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NARC LANGUAGE 101 JEN WOOLWINE
Table of Contents
Introduction 03
Conclusion 14
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INTRODUCTION
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CHAPTER I
This glossary is more than just a Discuss: Share your findings and
collection of terms; it's a toolkit thoughts with a support group or
for understanding the complex a mental health professional for
world of narcissistic abuse. additional insights and coping
Compiled with the help of strategies.
experts and survivors, it aims to
help you recognize, cope with, Refer Back: As you learn and
and ultimately, heal from the grow, you’ll find that you
trauma inflicted by a narcissistic understand these terms in new
parent. ways. Keep this guide handy and
refer back to it often.
WHO THIS GUIDE IS FOR
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CHAPTER II
NARCISSIST FAQ
WHAT IS A NARCISSISTIC PARENT? HOW DO I ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES
WITH A NARCISSISTIC PARENT?
A narcissistic parent is someone who
puts their needs and desires above Establishing boundaries involves
those of their children. setting clear limits on what behavior
you will tolerate. It may require
Their parenting style often involves reducing contact, using direct
manipulative and controlling communication, and staying firm even
behaviors aimed at fulfilling their own when the narcissistic parent attempts
emotional needs, often at the expense to overstep or manipulate.
of their child's well-being.
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CHAPTER II CONTINUED
Change is possible but unlikely unless the narcissistic parent recognizes their
behavior as problematic and seeks professional help. Even then, progress can be
slow and may not be sufficient to make the relationship healthy.
There are numerous resources available, ranging from self-help books and online
forums to support groups and professional therapy. Some useful websites include
websites related to mental health, family dynamics, and emotional well-being.
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CHAPTER III
Narcissistic
Terminology
BLAME-SHIFTING
BOUNDARIES
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DISCARD PHASE
The Discard Phase is when your narcissistic parent abruptly cuts off emotional
connection or contact with you. This usually happens after a cycle of praise and
affection, and it's designed to leave you confused and eager for their approval.
Example: Your narcissistic parent starts with a lot of attention and gifts for your
birthday but then suddenly cuts off all communication. When they finally talk to
you again, they act as if nothing ever happened, leaving you feeling confused and
sidelined.
ENMESHMENT
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
Emotional blackmail is when your narcissistic parent uses guilt, fear, or obligations
to manipulate you into doing what they want. They exploit your emotions to get
their way, often making you feel trapped.
Example: Your narcissistic parent threatens to cut off financial support or reveal a
personal secret if you don't comply with their demands. They leverage your
vulnerability to maintain their control over you.
FLYING MONKEYS
Flying Monkeys are individuals that a narcissistic parent recruits to help manipulate
or control you. They often don't realize they're being used in this way.
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GASLIGHTING
Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt your own memory,
judgment, or sanity. A narcissistic parent uses this tactic to make you question
yourself so they can control you better.
Example: Your narcissistic parent claims they never said something hurtful that
you clearly remember. When you confront them, they accuse you of being too
sensitive or imagining things, leaving you questioning your own memory.
GOLDEN CHILD
The Golden Child is the family member who can do no wrong in the eyes of the
narcissistic parent. This child receives excessive praise and attention but is also
under pressure to live up to high expectations.
Example: Your narcissistic parent constantly compares you to a sibling who they
claim is more successful, well-behaved, or talented. This creates a rift between you
and your sibling and fuels the parent's need for competition and control.
HOOVERING
Hoovering is when a narcissistic parent tries to suck you back into their life after
you've tried to distance yourself. They'll often use guilt, promises, or emotional
manipulation to make you re-engage with them.
Example: You've finally built up the courage to limit contact with your narcissistic
parent. Just when you start to feel some relief, they reach out with a seemingly
heartfelt message saying they miss you and want to make amends. Beware: it is
usually another attempt to control you.
IDEALIZATION
Idealization is when your narcissistic parent puts you on a pedestal, viewing you as
perfect and expecting you to meet unrealistic standards. This phase is often short-
lived and is usually followed by the cold shoulder when you don’t meet their
standards.
Example: Remember when you did really well in school and your parent bragged
about you to everyone? You felt like a star until your next report card wasn’t
perfect. Suddenly, the praise turned to comments like 'You were just lucky before,'
making you feel like you could never do enough.
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LOVE BOMBING
Love Bombing is when a narcissistic parent showers you with attention, gifts, or
compliments to win you over. It's a manipulation tactic to make you feel special, but
it's often short-lived and followed by criticism or neglect.
Example: You've been feeling distant from your narcissistic parent, and suddenly
they start acting incredibly supportive. They might give you gifts, pay for a lavish
dinner, or flatter you endlessly. Don't be fooled; this affection is often a ploy to get
you to let your guard down before they switch back to their controlling behavior.
NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY
This term refers to the attention, praise, or emotional energy that a narcissistic
parent seeks from others, including their children. It's the "fuel" that feeds their
sense of self-importance and entitlement.
PARENTIFICATION
Example: From a young age, you've been responsible for taking care of your
younger siblings and managing household chores because your narcissistic parent
shirks these responsibilities. You were also the emotional support for your parent,
listening to their adult problems and trying to offer solutions.
PROJECTION
Projection is when a narcissistic parent accuses you of the very things they
themselves are guilty of. It's like they're shifting the blame onto you to divert
attention from their own flaws or wrongdoings.
Example: You confront your narcissistic parent about their constant criticism.
Instead of acknowledging it, they turn it around and accuse you of always
criticizing them. They're projecting their own behavior onto you to avoid taking
responsibility.
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SCAPEGOATING
Scapegoating is when your narcissistic parent unfairly blames you for problems,
shortcomings, or issues that are not your fault, often to divert attention away from
their own flaws.
SILENT TREATMENT
The silent treatment is when your narcissistic parent gives you the cold shoulder
and refuses to communicate. They use this tactic as a form of emotional
punishment and control.
Example: You disagree with your narcissistic parent on something trivial, like a
dinner choice. They react by not speaking to you for days, even when you try to
make amends. This leaves you anxious, walking on eggshells, unsure what you did
to "deserve" this.
SMEAR CAMPAIGN
Example: You recently confronted your narcissistic parent about their toxic
behavior. In response, they go to other family members, portraying you as the
"ungrateful" or "troubled" child, undermining your credibility so that others are less
likely to believe your side of the story.
STONEWALLING
Example: When you attempt to talk to your parent or confront them about their
toxic behavior, they abruptly shut down the conversation. They may ignore you,
leave the room, or even hang up the phone, leaving issues unresolved and you
feeling unheard.
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TRIANGULATION
Example: You have a good relationship with your sibling. Your narcissistic parent
feeds you both different stories about each other to create conflict. This keeps
them in a position of power, as both of you may then turn to them for advice or
clarity, not realizing they're the source of the tension.
VICTIM BLAMING
Victim blaming is when your narcissistic parent shifts the responsibility for their
abusive or harmful behavior onto you. They make you feel like it's your fault they act
the way they do.
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CHAPTER IV
Narcissistic Abuse
Resources
HER HEALING WAY RESOUCE PAGE
Our very own comprehensive resource page, designed
to provide you with a range of support options.
Whether you're seeking emergency assistance or
looking for daily coping techniques, we've got you
covered.
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CONCLUSION
Your healing journey is personal, unique, and yours alone. Remember, you are not
what happened to you; you are what you choose to become.
This guide is one step of many in your path toward healing, so keep moving, keep
learning, and keep growing.
If you found this guidebook helpful, or have questions or feedback, don't hesitate
to reach out.
xo,Jen
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
©2023 HERHEALINGWAY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
JEN WOOLWINE
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