HABIT 5

SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND,

THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
CALAMBA REGIONAL OFFICE

ESPIRITU, ANDREW G.
LORENZO, ROSALINDA T.
MALDO, JOVEN O.
HABIT 5: SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND,
THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD.
Influence others by developing a deep understanding of their
needs and perspectives.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to
understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

- DR. STEPHEN R. COVEY

Communicate effectively at all levels of the organization.
Communication is the most important skills in life.

You spend years learning how to read and write,

and years learning how to speak.
 But what about listening?

What training have you had that enables you to listen, so

you really deeply understand another human being?
 4 BASIC TYPES OF COMMUNICATION

1. READING 2. WRITING

3. SPEAKING 4. LISTENING
 4 LEVELS OF LISTENING

1. We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all.

2. We may practice pretending.

3. We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the

conversation.

4. We may practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing

energy on the words that are bring said.
Autobiographical Listening

Is the filtering what others say through your own

story, experiences, prejudices, biases and values.

When you listen autobiographically, you are often

listening with the intent to reply rather than to
understand.
 Because you are so often listen autobiographically,
You tend to respond in one of four ways:

1. Evaluating: 2. Probing:

You judge and then either agree or You ask questions from your own
disagree. frame of reference.
3. Advising: 4. Interpreting:

You analyze other’s motives and

You give counsel, advise and
behaviors based on your own
solutions to problems.
experiences.
 EMPATHIC LISTENING
“Empathic (from empathy) listening gets inside another person’s
frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the
way you see the world, you understand their paradigm, you
understand how they feel.”

“The essence of emphatic listening is not that you are agree with
someone, but rather, it’s that you fully and deeply understand that
person, both emotionally and intellectually.”
Psychological Survival
- to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated and
to be appreciated.

Psychological Air
 4 Developmental Stages of
Emphatic Listening
1. Mimic content. This is the skill taught in “active” or “reflective”
listening. Without the character and relationship base, it is often
insulting to people and causes them to close up. It is, however a first
stage skill because it at least cases you to listen to what’s being said.

2. Rephrase the content. It’s a little more effective, but it’s still
limited to the verbal communication.
3. You reflect feeling.

4. You rephrase the content and reflect the feeling.

SECOND PART

Seek to Understood
- requires maturity. The balance between courage and
consideration.

 Seeking to understand requires consideration.

 Seeking to be understood take courage.

Ethos, Pathos and Logos

• Ethos – your personal credibility, the faith people you have in your
integrity and competency.
• It’s the trust that you inspire.
• Pathos – emphatic side – it’s the feeling. It means that you are in
alignment with the emotional thrust of another person’s
communication.
• Logos – the logic, the reasoning of the presentation.
 When you can present your own ideas clearly,
specifically, visually and most important contextually – in
the context of deep understanding of other people’s
paradigms and concerns – you significantly increase the
credibility of your ideas.
HABIT 5 is also:

 is in our circle of influence.

 Inside-out approach.

 Is a powerful habit of effective

interdependence.
 You filter everything you hear through your life
experiences, your frame of reference.

You check what you hear against your

autobiography and see how it measures up.
 THIRD PART

____ _________________________
Seek First to Understand… …Then to Be Understood

SKILKLS REFLECT SKILL STATE YOUR

INTENT LISTEN TO INTENT SEEK TO BE
FEELINGS AND POINT OF VIEWING
UNDERSTAND UNDERSTOOD
WORDS USING “I” MESSAGE

You feel _ _ _ _ _ about _ _ _ _ _.”

I feel _ _ _ _ _ about _ _ _ _ _.”
 SUMMARY

Habit 5:  : Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood is the habit of

listening to other people's ideas and feelings. It's trying to see things from
their viewpoints. I listen to others without interrupting.
​
Stephen Covey presents this habit as the most important principle
of interpersonal relations. ​
​
Effective listening is not simply echoing what the other person has
said through the lens of one's own experience. Rather, it is putting oneself in
the perspective of the other person, listening empathically for both feeling
and meaning. ​
​