My First Knock Knock Jokes Jimmy Niro 2 Full Chapter

My First Knock-Knock Jokes Jimmy
Niro
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Contents
Front Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Name Nonsense
Goofy Animals
Back-to-School Sillies
Food Funnies
Puns, Places, and Things
Let’s Celebrate!
Sing Along!
Back Cover
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Will.
Will who?
Will you let me in already?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alex.
Alex who?
Alex-plain later!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jo.
Jo who?
Jo King! Get it?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nicholas.
Nicholas who?
A Nicholas worth five pennies.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gwen.
Gwen who?
Gwen can you come play outside?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Oscar.
Oscar who?
Oscar silly question, get a silly answer!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Conrad.
Conrad who?
Conrad-ulations! That was a good joke!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor you let me in or I’ll climb through the window.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abbot.
Abbot who?
Abbot you don’t know who this is!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore was closed, so I knocked.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Duncan.
Duncan, who?
Duncan basketballs is something I love to do!

Will you remember me in a minute?
Yes.
Will you remember me in a week?
Yes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
You didn’t remember me!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iona.
Iona who?
Iona new toy. Do you want to see it?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iva.
Iva who?
Iva sore hand from all this knocking!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alec.
Alec who?
Alec-tricity. Shocking, right?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel.
Nobel who?
There’s Nobel…that’s why I had to knock!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cher.
Cher who?
Cher would be nice to see you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hal.
Hal who?
Hal will you know if you don’t let me in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Déjà.
Déjà who?
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Major.
Major who?
Major day with this joke, I bet!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pharaoh.
Pharaoh who?
Pharaoh enough!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up, it’s cold out here!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peephole to find out.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Claire.
Claire who?
Claire the way, I’m coming through!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Police.
Police who?
Police, may I come in?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked. Open up!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Benjamin.
Benjamin who?
Benjamin to my favorite song!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Haden.
Haden who?
Haden seek is my favorite game!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alex.
Alex who?
Hey, Alex the questions around here!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell.
Isabell who?
Is a bell working?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I am.
I am who?
You don’t know who you are?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otto.
Otto who?
Otto know what’s taking you so long!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub. It’s overflowing!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben knocking for ten minutes!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard I know?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the hole!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank.
Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Amish.
Amish who?
Really? You don’t look like a shoe!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
A herd.
A herd who?
A herd you were home, so I came over!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Whale.
Whale who?
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No silly, a cow goes mooooooooo!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it’s kangaroo!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otter.
Otter who?
Let’s get otter here, we’re running late!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Rough.
Rough who?
Rough, rough! I’m a dog!

(Pro Tip: Make the punchline sound like a dog bark!)
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dragon.
Dragon who?
These jokes are dragon on and on.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gorilla.
Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hot dog, will you?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aardvark.
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a hundred miles for you.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gopher.
Gopher who?
Gopher help! I’m stuck!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Moo.
Moo who?
Make up your mind! Are you a cow or an owl?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Giraffe.
Giraffe who?
Giraffe anything to eat? I’m hungry!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
T.rex.
T.rex who?
There’s a T.rex at your door and you want to know its

name?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Two knee.
Two knee who?
Two-knee fish!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sparrow.
Sparrow who?
Sparrow me the details and let me in.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Halibut.
Halibut who?
Halibut we go to the movies tonight?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lion.
Lion who?
Lion bed, sleepyhead.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pig.
Pig who?
Pig up your toys. Your room’s a mess!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Moose.
Moose who?
Moose you be so nosy?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cock-a-doodle.
Cock-a-doodle who?
Not cock-a-doodle who, silly, cock-a-doodle-DOO!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Weasel.
Weasel who?
Weasel cookies. Would you like to buy some?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cheetah.
Cheetah who?
Cheetahs never win and winners never cheat.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Parrot.
Parrot who?
Parrot who? Parrot who? Parrot who?
(Pro Tip: Use a parrot voice when you read this one!)
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Koala.
Koala who?
Koala me whatever you like.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Toad.
Toad who?
Toad-ally awesome, that’s what you are!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Amos.
Amos who?
Amos-quito!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Rhino.
Rhino who?
Rhino every knock-knock joke there is!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
Is there an owl in here?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Althea.
Althea who?
Althea later alligator!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beehive.
Beehive who?
Beehive yourself.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cook.
Cook who?
Hey! Who are you calling a cuckoo?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play this game!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honey bee.
Honey bee who?
Honey, bee a dear and grab my jar of pickles.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Viper.
Viper who?
Viper nose. It’s dripping!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Goat.
Goat who?
Goat to bed! It’s late.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Bach.
Bach who?
Bach, bach. I’m a chicken.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Roach.
Roach who?
I roach you a message. Didn’t you get it?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dinosaur.
Dinosaur who?
Dinosaurs don’t say “who.” They roar!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
Alpaca suitcase, and we can hit the road!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Iguana.
Iguana who?
Iguana hold your hand.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dizzy.
Dizzy who?
Dizzy new teacher nice?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abe.
Abe who?
Abe—C-D-E-F-G!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gecko.
Gecko who?
Gecko-ing or you’ll be late for school!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Heidi.
Heidi who?
Heidi toy before the teacher sees!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ahmed.
Ahmed who?
Ahmed a mistake. Give me an eraser!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fonda.
Fonda who?
Fonda my new classmates.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harv.
Harv who?
Harv you ready for the new school year?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gluck.
Gluck who?
Gluck on the quiz!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pencil.
Pencil who?
Pencil fall down if you don’t wear a belt!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Rita.
Rita who?
Rita book. You might learn something!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Warner.
Warner who?
Warner sit next to me on the bus?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Betsy.
Betsy who?
Betsy of all, school starts again soon!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sty.
Sty who?
Sty home from school if you feel sick!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Drew.
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
empanelling of juries composed exclusively of sympathizers
with the territorial class, that the liberty of the Press in
Ireland has been assailed, and influential organs of opinion
prosecuted in the endeavour to silence public comment on this
iniquitous system; that grievous and vindictive fines have
been exacted from districts obnoxious to the landlord interest
by means of charges for extra police quartered upon peaceful
populations, and that the people of Ireland have been
subjected to divers others the like cruel oppressions and
provocations; and humbly to represent to your Majesty that, it
being of the highest constitutional import to encourage the
Irish people to seek the redress of their grievances by the
fullest freedom of speech and of combination which is
warranted by the example of the trade unions of Great Britain,
this House is of opinion that the attacks at present directed
by the Executive against the rights of free speech and of
combination in Ireland should cease, and that the legislation
protecting the trade unions in the exercise of their rights of
combination against capital and non-union labour should be
extended to all agricultural combinations of a similar
character in that country."
In his speech supporting the amendment Mr. O'Brien charged

that, "there being no real crime in Ireland, the Executive
there had made crime of perfectly legitimate actions, treating
the people as if the object was to goad them into conspiracy
and violence. The record of the league was virtually a
crimeless one, it had carried on its work now for three years
without any of those blood-curdling incidents which coercion
Ministers used to smack their lips over in that House. … The
league, which had been tested by time and had proved its power
at the general election, had started and carried on in Ireland
an irresistible agitation for the suppression, for the
abolition of landlordism, and had elicited in the King's first
Speech a promise, such as it was, of another land Bill,
although two years ago that House was assured that there was
no longer an Irish land question."
An extensive combination, he said, was going on in Ireland
against the taking of evicted farms, and "what form of trade
unionism could be more legitimate?" But charges of
intimidation and conspiracy; he claimed, were trumped up, and
juries were packed, for the suppression of this movement,
though it went no farther than trades unions in England could
go with no interference. "The Irish people exercised the right
of combination in the United Irish League, and they would
continue to exercise it whether the Government liked it or
not, in order to obtain the land on conditions that would give
its cultivators a living wage. In the ranks of the
organization were 500,000 farmers and labourers, representing
with their families three-fourths of the population of
Ireland. Their object was to parcel out the vast grazing lands
lying derelict among the cottagers who were starving on their
verge. A department of the Government was actually engaged in
carrying out the programme of the league, but at such a
snail's pace that it would take centuries to make any
impression upon the mass of misery which existed in the
country."
After several hours of debate the amendment to

the Address was rejected by 203 votes against 109.
----------IRELAND: End--------
IRON, Combinations in the production of.
See (in this volume)

TRUSTS: UNITED STATES.
IRON GATES OF THE DANUBE, Opening of the.

AUSTRIA-HUNGARY: A. D. 1896.
ISLE DU DIABLE.

FRANCE: A. D. 1897-1899.
ISRAEL, The People of:

Discovery of the sole mention of them in Egyptian inscriptions.

ARCHÆOLOGICAL RESEARCH: EGYPT: RESULTS.
ISTHMIAN CANAL, The.

CANAL, INTEROCEANIC.
ISTHMIAN RAILWAY, The Tehuantepec.

MEXICO: A. D. 1898-1900.
ITAGAKI, Count: Leader of the Japanese Liberal party.

JAPAN: A. D. 1890-1898.
{273}
----------ITALY: Start--------
ITALY: Recent archæological explorations.

ARCHÆOLOGICAL RESEARCH: ITALY.
ITALY: A. D. 1895-1896.
Accusations against the Crispi Ministry.
Fresh offense to the Vatican.
Disastrous war with Abyssinia.
Fall of Crispi.
In elections to the Italian Chamber of Deputies, which took

place in May, 1895, the government, under Signor Crispi, was
accused of audacious practices, striking the names of opposed
electors from the voting lists, to the number, it is said, of
several hundreds of thousands, and contriving otherwise to
paralyze the opposition to itself. The result of the elections
was the return of 336 government candidates, against 98 of
other parties. An attempt to obtain an official return of all
the deputies who were receiving pay from the State, directly
or indirectly, was skilfully baffled by Signor Crispi, and
remained a matter of rumor and guess. In September, the
government gave fresh offense to the Vatican by an imposing
celebration of the 25th anniversary of the entry of the
Italian troops into Rome, with a display of the flag of
free-masonry. Hostility of France and Russia to Italy was made
acute "by the renewal, on the return of Lord Salisbury to
office in 1895, of an agreement between England, Austria and
Italy for common action in the Eastern question, originally
made in 1887. In virtue of this agreement Italy sent her fleet
to the Aegean to support Great Britain at the opening of the
Armenian question [see, in this volume, TURKEY: A. D. 1895,
and after], and the consequence was that France and Russia put
pressure on Abyssinia to renew hostilities against Italy. This
new campaign Crispi was ill-prepared to meet, as he had
detailed a corps d'armée for an expedition to Asia Minor in
conjunction with the naval preparations, and the strength of
the forces under arms did not enable the minister of war to
detach another corps to Erythrea. To complete the difficulties
of the position, a coolness arose between the Emperor of
Germany and the government of Crispi, the latter having
notified the German government that he should at the proper
time denounce the Treaty of the Triple Alliance with the
object of providing better security for Italian interests in
Africa. The Emperor in reply advised the King of Italy that
Crispi was becoming importunate and must be got rid of. This
defection probably determined the fall of Crispi. It gave such
strength to the opposition at home, that the intrigues of the
Court and military circles succeeded in paralyzing all his
military plans, and especially in preventing him from
superseding Baratieri, now recognized as incompetent for the
enlarged operations which were in view. The King refused to
consent to the suppression until it became imperative through
the increase of the force to a point at which a superior
officer was necessitated by the regulations, when Baldissera
was appointed to the superior command. But before Baldissera
could enter on his command, Baratieri, against the distinct
orders of the government, attacked with a force of 14,000 men
the impregnable positions near Adowah which Menelek held with
80,000. He was met by the most crushing defeat that Italy has
had to undergo in modern times. Out of the total force no less
than 6,000 perished.
"The history of this affair still remains more or less a

secret, the court-martial which followed being rather
calculated to bury than expose the facts of the case, but the
immediate effect was to induce the ministry to resign without
waiting for the assembling of parliament. The magnitude of the
disaster made it evident that, considering the Italian
temperament and its tendency to panic, the responsibility for
it would be visited on the ministry, though it was only
responsible in so far as it had submitted to the Royal
decision deferring the recall of Baratieri. The King,
unwilling to accept the programme of Rudini, gave the
formation of the new ministry to General Ricotti, a Senator,
Rudini taking the portfolio of home affairs (March, 1896). …
The scheme of army reorganization proposed by Ricotti, which
aimed at improving the efficiency of the force by devoting
money rather to the instruction of the rank and file than to
the maintenance of superfluous officers, was opposed, … the
law was defeated in the chamber, and Ricotti gave place to
Rudini as President of the Council. The rejection of Ricotti's
plan was a triumph for the Franco-Russian party, which had
re-assumed the direction of foreign affairs. Africa, under
this policy, being excluded from the Italian sphere of action,
peace was made with Menelek [October 26, 1896] on terms which
practically implied withdrawal from Erythrea to the port of
Massowah. This measure satisfied the exigencies of the old
Right, while the Radicals were conciliated by the exclusion
and proscription of Crispi and by the understanding with
France, as well as by the reversal of the repressive policy
towards the extreme members of their party. Thus the year 1897
saw Italy reduced to inertia abroad and apathy within."
W. J. Stillman,
The Union of Italy,
chapter 15
(Cambridge: University Press).
The peace made with King Menelek in 1896 ended the Italian
claim to a protectorate over Abyssinia, which seems never to
have had any basis of right. It started from a treaty
negotiated in 1889, known as the Treaty of Uchali, which
purported to be no more than an ordinary settlement of
friendly relations, commercial and political. But the
convention contained a clause which is said to have read in
the Amharic (the court and official language of Abyssinia),
"the King of Abyssinia may make use of the government of the
King of Italy in all matters whereon he may have to treat with
other governments." In the Italian version of the treaty, the
innocent permissive phrase, "may make use," became, it is
said, an obligatory "agrees to make use," &c., and was so
communicated to foreign governments, furnishing grounds for a
claim of "protection" which the Abyssinians rejected
indignantly. Hence the wars which proved disastrous to Italy.
ITALY: A. D. 1897.
Dissolution of the Chamber.
Election of Deputies.
Reconstruction of the Ministry.
Early in the year a royal decree dissolved the Chamber of

Deputies, and elections held in March gave the Rudini Ministry
a large majority. The Catholic party refrained almost entirely
from voting. But divisions arose in the course of the year
which brought about a reconstruction of the Cabinet in
December, Signor Rudini still being at the head. An important
event of the year was the resolution of the Italian government
to evacuate Kassala, on the Abyssinian frontier, directly
eastward from Khartum. The Italians had taken it from the
Mahdists in 1894. It now became part of the Anglo-Egyptian
territory.
{274}
ITALY: A. D. 1898.
Arbitration Treaty with Argentine Republic.

ARGENTINE REPUBLIC: A. D. 1898.
ITALY: A. D. 1898 (March-June).

Report on charges against Signor Crispi.
His resignation from Parliament and re-election.
Change of Ministry.
In March, a special commission, appointed the previous

December, to investigate certain serious charges against the
ex-Premier, Signor Crispi, reported his culpability, but that
nothing in his conduct could be brought for trial before the
High Court. The charges were connected with a scandalous
wrecking of several banks, at Rome, Naples, and elsewhere,
which had occurred during Signor Crispi's administration, and
which was found to be due to political extortions practiced on
those institutions by members and agents of the government.
Personally, it did not appear that the ex-Premier had profited
by what was done; but his wife seemed to have been a large
recipient of gain, and moneys wrung from the banks had been
used for party political purposes and for the government
secret service fund. On the report made by the commission
Signor Crispi resigned his seat in Parliament, and was
promptly re-elected from Palermo by an overwhelming majority.
In May, the Ministry of the Marquis di Rudini, much weakened
by the troubled state of the country, was reconstructed, but
only to hold its ground for another month. On the 17th of
June, upon a threatened vote of want of confidence, it
resigned, and, on the 28th, a new Liberal Ministry took
office, with General Pelloux at its head.
ITALY: A. D. 1898 (April-May).

Bread riots in the south and
revolutionary outbreaks in the north.
"May 1898 will be remembered for a long time in Italy, and one
may wish that the eventful month may mark the turning-point in
political life of the new kingdom. The revolt was general, the
explosion broke out almost suddenly, but long was the period
of preparation. 'Malcontento' is quite a household word in
Italy—and the Italians had more than one reason to be
dissatisfied with their national government. The rise in the
price of bread, as a consequence of the Hispano-American war,
was the immediate, but by no means the only, cause of the
uprising which darkened the skies of sunny Italy for several
days. The enormous taxation imposed upon a people yet young in
its national life, in order to carry out a policy far too big for
the financial means of the country; the failure in the attempt
to establish a strong colony in the Red Sea; the economic war
with France; the scanty help Italy received from her allies in
time of need; the political corruption, unchecked when not
encouraged by those who stood at the helm of the State; the
impotence of the Chambers of Deputies to deal with the
evil-doers as the claims of justice and the voice of the
people required, all these evils have prepared a propitious
ground for the agitators both of the radical and reactionary
parties.
"The Bread Riots began towards the end of April, and in a few
days they assumed a very alarming aspect, especially in the
small towns of the Neapolitan provinces, inhabited by people
ordinarily pacific and law-abiding. The destruction of
property was wanton and wide-spread, women careless of their
lives leading the men to the assault. In many cases the riots
soon came to an end; in others the immediate abolition of the
'octroi' did not produce the desired effect. … There was no
organization in the Neapolitan provinces; the riots were
absolutely independent of one another, but they were
originated by the same cause—misery; they aimed at the same
object—a loud protest by means of devastation; they all ended
in the same way—viz., after two or three days the soldiers
restored order, the dead were buried, and the ringleaders
taken to prison to be dealt with by the military court. In the
north, at Milan, the uprising was of quite a different
character. In the south of Italy it was truly a question of
bread and bread alone. In Central Italy it was a question of
work, in Lombardy a truly revolutionary movement. The
Neapolitan mob shouted for bread and bread alone, some asking
for cheaper bread, some others for 'free bread.' In Tuscany
the cry was, 'Pane o Lavoro!' (bread or work). In Lombardy
quite another trumpet was sounded: 'Down with the Government!
Down with the Dynasty!'
"The Milanese, of all the people of Italy, have plenty of work

and bread, and it is admitted by all that bread had nothing to
do with the revolt of Milan. I have studied this movement from
its inception, and my conclusion is that the revolt broke out
long before it was expected, thus making the discomfiture more
certain. The great majority of the population of Milan was,
and is, conservative and loyal to the King, although not
pleased with the doings of the Government. Only a minority,
but a very noisy and active minority, is against monarchical
institutions. For some time past the revolutionary party of
Milan have made no mystery of their political aspirations
towards the establishment of a Milanese republic, to be called
'Republica Ambrogiana.' … Milan is also the headquarters of
Socialism and Anarchism. Socialists and Republicans once upon
a time were implacable foes. Many a battle they fought one
against the other; but since 1886 the two have come to love
each other more, or to hate each other less, whichever it may
be; and towards the end of 1895 they entered into partnership
against their common enemy—Crispi! Then the Anarchists came
in. Decent Republicans and timid Socialists were rather averse
to ally themselves with anarchy; the very name was loathsome
to them. However, this natural mistrust soon disappeared, and
the Anarchists were welcomed into the dual alliance. Still
another element was to enter—the clerical party. … The
clericals have not a special cry of their own. They satisfied
themselves by rubbing their hands and saying: 'Down it goes at
last.' Little they knew that not the dynasty, not united Italy
was then going down, but society itself. … A friend of mine,
who was in the midst of the revolt, assures me that its
importance has been very much exaggerated in the first reports
sent abroad; and from the official documents, since published,
it appears that about 90 barricades were erected, and some 20
houses ransacked to provide the necessary material to build
them. The number of the killed amounted to 72, and that of the
seriously wounded to 63. On Monday evening [May 9] order was
restored in Milan. … On Wednesday morning shops and factories
were reopened, but it will take years to undo the mischief
done on May 7, 8, and 9, 1898. All are sadder now; one may
hope that they will be wiser also. The agitators, the deluded,
the masses, the governing classes, the Government, all have
had their lesson."
G. D. Vecchia,
The Revolt in Italy
(Contemporary Review, July, 1898).
{275}
ITALY: A. D. 1899 (May-July).

Representation in the Peace Conference at The Hague.

PEACE CONFERENCE.
ITALY: A. D. 1899-1900.
Parliamentary disorder, leading to arbitrary government.
Assassination of King Humbert.
Much feeling was excited in Italy by the agreement between

Great Britain and France which practically awarded most of the
Sahara Hinterland of Tripoli (a possession long hoped for and
expected by the Italians), as well as that of Tunis, Algiers,
and Morocco, to France (see, in this volume, NIGERIA). The
government was accused of want of vigor in opposing this, and
was held responsible, at the same time, for the humiliating
failure of an attempt to secure a share of spoils in China, by
lease of Sammun Bay. The resignation of the Ministry was
consequent, early in May; but the King retained General
Pelloux at the head of the government, and new associates in
his cabinet were found. The Chamber of Deputies became
unmanageable; obstruction, very much in the Austrian manner,
was carried to such an extent that Parliament was prorogued.
The King then, by royal decree, conferred extraordinary powers
on the Ministry, suspending, at the same time, rights of meeting
and association, to suppress political agitation, and taking,
in fact, a serious backward step, toward government outside of
constitutional law. Liberals of all shades, and, apparently, many
constitutional Conservatives, were alarmed and outraged by
this threatening measure, and, when Parliament was reconvened,
the proceedings of obstruction were renewed with more persistency
than before. The government then attempted an arbitrary
adoption of rules to prevent obstruction; whereupon (April 3,
1900) the entire Opposition left the House in a body. The
situation at length became such that the King adjourned the
Parliament sine die, on the 16th of May, and a new Chamber of
Deputies was elected on the 3d of the month following. The
Opposition was considerably strengthened in the election, and
the Ministry of General Pelloux, finding itself more helpless
in Parliament than ever, resigned on the 18th of June. A new
Cabinet under Signor Saracco was formed.
On the 29th of July, 1900, King Humbert was assassinated by an

Italian anarchist, named Angelo Bresci, who went to Italy for
the purpose, from Paterson, New Jersey, in the United States,
where he had latterly been living. The King was at Monza, and
had been distributing prizes at a gymnasium. At the close of
the ceremony, as he entered his carriage, the assassin fired
three shots at him, inflicting wounds from which the King died
within an hour. The murderer was seized on the spot, tried and
convicted of the crime. He received the severest penalty that
Italian law could inflict, which was imprisonment for life.
The son who succeeds King Humbert, Victor Emmanuel III., was
in his thirty-first year when thus tragically raised to the
throne. He is weak in body, but is reputed to have an
excellent mind. He was wedded in 1896 to Princess Helene of
Montenegro.
ITALY: A. D. 1900.
Military and naval expenditure.

WAR BUDGETS.
ITALY: A. D. 1900.
Naval strength.

NAVIES OF THE SEA POWERS.
ITALY: A. D. 1900 (January).
Adhesion to the arrangement of an "open door" commercial
policy in China.

CHINA: A. D. 1899-1900 (SEPTEMBER-FEBRUARY).
ITALY: A. D. 1900 (January).

Exposure of the Mafia.
Circumstances came to light in the course of the year 1899

which compelled the government to enter upon an investigation
of the doings of the Sicilian secret society known as the
Mafia. This resulted in the arrest of a number of persons,
including a Sicilian member of the Chamber of Deputies, named
Palizzolo, charged with complicity in the murder, seven years
before, of the Marquis Notarbartolo, manager of the Bank of
Sicily at Palermo. The accused were brought to Milan for
trial, which took place in January, 1900, and the disclosures
then Made showed that Sicily had long been terrorized and
tyrannized, in all departments of affairs, by a few men who
controlled this murderous secret organization, Palizzolo
being, apparently, the head of the fiendish crew. One of the
ministers in the Italian government, General Mirri, Secretary
of War, was found to have had, at least, some scandalous
understandings with the Mafia, and he was forced to resign.
ITALY: A. D. 1900 (January-March).

The outbreak of the "Boxers" in northern China.

CHINA: A. D. 1900 (JANUARY-MARCH).
ITALY: A. D. 1900 (June-December).

Co-operation with the Powers in China.

CHINA.
ITALY: A. D. 1900 (July-September).

An Italian view of the state of the country.
"Appearances, it is well known, are often deceptive, and the

present condition of Italy is a case in point. Discontent is
not a new thing for the Italian mind to be agitated by, but
there is an enormous difference between being discontented
with the Government of the day and being dissatisfied with the
national institutions. Italians have a quick perception and
are extremely impulsive; they often act suddenly and on the
impression of the moment, but they are also apt to fall into a
state of lethargy, during which the will of the nation is very
weak, both as a stimulus to good government and as repressive
of that which is bad. There are, however, times in which this
will asserts itself. Italy is just passing through one of
these lucid intervals.
"The assassination of King Humbert seems to have awakened the

whole nation from a long sleep. Those who thought there was no
affection left for monarchical institutions in Italy must have
experienced a very depressing disappointment. For forty-eight
hours there was no king at all in Italy. King Humbert was dead
and his successor was somewhere on the high seas, but nobody knew
exactly where, yet not a single disorderly movement was
noticed anywhere. Clericals, Socialists, Republicans, the
three declared enemies of the monarchy, entirely disappeared
from the scene during the crisis.
{276}
If anyone of these parties, which during the last period of
national lethargy had grown more audacious and bolder, had
only attempted to assert itself, the Italian public 'en masse'
would have revolted against it, and performed one of those
acts of summary justice of which the history of Italy
furnishes abundant examples. I think this absence of disorder
of any kind is the most convincing proof that can be adduced
in favour of the present state of things in Italy. Surely, if
the people had been nursing in their hearts a general revolt,
that was the moment for action.
"Of course a few anarchists here and there have rejoiced over
the crime of their comrade; however, I venture to assert that
it is not quite correct to call Italy the hotbed of anarchy.
It is true that many of the most fierce anarchists are Italian
by birth; but anarchism did not originate in Italy, it was
imported there. France and Russia had—under another
name—anarchists long before the name of any Italian was ever
connected with anarchism. … Political education is still in
Italy of very poor quality—truthfully speaking, there is none.
Even the anarchists go elsewhere to perfect their education.
The assassins of Carnot, of the Empress Elizabeth, and of
Canovas, had their political education perfected in Paris or
in London. Italy does not export political murderers, as was
very unkindly said on the occasion of the assassination of the
Empress of Austria. Italy at the worst exports only the rough
material for the making of anarchical murderers. Even the
assassin of King Humbert belongs to this category. He left
Italy with no homicidal mania in him. He was not then a wild
beast with a human face, to make use of an expression uttered
by Signor Saracco, the Premier of Italy. The anarchist clubs
of Paris, London, and New York were his university colleges."
G. D. Vecchia,
The Situation in Italy
(Nineteenth Century Review, September, 1900).
ITALY: A. D. 1901.
Fall of the Saracco Ministry.
Formation of a Liberal Cabinet under Signor Zanardelli.
Census of the kingdom.
The Saracco Ministry, which took direction of the government

in June, 1900, was defeated on the 6th of February, 1901, and
compelled to resign. An extraordinarily heavy vote (318 to
102) was cast against it in condemnation of its conduct in
matters relating to a "Chamber of Labor" at Genoa. First, it
had ordered the dissolution of that body, as being subversive
in influence, and then, when a "strike" occurred in Genoa, as
the consequence, it receded from its action and reconstituted
the Chamber. By the first proceeding it had disgusted the
Conservatives; by the second the Radicals, and by its
indecision the Moderates. They combined to overthrow it. With
some difficulty a new Cabinet was formed containing Liberals
of various shades, with Signor Zanardelli, a veteran
republican of the Garibaldi generation, at its head. A writer
who has frequently discussed foreign politics with a good deal
of knowledge in the columns of the "New York Tribune," over
the signature "Ex-Attache," believes that Zanardelli is
committed "to anti-clerical legislation of the most drastic
and far reaching character," and "may be depended upon to
proceed against the Vatican with a vigor unprecedented in the
annals of united Italy. And there will be," he thinks, "no
attempt on the part of Victor Emmanuel to hold him in leash.
Existing laws will be enforced to the utmost against the
Papacy, while new measures may be looked for to restrict
further the activity of the Church as a factor in political
life, to extend the control of the government over all
ecclesiastical enterprises and undertakings and to emphasize
the fact that all Italians, no matter whether they form part
of the Papal Court or not, are Italian citizens, as well as
subjects of the Italian crown, and required to obey the laws
and to fulfil their obligations as such."
A Press despatch from Rome, in February, announced that "the

result of the first Italian census in 20 years has proved a
surprise. It shows that the population is 35,000,000, while it
was not expected that it would exceed 31,000,000. The ratio of
increase is greater than in any other European country. This
is ascribed to improved sanitation. The birthrate continues
high. It is estimated that 5,000,000 Italians have gone to the
United States and South America."
----------ITALY: End--------
ITO, Marquis:
Administration and political experiments.

JAPAN: A. D. 1890-1898; 1898-1899;
and 1900 (AUGUST-OCTOBER).
J.
JACKSON-HARMSWORTH EXPEDITION, Return of the.

POLAR EXPEDITION, 1897.
JAMAICA: A. D. 1898.
Industrial condition.

WEST INDIES, THE BRITISH: A. D. 1897.
JAMAICA: A. D. 1899.
Financial crisis and conflict between
the Governor and the Legislative Assembly.
A crisis in the financial circumstances of the Colony,

consequent on expenditures exceeding revenue for several
years, was reached in 1899, and led to a serious conflict of
views between the Governor and the Legislative Assembly. The
latter is constituted of members partly elected and partly
appointed by the Governor. The elected members of the Assembly
had been in the majority, hitherto, but the Governor possessed
authority to add to the nominated membership, and he exercised
that authority, as a means of obtaining action on a tariff
bill which he held to be a necessary measure. He did so under
instructions from the British Colonial Secretary. Before this
occurred, an agent of the Colonial Office, Sir David Barbour,
had been sent to Jamaica to report on the financial situation.
His report, submitted in June, besides recommending financial
remedies, contained some references to the political
constitution of the colony—among them these:
{277}
"The peculiar constitution of the Government had … an

influence in bringing about, or aggravating the present
financial difficulties: When it was apparent that either more
revenue must be raised or expenditure must be reduced, the
Government was in favour of increasing taxation, while the
elected members of the Legislative Council pressed for
reductions of expenditure. From the nature of the
Constitution, the Government was practically unable to carry
proposals for increased taxation in opposition to the votes of
nine elected members, while the elected members could not in
any satisfactory manner enforce reduction of expenditure. The
present state of things shows that both increase of taxation
and reduction of expenditure were necessary, but though there
has been much friction in recent years, and great loss of time
in the Legislative Council, neither increase of taxation nor
reduction of expenditure was effected in any degree at all
adequate to avert the difficulties which were approaching. …
The Home Government are, in the last resort, responsible for
the financial condition of Jamaica, while, under ordinary
circumstances, the Colonial Office exercises at present no
real direct and immediate control over the finances. … It may
be taken for granted that under any circumstances Her
Majesty's Government would be unwilling to see the Colony sink
into a condition of insolvency without an effort for its
relief, and as the ultimate responsibility must, therefore,
rest on Her Majesty's Government it would seem better to
exercise the power of control, while it is still possible to
apply a remedy, rather than to wait until the mischief can
only be redressed at the cost of the British taxpayer. On the
other hand, as no real responsibility can be enforced on the
Elected Members, it seems necessary to give the Governor some
practicable means of enforcing his policy, and I would suggest
that this might be done by keeping the number of nominated
Members at its full strength so that in case of need the
Governor would only have to make the necessary declaration,
and would not have to go through the preliminary operation of
adding to the number of nominated Members."
On the 22d of August, the report of Sir David Barbour was

reviewed at length by the Colonial Secretary, Mr. Chamberlain,
in a despatch to Governor Hemming, and the above
recommendations were substantially approved and made
instructions to the Governor. "Two plain facts in connection
with this matter," said the Colonial Secretary, "must force
themselves upon the attention of all who study the question,
still more of all who are called upon to find a solution of
it. The first is, that 'the Home Government,' in Sir David
Barbour's words, 'are in the last resort responsible for the
financial condition of Jamaica.' The second is that as a
'working compromise,' the existing system has failed. It is a
compromise, but it has not worked. I am not now so much
concerned with principle as with practice. As a machine for
doing the work which has to be done the present system has
failed. It is in fact impossible, except where tact and
goodwill and friendly feeling exist in an unusual degree, for
the government of a country to be carried on when those who
are responsible for it are in a permanent minority in the
Legislature. I decline to allow the Jamaica Government to
remain in that position any longer, not merely because it is
unfair to them, but also because, recognizing the ultimate
responsibility of Her Majesty's Government for the solvency of
the Colony, I must ensure that the measures which they may
consider necessary are carried out. I must instruct you,
therefore, before the Legislative Council is again summoned,
to fill up the full number of nominated members and to retain
them, using at your discretion the power given you by the
Constitution to declare measures to be of paramount
importance. You will give the Council and the public to
understand that this step is taken by my express instructions.
It is my hope that the Elected Members will recognise that my
decision is based on public grounds, and has become
inevitable, that they will loyally accept it, and co-operate
with me and with you for the good of the Colony."
Great Britain,
Parliamentary Publications
(Papers by Command:
Jamaica, 1899 [C.-9412] and 1900 [Cd.-125]).
----------JAMESON, Dr. Leander S.: Start--------
JAMESON, Dr. Leander S.:

Administrator of Rhodesia.

SOUTH AFRICA (BRITISH SOUTH AFRICA COMPANY):
A. D. 1894-1895.

Raid into the Transvaal.
Surrender.
Trial in England.
Imprisonment.

SOUTH AFRICA (THE TRANSVAAL): A. D. 1895-1896.

The German Emperor's message to President Kruger
concerning the Jameson Raid.

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Published by Sourcebooks Wonderland, and imprint of Sourcebooks Kids.

Will you let me in already?

Jo King! Get it?

A Nicholas worth five pennies.

Gwen can you come play outside?

Oscar silly question, get a silly answer!

Conrad-ulations! That was a good joke!

Ivor you let me in or I’ll climb through the window.

Abbot you don’t know who this is!

Theodore was closed, so I knocked.

Duncan basketballs is something I love to do!

Will you remember me in a week?

You didn’t remember me!

Iona new toy. Do you want to see it?

Iva sore hand from all this knocking!

Alec-tricity. Shocking, right?

Cher would be nice to see you!

Hal will you know if you don’t let me in?

Major day with this joke, I bet!

Harry up, it’s cold out here!

Luke through the peephole to find out.

Claire the way, I’m coming through!

Police, may I come in?

Benjamin to my favorite song!

Haden seek is my favorite game!

Hey, Alex the questions around here!

Otto know what’s taking you so long!

Dwayne the bathtub. It’s overflowing!

Ben knocking for ten minutes!

Mikey doesn’t fit in the hole!

Frank you for being my friend!

Really? You don’t look like a shoe!

A herd you were home, so I came over!

Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?

No silly, a cow goes mooooooooo!

Actually, it’s kangaroo!

Let’s get otter here, we’re running late!

Rough, rough! I’m a dog!

These jokes are dragon on and on.

Gorilla me a hot dog, will you?

Aardvark a hundred miles for you.

Gopher help! I’m stuck!

Giraffe anything to eat? I’m hungry!

There’s a T.rex at your door and you want to know its

Two knee who?

Sparrow me the details and let me in.

Halibut we go to the movies tonight?

Lion bed, sleepyhead.

Pig up your toys. Your room’s a mess!

Moose you be so nosy?

Not cock-a-doodle who, silly, cock-a-doodle-DOO!

Weasel cookies. Would you like to buy some?

Cheetahs never win and winners never cheat.

Parrot who? Parrot who? Parrot who?

Koala me whatever you like.

Toad-ally awesome, that’s what you are!

Rhino every knock-knock joke there is!

Is there an owl in here?