Mentoring and Listening

Listening Skills

Those who know do not talk

Those who talk do not know.
–Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching

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Listening Skills
Learning Objectives
By the end of this
presentation, you
will be able to
apply the basics of
active listening
skills.

Listening Skills
Introduction

Masonic mentoring is about making a difference.

Sadly, recent years have seen a steady decline in

numbers, but even more worrying is the number of our
newer brethren who leave within the first 3 to 5 years of
their Masonic life.

Being understood is important to relationships.

Listening Skills
 Being Understood

 Use common phrases, everyday language.

 Check to see if they understood you.

 Explain yourself to your listener.

 Ask for feedback on how you are communicating.

Listening Skills
Listening Skills
 School teaches us to read, write, and speak, but rarely
focuses on the skill of listening

 This omission is unfortunate as listening skills are the

most important foundation for any relationship,
including working on a team

 Listening often misunderstood as a passive activity

 Better to view listening an active experience that

requires attentive engagement with the speaker

Listening Skills
Active Listening
Four key components to active listening

 Attending responses

 Open-ended responses

 Tracking responses

 Summarizing responses

Listening Skills
1: Attending Responses
Verbal indicators

 “Uh-huh,” “I see,” “Yes,” “Interesting,” Hmm,”

etc.
 Friendly, informal, tentative tone of voice
 Short statements and questions
 Simple language (“talk” rather than
“communicate,” “write” rather than “correspond”)
 Speaking less than 50% of the time

Listening Skills
1: Attending Responses
Non-verbal indicators

 Head nods & tilted head

 Suitable facial expressions & natural smile
 Open posture (rather than crossed arms)
 Open palms (rather than clenched fists or fidgeting)
 Regular eye contact (but don’t stare)
 Gestures that suit the context
 Appropriate distance (usually arm’s length)

Listening Skills
2: Open-Ended Responses
 Open-ended questions are ones that require
more than a “Yes” or “No” answer
 Usually start with or imply “What” or
“How”
• How do you see things changing?
• What do you think is the problem?
• What do you see as the most important issue?
• What have you thought of?
• I’m wondering . . . ?
• What would you like to do about . . . ?
• Could you tell me what that means?

Listening Skills
2: Open-Ended Responses
Be cautious with questions
 Avoid leading questions that suggest you know
the answer to the question (e.g., You don’t really
want to do that do you?)
 Avoid why questions that imply judgments
about the speaker’s actions or motives (e.g., Why
didn’t you try to solve the problem that way?)
 Avoid too many questions as that may suggest to
the speaker that they are being interrogated

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Listening Skills
 3: Tracking Responses
 Reflecting checks your understanding of the
content, words, or feelings expressed by the
speaker:

• Content: “You mean you have been able to learn

the ritual?”

• Words: “You say you have not had time to start

learning the ritual?”

• Feelings: “have you any doubts or nervousness

about delivering your part of the ritual?”

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Listening Skills
 3: Tracking Responses
 Clarifying gathers further information:
• Do you mean you would like to take up an office ?
• Correct me if I’m wrong, but . . . ?

 Silence (a brief pause) encourages people to talk.

• Increase the length of your pauses to encourage the other
person to talk more
• Avoid excessively long periods of silence as that may be
interpreted as a lack of interest or attention

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Listening Skills
4: Summarizing Responses
 Summarize the conversation and then ask
a question such as “Is that accurate?”

 Wait 5-10 seconds for an answer

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Listening Skills
 Active Listening

1: Attending Responses

2: Open-Ended Responses

ACTIVE
3: Tracking Responses
SUCCESS

4: Summarizing Responses

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Listening Skills
Verbal Communication:
“SIER” Hierarchy Active Listening
An alternative representation is :

Responding

Evaluating

Interpreting

Sensing

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Listening Skills
Other Features of Effective Listening
 Minimize distractions
 Listen with respect
 Avoid assumptions
 Avoid superficial reactions
 Situate facts in context
 Remain focused

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Listening Skills
When Not to Listen
 Speaker is verbally abusive
 Speaker monopolizes conversation
 Speaker is out of touch with reality
 In these sorts of circumstances
• Be assertive
• Point out that the person is behaving inappropriately
• State that you will not continue conversation unless you
are treated with respect
• In extreme circumstances, end the conversation until the
person has calmed down

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Listening Skills
 Being Understood

 Be natural, be yourself, be prepared.

 Be assertive if you need to be

 Be positive.
 Practice your communication skills every day
to get comfortable and to communicate well!

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Listening Skills
Natural Break

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Listening Skills
 3 Possible Types of Listening

 PASSIVE – not good (porridge too cold)

 AGGRESSIVE – not good (porridge too hot)
 ASSERTIVE – PORRIDGE JUST RIGHT!

SEE FOLLOWING EXAMPLES

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Listening Skills
Be assertive: Passive Phrases
X I don’t know/care (when I do)
X It doesn’t matter (when it does)
X Either one is fine with me (when I have a preference)
X I’m sorry (when I don’t mean it)
X It’s just my opinion. . .
X I don’t want to bother you, but. . .
X It’s not really important, but. . .

Porridge too cold !!!

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Listening Skills
Be assertive :Aggressive Phrases
X I don’t need/want. . .
X Your opinion is wrong.
X You don’t know what you’re talking about.
X You’re doing it wrong.
X That won’t work.
X You have to. . .
X You need to know. . .
Porridge too hot !!!
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Listening Skills
 Be assertive: Assertive Phrases
 I don’t understand. . .
 I need/want/prefer. . .
 I would like to. . .
 No, I won’t be able to. . .
 I’d prefer that you don’t tell me those jokes anymore.
 My opinion is. . .
 I need some of your time to. . .

Porridge just right!!!

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Listening Skills
Natural Break

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Listening Skills
 Active Listening 1

•Listen with a purpose

•Listen to understand.
•Ask open-ended questions.
•Show interest in other people and what they say.
•Hear the person out and stay focused on what they are
saying.

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Listening Skills
Active Listening 2

•Put yourself in the other person’s place.

•Use eye contact and body language to indicate interest

in what they are saying.

•Give feedback.

•Ask focused questions.

•Restate what they said.

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Listening Skills
Body Talk (if Face to Face)

•Try not to use nervous movements.

•Use good eye contact.
•Be aware of your own facial expressions.
•Pay attention to personal space.

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Listening Skills
 Nonverbal Communication
Think about the signals you may be
inadvertently sending out:
• Facial Expressions
• Eye Movements
• Placement and Movements of Hands, Arms, Head, and Legs
• Body Posture and Orientation
• Variation in Voice Characteristics
•Speaking Rate and Pause Duration
•Pitch or Frequency
•Intensity and Loudness
• Reflecting your brother’s posture with your own to show
empathy, encourage him to relax, don’t stand when he is sitting 28
Listening Skills
 Common Nonverbal Clusters
Cluster Cluster Meaning Body Posture & Movement of Hands, Eyes & Facial
Name Orientation Arms, & Legs Expression

Openness Openness, flexibility Moving closer Open hands Slight smile

and sincerity Leaning forward Removing coat Good eye contact
Unbutton collar
Uncrossed arms & legs

Defensivene Defensiveness, Rigid body Crossed arms & legs Minimal eye contact
ss skepticism, and Glancing sideways
apprehension Pursed lips
Tilted head
Evaluation and Hand on cheek
Evaluation consideration of Leaning forward Stroking chin Dropping glasses to
message Chin in palm of hand lower nose

Increased eye
Deception Dishonesty and Patterns of rocking Fidgeting with objects movement Frequent
secretiveness Increased leg movement gazes elsewhere.
Forced smile

Readiness Dedication or Sitting forward Hands on hips Increased eye contact

commitment Legs uncrossed
Feet flat on floor
Drumming fingers
Boredom Lack of interest and Head in palm of Swinging a foot Poor eye contact
impatience hands Brushing & picking at Glancing at watch
Slouching items Blank stare
Tapping feet
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Listening Skills
 Enhancing Listening Skills

Comprehension is improved by repeating material by both

listener and speaker

Skillful listeners continue to monitor and modify their concept

of what is being said

Context clues improve understanding

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Listening Skills
 Communication No-no’s

X Avoid busy places and times for important communication.

X Don’t interrupt.

X Don’t focus on being right.

X Avoid being a smarty pants and sarcasm.

X Avoid generalizations.

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Listening Skills
Verbal Communication:
Listening - Recap

Pay
Attention

Monitor
Confirm
Non-Verbals

Effective
Active
Listening

Encourage Paraphrase
person to Talk and Repeat

Make No
Assumptions

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Listening Skills
 SUMMARY
Insert your own summary here if you wish.

But remember – we are a voluntary organisation, doing

this for fun!
So don’t be too hard on yourself or your newer members!
By offering a supporting hand of friendship, we too may
make a daily advancement in Masonic knowledge.

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Listening Skills
 CONTACT
Masonic Mentoring in The Province of ***********

 For further advice, please contact the Provincial

Mentor

W Bro *** *******

Tel: **** *******

E-mail: ****@****

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Listening Skills