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AMDG
怡朗亚典耀圣母学校
ATENEO DE ILOILO
Santa Maria Catholic School
Senior High School

JOURNAL ENTRY NO. 3 Class Number

Living with Christ

Name: John Lorenz Tolentino

Section: 11-Azpeitia

“If you keep running away, you’ll never be able to escape from anything”, a simple, yet powerful
sentence that I keep reminding myself of. Everything is too much lately, it drains me to the point
that I steadily become tired, unmotivated, and hopeless. There are too many adjustments in my
life that I need to make, from my academics to the way I live my life. I did not expect that the
transition from junior high school to senior year would be formidable; piles of tasks, quizzes,
activities, hard lessons, are being thrown at me. I am not sure if I am doing well but I am still
proud of myself for being able to come this far. However, despite all the challenges I face today,
there is still one experience that I cannot and never will forget. That is acne, these 4 words can
torture you both physically and mentally. Last year, I experienced the most distressing part of
my life. As I looked at myself in the mirror, looking at the intolerable reflection of mine, acnes
showing up all over my face, everything looked inflamed: the cheeks, forehead, chin. This
journey involves more than just a struggle with acne. It also involves my struggle with self-
confidence, self-love, and of course, myself. Mirror was my enemy at that time. In fact, I
completely hate my reflection, I do not know how to accept my imperfection and I keep on
comparing myself to others. Having insecurities is not easy, it makes your life miserable. The
fact that I cannot talk to people directly because of it is so messed up. I cannot even go to my
tito’s birthday party. No matter how much I want to go there, my acne stops me from going and
all I can do is to lock myself in my room. Whenever I hear the word acne, all I can think about is
torture. My life was a complete hell when I was suffering with acne. I feel like I am being locked
in a cell where there is no freedom, depressing, and pure darkness. Because of acne, I gave up
my passion as a cyclist. I cannot participate in races anymore, have long rides, and enjoy my
life with my bike. When face-to-face classes were implemented, I was really nervous. I still had
a lot of acne at that time, and I kept on thinking that people would make fun of me. For months, I
consistently covered my face with a mask, to the point that I couldn't even remove it to eat or
drink water. This experience took a toll on my self-confidence and interactions with others. I
often found myself avoiding eye contact and struggling to engage in conversations, fearing that
my acne would be the focus of attention. As time went on, I started to realize that my fear of
judgment was holding me back from fully participating in class and enjoying social interactions.
On August 6, 2022, I started accutane. When my face was purging, my acne worsened. Every
night I cry and think if I made the wrong decision. Cystic acne showed up, and my face was
cursed. My self-confidence continued to crumble and I don't even care about self love anymore.
As time went by, I could see my improvements with my face and I gradually began to uncover
my face and let go of the mask, exposing my acne to the world. Surprisingly, I found that
people's reactions were not as negative as I had anticipated. Some even shared their own
struggles, creating a sense of camaraderie. Embracing my imperfections became a pivotal
moment in my journey towards self-acceptance. While my acne didn't miraculously disappear,
the weight of anxiety associated with it lessened significantly. This experience taught me that
our insecurities are often magnified in our minds and that genuine connections are built on
authenticity. It also made me more empathetic, understanding that everyone carries their own
insecurities and struggles. This journey of mine taught me that life is all about turning into
different roads, whether you like it or not, you have to face the reality that God placed right in
front of you. You cannot find the right answers all the time, but never give up asking the
question why we live, and what we live for. The moment we give up on that, the value of our life
ends.