MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING

Topic: VII. Pastoral Care and Counselling through Crisis and Change

Divorce and Single parenting.

Submitted to: Rev. Dr. R.Vanlaltluanga

Submitted by: C. Lalrindika, BD III, Roll No.4 2020-2021

Introduction:

Children are nurtured and grown up by single parent can be due to various reasons and
circumstances which mainly involve divorce, death of the spouse, unintended pregnancies,
financial problems, adoptions, etc. Divorce is one of the most common and frequently occurring
in our society as a result of problems that persist between couples and unfaithful partner both
from the two, due to poverty and familial concern, arranged marriages or due to caste and class
issues as well in India. As a whole, divorce occurs even in other parts of the world and this
divorce and single parenting is ubiquitous and is unavoidable so as to say. This paper will
highlight the issues, cases and reasons of divorce from biblical, social and anthropological
perspectives.

1. What is Divorce and single parenting?

Divorce is a case when one spouse wants the marriage to end more than the other spouse
does. When this happens, the spouse who is considering divorce might mourn the end of
marriage even though it is still legally and physically intact. Therefore, when the
marriage is legally ended or terminated, the initiating spouse often experiences a great
deal of relief.1
A single parent, narrowly defined, is someone who has unshared responsibility for the
care and direction of his or her child or children. Or in other broader term, a single parent
is someone who lives in a separate household with his or her child or children and who
has no partner living with them to share directly in parenting roles and responsibilities.2
2. Biblical references of Divorce
The word translated Divorce in the New Testament is apostasion, the same word is used
in The Septuagint as well. The Greek word literally means a defection or standing off
from. Soldiers who run away are a defector. Defect in dictionary can also mean for
weakness, fault, flaw or blemish.3
2.1 Jesus teaching on divorce.
1
R. E. Emery, Renegotiating family relationships: Divorce, child custody, and mediation (New York:
Guilford Press, 1994) as cited in Paul R. Amato, “The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children,” in
Journal of marriage and Family 62/4 (November, 2000): 1272. ( 1269-1287)
2
J.H. Shackleford, “Single Parents,” in Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J.
Hunter (Bangalore: Theological Publication in India, 2014), 1178. (1178-1180)
3
Myles Munroe, Single, Married, Separated, Life After Divorce (Shippensburg: Destiny Image, 2010), 96.
The divorce periscope may be unclear and apparently not sufficient to the disciples, as they
asked further about it in the house. Jesus explicates that divorce followed by remarriage
constitutes adultery against the original spouse. The teaching he then gives is not about how to
divorce but how to love one another. Jesus teaching might be paradoxical, but his teaching was a
matter of heart: hard ones cannot hear the call to greater love.4

1. Social factors of divorce:

1.1 Personal and interpersonal factors:

Causes of divorce can be of difficulties in area such as money, sexual relations, parenting
pressures, relatives, career concerns, alcoholism, etc. Among these interpersonal factors
are disagreement about goals and expectations as individuals and as a couple, inability to
solve conflicts constructively, lack of commitment to each other and at the marriage ,
poor skills for communicating love and affirmation, and inappropriate time management. 5

1.2 Sexual unfaithfulness: this is mentioned by Jesus as a legitimate reason for divorce.
Both parties usually contribute but one is involved in the actual offense.6

1.3 Immature attitudes: Sometimes divorce is caused by immaturity which includes

unwillingness to keep commitments, a tendency to dominate and insensitive attitude
to the needs or interests of others, a self centred view of life.7

1.4 Social Sanctions: when a society is more accepting of divorce and remarriage it is
easier for a couple to abandon their marriage and go their separate ways. In many
parts of the world legal barriers have been lowered.8

1.5 Physical and Psychological abuse: Ongoing physical and psychological abuse,
continuing financial pressures, boredom, alcoholism or other substance abuse, or
rigidities and resentments that build up over years have led to divorce.9

3.7 Other stresses: Almost any stress can put so much pressure on a marriage that the
couple may drift apart or begin thinking about divorce.10
3. Family Systems and Divorce Mediation:

4
Barbara Green, O.P., “Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce in the Gospel of Mark,” in Journal for the study of the
New Testament 38 (1990): 71. [67-75].
5
R.A. Hunt, “Divorce, Pastor’s,” in Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling, edited by Rodney J.
Hunter (Bangalore: Theological Publication in India, 2014), 297-298.
6
Gary R Collins, Christian Counselling: A comprehensive Guide (Texas: Word Books, 1980), 189.
7
Ibid., 190
8
Ibid., 190-191
9
Ibid., 190-191
10
Ibid., 191-192.
 Divorce can be reorganization rather than a disintegration of the family. The choice is up
to the divorcing couples. The divorce may represent a second chance for creating a new
life or it may be viewed as one more failure giving birth to additional inevitable
disappointments and frustrations. This guideline helps fix within the mediator's mind a
awareness that a bi-nuclear family is being created out of a nuclear one.
The belief that divorce is a reorganization of the family system accentuates the fact that
divorce does not end the couple's parenting responsibilities or rob them of opportunities
to be parents to their children. Divorcing couples need to be encouraged to reframe their
divorce experience so that they understand their divorce to be a change in their family
system, not a dissolution or evaporation of all family ties, responsibilities, and benefits. 11
4. Conclusion
The good news is that the pain of divorce opens opportunities to explore the inner world
of the self, beginning the process of becoming intimate with one’s entire self, and in the
process gaining holistic healing and freedom from pain, and wisdom that helps prevent
one from repeating the same mistakes. So, as far as all those who have participated in this
drama of emotional turmoil are concerned, divorce ceases to be just a legal or a relational
problem but is a spiritual problem as well. As such, it becomes a powerful catalyst that
can reconnect actors with their divine nature as it propels them into a journey of self-
discovery urging them to learn how to love and accept their entire being.12

Bibliography:

Amato, Paul R. “The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children.” Journal of marriage and Family 62/4
(November, 2000): ( 1269-1287)
Barbara Green, O.P., “Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce in the Gospel of Mark,” in Journal for the study of the New
Testament 38 (1990): 67-75.
Collins, Gary R. Christian Counselling: A comprehensive Guide.Texas: Word Books, 1980.
Hunt, R.A. “Divorce, Pastor’s.” Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling. Edited by Rodney J. Hunter.
Bangalore: Theological Publication in India, 2014. 297-298.
Moyo, Fu La ta .“Can divorce be a solution to marital problems in a Christian marriage?.”The Ecumenical Review
56/4 (October, 2004): 440.
Munroe, Myles. Single, Married, Separated, Life After Divorce. Shippensburg: Destiny Image, 2010.
Shackleford, J.H. “Single Parents.” Dictionary of Pastoral Care and Counselling. Edited by Rodney J. Hunter.
Bangalore: Theological Publication in India, 2014. (1178-1180)
Stevens, Christopher Stanley- and Leslie Stanley-Stevens, “A Reconciling Approach to the Divorce Dilemma.” The
Journal of Pastoral Care 46/4 (Winter, 1992): [373-380].

11
Christopher Stanley-Stevens and Leslie Stanley-Stevens, “A Reconciling Approach to the Divorce
Dilemma,” in The Journal of Pastoral Care 46/4(Winter, 1992): 378-379. [373-380].

12
Debbie Ford, Spiritual Divorce: Divorce add a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life (New York,
HarperCollins, 2001),ix- x. As cited in Fu La ta Moyo, “Can divorce be a solution to marital problems in a Christian
marriage?” in The Ecumenical Review 56/4 (October, 2004): 440.