Dating, Single Life,

& Mate Selection

 Perhaps the characteristic of mate selection
in America that most distinguishes is us
from the rest of the world is that we get to
do it!!!!!

 There are no arranged marriages,

chaperones, childhood betrothals

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 Dating, Single Life,
& Mate Selection
 The topic of mate selection has become
increasingly complex as American
lifestyles have changed

 Increasing numbers of Americans are

delaying marriage, cohabitating and
divorcing; some never marry at all

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 Why do we date?
 Dating fills time between puberty and
marriage

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 Why do we date?
 Dating is a way to gain social status based
on whom and how often one dates

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 Why do we date?
 Dating is opportunity for the sexes to
interact and learn about each other.

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 Why do we date?
 Dating meets ego needs

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 Why do we date?
 Dating leads to mate selection for most
individuals

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 Dating and communicating
 Poor communications and lack of
commitment are 2 major problems and we
know that these are the major building
blocks for successful relationships.

 Sexual intimacy seems to take away from

these important factors

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 Changing sexual mores
 American sexual mores have become
increasingly liberal
– Popular culture – movies and music
– Premarital sex
– Historical double standard for women

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 Changing sexual mores
 Sexually transmitted diseases
– Lets look at appendix A for a little bit

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 Changing sexual mores
 Unwanted pregnancies are a problems
– Pro choice vs. Pro life: is this something that
should have been communicated before you
had sex?

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 Changing sexual mores
 Early commitment and isolation
 The quality of sex
– Usually pretty poor
– What about date rape?

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 Date rape and courtship
violence
 Generally women of all ages, races, and
marital status report that most incidents of
violence are committed by an acquaintance
rather than by a stranger

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 Date rape and courtship
violence
 Men often appear to confuse friendly with
sexually interested

 Combine this scenario with alcohol and a

stage is set

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 Date rape and courtship
violence
 Many men and women do not discuss their
sexual intentions openly and frankly

 Differences exist in perceptions of sexual

intent

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 Date rape and courtship
violence
 Differing expectations about what stage in the
relationship sex is okay

 Miscommunication is more common when

alcohol or drugs are being used
 The use of token resistance by some women may
create a belief in some men that protest
encountered is not really meant by women
– NO MEANS NO

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 Date rape and courtship
violence
 Date-Rape Drug Prohibition Act of 2000

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 Dating patterns
 There is great opportunity for informal
opposite sex interaction
 Dating is less formal

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 Dating patterns
 There no longer seems to be a set
progression of stages
– Casual dating of numerous people
– Multiple dates with fewer persons
– Going steady
– Cohabitating or getting engaged
– Married

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 College dating
 Hooking up or being joined at the hip
 Bad dates
 Exploitation
 Rape culture

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 Social channels of love
 Dating varies with social class, ethnicity,
and cultural background.
 Dating is homogenous
 Propinquity

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 Postponing marriage
& cohabitation
 Greater acceptance of sex outside of
marriage
 Education
 Career choices
 Self-fulfillment

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 Cohabitation and Marriage
 Cohabitating partners are more unfaithful
and fight more often than married couples

 Higher rates of domestic violence

 Marriage after cohabitation tends to be

more unstable

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 Cohabitation and Marriage
 People who are divorced are more likely to
cohabitate afterwards
– Self-fulfilling prophecy?
– Enter a relationship partly to see if it will last,
and by keeping the possibility of an easy out
you be helping the break up from the
beginning

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 First impressions
 Physical attractiveness

 Halo effect- the tendency for first

impressions to influence succeeding
evaluations
– Give a person traits that are not even there
– Future disappointments

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 Physical attractiveness
 Usually an advantage however
– Some persons tend to avoid highly attractive
people
• Fear of rejection
• Sought after by others in the future

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 Engagement
 Until recently it has been a pretty formal
stage
– Increased age for marriage
– Remarriages
– Cohabitation

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 Functions of engagement
 Where will live?
 Children?
 Money?
 Employment
– Premarital medical exam
– Premarital counseling

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