Chapter 4.

Everyday Etiquette

Chapter 4: Everyday Etiquette

Objectives:
1. Recognize the 10 Commandments of Good Manners
2. Identify the different greetings and introductions
3. Demonstrate proper handshake etiquette
4. Design a personal business card
5. Relate social graces, compliments and standard courtesies to
everyday life

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF GOOD MANNERS

1. Thou Shalt Be Thyself - Good Manners begin with a good sense of self.
2. Thou Shalt Say "Thank You." - Thanking others is a way of praising them and is one of
the keys to having good manners.
3. Thou Shalt Give Compliments - Think about what you can give to others, and
remember that the most precious gifts cost nothing.
4. Thou Shalt Not be Boastful, Arrogant or Loud - Only a small person brags about
accomplishments; a well-mannered person has no need for self-advertisement. Let
your deeds speak for themselves.
5. Thou Shalt Listen Before Speaking - Be genuinely interested in others; learn their names,
and encourage them to talk about themselves.
6. Thou Shalt Speak with Kindness and Caution - Before speaking to others, consider what
effect your words will have.
7. Thou Shalt Not Criticize or Complain - A person with good manners is above criticizing
others or complaining about circumstances.
8. Thou Shalt Be Punctual - Appreciate the value of time, yours and others.
9. Thou Shalt Not Embarrass Others - Never demean anyone with rude jokes or an
unwelcome nickname.
10. Thou Shalt Act and Look Your Best - Master self-control and have empathy for others.
Always act your best with courtesy and politeness.

GREETINGS AND INTRODUCTIONS

 Your self-introduction and greeting in the first meeting may decide whether the other
person will like or trust you or not in the future!
 Business situations in which you may meet people for the first time
a. You get to know a stranger on an occasion
b. You are introduced to an unknown senior
c. You are introduced to an unknown peer

Formal Greetings Informal Greetings

 Good morning! (afternoon, evening) x Hi / Hello
 How do you do? /How are you? x What’s up?
 Good/Nice/Glad/Pleased to see/meet x How y’all doin’?
you! x Zup homie.
 What a pleasant surprise! x Wazzup fam?
 Haven’t seen you for some time. x Laters.
 Long time no see! x Yow.
 How are you doing? x Heeyah.
 How are things with you? x Holy cow, haven’t seen you in a while.

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 How is everything (going with you)? x Hey guys.

 How are you getting on? x *Head nods*
 How are you keeping? x *Raises Eye brow/s*
 How have you been? x *Briefly raises hand to show a quick
‘hey’”*

Responses to Greetings
 Great, thank you. And you?
 Very well, thanks. And you?
 Not too bad, thanks.
 All right, thanks.
 Just so-so.
 Same as usual.
 Not very well, I’m afraid.
 Can’t complain.

HANDSHAKE ETIQUETTE
Handshake - A universal non-verbal language on professional greeting. It is commonly
done upon meeting, greeting, parting, offering congratulations, or completing an
agreement

Proper Handshake
1. Maintain Eye contact
2. Smile
3. Lean forward for about 20°
4. A good shake comes from the elbow. The forearm stays firm.
5. Fives shakes maximum.

Types of Hand Shake

1. Wet Fish Handshake - a weak character, someone who is easily persuaded.
2. Dead Fish Handshake - A limp handshake. Has no energy, there is no shake, no
squeeze, not even a pinch, and it gives the feeling you are holding a dead fish
instead of a hand.
3. Hand Hug Handshake - popular with politicians, as it can present them as being
warm, friendly, trustworthy and honest. Involves covering the clenched hands with
the remaining free hand, creating a sort of "cocoon
4. Bone Crusher Handshake - Is often performed by larger men that are trying to make
up for smaller things and is also popular amongst politicians, lawyers, and other
authoritative figures that think they have something to prove
5. Queen’s Fingertips Handshake - A person who offers fingers, instead of his palm for
making a handshake. This handshake indicates a sense of superiority.
6. Keep Back Handshake - To keep you at a distance and away from their personal
space as they might feel threatened, they will lean forward or balance on one foot
to achieve needed distance.
7. Dominator Handshake - The use of a downward turned palm. Indicates superiority.
8. Southpaw Handshake - Also known as the “Lefty”. Shaking with left hand is
considered as disrespectful in almost all countries
9. Standoff Handshake - A handshake that doesn’t end when it should.
10. Forearm Handshake - A casual handshake for more of a manly bonding move.
11. Yank and Pull Handshake - Considered a power play, it’s when a person decides
to grab your arm and pull you in close towards them and inside their
territory/personal space.

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12. Brush Off Handshake - It is a quick grasp (no longer than 1 second) and then a
release that feels like your hand being shoved aside.

BUSINESS CARD ETIQUETTE

Business Card - A professional piece of hard/thick paper or made of other materials
presented as contact information to clients, customers or business contacts that helps and
making the owner remembered.

Basics on Handling Business Cards

1. Always Keep Business Cards on Hand
2. Do Not Offer Your Business Card Randomly
3. Only Hand Out Cards When Appropriate and use a Two-hand Delivery
4. Give Your Card to Those Who Ask for It. Ask for Their Card in Return
5. Don't Be Afraid to Ask for More
6. Perfect Your Presentation (make sure to business cards in your purse, briefcase,
office, etc.)
7. Leave a Note on Your Card
8. Don't Leave Inappropriate Notes on Theirs
9. Show Appreciation
10. Follow Up by giving your business card if they hand you over theirs
11. Protect and Add Value to Your Business Card Collection

COMPLIMENTS

Compliments - an expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration: an

admiring remark; formal and respectful recognition (honor).
Whether you are a manager or an individual contributor, giving and receiving
compliments plays a critical role in building and maintaining relationships at work. When
done well, a compliment is one of the most powerful ways to let someone know that we
value and appreciate them. Yet, these seemingly positive interactions can be surprisingly
tricky to navigate for both giver and receiver alike.

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One of the earliest research published by Christopher Littlefield, titled as “What to

Do When Praise Makes You Uncomfortable”, revealed that although the number one thing
people associate with being recognized is feeling valued (88%), nearly 70% of people
associated embarrassment or discomfort with the process of both giving and receiving.
Although compliments should be a positive experience – and most of the time they are –
in his research, he found the process of giving and receiving compliments often brings up
a lot of anxiety for everyone involved. Givers express worries of being seen as a kiss-up,
having their compliment misinterpreted, or triggering jealousy in others. On the receiving
end, people feel they don’t deserve it, question the giver’s intentions, or worry that they
won’t be able to produce the same result in the future.

HOW TO ACCEPT A COMPLIMENT

Your boss or coworker catches you off guard with a compliment, and what should
be a moment of pride instead sends your mind spinning as you awkwardly navigate how
to respond. Although our reactions to compliments may be complicated, how we respond
is not.

Most people don’t realize compliments are often more about the giver than the
receiver. When someone is complimenting you, they are actually sharing how what you
did impacted them. It does not matter if you agree or disagree with what they are saying,
just relate to it as a gift and accept it.

The best way to respond to the kind words from a boss or coworker is to simply say
“Thank you,” and if the compliment made a difference, let the person know. If you find
yourself diverting the person’s compliment by passing the credit, making a joke, or
awkwardly explaining why you don’t deserve it, recover the situation by saying: “I am
working on getting better at accepting a compliment. Thank you.”

Here are a few ways to respond to a compliment:

 “Thank you, it makes my day to hear that.”

 “I really put a lot of thought into this, thank you for noticing.”
 “Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to express that.”
 “Thank you, I am happy to hear you feel that way!”

If the person compliments you for another person’s work, redirect the compliment to the
correct person:

 “It is great to hear you feel that way! Actually, Amanda is the one behind this project.
If you have a minute, it would make her day to hear how you feel.”
 “I would love to take credit, but John is the one responsible for this. I will share your
feedback when I see him today.”

If someone compliments you for something that was a team effort, share the
appreciation. If you are the team leader, note the person may be recognizing you for your
role in leading your people, so be sure to first take the compliment, and then
acknowledge the efforts of your team.

 “Thank you for noticing, it is really great to hear that. Everyone on our team has been
working really hard on this over the last few weeks. I will share your feedback in our
next meeting.”

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It is important to keep in mind that our habitual responses to compliments have been
developed throughout our lives and, as with any habit, it will take effort and practice to
change. Over the next week, pay attention to how you and others react to compliments
and try using some of the responses above or in your local language if you may. After a
few weeks, you may find that it is not that hard to just say, thank you!

HOW TO GIVE A POWERFUL COMPLIMENT

Knowing how to compliment and recognize others is a fundamental leadership skill.

However, few of us know how to do it effectively. Through the works of Christopher
Littlefield over the last decade, he has interviewed and surveyed thousands of people to
understand what makes a powerful compliment. He found that the most memorable and
impactful messages are authentic and specific, focusing on the process they went
through to produce it. Here are a few tips on how to give a powerful compliment:

1. Be Authentic. The most important part of any compliment is that your intention is
authentic. Don’t compliment the person to butter them up before making a request,
soften the blow before giving difficult feedback, or to try and cheer them up after a
mistake. If your intention is not genuine, neither is your compliment. When you are
inauthentic in your recognition, people may think you are inauthentic in other areas as
well. A good rule to follow is: Don’t compliment someone because you feel you should;
compliment them because you feel compelled to let them know how they impact you or
others.

2. Be Specific. As with giving feedback or instructions, when you compliment someone,

you want to share it in a way that does not leave the person with any questions. For
example:

 “That was amazing!” (What was amazing?)

 “I am proud of you.” (For what?)
 “Thank you for taking notes in the meeting.” (It’s my job, why are you recognizing
me?).

When we share, it is important to give details and examples to help the person comprehend
the context of our remarks. When we are clear with our compliments, the person
understands exactly what we are expressing and why.

Vague compliment: “Thanks for taking notes in the meeting, you’re amazing!”

Specific compliment: “John, I know it is your job to take notes in the meeting, but because
you do it so well, I know I can relax and focus on doing my job. Thank you.”

3. Focus on the Process, Not Just the Result. In Littlefield’s research, He found that people
rarely want to be recognized for the result, but instead, the process and effort that went
into producing the result. Compliments that only focus on the result often trigger a
concern for the receiver of not being able to produce the same result in the future. When
recognizing someone, show them that you appreciate the time, sacrifice, creativity, or
care that went into their work.

 “Phil, I am blown away by the event you put together for the client. I can’t even
imagine all the hours, work, and creativity that went into making that event
happen. Thank you for everything you did behind the scenes on this project.”

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4. Share the Impact. Remember that a compliment is often more about the giver than the
receiver. When we compliment someone, we are actually sharing how what they did
impacted us. If you want to give a powerful compliment, give the person a window into
what you experienced and how it impacted you or others. Consider sharing how
their leadership impacts the team, their work impacts the company’s results, or how their
attitude impacts the team environment.

 “Jane, I wanted to let you know I really appreciate how you lead our team. On my
last team, I never wanted to share ideas for fear of my boss shooting them down.
Since day one, I watched how you encouraged all of us to speak up and share ideas,
and I felt comfortable to take risks. I really enjoy working for you and feel like I am
growing every day. Thank you.”

RUDENESS AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT

Dealing with Rudeness

Rudeness - The manner of being offensively impolite or an ill-mannered behavior of an
individual towards others.

Rudeness and the Costs

1. High Employee Turnover.
2. Poor productivity
3. Stress at the workplace due to rudeness can even spill over to an employee’s
personal life
4. Health Costs
5. Lawsuits and settlements
6. A steady decline in agency values and culture.

Rude Behavior in an Organization

1. Failing to acknowledge another person’s presence
2. Using abusive language
3. Gossiping
4. Discounting employee contribution
5. Bullying and intimidating co-workers
6. Singling out and isolating, ignoring, ostracizing a co-worker
7. Sabotaging individual and agency efforts
8. Discriminating against a particular individual or group
9. Practicing insensitivity against coworkers’ needs
10. Practicing poor etiquette in dealing with correspondence

Handling with Rudeness

1. Be a good role model
2. Don't ignore it
3. Deal directly with the culprit
4. Listen
5. Follow up on any offender

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Name: _____________________________________________ Score: _______/ 50

Activity 4.1 Case Study: Case of Stamos Annuity

Stamos suffered severe stress working for her employer’s uncle, described as having
an “explosive personality.” The uncle refers to the women in the office using the term
"bitches”. Stamos’ employer’s uncle “burst(ed) into the woman's office, made
accusations against her and threatened her to the extent that she locked herself in her
office and, at one point, called the police.” And despite the blatant display of rudeness
and abuse, the employer would not fire his uncle.

The case was brought to court and the judge ruled in favor of Stamos. Annuity
Research was required to pay Stamos “six months' salary, vacation pay, and expenses
incurred in finding another job, as well as a bonus the employer had offered as an
inducement for her to stay, another $3,600 for dental repairs arising from grinding her teeth
due to stress and an additional sum to cover mental distress.”

1. List down all the acts of rudeness experienced by Stamos in Annuity Research.
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2. What do you think are the effects of these acts of rudeness on Stamos? How about the
effects on the agency?
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3. Do you think that the judge’s ruling was fair? Why? Why not?
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4. What do you think is the cause of the rudeness in Stamos’ workplace?

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5. Aside from taking the case to court, what do you think can be done by both Stamos and
the management of the agency to overcome similar cases of rudeness in the future?
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