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About the Author
WILLIAM DUNN has degree in physics from the University of London and
electrical engineering degree from the University of Ottawa. He has also
worked for over 40 years in product research, design, and management in
the electronics industry. More recently he has worked as an adjunct
professor teaching digital electronics, industrial instrumentation and
process control, logic controllers, and industrial motor control. He holds
more than 25 patents and has presented over 30 papers at industrial
conferences.
2
3
Copyright © 2018 by McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. Except
as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this
publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means,
or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written
permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 978-1-26-012226-8
MHID: 1-26-012226-3
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ISBN: 978-1-26-012225-1, MHID: 1-26-012225-5.
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names in an editorial fashion only, and to the benefit of the trademark
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designations appear in this book, they have been printed with initial caps.
TERMS OF USE
4
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5
Contents
Preface
Acknowledgment
1 Introduction
Chapter Objectives
1.1 Introduction
1.1.1 History
1.2 Process Control
1.3 Definition of the Elements in a Control Loop
1.4 Process Facility Considerations
1.5 Units and Standards
1.6 Instrument Accuracy
Summary
Problems
2 Pressure
Chapter Objectives
2.1 Introduction
2.2 Basic Terms
2.2.1 Density
2.2.2 Impact Pressure
2.3 Pressure Measurements
2.4 Pressure Formulas
2.5 Measuring Instruments
2.5.1 Manometers
2.5.2 Diaphragms, Capsules, and Bellows
2.5.3 Bourdon Tubes
2.5.4 Other Pressure Sensors
2.5.5 Vacuum Instruments
6
2.6 Application Considerations
2.6.1 Selection
2.6.2 Installation
2.6.3 Calibration
Summary
Problems
3 Level
Chapter Objectives
3.1 Introduction
3.2 Level Formulas
3.3 Level Sensing Devices
3.3.1 Direct Level Sensing
3.3.2 Indirect Level Sensing
3.4 Application Considerations
Summary
Problems
4 Flow
Chapter Objectives
4.1 Introduction
4.2 Basic Terms
4.3 Flow Formulas
4.3.1 Continuity Equation
4.3.2 Bernoulli Equation
4.3.3 Flow Losses
4.4 Flow Measurement Instruments
4.4.1 Flow Rate
4.4.2 Total Flow
4.4.3 Mass Flow
4.4.4 Dry Particulate Flow Rate
4.4.5 Open Channel Flow
4.5 Application Considerations
4.5.1 Selection
4.5.2 Installation
4.5.3 Calibration
Summary
7
Problems
8
6.3.1 Basic Terms
6.3.2 Density Measuring Devices
6.3.3 Density Application Considerations
6.4 Viscosity
6.4.1 Basic Terms
6.4.2 Viscosity Measuring Instruments
6.5 pH Measurements
6.5.1 Basic Terms
6.5.2 pH Measuring Devices
6.5.3 pH Application Considerations
Summary
Problems
9
8.3 Safety Sensors
8.3.1 Smoke and Fire Sensors
8.3.2 Heat Sensors
8.3.3 Gas Sensors
8.3.4 Artificial Senses Chemical Sensors
8.3.5 Radiation Detectors
8.4 Process Equipment Safety
8.4.1 Alarm and Trip Systems
8.4.2 Safety Instrumented Systems
8.4.3 Power Loss Fail Safe
8.4.4 Safety Instrumented System Example
8.5 Safety and Protection
8.5.1 Personnel Protection
8.5.2 Environmental Protection
8.5.3 Equipment Protection
Summary
Problems
10
9.5.2 Span Adjustment
9.5.3 Linearization in Analog Circuits
9.5.4 Linearization in Digital Circuits
9.5.5 Temperature Correction
9.6 Bridge Circuits
9.6.1 DC Bridges
9.6.2 Current-Balanced Bridge
9.6.3 Strain Gauge Sensors
9.6.4 AC Bridges
9.6.5 Capacitive Sensors
9.6.6 Resistance Sensors
9.6.7 Magnetic Sensors
Summary
Problems
11
11 Process Control
Chapter Objectives
11.1 Introduction
11.2 Basic Terms
11.3 Control Modes
11.3.1 ON/OFF Action
11.3.2 Differential Action
11.3.3 Proportional Action
11.3.4 Derivative Action
11.3.5 Integral Action
11.3.6 PID Action
11.4 Implementation of Control Loops
11.4.1 ON/OFF Action Pneumatic Controller
11.4.2 ON/OFF Action Electrical Controller
11.4.3 PID Action Pneumatic Controller
11.4.4 PID Action Control Circuits
11.4.5 PID Electronic Controller
11.5 Digital Controllers
Summary
Problems
12
12.4.1 Actuators
12.4.2 Primary Elements
12.4.3 Regulators
12.4.4 Math Functions
12.5 P and ID Drawings
Summary
Problems
13 Signal Transmission
Chapter Objectives
13.1 Introduction
13.2 Pneumatic Transmission
13.3 Analog Transmission
13.3.1 Noise Considerations
13.3.2 Voltage Signals
13.3.3 Current Signals
13.3.4 Signal Conversion
13.3.5 Thermocouples
13.3.6 Resistance Temperature Devices
13.4 Digital Transmission
13.4.1 Transmission Standards
13.4.2 Smart Sensors
13.4.3 Foundation Fieldbus and Profibus
13.5 Digital Signal Converters
13.5.1 Analog-to-Digital Conversion
13.5.2 Digital-to-Analog Conversion
13.6 Telemetry
13.6.1 Width Modulation
13.6.2 Frequency Shift Modulation
Summary
Problems
14 Logic Gates
Chapter Objectives
14.1 Introduction
14.2 Digital Numbers
14.2.1 Converting Binary Numbers to Decimal Numbers
13
14.2.2 Converting from Decimal to Binary
14.3 Digital Logic Gates
14.3.1 Buffer Gate
14.3.2 AND Gate
14.3.3 OR Gate
14.3.4 NOT Gate
14.3.5 Signal Inversion
14.3.6 XOR Gates
14.3.7 Logic Symbols
14.4 Boolean Algebra
14.5 Functional Building Blocks
Summary
Problems
16 Motor Control
Chapter Objectives
16.1 Introduction
14
16.2 Motor Classification
16.3 Motor Operation
16.3.1 DC Motors
16.3.2 AC Motors
16.3.3 Single-Phase Motor
16.3.4 Three-Phase Motors
16.3.5 Universal Motors
16.3.6 Stepping Motors
16.3.7 Servomotors and Synchro Motors
16.4 Motor Ratings
16.4.1 Electrical Ratings
16.4.2 Control Equipment Ratings
16.4.3 Enclosure Standards
16.5 Motor Control Applications
16.5.1 Two- and Three-Wire Starting
16.5.2 Startup Control
16.5.3 Wound Rotor Motor
16.5.4 Speed Control
16.5.5 DC Motor
16.5.6 Actuator Control
16.5.7 Stepper Motor
16.6 Motor Protection
Summary
Problems
A Units
B Thermocouple Tables
D Abbreviations
Glossary
Index
15
Preface
16
controlling pressure, flow, and the control of the input variables to a
process are discussed in Chap. 10. System configurations are given in
Chap. 11 which cover ON/OFF systems and the types of feedback used in
closed-loop systems. In Chap. 12, documentation as applied to
instrumentation and control is introduced, together with standard symbols
recommended by the Instrument Society of America (ISA) for use in
instrumentation control diagrams. Electronics and pneumatics are the
mediums for signal transmission, and control. The use of the HART
protocol is considered together with analog-to-digital signal conversion in
Chap. 13. Chapter 14 introduces number conversions, logic gates, and
functional building blocks. Chapter 15 discusses the programmable logic
controller and ladder diagrams. Finally, in Chap. 16, various types of
electric motors and their use in process control are discussed.
The primary reason for writing this book was that the author felt there
was not a clear, concise, and up-to-date text for understanding the basics of
instrumentation and process control from the perspective of the technician
and engineer. The Second Edition has been expanded to try and cover as
many of the basics as possible that are used in process control. Every effort
has been made to ensure that the text is accurate, easily readable, and
understandable.
Both engineering and scientific units are discussed in the text. Each
chapter contains worked examples for clarification, with exercise problems
at the end of each chapter. A glossary is given at the end of the text. There
are answers to the odd numbered questions in the Appendix. An
instructor’s manual with answers to the problems is available online.
17
Acknowledgment
I would like to thank my wife Nadine for her patience, understanding, and
many helpful suggestions during the writing of this text.
18
CHAPTER 1
Introduction
Chapter Objectives
This chapter is to introduce you to instrumentation, the various
measurement units used, and why process control relies extensively on
instrumentation. This chapter will help you become familiar with
instrument terminology and standards.
Topics discussed in this chapter are as follows:
1.1 Introduction
Instrumentation is the basis used in industry for process control. However,
it comes in many forms, from domestic water heaters and HVAC (heating,
ventilation, and air-conditioning), where the variable temperature is
measured and used to control gas, oil, or electricity flow to the water
heater, or heating system, or electricity to the compressor for refrigeration,
19
to complex industrial process-control applications such as the ones used in
the petroleum or chemical industry.
In industrial control a wide number of variables can be sensed
simultaneously from temperature, flow, and pressure to time and distance,
all of which can be interdependent variables in a single process requiring
complex microprocessor systems for total control. Due to the rapid
advances in technology, instruments in use today may be obsolete
tomorrow; new and more efficient measurement techniques are constantly
being introduced. These changes are being driven by the need for higher
accuracy, quality, precision, and performance. To measure parameters
accurately, techniques have been developed that were thought impossible
only a few years ago.
1.1.1 History
Manufacturing can be dated back to when humans first made tools, clay
pots, bowls, plates, and the like in the early stone age or before. It may
have been crude manufacturing, but nonetheless it was a manufacturing
process, with control in the hands of the maker. Limited process control
came with the mining and smelting of copper and then tin to make bronze
for the manufacturing of tools, weapons, and so on some two millennia
BCE. Iron was then discovered and used to replace bronze for tools,
weapons, and suits of armor and chain mail appeared as manufacturing
processes became better understood and a degree of quality control was
initiated. About this time the water wheel came into being and was used
for pumping water, crushing ore, and grinding wheat, corn, and the like.
The next big step in manufacturing came with Watt’s steam engine in the
1770s. The steam engine provided the power to drive manufacturing
machines, and hence the start of the industrial revolution. To support and
control the manufacturing process, came the need for sensors, instruments,
and process control. Pneumatics then came into being to give the feedback
signals for control and automation. The development of the electric motor
gave greater flexibility in power generation and control until today with
the development of the electronics industry we have process controllers
that can simultaneously change many variables and control many actuators
and valves for temperature and flow. The assembly and production lines
give tight control and high-quality processing. We must also mention the
many organizations that have come into being for developing process
rules, regulations, and standardization.
20
1.2 Process Control
In order to produce a product with consistent high quality, tight process
control is necessary. A simple-to-understand example of process control
would be the supply of water to a number of cleaning stations, where the
water temperature needs to be kept constant in spite of the demand. A
simple control block is shown in Fig. 1.1a: steam and cold water are fed
into a heat exchanger, where heat from the steam is used to bring the cold
water to the required working temperature. A thermometer is used to
measure the temperature of the water (the measured variable) from the
process or exchanger. The temperature is observed by an operator who
adjusts the flow of steam (the manipulated variable) into the heat
exchanger to keep the water flowing from the heat exchanger at the
constant set temperature. This operation is referred to as process control,
and in practice would be automated as shown in Fig. 1.1b.
FIGURE 1.1 Process control showing (a) the manual control of a simple
heat exchanger process loop and (b) automatic control of a heat exchanger
process loop.
21
the water temperature is sensed and converted to an electrical signal which
is then amplified and sent to a controller that evaluates the signal and
sends a correction signal to an actuator, which adjusts the flow of steam to
the heat exchanger to keep the temperature of the water at its
predetermined value.
The diagram in Fig. 1.1b is an oversimplified feedback loop and is
expanded in Fig. 1.2. In any process there are a number of inputs, i.e.,
from chemicals to solid goods. These are manipulated in the process and a
new chemical or component emerges at the output. The controlled inputs
to the process and the measured output parameters from the process are
called variables.
22
FIGURE 1.3 Automotive engine showing some of the measured and
controlled variables.
23
FIGURE 1.4 Block diagram of the elements that make up the feedback
path in a process-control loop.
Feedback loop is the signal path from the output back to the
input to correct for any variation between the output level from
the set level. In other words, the output of a process is being
continually monitored. The error between the set point and the
output parameter is determined, and a correction signal is then
sent back to one of the process inputs to correct for changes in
the measured output parameter.
Controlled or measured variable is the monitored output
variable from a process, and the value of the monitored output
parameter is normally held within tight given limits.
Manipulated variable is the input variable or parameter to a
process that is varied by a control signal from the processor to
an actuator. By changing the input variable, the value of the
measured variable can be controlled.
Set point is the desired value of the output parameter or variable
being monitored by a sensor. Any deviation from this value will
generate an error signal.
Instrument is the name of any various device types for
indicating or measuring physical quantities or conditions,
24
performance, position, or direction, and the like.
Sensors are devices that can detect physical variables, such as
temperature, light intensity, or motion, and have the ability to
give a measurable output that varies in relation to the amplitude
of the physical variable. The human body has sensors in the
fingers that can detect surface roughness, temperature, and
force. A thermometer is a good example of a line-of-sight
sensor, in that it will give an accurate visual indication of
temperature. In other sensors such as a diaphragm pressure
sensor, a strain transducer may be required to convert the
deformation of the diaphragm into an electrical or pneumatic
signal, before it can be measured.
Transducers are devices that can change one form of energy to
another, e.g., a resistance thermometer converts temperature
into electrical resistance, or a thermocouple converts
temperature into a voltage. Both of these devices give an output
that is proportional to the temperature. Many transducers are
grouped under the heading of sensors.
Converters are devices that are used to change the format of a
signal without changing the energy form, i.e., a change from a
voltage to a current signal.
Actuators are devices that are used to control an input variable
in response to a signal from a controller. A typical actuator will
be a flow control valve, which can control the rate of flow of a
fluid in proportion to the amplitude of an electrical signal from
the controller. Other types of actuators are magnetic relays that
turn on and off electrical power, such as power to the fans and
compressor in an air-conditioning system in response to signals
from the room temperature sensors.
Controllers are devices that monitor signals from transducers
and take the necessary action to keep the process within
specified limits according to a predefined program by activating
and controlling the necessary actuators.
Programmable logic controllers (PLCs) are used in process-
control applications, and are microprocessor-based systems.
Small systems have the ability to monitor several variables and
control several actuators, with the capability of being expanded
to monitor 60 or 70 variables and control a corresponding
25
number of actuators, as may be required in a petrochemical
refinery. PLCs have the ability to use analog or digital input
information and output analog or digital control signals. They
can also communicate globally with other controllers, are easily
programmed on line or off line, and supply an unprecedented
amount of data and information to the operator. Ladder
networks are normally used to program the controllers.
An error signal is the difference between the set point and the
amplitude of the measured variable.
A correction signal is the signal used to control power to the
actuator to set the level of the input variable.
Transmitters are devices used to amplify and format signals so
that they can transmit data over long distances without loss of
accuracy. The transmitted signal can be in one of several
formats, i.e., pneumatic, digital, analog voltage, analog current,
or as a radio frequency (RF) modulated signal. Digital
transmission is preferred in newer systems since the controller
is microprocessor based. Analog data transmission is still used
over short distances, and in some systems both analog data and
digital data are combined (see Chap. 13). The controller
compares the amplitude of the signal from the sensor to a
predetermined set point, which in Fig. 1.1b is the amplitude of
the signal of the hot water sensor. The controller will then send
a signal that is proportional to the difference between the
reference and the transmitted signal to the actuator telling the
actuator to open or close the valve controlling the flow of steam
to adjust the temperature of the water to its set value.
Example 1.1 Figure 1.5 shows the block diagram of a closed-loop flow
control system. Identify the following elements: (a) the sensor, (b) the
transducer, (c) the actuator, (d) the transmitter, (e) the controller, (f) the
manipulated variable, and (g) the measured variable.
26
FIGURE 1.5 Process control with a flow regulator for use in Example 1.1.
Solution (a) The sensor is labeled pressure cell in the diagram. (b) The
transducer is labeled converter. There are two transducers—one for
converting pressure to current and the other for converting current to
pressure to operate the actuator. (c) The actuator in this case is the
pneumatic valve. (d) The transmitter is the line driver. (e) The controller is
labeled as a PLC. (f) The manipulated variable is the differential pressure
developed by the fluid flowing through the orifice plate constriction. (g)
The controlled variable is the flow rate of the liquid.
27
uninterruptible power supply (UPS) to take over in case of loss of external
power. Power failure can mean plant shutdown and the loss of complete
production runs. Isolating transformers should be used in the power supply
lines to prevent electromagnetic interference (EMI) generated by motors,
contactors, relays, and so on from traveling through the power lines and
affecting sensitive electronic control instruments.
Grounding is a very important consideration in a facility for safety
reasons. Any variations in the ground potential between electronic
equipment can cause large errors in signal levels. Each piece of equipment
should be connected to a heavy copper bus that is properly grounded.
Ground loops should also be avoided by grounding cable screens and
signal return lines at one end only. In some cases, it may be necessary to
use signal isolators to alleviate grounding problems in electronic devices
and equipment.
An air supply is required to drive pneumatic actuators in most facilities.
Instrument air in pneumatic equipment must meet quality standards. The
air must be dirt, oil, contaminant, and moisture free. Frozen moisture, dirt,
and the like can block or partially block restrictions and nozzles giving
false readings or complete equipment failure. Air compressors are fitted
with air dryers and filters, and have a reservoir tank with a capacity large
enough for several minutes’ supply in case of system failure. Dry clean air
is supplied at a pressure of 90 psig (630 kPa(g)) and with a dew point of
20°F (10°C) below the minimum winter operating temperature at
atmospheric pressure. Additional information on the quality of instrument
air can be found in ANSI/ISA-7.0.01-1996, Quality Standard for
Instrument Air.
Water supply is required for many cleaning and cooling operations, and
for steam generation. Domestic water supplies contain large quantities of
particulates and impurities, and may be satisfactory for cooling, but are not
suitable for most cleaning operations. Filtering and other similar processes
can remove some of contaminates making the water suitable for some
cleaning operations. But in case of ultrapure water a reverse osmosis
system may be required.
Installation and maintenance must be considered when locating
instruments, valves, and so on. Each device must be easily accessible for
maintenance and inspection. It may also be necessary to install hand-
operated valves so that equipment can be replaced or serviced without
complete plant shutdown. It may be necessary to contract out maintenance
of certain equipment or have the vendor install equipment, if the necessary
skills are not available in-house.
28
Safety is a top priority in a facility. The correct material must be used in
container construction, plumbing, seals, and gaskets to prevent corrosion
and failure leading to leakage and spills of hazardous materials. All
electrical equipment must be properly installed to code with breakers.
Electrical systems must have the correct fire retardant for use in case of
electrical fires. More information can be found in ANSI/ISA-12.01.01-
1999, Definitions and Information Pertaining to Electrical Apparatus in
Hazardous Locations.
Environment is also a priority in a facility. The comments on safety
also apply here. Spills, escape of hazard gases, dumping of waste, and
emissions are all extremely detrimental to the environment. The
Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has published rule governing
dumping hazardous and nuclear waste, pollution, and emissions, and its
effect on the air, water, land, endangered species, and so on.
29
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no related content on Scribd:
[Goes to writing-table, and
writes. After writing a
page, he blots it on
blotter and turns over
and writes on second
sheet.
Dennis. I say, boys, we must have a kodak ready for the unveiling,
and catch the girls’ faces on the fly.
Helen. They deserve some kind of penance for their behaviour this
afternoon.
Amy. Yes, even in addition to our intended neglect when Lord
Ferrol arrives.
Helen. Oh, we can make it a capital joke, and if Lord Ferrol is only
nice we can have both the joke and a good time.
Amy. Well, I don’t care what Lord Ferrol is; I am going to use him
to punish—them.
Helen. Oh! Amy, why that significant pause? We all know how
them spells his name.
Rose (springing to her feet with a scream). Girls! Girls!!
Amy (startled). What’s the matter?
Rose (melodramatically). My Lords! My Lords! There are traitors
in the camp and treachery stalks rampant.
Curtain
ACT II
Helen (going round table and sitting, still holding cup). Not for
you.
Enter Rose with hot water pot. Men return to fireplace. Amy sits
easy-chair l. of tea-table.
Rose (rubbing teapot against Dennis’s hand as she passes). Hot
water.
Dennis (jumping and looking at his hand). Not the least doubt of
it.
Helen. Make the most of it, boys: it’s the last time our tea will be
sweet to you!
Dennis. Why is Helen like a “P. & O.” steamer?
Helen (indignantly). I’m not!
Steven. Because she’s steaming the tea?
Dennis. No.
Amy. Don’t keep us in suspense.
Steven. Because she’s full of tease.
George. You make me tired.
Steven. Is that why you sat down so often on the ice?
Helen. Isn’t that just like George,—sitting round, while the rest do
the work.
George. If you think there’s any particular pleasure in sitting in a
snowdrift, there’s one outside, right against the verandah.
Steven. That would never do at present. It might result in a cold,
and so destroy our little plan of winning the maiden affections of—
well, I won’t give him a name till I have seen him!
Helen. It is hard to put up with foreign titles, but as long as our
government will not protect that industry, the home product is so
rude, boorish, VULGAR, and YOUNG, that we cannot help—
Rose (interrupting). Listen! (Pause.) There’s the carriage.
Rose (rising and bringing hassock). Let me give you this hassock
—one is so uncomfortable in these deep chairs without one.
Lord F. Er, Thanks! You’re very kind.
Helen (tenderly). Lord Ferrol, will you tell me how you like your
tea?
Lord F. Strong, please, with plenty of cream and sugar.
Amy (admiringly). Ah, how nice it is to find a man who takes his
tea as it should be taken! (looking at men scornfully). It is really a
mental labor to pour tea for the average man.
Dennis. Average is a condition common to many; therefore we are
common. Yet somebody said the common people were never wrong.
Helen. Well, they may never be wrong, but they can be
uncommonly disagreeable!
Lord F. Yes, that’s very true. You know, at home we don’t have
much to do with that class, but out here you can’t keep away from
them.
Amy (turning to men). There! I hope you are properly crushed?
Lord F. (turning to Amy). Eh!
Amy (leaning over Lord F. tenderly). Oh, I wasn’t speaking to you,
dear Lord Ferrol!
Mrs. W. I fear that you have had some unpleasant experiences
here, from the way you speak.
Lord F. Rather. (Helen hands cup with winning smile.) Thanks,
awfully!
George. Perhaps Lord Ferrol will tell us some of them; we may be
able to free him from a wrong impression.
Lord F. The awful bore over here is, that every one tries to make
jokes. Now, a joke is very jolly after dinner, or when one goes to
“Punch” for it.
Steven. To what?
Lord F. To “Punch,” don’t you know,—the paper.
Steven. Oh! Excuse my denseness; I thought we were discussing
jokes.
Lord F. I beg pardon?
Amy. Don’t mind him, Lord Ferrol.
George. No, like “Punch,” he’s only trying to be humorous.
Lord F. Er, is that an American joke?
Dennis. I always thought Punch was a British joke!
Lord F. Er, then you Americans do think it funny?
George. Singularly!
Lord F. What I object to in this country is the way one’s inferiors
joke. It’s such bad form.
Rose (horrified). Surely they haven’t tried to joke you?
Lord F. Yes. Now to-day, coming up here, I took my luggage to the
station, and got my brasses, but forgot your direction that it must be
re-labelled at the Junction, so they wer’n’t put off there. I spoke to
the guard, and he was so vastly obliging in promising to have them
sent back that I gave him a deem.
Omnes. A what?
Lord F. A deem—your small coin that’s almost as much as our
sixpence, don’t you know.
Omnes. Oh, yes!
Lord F. Well, the fellow looked at it, and then he smiled, and said
loud enough for the whole car to hear: “My dear John Bull, don’t you
sling your wealth about in this prodigal way. You take it home, and
put it out at compound interest, and some day you’ll buy out Gould
or Rockefeller.”
Helen. How shockingly rude! What did you do?
Lord F. I told him if he didn’t behave himself, I’d give him in
charge. (Men all laugh.) Now, is that another of your American
jokes?
Dennis (aside). Oh! isn’t this rich?
Amy (aside to Lord F.). Oh, you are beautiful!
Lord F. (bewildered and starting). Thanks awfully,—if you really
mean it!
Steven (coming down to back of Lord F.’s chair). What did she
say, Lord Ferrol? You must take Miss Sherman with a grain of
allowance.
Amy. I’m not a pill, thank you.
Lord F. Why, who said you were?
Dennis. Only a homœopathic sugarplum.
Lord F. I don’t understand.
Steven (aside to Lord F.). Keep it up, old man. It’s superb!
Lord F. I beg pardon,—did you speak to me?
Steven (retreating to fireplace). Oh, no! only addressing vacancy.
Mrs. W. I hope, Lord Ferrol, that there has been enough pleasant
in your trip to make you forget what has been disagreeable.
Lord F. Er, quite so. The trip has been vastly enjoyable.
Rose. Where have you been?
Lord F. I landed in New York and spent the night there, but it was
such a bore that I went on to Niagara the next day. From there I
travelled through the Rockies, getting some jolly sport, and then
went to Florida.
Mrs. W. Why, you have seen a large part of our country; even more
than your father did. I remember his amazement at our autumn
foliage. He said it was the most surprising thing in the trip.
Amy. What did you think of it, Lord Ferrol?
Lord F. It struck me as rather gaudy.
Rose. Why, I had never thought of it, but perhaps it is a little vivid.
Dennis (aside to men). Oh, how I should like to kick him!
Steven (aside to Dennis). Hush! You forget that “Codlin’s your
friend—not Short.”
George. Didn’t you ever see a Venetian sunset?
Lord F. Oh, yes. Why do you ask?
George (sarcastically). I merely thought it might be open to the
same objection!
Lord F. It might—I don’t remember. I’ll look it up in my journal
when I get home, and see if it impressed me at the time.
Helen. Do you keep a journal? (Rises and sits on footstool at Lord
F.’s feet.) How delightful! (Beseechingly.) Oh, won’t you let me look
at what you have with you?
Rose. Please, Lord Ferrol!
Amy. Ah, do!
Lord F. It would bore you, I’m sure.
Dennis (aside). I don’t care if he isn’t a double-barrelled earl, I
should like to kick him all the same!
Helen. Lord Ferrol, you must let us hear some of it.
Rose. If you don’t we shall think you have said something
uncomplimentary of the American women.
Lord F. No, I assure you I have been quite delighted.
Amy. Then why won’t you let us see it?
Lord F. Er, I couldn’t, you know; but if you really are in earnest, I’ll
read you some extracts.
Omnes. Oh, do!
Lord F. I ought to explain that I started with the intention of
writing a book on America, so this (producing book) is not merely
what I did and saw, but desultory notes on the States.
Rose. How interesting!
Lord F. After your suggestion of what I have written of the
American women, I think it best to give you some of my notes on
them.
Mrs. W. By all means!
Lord F. (reading). “Reached Washington, the American capital,
and went direct to Mrs. ——. Cabman charged me sixteen shillings.
When I made a row, butler sent for my host, who, instead of calling a
constable, made me pay the fellow, by insisting on paying it himself.
Mr. —— is a Senator, and is seen very little about the house, from
which I infer the American men are not domestic—presumably,
because of their wild life—”
Mrs. W. (with anxiety). Their what?
Lord F. Their wild life,—spending so much of their time on the
plains, don’t you know.
Mrs. W. (relieved). Oh! Excuse my misapprehension.
Lord F. (reading). “The daughter is very pretty, which Mrs. ——
tells me is unusual in Washington society—as if I could be taken in
by such an obvious Dowager puff! (Men all point at Mrs. W. and
laugh. Mrs. W. shakes her finger reprovingly.) Miss —— says the
Boston girls are plain and thin, due to their living almost wholly on
fads, which are very unhealthy.” (Speaking.) I couldn’t find that
word in the dictionary.
Steven. Sort of intellectual chewinggum, Lord Ferrol.
Dennis. Yes, and like gum, you never get beyond a certain point
with it. It’s very fatiguing to the jaw.
Lord F. (reading). “She says the New York girls are the best
dressed in the country, being hired by the dressmakers to wear
gowns, to make the girls of other cities envious, and that this is
where they get all the money they spend. Very remarkable!”
Helen. Something like sandwich men, evidently.
Lord F. (reading). “The Philadelphia girls, she says, are very fast,
but never for long at a time, because the men get sleepy and must
have afternoon naps.”
Amy. Did she tell you that insomnia is thought to make one very
distinguished there?
Lord F. (making note in book). Er, thanks, awfully. (Reading.)
“She says that the Baltimore girls are great beauties, and marry so
quickly that there is generally a scarcity. It is proposed to start a joint
stock company to colonise that city with the surplus from Boston,
and she thinks there ought to be lots of money in it! Another extreme
case of American dollar worship! The Western girls, she told me, are
all blizzards.” (Speaking.) I don’t think I could have mistaken the
word, for I made her spell it. Yet the American dictionary defines
blizzard as a great wind or snow storm.
George. That is it, Lord Ferrol. They talk so much that it gives the
effect of a wind storm.
Lord F. Ah! much obliged. (Reading.) “Went to eight receptions in
one afternoon, where I was introduced to a lot of people, and talked
to nobody. Dined out somewhere, but can’t remember the name.
Took in a Miss ——, a most charming and lovely—”
Dennis (interrupting). Ah, there!
Lord F. I beg pardon.
Rose. You must forgive his rude interruption, Lord Ferrol.
Lord F. Oh, certainly! You’re sure you’re not bored?
Omnes. By no means. Do go on.
Lord F. “A most charming and lovely girl from New York. She
thinks Miss —— characterised the cities rightly, except her own.
Asked me if I thought she was only a dressmaking advertisement? As
scarcely any of her dress was to be seen, I replied that as I couldn’t
look below the table, I was sure it was the last thing one would
accuse her of being. She blushed so violently that I had to tell her
that I had seen much worse dresses in London; but that didn’t please
her any better, and she talked to the man next her for the rest of the
evening. (All have difficulty in suppressing their laughter.) I met a
Boston girl afterwards who—”
[Bell rings.