Ode to A Potato

By Jamie G. McGougan of Campbeltown

The tattie comes in many sizes and in all "asunder "

There's Arran Pilot and Kerr's Pink
And the famous Golden Wonder

We used to weigh them on the scales

But that was only Pentland Dales
Now the big stores are getting brighter
They are selling Maris Piper's

King Edward came to Mull of Kintyre

He thought that He was fine
He entered into the Southend Games
And threw a Pentland Javelin(e)

He threw the Javelin in His hand

He had an awkward walk
But the Judge stopped the game
And said it was a Pentland Hawk

King Edward was in a muddle

"Alas" He was in a mess
He entered back into the games
And threw a Sharp's Express

He said to the judge I cannot see

The judge "looked at his hand"
He was holding a Desiree

Then came His last and final throw

He threw with all His might
The Javelin landed in Ireland
Then came the "Blight"

Came the end of the games

The judge sounded the klaxon
The overall winner
Was presented with a hundredweight of Saxon's.