COLLEGE OF EDUCATION

NAME OF THE GENERAL EDUCATION

PROGRAM
COURSE TITLE The Family COURSE CODE EU112
PREREQUISITE/ CO- None COURSE UNIT 2 units
REQUISITE
COURSE OUTCOME CO3: Assess one’s standing towards family rooted on historical,
philosophical, and sociological perspectives.
MODULE 4 12 Central Attributes of Love
LESSON LEARNING After successful completion of this module, you should have the ability to:
OUTCOME/S LO 2.2: Critical skills on the Filipino values and customaries on Love,
courtship, and marriage.
TOPICS a. 12 central attributes of Love
WEEK / INCLUSIVE 7-8
DATE February26- March 8, 2024
MODALITY F2F, Asynchronous(NEO)

Welcome to our exploration of the intricate tapestry of human connection and emotion in
this module on the Central Attributes of Love. As we delve into the depths of this universal and
profound human experience, we will unravel the core elements that define and shape the essence
of love, examining its various facets, forms, and the profound impact it has on individuals and
societies. Join us on a journey to understand the central attributes that bind us together, fostering
empathy, compassion, and a deeper appreciation for the complex nature of love in all its
dimensions.

▪ LESSON PROPER

Love means many different things to different people. Our definitions of love are not all the
same, and this can be a source of confusion and conflict in a relationship. Defining the characteristics
of real love can be difficult because it takes many forms. This pure and innocent bond is formed with
your nearest and dearest ones.

John Money, a world-famous sexologist, developed the concept of “love maps.” A love
map is a mental blueprint, of sorts, that we carry internally. It is our idea of the ideal love partner.

The twelve central features of love developed by a marriage and family researcher, Beverley
Fehr. Fehr (1988) paid particular attention to how individuals assess or appraise the essential
aspects of love, or what she termed love prototypes. The top twelve central features of love
according to Fehr’s research, by order of importance are:

 Trust  Loyalty
 Care  Commitment
 Honesty  Accepting the other without wanting to
change the other
 Friendship 
 Support
 Respect  A desire to be in the other’s company
 Desire to promote the  Consideration of/ and interest in the other
well-being of the other

It is interesting to do this activity with your partner to see how your “love maps” are similar
or different. Extreme differences are typically those areas where your relationship experiences the
most distress and conflict.
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TRUST
Trust is the foundation of love. If you don't trust a person, how can you love them? Trust
precedes love; we can only truly love someone that we can trust. Trust is something that is earned
through actions. It is the sense of security that allows both parties to expose themselves fully
without any judgments or fears.

CARE
Loving relationships don’t just happen. They develop over time. Whether your relationship
began as an out-of-the-blue, love-at-first-sight explosion or grew more slowly from firm friendship,
you need to give it your full attention if you want it to last.
You can maintain your loving relationship if you keep in mind three key reminders: share, care, and
relationship repair.

The Benefits of Caring

Tenderness and caring are the basis of a loving relationship. And the benefits are as
great for the caretaker as for the one being cared for. Taking care of someone releases
oxytocin, a brain chemical sometimes called the ‘love hormone.” It’s associated with
empathy, trust, sex, and building relationships. Hugging and touching in loving ways result
in positive feelings and energy.

HONESTY
Honesty in love. When you're being honest in a relationship it means you're straightforward
and say what you really think and feel. It means you don't willfully omit or misdirect others. There's
no manipulation with true honesty. True honesty is always from a loving heart and a willingness to
be open and vulnerable. Honesty is the quality of always speaking the truth and being totally
authentic, straightforward, and transparent in our words and actions.
It involves a few key practices: never lying, never hiding the truth, and never purposefully
omitting or misdirecting people from the truth.
Honesty in a relationship means always telling your partner the truth and being totally open with
them, both for the big things and the little things.
If you’re avoiding talking to your partner about something—such as things that are
bothering you in the relationship, something you did that you know your partner will be upset
about, or how you really feel about the things you talk about together—then you aren’t being
honest. Being honest means being your true self around your partner, never hiding who you are,
what you think, or how you feel.

FRIENDSHIP
If that’s love, what is friendship? Friendship does have many of the same trademarks as a
healthy romance. A good friendship means you both can be yourselves without fear of judgement,
and that you support each other. Friendship and love – what are the difference?
Modern day science sees love as a chemical process that starts with lust. Harvard University
claims the science of love is composed of three stages, of ‘lust, attraction, and attachment’, each
releasing its own set of chemicals into our brains. So, if you go with philosophy, friendship is
simply a different kind of love. If you go with science, a love relationship starts with being sexually
attracted. Of course, that lust has to evolve into attachment, or else it’s just lust. If it is only
attachment, it’s friendship. But take note – the same Harvard article also confesses that, “the
scientific basis of love is often sensationalized, and as with most science, we don’t know enough to
draw firm conclusions about every piece of the puzzle.” So, the truth is that love, and friendship are
NOT an exact science. Your own definitions might be influenced by your personality, values,
beliefs, and sex drive. To understand if a certain relationship is a friendship or more means asking
good questions, then coming up with the right solution for both you and the other person.

RESPECT
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Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they're different from
you or you don't agree with them. Respect in your relationships builds feelings of trust, safety, and
wellbeing. Respect doesn't have to come naturally – it is something you learn.
Respect means that you recognize that your partner is a whole person, and not just a way to get
something that you want. It means that you know your partner has different experiences and
opinions from you,

DESIRE TO PROMOTE THE WELL-BEING OF THE OTHER.

Humans have an inherent desire to be close to other people — to connect and build
relationships. While a man talking to a volleyball while stranded on an island (Remember the
movie?) isn't necessarily "healthy," his compulsion for company is. That's because healthy
relationships, whether romantic, friendships or familial, can help make life healthier.
Focus on having a network of social support.
— Sheehan D. Fisher, PhD
"Social support is a very important part of being a human, and therefore when social
relationships break down or are damaged, it can have a big impact on our mental health and well-
being," says Northwestern Medicine Psychologist Sheehan D. Fisher, PhD, who is a relationship
expert.
"It's important to not focus on trying to get everything you need from one relationship," says
Dr. Fisher. "Instead, focus on having a network of social support with a variety of different types of
relationships — from romantic, to friendship to associate — to hold up your well-being and quality
of life."
A positive relationship can be shared between any two people who support, encourage and help
each other practically as well as emotionally. According to Dr. Fisher, the most important part of a
healthy relationship is healthy communication.

LOYALTY
Loyalty is a commitment to respect, support, and protect the other person in a relationship.
This commitment includes honoring the other person's feelings and physical comfort and safety.

Characteristics of Loyalty

a) Steadfastness and Support

Loyalty means being there for someone through the highs and lows and
staying by their side regardless of the circumstances. Loyalty involves accepting and
loving someone for who they are, and not threatening to leave them when things
become challenging. People display loyalty by weathering storms together,
providing support, and sticking it out.
b) Consistency
Loyalty means being consistent in your treatment, behavior, and regard for
another. It’s important to be reliable and dependable—someone who can be counted
on to show up. Loyalty also involves consistently treating the other person with
kindness, fairness, and generosity of spirit.
c)Honesty and Transparency
Being vulnerable and not hiding parts of your identity or parts of your life are
important aspects of loyalty. People who share their thoughts and feelings display a
willingness to be known and to know others in an authentic and open way.

COMMITMENT
A committed relationship occurs when a couple agrees upon a certain level of commitment
to one another. The level may vary from couple to couple; for example, some may enter into a
monogamous relationship while others may prefer to commit to an open relationship.
A partnership is not just about the emotions and feelings of love. A partnership is about
commitment, and being responsible to that commitment regardless of what the external variables of
the time are. It’s about the commitment to choosing decisions that will serve the relationship even
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when it would “feel” better to not. Married or not married, when you decide to enter into a
partnership with another, commitment means you act with integrity, respect and care –even when
your emotions are telling you otherwise.

ACCEPTING THE OTHER WITHOUT WANTING TO CHANGE THE OTHER.

Navigating relationships with intimate partners, friends, and family members is probably
one of the most challenging and complex aspects of the human experience.
Although it’s natural for change to happen in a relationship, sometimes it can be difficult for one or
both partners to understand why and what to do about it.
The resulting frustration and conflict may make you feel like your relationship issues are
impossible to overcome. The good news is, if you spend some time understanding the root causes of
relationship change, you can learn ways to work through it together.
Relationships, especially intimate ones, go through several stages as they develop. While
this is happening, you and your partner may also experience stressful life events, such as health
issues, financial difficulties, and conflict with friends or family members.
Sometimes life events are exciting — like moving to a new location or getting a new job.
But even positive stressors can cause relationship problems.
According to research in 2017, stressors can negatively affect relationship satisfaction, whether the
stress comes from within the relationship or from outside.

How relationships evolve

In general, there are five commonly accepted stages a relationship may go through as it’s
progressing.

1. The infatuation or “honeymoon” stage

Intoxicating and all-encompassing, this is the early phase of a relationship when you
can’t seem to get enough of each other.
Although the feeling is blissful, this stage is also where both people are on their best
behavior — so it may be difficult to see any negative traits in the other. It’s perhaps where
the term “blinded by love” originated.

2. The coming together stage

In this stage, you both realize your love for each other and begin to merge your lives.
You may announce your partnership to others by posting it on social media and begin to
discuss long-term life goals such as marriage or cohabitation.
Here’s where small changes begin to pop up that may mean you and your partner are
heading into the next phase of the relationship.

3. The power struggle or disillusionment stage

This stage is hallmarked by natural changes that can be difficult to navigate.
What once was endearing in your mate can become irritating. Differences in values
and life goals become apparent, and the love blindness experienced in the infatuation stage
is now replaced with 20/20 vision.
Here’s where most couples may begin to doubt everything about the relationship and
even question whether it should continue.

4. The commitment stage

Once the rocky road typically endured in the last stage has faded, your relationship
may enter a phase of understanding and mutual respect.
You both realize you can’t change the other and begin to accept your differences. Of course,
this stage isn’t immune to challenges brought on by life stressors, but you and your partner
are now better equipped to handle them as they appear.

5. The co-creation stage

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As time goes on and your relationship has weathered a few storms, a sense of
collaboration takes over. As a dedicated team, you and your partner understand each other
and begin to take on the world together.
This stage isn’t without its challenges. However, a 2014 study investigating couple
longevity suggests couples are less likely to break up the longer they’ve been together.

SUPPORT
Emotional support in a relationship is the ability to show understanding, compassion and
love – no matter what. It means accepting your partner the way they are, validating their feelings
and encouraging their dreams. What this looks like in practice will be different for every
relationship, but there are several traits that all supportive partners share:
Emotional mastery. Do relationship stressors make you want to explode in anger or
frustration? Being able to identify, process and handle negative emotions in a productive way is
essential to being a supportive partner. Master your emotions and you’ll master your relationship.
Confidence. You always have your partner’s back, even when you disagree with them. You
don’t get caught up in feelings of jealousy or possessiveness. You’re comfortable with alone time
and even encourage it. All of this stems from an unshakeable confidence and deep belief in
yourself.
Communication skills. Learning how to be a supportive partner is about connecting on a
deeper level. Ask meaningful questions – and care about the answers. Put down your phone and be
present for your partner. Improve your communication skills and you’ll build a foundation of trust
for your relationship.

Why is being a supportive partner important?

Emotional support in a relationship becomes even more important in tough times. Stress can
cause considerable levels of irritability, anxiety, fatigue and other negative consequences. It shows
up in our actions, our behavior and in our verbal and nonverbal cues – and it inevitably affects both
partners and the relationship. But being a supportive partner even in stressful times can be a
determining factor in which direction your relationship ultimately goes.
When we routinely provide our partners with the emotional fulfillment they need by being
supportive, we can create a new depth of love in the relationship. As ironic as it may seem, when
stress makes your partner more ornery, argumentative or distant, that is when they need you to show
up the most.

A DESIRE TO BE IN THE OTHER’S COMPANY.

To this point in the chapter, we have focused upon the attraction that occurs between people
who are initially getting to know one another. But the basic principles of social psychology can also
be applied to help us understand relationships that last longer. When good friendships develop,
when people get married and plan to spend the rest of their lives together, and when families grow
closer over time, the relationships take on new dimensions and must be understood in somewhat
different ways. Yet the principles of social psychology can still be applied to help us understand
what makes these relationships last.
The factors that keep people liking and loving each other in long-term relationships are at
least in part the same as the factors that lead to initial attraction. For instance, regardless of how
long they have been together, people remain interested in the physical attractiveness of their
partners, although it is relatively less important than for initial encounters. And similarity remains
essential. Relationships are also more satisfactory and more likely to continue when the individuals
develop and maintain similar interests and continue to share their important values and beliefs over
time (Davis & Rusbult, 2001).
Both actual and assumed similarity between partners tend to grow in long-term relationships
and are related to satisfaction in opposite-sex marriages (Schul & Vinokur, 2000). Some aspects of
similarity, including that in terms of positive and negative affectivity, have also been linked to
relationship satisfaction in same-sex marriages (Todosijevic, Rothblum, & Solomon, 2005).
However, some demographic factors like education and income similarity seem to relate less to
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satisfaction in same-sex partnerships than they do in opposite sex ones (Todosijevic, Rothblum, &
Solomon, 2005).

Proximity also remains important—relationships that undergo the strain of the partners
being apart from each other for very long are more at risk for breakup. For example, recall our
chapter case study about Frank and Anita Milford’s 80-year marriage; the couple said that “We do
everything together even after nearly 80 years.”

But what about passion? Does it still matter over time? Yes and no. People in long-term
relationships who are most satisfied with their partners report that they still feel passion for their
partners—they still want to be around them as much as possible, and they enjoy making love with
them (Simpson, 1987; Sprecher, 2006). And they report that the more they love their partners, the
more attractive they find them (Simpson, Gangestad, & Lerma, 1990). On the other hand, the high
levels of passionate love that are experienced in initial encounters are not likely to be maintained
throughout the course of a long-term relationship (Acker & Davis, 1992). Recall, though, that
physical intimacy continues to be important. Frank and Anita from our case study, for example, said
that they still put great importance on sharing a kiss and a cuddle every night before bed.

Over time, cognition becomes relatively more important than emotion, and close
relationships are more likely to be based on companionate love, defined as love that is based on
friendship, mutual attraction, common interests, mutual respect, and concern for each other’s
welfare. This does not mean that enduring love is less strong—rather, it may sometimes have a
different underlying structure than initial love based more on passion.

Closeness and Intimacy

Although it is safe to say that many of the variables that influence initial attraction
remain important in longer-term relationships, other variables also come into play over time.
One important change is that as a relationship progresses, the partners come to know each
other more fully and care about each other to a greater degree. In successful relationships,
the partners feel increasingly close to each other over time, whereas in unsuccessful
relationships, closeness does not increase and may even decrease. The closeness
experienced in these relationships is marked in part by reciprocal self-disclosure—the
tendency to communicate frequently, without fear of reprisal, and in an accepting and
empathetic manner.

CONSIDERATION OF / AND INTEREST IN THE OTHER

When the partners in a relationship feel that they are close, and when they indicate that the
relationship is based on caring, warmth, acceptance, and social support, we can say that the
relationship is intimate (Sternberg, 1986). Partners in intimate relationships are likely to think of the
couple as “we” rather than as two separate individuals. People who have a sense of closeness with
their partner are better able to maintain positive feelings about the relationship while at the same
time are able to express negative feelings and to have accurate (although sometimes less than
positive) judgments of the other (Neff & Karney, 2002). People may also use their close partner’s
positive characteristics to feel better about themselves (Lockwood, Dolderman, Sadler, & Gerchak,
2004).

Arthur Aron and his colleagues (Aron, Aron, & Smollan, 1992) have assessed the role of
closeness in relationships directly, using the simple measure shown in Figure 7.8, “Measuring
Relationship Closeness.” You might try completing the measure yourself for some different people
that you know—for instance, your family members, your friends, your spouse, or your girlfriend or
boyfriend. The measure is simple to use and to interpret. If a person chooses a circle that represents
the self and the other as more overlapping, this means that the relationship is close. But if they
choose a circle that is less overlapping, then the relationship is less so. Standards are guidelines
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about what you will accept in the present moment. They represent what you want in a partner: sense
of humor, similar values and beliefs, attitude and perspective on life. Expectations are what we
want to happen in the future – certain actions we wish someone would take or an event we wish
would happen. When what we expect to happen doesn’t, we feel disappointed, sad and even angry.

Standards are behind the power of proximity or the principle that we are who we surround
ourselves with. That’s because we’ll automatically hold ourselves and others to higher standards if
those around us do. We’ll dream bigger, work harder and believe in ourselves more deeply.

There’s nothing wrong with raising your standards – in fact, learning how to accept nothing
less than the best is key to building the life of your dreams. And if someone doesn’t meet your
standards, you’re absolutely allowed to move on. However, your partner can meet all of your
standards and still fall short of meeting your expectations in a relationship. It’s these expectations
that get relationships in trouble.

▪ ACTIVITY/ EXERCISE/ ASSIGNMENT

1. Answer the online quiz via lms

2. Draw your own “love map” on a blank sheet of paper. Create a diagram of how you
envision your ideal love relationship.

Creating a LOVE MAP

Teacher Name:

Student Name: ________________________________________

CATEGORY 5 4 3 1 Score
Design/ Student applies Student applies Student tries The student
Composition design principles design principles to apply design does not appear to
(such as unity, (such as unity, principles (such as be able to apply
contrast, balance, contrast, balance, unity, contrast, most design
movement, direction, movement, direction, balance, principles to his/her
emphasis, and center emphasis, and center movement, own work.
of interest) with great of interest) with fair direction,
skill. skill. emphasis, and
center of interest)
but the overall
result is not
pleasing.
Color Choices Choice and Choice and Choice and Student needs
application of color application of color application of color to work on learning
shows an advanced shows knowledge of shows knowledge color relationships
knowledge of color color relationships. of color and using that
relationships. Color Colors are relationships. knowledge in his/her
choice enhances the appropriate for the Colors are, work.
idea being expressed. idea being however, NOT
expressed. appropriate for the
idea being
expressed.
Creativity Student has Student has Student has Student has not
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taken the technique taken the technique copied some made much attempt
being studied and being studied and painting from the to meet the
applied it in a way that has used source source material. requirements of the
is totally his/her own. material as a starting There is little assignment.
The student\'s place. The student\'s evidence of
personality/voice personality comes creativity, but the
comes through. through in parts of student has done
the painting. the assignment.
Time/Effort Class time was Class time was Class time Class time was
used wisely. Much used wisely. Student was not always not used wisely and
time and effort went could have put in used wisely, but the student put in no
into the planning and more time and effort student did do additional effort.
design of the mask. It at home. some additional
is clear the student work at home.
worked at home as
well as at school.

Submission will be on the drop box provided in our NEO LMS. Thank you

▪ SUPPLEMENTARY LEARNING MATERIALS

Creating love Maps

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S6-lFmeH7Q

The science of falling in love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_OPjYQovAE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zCUX5YH7QE&ab_channel=rwgriggs

▪ REFERENCES

Beall A. E. (1995). The social construction of love. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships,
12(3), 417–438.

Carpenter. J. (2016). Friendship, Love, and Intimacy. Retrieved from

https://slideplayer.com/slide/6101632/

PREPARED BY: REVIEWED/VALIDATED BY: APPROVED BY: DATE OF

EFFECTIVITY:
Razelle V. Lacson Josephine L. Belen Divinia J. Glifonea Ed D
Instructor Department Chair Dean 15 January 2024
Date: 15 January 2024 Date: 15 January 2024 Date: 15 January 2024
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Disclaimer: Not all texts in this module are original of the writer. Some of them are excerpts from the references that are mentioned in this module.