{40}{160}Downloaded From www.AllSubs.

org
{1418}{1481}{Y:i}You've reached|Doug. Sorry I missed your call.
{1485}{1537}{Y:i}Please leave a name and number|and I'll get back to you.
{1697}{1739}{Y:i}Hi, you've reached...
{1743}{1787}{Y:i}...Dr. Stuart Price with Divine Dentistry.
{1791}{1847}{Y:i}Please leave a message after...
{2002}{2038}{Y:i}Hey, this is Phil.
{2042}{2115}{Y:i}Leave me a message or don 't.|Do me a favor, don 't text me. It
's gay.
{2154}{2187}- Anything?|- I tried them all.
{2191}{2241}It keeps going straight to voicemail.
{2245}{2287}Well, there has to be an explanation.
{2291}{2358}Sweetie, it's Vegas.|You lose track of time in casinos.
{2362}{2443}There's no windows, there's no clocks.|He's probably on a heater.
{2447}{2547}And you never walk away from the table|when you're on a heater.
{2551}{2595}You do if you're getting married.
{2648}{2702}- Hello?|- Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
{2717}{2755}Phil, where the hell are you guys?
{2759}{2813}{Y:i}I'm freaking out.
{2817}{2851}Yeah, listen.
{2855}{2890}Uh...
{2947}{2975}We fucked up.
{2979}{3023}What are you talking about?
{3027}{3097}The bachelor party,|the whole night. It...
{3103}{3173}Things got out of control, uh...
{3219}{3255}...and we lost Doug.
{3259}{3325}- What?|- We can't find Doug.
{3329}{3411}What are you saying, Phil?|We're getting married in five hours.
{3425}{3466}Yeah.
{3492}{3545}That's not gonna happen.
{5689}{5728}To my left a little.
{5732}{5771}Thank you.
{5785}{5810}Okey-dokey.
{5910}{5977}- Whoa, watch it, pervert!|- Alan, he's just doing your inseam.
{5981}{6116}- He's getting very close to my shaft.|- All done. You can change no
w.
{6120}{6201}Right. Thanks, Floyd.|Thank you very much.
{6227}{6276}All right, buddy,|we should get a move on.
{6280}{6378}You know, Doug, I was thinking...
{6382}{6457}If you wanna go to Vegas without me,|that is totally cool, you know?
{6461}{6503}What are you talking about?
{6507}{6591}You know, Phil and Stu, they're your|buddies, and it's your bachelor
party.
{6595}{6645}Come on, Alan. Those two love you.
{6649}{6719}And also, I don't want you to feel|like you have to hold back...
{6723}{6781}...because your wife's brother's there.|I just...
{6785}{6831}It's not like that.
{6907}{6957}It's not like that.|I already told you, Alan.
{6961}{7059}Okay? We're just spending the night|in Vegas. It's no big deal.
{7063}{7163}Besides, you're not just my wife's|brother, you're my brother now.
{7231}{7312}I want you to know, Doug,|I'm a steel trap.
{7316}{7419}Whatever happens tonight, I will|never, ever, ever, speak a word of
it.
{7423}{7487}Okay. Yeah, I got it. Thank you.|I don't think that...
{7491}{7562}Seriously. I don't care what happens.
{7571}{7631}- I don't care if we kill someone.|- What?
{7635}{7695}You heard me. It's Sin City.
{7729}{7777}I won't tell a soul.
{7797}{7846}Okay. I got it.
{7931}{7970}Thank you.|No, thank you.
{8025}{8075}I love you so much.
{8105}{8155}No. Sid.
{8235}{8323}- Really?|- Come on, we're family now.
{8339}{8427}- You sure? I mean, you love this car.|- Doug, it's just a car.
{8431}{8535}Just make sure to put some Armor All|on the tires so the sand doesn'
t seep in.
{8539}{8593}Absolutely. That's easy.
{8597}{8664}Oh, and, uh, don't let Alan drive...
{8668}{8710}...because there's|something wrong with him.
{8714}{8799}- Understood.|- Oh, and Phil either. I don't like him.
{8803}{8911}I will be the only one driving this car.|I promise.
{8915}{8940}Good.
{8944}{9017}Remember, what happens in Vegas|stays in Vegas.
{9027}{9056}Ah!
{9093}{9170}Except for herpes.|That shit'll come back with you.
{9203}{9263}All right. Hold on. I still need|some of your permission slips...
{9267}{9351}...and $90 for the field trip to the|Griffith Observatory next weeke
nd.
{9355}{9451}Pay now, or forever regret missing out|on the experience of a lifeti
me, guys.
{9455}{9483}You're good, you got it.
{9487}{9537}- Thanks, Mr. Wenneck.|- Thank you, Russ.
{9541}{9591}Thanks. Thanks, Bobbitt, way to go.
{10074}{10099}Hold on, I got it.
{10103}{10167}Ahem, do you have to park so close?
{10171}{10239}- Yeah. What's wrong?|- I shouldn't be here.
{10243}{10269}Why is that, Alan?
{10273}{10355}I'm not supposed to be within 200 feet|of a school.
{10367}{10440}- What?|- Or a Chuck E. Cheese.
{10527}{10573}- Mr. Wenneck, I was...|- It's the weekend.
{10577}{10623}I don't know you. You do not exist.
{10651}{10695}- Shit.|- Heh, heh, heh.
{10699}{10739}- Nice car.|- Yeah.
{10743}{10768}I'm driving.
{10772}{10808}Whoa, no chance,|buddy... Don't step...
{10812}{10837}God. Watch the leath...
{10841}{10908}Shut up and drive before these nerds|ask me another question.
{10912}{10951}- Animal.|- Who's this?
{10955}{11031}- It's Alan. Tracy's brother.|- I met you, like, four times.
{11035}{11090}Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?
{11107}{11151}Don't forget your Rogaine.
{11169}{11235}Rogaine, check.
{11239}{11292}And don't forget to use it.
{11296}{11375}I can totally tell when you forget,|your hair just looks thinner.
{11394}{11464}Using of the Rogaine, check.
{11468}{11529}Make sure to call me|right when you get to the hotel...
{11533}{11594}...not like that conference in Phoenix.
{11598}{11658}I had to wait two hours|for you to call me.
{11662}{11726}Yeah, I was the keynote speaker.|I was late to the podium.
{11730}{11807}- Still?|- Yeah, you're totally right. I'm sorry.
{11848}{11903}- What is the matter?|- I don't know.
{11907}{11973}I hope you're not gonna go to|some strip club when you're up there
.
{11977}{12041}Melissa, we're going to Napa Valley.
{12045}{12108}I don't even think they have strip clubs|in wine country.
{12112}{12207}Well, I'm sure if there is one,|Phil will sniff it out.
{12246}{12290}It's not gonna be like that.
{12294}{12339}Besides, you know how I feel about that.
{12343}{12437}I know, I know. It's just boys|and their bachelor parties, it's gr
oss.
{12441}{12505}You're right, it is gross.
{12509}{12559}- Not to mention it's pathetic.|- Mm-hm.
{12563}{12635}- Those places are filthy.|- Yeah.
{12639}{12665}And the worst part is...
{12683}{12713}...that little girl...
{12717}{12806}...grinding and dry humping|the fucking stage up there...
{12824}{12899}...that's somebody's daughter up there.|- I was just gonna say tha
t.
{12903}{12975}See? I just wish your friends|were as mature as you.
{12979}{13057}They are mature, actually. You just|have to get to know them bette
r.
{13061}{13129}Paging Dr. Faggot.
{13179}{13240}Dr. Faggot!
{13301}{13379}- I should go.|- That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.
{13421}{13491}Have a good weekend.|I'm gonna miss you.
{13779}{13804}Whoo!
{13808}{13865}Road trip!
{13911}{13995}Vegas! Vegas, baby!
{13999}{14025}Vegas!
{14063}{14106}You're nuts!
{14209}{14274}Come on, just till Barstow.|Everybody's passing us.
{14278}{14395}Absolutely not. I promised Sid.|I will be the only one driving thi
s car.
{14399}{14427}Besides, you're drinking.
{14431}{14507}Oh, what are you, a cop now?|You know I drive great when I'm drunk
.
{14511}{14585}True. Don't forget, Phil was always|our designated drunk driver.
{14589}{14646}Yeah. You wanna explain it|to them, Alan?
{14650}{14725}Guys, my dad loves this car|more than he loves me, so, yeah.
{14729}{14807}Aw, whatever. I left my wife and kid|at home so I could go with yo
u guys.
{14811}{14871}- You know how difficult that was?|- That's really sweet.
{14875}{14923}- Yeah.|- Dude, I was being sarcastic.
{14927}{14953}I fucking hate my life.
{14957}{15001}I may never go back.|I might stay in Vegas.
{15005}{15037}Here we go.
{15041}{15089}Doug, enjoy yourself,|because come Sunday...
{15093}{15174}...you're gonna start dying|just a little bit every day.
{15178}{15271}Yeah. That's why I've managed to stay|single this whole time, you
know?
{15275}{15343}- Oh, really? That's why you're single?|- Yeah.
{15355}{15394}Cool. Good to know.
{15419}{15479}- Am I all right over there, Alan?|- Yeah, you're good.
{15572}{15606}Aw, Jesus Christ!
{15610}{15678}- Oh, my God!|- That was awesome!
{15682}{15737}That was not awesome.|What's wrong with you?
{15741}{15880}- That was insane. We almost just died.|- You should have seen you
r face.
{15884}{15941}- Classic.|- That's funny. Ha-ha.
{15945}{15987}It's not funny.
{16382}{16479}- Boy, you've got a sweet ride there.|- Don't touch it.
{16513}{16594}Don't even look at it. Go on, get out.
{16598}{16671}You heard me.|Don't look at me, either.
{16717}{16795}Yeah, you better walk on.
{16799}{16876}- He's actually kind of funny.|- Yeah, he means well.
{16880}{16937}I'll hit an old man in public.
{16947}{17013}Is he all there? Like, mentally?
{17017}{17091}I think so. He's just an odd guy.|You know, he's kind of weird.
{17095}{17134}- I mean, should we be worried?|- No.
{17138}{17173}- All right.|- No.
{17183}{17245}Tracy did mention|that we shouldn't let him gamble.
{17259}{17288}Or drink too much.
{17292}{17384}Jesus, he's like a gremlin.|Comes with instructions and shit.
{17388}{17440}And one water.
{17455}{17495}- All good with Melissa?|- Oh, yeah.
{17499}{17627}Told her we're two hours outside of|wine country, and she bought i
t.
{17631}{17703}You think it's strange you've been|in a relationship for years...
{17707}{17747}...and you have to lie about Vegas?
{17751}{17816}Yeah, I do.|But trust me, it's not worth the fight.
{17820}{17863}Oh, so you can't go to Vegas...
{17867}{17945}...but she can fuck a bellhop|on a Carnival Cruise Line?
{17949}{17974}Hey.
{17978}{18062}Okay, first of all, he was a bartender.
{18066}{18095}And she was wasted.
{18115}{18207}And, if you must know,|he didn't even come inside her.
{18219}{18247}And you believe that?
{18259}{18362}Uh, yeah, I do believe that,|because she's grossed out by semen.
{18373}{18403}That'll be 32.50.
{18430}{18483}It's 32.50, you gonna pay for it?
{18559}{18659}It says here we should work in teams.|Who wants to be my spotter?
{18663}{18751}I don't think you should be doing|too much gambling tonight, Alan.
{18755}{18802}Gambling?|Who said anything about gambling?
{18806}{18860}It's not gambling|when you know you're gonna win.
{18864}{18909}Counting cards is a foolproof system.
{18913}{18950}It's also illegal.
{18954}{19065}It's not illegal, it's frowned upon,|like masturbating on an airpl
ane.
{19111}{19151}I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
{19155}{19233}Yeah, maybe after 9/11,|where everybody got so sensitive.
{19287}{19319}Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.
{19368}{19446}Either way, you gotta be super smart|to count cards, buddy, okay?
{19450}{19480}- Oh, really?|- It's not easy.
{19484}{19534}{Y:i}Well maybe we should tell that|to Rain Man...
{19538}{19611}...because he practically bankrupted|a casino, and he was a retard
.
{19615}{19643}What?
{19658}{19687}He was a retard.
{19713}{19738}Retard.
{20717}{20759}Here we go.
{20807}{20837}Hi, welcome to Caesars.
{20841}{20870}- Hello.|- Checking in?
{20874}{20931}Yeah. We have a reservation|under Dr. Price.
{20935}{20987}Okay, let me look that up for you.
{20991}{21019}Dr. Price?
{21023}{21118}Stu, you're a dentist, okay?|Don't try and get fancy.
{21122}{21228}- It's not fancy if it's true.|- He's a dentist. Don't get too exc
ited.
{21232}{21302}And if, uh, someone has a heart attack,|you should still call 911.
{21306}{21347}We'll be sure to do that.
{21351}{21431}Can I ask you a question? Do you|know if the hotel's pager-friendl
y?
{21435}{21505}- What do you mean?|- I'm not getting a sig on my beeper.
{21515}{21587}- I'm not sure.|- Is there a payphone bank?
{21591}{21663}Bunch of payphones? Business.
{21681}{21729}Um, there's a phone in your room.
{21754}{21779}That'll work.
{21795}{21875}So I have you in a two-bedroom suite|on the 12th floor, is that ok
ay?
{21879}{21911}It sounds perfect.
{21915}{21972}Actually, I was wondering|if you had any villas.
{21976}{22038}- We're not even gonna be in the room.|- It's unnecessary.
{22042}{22093}No big deal. We can share beds.|It's one night.
{22097}{22146}If we're share beds,|I'm bunking with Phil.
{22171}{22218}- You good with that?|- No, I'm not.
{22222}{22304}Guys, we are not sharing beds.|What are we, 12 years old?
{22308}{22356}Lisa, I apologize.|How much is the villa?
{22360}{22431}Well, we have one villa available,|and it's 4200 for the night.
{22435}{22486}- Is it awesome?|- It's pretty awesome.
{22490}{22591}- We'll take it. Give her your credit card.|- I can't give her my
credit card.
{22595}{22678}- We'll split it.|- Are you crazy? No, this is on us.
{22712}{22782}You don't get it.|Melissa checks my statements.
{22786}{22825}We just need a credit card on file.
{22829}{22903}We won't charge you until check out,|so you can figure it out then
.
{22907}{22991}That's perfect. Thank you, Lisa.|We'll deal with it tomorrow. Come
on.
{23018}{23054}Fine.
{23068}{23119}- Can I ask you another question?|- Sure.
{23123}{23155}You probably get this a lot.
{23159}{23211}This isn't the real Caesars Palace,|is it?
{23224}{23249}What do you mean?
{23280}{23314}Did, uh...
{23343}{23411}- Did Caesar live here?|- Um, no.
{23433}{23479}I didn't think so.
{23688}{23735}Holy shit.
{23768}{23807}Now, this is Vegas.
{23811}{23920}Oh, my... This place is enormous.
{23924}{23950}Now we're talking.
{23964}{24023}Is this all one suite?
{24043}{24079}Thank you, guys.
{24083}{24128}Or should I say, "Thank you, Stu"?
{24132}{24182}You're welcome.|It's only because I love you.
{24198}{24309}Okay, ladies, pick a room, get|dressed. Let's be ready in 30 minut
es.
{24335}{24454}I just wish you could see this place,|because you, of all people,
would love it.
{24458}{24537}Yeah. No, it's so quaint.
{24567}{24615}Yeah, no, there's no TVs, no phones.
{24619}{24716}They just have these cute little antique|radios in all the rooms.
{24720}{24759}Yeah.
{24783}{24822}What else? Um...
{24835}{24889}We met the, uh, proprietor.
{24893}{24951}- Oh, I bet you...|- What's his name?
{24955}{24985}Um, Caesar. Palacè.
{25003}{25050}Yeah, like the salad.
{25070}{25159}Okay. Well, listen, I gotta go, because|we're gonna hit this wine
tasting.
{25163}{25266}Wait, wait. I love you. Okay. Bye.
{25279}{25343}I'm not even gonna say anything,|it's so embarrassing.
{25347}{25401}- Where's Alan?|- He, uh, he went downstairs.
{25405}{25453}He said he had to grab a few things.
{25457}{25581}Good, because I have something|to show you.
{25619}{25649}Uh-Oh.
{25653}{25701}- What the hell is that?|- What do you think?
{25705}{25783}If it's what I think it is,|I think it's a big fucking mistake.
{25797}{25875}I'm gonna propose to Melissa|at your wedding. After the ceremony.
{25879}{25962}- Stuey, congratulations!|- Thank you, Doug.
{25975}{26039}- That's a beautiful ring.|- Yeah. It's my grandmother's.
{26043}{26113}She made it all the way through|the Holocaust with that thing.
{26117}{26186}Wait, have you not listened|to anything I have ever said?
{26190}{26272}Phil, we've been dating for three years.|It's time. This is how it
works.
{26276}{26355}A, that is bullshit.|And B, she is a complete bitch.
{26359}{26411}Hey, that's his fiancée.
{26415}{26497}What? It's true. It's true.|You know it's true. She beats him.
{26501}{26572}That was twice, and I was out of line.
{26576}{26634}She's strong-willed. And I respect that.
{26638}{26683}Wow. Wow.
{26687}{26755}He's in denial.|Not to mention, she fucked a sailor.
{26759}{26790}Hey, he wasn't a sailor.
{26808}{26876}He was a bartender on a cruise ship.|You know that.
{26880}{26983}Guys, I'm standing right here. So I can|hear everything that you'r
e saying.
{26987}{27039}Hey, guys.|You ready to let the dogs out?
{27043}{27078}- What?|- Do what?
{27082}{27115}Let the dogs out. You know.
{27190}{27215}Who brought this guy?
{27219}{27272}Yes, Alan, we are ready|to let the dogs out.
{27276}{27346}- Hey, congrats.|- Thank you.
{27625}{27678}I love this fucking town.
{27858}{27923}- You're not really wearing that, are you?|- Wearing what?
{27927}{27971}The man-purse.
{27975}{28046}You're actually gonna wear that|or are you guys fucking with me?
{28050}{28125}It's where I keep all my things.|I get a lot of compliments on thi
s.
{28129}{28183}Plus, it's not a man-purse.|It's called a satchel.
{28187}{28215}Indiana Jones wears one.
{28244}{28274}So does Joy Behar.
{28356}{28416}- We're going up, guys.|- Yeah, that's perfect.
{28420}{28460}Really?
{28464}{28503}We're going up?
{28618}{28684}I'm just saying,|it's clearly marked, okay?
{28688}{28738}We are definitely|not supposed to be up here.
{28742}{28820}Come on, we're paying for a villa.|We can do whatever the fuck we
want.
{28824}{28872}- Yeah, but...|- Just wedge the door open.
{28876}{28931}- Guys, come on up here.|- Fine.
{29023}{29083}How the hell did you find this place?
{29087}{29123}Don't worry about it.
{29127}{29165}Oh!
{29191}{29223}- You all right?|- Yeah.
{29227}{29310}- Look at the view up here.|- You happy?
{29314}{29344}- This is great.|- Whoa!
{29377}{29402}Are you kidding?
{29406}{29463}- Alan, how we doing, buddy?|- Good.
{29467}{29500}What do you got|over there, Alan?
{29504}{29535}That's the Eiffel Tower.
{29562}{29587}Uh-oh.
{29591}{29632}- Right?|- A little Jägermeister.
{29636}{29675}- Good idea.|- There it is. Good call.
{29679}{29705}On the roof.
{29709}{29803}Um, no, this is good.|I'd like to make a toast.
{29807}{29855}To Doug and Tracy.
{29859}{29925}May tonight be...
{29931}{29984}...but a minor speed bump...
{29988}{30052}...in an otherwise very long|and healthy marriage.
{30056}{30091}- Cheers.|- Cheers.
{30095}{30120}Short and sweet.
{30199}{30229}Oh, it's like college.
{30233}{30291}- All right. I wanna talk about something.|- All right.
{30295}{30327}- I want to...|- I'd like to...
{30346}{30403}I'd like to say something...
{30426}{30470}...that I prepared...
{30484}{30539}...tonight.|- All right, Alan.
{30643}{30680}"Hello.
{30715}{30764}How about that ride in?
{30768}{30819}I guess that's why they call it|Sin City.
{30877}{30995}You guys might not know this,|but I consider myself a bit of a lon
er.
{30999}{31076}I tend to think of myself|as a one-man wolf pack.
{31118}{31202}But when my sister brought Doug home,|I knew he was one of my own.
{31227}{31317}And my wolf pack, it grew by one.
{31321}{31388}So were there two... So there|were two of us in the wolf pack.
{31392}{31495}I was alone first in the pack,|and then Doug joined in later.
{31518}{31557}And six months ago...
{31561}{31635}...when Doug introduced me|to you guys, I thought:
{31639}{31735}'Wait a second. Could it be?'|And now, I know for sure.
{31739}{31801}I just added two more guys|to my wolf pack."
{31805}{31858}- All right.|- All right.
{31862}{31899}"Four of us wolves...
{31903}{31997}...running around the desert together|in Las Vegas...
{32001}{32060}...Iooking for strippers and cocaine."
{32064}{32089}So tonight...
{32117}{32142}...I make a toast.|- Whoa.
{32146}{32191}- What...?|- What do you got there?
{32195}{32255}- Dude, what the fuck?|- What the hell are you doing?
{32348}{32414}- What is that?|- Blood brothers.
{32418}{32454}- Don't... Why did you...?|- Damn it.
{32458}{32485}- Here.|- Alan...
{32489}{32527}- No.|- No, I'm not doing that.
{32531}{32567}- Go ahead, Stuart.|- Make him stop.
{32571}{32632}Alan, we're not gonna cut ourselves.|Give me the knife.
{32636}{32702}Slowly. Thank you.|Okay. Thank you very much.
{32706}{32750}- You all right? Are you okay?|- Mm-hm.
{32754}{32794}- Do you need a doctor?|- He's good.
{32798}{32829}- You sure?|- I'm good.
{32833}{32927}- Perfect. Alan, come here, buddy.|- Get in here, crazy.
{32931}{33047}All right, to a night the four of us|will never forget.
{33165}{33197}- There it is.|- Hear, hear.
{33201}{33248}Hey, thanks, guys.
{36722}{36749}Hm.
{36753}{36804}Stupid tiger.
{36966}{37007}What the fuck?
{37035}{37105}Control yourself, man.|Goddamn, will you put on some pants?
{37109}{37179}- Phil, do not go in the bathroom.|- AI, just calm down. It's me.
{37183}{37241}Phil, there is a tiger in the bathroom.
{37245}{37309}- What's going on?|- There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
{37313}{37373}- Okay, okay, Al. Al, I'll check it out.|- Don't go in.
{37377}{37443}Don't go in, don't go in.|Be careful. Don't, don't.
{37489}{37551}- Oh! Holy fuck! He's not kidding.|- See? See?
{37555}{37611}- There's a tiger in there.|- No, there isn't.
{37615}{37647}Yeah!
{37651}{37735}- It's big. Gigantic.|- You okay, buddy?
{37739}{37799}No. I am in so much pain right now.
{37803}{37886}Goddamn. Look at this place.
{37890}{37915}Whew.
{37919}{38023}I know. Phil, they have my credit card|downstairs. I am so screwed
.
{38027}{38091}How does a tiger get in the bathroom?|It almost killed me.
{38095}{38139}Hey, bro?|You mind putting on some pants?
{38143}{38193}I find it a little weird|I have to ask twice.
{38197}{38260}Pants at a time like this?|I don't have any p...
{38289}{38342}What the fuck happened last night?
{38346}{38426}Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?
{38435}{38509}I can't... Oh, shit.
{38564}{38625}Oh, my God.
{38629}{38675}My lateral incisor's... It's gone!
{38679}{38782}It's okay. Okay, okay. Just calm down.|We're fine. Everything's fi
ne.
{38786}{38816}Alan, go wake up Doug.
{38820}{38878}Let's get some coffee and get|the fuck out of Nevada...
{38882}{38912}...before housekeeping shows.
{38916}{38965}What am I gonna tell Melissa?|I lost a tooth.
{38969}{39002}I have no idea how it happened.
{39006}{39037}You're freaking me out, man.
{39041}{39099}I got a massive headache, okay?|Let's just calm down.
{39103}{39166}How am I supposed to calm down?|Look around you.
{39177}{39247}- Hey, guys, he's not in there.|- Did you check all the rooms?
{39251}{39315}Yeah, I looked everywhere.|Plus, his mattress is gone.
{39319}{39377}He probably went to the pool|to get something to eat.
{39381}{39416}I'll just call his cell.
{39449}{39503}I look like a nerdy hillbilly.
{39827}{39870}- Hello?|- Alan.
{39874}{39903}Hey.
{39927}{39988}- It's Phil.|- Oh, hey, Phi...
{40004}{40051}This is Doug's phone.|This is Doug's phone.
{40055}{40080}- No shit.|- Yeah.
{40193}{40253}What the fuck is that?
{40409}{40447}Whose fucking baby is that?
{40451}{40516}Alan, are you sure you didn't see|anyone else in the suite?
{40520}{40570}Yeah, I checked all the rooms.|No one's here.
{40574}{40629}Check its collar or something.
{40633}{40678}Shh. Shh.
{40682}{40744}- It's okay, baby.|- Stu, we don't have time for this.
{40748}{40813}Let's go hook up with Doug,|we'll deal with the baby later.
{40817}{40868}Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby|in the room.
{40872}{40941}- There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom.|- It's not our baby.
{40945}{40991}Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one.
{40995}{41044}All right, fine.|Okay, we'll take it with us.
{41048}{41101}Could you at least just find some pants?
{41279}{41371}Why can't we remember a|goddamn thing from last night?
{41375}{41434}Because we obviously|had a great fucking time.
{41475}{41552}Why don't you just stop worrying|for one minute.
{41556}{41594}Be proud of yourself.
{41719}{41779}Oh, how cute. What's his name?
{41835}{41898}- Ben.|- Carlos.
{41931}{41972}Carlos?
{42220}{42258}Thank you.
{42379}{42407}Hey, Phil, look.
{42523}{42562}He's jacking his little weenis.
{42575}{42655}- Pull yourself together, man.|- Not at the table, Carlos.
{42770}{42800}I looked everywhere.
{42804}{42882}Gym, casino, front desk.|Nobody's seen Doug. He's not here.
{42886}{42921}He's fine. He's a grown man.
{42925}{42999}Seriously, Stu, you gotta calm down.|Here, have some juice.
{43117}{43149}I can't have juice right now.
{43153}{43215}Okay. All right.|Let's just track this thing.
{43251}{43307}What's the last thing|we remember doing last night?
{43311}{43363}Well, the first thing was|we were on the roof...
{43367}{43406}...and were having those shots of Jäger.
{43466}{43514}And then we ate dinner|at The Palm. Right?
{43518}{43543}That's right.
{43547}{43635}And then we played craps at the|Hard Rock, and I think Doug was th
ere.
{43639}{43693}That sounds right.|No, no. He definitely was.
{43697}{43765}You know what, guys?|I don't even remember going to dinner.
{43769}{43837}What the fuck? I don't think|I've ever been this hung-over.
{43841}{43895}After the Hard Rock, I blacked out.|It was like emptiness.
{43941}{43986}Okay. We have up until 10 p. m...
{43990}{44068}...so that gives us a 12-hour window|where we could have lost him.
{44072}{44168}- What is this?|- Oh, my God. That is my tooth.
{44172}{44245}Why do you have that?|What else is in your pockets?
{44249}{44323}This is a good thing. No. Check|your pockets. Check your pockets.
{44327}{44363}Do you have anything?
{44367}{44441}I have an ATM receipt|from the Bellagio.
{44445}{44598}Eleven-oh-five for $800!|I am so fucked.
{44602}{44703}I have a valet ticket from Caesars.|- 15 a.m.
{44707}{44755}Oh, shit. We drove last night?
{44788}{44832}Driving drunk. Classic.
{44913}{44955}What's on your arm?
{44985}{45025}- What the fuck is that?|- Jesus, Phil.
{45029}{45098}- You were in the hospital last night.|- I guess so, yeah.
{45102}{45159}- You okay?|- Yeah, Alan. I'm fine.
{45163}{45207}What the hell is going on?
{45211}{45274}Well, Stu, Stu, this is a good thing.|We have a lead now.
{45278}{45314}Hey, Stu, watch this.
{45415}{45490}- You ever seen a baby do that?|- Dude, Alan, not cool.
{45553}{45670}So, uh, are you sure you're qualified|to be taking care of that ba
by?
{45674}{45719}What? I've found a baby before.
{45723}{45778}- You found a baby before?|- Yeah.
{45782}{45823}- Where?|- Coffee Bean.
{45859}{45892}Wait, what?
{45896}{45971}Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug|would want us to take the Mercedes.
{45975}{46001}Relax, we'll be careful.
{46005}{46067}My dad is crazy about that car.|He left Doug in charge...
{46071}{46125}Alan. We got bigger problems here.
{46129}{46175}Doug could be in the hospital,|he could be hurt.
{46210}{46294}- Let's worry about the car later.|- Uh, guys? Check it out.
{46387}{46433}All right, grab it from the other side.
{46437}{46485}Is that the mattress from Doug's room?
{46498}{46547}What the fuck?
{46573}{46627}Hey, man, what's going on here?
{46631}{46711}Some asshole threw his bed|out the window last night.
{46715}{46771}- No shit.|- Yeah.
{46775}{46823}Some guys just can't handle Vegas.
{46860}{46885}Ha-ha.
{46911}{46956}Oh, God.
{46963}{47003}It's gonna be okay, Stu.
{47017}{47084}How the hell did we manage that?
{47171}{47249}- Here's your car, officers.|- Oh, God.
{47253}{47322}All right, everybody act cool.|All right, don't say a word.
{47326}{47405}Come on, let's just get in and go.|Come on.
{47455}{47515}- Stu, you got a five?|- No.
{47536}{47595}- I'll hit you on the way back.|- Thank you, sir.
{47599}{47657}Oh, my God.|Oh, my God.
{47691}{47747}You just nailed the baby.
{47751}{47776}Are my glasses okay?
{47794}{47860}Your glasses are fine, dick.
{47997}{48044}This is so illegal.
{48057}{48102}Can't you see the fun part in anything?
{48132}{48191}Yeah, we're stuck in traffic|in a stolen police car...
{48195}{48243}...with a missing child|in the back seat.
{48247}{48283}Which part of this is fun?
{48302}{48403}- I think the cop-car part's pretty cool.|- Thank you, Alan. It is
cool.
{48407}{48451}Doug would love it.
{48473}{48511}Come on.
{48579}{48643}- Check this out.|- Oh, no. No, Phil. No, Phil.
{48647}{48672}Don't do this!
{48676}{48731}- Take it easy.|- Just try to call more attention to us.
{48735}{48767}- Attention.|- Sorry.
{48771}{48818}Attention, please. Move out of the way.
{48822}{48858}I repeat, please disperse.
{48912}{49002}Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out.|Stop the car, I wanna get out
. Pull over.
{49006}{49111}Ma'am, in the leopard dress,|you have an amazing rack.
{49134}{49190}Get off the sidewalk!|Get off the sidewalk!
{49194}{49229}I should have been a fucking cop.
{49391}{49423}Look, I already told you.
{49427}{49503}You came in with a mild concussion,|some bruised ribs. No big deal
.
{49507}{49567}Although none of you could articulate|how it happened.
{49571}{49630}Do you remember how many of us|were here?
{49634}{49665}Ah...
{49669}{49755}I don't know. I think it was just|you guys. Definitely no baby.
{49759}{49846}- And one other guy.|- That's our guy. Was he okay?
{49850}{49947}Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked|out of his mind. You all were.
{49951}{50039}All right, come forward.|And turn.
{50043}{50068}All right.
{50091}{50148}There you go. And cough.
{50181}{50269}Cough. Cough. Give me one more.
{50293}{50349}All right. Thattaboy.
{50374}{50417}Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on.
{50421}{50472}And the nurse will be in here|in a minute.
{50476}{50527}I'll see you after the weekend.
{50531}{50601}Thank you. Thank you.|Thank you, doctor.
{50657}{50741}Guys, I really gotta go. I'm sorry.|I have a surgery up on the fou
rth floor.
{50757}{50837}No, I know. But we just need|a couple more minutes of your time.
{50898}{51001}Yeah. Tuck it right in there.|I don't want to re-sterilize.
{51005}{51045}Walk with me.
{51100}{51228}Okay, here we go. Patient name,|Phil Wenneck, 2:45 a.m. arrival.
{51232}{51301}Minor concussion, like I said.|Some bruising. Pretty standard.
{51305}{51355}Do you mind if I look?|I'm actually a doctor.
{51359}{51466}Yeah, you said that several times last|night. But really, you're j
ust a dentist.
{51484}{51590}Okay, this is interesting.|Your blood work came in this morning.
{51594}{51635}Wow.
{51657}{51733}They found a large amount of Ruphylin|in your system.
{51743}{51829}Ruphylin. Roofies.|Commonly known as the date-rape drug.
{51833}{51899}What, so, what are you saying,|I was raped last night?
{51918}{51955}Actually...
{52051}{52130}I don't think so.|But someone did slip you the drug.
{52134}{52171}I'm not surprised|you don't remember anything.
{52204}{52283}Doc, none of us can remember anything|from last night. Remember?
{52308}{52365}Yeah. How could someone|have drugged all of us?
{52369}{52398}I wouldn't worry about it.
{52402}{52467}The stuff's out of your system.|You're gonna be fine.
{52471}{52536}Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor.|Is there anything else?
{52540}{52603}Like, something we|may have been talking about...
{52607}{52644}...or some place we were going?
{52648}{52691}Actually, there was something.
{52695}{52753}You guys kept talking about|some wedding last night.
{52757}{52820}Yeah. No shit. Our buddy Doug's|getting married tomorrow.
{52824}{52880}- You know what? I want the 100 back.|- No, no. Easy.
{52884}{52945}You kept talking about some wedding|you just came from.
{52949}{52981}At the, uh, Best Little Chapel.
{52985}{53068}You kept saying how sick the wedding|was and getting all crazy abo
ut it.
{53072}{53125}Okay, I hope this helps.|I really have to leave.
{53129}{53186}Best Little Chapel,|do you know where that is?
{53190}{53282}I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map|and Fuck Off.
{53330}{53375}I'm a doctor, not a tour guide.
{53379}{53455}Figure it out yourself, okay?|You're big boys.
{53746}{53771}What about the baby?
{53775}{53829}Leave him in the car.|We're gonna be five minutes.
{53833}{53877}Whoa, we're not leaving|a baby in the car.
{53881}{53945}He'll be fine. I cracked the window.
{54041}{54115}- What if they don't remember us?|- Well, let's just find out.
{54159}{54200}I'm sor... Excuse me, sir? Hi.
{54255}{54287}Look at these guys.
{54291}{54320}What happened?|You miss me?
{54324}{54365}You miss Eddie?|You want more from me?
{54369}{54449}How are you, my friend?|Look at this guy. You're fucking crazy.
{54453}{54478}What's going on, man?
{54490}{54571}Listen, I'm gonna tell you something.|I know some sick people in m
y life.
{54575}{54687}This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard|I ever met in my life, m
an.
{54691}{54735}- This guy?|- This guy is out of his mind.
{54739}{54799}What's going on,|you fucking crazy motherfucker?
{54803}{54854}I thought he was gonna eat my dick.
{54858}{54919}What happened?|No love for Eddie? You don't hug me?
{54923}{54973}No, no. It's not that, Eddie.
{54977}{55041}Uh, it's just that we're having|a hard time remembering...
{55045}{55083}...what happened here last night.
{55087}{55149}Yeah, was there a wedding here?|Do you do weddings here?
{55192}{55237}You are cracking my balls, man.
{55241}{55306}Obviously we were here.|We're looking for our friend Doug.
{55310}{55369}- Do you remember?|- Yeah, the small guy. Like a monkey.
{55373}{55401}- Yeah.|- You saw him?
{55405}{55430}Of course.
{55434}{55519}Is there anything you can tell us about|what may have happened las
t night?
{55563}{55601}You don't remember nothing?
{55692}{55789}- Congratulations, Stu, you got married.|- This... This can't be h
appening.
{55821}{55870}- Oh, God.|- Look at that.
{55966}{56047}I'll tell you one thing,|you look seriously happy here, man.
{56064}{56109}That's it. My life is over.
{56113}{56155}Stu, it's okay. Look, shit happens.
{56159}{56219}Come on. Melissa's not gonna know|anything about this.
{56223}{56297}- This never happened. I'll take care of it.|- Come on. Put it her
e.
{56301}{56326}Hey, what's all that?
{56330}{56426}The High Roller package. It's what|you ordered. I have coffee mugs
.
{56430}{56481}- What?|- You have baseball caps, huh?
{56485}{56567}And fancy calendars, all with pictures|of Stu and Jade.
{56571}{56597}Her name's Jade?
{56601}{56679}Yeah, and she's beautiful, man.|Clean, very tight. Tits like that.
{56683}{56750}- But that's because she had a baby.|- That explains the baby.
{56754}{56806}- Oh, Carlos. Carlos.|- Great. All right.
{56810}{56860}Uh, here's the deal.|We made a mistake last night.
{56864}{56919}We need this marriage annulled.|You do annulments?
{56923}{56988}Of course I do. It breaks my heart|and gonna make me sad...
{56992}{57039}...but it's no problem.|Good price for you.
{57043}{57132}I can't do it with just him, though.|I need the chick. I need both
parties.
{57136}{57197}Oh, not a problem. That's great.|Isn't that great, Stu?
{57201}{57257}Come on, buddy.|She probably knows where Doug is.
{57261}{57327}- Awesome.|- All right, all right. Okay. Uh...
{57345}{57413}We need her address.|She filled out some paperwork, right?
{57417}{57442}Of course.
{57446}{57497}Hey. Excuse me.|What is the matter with you?
{57501}{57537}Go and get the paperwork, man.
{57541}{57583}I spend my life waiting for you.|Come on.
{57587}{57612}Okay. I'm going.
{57616}{57667}And get the baklava, please.
{57766}{57867}- Hey, Phil, what about my dad's car?|- I'm sure Doug has it. We'l
l get it back.
{57871}{57943}Then I vote we torch the cop car|and all this shit with it.
{57971}{58065}- Torch it? Who are you?|- I don't know, Phil.
{58069}{58127}Apparently I'm a guy who marries|complete strangers.
{58137}{58251}This whole situation|is completely fucked.
{58258}{58341}- These mugs. This hat. This car.|- Hey!
{58345}{58417}It's all evidence|of a night that never happened.
{58421}{58473}That is why we're torching all of it.
{58477}{58535}Whoa, I'm a schoolteacher,|I got a family, okay?
{58539}{58603}I'm all for secrecy,|but I'm not gonna torch a cop car.
{58607}{58651}- Fine. I'll do it.|- Can I help?
{58655}{58690}Yeah, thanks.
{58723}{58750}- Is it Doug?|- I don't have it.
{58754}{58787}It's Doug, it's Doug.
{58791}{58822}Uh, it's Melissa.
{58826}{58886}- Don't answer.|- I have to. She's called twice already!
{58890}{58918}- Can I ride shotgun?|- Don't touch me.
{58922}{58970}Hey, sweetheart, how are you?
{58974}{59051}There you are.|This is the third time I'm trying you.
{59055}{59127}I know. The reception up here's crazy.
{59131}{59197}I think it's all the sequoia trees,|block the signal.
{59201}{59271}Ugh, I hate that.|So how was it last night?
{59275}{59346}Ah, it was really fun, actually.|It was quiet, but it was a good t
ime.
{59357}{59387}{Y:i}That sounds nice.
{59416}{59473}- I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids.|- Hi.
{59520}{59583}lt'd be so cool if I could breast-feed,|you know?
{59587}{59613}Well, listen...
{59644}{59707}...we're about to go for a tractor ride.|- What the fuck?
{59711}{59794}{Y:i}- I should get going. So pretty.|- A tractor ride?
{59827}{59872}- Go, out of the car!|- What was that?
{59876}{59933}They started up the tractor.|I think it backfired.
{59937}{59989}- Where the hell is he?|- Hey, easy, easy.
{59993}{60051}I think we're looking for|the same guy, okay?
{60077}{60107}Hey! What the hell, man?
{60140}{60199}What the fuck, Stu?|Is that a baby?
{60203}{60274}Why would there be a baby?|We're at a winery. That's a goat.
{60278}{60309}Where is he?
{60313}{60349}I don't know!|What are you talking about?
{60353}{60425}Sir, can you please start the tractor|so we can get out of here?
{60429}{60475}I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked.
{60479}{60541}Oh, my God!|What the hell is happening, Stu?
{60545}{60625}- Hey! There's a baby on board!|- Someone just said "baby."
{60629}{60679}- Get out of the car!|- It's a baby goat.
{60683}{60734}Why you making trouble|for my business, man?
{60738}{60783}- Go away from here.|- Get out of the car!
{60787}{60838}- Phil, he's got a gun!|- No shit he's got a gun!
{60842}{60895}- I gotta call you back. Bye.|- Come on.
{60941}{60979}- Fuck! Shit.|- He shot me!
{60983}{61039}- He shot Eddie!|- Fuck this shit!
{61119}{61165}Fuck! Fuck!
{61176}{61238}Go, go, go!
{61294}{61319}Fuck.
{61323}{61371}Okay. Oh, that was some sick shit!
{61404}{61429}Who were those guys?
{61433}{61483}We're gonna be okay.|Everything's gonna be okay.
{61487}{61531}What the fuck is going on?!
{61558}{61583}I have no idea.
{61747}{61797}Why don't you just let that|go to voicemail?
{61801}{61838}Ha-ha-ha.
{61861}{61928}That's a fake laugh, by the way.
{61991}{62100}It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum|P.I. and that Jewish actor.
{62104}{62143}Shut up, Alan.
{62147}{62205}- What room was it again?|- It's 825.
{62209}{62267}I know, I did. I already checked with her.
{62271}{62376}I found him, I'll call you back.|Thank God, he's with his father.
{62380}{62475}I was freaking out.|I missed you, sweetie.
{62479}{62535}And I miss you.
{62626}{62660}No.
{62671}{62710}What the hell happened|to you guys?
{62714}{62763}Actually, we were hoping|you could tell us.
{62767}{62837}What do you mean? I got up this|morning, I went to get coffee...
{62841}{62889}...and I came back and you were gone.
{62931}{63022}- Why are you being so quiet?|- I'm not being quiet.
{63031}{63074}Ha, ha. You're so cute.
{63078}{63153}Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler.|Come inside, you guys.
{63195}{63257}Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler.
{63261}{63341}Yeah. I thought he looked|more like a Carlos too, bud.
{63423}{63507}Okay, what's up?|You guys are acting weird.
{63511}{63581}- Look, it's Jade, right?|- Very funny, Phil.
{63593}{63677}Right, Jade, uh, ahem,|you remember our friend, Doug.
{63681}{63725}Are you kidding? He was the best man.
{63729}{63795}Exactly. Well, we can't find him,|and we're getting worried.
{63799}{63871}Oh, my God, that is so Doug.
{63875}{63915}Ha, ha. Oh.
{63957}{64009}Oh, sweetie, I'm...|I'm gonna go clean him off.
{64013}{64061}It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it.
{64065}{64096}Oh, my God.
{64100}{64151}What the fuck, man,|you gotta hold it together.
{64155}{64195}- Holy shit.|- She is super hot.
{64199}{64278}- You should be proud of yourself.|- She's wearing my grandmother'
s ring!
{64282}{64329}- What?|- The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa.
{64333}{64381}You remember,|my grandmother's Holocaust ring?
{64385}{64435}- Fuck. Okay.|- She's wearing it.
{64439}{64504}I didn't know they gave out rings|at the Holocaust.
{64531}{64580}- He's okay.|- Oh, good.
{64584}{64631}- He was just hungry, he's fine.|- Oh, good.
{64635}{64738}About last night, uh, ahem, do you|remember the last time you saw
Doug?
{64742}{64792}Uh, I haven't seen him|since the wedding.
{64796}{64828}The wedding. Okay. Great.
{64832}{64911}And, uh, we can't re...|What time was that at?
{64915}{64975}Well, it was, um...
{65023}{65109}I guess it was around 1, because I had|to go back to work and fini
sh my shift.
{65113}{65183}And then when I got out I headed over|to the hotel with Tyler.
{65187}{65219}And was Doug there then?
{65223}{65304}I didn't see Doug because you guys were|passed out. The room was a
wreck.
{65308}{65359}- So I just curled up next to Stu.|- Uh-huh.
{65363}{65404}- Rowr.|- Oh.
{65456}{65525}I got a question.|Um, you said when your shift ended.
{65529}{65631}Does that mean you're a nurse?|Or a blackjack dealer?
{65647}{65711}- You know this. I'm a stripper.|- Mm-hm.
{65715}{65754}Well, technically I'm an escort...
{65758}{65805}...but stripping's a great way|to meet the clients.
{65809}{65859}- Smart.|- Savvy.
{65863}{65952}But that's all in the past,|now that I married a doctor.
{65956}{65997}I'm just a dentist.
{66031}{66065}- Las Vegas Police! Freeze!|- Okay.
{66098}{66133}Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!
{66137}{66202}- Oh, God!|- Okay, okay, okay.
{66339}{66399}After we take the mug shots,|we bring them down here...
{66403}{66489}...where they wait to be interviewed|by the arresting officers.
{66493}{66574}Trust me, kids, you do not|wanna be sitting on these benches.
{66578}{66628}We call this place Loserville.
{66675}{66747}Follow me.|All right, let's do it. Come on.
{66874}{66903}Hello.
{66907}{66982}{Y:i}- Hey, Tracy! It's Phil.|- Hey, Phil.
{66986}{67087}- Where are you guys?|- We are at the spa at the hotel.
{67091}{67161}Cool. We're just getting some sun.|Is Doug around?
{67165}{67206}Of course. Why wouldn't he be?
{67210}{67263}I'm just wondering|why you're calling me.
{67267}{67303}Um...
{67307}{67386}We made a deal,|no talking to girlfriends or wives.
{67390}{67471}So we're all calling each other's.
{67475}{67510}{Y:i}Okay. What's up?
{67514}{67556}Uh, you are not gonna believe this.
{67560}{67611}We got comped an extra night|at the hotel.
{67615}{67640}You did?
{67644}{67710}{Y:i}Yeah. The suite is... It's ridiculous.|It's out of control.
{67714}{67809}There's, like, room service and a butler.|I mean, just the works.
{67813}{67858}We're thinking of spending the night...
{67862}{67915}...and we're gonna come back|in the morning.
{67919}{67999}You wanna stay an extra night?|But the wedding's tomorrow.
{68003}{68087}That's why we're gonna get up early,|and we'll be back in plenty o
f time.
{68091}{68146}Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?
{68150}{68215}Wenneck, Price, Garner. Room 3.
{68219}{68273}Okay, Trace, I gotta go.|We'll talk to you later.
{68277}{68309}Uh...
{68358}{68412}- Come on, chop-chop.|- Okay, spin around.
{68447}{68473}- That's it.|- Goddamn it.
{68477}{68535}- Wait a second.|- I'll go over. I'll go over.
{68539}{68585}- Stop pulling.|- Can you just...? Hold on.
{68589}{68655}We got it. Alan, just relax.|And then just... There we go.
{68659}{68692}Good.
{68836}{68876}Gentlemen.
{68880}{68950}We've got some good news,|and we've got some bad news.
{68954}{68995}The good news is|we found your Mercedes.
{69031}{69069}- That's great news.|- That's great. See?
{69073}{69179}Yeah, it's over at impound right now.|We picked it up at 5 a.m. th
is morning...
{69183}{69234}...parked in the middle|of Las Vegas Boulevard.
{69251}{69353}- In the middle. That's weird.|- Yeah, that is weird.
{69357}{69383}There was also a note.
{69403}{69526}It says, uh, "Couldn't find a meter,|but here's 4 bucks."
{69548}{69599}The bad news is...
{69603}{69670}...we can't get you in front of a judge|until Monday morning.
{69691}{69775}Oh, no, uh, officer,|that's just impossible.
{69779}{69834}No, we need to be in L.A.|tomorrow for a wedding.
{69838}{69876}You stole a police car.
{69880}{69956}We didn't steal anything.|Um, we found it.
{69960}{70034}Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward|or something, like a trophy
.
{70054}{70131}- I see assholes like you every day.|- Every fucking day.
{70135}{70180}"Let's go to Vegas,|we'll all get drunk and laid!
{70184}{70235}- Yeah. Whoo! Woo-hoo.|- Woo-hoo.
{70239}{70311}Let's steal a cop car,|because it'd be really fucking funny."
{70315}{70369}Think you gonna get away with it?|Not up in here.
{70373}{70423}- Not up in here!|- Oh.
{70427}{70472}Uh...
{70498}{70533}Sir...
{70542}{70575}...if I may, um...
{70579}{70643}...I'm assuming that that squad car|belongs to one of you.
{70647}{70688}- Yeah.|- Yeah.
{70692}{70749}Look, I'm not a cop.
{70753}{70827}I'm no hero. I'm a schoolteacher.
{70851}{70930}But if one of my kids went missing|on a field trip...
{70953}{70993}...that would look really bad on me.
{71024}{71094}- What are you getting at?|- Yeah, Phil, what are you getting at?
{71098}{71179}No one wants to look bad.|We gotta get to a wedding...
{71183}{71237}...and you guys don't need people|talking about...
{71241}{71338}...how some obnoxious tourists|borrowed your squad car last night.
{71342}{71412}But look, the point is,|I think we can work out a deal.
{71416}{71462}Discreetly of course, ma'am.
{71486}{71516}What do you say?
{71741}{71773}Let me ask you a question:
{71777}{71911}Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a|heart condition or anything li
ke that?
{71917}{71971}Uh, no.
{71975}{72037}Okay, kids,|you're in for a real treat today.
{72041}{72111}These gentlemen have kindly volunteered|to demonstrate...
{72115}{72181}...how a stun gun is used|to subdue a suspect.
{72185}{72211}Ooh!
{72215}{72250}- That's right.|- Wait a sec. What?
{72254}{72326}Now, there's two ways to use|a stun gun. Up close and personal.
{72397}{72469}- What the fuck?|- Or you can shoot it from a distance.
{72473}{72503}Do I have any volunteers?
{72507}{72553}You wanna come up here|and do some shooting? Huh?
{72557}{72637}All right, how about you, young lady?|Come on up here. All right.
{72641}{72684}Let's go, handsome, come on.
{72688}{72757}Not you, fat Jesus, slide it on back.|You, pretty boy.
{72771}{72796}Fat Jesus.
{72800}{72833}All right, now,|it's real simple.
{72837}{72891}All you gotta do is point,|aim and shoot.
{72895}{72929}All right?
{72933}{73007}Okay, look.|You don't really wanna do this.
{73011}{73066}You can do this. Just focus.
{73070}{73130}Don't listen to this maniac.|Let's think this through.
{73134}{73166}Finish him!
{73170}{73231}- Oh, fuck.|- Yeah!
{73268}{73319}Right in the nuts! That was beautiful.
{73358}{73449}- Well done. Give her a hand, everybody.|- Good job. Good job.
{73479}{73550}Good job. Well done. Good job.|That was great.
{73563}{73606}Good. Hey, we got|one more charge left.
{73610}{73654}Anybody wanna do some|shooting up here?
{73702}{73748}How about you, big man?|Come on up here.
{74155}{74254}Okay, same instructions.|Just point, aim and shoot.
{74330}{74390}There you go. That's the stuff.
{74394}{74423}I like the intensity.
{74445}{74489}Eye of the tiger. Good.
{74493}{74590}You're holding 50,000 volts, little man.|Don't be afraid to ride t
he lightning.
{74675}{74747}In the face! In the face!
{74790}{74858}Oh, he's still up. He's still up.
{74862}{74899}- Aah!|- No.
{74903}{74942}All right, everybody relax, take it easy.
{74955}{75042}We've seen it before.|He just needs a little extra charge.
{75046}{75080}There we go.
{75123}{75188}Some of these big boys,|you gotta give them two shots.
{75192}{75258}All right, kids, who wants to get|their fingerprints done, huh?
{75262}{75287}Come on, let's go.
{75314}{75388}Fuck those guys, you hear me?
{75392}{75466}That was bullshit.|I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car.
{75470}{75539}- They let us go, who cares?|- I care!
{75543}{75568}You can't just do that.
{75572}{75660}You can't just tase people|because you think it's funny.
{75664}{75715}That's police brutality.
{75799}{75859}I'm getting a soda.|Do you guys want anything?
{75863}{75895}No.
{75981}{76067}My man doesn't shut up. Jesus Christ.
{76107}{76169}Alan, you okay?
{76192}{76241}I'm just worried.
{76260}{76315}What if something happened to Doug?|Something bad.
{76319}{76358}Come on, you can't think like that.
{76372}{76416}I mean, what if he's dead?
{76420}{76509}I can't afford to lose anybody|close to me again. It hurts too muc
h.
{76524}{76599}- I was so upset when my grandpa died.|- Oh, I'm s... How'd he die
?
{76619}{76686}- World War II.|- Died in battle?
{76690}{76771}No, he was skiing in Vermont.|It was just during World War II.
{76790}{76824}Alan...
{76839}{76891}...Doug is fine.|- Well, why hasn't he called?
{76895}{76954}I don't know,|but we're gonna figure it out.
{76968}{77065}I'll tell you another thing,|6-1 odds our car is beat to shit.
{77069}{77094}Stu, not now.
{77098}{77166}No, how much do you wanna bet|it's fucked beyond recognition?
{77170}{77267}That's enough. Alan's seriously worried,|okay? Let's not freak him
out any more.
{77355}{77388}Sorry, Alan.
{77392}{77422}You know what?
{77426}{77515}We'll search the car for clues|and everything's gonna be okay.
{77555}{77603}Oh, shit. I can't watch.|Just tell me what it looks like.
{77647}{77707}Not looking. Not looking.
{77742}{77815}- Wow. All right.|- Oh, thank God.
{77819}{77859}You see?
{77875}{77919}It's gonna be all right.
{78075}{78135}- Anything?|- Hmm, I got a cigar.
{78139}{78209}Oh, I found, uh...|These are some black shoes.
{78213}{78261}- They women's shoes?|- I don't know.
{78295}{78373}- Whose are those?|- I don't know. It's a men's size 6.
{78377}{78439}- That's weird.|- What is this, a snakeskin?
{78443}{78479}Oh, come on! Ew!
{78483}{78547}- That's a used condom, Alan.|- Oh, God. Blech!
{78551}{78602}- Get it out of the car.|- Gross, it's wet.
{78606}{78663}- I don't want the thing.|- Hey! Come on.
{78667}{78767}I got jizz on me. Jesus Christ, guys!
{78771}{78835}- Get it out.|- Fuck!
{78844}{78887}Oh, my God.
{78899}{78990}All right, what the fuck, man?|We gotta get this shit together, gu
ys!
{79055}{79091}What was that?
{79102}{79127}It's in the trunk.
{79148}{79221}- Doug's in the trunk.|- Oh, fuck! Holy shit!
{79225}{79271}Holy shit!
{79275}{79326}- Open it! Open it! Open it!|- Okay, okay, okay.
{79330}{79371}Okay, okay, okay.
{79411}{79456}Oh God!
{79484}{79535}Please! Please! Please stop!
{79723}{79783}Whoa. I'm with you, I'm with you!
{79787}{79858}- You gonna fuck on me?|- Nobody's gonna fuck on you!
{79862}{79967}We're on your side. I hate Godzilla!|I hate him too. I hate him!
{79971}{80042}He destroys cities! Please!
{80046}{80114}This isn't your fault.|I'll get you some pants.
{80246}{80311}What the fuck was that?
{80343}{80444}I have internal bleeding.|Somebody call 911.
{80448}{80514}That was some fucked up shit.
{80518}{80606}Who was that guy? He was so mean.
{80651}{80712}Guys, there's something|I need to tell you.
{80739}{80833}Last night on the roof,|before we went out...
{80862}{80928}...I slipped something|in our Jägermeister.
{80948}{81015}- What?|- I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys.
{81045}{81128}- You drugged us?|- No, I didn't drug you.
{81132}{81187}I was told it was ecstasy.
{81191}{81246}Well, who told you it was ecstasy?
{81250}{81299}The guy I bought it from|at the liquor store.
{81303}{81343}Why would you give us ecstasy?
{81347}{81431}I wanted everybody to have a good time|and I knew you guys wouldn'
t take it.
{81435}{81507}It was just one hit each.|I used to do three hits a night.
{81530}{81610}But it wasn't ecstasy, Alan,|it was roofies!
{81614}{81649}You think I knew that, Stu?
{81661}{81731}The guy I bought it from|seemed like a real straight shooter.
{81735}{81806}You mean the drug dealer at|the liquor store wasn't a good guy?
{81810}{81835}Let's just calm down.
{81839}{81970}You fucking calm down! He drugged us.|I lost a tooth. I married a
whore.
{81974}{82069}- How dare you! She's a nice lady.|- You are such a fucking moron.
{82073}{82141}- Your language is offensive.|- Fuck you!
{82145}{82203}All right,|let's just take a deep breath, okay?
{82222}{82257}Seriously, this is a good thing.
{82261}{82355}At least it's not some stranger who|drugged us for God knows what
reason.
{82359}{82449}Yeah, you're right, Phil,|it's totally a good thing.
{82453}{82509}We're so much better off now.
{82513}{82601}Here's something|I would like to remind you two of:
{82605}{82708}Our best friend Doug is probably|facedown in a ditch right now...
{82712}{82783}...with a meth-head butt-fucking|his corpse.
{82787}{82838}- That's highly unlikely.|- It's true.
{82842}{82931}Does not help. All right,|let's get our shit together, guys.
{82935}{83013}Let's go back to the hotel,|and I'm gonna make a couple calls.
{83017}{83065}Maybe Doug's back there.|Maybe he's asleep.
{83069}{83119}Come on. Let's go.
{83123}{83232}- Stu? Little help?|- Shut up.
{83300}{83369}- Ow.|- Oh, God. Oh, God, are you okay?
{83373}{83434}- Yeah, I'm fine.|- Alan, I'm sorry.
{83684}{83732}Wait, guys. Guys.
{83736}{83781}What about the tiger?|What if he got out?
{83785}{83897}Oh, fuck. I keep forgetting|about the goddamn tiger.
{83907}{83943}How the fuck did he get in there?
{83954}{84027}I don't know,|because I don't remember.
{84031}{84077}Shh. Stu. Stu, keep it down.
{84081}{84163}Because one of the, uh, side effects|of, uh, roofies is memory los
s.
{84199}{84267}You are literally too stupid to insult.
{84281}{84340}- Thank you.|- Hey.
{84451}{84500}Hey, come on.
{84575}{84626}Did we leave the music on?
{84633}{84666}Hey. Shh.
{84710}{84772}Don't make any sudden movements.
{84809}{84834}- Unh. Whoa!|- Aah!
{84838}{84881}- Who the hell are you?|- No, who are you?
{84885}{84911}Quiet, quiet.
{85001}{85035}Mike Tyson?
{85039}{85131}Shh. This is my favorite part|coming up right now.
{85339}{85365}Need a chorus line, guys.
{85575}{85606}One more time, guys.
{85659}{85689}Oh, Jesus!
{85718}{85749}Oh, fuck!
{85767}{85795}Why did you do that?
{85817}{85903}Mr. Tyson would like to know|why is his tiger in your bathroom.
{85907}{85963}Hold on,|that was completely unnecessary.
{85967}{86028}I'm a huge fan. When you knocked out|Holmes, that was...
{86032}{86075}Explain.
{86087}{86135}All right, look,|we were drugged last night.
{86139}{86176}We have no memory|of what happened.
{86180}{86205}It's true.
{86209}{86292}We got in all kinds of trouble last night|and now we can't find ou
r friend.
{86296}{86367}If you wanna kill us,|go ahead because I don't care anymore.
{86371}{86419}- What are you talking about?|- I don't care.
{86423}{86481}Why the fuck|would you wanna steal his tiger?
{86485}{86558}We tend to do dumb shit|when we're fucked up.
{86562}{86651}- I don't believe these guys, man.|- Wait, how did you guys find u
s?
{86655}{86746}One of you dropped your jacket.|Found it in the tigers' cage this
morning.
{86750}{86782}That's Doug's.
{86786}{86862}Yeah, Doug.|His wallet and his room key is in there.
{86866}{86934}- No, that's our missing friend.|- I don't give a fuck.
{86938}{86988}- Did you guys see him?|- I was fast asleep.
{86992}{87063}Because if he was up, this|wouldn't have gone down so smoothly.
{87067}{87113}Maybe one of the tigers|ate his ass like Omar.
{87126}{87152}Respect.
{87156}{87182}Wha...? What happened to Omar?
{87186}{87243}Oh, don't worry about Omar,|he's not with us no more.
{87247}{87301}Okay, I know this is asking a lot...
{87305}{87376}...but do you think we could|go to your house and look around...
{87380}{87421}...see if there's any clues?
{87425}{87526}Absolutely. How else you think|we're gonna get the tiger back anyw
ay?
{87530}{87601}- Come on, champ.|- I'm sorry?
{87615}{87711}We're not gonna put it in the Bentley.|You brought it here, you br
ing it back.
{87715}{87774}What you think, about 40 minutes?
{87784}{87844}Don't make me come back for him.
{87933}{88006}- That was Mike Tyson.|- Yeah, no shit that was Mike Tyson.
{88010}{88051}I'm just saying, he's still got it.
{88083}{88119}Alan.
{88123}{88148}Bud, are you okay?
{88152}{88186}- Oh, my God.|- Shit!
{88190}{88220}Fuck, where'd he get him?
{88224}{88249}Hey.
{88376}{88413}This does not seem fair.
{88439}{88511}It's Rock, Paper, Scissors.|There's nothing more fair.
{88515}{88594}- Alan should do it.|- Alan took a punch from Mike Tyson.
{88598}{88647}Come on. For Doug.
{88651}{88729}Why are you peppering the steak?|You don't know if tigers like pep
per.
{88733}{88808}Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
{88867}{88934}Phil, just do it. You should do it.
{88938}{89017}I would, but you lost.|It wouldn't be right.
{89021}{89087}Okay, I jammed five roofies in there.
{89091}{89150}Just go in there and throw it in to him.
{89173}{89211}Fine.
{89239}{89277}Make sure he eats the whole thing.
{89415}{89451}Fuck.
{89455}{89498}Oh, fuck.
{89565}{89608}Hey, kitty.
{89621}{89717}Hey, sweetie, it's okay.|I got a little snack for you.
{89721}{89787}Real important that you eat this, okay?
{89805}{89859}Yeah, just have a little...
{89939}{89964}Shit!
{90028}{90056}What do we do now?
{90077}{90117}We wait.
{90353}{90429}{Y:i}What do tigers dream of
{90433}{90519}{Y:i}When they take a little tiger snooze?
{90523}{90600}{Y:i}Do they dream of mauling zebras
{90604}{90703}{Y:i}Or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit?
{90707}{90775}{Y:i}Don 't you worry your pretty striped head
{90779}{90872}{Y:i}We're gonna get you back to Tyson|And your cozy tiger bed
{90876}{90952}{Y:i}And then we're gonna find|Our best friend Doug
{90956}{91043}{Y:i}And then we're gonna give him|A best-friend hug
{91047}{91085}{Y:i}Doug
{91089}{91132}{Y:i}Doug
{91136}{91244}{Y:i}Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug
{91248}{91371}{Y:i}But if he's been murdered|By crystal-meth tweakers
{91415}{91486}{Y:i}Well, then we're shit out of luck
{91618}{91675}By the way, we're all gonna die.
{91779}{91813}Wait.
{91903}{91931}- Oh, God.|- Watch it!
{91935}{92015}His nose. That's his nose.
{92315}{92379}Hey, guys, when's the next|Halley's comet?
{92402}{92474}- Who cares, man?|- Do you know, Stu?
{92487}{92563}I don't think it's for, like,|another 60 years or something.
{92567}{92638}- But it's not tonight, right?|- No, I don't think so.
{92642}{92688}But you don't know for sure?
{92692}{92731}No.
{92735}{92797}I got this cousin who saw one.|He said it blew his mind.
{92801}{92871}I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out|on a Halley's Comet.
{92875}{92930}So if you guys|know if there's gonna be one...
{92934}{92959}Oh, fuck!
{93441}{93471}- Oh, my God!|- Fuck it!
{93486}{93543}Stu! Stu, it got me! Stu!
{93547}{93606}You got clawed! You're bleeding!
{93665}{93705}- Oh.|- I'm panicking.
{93709}{93748}- Aah!|- Oh, my God.
{93760}{93813}Okay. Okay, okay. Wait, hold on.
{94039}{94064}I can't do it.
{94068}{94099}Get your fucking hand|back in there...
{94103}{94147}...and steer the car.|- I'm too nervous.
{94151}{94216}Alan. We need you, buddy.|This is your time to shine, okay?
{94220}{94267}Okay, yeah. Whew.
{94278}{94303}Daddy's gonna kill me.
{94307}{94347}- That's it.|- That's good.
{94351}{94397}Keep it straight.
{94622}{94663}- You're late.|- Whatever, man.
{94667}{94710}We had to push it the last mile.
{94714}{94782}Come on in. Mike's got something|he wants to show you.
{94906}{94981}That thing's out of control, man.|Seriously, you gotta put it down
.
{95037}{95107}When we got back,|we took a look at the security cameras.
{95111}{95138}Great.
{95196}{95250}{Y:i}This is how you walk.|This is how you walk.
{95254}{95335}- Oh, it's Doug.|- Oh, thank God he's alive.
{95339}{95414}That's our buddy.|That's who we've been missing.
{95418}{95448}We're all best friends.
{95452}{95515}Why don't you just pay attention?|I don't have all night.
{95519}{95551}Yeah, of course. Of course.
{95585}{95617}{Y:i}What are you doing?
{95621}{95665}{Y:i}Hey, guys. Check it out.|Watch this.
{95669}{95755}That's me, I'm on TV.|I've never been on TV before.
{95759}{95785}{Y:i}What are you doing, man?
{95789}{95843}Really? Really, Alan?
{95857}{95886}{Y:i}You got a fire hose, man?
{95931}{95957}Yeah, I was, uh...
{96001}{96072}{Y:i}You're gonna overflow the pool, man.
{96096}{96170}- Maybe... Should I wait outside?|- I think that's a good idea, Al
an.
{96175}{96202}Yeah.
{96243}{96290}Don't touch anything out there, either.
{96306}{96393}You know what? He's not our good fr...|We don't know him that well
.
{96445}{96511}{Y:i}Come on. Come on, come on.
{96521}{96570}By the way,|where you get that cop car from?
{96574}{96642}We, uh, stole it from|these dumb-ass cops.
{96646}{96674}Nice.
{96737}{96799}High five that one.
{96803}{96846}Yeah, that's nice.
{96850}{96885}You know, I just have to say...
{96889}{96973}...I have never seen a more beautiful,|elegant, just regal creatur
e.
{96977}{97037}{Y:i}Check it out. Stu. Stu.|Fuck this tiger.
{97041}{97123}- Oh, my God. That's awful.|- Oh, man.
{97156}{97223}{Y:i}- Oh, shit.|- Who does shit like that, man?
{97244}{97339}Someone who has a lot of issues,|obviously. I'm a sick man.
{97349}{97396}{Y:i}Oh, my God.
{97426}{97454}That's all we got.
{97472}{97545}This was hugely helpful.
{97549}{97619}Really. Because now we know|that our buddy Doug...
{97623}{97693}...was with us at 3:30, totally alive.
{97704}{97830}Thanks again, champ. And, uh, again,|we are so sorry we stole your
tiger.
{97834}{97863}Don't worry about it, man.
{97867}{97928}Like you said, we all do dumb shit|when we're fucked up.
{97987}{98055}- I told you he'd get it.|- I did say that.
{98147}{98207}You know, everyone says|Mike Tyson is such a badass...
{98211}{98275}...but I think he's kind of a sweetheart.
{98279}{98325}I think he's mean.
{98329}{98409}All right. I think it's officially time|we call Tracy.
{98413}{98507}Hallelujah. Finally, Phil says something|that makes sense.
{98511}{98582}We don't have much of a choice.|And maybe she's heard from Doug.
{98586}{98634}That's what I been saying|this whole time.
{98661}{98742}We just need to be completely honest.|We need to tell her everythi
ng.
{98780}{98854}We don't have to tell her everything.|We can leave out the stuff..
.
{98858}{98911}...about me marrying a hooker.
{98915}{98977}Just stay focused on Doug.
{98981}{99059}- What am I gonna tell my dad?|- Alan, relax. It's just the inside
.
{99063}{99131}Come on. I got a guy in L.A.|who's great with interiors.
{99383}{99468}- Oh, Jesus!|- Oh, my God.
{99555}{99610}- Are you guys okay?|- What the fuck?
{99818}{99903}I know that guy.|That's the guy from the trunk.
{99916}{99985}Get out of the car. Please.
{100011}{100068}W... W... Wait.|Those are the guys that shot Eddie.
{100103}{100130}- Listen...|- Let's go!
{100134}{100175}- Okay.|- Oh, no.
{100179}{100215}- Easy, easy.|- Come on.
{100219}{100257}Okay. All right.
{100261}{100308}- All right, all right.|- Let's go.
{100321}{100402}Hey, relax. Ow. Ow. Ow!
{100406}{100455}- I have whiplash.|- Get this other fat boy.
{100459}{100494}Get the fat boy.
{100498}{100523}Hey, hey, hey.
{100527}{100597}- All right, all right.|- Hey, take it easy, take it easy!
{100611}{100716}I want my purse back, assholes.
{100746}{100818}- What? Your purse?|- That's not a purse, it's a satchel.
{100822}{100932}It's a purse. Okay?|And you steal from wrong guy.
{100936}{101001}Wait a second, wait a second.|We stole from you?
{101005}{101031}Okay, you know what?
{101035}{101116}We don't remember anything|that happened last night...
{101120}{101172}...so help us out a little here.
{101176}{101275}Well, apparently you guys met|at a craps table late last night.
{101279}{101335}You were on a heater,|and he played your hot streak.
{101339}{101377}He ended up winning|just under 80 grand.
{101381}{101423}No shit? Eighty grand is nice.
{101427}{101453}Okay, that's good.
{101457}{101535}He put the chips in his purse,|and then you guys took off with i
t.
{101539}{101580}That doesn't sound like us.
{101584}{101721}Mine had $80,000 inside.|And this one? Nothing.
{101725}{101765}Hey, there are Skittles in there.
{101775}{101827}Ow! Oh, not again.
{101865}{101924}Don't let the beard fool you.|He's a child.
{101928}{101975}It's funny because he's fat.
{101979}{102062}Now, look, this was obviously|a very simple misunderstanding.
{102066}{102133}Alan picked up the wrong purse,|it's no big deal.
{102137}{102229}Okay, if it's, "No big deal,"|why, when I come after you guys...
{102233}{102325}...he starts screaming like crazy and|throw me in trunk?
{102330}{102355}What, I did that?
{102359}{102399}Yeah, you said he was|your lucky charm...
{102403}{102445}...and you want to take him|home with you.
{102493}{102544}- Lucky charm.|- Oh, it's just funny.
{102596}{102623}Fuck you.
{102654}{102759}If you want to see your friend again,|you get me my 80 grand.
{102763}{102798}- What?|- Our friend?
{102802}{102853}- You have Doug?|- You know about our friend?
{102895}{102942}- Doug!|- Doug!
{102965}{103047}- Doug's in the car! Doug's in the car!|- Doug, it's okay!
{103051}{103094}You chill out, goatee!
{103106}{103198}- Okay, okay. All right, fine, fine.|- What do you want?
{103202}{103271}Not so good now.|Quid pro quo, douche bag.
{103275}{103302}What?
{103306}{103371}Look, we're very sorry.|But this is an easy fix.
{103375}{103425}- Alan, where's his purse?|- I don't know.
{103429}{103490}- It's in the hotel room, right?|- Yeah, we can get it.
{103494}{103563}We can get you the... We can even|write you a check right now.
{103567}{103602}No chance. Cash only.
{103606}{103667}- There's a person in there.|- Boring.
{103709}{103748}Take nap. Come on.
{103753}{103795}Wait. I'm sorry we're boring you!
{103799}{103883}- Doug, it's okay.|- You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!
{103887}{103912}Wait.
{103916}{103959}Oh, no.|You're not going anywhere.
{103973}{104007}Stop.
{104019}{104063}Stop. Run me over.
{104080}{104139}- Okay. Whoa. Whoa.|- Stu, Stu, Stu.
{104174}{104281}Bring money to Big Rock|in Mojave Desert at dawn.
{104285}{104388}- What?|- Toodle-oo, motherfucker.
{104451}{104552}Well, at least take the bag|off his head! Fuck!
{104591}{104626}Oh!
{104827}{104873}Come on, get out of here.
{105005}{105066}Guys, I'm telling you, I looked|for it this morning before we le
ft.
{105070}{105102}It's not anywhere.
{105106}{105142}Fuck.
{105216}{105255}Stu, how much you got in the bank?
{105259}{105321}About 10 grand.|I was gonna use it for the wedding.
{105325}{105375}You're already married,|so we're good there.
{105379}{105431}Besides, enough with Melissa,|she's the worst.
{105435}{105499}Yeah, Doug told me she had sex|with a pilot or something.
{105503}{105594}It was a bartender on a cruise.|What is wrong with you people?
{105598}{105701}- Ew. Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?|- Yes.
{105726}{105770}What are we gonna do?|We are so fucked.
{105793}{105818}Hey, guys?
{105822}{105871}- Did you find it?|- Nope.
{105899}{105943}But check this out.
{107075}{107129}Change only, 10,000.
{107219}{107298}- Hey, uh, these seats taken?|- No, feel free.
{107411}{107475}All right, let's play some blackjack!
{108009}{108071}That's it. Shut up, bitches.
{108172}{108204}Hmm.
{108253}{108329}- I'll stick.|- Oh, fuck you! Fuck you!
{108471}{108519}Splitting fives.
{108546}{108575}- Too many.|- Yes!
{108669}{108747}I don't even know you,|but I'm gonna tell you that's dumb.
{108766}{108803}- Yes!|- Oh!
{108807}{108887}Okay, come on.|He can't lose. He can't lose.
{108917}{108968}I think the pit boss is watching him.
{109395}{109425}- Oh, my God.|- Are you okay?
{109429}{109509}I'm such a klutz. I get so nervous|when I gamble. I'm so silly.
{109513}{109596}- It happens.|- Whoa. Hold on a beat, okay?
{109600}{109675}- Let's just take it easy. This is my wife.|- It's hurting.
{109679}{109715}Make sure... Does it hurt? Does this hurt?
{109719}{109751}- Oh, ow.|- You all right?
{109755}{109809}- I don't know.|- I don't know either. I don't...
{109813}{109845}I think you're fine. Let's go.
{109849}{109914}- Really? Okay.|- Upsy-daisy, there.
{109918}{109989}I'm sorry,|she's had a little too much to drink.
{109993}{110068}Thanks, buddy. That's for you.
{110268}{110334}And 100, 200, 300, 400.
{110338}{110423}With all this, that's $82,400.
{110427}{110488}Oh, goddamn it.|I don't fucking believe it.
{110492}{110525}Whoo!
{110529}{110583}- Alan, you're the man.|- You are too, Phil.
{110587}{110651}We should come back next week,|take the whole city down.
{110655}{110684}Oh, I'm free next week.
{110688}{110777}Or we could just focus|on getting Doug back, right now.
{110781}{110859}Uh, you know what? Next week's no|good, the Jonas Brothers are i
n town.
{110863}{110925}But any week after that is totally fine.
{110929}{111011}I think it's safe to say that our luck|has officially turned aro
und, guys.
{111015}{111085}We are back, baby.|We are fucking back.
{111089}{111143}We're back. Classic.
{111147}{111227}{Y:i}We are back, we are back|- That's right.
{111231}{111287}{Y:i}We are getting Doug back
{111291}{111367}{Y:i}And we're the three best friends|That anybody could have
{111371}{111439}{Y:i}We're the three best friends|That anyone could have
{111443}{111527}{Y:i}We're the three best friends|That anyone can have
{111531}{111603}{Y:i}And we'll never, ever, ever, ever, ever|Leave each other
{111607}{111674}{Y:i}We're the best three friends|That anybody could have
{111678}{111746}{Y:i}I mean, the three best friends|That anybody could have
{111750}{111825}{Y:i}That's right, the three best friends|That anybody can have
{112258}{112307}- Now what?|- Give him the signal.
{112311}{112398}- What signal?|- Flash your lights. Let him know it's on.
{112402}{112472}- What's on?|- The deal.
{112476}{112566}Of course it's on. We just drove 30 miles|into the desert. He kn
ows it's on.
{112570}{112621}Phil, just do something.
{112650}{112681}Fine.
{112755}{112799}- Oh, shit.|- See?
{112803}{112851}All right, let's go.
{113170}{113221}Funny fat guy fall on face.
{113225}{113259}You okay?
{113263}{113330}All right, we got the money.|Eighty grand, cash.
{113334}{113386}Throw it over. Then I give you Doug.
{113390}{113466}Um, I'm sorry.|First of all, good morning.
{113470}{113511}And we didn't catch|your name last night.
{113515}{113587}Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.
{113591}{113647}Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure.|My name is Stu.
{113651}{113765}And we would very much appreciate|an opportunity to see Doug...
{113769}{113839}...before we give you the money,|just to verify that he's okay.
{113843}{113970}- lf that's cool.|- Of course, Stu. That is cool.
{114206}{114259}- Oh, thank God.|- Okay.
{114263}{114334}See, he fine. Now give me money...
{114338}{114433}...or I shoot him,|and I shoot all you motherfuckers.
{114437}{114525}And then we take it.|Your choice, bitches.
{114541}{114577}- Give him the money, Stu.|- Okay.
{114811}{114879}- It's all there.|- Let him go.
{114950}{115007}All right, take it easy. Take it easy.
{115023}{115051}Ta-da.
{115084}{115133}Is this some kind of joke?|Who the hell is this?
{115137}{115162}That is not Doug.
{115166}{115237}What you talking about, Willis?|That him.
{115241}{115299}No, I'm sorry, Mr. Chow.|That's not our friend.
{115303}{115376}- He... That's...|- The Doug we're looking for is a white.
{115399}{115490}Ah! I told you you had the wrong guy,|little boy.
{115494}{115553}Damn, Alan,|what the fuck you got me into?
{115557}{115601}- You know him?|- This is the guy...
{115605}{115630}...that sold me|the bad drugs.
{115634}{115688}- How you doing?|- I didn't sell you no fucking bad drugs.
{115692}{115815}- Wait. He sold you the Ruphylin?|- Ruphylin? I sold you that Ru
...? Wha...?
{115819}{115917}- Who gives a shit? Where is Doug?|- I am Doug.
{115921}{115977}- Your name's Doug?|- Yes, I'm Doug.
{115981}{116046}His name's Doug too.|Ha. Classic mix-up.
{116050}{116078}Come on.
{116082}{116144}Hey, Chow.|You gave us the wrong Doug.
{116148}{116183}Not my problem.
{116187}{116275}No, fuck that shit. Now, you give us our|80 grand back and take
him with you!
{116279}{116391}- No. Come on. I'll be your Doug.|- Oh, yeah, okay. Oh, I take h
im back.
{116395}{116465}Right after you suck on|these little Chinese nuts.
{116474}{116547}- Ah. That's nasty.|- Mmm. How that sound?
{116551}{116588}Unh, pshh.
{116592}{116688}- So long, gay boys.|- Wait a second.
{116692}{116734}He's a nasty little motherfucker.
{116738}{116765}Did you ever get any ecstasy?
{116769}{116819}No, I ain't got no fucking ecstasy.
{116823}{116900}- Goddamn it!|- Gosh darn it!
{116904}{116979}- Shit!|- Shoot!
{117207}{117259}{Y:i}- Hello?|- Ahem, Tracy, it's Phil.
{117263}{117350}{Y:i}Phil, where the hell are you guys?|I'm freaking out.
{117354}{117395}Yeah, listen.
{117453}{117491}We fucked up.
{117495}{117549}Thanks for the lift back to town.
{117589}{117631}- I got a question for you.|- What's up?
{117635}{117679}How did you wind up in Chow's car?
{117697}{117753}That crazy asshole|kidnapped me yesterday.
{117757}{117810}Okay, but why? I mean, why you?
{117814}{117898}He thought I was with you guys because|we were hanging over at t
he Bellagio.
{117902}{117943}- What?|- We were at the Bellagio?
{117947}{117994}We were shooting craps.|You don't remember?
{117998}{118054}No. No, we don't remember.
{118058}{118180}Because some dick drug dealer sold him|Ruphylin and told him it
was ecstasy.
{118184}{118288}Ruphylin. There you go with that word.|Ruphylin. What the hell i
s a Ruphylin?
{118292}{118394}Wow, you are|the world's shittiest drug dealer.
{118398}{118529}Ruphylin, for your information, is the|date rape drug. You sold
Alan roofies.
{118533}{118618}Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags.|My fault, Alan.
{118622}{118695}Damn, Marshall gonna be|pissed off at me on that one.
{118707}{118780}- Whatever.|- It's funny, because just the other day...
{118784}{118861}...me and my boy, we was wondering|why they even call them roofi
es.
{118865}{118937}- You know what I'm talking about?|- No. Don't know.
{118941}{119000}Why not floories, right?|Because when you take them...
{119004}{119080}...you're more likely|to end up on the floor than the roof.
{119088}{119167}What about groundies?|That's a good new name for them.
{119171}{119206}Or, how about rapies?
{119221}{119280}- Wait, what did you just say?|- Rapies.
{119284}{119338}Not you. Doug,|what did you say before?
{119342}{119373}I said groundies.
{119377}{119402}No, before that.
{119406}{119537}You said, "You're more likely to wind up|on the floor than..."
{119541}{119607}- Phil.|- Listen, Trace, I'm really sorry. l...
{119661}{119730}{Y:i}- Phil? Hello?|- Tracy, it's Stu.
{119734}{119787}Stu. Talk to me. What's going on?
{119791}{119838}Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil.
{119842}{119925}He's completely out of his mind.|He's probably still drunk from
last night.
{119929}{119954}Where's Doug?
{119958}{120037}{Y:i}He is paying the bill.|We just had a delicious brunch.
{120041}{120099}We're in a hurry to get back,|so we gotta get going.
{120103}{120155}- Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye.|- Stu.
{120159}{120211}Stu. Fuck.
{120215}{120303}- What the fuck, man?|- I know where Doug is.
{120464}{120505}I don't know, man. It just hit me.
{120509}{120579}You remember when we saw|Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?
{120583}{120639}- Yeah, we threw it out the window.|- No, impossible.
{120643}{120690}You can't open windows|in Vegas hotels.
{120694}{120728}Well, then how did it get...?
{120732}{120785}- Oh, my God!|- Ha, ha, ha.
{120789}{120862}- Whoa, wait. What's going on?|- Doug was trying to signal someo
ne.
{120866}{120901}- Holy shit.|- Yes.
{120905}{120974}- Wait. How did you figure that out?|- Doug made me realize it.
{120978}{121023}- Doug?|- Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug.
{121027}{121103}- Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on.|- Sorry.
{121107}{121151}Can someone tell me|where white Doug is?
{121155}{121193}- He's on the roof, Alan.|- Yes.
{121197}{121274}He's on the roof. We must have|taken him up there as a prank...
{121278}{121348}...so he'd wake up on the roof.|- Like that time in summer camp.
{121352}{121403}We moved his sleeping bag|out in the jetty at the lake?
{121407}{121449}Ha, ha, ha. Which was hilarious.
{121453}{121527}It's not so funny now, though,|because we forgot where we put hi
m.
{121531}{121575}You guys are retarded, you know that?
{121579}{121685}- Holy shit. You think he's still up there?|- There's only one w
ay to find out.
{121795}{121827}Doug!
{121831}{121875}Doug!
{121879}{121930}- Doug!|- Doug, you up here, buddy?
{122030}{122079}Where you at, Doug?
{122119}{122158}Doug!
{122247}{122272}Hey, guys!
{122295}{122333}He's over here!
{122374}{122459}- Hey, I found him! He's over here!|- Oh, shit.
{122519}{122550}He's okay.
{122562}{122602}You're okay. Ha, ha, ha!
{122606}{122678}Oh, God. We gotta go, buddy. Come on.
{122682}{122754}Oh, we have been looking everywhere|for you.
{122758}{122832}- He's alive.|- What the fuck is going on?
{122836}{122909}We can explain everything,|but right now we gotta go.
{122913}{123010}- Hey, bud. You okay?|- No. Not okay.
{123014}{123080}You look good, you got some color.|I'm jealous.
{123084}{123143}- I'm getting married today.|- Yes, you are.
{123147}{123208}That's why you need to focus|and do everything we say.
{123212}{123292}Because, frankly, you're wasting|a little bit of time right now.
{123296}{123327}You fucking asshole!
{123405}{123446}Oh, my skin burns. My skin burns.
{123450}{123491}Oh, ow! God.
{123495}{123573}- It's okay. It's not your fault, Doug.|- Don't touch me. Shut u
p.
{123577}{123611}All of you, shut up.
{123634}{123671}Just get me home.
{123675}{123702}Mm-hm.
{123706}{123749}Just get me home.
{123767}{123823}What about the one after that?
{123828}{123902}You cannot be serious.
{123919}{123956}Oh, goddamn it.
{123960}{124003}- What?|- Every flight to L.A. is booked.
{124007}{124040}- What about Burbank?|- Sold out.
{124044}{124126}Oh, fuck! We can't drive there, the|wedding starts in three and
a half hours.
{124130}{124183}- Alan, where's the car?|- It's on its way.
{124187}{124219}You know what?
{124223}{124302}We can drive there.|We can make it. Okay?
{124341}{124367}Hi.
{124390}{124482}- Just give me one second.|- We will leave without you.
{124543}{124594}- Is he missing a tooth?|- Yeah.
{124643}{124689}- Hey.|- Hey.
{124693}{124759}Hey, thanks for helping out last night.|That was so awesome.
{124763}{124801}Sure.
{124821}{124880}Listen, Jade, l...
{124884}{124952}Look, you don't have to say it.|I totally understand.
{124956}{125031}- This whole thing was stupid.|- Huh.
{125063}{125102}It was stupid, wasn't it?
{125273}{125319}- This is yours.|- Oh, thank you.
{125347}{125443}I can't believe I gave my grandmother's|Holocaust ring to someon
e I just met.
{125447}{125511}- What was I thinking?|- You were really fucked up.
{125515}{125556}Clearly.
{125580}{125644}- You did pull out your own tooth.|- l...?
{125661}{125687}I pulled out my tooth?
{125718}{125774}Why did I pull out my own tooth?
{125778}{125837}Alan bet you that you weren't|a good enough dentist...
{125841}{125875}...to pull out your own tooth.
{125896}{125966}Okay. Heh.
{125975}{126051}- Of course he did.|- You won.
{126055}{126137}Yeah. Clearly. Yeah.
{126141}{126187}That's victory, right there.
{126191}{126232}It needs to go down.
{126236}{126278}- It's good. Get in.|- No. Safety first.
{126282}{126366}- Alan, it's fine. It's down.|- No, I gotta get it down first.
{126370}{126469}- Jesus Christ. Look out.|- Don't mess the car up.
{126473}{126519}You're gonna mess the car up.
{126523}{126609}- Hey, what are you doing next weekend?|- I don't know. Working.
 Why?
{126613}{126686}I was thinking maybe I'd come back|and take you out to dinner.
{126690}{126751}Really? Like a date?
{126755}{126869}Yeah. Like a date.|Only, one that hopefully I'll remember.
{126881}{126923}Sounds good.
{127006}{127075}- Stu. Come on.|- Stu. Come on.
{127113}{127206}I gotta go. Okay. Bye.
{127271}{127319}- Bye.|- Bye.
{127370}{127413}All right, here we go.
{127425}{127495}- All right, let's go.|- Yeah.
{127499}{127524}Careful.
{127934}{127998}At least the trip|wasn't a total disaster.
{128002}{128078}- What makes you say that?|- When I woke up on the roof...
{128082}{128175}...I happened to find $80,000|worth of Bellagio chips in my pock
et.
{128179}{128221}- Oh!|- Oh, my God!
{128232}{128316}Looks like we're going home|with some money, boys.
{128735}{128779}Here he comes. That's him.
{128832}{128903}- Hey, Neeco!|- Hey. What's up, Alan?
{128907}{128947}Whoo!
{128982}{129022}- Whoa, look out.|- Oh, shit.
{129026}{129074}Whoa! Whoa!
{129155}{129186}- Thanks, Neeco.|- You got it, man.
{129190}{129224}- Page me!|- Adiós.
{129234}{129287}- Who the hell was that guy?|- That's my buddy.
{130155}{130270}Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us|on a really crazy route.
{130809}{130851}- How's my hair?|- It looks good.
{130855}{130955}- Is it cool like Phil's?|- It's classic Phil.
{131066}{131115}She looks beautiful, man.
{131269}{131298}Sorry I'm late.
{131335}{131372}Vegas.
{131486}{131580}Where were you?|And why are you so red?
{131591}{131684}Honey, it's a long story.
{131706}{131753}We are gathered here today...
{131757}{131843}...because of the strength of love|and of promises kept.
{131847}{131924}All I know is I am so sorry.
{131932}{131989}And I promise|for as long as we're married...
{131993}{132096}...to never, ever put you|through anything like this again.
{132123}{132168}Can you forgive me?
{133267}{133315}- Daddy.|- Hey, my man.
{133319}{133376}Excuse me, but I'm expecting|my husband any minute.
{133380}{133425}Oh, that's very funny. Come here.
{133458}{133484}How was your soccer game?
{133891}{133990}- Stu? You avoiding me?|- Hey. Melissa.
{133994}{134059}Oh, my God.|What happened to your tooth?
{134079}{134163}Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother.|Brother of the...
{134167}{134205}Okay. Ow.
{134209}{134279}That is disgusting.|Why haven't you returned my calls?
{134293}{134339}Well, there was a snafu|when we stopped...
{134343}{134388}I called that bed and breakfast in Napa.
{134392}{134468}They said they had no record|of you even checking in.
{134485}{134526}That's because we didn't go to Napa.
{134530}{134626}- Stu. What the fuck is going on?|- We went to Las Vegas.
{134630}{134705}Oh, really? Las Vegas?|Why would you go to Las Vegas?
{134709}{134770}My friend was getting married.|That's what guys do.
{134774}{134816}- Okay, that's not what you do.|- Really?
{134820}{134927}Well, then why did I do it, huh?|Because I did it. Riddle me tha
t.
{134931}{134967}Why'd I do it?
{134971}{135024}All you want me to do|is what you want me to do.
{135028}{135073}I'm sick of doing what you want.
{135077}{135162}In a healthy relationship, a guy should|be able to do what he wa
nts.
{135166}{135239}- That is not how this works!|- Oh, good.
{135243}{135315}Because whatever this is|ain't working for me!
{135319}{135344}- Oh, really?|- Yeah.
{135348}{135375}Since when?
{135379}{135488}Since you fucked that waiter|on your cruise last June. Boom!
{135558}{135647}- You told me it was a bartender.|- Oh, you're right. I stand co
rrected.
{135651}{135727}It was a bartender.|You fucked a bartender.
{135731}{135765}You're an idiot.
{135769}{135794}You're... You...
{135843}{135879}You're such a bad person.
{135883}{135931}Like, all the way through to your core.
{135987}{136056}Alan, shall we dance?
{136083}{136108}Let's do this.
{136319}{136383}- It was a real pleasure meeting you.|- Fuck off.
{136398}{136473}- I'm getting my bartender's license.|- Suck my dick.
{136491}{136524}No, thank you.
{136775}{136826}You guys are awesome.
{136936}{136967}Dougie...
{136971}{137031}...I gotta tell you, man,|this was a gorgeous wedding.
{137035}{137105}- I give it six months.|- You're a dick.
{137128}{137234}I don't know what to say.|Thanks for the bachelor party, I guess
?
{137252}{137357}Yeah. I just wish|we could actually remember some of it.
{137361}{137442}- Hey, guys? Look what I found.|- Whoa, that's my camera.
{137446}{137520}- It was in the back seat of the car.|- Oh, Go... Are there phot
os on it?
{137524}{137581}Yeah. Some of it's even worse|than we thought.
{137585}{137634}- No fucking way. Give me that.|- Wa... Wa... Wait.
{137638}{137698}Wait, wait, wait.
{137756}{137814}We look at these|pictures together, okay?
{137818}{137866}One time.
{137877}{137977}- And then we delete the evidence.|- I say we delete it right no
w.
{137981}{138068}Are you nuts? I wanna find out|how I wound up in the hospital.
{138072}{138169}- Yeah, it's in there.|- Guys, one time.
{138173}{138198}- Deal?|- Deal.
{138202}{138242}- Deal.|- Okay.
{138349}{138386}Oh, dear Lord!
{138390}{138407}{Y:i}That's classic!
{138447}{138847}Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org