Shame

Drove Me Away Love Drew me Back

By Jane Gilgun

I woke up early this morning feeling slimed Why does my subconscious meditate on misery when I sleep? I felt slimmed because my dreams were of prelates who said nothing as thousands of Argentinians disappeared during the time of the junta My dreams were of a child dangling at the end of a rope in a concentration camp as armed guards forced starving people to watch It took the child a long time to die He was too light for his neck to snap Some priests stood up to the Nazis They died in camps Most prelates, such as the pope, said nothing These prelates claim to be Gods representatives on earth the mediators between people and God the next best thing to Jesus

 I didnt get how they did that, but no matter Shock and shame drove me away Jesus drew me back. not the blonde-haired eyes uplifted Jesus but the angry Jesus who said Stop! who chased those who didnt get it out of the temple who overturned tables who probably spit when he talked and may not have bathed regularly This Jesus beckoned me with his bringing forth of the old wisdom and his willingness to die for it The Lord God is one Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and might Love your neighbor as yourself Impress this on your children Talk about this as you walk down the street as you lie down as you sit up Mark it on your forehead Post it on the outside of your house I will do my best Jesus may have beckoned me but horror shoved me back to the commandment of love horror at what human beings are capable of I didnt mean to strangulate her. I only meant to render her unconscious so I could rape her This white dog was crossing the street, see. I drove my car right into it and killed it. Ha! Ha! Ha! I felt like God when I forced that woman to have sex with the German Shepherd

 This and more I heard as I did research on violence. Our prelates failed us, at least some have Love does not fail It is hard to love sometimes and easy much of the time