Nonviolent

Communication
Marshall Rosenberg, PhD
4 steps of NVC:
1. Observations vs Evaluation
2. Feelings vs Non-feelings
3. Identifying Needs
4. Requests vs Demands
Observations vs Evaluations
1
“The boss is procrastinating
around this decision.”
 Giraffe Language:
“The boss told us she would announce
the decision by last week,
but we still haven’t heard.”
Observations vs Evaluations
2

“You lied to me about

your grades.”
 Giraffe Language:
“I heard you say you passed all your
courses, but this report
card shows two F’s.”
Observations vs Evaluations
3
“You are arguing with me for
the fourth time this week.”
 Giraffe Language:
“This is the fourth time this week that
you stated you disagree
with something I’m saying.”
Exploring Feelings vs Non-Feelings
1
“I feel dismissed when no one at
work responds to my
suggestions.”
 Giraffe Language:
“I feel anxious when no one at
work responds to my suggestions.”
Exploring Feelings vs Non-Feelings
2
“It feels completely
incomprehensible how you can do
such a thing.”
 Giraffe Language:
“I feel very puzzled about how you
could do such a thing.”
Exploring Feelings vs Non-Feelings
3
“You’re wearing me out.”
Giraffe Language:
“I feel exhausted.”
 Identifying Needs
1
“She’s irresponsible: We agreed to let someone
know if we weren’t going to show up.”

Needs:
reliability, mutuality, consideration
 Identifying Needs
2
“Everyone else here knows more NVC than
I do.”

Needs:
competence, acceptance, respect
 Identifying Needs
3
“She always takes more time than anyone
else.”

Needs:
mutuality, consideration, efficiency
 Requests vs Demands
1
“Your dog just made a mess on my lawn.”
(“When I see your dog … [observation],
I feel … [feeling] ,
because I need … [need],
and would you be willing to … [request]?”)
 Requests vs Demands
2
“Yelling foul words isn’t going to get you what
you want.”
(“When I hear you … [observation],
I feel … [feeling] ,
because I need … [need],
and would you be willing to … [request]?”)
 Requests vs Demands
3
“Hey, kids, torchlights aren’t toys. Don’t waste
batteries. They cost money.”
(“When I see you … [observation],
I feel … [feeling] ,
because I need … [need],
and would you be willing to … [request]?”)