Coaching Skills: Emotional

Intelligence
Elena Lukashevich - ELA Trainer, personal coach
Theoretical cycle

● Peter Salovey and John Mayer (article in 1990)

● Goleman (1995)

● Everything starts in 1920 🡪 it was called “Social intelligence” with the scientific predecessor
of Gardner’s Multiple intelligences.
Among them:
Intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligences where the most connected with emotional intelligence

It had no success at that time because people didn’t recognize properly the role of the emotions.

Then, neuroscience progresses showed the opposite.

Multiple intelligences (Howard Gardner)

Through evolution, humans developed different ways of elaborating information,

that led to multiple skills (called «intelligences»)
- Logical-mathematic intelligence
- Naturalistic intelligence
- Kinesthetic intelligence
- Linguistic intelligence
- Spatial intelligence
- Musical intelligence
- Interpersonal intelligence
Defined as «emotional intelligence»
- Intrapersonal intelligence
Multiple intelligences

Interpersonal intelligence
Ability to understand intentions, motivations and wishes of other people,
allowing us to work well inside a team

Intrapersonal intelligence
Being conscious of our own feelings, and being able to express them
without being overwhelmed by them.
Understanding ourselves, our fears, our strengths and weaknesses. Being
able to use this information to pursue our goals.
The role of the emotions
Emotions filter during decision-making processes

● Scientifically they discovered that the AMYGDALA has a role of the “sentinel” and it is the first
receptor of any input from the outside, directly receiving inputs from the 5 senses
● It is like the short way: we firstly use the amygdala and only after some seconds the neocortex
starts organizing a more accurate response to the stimulus
● When the amygdala is on, every part of the rest of our brain is like kidnapped and she imposes her
commands

The amygdala is associated with:

Arousal
Autonomic responses
Fear
Emotional responses
Hormonal secretions
Memory Its role in concrete:
Confrontational/Associations
Let’s Warm up: the Emotional Investigators

1. Choose three pictures that are representative of three different emotions, and
establish precisely the name of each emotion. Write down in your notes the
names of those emotions but do not reveal them to anybody.
2. Walk around the group tables and look at the pictures chosen by another
person: make hypothesis on what emotions could be represented in those
pictures. Write it in the paper next to each picture.
3. Finally, go back to your papers. Decide amongst the words written next to each
picture which is the correct one (or the one that is closest) and explains the
reason for choosing that picture.
What is Emotional Intelligence

● Coined in the 1990s by Daniel Goleman

● The capacity of individuals to recognize their own, and other
people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings
and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information
to guide thinking and behavior
What are emotions? (Elkman Theory)

We, as humans, are able to experience five basic emotions:

o Angers
o Disgust
o Enjoyment
o Fear
o Sadness
Why Goleman?

He addressed the topic in an efficient way transmitting the idea that:

● “Personal and professional success do not depend

on our “classic” intelligence, but on our social and
emotional skills”
The new universe of AI
Will it replace us?

AI vs EI Q.I. 🡪 20% factor of success

● AI 🡪 imitation The other 80% is made of other things
● EI 🡪 unique skills of human beings

This is the reason why many companies nowadays hire employees on the basis of their EI. (starting
from USA)

This doesn’t mean academic skills are not important. They are two sides of a coin and they are
complementary.

ACADEMIC intelligence does not offer a complete preparation to face life.

EMOTIONAL attitude is a META SKILL🡪 it determines how well we are able to use all our other
abilities (intellectual ones included.)
By teaching people to tune in to their
emotions with intelligence and to expand
their circles of caring, we can transform
organizations from the inside out and
make a positive difference in our world.

— Daniel Goleman
5 Pillars of EI by Goleman

● self-awareness: ability to be aware of my own emotions as they are happening

● self-control: manage the emotions and understand if it is appropriate to express
them
● self-motivation: persistence of pursuing my goals and plan for them, no matter
what the circumstances
● empathy: ability to experience what the other person is feeling
● social skills: being able to navigate my social landscape
Social Skills

Social skills are more than just being

friendly. Friendliness shall be “skilled”

Training courses for education staff - www.erasmustrainingcourses.com 14

Can you hear me? (Part I)

● Divide in pairs
● Describe yourself to the other participant giving as much information as you can!
● You will have 8 minutes (4 for each participant): for 4 minutes you will be the
speaker, 4 minutes you will be the listener.

Training courses for education staff - www.erasmustrainingcourses.com

Can you hear me? (Part II)

Describe yourself to all the other members of the class.

Only one rule: You have to describe yourself pretending to be the

other person!

Training courses for education staff - www.erasmustrainingcourses.com

Debriefing ● How did you feel during the
activity?
● What do you think your listening
level was?
● Were you listening passively or
actively?

Training courses for education staff - www.erasmustrainingcourses.com 17

Self Awareness
and Self Control

Be comfortable with their own

thoughts and emotions and
understand how they impact on
others

To recognize and work on your

emotions, without allowing them
to take control.

Self Awareness
and Self Control
Be comfortable with their own
thoughts and emotions and
understand how they impact on
others
1. Write a situation or event you
experienced (without
revealing how you felt) and
put it in the box.
2. Pick one story from the box:
did the same situation ever
happened to you? How did
you feel? If not, how would
you feel if that situation
happened to you? Try to give
a name to that emotion and
write it down on the map.
3. Fill in the Awareness Map
(Feel, Think, Say, Do)
What is an ● How would I feel if I was in
that situation?
awareness map ● What would I think? Which
are the words I say to
myself?
● What would I say? Which are
the words I say to the
others?
● What would I do? Which
would be my action?
Awareness Map

● Choose one feeling which you usually struggle with.

● Complete the Awareness Map: write down something you usually say,
something you usually think and something you usually do when feeling those
emotions.
● Recall a situation in which you felt like that. Take 5 minutes to individually
reflect on how appropriate your feeling was to the situation and how you could
have better controlled and handled it.
Self Control

To recognize and work on your

emotions, without allowing them
to take control.
Activity – Analyzing our objectives

● Which are your main goals ? Why these goals are important for you?

Complete the activity “Analyzing our objectives”

Self Motivation SMART GOALS!
S pecific
M easurable
A chievable
R elevant
T ime-bounded
Self Motivation Example: ‘‘I will improve the relationship
with my colleague’’

Is it a SMART goal?

●It’s not specific enough

●It’s not saying when we will attain that
●It’s not saying how many colleagues
How to write a smart goal? ●It’s not saying how we’re going to do it

IT’S A POORLY WRITTEN GOAL

My SMART Goal for a Supportive Classroom

● Rewrite the goal ‘‘I will learn how to teach my students what empathy
is and how to develop it’’ in a smarter version.
S pecific
M easurable
A chievable
R elevant
T ime-bounded
Example

“Using non-formal education methods and groups activities we

will increase empathy awareness of 3 classroom of 10th and
11th grade during five workshops in May and June 2022. At
the end of the time frame we will evaluate the results with a
written questionnaire”
Your smart goal

Now try to write a smart goal for yourself ! What do you want to achieve with your
students? How? By when? How are you going to measure it?
What empathy is – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwg
u369Jw&feature=youtu.be

… and how it is different from

Sympathy
EMPATHY BINGO – Recognizing and avoiding
empathy busters

ADVISING
ONE-UPPING
CONSOLING
STORY-TELLING
EMPATHIZING
SYMPATHIZING
INTERROGATING
EXPLAINING
FIXING IT
Fixing it

● A I’m worried about having enough money to pay my bills this month.
● B I’ll loan you the money.
One Upping

● A Look at my scar from the cycling accident.

● B That’s nothing, you should see the one I have on my knee
Storytelling

● A I got caught in traffic for 2 hours in 100 weather and no air conditioning.
● B That reminds me of the time our flight was delayed, but we were already in the cabin and were
not given the chance to wait outside and it was so hot in there…
Consoling

● A I feel so sad that my son was court ordered to a rehab center.

● B It’s not your fault, you are a good parent. You did the best you could.
Sympathizing

● A I just got the lab report back and it was what I most feared.
● B Cheer up, let’s go eat.
Advising

● A It’s scary for me to get up and speak in front of people.

● B I think you should join a public speaking training.
Interrogating

● A I’ve been trying to get this weight off and just feel frustrated.
● B When did you first start having this problem?
Explaining

● A I’m really upset. You promised to be here at 11 and it is now after midnight.
● B The reason I’m late is because an accident occurred in the highway and we got caught in traffic.
Empathy

● A I have so much to do today.

● B I understand you are feeling overwhelmed.
Further reference

● Goleman, Daniel. (1995). Emotional Intelligence.

● Goleman, Daniel. (2000). Working with Emotional Intelligence.