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Rainbow Time‘

09 MAR 2023

Dead body famous start today with hopes for an increase Yet again the global demand for
in the worldwide moose population moose will be met largely by the
actress found compared to last year’s disapointing US and Canada. The recession-hit
figures. Among the traditional early States is taking comfort in its moose
By CLASS VII RAINBOW reporters were Egypt, returning fig- growth figures with gross production
ures of six moose, a twenty percent expected to break 700,000 and net ex-
increase on 2011’s figures of five, and ports to grow by 2%. The worldwide
Uruguay whose moose population re- dominance of Canada shows no signs
The corpse of Superstar Selene
mains stable at eleven. of abating though with this year’s
Hills was found dumped under the
According to Robbie McRobson, moose population expected to match
Church clock tower, in her hometown.
head of the UN Moose Preserva- last year’s record figures of one hun-
Her husband claims that she had
tion Council, worldwide moose num- dred million billion.
gone home to visit her family, but the
bers are expected to grow markedly Europe’s rise as an international
director of her current film claimed
on last year due to the traditional moose power will slow slightly this
that she had taken a leave for a trip
moose strongholds of Canada and the year as a response to the European
to Thailand. Who do you think is ly-
United States, with the larger de- Union’s move towards standardising
ing?
veloping moose ecologies also poised the European moose. Stringent qual-
Sawyer Brown, the founder of the
to make gains. The largest percent- ity controls are holding back the de-
body claimed that he recovered it
agege increase in moose will likely velopment of the eastern european
around 3 in the morning. Who would
come from China’’, says McRobson, populations compared to last year
be roaming around town at that spe-
The Chinese government has invested when they contributed significantly
cific location at that specific time?
heavily in moose infrastructure over to europe’s strong growth figures.
Medical sources have also claimed
the past decade, and their committ- Norway, which is not an EU member
that the victim was also killed around
ment to macrofauna is beginning to but has observer status, strengthed
the same time. Kind of strange if you
pay dividends’’. Since 2004 China has in numbers relative to the Euro area
ask me.
expanded moose pasture from 1.5% with numbers of Norweigian moose,
of arable land to nearly 3.648% and known locally as elk’’ expected to rise
moose numbers are expected to rise for the tenth consecutive year, partic-
to 60,000 making China a net moose ularly thanks to a strong showing in
exporter for the first time. This is the last quarter.
good news for neighbouring Mongo- As moose season reaches its close,
lia, a barren moose-wasteland whose researchers world wide are turning to
inhabitents nonetheless have an insa- science in an attempt to boost next
tiable desire for the creatures. The in- year’s figures. NASA stunned the
crease in Beijing-Ulanbataar trade is scientific community today with the
anticipated to relieve pressure on the announcment of their discovery that
relatively strained Russian suppliers, the moon is significantly smaller than
but increase Mongolia’s imbalance of previously believed. This conclusion,
trade with its larger neighbour. which is the conclusion of a ten-
Historically the only competitor year collaborative project, will have
to China in the far eastern moose profound implications for the moose
Reuters
markets has been Singapore but the community as the gravitational field
tiny island nation is set to report a is now known to be of the right
International net loss, expecting a decrease of more strength to support moose in orbit.
than five percent on last year’s 50,000 According to John Johnson, head
Moose Count moose counted. The head of Singa- of the NASA Moon Sizing Experi-
pore’s Agency for Agriculture, Jing- ment the first delivery of moose into
Underway Feng Lau, explained to an incredu- low moon orbit could be achieved as
lous Singaporean parliament yester- early as the third quarter of next year.
By BOB O’BOBSTON The technology to nurture moose in
day that bad weather had contributed
to this season’s poor showing, most space is available now’’, he said, ’’all
notably when a cargo of 150 moose that is needed is political will’’.
The UN-sponsored International were swept out into the Indian ocean
Moose Census got off to a flying in a monsoon. Granny wins
Rainbow Times 09 MAR 2023 2

World Wrestling off against title-holder Paulo "Spine- scores tied at 2-2 time ran out and the
Snapper" Lutti, of Vatican City. Un- contest went to a panel of judges to be
Championship derdog Johnson was soon showing her assessed. They awarded Thompson a
worth with stamina and agility easily C grade whilst Johnson received an
By ROY MCROYSTON matching last year’s winner. Lutti’s A, becoming the first grandmother to
experience paid off initially as he took ever win the title.
the first two rounds, but as John-
son became more confident her su- The new champion explained her
Records were smashed in perior strength came to the fore and success as the result of a strict train-
Nicaragua’s World Wrestling Cham- she clawed back two rounds to take ing regimen instituted by her coach
pionship last night as 78-year-old the contest into a decider. By this and grandson five-year-old Sammy
Maud Johnson, grandmother of five, time Lutti’s body language indicated Johnson. "I’ve been drinking ten
became the first woman for fifty-six that he already felt overawed by the raw eggs for breakfast every morning,
years, and the oldest competitor ever, pretender to his crown, and the new- sprinting fifty miles a day and carry-
to claim the gold medal. She walked comer took advantage of this to en- ing my daughter’s car to the end of
away with her million dollar share of gage a mutual headlock which she the road and back whenever I felt my
the prize money, runner up Tommy held for three hours until the Vat- arthritis was OK" she said. Sammy
Thompson from Nigeria taking half a ican man retired from exhaustion. added "I always knew she could do
million, and third place New Zealan- The next seven matches were barely it. She’s my grandma.". The young-
der John Smith receiving a warm a contest as the news of Johnson’s ster is also her manager and has re-
handshake from the umpire. supremacy overawed all her oppo- portedly arranged sponsorship deals
Having started the tournament a nents who became too indimidated to which will dwarf her one million dol-
rank outsider she began to impress fight properly. lar prize fund. Her new contract with
in her second match when she took Nigerian Tommy Thompson is headband designer Nike alone is set
US number three Ron Ronson by sur- also a relative newcomer to the to earn her fourteen billion dollars
prise and subdued him in twenty sec- wrestling scene, but with his 210lb over the next year. She will also be
onds with her unique move that has frame he was expected to fare well promoting Tupperware, Halliburton,
been dubbed "Maud’s Death Grip". against Johnson who weighs in at the Republic of Macedonia, and Gala
The injection of a new wrestling style only 90lb. However Johnson’s lithe Bingo. Her continued participation in
into the tournament was welcomed and slender, some would say scrawny, the sport is not assured as she wants
by spectators and Johnson’s pre- and figure belies her agility and strength to spend more time on her bungee-
post-match breakdances have proved which she demonstrated by holding jumping business, and knitting. Ev-
entertaining to fans. However, she Thompson above her head several eryone here at the World Champi-
was still not expected to win in times during the bout and throwing onships, however, hopes for her re-
round three last Wednesday, facing him into the crowd once. With the turn.

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