DECLAN
You are one crazy chick.
ELAINE
Thanks.
DECLAN
(Sighing.)
Oh man.
ELAINE
What?
DECLAN
I just don’t want to go tomorrow.
ELAINE
Really? Are you all packed?
DECLAN
Somewhat.
(He motions to the pile of stuff he is bringing, none of which

is actually packed.)
ELAINE
Oh.
DECLAN
Oh, I’m cool with being there. I’m looking forward to that
really.
ELAINE
Good.
76
DECLAN
Yeah. Just the hassle of it all. The airport. The flying. I hate
flying.
ELAINE
I know.
DECLAN
It’s not that I’m scared of it or anything –
ELAINE
I know.
DECLAN
I just hate the whole pomp and circumstance shenanigans
involved.
ELAINE
I know.
DECLAN
Getting to the airport –
ELAINE
Yeah.
DECLAN
Checking luggage –
ELAINE
I know.
DECLAN
The whole security insanity.
ELAINE
Yeah.
DECLAN
And just the waiting in the sterile, crowded, uglyass
environment.
ELAINE
Yeah, I know.
77
DECLAN
Yeah, but you don’t hate it like I do. I fly all the time.
ELAINE
Yeah, I know.
DECLAN
It’s going to suck. And fucking Patrick will no doubt be there.
Fucking Trick.
ELAINE
Oh.
DECLAN
God damn it.
ELAINE
When’s the last time you saw him?
DECLAN
I don’t know. Five years ago?
ELAINE
That wedding was only like three years ago –
DECLAN
Really?
ELAINE
Yeah, that’s when I met him. It was in October.
DECLAN
Almost three years ago. Either way, he just sent me a text, or
at least I think he did. I don’t have his number or anything,
but the text at least said it was him.
ELAINE
It’s a little weird you don’t have his number.
DECLAN
Is it?
ELAINE
What did he want? Make sure you were still going?
78
DECLAN
I guess. I don’t know. He wants to hang out tonight.
ELAINE
Hang out?
DECLAN
Yeah, I guess. Go for a beer, or whatever the hell he drinks,
and make sure our stories are straight.
ELAINE
A beer?
DECLAN
Well, whatever. Obviously I won’t be drinking beer.
ELAINE
You could.
DECLAN
Nah. I know I could. I don’t want to. I don’t like it. I guess
I’ll just pack all the rest after I get back tonight.
(ELAINE has been going through the stuff he is bringing. She

picks up the tape recorder.)
ELAINE
Aha, so you will be working there.
DECLAN
Well –
ELAINE
It’s ok.
DECLAN
There’s lot of uses for a tape recorder.
ELAINE
I figured.
DECLAN
There’s lots of uses for a tape recorder. I could be doing any
number of things.
79
ELAINE
I suppose.
DECLAN
I could.
ELAINE
Yes, I suppose you could be spouting your memoirs into it for
your autobiography.
DECLAN
Eh –
ELAINE
I would read it. I’d love to.
DECLAN
It’s too early.
ELAINE
Alright.
DECLAN
But tape recorders are always helpful.
ELAINE
I guess, yeah.
DECLAN
Just in case.
ELAINE
I really don’t care. I figured you would be. I mean, Ireland’s
gotta be a crazy place for that. Banshees and all that.
DECLAN
Just as a hobby like. You know.
ELAINE
I know.
DECLAN
I guess that’s what happens. When you’re work is your hobby you
don’t even realize –
80
ELAINE
Yeah. But I couldn’t expect you to go there and not do your
thing. I just figured, maybe this time –
DECLAN
(Joking.)
You wanna come?
ELAINE
Yes.
DECLAN
Ok.
(ELAINE gets up and exits into the hall.)
Ok.
(Pause.)
Hey.
(Pause.)
Where you going?
ELAINE
Shut up, I’ll be right back.
DECLAN
Ok.
(He sits. A few more beats. She enters carrying her luggage.)
ELAINE
Ok. I’m ready.
DECLAN
What?
ELAINE
I’m ready to go.
DECLAN
But we were just – you can’t come
ELAINE
I thought you wanted me to.
DECLAN
I do. God, I do. But I don’t have anything
81
ELAINE
I’ve got a passport, my bags are packed –
DECLAN
But I don’t have a ticket for you.
ELAINE
Oh. Oh, that’s right. Oh. Well – I guess it’s probably good that
I have one for me.
DECLAN
Yeah.
ELAINE
No, it’s true. I do!
DECLAN
What? That’s awesome! You’re . . . you’re . . . when did you get
this?
ELAINE
About . . . seven hours before you got yours. When I kept
reminding you to get your ticket. I just got one for myself too.
I figured – I’ve never seen Ireland, and who better to show it
to me? Plus, I want to meet your parents! I have to meet this
crazy Miko and Annie you speak of.
DECLAN
Wow – I thought –
ELAINE
That I went and packed these bags in the fortytwo seconds I was
back there? I don’t think so. I was just pulling them out of the
closet. You know, you really are quite unobservant sometimes.
It’s pretty funny. That’s what comes from looking for ghosts and
not seeing what’s actually there.
DECLAN
Wow. I am totally blown away right now. I can’t believe it.
ELAINE
Good. So finish packing.
DECLAN
I need to go see Trick soon. In New Jersey.
82
ELAINE
Why New Jersey?
DECLAN
His idea. I wouldn’t mind seeing the old house. That’s probably
what he’s thinking too. Or he’s just moved back in again. Who
knows?
ELAINE
He’s weird. I
DECLAN
Yeah.
ELAINE
Whatever.
DECLAN
Yeah. Right?
ELAINE
So finish packing.
DECLAN
I will. I will.
ELAINE
So finish packing.
DECLAN
You aren’t gonna help me?
ELAINE
No. I need to get my Proton pack ready.
(She exits through the hall.)
DECLAN
It doesn’t work that way. That exists only in a fantastic 80s
film. It’s not real life.
(He finishes throwing a few more things into a bag. She has shut
the bedroom door. He checks his phone. He sends a message. He
goes over to the bong, takes a hit. He checks his watch and
exits to the bedroom. The lights dim.)
83
Scene II
(The lights come up on a street in suburban New Jersey, on the

back exterior of a regularsized house. There is a low deck
attached to the house in the center, with two sets of stairs,
and a door leading into the house. To the right, there is a door
leading into the back of the garage. The lawn is well kept yet
there is an overall emptiness to the place. DECLAN enters from
around the side, finishing off a cigarette.)
DECLAN
(Speaking into his cell phone)
Hey, Trick. I’m here. It’s about 8:30 I think. Yeah, 8:30. Just
seeing if you were almost here ... or still coming ... I guess
just ...
(He is interrupted by noise from inside the house. A crashing

sound of sorts. He does not seem too alarmed. For a moment,
there is a struggle with the back door of the house leading to
the deck. The door kicks open, and TRICK enters.)
TRICK
Fucking door.
DECLAN
Hey.
TRICK
Hey.
DECLAN
The door knob works fine.
TRICK
It doesn’t.
DECLAN
I think it does.
TRICK
It’s jammed all the time. Cause no one uses this door.
DECLAN
I use it often enough. It’s fine. You just have to be gentle.
84
TRICK
Use it all the time?
(Approaching DECLAN)
What do you do here, you crazy son of a bitch?
DECLAN
Stuff.
TRICK
Sounds fishy.
DECLAN
Fishy?
TRICK
Why don’t you cut the crap and tell me what’s been going on
here?
DECLAN
Fuck off.
(TRICK is in his face. Pause. They embrace.)
TRICK
It’s great to see you, Declan.
DECLAN
Yeah, you too, Patrick. Really great.
TRICK
What’s it been, now?
DECLAN
I don’t know.
TRICK
Like eleven months? A year?
DECLAN
Longer than that.
TRICK
Really? No.
85
DECLAN
Oh yeah. Definitely. The last time I saw you, or at least
remember seeing you, was at that party, what was it? Pete’s
kids’ . . . no, yeah, Pete’s daughter’s wedding. Remember?
Molly? She got married in that big ass house up on Prospect?
Yeah, that’s right, it was like three years ago now. And she
married that total tool, remember?
TRICK
Yeah. October 4th. Almost three years ago.
DECLAN
Yeah.
TRICK
You went with that whore.
DECLAN
Dude, I went with Elaine.
TRICK
I don’t know her name.
DECLAN
She’s my fiancé.
TRICK
Alright.
DECLAN
She’s been around for years.
TRICK
Alright.
DECLAN
Jesus, man.
TRICK
Well, I am sorry. I didn’t know you were still with her.
DECLAN
Even if I wasn’t, she’s not a whore.
86
TRICK
Alright.
DECLAN
That’s not cool, man.
TRICK
Alright. Alright. Relax.
DECLAN
Dude I’m relaxed. I’m just telling you, it’s not cool to call my
fiancé a whore.
TRICK
I know what you’re telling me, man. I get it. I didn’t know you
were still with her.
DECLAN
Even so –
TRICK
Just drop it. I haven’t seen you since then.
DECLAN
That’s not my fault.
TRICK
Whore: It’s what I call women. I know they’re not whores. Not
all of them. I knew at least you wouldn’t bring a whore to a
wedding. If anyone, that would be me. I was just calling her
that for – because –
DECLAN
Alright, man.
TRICK
That’s just what I call them. As a joke. Or something. I don’t
know. Nothing real about it. I don’t know.
DECLAN
Dude –
TRICK
It’s a joke. A fucking joke, just relax, man.
87
DECLAN
Dude –
TRICK
She’s not a whore, alright. I don’t think that. I never thought
that –
(Beat.)
DECLAN
It was a funny ass wedding.
TRICK
Yeah it was.
DECLAN
Just ridiculous.
TRICK
Yeah.
DECLAN
A ridiculous wedding for a ridiculous marriage.
TRICK
Yeah, it wasn’t a waste of time at all.
DECLAN
It lasted like a week.
TRICK
More like a day and a half. If even. She wanted out right away.
DECLAN
Yes, yeah, she told him like the next day. I remember. That was
fucking funny, man.
TRICK
I guess she realized what a tool he was.
DECLAN
A total tool.
TRICK
I just don’t get how she didn’t see it before. I mean how does
that happen? If someone’s a fucking idiot, why would you go
88
through all that shit getting married and meeting parents and
cousins and shit just to finally realize what a moron you
married after it’s all said and done?
DECLAN
I don’t know, bro.
TRICK
Seriously though, what the fuck? Molly was always so cool –
DECLAN
She still is.
TRICK
Except for that random six month period when she went insane and
had a sham wedding we all wore monkey suits to
DECLAN
It happens, I guess.
TRICK
Was it only six months that that all took place in?
DECLAN
Yeah, I think so. That sounds about right.
TRICK
Yeah?
DECLAN
Yeah. Maybe seven or eight.
TRICK
Not eight. Definitely not that long.
DECLAN
Ok.
TRICK
Like seven, at the most.
DECLAN
Yeah.
89
TRICK
Or six.
DECLAN
Ok.
TRICK
Yeah, about six.
DECLAN
Embarrassing.
TRICK
Fucking embarrassing.
DECLAN
Yeah.
TRICK
I don’t get how you can not know someone, meet them, lose your
fucking mind, get married, and get divorced –
DECLAN
Over the course of two seasons?
TRICK
Damn, man. What is that all about?
DECLAN
I don’t know. You want a cigarette?
TRICK
I’m asking you. What is the deal? I mean, I wouldn’t know, would
I?
DECLAN
I don’t –
TRICK
You’re the one with ...
DECLAN
Elaine.
90
TRICK
Yeah, Elaine.
DECLAN
I don’t know what to say to you, man. I don’t know why Molly
would –
TRICK
I knew an Elaine once.
(Pause.)
DECLAN
Yeah?
(Pause.)
TRICK
She was cool.
DECLAN
Cool, man.
(Pause.)
So why’d we meet here –
TRICK
She was fucking hot too. Damn. If I remember correctly, yeah.
(Pause.)
DECLAN
Yeah, man.
(Beat.)
Why is it you made me come out to New Jersey?
TRICK
This Elaine – she had long brown hair – not too long. Pale skin.
Gorgeous green eyes –
DECLAN
Weird.
TRICK
A huge rack – what’s weird?
91
DECLAN
What? Nothing. Nothing, man.
TRICK
This chick was from Ohio, I think.
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
What was I doing out in Columbus? Oh yeah –
DECLAN
Yeah, when were you –
TRICK
I went out there in college.
DECLAN
When?
TRICK
In college. I went there my sophomore year, I think. Maybe.
Yeah. I was living in that shit hole triple with that fucking
Puerto Rican dude. Sophomore year.
DECLAN
You didn’t go to school in Ohio.
TRICK
Guillermo. He was a fucking trip. Guillermo Pesan. Where the
hell is that little guy now?
DECLAN
He’s around, man.
TRICK
I know I didn’t go to school there, dumbass. I went there on
like fall break or something – to see Paul.
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
You’ve seen him?
92
DECLAN
Paul?
TRICK
Guillermo.
DECLAN
No. I don’t know, man. You were in Columbus?
TRICK
Oh, well, you said Guillermo was around, so I thought maybe you
had been seeing him –
DECLAN
What about Columbus? No, I haven’t seen him. He’s gotta be
around though.
TRICK
I guess. And damn, the hot ass on this chick, Declan, I am
telling you. Elaine was her name. I was a sophomore. Yeah. She
was some high school chick that was at this party we were at –
DECLAN
What did you say she –
TRICK
She fucking put out like no other. I rode her all night long,
slapping that –
DECLAN
Alright man.
TRICK
I know I wasn’t the only guy that night either –
DECLAN
That’s fucked man.
TRICK
Fucking awesome is more like it.
(Pause.)
DECLAN
It gets dark early now.
93
TRICK
Yeah.
(Pause.)
You got a flashlight or something?
DECLAN
No. Why would I have –
TRICK
Or some candles?
DECLAN
a flashlight?
TRICK
No?
DECLAN
No. Sorry.
TRICK
Lots of people have flashlights on them.
DECLAN
Cops.
TRICK
Candles may be asking a little too much, but a flashlight –
DECLAN
Ok.
TRICK
Like in their car. Everyone keeps flashlights in their car. As
an emergency precaution.
DECLAN
Yeah.
TRICK
Or at least they should. You should too.
DECLAN
I probably should. So where’s yours?
94
TRICK
I’m surprised you don’t. All OCD all the time.
(Beat.)
My what?
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
You asked, ‘Where’s yours?’
DECLAN
Yeah. Flashlight.
TRICK
What were you referring to?
DECLAN
What? The flashlight, man, the flashlight.
TRICK
I don’t have one.
DECLAN
Oh. Not in your car?
TRICK
I don’t have a car to put one in.
DECLAN
What? What happened to it?
TRICK
It’s gone, bro.
DECLAN
Gone –
TRICK
Long gone.
DECLAN
Yeah?
95
TRICK
I sold it, ages ago. That storm two years back that flooded out
the town I was living in? This family lost their station wagon
or SUV, or some shit, and I sold them mine. I didn’t need the
money, but it was my way of going green, you could say.
DECLAN
Yeah?
TRICK
Yeah. Going green two ways, feel me? Ha!
DECLAN
Yeah.
TRICK
Yeah. It’s important.
DECLAN
Oh, I agree.
TRICK
Good.
DECLAN
Didn’t need the money at all – just looking to help some people
and save the planet.
TRICK
Help save.
DECLAN
Help.
TRICK
For my part, yes.
DECLAN
Yeah.
TRICK
Sold it to this old Mexican dude. Less than five feet if he’s an
inch, filthy ass jeans from a 1987 Sears catalogue; no doubt
some donation material. And a goddamned sombrero. You think
those hats are only in cartoons til you see the fucker standing
96
outside in the parking lot at work always looking to sell fruit
or do some odd job bullshit, his wife giving birth to their
fourteenth kid in the bed of some beatup old pickup – him and
about nine or ten other Mexicans are always standing there –
DECLAN
Ok.
(Pause.)
How do you know they’re Mexicans?
TRICK
I counted, man. At least that many.
DECLAN
TRICK
They are, bro.
DECLAN
TRICK
They just are. So this guy –
DECLAN
God damn it. You fucking ruined it.
TRICK
What?
DECLAN
Killed the joke.
TRICK
What joke?
DECLAN
About the Mexicans –
TRICK
You were telling a joke?
DECLAN
I was.
97
TRICK
I didn’t know.
DECLAN
I was.
TRICK
I thought you were actually asking me how I knew they were
Mexicans.
DECLAN
No, man. It’s the start of a fucking joke. A joke which you told
me, man. You told me. I know they were Mexicans man, because
they were standing in the Goddamn Home Depot parking lot.
TRICK
It wasn’t Home Depot.
(Pause.)
Alright man, sorry. Finish the joke.
DECLAN
No.
TRICK
Finish it, bro. How did I know they were Mexicans? I don’t know,
how did I know they were Mexicans?
(Pause.)
Fuck you, man.
DECLAN
Fuck you.
TRICK
Hey, at least I’m helping them out instead of being a racist,
giving them a form of transportation other than the – what do
you call them? Converse?
DECLAN
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
TRICK
The Converse All Stars? Mexican Fence climbers – that’s what
they call them.
98
DECLAN
Come on.
TRICK
Wait. No. Sorry. Puerto Rican fence climbers – that’s what they
call them – Ha! Dumbass Guillermo.
(TRICK breaks out into uncontrollable laughter. After a few

moments, DECLAN can’t help but laugh. DECLAN stops. A few more
beats and then TRICK stops. Pause.)
DECLAN
It’s getting dark earlier and earlier.
TRICK
I can always tell the time by the crickets.
DECLAN
We could’ve just met in the city somewhere. You could have come
to my place.
TRICK
Not the hour and minute time. The seasonal time. There are less
now. And soon they’ll be gone. All of them. And I’ll miss them.
I always do. I always miss the crickets – and I always feel it
coming. A lessening. An end.
DECLAN
Well you won’t hear them in Ireland.
(Pause.)
TRICK
You remember that last family vacation we took?
DECLAN
Yes. When I moved our parents to Ireland four years ago and you
didn’t come?
TRICK
I didn’t tell them to retire there.
99
DECLAN
You always knew they were going to. We always knew that – that’s
why they never sold the land – they never sold the house. That’s
why we always had a place to stay there.
TRICK
Every summer.
DECLAN
So it wasn’t a surprise when they moved back there.
TRICK
Mom’s not from there.
DECLAN
She lived there a while though.
(Pause.)
TRICK
I meant our last family vacation. Here. In America.
DECLAN
Oh.
TRICK
Like twenty years ago or more –
DECLAN
More, I’m sure.
TRICK
Probably more.
DECLAN
The one to Niagara Falls?
TRICK
Yes! And Canada. Toronto.
DECLAN
And Miko got stung by the bee in that poncho thing –
TRICK
the one they give you on that boat –
100
DECLAN
The Maid of the Mist.
TRICK
Shit. That was hilarious.
DECLAN
Him all screaming but trying –
TRICK
trying to play it cool. Playing it off –
DECLAN
He’s all mumbling in that thickass accent.
TRICK
No one can understand him at that –
DECLAN
at that point, only me, you, and mom could figure out what he
was saying –
(They laugh.)
TRICK
Funniest fucking twenty minutes ever.
DECLAN
Easily the top ten for me.
TRICK
And then we went to that pancake place and he had waffles, and
kept complaining about his little sting.
DECLAN
No. That was another time he was eating waffles at a pancake
somethingthen – not the
place. He was just complaining about
bee sting –
TRICK
He was. And you got blueberry pancakes.
DECLAN
No. That was this other time.
101
TRICK
You don’t remember.
DECLAN
I do.
TRICK
I remember everything.
DECLAN
You remember what you want to remember.
TRICK
And you don’t remember shit.
DECLAN
I remember more than you. More than just a list of girls you
probably didn’t actually sleep with.
TRICK
Yeah.
DECLAN
A list of girls you would have liked to have slept with –
TRICK
Yeah, well, no point in you keeping a list since there’s only
been one.
DECLAN
Yeah, only one.
TRICK
Or two. But that’s tops and I think I’m even being generous
there. Because you’re my brother. And I don’t want you to feel
ashamed or embarrassed. There should be no embarrassment here –
not in the presence of family.
DECLAN
Ok.
TRICK
What was her name again?
102
DECLAN

TRICK
The one you –
DECLAN
Elaine.
TRICK
She’s the one?
DECLAN
Not the one.
TRICK
Sorry. She’s half of them.
DECLAN
Whatever.
TRICK
Elaine.
DECLAN
How did you get here?
TRICK
What?
DECLAN
You said you don’t have a car. How did you get here?
TRICK
I walked.
DECLAN
From Philadelphia? You walked?
TRICK
No.
DECLAN
All the way to Montclair?
103
TRICK
I took the train.
DECLAN
Sure, that’s the same as walking.
TRICK
And I don’t live in Philly anymore. I moved.
DECLAN
Oh?
TRICK
Yeah. To the city.
DECLAN
Before or after you sold –
TRICK
I sold the car when I moved to New York. You don’t need a car in
the city. That kinda stuff just holds you back there. I can’t be
held back by a car. That shit was weighing on me – I needed to
go somewhere where they don’t believe in cars –
DECLAN
I don’t know if I’d say that –
TRICK
That’s bridge and tunnel shit. The real people, the populous,
they don’t believe in them –
DECLAN
Right. Then why didn’t we meet in the city?
TRICK
Because this place is important. This is where we grew up – this
is where everything was supposed to happen – this was where mom
and dad were supposed to –
(A small pause.)
I love the city. I love it there – it’s where I need to be
you’re not judged. Not by horsepower, or cost, or –
DECLAN
Appearance?
104
TRICK
Yeah. Enough of that.
DECLAN
Yes. New York City –
TRICK
Yeah –
DECLAN
You don’t feel judged there.
TRICK
It’s a personal thing – it’s all relative – whatever you want,
really.
DECLAN
Yeah.
TRICK
You know –
DECLAN
Of course.
TRICK
You have no fucking idea.
DECLAN
Right. I don’t live there.
TRICK
That’s just parttime, man. You’re always off doing interviews
and T.V. specials and articles for the New York Times and
whatever other bullshit. You don’t know the city, the real city.
At night.
DECLAN
Oh, yeah. Sure.
TRICK
You have no fucking clue about anything.
DECLAN
And you do.
105
TRICK
Right.
DECLAN
Got it in the three days you’ve been living there?
TRICK
Ah.
DECLAN
Whatever, man.
TRICK
Well, look at you –
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
Disgusting, man.
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
Fat and ugly, with stupid ass messy fucking hair –
DECLAN
Whoa, man. You need to chill out.
TRICK
Ugly ass clothes too –
DECLAN
Dude –
TRICK
You should be embarrassed.
DECLAN
Ummmm . . .
TRICK
I mean, I’m fine compared to you. I even look good.
106
DECLAN
Shit man. What the fuck are you talking about? This has nothing
to do with me. I didn’t even say anything about you or your –
TRICK
You’re just a lot worse off than me –
DECLAN
Oh –
TRICK
So why –
DECLAN
that’s a laugh.
TRICK
should I be concerned?
DECLAN
Because you are an insane asshole.
TRICK
But I am.
DECLAN
Yes.
TRICK
And I shouldn’t be –
DECLAN
No, you –
TRICK
And why aren’t you?
DECLAN
Why aren’t I what?
TRICK

DECLAN
An asshole?
107
TRICK
Concerned –
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
Why the fuck should I always care – what I look like, or how I
dress or what Goddamn car I drive. A fucking selfconscious
piece of shit, they made me. Fucking A, man. I can’t even
believe it – and here you are not giving a rat’s ass about a
thing –
DECLAN
Hey –
TRICK
With plenty of Goddamn reason to, too –
DECLAN
Yeah, ok, but this isn’t me we’re talking about, this –
TRICK
It’s you I’m talking about.
DECLAN
Well, don’t bring me into it just cause you’re some
selfconscious dumbass.
TRICK
It’s their fault, you know.
DECLAN
Sure. And who is they? Aliens? The CIA? Who is it now, my sane
brother?
TRICK
Making me crazy, making me – they should have thought, man, they
should have given me – more respect – or responsibility –
DECLAN
Oh, mom and dad. Classic.
108
TRICK
They shouldn’t have – they shouldn’t have done it the way they –
just fucking left me alone. And then they just left the country
entirely. Abandonment. Fuck.
DECLAN
They left me, too.
TRICK
They never treated me the way they treated you they never
DECLAN
That’s all in your head.
TRICK
They never trusted me the way
They never loved
DECLAN
I could give you the same old sob story with my own examples of
you being their favorite. Any sibling ever, could do the same
with their parents. Who cares? You’re 35. Get over it.
(Pause.)
TRICK
It’s dark.
DECLAN
It’s night.
TRICK
I’m coming you know.
DECLAN
I assumed.
TRICK
You shouldn’t.
DECLAN
Ok. I was right, though, so is that ok?
TRICK
Stop getting agitated.
109
DECLAN
Damn it, man, you didn’t have to bring me into all this. You
didn’t have to start throwing me down, like you used to, bro.
That’s messed up.
TRICK
What? Oh, the stuff about your clothes?
DECLAN
And everything else. The clothes – and
TRICK
Well, sorry bro, but they are stupid.
DECLAN
My fiancé likes them.
TRICK
You’re getting married?
DECLAN
I told you that. There. How’s that? Another little thing to hate
me for? Another little thing to add to the envy?
TRICK
I don’t want to get married.
DECLAN
No, it’s not that. It’s not a marriage to spite you. It’s her.
It’s everything. All the amazing things – her smile, her laugh,
her –
TRICK
Ass.
DECLAN
That wasn’t going to be next on the list, but, yes, that too.
But how about just the fact that someone is there? Someone is
there for me when I get home from work, someone I can do stupid
things with, someone to feed my LOST addiction with, someone to
help pick which movie to watch, someone to suggest the next good
book I should read, or, or painting I should look at, or name I
should consider for that cute stray cat hanging around outside.
That’s what it is, man. It’s awesome. It’s everything. And it’s
110
anything. Talk about something too big, too great to be
explained, and that’s it, bro. That’s it.
(Pause.)
Is that good? Does that fit into this world of hate and
resentment you’ve built up against me? Oh, and yes, of course
the sex is amazing. Out of control. Whenever I want. That’s
pretty nice, isn’t it? That’s really nice.
TRICK
She’s good.
DECLAN
It’s the kind of – what?
TRICK
Elaine. She’s good.
DECLAN
Yes, she is. Thank you.
TRICK
I know.
DECLAN
You don’t –
TRICK
She’s from Ohio, isn’t she? Elaine is?
DECLAN

TRICK
Yeah, she’s from Colombus, you said. I remember that.
DECLAN
You remember things to use them as insults. Whatever man.
TRICK
I remember her. It’s funny, we were just talking about that.
DECLAN
That wasn’t her.
111
TRICK
I just told you. I fucked a sweet ass high school chick when I
was in Columbus. Sophomore year.
DECLAN
Yeah, but it’s –
TRICK
You’re what? Two years younger than me.
DECLAN
Three.
TRICK
And what’s she? A year younger, is it?
(Pause.)
Seems to add up, I think. Yeah, that makes sense to me. Damn,
bro, what are the odds? What are the fucking odds? Well, it’s
ok, I am your brother. It’s not some other lunatic with an STD.
But damn, if she did me, who the hell knows how many other guys
she fucked? Or at least blew? Damn, yo. Damn. Hey, what do you
think is worse – her hipsmacking or her just straight up
sucking a dude off? Personally, I can’t –
DECLAN
You’re lying –
TRICK
No. I’m not lying – the question now is just – is it the same
Elaine? It makes sense that we’d both be into the same type . .
.
DECLAN
You brought me here for what reason?
TRICK
I wouldn’t mind that again.
DECLAN
It wasn’t her.
TRICK
I think it was.
112
DECLAN
It wasn’t, you waste. What the fuck are we doing here? I’d like
to go back home. The flight’s tomorrow –
TRICK
This is where we grew up. I like it here. I thought it’d be a
nice place to come back to. Sorry I let it slip about plugging
your wife.
DECLAN
She’s not my wife.
TRICK
That makes it a little better, I guess.
DECLAN
She’s my fiancée.
TRICK
Yeah. Well. I won’t mention it if she won’t.
DECLAN
Shut up.
TRICK
I won’t say a word.
DECLAN
Shut up about it.
(Beat.)
TRICK
Damn. That head was good.
DECLAN
Shut the fuck up!
(DECLAN moves toward him. TRICK prepares. DECLAN passes him and
goes inside the house.)
TRICK
Hey, where are you going?
(DECLAN doesn’t answer. TRICK goes inside.)
Hey.
113
(A glass breaks. Noise. Silence. Pause. TRICK runs out the back
door, carrying car keys, and holding his hand as if in pain. He
runs across the deck, hops down the stairs, and goes straight
around to the front of the house. The sound of a car door. A car
starts. A car drives off. Silence. The light on the deck remains
on. It is the last remaining light until it too dims.)
END ACT II
114
ACT III
115
Scene I
(Lights up on the front exterior of MIKO’s farmhouse – a small,
white, one story home with a red tiled roof. A front door is
just off center with one window on its stage left side, and two
windows on the stage right side. About ten feet downstage of the
house is a small stone wall about two feet high with an opening
directly in front of the door. Bits of grass and shrubbery line
the front of the wall and downstage of this is the road. It is
d

late in the afternoon on September 23r . DECLAN is pacing with a
purpose. He has his tape recorder out. He records. He rewinds.
He plays back. He hears something. He listens again. He records
more. He stops. He rewinds. He hears something. It sounds like a
woman’s voice and, though distorted, could possibly be
interpreted as the sentence, “It’s not his fault.” DECLAN
listens to this two or three time until MARTIN enters, perhaps
with JAMES [if your production wants to use a dog], from around
the stage left side of the house. He had been in the fields,
bringing the cows home. He speaks.)
MARTIN
Dec!
(No response.)
Declan, I didn’t think –
(No response.)
Declan. Hello. Hello, Declan.
(Pause.)
It’s great to see you. I’m just coming back from the new fields,
James has got it from here – he’s a good dog. He is. A lot
smarter than his mom – and faster. Makes a lot of noise.
Sometimes. Yeah.
(Pause.)
You remember the new fields? You remember the summers we’d go up
there. July, I guess it was. Ye always came in July – right
h

after your big holiday – 4t of July – ye remember?
DECLAN
Yeah.
MARTIN
Aye, ye do. Aye. I’m glad. I am. We all saw ye on the telly. Me
mam and I – and all the others – me da even did – before he
died.
That was almost two years ago, now.
I don’t want to say ye get over it. It takes a while. But ye do.
It gets easier. It does.
116
(Beat.)
h

Man, two years this Christmas, December 20t .
(Beat.)
He saw ye though. We still do Miko loves it – Ye can’t shut
him up about the whole thing.
Answer me this, are the places ye go really haunted? Or is it
just for the cameras? Miko swears they’re real, but I know of
the tricks – I know of the – what do ye call – Hollywood magic –
I had a friend, he worked out in the movies. He led the tours of
that Chinese theatre. With the handprints. He knows a good bit –
he does –
(Beat.)
I read a lot. I’m not one for the movies much – I like books
The Hobbitnow.
though. I do. I do. I read a lot. I’m reading
Have ye read that one? It’s a good one. It is. It is. Most
nearly every book to me would be a good one, if read with the
right mind. Books can take you out of here – ah, isn’t that the
point? Sometimes you don’t need to leave – sometimes it’s not
the badness you want to leave – but sometimes ye just wanna go
– like an urge ye’d say – but nothing sexual! Just a want or
desire to go – like you have to –
(Beat.)
Then there’s sometimes it is the pain – it is the mistrust and
the hurt – and it is the need for something better to get to –
to live in – to be –
A bit of Hollywood magic in ye’re own head! And the best kind,
if’n I can say – and I can’t be saying much, now but I do love
me me books, I do. There’s a power in them. But it’s not all
that different from the magic in your program – would ye think
that’s right? Would ye say that’s fair to say?
(Pause.)
It was 11:18. That’s when ye checked yer watch – and you were
amazed that there was still some light. I dunno why you were so
amazed – many a summer ye’d been here – I guess ye don’t
remember living here much – leaving so little and young – five,
or so, no more.
Ye were ten when this happened – Over at the new fields. Let’s
see – ye were ten, then I must have been near eighteen.
Trick was twelve then, eh? 13, was it he was?
(Beat.)
I think the slope threw ye off – remember them? The new fields?
They’re flat a piece – then climb up – and what’s at the top? A
near 70 meter drop to the Atlantic. Ye wondered why there
weren’t any fences and I wondered why ye’d be stupid enough to
go so close to the edge anyway
117
But yer curiosity outwon and it was almost like ye didn’t
believe me about the drop – and yer mistrust made ye look – and,
I believe throw Trick’s hat in –
And if that wasn’t enough, on the way back down to the tractor,
the poor man fell in a ditch – a small one, yeah. But poor Trick
– always coming up a little short. Shoes covered in cow mess and
nettles all over his legs. It wasn’t the first time ye’d seen
cliffs like that either – ye’ve been to Moneen – and seen behind
the school and cemetery there – sure’n the only reason to go to
Moneed is paying respects or seein’ the cliffs there. The
tourists they love the cliffs, though I wouldn’t be callin’ ye
a tourist here; ye been to Moneen a lot. The cliffs a plenty,
the cemetery maybe not as much, but ye know what it’s like
there – you of all people would be able to tell – isn’t that
right?
Am I right Declan?
(Pause.)
Do you remember that other time? Later in the year – the one
time ye came in October – me aunt’s funeral – our aunt’s. Me
aunt. Your GreatAunt.
Oh, that day Ha! Winds like that ye’ve never seen since, I’d
say – and never saw before either. Standing on the slope, the
hats blowin’ off our heads – but ye wanted to go – ye remember?
Ye wanted to see the new fields ‘cause ye didn’t know when ye’d
be back. Back in July anyway, but still I took ye. And we drove
the tractor – remember I let ye drive home? Remember, Declan?
Old enough for a license here and Trick even older – but he was
scared and wouldn’t try – but, by God almighty, ye did – and a
scared of tipping into the ditch Trick was – with me standing on
the side there – he thought me weight would tip it – but I
needed to stand there, now didn’t I? Ye needed to know how to
work it. As if me weight would tip it! Even ye was worried I
think – though ye didn’t show it. I could tell. I could. Ye kept
yer face – ye did. I wouldn’t have let anything happen. I was
there – I’m always here –
(Beat.)
I’ll let ye get back to yer work. To the ghosts. Lord knows
there’s a plenty. I’ll be around – whistling usually works – I
like showtunes best – they’re the easiest to whistle – and the
most recognizable.
(Beat.)
If ye know them I guess.
(Beat.)
I’ll see ye tomorrow at least.
118
(He begins to exit. Before he leaves, he stops.)
I’m sorry, Declan.
(He exits around the side of the house.)
119
Scene II
(DECLAN is alone with his recorder. He is still playing with it.
He is alone. He begins to speak.)
DECLAN
It was those trips to Limerick. They killed me. I grew to like
them, sure, because it meant I could do whatever I wanted. They
meant freedom. Eventually. Miko didn’t care. He’d be off doing
whatever his thing was – fucking around trying to tape record
the songs on the radio, or pretending to actually do farmwork –
and most times I’d just dick around with Trick. Or on my own.
Those were fun days because – because – as fucking empty as it
is out here – there’s always someone. Thats a weird irony.
Twenty people in a five mile radius and somehow someone is
always there. Cause if you’re stuck and got nowhere to go,
someone else is too. Someone else is always fucking loafing.
There’s always someone else here.
(Pause.)
It’s the loneliest place you can never be alone in.
(Beat.)
It’s funny that now I live in the most crowded place you can’t
find a soul in. I can’t get away from that. I can alter it a
bit, sure, but I can’t get away from it.
(Beat.)
But those days – they were some of the best – once I learned my
way and how to get out of here, sneaking off and shit. And once
I wanted to. Once I wanted to leave. I had to want it first.
(Beat.)
It was only eventually. Before that, I hated it. I hated that I
wasn’t included. But I “wouldn’t enjoy shopping trips like
that.” Yeah. Probably. Yeah. I wouldn’t. But I didn’t like being
left here either.
(Beat.)
The road leading off to Limerick’s the same as the road to the
airport the same direction I always associated with going
home. But direction’s all fabricated and useless, isn’t it?
Direction and determination and delusion and destruction.
Determination. Delusion. Destruction. Delusion. Destruction.
What am I facing now? What does it matter? Where am I going now?
Backwards? Forwards? Fucking sideways?
What the fuck?
Are you just in Limerick? Am I the one who’s wrong? Yesterday
made more sense –
But facades sure fucking crumble eventually.
120
Perspective. Yes. Sure. Why not? Change it? Change what I’ve
seen?
I’d change it all. Change the shit on a dime. Stop on a dime and
change.
(ELAINE enters. He does not notice her. He continues to speak.)
DECLAN
Yes, stop on a dime. But that’s not a nickel. No, better! But
not a quarter, either. No, it’s not that. It can never be that.
No. A dime is a dime and a quarter’s a quarter. And they can’t
ever be the other, because then the whole definition is ruined.
It’s all meaningless. It’s all changed. And it can’t be changed.
And it’s change. The change can’t be changed. Nor can you. Nor
can they. Nor can he. Nor can she. Nor can I. No, she can’t. And
neither can I. Change what I’ve heard? Who’s asking who now? And
why don’t you explain yourself? Or just tell me where you are –
should I be waiting here? Will you drive down the road? Will you
be in that blue car? Or will you –
ELAINE
Declan? Declan.
(He hears her, but doesn’t turn around. He checks the recorder
as if he had heard it there. He wasn’t recording so all we hear
is silence.)
ELAINE
Declan?
DECLAN
(Turning around.)
Yes?
(Pause.)
ELAINE
Yes?
DECLAN
What is it you want?
ELAINE
Declan –
121
DECLAN
What is it I can do for you?
ELAINE
I had to take a bus. And then I hitched a ride.
DECLAN
Good for you.
ELAINE
And then I walked. Three miles. I don’t think I’d even find the
place if I didn’t hear you talking, screaming to yourself. I was
heading the other way down this road. I turned around.
DECLAN
Isn’t that fantastic.
ELAINE
I heard you talking.
DECLAN
Isn’t that just fantastic for us.
ELAINE
Who were you talking to?
DECLAN
It would be like you to want to know.
ELAINE
What?
DECLAN
Another chance at a bit of control. Every little bit helps.
Every little bit adds up.
ELAINE
You’re not listening.
DECLAN
Adding up and growing and taking over.
ELAINE
Declan you’re not –
122
DECLAN
I’m not really feeling that. I’m kind of alright. I’m not
looking for some superior. I’m doing what I’m doing. I’m feeling
something and I’m going with it; I’m hating something and I’m
ending it; I’m looking for something and I’m not finding it, so
goodbye.
(Pause.)
ELAINE
You didn’t come home at all last night. You didn’t answer my
calls. I didn’t see you until the airport and you barely looked
at me. You barely looked at me. What is that?
(Beat.)
Why aren’t you even talking to me?
DECLAN
I wasn’t listening.
ELAINE
What is that, Declan? Are you alright?
DECLAN
Fine.
ELAINE
What happened?
DECLAN
Nothing.
ELAINE
Don’t tell me that; it’s not true.
DECLAN
Tell you. Tell you. Tell you. Tell you. I’m not making hay.
ELAINE
Declan – it’s Elaine –
(She goes to hug him.)
It’ll be ok. I’m here.
(ELAINE hugs him. He pushes her off. She falls to the ground.
Hard.)
123
DECLAN
Get away you filthy slut.
ELAINE
You hurt me.
DECLAN
Dumb whore. Who cares.
ELAINE
(Getting up.)
My wrist –
DECLAN
And my neck. My knee. My leg. My arm. My head. My stomach. My
heart. My dick.
ELAINE
You aren’t yourself and you’re not listening, Declan. You’re not
listening.
DECLAN
Listen to a whore? What am I? Some cuckold? Maybe that fool.
Maybe that oaf. But not me. No thank you. Not me. Not today.
ELAINE
Today? Don’t talk to me about today. I flew across the Atlantic
Ocean, today – a gift I couldn’t wait to give my fiancee. But he
didn’t talk to me at all before the flight and he disappeared as
soon as we landed. Then – today – I rode a bus for three hours
to go sixty miles, then hitched a ride – then walked three miles
directionless. I had a moment of happiness as I heard my
fiance’s voice – but when I got to him, he pushed me away.
Literally. And, and . . . my wrist hurts. And my heart hurts.
And I can’t decide which is worse.
(Pause.)
Why did you call me a slut?
(Pause.)
DECLAN
You’re beautiful. And that’s why I hate you. You’ve been using
your beauty for years.
ELAINE
What?
124
DECLAN
You slept with Trick.
ELAINE
What?
DECLAN
Surprised I know? You’re pretty fucking stupid if you think
Trick would’ve taken that to his grave. You clearly don’t know
him – which makes that story all the more wholesome, doesn’t it?
ELAINE
What story?
DECLAN
You know what story.
ELAINE
I never slept with Trick. Are you crazy?
DECLAN
You know what fucking story.
ELAINE
Declan, I don’t understand you right now. I don’t understand – I
don’t –
DECLAN
Well, that would be par for the course with me. This isn’t
anything new to me. I get it. I’m used to it. I’m ok with it.
(Pause.)
ELAINE
I’m here.
(Beat.)
You said you wanted to marry me. And that was the happiest I
remember being I remember us being. And this isn’t you. But,
I’m here. I’m here, Declan.
DECLAN
Declan?
ELAINE
My Declan, I thought.
125
DECLAN
Yeah?
ELAINE
I’m here for you. For us.
DECLAN
Really?
ELAINE
Yeah.
DECLAN
You are?
ELAINE
I am.
(Pause.)
DECLAN
Thank you for finding me.
ELAINE
Yeah. You’re welcome.
DECLAN
I don’t know how you did.
ELAINE
Your voice. I heard it from almost a mile away.
DECLAN
I was that loud?
ELAINE
No. I think I’m just in tune with you in that way...
DECLAN
That’s cool. That’s amazing.
ELAINE
I thought it was too.
126
DECLAN
I well – this is the house.
ELAINE
I figured. It’s exactly how you described it.
DECLAN
They all look the same.
ELAINE
There is a certain “Irish cottage” look.
DECLAN
Yeah.
ELAINE
Yeah.
(Pause.)
DECLAN
I’m really glad you came.
ELAINE
I am too.
(Beat.)
DECLAN
She’s dead.
ELAINE
What? Who?
DECLAN
I heard her.
ELAINE
Who?
DECLAN
And that’s why we’re here. Old fuck Miko didn’t even have the
decency to tell us – to tell me –
127
ELAINE
Your mom?
DECLAN
Selfishness is a really lousy thing.
ELAINE
Declan, is your mom ?
DECLAN
It’s a messed up thing to not tell me that’s why I’m coming
back. That’s why I’m here – to lie and act like it’s all fine
until I get here –
ELAINE
What happened?
DECLAN
I don’t know.
ELAINE
You’re dad didn’t tell you?
DECLAN
I didn’t talk to him. I talked to her.
ELAINE
Maybe –
DECLAN
I’m not wrong. Again with more of this no one believing me crap.
I’m not insane. I’m not crazy. I have a weird thing and I turned
it into a career – I’m not crazy – or out of it – or lying – or
some whacko – or violent –
(He notices she has been subtly looking at and feeling her
wrist. It is badly sprained, if not broken. He remembers it was
his fault.)
Elaine – Elaine – are you alright? What did I do? Fuck. Are you
ok? I’m sorry.
ELAINE
It’s fine.
DECLAN
Fuck. I’m so sorry, Elaine. I am.
128
ELAINE
It hurts.
DECLAN
Fuck me.
ELAINE
I’ll be fine.
DECLAN
I’m sorry.
ELAINE
I’m sorry about your mom. That’s awful.
DECLAN
God damnit. She’s gone, and look what I just did. Look what I
just did to you –
ELAINE
I’ll be fine.
DECLAN
That’s not the point.
ELAINE
It’s the result, though. And sometimes that’s what you have to
believe matters.
(Pause.)
DECLAN
There’s a reason I haven’t been back. There’s a reason you
haven’t met them yet. There’s a reason I don’t come back to this
place. It’s a feeling here – overall – sadness and loneliness
and isolation and death. And I get enough of that. I see that
wherever I go. I can’t I can’t get the fuck away from it. I
see it everywhere
ELAINE
You see what you look for, Declan.
DECLAN
It makes you crazy or something. It’s a horrible feeling. It’s
here. This place.
129
ELAINE
It’s kind of cute here; it feels quaint. I don’t feel anything
weird. I mean, I feel alright. Aside from my wrist.
DECLAN
Fuck. I can’t believe that. That’s what I’m talking about. Who
the fuck am I here? Who ?
ELAINE
You’re Declan.
DECLAN
Who’s that?
ELAINE
The man I love.
DECLAN
And I hurt you. In a way I didn’t even think I was capable of.
ELAINE
I’ll be fine.
DECLAN
We need to get to the doctor.
ELAINE
Just kiss me first.
DECLAN
After what I did?
ELAINE
Please?
(He moves closer. They kiss. He then speaks. Quietly at first,

almost to himself, then growing.)
DECLAN
Lips that could’ve been anywhere. And have been everywhere. And
I don’t even care. But fucking Trick. Trick. Trick of all the
millions. No fucking billions – it could’ve been. All decency
stripped away and nothing but disaster. All decency stripped
away and nothing but disaster. Why the fuck did you sleep with
Trick you stupid fucking hole?
130
ELAINE
Declan!
DECLAN
How could you do that to me?
ELAINE
Stop this! I never – I’ve never – you know – you know I’ve never
–
DECLAN
Respected me? Yes. Yes, I know that. I see that clearly now.
ELAINE
You know of everyone I’ve been with – you know of both of them.
And Trick wasn’t one. And you know he’s a – he’s a – an asshole
who likes to lie and screw with you.
DECLAN
All decency stripped away and nothing but disaster.
ELAINE
You know this.
DECLAN
All decency stripped away and nothing left but disaster.
ELAINE
Why do you keep saying that?
DECLAN
All decency stripped away and nothing left but destruction.
ELAINE
Declan, you’re scaring me what are you saying?
DECLAN
The road’s that way. Get out of my life. All decency stripped
away
ELAINE
Declan –
131
DECLAN
...and nothing left but destruction. Goodbye. Excuse me, I have
to have a chat with my dear old dad, Miko.
ELAINE
Declan?!
DECLAN
Goodbye.
(He exits around the back of the house. ELAINE is left alone.
She begins to cry. She continues to. Then, after an amount of
time that is deemed suitable, she looks down both ways of the
road and exits. Passing the house and leaving in the opposite
direction from which she came. As she is exiting, MARTIN appears
from the side of the house. It is clear he has heard the
entirety of this exchange. He watches her exit. She does not see
him. The lights fade to black.)
132
Scene III
(The lights come up on a scene identical to the top of Act I.
Miko sits in his chair at his table, drinking from his mug.
TRICK is pacing around.)
TRICK
May as well get something to drink some whiskey before the
Feds come.
(Beat.)
A joke.
(Beat.)
I didn’t call anyone. No fucking service here, anyway. You want
some?
MIKO
Heh?
TRICK
Always listening. Whiskey!
MIKO
I’ll have tea.
(TRICK goes to get the tea.)
TRICK
Jesus. Fine. I hope this water’s hot enough for you. Fuck knows
when it’s from.
(TRICK hands him the mug. MIKO notices TRICK’s bandaged hand.)
MIKO
Was it glass that cut ye?
TRICK
Yeah, actually.
MIKO
Broken glass?
TRICK
Obviously broken.
(Pause.)
I used to like you. It’s just indifference now.
133
MIKO
Alright.
(DECLAN enters from the back, unseen to either of them.)
TRICK
Ready to tell me what happened to mom?
MIKO
She’s in Moneen.
TRICK
Of course, Moneen. What’s that, like two miles away?
MIKO
Yes. Yeah.
(Beat.)
Maybe three.
(TRICK lies down on the couch.)
TRICK
Moneen.
MIKO
Moneen.
DECLAN
There’s nothing in Moneen but a school and a cemetery. And she’s
a little old for school.
MIKO
Declan ?! When did ye ? Where did ye ? Come here. Come
here. Sit down. Have a seat. Have a seat. Make yourself some
tea. Sit down. Sit down. Do you want some tea? Have a seat. God,
it’s good to see ye. My God, it’s good. I thought – I thought
maybe ye weren’t coming.
(Pause. DECLAN simply stares. Then, he turns to TRICK.)
DECLAN
It’s always a pleasure to see you, Patrick.
TRICK
I’m told.
134
MIKO
Come, Declan. Have a seat by me. Have a –
(He knocks a spare mug off his table. It shatters.)
Me hands me
TRICK
Jesus.
MIKO
Have a seat, Declan.
DECLAN
I don’t sit. I sit, I sleep.
TRICK
Me too.
MIKO
Have some tea then –
TRICK
Shut up with the fucking tea? How many times have you said that
damn word?
MIKO
Ah –
DECLAN
I would drink whiskey if that’s available.
MIKO
Of course! Of course! The cabinet over there.
TRICK
It’s just on the counter.
(DECLAN proceeds to put ice in the glass and pour Jameson.)
DECLAN
Does it still amaze you that you have the ability to have ice in
this house?
MIKO
Twentyeight years without it, I lived.
135
DECLAN
Yes. And isn’t it amazing that it goes without saying now? How
there are lights instead of candles? Or in addition to
candles? If you like to keep candles
MIKO
It is. It is.
DECLAN
The house is now in touch with the electricity. The electricity
surrounding it. The electricity running through it now. You
know?
MIKO
Yeah.
DECLAN
Electromagnetism –
TRICK
What the hell are you talking about?
MIKO
I have heard of that.
DECLAN
Yes.
TRICK
Christ.
DECLAN
In a way, yes.
MIKO
Yeah, I guess it’s amazing. But it’s been this way a long time
now.
DECLAN
The electromagnetic –
TRICK
Fuck me.
136
DECLAN
The electromagnetic –
MIKO
The electricity. Yes.
DECLAN
There’s a field –
TRICK
There’s nothing here but fields.
DECLAN
Yes. Well. Isn’t it amazing?
MIKO
Yes.
DECLAN
Yes.
(Pause.)
I only bring up the electromagnetic field because it’s what I
work with, you see? It’s one of the first signs.
TRICK
Fucking hell. Signs.
DECLAN
Signs.
MIKO
Signs.
DECLAN
Yes. One of the first signs of –
TRICK
What?
DECLAN
A disturbance. No. No. That’s too harsh – too strong a word –
too presumptuous. It’s not always a disturbance. An occurrence
yes, that works better. An occurrence.
137
MIKO
An occurrence?
DECLAN
An occurrence. Yes.
TRICK
Of ghosts. Blah blah blah. Who cares?
DECLAN
Many people.
TRICK
They can’t hurt me, they
DECLAN
But they can help you. Or give you information.
MIKO
I believe in ghosts.
DECLAN
I know. You should. I’m glad.
TRICK
I don’t care.
DECLAN
I know. This place has a particularly strong – presence? Almost
teeming with unrest. I mean, it is Ireland. I expect more
activity; there’s always been more activity knocking about in
these forgotten fields.
TRICK
What’s a ghost gonna tell me? How they died?
DECLAN
Just that they died.
(Pause.)
MIKO
Well, you’d know a ghost is dead ‘cause you’re seeing him as a
ghost.
138
TRICK
Ha! That’s for fucking sure! Schooled by a third grade
education! Ha!
DECLAN
Yes. Unless you didn’t know this person was dead.
MIKO
What?
TRICK
You see it there and that’s what it is.
DECLAN
Now this time I didn’t actually find out how they died. I just
found out that they died. I’m gonna need someone else to tell me

TRICK
Ha! Who?
DECLAN
To tell me how she died. To tell me how she died. To tell me how
she died. To tell me how she died. How the fuck did she die,
Miko? How did she die?
MIKO
I...I...
TRICK
I love the hostility. And out of nowhere.
MIKO
I dunno. I dunno what this is.
DECLAN
Mom’s dead.
TRICK
Old fucking hat.
DECLAN
What?
139
TRICK
You’re a little late to the party. I heard that two hours ago.
Lord knows where you’ve been loafing. The old man won’t say
anything – but he’s got a nice gun these days. I know, I thought
it was weird too – first getting a gun at age seventy? Totally
normal.
MIKO
It’s Martin’s! It’s Martin’s! His mam –
TRICK
Oh, even if it is Martin’s, it’s here – so I’m guessing that
played a part in it.
DECLAN
You seem remarkably removed from all this.
TRICK
Does it matter?
DECLAN
A gun seems a bit extreme for Miko. . .
TRICK
Something I found
DECLAN
Fair enough.
MIKO
It’s Martin’s!
DECLAN
Fair enough. I believe that.
TRICK
I believe he’s too lazy to go to the store and buy one.
DECLAN
Me too.
MIKO
I didn’t! I didn’t Martin
140
DECLAN
But the only thing I got mom saying was, “it’s not his fault,”
“it’s not his fault.”
(Beat.)
So, where is this weapon in question?
TRICK
By the cereal.
DECLAN
An appropriate place.
(Having found the gun.)
It’s a nice gun.
MIKO
I didn’t use the gun.
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
Ha!
DECLAN
What was that?
MIKO
I didn’t –
DECLAN
Come on, old man.
TRICK
Loving this.
MIKO
I didn’t.
DECLAN
That’s not really the question. All it is is “how?” God damned
“how?”
(Pause.)
141
TRICK
Because he’s crazy – that’s how he could do it. He’s a loon.
He’s totally lost it.
MIKO
I haven’t!
TRICK
You have.
MIKO
I haven’t!
DECLAN
Have you?
MIKO
Everyone keeps saying that! Everyone keeps saying that to me –
“You’re crazy. You’ve lost it!” Everyone keeps saying that to
me. Well, I’m not. I’m not. Ye see that I’m not. I’m still here,
aren’t I? I’m still here. If I’m for nothing, why would I still
be here?
TRICK
You’re always looking for some coward’s way out, or some shit.
Some martyrtype crap.
MIKO
There’s nothing left for me to look for. There’s nothing left.
(Beat.)
Yes. Yer mam – yer mam – is dead.
(Pause.)
TRICK
No fucking shit. Kinda been through this part.
DECLAN
Actually saying that is a good first step.
MIKO
We were married thirtynine years. Over thirtynine years. We
were happy – happier than either of you.
142
TRICK
You don’t know me.
DECLAN
(To TRICK.)
Shut up.
MIKO
And I loved her –
TRICK
He’s crazy.
MIKO
Stop it! Stop saying I’m crazy – stop saying that. I never – I
loved your mom. I – I – everyone says I’m crazy – but I didn’t –
I didn’t mean to –
A few weeks ago. I didn’t feel well. I haven’t felt well. I . .
. I had, a, what you call it? Indigestion, ogida, maybe? I went
to sleep, and I –
The last few weeks, or months maybe, I dunno, I’ve had these –
these nightmares – I guess you’d call them. Yeah, what else
would they be? I’ve always had dreams – that’s not weird. Dreams
about all sorts of things; cattle, the fields, me old relatives,
me old friends. Some still alive, some years gone. Nothing bad.
Nothing wrong. Nothing scary.
And we moved back – four years and three months ago – and we
were happy. I was happy. I couldn’t do what I used to could do.
We had a nice simple life. The one we both looked forward to for
thirty years. No, no, I’m not saying we just wanted to get rid
of you. Hell we could have left when Declan turned eighteen
then. No. We just wanted to come back. Back here. Our home. I
did especially, I think. But Annie did too. She did. She did.
Everything was fine. Great, even. Great. Our house, and our
church, and – it was a nice life. It was. It was. It wasn’t
until –
(Pause.)
It’s a scary thing – when you don’t know what you’re doing. Dark
things come at night. And that’s not good. And they started
coming to me. Or for me, and I – I – might not be able to say
the dark things weren’t always visiting me in the night. They
might have always been there. I remember a connection always –
with the presence of them. But I never tried to talk to them,
and they’ve never, not ever, been like they are of late.
143
I’d lose myself. Often times right there in the spot you’re at –
nodding off on the couch and Martin – Ha! I never thought I’d
say thank God for Martin! He’s a good – he’s a – he’s – he works
hard.
The visitors – the dark things – came that night. They took me
someplace else, they took me out of me head. And I was with them
only, and I didn’t want to be, and I tried not to be. I asked
not to be. I begged not to be. Sobbin’ and wailin,’ I begged.
But they wouldn’t have it, and I got a little frustrated, and,
I’m sorry, ye know, and I got a little angry. But no one was
listening because no one was caring. Ye weren’t there and ye
weren’t there and she wasn’t and Martin wasn’t and I was alone,
but with them – and I got a lot frustrated and I got a lot angry
and I felt a strength in me I hadn’t felt in forty years or more
– me anger fueling me – and I went for them – just for one of
them – just let me get one off – the closest one – strong but
still lazy – And the dark visitor stood there – all close to me
and the strength went through me like oil in a tractor and I
grabbed him – with me own two hands – and squeezed his throat
and held me big strong hands on it and clenched. And they are
big, strong hands. Never listenin’ to me awake finally I was
feelin’ their full strength. Full control. After I don’t know
how many years. The full force of me hands on the bastard. The
life poured out of him, and I was glad because I thought I was
destroying something bad. And I was actually happy about it, and
I was laughing – I can’t believe I was laughing – I can’t
believe I was laughing – why was I laughing? Why was I laughing?
Why did I have to be laughing? Why did I have to be laughing –
when I woke up – and loosened me strong grip, removing me hands
– from Annie’s neck. From your mother’s –
She was already gone. She’d probably been gone for ten minutes.
Imagine that sick fucking bastard me. How long was I ?
(A long pause.)
Go ahead, hate me – more than you do already – I never learned
to like meself anyway, to be honest with you. Hate me. It’ll be
easier if I ever do this to you. Not that we’d be in the same
bed. That’s for your someone special. That’s for your –
(To TRICK.)
Whoever. That’s for your –
(To DECLAN.)
Elaine.
(An appropriate pause.)
144
TRICK
More colorful than I expected.
(Beat.)
So, where is she?
MIKO
Moneen.
TRICK
I get that now. Thank you. Where’s Elaine, I was really asking.
DECLAN
Not here.
TRICK
Where –
DECLAN
(To MIKO.)
Why aren’t you in jail?
TRICK
I was let out on good behavior.
DECLAN
Miko?
TRICK
Where’s Elaine, Dec?
DECLAN
Please do not talk about her. Or to me. Anymore.
TRICK
Why not? Miko’s a sick fuck who’s practically immobile, he’s not
going anywhere. I can give him hell whenever. You’re a sick fuck
who I don’t get to see very much – now, yes, I know I’ve seen
you twice in as many days, but that’s a rarity. A real special
occasion, this past 48 hours. Funerals and weddings, right? Ha!
Hey, Dec – remember when you attacked me? I do. That was rich.
That was, what? Twelve hours ago? Twentyeight hours ago?
Something like that. Real recent. Who knows with the time
change? Did you know that Miko? He attacked me? Well, attacked –
ha! He threw a glass at me. I caught it. Still broke, though.
145
DECLAN
After you spent an hour talking about how you slept with my
fiancee.
TRICK
Jesus, man.
DECLAN
At the moment, however, I’m more concerned with how our father
strangled our mother to death.
TRICK
After all this time, don’t you know not to believe me when I
tell you these kinds of stories? Fuck me, man. You’re dense as
shit.
DECLAN
What’s that you’re saying?
TRICK
That I’m a liar.
DECLAN
What?
TRICK
After thirtysome years, I really have to spell this out to the
“smart” brother? I make up stories to screw with you – I
fabricate – I embellish – are those words clear enough for you
to understand?
DECLAN
You lied ?
TRICK
In this particular instance it was a lie, yes. An outright lie.
A pretty good one though.
(After a brief pause DECLAN quickly moves on TRICK, tackling him

to the ground. He violently forces him onto his back, and
proceeds to punch him repeatedly in the face in a surprisingly
horrible way. TRICK attempts to fight back, but DECLAN retains
the upper hand throughout most of the fight. During this time,
the following three lines are said simultaneously.)
146
TRICK
Fuck! I didn’t do anything! I didn’t do anything more than I
ever do! I’m sorry. You’re such a dumbass for believing me –
DECLAN
You lousy son of a bitch. You’ve always taken away everything
good and decent in my life and I hate you for it. I hate you for
it –
MIKO
Declan! Stop it! Trick! Declan! Please! Stop it, please! Martin!
Martin! Help! Martin help! Stop it, please!
(Throughout the fight MIKO has been searching for some way to
intervene, but is at a loss. He picks up his mug and throws it
at them. The mug hits DECLAN on the back. It goes unnoticed.
MARTIN finally enters. JAMES, the dog, is heard barking outside.
He continues to bark throughout the remainder of the scene.)
MARTIN
Hey! Hey! What’s going on? Stop it!
MIKO
Martin! Thank the Lord!
(MARTIN rushes to the brothers and manages to pull DECLAN off

TRICK.)
TRICK
Crazy fuck!
DECLAN
Go to hell.
MIKO
Trick –
MARTIN
Declan – please –
DECLAN
I’m the crazy fuck? I am? Ha! I must be! Because I think I’m
sane, yet everyone I know thinks I’m crazy. So I guess I am.
It’s as easy as that. It has to be. It has to be as easy as
choosing to flip the switch. Don’t remember choosing, but if you
147
ask me, you’re the crazy fuck who killed my mom, and you’re the
crazy fuck who lied to me and tormented me every day of my life,
and you’re the crazy fuck who watches it all, and you think
because you’re some happygolucky asswipe, you’re free of any
blame.
(He picks up the gun.)
This is something pretty nice for some field rat. And it’s nice
that Miko lets you leave it here.
MIKO
Please, Declan –
TRICK
Don’t even bother. Let him do what he wants to do. Let the baby
have his bottle.
(JAMES continues to bark...)
DECLAN
And he’s the crazy fuck who won’t shut the fuck up for five
fucking seconds!
(Pause.)
MARTIN
The noise. It frightens him.
DECLAN
It’s not even that loud.
MARTIN
Right. It’s not and – everything’ll be alright –
(Beat.)
DECLAN
Yes. Yes, it will. Everything will be alright. The world will
keep on spinning and life will be for the better here. What
doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger right? And what does
kill you only makes those around you stronger, eh?
(JAMES continues to bark.)
MARTIN
I know what you mean. I understand. I read a lot.
148
DECLAN
Yes. You do.
(Beat.)
Everything will be ok. I just need to relieve some anger.
MARTIN
Ok.
DECLAN
Ok.
TRICK
Ok.
DECLAN
Ok.
MIKO
Ok.
DECLAN
Ok.
MIKO
Alright.
DECLAN
Ok. So I think I’m going to kill that fucking dog.
TRICK
Come on.
MIKO
Ah.
MARTIN
No, Declan. Please. Not James.
DECLAN
Don’t form attachments like that. They’ll only hurt you in the
end. His barking annoys me.
MARTIN
He’s my friend.
149
TRICK
Don’t do this, man. What will it even ? Don’t be like this.
DECLAN
Ha! The pot and the kettle and the kettle is leaving to get some
silence. By killing a dog. Weird, huh? Anyway, goodbye. Goodbye.
(DECLAN exits out the back. JAMES continues to bark.)
TRICK
Come on. Martin
MARTIN
My James –
TRICK
Miko
MIKO
You can’t stop him. He’ll shoot you.
MARTIN
My James, though. Only a week before his fifth birthday. My poor

(MARTIN is cut off by the gunshot. JAMES’s barking stops. TRICK

runs to the back window.)
TRICK
Declan? Declan!
(TRICK exits out the back for DECLAN.)
MARTIN
Ye didn’t even try to stop him.
MIKO
His decision was made.
(MARTIN has gotten to the window and is looking out.)
MARTIN
Oh, Miko –
He’s not moving. He’s not moving at all.
150
MIKO
He’s with who he is.
(Pause.)
Shall I turn on me music, then?
MARTIN
No.
MIKO
Riflemanshould be startin,’ then . . .
The second episode of
(JAMES begins to bark again, and the lights slowly fade to

black.)
END ACT III
151

Kilclogher

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Kilclogher

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Kilclogher

MIKO, an Irishman, mid 70’s

TRICK, his eldest son, mid 30’s

MARTIN, cousin & fieldhand, early 40’s

DECLAN, the other son, early 30’s

ELAINE, Declan’s fiancé, 30.

Kilclogher, County Clare, Ireland.

Scene 1: New York City.

Scene 2: New Jersey.

Later that evening.

Scene 1: Outside Miko’s house. Kilclogher.

Scene 2: Immediately following.

Scene 3: Miko’s house. Kilclogher.

(TRICK disappears down the hall. He immediately comes back with

(MIKO drops his mug.)

(He proceeds to look.)

(Enter MARTIN, dirty from the fields.)

(He gets up and crosses to a hallway. He exits.)

(JAMES, the dog, barks.)

(MIKO drops his mug.)

(Pause, as long as MARTIN needs.)

(He stops himself.)

(MIKO does so. The lights fade to black.)

(He grabs her and kisses her.)

(He hands her a glass.)

(ELAINE has moved towards the laptop.)

(She gets up.)

(He does not get up.)

(She laughs at her own joke.)

(Pause. They laugh.)

(He motions to the pile of stuff he is bringing, none of which

(ELAINE has been going through the stuff he is bringing. She

(She exits through the hall.)

(The lights come up on a street in suburban New Jersey, on the

(He is interrupted by noise from inside the house. A crashing

(TRICK is in his face. Pause. They embrace.)

(TRICK breaks out into uncontrollable laughter. After a few

I’m sorry, Declan.

(He exits around the side of the house.)

(ELAINE enters. He does not notice her. He continues to speak.)

(He moves closer. They kiss. He then speaks. Quietly at first,

(TRICK goes to get the tea.)

(DECLAN enters from the back, unseen to either of them.)

(TRICK lies down on the couch.)

(Pause. DECLAN simply stares. Then, he turns to TRICK.)

(DECLAN proceeds to put ice in the glass and pour Jameson.)

(An appropriate pause.)

(After a brief pause DECLAN quickly moves on TRICK, tackling him

(MARTIN rushes to the brothers and manages to pull DECLAN off

(JAMES continues to bark...)

(JAMES continues to bark.)

(DECLAN exits out the back. JAMES continues to bark.)

(MARTIN is cut off by the gunshot. JAMES’s barking stops. TRICK

(TRICK exits out the back for DECLAN.)

(MARTIN has gotten to the window and is looking out.)

(JAMES begins to bark again, and the lights slowly fade to

END ACT III

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