CRYPTID

APOTHECARY
by Jei D. Marcade

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YOU WILL NEED

S I N G L E P L A Y E R

1 or 2 six-sided di(c)e
journal or sheets
of paper standard deck (optional)

writing utensil of playing d12

cards
+ V A R I A N T +

postage stamp envelope coloring utensils

 refer to the tables on pages 3 - 7
SETUP
Divide your cards into four piles, separated by suit.
Shuffle each pile.

PLAY
Draw a HEART at random: meet your patient!
Draw a SPADE at random: this is their ailment.
Take a moment to jot a few notes in your journal about
your consultation:
How long has your patient been experiencing symptoms?
How have they been coping? What unrelated yet
charming anecdote did they share with you?
Roll the six-sided die to determine how many CLUBS you
draw (these are your materia magica, or ingredients):
Roll a... 1 or 2 3 or 4 5 or 6
Draw... two CLUBS three CLUBS four CLUBS

Pair a randomly drawn DIAMOND with each club and note

the combinations.
Roll a d12 (alternatively: two six-sided dice, or the same
six-sided die twice) for instructions on how to take the
remedy.
If you run low on materia magica, shuffle your CLUBS and
DIAMONDS back into their respective piles.
The game ends when you want to rest.
CRYPTID APOTHECARY 2/8 POSTAPOCALYPSO.ITCH.IO
 preternatural patients
HEARTS
♥ SPECIES DESCRIPTION
A Buru: ~3' tall bipedal lizard with a penchant for Hawai'ian shirts
2 Mothman: six-foot wingspan, bulbous red eyes, humanoid arms
3 Dobhar-chú: otter-dog-fish, often seen in pairs
4 Jackalope: jackrabbit with antelope horns and love of line dancing
5 Ahool: noisy primate with enormous, bat-like wings
6 Ozark Howler: feline with glowing eyes and twisted horns
7 Sasquatch: upright, ape-like, introverted
8 Emela-Ntouka: heavy-tailed, semi-aquatic, horned quadruped
9 Tatzelwurm: serpentine with a cat-like face and two forearms
10 Bunyip: dog-headed with tusks, clawed flippers, a duck-like bill
J Nightcrawler: armless, faceless biped
Q Jersey Devil: kangaroo body, horse head, bat wings, claws, horns
K Olgoi-khorkhoi: enormous worm that secretes poison

CRYPTID APOTHECARY 3/8 POSTAPOCALYPSO.ITCH.IO

 mystic ailments
SPADES
♠ AILMENT
A Extreme sensitivity to light and the color green
2 Spontaneous misinterpretation of gravity
3 Mood affects weather conditions in five-mile radius
4 Experiences time at wildly varied rates
5 Regurgitation of random objects at inconvenient moments
6 Own shadow gains partial solidity and interferes with daily life
7 Everything they touch turns into turnips
8 Processes all sound as off-key narrative singing
9 Perpetual emission of rancid stench intolerable to loved ones
10 Footprints fill with toxic spores
J Hair grows at accelerated rate and gains autonomous motion
Q Uncontrolled rearrangement of furniture/belongings in their sleep
K Fixation on pursuing a literature degree

CRYPTID APOTHECARY 4/8 POSTAPOCALYPSO.ITCH.IO

 an apothecary's job is to make this make sense
DIAMONDS
♦ QUALIFIER
A Tincture of
2 Powdered
3 Half-bottle of
4 Deep-fried
5 A pygmy goat's weight in
6 Room-temperature
7 Julienned
8 Sun-soaked
9 A feathering of
10 Bioluminescent
J Frozen
Q Mirror reflection of
K Rainbow-striped

CRYPTID APOTHECARY 5/8 POSTAPOCALYPSO.ITCH.IO

 materia magica
CLUBS
♣ INGREDIENT
A Ectoplasm
2 Cosmic eggshell
3 Actual gold from an actual fool
4 Orihalcon
5 Dream sand
6 Tea of forgetfulness
7 Siren scale
8 Bezoar
9 Tannis root
10 Adderstone
J Black orchid
Q Pomegranate seed
K Honey

CRYPTID APOTHECARY 6/8 POSTAPOCALYPSO.ITCH.IO

 instructions
D12 / 2D6
d12 INSTRUCTIONS
1 [ roll again ]
2 Take once daily while hanging upside-down
3 Consume under an eclipse
4 Rub into pressure points
5 Take with second breakfast
6 Ingest alone at sea
7 Keep beneath your pillow for nine consecutive sleeps
8 Avoid eye contact for at least one week after taking
9 Sprinkle liberally on self in midst of the season's first snow
10 Include flower petals in every meal while taking
11 Take while walking widdershins around a stranger's home
12 Consume at a crossroad on a moonless night

CRYPTID APOTHECARY 7/8 POSTAPOCALYPSO.ITCH.IO

 VARIANT

For a long-distance multiplayer variant on

Cryptid Apothecary, invite friends to play the
role of patients by randomly selecting their
own HEARTS and SPADES cards.

Carefully tear scraps of paper equal in number to the

CLUBS drawn.

Using whatever art supplies you have on hand, create

visual representations of each ingredient on the scraps.

Make sure that you include your ingredients with the

instructions in an envelope.

Mail the potion to your patient.

CRYPTID APOTHECARY 8/8 POSTAPOCALYPSO.ITCH.IO