YOU CAN WIN

Winners don't do different things. They do things Differently.

A STEP BY STEP TOOL FOR TOP ACH E!ERS

SH ! "HERA

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To #y #other to $ho# sh%ll re#%in inde&ted for setting the fo'nd%tion on $hi(h this &oo) is &%sed

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PREFACE
Success doesn't mean the absence of failures; it means the attainment of ultimate objectives. It means winning the war, not every battle. Edwin C. Bliss Yo' h%*e #et +eo+le $ho liter%lly $%nder thro'gh life. They si#+ly %((e+t $h%te*er f%te &rings the#. A fe$ #%y s'((eed &y %((ident, &'t #ost s'ffer thro'gh % lifeti#e of fr'str%tion %nd 'nh%++iness. This &oo) is not for the#. They h%*e neither the deter#in%tion to s'((eed nor the $illingness to de*ote the ti#e %nd effort ne(ess%ry to %(hie*e s'((ess. This &oo) is for yo'. The si#+le f%(t th%t yo' %re re%ding this &oo) indi(%tes yo' $%nt to li*e % ri(her, #ore f'lfilling life th%n yo' h%*e no$. This &oo) (%n en%&le yo' to do th%t. WHAT KIND OF BOOK IS THIS? n one sense, this &oo) is % (onstr'(tion #%n'%l. t des(ri&es the tools yo' $ill need for s'((ess, %nd offers &l'e+rints to hel+ yo' &'ild % s'((essf'l %nd re$%rding life. n % se(ond, sense, it is % (oo)&oo). t lists the ingredients the +rin(i+les yo' $ill need to follo$ to &e(o#e s'((essf'l %nd gi*es yo' the re(i+e for #i-ing the# in the (orre(t +ro+ortions. B't, %&o*e %ll, this is % g'ide&oo) % ste+ &y ste+, ho$ to &oo) th%t $ill t%)e yo' fro# dre%#ing %&o't s'((ess to 'nlo()ing yo'r +otenti%l for s'((ess. HOW TO READ THIS BOOK This &oo) $ill hel+ yo' est%&lish ne$ go%ls, de*elo+ % ne$ sense of +'r+ose, %nd gener%te ne$ ide%s %&o't yo'rself %nd yo'r f't're. t $ill en%&le yo', %s the title s'ggests, to g'%r%ntee yo'rself % lifeti#e of s'((ess. B't the (on(e+ts in this &oo) (%nnot &e %&sor&ed &y (%s'%l &ro$sing or &y g'l+ing the $hole &oo) do$n in one re%ding. t sho'ld &e re%d slo$ly %nd (%ref'lly, one (h%+ter %t % ti#e. Don't #o*e on to the ne-t (h%+ter 'ntil yo' %re s're yo' 'nderst%nd e*ery (on(e+t in the +re*io's (h%+ter. .se this %s % $or)&oo). Write #%rgin%l notes to yo'rself. .se % highlighter %s yo' re%d %nd #%r) those $ords or senten(es or +%r%gr%+hs th%t see# *it%l, or es+e(i%lly %++li(%&le to yo'. As yo' re%d, dis('ss the (on(e+ts in e%(h (h%+ter $ith yo'r s+o'se or +%rtner, or $ith % (lose friend. A se(ond /%nd ho+ef'lly fr%n)0 o+inion fro# so#eone $ho )no$s yo'r strengths %nd $e%)nesses (%n &e es+e(i%lly hel+f'l. START AN ACTION PLAN One of the +'r+oses of this &oo) is to hel+ yo' (re%te %n A(tion Pl%n for the rest of yo'r life. f yo' h%*e ne*er (re%ted %n A(tion Pl%n, it defines three things1 2. Wh%t yo' $%nt to %(hie*e

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3. Ho$ yo' e-+e(t to %(hie*e it 4. When yo' +l%n to %(hie*e it As yo' re%d this &oo), )ee+ % note&oo) h%ndy, di*ided into three se(tions1 yo'r go%ls, the st%ges in $hi(h yo' +l%n to re%(h the#, %nd yo'r ti#et%&le for s'((ess. By the ti#e yo' finish re%ding this &oo), yo'r note&oo) $ill &e the fo'nd%tion on $hi(h yo' (%n &'ild yo'r ne$ life. The +rin(i+les in this &oo) %re 'ni*ers%l. They %re %++li(%&le in %ny sit'%tion, org%ni5%tion, or (o'ntry. As Pl%to s%id, 6Tr'ths %re etern%l.6 hroughout the boo! I have used masculine gender, only for the "ur"ose of ease in writing. he "rinci"les a""ly to both genders and are based on the "remise that most "eo"le fail not because of lac! of ability or intelligence but because of lac! of desire, direction, dedication, and disci"line.

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Any %((o#+lish#ent re7'ires the effort of #%ny +eo+le %nd this $or) is no different. th%n) #y d%'ghters %nd es+e(i%lly #y $ife, $hose +%tien(e %nd s'++ort $%s instr'#ent%l in %((o#+lishing this t%s). th%n) #y st%ff $hose diligent effort #%de this +'&li(%tion +ossi&le. 8%ny e-%#+les, stories, %ne(dotes %re the res'lt of % (olle(tion fro# *%rio's so'r(es, s'(h %s ne$s+%+ers, #%g%5ines, other s+e%)ers, %nd se#in%r +%rti(i+%nts, o*er the l%st 39 ye%rs. .nfort'n%tely, so'r(es $ere not %l$%ys noted or %*%il%&le: hen(e, it &e(%#e i#+r%(ti(%l to +ro*ide %n %(('r%te %()no$ledge#ent. Reg%rdless of the so'r(e, $ish to e-+ress #y gr%tit'de to those $ho #%y h%*e (ontri&'ted to this $or), e*en tho'gh %nony#o'sly. E*ery effort h%s &een #%de to gi*e (redit $here it is d'e for the #%teri%l (ont%ined herein. f in%d*ertently $e h%*e o#itted gi*ing (redit, f't're +'&li(%tions $ill gi*e d'e (redit to those th%t %re &ro'ght to the %'thor's %ttention. ;r%tef'l %()no$ledge#ent is #%de to the follo$ing for +er#ission to 'se (o+yrighted #%teri%l1 The Best of ... Bits < Pie(es, (o+yright 2==>. Re+rinted &y +er#ission. The E(ono#i(s Press, n(.,23 D%niel Ro%d, F%irfield, ?@ ABAA>C39D9, .SA. Tel1 /E2 =B40 33B233>, F%-1 /E2 =B40 33B=B>3, eF#%il1 infoGe+in(.(o#, We&Fsite1 htt+1H H $$$.e+in(.(o#

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CONTENTS
Pref%(e A()no$ledge#ents Ch%+ter 2 8PORTA?CE OF ATT T.DE B'ilding % +ositi*e %ttit'de S.CCESS Winning str%tegies 8OT !AT O? 8oti*%ting yo'rself %nd others e*ery d%y SELFFESTEE8 B'ilding +ositi*e selfFestee# %nd i#%ge ?TERPERSO?AL S" LLS B'ilding % +le%sing +erson%lity S.BCO?SC O.S 8 ?D A?D HAB TS For#ing +ositi*e h%&its %nd (h%r%(ter ;OALFSETT ?; Setting %nd %(hie*ing yo'r go%ls !AL.ES A?D ! S O? 334 Doing the right thing for the right re%son

Ch%+ter 3

Ch%+ter 4

Ch%+ter >

Ch%+ter 9

Ch%+ter D

Ch%+ter B

Ch%+ter I

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CHAPTER 1 IMPORTANCE OF ATTITUDE

B'ilding % +ositi*e %ttit'de

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here was a man who made a living selling balloons at a fair. #e had all colors of balloons, including red, yellow, blue, and green. $henever business was slow, he would release a helium%filled balloon into the air and when the children saw it go u", they all wanted to buy one. hey would come u" to him, buy a balloon, and his sales would go u" again. #e continued this "rocess all day. &ne day, he felt someone tugging at his jac!et. #e turned around and saw a little boy who as!ed, 'If you release a blac! balloon, would that also fly(' )oved by the boy's concern, the man re"lied with em"athy, 'Son, it is not the color of the balloon, it is what is inside that ma!es it go u".' The s%#e thing %++lies to o'r li*es. t is $h%t is inside th%t (o'nts. The thing inside of 's th%t #%)es 's go '+ is o'r %ttit'de. H%*e yo' e*er $ondered $hy so#e indi*id'%ls, org%ni5%tions, or (o'ntries %re #ore s'((essf'l th%n othersJ t is not % se(ret. These +eo+le si#+ly thin) %nd %(t #ore effe(ti*ely. They h%*e le%rned ho$ to do so &y in*esting in the #ost *%l'%&le %ssetFF+eo+le. &elie*e th%t the s'((ess of %n indi*id'%l, org%ni5%tion or (o'ntry, de+ends on the 7'%lity of their +eo+le. h%*e s+o)en to e-e('ti*es in #%Kor (or+or%tions %ll o*er the $orld %nd %s)ed one 7'estion1 6 f yo' h%d % #%gi( $%nd %nd there $%s one thing yo' $o'ld $%nt (h%nged, th%t $o'ld gi*e yo' % ('tting edge in the #%r)et+l%(e res'lting in in(re%sed +rod'(ti*ity %nd +rofits, $h%t $o'ld th%t &eJ6 The %ns$er $%s 'n%ni#o's. They %ll s%id th%t if +eo+le h%d &etter %ttit'des, they'd &e &etter te%# +l%yers, %nd it'd ('t do$n $%ste, i#+ro*e loy%lty %nd, in gener%l, #%)e their (o#+%ny % gre%t +l%(e to $or). Willi%# @%#es of H%r*%rd .ni*ersity s%id, 6The gre%test dis(o*ery of #y

gener%tion is th%t h'#%n &eings (%n %lter their li*es &y %ltering their %ttit'des of #ind.6
E-+erien(e h%s sho$n th%t h'#%n reso'r(es is the #ost *%l'%&le %sset of %ny &'siness. t is #ore *%l'%&le th%n (%+it%l or e7'i+#ent. .nfort'n%tely, it is %lso the #ost $%sted. *eo"le can be your biggest asset or your biggest liability. TQP--TOTAL QUALITY PEOPLE H%*ing &een e-+osed to % n'#&er of tr%ining +rogr%#s, s'(h %s ('sto#er ser*i(e, selling s)ills, %nd str%tegi( +l%nning, h%*e (o#e to the (on(l'sion th%t %ll these %re gre%t +rogr%#s $ith one #%Kor (h%llenge1 ?one of the# $or)s 'nless they h%*e the right fo'nd%tion, %nd the right fo'nd%tion is TLP. Wh%t is TLPJ TLP is Tot%l L'%lity Peo+leFF +eo+le $ith (h%r%(ter, integrity, good *%l'es, %nd % +ositi*e %ttit'de. Don't get #e $rong. Yo' do need %ll the other +rogr%#s, &'t they $ill only $or) $hen yo' h%*e the right fo'nd%tion, %nd the fo'nd%tion is TLP. For e-%#+le, so#e ('sto#er ser*i(e +rogr%#s te%(h +%rti(i+%nts to s%y 6+le%se,6 %nd 6th%n)Fyo',6 gi*e s#iles %nd h%ndsh%)es. B't ho$ long (%n % +erson )ee+ on % f%)e s#ile if he does not h%*e the desire to ser*eJ Besides, +eo+le (%n see thro'gh hi#. And if the s#ile is not sin(ere, it is irrit%ting. 8y +oint is, there h%s to &e s'&st%n(e o*er for#, not for# o*er s'&st%n(e. Witho't % do'&t, one does need to re#e#&er 6+le%se6 %nd 6th%n)Fyo',6 the s#iles, et(.FFthey %re *ery i#+ort%nt. B't )ee+ in #ind th%t they (o#e % lot e%sier $hen %((o#+%nied &y % desire to ser*e. Someone once a""roached Blaise *ascal, the famous +rench "hiloso"her and said, 'If I had your brains, I would be a better "erson.' *ascal re"lied, 'Be a better "erson and you will have my brains.'

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he Calgary ower stands at ,-../ meters. he total weight of the tower is ,.,//0 tons, of which 1,20- tons is below ground 3a""ro4imately 1.56. his shows that some of the greatest buildings have the strongest foundations. 7ust li!e a great building stands on a strong foundation, so does success. 8nd the foundation of success is attitude. YOUR ATTITUDE CONTRIBUTES TO SUCCESS 8 study attributed to #arvard 9niversity found that when a "erson gets a job, /:5 of the time it is because of their attitude, and only ,:5 of the time because of how smart they are and how many facts and figures they !now. Sur"risingly, almost ,..5 of education dollars go to teach facts and figures which account for only ,:5 of success in wor!; This &oo) is %ll %&o't th%t I9M of s'((ess. Attit'de is the #ost i#+ort%nt $ord in the English l%ng'%ge. t %++lies to e*ery s+here of life, in(l'ding one's +erson%l %nd +rofession%l life. C%n %n e-e('ti*e &e % good e-e('ti*e $itho't % good %ttit'deJ C%n % st'dent &e % good st'dent $itho't % good %ttit'deJ C%n % +%rent, te%(her, s%les#%n, e#+loyer, e#+loyee &e good in their roles $itho't % good %ttit'deJ The fo'nd%tion of s'((ess reg%rdless of yo'r (hosen field, is %ttit'de. f %ttit'de is s'(h % (riti(%l f%(tor in s'((ess, sho'ldn't yo' e-%#ine yo'r %ttit'de to$%rd life %nd %s) ho$ yo'r %ttit'de $ill %ffe(t yo'r go%lsJ ACRES OF DIAMONDS here was a farmer in 8frica who was ha""y and content. #e was ha""y because he was content. #e was content because he was ha""y. &ne day a wise man came to him and told him about the glory of diamonds and the "ower that goes along with them. he wise man said, 'If you had a diamond the si<e of your thumb, you could have your own city. If you had a diamond the si<e of your fist, you could "robably own your own country.' 8nd then he went away. hat night the farmer couldn't slee". #e was unha""y and he was discontent. #e was unha""y because he was discontent and discontent because he was unha""y. he ne4t morning he made arrangements to sell off his farm, too! care of his family and went in search of diamonds. #e loo!ed all over 8frica and couldn't find any. #e loo!ed all through Euro"e and couldn't find any. $hen he got to S"ain, he was emotionally, "hysically and financially bro!e. #e got so disheartened that he threw himself into the Barcelona =iver and committed suicide. Bac! home, the "erson who had bought his farm was watering the camels at a stream that ran through the farm. 8cross the stream, the rays of the morning sun hit a stone and made it s"ar!le li!e a rainbow. #e thought it would loo! good on the mantle "iece. #e "ic!ed u" the stone and "ut it in the living room. hat afternoon the wise man came and saw the stone s"ar!ling. #e as!ed, 'Is #afi< bac!(' he new owner said, '>o, why do you as!(' he wise man said, 'Because that is a diamond. I recogni<e one when I see one.' he man said, no, that's just a stone I "ic!ed u" from the stream. Come, I'll show you. here are many more.' hey went and "ic!ed some sam"les and sent them for analysis. Sure enough, the stones were diamonds. hey found that the farm was indeed covered with acres and acres of diamonds.? $hat is the moral of this story( here are five morals@ ,. $hen our attitude is right, we reali<e that we are all wal!ing on acres and acres of diamonds.

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8ttributed to Ar =ussel Conwell . &""ortunity is always under our feet. $e don't have to go anywhere. 8ll we need to do is recogni<e it. B. he grass on the other side always loo!s greener. 2. $hile we are dyeing the grass on the other side, there are others who are dyeing the grass on our side. hey would be ha""y to trade "laces with us. 0. $hen "eo"le don't !now how to recogni<e o""ortunity, they com"lain of noise when it !noc!s. :. he same o""ortunity never !noc!s twice. he ne4t one may be better or worse, but it is never the same one. DAVID AND GOLIATH $e all !now the story of Aavid and Coliath. here was a giant who was bullying and harassing the children in the village. &ne day, a ,D%year%old she"herd boy came to visit his brothers and as!ed, '$hy don't you stand u" and fight the giant(' he brothers were terrified and they re"lied, 'Aon't you see he is too big to hit(' But Aavid said, '>o, he is not too big to hit, he is too big to miss.' he rest is history. $e all !now what ha""ened. Aavid !illed the giant with a sling. Same giant, different "erce"tion. O'r %ttit'de deter#ines ho$ $e loo) %t % set&%(). To % +ositi*e thin)er, it (%n &e % ste++ing stone to s'((ess. To % neg%ti*e thin)er, it (%n &e % st'#&ling &lo(). ;re%t org%ni5%tions %re not #e%s'red &y $%ges %nd $or)ing (onditions, they %re #e%s'red &y feelings, %ttit'des %nd rel%tionshi+s. When e#+loyees s%y, 6 (%n't do it,6 there %re t$o +ossi&le #e%nings. Are they s%ying they don't )no$ ho$ to or they don't $%nt toJ f they don't )no$ ho$ to, th%t is % tr%ining iss'e. f they %re s%ying they don't $%nt to, it #%y &e %n %ttit'de iss'e /they don't (%re0 or % *%l'es iss'e /they &elie*e they sho'ld not do it0. A HOLISTIC APPROACH &elie*e in the holisti( %++ro%(h. We %re not %n %r# %nd % leg, &'t % (o#+lete h'#%n &eing. The $hole +erson goes to $or) %nd the $hole +erson (o#es ho#e. We t%)e f%#ily +ro&le#s to $or) %nd $or) +ro&le#s to the f%#ily. Wh%t h%++ens $hen $e t%)e f%#ily +ro&le#s to $or)J O'r stress le*el goes '+ %nd +rod'(ti*ity (o#es do$n. Si#il%rly, $or) %nd so(i%l +ro&le#s h%*e %n i#+%(t on e*ery %s+e(t of o'r li*es. T%)e %ny one of those ite#s %nd e-tr%+ol%te it into so+histi(%ted %d'lt ter#s %nd %++ly it to yo'r f%#ily life or yo'r $or) or yo'r go*ern#ent or yo'r $orld %nd it holds tr'e %nd (le%r %nd fir#. FACTORS THAT DETERMINE OUR ATTITUDE Are $e &orn $ith %ttit'des or do $e de*elo+ the# %s $e #%t'reJ Wh%t %re the f%(tors th%t for# o'r %ttit'desJ f yo' h%*e % neg%ti*e o'tloo) on life &e(%'se of yo'r en*iron#ent, (%n yo' (h%nge yo'r %ttit'deJ 8ost of o'r %ttit'de is sh%+ed d'ring o'r for#%ti*e ye%rs. There %re +ri#%rily three f%(tors th%t deter#ine o'r %ttit'de. They %re1

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2. en*iron#ent 3. e-+erien(e 4. ed'(%tion These %re (%lled the tri+le Es of %ttit'de. Let's e*%l'%te e%(h of the f%(tors indi*id'%lly. 1. Envi !n"#n$ En*iron#ent (onsists of the follo$ing1

Ho#e1 +ositi*e or neg%ti*e infl'en(es S(hool1 +eer +ress're Wor)1 s'++orti*e or o*er (riti(%l s'+er*isor 8edi%1 tele*ision, ne$s+%+ers, #%g%5ines, r%dio, #o*ies C'lt'r%l &%()gro'nd Religio's &%()gro'nd Tr%ditions %nd &eliefs So(i%l en*iron#ent Politi(%l en*iron#ent

All of these en*iron#ents (re%te % ('lt're. E*ery +l%(e &e it % ho#e, org%ni5%tion or % (o'ntry h%s % ('lt're. H%*e yo' noti(ed th%t so#eti#es yo' go to % store %nd yo' find the s%les+erson +olite, the s'+er*isor, #%n%ger %nd o$ner +olite %s $ellJ Yet yo' go to %nother sho+ %nd yo' find e*eryone r'de %nd dis(o'rteo's. Yo' go to % ho#e %nd yo' find the )ids %nd +%rents $ellF&eh%*ed, (o'rteo's %nd (onsider%te. Yo' go to %nother ho#e $here e*eryone is fighting li)e (%ts %nd dogs. n (o'ntries $here the go*ern#ent %nd +oliti(%l en*iron#ent is honest, gener%lly yo' $ill find th%t the +eo+le %re honest, l%$ %&iding %nd hel+f'l. And the re*erse is tr'e too. n % (orr'+t en*iron#ent, %n honest +erson h%s % to'gh ti#e. Where%s in %n honest en*iron#ent, the (orr'+t one h%s % to'gh ti#e. n % +ositi*e en*iron#ent, % #%rgin%l +erfor#er's o't+'t goes '+. n % neg%ti*e en*iron#ent, % good +erfor#er's o't+'t goes do$n. C'lt're in %ny +l%(e %l$%ys goes to+ do$n, ne*er &otto# '+. We need to ste+ &%() %nd loo) %t $h%t )ind of en*iron#ent $e h%*e (re%ted for o'rsel*es %nd those %ro'nd 's. t is to'gh to e-+e(t +ositi*e &eh%*ior in % neg%ti*e en*iron#ent. Where l%$lessness &e(o#es the l%$, honest (iti5ens &e(o#e (he%ts, (roo)s %nd thie*es. sn't it ti#e to e*%l'%te the en*iron#ent th%t $e %re in or $e h%*e (re%ted for othersJ %. E&'# i#n(#) O'r &eh%*ior (h%nges %((ording to o'r e-+erien(es $ith +eo+le %nd e*ents in o'r life. f $e h%*e % +ositi*e e-+erien(e $ith % +erson, o'r %ttit'de to$%rd hi# &e(o#es +ositi*e %nd *i(e *ers%. *. E+,(-$i!n refer to &oth for#%l %nd infor#%l ed'(%tion, not K'st %(%de#i( 7'%lifi(%tions. "no$ledge str%tegi(%lly %++lied tr%nsl%tes into $isdo#, ens'ring s'((ess. t%l) of ed'(%tion in the

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&ro%der sense. t #%)es the role of the : ed'(%tor *it%l. A te%(her %ffe(ts eternity. The ri++le effe(t is i##e%s'r%&le. We %re dro$ning in infor#%tion &'t st%r*ing for )no$ledge %nd $isdo#. Ed'(%tion o'ght to te%(h 's not only ho$ to #%)e % li*ing &'t %lso ho$ to li*e. HOW DO YOU RECOGNI.E PEOPLE WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE? @'st li)e %n %&sen(e of ill he%lth does not e7'%l good he%lth, %n %&sen(e of neg%ti*ity %lone does not #%)e % +erson +ositi*e. Peo+le $ith +ositi*e %ttit'des h%*e (ert%in +erson%lity tr%its th%t %re e%sy to re(ogni5e. They %re (%ring, (onfident, +%tient, %nd h'#&le. They h%*e high e-+e(t%tions of the#sel*es %nd others. They %nti(i+%te +ositi*e o't(o#es. A +erson $ith % +ositi*e %ttit'de is li)e % fr'it of %ll se%sons. He is %l$%ys $el(o#e. THE BENEFITS OF A POSITIVE ATTITUDE These %re #%ny %nd e%sy to see. B't $h%t is e%sy to see is %lso e%sy to #iss. To #ention % fe$, % +ositi*e %ttit'de

in(re%ses +rod'(ti*ity fosters te%#$or) sol*es +ro&le#s i#+ro*es 7'%lity #%)es for (ongeni%l %t#os+here &reeds loy%lty in(re%ses +rofits fosters &etter rel%tionshi+s $ith e#+loyers, e#+loyees, %nd ('sto#ers red'(es stress hel+s % +erson &e(o#e % (ontri&'ting #e#&er of so(iety %nd %n %sset to their (o'ntry #%)es for % +le%sing +erson%lity THE CONSEQUENCES OF A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE O'r life is %n o&st%(le (o'rse %nd $e &e(o#e o'r o$n &iggest o&st%(le &y h%*ing % neg%ti*e %ttit'de. Peo+le $ith % neg%ti*e %ttit'de h%*e % h%rd ti#e )ee+ing friendshi+s, Ko&s, #%rri%ge %nd rel%tionshi+s. Their %ttit'de le%ds to

&itterness resent#ent % +'r+oseless life ill he%lth high stress le*el for the#sel*es %nd others

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They (re%te % neg%ti*e en*iron#ent %t ho#e %nd $or) %nd &e(o#e % li%&ility to so(iety. They %lso +%ss on their neg%ti*e &eh%*ior to others %ro'nd the# %nd to f't're gener%tions. WHEN WE BECOME AWARE OF OUR NEGATIVE ATTITUDE/ WHY DON0T WE CHANGE? H'#%n n%t're gener%lly resists (h%nge. Ch%nge is 'n(o#fort%&le. Reg%rdless of its +ositi*e or neg%ti*e effe(t, (h%nge (%n &e stressf'l. So#eti#es $e get so (o#fort%&le $ith o'r neg%ti*ity th%t e*en $hen the (h%nge is for the +ositi*e, $e don't $%nt to %((e+t it. We st%y $ith the neg%ti*e. Charles Aic!ens wrote about a "risoner who stayed for many years in a dungeon. 8fter serving his sentence, he got his freedom. #e was brought out from his cell into the bright daylight of the o"en world. his man loo!ed all around and after a few moments was so uncomfortable with his newly acEuired freedom that he as!ed to be brought bac! to his cell into confinement. o him, the dungeon, the chains and the dar!ness were more secure and comfortable than acce"ting the change of freedom and the o"en world. STEPS TO BUILDING A POSITIVE ATTITUDE D'ring (hildhood, $e for# %ttit'des th%t l%st % lifeti#e. .ndo'&tedly, it $o'ld &e % lot e%sier %nd &etter to h%*e %(7'ired % +ositi*e %ttit'de d'ring o'r for#%ti*e ye%rs. Does th%t #e%n if $e %(7'ire % neg%ti*e %ttit'de, $hether &y design or &y def%'lt, $e %re st'() $ith itJ Of (o'rse not. C%n $e (h%ngeJ Yes. s it e%syJ A&sol'tely not. Ho$ do yo' &'ild %nd #%int%in % +ositi*e %ttit'deJ

Be(o#e %$%re of the +rin(i+les th%t &'ild % +ositi*e %ttit'de Desire to &e +ositi*e C'lti*%te the dis(i+line %nd dedi(%tion to +r%(ti(e those +rin(i+les
As %d'lts, reg%rdless of o'r en*iron#ent, ed'(%tion %nd e-+erien(e, $ho is res+onsi&le for o'r %ttit'deJ We %re. We h%*e to %((e+t res+onsi&ility so#e ti#e in o'r li*es. We &l%#e e*eryone %nd e*erything &'t o'rsel*es. t is '+ to 's to (hoose o'r %ttit'de e*ery #orning. As %d'lts, $e need to %((e+t res+onsi&ility for o'r &eh%*ior %nd %(tions. Peo+le $ith neg%ti*e %ttit'des $ill &l%#e the $hole $orld, their +%rents, te%(hers, s+o'se, the e(ono#y %nd the go*ern#ent for their f%il'res. Yo' h%*e to get %$%y fro# the +%st. D'st yo'rself off, get &%() into the #%instre%#. P't yo'r dre%#s together %nd #o*e for$%rd. Thin)ing of the +ositi*e things th%t %re tr'e, honest %nd good, $ill +'t 's in % +ositi*e st%te of #ind. f $e $%nt to &'ild %nd #%int%in % +ositi*e %ttit'de, $e need to (ons(io'sly +r%(ti(e the follo$ing ste+s1 S$#' 11 C2-n3# F!(,)/ L!!4 5! $2# P!)i$iv# We need to &e(o#e good finders. We need to fo('s on the +ositi*e in life. Let's st%rt loo)ing for $h%t is right in % +erson or sit'%tion inste%d of loo)ing for $h%t is $rong. Be(%'se of o'r (onditioning, $e %re so %tt'ned to finding f%'lt %nd loo)ing for $h%t is $rong th%t $e forget to see the +ositi*e +i(t're.

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E*en in +%r%dise, f%'lt finders $ill find f%'lts. 8ost +eo+le find $h%t they %re loo)ing for. f they %re loo)ing for friendshi+, h%++iness %nd the +ositi*e, th%t is $h%t they get. f they %re loo)ing for fights or indifferen(e, then th%t is $h%t they get. C%'tion loo)ing for the +ositi*e does not #e%n o*erloo)ing f%'lts. LOOKING FOR THE GOLD 8s a young Scots boy, 8ndrew Carnegie came to 8merica and started doing odd jobs. #e ended u" as one of the largest steel manufacturers in the 9nited States. 8t one time he had 02 millionaires wor!ing for him. Several decades ago, a million dollars used to be a lot of money; even today it is a lot of money. Someone as!ed )r. Carnegie how he dealt with "eo"le( 8ndrew Carnegie re"lied, 'Aealing with "eo"le is li!e digging gold@ $hen you go digging for an ounce of gold, you have to move tons of dirt to get an ounce of gold. But when you go digging, you don't go loo!ing for the dirt, you go loo!ing for the gold.' Wh%t is yo'r fo('sJ Be(o#e % digger for gold. f yo' %re loo)ing for $h%t is $rong $ith +eo+le or $ith things, yo' $ill find #%ny. Wh%t %re yo' loo)ing forJ Andre$ C%rnegie's re+ly h%s % *ery i#+ort%nt #ess%ge. There is so#ething +ositi*e in e*ery +erson %nd e*ery sit'%tion. So#eti#es $e h%*e to dig dee+ to loo) for the +ositi*e &e(%'se it #%y not &e %++%rent. Besides, $e %re so 'sed to loo)ing for $h%t is $rong $ith other +eo+le %nd sit'%tions, $e forget to see $h%t is right. So#eone on(e s%id th%t e*en % sto++ed (lo() is right t$i(e % d%y. Re#e#&er $hen yo' go loo)ing for gold, yo' h%*e to #o*e tons of dirt to get to %n o'n(e of gold. B't $hen yo' go loo)ing, yo' don't go loo)ing for the dirt, yo' go loo)ing for the gold. Negative People will Always Criti i!e So#e +eo+le (riti(i5e no #%tter $h%t. t does not #%tter $hi(h side yo' %re on, they %re %l$%ys on the other side. They h%*e #%de % (%reer o't of (riti(i5ing. They %re 6(%reer (riti(s.6 They (riti(i5e %s if they $ill $in % +ri5e %t % (ontest. They $ill find f%'lt $ith e*ery +erson %nd e*ery sit'%tion. Yo' $ill find +eo+le li)e this in e*ery ho#e, f%#ily, offi(e. They go %ro'nd finding f%'lt %nd telling e*ery&ody ho$ &%d things %re %nd &l%#ing the $hole $orld for their +ro&le#s. We h%*e % n%#e for these +eo+le. They %re (%lled energy s'()ers. They $ill go to the (%feteri% %nd dro$n the#sel*es in 3A ('+s of te% %nd (offee %nd s#o)e to their he%rts' (ontent $ith one e-('se1 they %re trying to rel%-. All th%t they %re doing is (%'sing #ore tension for the#sel*es %nd for others %ro'nd the#. They s+re%d neg%ti*e #ess%ges li)e % +l%g'e %nd (re%te %n en*iron#ent (ond'(i*e to neg%ti*e res'lts. Ro&ert F'lton in*ented the ste%#&o%t. On the &%n)s of the H'dson Ri*er he $%s dis+l%ying his ne$ in*ention. The +essi#ists %nd the s)e+ti(s $ere g%thered %ro'nd to o&ser*e. They (o##ented th%t it $o'ld ne*er st%rt. Lo %nd &ehold, it did. As it #%de its $%y do$n the ri*er, the +essi#ists $ho s%id it $o'ld ne*er go, st%rted sho'ting th%t it $o'ld ne*er sto+. Wh%t %n %ttit'deN SOME PEOPLE AL"A#S LOOK FOR THE NEGATI$E here was a hunter who bought a bird dog, the only one of its !ind in the world. hat could wal! on water . #e couldn't believe his eyes when he saw this miracle. 8t the

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same time, he was very "leased that he could show off his new acEuisition to his friends. #e invited a friend to go duc! hunting. 8fter some time, they shot a few duc!s and the man ordered his dog to run and fetch the birds. 8ll day%long, the dog ran on water and !e"t fetching the birds. he owner was e4"ecting a comment or a com"liment about his ama<ing dog, but never got one. 8s they were returning home, he as!ed his friend if he had noticed anything unusual about his dog. he friend re"lied, 'Fes, in fact, I did notice something unusual. Four dog can't swim.' So#e +eo+le %l$%ys loo) %t the neg%ti*e side. Who is +essi#istJ Pessi#ists

%re 'nh%++y $hen they h%*e no tro'&les to s+e%) feel &%d $hen they feel good, for fe%r they $ill feel $orse $hen they feel &etter s+end #ost of their life %t (o#+l%int (o'nters %l$%ys t'rn o't the lights to see ho$ d%r) it is %re %l$%ys loo)ing for (r%()s in the #irror of life sto+ slee+ing in &ed $hen they he%r th%t #ore +eo+le die in &ed th%n %ny$here else (%nnot enKoy their he%lth &e(%'se they thin) they #%y &e si() to#orro$ not only e-+e(t the $orst &'t #%)e the $orst of $h%te*er h%++ens don't see the do'ghn't, only the hole &elie*e th%t the s'n shines only to (%st sh%do$s forget their &lessings %nd (o'nt their tro'&les )no$ th%t h%rd $or) ne*er h'rts %nyone &'t &elie*e 6$hy t%)e % (h%n(eJ6

Who is %n o+ti#istJ t is $ell des(ri&ed &y the follo$ing1 Be so strong th%t nothing (%n dist'r& yo'r +e%(e of #ind. T%l) he%lth, h%++iness, %nd +ros+erity to e*ery +erson yo' #eet. 8%)e %ll yo'r friends feel there is so#ething in the#. Loo) %t the s'nny side of e*erything. Thin) only of the &est, $or) only for the &est, %nd e-+e(t only the &est. Be %s enth'si%sti( %&o't the s'((ess of others %s yo' %re %&o't yo'r o$n. Forget the #ist%)es of the +%st %nd +ress on to the gre%ter %(hie*e#ents of the f't're. ;i*e e*eryone % s#ile. S+end so #'(h ti#e i#+ro*ing yo'rself th%t yo' h%*e no ti#e left to (riti(i5e others. Be too &ig for $orry %nd too no&le for %nger.O S$#' %1 M-4# - H-6i$ !5 D!in3 I$ N!7 We h%*e %ll +ro(r%stin%ted %t so#e ti#e in o'r li*es. )no$ h%*e, only to h%*e regretted it l%ter. Pro(r%stin%tion le%ds to % neg%ti*e %ttit'de. The h%&it of +ro(r%stin%tion f%tig'es yo' #ore th%n the effort it t%)es to do it. A (o#+leted t%s) is f'lfilling %nd energi5ing: %n in(o#+lete t%s) dr%ins energy li)e % le%) fro# % t%n). f yo' $%nt to &'ild %nd #%int%in % +ositi*e %ttit'de, get into the h%&it of li*ing in the +resent %nd doing it no$. He sle+t &ene%th the #oon

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He &%s)ed &ene%th the s'n He li*ed % life of going to do %nd died $ith nothing done. FF@%#es Al&ery "%e& I 'e o(e a 'ig 'oy This is li)e the little &oy $ho s%ys $hen &e(o#e % &ig &oy, $ill do this %nd this %nd $ill &e h%++y. And $hen he &e(o#es % &ig &oy he s%ys, $hen finish (ollege %nd do this %nd this %nd $ill &e h%++y. And $hen he finishes (ollege he s%ys $hen get #y first Ko& %nd do this %nd this $ill &e h%++y. And $hen he gets his first Ko& he s%ys $hen get #%rried %nd do this %nd this %nd then $ill &e h%++y. And $hen he gets #%rried he s%ys $hen the )ids get o't of s(hool %nd do this %nd this $ill &e h%++y. And $hen the )ids get o't of s(hool, he s%ys $hen retire %nd do this %nd this, $ill &e h%++y. And $hen he retires $h%t does he seeJ He sees life h%s K'st gone &y in front of his eyes. O 6Creed for O+ti#ists6 &y Christi%n D. L%rsen, in The Best of ... Bits Pie(es, E(ono#i(s Press, F%irfield, ?@, 2==>, +. 4. So#e +eo+le +r%(ti(e +ro(r%stin%tion &y hiding &ehind high so'nding $ords, s%ying 6 '# %n%ly5ing6 %nd si- #onths l%ter they %re still %n%ly5ing. Wh%t they don't re%li5e is th%t they %re s'ffering fro# % dise%se (%lled, 6P%r%lysis of An%lysis6 %nd they $ill ne*er s'((eed. Then there is %nother &reed of +eo+le $ho +ro(r%stin%te &y s%ying 6 '# getting re%dy6 %nd % #onth l%ter they %re still getting re%dy %nd si- #onths l%ter they %re still getting re%dy. Wh%t they don't re%li5e is they %re s'ffering fro# % dise%se (%lled 6E-('sitis.6 They )ee+ #%)ing e-('ses. Life is not % dress rehe%rs%l. don't (%re $h%t +hiloso+hy yo' &elie*e inFF$e h%*e got only one shot %t this g%#e (%lled life. The st%)es %re too high. The st%)es %re the f't're gener%tions. Wh%t ti#e is it %nd $here %re $eJ The %ns$er is no$ %nd $e %re here. Let's #%)e the &est of no$ %nd 'tili5e the +resent to the f'llest. The #ess%ge is not th%t $e don't need to +l%n for the f't're. The #ess%ge is th%t $e do need to +l%n for the f't're. f $e 'tili5e o'r +resent to its f'llest, $e %re so$ing the seeds for % &etter f't're %'to#%ti(%lly, %ren't $eJ f yo' $%nt to &'ild % +ositi*e %ttit'de, le%rn the +hr%se, 6do it no$6 %nd sto+ the h%&it of +ro(r%stin%tion. The s%ddest $ords in life %re1

6 t #ight h%*e &een.6 6 sho'ld h%*e.6 6 (o'ld h%*e.6 6 $ish h%d.6 6 f only h%d gi*en % little e-tr%.6 >ever leave till tomorrow which you can do today. %%Benjamin +ran!lin

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%# s're %ll $inners $%nted to &e +ro(r%stin%tors &'t ne*er got %ro'nd to it. When +eo+le s%y, 6 $ill do it one of these d%ys,6 yo' (%n &e s're it #e%ns none of these d%ys. So#e +eo+le )ee+ $%iting for %ll lights to t'rn green &efore they le%*e ho#e. Th%t $ill ne*er h%++en %nd they f%il e*en &efore they st%rt. Th%t is s%d. Sto+ +ro(r%stin%ting1 sn't it ti#e th%t $e +'t off +'tting things offJ S$#' *1 D#v#8!' -n A$$i$,+# !5 G -$i$,+# Co'nt yo'r &lessings, not yo'r tro'&les. T%)e ti#e to s#ell the roses. t is not 'n(o##on to he%r th%t so#eone, &e(%'se of %n %((ident or illness, &e(%#e &lind or +%r%ly5ed &'t $on % #illion doll%rs in settle#ent. Ho$ #%ny of 's $o'ld li)e to tr%de +l%(es $ith th%t +ersonJ ?ot #%ny. We %re so fo('sed on (o#+l%ining %&o't things $e don't h%*e th%t $e lose sight of the things $e h%*e. There is % lot to &e th%n)f'l for. When s%y (o'nt yo'r &lessings, not yo'r tro'&les, the #ess%ge is not to &e(o#e (o#+l%(ent. f (o#+l%(en(e $%s the #ess%ge yo' got, then $o'ld &e g'ilty of f%'lty (o##'ni(%tion %nd yo' of sele(ti*e listening. o give you an e4am"le of selective listening, let me share with you a story I heard about a medical doctor who was invited as a guest s"ea!er to address a grou" of alcoholics. #e wanted to ma!e a demonstration that would be "owerful enough to ma!e "eo"le reali<e that alcohol was injurious to their health. #e had two containers, one with "ure distilled water and one with "ure alcohol. #e "ut an earthworm into the distilled water and it swam beautifully and came u" to the to". #e "ut another earthworm into the alcohol and it disintegrated in front of everyone's eyes. #e wanted to "rove that this was what alcohol did to the insides of our body. #e as!ed the grou" what the moral of the story was and one "erson from behind said, 'If you drin! alcohol you won't have worms in your stomach.' $as that the message( &f course not. hat was selective listening%% we hear what we want to hear and not what is being said. )any of our blessings are hidden treasures%%count your blessings and not your troubles. S$#' 91 G#$ in$! - C!n$in,!,) E+,(-$i!n P !3 -" Let's get so#e #yths o't of the $%y. t is % gener%l &elief th%t $e get ed'(%ted in s(hools %nd (olleges. r'n se#in%rs in #%ny different (o'ntries %nd %s) #y %'dien(es %ll the ti#e, 6Do $e re%lly get ed'(%ted in s(hools %nd (ollegesJ6 ;ener%lly, there is % (onsens's th%t so#e do &'t #ost don't. We re(ei*e % lot of infor#%tion in s(hools %nd (olleges. Don't get #e $rong. We do need infor#%tion to &e ed'(%ted. B't $e need to )no$ the tr'e #e%ning of ed'(%tion. ntelle(t'%l ed'(%tion infl'en(es the he%d %nd *%l'es &%sed ed'(%tion infl'en(es the he%rt. n f%(t, ed'(%tion th%t does not tr%in the he%rt (%n &e d%ngero's. f $e $%nt to &'ild (h%r%(ter in o'r offi(es, ho#es %nd so(iety, $e #'st %(hie*e % #ini#'# le*el of #or%l %nd ethi(%l liter%(y. Ed'(%tion th%t &'ilds f'nd%#ent%l tr%its of (h%r%(terFFs'(h %s honesty, (o#+%ssion, (o'r%ge, +ersisten(e %nd res+onsi&ilityFFis %&sol'tely essenti%l. We don't need #ore %(%de#i( ed'(%tion: $e need #ore *%l'es ed'(%tion. $o'ld stress th%t % +erson $ho is #or%lly ed'(%ted $ill &e % lot &etter e7'i++ed to #o*e '+ in life or s'((eed th%n % #or%lly &%n)r'+t +erson $ith e-(ellent %(%de#i( 7'%lifi(%tions. Ch%r%(ter &'ilding %nd te%(hing *%l'es %nd ethi(s (o#e in the for#%ti*e ye%rs &e(%'se % (hild is not &orn $ith this )no$ledge.

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E)* atio& "it%o*t $al*es Tr'e ed'(%tion is tr%ining of &oth the he%d %nd the he%rt. An 'ned'(%ted thief #%y ste%l fro# the freight (%r &'t %n ed'(%ted one #%y ste%l the entire r%ilro%d. 9niversities are turning out highly s!illed barbarians because we don't "rovide a framewor! of values to young "eo"le, who more and more are searching for it. FFSte*en 8'ller, President, @ohns Ho+)ins .ni*ersity We need to (o#+ete for )no$ledge %nd $isdo#, not for gr%des. "no$ledge is +iling '+ f%(ts, $isdo# is si#+lifying it. One (o'ld h%*e good gr%des %nd % degree $itho't le%rning #'(h. The #ost i#+ort%nt thing one (%n le%rn is to 6le%rn to le%rn.6 Peo+le (onf'se ed'(%tion $ith the %&ility to #e#ori5e f%(ts. Ed'(%tion of the #ind $itho't #or%ls (re%tes % #en%(e to so(iety. ED+CATION DOES NOT MEAN GOOD ,+DGEMENT here is a story about a man who sold hot dogs by the roadside. #e was illiterate, so he never read news"a"ers . #e was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. #is eyes were wea!, so he never watched television. But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hot dogs. #is sales and "rofit went u". #e ordered more meat and got himself a bigger and a better stove. 8s his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from college, joined his father. hen something strange ha""ened. he son as!ed, 'Aad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way(' he father re"lied, '>o, but tell me about it.' he son said, ' he international situation is terrible. he domestic is even worse. $e should be "re"ared for the coming bad time.' he man thought that since his son had been to college, read the "a"ers, and listened to the radio, he ought to !now and his advice should not be ta!en lightly. So the ne4t day, the father cut down his order for the meat and buns, too! down the sign and was no longer enthusiastic. Gery soon, fewer and fewer "eo"le bothered to sto" at his hot dog stand. 8nd his sales started coming down ra"idly. he father said to his son, 'Son, you were right. $e are in the middle of a recession. I am glad you warned me ahead of time.' "%at is t%e (oral o- t%e story. ,. )any times we confuse intelligence with good judgment. B. 8 "erson may have high intelligence but "oor judgment. 2. Choose your advisers carefully and use your judgment. 0. 8 "erson can and will be successful with or without formal education if they have the : Cs@ character commitment conviction courtesy courage :. he tragedy is that there are many wal!ing encyclo"edias who are living failures.

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ntelligen(e is 7'i()ness to le%#. A&ility is the s)ill to %++ly $h%t is le%rned. Co#+eten(e is the %&ility %nd the desire to %++ly $h%t is le%rned. Desire is the %ttit'de th%t #%)es % s)illf'l +erson (o#+etent. 8%ny s)illf'l +eo+le %re in(o#+etent. A&ility $itho't the right %ttit'de is $%sted. he first duty of a university is to teach wisdom, not trade; character, not technicalities. %%$inston Churchill E+,(-$#+ Who#, then, do (%ll ed'(%tedJ +irst, those who manage well the circumstances which they encounter day by day; and those who can judge situations a""ro"riately as they arise and rarely miss the suitable course of action. >e4t, those who are honorable in their dealings with all men, bearing easily what is un"leasant or offensive in others, and being as reasonable with their associates as is humanly "ossible. +urthermore, those who hold their "leasures always under control and are not unduly overcome by their misfortunes, bearing u" under them bravely and in a manner worthy of our common nature. )ost im"ortant of all, those who are not s"oiled by their successes, who do not desert their true selves, but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober%minded men, rejoicing no more in the good things that have come to them through chance than in those which through their own nature and intelligence are theirs since birth. hose who have a character which is in accord, not with one of these things, but with all of them these are educated%%"ossessed of all the virtues. FFSo(r%tes />BP4== B.C.0 n % n'tshell, ed'(%ted +ersons %re those $ho (%n (hoose $isely %nd (o'r%geo'sly 'nder %ny (ir('#st%n(es. f they h%*e the %&ility to (hoose &et$een $isdo# %nd foolishness, &et$een good %nd &%d, &et$een *irt'o'sness %nd *'lg%rities, reg%rdless of the %(%de#i( degrees they h%*e, then they %re ed'(%ted. An e-+ert is so#eone $ho )no$s %ll the %ns$ers if yo' %s) the right 7'estions. Wh%t is % Bro%dFB%sed Ed'(%tionJ , Some animals in a forest decided to start a school. he students included a bird, a sEuirrel, a fish, a dog , a rabbit H a mentally retarded eel. 8 board was formed and it was decided that flying, tree climbing, swimming, and burrowing would be "art of the curriculum in order to give a broad%based education. 8ll animals were reEuired to ta!e all subjects. he bird was e4cellent at flying and was getting 8's but when it came to burrowing, it !e"t brea!ing its bea! and wings and started failing. *retty soon, it started ma!ing C's in flying and of course in tree climbing and swimming it was getting +'s. he sEuirrel was great at tree climbing and was getting 8's, but was failing in swimming. he fish was the best swimmer but couldn't get out of the water and got +'s in everything else. he dog didn't join the school, sto""ed "aying ta4es and !e"t fighting with the administration to include bar!ing as "art of the curriculum. he rabbit got 8's in burrowing but tree climbing was a real "roblem. It !e"t falling and landing on its head, suffered brain damage, and soon couldn't even burrow "ro"erly and got C's in that too.

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he mentally retarded eel, who did everything half as well became the valedictorian of the class. he board was ha""y because everybody was getting a broad%based education. $hat a broad%based education really means is that the student is "re"ared for life, without losing their areas of s"eciali<ation or com"etence. "e are All Gi-te) wit% So(e Stre&gt%s The s#%ll si5e of the h'##ing&ird, $eighing only % tenth of %n o'n(e, gi*es it the fle-i&ility to +erfor# (o#+li(%ted #%ne'*ers, s'(h %s &e%ting its $ings B9 ti#es % se(ond. This en%&les the h'##ing&ird to drin) ne(t%r fro# flo$ers $hile ho*ering &'t it (%nnot so%r, glide or ho+. The ostri(h, %t 4AA +o'nds, is the l%rgest &ird &'t it (%n't fly. Ho$e*er, its legs %re so strong th%t it (%n r'n %t '+ to 9A #iles +er ho'r, t%)ing strides of 23FF29 feet. I3n! -n(# ll'sion of )no$ledge is not ed'(%tion, &'t ignor%n(e. Foolish +eo+le h%*e % str%nge )ind of (onfiden(e $hi(h (o#es only $ith ignor%n(e. Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn to do things the right way. %%Benjamin +ran!lin There is nothing $rong $ith ignor%n(e, &'t #%)ing % (%reer o't of it is st'+idity. So#e +eo+le %(('#'l%te ignor%n(e %nd they (onf'se it $ith ed'(%tion. gnor%n(e is not &liss. t is #isery, tr%gedy, +o*erty, %nd si()ness. f ignor%n(e $ere &liss, ho$ (o#e not #ore +eo+le %re h%++yJ f % little )no$ledge is d%ngero's, so is % lot of ignor%n(e $hi(h le%ds to +ettiness, fe%r, dog#%tis#, egotis#, %nd +reK'di(e. Wisdo# is nothing #ore th%n dis+elling ignor%n(e. We li*e in %n infor#%tion %ge. t is esti#%ted th%t the %#o'nt of )no$ledge is do'&ling e*ery ye%r. With infor#%tion so re%dily %*%il%&le, it is e%sy to dis+el ignor%n(e. t is s%d to see th%t $e %re t%'ght e*erything &'t the #ost essenti%l things. We %re t%'ght the three R's /re%ding, $riting, %rith#eti(0, &'t $h%t good is intelle(t'%l ed'(%tion $itho't 'nderst%nding h'#%n dignity %nd (o#+%ssionJ S(hools %re % fo'nt%in of )no$ledge1 so#e st'dents (o#e to drin) , so#e to si+ %nd others K'st to g%rgle. Co((o& se&se Ed'(%tion %nd )no$ledge $itho't (o##on sense h%s little #e%ning. Co##on sense is the %&ility to see things %s they %re %nd do the# %s they o'ght to &e done. We %re &orn $ith fi*e senses to'(h, t%ste, sight, s#ell, %nd he%ring. B't s'((essf'l +eo+le h%*e % si-th sense (o##on sense. Co##on sense is g%ined in s+ite of, not ne(ess%rily %s % res'lt of, ed'(%tion. The &est ed'(%tion $itho't (o##on sense is $orthless. An %&'nd%n(e of (o##on sense is (%lled $isdo#. SHARPEN #O+R A/E

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7o 7ohn, a woodcutter, wor!ed for a com"any for five years but never got a raise. he com"any hired Bill and within a year he got a raise. his caused resentment in 7ohn and he went to his boss to tal! about it. he boss said, 'Fou are still cutting the same number of trees you were cutting five years ago. $e are a result%oriented com"any and would be ha""y to give you a raise if your "roductivity goes u".' 7ohn went bac!, started hitting harder and "utting in longer hours but he still wasn't able to cut more trees. #e went bac! to his boss and told him his dilemma. he boss told 7ohn to go tal! to Bill. ')aybe there is something Bill !nows that you and l don't.' 7ohn as!ed Bill how he managed to cut more trees. Bill answered, '8fter every tree l cut, l ta!e a brea! for two minutes and shar"en my a4e. $hen was the last time you shar"ened your a4e(' his Euestion hit home li!e a bullet and 7ohn got his answer. 8y 7'estion is, $hen $%s the l%st ti#e yo' sh%r+ened yo'r %-eJ P%st glory %nd ed'(%tion don't do it. We h%*e to (ontin'o'sly sh%r+en the %-e. Fee) #o*r Mi&) @'st li)e o'r &odies need good food e*ery d%y, o'r #inds need good tho'ghts e*ery d%y. The )ey $ords in the +re(eding senten(e %re good food %nd good tho'ghts. f $e feed o'r &ody $ith K'n) food %nd o'r #ind $ith &%d tho'ghts, $e $ill h%*e &oth % si() &ody %nd #ind. We need to feed o'r #ind $ith the +'re %nd the +ositi*e to st%y on tr%(). Thro'gh (onst%nt +r%(ti(e %nd e-+os're, $e (%n le%rn the +rin(i+les th%t #%)e % +erson s'((essf'l K'st li)e $e le%rn to +l%y &%s)et&%ll. K&owle)ge is Power We he%r e*ery d%y th%t )no$ledge is +o$er. ?ot re%lly. "no$ledge is infor#%tion. t is +otenti%l +o$er %nd it &e(o#es +o$er only $hen it is %(ted '+on. Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een % +erson $ho (%nnot re%d %nd % +erson $ho (%n &'t does not re%dJ ?ot % $hole lot. Le%rning is li)e e%ting food. t is not ho$ #'(h yo' e%t th%t #%tters, $h%t (o'nts is ho$ #'(h yo' digest. "no$ledge is +otenti%l +o$er, $isdo# is re%l +o$er. Ed'(%tion t%)es #%ny for#s, it is not K'st gr%des %nd % degree. t is

('lti*%ting yo'r strength le%rning selfFdis(i+line listening desiring to le%rn

O'r #inds, li)e #'s(les, stret(h or shrin) de+ending on ho$ #'(h or ho$ little $e e-er(ise the#. If you thin! education is e4"ensive, try ignorance. %%Aere! Bo! Contin'o's +ositi*e ed'(%tion le%ds to +ositi*e thin)ing.

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E)* atio& is a Reservoir Positi*e thin)ers %re li)e %thletes $ho, thro'gh +r%(ti(e, &'ild %n inner reser*oir of st%#in% th%t they dr%$ on in (o#+etition. f they don't +r%(ti(e, they h%*e nothing to dr%$ on. Si#il%rly, +ositi*e thin)ers reg'l%rly &'ild % reser*e of +ositi*e %ttit'de &y (onst%ntly feeding their #ind on the +'re, the +o$erf'l %nd the +ositi*e on % d%ily &%sis. They re%li5e th%t $e %re %ll going to &e f%(ed $ith the neg%ti*e %nd if $e h%*e the reser*e of +ositi*e %ttit'de $e $ill &e %&le to o*er(o#e: other$ise the neg%ti*e $ill +re*%il. Positi*e thin)ers %re not fools %nd they %re not going thro'gh life $ith &linders. They %re $inners $ho re(ogni5e their li#it%tions, &'t fo('s on their strengths. Losers, on the other h%nd, re(ogni5e their strengths &'t fo('s on their $e%)nesses. S$#' :1 B,i8+ - P!)i$iv# S#85-E)$##" W2-$ i) S#85-E)$##"? SelfFestee# is the $%y $e feel %&o't o'rsel*es. When $e feel good $ithin, o'r +erfor#%n(e goes '+, o'r rel%tionshi+s i#+ro*e &oth %t ho#e %nd %t $or). The $orld loo)s ni(er. Wh%t is the re%sonJ There is % dire(t (orrel%tion &et$een feeling %nd &eh%*ior. H!7 D! W# B,i8+ P!)i$iv# S#85-E)$##"? f yo' $%nt to &'ild +ositi*e selfFestee# 7'i()ly, one of the f%stest $%ys is to do so#ething for others $ho (%nnot re+%y yo' in (%sh or )ind.

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8 few years ago l started volunteering my time to teach attitude and self%esteem "rograms to jail inmates. In just a few wee!s, I learned more than l had learned in years . 8fter attending my "rogram for two wee!s ;one of the inmates sto""ed me and said, 'Shiv, l want to tal! to you. I'm going to be released from "rison in a cou"le of wee!s.' l as!ed him what he learned through the attitude develo"ment "rogram. #e thought for a while and then said that he felt good about himself. l said, 'Cood doesn't tell me anything. ell me s"ecifically what behavior has changed(' l believe that learning has not ta!en "lace unless behavior changes. #e told me he read his Bible every day since l started the "rogram. l then as!ed him what reading the Bible did to him. #e re"lied that he felt comfortable with himself and others which he hadn't felt before. l said, ' hat is nice, but the bottom line is, what are you going to do when you leave jail(' #e told me he was going to try to be a contributing member of society. hen l as!ed him the same Euestion again and he gave me the same answer. +or the third time l as!ed him the same Euestion $hat are you going to do when you leave jail(' &bviously, l was loo!ing for a different answer. 8t this "oint, in an angry tone, he said, l am going to be a contributing member of society.' l "ointed out to him that there was a world of difference in what he said then and what he said now. Earlier he had said, l am going to try to be' and now he said 'I am going to be.' he difference is the word 'try.' #e got rid of the word trying and that made sense. Either we do it or we don't. he word 'trying' !ee"s the door o"en for him to come bac! to jail. 8nother inmate, who was listening in on our conversation, as!ed, 'Shiv, what do you get "aid to do all this(' l told him that the feeling that l just e4"erienced was worth more than all the money in the world. #e then as!ed, '$hy do you come here(' l said, l come here for my own selfish reason, and my selfish reason is that l want to ma!e this world a better "lace to live.' his !ind of selfishness is healthy. In a nutshell, what you "ut into the system, you always get bac!, and most times more than you can ever "ut in. But you don't "ut it in with the desire to get something bac!. 8nother inmate said, '$hat anybody does is their business. $hen "eo"le ta!e drugs, it is none of your business. $hy don't you leave them alone(' l re"lied, ')y friend, even though l disa""rove, l will com"romise and acce"t what you are saying that it is none of my business. If you can guarantee that when someone ta!es drugs, and when they get behind the wheel of a car and have an accident, the only thing they will ever hit is a tree, l will com"romise. But if you cannot guarantee that when they ta!e drugs and have an accident, then you or your !ids or l or my !ids could be dead under the wheels, you better believe it is my business. l have to get this "erson off the road.' This one +hr%se, 6 t is #y life, $ill do $h%t $%nt,6 h%s done #ore d%#%ge th%n good. Peo+le (hoose to ignore the s+irit %nd deri*e the #e%ning th%t is (on*enient to the#. S'(h +eo+le h%*e tied this +hr%se to selfishness %nd '# s're th%t $%s not the intent. These +eo+le forget th%t $e don't li*e in isol%tion. Wh%t yo' do %ffe(ts #e %nd $h%t do %ffe(ts yo'. We %re (onne(ted. We h%*e to re%li5e th%t $e %re sh%ring this +l%net %nd $e #'st le%rn to &eh%*e res+onsi&ly. There %re t$o )inds of +eo+le in this $orldFFt%)ers %nd gi*ers. T%)ers e%t $ell %nd gi*ers slee+ $ell. ;i*ers h%*e high selfFestee#, % +ositi*e %ttit'de, %nd they ser*e so(iety. By ser*ing so(iety, do not #e%n % r'nFofFtheF#ill +se'do le%derFt'rnedF+oliti(i%n $ho ser*es hi#self &y +retending to ser*e others. As h'#%n &eings, $e %ll h%*e the need to re(ei*e %nd t%)e. B't % he%lthy +erson%lity $ith high selfFestee# is one th%t not only h%s its need to t%)e &'t %lso to gi*e. 8 man was washing his new car when his neighbor as!ed him, '$hen did you get the car(' #e re"lied ')y brother gave it to me.' he neighbor's res"onse was, 'I wish l had a

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car li!e that.' he man re"lied, 'Fou should wish to have a brother li!e that.' he neighbor's wife was listening to the conversation and she interru"ted, 'I wish I was a brother li!e that.' $hat a way to go; S$#' ;1 S$-< A7-< 5 !" N#3-$iv# In58,#n(#) Tod%y's teen%gers le%rn fro# %d'lt &eh%*ior %nd the #edi%. They f%(e +eer +ress're. Peer +ress're is not K'st li#ited to teen%gers, it is %lso +re*%lent in %d'lts. t sho$s % l%() of selfFestee# $hen +eo+le do not h%*e the (o'r%ge to s%y 6?o, th%n) yo',6 %nd st%y %$%y fro# neg%ti*e infl'en(es1 Wh%t %re the neg%ti*e infl'en(esJ 01 Negative People 8n eagle's egg was "laced in the nest of a "rairie chic!en. he egg hatched and the little eagle grew u" thin!ing it was a "rairie chic!en. he eagle did what the "rairie chic!ens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds. It cluc!ed and cac!led. It never flew more than a few feet because that is what the "rairie chic!ens did. &ne day he saw an eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the o"en s!y. #e as!ed the "rairie chic!ens@ '$hat is that beautiful bird(' he chic!ens re"lied, ' hat is an eagle. #e is an outstanding bird, but you cannot fly li!e him because you are just a "rairie chic!en.' So the eagle never gave it a second thought, believing that to be the truth. #e lived the life of and died a "rairie chic!en, de"riving himself of his heritage because of his lac! of vision. $hat a waste; #e was born to win, but was conditioned to lose. he same thing is true of most "eo"le. he unfortunate "art of life is as &liver $endall #olmes said, ')ost "eo"le go to their graves, with music still in them.' $e don't achieve e4cellence because of our own lac! of vision. f yo' $%nt to so%r li)e %n e%gle, yo' h%*e to le%rn the $%ys of %n e%gle. f yo' %sso(i%te $ith %(hie*ers, yo' $ill &e(o#e one. f yo' %sso(i%te $ith thin)ers, yo' $ill &e(o#e one. f yo' %sso(i%te $ith gi*ers, yo' $ill &e(o#e one. f yo' %sso(i%te $ith (o#+l%iners, yo' $ill &e(o#e one. Whene*er +eo+le s'((eed in life, +etty +eo+le $ill t%)e (r%()s %t the# %nd try to +'ll the# do$n. When yo' ref'se to fight +etty +eo+le, yo' $in. n #%rti%l %rts, they te%(h th%t $hen so#eone t%)es % (r%() %t yo', inste%d of &lo()ing yo' sho'ld ste+ %$%y. WhyJ E*en to &lo() yo' re7'ire energy. Why not 'se it #ore +rod'(ti*elyJ Si#il%rly, in order to fight +etty +eo+le, yo' h%*e to (o#e do$n to their le*el. This is $h%t they $%nt, &e(%'se no$ yo' %re one of the#. Don't let neg%ti*e +eo+le dr%g yo' do$n. Re#e#&er, % +erson's (h%r%(ter is not only K'dged &y the (o#+%ny he or she )ee+s &'t %lso &y the (o#+%ny he or she %*oids. %. S"!4in3/ D ,3) -n+ A8(!2!8 &ne reason that I don't drin! is that I want to !now when I am having a good time. FFL%dy Astor Arin!ing ma!es a "erson lose his inhibitions and give e4hibitions.

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n #y tr%*els, h%*e noti(ed th%t in so#e (o'ntries drin)ing h%s &e(o#e % n%tion%l +%sti#e. f yo' don't drin), they loo) %t yo' %s if there is so#ething $rong. Their #otto is1 6 t doesn't #%tter ho$ &%d yo'r English is, %s long %s yo'r S(ot(h is good.6 f % &%n)er %s)ed the# $h%t their li7'id %ssets %re, they $o'ld &ring t$o &ottles of S(ot(h. Drin)ing %nd s#o)ing %re gl%#ori5ed tod%y. t %ll st%rts $ith the first ti#e. f yo' %s) +eo+le $hy they (ons'#e %l(ohol or t%)e dr'gs, they $ill gi*e yo' % host of re%sons, s'(h %s1 to (ele&r%te: to h%*e f'n: to forget +ro&le#s: to rel%-: to e-+eri#ent: to i#+ress /it is (ool to drin)0: to &e f%shion%&le: to #ingle: for &'siness +'r+oses. Peo+le $%nt to (onfor# to +eer +ress're. %# %#%5ed %t the $%y +eer +ress're (o#+els $ith +hr%ses s'(h %s1 6Aren't yo' #y friendJ6: 6One for the ro%d6: 6One for #y he%lth.6 The follo$ing +oe# fro# %n 'n)no$n %'thor e-+l%ins the dile##% of % so(i%l drin)er $ell '*e dr'n) to yo'r He%lth in t%*erns, '*e dr'n) to yo'r He%lth in #y ho#e, '*e dr'n) to yo'r He%lth so d%#n #%ny ti#es, Th%t '*e %l#ost r'ined #y o$nN Drin)ing %nd dri*ing (ost li*es. A((ording to @erry @ohnson,O the A#eri(%n Hos+it%l Asso(i%tion re+orts th%t h%lf of %ll hos+it%l %d#issions %re %l(oholFrel%ted %nd %((ording to the ?%tion%l S%fety Co'n(il's 2=I= A((ident F%(ts Edition, % +erson is inK'red in %n %l(oholFrel%ted (r%sh e*ery DA se(onds. *. P! n!3 -'2< Pornogr%+hy is nothing short of deh'#%ni5ing $o#en %nd (hildren. The (onse7'en(es of +ornogr%+hy %re th%t it

deh'#%ni5es $o#en *i(ti#i5es (hildren destroys #%rri%ges en(o'r%ges se-'%l *iolen(e #%)es f'n of ethi(%l %nd #or%l *%l'es destroys indi*id'%ls, f%#ilies, %nd (o##'nities

A $o#%n is r%+ed in the .nited St%tes e*ery >D se(onds. /?%tion%l !i(ti# CenterH(ri#e !i(ti#s Rese%r(h %nd Tre%t#ent Center, 2==30. EightyFsi- +er(ent of r%+ists %d#it to reg'l%r 'se of +ornogr%+hy, $ith 9B +er(ent %d#itting i#it%tion of +ornogr%+hy s(enes $hen (o##itting se- (ri#es /Dr. Willi%# 8%rsh%ll, 2=II0.O O

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t is s%d to see ho$ lo$ so#e +eo+le $ill stoo+ to #%)e % &'() &y #%)ing +ornogr%+hy their &'siness. Wh%t %&o't the si() +eo+le $ho &'y itJ O '' n his &oo) t's "illing O'r "ids, Word P'&lishing, +. -*. OO Fro# the ?%tion%l Co%lition for the Prote(tion of Children %nd F%#ilies, Ann'%l Re+ort, 2==9. 9. N#3-$iv# M!vi#) -n+ T#8#vi)i!n P !3 -") Tod%y's )ids %re le%rning their %ttit'des %nd *%l'es #ore fro# tele*ision %nd #o*ies th%n fro# %ny$here else. t is esti#%ted th%t in the .nited St%tes, &y the ti#e % yo'ngster gets o't of high s(hool, he h%s $%t(hed #ore th%n 3A,AAA ho'rs of tele*ision, $itnessed 29,AAA #'rders, %nd $%t(hed 2AA,AAA %l(oholFrel%ted (o##er(i%ls.O They (on*ey the #ess%ge th%t drin)ing is f'n, s#o)ing is gl%#oro's, %nd dr'gs %re the 6in6 thing. ?o $onder the (ri#e r%te is so highN So%+ o+er%s gl%#ori5e +re#%rit%l %nd e-tr%#%rit%l se-. ?o $onder (o##it#ents %re l%()ing in rel%tionshi+s %nd di*or(e r%tes %re high. #+ression%&le *ie$ers set their st%nd%rds %nd &en(h#%r)s &%sed on $h%t they see %nd he%r in the #edi%. And no #%tter $ho it is, $e %re %ll i#+ression%&le to *%rying degrees. :. P !5-ni$< .sing +rof%nities sho$ % l%() of selfF(ontrol %nd dis(i+line. ;. R!(4 M,)i( The lyri(s of so#e hit songs %re o&s(ene. We (%n &e s'&(ons(io'sly infl'en(ed &y the #'si( $e he%r %nd the +erfor#%n(e $e $%t(h. S$#' =1 L#- n $! Li4# $2# T2in3) T2-$ N##+ $! 6# D!n# So#e things need to &e done $hether $e li)e the# or not: for e-%#+le, #others (%ring for their yo'ng. They #%y not &e f'n %nd g%#es, %nd #%y e*en &e +%inf'l. B't if $e le%rn to li)e the t%s), the i#+ossi&le &e(o#es +ossi&le. Start by doing what is necessary, then what is "ossible, and suddenly you are doing the im"ossible. %%St. +rancis of 8ssisi S$#' >1 S$- $ Y!, D-< 7i$2 - P!)i$iv# Re%d or listen to so#ething +ositi*e first thing in the #orning. After % good night's slee+ $e %re rel%-ed %nd o'r s'&(ons(io's is re(e+ti*e. t sets the tone for the d%y, %nd +'ts 's in the right fr%#e of #ind to #%)e e*ery d%y % +ositi*e d%y. n order to &ring %&o't (h%nge, $e need to #%)e % (ons(io's effort Andre (o##itted to #%)e +ositi*e tho'ghts %nd &eh%*ior +%rt of o'r li*es. Pr%(ti(e h%*ing +ositi*e tho'ghts %nd &eh%*ior d%ily 'ntil they &e(o#e % h%&it. Willi%# @%#es of H%r*%rd .ni*ersity s%id, 6 f yo' %re going to (h%nge yo'r life, yo' need to st%rt i##edi%tely %nd do it fl%#&oy%ntly.6

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O As #entioned in @erry @ohnson's &oo) t's "illing O'r "ids, +. -*i.

WINNERS VERSUS LOSERS

The Winner is %l$%ys +%rt of the %ns$er:

The Loser is %l$%ys +%rt of the +ro&le#.

The Winner %l$%ys h%s % +rogr%#:

The Loser %l$%ys h%s %n e-('se.

The Winner s%ys, 6Let #e do it for yo'6:

The Loser s%ys, 6Th%t is not #y Ko&.6

The Winner sees %n %ns$er for e*ery +ro&le#:

The Loser sees % +ro&le# for e*ery %ns$er.

The Winner s%ys, 6 t #%y &e diffi('lt &'t it is +ossi&le6:

The Loser s%ys, 6 t #%y &e +ossi&le &'t it is too diffi('lt.6

When % Winner #%)es % #ist%)e, he s%ys, 6 $%s $rong6:

When % Loser #%)es % #ist%)e, he s%ys, 6 t $%sn't #y f%'lt.6

A Winner #%)es (o##it#ents:

A Loser #%)es +ro#ises.

Winners h%*e dre%#s:

Losers h%*e s(he#es.

Winners s%y, 6 #'st do so#ething6:

Losers s%y, 6So#ething #'st &e done.6

Winners %re % +%rt of the te%#:

Losers %re %+%rt fro# the te%#.

Winners see the g%in:

Losers see the +%in.

Winners see +ossi&ilities:

Losers see +ro&le#s.

Winners &elie*e in $inF$in:

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Losers &elie*e for the# to $in so#eone h%s to lose.

Winners see the +otenti%l:

Losers see the +%st.

Winners %re li)e % ther#ost%t:

Losers %re li)e ther#o#eters.

Winners (hoose $h%t they s%y:

Losers s%y $h%t they (hoose. Winners 'se h%rd %rg'#ents &'t soft $ords: Losers 'se soft %rg'#ents &'t h%rd $ords.

Winners st%nd fir# on *%l'es &'t (o#+ro#ise on +etty things:

Losers st%nd fir# on +etty things &'t (o#+ro#ise on *%l'es.

Winners follo$ the +hiloso+hy of e#+%thy1 6Don't do to others $h%t yo' $o'ld not
$%nt the# to do to yo'6: Losers follo$ the +hiloso+hy, 6Do it to others &efore they do it to yo'.6

Winners #%)e it h%++en:

Losers let it h%++en.

Winners +l%n %nd +re+%re to $in.

The )ey $ord is +re+%r%tion.

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BE A WINNER--ACTION STEPS Let #e (lose this (h%+ter $ith the eight %(tion ste+s dis('ssed e%rlier1 2. Be % good finder. 3. 8%)e % h%&it of doing it no$. 4. De*elo+ %n %ttit'de of gr%tit'de. >. ;et into % (ontin'o's ed'(%tion +rogr%#. 9. B'ild +ositi*e selfFestee#. D. St%y %$%y fro# neg%ti*e infl'en(es. B. Le%rn to li)e the things th%t need to &e done. I. St%rt yo'r d%y $ith % +ositi*e.

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ACTION PLAN 1 2. Write these %(tion ste+s do$n on % 4F&yF9 inde- (%rd %nd re%d the# e*ery d%y for the ne-t 32 d%ys. For the ne-t 4A #in'tes, %ns$er the follo$ing 7'estions. 3. Ho$ (%n yo' 'se e%(h ste+ %t ho#eJ %t $or)J so(i%llyJ 4. 8%)e % list of the things yo' $o'ld li)e to (h%nge %&o't yo'rself. >. Then list the &enefits to yo' /%nd others0 of e%(h (h%nge. 9. Fin%lly est%&lish % ti#et%&le %nd (o##it yo'rself to #%)e the (h%nges.

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CHAPTER % SUCCESS
Wining Str%tegies

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S'((ess is not %n %((ident. t is the res'lt of o'r %ttit'de %nd o'r %ttit'de is % (hoi(e. Hen(e s'((ess is % #%tter of (hoi(e %nd not (h%n(e. 8ost (r%()+ots )ee+ $%iting for % K%()+ot. B't (%n th%t &ring s'((essJ A +riest $%s dri*ing &y %nd s%$ %n e-(e+tion%lly &e%'tif'l f%r#. He sto++ed his (%r to %++re(i%te the &o'ntif'l (ro+. The f%r#er $%s riding on his tr%(tor %nd s%$ the +riest %t the (orner. He dro*e to$%rds the Priest %nd $hen he got there the +riest s%id, 6;od h%s &lessed yo' $ith % &e%'tif'l f%r#. Yo' sho'ld &e gr%tef'l for it. The f%r#er re+lied, 6Yes, ;od h%s &lessed #e $ith % &e%'tif'l f%r# %nd %# gr%tef'l for it, &'t yo' sho'ld h%*e seen this f%r# $hen ;od h%d the $hole f%r# to hi#selfN6 Ho$ (o#e one +erson #o*es for$%rd $ith one s'((ess %fter %nother, %nd yet so#e %re still getting re%dyJ Ho$ (o#e one #%n goes thro'gh life (rossing one h'rdle %fter %nother, %((o#+lishing his go%ls $hile %nother str'ggles %nd gets no$hereJ f the %ns$er to these t$o 7'estions (%n &e(o#e +%rt of the ('rri('l'#, it (o'ld re*ol'tioni5e the ed'(%tion%l syste#. The 'n(o##on #%n see)s o++ort'nity, $here%s the (o##on #%n see)s se('rity. We need to )ee+ o'r #inds on $h%t $e $%nt, not on $h%t $e don't $%nt. WHAT IS SUCCESS? A lot of rese%r(h h%s gone into the s'&Ke(t of s'((ess %nd f%il're. All th%t $e need to do is le%rn o'r lessons fro# history. When $e st'dy the life histories of s'((essf'l +eo+le, $e find th%t they h%*e (ert%in 7'%lities in (o##on no #%tter $hi(h +eriod of history they li*ed in. S'((ess le%*es (l'es %nd if $e identify %nd %do+t the 7'%lities of s'((essf'l +eo+le, $e sh%ll &e s'((essf'l. Si#il%rly, there %re (h%r%(teristi(s (o##on in %ll f%il'res. f $e %*oid those (h%r%(teristi(s, then $e sh%ll not &e f%il'res. S'((ess is no #ystery, &'t si#+ly the res'lt of (onsistently %++lying so#e &%si( +rin(i+les. The re*erse is K'st %s tr'e1 F%il're is si#+ly % res'lt of #%)ing % fe$ #ist%)es re+e%tedly. All of this #ight so'nd too si#+listi(, &'t the f%(t is th%t #ost tr'ths %re *ery si#+le. '# not s%ying they %re e%sy, &'t they (ert%inly %re si#+le. To l%'gh often %nd lo*e #'(h: To $in the res+e(t of intelligent +ersons %nd the %ffe(tion of (hildren: To e%rn the %++ro*%l of honest (riti(s %nd end're the &etr%y%l of f%lse friends : To %++re(i%te &e%'ty: To find the &est in others: To gi*e off one's self $itho't the slightest tho'ght of ret'rn: To h%*e %((o#+lished % t%s), $hether &y % he%lthy (hild, % res('ed so'l, % g%rden +%t(h, or % redee#ed so(i%l (ondition: To h%*e +l%yed %nd l%'ghed $ith Enth'si%s# %nd s'ng $ith e-%lt%tion:

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To )no$ th%t e*en one life h%s &re%thed e%sier &e(%'se yo' h%*e li*ed: This is to h%*e s'((eeded. Anony#o's HOW DO WE DEFINE SUCCESS? Wh%t #%)es % +erson s'((essf'lJ Ho$ do $e re(ogni5e s'((essJ To so#e +eo+le, s'((ess #ight #e%n $e%lth. To others, it is re(ognition, good he%lth, good f%#ily, h%++iness, s%tisf%(tion, %nd +e%(e of #ind. Wh%t this re%lly tells 's is th%t s'((ess is s'&Ke(ti*e. t (%n #e%n different things to different +eo+le. The definition th%t feel s'##%ri5es 6s'((ess6 $ell is1 Success is the "rogressive reali<ation of a worthy goal. E%rl ?ighting%le Let's loo) %t these definitions (%ref'lly. 6Progressi*e6 #e%ns th%t s'((ess is % Ko'rney, not % destin%tion. We ne*er %rri*e. After $e re%(h one go%l, $e go on to the ne-t %nd the ne-t %nd the ne-t. 6Re%li5%tion6 #e%ns it is %n e-+erien(e. O'tside for(es (%nnot #%)e #e feel s'((essf'l. h%*e to feel it $ithin #yself. t is intern%l not e-tern%l. 6Worthy6 refers to o'r *%l'e syste#. Whi(h $%y %re $e he%dingJ Positi*e or neg%ti*eJ Worthiness deter#ines the 7'%lity of the Ko'rney. Th%t is $h%t gi*es #e%ning %nd f'lfill#ent. S'((ess $itho't f'lfill#ent is e#+ty. WhyJ 6;o%ls6 %re i#+ort%nt. Be(%'se they gi*e 's % sense of dire(tion. S'((ess does not #e%n &eing %((e+ted &y e*eryone. There %re so#e gro'+s $o'ld not $%nt to &e %((e+ted &y, o't of (hoi(e. $o'ld r%ther &e (riti(i5ed &y fools th%n %++re(i%ted &y 'ns%*ory (h%r%(ters. define s'((ess %s % #%nifest%tion of good l'() th%t res'lts fro# ins+ir%tion, %s+ir%tion, des+er%tion %nd +ers+ir%tion: gener%lly in th%t se7'en(e. S'((ess %nd h%++iness go h%nd in h%nd. S'((ess is getting $h%t yo' $%nt %nd h%++iness is $%nting $h%t yo' getN E-isten(e %lone is not s'((essN t is % lot #oreN Do #ore th%n e-ist FF li*e Do #ore th%n to'(h FF feel Do #ore th%n loo) FF o&ser*e Do #ore th%n re%d FF %&sor& Do #ore th%n he%r FF listen Do #ore th%n listen FF 'nderst%nd @ohn H. Rhodes SOME OBSTACLES TO SUCCESS ?REAL OR IMAGINED@

Ego Fe%r of f%il're s'((ess : l%() of self estee#

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?o +l%n L%() of for#%li5ed go%ls Life (h%nges Pro(r%stin%tion F%#ily res+onsi&ility Fin%n(i%l se('rity iss'es L%() of fo('s, &eing #'ddled ;i*ing '+ *ision for +ro#ise of #oney Doing too #'(h %lone O*erF(o##it#ent L%() of (o##it#ent L%() of tr%ining L%() of +ersisten(e L%() of +riorities

THE WINNING EDGE n order to get the $inning edge , $e need to stri*e for e-(ellen(e, not +erfe(tion. Stri*ing for +erfe(tion is ne'roti(: stri*ing for e-(ellen(e is +rogress, &e(%'se there is nothing th%t (%n't &e done &etter or i#+ro*ed. All th%t $e need is % little edge. The $inning horse in the r%(es $ins 9FtoF2 or 2AFtoF2. Do yo' thin) he is fi*e or ten ti#es f%ster th%n the other horsesJ Of (o'rse not. He #%y only &e f%ster &y % fr%(tion, &y % nose, &'t the re$%rds %re fi*e or ten ti#es gre%ter. s it f%irJ Who (%resJ t doesn't #%tter. Those %re the r'les of the g%#e. Th%t is the $%y the g%#e is +l%yed. The s%#e is tr'e in o'r li*es. S,((#))5,8 '#!'8# - # n!$ $#n $i"#) )"- $# $2-n $2# '#!'8# 72! 5-i8. T2#< "-< 6# 6#$$# 6< - n!)#/ 6,$ $2# #7- +) - # $#n $i"#) 6i33# . We don't need to i#+ro*e 2,AAAM in %ny one %re%. All $e need is to i#+ro*e 2M in 2,AAA different %re%s, $hi(h is % lot e%sier. Th%t is the $inning edgeN STR+GGLE rials in life can be tragedies or trium"hs, de"ending on how we handle them. rium"hs don't come without effort. 8 biology teacher was teaching his students how a cater"illar turns into a butterfly. #e told the students that in the ne4t cou"le of hours, the butterfly would struggle to come out of the cocoon. But no one should hel" the butterfly. hen he left. he students were waiting and it ha""ened. he butterfly struggled to get out of the cocoon, and one of the students too! "ity on it and decided to hel" the butterfly out of the cocoon against the advice of his teacher. #e bro!e the cocoon to hel" the butterfly so it didn't have to struggle anymore. But shortly afterwards the butterfly died. $hen the teacher returned, he was told what ha""ened. #e e4"lained to this student that by hel"ing the butterfly, he had actually !illed it because it is a law of nature that the struggle to come out of the cocoon actually hel"s develo" and strengthen its wings. he boy had de"rived the butterfly of its struggle and the butterfly died.

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8""ly this same "rinci"le to our lives. >othing worthwhile in life comes without a struggle. 8s "arents we tend to hurt the ones we love most because we don't allow them to struggle to gain strength. OVERCOMING OBSTACLES Peo+le $ho h%*e o*er(o#e o&st%(les %re #ore se('re th%n those $ho h%*e ne*er f%(ed the# . We %ll h%*e +ro&le#s %nd $e feel dis(o'r%ged so#e ti#e. 8ost +eo+le get dis%++ointed: &'t $inners don't get dishe%rtened. The %ns$er is +erse*er%n(e. An English +ro*er& s%ys, 6A s#ooth se% ne*er #%de % s)illf'l #%riner.6 E*erything is diffi('lt &efore it &e(o#es e%sy. We (%nnot r'n %$%y fro# o'r +ro&le#s. Only losers 7'it %nd gi*e '+. S'i(ide is % +er#%nent sol'tion to % te#+or%ry +ro&le#. FFA&ig%il !%n B'ren HOW DO WE MEASURE SUCCESS? Tr'e s'((ess is #e%s'red &y the feeling of )no$ing yo' h%*e done % Ko& $ell %nd h%*e %(hie*ed yo'r o&Ke(ti*e. S'((ess is not #e%s'red &y o'r +osition in life &'t &y the o&st%(les $e o*er(%#e to get there. S'((ess in life is not deter#ined &y ho$ $e %re doing (o#+%red $ith others, &'t &y ho$ $e %re doing (o#+%red $ith $h%t $e %re (%+%&le of doing. S'((essf'l +eo+le (o#+ete %g%inst the#sel*es. They &etter their o$n re(ord %nd )ee+ i#+ro*ing (onst%ntly. S'((ess is not #e%s'red &y ho$ high $e go '+ in life &'t &y ho$ #%ny ti#es $e &o'n(e &%() $hen $e f%ll do$n. t is this &o'n(e &%() %&ility th%t deter#ines s'((ess. E$ER# S+CCESS STOR# IS ALSO A STOR# OF GREAT FAIL+RE +ailure is the highway to success. om $atson Sr. said, 'If you want to succeed, double your failure rate.' If you study history, you will find that all stories of success are also stories of great failures. But "eo"le don't see the failures. hey only see one side of the "icture and they say that "erson got luc!y@ '#e must have been at the right "lace at the right time.' Iet me share someone's life history with you. his was a man who failed in business at the age of B, ; was defeated in a legislative race at age BB; failed again in business at age B0; overcame the death of his sweetheart at age B1; had a nervous brea!down at age BD; lost a congressional race at age 20; lost a senatorial race at age 0:; failed in an effort to become vice%"resident at age 0D; lost a senatorial race at age 0-; and was elected "resident of the 9nited States at age :B. his man was 8braham Iincoln. $ould you call him a failure( #e could have Euit. But to Iincoln, defeat was a detour and not a dead end. In ,-,2, Iee Ae +orest, inventor of the triodes tube, was charged by the district attorney for using fraudulent means to mislead the "ublic into buying stoc!s of his com"any by claiming that he could transmit the human voice across the 8tlantic. #e was "ublicly humiliated. Can you imagine where we would be without his invention(

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8 >ew For! imes editorial on Aecember ,., ,-.2, Euestioned the wisdom of the $right Brothers who were trying to invent a machine, heavier than air, that would fly. &ne wee! later, at Jitty #aw!, the $right Brothers too! their famous flight. Colonel Sanders, at age 1:, with a beat%u" car and a K,.. chec! from Social Security, reali<ed he had to do something. #e remembered his mother's reci"e and went out selling. #ow many doors did he have to !noc! on before he got his first order( It is estimated that he had !noc!ed on more than a thousand doors before he got his first order. #ow many of us Euit after three tries, ten tries, a hundred tries, and then we say we tried as hard as we could( 8s a young cartoonist, $alt Aisney faced many rejections from news"a"er editors, who said he had no talent. &ne day a minister at a church hired him to draw some cartoons. Aisney was wor!ing out of a small mouse infested shed near the church. 8fter seeing a small mouse, he was ins"ired. hat was the start of )ic!ey )ouse. Successful "eo"le don't do great things, they only do small things in a great way. &ne day a "artially deaf four year old !id came home with a note in his "oc!et from his teacher, 'Four ommy is too stu"id to learn, get him out of the school.' #is mother read the note and answered, ')y ommy is not stu"id to learn, I will teach him myself.' 8nd that ommy grew u" to be the great homas Edison. homas Edison had only three months of formal schooling and he was "artially deaf. #enry +ord forgot to "ut the reverse gear in the first car he made. Ao you consider these "eo"le failures( hey succeeded in s"ite of "roblems, not in the absence of them. But to the outside world, it a""ears as though they just got luc!y. 8ll success stories are stories of great failures. he only difference is that every time they failed, they bounced bac!. his is called failing forward, rather than bac!ward. Fou learn and move forward. Iearn from your failure and !ee" moving. In ,-,0, homas Edison, at age 1D, lost his factory, which was worth a few million dollars, to fire. It had very little insurance. >o longer a young man, Edison watched his lifetime effort go u" in smo!e and said, ' here is great value in disaster. 8ll our mista!es are burnt u". han! Cod we can start anew.' In s"ite of disaster, three wee!s later, he invented the "honogra"h. $hat an attitude; Belo$ %re #ore e-%#+les of the f%il'res of s'((essf'l +eo+le1 2. Tho#%s Edison f%iled %++ro-i#%tely 2A,AAA ti#es $hile he $%s $or)ing on the light &'l&. 3. Henry Ford $%s &ro)e %t the %ge of >A. 4. Lee %(o((% $%s fired &y Henry Ford %t the %ge of 9>. >. Yo'ng Beetho*en $%s told th%t he h%d no t%lent for #'si(, &'t he g%*e so#e of the &est #'si( to the $orld. Set&%()s %re ine*it%&le in life. A set&%() (%n %(t %s % dri*ing for(e %nd %lso te%(h 's h'#ility. n grief yo' $ill find (o'r%ge %nd f%ith to o*er(o#e the set&%(). We need to le%rn to &e(o#e *i(tors, not *i(ti#s. Fe%r %nd do'&t shortF(ir('it the #ind. As) yo'rself %fter e*ery set&%()1 Wh%t did le%rn fro# this e-+erien(eJ Only then $ill yo' &e %&le to t'rn % st'#&ling &lo() into % ste++ing stone.

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IF YOU THINK f yo' thin) yo' %re &e%ten, yo' %re. f yo' thin) yo' d%re not, yo' don'tN f yo' li)e to $in, &'t thin) yo' (%n't, t's %l#ost % (in(h yo' $on't. yo' thin) yo''ll lose, yo''re lost: For o't in the $orld $e find S'((ess &egins $ith % fello$'s $ill: t's %ll in the st%te of #ind. f yo' thin) yo' %re o't(l%ssed, yo' %re, Yo''*e got to thin) high to rise, Yo''*e got to &e s're of yo'rself &efore Yo' (%n e*er $in % +ri5e. Life's &%ttles don't %l$%ys go To the stronger %nd f%ster #%n, B't sooner or l%ter the #%n $ho $ins s the #%n $ho thin)s he (%n. THE GREATEST GIFT 8%n, of %ll (re%t'res, is +hysi(%lly the #ost ill e7'i++ed in this $orld. He (%nnot fly li)e % &ird, (%n &e )illed &y % tiny inse(t, (%nnot o'tr'n % leo+%rd, (%nnot s$i# li)e %n %llig%tor, (%nnot (li#& the tree li)e % #on)ey, doesn't h%*e the eye of %n e%gle, nor does he h%*e the (l%$s %nd teeth of % $ild (%t. Physi(%lly, #%n is hel+less %nd defenseless. B't n%t're is re%son%&le %nd )ind. ?%t're's gre%test gift to #%n is the %&ility to thin). He (%n (re%te his o$n en*iron#ent, $here%s %ni#%ls %d%+t to their en*iron#ent. S%dly, *ery fe$ +eo+le 'se the gre%test gift the %&ility to thin) to its f'll +otenti%l. F%il'res %re of t$o )inds1 those $ho did %nd ne*er tho'ght %nd those $ho tho'ght %nd ne*er did. ;oing thro'gh life $itho't 'sing o'r %&ility to thin) is li)e shooting $itho't %i#ing. Life is li)e % (%feteri%. Yo' t%)e' yo'r tr%y, sele(t yo'r food %nd +%y %t the other end. Yo' (%n get %nything yo' $%nt %s long %s yo' %re $illing to +%y the +ri(e. n % (%feteri%, if yo' $%it for +eo+le to ser*e yo', yo' $ill $%it fore*er. Life is li)e th%t too. Yo' #%)e (hoi(es %nd +%y the +ri(e. LIFE IS FULL OF CHOICES AND COMPROMISES There is % (ontr%di(tion here. f life is f'll of (hoi(es, $here is the 7'estion of (o#+ro#isesJ Re#e#&er, e*en % (o#+ro#ise is % (hoi(e. Let's e*%l'%te this. H!7 i) Li5# F,88 !5 C2!i(#)? When $e e%t too #'(h, $e #%)e % (hoi(e to &e o*er$eight. When $e drin) too #'(h, $e #%)e % (hoi(e to h%*e % he%d%(he the ne-t d%y. f yo' drin) %nd dri*e, yo' #%)e % (hoi(e to ris) &eing )illed or )illing so#eone in %n %((ident. When $e ill tre%t +eo+le, $e

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#%)e % (hoi(e to &e ill tre%ted in ret'rn. When $e don't (%re %&o't other +eo+le, $e #%)e % (hoi(e not to &e (%red for &y other +eo+le. Choi(es h%*e (onse7'en(es. We %re free to #%)e o'r (hoi(e &'t %fter $e h%*e (hosen, the (hoi(e (ontrols 's. We h%*e e7'%l o++ort'nity to &e 'ne7'%l. The (hoi(e is o'rs. Life (%n &e (o#+%red to % +ottery #%)er $ho sh%+es (l%y in %ny for# he $%nts. Si#il%rly, $e (%n #old o'r li*es into %ny sh%+e $e $%nt. H!7 i) Li5# F,88 !5 C!"' !"i)#)? Life is not K'st +%rty %nd +le%s're: it is %lso +%in %nd des+%ir. .nthin)%&le things h%++en. So#eti#es e*erything t'rns '+side do$n. B%d things h%++en to good +eo+le. So#e things %re &eyond (ontrol, s'(h %s +hysi(%l dis%&ility %nd &irth defe(ts. We (%nnot (hoose o'r +%rents or the (ir('#st%n(es of o'r &irth. So if the &%ll &o'n(ed th%t $%y, sorry. B't $h%t do $e do fro# here: (ry or t%)e the &%ll %nd r'nJ Th%t is % (hoi(e $e h%*e to #%)e. On % (le%r d%y, there %re h'ndreds of &o%ts s%iling in %ll different dire(tions in % l%)e. Ho$ (o#eJ E*en tho'gh the $ind is &lo$ing in one dire(tion, the s%il&o%ts %re going in different dire(tions. Wh%t is the differen(eJ t de+ends on the $%y the s%il is set, %nd th%t is deter#ined &y the s%ilor. The s%#e is tr'e of o'r li*es. We (%n't (hoose the dire(tion of the $ind, &'t $e (%n (hoose ho$ $e set the s%il. We (%n (hoose o'r %ttit'de e*en tho'gh $e (%nnot %l$%ys (hoose o'r (ir('#st%n(es. The (hoi(e is either to %(t li)e % *i(tor or % *i(ti#. t is not o'r +osition &'t o'r dis+osition th%t deter#ines o'r destiny. t t%)es &oth r%in %nd s'nshine to (re%te % r%in&o$. O'r li*es %re no different. There is h%++iness %nd sorro$. There is the good %nd the &%d : d%r) %nd &right s+ots. f $e (%n h%ndle %d*ersity, it only strengthens 's. We (%nnot (ontrol %ll the e*ents th%t h%++en in o'r li*es, &'t $e (%n (ontrol ho$ $e de%l $ith the#. Ri(h%rd Ble(hnyden $%nted to +ro#ote ndi%n te% %t the St. Lo'is World f%ir in 2=A>. t $%s *ery hot %nd no one $%nted to s%#+le his te%. Ble(hnyden s%$ th%t %ll the other i(ed drin)s $ere doing flo'rishing &'siness. t d%$ned on hi# to #%)e his te% into %n i(ed drin), #i- in s'g%r %nd sell it. He did %nd +eo+le lo*ed it. Th%t $%s the introd'(tion of i(ed te% to the $orld. When things go $rong, %s they so#eti#es $ill, $e (%n re%(t res+onsi&ly or resentf'lly. H'#%n &eings %re not li)e %n %(tion $hi(h h%s no (hoi(e. An %(tion (%nnot de(ide $hether to &e(o#e % gi%nt tree or to &e(o#e food for the s7'irrels. H'#%n &eings h%*e (hoi(es. f n%t're gi*es 's % le#on, $e h%*e % (hoi(e1 either (ry or #%)e le#on%de. QUALITIES THAT MAKE A PERSON SUCCESSFUL 01 Desire he motivation to succeed comes from the burning desire to achieve a "ur"ose. >a"oleon #ill wrote, '$hatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.' 8 young man as!ed Socrates the secret to success. Socrates told the young man to meet him near the river the ne4t morning. hey met. Socrates as!ed the young man to wal! with him toward the river. $hen the water got u" to their nec!, Socrates too! the young man by sur"rise and duc!ed him into the water. he boy struggled to get out but Socrates was strong and !e"t him there until the boy started turning blue. Socrates

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"ulled his head out of the water and the first thing the young man did was to gas" and ta!e a dee" breath of air. Socrates as!ed, '$hat did you want the most when you were there(' he boy re"lied, '8ir.' Socrates said, ' hat is the secret to success. $hen you want success as badly as you wanted the air, then you will get it.' here is no other secret. 8 burning desire is the starting "oint of all accom"lishment. 7ust li!e a small fire cannot give much heat, a wea! desire cannot "roduce great results. %. C!""i$"#n$ ntegrity %nd $isdo# %re the t$o +ill%rs on $hi(h to &'ild %nd )ee+ (o##it#ents. This +oint is &est ill'str%ted &y the #%n%ger, $ho told one of his st%ff #e#&ers, 6 ntegrity is )ee+ing yo'r (o##it#ent e*en if yo' lose #oney %nd $isdo# is not to #%)e s'(h foolish (o##it#ents.6 Pros+erity %nd s'((ess %re the res'lt of o'r tho'ghts %nd de(isions. t is o'r de(ision $h%t tho'ghts $ill do#in%te o'r li*es. S'((ess is not %n %((ident. t is the res'lt of o'r %ttit'de. P8-<in3 $! Win R#A,i #) C!""i$"#n$ There is % &ig differen(e &et$een +l%ying to $in %nd +l%ying not to lose. When $e +l%y to $in, $e +l%y $ith enth'si%s# %nd (o##it#ent: $here%s $hen $e +l%y not to lose, $e %re +l%ying fro# % +osition of $e%)ness. When $e +l%y not to lose, $e %re +l%ying to %*oid f%il're. We %ll $%nt to $in, &'t *ery fe$ %re +re+%red to +%y the +ri(e to +re+%re to $in. Winners (ondition %nd (o##it the#sel*es to $inning. Pl%ying to $in (o#es o't of ins+ir%tion, $here%s +l%ying not to lose (o#es o't of des+er%tion. There %re no ide%l (ir('#st%n(es. There $ill ne*er &e. To re%(h %ny$here $e (%nnot K'st drift nor lie %t %n(hor. We need to so#eti#es s%il $ith the $ind %nd so#eti#es %g%inst it, &'t s%il $e #'st. As) %ny (o%(h or %thlete $h%t the differen(e &et$een the &est %nd the $orst te%# is. There $o'ld &e *ery little differen(e in their +hysi7'e, t%lent %nd %&ility. The &iggest differen(e yo' $ill find is e#otion%l differen(e. The $inning te%# h%s dedi(%tion %nd they #%)e the e-tr% effort. To % $inner, the to'gher the (o#+etition

the gre%ter the in(enti*e the #ore #oti*%ted he is the &etter the +erfor#%n(e the s$eeter the *i(tory

?e$ (h%llenges de*elo+ ne$ +otenti%l. 8ost %thletes' &est +erfor#%n(es h%*e (o#e $hen the odds %re slightly %g%inst the#. Th%t is $hen they dig dee+er into their reser*oir. $hen I'd get tired and want to sto", I'd wonder what my ne4t o""onent was doing. $hen I could see him still wor!ing, I'd start "ushing myself. $hen I see him in the shower, I'd "ush myself harder. %%Aan Cable, &lym"ic gold medalist in wrestling

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S'((ess is not in the %(hie*e#ent &'t in the %(hie*ing. So#e +eo+le ne*er try &e(%'se they %re %fr%id to lose. At the s%#e ti#e, they don't $%nt to st%y $here they %re &e(%'se they %re %fr%id to &e left &ehind. There is % ris) either $%y. Shi+s th%t go o't into the o+en $%ter f%(e ris) fro# % stor#. B't if they sit in the h%r&or, they $o'ld r'st %nd th%t is not $h%t they $ere &'ilt for. Th%t is the differen(e &et$een +l%ying to $in %nd +l%ying not to lose. One (%nnot &e (o##itted %nd not t%)e ris)s. Peo+le $ho +l%y to $in thri*e on +ress're %nd those $ho +l%y not to lose don't )no$ ho$ to s'((eed. Press're #%)es +eo+le $ho +l%y to $in, +re+%re h%rder. For those $ho +l%y not to lose, the +ress're s%+s the energy. They $%nt to $in &'t they %re so %fr%id to lose th%t they (%n't re%(h their f'll +otenti%l. They lose energy $orrying %&o't losing inste%d (on(entr%ting their efforts on $inning. Losers $%nt se('rity, $inners see) o++ort'nity. Losers %re #ore %fr%id of life th%n de%th. F%iling is not % (ri#e &'t l%() of effort is. he Euality of a "erson's life is in direct "ro"ortion to their commitment to e4cellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor. Gince Iombardi C!nvi($i!n L#-+) $! C!""i$"#n$ There is % differen(e &et$een +referen(es %nd (on*i(tion. Preferen(es %re negoti%&le: (on*i(tions %re not. Preferen(es gi*e $%y 'nder +ress're: (on*i(tions &e(o#e stronger. Th%t is $hy it is i#+ort%nt to h%*e % good *%l'e syste# so th%t o'r (on*i(tions %re $orthy &e(%'se (on*i(tions in t'rn le%d to (o##it#ent. *. R#)'!n)i6i8i$< 8 duty which becomes a desire will ultimately become a delight. %%Ceorge Critter Peo+le $ith (h%r%(ter %((e+t res+onsi&ilities. They #%)e de(isions %nd deter#ine their o$n destiny in life. A((e+ting res+onsi&ilities in*ol*es t%)ing ris)s %nd &eing %((o'nt%&le $hi(h is so#eti#es 'n(o#fort%&le. 8ost +eo+le $o'ld r%ther st%y in their (o#fort 5one %nd li*e +%ssi*e li*es $itho't %((e+ting res+onsi&ilities. They drift thro'gh life $%iting for things to h%++en r%ther th%n #%)ing the# h%++en. A((e+ting res+onsi&ilities in*ol*es t%)ing (%l('l%ted, not foolish, ris)s. t #e%ns e*%l'%ting %ll the +ros %nd (ons, then t%)ing the #ost %++ro+ri%te de(ision or %(tion. Res+onsi&le +eo+le don't thin) th%t the $orld o$es the# % li*ing. Fou cannot bring about "ros"erity by discouraging thrift. Fou cannot strengthen the wea! by wea!ening the strong. Fou cannot enrich the "oor by im"overishing the rich. Fou cannot establish sound security on borrowed money. Fou cannot hel" the wage earner by "ulling down the wage "ay or . Fou cannot build character and courage by ta!ing away man's initiative and inde"endence. Fou cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred. Fou cannot !ee" out of trouble by s"ending more than you earn. Fou cannot hel" men "ermanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

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FFA&r%h%# Lin(oln The retiring +resident of % (o#+%ny %fter % st%nd%rd f%re$ell, g%*e t$o en*elo+es #%r)ed ?o. 2 %nd ?o. 3 to the in(o#ing +resident, %nd s%id, 6Whene*er yo' r'n into % #%n%ge#ent (risis yo' (%nnot h%ndle &y yo'rself , o+en en*elo+e ?o. 2. At the ne-t (risis, o+en the se(ond one.6 A fe$ ye%rs l%ter, % #%Kor (risis (%#e. The +resident $ent into the s%fe %nd +'lled o't the first en*elo+e. t s%id, 6Bl%#e it on yo'r +rede(essor.6 A fe$ ye%rs l%ter % se(ond (risis (%#e. The +resident $ent for the se(ond en*elo+e, %nd it s%id, 6Pre+%re t$o en*elo+es for yo'r s'((essor.6 Res+onsi&le +eo+le %((e+t %nd le%rn fro# their #ist%)es. So#e +eo+le ne*er le%rn. We (%n do three things %&o't #ist%)es1 gnore the# Deny the# A((e+t %nd le%rn fro# the# The third %ltern%ti*e t%)es (o'r%ge: it is ris)y &'t re$%rding. f, inste%d, $e defend o'r $e%)nesses, $e %(t'%lly st%rt &'ilding o'r li*es %ro'nd the#, #%)ing the# % (enter +oint, r%ther th%n o*er(o#ing the#. 9. H- + W! 4 S'((ess is not so#ething th%t yo' r'n into &y %((ident. t t%)es % lot of +re+%r%tion %nd (h%r%(ter. E*eryone li)es to $in &'t ho$ #%ny %re $illing to +'t in the effort %nd ti#e to +re+%re to $inJ t t%)es s%(rifi(e %nd selfFdis(i+line. There is no s'&stit'te for h%rd $or). Henry Ford s%id, 6The h%rder yo' $or), the l'()ier yo' get.6 The $orld is f'll of $illing $or)ers, so#e $illing to $or) %nd the others $illing to let the#. I li!e to wor! half a day. I don't care if it is the first ,B hours or the second ,B hours. %%Jammons $ilson, CE& of #oliday Inn One (%nnot de*elo+ % (%+%(ity to do %nything $itho't h%rd $or), K'st %s % +erson (%nnot le%rn ho$ to s+ell &y sitting on % di(tion%ry. Profession%ls #%)e things loo) e%sy &e(%'se they h%*e #%stered the f'nd%#ent%ls of $h%te*er they do. If "eo"le !new how hard I had to wor! to gain my mastery, it wouldn't seem wonderful at all. %%)ichaelangelo

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An e-e('ti*e (%lled % (o#+%ny to (he() on % +otenti%l (%ndid%te. He %s)ed the (%ndid%te's s'+er*isor, 6Ho$ long h%s he $or)ed for yo'J6 The #%n re+lied, 6Three d%ys.6 The e-e('ti*e s%id. 6B't he told #e he $%s $ith yo' for three ye%rs.6 The #%n re+lied, 6Th%t is right, &'t he $or)ed three d%ys.6 he average "erson "uts only B:5 of his energy and ability into his wor!. he world ta!es off its hat to those who "ut in more than :.5 of their ca"acity, and stands on its head for those few and far between souls who devote ,..5. %%8ndrew Carnegie S'((ess is the res'lt of &elie*ing in %s)ing ho$ #'(h $or) %nd not ho$ little $or), ho$ #%ny ho'rs not ho$ fe$ ho'rs. The &est #'si(i%ns +r%(ti(e e*ery d%y. Winners don't need to %+ologi5e for $inning &e(%'se they $or) h%rd %nd long. t didn't (o#e e%sy. E*erything th%t $e enKoy is % res'lt of so#eone's h%rd $or). So#e $or) is *isi&le %nd other $or) goes 'nseen, &'t &oth %re e7'%lly i#+ort%nt. So#e +eo+le sto+ $or)ing %s soon %s they find % Ko&. Reg%rdless of the 'ne#+loy#ent st%tisti(s, it is h%rd to find good +eo+le to $or). 8%ny +eo+le don't 'nderst%nd the differen(e &et$een idle ti#e %nd leis're ti#e. dle ti#e %#o'nts to $%sting or ste%ling ti#e: leis're ti#e is e%rned. Pro(r%stin%ting %#o'nts to not $or)ing. E-(ellen(e is not l'(): it is the res'lt of % lot of h%rd $or) %nd +r%(ti(e. H%rd $or) %nd +r%(ti(e #%)e % +erson &etter %t $h%te*er he is doing. hings may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. %%8braham Iincoln H%rd $or) is &oth % &eginning %nd %n end in itself. The h%rder % +erson $or)s, the &etter he feels: %nd the &etter he feels, the h%rder he $or)s. The &est ide%s $ill not $or) 'nless yo' $or) the ide%s. ;re%t t%lent $itho't $ill +o$er %nd h%rd $or) is % $%ste. $e need to learn from nature. he duc! !ee"s "addling relentlessly underneath but a""ears smooth and calm on to". &nce when +rit< Jreisler, the great violinist, finished a concert, someone came u" to the stage and said, 'I'd give my life to "lay the way F&9 do.' Jreisler re"lied, 'I did;' here is no magic wand for success. In the real world, success comes to doers, not observers. 8 horse that "ulls cannot !ic!; a horse that !ic!s cannot "ull. Iet's "ull and sto" !ic!ing. $ithout hard wor! there is no success. >ature gives birds their food but does not "ut it in their nest. hey have to wor! hard for it. >othing comes easy. )ilton rose every morning at 0 a.m. to write *aradise Iost. It too! >oah $ebster 21 years to com"ile $ebster's Aictionary. Even small accom"lishments reEuire hard wor! and are better than big tal!. :. C2- -($# Ch%r%(ter is the s'# tot%l of % +erson's *%l'es, &eliefs %nd +erson%lity. t is refle(ted in o'r &eh%*ior, in o'r %(tions. t needs to &e +reser*ed #ore th%n the ri(hest Ke$el in the $orld. To &e % $inner t%)es (h%r%(ter. ;eorge W%shington s%id, 6 ho+e sh%ll %l$%ys +ossess fir#ness %nd *irt'e eno'gh to #%int%in $h%t (onsider the #ost *%l'%&le of %ll titles, the (h%r%(ter of %n honest #%n.6

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t is not the +olls or +'&li( o+inions &'t the (h%r%(ter of the le%der th%t deter#ines the (o'rse of history. There is no t$ilight 5one in integrity. The ro%d to s'((ess h%s #%ny +itf%lls. t t%)es % lot of (h%r%(ter %nd effort not to f%ll into the#. t %lso t%)es (h%r%(ter not to &e dishe%rtened &y (riti(s. Ho$ (o#e #ost +eo+le lo*e s'((ess &'t h%te s'((essf'l +eo+leJ Whene*er % +erson rises %&o*e %*er%ge, there $ill %l$%ys &e so#eone trying to ri+ hi# %+%rt. Ch%n(es %re +retty good $hen yo' see % +erson on to+ of % hill, th%t he K'st didn't get there, &'t h%d to end're % to'gh (li#&. t's no different in life. n %ny +rofession, % s'((essf'l +erson $ill &e en*ied &y those $ho %re not. Don't let (riti(is# distr%(t yo' fro# re%(hing yo'r go%l. A*er%ge +eo+le +l%y it s%fe to %*oid (riti(is#, $hi(h (%n &e e%sily %*oided &y s%ying, doing or &eing nothing. The #ore yo' %((o#+lish, the #ore yo' ris) &eing (riti(i5ed. t see#s there is % rel%tionshi+ &et$een s'((ess %nd (riti(is#. The gre%ter the s'((ess the #ore the (riti(is#. Criti(s h%*e %l$%ys &een sitting %t the sidelines. They %re 'nder%(hie*ers $ho sho't %t doers, telling the# ho$ to do it right. B't re#e#&er (riti(s %re not the le%ders or doers %nd it is $orth$hile %s)ing the# to (o#e do$n to $here the %(tion is. he critic is one who !nows the "rice of everything and the value of nothing. &scar $ilde There is %nother &reed of +eo+le $ho %re $illing to hel+ others 'ntil the others %re %&le to hel+ the#sel*es. B't %s soon %s they %re %&le to hel+ the#sel*es, this gro'+ of +eo+le #%)e life %s #iser%&le %nd %s 'n(o#fort%&le %s +ossi&le. This is +%rt of life %nd if $e h%*e to s'((eed, $e h%*e to do it in s+ite of the#. This )ind of &eh%*ior is the res'lt of Ke%lo'sy. C2- -($# i) - C!"6in-$i!n Ch%r%(ter is % (o#&in%tion of integrity, 'nselfishness, 'nderst%nding, (on*i(tion, (o'r%ge, loy%lty %nd res+e(t. Wh%t is % +le%s%nt +erson%lity $ith (h%r%(terJ

t is % (l%ss &y itself. t is (o#+os're. t is +oise. t is s'refootedness %nd (onfiden(e $itho't %rrog%n(e. t is &eing (onsider%te. t is ne*er #%)ing e-('ses. t is )no$ing th%t (o'rtesy %nd good #%nners t%)e #%ny s#%ll s%(rifi(es. t is le%rning fro# +%st #ist%)es. t h%s nothing to do $ith #oney or &l'e &lood. t ne*er &'ilds itself &y destroying others. t is s'&st%n(e, not K'st for#. t (%n $%l) $ith the elite %nd yet #%int%in the (o##on to'(h. t is % gentle $ord, % )ind loo) %nd % goodFn%t'red s#ile. t is the se(ret +ride th%t st%nds %g%inst tyr%nny.

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t is (o#fort%&le $ith itself %nd others. t is the (l%ssi( to'(h th%t gi*es the $inning edge. t $or)s $onders. t %((o#+lishes #ir%(les. t is e%sy to re(ogni5e, h%rd to define. t is %((e+ting res+onsi&ility. t is h'#ility. t is gr%(io'sness in *i(tory %nd defe%t. t is not f%#e %nd fort'ne. t is not % +l%7'e. t is +er#%nent. t is int%ngi&le. t is &eing (o'rteo's %nd +olite $itho't &eing s'&ser*ient. t is &eing (l%ssy $itho't &eing (or)y. t is selfFdis(i+line %nd )no$ledge. t is selfF(ont%ined. t is % gr%(io's $inner %nd %n 'nderst%nding loser.

8ore diffi('lt th%n s'((ess itself is: ho$ $e h%ndle s'((ess. 8%ny +eo+le )no$ ho$ to &e(o#e s'((essf'l &'t %fter they &e(o#e s'((essf'l, they don't )no$ ho$ to h%ndle it Th%t is $hy %&ility %nd (h%r%(ter go h%nd in h%nd. A&ility $ill get yo' s'((ess, (h%r%(ter $ill )ee+ yo' s'((essf'l. We don't 'nfold or dis(o*er o'rsel*es , $e (re%te %nd &'ild o'rsel*es into the )ind of +erson $e $%nt to &e. Ch%r%(ter &'ilding st%rts fro# inf%n(y %nd goes on 'ntil de%th. Ch%r%(ter does not need s'((ess. t is s'((ess. @'st li)e % g%rdener h%s to )ee+ $eeding to +re*ent $eeds fro# e%ting the life of the g%rden, $e need to )ee+ &'ilding %nd de*elo+ing o'r (h%r%(ter &y $eeding o't o'r f%'lts. A+v# )i$< B,i8+) -n+B! R#v#-8) C2- -($# .nder %d*erse (ir('#st%n(es, so#e +eo+le &re%) re(ords %nd others &re%) do$n. A ge# (%nnot &e +olished $itho't fri(tion, nor (%n yo' get the finest steel $itho't +'tting it thro'gh fire. Si#il%rly, %d*ersity re*e%ls % +erson's (h%r%(ter %nd introd'(es it to hi#self. There is % s%ying th%t (%#e fro# R'ssi%1 6A h%##er sh%tters gl%ss &'t forges steel.6 There is % lot of tr'th in it. Are $e #%de of gl%ss or steelJ t is the s%#e h%##er. @'st li)e (%r&on deter#ines the 7'%lity of steel, (h%r%(ter deter#ines the 7'%lity of #%n. ;. P!)i$iv# B#8i#vin3 Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een +ositi*e thin)ing %nd +ositi*e &elie*ingJ Wh%t if yo' (o'ld %(t'%lly listen to yo'r tho'ghtsJ Are they +ositi*e or neg%ti*eJ Ho$ %re yo' +rogr%##ing yo'r #ind, for s'((ess or f%il'reJ Ho$ yo' thin) h%s % +rofo'nd effe(t on yo'r +erfor#%n(e. H%*ing % +ositi*e %ttit'de %nd &eing #oti*%ted is % (hoi(e $e #%)e e*ery #orning.

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Li*ing % +ositi*e life is not e%sy: &'t then neither is neg%ti*e li*ing. ;i*en % (hoi(e, $o'ld go for +ositi*e li*ing. Positi*e thin)ing is &etter th%n neg%ti*e thin)ing %nd it $ill hel+ 's 'se o'r %&ilities to the f'llest. Positi*e &elie*ing is % lot #ore th%n +ositi*e thin)ing. t is h%*ing % re%son to &elie*e th%t +ositi*e thin)ing $ill $or). Positi*e &elie*ing is %n %ttit'de of (onfiden(e th%t (o#es $ith +re+%r%tion. H%*ing % +ositi*e %ttit'de $itho't #%)ing the effort is nothing #ore th%n h%*ing % $ishf'l dre%#. The follo$ing ill'str%tes +ositi*e &elie*ing. Aoes Ioc!heed organi<ation have a reason to believe "ositively( Fou bet. Several years ago Ioc!heed introduced the I%,.,, ristar "lane. In order to ensure safety and test the strength of the jetliner, Ioc!heed e4"osed the "lane to the roughest treatment for ,/ months, costing K,.: billion. #ydraulic jac!s, electronic sensors and a com"uter "ut the air"lane through its "aces for more than 21,... simulated flights, amounting to ,.. years of airline service, without one single malfunction. +inally after hundreds of tests the aircraft was given the seal of a""roval. ? here is every reason to believe that this "lane would be safe to fly, because of all the effort "ut into "re"aration. =. Giv# M! # T2-n Y!, G#$ t is e%sy to s'((eed tod%y. We h%*e no (o#+etition. f yo' $%nt to get %he%d in life, go the e-tr% #ile. There is no (o#+etition on the e-tr% #ile. Are yo' $illing to do % little #ore th%n yo' get +%id for J Ho$ #%ny +eo+le yo' )no$ %re $illing to do % little &it #ore th%n $h%t they get +%id forJ H%rdly %ny. 8ost +eo+le don't $%nt to do $h%t they get +%id for %nd there is % se(ond (%tegory of +eo+le $ho only $%nt to do $h%t they (%n get &y $ith. They f'lfill their 7'ot% K'st to )ee+ their Ko&s. There is % s#%ll fr%(tion $ho %re $illing to do % little &it #ore th%n $h%t they get +%id for. Why do they do #oreJ f yo' f%ll into the l%st (%tegory, then $here is yo'r (o#+etitionJ The %d*%nt%ges of doing #ore th%n yo' get +%id for %re 1

Yo' #%)e yo'rself #ore *%l'%&le, reg%rdless of $h%t yo' do %nd $here yo' $or). t gi*es yo' #ore (onfiden(e. Peo+le st%rt loo)ing %t yo' %s % le%der. Others st%rt tr'sting yo'. S'+eriors st%rt res+e(ting yo'. t &reeds loy%lty fro# &oth yo'r s'&ordin%tes %nd yo'r s'+eriors. t gener%tes (oo+er%tion. f yo' $or) for % #%n for he%*en's s%)e $or) for hi#. FF"i# H'&&%rd

These +eo+le %re %l$%ys $%nted e*ery$here reg%rdless of %ge, e-+erien(e or %(%de#i( 7'%lifi(%tions1 h%rd$or)ing +eo+le $ho (%n $or) $itho't s'+er*ision: +eo+le $ho %re +'n(t'%l %nd (onsider%te: +eo+le $ho listen (%ref'lly %nd (%rry o't instr'(tions %(('r%tely: +eo+le $ho tell the tr'th: +eo+le $ho don't s'l) $hen (%lled '+on to +it(h in

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%t the ti#e of %n e#ergen(y: +eo+le $ho %re res'lt r%ther th%n t%s) oriented: +eo+le $ho %re (heerf'l %nd (o'rteo's. Al$%ys thin) in ter#s of gi*ing *%l'e %dded $hether to ('sto#ers, friends, yo'r s+o'se, +%rents or (hildren. Whene*er yo' do %nything, %s) yo'rself, 6Ho$ (%n %dd *%l'e to $h%t %# doingJ6 or 6Ho$ (%n gi*e %dded *%l'e to othersJ6 The )ey to s'((ess (%n &e s'##ed '+ in fo'r $ords1 6%nd then so#e #ore.6 Winners do $h%t they %re s'++osed to %nd then so#e #ore. Winners do their d'ty %nd then so#e #ore. Winners %re (o'rteo's %nd genero's %nd then so#e #ore. Winners (%n &e (o'nted on %nd then so#e #ore. Winners +'t in 2AAM %nd then so#e #ore. A&ility $itho't de+end%&ility, res+onsi&ility %nd fle-i&ility is % li%&ility. 8. Ad%+ted fro# D%ily 8oti*%tions for Afri(%n A#eri(%n S'((ess &y Dennis "i#&ro, @'ne 3=,2==4, F%$(ett Press, ?e$ Yor). Why %re so#e highly intelligent +eo+le, $ith i#+ressi*e %(%de#i( 7'%lifi(%tions li*ing f%il'res, or %t &est +r%(ti(ing #edio(rityJ Be(%'se they &e(o#e e-+erts %t $hy things $on't $or) %nd &'ild % reser*e of neg%ti*e energy. They don't $%nt to do $h%t they get +%id for or they only $%nt to do $h%t they (%n get &y $ith. ?o $onder they %re li*ing f%il'res. When $e gi*e or do #ore th%n $h%t $e get +%id for, $e eli#in%te o'r (o#+etition. n f%(t, $e &e(o#e the (o#+etition. This %ttit'de is #'(h #ore i#+ort%nt th%n intelligen(e or % degree. >. T2# P!7# !5 P# )i)$#n(# >othing will ta!e the "lace of "ersistence. alent will not @ >othing is more common than unsuccessful "eo"le with talent . Cenius will not @ 9nrewarded genius is a "roverb. Education will not@ he world is full of educated derelicts. *ersistence and determination alone are omni"otent. %%Calvin Coolidge The Ko'rney to &eing yo'r &est is not e%sy. t is f'll of set&%()s. Winners h%*e the %&ility to o*er(o#e %nd &o'n(e &%() $ith e*en gre%ter resol*e. DON0T QUIT When things go $rong, As they so#eti#es $ill, When the ro%d yo''re tr'dging see#s %ll '+hill, When the f'nds %re lo$ %nd the de&ts %re high, And yo' $%nt to s#ile, &'t yo' h%*e to sigh, When (%re is +ressing yo' do$n % &it Rest if yo' #'st, &'t don't yo' 7'it. Life is 7'eer $ith its t$ists %nd t'rns, As e*ery one of 's so#eti#es le%rns, And #%ny % f%il're t'rns %&o't When he #ight h%*e $on h%d he st'() it o't. Don't gi*e '+ tho'gh the +%(e see#s slo$ Yo' #%y s'((eed $ith %nother &lo$. S'((ess is f%il're t'rned inside o't

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The sil*er tint of the (lo'ds of do'&t, And yo' ne*er (%n tell ho$ (lose yo' %re, t #%y &e ne%r $hen it see#s so f%r : So sti() to the fight $hen yo''re h%rdest hit t's $hen things see# $orst th%t yo' #'stn't 7'it. Frit5 "reisler, the gre%t *iolinist, $%s on(e %s)ed, 6Ho$ do yo' +l%y so $ellJ Are yo' l'()yJ6 He re+lied, 6 t is +r%(ti(e. f don't +r%(ti(e for % #onth, the %'dien(e (%n tell the differen(e. f don't +r%(ti(e for % $ee), #y $ife (%n tell the differen(e. f don't +r%(ti(e for % d%y, (%n tell the differen(e.6 Persisten(e #e%ns (o##it#ent %nd deter#in%tion. There is +le%s're in end'r%n(e. Co##it#ent %nd +ersisten(e is % de(ision. Athletes +'t in ye%rs of +r%(ti(e for % fe$ se(onds or #in'tes of +erfor#%n(e. Persisten(e is % de(ision. t is % (o##it#ent to finish $h%t yo' st%rt. When $e %re e-h%'sted, 7'itting loo)s good. B't $inners end're. As) % $inning %thlete. He end'res +%in %nd finishes $h%t he st%rted. Lots of f%il'res h%*e &eg'n $ell &'t h%*e not (on(l'ded %nything. Persisten(e (o#es fro# +'r+ose. Life $itho't +'r+ose is drifting. A +erson $ho h%s no +'r+ose $ill ne*er +erse*ere %nd $ill ne*er &e f'lfilled. C. P i+# !5 P# 5! "-n(# n tod%y's $orld, +ride in +erfor#%n(e h%s f%llen &y the $%yside &e(%'se it re7'ires effort %nd h%rd $or). Ho$e*er, nothing h%++ens 'nless it is #%de to h%++en. When one is dis(o'r%ged, it is e%sy to loo) for short('ts. Ho$e*er these sho'ld &e %*oided no #%tter ho$ gre%t the te#+t%tion. Pride (o#es fro# $ithin, $hi(h is $h%t gi*es the $inning edge. Pride of +erfor#%n(e does not re+resent ego. t re+resents +le%s're $ith h'#ility. The 7'%lity of the $or) %nd the 7'%lity of the $or)er %re inse+%r%&le. H%lfFhe%rted effort does not +rod'(e h%lf res'lts: it +rod'(es no res'lts. hree "eo"le were laying bric!s and a "asserby as!ed them what they were doing. he first one re"lied, 'Aon't you see I am ma!ing a living(' he second one said, 'Aon't you see I am laying bric!s(' he third one said, 'I am building a beautiful monument.' hree "eo"le doing the same thing gave totally different re"lies. he Euestion is @ did they have different attitudes( 8nd would their attitude affect their "erformance( he answer is a clear yes. E-(ellen(e (o#es $hen the +erfor#er t%)es +ride in doing his &est. E*ery Ko& is % selfF +ortr%it of the +erson $ho does it, reg%rdless of $h%t the Ko& is, $hether $%shing (%rs, s$ee+ing the floor or +%inting % ho'se. Do it right the first ti#e, e*ery ti#e. The &est ins'r%n(e for to#orro$ is % Ko& $ell done tod%y. )ichelangelo was wor!ing on a statue for several days and he was ta!ing a long time to retouch every small detail which seemed rather insignificant to a bystander. $hen as!ed why he did it, )ichelangelo re"lied, ' rifles ma!e "erfection and "erfection is no trifle.' )ost "eo"le forget how fast you did a job, but they remember how well it was done. If a man is called to be street swee"er, he should swee" streets even as )ichelangelo "ainted, or Beethoven com"osed music, or Sha!es"eare wrote "oetry. #e should swee" streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will "ause to say, here

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lived a great street swee"er who did his job well. %%)artin Iuger Jing, 7r. &ne cannot com"romise on Euality and service. It is said that =ay Jroc, founder of )cAonald's, found a fly during one of his visits at a franchise. wo wee!s later the franchisee lost his franchise. =ay Jroc said, 'Fou should wor! for "ride and accom"lishment. I was brought u" to understand that reward will come later.' he feeling of a job well done is a reward in itself. It is better to do small things well than do many things "oorly.

1D. B# Wi88in3 $! B# - S$,+#n$--G#$ - M#n$! f ;od %nd the te%(her /g'r'0 %re st%nding together, $ho does the st'dent s%l'te firstJ A((ording to ndi%n ('lt're, the %ns$er is the te%(her, &e(%'se $itho't his dire(tion %nd hel+, the st'dent (o'ld not h%*e #et ;od. A #entor or % te%(her is % +erson $hose hindsight (%n &e(o#e yo'r foresight. Loo) for so#eone $ho (%n %((e+t yo' %s % #entee or % st'dent. Choose yo'r #entor (%ref'lly. A good one $ill g'ide %nd gi*e dire(tion: % &%d one $ill #isg'ide. Sho$ res+e(t. Be %n interested st'dent. Te%(hers li)e interested st'dents. The &est te%(hers $ill not gi*e yo' so#ething to drin), they $ill #%)e yo' thirsty. They $ill +'t yo' on % +%th to see) %ns$ers. here is a story about a !ing in ancient times who wanted to honor a "erson that made the greatest contribution to society. 8ll !inds of "eo"le came, including doctors and entre"reneurs, and they all "resented their case for receiving the honor. he !ing wasn't im"ressed. +inally an elderly "erson with a glow on his face wal!ed in and said he was a teacher. he !ing came down from his throne and bowed to honor the teacher. It is the teacher who ma!es the highest contribution in sha"ing the future of society. DO WE HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE SUCCESSFUL? Do %ll of 's h%*e the 7'%lities for s'((essJ So#e +eo+le feel they don't. They st%y #edio(re %nd f%il. B't it doesn't h%*e to &e th%t $%y. All of 's h%*e %ll of these 7'%lities. They #%y not &e de*elo+ed to the le*el th%t $e $%nt the# &'t they %re there. We #%y not )no$ th%t they %re there, &'t $hen $e find o't, o'r +erfor#%n(e (h%nges. This is li)e h%*ing % #illion doll%rs &'ried in yo'r &%()y%rd %nd not )no$ing %&o't it. Yo' $o'ldn't &e %&le to 'se it. B't the #o#ent yo' find o't, yo'r thin)ing %nd &eh%*ior $ill (h%nge. The s%#e thing is tr'e $ith +eo+le. We %ll h%*e hidden tre%s'res. All $e need to do is &ring the# to the s'rf%(e %nd 'se the#. WHAT IS HOLDING US BACK? Wh%t $o'ld h%++en if $e dro*e o'r (%r $ith the &r%)es onJ t $o'ldn't &e s#%rt, $o'ld itJ Wh%t $o'ld h%++en to o'r (%rJ t $ill ne*er go f'll s+eed &e(%'se the &r%)es offer resist%n(e. The (%r $ill o*erhe%t %nd &re%) do$n. f it doesn't &re%) do$n, the resist%n(e

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$ill str%in the engine. Yo' h%*e t$o (hoi(es. Yo' (%n either +ress the %((eler%tor h%rder %nd ris) d%#%ge, or rele%se the &r%)es to #%)e the (%r go f%ster. This is % good +%r%llel to life, &e(%'se $e go thro'gh life $ith o'r e#otion%l &r%)es on. Wh%t %re the &r%)esJ They %re the f%(tors th%t +re*ent 's fro# %(hie*ing s'((ess. The $%y to rele%se o'r e#otion%l &r%)es is &y &'ilding % +ositi*e %ttit'de, high selfFestee# %nd &y %((e+ting res+onsi&ility. REASONS FOR FAILURE WHY WE DON0T ACHIEVE EECELLENCE Iife is li!e a ten s"eed bicycle. )ost of us have gears we never use. %%Charles Schult<

1. Un7i88in3n#)) $! T-4# Ri)4) S'((ess in*ol*es t%)ing (%l('l%ted ris)s. Ris) t%)ing does not #e%n g%#&ling foolishly %nd &eh%*ing irres+onsi&ly. Peo+le so#eti#es #ist%)e irres+onsi&le %nd r%sh &eh%*ior %s ris)Ft%)ing. They end '+ $ith neg%ti*e res'lts %nd &l%#e it on &%d l'(). Ris)Ft%)ing is rel%ti*e. The (on(e+t of ris) *%ries fro# +erson to +erson %nd (%n &e % res'lt of tr%ining. To &oth % tr%ined #o'nt%in (li#&er %nd % no*i(e, #o'nt%in (li#&ing is ris)y, &'t to the tr%ined +erson it is not irres+onsi&le ris)Ft%)ing. Res+onsi&le ris)Ft%)ing is &%sed on )no$ledge, tr%ining, (%ref'l st'dy, (onfiden(e %nd (o#+eten(e $hi(h gi*e % +erson the (o'r%ge to %(t $hile f%(ing fe%r. The +erson $ho ne*er does %nything #%)es no #ist%)es. Ho$e*er, he doesn't re%li5e th%t not doing %nything is his &iggest #ist%)e. 8%ny o++ort'nities %re lost &e(%'se of inde(ision. t is h%&itFfor#ing %nd (ont%gio's. T%)e ris)s &'t don't g%#&le. Ris)Ft%)ers go $ith their eyes o+en. ;%#&lers shoot in the d%r). &nce someone as!ed a farmer if he had "lanted wheat for the season. he farmer re"lied, '>o. I was afraid it wouldn't rain.' hen the man as!ed, 'Aid you "lant corn(' he farmer said, '>o. I was afraid of insects eating one corn. hen the man as!ed , ' $hat did you "lant ( ' he farmer said, '>othing. I "layed it safe.' RISKS To l%'gh is to ris) %++e%ring the fool. To $ee+ is to ris) %++e%ring senti#ent%l. To re%(h o'tfo- %nother is to ris) in*ol*e#ent. To e-+ose feelings is to ris) e-+osing yo'r tr'e self. To +l%(e yo'r ide%s, yo'r dre%#s, &efore % (ro$d is to ris) their loss. To lo*e is to ris) not &eing lo*ed in ret'rn. To li*e is to ris) dying. To ho+e is to ris) des+%ir. To try is to ris) f%il're. B't ris)s #'st &e t%)en, &e(%'se the gre%test h%5%rd in life is to ris) nothing. The +erson $ho ris)s nothing, does nothing, h%s

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nothing, %nd is nothing. They #%y %*oid s'ffering %nd sorro$, &'t they (%nnot le%rn, feel, (h%nge, gro$, lo*e, or li*e. Ch%ined &y their %ttit'des, they %re sl%*es, they h%*e forfeited their freedo#. Only % +erson $ho ris)s is free. %. L-(4 !5 '# )i)$#n(# When +ro&le#s see# ins'r#o'nt%&le, 7'itting see#s to &e the e%siest $%y o't. t is tr'e for e*ery #%rri%ge, Ko& %nd rel%tionshi+. Winners %re str'() &'t not destroyed. We %ll h%*e h%d set&%()s in life. F%iling does not #e%n $e %re f%il'res. 8ore +eo+le f%il not &e(%'se they l%() )no$ledge or t%lent &'t &e(%'se they 7'it. The tot%l se(ret of s'((ess lies in t$o $ords, +ersisten(e %nd resist%n(e. Persist in $h%t #'st &e done %nd resist $h%t o'ght not &e done.

8 man is a hero not because he is braver than anyone else, but because he is brave for ten minutes longer. %%=al"h $aldo Emerson *. In)$-n$ G -$i5i(-$i!n We thin) short ter#, not long ter#. Th%t is li#ited *ision. We %re li*ing in %n %ge of inst%nt gr%tifi(%tion. There is % +ill for e*erything, fro# $%)ing yo' '+ to +'tting yo' to slee+. Peo+le $%nt to t%)e % +ill to get rid of their +ro&le#s. When +eo+le $%nt to &e inst%nt #illion%ires, they t%)e short('ts %nd (o#+ro#ise on their integrity. The desire to #%)e % #illion o*ernight h%s #%de the lottery % flo'rishing &'siness. Re#e#&er th%t inst%nt gr%tifi(%tion ne*er thin)s of (onse7'en(es, only of #o#ent%ry +le%s'res. Tod%y's gener%tion defines the ide%l diet %s one th%t $ill t%)e off fi*e +o'nds for good intentions. These %re +eo+le $ho don't $%nt %ny #ore &irthd%ys &'t $%nt %ll the +resents. 9. L-(4 !5 P i! i$i#) Peo+le #%)e s'&stit'tes $here they o'ght not to. For e-%#+le, in rel%tionshi+s, they tr%de #oney %nd gifts for %ffe(tion %nd ti#e. So#e +eo+le find it e%sier to &'y things for their (hildren %nd s+o'se to (o#+ens%te for their %&sen(e. When $e don't h%*e o'r +riorities right, $e $%ste ti#e, not re%li5ing th%t ti#e $%sted is life $%sted. Prioriti5ing re7'ires dis(i+line to do $h%t needs to &e done r%ther th%n going &y o'r #oods %nd f%n(ies. Too #'(h e#+h%sis is +l%(ed on s'((ess %nd f%il're r%ther th%n doing one's &est. Ho$ do yo' (o+e $ith defe%t %nd +ro&le#sJ Yo'r res+onse to this 7'estion s%ys % lot %&o't yo'r (h%r%(ter. One of the )eys to sol*ing this #ystery to s'((ess is 'nderst%nding. So#e +eo+le h%*e their #ind set on #oney, +o$er, f%#e or +ossessions. We h%*e to 'nderst%nd o'r +riorities.

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S'((ess does not (o#e &y re%ding or #e#ori5ing the +rin(i+les th%t le%d to s'((ess, &'t &y 'nderst%nding %nd %++lying the#. :. L!!4in3 5! S2! $(,$) No Free L*& % here is a story about a !ing who called his advisers and as!ed them to write down the wisdom of the ages so that he could "ass it on to future generations. 8fter a lot of wor!, the advisers came u" with several volumes of wisdom and "resented them to the !ing. he !ing called his advisers and said that it was too long, "eo"le would not read it. hey had to condense it. he advisers went bac! to wor! and came bac! with one volume. he !ing said the same thing. hey came bac! again with one cha"ter and then one "age, and the !ing said the same thing still until they came u" with one sentence that satisfied the !ing. #e said that if there was one "iece of wisdom that he wanted to "ass on to future generations, it is this one sentence@ ' here is no free lunch.' In every organi<ation or society, there are freeloaders. hey are "eo"le who want to get a benefit without "aying for it. hey are loo!ing for freebies. By and large, sometime or the other, most of us have been guilty of being a freeloader. his is ty"ically seen in associations and organi<ations. )ost members are inactive. hey want and get the full benefit of the effort of the active ones. T%e Easier "ay May A t*ally 'e t%e To*g%er "ay &nce there was a lar! singing in the forest. he lar! sto""ed him and as!ed, '$hat do you have in the bo4 and where are you going(' he farmer re"lied that he had worms and that he was going to the mar!et to trade them for some feathers. he lar! said, 'I have many feathers. I will "luc! one and give it to you and that will save me loo!ing for worms.' he farmer gave the worms to the lar! and the lar! "luc!ed a feather and gave it in return. he ne4t day the same thing ha""ened and the day after and on and on until a day came that the lar! had no more feathers. >ow it couldn't fly and hunt for worms. It started loo!ing ugly and sto""ed singing and very soon it died. $hat is the moral of the story( he moral is Euite clear what the lar! thought was an easy way to get food turned out to be the tougher way after all. Isn't the same thing true in our lives( )any times we loo! for the easier way, which really ends u" being the tougher way. L!)# ) L!!4 5! Q,i(4 Fi&#) There %re t$o $%ys of getting rid of $eeds in yo'r y%rd. The e%sy $%y %nd the not so e%sy $%y. The e%sy $%y #%y &e to r'n % l%$n #o$er %nd the y%rd loo)s fine for % $hile, &'t th%t is % te#+or%ry %ns$er. Soon the $eeds %re &%(). B't the notFsoFe%sy $%y #%y #e%n getting do$n on yo'r h%nds %nd )nees %nd +'lling o't the $eeds &y the roots. t is ti#e (ons'#ing %nd +%inf'l, &'t the $eeds $ill st%y %$%y for % longer ti#e. The first sol'tion %++e%red e%sy, &'t the +ro&le# re#%ined. The se(ond sol'tion, $%s not so e%sy, &'t too) (%re of the +ro&le# fro# the roots. The )ey is to get to the root of the +ro&le#.

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The s%#e thing is tr'e of o'r %ttit'de in life. So#e +eo+le s+re%d their %ttit'de of &itterness %nd resent#ent %nd this %ttit'de )ee+s (ro++ing '+ in different +%rts of their li*es. The +ro&le# $ith +eo+le tod%y is th%t they $%nt inst%nt %ns$ers. They %re loo)ing for oneF#in'te sol'tions to e*erything. @'st li)e inst%nt (offee, they $%nt inst%nt h%++iness. There %re no 7'i() fi-es. This %ttit'de le%ds to dis%++oint#ent. ;. S#85i)2n#)) -n+ G ##+ ndi*id'%ls %nd org%ni5%tions th%t h%*e % selfish %ttit'de to$%rd e%(h other %nd to$%rd their ('sto#ers h%*e no right to e-+e(t gro$th. Their %ttit'de is to )ee+ +%ssing the &'() $itho't reg%rd for the $elf%re of others. ;reed %l$%ys $%nts #ore. ?eeds (%n &e s%tisfied &'t greed (%nnot. t is % (%n(er of the so'l. ;reed destroys rel%tionshi+s. Ho$ do $e g%'ge o'r greed inde-J By %s)ing o'rsel*es three 7'estions1

C%n %fford itJ Do re%lly need itJ f h%*e it, $ill it gi*e #e +e%(e of #indJ
;reed (o#es o't of +oor selfFestee#, $hi(h #%nifests itself %s f%lse +ride, +retense or )ee+ing '+ $ith the @oneses. The $%y o't of greed is to le%rn to li*e $ithin yo'r #e%ns %nd &e s%tisfied. Being (ontented does not #e%n l%()ing %#&ition.

WHERE DOES IT END? There is % story %&o't % $e%lthy f%r#er $ho $%s on(e offered %ll the l%nd he (o'ld $%l) on in % d%y, +ro*ided he (%#e &%() &y s'ndo$n to the +oint $here he st%rted. To get % ne$ st%rt, e%rly the ne-t #orning the f%r#er st%rted (o*ering gro'nd 7'i()ly &e(%'se he $%nted to get %s #'(h l%nd %s he (o'ld. E*en tho'gh he $%s tired, he )e+t going %ll %fternoon &e(%'se he didn't $%nt to #iss this on(e in % lifeti#e o++ort'nity to g%in #ore $e%lth. L%te in the %fternoon he re%li5ed the (ondition he h%d to f'lfill to get the l%nd $%s to get &%() to the st%rting +oint &y s'ndo$n. His greed h%d gotten hi# f%r eno'gh. He st%rted his ret'rn Ko'rney, )ee+ing %n eye on ho$ (lose he $%s to s'ndo$n. The (loser it got to s'ndo$n, the f%ster he r%n. He $%s e-h%'sted, o't of &re%th %nd +'shed hi#self &eyond the +oint of end'r%n(e. He (oll%+sed '+on re%(hing the st%rting +oint %nd died. He did #%)e it &efore s'ndo$n. He $%s &'ried %nd %ll the l%nd he needed $%s % s#%ll +lot. There is % lot of tr'th in this story %nd % lesson to &e le%rned. Whether the f%r#er $%s $e%lthy or not, %ny greedy +erson $o'ld h%*e ended the s%#e $%y. =. L-(4 !5 C!nvi($i!n Peo+le $ho l%() (on*i(tion t%)e the #iddle of the ro%d: %nd g'ess $h%t h%++ens in the #iddle of the ro%dJ They get r'n o*er. Peo+le $itho't (on*i(tion do not t%)e % st%nd. They go %long to get %long &e(%'se they l%() (onfiden(e %nd (o'r%ge. They (onfor# in order to get %((e+ted e*en $hen they )no$ th%t $h%t they %re doing is $rong. They &eh%*e li)e +%rt of % herd.

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So#e +eo+le (onsider the#sel*es % sh%de &etter &e(%'se they do not s'++ort the $rong: ho$e*er, they l%() the (on*i(tion to o++ose. They do not re%li5e th%t &y not o++osing they %re %(t'%lly s'++orting. One of the i#+ort%nt se(rets to s'((ess is, inste%d of &eing %g%inst so#ething, &e for so#ething. Th%t $%y, yo' don't &e(o#e +%rt of the +ro&le#, &'t +%rt of the sol'tion. t t%)es (on*i(tion to t%)e % st%nd. C!nvi($i!n T-4#) F-i$2 +aith without action is delusion. +aith does not wait for miracles but "roduces them. If you thin! you can or if you thin! you can't, you are right. %%#enry +ord We %ll h%*e lo$ #o#ents, $e %ll f%ll do$n %nd get h'rt. We %ll h%*e #o#ents $hen $e do'&t o'rsel*es %nd get into selfF+ity. The +oint is to o*er(o#e these feelings %nd restore yo'r f%ith. There %re three )inds of +eo+le in this $orld1

Peo+le $ho #%)e things h%++en Peo+le $ho $%t(h things h%++en Peo+le $ho $onder $h%t h%++ened
Whi(h (%tegory do yo' f%ll intoJ

>. L-(4 !5 Un+# )$-n+in3 !5 N-$, #0) L-7) S'((ess is % #%tter of l%$s %nd these %re the l%$s of n%t're. Ch%nge is n%t're's l%$. We %re either #o*ing for$%rd or $e %re going &%()$%rd. We %re either (re%ting or disintegr%ting. There is no st%t's 7'o. A seed, if it is not +l%nted in the e%rth to (re%te, disintegr%tes. Ch%nge is ine*it%&le. t is going to h%++en $hether $e li)e it or not. All +rogress is (h%nge &'t %ll (h%nge is not +rogress. We #'st e*%l'%te (h%nge %nd %((e+t it only if it #%)es sense. A((e+t%n(e $itho't e*%l'%tion %#o'nts to (onfor#ing &eh%*ior, % sign of l%() of (onfiden(e %nd of lo$ selfFestee#. There is % lot to &e s%id %&o't tr%dition. ;ro$th for the s%)e of gro$th is the +hiloso+hy of % (%n(ero's (ell. t is neg%ti*ity s+re%ding %ll o*er. Th%t is not gro$th, th%t is destr'(tion. ;ro$th, in order to &e #e%ningf'l, #'st &e +ositi*e. S'((ess is not % #%tter of l'(), &'t of l%$s. L-7 !5 C-,)# -n+ E55#($ n order to s'((eed, $e need to 'nderst%nd the l%$ of (%'se %nd effe(t %nd the rel%tionshi+ &et$een %(tions %nd res'lts. For e*ery effe(t, there is % (%'se. The l%$ of (%'se %nd effe(t is the s%#e %s the l%$ of so$ing %nd re%+ing. The l%$ of so$ing %nd re%+ing s%ys fi*e things1

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 We #'st h%*e the desire to so$. Desire is the st%rting +oint. Wh%t $e so$, so sh%ll $e re%+. f $e so$ +ot%toes, $e %re only going to re%+
+ot%toes, not to#%toes. We #'st so$ &efore $e re%+. So$ing t%)es +l%(e &efore re%+ing: $e #'st gi*e &efore $e get. We (%nnot e-+e(t the fire+l%(e to gi*e 's he%t &efore $e +'t in the f'el. So#e +eo+le %re (onst%ntly loo)ing to get &efore they gi*e. t does not $or) this $%y. When $e so$ % seed, $e do not re%+ % fr'itFFo'r h%r*est is #%nifold. f $e so$ % +ositi*e seed o'r h%r*est $ill &e #%nifold in the +ositi*e, %nd if $e so$ % neg%ti*e one the h%r*est sh%ll &e #%nifold in the neg%ti*e. t is not 'n(o##on to see +eo+le going %g%inst n%t're's l%$. A f%r#er )no$s th%t $e (%nnot so$ %nd re%+ in the s%#e d%y. There is %l$%ys % +eriod of gest%tion. t is li)e the l%$ of +hysi(s. For e*ery %(tion, there is %n e7'%l %nd o++osite re%(tion. 8ost of the ti#e +eo+le %re trying to (h%nge the effe(t $hile the (%'se re#%ins. Either $e feed o'r #ind $ith +ositi*es (onst%ntly or neg%ti*ity %'to#%ti(%lly fills the *%(''#. 8%ny %n(ient s%ges h%*e s%id $h%t @%#es Allen s%id in his &oo) 8s a )an hin!eth. A #%n's #ind is li)e % g%rden. f $e +l%nt good seeds, $e $ill h%*e % good g%rden. B't if $e don't +l%nt %nything, so#ething $ill gro$ %nd they $ill &e $eeds. Th%t is n%t're's l%$. The s%#e is tr'e in o'r li*es. $o'ld go % ste+ f'rther. E*en if $e +l%nt good seeds, $eeds $ill still gro$. The +ro(ess of $eeding goes on fore*er. f yo' +'t $%ter in % gl%ss %nd +'t it in s'&F5ero te#+er%t're, it $ill free5e. Th%t is not s'r+rising, th%t is n%t're's l%$. n f%(t, th%t is the only thing th%t $ill h%++en. O'r tho'ghts %re (%'ses. Yo' so$ % tho'ght, yo' re%+ %n %(tion. Yo' so$ %n %(tion, yo' re%+ % h%&it. Yo' so$ % h%&it, yo' re%+ % (h%r%(ter. Yo' so$ % (h%r%(ter, yo' re%+ % destiny. t %ll st%rts $ith % tho'ght.

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L-7) !5 A$$ -($i!n We %ttr%(t to o'rsel*es not $h%t $e $%nt &'t $h%t $e %re. The old +hr%se, 6Birds of % fe%ther flo() together,6 holds tr'e. ?eg%ti*e thin)ers %re d%ngero's. They %ttr%(t other neg%ti*e +eo+le, re%(t neg%ti*ely, e-+e(t the $orst %nd they %re not dis%++ointed. H%*e yo' o&ser*ed ho$ %t %ny so(i%l o((%sion s'((essf'l +eo+le %ttr%(t other s'((essf'l +eo+leJ F%il'res %ttr%(t other f%il'res, %nd together they $ill #o%n, gro%n %nd (o#+l%in. O'r friends %re not the )ind of +eo+le $e $%nt &'t the )ind of +eo+le $e %re. C. Un7i88in3n#)) $! P8-n -n+ P #'- # Everyone has a will to win but very few have the will to "re"are to win. %%Gince Iombardi 8ost +eo+le s+end #ore ti#e +l%nning % +%rty or *%(%tion th%n +l%nning their li*es. P #'- -$i!n Confiden(e (o#es fro# +re+%r%tion, $hi(h is nothing &'t +l%nning %nd +r%(ti(ing. Winners +'t +ress're on the#sel*es. Th%t is the +ress're of +re+%ring %nd not $orrying %&o't $inning. f $e +r%(ti(e +oorly, $e +l%y +oorly: &e(%'se $e +l%y %s $e +r%(ti(e. The differen(e &et$een s'((ess %nd f%il're is the differen(e &et$een doing e-%(tly right %nd %l#ost right. A (o#+lete #ent%l %nd +hysi(%l +re+%r%tion is the res'lt of s%(rifi(e %nd selfFdis(i+line. t is e%sy to &e %*er%ge &'t to'gh to &e the &est. ?o $onder the %*er%ge +eo+le t%)e the e%sy $%y. Pre+%r%tion is the ne(ess%ry edge to s'((eed in %ny field. P'r+ose E Prin(i+le E Pl%nning E Pr%(ti(e E Perse*er%n(e E P%tien(e E Pride Q Pre+%r%tion P #'- -$i!n 8#-+) $! C!n5i+#n(# Pre+%r%tion #e%ns toler%ting f%il're &'t ne*er %((e+ting it. t #e%ns h%*ing the (o'r%ge to f%(e defe%t $itho't feeling defe%ted, &eing dis%++ointed $itho't &eing dis(o'r%ged. Pre+%r%tion #e%ns le%rning fro# o'r #ist%)es. There is nothing $rong $ith #%)ing #ist%)es. We %ll do. A fool is one $ho #%)es the s%#e #ist%)e t$i(e. A +erson $ho #%)es % #ist%)e %nd doesn't (orre(t it, (o##its % &igger one. The &est $%y to h%ndle % #ist%)e is to

%d#it it 7'i()ly not d$ell on it le%rn fro# it not re+e%t it not %ssign &l%#e or #%)e e-('ses

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Press're (o#es fro# &eing 'n+re+%red. There is no s'&stit'te for +re+%r%tion, +r%(ti(e %nd h%rd $or). Desire %nd $ishf'l thin)ing $on't do it. Only +re+%r%tion $ill gi*e yo' the (o#+etiti*e edge. Press're (%n +%r%ly5e $hen % +erson is not +re+%red. @'st li)e $%ter gr%*it%tes to its o$n +%th, s'((ess gr%*it%tes to those $ho %re +re+%red. We%) effort gets $e%) res'lts. Persisten(e is % n%#e $e gi*e to

% +'r+ose +re+%r%tion +%tien(e +rin(i+les +ositi*e %ttit'de % +l%n . +ri(e . +r%(ti(e +ride

A)4 <!, )#851

Do yo' h%*e % (le%rly defined +'r+oseJ Do yo' h%*e % +l%n of %(tionJ Wh%t effort %re yo' +'tting into +re+%r%tionJ Wh%t +ri(e %re yo' $illing to +%yJ Ho$ f%r %re yo' $illing to goJ Do yo' h%*e the +%tien(e to $ithst%nd the gest%tion +eriodJ Are yo' $illing to +r%(ti(e to$%rd e-(ellen(eJ Do yo' h%*e %ny fir# +rin(i+les to st%nd onJ Do yo' h%*e +ride in yo'r +erfor#%n(eJ Do yo' h%*e the 6(%n do6 %ttit'deJ

1D. R-$i!n-8iFin3 Winners #%y %n%ly5e &'t ne*er r%tion%li5e th%t is % loser's g%#e. Losers %l$%ys h%*e % &oo) f'll of e-('ses to tell yo' $hy they (o'ld not. We he%r e-('ses li)e1 '# 'nl'()y. '# &orn 'nder the $rong st%rs. '# too yo'ng. '# too old. '# h%ndi(%++ed. '# not s#%rt eno'gh. '# not ed'(%ted. '# not good loo)ing. don't h%*e (ont%(ts. don't h%*e eno'gh #oney.

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don't h%*e eno'gh ti#e. The e(ono#y is &%d. f only h%d the o++ort'nity. f only didn't h%*e % f%#ily. f only h%d #%rried right. The list (%n go on %nd on. HO" THE# CATCH MONKE#S IN INDIA )on!ey%hunters use a bo4 with an o"ening at the to", big enough for the mon!ey to slide its hand in. Inside the bo4 are nuts. he mon!ey grabs the nuts and now its hand becomes a fist. he mon!ey tries to get its hand out but the o"ening is big enough for the hand to slide in, but too small for the fist to come out. >ow the mon!ey has a choice, either to let go off the nuts and be free forever or hang on to the nuts and get caught. Cuess what it "ic!s every time( Fou guessed it. #e hangs on to the nuts and gets caught. We %re no different fro# #on)eys. We %ll h%ng on to so#e n'ts th%t )ee+ 's fro# going for$%rd in life. We )ee+ r%tion%li5ing &y s%ying, 6 (%nnot do this &e(%'se . . .6 %nd $h%te*er (o#es %fter 6&e(%'se6 %re the n'ts th%t $e %re h%nging on to $hi(h %re holding 's &%(). S'((essf'l +eo+le don't r%tion%li5e. T$o things deter#ine if % +erson $ill &e % s'((ess1 re%sons %nd res'lts. Re%sons don't (o'nt $hile res'lts do. A good %d*i(e for f%il're is1 Don't thin), don't %s) %nd don't listen. @'st r%tion%li5e. 11. N!$ L#- nin3 5 !" P-)$ Mi)$-4#) Peo+le $ho do not le%rn lessons fro# history %re doo#ed. F%il're is % te%(her if $e h%*e the right %ttit'de. F%il're is % deto'r, not % de%d end. t is % del%y, not % defe%t. E-+erien(e is the n%#e $e gi*e to o'r #ist%)es. So#e +eo+le li*e %nd le%rn, %nd so#e only li*e. Wise +eo+le le%rn fro# their #ist%)es $iser +eo+le le%rn fro# other +eo+le's #ist%)es. O'r li*es %re not long eno'gh to le%rn only fro# o'r o$n #ist%)es.

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1%. In-6i8i$< $! R#(!3niF# O''! $,ni$< O++ort'nities (o#e disg'ised %s o&st%(les. Th%t is $hy #ost +eo+le don't re(ogni5e the#. Re#e#&er th%t the &igger the o&st%(le, the &igger is the o++ort'nity. 1*. F#Fe%r (%n &e re%l or i#%gin%ry. t #%)es +eo+le do str%nge things %nd +ri#%rily (o#es &e(%'se of % l%() of 'nderst%nding. To li*e in fe%r is li)e &eing in %n e#otion%l +rison. Fe%r res'lts in inse('rity, l%() of (onfiden(e, +ro(r%stin%tion. Fe%r destroys o'r +otenti%l %nd %&ility. We (%nnot thin) str%ight. t r'ins rel%tionshi+s %nd he%lth. So#e of the (o##on fe%rs %re1

fe%r of f%iling fe%r of the 'n)no$n fe%r of &eing 'n+re+%red fe%r of #%)ing the $rong de(ision fe%r of reKe(tion

So#e fe%rs (%n &e des(ri&ed, others felt. Fe%r le%ds to %n-iety, $hi(h in t'rn le%ds to irr%tion%l thin)ing, $hi(h %(t'%lly s%&ot%ges o'r sol'tion to the +ro&le#. The nor#%l res+onse to fe%r is es(%+e. Es(%+e +'ts 's in o'r (o#fort 5one %nd red'(es the i#+%(t te#+or%rily, $hile )ee+ing the (%'se. #%gin%ry fe%r #%gnifies the +ro&le#. Fe%r (%n get o't of h%nd %nd destroy h%++iness %nd rel%tionshi+s. Fe%r of f%il're often (%n &e $orse th%n f%il're itself. F%il're is not the $orst thing th%t (o'ld h%++en to so#eone. Peo+le $ho don't try h%*e f%iled &efore %tte#+ting. When inf%nts le%rn to $%l), they )ee+ f%lling: &'t to the# it is not f%iling so they get '+. f they got dishe%rtened, they $o'ld ne*er $%l). t is &etter to die on one's feet th%n to li*e $ith fe%r on one's )nees. 19. In-6i8i$< $! U)# T-8#n$ Al&ert Einstein s%id, 6 thin) 'sed %&o't 39M of #y intelle(t'%l (%+%(ity d'ring #y life.6 A((ording to Willi%# @%#es, h'#%n &eings 'se only 2AF23M of their +otenti%l. The s%ddest +%rt of #ost +eo+le's li*es is th%t they die $ith the #'si( still in the#. They h%*en't li*ed $hile %li*e. They r'st o't r%ther th%n $e%r o't. $o'ld r%ther $e%r o't th%n r'st o't. The s%ddest $ords in life %re 6 sho'ld h%*e6. R'sting o't is not to &e (onf'sed $ith +%tien(e. R'sting o't is idleness %nd +%ssi*ity. P%tien(e is % (ons(io's de(ision, it is %(ti*e %nd in*ol*es +erse*er%n(e %nd +ersisten(e. So#eone %s)ed %n elderly +erson, 6Wh%t is life's he%*iest &'rdenJ6 The elderly +erson re+lied s%dly, 6To h%*e nothing to (%rry.6 1:. L-(4 !5 Di)(i'8in# H%*e yo' e*er $ondered $hy so#e +eo+le ne*er re%(h their go%lsJ Why they %re %l$%ys fr'str%ted $ith re*ers%ls %nd (risesJ Why is it so#e +eo+le h%*e (ontin'ed s'((ess, $hile others h%*e endless f%il'resJ Anyone $ho h%s %((o#+lished %nything $orth$hile h%s ne*er done so $itho't dis(i+line, $hether in s+orts, %thleti(s, %(%de#i% or &'siness.

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Peo+le $itho't dis(i+line try to do e*erything, &'t (o##it the#sel*es to nothing. So#e soF(%lled li&er%l thin)ers h%*e inter+reted l%() of dis(i+line %s freedo#. When %# in %n %ir(r%ft $%nt % +ilot $ho is dis(i+lined %nd does $h%t he is s'++osed to do %nd not $h%t he feels li)e doing. don't $%nt hi# to h%*e the +hiloso+hy, 6 '# free. don't $%nt %nyone fro# the O Willi%# @%#es, 8DRT Ti#eless Tre%s're, The Whole Person, +. 2D3. (ontrol to$er telling #e $h%t to do.6 L%() of (onsisten(y is +oor dis(i+line. Dis(i+line t%)es selfF(ontrol, s%(rifi(e, %nd %*oiding distr%(tions %nd te#+t%tions. t #e%ns st%ying fo('sed. Ste%# does not #o*e the engine 'nless it is (onfined. ?i%g%r% F%lls $o'ld not gener%te +o$er 'nless it $ere h%rnessed. $e all !now the story of the tortoise and the hare. he hare used to brag about his s"eed and challenged the tortoise to a race. he tortoise acce"ted the challenge. hey a""ointed the fo4 as the judge who gave them the starting and finishing "oints. he race started and the tortoise !e"t going steadily. he hare ran Euic!ly, left the tortoise behind and decided to ta!e a na" since he was so confident he would win the race. By the time he wo!e u", remembered the race and started running, he saw that the tortoise had already reached the finish line and won. Consisten(y t%)es dis(i+line %nd is #ore i#+ort%nt th%n err%ti( effort. Dis(i+line %nd regret %re &oth +%inf'l. 8ost +eo+le h%*e % (hoi(e &et$een the t$o. ;'ess $hi(h is #ore +%inf'l. ;ener%lly (hildren &ro'ght '+ $ith e-(essi*e freedo# %nd % l%() of dis(i+line gro$ '+ not res+e(ting the#sel*es, their +%rents or so(iety, %nd h%*e % h%rd ti#e %((e+ting res+onsi&ility. 1;. P!! )#85-#)$##" Poor selfFestee# is % l%() of selfFres+e(t %nd selfF$orth. t le%ds to %&'se of one's self %nd others. Ego t%)es the dri*er's se%t. De(isions %re t%)en #ore to s%tisfy the ego th%n to %((o#+lish %nything $orth$hile. Peo+le $ith lo$ selfFestee# %re (onst%ntly loo)ing for identity. They %re trying to find the#sel*es. One's self is not to &e fo'nd &'t to &e (re%ted. dleness %nd l%5iness %re (onse7'en(es of +oor self estee# %nd so is #%)ing e-('ses. dleness is li)e r'st th%t e%ts into the #ost &rilli%nt #et%l. 1=. L-(4 !5 Kn!78#+3# The first ste+ to$%rds )no$ledge is %$%reness of %re%s of ignor%n(e. The #ore )no$ledge % +erson gets, the #ore he re%li5es $h%t %re%s he is ignor%nt in. A +erson $ho thin)s he )no$s e*erything h%s the #ost to le%rn. gnor%nt +eo+le don't )no$ they %re ignor%nt. They don't )no$ th%t they don't )no$. n f%(t #ore th%n ignor%n(e, the &igger +ro&le# is the ill'sion of )no$ledge, $hi(h (%n #isle%d % +erson. 1>. F-$-8i)$i( A$$i$,+# A f%t%listi( %ttit'de +re*ents +eo+le fro# %((e+ting res+onsi&ility for their +osition in life. They %ttri&'te s'((ess %nd f%il're to l'(). They resign the#sel*es to their f%te. They &elie*e %nd %((e+t the +redestined f't're $ritten in their horos(o+e or st%rs, th%t reg%rdless of their effort $h%te*er h%s to h%++en $ill h%++en. Hen(e they ne*er +'t in

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%ny effort %nd (o#+l%(en(y &e(o#es % $%y of life. They $%it for things to h%++en r%ther th%n #%)e the# h%++en. S'((ess is % #%tter of l'(), %s) %ny f%il're. We%)F#inded +eo+le f%ll e%sy +rey to fort'neFtellers, horos(o+es %nd selfF+ro(l%i#ed ;od's #en $ho %re so#eti#es (on#en. They &e(o#e s'+erstitio's %nd rit'%listi(. Sh%llo$ +eo+le &elie*e in l'(). Peo+le $ith strength %nd deter#in%tion &elie*e in (%'se %nd effe(t. So#e +eo+le (onsider % r%&&it's foot l'()y: &'t it $%sn't l'()y for the r%&&it, $%s itJ

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So(e People T%i&2 T%ey are ,*st +&l* 2y This &reeds % f%t%listi( %ttit'de. Peo+le $ho get in*ol*ed h%lfhe%rtedly s%y things li)e1

6 6 6 6 6

$ill gi*e it % try6: $ill see if it $or)s6: $ill gi*e it % shot6: h%*e nothing to lose6: h%*en't +'t #'(h into it %ny$%y.6

These +eo+le g'%r%ntee f%il're &e(%'se they get into % +roKe(t $ith no dedi(%tion or deter#in%tion. They l%() (o'r%ge, (o##it#ent %nd (onfiden(e. They %re st%rting $ith (o#+l%(en(e %nd (%ll the#sel*es 'nl'()y. A #%n &o'ght % r%(ehorse %nd +'t hi# in % &%rn $ith % &ig sign, 6The f%stest horse in the $orld.6 The o$ner didn't e-er(ise the horse nor tr%in it to )ee+ it in good sh%+e. He entered the horse in % r%(e %nd it (%#e l%st. The o$ner 7'i()ly (h%nged the sign to 6The f%stest $orld for the horse.6 By in%(tion or not doing $h%t sho'ld &e done, +eo+le f%il %nd they &l%#e l'(). E--ort Does it Life $itho't *ision, (o'r%ge %nd de+th is si#+ly % &lind e-+erien(e. S#%ll, l%5y, %nd $e%) #inds %l$%ys t%)e the e%siest $%y, the +%th of le%st resist%n(e. Athletes tr%in 29 ye%rs for 29 se(onds of +erfor#%n(e. As) the# if they got l'()y. As) %n %thlete ho$ he feels %fter % good $or)o't. He $ill tell yo' th%t he feels s+ent. f he doesn't feel th%t $%y, it #e%ns he h%sn't $or)ed o't to his #%-i#'# %&ility. Losers thin) life is 'nf%ir. They thin) only of their &%d &re%)s. They don't (onsider th%t the +erson $ho is +re+%red %nd +l%ying $ell still got the s%#e &%d &re%)s &'t o*er(%#e the#. Th%t is the differen(e. His threshold for toler%ting +%in &e(o#es higher &e(%'se in the end he is not tr%ining so #'(h for the g%#e &'t for his (h%r%(ter. L+CK FA$ORS THOSE "HO HELP THEMSEL$ES 8 flood was threatening a small town and everyone was leaving for safety e4ce"t one man who said, 'Cod will save me. I have faith.' 8s the water level rose a jee" came to rescue him, the man refused, saying 'Cod will save me. I have faith.' 8s the water level rose further, he went u" to the second storey, and a boat came to hel" him. 8gain he refused to go, Belying, 'Cod will save me. I have faith.' he water !e"t rising and the man climbed on to the roof. 8 helico"ter came to rescue him, but he said, 'Cod will save me. I have faith.' $ell, finally he drowned. $hen he reached his )a!er he angrily Euestioned, 'I had com"lete faith in you. $hy did you ignore my "rayers and let me drown(' he Iord re"lied, '$ho do you thin! sent you the jee", the boat, and the helico"ter(' The only $%y to o*er(o#e the f%t%listi( %ttit'de is to %((e+t res+onsi&ility %nd &elie*e in the l%$ of (%'se %nd effe(t r%ther th%n l'(). t t%)es %(tion, +re+%r%tion %nd +l%nning r%ther th%n $%iting, $ondering or $ishing, to %((o#+lish %nything in life.

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L* 2 S%i&es o& t%e Deservi&g 8le4ander Craham Bell was des"erately trying to invent a hearing aid for his "artially deaf wife. #e failed at inventing a hearing aid but in the "rocess discovered the "rinci"les of the tele"hone. Fou wouldn't call someone li!e that luc!y, would you(Cood luc! is when o""ortunity meets "re"aration. $ithout effort and "re"aration, luc!y coincidences don't ha""en. L+CK #e wor!ed by day 8nd toiled by night. #e gave u" "lay 8nd some delight. Ary boo!s he read, >ew things to learn. 8nd forged ahead, Success to earn. #e "lodded on with +aith and "luc!; 8nd when he won, )en called it luc!. %%8nonymous 1C. L-(4 !5 P, '!)# f $e re%d stories of +eo+le $ho o*er(%#e serio's dis%&ilities, it &e(o#es e*ident th%t their &'rning desire to s'((eed $%s their dri*ing for(e. They h%d % +'r+ose in life. They $%nted to +ro*e to the#sel*es th%t they (o'ld do it in s+ite of %ll oddsFF%nd they did. Desire is $h%t #%de % +%r%lyti( Wil#% R'dol+h the f%stest $o#%n on the tr%() %t the 2=DA Oly#+i(s, $inning three gold #ed%ls. A((ording to ;len C'nningh%#, 6Desire is $h%t #%de % &oy $ith &'rnt legs set the $orld re(ord in the one #ile r'n.6 A +olio *i(ti# %t the %ge of fi*e st%rted s$i##ing to reg%in strength. t $%s &e(%'se of her desire to s'((eed th%t she $ent on to &e(o#e % $orld re(ord holder %t three e*ents %nd $on the gold %t the 2=9D Oly#+i(s %t 8el&o'rne. Her n%#e is Shelley 8%nn. When +eo+le l%() +'r+ose %nd dire(tion, they see no o++ort'nity. f % +erson h%s the desire to %((o#+lish so#ething, the dire(tion to )no$ his o&Ke(ti*e, the dedi(%tion to st%y fo('sed, %nd the dis(i+line re7'ired to +'t in the h%rd $or), then other things (o#e e%sy. B't if yo' don't h%*e the#, it doesn't #%tter $h%t else yo' h%*e. Ch%r%(ter is the fo'nd%tion '+on $hi(h %ll else is &'ilt. t end'res. %D. L-(4 !5 C!, -3#

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S'((essf'l +eo+le %re not loo)ing for #ir%(les or e%sy t%s)s. They see) (o'r%ge %nd strength to o*er(o#e o&st%(les. They loo) %t $h%t is left r%ther th%n $h%t is lost. Wishes don't (o#e tr'e: &eliefs %nd e-+e(t%tions s'++orted &y (on*i(tion do. Pr%yers %re only %ns$ered $hen they %re s'++orted $ith (o'r%geo's %(tion. t is (o'r%ge %nd (h%r%(ter th%t is the de%dly (o#&in%tion for s'((ess. This is the differen(e &et$een the ordin%ry %nd the e-tr%ordin%ry. When o'r #inds %re filled $ith (o'r%ge $e forget o'r fe%rs %nd o*er(o#e o&st%(les. Co'r%ge is not %&sen(e of fe%r &'t the o*er(o#ing of fe%r. Ch%r%(ter /K'sti(e %nd integrity0 $itho't (o'r%ge is ineffe(ti*e, $here%s (o'r%ge $itho't (h%r%(ter is o++ression. A RECIPE FOR SUCCESS S'((ess is li)e &%)ing % (%)e. .nless yo' h%*e K'st the right re(i+e, it is not going to $or). The ingredients #'st &e of the finest 7'%lity %nd in the right +ro+ortions. Yo' (%n't o*ert%)e it or 'nder(oo) it. On(e yo' h%*e the right re(i+e %nd $ith +r%(ti(e %nd the o((%sion%l dis%ster, it &e(o#es % lot e%sier. Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een +ersisten(e %nd o&stin%(yJ The differen(e is th%t +ersisten(e re+resents % strong $ill %nd o&stin%(y re+resents % strong $on't. Yo' h%*e the re(i+e. To 'se it is yo'r (hoi(e. A CRASH COURSE FOR SUCCESS

Pl%y to $in %nd not to lose. Le%rn fro# other +eo+le's #ist%)es. Asso(i%te $ith +eo+le of high #or%l (h%r%(ter. ;i*e #ore th%n yo' get. Don't loo) for so#ething for nothing. Al$%ys thin) long ter#. E*%l'%te yo'r strengths %nd &'ild on the#. Al$%ys )ee+ the l%rger +i(t're in #ind $hen #%)ing % de(ision. ?e*er (o#+ro#ise yo'r integrity.

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ACTION PLAN 2. Co#e '+ $ith three s'ggestions ho$ yo' (%n do yo'r Ko& &etter, f%ster, %nd #ore effe(ti*ely1 /%0 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /&0 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /(0 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR 3. Write do$n three $%ys yo' (%n 'se the s'((ess +rin(i+les in e%(h %re% of yo'r life1 /%0 Wor) RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /&0 Ho#e RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /%0 So(i%lly RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR 4. List the %re%s in yo'r life $here l%() of dis(i+line is h'rting yo'. Esti#%te its (ost to yo'. >. The ne-t ti#e yo' #eet $ith %d*ersity, sto+ %nd %s) yo'rself these t$o 7'estions1 Wh%t (%n le%rn fro# this (h%llengeJ Ho$ (%n t'rn this lesson in life to #y %d*%nt%geJ 9. Write yo'r definition of s'((ess.

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RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR D. Define yo'r go%ls in life. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR Why %re they i#+ort%ntJ RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR B. Thin) &%()1 H%*e yo'r go%ls (h%nged in the l%st 2A ye%rsJ f yes, $hyJ RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR

CHAPTER * MOTIVATION
8oti*%ting yo'rself < others e*ery d%y

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&elie*e in t$o +re#ises1 /i0 #ost +eo+le %re good +eo+le, &'t (%n do &etter: %nd /ii0 #ost +eo+le %lre%dy )no$ $h%t to do, so $hy %ren't they doing itJ Wh%t is #issing is the s+%r)FF#oti*%tion. So#e self hel+ &oo)s %do+t the %++ro%(h of te%(hing $h%t to do: $e t%)e % different %++ro%(h. We %s), 6Why don't yo' do itJ6 f yo' %s) +eo+le on the street $h%t sho'ld &e done, they $ill gi*e yo' %ll the (orre(t %ns$ers. B't %s) the# $hether they %re doing it %nd the %ns$er $ill &e no. Wh%t is l%()ing is #oti*%tion. The gre%test #oti*%tion (o#es fro# % +erson's &elief syste#. Th%t #e%ns he needs to &elie*e in $h%t he does %nd %((e+t res+onsi&ility. Th%t is $here #oti*%tion &e(o#es i#+ort%nt. When +eo+le %((e+t res+onsi&ility for their &eh%*ior %nd %(tions, their %ttit'de to$%rd life &e(o#es +ositi*e. They &e(o#e #ore +rod'(ti*e, +erson%lly %nd +rofession%lly. Their rel%tionshi+s i#+ro*e &oth %t ho#e %nd %t $or). Life &e(o#es #ore #e%ningf'l %nd f'lfilled. After % +erson's &%si( +hysi(%l needs %re #et, e#otion%l needs &e(o#e % &igger #oti*%tor. E*ery &eh%*ior (o#es o't of the 6+%in or g%in6 +rin(i+le. f the g%in is gre%ter th%n the +%in, th%t is the #oti*%tor. f the +%in is gre%ter th%n the g%in, then th%t is % deterrent. ;%ins (%n &e t%ngi&le, s'(h %s1 #onet%ry re$%rds, *%(%tions, %nd gifts. They (%n &e int%ngi&le, s'(h %s1 re(ognition, %++re(i%tion, sense of %(hie*e#ent, +ro#otion, gro$th, res+onsi&ility, sense of f'lfill#ent, self $orth, %((o#+lish#ent, %nd &elief. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN INSPIRATION AND MOTIVATION? r'n se#in%rs intern%tion%lly %nd +eo+le often %s) #e if (%n #oti*%te others. 8y %ns$er is no, (%nnot. Peo+le #oti*%te the#sel*es. Wh%t (%n do, ho$e*er, is ins+ire the# to #oti*%te the#sel*es. We (%n (re%te % (ond'(i*e en*iron#ent $hi(h (%n &e #oti*%ting. n order to ins+ire +eo+le to #oti*%te the#sel*es, $e need to 'nderst%nd their needs %nd $%nts. There is % dire(t (orrel%tion &et$een #oti*%tion %nd +rod'(ti*ity. Peo+le $ho do K'st eno'gh to get &y so they don't get fired $ill ne*er &e *%l'%&le to %ny org%ni5%tion.

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ns+ir%tion is (h%nging thin)ing: #oti*%tion is (h%nging %(tion. 8oti*%tion is li)e fire 'nless yo' )ee+ %dding f'el to it, it dies. @'st li)e e-er(ise %nd food don't l%st long, neither does #oti*%tion. Ho$e*er, if the so'r(e of #oti*%tion is &elief in inner *%l'es, it &e(o#es longFFl%sting. Wh%t is the gre%test #oti*%torJ s it #oneyJ Re(ognitionJ #+ro*e#ent in o'r 7'%lity of lifeJ A((e+t%n(e &y those $e lo*eJ All these (%n &e #oti*%ting for(es. E-+erien(e h%s sho$n th%t +eo+le $ill do % lot for #oney, #ore for % good le%der, %nd do #ost for % &elief. We see this h%++ening e*ery d%y %ll o*er the $orld. Peo+le $ill die for % &elief. 8y o&Ke(ti*e is to sh%re the f%(t th%t $hen $e &elie*e th%t $e %re res+onsi&le for o'r li*es %nd o'r &eh%*ior, o'r o'tloo) to$%rd life (h%nges for the &etter. LET0S REDEFINE MOTIVATION The ne-t logi(%l 7'estion is, $h%t is #oti*%tionJ 8oti*%tion is so#ething th%t en(o'r%ges %(tion or feeling. To #oti*%te #e%ns to en(o'r%ge %nd ins+ire. 8oti*%tion (%n %lso #e%n to t'rn on or ignite the feeling or %(tion. 8oti*%tion is +o$erf'l. t (%n +ers'%de, (on*in(e %nd +ro+el yo' into %(tion. n other $ords, #oti*%tion (%n &e defined %s #oti*e for %(tion. t is % for(e th%t (%n liter%lly (h%nge yo'r life. Why do $e need to get #oti*%tedJ 8oti*%tion is the dri*ing for(e in o'r li*es. t (o#es fro# % desire to s'((eed. Witho't s'((ess there is little +ride in life: no enKoy#ent or e-(ite#ent %t $or) %nd %t ho#e. Often life &e(o#es li)e % lo+sided $heel gi*ing % &'#+y ride. The gre%test ene#y of #oti*%tion is (o#+l%(en(e. Co#+l%(en(e le%ds to fr'str%tion, %nd $hen +eo+le %re fr'str%ted they gi*e '+ &e(%'se they (%nnot identify $h%t is i#+ort%nt. MOTIVATION--HOW DOES IT WORK? On(e yo' 'nderst%nd the +rin(i+le th%t #oti*%tes the #oti*%tor, yo' (%n +ro(eed to %(hie*e yo'r go%l %nd (%n #oti*%te others too. Yo'r intern%l #oti*%tion is yo'r dri*e %nd %ttit'de. t is (ont%gio's. Attit'de is the )ey to getting the res+onse yo' $%nt fro# others. Ho$ does % +erson st%y #oti*%ted %nd fo('sedJ One i#+ort%nt tool th%t h%s &een 'sed &y %thletes for % long ti#e is (%lled %'toFs'ggestion. A'to s'ggestions %re +ositi*e st%te#ents #%de in the +resent tense %nd re+e%ted reg'l%rly. n other $ords it is +ositi*e selfFt%l). 8oti*%tion is (l%ssified into t$o ty+es1 e-tern%l %nd intern%l. EETERNAL MOTIVATION E-tern%l #oti*%tion (o#es fro# o'tside, s'(h %s #oney, so(iet%l %++ro*%l, f%#e or fe%r. E-%#+les of e-tern%l #oti*%tion %re fe%r of getting s+%n)ed &y +%rents %nd fe%r of getting fired %t $or). A (o#+%ny $%nted to set '+ % +ension +l%n. n order for the +l%n to &e inst%lled, it needed 2AAM +%rti(i+%tion. E*eryone signed '+ e-(e+t @ohn. The +l%n #%de sense %nd $%s in the &est interest of e*eryone. @ohn not signing $%s the only o&st%(le. @ohn's s'+er*isor %nd other (oF$or)ers h%d tried to +ers'%de hi# $itho't s'((ess. The o$ner of the (o#+%ny (%lled @ohn into his offi(e %nd s%id, 6@ohn, here is % +en %nd these %re the +%+ers for yo' to sign to enroll into the +ension +l%n. f yo' don't enroll, yo' %re fired this #in'te.6 @ohn signed right %$%y. The o$ner %s)ed @ohn $hy he h%dn't signed e%rlier. @ohn re+lied, 6?o one e-+l%ined the +l%n 7'ite %s (le%rly %s yo' did.6

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F#- M!$iv-$i!n The %d*%nt%ges of fe%r #oti*%tion %re1

t gets the Ko& done 7'i()ly. t is inst%nt%neo's. t +re*ents loss, &y #eeting de%dlines. n the short r'n the +erson's +erfor#%n(e #%y i#+ro*e.

P# 5! "-n(# G!#) U' t is not 'n(o##on to see the +rey o'ts#%rting the +red%tor, &e(%'se one is r'nning for its food %nd the other for its life. We le%rn fro# history th%t the +yr%#ids $ere &'ilt &y sl%*es. They h%d to &e (onst%ntly $%t(hed %nd re+ri#%nded for non+erfor#%n(e. The dis%d*%nt%ges of fe%r #oti*%tion %re1

t is e-tern%l, $hi(h #e%ns the #oti*%tion is there $hile the #oti*%tor is there. When
the #oti*%tor goes, the #oti*%tion %lso goes. t (%'ses stress. Perfor#%n(e is li#ited to (o#+li%n(e. n the long r'n, +erfor#%n(e goes do$n. t destroys (re%ti*ity. They get 'sed to the sti() %nd then need % &igger sti().

A ('sto#er %s)ed %n e#+loyee, 6When did yo' st%rt $or)ing hereJ6 He re+lied, 6E*er sin(e they thre%tened to fire #e.6 In(#n$iv# M!$iv-$i!n E-tern%l #oti*%tion (%n %lso t%)e the for# of in(enti*es, &on'ses, (o##ission, re(ognition, et(. Wh%t %re the %d*%nt%ges of in(enti*e #oti*%tionJ The #%Kor %d*%nt%ge is th%t it (%n $or) *ery $ell %s long %s the in(enti*e is strong eno'gh. Thin) of % don)ey $ith % (%rrot d%ngling in front %nd $ith % (%rt &ehind. n(enti*e #oti*%tion $ill only $or) if the don)ey is h'ngry eno'gh, the (%rrot is s$eet eno'gh %nd the lo%d is light eno'gh. Fro# ti#e to ti#e, yo' h%*e to let the don)ey t%)e % &ite of the (%rrot: other$ise it is going to get dis(o'r%ged. After the don)ey t%)es % &ite, its sto#%(h is f'll, %nd yo' need to $%it for the don)ey to get h'ngry %g%in &efore it $ill +'ll the (%rt. This is ty+i(%lly seen in o'r &'siness en*iron#ent. The #o#ent s%les+eo+le #eet their 7'ot%, they sto+ $or)ing. This is &e(%'se their #oti*%tion is li#ited to #eeting their 7'ot%. Th%t is e-tern%l, not intern%l. "E ARE ALL MOTI$ATE EITHER POSITI$EL# OR NEGATI$EL#

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$hen I was in oronto, I heard a story of two brothers. &ne was a drug addict and a drun! who freEuently beat u" his family. he other one was a very successful businessman who was res"ected in society and had a wonderful family. Some "eo"le wanted to find out why two brothers from the same "arents, brought u" in the same environment, could be so different. he first one was as!ed, '#ow come you do what you do( Fou are a drug addict, a drun!, and you beat your family. $hat motivates you(' #e said, ')y father.' hey as!ed, '$hat about your father(' he re"ly was, ')y father was a drug addict, a drun! and he beat his family. $hat do you e4"ect me to be( hat is what I am.' hey went to the brother who was doing everything right and as!ed him the same Euestion. '#ow come you are doing everything right( $hat is your source of motivation(' 8nd guess what he said( ')y father. $hen I was a little boy, I used to see my dad drun! and doing all the wrong things. I made u" my mind that that is not what I wanted to be.' Both were deriving their strength and motivation from the same source, but one was using it "ositively and the other negatively. >egative motivation brings the desire to ta!e the easier way which ends u" being the tougher way. DIFFERENT THINGS MOTIVATE DIFFERENT PEOPLE Internal motivation comes from within, such as "ride, a sense of achievement, res"onsibility and belief. here was a young boy who used to come for regular "ractice but always "layed in the reserves and never made it to the soccer eleven. $hile he was "racticing, his father used to sit at the far end, waiting for him. he matches had started and for four days, he didn't show u" for "ractice or the Euarter or semifinals. 8ll of a sudden he showed u" for the finals, went to the coach and said, 'Coach, you have always !e"t me in the reserves and never let me "lay in the finals. But today, "lease let me "lay.' he coach said, 'Son, I'm sorry, I can't let you. here are better "layers than you and besides, it is the finals, the re"utation of the school is at sta!e and I cannot ta!e a chance.' he boy "leaded, 'Coach, I "romise I will not let you down. I beg of you, "lease let me "lay.' he coach had never seen the boy "lead li!e this before. #e said, '&J, son, go, "lay. But remember, I am going against my better judgment and the re"utation of the school is at sta!e. Aon't let me down.' he game started and the boy "layed li!e a house on fire. Every time he got the ball, he shot a goal. >eedless to say, he was the best "layer and the star of the game. #is team had a s"ectacular win. $hen the game finished, the coach went u" to him and said, 'Son, how could I have been so wrong in my life. I have never seen you "lay li!e this before. $hat ha""ened( #ow did you "lay so well(' he boy re"lied, 'Coach, my father is watching me today.' he coach turned around and loo!ed at the "lace where the boy's father used to sit. here was no one there. #e said, 'Son, your father used to sit there when you came for "ractice, but I don't see anyone there today.' he boy re"lied, 'Coach, there is something I never told you. )y father was blind. 7ust four days ago, he died. oday is the first day he is watching me from above.' In$# n-8 M!$iv-$i!n

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ntern%l #oti*%tion is the inner gr%tifi(%tion, not for s'((ess or $inning, &'t for the f'lfill#ent th%t (o#es fro# h%*ing done it. t is % feeling of %((o#+lish#ent, r%ther th%n K'st %(hie*ing % go%l. Re%(hing %n 'n$orthy go%l does not gi*e the gr%tifying feeling. ntern%l #oti*%tion is l%sting, &e(%'se it (o#es fro# $ithin %nd tr%nsl%tes into selfF #oti*%tion. 8oti*%tion needs to &e identified %nd (onst%ntly strengthened to s'((eed. "ee+ yo'r go%ls in front of yo' %nd re%d the# #orning %nd e*ening. The t$o #ost i#+ort%nt #oti*%ting f%(tors %re re(ognition %nd res+onsi&ility. Re(ognition #e%ns &eing %++re(i%ted: &eing tre%ted $ith res+e(t %nd dignity: %nd feeling % sense of &elonging. Res+onsi&ility gi*es % +erson % feeling of &elonging %nd o$nershi+. He then &e(o#es +%rt of the &igger +i(t're. L%() of res+onsi&ility (%n &e(o#e de#oti*%ting. 8onet%ry re$%rds %re te#+or%ry %nd shortFli*ed: they %re not gr%tifying in the long r'n. n (ontr%st, seeing %n ide% &eing i#+le#ented (%n &e e#otion%lly gr%tifying &y itself. Peo+le feel th%t they %re not &eing tre%ted li)e o&Ke(ts. They feel +%rt of % $orth$hile te%#. The re$%rd of doing the right thing &y itself is #oti*%ting. THE FOUR STAGES FROM MOTIVATION TO DEMOTIVATION 1. M!$iv-$#+ In#55#($iv# When is %n e#+loyee #ost #oti*%ted in the (y(le of e#+loy#entJ When he Koins %n org%ni5%tion. WhyJ Be(%'se he $%nts to +ro*e th%t &y hiring hi#, the e#+loyer #%de the right de(ision. He is #oti*%ted &'t &e(%'se he is ne$ to the en*iron#ent, he does not )no$ $h%t to do. So he is ineffe(ti*e. This is the st%ge $hen the e#+loyee is #ost o+en #inded, re(e+ti*e %nd e%sy to #old to the ('lt're of the org%ni5%tion. Tr%ining %nd orient%tion &e(o#e i#+er%ti*e. .n+rofession%l org%ni5%tions h%*e none or *ery +oor orient%tion +rogr%#s. The first d%y on the Ko&, the s'+er*isor sho$s the ne$ e#+loyee his +l%(e of $or) %nd tells hi# $h%t to do %nd le%*es. He te%(hes %ll the &%d %long $ith the good th%t he is doing. The ne$ e#+loyee 7'i()ly le%rns %ll the #ist%)es the s'+er*isor is #%)ing &e(%'se th%t is $h%t he h%s &een t%'ght. The org%ni5%tion loses the o++ort'nity to #old the indi*id'%l to the ('lt're of th%t org%ni5%tion. Profession%l org%ni5%tions, on the other h%nd, t%)e s+e(i%l (%re to ind'(t +eo+le into their org%ni5%tions. They e-+l%in to the#, %#ong other things, the follo$ing1

the hier%r(hy e-+e(t%tions of e%(h other do's %nd don'ts +%r%#eters %nd g'idelines $h%t is %((e+t%&le %nd $h%t is not $h%t %re the reso'r(es

Ho$ (%n one e-+e(t +erfor#%n(e 'nless e-+e(t%tions %re #%de (le%r '+ frontJ f ind'(tion %nd orient%tion %re done $ell, #%ny +otenti%l +ro&le#s $o'ld not s'rf%(e %t %ll. %. M!$iv-$#+ E55#($iv#

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This is the st%ge $hen the e#+loyee h%s le%rned $h%t to do %nd does it $ith dri*e %nd energy. He h%s le%rned the tr%de %nd it refle(ts in his +erfor#%n(e. Then he #o*es on to the ne-t st%ge. *. D#"!$iv-$#+ E55#($iv# After so#e ti#e the #oti*%tion le*el goes do$n %nd the e#+loyee st%rts le%rning the tri()s of the tr%de. This is the st%ge $hen the e#+loyee is not #oti*%ted. He (ontin'es doing K'st eno'gh so th%t the e#+loyer h%s no re%son to fire hi# &'t he is re%lly not #oti*%ted. This st%ge is detri#ent%l to gro$thFF#ost +eo+le in org%ni5%tions f%ll into this third st%ge. A #oti*%ted +rofession%l le%rns the tr%de %nd le%*es the tri()s to (he%ts %nd (roo)s, &'t % de#oti*%ted e#+loyee st%rts s%&ot%ging the (o#+%ny. His +erfor#%n(e is #%rgin%l. He #%)es f'n of the good +erfor#ers. He reKe(ts ne$ ide%s %nd s+re%ds the neg%ti*ity %ll %ro'nd. O'r o&Ke(ti*e is to &ring the# &%() to the se(ond st%ge of #oti*%ted effe(ti*e thro'gh tr%ining. An e#+loyee o'ght not to st%y in the third st%ge too long: &e(%'se fro# here either they #o*e &%() to the se(ond st%ge, $hi(h is &eing #oti*%ted %nd effe(ti*e, or they #o*e into the fo'rth st%ge. 9. D#"!$iv-$#+ In#55#($iv# At this st%ge, the e#+loyer does not h%*e #'(h (hoi(e &'t to fire the e#+loyee, $hi(h #%y &e the #ost %++ro+ri%te thing to do %ny$%y %t this +oint. Re#e#&er, e#+loyers $%nt the s%#e thing %s e#+loyees do. They $%nt to s'((eed %nd i#+ro*e &'siness %nd if e#+loyees hel+ in this o&Ke(ti*e, then they #%)e the#sel*es *%l'%&le %nd %(hie*e their o$n s'((ess. DEMOTIVATING FACTORS So#e of the de#oti*%tors %re1

.nf%ir (riti(is# ?eg%ti*e (riti(is# P'&li( h'#ili%tion Re$%rding the non +erfor#er $hi(h (%n &e de#oti*%ting for the +erfor#er F%il're or fe%r of f%il're S'((ess $hi(h le%ds to (o#+l%(en(e L%() of dire(tion L%() of #e%s'r%&le o&Ke(ti*es Lo$ selfFestee# L%() of +riorities ?eg%ti*e selfFt%l) Offi(e +oliti(s .nf%ir tre%t#ent Hy+o(risy

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 Poor st%nd%rds Fre7'ent (h%nge Res+onsi&ility $itho't %'thority

A s%tisfied +erson is not ne(ess%rily % #oti*%ted +erson. So#e +eo+le %re s%tisfied $ith *ery little. n this (%se, s%tisf%(tion #%y le%d to (o#+l%(en(e. 8oti*%tion (o#es fro# e-(ite#ent %nd e-(ite#ent does not (o#e 'nless there is f'll (o##it#ent. ?e$ #ethods of #oti*%tion $ill not $or) till the de#oti*%ting f%(tors %re re#o*ed. 8%ny ti#es, K'st re#o*ing the de#oti*%ting f%(tors (%n s+%r) #oti*%tion. M!$iv-$! ) Wh%t $e re%lly $%nt to %((o#+lish is selfF#oti*%tion, $hen +eo+le do things for their o$n re%sons %nd not yo'rs. Th%t is l%sting #oti*%tion. Re#e#&er, the gre%test #oti*%tor is &elief. We h%*e to in('l(%te in o'rsel*es the &elief th%t $e %re res+onsi&le for o'r %(tions %nd &eh%*ior. When +eo+le %((e+t res+onsi&ility, e*erything i#+ro*es1 7'%lity, +rod'(ti*ity, rel%tionshi+s %nd te%#$or). A fe$ ste+s to #oti*%te others1

;i*e re(ognition ;i*e res+e(t 8%)e $or) interesting Be % good listener Thro$ % (h%llenge Hel+ &'t don't do for others $h%t they sho'ld do for the#sel*es

*eo"le do things for their own reasons, not yours. his is illustrated by a story about =al"h $aldo Emerson. #e and his son once were struggling to get a calf into the barn. Both father and son were e4hausted, "ulling and "ushing. 8 little girl was "assing by and she sweetly "ut her little finger into the calf's mouth and the calf lovingly followed her to the barn.

ACTION PLAN 2. De*elo+ % sense of +ride thro'gh tr%ining. 3. Re$%rd +erfor#%n(e. 4. Set $ellFdefined, (le%r go%ls.

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>. Set high e-+e(t%tions. >. Set (le%r, #e%s'r%&le &en(h#%r)s. D. E*%l'%te the needs of others. B. 8%)e others +%rt of yo'r &ig +i(t're. Set % good e-%#+le &y &eing % +ositi*e role #odel. B'ild the selfFestee# of others.

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CHAPTER 9 SELF-ESTEEM
B'ilding % +ositi*e selfFestee# < i#%ge

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8 beggar was sitting at the train station with a bowl full of "encils. 8 young e4ecutive "assed by and dro""ed a dollar in the bowl. #e then boarded the train. Before the doors closed, something came to his mind and he went bac! to the beggar, grabbed a bunch of "encils, and said, ' hey are "riced right. 8fter all you are a business "erson and so am I,' and he left. Si4 months later, the e4ecutive attended a "arty. he beggar was also there in a suit and tie. he beggar recogni<ed the e4ecutive, went u" to him and said, 'Fou "robably don't recogni<e me but I remember you.' #e then narrated the incident that ha""ened si4 months before. he e4ecutive said, '>ow that you have reminded me, I do recall that you were begging. $hat are you doing here in your suit and tie(' he beggar re"lied, 'Fou "robably don't !now what you did for me that day. Fou were the first "erson in my life who gave me bac! my dignity. Fou grabbed the bunch of "encils and said, ' hey are "riced right. 8fter all, you are a business "erson and so am ,.' 8fter you left, I thought to myself, what am I doing here( $hy am I begging( I decided to do something constructive with my life. I "ac!ed my bag, started wor!ing and here I am. I 7ust want to than! you for giving me bac! my dignity. hat incident changed my life.' Wh%t (h%nged in the &egg%r's lifeJ Wh%t (h%nged $%s th%t his selfFestee# $ent '+ %nd so did his +erfor#%n(e. This is the #%gi( of selfFestee# in o'r li*es. Si#+ly +'t, selfFestee# is ho$ $e feel %&o't o'rsel*es. O'r o+inion of o'rsel*es (riti(%lly infl'en(es e*erything, fro# o'r +erfor#%n(e %t $or), o'r rel%tionshi+s, %nd o'r role %s % +%rent to o'r %((o#+lish#ents in life. Self estee# is % #%Kor (o#+onent in deter#ining s'((ess or f%il're. High selfFestee# le%ds to % h%++y, gr%tifying %nd +'r+osef'l life. .nless yo' +er(ei*e yo'rself %s $orth$hile, yo' (%nnot h%*e high selfFestee#. All gre%t $orld le%ders %nd te%(hers thro'gho't history h%*e (on(l'ded th%t one #'st &e intern%lly dri*en in order to &e % s'((ess. We tr%nsfer o'r 'n(ons(io's selfF%++r%is%l to others %nd they res+ond to 's %((ordingly. Peo+le $ith high selfFestee# gro$ in (on*i(tion, (o#+eten(e %nd $illingness to %((e+t res+onsi&ility. They f%(e life $ith o+ti#is#, h%*e &etter rel%tionshi+s %nd f'lfilling li*es. They %re #oti*%ted %nd %#&itio's. They %re #ore sensiti*e. Their +erfor#%n(e %nd ris)F t%)ing %&ility go '+. They %re o+en to ne$ o++ort'nities %nd (h%llenges. They (%n gi*e %nd re(ei*e (riti(is# %nd (o#+li#ents, t%(tf'lly, %nd $ith e%se. SelfFestee# is % feeling $hi(h (o#es fro# %n %$%reness of $h%t is good %nd h%*ing done it. S#85-E)$##" i) O, S#85-C!n(#'$ There is % story %&o't % f%r#er $ho +l%nted +'#+)ins on his l%nd. For no re%son, he +'t % s#%ll +'#+)in, h%nging &y the *ine into % gl%ss K%r. At h%r*est ti#e, he s%$ th%t the +'#+)in h%d gro$n, e7'i*%lent only to the sh%+e %nd si5e of the K%r. @'st %s the +'#+)in (o'ld not gro$ &eyond the &o'nd%ries restri(ting it, h'#%n &eings (%nnot +erfor# &eyond the &o'nd%ries of their selfF(on(e+t, $h%te*er it #%y &e. SOME ADVANTAGES OF HIGH SELF-ESTEEM

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There is % dire(t rel%tionshi+ &et$een +eo+le's feelings %nd their +rod'(ti*ity. High selfF estee# is e*ident in res+e(t for one's self, others, +ro+erty, l%$, +%rents %nd one's (o'ntry. The re*erse is %lso tr'e.

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S#85-#)$##" 1

B'ilds strong (on*i(tion. Cre%tes $illingness to %((e+t res+onsi&ility. B'ilds o+ti#isti( %ttit'des. Le%ds to &etter rel%tionshi+s %nd f'lfilling li*es. 8%)es % +erson #ore sensiti*e to others' needs %nd de*elo+ % (%ring %ttit'de. 8%)es % +erson selfF#oti*%ted %nd %#&itio's. 8%)es % +erson o+en to ne$ o++ort'nities %nd (h%llenges. #+ro*es +erfor#%n(e %nd in(re%ses ris)Ft%)ing %&ility. Hel+s % +erson gi*e %nd re(ei*e &oth (riti(is# %nd (o#+li#ents t%(tf'lly %nd e%sily.

Ho$ do $e re(ogni5e +oor selfFestee#J Wh%t %re the &eh%*ior +%tterns of % +erson $ith +oor selfFestee#J The follo$ing is % &rief list, $hi(h is not %ll in(l'si*e &'t is indi(%ti*e.

They %re gener%lly gossi+ #ongers. They h%*e % (riti(%l n%t're. They (riti(i5e %s if there is % (ontest going on %nd they
h%*e to $in % +ri5e.

They h%*e high egos they %re %rrog%nt %nd &elie*e they )no$ it %ll.
Peo+le $ith lo$ selfFestee# %re gener%lly diffi('lt to $or) $ith %nd for. They te%r do$n others to get % feeling of s'+eriority. They %re (losed #inded %nd selfF(entered. They (onst%ntly #%)e e-('sesFF%l$%ys K'stifying f%il'res. They ne*er %((e+t res+onsi&ilityFF%l$%ys &l%#ing others. They h%*e % f%t%listi( %ttit'de no initi%ti*e %nd %l$%ys $%iting for things to h%++en. They %re Ke%lo's &y n%t're. They %re 'n$illing to %((e+t +ositi*e (riti(is#. They &e(o#e defensi*e. They %re &ored %nd 'n(o#fort%&le $hen %lone. Poor selfFestee# le%ds to &re%)do$n in de(en(y. Peo+le $ith lo$ selfFestee# don't )no$ $here to dr%$ the lineFF$here de(en(y sto+s %nd *'lg%rity st%rts. t is not 'n's'%l for +eo+le to tell Ko)es %t so(i%l getFtogethers &'t $ith e*ery drin), the Ko)es get dirtier %nd dirtier. They don't h%*e gen'ine friends &e(%'se they %re not gen'ine the#sel*es.

They #%)e +ro#ises they )no$ they %re not going to )ee+. A +erson $ith lo$ selfF
estee# $o'ld +ro#ise the #oon to #%)e % s%le. .n)e+t +ro#ises le%d to loss (redi&ility. A +erson $ith high self estee# $o'ld +refer loss of &'siness th%n loss (redi&ility &e(%'se they re%li5e th%t one (%nnot +'t % +ri(e on one's (redi&ility. Their &eh%*ior is senseless %nd err%ti(. They s$ing fro# one end of the +end'l'# %nother. They #%y &e %ll s'g%r %nd honey tod%y &'t the s%#e +eo+le #%y &e o't ('t yo'r thro%t to#orro$. They l%() &%l%n(e. They %lien%te +eo+le %nd tend to &e lonely. of of to to

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 They %re to'(hy in n%t'reFFthis is (%lled the fr%gile ego. Anyti#e so#ething is s%id, %
+erson $ith % fr%gile ego t%)es it +erson%lly %nd gets h'rt. t le%ds to deKe(tion. Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een &eing to'(hy %nd &eing sensiti*eJ To'(hiness is the (%(t's %++ro%(h: yo' to'(h #e %nd $ill h'rt yo'. Being sensiti*e is the +ositi*e %++ro%(h, the (%ring %++ro%(h. 8%ny ti#es the t$o %re 'sed inter(h%nge%&ly. Peo+le s%y &e (%ref'l $hen t%l)ing

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to so %nd so, he or she is *ery sensiti*e. Wh%t they %re re%lly s%ying is th%t the +erson is to'(hy, so &e (%ref'l.

They h%*e neg%ti*e e-+e(t%tions of the#sel*es %nd others %nd %re seldo#
dis%++ointed. They l%() (onfiden(e. 2. They (onst%ntly see) %++ro*%l %nd *%lid%tion fro# others. See)ing %++ro*%l is different fro# see)ing % se(ond o+inion, $hi(h re%lly #e%ns (ons'lt%tion. 3. Br%gging %&o't the#sel*es is %lso % sign of l%() of (onfiden(e. 4. S'&#issi*e or ti#id &eh%*ior. These %re +eo+le $ho (onst%ntly %+ologi5e for their e-isten(e. They %re %l$%ys +'tting the#sel*es do$n, $hi(h is different fro# &eing h'#&le. H'#ility (o#es fro# (onfiden(e $here%s +'tting yo'rself do$n (o#es fro# l%() of it. A +erson $ho l%()s (onfiden(e (%nnot &e %n effe(ti*e le%der. Others sense this l%() of (onfiden(e, $hi(h res'lts in % l%() of res+e(t. >. L%() of %sserti*eness. Peo+le $ith lo$ self estee# %re not $illing to st%nd '+ for their &elief. On the other h%nd, &eing 'nd'ly %ggressi*e is %lso % sign of +oor selfFestee#. Being %ggressi*e in sit'%tions th%t re7'ire (o#+%ssion does not %#o'nt to %sserti*eness. 9. A l%() of (onfiden(e res'lts in (onfor#ist &eh%*ior. f e*ery&ody is doing it, then so sho'ld . E*ery d%y $e see +eo+le gi*ing in to +eer +ress're, )no$ing f'll $ell $h%t they %re doing (o'ld &e detri#ent%l yet they do it to &e %((e+ted. Peo+le $ith lo$ selfF estee# go %long to get %long. They %re loo)ing for o'tside *%lid%tion &e(%'se they l%() (onfiden(e in the#sel*es. D. "ee+ing '+ $ith the @onesesFF+retense When +eo+le try to )ee+ '+ $ith the @oneses, they s+end #oney they h%*en't e%rned, they &'y things they don't need, %nd they try to i#+ress +eo+le they don't li)e. B. ?on(onfor#ist or %ttentionFsee)ing &eh%*ior. n order to g%in %ttention, +eo+le $ith +oor self estee# #ight do senseless things K'st to st%nd o't %nd &e noti(ed. They get % )i() %nd % sense of i#+ort%n(e fro# +er*ersion. So#e +eo+le (hoose to do $rong %nd &e $rong K'st to &e deferent %nd g%in %ttention. E-%#+les %re +eo+le $ho &r%g e-(essi*ely, the (l%ssroo# (lo$n, et(.

They %re inde(isi*e %nd do not %((e+t res+onsi&ility. L%() of (o'r%ge %nd fe%r of
(riti(is# le%d to inde(isi*e &eh%*ior. They re&el %g%inst %'thority. #%)e % distin(tion &et$een re&elling o't of the (o'r%ge of one's (on*i(tions %nd re&elling &e(%'se of +oor self estee#. All the gre%t $orld le%ders, s'(h %s 8%h%t#% ;%ndhi, 8%rtin L'ther "ing %nd A&r%h%# Lin(oln, $ere re&els. They re&el %g%inst %'thority o't of the (o'r%ge of their (on*i(tions: % +erson $ith lo$ selfFestee# re&els %g%inst %'thority K'st &e(%'se it is %'thority, e*en $hen the %'thority is right. They %re %ntiFso(i%l %nd #%y &e $ithdr%$n. They l%() % sense of dire(tion %nd h%*e %n 6 don't (%re6 %ttit'de $hi(h is refle(ted in their &eh%*ior. They h%*e % h%rd ti#e gi*ing or re(ei*ing (o#+li#ents. n gi*ing, they feel they #ight &e #is(onstr'ed %nd in re(ei*ing they feel they %re 'ndeser*ing. Feeling 'n$orthy is not h'#ility. Too #'(h e#+h%sis on #%teri%l things

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Peo+le $ith +oor selfFestee# K'dge % +erson's $orth &y his +ossessions, not &y $ho he is. They (onst%ntly loo) %t $h%t )ind of (%r yo' %re dri*ing, $h%t )ind of ho#e yo' li*e in, $h%t )ind of (lothes %nd Ke$elry yo' $e%r. They forget th%t +eo+le #%)e things, %nd not *i(e *ers%. Peo+le $ith +oor self estee# +l%(e #ore e#+h%sis on net $orth th%n self $orth. Their li*es re*ol*e %ro'nd %ds %nd f%ds. Designer l%&els %re their st%t's sy#&ols. T%)e %$%y their things %nd they $ill die of sh%#e. They get into % r%t r%(e. 6The +ro&le# $ith the r%t r%(e is th%t e*en if yo' $in, yo' %re still % r%t.6O

L%() of +ride in the#sel*esFFthey %re sh%&&ily dressed %nd 'n(o'th. They %re t%)ers, not gi*ers.
Lo$ selfFestee# (o'ld le%d to e-tre#es of &eh%*ior. A +erson $ith high selfFestee# (o'ld (hoose identi(%l &eh%*ior for different re%sons1 He #%y &e %lone &e(%'se he +refers solit'de, $here%s % +erson $ith lo$ selfFestee# +refers to &e %lone &e(%'se he is 'n(o#fort%&le in gro'+s. S!"# (2- -($# i)$i() !5 '#!'8# 7i$21 High SelfFEstee# T%l) %&o't ide%s C%ring %ttit'de H'#ility Res+e(ts %'thority Co'r%ge of (on*i(tion Confiden(e Con(erned %&o't (h%r%(ter Asserti*e A((e+ts res+onsi&ility SelfFinterest O+ti#isti( .nderst%nding Willing to le%rn Sensiti*e Solit'de Dis('ss Belie*es in selfF$orth ;'ided Dis(i+line ntern%lly dri*en Res+e(ts others EnKoys de(en(y "no$s li#it ;i*er Lo$ SelfFEstee# T%l) %&o't +eo+le Criti(%l %ttit'de Arrog%n(e Re&els %g%inst %'thority ;oes %long to get %long Conf'sion Con(erned %&o't re+'t%tion Aggressi*e Bl%#es the $hole $orld Selfish F%t%listi( ;reedy "no$ it %ll To'(hy Lonely Arg'e Belie*es in net $orth only 8isg'ided Distorted sense of freedo# E-tern%lly dri*en Loo)s do$n on others EnKoys *'lg%rity E*erything goes T%)er

The o&Ke(ti*e of this list is to +ro*ide % &%sis for self e*%l'%tion r%ther th%n +rod'(e g'ilt. t is not ne(ess%ry to h%*e %ll the tr%its. So#e (h%r%(teristi(s #%y &e +resent to % gre%ter

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or lesser degree. So long %s $e %re %&le to re(ogni5e the#, $e (%n #%)e %n effort to (orre(t o'rsel*es. THE# P+T ON A MASK 8 young e4ecutive with "oor self%esteem was "romoted but he couldn't reconcile himself to his new office and "osition. here was a !noc! at his door. o show how im"ortant and busy he was, he "ic!ed u" the "hone and then as!ed the visitor to come in. 8s the man waited for the e4ecutive, the e4ecutive !e"t tal!ing on the "hone, nodding and saying, '>o "roblem, I can handle that.' 8fter a few minutes he hung u" and as!ed the visitor what he could do for him. he man re"lied, 'Sir, I'm here to connect your "hone.' W2-$ i) $2# M#))-3#? Why +retendJ Wh%t %re $e trying to +ro*eJ Wh%t do $e $%nt to %((o#+lishJ Why do $e need to lieJ Why loo) for feelings of f%lse i#+ort%n(eJ All of this (o#es fro# inse('rity %nd +oor selfFestee#. W2< P #$#n+? O'r (h%r%(ter (%n &e K'dged &y e*erything $e do or don't do, li)e or don't li)e, s'(h %s1

The )ind of #o*ies $e enKoy. The )ind of #'si( $e listen to. The )ind of (o#+%ny $e )ee+ or %*oid. The )ind of Ko)es $e tell or l%'gh %t. The )ind of &oo)s $e re%d.

E*ery %(tion of o'rs gi*es 's %$%y %ny$%y, so $hy +retendJ &elie*e th%t if % +erson li*es $ith (on*i(tion, sensiti*ity %nd (oo+er%tion, he (%n #o*e others $ith his effort. Th%t +erson &e(o#es $orthy of selfFres+e(t. P!)i$iv# S#85-E)$##" 2. 3. 4. >. 9. D. B. selfFres+e(t selfF(onfiden(e selfF$orth selfF%((e+t%n(e selfFlo*e selfF)no$ledge selfFdis(i+line N#3-$iv# S#85-E)$##" selfF+'t do$n selfFdo'&t selfF%&'se selfFdeni%l selfF(entered ?ess selfFde(eit selfFind'lgen(e

SelfFestee# does not #e%n h%*ing % &ig ego. .nless % +erson is %t +e%(e $ith hi#self, he (%nnot &e %t +e%(e $ith others. @'st %s $e (%nnot gi*e to others $h%t $e don't h%*e. .nless $e +ossess the (o#+onents of self estee#, $e (%nnot sh%re it $ith others. We need to first get in to'(h $ith o'rsel*es %nd +'t o'rsel*es in order. E*en in %n %ir(r%ft, the s%fety instr'(tions tell yo' to +'t on %n o-ygen #%s) on yo'rself first %nd then on yo'r (hild. We %re not t%l)ing %&o't selfishness.

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SelfFestee# (%n &e defined %s the $%y $e feel %&o't o'rsel*es. SelfFi#%ge is the $%y $e see o'rsel*es. When $e feel good, o'r +rod'(ti*ity goes '+.

CAUSES OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM We st%rt for#ing o'r selfFestee#, +ositi*e or neg%ti*e, fro# the d%y $e %re &orn. We de*elo+ feelings %&o't o'rsel*es th%t %re reinfor(ed &y others. ?eg%ti*e SelfFT%l) or ?eg%ti*e A'toFS'ggestions This is $hen $e s%y to o'rsel*es, (ons(io'sly or 'n(ons(io'sly, st%te#ents s'(h %s1

h%*e % +oor #e#ory. '# not good %t #%th. '# not %n %thlete. '# tired.
S'(h st%te#ents only reinfor(e the neg%ti*e %nd +'t o'rsel*es do$n. !ery soon o'r #ind st%rts &elie*ing these st%te#ents %nd o'r &eh%*ior (h%nges %((ordingly. They &e(o#e selfFf'lfilling +ro+he(ies. Envi !n"#n$ H!"# The gre%test thing th%t % +%rent (%n gi*e to his (hildren %re roots. The &est +%rt of % f%#ily tree is the roots. ?oti(ing % little girl's (o'rteo's %nd +olite &eh%*ior, the te%(her %s)ed, 6Who t%'ght yo' to &e so (o'rteo's %nd +oliteJ6 The girl re+lied, 6?o one. t K'st r'ns in o'r f%#ily.6 U'6 in3in3 '+ellow citi<ens, why do you turn and scra" every stone to gather wealth and to ta!e so little care of your children to whom one day, you must relinEuish it all('? n order for o'r (hildren to t'rn o't $ell, $e need to s+end t$i(e the ti#e %nd h%lf the #oney. t is less +%inf'l to le%rn in yo'th th%n &e ignor%nt %s %n %d'lt. P%rents $ith high selfFestee# &reed (onfiden(e %nd high selfFestee# in their (hildren &y gi*ing the# +ositi*e (on(e+ts, &eliefs, %nd *%l'es. The re*erse is %lso tr'e. t is % gre%t herit%ge to h%*e honest +%rents. P%rents $ho +%rti(i+%te in (roo)ed &'siness de%ls 'nfort'n%tely set &%d e-%#+les for their f't're gener%tions. A strong role #odel or #entor (o'ld &e % +%rent, rel%ti*e or te%(her $ho is held in high reg%rd. D'ring their for#%ti*e ye%rs, (hildren loo) '+ to %d'lts in +ositions of infl'en(e. E*en %s %d'lts, $e loo) to o'r s'+er*isors %nd #%n%gers %s role #odels. O So(r%tes

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LITTLE EYES UPON YOUGG There %re little eyes '+on yo' %nd they're $%t(hing night %nd d%y. There %re little e%rs th%t 7'i()ly t%)e in e*ery $ord yo' s%y. There %re little h%nds %ll e%ger to do %nything yo' do: And % little &oy $ho's dre%#ing of the d%y he'll &e li)e yo'. Yo''re the little fello$'s idol, yo''re the $isest of the $ise. n his little #ind %&o't yo' no s's+i(ions e*er rise. He &elie*es in yo' de*o'tly, holds %ll th%t yo' s%y %nd do: He $ill s%y %nd do, in yo'r $%y, $hen he's gro$n '+ li)e yo'. There's % $ideFeyed little fello$ $ho &elie*es yo''re %l$%ys right: And his eyes %re %l$%ys o+ened, %nd he $%t(hes d%y %nd night. Yo' %re setting %n e-%#+le e*ery d%y in %ll yo' do, For the little &oy $ho's $%iting to gro$ '+ to &e li)e yo'. '+ILDING CONFIDENCE 8 young cou"le used to leave their daughter at a day%care center every day before going to wor!. 8s they "arted com"any, the "arents and child !issed each other's hands and then "ut the !isses in their "oc!ets. 8ll during the day when the little girl got lonely she would ta!e out a !iss and "ut it on her chee!. his little routine made them feel together even though they were "hysically a"art. $hat a wonderful thought. Wh%t 8%)es % Child % Delin7'entJ

Te%(h hi# to +'t % +ri(e t%g on e*erything %nd he $ill +'t his integrity for s%le.

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 Te%(h hi# ne*er to t%)e % st%nd %nd then he $ill f%ll for %nything.

OO Fro# The 8or%l Co#+%ss, edited &y Willi%# @. Ber#ett, Si#on IP S(h'ster, ?e$ Yor), 2==9, ++. 93P3>.

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 8%)e hi# &elie*e th%t $inning is not e*erything. t is the only thing %nd he $ill #%)e
e*ery effort to $in &y hoo) or &y (roo). ;i*e % (hild e*erything he $%nts right fro# inf%n(y %nd he $ill gro$ '+ &elie*ing th%t the $orld o$es hi# % li*ing %nd e*erything $ill &e h%nded to hi# on % +l%tter. When he +i()s '+ &%d l%ng'%ge, l%'gh %t hi#. This $ill #%)e hi# thin) he is ('te. Don't e*er gi*e hi# %ny #or%l or ethi(%l *%l'es. W%it 'ntil he is 32 %nd let hi# 6deter#ine his o$n.6 ;i*e hi# (hoi(es $itho't dire(tion. ?e*er te%(h hi# th%t e*ery (hoi(e h%s % (onse7'en(e. ?e*er tell hi# he is $rong, he #ight de*elo+ % (o#+le-. This $ill (ondition hi# to &elie*e th%t so(iety is %g%inst hi# $hen he gets %rrested for doing so#ething $rong. Al$%ys +i() '+ things th%t he le%*es lying %ro'ndFF&oo)s, shoes, (lothes, et(. Do e*erything for hi# so th%t he $ill le%rn to +'sh %ll res+onsi&ilities onto others. Let hi# re%d, $%t(h %nd he%r %nything he $%nts. Be (%ref'l $h%t he feeds his &ody, &'t let his #ind feed on g%r&%ge. n order to &e +o+'l%r $ith his +eers, he #'st go %long to get %long. L'%rrel fre7'ently $hen he is +resent. This $%y he $on't &e s'r+rised $hen things f%ll %+%rt %t ho#e. ;i*e hi# %s #'(h #oney %s he $%nts. ?e*er te%(h hi# res+e(t for or the *%l'e of #oney. 8%)e s're he does not h%*e things %s to'gh %s yo' did. Pro*ide inst%nt gr%tifi(%tion for %ll sens'%l desires s'(h %s food, drin), (o#fort. De+ri*%tion (%n (%'se fr'str%tion. Side $ith hi# %g%inst neigh&ors, te%(hers, et(., %s they %re +reK'di(ed %g%inst hi#. When he gets into re%l tro'&le, e-('se yo'rself &y s%ying, 6 tried #y &est &'t (o'ld ne*er do %nything $ith hi#.6 Don't +'t yo'r foot do$n &e(%'se yo' &elie*e dis(i+line t%)es %$%y freedo#. Prefer re#ote (ontrol to +%rent%l (ontrol in order to te%(h inde+enden(e. Wh%t (hildren get, they gi*e to so(iety.

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with "raise, he learns to a""reciate. If a child lives with hostility, he learns tonight. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be "atient. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with a""roval, he learns to li!e himself. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith. If a child lives with acce"tance and friendshi", he learns to find love in the world. E+,(-$i!n

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Being ignor%nt is not sh%#ef'l, &'t &eing 'n$illing to le%rn is. Role #odels (%n te%(h thro'gh e-%#+le. Children $ho %re t%'ght the i#+ort%n(e of integrity d'ring their for#%ti*e ye%rs gener%lly don't lose it. t &e(o#es % +%rt of life, $hi(h is $h%t $e %re loo)ing for in %ny +rofession, $hether in % (ontr%(tor, %ttorney, %((o'nt%nt, +oliti(i%ns +oli(e offi(er, or K'dge. ntegrity is % lot stronger th%n honesty. n f%(t, it is the fo'nd%tion of honesty. Yo'ths %re i#+ression%&le. When they see their #entorsFFs'(h %s +%rents, te%(hers, or +oliti(%l le%dersFF(he%ting $ith +ride or &r%gging %&o't +etty dishonesty s'(h %s ste%ling % to$el in % hotel or ('tlery fro# the rest%'r%nts, the follo$ing h%++ens1

They %re dis%++ointed. They lose res+e(t for their #entors. Const%nt e-+os're &reeds %((e+t%n(e in the#.
POOR ROLE MODELS 8 schoolteacher as!ed a little boy what his father did for a living. he boy re"lied, 'I'm not sure, but I guess he ma!es "ens, "encils, light bulbs, toilet rolls, etc., because that is what he brings home every day in his lunch bo4.' M-4in3 Un5-i C!"'- i)!n F%ir (o#+%risons %re O" &'t 'nf%ir (o#+%risons #%)e % +erson feel inferior. Co#+%rison &%si(%lly &rings o't the (o#+etiti*e s+irit to o't+erfor# the ne-t +erson. Peo+le $ith high selfFestee# don't (o#+ete $ith others: inste%d, they i#+ro*e their o$n +erfor#%n(e. They (o#+ete %g%inst the#sel*es. They (o#+%re their +erfor#%n(e %g%inst their (%+%&ilities. F-i8, # ! S,((#))1 A Ri''8# E55#($ There is % lot of tr'th in the st%te#ent, 6s'((ess &reeds s'((ess %nd f%il're &reeds f%il're.6 n s+orts, $e often see th%t $hene*er the (h%#+ion's #or%le is lo$FF%nd it does get lo$ %t so#e +ointFFthe (o%(h $ill ne*er +'t hi# '+ %g%inst % good fighter &e(%'se if he s'ffers one #ore defe%t, his selfFestee# $ill go e*en lo$er. To &ring his selfF (onfiden(e &%(), the (o%(h +its hi# %g%inst % $e%) o++onent, %nd th%t *i(tory r%ises his selfFestee#. A slightly stronger o++onent is ne-t %nd th%t *i(tory &rings '+ the le*el of (onfiden(e, %nd on %nd on 'ntil the d%y (o#es $hen the (h%#+ion is re%dy to f%(e the 'lti#%te (h%llenge. With e*ery s'((ess, selfF(onfiden(e goes '+ %nd it is e%sier to s'((eed the ne-t ti#e. For this re%son, %ny good le%der, &e it % +%rent, te%(her or s'+er*isor, $o'ld st%rt % (hild off $ith e%sy t%s)s. With e*ery s'((essf'l (o#+letion, the (hild's le*el of (onfiden(e %nd selfFestee# go '+. Add to th%t +ositi*e stro)es of en(o'r%ge#ent, %nd this $ill st%rt solidifying +ositi*e selfFestee#. O'r res+onsi&ility is to hel+ &re%) the (h%in of f%il're %nd +'t o'rsel*es %nd o'r (hildren into the (h%in of s'((ess. C!n5,)in3 F-i8in3 7i$2 F-i8, #

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When +eo+le f%il in %ny +%rti('l%r e*ent, #ost get so dishe%rtened th%t they st%rt loo)ing %t the#sel*es %s f%il'res, not re%li5ing th%t f%iling does not e7'%l f%il're. #ight h%*e f%iled &'t %# not % f%il're. #%y &e fooled &'t %# not % fool. Un #-8i)$i( E&'#($-$i!n) !5 P# 5#($i!n 6< P- #n$)/ T#-(2# ) -n+ S,'# vi)! ) S'++ose % (hild (o#es ho#e $ith % re+ort (%rd $ith fi*e As %nd one B. .s'%lly the first thing his +%rents $ill s%y is, 6Why the BJ6 Wh%t do yo' thin) $ill go thro'gh the (hild's #indJ Did he try for the BJ Or sho'ld his +%rents (ongr%t'l%te the (hild for the B %nd %((e+t % lo$er st%nd%rdJ ?ot %t %ll. Wh%t the (hild is re%lly loo)ing for is %()no$ledge#ent %nd en(o'r%ge#ent for the effort in getting the fi*e A's. A +%rent, %fter %()no$ledging %nd +r%ising the As, (%n #%)e (le%r his e-+e(t%tions of seeing %ll si- A's %nd offer hel+ if needed. f $e lo$er o'r st%nd%rds, the (h%n(es %re +retty good th%t the +erfor#%n(e ne-t ti#e $o'ld dro+ to those e-+e(t%tions. Si#il%rly %t $or), %n e#+loyee does 2AA things right %nd one thing $rong. ;'ess $h%t the &oss +i()s on. A()no$ledge the +ositi*e &'t don't lo$er yo'r st%nd%rds. L-(4 !5 Di)(i'8in# W2-$ i) Di)(i'8in#? s it %&sol'te freedo# to do $h%t % +erson $%ntsJ s freedo# reg%rdless of (onse7'en(esJ Does it #e%n (orre(ti*e %(tion %fter % +ro&le# o(('rs or % $rong is doneJ s it i#+ositionJ s it %&'seJ Does it t%)e %$%y freedo#J The %ns$er is none of the %&o*e. Dis(i+line does not #e%n th%t % +erson t%)es % &elt %nd &e%ts '+ )ids. Th%t is #%dness. Dis(i+line is lo*ing fir#ness. t is dire(tion. t is +re*ention &efore % +ro&le# %rises. t is h%rnessing %nd (h%nneling energy for gre%t +erfor#%n(e. Dis(i+line is not so#ething yo' do to &'t yo' do for those yo' (%re %&o't. Aisci"line is an act of love. Sometimes you have to be un!ind to be !ind@ >ot all medicine is sweet, not all surgery is "ainless, but we have to ta!e it. $e need to leam from nature. $e are all familiar with that big animal, the giraffe. 8 mama giraffe gives birth to a baby giraffe, standing. 8ll of a sudden, the baby falls on a hard surface from the cushion of mama's womb, and sits on the ground. he first thing mama does is to get behind the baby and give him a hard !ic!. he baby gets u", but his legs are wea! and wobbly and the baby falls down. )ama goes behind again and gives him one more !ic!. he baby gets u" but sits down again. )ama !ee"s !ic!ing till the baby gets on its feet and starts moving. $hy( Because mama !nows that the only chance of survival for the baby in the jungle is to get on its feet. &therwise it will be eaten u" by wildcats and become dead meat. )y Euestion to you is@ Is this an act of love( Fou bet it is. Children brought u" in a loving, disci"lined environment end u" res"ecting their "arents more and become law%abiding citi<ens. The re*erse is K'st %s tr'e. If disci"line is "racticed in every home, juvenile delinEuency would be reduced by -:5. %%7. Edgar #oover ;ood +%rents %re not %fr%id of #o#ent%ry disli)es &y (hildren to enfor(e the s'&Ke(t.

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Di)(i'8in# Giv#) F ##+!" Allo$ing % (hild to e%t % &o- of (ho(ol%te (o'ld le%d to si()ness. At the s%#e ti#e, the dis(i+line of e%ting one or t$o +ie(es % d%y (%n &e %n enKoy%&le e-+erien(e for % longer ti#e. O'r instin(t #%)es 's do $h%te*er $e $%nt reg%rdless of the (onse7'en(es. +reedom is not "rocured by a full enjoyment of what is desired but controlling the desire. FFE+i(tet's There is % #is(on(e+tion th%t freedo# #e%ns doing yo'r o$n thing. One (%nnot %l$%ys h%*e $h%t one desires. 8%ny ti#es it is not e%sy to (o#+rehend the &enefits of good *%l'es %nd dis(i+line. t #%y e*en see# #ore +rofit%&le, enKoy%&le %nd (on*enient to do other$ise. All $e need to do is see (o'ntless inst%n(es $here l%() of dis(i+line h%s +re*ented +eo+le fro# s'((eeding. Wh%t $e thin) is +'lling 's do$n is re%lly t%)ing 's '+. Th%t is $h%t dis(i+line is %ll %&o't. 8 boy was flying a !ite with his father and as!ed him what !e"t the !ite u". Aad re"lied, ' he string.' he boy said, 'Aad, it is the string that is holding the !ite down.' he father as!ed his son to watch as he bro!e the string. Cuess what ha""ened to the !ite( It came down. Isn't that true in life( Sometimes the very things that we thin! are holding us down are the things that are hel"ing us fly. hat is what disci"line is all about. I W-n$ $! B# F ## We he%r this +hr%se %ll the ti#e1 6 $%nt to &e free.6 f yo' t%)e the tr%in off the tr%(), it is free, &'t $here does it goJ f e*eryone (o'ld #%)e their o$n tr%ffi( %$s %nd dri*e on %ny side of the ro%d $o'ld yo' (%ll th%t freedo# or (h%osJ Wh%t is #issing is dis(i+line. By o&ser*ing the r'le, $e %re %(t'%lly g%ining freedo#, %ren't $eJ I$ i) L!vin3 Fi "n#)) h%*e %s)ed this 7'estion to #%ny +%rti(i+%nts in #y se#in%rs1 6 f yo'r (hild h%d % fe*er of 2A9degF %nd did not $%nt to go to the do(tor, $h%t $o'ld yo' doJ6 n*%ri%&ly they s%id they $o'ld get #edi(%l hel+ e*en if the (hild resisted. WhyJ Be(%'se it is in the &est interest of the (hild. Pare&ti&g is Not a Pop*larity Co&test 8 judge, when sentencing a man for robbery, as!ed if he had anything to say. he man re"lied, 'Fes, your honor. *lease sentence my "arents to jail also.' he judge as!ed, '$hy(' he "risoner answered, '$hen I was a little boy, I stole a "encil from school. )y "arents !new about it but never said a word. hen I stole a "en. hey !nowingly ignored it. I continued to steal many other things from the school and the neighborhood till it became an obsession. hey !new about it, yet they never said a word. If anyone belongs in jail with me, they do.'

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#e is right. In not discharging their res"onsibilities, his "arents are also to blame although it does not absolve him of his res"onsibility. Civing choices to children is im"ortant, but choices without direction result in disaster. Com"lete mental and "hysical "re"aration is the result of sacrifice and self disci"line. *arents s"end an average of ,: minutes a wee! in 'meaningful dialog' with their children%%children who are left to glean whatever values they can from "eers and G. %%7ournal of the 8merican +amily 8ssociation As) yo'rself1 Witho't dis(i+line,

(%n % (%+t%in r'n % shi+ effe(ti*elyJ (%n %n %thlete $in % g%#eJ (%n % *iolinist +l%y $ell %t % (on(ertJ
The %ns$er is, 6Of (o'rse not.6 Why then do $e 7'estion tod%y, in #%tters of +erson%l (ond'(t, or to %(hie*e %ny st%nd%rd, if dis(i+line is ne(ess%ryJ t is %&sol'tely ne(ess%ry. Tod%y the +hiloso+hy is1 6 f it feels good, do it.6 h%*e he%rd +%rents inno(ently s%ying, 6 don't (%re $h%t #y )ids do so long %s it #%)es the# h%++y. Th%t is %ll th%t #%tters.6 %s) the#, 6Wo'ldn't yo' $%nt to )no$ $h%t #%)es the# h%++yJ6 f &e%ting +eo+le '+ on the streets %nd t%)ing their things %$%y %re $h%t #%)e the# h%++y, there is % $ord in the English l%ng'%ge for the#, it is (%lled 6+er*ersion.6 Ho$ %nd $here $e deri*e o'r h%++iness fro# is K'st %s i#+ort%nt %s the h%++iness itself. t is % res'lt of o'r *%l'es, dis(i+line %nd res+onsi&ility. We )ee+ he%ring 6do $h%t yo' li)e.6 The re*erse is K'st %s tr'e. Li)e $h%t yo' do. 8%ny ti#es $e need to do $h%t o'ght to &e done $hether $e li)e it or not. A #other (o#es ho#e %fter % long d%y's $or), t%)es (%re of the ho'sehold (hores, loo)s %fter the &%&y %nd goes to slee+ e-h%'sted. n the #iddle of the night the &%&y (ries. Does #%#% feel li)e getting '+J ?o, &'t she gets '+ %ny$%y. WhyJ For three re%sons1

Lo*e D'ty Res+onsi&ility

We (%nnot li*e o'r li*es &y e#otions %lone. We need to %dd dis(i+line, no #%tter $h%t %ge $e %re. Winning in life (o#es $hen $e do not s'(('#& to $h%t $e $%nt to do &'t do $h%t o'ght to &e done. Th%t re7'ires dis(i+line. L-6#8in3 -n+ P,$-D!7n) B< P- #n$)/ T#-(2# ) -n+ S,'# vi)! ) H%*e yo' he%rd so#e +%rents +l%yf'lly or %ffe(tion%tely (%lling their )ids 6d'##y6 %nd 6st'+id6J L%&els sti() for life. When the )ids gro$ '+ they $ill &e s're to +ro*e the +%rents right. L%&els do not only sti() for life &'t for gener%tions. The (%ste syste# in

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ndi% is % +ri#e e-%#+le of ho$ l%&eling (%n h'rt. .++er (%ste or lo$er (%ste, 6 f it is not % l%&el, $h%t is itJ6 Co##on +'tFdo$ns +%rents s%y to their )ids %re1

Yo' %re d'#&. Yo' ne*er do %nything right. Yo' $ill ne*er %#o'nt to %nything.
T#-(2in3 $2# Ri32$ V-8,#) 8%ny ti#es, in%d*ertently %nd inno(ently, $e end '+ te%(hing $rong *%l'es $ithin o'r f%#ilies %nd org%ni5%tions. For e-%#+le, $e tell o'r (hildren or st%ff to lie for 's.

Tell the# %# not here. The (he() is in the #%il.

We %ll loo) to o'r +%rents, te%(hers %nd s'+er*isors to te%(h 's integrity. And #%ny ti#es $e %re dis%++ointed. Pr%(ti(ing these +etty lies t'rns % +erson into % +rofession%l li%r. When $e te%(h others to lie for 's, % d%y $ill (o#e $hen they $ill lie to 's too. For e-%#+le, % se(ret%ry (%lls in si() $hen she re%lly $%nts to go sho++ing. 8%y&e the &oss g%*e her eno'gh +r%(ti(e lying for hi# th%t she h%s &e(o#e %n e-+ert in lying to hi#. STEPS TO BUILDING A POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM T*r& S ars i&to Stars =ead the life histories of "eo"le who have turned a negative into a "ositive, adversity into advantage, stumbling bloc!s into ste""ing stones. hey refuse to let disa""ointment and failures "ull them down. Some of the best music was com"osed by Beethoven. $hat was his handica"( #e was deaf. Some of the best "oetry written on nature was written by )ilton. $hat was his handica"( #e was blind. &ne of the greatest world leaders was 9S *resident +ran!lin A. =oosevelt. $hat was his handica"( #e served from a wheelchair. THE "ILMA R+DOLPH STOR# 3 $ilma =udol"h was born into a "oor home in ennessee. 8t age four, she had double "neumonia with scarlet fever, a deadly combination which left her "araly<ed with "olio. She had to wear a brace and the doctor said she would never "ut her foot on the earth. But her mother encouraged her; she told $ilma that with Cod%given ability, "ersistence and faith she could do anything she wanted. $ilma said, 'I want to be the fastest woman on the trac! on this earth.' 8t the age of nine, against the advice of the doctors, she removed the brace and too! the first ste" the doctors had said she never would. 8t the age of ,2, she entered her first race and came way, way last. 8nd then she entered her second, and third and fourth and came way, way last until a day came when she came in first. 8t the age of ,: she went to ennessee State 9niversity where she met a coach by the name of Ed em"le. She told him, 'I want to be the fastest woman on the trac! on this earth.' em"le said, '$ith your s"irit nobody can sto" you and besides, I will hel" you.'

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he day came when she was at the &lym"ics and at the &lym"ics you are matched with the best of the best. $ilma was matched against a woman named 7utta #eine who had never been beaten. he first event was the ,..%meter race. $ilma beat 7utta #eine and won her first gold medal. he second event was the B..%meter race and $ilma beat 7utta a second time and won her second gold medal. he third event was the 0..%meter relay and she was racing against 7utta one more time. In the relay, the fastest "erson always runs the last la" and they both anchored their teams. he first three "eo"le ran and changed the baton easily. $hen it came to $ilma's turn, she dro""ed the baton. But $ilma saw 7utta shoot u" at the other end; she "ic!ed the baton, ran li!e a machine, beat 7utta a third time and won her third gold medal. It became history@ hat a "aralytic woman became the fastest woman on this earth at the ,-1. &lym"ics. OAd%+ted fro# St%r Ledger, ?o*e#&er 24, 2==>.

Wh%t % lesson to &e le%rnt fro# Wil#%. t te%(hes 's th%t s'((essf'l +eo+le do it in s+ite of, not in %&sen(e of, +ro&le#s. When $e he%r or re%d stories of +eo+le $ho h%*e t'rned %d*ersity into o++ort'nity, doesn't it #oti*%te 'sJ f $e reg'l%rly re%d &iogr%+hies %nd %'to&iogr%+hies of s'(h +eo+le, $on't $e st%y #oti*%tedJ Lear& I&tellige&t Ig&ora& e Education teaches us what we can do and also teaches us what we cannot do. I'm loo!ing for a lot of men with an infinite ca"acity for not !nowing what cannot be done. %%#enry +ord #enry +ord gave this world the G/ engine. #e did not have much formal education. In fact, he did not go to school beyond the age of ,0. #e was intelligent enough to !now there had to be a G/ engine but he was ignorant and didn't !now how to build it. So he as!ed all his highly Eualified, educated "eo"le to build one. But they told him what could be done and what couldn't. 8ccording to them, a G/ was an im"ossibility. But #enry +ord insisted on having his G/. 8 few months later he as!ed his "eo"le if they had the G/ and they re"lied, '$e !now what can be done and we also !now what cannot be done and G/ is an im"ossibility.' his went on for many months and still #enry +ord said, 'I want my G/.' 8nd shortly thereafter the same "eo"le "roduced his G/ engine. #ow come( hey let their imagination run beyond academic limitation. Education teaches us what can be done and sometimes also teaches us false limitations. THE '+M'LE'EE

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$e need to learn from nature. 8ccording to scientists, the bumblebee's body is too heavy and its wing s"an too small. 8erodynamically, the bumblebee cannot fly. But the bumblebee doesn't !now that and it !ee"s flying. $hen you don't !now your limitations, you go out and sur"rise yourself. In hindsight, you wonder if you had any limitations. he only limitations a "erson has are those that are self%im"osed. Aon't let education "ut limitations on you . Do So(et%i&g -or Ot%ers "%o Ca&&ot Repay #o* i& Cas% or Ki&) Ar. Jarl )enninger, a world%renowned "sychiatrist, was once as!ed, '$hat would you advise someone if you !new that "erson was going to have a nervous brea!down(' he audience e4"ected Ar. )enninger to advise consulting a "rofessional. But he didn't. #e said, 'I would advise that "erson to loc! home, go to the other side of town, find someone in need and hel" that "erson. By doing that we get out of our own way.' 8 lot of times we get in our own way, don't we( Be % *ol'nteer. t &'ilds selfF$orth. Hel+ing others %s yo' $o'ld e-+e(t others to hel+ yo' gi*es % feeling of gr%tifi(%tion. t is % good feeling $hi(h re+resents high selfFestee#. The +ro(ess of gi*ing $itho't h%*ing e-+e(t%tions or getting %nything in ret'rn r%ises one's self estee#. A he%lthy +erson%lity h%s the need not only to get &'t %lso to gi*e. L#- n $! Giv# -n+ R#(#iv# C!"'8i"#n$) Don't #iss o't on %ny o++ort'nity to gi*e sin(ere (o#+li#ents. Re#e#&er, the )ey $ord is sin(erity. When others gi*e yo' % (o#+li#ent, %((e+t it gr%(io'sly %nd gr%(ef'lly $ith t$o $ords, 6Th%n) yo'.6 Th%t is % sign of h'#ility. A((#'$ R#)'!n)i6i8i$< We need to %((e+t res+onsi&ility for o'r &eh%*ior %nd o'r %(tions %nd ins'l%te o'rsel*es fro# e-('ses. Don't &e li)e the st'dent $ho f%iled K'st &e(%'se he didn't li)e the te%(her or the s'&Ke(t. Who is he h'rting the #ostJ We h%*e to %((e+t res+onsi&ility %nd sto+ &l%#ing others, then, %nd only then, $ill +rod'(ti*ity %nd 7'%lity of life i#+ro*e. &ur "rivileges can be no greater than our obligations. he "rotection of our rights can endure no longer than the "erformance of our res"onsibilities. %7ohn +. Jennedy E-('ses #%)e the +ro&le# $orse th%n the +ro&le# itself. We o$e res+onsi&ility

to self to f%#ily to $or) to so(iety en*iron#ent

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We (%n %dd to the greenery &y +l%nting trees, sto++ing soil erosion, +reser*ing n%t'r%l &e%'ty. We (%nnot li*e %s if $e h%*e %nother e%rth $e (%n #o*e to. On % d%ily &%sis, $e need to do so#ething th%t #%)es this $orld % &etter +l%(e to li*e. We %re ('stodi%ns for the f't're gener%tions. f $e do not &eh%*e res+onsi&ly, ho$ (%n f't're gener%tions forgi*e 'sJ f the %*er%ge life e-+e(t%n(y of % +erson is B9 ye%rs %nd if yo' %re >A ye%rs old, yo' h%*e 4D9 d%ys - 49 ye%rs, to li*e. As) yo'rself this 7'estion1 Wh%t %re yo' going to do $ith this ti#eJ When $e %((e+t or %dd res+onsi&ility, $e #%)e o'rsel*es #ore *%l'%&le. Don't $eJ SelfFdis(i+line does not )ill Koy &'t &'ilds it. Yo' see +eo+le $ith t%lent %nd %&ility, %nd yet they %re 'ns'((essf'l. They %re fr'str%ted %nd the s%#e &eh%*ior +%ttern %ffe(ts their &'siness, their he%lth, %nd their rel%tionshi+s $ith others. They %re diss%tisfied %nd &l%#e it on l'() $itho't re%li5ing th%t #%ny +ro&le#s %re (%'sed &y l%() of dis(i+line. S#$ G!-8) WellFdefined go%ls gi*e % +erson % sense of dire(tion, % feeling of %((o#+lish#ent $hen he re%(hes his go%ls. 8ore i#+ort%nt th%n go%ls is % sense of +'r+ose %nd *ision. t gi*es #e%ning %nd f'lfill#ent to life. Wh%t $e get '+on %(hie*ing o'r go%ls is % lot less i#+ort%nt th%n $h%t $e &e(o#e. t is the &e(o#ing $hi(h gi*es 's % good feeling. Th%t is $h%t selfFestee# is %ll %&o't. n go%lFsetting, $e need to &e re%listi(. .nre%listi( go%ls re#%in 'n%((o#+lished, le%ding to +oor selfFestee#, $here%s re%listi( go%ls %re en(o'r%ging %nd &'ild high selfFestee#. A))!(i-$# 7i$2 P#!'8# !5 Hi32 M! -8 C2- -($# 8ssociate yourself with "eo"le of good Euality if you esteem your re"utation for it is better to be alone than to be in bad com"any. Ceorge $ashington T#)$ !5 F i#n+)2i' ?eg%ti*e infl'en(es (o#e in the for# of +eer +ress're. Peo+le s%y, 6Aren't yo' #y friendJ6 Re#e#&er, tr'e friends ne*er $%nt to see their friends h'rt. f e*er s%$ th%t % friend h%d h%d one drin) too #%ny, $o'ld +'t #y foot do$n %nd not let hi# dri*e. $o'ld r%ther lose the friendshi+ th%n lose % friend. t is (o##on to see +eo+le doing $rong things to get %((e+ted, s%ying, 6it is (ool,6 not re%li5ing they $ill &e left (old. Wh%t st%rts %s +eer +ress're #%y &e in re%lity % test of friendshi+. Where $ill they &e $hen yo' %re in tro'&leJ Ho$ f%r $ill they go to hel+ yo'J And the &iggest 7'estion is1 f they don't h%*e the (h%r%(ter tod%y, ho$ $ill they h%*e the (h%r%(ter to#orro$ to hel+ yo'J Asso(i%ting $ith +eo+le of high #or%l (h%r%(ter hel+s &'ild self estee#. P## P #)), #

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When the desire to &elong to the herd &e(o#es stronger th%n the desire to st%nd '+ for $h%t is right, it is e*ident th%t $h%t is l%()ing is (o'r%ge %nd (h%r%(ter. t is less (ontro*ersi%l. ;oing %long to get %long is % s%fer $%y, )ee+s one's +eers h%++y %nd one does not ris) &eing l%'ghed %t. Th%t is $here +eo+le $ith high selfFestee# dr%$ the line. Th%t is $h%t se+%r%tes the #en fro# the &oys. E-%#+les1

S(hool )ids (onfor# &e(%'se they do not $%nt to &e l%'ghed %t. They don't gi*e the %ns$ers &e(%'se others $ill #%)e f'n of the#. F%(tory $or)ers )ee+ +erfor#%n(e lo$ to )ee+ +eers h%++y.
M!+# -$i!n 8%ny +eo+le s%y, 6 n #oder%tion, it is O". #oder%tion, is it re%lly o)%yJ6 try % little %nd 7'it.6 The 7'estion is, 6 n

to (he%tJ to ste%lJ to t%)e dr'gsJ to lieJ to h%*e illi(it %ff%irsJ

So#e +eo+le fre7'ently r%tion%li5e, 6 (%n 7'it $hene*er $%nt.6 They don't re%li5e th%t neg%ti*e infl'en(es %re #ore +o$erf'l th%n $illF+o$er. B#(!"# In$# n-88< D iv#n/ N!$ E&$# n-88< D iv#n &ne day, if someone gets u" on the right side of the bed and calls me and says, 'Fou are the greatest "erson on earth. Fou are doing a great job and I want you to !now I am honored to call you a friend,' I !now he is sincere. #ow does it ma!e me feel( Creat. But the ne4t day, he gets u" on the wrong side of the bed, "ic!s u" the "hone and says, 'Fou rascal, you cheat, you croo!; Fou are the biggest fraud in town.' #ow does it ma!e me feel( errible. So the first day when he says 'you are the greatest guy,' I feel great and the ne4t day when he says 'you rascal,' I feel terrible. $ho is controlling my life( &bviously, he is. Is that the way I want to go through life( >ot at all. hat is being e4ternally driven. I want to be internally driven. $hen he calls me and says I am the greatest guy, it is good to hear those words. But even if he doesn't say those words, in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. 8nd the ne4t day when he ri"s me a"art, he can't really, because in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. $hen "eo"le ma!e statements li!e, 'Fou ma!e me angry,' the focus of control is e4ternal. But if I say I am angry or I choose to be angry, the focus of control is internal. >o one can ma!e you feel inferior without your "ermission. %%Eleanor =oosevelt

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here is a story about an ancient Indian sage who was called ugly names by a "asserby. he sage listened un"erturbed till the man ran out of words. #e as!ed the man, 'If an offering is not acce"ted, who does it belong to(' he man re"lied, 'It belongs to the "erson who offered it.' he sage said, 'I refuse to acce"t your offering,' and wal!ed away, leaving the man da<ed. he sage was internally driven. So long %s $e &l%#e o'tside so'r(es, o'r #iseries $ill (ontin'e %nd $e $ill feel hel+less. .nless $e %((e+t res+onsi&ility for o'r feelings %nd &eh%*ior, $e (%nnot (h%nge. The first ste+ is to %s)1

Why did get '+setJ Why %# %ngryJ Why %# de+ressedJ

Then $e st%rt getting the (l'es to o*er(o#e the#. H%++iness is % res'lt of +ositi*e selfFestee#. f yo' %s) +eo+le $h%t #%)es the# h%++y, yo' $ill get %ll )inds of %ns$er. 8ost of the# $o'ld in(l'de #%teri%l things &'t th%t is not re%lly tr'e. H%++iness (o#es fro# &eing %nd not h%*ing. One (%n h%*e e*erything in life %nd yet not &e h%++y. The re*erse is %lso tr'e. H%++iness is intern%l. H%++iness is li)e % &'tterfly. Yo' r'n %fter it, it )ee+s flying %$%y. f yo' st%nd still, it (o#es %nd sits on yo'r sho'lder. D#v#8!' - Min+)#$ T2-$ B in3) H-''in#)) Bitterness is % sign of e#otion%l f%il're. t +%r%ly5es o'r (%+%(ity to do good. Set yo'r o$n st%nd%rds. Be honest to yo'rself. Co#+ete %g%inst yo'rself. Do the follo$ing1

Loo) for the +ositi*e in e*ery +erson %nd in e*ery sit'%tion. Resol*e to &e h%++y. Set yo'r o$n st%nd%rds K'di(io'sly. De*elo+ %n i##'nity to neg%ti*e (riti(is#. Le%rn to find +le%s're in e*ery little thing. Re#e#&er %ll ti#es %re not the s%#e. .+s %nd do$ns %re +%rt of life. 8%)e the &est of e*ery sit'%tion. "ee+ yo'rself (onstr'(ti*ely o(('+ied. Hel+ others less fort'n%te th%n yo'rself. Le%rn to get o*er things. Don't &rood. Forgi*e yo'rself %nd others. Don't hold g'ilt or &e%r gr'dges.

Giv# Y!, )#85 P!)i$iv# A,$!-S,33#)$i!n) De*elo+ the h%&it of gi*ing yo'rself +ositi*e selfFt%l). A'toFs'ggestions %lter o'r &elief syste# &y infl'en(ing the s'&(ons(io's #ind. O'r &eh%*ior refle(ts o'r &elief syste#. Hen(e %'toFs'ggestions %ffe(t o'r &eh%*ior &y infl'en(ing o'r &elief syste#. t &e(o#es % selfFf'lfilling +ro+he(y. E-%#+les1

(%n h%ndle it.

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(%n do it. %# good %t #%th. h%*e % good #e#ory.

O, G #-$#)$ S$ #n3$2 C-n B#(!"# O, G #-$#)$ W#-4n#)) Any strength o*ere-tended &e(o#es % $e%)ness. For e-%#+le, in s%les, good s+e%)ing %&ility is % strength. t is not 'n(o##on to see s%les+eo+le $ith good s+e%)ing %&ility t%l) the#sel*es into % s%le, then t%l) too #'(h %nd t%l) the#sel*es right o't of the s%le. Their strength got the# into it: ho$e*er, o*ere-tended, it &e(%#e % $e%)ness %nd they lost the s%le. Listening is % strength. O*ere-tended, ho$e*er, it (o'ld #e%n th%t % +erson listens % lot &'t does not s+e%) eno'gh. t &e(o#es % $e%)ness. O, G #-$#)$ W#-4n#)) C-n B#(!"# O, G #-$#)$ S$ #n3$2 Anger is % $e%)ness. Ho$ (%n it &e t'rned into % strengthJ One l%dy de#onstr%ted &y getting 8ADDN 8ADD st%nds for 8others Ag%inst Dr'n) Dri*ing. This l%dy lost her (hild &e(%'se of % dr'n) dri*er. She got so %ngry th%t she resol*ed not to toler%te this )ind of thing in so(iety. She org%ni5ed +eo+le %ll o*er the .nited St%tes to fight dr'n) dri*ing. Tod%y she %nd her %sso(i%tion h%*e &e(o#e % signifi(%nt for(e, $ith tho's%nds of #e#&ers, %nd %re s'((eeding in their +'rs'it to (h%nge legisl%tion in Congress. Th%t is t'rning % neg%ti*e e#otion, li)e %nger, into % strength &y doing +ositi*e. H-v# P-$i#n(# 8 lot of times we hear "eo"le saying that one e4"osure to a "ositive or a negative material does not have any im"act. hat is not true. he difference may not be visible but something is ha""ening. In China there is a bamboo tree which is "lanted, watered and fertili<ed for the first four years and nothing ha""ens. here is no visible sign of growth. But sometime during the fifth year, the bamboo tree grows about -. feet in si4 wee!s. he Euestion is@ Aid the bamboo tree grow in si4 wee!s or did it ta!e five years to grow even though there was no visible sign it was ta!ing root in the ground( $hen there was no visible sign, if someone had sto""ed watering and fertili<ing it, would this have ha""ened( Certainly not. he bamboo tree would have died. $e need to learn from nature and the lesson is "retty clear. #ave "atience and faith and !ee" doing the right thing. Even though the results may not be visible, something is ha""ening. T-4# Inv#n$! <1 M-4# - Li)$ !5 A88 Y!, S$ #n3$2) -n+ W#-4n#))#) S'((essf'l +eo+le re%li5e their li#it%tions &'t &'ild on their strengths. .nless $e )no$ these things, ho$ (%n $e &'ild on the#J Fo('s on $h%t yo' $%nt to do %nd &e, r%ther th%n $h%t yo' don't. STRE?;THS WEA"?ESSES

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The (r'- of selfFestee# (%nnot &e e-+ressed &etter th%n the follo$ing $ords &y A&r%h%# Lin(oln. "ORLD4 M# SON STARTS SCHOOL TODA#53 $orld, ta!e my child by the hand%%he starts school today; It is all going to be strange and new to him for a while, and I wish you would sort of treat him gently. Fou see, u" to now, he has been !ing of the roost. #e has been the boss of the bac!yard. I have always been around to re"air his wounds, and I have always been handy to soothe his feelings. But now things are going to be different. his morning he is going to wal! down the front ste"s, wave his hand, and start on a great adventure that "robably will include wars and tragedy and sorrow. o live in this world will reEuire faith and love and courage. So, $orld, I wish you would sort of ta!e him by his young hand and teach him the things he will have to !now. each him%but gently, if you can. #e will have to learn, I !now, that all "eo"le are not just that all men and women are not true. each him that for every scoundrel, there is a hero; that for every enemy, there is a friend. Iet him learn early that the bullies are the easiest "eo"le to lic!. each him the wonder of boo!s. Cive him Euiet time to "onder the eternal mystery of birds in the s!y, bees in the sun, and flowers on a green hill. each him that it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. each him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong. ry to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is getting on the bandwagon. each him to listen to others, but to filter all he hears on a screen of truth and to ta!e only the good that comes through. each him never to "ut a "rice tag on his heart and soul. each him to close his ears on the howling mob%and to stand and fight if he thin!s he is right. each him gently, $orld, but do not coddle him, because only the test of fire ma!es fine steel. his is a big order, $orld, but see what you can do. #e is such a nice son. Signed, A&r%h%# Lin(oln O%d%+ted fro# 6P'l+it Hel+s6 Fe&r'%ry 2==2, 7'oted in A++le Seeds, !ol'#e 2A, ?o. 2,2==>.

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ACTION PLAN 2. Re%d life stories of +eo+le $ho h%*e t'rned neg%ti*es into +ositi*es. 8%)e re%ding good &oo)s or listening to ins+ir%tion%l %'dio t%+es +%rt of yo'r d%ily ro'tine. 3. Reg'l%rly %nd syste#%ti(%lly (o##it % +ortion of yo'r ti#e %ndHor #oney to (h%rit%&le %(ti*ity $itho't %ny e-+e(t%tions in (%sh or )ind. 4. St%y %$%y fro# neg%ti*e infl'en(es. Don't gi*e into +eer +ress're. >. Pr%(ti(e gi*ing %nd re(ei*ing sin(ere (o#+li#ents gr%(io'sly. 9. St%rt %((e+ting res+onsi&ility for yo'r &eh%*ior %nd %(tions. D. Pr%(ti(e selfFdis(i+line e*en $hen it is not (o#fort%&le. B. Asso(i%te $ith +eo+le of high #or%l (h%r%(ter. I. Be (re%ti*e %nd find $%ys to t'rn yo'r $e%)nesses into strengths. =. Pr%(ti(e +%tien(e: +erse*ere e*en if the res'lts %re not *isi&le.

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CHAPTER : INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

B'ilding % +le%sing +erson%lity

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I will "ay more for the ability to deal with "eo"le than for any other ability under the sun. %%7ohn =oc!efeller We do not h%*e &'siness +ro&le#s. We h%*e +eo+le +ro&le#s. When $e sol*e o'r +eo+le +ro&le#s, o'r &'siness +ro&le#s %re s'&st%nti%lly resol*ed. Peo+le )no$ledge is #ore i#+ort%nt th%n +rod'(t )no$ledge. S'((essf'l +eo+le &'ild +le%sing %nd #%gneti( +erson%lities, $hi(h is $h%t #%)es the# (h%ris#%ti(. This hel+s in getting friendly (oo+er%tion fro# others. A +le%sing +erson%lity is e%sy to re(ogni5e &'t h%rd to define. t is %++%rent in the $%y % +erson $%l)s %nd t%l)s, his tone of *oi(e, the $%r#th in his &eh%*ior %nd his definiti*e le*el of (onfiden(e. So#e +eo+le ne*er lose their %ttr%(ti*eness reg%rdless of %ge &e(%'se it flo$s &oth fro# the f%(e %nd the he%rt. A +le%sing +erson%lity is % (o#&in%tion of % +erson's %ttit'de, &eh%*ior, %nd e-+ressions. We%ring % +le%s%nt e-+ression is #ore i#+ort%nt th%n %nything else yo' $e%r. t t%)es % lot #ore th%n % shoeshine %nd % #%ni('re to gi*e % +erson +olish. Ch%r#ing #%nners 'sed to disg'ise % +oor (h%r%(ter #%y $or) in the short r'n, &'t re*e%l the#sel*es r%ther 7'i()ly. Rel%tionshi+s &%sed on t%lent %nd +erson%lity %lone, $itho't (h%r%(ter, #%)e life #iser%&le. Ch%ris#% $itho't (h%r%(ter is li)e good loo)s $itho't goodness. The &otto# line is, % l%sting $inning (o#&in%tion re7'ires &oth (h%r%(ter %nd (h%ris#%. Be (o'rteo's to %ll, &'t inti#%te $ith % fe$, %rid let those fe$ &e $ell tried &efore yo' gi*e the# yo'r (onfiden(e. Tr'e friendshi+ is % +l%nt of slo$ gro$th, %nd #'st 'ndergo %nd $ithst%nd the sho()s of %d*ersity &efore it is entitled to the %++ell%tion. ;eorge W%shington, @%n'%ry 29,2BI4 LIFE IS AN ECHO 8 little boy got angry with his mother and shouted at her, 'I hate you, I hate you.' Because of fear of re"rimand, he ran out of the house. #e went u" to the valley and shouted, 'I hate you, I hate you,' and bac! came the echo, 'I hate you, I hate you.' his was the first time in his life he had heard an echo. #e got scared, went to his mother for "rotection and said there was a bad boy in the valley who shouted 'I hate you, I hate you.' he mother understood and she as!ed her son to go bac! and shout, 'I love you, I love you.' he little boy went and shouted, 'I love you, I love you,' and bac! came the echo. hat taught the little boy a lesson that our life is li!e an echo@ $e get bac! what we give. Benjamin +ran!lin said, '$hen you are good to others, you are best to yourself.' LIFE IS A 'OOMERANG $hether it is our thoughts, actions or behavior, sooner or later they return and with great accuracy. reat "eo"le with res"ect on your way u" because you will be meeting them on your way down. he following story is ta!en from he Best of. . . Bits H *ieces.? )any years ago two boys were wor!ing their way through Stanford 9niversity. heir funds got des"erately low, and the idea came to them to engage Ignacy *aderews!i for a "iano recital. hey would use the funds to hel" "ay their board and tuition.

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he great "ianist's manager as!ed for a guarantee ofLKB,.... O E(ono#i(s Press, F%irfield, ?@, 2==>, ++. I>FFI9.

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he guarantee was a lot of money in those days, but the boys agreed and "roceeded to "romote the concert. hey wor!ed hard, only to find that they had grossed only K,,1... 8fter the concert the two boys told the great artist the bad news. hey gave him the entire K,,1.., along with a "romissory note for K0.., e4"laining that they would earn the amount at the earliest "ossible moment and send the money to him. It loo!ed li!e the end of their college careers. '>o, boys,' re"lied *aderews!i, 'that won't do.' hen, tearing the note in two, he returned the money to them as well. '>ow,' he told them, 'ta!e out of this K,,1.. all of your e4"enses and !ee" for each of you ,. "ercent of the balance for your wor!. Iet me have the rest.' he years rolled by. $orld $ar I came and went. *aderews!i, now "remier of *oland, was striving to feed thousands of starving "eo"le in his native land. he only "erson in the world who could hel" him was #erbert #oover, who was in charge of the 9S +ood and =elief Bureau. #oover res"onded and soon thousands of tons of food were sent to *oland. 8fter the starving "eo"le were fed, *aderews!i journeyed to *aris to than! #oover for the relief sent him. ' hat's all right, )r. *aderews!i ,' was #oover's re"ly. 'Besides, you don't remember it, but you hel"ed me once when I was a student at college, and I was in trouble.' It is one of the most beautiful com"ensations of life that no man can sincerely try to hel" another without hel"ing himself. %%=al"h $aldo Emerson ;oodness h%s % $%y of (o#ing &%(): th%t is the n%t're of the &e%st. One doesn't h%*e to do good $ith % desire to get &%(). t K'st h%++ens %'to#%ti(%lly. "E SEE THINGS NOT THE "A# THE# ARE '+T THE "A# "E ARE here is a legend about a wise man who was sitting outside his village. 8 traveler came u" and as!ed him, '$hat !ind of "eo"le live in this village, because I am loo!ing to move from my "resent one(' he wise man as!ed, '$hat !ind of "eo"le live where you want to move from(' he man said, ' hey are mean, cruel, rude.' he wise man re"lied, ' he same !ind of "eo"le live in this village too.' 8fter some time another traveler came by and as!ed the same Euestion and the wise man as!ed him, '$hat !ind of "eo"le live where you want to move from(' 8nd the traveler re"lied, ' he "eo"le are very !ind, courteous, "olite and good.' he wise man said, 'Fou will find the same !ind of "eo"le here too.' $hat is the moral of the story( Cenerally we see the world not the way it is but the way we are. )ost of the time, other "eo"le's behavior is a reaction to our own. TRUST &elie*e %ll rel%tionshi+s %re tr'st rel%tionshi+s, s'(h %s e#+loyer e#+loyee, +%rent(hild, h's&%nd $ife, st'dent H te%(her, &'yer H seller, ('sto#er H s%les+erson. Ho$ (%n $e h%*e tr'st $itho't integrityJ Crisis in tr'st re%lly #e%ns (risis in tr'th. Tr'st res'lts fro# &eing tr'st$orthy. Wh%t %re the f%(tors th%t &'ild tr'stJ

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Reli%&ility FFgi*es +redi(t%&ility %nd (o#es fro# (o##it#ent. Consisten(y FF&'ilds (onfiden(e. Res+e(tFFto self %nd others gi*es dignity %nd sho$s % (%ring %ttit'de. F%irnessFF%++e%ls to K'sti(e %nd integrity. O+ennessFFsho$s t$oF$%y tr%ffi(. Congr'en(eFF%(tion %nd $ords h%r#oni5e. f % +erson s%ys one thing %nd &eh%*es differently, ho$ (%n yo' tr'st th%t +ersonJ Co#+eten(eFF(o#es $hen % +erson h%s the %&ility %nd the %ttit'de to ser*e. ntegrityFFthe )ey ingredient to tr'st. A((e+t%n(e in s+ite of o'r effort to i#+ro*e $e need to %((e+t e%(h other $ith o'r +l'ses %nd #in'ses. Ch%r%(terFF% +erson #%y h%*e %ll the (o#+eten(e &'t if he l%()s (h%r%(ter he (%n't &e tr'sted.

Tr'st is % gre%ter (o#+li#ent th%n lo*e. There %re so#e +eo+le $e lo*e &'t $e (%n't tr'st the#. Rel%tionshi+s %re li)e &%n) %((o'nts1 The #ore $e de+osit, the gre%ter they &e(o#e, therefore, the #ore $e (%n dr%$ fro# the#. Ho$e*er, if yo' try to dr%$ $itho't de+ositing, it le%ds to dis%++oint#ent. 8%ny ti#es $e feel $e %re o*erdr%$n &'t in re%lity $e #%y &e 'nder de+osited. Belo$ %re so#e of the (onse7'en(es of +oor rel%tionshi+s %nd the l%() of tr'st. Stress L%() of (o##'ni(%tion rrit%tion CloseF#indedness ?o te%# s+irit L%() of (redi&ility Poor selfFestee# S's+i(ion Loss of +rod'(ti*ity sol%tion Poor he%lth Distr'st Anger PreK'di(e Bre%)do$n of #or%le .n(oo+er%ti*e &eh%*ior Confli(t Fr'str%tion .nh%++iness

W2-$ - # S!"# F-($! ) T2-$ P #v#n$ B,i8+in3 -n+ M-in$-inin3 P!)i$iv# R#8-$i!n)2i')? 8ost of the# %re selfFe-+l%n%tory or el%&or%ted on l%ter in this (h%+ter. Selfishness L%() of (o'rtesy n(onsider%te &eh%*ior ?ot #eeting (o##it#ents R'de &eh%*ior L%() of integrity %nd honesty SelfF(enteredness FFF +erson %ll $r%++ed '+ in hi#self #%)es % +retty s#%ll +%()%ge.

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 Arrog%n(e FFF An %rrog%nt +erson is (ontent $ith his o+inion %nd )no$ledge. Th%t $ill
g'%r%ntee hi# +er+et'%l ignor%n(e. Con(eitFFFSin(e n%t're %&hors % *%(''#, she fills e#+ty he%ds $ith (on(eit. @ohn &r%gged, 68y son gets his intelligen(e fro# #e.6 His $ife re+lied, 6 %# s're he does, &e(%'se h%*e still got #ine.6

?eg%ti*e %ttit'de Closed #ind L%() of listening S's+i(io's n%t're L%() of res+e(t for *%l'es /lo$ #or%ls0 L%() of dis(i+line L%() of (o#+%ssion /(r'elty is % sign of $e%)ness0 #+%tien(e AngerFFTe#+er gets % +erson in tro'&le %nd ego )ee+s hi# there. 8%ni+'l%ti*e &eh%*ior Es(%+ist &eh%*ior To'(hy n%t're n(onsisten(y .n$illingness to %((e+t the tr'th P%st &%d e-+erien(e An 'n(%ring %ttit'de &eing ignored is not % good feeling. t sho$s % l%() of (on(ern. ;reedFFis li)e se% $%ter1 The #ore yo' drin), the thirstier yo' get.

This +ro&%&ly is not %n %llFin(l'si*e list. 8ost of 's #%y h%*e so#e of the (h%r%(teristi(s #entioned %&o*e. So#e #%y h%*e #ore of one th%n the other. The o&Ke(ti*e is to e*%l'%te %nd %dK'st (o'rse in those %re%s. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EGO AND PRIDE The &iggest h'rdle in &'ilding % +ositi*e rel%tionshi+ is Ego. Ego is selfFinto-i(%ting. Ego is neg%ti*e +ride res'lting in %rrog%n(e. He%lthy +ride is % feeling of the +le%s're of %((o#+lish#ent $ith h'#ility. Ego gi*es % s$ollen he%d $hile +ride gi*es % s$ollen he%rt. A &ig he%d gi*es % &ig he%d%(he $here%s % &ig he%rt gi*es h'#ility. ?o #%tter $h%t the si5e of % +erson's %((o#+lish#ents %re, there is ne*er %n e-('se for h%*ing % &ig he%d. Pride, yes: &ig he%d, no. E3!--T2# HI Kn!7 I$ A88H A$$i$,+# To %n ego(entri( +erson, the $orld &egins, ends %nd re*ol*es %ro'nd hi#. An egotist (%n &e f'nny &y def%'lt. A &oss %s)ed one of his e#+loyees ho$ &%dly he $%nted % r%ise. The e#+loyee s%id, 6Re%l &%dly. h%*e &een +r%ying to ;od for one.6 The &oss re+lied, 6Yo' %re not going to get it &e(%'se yo' $ent o*er #y he%d.6 An egotist t%l)s %nd loo)s do$n on others.

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Egotism is the anaesthetic that deadens the "ain of stu"idity. %%Jnute =oc!ne WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SELFISHNESS AND SELF--INTEREST? t is i#+ort%nt to 'nderst%nd the distin(tion &et$een these t$o $ords. Selfishness is neg%ti*e %nd destr'(ti*e. t destroys rel%tionshi+s &e(%'se it is &%sed on neg%ti*e *%l'es. t &elie*es in the $inHlose +rin(i+le. SelfFinterest is +ositi*e. t $el(o#es +ros+erity, +e%(e of #ind, good he%lth %nd h%++iness. SelfFinterest &elie*es in $inH$in. E&vy6,ealo*sy77Cra8 Me&tality $hat is crab mentality( Ao you !now how they catch crabs( hey "ut a bo4 with one side o"en for the crabs to wal! in. It has a base but no lid. $hen the bo4 is full, they close the fourth side. he crabs could easily crawl out of the bo4 and go free. But this doesn't ha""en, because the crab mentality doesn't let it ha""en. he moment one crab starts crawling u", the others "ull it down and nobody gets out. Cuess where they all end u"( hey all get coo!ed. The s%#e thing is tr'e $ith +eo+le $ho %re Ke%lo's. They ne*er get %he%d in life %nd +re*ent others fro# s'((eeding. @e%lo'sy is % sign of +oor selfFestee#. t is % 'ni*ers%l tr%it. The &iggest (h%llenge (o#es $hen Ke%lo'sy &e(o#es % n%tion%l (h%r%(ter. Co'ntries st%rt degener%ting, res'lting in dis%stro's (onse7'en(es for (o#ing gener%F tions. @e%lo'sy (orr'+ts +eo+le. On# S2!,8+ H-v# -n O'#n Min+ R-$2# T2-n -n E"'$< Min+ Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een %n o+en #ind %nd %n e#+ty #indJ An o+en #ind is fle-i&le: it e*%l'%tes %nd #%y %((e+t or reKe(t ide%s %nd (on(e+ts &%sed on #erit. An e#+ty #ind is % d'#+ing gro'nd for good %nd &%d. t %((e+ts $itho't e*%l'%tion. STEPS TO BUILDING A POSITIVE PERSONALITY S$#' 11 A((#'$ R#)'!n)i6i8i$< '=es"onsibilities gravitate to the "erson who can shoulder them.' %%Elbert #ubbard When +eo+le %((e+t %ddition%l res+onsi&ility they %re %(t'%lly gi*ing the#sel*es % +ro#otion. Res+onsi&le &eh%*ior is to %((e+t %((o'nt%&ility %nd th%t re+resents #%t'rity. A((e+t%n(e of res+onsi&ility is % refle(tion of o'r %ttit'de %nd the en*iron#ent $e o+er%te in. 8ost +eo+le %re 7'i() to t%)e (redit for $h%t goes right &'t *ery fe$ $o'ld %((e+t res+onsi&ility $hen things go $rong. A +erson $ho does not %((e+t res+onsi&ility is not %&sol*ed fro# &eing res+onsi&le. O'r o&Ke(ti*e is to ('lti*%te res+onsi&le &eh%*ior. Res+onsi&le &eh%*ior sho'ld &e in('l(%ted right fro# (hildhood. t (%nnot &e t%'ght $itho't % (ert%in degree of o&edien(e. Sto" the Blame Came

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A*oid +hr%ses s'(h %s1

e*eryone else does it, or no one does it, or it is %ll yo'r f%'lt.
Peo+le $ho don't %((e+t res+onsi&ility shift the &l%#e to their +%rents, te%(hers, genes, ;od, f%te, l'() or the st%rs. @ohnny s%id, 68%#%, @i##y &ro)e the $indo$.6 8%#% %s)ed, 6Ho$ did he do itJ6 @ohnny re+lied, 6 thre$ % stone %t hi# %nd he d'()ed.6 Peo+le $ho 'se their +ri*ileges $itho't %((e+ting res+onsi&ility 's'%lly end '+ losing the#. Res+onsi&ility in*ol*es tho'ghtf'l %(tion. *ettiness Causes 9s to Ignore &ur =es"onsibilities Thin) %&o't it. Petty #inds %re &'sy +%ssing the &'() r%ther th%n doing $h%t needs to &e done. Social =es"onsibility An(ient ndi%n $isdo# te%(hes 's th%t o'r first res+onsi&ility is to the (o##'nity, se(ond to o'r f%#ily %nd third to o'rself. A so(iety st%rts degener%ting $hen this order is re*ersed. So(i%l res+onsi&ility o'ght to &e the #or%l o&lig%tion of e*ery (iti5en. Res+onsi&ility %nd freedo# go h%nd in h%nd. A sign of % good (iti5en is th%t he is $illing to +'ll his o$n $eight. he "rice of greatness is res"onsibility. %%$inston Churchill So(ieties %re not destroyed &y the %(ti*ities of r%s(%ls &'t &y the in%(ti*ity of good +eo+le. Wh%t % +%r%do-N f they (%n toler%te destr'(tion &y &eing in%(ti*e, ho$ (%n they &e goodJ The 7'estion is, %re they dis(h%rging their so(i%l res+onsi&ilityJ +or evil to flourish, good "eo"le have to do nothing and evil shall flourish. %%Edmund Bur!e S$#' %1 C!n)i+# -$i!n &ne day, a ten%year%old boy went to an ice cream sho", sat at a table and as!ed the waitress, '#ow much is an ice%cream cone(' She said, 'seventy%five cents.' he boy started counting the coins he had in his hand. hen he as!ed how much a small cu" of ice%cream was. he waitress im"atiently re"lied, 'si4ty five cents.' he boy said, 'I will have the small ice%cream cu".' #e had his ice%cream, "aid the bill and left. $hen the waitress came to "ic! u" the em"ty "late, she was touched. 9nderneath were ten one% cent coins as ti". he little boy had consideration for the waitress before he ordered his ice%crearn. #e showed sensitivity and caring. #e thought of others before himself.

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f $e %ll tho'ght li)e the little &oy, $e $o'ld h%*e % gre%t +l%(e to li*e. Sho$ (onsider%tion, (o'rtesy, %nd +oliteness. Tho'ghtf'lness sho$s % (%ring %ttit'de. S$#' *1 T2in4 Win B Win A #%n died %nd St. Peter %s)ed hi# if he $o'ld li)e to go to he%*en or hell. The #%n %s)ed if he (o'ld see &oth &efore de(iding. St. Peter too) hi# to hell first %nd the #%n s%$ % &ig h%ll $ith % long t%&le, lots of food on it %nd #'si( +l%ying. He %lso s%$ ro$s of +eo+le $ith +%le, s%d f%(es. They loo)ed st%r*ed %nd there $%s no l%'ghter. And he o&ser*ed one #ore thing. Their h%nds $ere tied to fo'rFfoot for)s %nd )ni*es %nd they $ere trying to get the food fro# the (enter of the t%&le to +'t into their #o'ths. B't they (o'ldn't. Then, he $ent to see he%*en. There he s%$ % &ig h%ll $ith % long t%&le, $ith lots of food on the t%&le %nd #'si( +l%ying. He noti(ed ro$s of +eo+le on &oth sides of the t%&le $ith their h%nds tied to fo'rFfoot for)s %nd )ni*es %lso. B't he o&ser*ed there $%s so#ething different here. Peo+le $ere l%'ghing %nd $ere $ellFfed %nd he%lthyFloo)ing. He noti(ed th%t they $ere feeding one %nother %(ross the t%&le. The res'lt $%s h%++iness, +ros+erity, enKoy#ent, %nd gr%tifi(%tion &e(%'se they $ere not thin)ing of the#sel*es %lone: they $ere thin)ing $inH$in. The s%#e is tr'e of o'r li*es. When $e ser*e o'r ('sto#ers, o'r f%#ilies, o'r e#+loyers %nd e#+loyees, $e %'to#%ti(%lly $in. S$#' 91 C2!!)# Y!, W! +) C- #5,88< A +erson $ho s%ys $h%t he li)es 's'%lly ends '+ he%ring $h%t he doesn't li)e. Be t%(tf'l. T%(t (onsists of (hoosing one's $ords (%ref'lly %nd )no$ing ho$ f%r to go. t %lso #e%ns )no$ing $h%t to s%y %nd $h%t to le%*e 'ns%id. T%lent $itho't t%(t #%y not %l$%ys &e desir%&le. Words refle(t %ttit'de. Words (%n h'rt feelings %nd destroy rel%tionshi+s. 8ore +eo+le h%*e &een h'rt &y %n i#+ro+er (hoi(e of $ords th%n &y %ny n%t'r%l dis%ster. Choose $h%t yo' s%y r%ther th%n s%y $h%t yo' (hoose. Th%t is the differen(e &et$een $isdo# %nd foolishness. E-(essi*e t%l)ing does not #e%n (o##'ni(%tion. T%l) less: s%y #ore. A fool s+e%)s $itho't thin)ing: % $ise #%n thin)s &efore s+e%)ing. Words s+o)en o't of &itterness (%n (%'se irre+%r%&le d%#%ge. The $%y +%rents s+e%) to their (hildren in #%ny inst%n(es sh%+es their (hildren's destiny. SPOKEN WORDS CAN0T BE RETRIEVED A f%r#er sl%ndered his neigh&or. Re%li5ing his #ist%)e, he $ent to the +re%(her to %s) for forgi*eness. The +re%(her told hi# to t%)e % &%g of fe%thers %nd dro+ the# in the (enter of to$n. The f%r#er did %s he $%s told. Then the +re%(her %s)ed hi# to go %nd (olle(t the fe%thers %nd +'t the# &%() in the &%g. The f%r#er tried &'t (o'ldn't %s the fe%thers h%d %ll &lo$n %$%y. When he ret'rned $ith the e#+ty &%g, the +re%(her s%id, 6The s%#e thing is tr'e %&o't yo'r $ords. Yo' dro++ed the# r%ther e%sily &'t yo' (%nnot retrie*e the#, so &e *ery (%ref'l in (hoosing yo'r $ords.6 S$#' :1 D!n0$ C i$i(iF# -n+ C!"'8-in When t%l) of (riti(is# refer to neg%ti*e (riti(is#. Why sho'ld $e not (riti(i5eJ When % +erson is (riti(i5ed, he &e(o#es defensi*e. Does th%t #e%n $e sho'ld ne*er (riti(i5e, or (%n $e gi*e +ositi*e (riti(is#J

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A (riti( is li)e % &%()Fse%t dri*er $ho dri*es the dri*er #%d. *ositive Criticism Wh%t is (onstr'(ti*e (riti(is#J Criti(i5e $ith % s+irit of hel+f'lness r%ther th%n %s % +'tF do$n. Offer sol'tions in yo'r (riti(is#. Criti(i5e the &eh%*ior, not the +erson, &e(%'se $hen $e (riti(i5e the +erson, $e h'rt their self estee#. The right to (riti(i5e (o#es $ith the desire to hel+. As long %s the %(t of (riti(i5ing does not gi*e +le%s're to the gi*er, it is o)%y. When gi*ing (riti(is# &e(o#es % +le%s're, it is ti#e to sto+. So#e s'ggestions for gi*ing (riti(is# th%t #oti*%tes others1

Be % (o%(hFF(riti(i5e $ith % hel+f'l %ttit'de. A (o%(h (riti(i5es to hel+ i#+ro*e

+erfor#%n(e of the %thlete. .nderst%nding %nd (on(ern $ill %(t %s % #oti*%tor. The %ttit'de sho'ld &e (orre(ti*e r%ther th%n +'niti*e. Be s+e(ifi(, r%ther th%n s%ying things li)e 6yo' %l$%ys6 or 6yo' ne*er.6 !%g'e (riti(is# (%'ses resent#ent. ;et yo'r f%(ts right. Don't K'#+ to (on(l'sions. We %ll h%*e the right to o'r o+inions &'t $e don't h%*e the right to in(orre(t f%(ts. Don't r'sh to (riti(i5e. 8%int%in yo'r (ool &'t &e fir#. Criti(i5e to +ers'%de, not inti#id%te. f (riti(is# is gi*en %++ro+ri%tely, it $ill red'(e the need for re+etition. Criti(i5e in +ri*%te not in +'&li(. WhyJ Be(%'se it #%int%ins good$ill $here%s +'&li( (riti(is# (%n &e h'#ili%ting. ;i*e the other +erson %n o++ort'nity to e-+l%in his side. Sho$ the# ho$ they $o'ld &enefit fro# (orre(ting their #ist%)e. Criti(i5e the +erfor#%n(e, not the +erfor#er. Don't e-+ress +erson%l resent#ent. Si#+ly +oint o't the loss %rising fro# the %(tion %nd the %d*erse (onse7'en(es of not (orre(ting it. As) for s'ggestions for i#+ro*e#ent. L'estion the %(tion, not the intent. f intent is in 7'estion, then it is &etter to ter#in%te the rel%tionshi+. "ee+ (riti(is# in +ers+e(ti*e. Don't o*erdo it. Criti(is# is li)e gi*ing #edi(%tion. The #edi(%tion sho'ld &e the right #i-t're $ith % +erfe(t dos%ge. Too #'(h $ill h%*e %d*erse effe(ts %nd too little Willie ineffe(ti*e. Si#il%rly, (riti(is# sho'ld &e )e+t in +ers+e(ti*e. ;i*en in % +ositi*e $%y in the right dos%ge, it (%n $or) $onders. f +eo+le $ho %re &eing (riti(i5ed %((e+t their #ist%)e %nd (o#e '+ $ith +ositi*e s'ggestions, (ongr%t'l%te the#. Close on % +ositi*e note $ith %++re(i%tion.

R#(#ivin3 C i$i(i)" There #%y &e ti#es $hen $e %re (riti(i5ed, K'stly or 'nK'stly. The gre%test +eo+le in the $orld h%*e &een (riti(i5ed. @'stified (riti(is# (%n &e *ery hel+f'l %nd sho'ld &e t%)en +ositi*ely %s feed&%(). .nK'stified (riti(is# re%lly is % (o#+li#ent in disg'ise. A*er%ge +eo+le h%te $inners. When +eo+le %re not s'((essf'l, (riti(s h%*e nothing to t%l) %&o't.

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The only $%y yo' $ill ne*er &e (riti(i5ed is if yo' do nothing, s%y nothing or h%*e nothing. Yo' $ill end '+ &eing % &ig nothing. .nK'st (riti(is# (o#es fro# t$o so'r(es1 2. I3n! -n(#. When (riti(is# (o#es o't of ignor%n(e, it (%n e%sily &e eli#in%ted or (orre(ted &y &ringing %$%reness. 3. I#-8!,)<. When (riti(is# (o#es o't of Ke%lo'sy, t%)e it %s % (o#+li#ent in disg'ise. Yo' %re &eing 'nK'stly (riti(i5ed &e(%'se the other +erson $%nts to &e $here yo' %re. The tree th%t &e%rs the #ost fr'its %lso gets the #ost stones. 1 An in%&ility to %((e+t (onstr'(ti*e (riti(is# is % sign +oor selfFestee#. S'ggestions for %((e+ting (riti(is#1 T%)e it in the right s+irit. A((e+t it gr%(io'sly r%ther th%n gr'dgingly. Le%rn fro# it. A((e+t it $ith %n o+en #ind, e*%l'%te it %nd if it #%)es sense, i#+le#ent it. Be th%n)f'l to the +erson $ho gi*es (onstr'(ti*e (riti(is# &e(%'se he #e%ns $ell %nd h%s hel+ed yo'. A +erson $ith high selfFestee# %((e+ts +ositi*e (riti(is# %nd &e(o#es &etter, not &itter. The +ro&le# $ith #ost +eo+le is they $o'ld r%ther &e +r%ised %nd lose th%n &e (riti(i5ed %nd $in. C!"'8-in$) So#e +eo+le %re (hroni( (o#+l%iners. f it is hot, it is too hot. f it is (old, it is too (old. E*ery d%y is % &%d d%y. They (o#+l%in e*en if e*erything goes right. Why is it not % good ide% to (o#+l%inJ Be(%'se 9AM of the +eo+le don't (%re if yo' h%*e got % +ro&le# %nd the other 9AM %re h%++y th%t yo' h%*e got % +ro&le#. Wh%t is the +oint of (o#+l%iningJ ?othing (o#es o't of it. t &e(o#es % +erson%lity tr%it. Does th%t #e%n $e sho'ld ne*er (o#+l%in or in*ite (o#+l%intsJ ?ot %t %ll. @'st li)e (riti(is#, if it is done in % +ositi*e $%y, (o#+l%ints (%n &e *ery 'sef'l. A (onstr'(ti*e (o#+l%int1 /%0 sho$s th%t the (o#+l%iner (%res. /&0 gi*es the re(ei*er of (o#+l%ints % se(ond (h%n(e to (orre(t hi#self. S$#' ;1 S"i8# -n+ B# Kin+ SMILEG A s#ile (osts nothing, &'t it (re%tes #'(h. t enri(hes those $ho re(ei*e it $itho't i#+o*erishing those $ho gi*e it. t h%++ens in % fl%sh, %nd the #e#ory of it #%y l%st fore*er. ?one %re so ri(h th%t they (%n get %long $itho't it, %nd none so +oor th%t they (%nnot &e ri(her for its &enefits. t (re%tes h%++iness in the ho#e, fosters good$ill in % &'siness, %nd is the (o'ntersign of friends. t is rest to the $e%ry, d%ylight to the dis(o'r%ged, s'nshine to the s%d, %nd n%t're's &est %ntidote for tro'&le.

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Yet it (%nnot &e &egged, &o'ght, &orro$ed, or stolen, for it is so#ething th%t is $orth nothing to %nyone 'ntil it is gi*en %$%y.

O fro# The Best of . . . Bits < Pie(es, E(ono#i(s Press, F%irfield, ?@, 2==>, +.lBA.

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n the (o'rse of the d%y, so#e of yo'r %(7'%int%n(es #%y &e too tired to gi*e yo' % s#ile. ;i*e the# one of yo'rs. ?o&ody needs % s#ile so #'(h %s those $ho h%*e none eft to gi*e. Cheerf'lness flo$s fro# goodness. A s#ile (%n &e f%)e or gen'ine. The )ey is to h%*e % gen'ine one. t t%)es #ore #'s(les to fro$n th%n to s#ile. t is e%sier to s#ile th%n fro$n. t i#+ro*es f%(e *%l'e. A si#ile is (ont%gio's %nd is %n ine-+ensi*e $%y to i#+ro*e loo)s. A s#iling f%(e is %l$%ys $el(o#e. Who li)es to &e %ro'nd % gro'(hJ ?o one, e-(e+t #%y&e % &igger gro'(h. A $%r# sin(ere s#ile sho$s thro'gh K'st li)e %n insin(ere one. S$#' =1 P,$ P!)i$iv# In$# ' #$-$i!n !n O$2# P#!'8#0) B#2-vi! n the %&sen(e of s'ffi(ient f%(ts, +eo+le instin(ti*ely +'t % neg%ti*e inter+ret%tion on others' %(tions or in%(tions. So#e +eo+le s'ffer fro# 6+%r%noi%6: they thin) the $orld is o't to get the#. Th%t is not tr'e. By st%rting on % +ositi*e note, $e h%*e % &etter (h%n(e of &'ilding % +le%sing +erson%lity res'lting in good rel%tionshi+s. For e-%#+le, ho$ often h%*e $e +'t thro'gh % (%ll %nd not gotten % re+ly fro# the other +%rty for t$o d%ys %nd the first tho'ght th%t (o#es to o'r #ind is, 6They ne*er (%red to ret'rn #y (%ll6 or 6They ignored #e.6 Th%t is neg%ti*e. 8%y&e1

they tried, &'t (o'ldn't get thro'gh they left the #ess%ge $e didn't get they h%d %n e#ergen(y they ne*er got the #ess%ge

There (o'ld &e #%ny re%sons. t is $orth gi*ing the &enefit of do'&t to the other +erson %nd st%rting on % +ositi*e note. S$#' >1 B# - G!!+ Li)$#n# As) yo'rself these 7'estions. Ho$ does it #%)e yo' feel $hen yo' $%nted so#e&ody to listen to yo' %nd

They did #ore t%l)ing th%n listeningJ They dis%greed $ith the first thing yo' s%id. They interr'+ted yo' %t e*ery ste+. They $ere i#+%tient %nd (o#+leted e*ery senten(e yo' st%rted. They $ere +hysi(%lly +resent &'t #ent%lly %&sent. They he%rd &'t didn't listen. Yo' h%d to re+e%t the s%#e thing three ti#es &e(%'se the other +erson $%sn't listening. They (%#e to (on(l'sions 'nrel%ted to f%(ts. They %s)ed 7'estions on 'nrel%ted to+i(s. They $ere fidgety %nd distr%(ted. They $ere o&*io'sly not listening or +%ying %ttention.

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All these things sho$ disinterest in the +erson or the to+i( %nd % tot%l l%() of (o'rtesy. Do the follo$ing $ords des(ri&e the feeling of not &eing listened toJ ?egle(ted ReKe(ted DeKe(ted Let do$n .ni#+ort%nt S#%ll gnored Belittled Annoyed St'+id Worthless E#&%rr%ssed De#oti*%ted Dishe%rtened

Let's re*erse the s(en%rio. Ho$ does it #%)e yo' feel $hen yo' $%nt so#eone to listen to yo' %nd they

#%)e yo' (o#fort%&le. gi*e yo' their 'ndi*ided %ttention. %s) %++ro+ri%te %nd rele*%nt 7'estions. sho$ interest in yo'r s'&Ke(t.

Do the follo$ing $ords des(ri&e the feeling of &eing listened toJ #+ort%nt Ple%sed S%tisfied Worth$hile C%red for ;ood H%++y A++re(i%ted En(o'r%ged ns+ired

Wh%t %re so#e of the &%rriers to effe(ti*e listeningJ E-tern%l B%rriers +hysi(%l distr%(tions noise f%tig'e ntern%l B%rriers +reo(('+%tion or %&sentF#indedness +reK'di(e %nd +reK'dging +eo+le no interest in s'&Ke(t or s+e%)er

There (o'ld &e intelle(t'%l &%rriers, s'(h %s l%ng'%ge, (o#+rehension, et(. n order to ins+ire others to s+e%), &e % good listener. Listening sho$s (%ring. When yo' sho$ % (%ring %ttit'de to$%rd %nother +erson, th%t +erson feels i#+ort%nt. When he feels i#+ort%nt, $h%t h%++ensJ He is #ore #oti*%ted %nd #ore re(e+ti*e to yo'r ide%s. 8n o"en ear is the only believable sign of an o"en heart. %%Aavid 8ugsburger

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n order to &e % good listener1

En(o'r%ge the s+e%)er to t%l). As) 7'estions. t sho$s interest. Don't interr'+t. Don't (h%nge the to+i(. Sho$ 'nderst%nding %nd res+e(t. P%y %ttention, (on(entr%te. A*oid distr%(tions. Sho$ e#+%thy. Be o+enF#inded. Don't let +re(on(ei*ed ide%s %nd +reK'di(es +re*ent yo' fro# listening. Con(entr%te on the #ess%ge %nd not on the deli*ery. Re(ogni5e the non*er&%l (o##'ni(%tion, s'(h %s f%(i%l e-+ressions, eye (ont%(t, et(. They #ight &e (o##'ni(%ting % different #ess%ge fro# the *er&%l. Listen to feelings %nd not K'st $ords. S$#' C1 B# En$2,)i-)$i( >othing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm. %%=al"h $aldo Emerson Enth'si%s# %nd s'((ess go h%nd in h%nd, &'t enth'si%s# (o#es first. Enth'si%s# ins+ires (onfiden(e, r%ises #or%le, &'ilds loy%ltyN %nd is +ri(eless. Enth'si%s# is (ont%gio's. Yo' (%n feel enth'si%s# &y the $%y % +erson t%l)s, $%l)s or sh%)es h%nds. Enth'si%s# is % h%&it th%t one (%n %(7'ire %nd +r%(ti(e. )any decades ago, Charles Schwab, who was earning a salary of a million dollars a year, was as!ed if he was being "aid such a high salary because of his e4ce"tional ability to "roduce steel. Charles Schwab re"lied, 'I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among the men the greatest asset I "ossess, and the way to develo" the best that is in a man is by a""reciation and encouragement.' Li*e $hile yo' %re %li*e. Don't die &efore yo' %re de%d. Enth'si%s# %nd desire %re $h%t (h%nge #edio(rity to e-(ellen(e. W%ter t'rns into ste%# $ith % differen(e of only one degree in te#+er%t're %nd ste%# (%n #o*e so#e of the &iggest engines in the $orld. Th%t is $h%t enth'si%s# hel+s 's to do in o'r li*es. S$#' 1D1 Giv# H!n#)$ -n+ Sin(# # A'' #(i-$i!n The +sy(hologist Willi%# @%#es s%id, 6One of the dee+est desires of h'#%n &eings is the desire to &e %++re(i%ted. The feeling of &eing 'n$%nted is h'rtf'l.6

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E-+ensi*e Ke$els %re not re%l gifts: they %re %+ologies for short(o#ings. 8%ny ti#es $e &'y gifts for +eo+le to (o#+ens%te for not s+ending eno'gh ti#e $ith the#. Re%l gifts %re $hen yo' gi*e % +%rt of yo'rself. Sin(ere %++re(i%tion is one of the gre%test gifts one (%n gi*e to %nother +erson. t #%)es % +erson feel i#+ort%nt. The desire to feel i#+ort%nt is one of the gre%test (r%*ings in #ost h'#%n &eings. t (%n &e % gre%t #oti*%tor. he biggest disease today is not le"rosy or tuberculosis but rather the feeling of being unwanted. %%)other eresa A++re(i%tion, in order to &e effe(ti*e, #'st #eet (ert%in (riteri%1 2. t #'st &e s+e(ifi(. f tell so#eone th%t he did % good Ko&, %nd $%l) %$%y, $h%t $ill go thro'gh his #indJ He $ill thin), 6Wh%t did do good.J6 He $ill &e (onf'sed. B't $hen s%y, 6The $%y yo' h%ndled th%t diffi('lt ('sto#er $%s gre%t,6 then he )no$s $h%t he is &eing %++re(i%ted for. 3. t #'st &e i##edi%te. The effe(ti*eness is dil'ted if $e sho$ o'r %++re(i%tion for so#eone si- #onths %fter he h%s done so#ething (o##end%&le. 4. t #'st &e sin(ere. t #'st (o#e fro# the he%rt. Yo' #'st #e%n e*ery $ord. Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een %++re(i%tion %nd fl%tteryJ The differen(e is sin(erity. One (o#es fro# the he%rt, the other fro# the #o'th. One h%s %n 'lterior #oti*e %nd the other is sin(ere. So#e +eo+le find it e%sier to fl%tter th%n to gi*e sin(ere +r%ise. Don't fl%tter or get t%)en in &y fl%tterers. It's an old ma4im in the schools that flattery's the food of fools Fet now and then you men of wit will condescend to ta!e a bit. %%7onathan Swift >. Don't 7'%lify +r%ise $ith % &'t. By 'sing the &'t %s % (onne(tor, $e er%se the %++re(i%tion. .se 6%nd,6 6in %ddition to th%t6 or so#e other %++ro+ri%te (onne(tor. S%y so#ething li)e 6 %++re(i%te yo'r effort %nd $o'ld yo' +le%se ...6 r%ther th%n 6 %++re(i%te yo'r effort &'t ...6 9. After gi*ing %++re(i%tion, it is not i#+ort%nt to $%it for % re(ei+t or %()no$ledge#ent. So#e +eo+le %re loo)ing for % (o#+li#ent in ret'rn. Th%t is not the +'r+ose of %++re(i%tion. f yo' %re re(ei*ing %++re(i%tion, %((e+t it gr%(io'sly $ith % 6th%n)Fyo'.6 t is e%sier to de%l $ith honest reKe(tion th%n insin(ere %++re(i%tion. At le%st the +erson )no$s $here he st%nds. nsin(ere %++re(i%tion is li)e % #ir%ge in the desert. The (loser yo' get, the #ore dis%++ointed yo' &e(o#e &e(%'se it is nothing #ore th%n %n ill'sion. Peo+le +'t '+ % front of sin(erity %s % (o*er '+. S$#' 111 W2#n W# M-4# - Mi)$-4#/ W# S2!,8+ A((#'$ I$ i""#+i-$#8< -n+ Wi88in38< When %# $rong, #%)e #e e%sy to (h%nge: %nd $hen %# right, #%)e #e e%sy to li*e $ith. This is % good +hiloso+hy to li*e &y.

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So#e +eo+le li*e %nd le%rn $hile others li*e %nd ne*er le%rn. 8ist%)es %re to &e le%rned fro#. The gre%test #ist%)e % +erson (%n #%)e is to re+e%t it. Don't %ssign &l%#e %nd #%)e e-('ses. Don't d$ell on it. When yo' re%li5e yo'r #ist%)e, it is % good ide% to %((e+t it %nd %+ologi5e. Don't defend it. WhyJ A((e+t%n(e dis%r#s the other +erson. S$#' 1%1 W2#n $2# O$2# P# )!n R#-8iF#) -n+ A+"i$) T2-$ H# H-) M-+# - Mi)$-4#/ C!n3 -$,8-$# Hi" -n+ Giv# Hi" - W-< O,$ $! S-v# F-(# f $e don't let hi# s%*e f%(e, $e %re h'rting his self estee#. S$#' 1*1 Di)(,)) B,$ D!n0$ A 3,# There %re so#e +erson%lities th%t (%n &e l%&elled %s %rg'#ent%ti*e %nd th%t sho$s in their &eh%*ior %nd rel%tionshi+s. Arg'#ents (%n &e %*oided %nd % lot of he%rt%(he +re*ented &y &eing % little (%ref'l. The &est $%y to $in %n %rg'#ent is to %*oid it. An %rg'#ent is one thing yo' $ill ne*er $in. f yo' $in, yo' lose: if yo' lose, yo' lose. f yo' $in %n %rg'#ent &'t lose % good Ko&, ('sto#er, friend or #%rri%ge, $h%t )ind of *i(tory is itJ Pretty e#+ty. Arg'#ents res'lt fro# infl%ted ego. Arg'ing is li)e fighting % losing &%ttle. E*en if one $ins, the (ost #%y &e #ore th%n the *i(tory is $orth. E#otion%l &%ttles le%*e % resid'%l ill $ill e*en if yo' $in. n %n %rg'#ent, &oth +eo+le %re trying to h%*e the l%st $ord. Arg'#ent is nothing #ore th%n % &%ttle of egos %nd res'lts in % yelling (ontest. A &igger fool th%n the one $ho )no$s it %ll is the one $ho %rg'es $ith hi#. Is It wort% It. The #ore %rg'#ents yo' $in, the fe$er friends yo' h%*e. E*en if yo' %re right, is it $orth %rg'ingJ The %ns$er is +retty o&*io's. A &ig no. Does th%t #e%n one sho'ld ne*er &ring '+ % +ointJ One sho'ld, &'t gently %nd t%(tf'lly &y s%ying so#ething ne'tr%l s'(h %s 6&%sed on #y infor#%tion . . .6 f the other +erson is %rg'#ent%ti*e, e*en if yo' (%n +ro*e hi# $rong, is it $orth itJ don't thin) so. Do yo' #%)e yo'r +oint % se(ond ti#eJ $o'ldn't. WhyJ Be(%'se the %rg'#ent is (o#ing fro# % (losed #ind trying to +ro*e $ho is right r%ther th%n $h%t is right. For e-%#+le, %t % so(i%l getFtogether, es+e(i%lly %fter % fe$ drin)s, so#eone #%y s%y %'thorit%ti*ely, 6The ('rrent ye%r's e-+ort fig'res %re S9A &illion.6 Yo' h%++en to )no$ th%t his infor#%tion is in(orre(t %nd the right fig're is S>9 &illion. Yo' re%d it in the +%+er th%t #orning or yo' he%rd it on the r%dio on the $%y to the getFtogether %nd yo' h%*e % &'lletin in yo'r (%r to s'&st%nti%te it. Do yo' #%)e yo'r +ointJ Yes, &y s%ying, 68y infor#%tion is th%t the e-+ort fig're is S>9 &illion.6 The other +erson re%(ts, 6Yo' don't )no$ $h%t yo' %re t%l)ing %&o't. )no$ e-%(tly $h%t it is %nd it is S9A &illion.6 At this +oint, yo' h%*e se*er%l (hoi(es1 2. 8%)e yo'r +oint %g%in %nd st%rt %n %rg'#ent. 3. R'n %nd &ring the &'lletin fro# yo'r (%r %nd #%)e s're yo' +ro*e hi# $rong. 4. A*oid it. >. Dis('ss &'t don't %rg'e. The right (hoi(e is n'#&er 4 only.

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f one $%nts to %((o#+lish gre%t things in life one h%s to +r%(ti(e #%t'rity. 8%t'rity #e%ns not getting ent%ngled in 'ni#+ort%nt things %nd +etty %rg'#ents. Wh%t is the Differen(e Bet$een %n Arg'#ent %nd % Dis('ssionJ

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 An %rg'#ent thro$s he%t: % dis('ssion thro$s light. One ste#s fro# ego %nd % (losed #ind $here%s the other (o#es fro# %n o+en #ind. An %rg'#ent is %n e-(h%nge of ignor%n(e $here%s % dis('ssion is %n e-(h%nge of
)no$ledge. An %rg'#ent is %n e-+ression of te#+er $here%s % dis('ssion is %n e-+ression of logi(. An %rg'#ent tries to +ro*e $ho is right $here%s % dis('ssion tries to +ro*e $h%t is right. t is not $orth$hile to re%son $ith % +reK'di(ed #ind: it $%sn't re%soned into hi# so yo' (%n't re%son it o't. A n%rro$ #ind %nd % &ig #o'th 's'%lly le%d to interesting &'t +ointless %rg'#ents. n order to dis('ss, let the other +erson st%te his side of the (%se $itho't interr'+tion. Let hi# &lo$ ste%#. Don't try to +ro*e hi# $rong on e*ery +oint. ?e*er let hi# dr%g yo' to his le*el. Tre%t hi# $ith (o'rtesy %nd res+e(t: th%t $ill (onf'se hi#. Reg%rdless of the (%'se, the &est $%y to diff'se the sit'%tion is to1 2. gi*e % +%tient he%ring. 3. not fight &%() or ret%li%te th%tFF$ill (onf'se the other +erson &e(%'se he $%s e-+e(ting % fight. 4. not e-+e(t %n %+ology. For so#e +eo+le, %+ologi5ing is diffi('lt e*en if they h%*e #%de % #ist%)e. >. not #%)e iss'es o't of +etty #%tters. Dis('ssion ent%ils not only s%ying the right thing %t the right ti#e &'t %lso le%*ing 'ns%id $h%t need not &e s%id. Children sho'ld &e t%'ght the %rt of s+e%)ing '+ &'t not t%l)ing &%(). As %d'lts $e sho'ld le%rn the %rt of dis%greeing $itho't &eing dis%gree%&le. The $%y % +erson h%ndles %n %rg'#ent refle(ts their '+&ringing. I learned a long time ago never to wrestle with a "ig. Fou get dirty and besides, the "ig li!es it. %%Cyrus Ching Ste+s to O+ening % Dis('ssion 2. Be o+enF#inded. 3. Don't &e dr%gged into %n %rg'#ent. 4. Don't interr'+t. >. Listen to the other +erson's +oint of *ie$ &efore gi*ing yo'r o$n. >. As) 7'estions to (l%rify. Th%t $ill %lso set the other +erson thin)ing. 9. Don't e-%gger%te. B. Be enth'si%sti( in (on*in(ing, not for(ef'l. I. Be $illing to yield. =. Be fle-i&le on +etty things &'t not on +rin(i+les. 2A. Don't #%)e it % +restige iss'e.

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22. ;i*e yo'r o++onent % gr%(ef'l $%y to $ithdr%$ $itho't h'rting his +ride. ReKe(tion (%n &e h'rtf'l. 23. .se soft $ords &'t h%rd %rg'#ents r%ther th%n h%rd $ords < soft %rg'#ents . t is i#+ossi&le to defe%t %n ignor%nt #%n in %n %rg'#ent. His strong %nd &itter $ords only indi(%te % , $e%) (%'se. D'ring % dis('ssion, it #%y &e % good ide% to 'se +hr%ses s'(h %s1

t %++e%rs to #e ... #%y &e $rong ...

Another $%y to def'se %rg'#ents is &y sho$ing ignor%n(e %nd %s)ing 7'estions s'(h %s1

Why do yo' feel th%t $%yJ C%n yo' e-+l%in % littleJ C%n yo' &e #ore s+e(ifi(J
f nothing $or)s, it #%y &e $orth$hile to +olitely, gently, %nd $ith (o'rtesy, %gree to dis%gree. S$#' 191 D!n0$ G!))i' Re#e#&er, +eo+le $ho gossi+ $ith yo' %lso gossi+ %&o't yo' in yo'r %&sen(e. ;ossi+ing %nd lying %re (losely rel%ted. A gossi+ listens in h%ste %nd re+e%ts %t leis're. A gossi+ ne*er #inds his o$n &'siness &e(%'se he neither h%s % #ind nor % &'siness. A gossi+ is #ore (on(erned %&o't $h%t he o*erhe%rs th%n $h%t he he%rs. ;ossi+ is the %rt of s%ying nothing in % $%y th%t le%*es nothing 'ns%id. So#eone s%id it $ell1 6S#%ll +eo+le t%l) %&o't other +eo+le, #edio(re +eo+le t%l) %&o't things, gre%t +eo+le t%l) %&o't ide%s.6 ;ossi+ (%n le%d to sl%nder %nd def%#%tion of (h%r%(ter. Peo+le $ho listen to gossi+ %re %s g'ilty %s those $ho do the gossi+ing. A gossi+ 's'%lly gets (%'ght in his o$n #o'th tr%+. ;ossi+ h%s no res+e(t for K'sti(e. t &re%)s he%rts, it r'ins li*es, it is ('nning %nd #%li(io's. t *i(ti#i5es the hel+less. ;ossi+ is h%rd to tr%() do$n &e(%'se it h%s no f%(e or n%#e. t t%rnishes re+'t%tions, to++les go*ern#ents, $re()s #%rri%ges, r'ins (%reers, #%)es the inno(ent (ry, (%'ses he%rt%(hes %nd slee+less nights. The ne-t ti#e yo' ind'lge in gossi+, %s) yo'rself.

s it the tr'thJ s it )ind %nd gentleJ s it ne(ess%ryJ A# s+re%ding r'#orsJ Do s%y +ositi*e things %&o't othersJ Do enKoy %nd en(o'r%ge others to s+re%d r'#orsJ Does #y (on*ers%tion &egin $ith, 6Don't tell %nyoneJ6

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 C%n #%int%in (onfidenti%lityJ

Refr%in fro# ind'lging in gossi+. Re#e#&er, s#%ll t%l) (o#es o't of &ig #o'ths. S$#' 1:1 T, n Y!, P !"i)#) in$! C!""i$"#n$) Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een % +ro#ise %nd % (o##it#entJ A +ro#ise is % st%te#ent of intent. A (o##it#ent is % +ro#ise th%t is going to &e )e+t no #%tter $h%t. n the no #%tter $h%t, e-(l'de illeg%l %nd i##or%l things. Co##it#ent (o#es o't of (h%r%(ter %nd le%ds to (on*i(tion. C%n yo' i#%gine $h%t )ind of % $orld it $o'ld &e if no one #%de % (o##it#ent to one %notherJ Wh%t $o'ld h%++en to rel%tionshi+s &et$een

s+o'sesJ e#+loyers %nd e#+loyeesJ +%rents %nd (hildrenJ st'dents %nd te%(hersJ &'yers %nd sellersJ

.n(o##itted rel%tionshi+s %re +retty sh%llo$ %nd hollo$. They %re % #%tter of (on*enien(e %nd %re te#+or%ry. ?othing l%sting h%s e*er &een (re%ted $itho't (o##it#ent. Co##it#ent s%ys, 6 %# +redi(t%&le in the 'n+redi(t%&le f't're.6 8%ny +eo+le (onf'se (o##it#ent $ith (onfine#ent. Th%t re%lly is not tr'e. Co##it#ent does not t%)e %$%y freedo#: it %(t'%lly gi*es #ore freedo# &e(%'se it gi*es % sense of se('rity. The #ost i#+ort%nt (o##it#ent $e e*er #%)e is to o'r *%l'es. Th%t is $hy it is i#+er%ti*e to h%*e the right *%l'e syste#. For e-%#+le, if (o##itted #yself to s'++ort % le%der $ho l%ter &e(o#es % dr'g de%ler, do (ontin'e #y (o##it#entJ ?ot %t %ll. Co##it#ent le%ds to end'ring rel%tionshi+s thro'gh thi() %nd thin. t sho$s in % +erson's +erson%lity %nd rel%tionshi+s. S$#' 1;1 B# G -$#5,8 B,$ D! N!$ E&'#($ G -$i$,+# ;r%tit'de is % &e%'tif'l $ord. We #'st &e th%n)f'l. ;r%tit'de is % feeling. t i#+ro*es o'r +erson%lity %nd &'ilds (h%r%(ter. ;r%tit'de de*elo+s o't of h'#ility. t is % feeling of th%n)f'lness to$%rd others. t is (on*eyed thro'gh o'r %ttit'de to$%rds others %nd refle(ts in o'r &eh%*ior. ;r%tit'de does not #e%n re(i+ro(%ting good deeds &e(%'se gr%tit'de is not gi*e %nd t%)e. A good deed (%nnot &e (%n(eled &y % (o'nter %(t. Things s'(h %s )indness, 'nderst%nding, %nd +%tien(e (%nnot &e re+%id. Wh%t does gr%tit'de te%(h 'sJ t re%lly te%(hes 's the %rt of (oo+er%tion %nd 'nderst%nding. ;r%tit'de #'st &e sin(ere. A si#+le th%n)Fyo' (%n &e gr%(io's. 8%ny ti#es $e forget to &e th%n)f'l to the +eo+le (losest to 's, s'(h %s o'r s+o'se, o'r rel%ti*es, o'r friends. ;r%tit'de $o'ld r%n) %#ong the to+ 7'%lities th%t for# the (h%r%(ter %nd +erson%lity of %n indi*id'%l $ith integrity. Ego st%nds in the $%y of sho$ing gr%tit'de. A gr%(io's %ttit'de (h%nges o'r o'tloo) in life. With gr%tit'de %nd h'#ility, right %(tions (o#e n%t'r%lly.

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;r%tit'de o'ght to &e % $%y of life, so#ething $hi(h $e (%nnot gi*e eno'gh of. t (%n #e%n % s#ile, or % th%n) yo', or % gest're of %++re(i%tion. Thin) of yo'r #ost +re(io's +ossessions. Wh%t #%)es the# s+e(i%lJ n #ost (%ses, the gift is less signifi(%nt th%n the gi*er. Seldo# %re $e gr%tef'l for the things $e %lre%dy +ossess. Thin) &%() %nd try to re(%ll the +eo+le $ho h%d % +ositi*e infl'en(e on yo'r life. Yo'r +%rents, te%(hers, %nyone $ho s+ent e-tr% ti#e to hel+ yo'. Perh%+s it %++e%rs th%t they K'st did their Ko&. ?ot re%lly. They $illingly s%(rifi(ed their ti#e, effort, #oney %nd #%ny other things for yo'. They did it o't of lo*e %nd not for yo'r th%n)f'lness. At so#e +oint, % +erson re%li5es the effort th%t $ent in to hel+ the# sh%+e their f't're. Perh%+s it is not too l%te to th%n) the#. And it is ti#e to re(i+ro(%te. Lo*e re7'ires s%(rifi(e.

T%e Story o- C%rist 8s the story goes, once Christ healed ten le"ers and when he turned bac! they were all gone e4ce"t one who had the courtesy to than! Christ. Christ said, 'I didn't do a thing.' $hat is the moral of the story( ,. #uman beings are ungrateful. B. 8 grateful "erson is the e4ce"tional "erson. 2. Christ literally gave them a new life and said, 'I didn't do a thing.' 0. Ii!e Christ we should not e4"ect gratitude. #ow does this translate in our behavior and "ersonality( $e feed or give shelter to someone for a few days and say 'Ioo! what I did for the other "erson.' $e blow our giving out of "ro"ortion in our own mind. It is not uncommon to hear "eo"le saying, 'If it wasn't for me, this "erson would be on the street.' $hat an ego; 'y t%e "ay When +eo+le %s) others to do so#ething for the# &y 'sing the +hr%se 6By the $%y, (%n yo' do this for #eJ6 they 'nder#ine the i#+ort%n(e of doing or not doing. h%*e fo'nd th%t if $e h%*e to do %nything for %nyone it is ne*er 6&y the $%y,6 it is %l$%ys 6o't of the $%y.6 This does not %#o'nt to doing f%*ors fro# the doer's +ers+e(ti*e. f one doesn't do things th%t (%n &e done to hel+ %nother +erson, then it is s%d. B't %# (on*in(ed th%t there is no s'(h thing %s 6By the $%y,6 it is %l$%ys 6o't of the $%y6 %nd it is $orth it. S$#' 1=1 B# D#'#n+-68# -n+ P -($i(# L!<-8$< The old %d%ge, 6%n o'n(e of loy%lty is $orth #ore th%n % +o'nd of (le*erness,6 is 'ni*ers%l %nd etern%l. A&ility is i#+ort%nt &'t de+end%&ility is (r'(i%l. f yo' h%*e so#eone $ith %ll the %&ility &'t if he is not de+end%&le, do yo' $%nt hi# %s +%rt of yo'r te%#J ?o, not %t %ll. I KNE" #O+ "O+LD COME

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here were two childhood buddies who went through school and college and even joined the army together. $ar bro!e out and they were fighting in the same unit. &ne night they were ambushed. Bullets were flying all over and out of the dar!ness came a voice, '#arry, "lease come and hel" me.' #arry immediately recogni<ed the voice of his childhood buddy, Bill. #e as!ed the ca"tain if he could go. he ca"tain said, '>o, I can't let you go, I am already short%handed and I cannot afford to lose one more "erson. Besides, the way Bill sounds he is not going to ma!e it.' #arry !e"t Euiet. 8gain the voice came, '#arry, "lease come and hel" me.' #arry sat Euietly because the ca"tain had refused earlier. 8gain and again the voice came. #arry couldn't contain himself any longer and told the ca"tain, 'Ca"tain, this is my childhood buddy. I have to go and hel".' he ca"tain reluctantly let him go. #arry crawled through the dar!ness and dragged Bill bac! into the trench. hey found that Bill was dead. >ow the ca"tain got angry and shouted at #arry, 'Aidn't I tell you he was not going to ma!e it( #e is dead, you could have been !illed and I could have lost a hand. hat was a mista!e.' #arry re"lied, 'Ca"tain, I did the right thing. $hen I reached Bill he was still alive and his last words were '#arry, I !new you would come.'' Cood relationshi"s are hard to find and once develo"ed should be nurtured. $e are often told@ Iive your dream. But you cannot live your dream at the e4"ense of others. *eo"le who do so are unscru"ulous. $e need to ma!e "ersonal sacrifices for our family, friends, and those we care about and who de"end on us. S$#' 1>1 Av!i+ B#- in3 G ,+3#). F! 3iv# -n+ F! 3#$ Aon't be a garbage collector. #ave you heard the "hrase I can forgive but I can't forget( $hen a "erson refuses to forgive, he is loc!ing doors that some day he might need to o"en. $hen we hold grudges and harbor resentment, who are we hurting the most( &urselves. 7im and 7erry were childhood friends but for whatever reasons, the relationshi" fell a"art and they hadn't s"o!en for B: years. 7erry was on his deathbed and didn't want to enter eternity with a heavy heart. So he called 7im, a"ologi<ed and said, 'Iet's forgive each other and be done for the "ast.' 7im thought it was a good idea and decided to visit 7erry at the hos"ital. hey caught u" on B: years, "atched u" their differences and s"ent a cou"le of hours together. 8s 7im was leaving, 7erry shouted from behind, '7im, just in case I don't die; remember, this forgiveness doesn't count.' Iife is too short to hold grudges. It is not worth it. S%a(e o& Me While it is not $orth holding gr'dges, it doesn't #%)e sense to &e &itten ti#e %nd %g%in. t is $ell s%id, 6Yo' (he%t #e on(e, sh%#e on yo': yo' (he%t #e t$i(e, sh%#e on #e.6 @ohn "ennedy on(e s%id, 6Forgi*e the other +erson &'t don't forget their n%#e.6 %# s're th%t his #ess%ge $%s th%t one sho'ld not get (he%ted t$i(e. S$#' 1C1 P -($i(# H!n#)$</ In$#3 i$</ -n+ Sin(# i$<

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So#eti#es the &rightness of tr'th does not enlighten &'t &linds the e*il. Honesty #e%ns to &e gen'ine %nd re%l *ers's f%)e %nd fi(titio's. Be l%&eled or &'ild % re+'t%tion of &eing tr'st$orthy. f there is one thing th%t &'ilds %ny )ind of rel%tionshi+ %t ho#e, %t $or), or so(i%lly, it is integrity. ?ot )ee+ing (o##it#ents %#o'nts to dishonest &eh%*ior. Honesty ins+ires o+enness, reli%&ility, %nd fr%n)ness. t sho$s res+e(t for one's self %nd others. Honesty is in &eing, not in %++e%ring to &e. Lies #%y h%*e s+eed &'t tr'th h%s end'r%n(e. ntegrity is not fo'nd in (o#+%ny &ro(h'res or titles &'t in % +erson's (h%r%(ter. s it $orth (o#+ro#ising one's integrity %nd t%)ing short('ts to $inJ A +erson #%y $in % tro+hy &'t )no$ing the tr'th, (%n ne*er &e % h%++y +erson. 8ore i#+ort%nt th%n $inning % tro+hy is &eing % good h'#%n &eing. A POUND OF BUTTER here was a farmer who sold a "ound of butter to the ba!er. &ne day the ba!er decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a "ound and he found that he was not. his angered him and he too! the farmer to court. he judge as!ed the farmer if he was using any measure. he farmer re"lied, amour #onor, I am "rimitive. I don't have a "ro"er measure, but I do have a scale.' he judge as!ed, ' hen how do you weigh the butter(' he farmer re"lied 'Four #onor, long before the ba!er started buying butter from me, I have been buying a "ound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the ba!er brings the bread, I "ut it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the ba!er.' $hat is the moral of the story( $e get bac! in life what we give to others. $henever you ta!e an action, as! yourself this Euestion@ 8m I giving fair value for the wages or money I ho"e to ma!e( #onesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some "eo"le "ractice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. &thers lie so much that they don't even !now what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving( hemselves%%% more than anyone else. #onesty can be "ut across gently. Some "eo"le ta!e "ride in being brutally honest. It seems they are getting a bigger !ic! out of the brutality than the honesty. Choice of words and tact are im"ortant. Tr*t% May Not Always 'e "%at #o* "a&t to Hear One (%n &e tr'thf'l $itho't &eing (r'el &'t th%t #%y not %l$%ys &e the (%se. The #ost i#+ort%nt res+onsi&ility of %n honest friend is to &e tr'thf'l. So#e +eo+le, in order to %*oid (onfronting +%inf'l tr'ths, sele(t friends $ho tell the# $h%t they $%nt to he%r. They )id the#sel*es des+ite the f%(t th%t dee+ do$n they )no$ they %re not &eing tr'thf'l. Honest (riti(is# (%n &e +%inf'l. f yo' h%*e #%ny %(7'%int%n(es %nd fe$ friends, it is ti#e to ste+ &%() %nd e-+lore the de+th of yo'r rel%tionshi+s. A l%() of honesty is so#eti#es l%&eled %s t%(t, +'&li( rel%tions or +oliti(s. B't is it re%lly soJ The +ro&le# $ith lying is th%t one h%s to re#e#&er one's lies. Honesty re7'ires fir#ness %nd (o##it#ent. Ho$ #%ny ti#es h%*e $e %ll &een g'ilty of

little $hite liesJ

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 fl%tteryJ o#itting f%(ts or gi*ing h%lfFtr'thsJ telling the gre%test lies &y re#%ining silentJ
)a!e yourself an honest man and then you may be sure there is one rascal less in the world. %% homas Carlyle Cre)i8ility $e all !now the story of the she"herd boy who cried wolf. he boy decided to have some fun at the e4"ense of the villagers. #e shouted, '#el", hel", the wolf is here.' he villagers heard him and came to his rescue. But when they got there, they saw no wolf and the boy laughed at them. hey went away. he ne4t day, the boy "layed the same tric! and the same thing ha""ened. hen one day, while the boy was ta!ing care of his shee" he actually saw a wolf and shouted for hel". he "eo"le in the village heard him but this time nobody came to his rescue. hey thought it was another tric! and didn't trust him anymore. #e lost his shee" to the wolf. $hat is the moral of the story( he moral of the story is

$hen "eo"le tell lies, they lose credibility. &nce they have lost credibility, even when they tell the truth, no one believes them.
T%e 9*ality o- a Goo) C%ara ter is Ho&esty Tr'th (%n &e #isre+resented in t$o $%ys1 2. n(o#+lete f%(ts or infor#%tion 3. E-%gger%tion BEWARE OF HALF-TRUTHS OR MISREPRESENTATION OF TRUTHS here was a sailor who wor!ed on the same boat for three years. &ne night he got drun!. his was the first time it ever ha""ened. he ca"tain recorded it in the log, ' he sailor was drun! tonight.' he sailor read it, and he !new this comment would affect his career, so he went to the ca"tain, a"ologi<ed and as!ed the ca"tain to add that it only ha""ened once in three years which was the com"lete truth. he ca"tain refused and said, '$hat I have written in the log is the truth.' he ne4t day it was the sailor's turn to fill in the log. #e wrote, ' he ca"tain was sober tonight.' he ca"tain read the comment and as!ed the sailor to change or add to it e4"laining the com"lete truth because this im"lied that the ca"tain was drun! every other night. he sailor told the ca"tain that what he had written in the log was the truth. Both st%te#ents $ere tr'e &'t they (on*eyed #isle%ding #ess%ges: E:aggeratio&

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E-%gger%tion does t$o things1 2. t $e%)ens % +erson's (%se %nd #%)es hi# lose (redi&ility. 3. t is li)e %n %ddi(tion. t &e(o#es % h%&it. So#e +eo+le (%n't tell the tr'th $itho't e-%gger%ting. 'e Si& ere Sin(erity is % #%tter of intent %nd h%rd to +ro*e. We (%n %(hie*e o'r go%ls &y h%*ing % sin(ere desire to hel+ others. Stay Away -ro( Prete&se As)ing % friend in tro'&le, 6 s there %nything (%n do for yo',6 is re%lly %nnoying. t is #ore of %n eye$%sh %nd +retense. f yo' re%lly $%nt to hel+, thin) of so#ething %++ro+ri%te to &e done %nd then do it. 8%ny +eo+le +'t on the (lo%) of sin(erity #ore o't of selfishness th%n s'&st%n(e, ho+ing th%t so#e d%y they (o'ld (l%i# the right to re(ei*e hel+. St%y %$%y fro# #e%ningless %nd +hony +le%s%ntries. C%'tionFFSin(erity is no #e%s're of good K'dg#ent. So#eone (o'ld &e sin(ere, yet $rong.

ACTIONSJ SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS WHICH LOVED BEST? 6 lo*e yo', 8other,6 s%id little @ohn: Then, forgetting his $or), his (%+ $ent on, And he $%s off to the g%rden s$ing, And left her the $%ter %nd $ood to &ring. 6 lo*e yo', 8other,6 s%id rosy ?ellFF 6 lo*e yo' &etter th%n tong'e (%n tell6: Then she te%sed %nd +o'ted f'll h%lf the d%y, Till her #other reKoi(ed $hen she $ent to +l%y. 6 lo*e yo', 8other,6 s%id little F%n: 6Tod%y 'll hel+ yo' %ll (%n: Ho$ gl%d %# th%t s(hool doesn't )ee+N6 So she ro()ed the &%&e till it fell %slee+. Then, ste++ing softly, she fet(hed the &roo#, And s$e+t the floor %nd tidied the roo#: B'sy %nd h%++y %ll d%y $%s she, Hel+f'l %nd h%++y %s (hild (o'ld &e. 6 lo*e yo', 8other,6 %g%in they s%id,

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Three little (hildren going to &ed: Ho$ do yo' thin) th%t #other g'essed Whi(h of the# re%lly lo*ed her &estJ FF@oy AllisonO Mai&tai& I&tegrity An(ient $isdo# s%ys, 6Anything th%t is &o'ght or sold h%s no *%l'e 'nless it (ont%ins the se(ret, +ri(eless ingredientFth%t, $h%t (%nnot &e tr%ded.6 Wh%t is itJ The se(ret, +ri(eless ingredient of e*ery +rod'(t is the (redi&ility, the honor %nd integrity of the one $ho #%)es it. t is not so se(ret &'t it is +ri(eless. Here is A&ot%er Si)e to I&tegrity779*estio&a8le Three e-e('ti*es $ere fighting o*er $ho $o'ld +%y the &ill for l'n(h. One s%id, 6 $ill +%y, (%n get % t%- ded'(tion.6 The other s%id, 6Let #e h%*e it, $ill get rei#&'rse#ent fro# #y (o#+%ny.6 The third s%id, 6Let #e +%y, &e(%'se %# filing for &%n)r'+t(y ne-t $ee).6 S$#' %D1 P -($i(# H,"i8i$< Confidence without humility is arrogance. #umility is the foundation of all virtues. It is a sign of greatness. Sincere humility attracts but false humility detracts.

O n The Boo) of !irt'es, edited &y Willi%# @. Bennett, Si#on < S(h'ster, ?e$ Yor), 2==4, +. 3A>.

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)any years ago, a rider came across some soldiers who were trying to move a heavy log without success. he cor"oral was standing by as the men struggled. he rider as!ed the cor"oral why he wasn't hel"ing. he cor"oral re"lied, 'I am the cor"oral; i give orders.' he rider dismounted, went u" and stood by the soldiers and as they were lifting the log, he hel"ed them. $ith his hel", the log got moved. he rider Euietly mounted his horse and went to the cor"oral and said, ' he ne4t time your men need hel", send for the Commander%in%Chief.' 8fter he left, the cor"oral and his men found out that the rider was Ceorge $ashington. The #ess%ge is +retty (le%r. S'((ess %nd h'#ility go h%nd in h%nd. When others &lo$ yo'r horn, the so'nd goes f'rther. @'st thin) %&o't itJ Si#+li(ity %nd h'#ility %re t$o h%ll#%r)s of gre%tness. H'#ility does not #e%n selfFde#e%ning &eh%*ior. Th%t $o'ld %#o'nt to &elittling oneself. S$#' %11 B# Un+# )$-n+in3 -n+ C- in3 n rel%tionshi+s $e %ll #%)e #ist%)es %nd so#eti#es $e %re insensiti*e to the needs of others, es+e(i%lly those *ery (lose to 's. All this le%ds to dis%++oint#ent %nd resent#ent. The %ns$er to h%ndling dis%++oint#ent is 'nderst%nding. Rel%tionshi+s don't (o#e %&o't &e(%'se +eo+le %re +erfe(t. They (o#e %&o't &e(%'se of 'nderst%nding. There is #ore gr%tifi(%tion in &eing % (%ring +erson th%n in K'st &eing % ni(e +erson. A (%ring %ttit'de &'ilds good$ill $hi(h is the &est )ind of ins'r%n(e th%t % +erson (%n h%*e %nd it doesn't (ost % thing. So#e +eo+le s'&stit'te #oney for (%ring %nd 'nderst%nding. Being 'nderst%nding is f%r #ore i#+ort%nt th%n #oney %nd the &est $%y to &e 'nderstood is to &e 'nderst%nding. And the &%sis of re%l (o##'ni(%tion is %lso to &e 'nderst%nding. Pra ti e Ge&erosity t is % sign of e#otion%l #%t'rity. Being genero's is &eing tho'ghtf'l %nd (onsider%te $itho't &eing %s)ed. ;enero's +eo+le e-+erien(e the ri(hness of life $hi(h % selfish +erson (%nnot e*en dre%# of. Be (onsider%te: selfishness &rings its o$n re*enge. Be sensiti*e to other +eo+le's feelings. 'e Ta t-*l T%(t is *ery i#+ort%nt in %ny rel%tionshi+. T%(t is the %&ility to #%)e % +oint $itho't %lien%ting the other +erson. Ki&)&ess 8oney $ill &'y % gre%t dog &'t only )indness $ill #%)e hi# $%g his t%il. t is ne*er too soon for )indness &e(%'se $e don't )no$ ho$ soon is too l%te. "indness is % l%ng'%ge the de%f (%n he%r %nd the &lind (%n see. t is &etter to tre%t % friend $ith )indness $hile he is li*ing th%n dis+l%y flo$ers on his gr%*e $hen he is de%d. An %(t of )indness #%)es % +erson feel good reg%rdless of $hether he is doing it or it is done to hi#. "ind $ords ne*er h'rt the tong'e.

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S$#' %%1 P -($i(# C!, $#)< !n - D-i8< B-)i) Co'rtesy is nothing #ore th%n (onsider%tion for others. t o+ens doors th%t $o'ld not other$ise o+en. A (o'rteo's +erson $ho is not *ery sh%r+, $ill go f'rther in life th%n % dis(o'rteo's &'t sh%r+ +erson. t is the little things th%t #%)e % &ig differen(e. H%*e yo' e*er &een &itten &y %n ele+h%ntJ The #ost o&*io's %ns$er is no. H%*e yo' e*er &een &itten &y % #os7'itoJ 8ost of 's h%*e. t is the little irrit%nts th%t test +%tien(e. Co'rtesy is #%de of nothing #ore th%n #%ny +etty s%(rifi(es. S#%ll (o'rtesies $ill t%)e % +erson #'(h f'rther th%n (le*erness. Co'rtesy is %n offshoot of dee+ #or%l &eh%*ior. t (osts nothing &'t +%ys $ell. ?o one is too &ig or too &'sy to +r%(ti(e (o'rtesy. Co'rtesy #e%ns gi*ing yo'r se%t to the elderly or to the dis%&led. Co'rtesy (%n &e % $%r# s#ile, % th%n)Fyo'. t is % s#%ll in*est#ent &'t the +%yoffs %re &ig. t enh%n(es the other +erson's selfF$orth. Co'rtesy re7'ires h'#ility. t is 'nfort'n%te $hen +eo+le &e(o#e o&no-io's, &e(%'se they detr%(t fro# their +ositi*e tr%its. h%*e o*erhe%rd +eo+le s%ying $ith +ride, 6 (%n &e +retty o&no-io's.6 S(%tter the seeds of (o'rtesy $here*er yo' (%n. So#e %re &o'nd to t%)e root %nd ele*%te yo' in the eyes of others. Ma&&ers Co'rtesy %nd #%nners go h%nd in h%nd. t is e7'%lly i#+ort%nt, if not #ore, to +r%(ti(e #%nners %t ho#e %nd not K'st on o'tsiders. Sho$ing (onsider%tion %nd good #%nners &rings o't % feeling of $%r#th %nd %((e+t%n(e in the ho#e. Co'rtesy #e%ns +r%(ti(ing good #%nners. Besides &eing selfFs%tisfying, +oliteness %nd (o'rtesy h%*e #%ny #ore %d*%nt%ges th%n r'de &eh%*ior. Considering th%t, $onder $hy #ore +eo+le don't +r%(ti(e (o'rtesy. R'de %nd dis(o'rteo's +eo+le #%y get short ter# res'lts. 8ost +eo+le li)e to %*oid de%ling $ith s'(h &eh%*ior %nd in the long r'n, r'de +eo+le %re disli)ed. Co'rteo's &eh%*ior o'ght to &e t%'ght to (hildren %t %n e%rly %ge so th%t they (%n gro$ %nd &e(o#e #%t're, (onsider%te %d'lts. Co'rteo's &eh%*ior, on(e le%rned, st%ys for life. t de#onstr%tes % (%ring %ttit'de %nd % sensiti*ity to other +eo+le's feelings. t see#s tri*i%l %nd 'ni#+ort%nt, &'t little +hr%ses s'(h %s, 6+le%se,6 6th%n) yo'6 %nd 6 '# sorry6 t%)e % +erson % long $%y. Re#e#&er, &eing (o'rteo's $ill &reed (o'rtesy in ret'rn. Pr%(ti(e %s #'(h %nd %s often %s yo' (%n. niti%lly, it #%y t%)e so#e effort, &'t the effort is $ell $orth it. Politeness is the h%ll#%r) of gentleness. Co'rtesy is %nother n%#e for +oliteness. t (osts % little &'t +%ys % lot, not only to the indi*id'%l &'t to the entire org%ni5%tion. H%*e yo' noti(ed th%t so#eti#es $hen one +erson is telling % Ko)e, %nother +erson $ill K'#+ in %nd gi*e the +'n(h line, dr%$ing %ttention to hi#self. And %fter e*eryone l%'ghs he $ill re*e%l $here he re%d it. This #%y sho$ s'+erior )no$ledge &'t it sho$s inferior #%nners. Co*rtesy S%ows Goo) +p8ri&gi&g

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8%ny &rilli%nt %nd t%lented +eo+le h%*e destroyed their o$n s'((ess &e(%'se they l%() (o'rtesy %nd #%nners. Politeness %nd (o'rtesy %re signs of &eing ('lt'red. R'deness %nd dis(o'rtesy sho$ the l%() of it. Tre%t other +eo+le $ith res+e(t %nd dignity.

R'deness is the $e%) #%n's i#it%tion of strength. FFEri( Hoffer S$#' %*1 D#v#8!' - S#n)# !5 H,"! H%*e % sense of h'#or %nd yo' $ill +ossess the %&ility to l%'gh %t yo'rself. A sense of h'#or #%)es % +erson li)%&le %nd %ttr%(ti*e. So#e +eo+le %re h'#orFi#+%ired. Le%rn to l%'gh %t yo'rself &e(%'se it is the s%fest h'#or. L%'ghing %t yo'rself gi*es yo' the energy to &o'n(e &%(). L%'ghter is % n%t'r%l tr%n7'ili5er for +eo+le %ll o*er the $orld. H'#or #%y not (h%nge the #ess%ge, &'t it (ert%inly (%n hel+ to t%)e the sting o't of the &ite. THE HEALING POWER OF HUMOR Dr. ?or#%n Co'sins, %'thor of An%to#y of %n llness, is % +ri#e e-%#+le of ho$ % +erson (%n ('re hi#self of % ter#in%l illness. He h%d % 2FinF9AA (h%n(e of re(o*ery, &'t Co'sin $%nted to +ro*e th%t if there $%s %nything li)e #ind o*er #%tter, he'd #%)e it % re%lity. He fig'red if neg%ti*e e#otions (%'sed neg%ti*e (he#i(%ls in o'r &ody, then the re*erse #'st &e tr'e too. Positi*e e#otions, li)e h%++iness %nd l%'ghter, $o'ld &ring +ositi*e (he#i(%ls into o'r syste#. He #o*ed fro# the hos+it%l to % hotel %nd rented h'#oro's #o*ies %nd liter%lly ('red hi#self &y l%'ghing. Of (o'rse, #edi(%l hel+ is i#+ort%nt, &'t the $ill to li*e for the +%tient is e7'%lly, if not #ore, i#+ort%nt. A f'nny &one (o'ld &e % lifes%*er. Besides, it #%)es life's %d*ersities e%sier to h%ndle. S$#' %91 D!n0$ B# S- (-)$i( -n+ P,$ O$2# ) D!7n ?eg%ti*e +eo+le's h'#or #%y in(l'de s%r(%s#, +'tdo$ns %nd h'rtf'l re#%r)s. Any h'#or in*ol*ing s%r(%s# th%t #%)es f'n of others is in +oor t%ste. An inK'ry is forgi*en #ore e%sily th%n %n ins'lt. $hen someone blushes with embarrassment, when someone carries away an ache, when something sacred is made to a""ear common, when someone's wea!ness "rovides the laughter, when "rofanity is reEuired to ma!e it funny, when a child is brought to tears or when everyone can't join in the laughter, it's a "oor jo!e. %%Cliff homas To % s%dist e*erything is f'nny, so long %s it is h%++ening to so#eone else. t is not %n 'n(o##on sight to see &oys thro$ing stones %t frogs K'st to h%*e f'n. The &oys' f'n #e%ns de%th to the frogs. t is not f'n for the frogs. H'#or (%n &e *%l'%&le or d%ngero's, de+ending on $hether yo' %re l%'ghing $ith so#eone or %t so#eone. When h'#or in*ol*es #%)ing f'n of or ridi('ling others, it is not in good t%ste nor is it inno(ent. H'rting others' feelings (%n &e (r'el. So#e +eo+le get

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their f'n &y +'tting others do$n. S%r(%s# %lien%tes +eo+le. t is % good ide% to )ee+ h'#or lo$ ris). S$#' %:1 T! H-v# - F i#n+/ B# - F i#n+ We )ee+ loo)ing for the right e#+loyer, the right e#+loyee, s+o'se, +%rent, (hild, %nd so on. We forget th%t $e h%*e to &e the right +erson too. E-+erien(e h%s sho$n th%t there is no +erfe(t +erson, no +erfe(t Ko&, no +erfe(t s+o'se. When $e loo) for +erfe(tion, $e %re dis%++ointed &e(%'se %ll $e find is th%t $e tr%ded one set of +ro&le#s for %nother set of +ro&le#s. H%*ing li*ed in the West for o*er 3A ye%rs, h%*e o&ser*ed th%t $ith the high di*or(e r%te the $%y it is, +eo+le find %fter they get #%rried for the se(ond ti#e th%t their ne$ s+o'se doesn't h%*e the +ro&le#s of the first one &'t h%s % tot%lly ne$ set of +ro&le#s. Si#il%rly, +eo+le (h%nge Ko&s or fire e#+loyees loo)ing for the right one only to find th%t they tr%ded one set of +ro&le#s for %nother. Let's try %nd $or) %ro'nd these (h%llenges %nd #%)e di*or(ing or firing the l%st r%ther th%n the first resort. Sa ri-i e Friendshi+ t%)es s%(rifi(e. B'ilding friendshi+s %nd rel%tionshi+s t%)es s%(rifi(e, loy%lty, %nd #%t'rity. S%(rifi(e t%)es going o't of one's $%y %nd ne*er h%++ens &y the $%y. Selfishness destroys friendshi+s. C%s'%l %(7'%int%n(es (o#e e%sy &'t tr'e friendshi+s t%)e ti#e to &'ild %nd effort to )ee+. Friendshi+s %re +'t to tests %nd $hen they end're, they gro$ stronger. We #'st le%rn to re(ogni5e (o'nterfeit rel%tionshi+s. Tr'e friends do not $%nt to see their friends h'rt. Tr'e friendshi+ gi*es #ore th%n it gets %nd st%nds &y %d*ersity. Fair7"eat%er Frie&) 8 fair%weather friend is li!e a ban!er who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and ta!es it bac! the minute it rains. wo men were traveling through the forest and came across a bear. &ne of them Euic!ly climbed a tree but the other was unable to, so he lay on the ground and "layed dead. he bear sniffed around his ear and left. he fellow from the tree came down and as!ed him, '$hat did the bear tell you(' he man re"lied, '#e said, don't trust a friend who deserts you in danger.' he message is as dear as daylight. 8't'%l tr'st %nd (onfiden(e %re the fo'nd%tion stone of %ll friendshi+. People Ma2e Frie&)s -or Di--ere&t Motives Friendshi+s (%n &e (%tegori5ed %s follo$s1 2. Friendshi+ of +le%s're. Yo' %re % friend so long %s the rel%tionshi+ is entert%ining %nd f'n, i.e., % f%ir $e%ther friend. 3. Friendshi+ of (on*enien(e. This is $here +eo+le #%)e friendshi+s to g%in f%*ors. These friendshi+s l%st 'ntil the 'sef'lness of the other +erson ends. These friendshi+s %re not +er#%nent. 4. Tr'e friendshi+. This is &%sed on #'t'%l res+e(t %nd %d#ir%tion. Tr'e friends %re +eo+le $ho h%*e the good of e%(h other %t he%rt %nd %(t %((ordingly. ;ood deeds (o#e &%() to 's in the for# of good friends. There is l%sting goodness on &oth sides. t is &%sed on (h%r%(ter %nd (o##it#ent.

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Pros+erity &rings friends, %d*ersity re*e%ls the#. F%ir $e%ther friendshi+ is des(ri&ed $ell &y the follo$ing +oe#1 ReKoi(e, %nd #en $ill see) yo': ;rie*e, %nd they t'rn %nd go: They $%nt f'll #e%s're of %ll yo'r +le%s're, B't they do not need yo'r $oe. Be gl%d, %nd yo'r friends %re #%ny: Be s%d, %nd yo' lose the# %ll There %re none to de(line yo'r ne(t%r Ed $ine, B't %lone yo' #'st drin) life's g%ll. FFEll% Wheeler Wil(oPeo+le $ho %re tr'e friends in the re%l sense hel+ one %nother, &'t these %re not f%*ors. They %re %(ts in(ident%l to friendshi+. And if they don't hel+ they $o'ld &e f%iling in their rel%tionshi+s. Rel%tionshi+s don't K'st h%++en, they t%)e ti#e to &'ild. They %re &'ilt on )indness, 'nderst%nding, %nd self s%(rifi(e, not on Ke%lo'sy, selfishness, +'ffed '+ egos, %nd r'de &eh%*ior. Rel%tionshi+s sho'ld ne*er &e t%)en for gr%nted. On(e rel%tionshi+s %re est%&lished, they need to &e n'rt'red (onst%ntly. ?o&ody is +erfe(t. E-+e(ting +erfe(tion is setting yo'rself '+ for dis%++oint#ent. Frie&)ly Cooperatio& t is diffi('lt to %(hie*e s'((ess $itho't the friendly (oo+er%tion of others. A +le%sing +erson%lity is fle-i&le %nd %d%+t%&le $hile #%int%ining (o#+os're. Fle-i&ility does not #e%n fli#sy or hel+less &eh%*ior. t #e%ns %ssessing %nd res+onding %++ro+ri%tely %nd in % ti#ely #%nner to % gi*en sit'%tion. Fle-i&ility does not stret(h to +rin(i+les %nd *%l'es. S$#' %;1 S2!7 E"'-$2< The $rong $e do to others %nd $h%t $e s'ffer %re $eighed differently. E#+%thy %lone is % *ery i#+ort%nt (h%r%(teristi( of % +ositi*e +erson%lity. Peo+le $ith e#+%thy %s) the#sel*es this 7'estion1 6Ho$ $o'ld feel if so#eone tre%ted #e th%t $%yJ6 A PUPPY 8 boy went to the "et store to buy a "u""y. +our of them were sitting together, "riced at K:. each. hen there was one sitting alone in a corner. he boy as!ed if that was from the same litter, if it was for sale, and why it was sitting alone. he store owner re"lied that it was from the same litter, it was a deformed one, and not for sale. he boy as!ed what the deformity was. he store owner re"lied that the "u""y was born without a hi" soc!et and had a leg missing. he boy as!ed, '$hat will you do with this one(' he re"ly was it would be "ut to slee". he boy as!ed if he could "lay with that "u""y. he store owner said, 'Sure.' he boy "ic!ed the "u""y u" and the "u""y lic!ed him on the ear. Instantly the boy decided that was the "u""y he wanted to buy. he store owner said ' hat is not for sale;' he boy insisted.

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he store owner agreed. he boy "ulled out KB from his "oc!et and ran to get K0/ from his mother. 8s he reached the door the store owner shouted after him, 'I don't understand why you would "ay full money for this one when you could buy a good one for the same "rice.' he boy didn't say a word. #e just lifted his left trouser leg and he was wearing a brace. he "et store owner said, 'I understand. Co ahead, ta!e this one.' his is em"athy. B# S<"'-$2#$i( When yo' sh%re sorro$, it di*ides: $hen yo' sh%re h%++iness, it #'lti+lies.

O n The Boo) of !irt'es, edited &y Willi%# @. Bennett, Si#on < S(h'ster, ?e$ Yor), 2==4, +. 994.

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"%at is t%e Di--ere& e 'etwee& Sy(pat%y a&) E(pat%y. Sy#+%thy is, 6 'nderst%nd ho$ yo' feel.6 E#+%thy is, 6 feel ho$ yo' feel.6 Both sy#+%thy %nd e#+%thy %re i#+ort%nt. B't of the t$o, e#+%thy is (ert%inly #ore i#+ort%nt. When $e e#+%thi5e $ith o'r ('sto#ers, e#+loyers, e#+loyees, %nd f%#ilies, $h%t h%++ens to o'r rel%tionshi+sJ They i#+ro*e. t gener%tes 'nderst%nding, loy%lty, +e%(e of #ind, %nd higher +rod'(ti*ity. Ho$ do yo' K'dge the (h%r%(ter of % +erson or, for th%t #%tter, of % (o##'nity or % (o'ntryJ t is *ery e%sy. @'st o&ser*e ho$ the +erson or (o##'nity tre%ts these three (%tegories of +eo+le1 2. The dis%&led 3. The elderly 4. Their s'&ordin%tes These %re the three gro'+s of +eo+le $ho (%nnot st%nd '+ %s e7'%ls for their rights. B# - B#$$# P# )!n =esolve to be tender with the young, com"assionate with the aged, sym"athetic with the striving and tolerant of the wea! and wrong. Because some time in our lives we would have been all of these ourselves. %%Iloyd Shearer, ,-/1

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ACTION PLAN 2. Co##it to %((e+ting res+onsi&ility for yo'r %(tions. 3. dentify s+e(ifi(%lly one %re% in e%(h (%tegory $here yo' $ill %((e+t gre%ter res+on F si&ility1 /%0 Ho#e RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /&0 Wor) RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /%0 So(i%l Life RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR Wh%t three ite#s %re yo' (o##itting to +r%(ti(e %fter yo' finish this (h%+terJ /i0 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /ii0 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR /iii0 RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR Write do$n yo'r (o##it#ents %nd re%d the# d%ily for the ne-t 32 d%ys.

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CHAPTER ; SUBCONSCIOUS MIND K HABIT

B'ilding % +le%sing +erson%lity

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We %re %ll &orn to le%d s'((essf'l li*es &'t o'r (onditioning le%ds 's to f%il're. We %re &orn to $in &'t %re (onditioned to lose. We often he%r st%te#ents li)e, this +erson is K'st l'()y, he to'(hes dirt %nd it t'rns to gold or, he is 'nl'()y, no #%tter $h%t he to'(hes, it t'rns to dirt. This is not tr'e. f yo' %n%ly5e, the s'((essf'l +erson is doing so#ething right in e%(h tr%ns%(tion %nd the f%il're is re+e%ting the s%#e #ist%)e in e%(h tr%ns%(tion. Re#e#&er, +r%(ti(e does not #%)e +erfe(t. Only +erfe(t +r%(ti(e #%)es +erfe(t. Pr%(ti(e #%)es +er#%nent $h%te*er yo' do re+e%tedly. So#e +eo+le )ee+ +r%(ti(ing their #ist%)es %nd they &e(o#e +erfe(t in the#. So their #ist%)es &e(o#e +erfe(t %nd %'to#%ti(. Profession%ls #%)e things loo) e%sy &e(%'se they h%*e #%stered the f'nd%#ent%ls of $h%te*er they do. 8%ny +eo+le do good $or) $ith +ro#otions in #ind. B't the one to $ho# good $or) &e(o#es % h%&it is deser*ing. C'lti*%ting % h%&it is li)e +lo$ing the field. t t%)es ti#e. t h%s to gro$ fro# $ithin. H%&its gener%te other h%&its. ns+ir%tion is $h%t gets % +erson st%rted, #oti*%tion is $h%t )ee+s hi# on tr%() %nd h%&it is $h%t #%)es it %'to#%ti(. The %&ility to sho$ (o'r%ge in the f%(e of %d*ersity: sho$ selfFrestr%int in the f%(e of te#+t%tion: (hoose h%++iness in the f%(e of h'rt: sho$ (h%r%(ter in the f%(e of des+%ir: see o++ort'nity in the f%(e of o&st%(les. These tr%its %re not (oin(iden(es: they %re the res'lt of (onst%nt %nd (onsistent tr%ining, &oth #ent%l %nd +hysi(%l. n the f%(e of %d*ersity o'r &eh%*ior (%n only &e the one $e h%*e +r%(ti(ed, reg%rdless of $hether it is +ositi*e or neg%ti*e. When $e +r%(ti(e neg%ti*e tr%its s'(h %s (o$%rdi(e or dishonesty in s#%ll e*ents, ho+ing to h%ndle the #%Kor ones in % +ositi*e $%y, the l%tter $o'ldn't h%++en &e(%'se th%t is not $h%t $e h%*e +r%(ti(ed. When $e +er#it o'rsel*es to tell % lie on(e, it is % lot e%sier to do it % se(ond %nd % third ti#e 'ntil it &e(o#es % h%&it. S'((ess lies in the +hiloso+hy of s'st%in %nd %&st%in. S'st%in $h%t needs to &e done %nd %&st%in fro# $h%t is detri#ent%l 'ntil this &e(o#es h%&it'%l. H'#%n &eings %re #ore e#otion%l th%n r%tion%l. Honesty %nd integrity %re &oth the res'lt of o'r &elief syste# %nd +r%(ti(e. Anything $e +r%(ti(e long eno'gh &e(o#es ingr%ined into o'r syste# %nd &e(o#es % h%&it. A +erson $ho is honest #ost of the ti#e gets (%'ght the first ti#e he tells % lie. Where%s % +erson $ho is dishonest #ost of the ti#e gets (%'ght the first ti#e he tells the tr'th. Honesty %nd dishonesty to self %nd others &oth &e(o#e h%&its. O'r thin)ing +%ttern &e(o#es h%&it'%l. We for# h%&its %nd h%&its for# (h%r%(ter. Before yo' re%li5e th%t yo' h%*e got the h%&it, the h%&it h%s got yo'. We need to for# the h%&it of thin)ing right. So#eone on(e s%id, 6O'r tho'ghts le%d to %(tions, %(tions le%d to h%&its, %nd h%&its for# (h%r%(ter.6 Ch%r%(ter le%ds to destiny. FORM GOOD HABITS

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8ost of o'r &eh%*ior is h%&it'%l. t (o#es %'to#%ti(%lly $itho't thin)ing. Ch%r%(ter is the s'# tot%l of o'r h%&its. f % +erson h%s +ositi*e h%&its, then he is (onsidered % +ositi*e (h%r%(ter. A +erson $ith neg%ti*e h%&its is % neg%ti*e (h%r%(ter. H%&its %re % lot stronger th%n logi( %nd re%soning. H%&its st%rt &y &eing too $e%) to &e felt, %nd end '+ &e(o#ing too strong to get o't of. H%&its (%n &e de*elo+ed &y def%'lt or deter#in%tion. re#e#&er %s % (hild #y +%rents telling #e, 6Yo' sho'ld for# good h%&its &e(%'se h%&its for# (h%r%(ter.6

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How Do "e For( Ha8its . Anything $e do re+e%tedly &e(o#es % h%&it. We le%rn &y doing. By &eh%*ing (o'r%geo'sly, $e le%rn (o'r%ge. By +r%(ti(ing honesty %nd f%irness, $e le%rn these tr%its. By +r%(ti(ing these tr%its, $e #%ster the#. Si#il%rly if $e +r%(ti(e neg%ti*e tr%its s'(h %s dishonesty, 'nK'st &eh%*ior, or l%() of dis(i+line, th%t is $h%t $e &e(o#e good %t. Attit'des %re h%&its. They %re &eh%*ior +%tterns. They &e(o#e % st%te of #ind %nd di(t%te o'r res+onses. CONDITIONING 8ost of o'r &eh%*ior (o#es %s % res'lt of (onditioningFit is h%&it'%l. f $e $%nt to do %nything $ell, it #'st &e(o#e %'to#%ti(. f $e h%*e to (ons(io'sly thin) %&o't doing the right thing $e $ill ne*er &e %&le to do it $ell. Th%t #e%ns $e #'st #%)e it % h%&it. We %re %ll &eing (onditioned (ontin'o'sly &y the en*iron#ent %nd the #edi%, %nd $e st%rt &eh%*ing li)e ro&ots. t is o'r res+onsi&ility to (ondition o'rsel*es in % +ositi*e #%nner. When $%s % st'dent of #%rti%l %rts, o&ser*ed th%t e*en the &l%() &elts $ere +r%(ti(ing &lo()+'n(h, the &%si(s, &e(%'se if they needed to 'se these s)ills, they h%d to (o#e %'to#%ti(%lly. ;ood h%&its %re h%rd to (o#e &y &'t e%sy to li*e $ith. B%d h%&its (o#e e%sy &'t %re h%rd to li*e $ith. HOW DO WE GET CONDITIONED ? Thin) of the #ighty ele+h%nt $ho (%n lift in e-(ess of % ton of $eight $ith K'st its tr'n). Ho$ do they (ondition the ele+h%nt to st%y in one +l%(e $ith % $e%) ro+e %nd % st%)eJ The ele+h%nt, $hen it is % &%&y, is tied to % strong (h%in %nd % strong tree. The &%&y is $e%) &'t the (h%in %nd tree %re strong. The &%&y is not 'sed to &eing tied. So it )ee+s t'gging %nd +'lling the (h%in, %ll in *%in. A d%y (o#es $hen it re%li5es th%t %ll the t'gging %nd +'lling $ill not hel+. t sto+s %nd st%nds still. ?o$ it is (onditioned. And $hen the &%&y ele+h%nt &e(o#es the #ighty gi%nt ele+h%nt, he is tied $ith % $e%) ro+e %nd % s#%ll st%)e. The ele+h%nt (o'ld, $ith one t'g, $%l) %$%y free, &'t it goes no$here, &e(%'se it h%s &een (onditioned. H'#%n &eings %re (onst%ntly &eing (onditioned, (ons(io'sly or 'n(ons(io'sly, &y e-+os're to1

the )ind of &oo)s $e re%d: the )ind of #o*ies %nd T! +rogr%#s $e $%t(h: the )ind of #'si( $e listen to: the )ind of (o#+%ny $e )ee+.

While dri*ing to $or), if $e listen to the s%#e #'si( e*ery d%y for se*er%l d%ys, %nd if the t%+e de() &re%)s do$n, g'ess $h%t t'ne $e $ill &e h'##ingJ ns%nity is defined %s doing the s%#e thing o*er %nd o*er %nd e-+e(ting different res'lts. f yo' )ee+ doing $h%t yo' h%*e &een doing, yo' $ill )ee+ getting $h%t yo' h%*e gotten. The #ost diffi('lt thing %&o't (h%nging % h%&it is 'nle%rning $h%t is not $or)ing %nd le%rning +ositi*e h%&its.

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THE GIGO PRINCIPLE The (o#+'ter +hr%se ; ;O /g%r&%ge in, g%r&%ge o't0 is *ery so'nd. ?eg%ti*ity in: neg%ti*ity o'r. Positi*ity in: +ositi*ity o't. ;ood in: good o't. O'r in+'t e7'%ls o'r o't+'t. O'r s'&(ons(io's #ind does not dis(ri#in%te. Wh%te*er $e (hoose to +'t into o'r s'&(ons(io's #ind it $ill %((e+t %nd o'r &eh%*ior $ill refle(t th%t %((ordingly. The tele*ision h%s % (onsider%&le i#+%(t on infl'en(ing o'r #or%ls, thin)ing, %nd ('lt're, for good or &%d. T!, $hile &ringing in lots of 'sef'l infor#%tion, h%s %lso #%de %n o'tst%nding (ontri&'tion to degr%ding o'r t%stes, (orr'+ting o'r #or%ls, %nd in(re%sing K'*enile delin7'en(y. Th%t is % +retty high +ri(e for soF(%lled free s+ee(h or free tele*ision. The n'#&er of *iolent %(ts seen on T! &y the %ge of 2I to+s 3AA,AAA.O Ad*ertisers %re good %t (onditioning their %'dien(e. O&*io'sly %d*ertise#ents sell +rod'(ts, other$ise $hy $o'ld (o#+%nies %d*ertiseJ When $e $%t(h T! or listen to % r%dio %d*ertise#ent, o'r (ons(io's #ind is not listening, &'t o'r s'&(ons(io's is o+en %nd $e re(ei*e $h%te*er is &eing d'#+ed in. H%*e yo' e*er %rg'ed $ith the T!J Of (o'rse notN When $e go to the #o*ies $e l%'gh %nd $e (ry. s it &e(%'se they +'t so#ething in the se%ts or &e(%'se the e#otion%l in+'t h%s %n i##edi%te e#otion%l o't+'tJ Ch%nge the in+'t %nd the o't+'t (h%nges. THE CONSCIOUS AND SUBCONSCIOUS MIND Re#e#&er, o'r (ons(io's #ind h%s the %&ility to thin). t (%n %((e+t or reKe(t. B't the s'&(ons(io's only %((e+ts, it #%)es no distin(tion reg%rding in+'t. f $e feed o'r #ind $ith tho'ghts of fe%r, do'&t, %nd h%te, the %'toFs'ggestions $ill %(ti*%te %nd tr%nsl%te those things into re%lity. The s'&(ons(io's is the d%t% &%n). Of the t$o, the s'&(ons(io's is #ore +o$erf'l. The s'&(ons(io's is li)e the %'to#o&ile $hile the (ons(io's is li)e the dri*er. The +o$er is in the %'to#o&ile &'t the (ontrol is $ith the dri*er. The s'&(ons(io's #ind (%n $or) for or %g%inst 's. t is not r%tion%l. When $e %re not s'((essf'l $e need to re+rogr%# the s'&(ons(io's. The s'&(ons(io's #ind is li)e % g%rden: it doesn't (%re $h%t yo' +l%nt. t is ne'tr%l: it h%s no +referen(es. B't if yo' +l%nt good seeds, yo' $ill h%*e % good g%rden: other$ise yo' $ill h%*e % $ild gro$th of $eeds. 'd go % ste+ f'rther to s%y, e*en $hen yo' +l%nt good seeds, $eeds still gro$ %nd the $eeding +ro(ess #'st (ontin'e (onst%ntly. The h'#%n #ind is no different. Re#e#&er, +ositi*e %nd neg%ti*e tho'ghts (%n't o(('+y the #ind si#'lt%neo'sly. Co#+%nies s+end (lose to % #illion doll%rs for % 4Ase(ond %d d'ring % #%Kor e*ent. O&*io'sly, they %re getting.res'lts. We see %n %d for % +%rti('l%r &r%nd of soft drin) or tooth+%ste %nd $e go to the s'+er#%r)et %nd &'y th%t &r%nd. We don't $%nt %ny soft drin) &'t only th%t &r%nd. WhyJ Be(%'se $e %re +rogr%##ed %nd %(t %((ordingly.

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n order to s'((eed, $e need to get +rogr%##ed in % +ositi*e $%y.

O so'r(e1 6As in Selling Po$er6, ?%tion%l Ti#es, 8%r(h 2==D, +. >A. HOW DO WE GET PROGRAMMED ? Thin) ho$ $e le%rned to ride % &i)e. There %re fo'r st%ges1 The first st%ge is (%lled 'n(ons(io's in(o#+eten(e. This is % st%ge $here $e don't )no$ th%t $e don't )no$. The (hild doesn't )no$ $h%t it is to ride % &i)e /'n(ons(io's0 nor (%n he ride % &i)e /in(o#+eten(e0. This is the st%ge of 'n(ons(io's in(o#+eten(e. The se(ond st%ge is (%lled (ons(io'sly in(o#+etent. This is the st%ge $here the (hild gro$s %nd &e(o#es (ons(io's of $h%t it is to ride % &i)e &'t (%nnot ride one hi#self, so he is (ons(io'sly in(o#+etent. B't then he st%rts le%rning %nd no$ (o#es % third st%ge $hi(h is (%lled (ons(io'sly (o#+etent. ?o$ he (%n ride % &i)e &'t h%s to thin) e*ery ti#e to do it. So $ith %ll the (ons(io's tho'ght %nd effort, the (hild is (o#+etent to ride % &i)e. The fo'rth st%ge is (%lled 'n(ons(io'sly (o#+etent. t (o#es $hen the (hild h%s +r%(ti(ed (ons(io'sly riding the &i)e so #'(h th%t he doesn't h%*e to thin). t &e(o#es %n %'to#%ti( +ro(ess. He (%n t%l) to +eo+le %nd $%*e to others $hile riding. Th%t #e%ns he h%s re%(hed the st%ge of 'n(ons(io's (o#+eten(e. At this le*el, $e don't need the (on(entr%tion %nd thin)ing &e(%'se the &eh%*ior +%ttern h%s &e(o#e %'to#%ti(. This is the le*el th%t $e $%nt %ll o'r +ositi*e h%&its to re%(h. .nfort'n%tely, $e h%*e so#e neg%ti*e h%&its too $hi(h %re %t the 'n(ons(io's (o#+eten(e st%ge %nd %re detri#ent%l to o'r +rogress. St'dies h%*e sho$n th%t %++ro-i#%tely =AM of %ll s#o)ers &e(%#e s#o)ers &y the %ge of 32. f % +erson h%s not &e(o#e % s#o)er &y the %ge of 32, then there is % *ery s#%ll (h%n(e th%t th%t +erson $ill e*er &e(o#e % s#o)er. This only +ro*es th%t s#o)ing is (onditioned s'&(ons(io'sly %nd o'r (onditioning st%rts %t % yo'ng %ge. NATURE ABHORS A VACUUM h%*e t$o ne+he$s %ged 23 %nd 2> $ho %re tennis &'ffs. One d%y their f%ther s%id to #e, 6This g%#e is getting *ery e-+ensi*e. The &oys go thro'gh the r%()ets, &%lls, l%$n fees %nd no$ they h%*e % (o%(h. t %ll (osts #oney.6 So %s)ed hi#, 6 t is getting e-+ensi*e (o#+%red $ith $h%tJ6 He (o'ld h%*e the# sto+ +l%ying tennis %nd s%*e so#e #oney. B't if they sto++ed, %nd (%#e ho#e fro# s(hool $ith %ll their ti#e %nd energy %t h%nd, $h%t $o'ld they doJ He sto++ed to thin) 7'ietly for so#e ti#e %nd then s%id, 6 thin) $ill h%*e the# (ontin'e. t is (he%+er this $%y.6 He re%li5ed the i#+ort%n(e of )ee+ing the# in*ol*ed in +ositi*e %(ti*ities. Other$ise they $o'ld &e %ttr%(ted to the neg%ti*e &e(%'se n%t're %&hors % *%(''#. Either $e h%*e % +ositi*e or $e h%*e % neg%ti*e: there is no ne'tr%l gro'nd here. Ch%r%(ter &'ilding &e(o#es % h%&it. f $e $%nt to &'ild % +le%sing +erson%lity, $e h%*e to e-%#ine o'r h%&its (losely. Wh%t &egins %s %n o((%sion%l ind'lgen(e t'rns into % +er#%nent fl%$. As) yo'rself the follo$ing 7'estions1 2. Do yo' let the 7'%lity of yo'r $or) deterior%teJ 3. Do yo' ind'lge in gossi+J

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4. Are en*y %nd ego % (onst%nt (o#+%nionJ >. s e#+%thy in short s'++lyJ We (o'ld go on %nd on. We %re (re%t'res of h%&it. t is good th%t it is th%t $%y &e(%'se if $e h%*e to (onst%ntly thin) &efore doing %nything, $e $o'ld ne*er get %nything done. There is K'st not eno'gh ti#e. We (ontrol o'r h%&its &y e-er(ising (ontrol %nd self dis(i+line o*er o'r tho'ghts. We need to h%rness the +o$er of the s'&(ons(io's #ind. We need to ('lti*%te the h%&its d'ring (hildhood $hi(h &'ild (h%r%(ter in %d'lthood. Pl%nt the right things e%rly in life. B't it is ne*er too l%te to st%rt. E*ery e-+os're to % +ositi*e or neg%ti*e #%)es % differen(e. Le%rning ne$ h%&its t%)es ti#e &'t +ositi*e h%&its, on(e #%stered, gi*e ne$ #e%ning to life. O+ti#is# or +essi#is# is % h%&it. H%&its %re % #%tter of the +%in %nd +le%s're +rin(i+le. We do things either to %*oid +%in or to g%in +le%s're. So long %s the g%in is #ore th%n the +%in, $e (ontin'e $ith the h%&it. B't if the +%in e-(eeds the g%in, $e dro+ it. For e-%#+le, $hen the do(tor tells the s#o)er to sto+, he re+lies 6 (%n'tN t is % h%&it %nd enKoy itN6 %nd he goes on s#o)ing. Here the +le%s're is gre%ter th%n the +%in. .ntil one d%y he is f%(ed $ith % #%Kor #edi(%l +ro&le#, %nd the do(tor s%ys 6Yo' &etter sto+ s#o)ing i##edi%tely if yo' $%nt to li*e6 %nd he sto+s. Here the +%in is gre%ter th%n the +le%s're. RESISTANCE TO CHANGE When +eo+le re(ogni5e or &e(o#e %$%re of their neg%ti*e h%&its, $hy don't they (h%ngeJ The re%son they don't (h%nge is &e(%'se they ref'se to %((e+t res+onsi&ility. Besides, the +le%s're of (ontin'ing is gre%ter th%n the +%in. They #%y1

L%() the desire to (h%nge L%() the dis(i+line to (h%nge L%() the &elief th%t they (%n (h%nge L%() the %$%reness for the need to (h%nge

All these f%(tors +re*ent 's fro# getting rid of o'r neg%ti*e h%&its. We %ll h%*e % (hoi(e. We (%n ignore neg%ti*e &eh%*ior %nd ho+e it $ill go %$%yFFthe ostri(h %++ro%(hFFor f%(e '+ to it %nd o*er(o#e it for life. Beh%*ior #odifi(%tion (o#es fro# o*er(o#ing irr%tion%l fe%rs %nd getting o't of the (o#fort 5one. Re#e#&er, fe%r is % le%rned &eh%*ior %nd (%n &e 'nle%rned. The follo$ing e-('ses %re the #ost (o##on e-+l%n%tions for not (h%nging neg%ti*e h%&its1 2. We h%*e %l$%ys done it th%t $%y. 3. We h%*e ne*er done it th%t $%y. 4. Th%t is not #y Ko&. >. don't thin) it $ill #%)e %ny differen(e. 9. '# too &'sy. FORMING POSITIVE HABITS

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t is ne*er too l%te to (h%nge. Reg%rdless of o'r %ge or ho$ old the h%&it h%s &een, this (%n &e done &y %$%reness %nd 'sing te(hni7'es th%t #odify &eh%*ior. We he%r %ll the ti#e th%t yo' (%n't te%(h %n old dog ne$ tri()s. We %re h'#%n &eings, not dogs. ?either %re $e +erfor#ing tri()s. We (%n 'nle%rn selfFdestr'(ti*e &eh%*ior %nd le%rn +ositi*e &eh%*ior. The se(ret of s'((essf'l +eo+le is th%t they for# the h%&it of doing things th%t f%il'res don't li)e to do %nd $on't do. @'st thin) %&o't the things th%t f%il'res don't li)e to do. They %re the s%#e things th%t s'((essf'l +eo+le don't li)e to do &'t they do the# %ny$%y. For e-%#+le, f%il'res don't li)e dis(i+line, h%rd $or), or )ee+ing (o##it#ents. S'((essf'l +eo+le %lso disli)e dis(i+line, h%rd $or) /%n %thlete doesn't li)e %nd $%nt the dis(i+line to get '+ %nd tr%in e*ery d%y &'t he does it reg%rdless0, &'t they do it %ny$%y &e(%'se they h%*e for#ed the h%&it of doing things th%t f%il'res don't li)e to do. All h%&its st%rt s#%ll &'t end '+ e*ent'%lly &eing *ery diffi('lt to &re%). Attit'des %re h%&its %nd (%n &e (h%nged. t is % 7'estion of &re%)ing %nd re+l%(ing old neg%ti*e h%&its $ith ne$ %nd +ositi*e ones. t is e%sier to +re*ent &%d h%&its th%n to o*er(o#e the#. ;ood h%&its (o#e fro# o*er(o#ing te#+t%tion. H%++iness %nd 'nh%++iness %re % h%&it. E-(ellen(e is the res'lt of re+e%ted (ons(io's effort 'ntil it &e(o#es % h%&it. t needs eno'gh +r%(ti(e to &e(o#e % h%&it. We %ll h%*e so#e neg%ti*e h%&its th%t %re +'lling 's do$n. T%)e 29 #in'tes %lone %nd 'ndist'r&ed to #%)e % list of %ll the neg%ti*e h%&its th%t %re +'lling yo' do$n. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT%)e 29 #in'tes %lone %nd 'ndist'r&ed to #%)e % list of %ll +ositi*e h%&its yo' $%nt to de*elo+. RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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%1-DAY FORMULA TO FORM POSITIVE HABITS A,$!-S,33#)$i!n Wh%t is %'toFs'ggestionJ An %'toFs'ggestion is % st%te#ent #%de in the +resent tense, of the )ind of +erson yo' $%nt to &e. A'toFs'ggestions %re li)e $riting % (o##er(i%l to yo'rself %&o't yo'rself, for yo'rself. They infl'en(e &oth yo'r (ons(io's %nd s'&(ons(io's #ind $hi(h in t'rn infl'en(e %ttit'de %nd &eh%*ior. A'toFs'ggestions %re % $%y to +rogr%# yo'r s'&(ons(io's #ind. They (%n &e either +ositi*e or neg%ti*e. E-%#+les of neg%ti*e %'toFs'ggestions %re1

'# tired. '# not %n %thlete. h%*e % +oor #e#ory. '# not good %t #%th.
When $e re+e%t to o'rsel*es % neg%ti*e %'toFs'ggestion, o'r s'&(ons(io's #ind &elie*es it %nd it &e(o#es % selfFf'lfilling +ro+he(y %nd st%rts refle(ting in o'r &eh%*ior. For e-%#+le, $hen %# t%l)ing to so#eone %nd forget $h%t h%d to s%y, tell the other +erson, 6See, forgot $h%t $%nted to s%y. h%*e s'(h % +oor #e#ory.6 Peo+le $ho (o#e into (ont%(t $ith (ri#e the first ti#e, h%te it. With (onst%nt e-+os're they get 'sed to it %nd if the e-+os're is long eno'gh, they #%y e#&r%(e it. And they &e(o#e (re%tors of their o$n #isfort'ne. When % +erson re+e%ts % &elief long eno'gh, it sin)s into the s'&(ons(io's %nd &e(o#es re%lity. A lie re+e%ted long eno'gh &e(o#es %((e+ted %s the tr'th. Positi*e %'toFs'ggestions %re &eing $idely 'sed in the field of s+orts %nd #edi(ine. Why #%)e +ositi*e st%te#entsJ Be(%'se $e $%nt to (re%te % +i(t're in o'r #inds of $h%t $e $%nt to h%*e r%ther th%n $h%t $e don't. Any +i(t're th%t $e hold in o'r #ind &e(o#es re%lity. A'toFs'ggestions %re % +ro(ess of re+etition. A +erson $ho re+e%ts % st%te#ent long eno'gh lets it sin) into the s'&(ons(io's #ind. For e-%#+le, %# rel%-ed. %# (ool, (%l# %nd (olle(ted. A'toFs'ggestions sho'ld not &e +r%(ti(ed in % neg%ti*e $%y %# not tense. $on't &e %ngry. Positi*e st%te#ents %re #%de &e(%'se $e thin) in +i(t'res %nd not in $ords. f s%y 6Don't thin) of the &l'e ele+h%nt,6 $h%t is the first +i(t're th%t (o#es to yo'r #indJ The &l'e ele+h%nt. f s%y 6#other,6 $h%t (o#es to yo'r #indJ A +i(t're of yo'r #other. Did yo' st%rt s+elling #FoFtFhFeFrJ Of (o'rse notN When % neg%ti*e $ord (o#es in the %'toFs'ggestion, it for#s % neg%ti*e +i(t're $hi(h $e $%nt to %*oid. Why in the +resent tenseJ Be(%'se o'r #ind (%nnot tell the differen(e &et$een % re%l e-+erien(e %nd %n i#%gined one. For e-%#+le, +%rents %re e-+e(ting their (hild to (o#e ho#e %t =14A +.#. &'t the )id is not ho#e %nd it is no$ 2 %.#. Wh%t is going thro'gh the +%rents' #indJ They %re +ro&%&ly ho+ing e*erything's o)%y. 6 ho+e the )id didn't get into %n %((ident.6 Wh%t is h%++ening to their &lood +ress'reJ t is going '+N This is %n i#%gined e-+erien(e. The re%lity (o'ld &e th%t the )id is h%*ing f'n %t % +%rty, is irres+onsi&le, %nd did not get ho#e $hen he $%s s'++osed to.

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?o$ re*erse the s(en%rio. S'++osing the )id $%s *ery res+onsi&le %nd $%s %(t'%lly (o#ing ho#e %t =14A +.#. &'t got into %n %((ident, %nd still didn't get ho#e %t 2 %.#. Wh%t is h%++ening to the +%rents' &lood +ress'reJ t is still going '+N The first s(en%rio $%s %n i#%gined e-+erien(e. The se(ond one $%s % re%l e-+erien(e &'t the &ody's res+onse in &oth (%ses $%s identi(%l. O'r #ind (%nnot tell the differen(e &et$een % re%l %nd %n i#%gined e-+erien(e. P #'- # $2# S,6)(!n)(i!,) Ho$ (%n $e 'se %'toFs'ggestions to eli#in%te neg%ti*e h%&its %nd de*elo+ +ositi*e onesJ We h%*e %ll 'sed %'toFs'ggestions 'n(ons(io'sly. For e-%#+le, $hen yo' h%*e to (%t(h %n e%rly #orning flight, yo' %'to#%ti(%lly tell yo'rself th%t yo' h%*e got to get '+. And in*%ri%&ly, yo' do /so#eti#es, e*en $itho't %n %l%r# (lo()0. A +re+%red s'&(ons(io's #ind h%s h'n(hes %nd g't feelings. A'toFs'ggestion is % $%y to +rogr%# %nd (ondition o'r #ind to #%)e % st%te#ent into % selfFf'lfilling +ro+he(y. A'toFs'ggestion is % re+etiti*e +ro(ess thro'gh $hi(h $e feed o'r s'&(ons(io's $ith +ositi*e st%te#ents $hi(h tr%nsl%te into re%lity. Re+etition %lone is not eno'gh, 'nless it is %((o#+%nied &y e#otions %nd feelings. A'toFs'ggestions $itho't *is'%li5%tion $ill not +rod'(e res'lts. The first ti#e o'r #ind re(ei*es %n %'tos'ggestion it reKe(ts it. WhyJ t is %n %lien tho'ght, (ontr%ry to o'r &elief syste#. S'((ess $o'ld de+end on o'r %&ility to (on(entr%te %nd re+e%t the +ro(ess. Ste+s to follo$ on %'toFs'ggestions. 2. ;o to % s+ot $here yo' $on't &e dist'r&ed. 3. Write do$n yo'r s'ggestions. The selfFdis(i+line to finish $h%t one st%rts, is i#+er%ti*e. A'toFs'ggestion is % +o$erf'l (h%r%(ter &'ilding tool. Tr%nsl%ting A'toFS'ggestion into Re%lity 2. 8%)e % list of yo'r %'toFs'ggestions in the +resent tense. 3. Re+e%t %'toFs'ggestions %t le%st t$i(e % d%y1 first thing in the #orning %nd %t the end of the d%y. This is &e(%'se in the #orning, the #ind is fresh %nd re(e+ti*e %nd %t night yo' de+osit the +ositi*e +i(t're into yo'r s'&(ons(io's o*ernight. 4. Re+e%t it (onse('ti*ely for 32 d%ys 'ntil it &e(o#es % h%&it. >. A'toFs'ggestions %lone $ill not $or). They need *is'%li5%tion. VISUALI.ATION !is'%li5%tion is the +ro(ess of (re%ting %nd seeing % #ent%l +i(t're of the )ind of thing yo' $%nt to h%*e or do, or the )ind of +erson yo' $%nt to &e. !is'%li5%tion goes h%nd in h%nd $ith %'toFs'ggestion. A'toFs'ggestion $itho't *is'%li5%tion is #e(h%ni(%l re+etition %nd $ill &e ineffe(ti*e. n order to see res'lts, %'toFs'ggestion #'st &e %((o#+%nied &y feelings %nd e#otions /*is'%li5%tion0. CA.T O?N A'toFs'ggestion #%y not &e %((e+t%&le to the #ind the first ti#e yo' do it &e(%'se it is %n %lien tho'ght. For e-%#+le, if for the +%st fe$ de(%des h%*e &elie*ed th%t h%*e % +oor #e#ory %nd no$ %ll of % s'dden, tell #yself, 6 h%*e % good #e#oryN6, #y #ind $ill thro$ it o't, s%ying, 6Yo' li%rN Yo' h%*e % &%d #e#oryN6 Be(%'se

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th%t is $h%t it h%s &elie*ed '+ to this +oint. t $ill t%)e 32 d%ys to dis+el this notion. Why 32 d%ysJ Be(%'se it t%)es % #ini#'# of 32 d%ys of (ons(io's, (onse('ti*e +r%(ti(e to for#'l%te % h%&it. The &ig 7'estion is1 s 32 d%ys of (ons(io's effort % he%*y +ri(e to +%y to (h%nge % lifeti#e for the &etterJ t %ll so'nds si#+le &'t it is not e%sy. %# not s'r+rised to see ho$ fe$ +eo+le go thro'gh this ro'tine.

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ACTION PLAN 2. 8%)e % list of yo'r %'toFs'ggestions RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRR 3. Re+e%t the 32Fd%y +rogr%# $ith *is'%li5%tions.

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CHAPTER = GOAL-SETTING
Setting < A(hie*ing yo'r go%ls

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"no$ledge hel+s yo' to re%(h yo'r destin%tion +ro*ided yo' )no$ $h%t the destin%tion is. 8n ancient Indian sage was teaching his disci"les the art of archery. #e "ut a wooden bird as the target and as!ed them to aim at the eye of the bird. he first disci"le was as!ed to describe what he saw. #e said, 'I see the trees, the branches, the leaves, the s!y, the bird and its eye..' he sage as!ed this disci"le to wait. hen he as!ed the second disci"le the same Euestion and he re"lied, 'I only see the eye of the bird.' he sage said, 'Gery good, then shoot.' he arrow went straight and hit the eye of the bird. $hat is the moral of the story( 9nless we focus, we cannot achieve our goal. It is hard to focus and concentrate, but it is a s!ill that can be learned. &n the journey to life's highway, !ee" your eyes u"on the goal. +ocus on the donut, not u"on the hole. %%8nonymous KEEP YOUR EYES UPON THE GOAL &n 7uly 0, ,-:B, +lorence Chadwic! was on her way to becoming the first woman to swim the Catalina Channel. She had already conEuered the English Channel. he world was watching. Chadwic! fought the dense fog, bone%chilling cold and many times, the shar!s. She was striving to reach the shore but every time she loo!ed through her goggles, all she could see was the dense fog. 9nable to see the shore, she gave u". Chadwic! was disa""ointed when she found out that she was only half a mile from the coast. She Euit, not because she was a Euitter but because her goal was not in sight anywhere. he elements didn't sto" her. She said, 'I'm not ma!ing e4cuses. If only I had seen the land, I could have made it.' wo months later, she went bac! and swam the Catalina Channel. his time, in s"ite of the bad weather, she had her goal in mind and not only accom"lished it but beat the men's record by two hours. W2< - # G!-8) I"'! $-n$? &n the best sunny day, the most "owerful magnifying glass will not light "a"er if you !ee" moving the glass. But if you focus and hold it, the "a"er will light u". hat is the "ower of concentration. 8 man was traveling and sto""ed at an intersection. #e as!ed an elderly man, '$here does this road ta!e me(' he elderly "erson as!ed, '$here do you want to go(' he

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man re"lied, 'I don't !now.' he elderly "erson said, ' hen ta!e any road. $hat difference does it ma!e(' #ow true. $hen we don't !now where we are going, any road will ta!e us there. Su""osing you have the football eleven enthusiastically ready to "lay the game, all charged u", and then someone too! the goal "ost away. $hat would ha""en to the game( here is nothing left. #ow do you !ee" score( #ow do you !now you have arrived( Enthusiasm without direction is li!e wildfire and leads to frustration. Coals give a sense of direction. $ould you sit in a train or a "lane without !nowing where it was going( he obvious answer is no. hen why do "eo"le go through life without having any goals(

DREAMS Peo+le (onf'se go%ls $ith dre%#s %nd $ishes. Dre%#s %nd $ishes %re nothing #ore th%n desires. Desires %re $e%). Desires &e(o#e strong $hen they %re s'++orted &y

dire(tion dedi(%tion deter#in%tion dis(i+line de%dlines

Th%t is $h%t differenti%tes % desire fro# % go%l. ;o%ls %re dre%#s $ith % de%dline %nd %n %(tion +l%n. ;o%ls (%n &e $orthy or 'n$orthy. t is +%ssion, not $ishing, th%t t'rns dre%#s into re%lity. Ste+s to t'rn % dre%# into re%lity1 2. H%*e % definite, (le%r $ritten go%l. 3. H%*e % +l%n to %((o#+lish it. 4. Re%d the first t$o t$i(e % d%y. W2< D!n0$ M! # P#!'8# S#$ G!-8)? There %re #%ny re%sons, in(l'ding1 2. A +essi#isti( %ttit'deFFAl$%ys seeing the +itf%lls r%ther th%n the +ossi&ilities. 3. Fe%r of f%il'reFFWh%t if don't #%)e itJ Peo+le feel s'&(ons(io'sly th%t if they don't set go%ls %nd if they don't #%)e it, then they h%*en't f%iled. B't they %re f%il'res to &egin $ith. 4. A l%() of %#&itionFFThis is % res'lt of o'r *%l'e syste# %nd l%() of desire to li*e % f'lfilled life. O'r li#ited thin)ing +re*ents 's fro# +rogress. There $%s % fisher#%n $ho, e*ery ti#e he (%'ght % &ig fish, $o'ld thro$ it &%() into the ri*er, )ee+ing only the s#%ller ones. A #%n $%t(hing this 'n's'%l &eh%*ior %s)ed the fisher#%n $hy he $%s doing this. The fisher#%n re+lied, 6Be(%'se h%*e % s#%ll frying +%n.6 8ost +eo+le ne*er #%)e it in life &e(%'se they %re (%rrying % s#%ll frying +%n. Th%t is li#ited thin)ing. >. A fe%r of reKe(tionFF f don't #%)e it, $h%t $ill other +eo+le s%yJ

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9. Pro(r%stin%tionFF6So#ed%y, $ill set #y go%ls.6 This ties in $ith % l%() of %#&ition. D. Lo$ selfFestee#FFBe(%'se % +erson is not intern%lly dri*en %nd h%s no ins+ir%tion. B. gnor%n(e of the i#+ort%n(e of go%lsFF?o&ody t%'ght the# %nd they ne*er le%rned the i#+ort%n(e of go%lFsetting. I. A l%() of )no$ledge %&o't go%lFsettingFFPeo+le don't )no$ the #e(h%ni(s of setting go%ls. They need % ste+F&yFste+ g'ide so th%t they (%n follo$ % syste#. ;o%l setting is % series of ste+s. When yo' &'y % +l%ne ti()et, $h%t does it s%yJ St%rting +oint Destin%tion Cl%ss of tr%*el Pri(e St%rting d%te E-+iry d%te

f yo' %s) #ost +eo+le $h%t is their one #%Kor o&Ke(ti*e in life, they $o'ld +ro&%&ly gi*e yo' % *%g'e %ns$er, s'(h %s, 6 $%nt to &e s'((essf'l, &e h%++y, #%)e % good li*ing,6 %nd th%t is it. They %re %ll $ishes %nd none of the# %re (le%r go%ls. ;o%ls #'st &e S8ART1 2. SFFs+e(ifi(. For e-%#+le, 6 $%nt to lose $eight.6 This is $ishf'l thin)ing. t &e(o#es % go%l $hen +in #yself do$n to 6 $ill lose 2A +o'nds in =A d%ys.6 3. 8FF#'st &e #e%s'r%&le. f $e (%nnot #e%s're it, $e (%nnot %((o#+lish it. 8e%s're#ent is % $%y of #onitoring o'r +rogress. 4. AFF#'st &e %(hie*%&le. A(hie*%&le #e%ns th%t it sho'ld &e o't of re%(h eno'gh to &e (h%llenging &'t it sho'ld not &e o't of sight, other$ise it &e(o#es dishe%rtening. >. RFFre%listi(. A +erson $ho $%nts to lose 9A +o'nds inP4A d%ys is &eing 'nre%listi(. 9. TFFti#eF&o'nd. There sho'ld &e % st%rting d%te %nd % finishing d%te. ;o%ls (%n &e1 2. shortFter#FF'+ to one ye%r. 3. #idFter#FF'+ to three ye%rs. 4. longFter#FF'+ to fi*e ye%rs. ;o%ls (%n &e longer th%n fi*e ye%rs &'t then they &e(o#e % +'r+ose of life. And h%*ing % +'r+ose is *ery i#+ort%nt &e(%'se $itho't one, it is +ossi&le to de*elo+ t'nnel *ision, $here $e %re only o&sessed $ith %(hie*ing o'r go%ls. ;o%ls %re #ore e%sily %(hie*ed if they %re &ro)en into s#%ll ones. Iife is hard by the yard, but by the inch, it's a cinch. %%Cean Cordon G!-8) M,)$ B# B-8-n(#+ O'r life is li)e % $heel $ith si- s+o)es. 2. F%#ily. O'r lo*ed ones %re the re%son to li*e %nd #%)e % li*ing. 3. Fin%n(i%l. Re+resents o'r (%reer %nd the things th%t #oney (%n &'y.

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4. Physi(%l. O'r he%lth, $itho't $hi(h nothing #%)es sense. 4. 8ent%l. Re+resents )no$ledge %nd $isdo#. >. So(i%l. E*ery indi*id'%l %nd org%ni5%tion h%s so(i%l res+onsi&ility $itho't $hi(h so(iety st%rts dying. D. S+irit'%l. O'r *%l'e syste# re+resents ethi(s %nd (h%r%(ter. f %ny of these s+o)es is o't of line, o'r life goes o't of &%l%n(e. T%)e % fe$ #in'tes %nd K'st thin). f yo' h%d %ny one of the si- #issing, $h%t $o'ld life &e li)eJ BALANCE n 2=34, eight of the $e%lthiest +eo+le in the $orld #et. Their (o#&ined $e%lth, it is esti#%ted, e-(eeded the $e%lth of the go*ern#ent of the .nited St%tes %t th%t ti#e. These #en (ert%inly )ne$ ho$ to #%)e % li*ing %nd %(('#'l%te $e%lth. B't let's e-%#ine $h%t h%++ened to the# 39 ye%rs l%ter. 2. President of the l%rgest steel (o#+%ny, Ch%rles S(h$%&, li*ed on &orro$ed (%+it%l for fi*e ye%rs &efore he died &%n)r'+t. 3. President of the l%rgest g%s (o#+%ny, Ho$%rd H'&son, $ent ins%ne. 4. One of the gre%test (o##odity tr%ders, Arth'r C'tton, died insol*ent. >. President of the ?e$ Yor) Sto() E-(h%nge, Ri(h%rd Whitney, $%s sent to K%il. 9. A #e#&er of the President's C%&inet, Al&ert F%ll, $%s +%rdoned fro# K%il to go ho#e %nd die in +e%(e.D. The gre%test 6&e%r6 on W%ll Street, @essie Li*er#ore, (o##itted s'i(ide. B. President of the $orld's gre%test #ono+oly, *%r "r'eger, (o##itted s'i(ide. I. President of the B%n) of ntern%tion%l Settle#ent, Leon Fr%ser, (o##itted s'i(ide. Wh%t they forgot $%s ho$ to #%)e % lifeN t is stories li)e this th%t gi*e the re%ders the f%lse i#+ression th%t #oney is the root of %ll e*il. Th%t is not tr'e. 8oney +ro*ides food for the h'ngry, #edi(ine for the si(), (lothes for the needy. 8oney is only % #edi'# of e-(h%nge. We need t$o )inds of ed'(%tion. One th%t te%(hes 's ho$ to #%)e % li*ing %nd one th%t te%(hes 's ho$ to li*e. There %re +eo+le $ho %re so engrossed in their +rofession%l life th%t they negle(t their f%#ily, he%lth %nd so(i%l res+onsi&ilities. f %s)ed $hy they do this they $o'ld re+ly th%t they $ere doing it for their f%#ily. O'r )ids %re slee+ing $hen $e le%*e ho#e. They %re slee+ing $hen $e (o#e ho#e. T$enty ye%rs l%ter, $e t'rn &%(), %nd they %re %ll gone. We h%*e no f%#ily left. Th%t is s%d. Q,-8i$< N!$ Q,-n$i$< t is not 'n(o##on to he%r th%t it is not the 7'%ntity of ti#e th%t $e s+end $ith o'r f%#ilies &'t the 7'%lity th%t #%tters. @'st thin) %&o't it, is it re%lly tr'eJ S'++osing yo' $ent to the &est rest%'r%nt in to$n $here they g%*e yo' $hiteFglo*e ser*i(e $ith ('tlery fro# Engl%nd, (ro()ery fro# Fr%n(e, (ho(ol%tes fro# S$it5erl%nd, %nd on %nd on. Yo' +i()ed '+ the gold +l%ted #en' %nd ordered % dish of &%r&e('ed (hi()en. The $%iter $ithin #in'tes &ro'ght &%() % s#%ll ('&e of the #ost deli(io'sly +re+%red (hi()en. Yo' %te it %nd %s)ed, 6 s th%t %ll %# going to getJ6 The $%iter re+lied,

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6 t is not the 7'%ntity &'t the 7'%lity th%t #%tters.6 Yo' s%id th%t yo' %re still h'ngry %nd he g%*e yo' the s%#e re+ly. ho+e the #ess%ge is (le%r. O'r f%#ilies need &oth, 7'%lity %nd 7'%ntity. H#-8$2 We lose o'r he%lth in the +ro(ess of e%rning #oney %nd then $e lose #oney in trying to reg%in he%lth. S!(i-8 R#)'!n)i6i8i$< n the +ro(ess of #%)ing #oney, $e negle(t o'r so(i%l res+onsi&ilities %nd let the syste# deterior%te till $e &e(o#e *i(ti#s o'rsel*es. S( ,$iniF# Y!, G!-8) A +erson $ho %i#s %t nothing ne*er #isses. Ai#ing lo$ is the &iggest #ist%)e. Winners see o&Ke(ti*es, losers see o&st%(les. O'r go%ls sho'ld &e high eno'gh to #oti*%te yet re%listi( eno'gh to %*oid dis(o'r%ge#ent. Anything $e do, either t%)es 's (loser to o'r go%l or f'rther %$%y. E%(h go%l #'st &e e*%l'%ted in light of the follo$ing /si#il%r to the Rot%ry's Fo'rFW%y Test01 2. s it the tr'thJ 3. s it f%ir to %ll (on(ernedJ 4. Will it get #e good$illJ >. Will it get #e he%lth, $e%lth, %nd +e%(e of #indJ 9. s it (onsistent $ith #y other go%lsJ D. C%n (o##it #yself to itJ T2# 5!88!7in3 #&-"'8#) 5-i8 $2# $#)$1 %. f one of #y go%ls is to &e the e#&odi#ent of good he%lth $ith no #oney, it is 7'ite o&*io's th%t it $ill &e h%rd to s'r*i*e. Th%t #e%ns it is not (onsistent $ith #y other go%ls. &. A +erson (o'ld #%)e %ll the #oney in the $orld, yet if he loses his f%#ily %nd he%lth, it is not $orth it, is itJ (. A +erson (o'ld #%)e % #illion doll%rs &y selling dr'gs &'t then for the rest of his life, he $o'ld &e r'nning fro# the l%$. t $o'ld t%)e %$%y his +e%(e of #ind. And this )ind of &eh%*ior $o'ld not &e f%ir to %ll (on(erned nor $ill it gi*e hi# good$ill. E%(h go%l #'st &e e*%l'%ted &y +'tting it to the test %nd %ll go%ls #'st &e in (ongr'en(e. ;o%ls $itho't %(tion %re e#+ty dre%#s. A(tions t'rn dre%#s into go%ls. E*en if $e #iss o'r go%ls, it does not #%)e 's % f%il're. Del%y does not #e%n defe%t. t only #e%ns one h%s to re+l%n to %((o#+lish one's t%rget. @'st li)e % (%#er% needs fo('s to t%)e % good +i(t're, $e need go%ls to #%)e % +rod'(ti*e life. G!-8) S2!,8+ B# C!n)i)$#n$ 7i$2 O, V-8,#)

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;o%ls le%d to +'r+ose in life. t is the st%rting +oint for s'((ess. Ai# for the #oon. E*en if yo' #iss, yo' $ill &e(o#e one of the st%rs. &bstacles are those frightful things you see when you ta!e your eyes off your goal. %%#enry +ord All of 's in this $orld h%*e % +'r+ose in life. And th%t +'r+ose #%y *%ry fro# +erson to +erson. An or(hestr% $o'ld &e +retty d'll if e*eryone +l%yed the s%#e instr'#ent. 8%)e no little +l%ns, they h%*e no #%gi( to stir #en's &lood. . . 8%)e &ig +l%ns, %i# high in ho+e %nd $or). FFD%niel H. B'rn h%# t doesn't #%tter $here $e %re. Wh%t re%lly #%tters is in $h%t dire(tion $e %re he%ding. Effort %nd (o'r%ge $itho't +'r+ose is $%sted. Worry le%ds to neg%ti*e go%lFsetting. t is thin)ing %&o't things yo' don't $%nt to h%++en. A($ivi$< i) N!$ $2# S-"# -) A((!"'8i)2"#n$ here is a big difference between activity and accom"lishment. his was demonstrated by a +rench scientist named +able. #e conducted an e4"eriment with "rocessionary cater"illars. Cater"illars follow the one in front of them blindly. +able arranged them in a circle in a flower"ot so that the lead cater"illar actually was behind the last one forming a circle. #e "ut "ine needles 3food for the cater"illars6 in the center of the flower"ot. he cater"illars !e"t going in a circle in the "ot. Eventually, after a wee! of circling around, they dro""ed dead of e4haustion and starvation with food only inches away from them. $e need to learn a lesson from the cater"illars. 7ust because you are doing something, doesn't mean you are getting anywhere. &ne must evaluate one's activity in order to have accom"lishment. 8 man was out driving with his wife and the wife said, '#oney, we are going the wrong way.' he husband re"lied, '$ho cares, we are ma!ing great time;' If we confuse activity with accom"lishment, we could be ma!ing great time but we won't get anywhere. MEANINGLESS GOALS 8 farmer had a dog who used to sit by the roadside waiting for vehicles to come around. 8s soon as one came he would run down the road, bar!ing and trying to overta!e it. &ne day a neighbor as!ed the farmer 'Ao you thin! your dog is ever going to catch a car(' he farmer re"lied, ' hat is not what bothers me. $hat bothers me is what he would do if he ever caught one.' )any "eo"le in life behave li!e that dog who is "ursuing meaningless goals.

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ACTION PLAN 2. 8%)e definite go%ls. 3. Write the# do$n. 4. Re%d yo'r go%ls t$i(e % d%y, #orning %nd night. >. 8%)e go%ls slightly o't of re%(h &'t not o't of sight. 9. Che() yo'r +rogress +eriodi(%lly.

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CHAPTER > VALUES K VISION

Doing the right thing for the right re%son

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The se*en de%dly sins %((ording to 8%h%t#% ;%ndhi %re $e%lth $itho't $or): +le%s're $itho't (ons(ien(e: )no$ledge $itho't (h%r%(ter: (o##er(e /&'siness0 $itho't #or%lity /ethi(s0: s(ien(e $itho't h'#%nity: religion $itho't s%(rifi(e: %nd +oliti(s $itho't +rin(i+le. When % (hild is &orn, $ho reKoi(esJ The +%rents, rel%ti*es, %nd friends. B't $ho (riesJ The (hild. Ho$e*er, $hen $e die, it sho'ld &e the other $%y ro'nd. We sho'ld &e reKoi(ing %nd h%*e the s%tisf%(tion th%t $e #%de % (ontri&'tion to the $orld %nd left the $orld % little &etter +l%(e th%n $e fo'nd it. Let the $orld (ry th%t it h%s lost % good so'l %nd &e(o#e +oorer. We $ere not K'st t%)ers, $e $ere %lso gi*ers. Hind' +hiloso+hy &elie*es th%t $hen good +eo+le +%ss %$%y, they don't die, they only de+%rt. Their n%#es li*e on fore*er thro'gh their good deeds. Thin) of the l%st ti#e yo' he%rd % e'logy. As +eo+le +%y their res+e(ts, the #ost (o##on things t%l)ed %&o't %re the little %(ts of )indness +erfor#ed &y the +erson d'ring his lifeti#e. Little %(ts of )indness don't go 'nFnoti(ed. n f%(t, they %re re#e#&ered % lot #ore %fter % +erson is gone. Th%t is the ti#e +eo+le re%li5e ho$ #'(h those little %(ts of )indness #e%nt to the#. >o "erson was ever honored for what he received. #onor has been the reward for what he gave. %%Calvin Coolidge HOW DO WE IUDGE OUR VALUE SYSTEM? Ho$ do $e +'t o'r *%l'e syste# to the testJ &elie*e there %re only t$o tests. The 'lti#%te test is (%lled the 8%#% Test. Whene*er yo' %re doing, $h%te*er yo' %re doing, $here*er %nd $ith $ho#e*er, %t ho#e or %t $or), %lone or $ith so#eone, if *%l'es %re in 7'estion, %s) yo'rself, 6 f #y #%#% $ere to see #e doing $h%t %# doing right no$, $o'ld she &e +ro'd of #e %nd s%y 6Att%&oyN6 or $o'ld she h%ng her he%d in sh%#eJ6 Yo'r *%l'es $o'ld &e (l%rified r%ther 7'i()ly. f yo' +%ssed the 8%#% Test %nd f%iled %ll other tests, yo' h%*e +%ssed. f yo' f%iled the 8%#% Test %nd +%ssed %ll other tests, yo' h%*e f%iled. This is $orth re+e%ting. Thin) %&o't it. Whene*er yo' need *%l'e (l%rifi(%tion, %s) yo'rself, 6 f #y #%#% $ere to see #e doing $h%te*er %# doing $o'ld she &e +ro'd of #e %nd s%y 6Att%&oyN6 or $o'ld she h%ng her he%d in sh%#eJ6 The (lo'ds $ill (le%r r%ther 7'i()ly %nd yo' $ill get yo'r %ns$ers e%sily. f the 8%#% Test doesn't do it, h%*e %nother test (%lled the B%&% Test. Whene*er yo' %re doing, $h%te*er yo' %re doing, $here*er %nd $ith $ho#e*er, %t ho#e or %t $or), %lone or $ith so#eone, if *%l'es %re in 7'estion, %s) yo'rself, 6 f #y (hildren $ere to see #e doing $h%t %# doing right no$, $o'ld $%nt the# to see it, or $o'ld &e e#&%rr%ssedJ6 Ag%in the (lo'ds $ill (le%r r%ther 7'i()ly %nd yo' $ill get yo'r %ns$ers. f these t$o tests don't (l%rify % +erson's *%l'es, then th%t +erson is no longer % h'#%n &eing %nd h%s no (ons(ien(e left. HOW DOES OUR VALUE SYSTEM CHANGE? With (onst%nt e-+os're, $h%t is intoler%&le &e(o#es %((e+t%&le %nd tr%nsl%tes into in*ol*e#ent. And %ll thro'gh the tr%nsition +ro(ess, K'stifi(%tion )ee+s t%)ing +l%(e.

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TIMES ARE CHANGING We t%l) of the yo'nger gener%tion. Where $ill they endJ Wh%t %&o't their *%l'e syste#J Before $e +oint % finger %t the#, let's e*%l'%te $ho is to &l%#e. We o'ght to re#e#&er th%t *%l'es %nd *irt'es %re not heredit%ry, they %re le%rnt. We need to get o'r +riorities right. WHAT WE DO FOR A LIVING VERSUS WHAT WE DO WITH A LIVING 8oney is not the +%yoff for e*ery )ind of $or). P%rents &ring '+ the (hildren $ith no +%y(he() in #ind. 8%ny +eo+le h%*e lots of #oney &'t they %re *ery +oor. O'r o&Ke(ti*e o'ght to &e &oth to h%*e #oney %nd &e ri(h. When #oney t%l)s it doesn't %l$%ys t%l) sense %nd tr'th re#%ins silent. The #ost 'nfort'n%te +%rt of life is $hen +eo+le +l%n to get #oney $itho't e%rning it. t is e%sier to #%)e #oney %nd h%rder to )ee+ it. he best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. hey must be felt with the heart. %%#elen Jeller H%rd $or) te%(hes % +erson the *%l'e of #oney. Th%t is $hy it is i#+ort%nt th%t +%rents te%(h their (hildren this lesson. feel sorry for the yo'nger gener%tion $ho inherits #oney $itho't *%l'e. Witho't lessons %nd g'id%n(e, they often e7'%te e*erything $ith #oney. They thin) e*erything (%n &e &o'ght %nd sold. Of (o'rse this is not tr'e. Peo+le $ho h%*e *%l'es h%*e no +ri(e t%g %nd neither do they *%l'e the#sel*es. IT IS PRICELESS CHARACTER The #o*ie nde(ent Pro+os%l &rings o't the +oint r%ther (le%rly. One %(t of %d'ltery $%s $orth % 7'i() #illion doll%rs. Peo+le $%nt to &e %n o*ernight s'((ess %t the (ost of their (ons(ien(e %nd it still doesn't $or). Be(%'se tr'e *%l'es %re +ri(eless. The #o#ent % +ri(e is set on *%l'es, the *%l'es lose their *%l'e. ?o +ossi&le g%in (%n #%)e '+ for th%t loss. t is good to h%*e #oney %nd the things it (%n &'y, &'t in the +ro(ess of %(7'iring #oney, $e don't $%nt to lose the things th%t #oney (%n't &'y. 8oney (%n only &'y $h%t #oney (%n &'y. And in f%(t, the #ost +re(io's things %re those th%t #oney K'st (%n't &'y. WHAT MONEY WON0T BUY The #ost +re(io's things in life #oney K'st (%n't &'y. t is not 'n(o##on to he%r th%t e*eryone h%s % +ri(e. Peo+le $ho t%l) th%t l%ng'%ge %re re%lly '+ for s%le the#sel*es. Peo+le $ith (h%r%(ter, integrity %nd the right *%l'es %re not for s%le. 8oney $ill &'y1 A#'se#ents &'t not h%++iness. A &ed &'t not slee+. Boo)s &'t not $isdo#. A (lo() &'t not #ore ti#e. Co#+%nions &'t not friends. Finery &'t not &e%'ty. Food &'t not %++etite.

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 A ho'se &'t not % ho#e. 8edi(ine &'t not he%lth. A ring &'t not % #%rri%ge.

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THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF TRAGEDIES IN LIFE 2. ?ot ;etting Wh%t We W%nt A CREED FOR THOSE WHO HAVE SUFFERED %s)ed ;od for strength, th%t #ight %(hie*e. $%s #%de $e%), th%t #ight le%rn h'#&ly to o&ey . . . %s)ed for he%lth, th%t #ight do gre%ter things. $%s gi*en infir#ity, th%t #ight do &etter things ... %s)ed for ri(hes, th%t #ight &e h%++y. $%s gi*en +o*erty, th%t #ight &e $ise ... %s)ed for +o$er, th%t #ight h%*e the +r%ise of #en. $%s gi*en $e%)ness, th%t #ight feel the need of ;od .. . %s)ed for %ll things, th%t #ight enKoy life. $%s gi*en life, th%t #ight enKoy %ll things ... got nothing %s)ed forFF&'t e*erything h%d ho+ed for. Al#ost des+ite #yself, #y 'ns+o)en +r%yers $ere %ns$ered. , %#ong %ll #en, %# #ost ri(hly &lessedN FFAnony#o's %. G#$$in3 W2-$ W# W-n$ When o'r *%l'e syste# is not (le%r, getting $h%t $e $%nt (%n &e % &igger tr%gedy. The story of "ing 8id%s s%ys it %ll. THE MIDAS TO+CH $e all !now the story of the greedy !ing named )idas. #e had a lot of gold and the more he had the more he wanted. #e stored all the gold in his vaults and used to s"end time every day counting it. &ne day while he was counting a stranger came from nowhere and said he would grant him a wish. he !ing was delighted and said, 'I would li!e everything I touch to turn to gold.' he stranger as!ed the !ing, 8re you sure(' he !ing re"lied, 'Fes.' So the stranger said, 'Starting tomorrow morning with the sun rays you will get the golden touch.' he !ing thought he must be dreaming, this couldn't be true. But the ne4t day when he wo!e u", he touched the bed, his clothes, and everything turned to gold. #e loo!ed out of the window and saw his daughter "laying in the garden. #e decided to give her a sur"rise and thought she would be ha""y. But before he went to the garden he decided to read a boo!. he moment he touched it, it turned into gold and he couldn't read it. hen he sat to have brea!fast and the moment he touched the fruit and the glass of water, they turned to gold. #e was getting hungry and he said to himself, 'I can't eat and

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drin! gold.' 7ust about that time his daughter came running and he hugged her and she turned into a gold statue. here were no more smiles left. he !ing bowed his head and started crying. he stranger who gave the wish came again and as!ed the !ing if he was ha""y with his golden touch. he !ing said he was the most miserable man. he stranger as!ed, '$hat would you rather have, your food and loving daughter or lum"s of gold and her golden statue(' he !ing cried and as!ed for forgiveness. #e said, 'I will give u" all my gold. *lease give me my daughter bac! because without her I have lost everything worth having.' he stranger said to the !ing, 'Fou have become wiser than before' and he reversed the s"ell. #e got his daughter bac! in his arms and the !ing learned a lesson that he never forget for the rest of his life. $hat is the moral of the story( ,. Aistorted values lead to tragedy. B. Sometimes getting what you want may be a bigger tragedy than not getting what you want. 2. 9nli!e the game of soccer where "layers can be substituted, the game of life allows no substitutions or re"lays. $e may not get a second chance to reverse our tragedies, as the !ing did. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE REMEMBERED? 8bout a hundred years ago, a man loo!ed at the morning news"a"er and to his sur"rise and horror, read his name in the obituary column. he news"a"ers had re"orted the death of the wrong "erson by mista!e. #is first res"onse was shoc!. 8m I here or there( $hen he regained his com"osure, his second thought was to find out what "eo"le had said about him. he obituary read, 'Aynamite Jing Aies.' 8nd also '#e was the merchant of death.' his man was the inventor of dynamite and when he read the words 'merchant of death,' he as!ed himself a Euestion, 'Is this how I am going to be remembered(' #e got in touch with his feelings and decided that this was not the way he wanted to be remembered. +rom that day on, he started wor!ing toward "eace. #is name was 8lfred >obel and he is remembered today by the great >obel *ri<e. 7ust as 8lfred >obel got in touch with his feelings and redefined his values, we should ste" bac! and do the same. $hat is your legacy( #ow would you li!e to be remembered( $ill you be s"o!en well of( $ill you be remembered with love and res"ect( $ill you be missed( IT IS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE here was a man ta!ing a morning wal! at or the beach. #e saw that along with the morning tide came hundreds of starfish and when the tide receded, they were left behind and with the morning sun rays, they would die. he tide was fresh and the starfish were alive. he man too! a few ste"s, "ic!ed one and threw it into the water. #e did that re"eatedly. =ight behind him there was another "erson who couldn't understand what this man was doing. #e caught u" with him and as!ed, '$hat are you doing( here are hundreds of starfish. #ow many can you hel"( $hat difference does it ma!e(' his man did not re"ly, too! two more ste"s, "ic!ed u" another one, threw it into the water, and said, 'It ma!es a difference to this one.'

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Wh%t differen(e %re $e #%)ingJ Big or s#%ll, it does not #%tter. f e*eryone #%de % s#%ll differen(e, $e'd end '+ $ith % &ig differen(e, $o'ldn't $eJ IS YOUR LIFE WORTH SAVING? 8 boy was drowning in a river and he shouted for hel". 8 man "assing by jum"ed in the river and saved the boy's life. 8s the man was leaving the boy said, han!%you.'' he man as!ed, '+or what(' he boy re"lied, '+or saving my life.' he man loo!ed into the boy's eyes and said, 9"on, ma!e sure when you grow u" that your life was worth saving.' t is ti#e to thin). This is % $%)eF'+ (%ll. S'((ess $itho't f'lfill#ent is #e%ningless. .nless there is % sense of #e%ning %nd +'r+ose, life is e#+ty %nd 'nh%++y reg%rdless of ho$ #'(h +restige, #oney or degrees % +erson h%s. S'((ess &egins $ith de*elo+ing yo'r +erson%l s'((ess +hiloso+hy, %&o't yo'r he%lth, #oney, f%#ily, so(iety %nd *%l'es. Witho't % (le%rly defined +'r+ose %nd % +hiloso+hy to g'ide yo', life is g'ided &y f%nt%sies. f +eo+le h%*e not defined % +hiloso+hy of s'((ess, they h%*e %(t'%lly defined % +hiloso+hy of f%il're &y def%'lt. So#eti#es $e o*erloo) the things th%t o'ght not to &e o*erloo)ed %nd don't o*erloo) the things th%t o'ght to &e o*erloo)ed. An integr%l +%rt of % good *%l'e syste# is (o##it#ent. COMMITMENT When o'r *%l'e syste# is (le%r it &e(o#es % lot e%sier to #%)e de(isions %nd (o##it#ents. E-%#+le1 Yo' (%n't #%)e % (o##it#ent to yo'r (o'ntry &y selling se(rets to the ene#y. Yo' (%n't )ee+ % friend &y re*e%ling to others $h%t he told yo' in (onfiden(e. Yo' (%n't )ee+ % (o##it#ent to % Ko& &y trying to do %s little %s +ossi&le. .n)e+t (o##it#ents res'lt in dishonest &eh%*ior. $onder ho$ %ny rel%tionshi+, reg%rdless of $hether +erson%l or +rofession%l, $o'ld $or) if +eo+le s%id so#ething to the effe(t.

$ill try &'t (%n't (o##it. $ill do it &'t don't (o'nt on #e. $ill &e there if (%n, &'t don't get yo'r ho+es '+. $ill &e there, so long %s yo' do $ell. $ill &e there so long %s yo' %re in good he%lth. $ill sti() $ith yo' till find so#ething &etter. $onder ho$

f the follo$ing rel%tionshi+s (%nnot (o'nt %nd de+end on one %nother, %nything $o'ld e*er $or) in this $orld. P%rent H (hild St'dent H te%(her E#+loyer H e#+loyee H's&%nd H $ife C'sto#er H s%les#%n Friend H friend

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The 'n(ert%inty (o'ld le%d to ins%nity. O'r strongest rel%tionshi+s %re tied together $ith the in*isi&le so#ething (%lled (o##it#ent. Tod%y, &re%)ing % +ro#ise is (onsidered no &ig de%l. All rel%tionshi+s go so'r $itho't (o##it#ent. L%() of (o##it#ent $o'ld dest%&ili5e rel%tionshi+s %nd le%d to inse('rity. ?o one $o'ld )no$ $here they st%nd $ith e%(h other. Co##it#ent i#+lies1 2. De+end%&ility 3. Reli%&ility 4. Predi(t%&ility >. Consisten(y 9. C%ring D. E#+%thy B. A sense of d'ty I. Sin(erity =. Ch%r%(ter 2A. ntegrity 22. Loy%lty f one of these ingredients is #issing, (o##it#ent loses strength. When % +erson #%)es % (o##it#ent to so#eone, he is re%lly s%ying, 6Yo' (%n (o'nt on #e no #%tter $h%t,6 %nd 6 $ill &e there $hen yo' need #e.6 .n(ondition%l (o##it#ent s%ys, 68y &eh%*ior is +redi(t%&le in %n 'n+redi(t%&le f't're.6 Wh%t #%)es the f't're 'n+redi(t%&leJ

Ch%nges in yo'r life %nd (ir('#st%n(es. Ch%nges in #y life %nd (ir('#st%n(es. Ch%nges in the e-tern%l (onditions.
Reg%rdless of the 'n(ert%inty, (o##it#ent s%ys 6Yo' (%n (o'nt on #e.6 A +erson $ho #%)es % (o##it#ent is $illing to gi*e '+ % lot. For $h%tJ The %ns$er is +retty (le%r. The re$%rds (%n &e +ri(eless. Co##it#ent s%ys1 2. %# $illing to s%(rifi(e &e(%'se (%re. 3. %# % +erson of integrity %nd yo' (%n tr'st #e. 4. $ill not let yo' do$n. >. Des+ite +%in, $ill still &e there. 9. $ill not let yo' do$n in good ti#es or in &%d ti#es. Co##it#ent is not li)e % leg%l (ontr%(t $hi(h is enfor(e%&le. ts fo'nd%tion is not % signed +ie(e of +%+er &'t (h%r%(ter, integrity, %nd e#+%thy.

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Co##it#ent does not #e%n sti()ing to so#ething $hen % +erson h%s no (hoi(e. t #e%ns sti()ing in s+ite of (hoi(es. Witho't the %&o*e ingredients, no one $o'ld #%)e % serio's longFl%sting (o##it#ent to others. Wh%t #%)es % (o##it#ent $orth )ee+ingJ t &rings1

Predi(t%&ility. Se('rity. Person%l gro$th. Strong rel%tionshi+s &et$een indi*id'%ls %nd (o##'nity. L%sting +erson%l %nd +rofession%l rel%tionshi+s.

E*en g%ngsters %nd (roo)s %re loo)ing for (o##itted s'++orters. Co##it#ent (re%tes % +%t(h of green in % *%st K'ngle: $e (%ll this se('rity in %n inse('re $orld. "ee+ing (o##it#ents is $orth the effort. Co##it#ent #e%ns s'rrendering o'r +erson%l $%nts for %nother +erson's needs. Re#e#&er %nd )ee+ in #ind, needs %re stronger th%n $%nts. Co##it#ents %(t %s % gl'e $hi(h &onds rel%tionshi+s. Co##it#ent i#+lies s%(rifi(ing f'n %nd $illingness to %((e+t sorro$. For e-%#+le, 2. Co##it#ent to friendshi+ i#+lies #%int%ining (onfidenti%lity. 3. Co##it#ent to ('sto#er i#+lies gi*ing good ser*i(e. 4. Co##it#ent to #%rri%ge i#+lies fidelity. >. Co##it#ent to de(en(y i#+lies st%ying %$%y fro# *'lg%rity. 9. Co##it#ent to +%triotis# i#+lies s%(rifi(e. 9. Co##it#ent to Ko& i#+lies integrity. D. Co##it#ent to (o##'nity i#+lies res+onsi&ility. Co##it#ent is % sign of #%t'rity. Co##it#ent #e%ns not 7'itting %t the first o+tion or sign of +ro&le#s. ndi*id'%ls $ith strong (o##it#ents &'ild strong (o##'nities. Rel%tionshi+s %re &%sed on (o##it#ent, not K'st on (loseness %nd inti#%(y. A +erson (%n &e inti#%te %nd (lose %nd yet not &e (o##itted. With (h%nging *%l'es, it is e*en (onsidered good to h%*e 'n(o##itted rel%tionshi+s. 8%ny +eo+le %re not $illing to #%)e (o##it#ents &e(%'se they feel they %re not re%dy for it. Ho$e*er, in the #e%nti#e, for ye%rs they )ee+ sh%ring %nd 'sing %nything %nd e*erything of one %nother. Their +rete-t is, 6We %re still (he()ing o't e%(h other &efore $e (o##it.6 Wh%t %re they (he()ing o't th%t they h%*en't %lre%dy (he()ed o't in % fe$ d%ys or % fe$ #onths or % fe$ ye%rsJ n #y o+inion they %re selfish +%r%sites $ho %re trying to get %s #'(h %s +ossi&le $hile the going is good. They %re only t%)ers $ho %re % li%&ility to so(iety. 8%ny +eo+le (onf'se (o##it#ent $ith (onfine#ent. Rel%tionshi+s don't l%st &e(%'se of +%ssion %nd lo*e &'t &e(%'se of (o##it#ent %nd e#+%thy. A (o##it#ent i#+lies +'tting the other +erson's needs %he%d of one's o$n. So#eti#es good +eo+le $ith the &est intentions %re f%(ed $ith (onfli(ting (o##it#ents. For inst%n(e, 2. A +oli(e#%n is (o##itted to (%ring for his $ife $ho is on her de%th &ed. B't %ll of % s'dden he gets %n e#ergen(y (%ll to h%ndle % sit'%tion, %t the other end of to$n $here ten li*es %re %t st%)e. Wh%t does he doJ

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3. A s'rgeon is loo)ing for$%rd to his d%'ghter's gr%d'%tion. He is (o##itted to this on(eFinF%Flifeti#e e*ent. With %ll g'ests %t the f'n(tion, 3A #in'tes &efore the (ere#ony, he gets %n e#ergen(y (%ll to o+er%te on %n %((ident *i(ti# to s%*e his life. Wh%t (hoi(e does he h%*eJ Choosing one does not #e%n l%() of (o##it#ent to the other. The +ro(ess of #%)ing % (hoi(e &et$een the t$o (o##it#ents $o'ld in*ol*e +riority, res+onsi&ility %nd d'ty. ?ot )ee+ing one o*er the other $o'ld not #%)e the +erson feel g'ilty. Pro&%&ly $h%t the s'rgeon feels li)e doing is %ttending his d%'ghter's gr%d'%tion. t doesn't #%tter $h%t he feels li)e. Co##it#ent in*ol*es the 22 ele#ents $e t%l)ed %&o't &efore, $hether $e feel li)e it or not. "ee+ing (o##it#ent sho$s strength of (h%r%(ter. t t%)es s'&ordin%ting o'r desires to the other +erson's needs &'t not his $hi#s %nd f%n(ies. ?eeds %re essenti%l, $here%s desires %re infinite. And in (%se of (onfli(t of needs, one h%s to +rioriti5e res+onsi&ilities %nd d'ties. n % rel%tionshi+ s'(h %s % #%rri%ge, t$o +eo+le %re (o##itted to e%(h other. S'++osing one de*elo+s (%n(er % ye%r %fterJ Sho'ld one feel (he%tedJ De+ri*edJ Resentf'lJ Bl%#e the other +erson for r'ining his H her lifeJ Th%t is not (o##it#ent. Th%t is K'st selfishness. The #ost +%inf'l +%rt of (o##it#ent is %((e+ting % &re%(h $hen it h%++ens. The (o##it#ent goes on if the &re%(h res'lts fro# %n error of o#ission. Ho$e*er, it needs e*%l'%tion if it is % res'lt of (o##ission. Bre%(h of o#ission (%n &e h%ndled $ith (o#+%ssion %nd forgi*eness. Where%s the &re%(h of (o##ission s%ys, 6Yo' (he%t #e on(e, sh%#e on yo'. Yo' (he%t #e t$i(e, sh%#e on #e.6 Either $%y, for one's o$n selfFinterest the %ns$er is forgi*eness. As they s%y, 6The $o'nds get he%led &'t the s(%rs re#%in.6 Co##it#ents (%n r%rely &e )e+t $itho't forgi*eness. For e-%#+le, % (hild #%y &etr%y his +%rents' tr'st &y lying or (he%ting. Peo+le %*oid #%)ing (o##it#ents &e(%'se #%ny ti#es they %re li*ing for tod%y. WHAT IS OUR GREATEST COMMITMENT? Wh%t if $e #%de % (o##it#ent th%t is $rong or 'nethi(%l in%d*ertently $hi(h tot%lly goes %g%inst o'r *%l'es %nd (ons(ien(eJ Th%t is the ti#e to ree*%l'%te $hether or not to go for$%rd. COMMITMENT TO VALUES Loy%lties (%nnot &e &o'ght, they %re e%rned. And to $ho# do $e o$e loy%ltiesJ s it indi*id'%ls or org%ni5%tionsJ The %ns$er is none of the#. We o$e loy%lties to *%l'es. Where the *%l'e syste# is (onfli(ting, +eo+le (%nnot li*e in the s%#e ho#e, they (%nnot $or) in the s%#e org%ni5%tion. When % +erson #%)es % (o##it#ent of loy%lty to either %n indi*id'%l or %n org%ni5%tion, $h%t is he re%lly s%yingJ He is s%ying, 6 st%nd &y yo' &e(%'se &elie*e in $h%t yo' &elie*e in.6 Wh%t if the +erson %# (o##itted to, &e it % le%der, s+o'se, e#+loyer, e#+loyee &e(o#es % s+y for %n ene#y (o'ntryJ Do (ontin'e #y s'++ort &e(%'se (o##itted e%rlierJ A&sol'tely not. %# not (o##itted to s'++ort 'nethi(%l %nd illeg%l &eh%*ior. .n)e+t (o##it#ents le%d to1 Bro)en ho#es A&%ndoned (hildren

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Poor rel%tionshi+s High stress le*els ;'ilt .nf'lfilled life Loss of &'siness sol%tion De+ression

8%)e % (o##it#ent %nd st%y (o##ittedN ETHICS B%d (ir('#st%n(es %re not e-('ses for #%)ing &%d (hoi(es %nd le%ding +oor li*es. !%l'es %nd ethi(s %re not K'st designed for good ti#es, &'t %lso to +re*ent &%d ti#es. They %re li)e the l%$s of the l%nd $hi(h yo' need $hen +eo+le %re good %nd yo' need e*en #ore to +rote(t the# fro# the &%d. 8ost (hoi(es %re not ethi(%l (hoi(es. For e-%#+le, $h%t (lothes to &'y or $h%t T! to get %re +erson%l (hoi(es &%sed on $h%t is #ore %++ro+ri%te. They %re not ethi(%l (hoi(es. For so#e +eo+le the right (hoi(e #%y &e P%n%soni( inste%d of Sony for %fford%&ility. Person%l (hoi(es %re s'&Ke(ti*e, not o&Ke(ti*e, %nd e*en tho'gh these %re not ethi(%l iss'es they (ert%inly in*ol*e res+onsi&ility. Ethi(%l (hoi(es refle(t o&Ke(ti*ity &et$een right %nd $rong. Th%t is $hy o'r (ons(ien(e h'rts $hen #%)ing %n 'nethi(%l (hoi(e %nd does not h'rt $hen #%)ing % $rong +erson%l (hoi(e. Choi(es %re +erson%l &e(%'se the +erson #%)es it, &'t the rightness or $rongness does not (h%nge fro# +erson to +erson. @'st li)e in % #%th test, $ho t%)es it %nd $h%t %ns$er they gi*e *%ries fro# +erson to +erson, &'t $h%t #%)es it right is not the (hoi(e, &'t the inde+enden(e of the (orre(t %ns$er. Of (o'rse, ethi(%l (hoi(es %re not %l$%ys li)e #%)ing (hoi(es in #%th, K'st li)e &eing % ni(e +erson is not the s%#e thing %s &eing % good %nd ethi(%l +erson. A +erson (o'ld &e so(i%lly ni(e yet &e % (he%t %nd % li%r. Th%t #%)es hi# ni(e yet 'nethi(%l. ?i(eness refle(ts so(i%l %((e+t%&ility. ?i(e does not #e%n good. n f%(t, #ost of o'r (hoi(es tod%y %re &%sed on1 2. O'r desire for (on*enien(e, (o#fort, %nd +le%s're. 3. O'r feelingFFdo $h%t feels good, it is good for yo'. The (riteri% is to feel good r%ther th%n doing $h%t is res+onsi&le. 4. So(i%l f%ds %nd %dsFFe*eryone else is doing it, so sho'ld . t is % (o##on &elief th%t ethi(s %nd ethi(%l (hoi(es %re (onf'sing. The &ig 7'estion is to $hoJ Only to those $ith 'n(le%r *%l'es. SITUATIONAL ETHICS Those $ho &elie*e th%t ethi(s (%nnot &e gener%li5ed &'t *%ry $ith e*ery sit'%tion, (o#e '+ $ith K'stifi(%tion %nd )ee+ (h%nging their ethi(s fro# sit'%tion to sit'%tion, %nd +erson to +erson. This is (%lled sit'%tion%l ethi(s. This is ethi(s of (on*enien(es r%ther th%n (on*i(tion.

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BENCHMARKS Why do $e h%*e st%nd%rdsJ They %re % #e%s're. One #eter in E'ro+e is one #eter in Asi%. One )ilogr%# of flo'r is one )ilogr%# of flo'r $here*er yo' go. Peo+le $ho do not $%nt to %dhere to %ny #or%l st%nd%rds )ee+ (h%nging the definition of #or%lity &y s%ying nothing is right or $rong, yo'r thin)ing #%)es it so. They +'t the on's on inter +ret%tion r%ther th%n on their &eh%*ior. They feel 6#y &eh%*ior is O", yo'r inter+ret%tion $%s #essed '+.6 For e-%#+le, Hitler (o'ld h%*e &elie*ed he $%s right. B't the &ig 7'estion is, 6W%s he rightJ6 ;i*ing #oney to the h'ngry for food is right &'t %t the s%#e ti#e gi*ing #oney to &'y dr'gs is not right. The gener%li5%tion sets the &en(h#%r), the e-(e+tion is the sit'%tion. For e-%#+le, #'rder is $rong. Th%t is % gener%l st%te#ent %nd % gener%li5ed tr'th %nd ethi(%l st%nd%rd. .nless it is in selfFdefense. This doesn't s%y th%t it is O" to #'rder if the $e%ther is good or if yo' feel li)e it. A +erson's interests, other th%n his Ko&, tells #'(h %&o't hi#. The $%y % +erson s+ends his leis're ti#e refle(ts on his +erfor#%n(e %t $or). A dr'g %ddi(t if r'nning short of #oney $o'ld &e #ore li)ely to e#&e55le th%n % +erson $ho is not %n %ddi(t. O'r st%nd%rd of ethi(s is re*e%led &y the %d*isors $e hire, the s'++liers $e +i(), %nd the &'yers $e de%l $ith. O+inions #%y *%ry fro# ('lt're to ('lt're. B't *%l'es s'(h %s f%irness, K'sti(e, integrity %nd (o##it#ent %re 'ni*ers%l %nd etern%l. They h%*e nothing to do $ith ('lt're. ?e*er h%s there &een % ti#e $hen so(iety h%s not res+e(ted (o'r%ge o*er (o$%rdi(e. Ethi(s %nd K'sti(e in*ol*e the follo$ing1

E#+%thy F%irness Co#+%ssion for the inK'red The l%rger interest of so(iety

@'st &e(%'se #ore +eo+le %gree on so#ething doesn't #%)e it right. For e-%#+le, if ten +er*erts %gree on % s%disti( %(t to h'rt %n inno(ent, does th%t #%)e it rightJ ?o. @'st li)e the l%$s of gr%*ity, ethi(s %re +retty 'ni*ers%l. @'st %s freedo# $itho't dis(i+line le%ds to destr'(tion, si#il%rly, so(iety $itho't % set of +rin(i+les destroys itself. f *%l'es $ere so s'&Ke(ti*e, no (ri#in%ls sho'ld &e in K%il. Why h%*e % +oli(e for(eJ A so(iety &e(o#es good or &%d, &%sed on the ethi(%l *%l'es of indi*id'%ls. And $h%t gi*es so(iety its strength is ethi(%l *%l'es. So#e +eo+le enKoy t%)ing dr'gsFFit #%)es the# feel good. Does th%t #%)e it goodJ Peo+le $ho &elie*e in the theory of rel%ti*ity, %(t'%lly get st'() in their o$n +%r%do-. They s%y, 6E*erything is rel%ti*e.6 Th%t is the %&sol'te tr'th. t is selfF(ontr%di(tory. The distin(tion &et$een right %nd $rong, dishonesty %nd honesty +res'++oses their e-isten(e. Ch%nging ter#inology does not (h%nge the #e%ning. @'st li)e (h%nging the l%&els does not (h%nge the (ontents. Peo+le %re (h%nging #or%l *%l'es &y gi*ing ne$ n%#es %nd it is gl%#ori5ed &y the #edi%. Li%rs %re (%lled e-tro*erts $ith %n i#%gin%tion. When 8i(h%el So*ern, the +resident of Col'#&i% .ni*ersity resigned in 2==4, % re+orter %s)ed hi# if there $%s %ny t%s) left in(o#+lete. 6Yes,6 re+lied ;o*ern. 6 t so'nds (o#+l%(ent, &'t there is re%lly only one.6 He referred to the l%() of instr'(tions in ethi(s.... The %*er%ge 'ndergr%d'%te, ho$e*er, gets no tr%ining in these %re%s. 8ost

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ed'(%tors %re %fr%id to to'(h the s'&Ke(t. Ethi(s %re 's'%lly left to &e %ddressed &y +%rents. The res'lt is th%t in this (o'ntry yo'ng +eo+le $ho need #or%l %nd ethi(%l tr%ining #ore th%n e*er %re getting less th%n e*er. 8or%ls %nd ethi(s %re not % religion. They %re logi(%l, sensi&le +rin(i+les of good (ond'(t th%t $e need for % +e%(ef'l so(iety. O

O Ad%+ted fro# @ohn Be()ley, 6 sn't t Ti#e to W%)e .+J6 in The Best of. . . Bits P. Pie(es, E(ono#i(s Press, F%irfield, ?@, 2==>, +. 23=.

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ETHICS AND LEGALITY 8ost $ill %gree th%t leg%lity %nd ethi(s %re not the s%#e thing. Wh%t #%y &e ethi(%l #%y or #%y not &e leg%l %nd *i(e *ers%. For e-%#+le1 2. An ins'r%n(e s%les+erson #ore (on(erned $ith getting % l%rger (o##ission %s o++osed to selling the #ost s'it%&le +oli(y sells the $rong )ind of +oli(y to % +ros+e(ti*e (lient. This #%y &e leg%l &'t 'nethi(%l. 3. A yo'ng e-e('ti*e is dri*ing o*er the s+eed li#it, trying to re%(h the hos+it%l $ith his &leeding (hild in the &%() se%t of his (%r. H%rdly %nyone $o'ld 7'estion the ethi(s of &re%)ing the l%$ in this sit'%tion. t $o'ld &e 'nethi(%l not to get #edi(%l hel+ to s%*e the )id's life, e*en if it #e%nt &re%)ing the l%$. Leg%lity est%&lishes #ini#'# st%nd%rds, $here%s ethi(s %nd *%l'es go &eyond those st%nd%rds. Ethi(s %nd *%l'es %re %&o't f%irness %nd K'sti(e. t is not %&o't +le%sing or dis+le%sing +eo+le. t is %&o't res+e(ting +eo+le's needs %nd rights. PURPOSE OF LIFE There %re #%ny )inds of desire. Desire for s'((ess, desire to do one's d'ty e*en %t the (ost of +le%s're. Desire for +'r+ose. So#ething $orth dying for $hi(h gi*es #e%ning to life. Wh%t good is it if yo' g%in the $hole $orld %nd lose yo'r (ons(ien(eJ A +'r+oseless life is % li*ing de%th. Wh%t is yo'r +'r+oseJ Do yo' h%*e oneJ P'r+ose &rings +%ssion. Find or (re%te % +'r+ose %nd then +'rs'e it $ith +%ssion %nd +erse*er%n(e. E*ery d%y $e need to %s) o'rsel*es the 7'estion1 6A# getting %ny (loser to #y +'r+ose in lifeJ A# #%)ing this % &etter +l%(e to li*eJ6 f the %ns$er is no, then h%*e K'st $%sted % d%y of #y life. Life $ill re$%rd 's in +ro+ortion to o'r (ontri&'tion. The e%rlier $e find % +'r+ose in life, the &etter it is. t %++e%rs th%t the gre%test (h%llenge (o#es in the 'nending se%r(h for the +'r+ose of life. ?ot only %s %n indi*id'%l &'t for o'r f%#ilies, org%ni5%tions %nd (o'ntry. On(e o'r +'r+ose %nd *%l'es %re (le%r, (onfli(ts &et$een selfFinterest %nd so(i%l o&lig%tions find % #or%l &%l%n(e &et$een the#sel*es. We &e(o#e %$%re of $hen to t%)e % st%nd. Th%t is the ti#e $e st%rt #%)ing the right de(isions for longFter# g%in r%ther th%n #%)ing the $rong de(isions for shortFter# g%in. Wisdo# %nd #%t'rity le%d to gre%ter 'nderst%nding of #%Kor iss'es. Study as if you were to live forever. Iive as if you were to die tomorrow. %%)ahatma Candhi We (%nnot hel+ o'rsel*es $itho't hel+ing others. We (%nnot enri(h o'r li*es $itho't enri(hing others. We (%nnot +ros+er $itho't &ringing +ros+erity to others. FF?%nette Cole, S+ell#%n College @%nette Cole on(e s%id, 6Sho$ #e % +erson $ho is (ontent $ith #edio(rity %nd $ill sho$ yo' % +erson destined for f%il're.6 Life is not % s+e(t%tor s+ort. We (%nnot sit &%()

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%nd $%t(h things h%++en. We need to find % +'r+ose in order to #%)e life #e%ningf'l %nd then stri*e to %(hie*e th%t +'r+ose.

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LIVING WITH A PURPOSE All of 's %re +'t on this +l%net for % +'r+ose. We %re +%rt of % &ig +i(t're. B't *ery fe$ +eo+le dis(o*er their +'r+ose in life. 8ost of 's K'st e-ist %nd )ee+ (o'nting o'r d%ys r%ther th%n #%)ing o'r d%ys (o'nt. Dr. Al&ert Einstein $%s on(e %s)ed, 6Why %re $e hereJ6 He re+lied, 6 f the 'ni*erse is %n %((ident, $e %re %((idents. B't if there is #e%ning in the 'ni*erse, there is #e%ning in 's %lso.6 And he %dded, 6The #ore st'dy +hysi(s, the #ore %# dr%$n to$%rds #et%+hysi(s.6 I would rather fail in a cause that will ultimately succeed than succeed in a cause that would ultimately fail. %%$ood row $ilson WHERE DO WE LEARN OUR VALUES FROM? re(ently re%d the story of % highFs(hool *%l'es (l%rifi(%tion (l%ss (ond'(ted &y % te%(her in Te%ne(), ?e$ @ersey. A girl in the (l%ss h%d fo'nd % +'rse (ont%ining S2,AAA %nd ret'rned it to its o$ner. The te%(her %s)ed for the (l%ss's re%(tion. E*ery single one of her fello$ st'dents (on(l'ded the girl h%d &een foolish. 8ost of the st'dents (ontended th%t if so#eone $%s (%reless, they sho'ld &e +'nished. When the te%(her $%s %s)ed $h%t he s%id to the st'dents, he res+onded, 6Well, of (o'rse, didn't s%y %nything. f (o#e fro# the +osition of $h%t is right %nd $h%t is $rong, then '# not their (o'nselor. (%n't i#+ose #y *ie$s.6O f $e do not le%rn *%l'es fro# o'r +%rents %nd te%(hers, $ho do $e le%rn the# fro#J And $hen they don't te%(h 's *%l'es, $e +i() the# '+ &y def%'lt fro# tele*ision %nd other s'(h 'ndesir%&le so'r(es. ?o $onder so(iety gets #essed '+. The te%(her s'(h %s in the e-%#+le %&o*e is not only irres+onsi&le $ith distorted *%l'es &'t does not deser*e to &e te%(hing o'r )ids. WINNING VERSUS WINNERS Wh%t is the differen(e &et$een $inning %nd &eing % $innerJ Winning is %n e*ent. Being % $inner is % s+irit. Winners h%*e )e+t $inning in +ers+e(ti*e &%sed on their *%l'e syste#. THREE INSPIRATIONAL "INNERS ,. &lym"ics is a lifetime event. Iawrence Iemieu4 sto""ed racing in a yacht race to hel" a fellow com"etitor who was in trouble. he whole world was watching. #is "riority of safety for other "eo"le's lives was greater than his desire to win. Even though he did not win the race, he was a winner. #e was honored by !ings and Eueens all over the world because he !e"t the s"irit of the &lym"ics alive. B. I heard the story about =euben Con<ales when he was in the final match of the racEuetball tournament. his was an im"ortant event and he was "laying for the world title. In the final game at match "oint, Con<ales "layed a su"er shot to save "oint. he referee and the linesman both confirmed that the shot was good and he was declared the winner.

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? 7ournal of the 8merican +amily 8ssociation, >ovember M Aecember ,--,. But Con<ales, after a little "ause and hesitation, turned bac! to sha!e his o""onent's hand and said, ' he shot was faulty.' 8s a result, he lost the serve and eventually, lost the match. Everyone was stunned. $ho could imagine that a "layer with everything officially in his favor, with winning in his "oc!et, would disEualify himself and lose. $hen as!ed why he did it, Con<ales re"lied, 'It was the only thing to do in order to maintain my integrity.' #e lost the match, yet he was a winner. 2. 8 grou" of sales"eo"le left town for a meeting and told their families they would be bac! home +riday evening for su""er. But as with meetings the way they are, one thing leads to another and they didn't finish on time. hey were delayed and had to catch a flight. hey came to the air"ort just at the last minute, with tic!ets in hand, and ran, ho"ing the "lane hadn't de"arted. $hile running, one of them hit a table and on the table was a fruit bas!et. 8ll the fruit got scattered and bruised but they didn't have time to sto". hey !e"t running and made it to the "lane and all of them breathed a sigh of relief that they had made it, e4ce"t one. #e got in touch with his feelings, got u", said good%bye to his friends and went. $hat he saw made him glad that he came out. #e went to the table that was !noc!ed down and behind the table was a ten%year% old blind girl who was selling the fruits to ma!e a living. #e said, 'I ho"e we haven't ruined your day.' #e "ulled out K,. from his "oc!et, handed it to her and said, ' his will ta!e care of the fruits,' and he left. he girl couldn't see what was going on; all she could hear was the footste"s leaving. 8s the footste"s faded away, she shouted from behind, '8re you Cod(' #e missed his flight but was he a winner( Fou bet. &ne can be a winner without a medal and one can be a loser with a medal if winning is not !e"t in "ers"ective. WINNING IS AN EVENTJ BEING A WINNER IS A SPIRIT Three +eo+le r%n % #%r%thon &esides h'ndreds of others. The #ed%l $%s $on &y % fo'rth +erson. B't does th%t #e%n th%t these three +eo+le $ere losersJ ?ot %t %ll. They %ll $ent into the r%(e $ith different o&Ke(ti*es. The first one $ent in to test his end'r%n(e %nd he did %nd (%#e o't &etter th%n his e-+e(t%tions. The se(ond $%nted to i#+ro*e on his +re*io's +erfor#%n(e, %nd he did. The third +erson h%d ne*er r'n % #%r%thon in his life. His o&Ke(ti*e $%s to (o#+lete the r%(e %nd re%(h the finish line %nd he did. Wh%t does th%t tell 'sJ All three $ith different o&Ke(ti*es #et the# %nd they $ere %ll $inners, reg%rdless of $ho $on the #ed%l. As 8%r) T$%in s%id, it is &etter to deser*e %n honor %nd not h%*e it th%n to h%*e it %nd not deser*e it. Be(%'se dignity is not in +ossessing &'t deser*ing. f $inning is the only o&Ke(ti*e, % +erson #%y #iss o't on the intern%l re$%rds th%t (o#e $ith $inning. 8ore i#+ort%nt th%n $inning is $inning $ith honor %nd deser*ing to h%*e $on. t is &etter to lose honor%&ly th%n to s'((eed $ith dishonesty. Losing honor%&ly #%y signify l%() of +re+%r%tion &'t dishonest $inning signifies l%() of (h%r%(ter. The re%l test of % +erson's (h%r%(ter is $h%t he $o'ld or $o'ld not do if he )ne$ he $o'ld ne*er &e fo'nd o't. t is not $orth (o#+ro#ising one's integrity %nd t%)ing short('ts to $in. Yo' #%y $in % tro+hy &'t )no$ing the tr'th yo' (%n ne*er &e % h%++y +erson. 8ore i#+ort%nt th%n $inning % tro+hy is &eing % good h'#%n &eing.

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Winners li*e %nd $or) e*ery d%y %s if it $ere the l%st d%y. Be(%'se one of these d%ys it is going to &e the l%st %nd $e don't )no$ $hi(h one it is going to &e. When they le%*e, they le%*e %s $inners. here are some defeats more trium"hant than victories. %%)ichael de )ontaigne WINNERS ARE GRACIOUS Re#e#&er, $inners %re gr%(io's. They ne*er &r%g %&o't the#sel*es, they res+e(t %nd %++re(i%te their te%# #e#&ers %nd o++onents. 8%ny +eo+le )no$ ho$ to &e s'((essf'l . !ery fe$ )no$ ho$ to h%ndle s'((ess. And there is %l$%ys so#ething %&o't s'((ess th%t dis+le%ses so#e other +eo+le. BLUEPRINT FOR SUCCESS We (ond'(t % threeFd%y se#in%r titled 6Bl'e+rint for S'((ess6 glo&%lly for org%ni5%tions inFho'se %nd o+en +'&li( +rogr%#s. This is &%sed on the +hiloso+hy 6Winners don't do different things, they do things differently.6 This +hiloso+hy (%#e %s % (o'nter to the &elief 6Winning is not e*erything, it is the only thing.6 This l%tter +hiloso+hy le%ds #e to 7'estion the integrity of +eo+le $ho &elie*e it to &e tr'e. t gi*es % distorted #e%ning to the $ords 6)iller instin(t.6 f yo' %s) % +erson on the street, 6Wh%t is the #e%ning of )iller instin(t,6 #ost res+onses $o'ld &e, 6Yo' h%*e to $in &y hoo) or &y (roo).6 Th%t is not )iller instin(t, th%t is +'re dishonesty. To % good s+orts#%n, )iller instin(t #e%ns1 2. Yo' don't +'t in 2AAM &'t yo' +'t in 3AAM. 3. To $in, $e #'st (%sh in on o'r o++onent's #ist%)e. ?ot (%shing in on %n o++onent's #ist%)e is % #ist%)e. Ho$e*er, +l%ying fo'l to $in is not )iller instin(t, it is o'tright dishonesty. .nf%ir $inning #%y gi*e te#+or%ry s'((ess &'t (ert%inly not f'lfill#ent. The re%lity is th%t life is % (o#+etition %nd $e h%*e to (o#+ete. n f%(t, (o#+etition #%)es (o#+etiti*e +eo+le gro$. The o&Ke(ti*e is to $in, no 7'estionFF&'t to $in f%irly, s7'%rely, de(ently %nd &y the r'les. WINNERS LEAVE A LEGACY ;re%t +eo+le le%*e so#ething &ehind. Winners re(ogni5e th%t no one (%n #%)e it %lone. E*en tho'gh (h%#+ions get the #ed%ls, they re%li5e th%t there %re #%ny +eo+le &ehind their s'((ess, $itho't $ho# it $o'ld not h%*e &een +ossi&le. Their te%(hers, +%rents, (o%(hes, f%ns, %nd #entors. One (%n ne*er f'lly re+%y those $ho h%*e hel+ed $inners. The only $%y to sho$ % little gr%tit'de is &y hel+ing those $ho %re follo$ing. The follo$ing +oe# s%ys it %ll. THE BRIDGE BUILDER An old #%n, going % lone high$%y, C%#e, %t the e*ening, (old %nd gr%y, To % (h%s#, *%st, %nd dee+, %nd $ide,

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Thro'gh $hi(h $%s flo$ing % s'llen tide. The old #%n (rossed in the t$ilight di#: The s'llen stre%# h%d no fe%rs for hi#: B't he t'rned, $hen s%fe on the other side, And &'ilt % &ridge to s+%n the tide. 6Old #%n,6 s%id % fello$ +ilgri#, ne%r, 6Yo' %re $%sting strength $ith &'ilding here: Yo'r Ko'rney $ill end $ith the ending d%y: Yo' ne*er %g%in #'st +%ss this $%y: Yo' h%*e (rossed the (h%s#, dee+ %nd $ideFF Why &'ild yo' the &ridge %t the e*entideJ6 The &'ilder lifted his old gr%y he%d1 6;ood friend, in the +%th h%*e (o#e,6 he s%id, 6There follo$eth %fter #e tod%y A yo'th, $hose feet #'st +%ss this $%y. This (h%s#, th%t h%s &een n%'ght to #e, To th%t f%irFh%ired yo'th #%y % +itf%ll &e. He, too, #'st (ross in the t$ilight di#: ;ood friend, %# &'ilding the &ridge for hi#. 6 FFWill Allen Dro#goole So(r%tes t%'ght Pl%to: Pl%to t%'ght Aristotle: Aristotle t%'ght Ale-%nder the ;re%t. "no$ledge, h%d it not &een +%ssed %long, $o'ld h%*e died. O'r gre%test res+onsi&ility is to +%ss on % leg%(y th%t the (o#ing gener%tions (%n &e +ro'd of. CHANGING VALUES--TODAY0S VALUES Ch%nge is ine*it%&le. Whether $e li)e it or not, it is going to &e there. We h%*e h%d eno'gh of the 6#e6 gener%tion %nd sit'%tion%l ethi(s $hi(h h%*e led to the loss of strong (o##'nities. There is s%dness for getting (%'ght r%ther th%n re#orse for h%*ing done $rong.O A s'r*ey of high s(hool +rin(i+%ls in 2=9I %s)ed this 7'estion1 Wh%t %re the #%in +ro&le#s %#ong yo'r st'dentsJ The %ns$er $%s1 2. ?ot doing ho#e$or). 3. ?ot res+e(ting +ro+ertyFFfor e-%#+le, thro$ing &oo)s. 4. Le%*ing lights on %nd doors %nd $indo$s o+en. >. Thro$ing s+it&%lls in (l%ss. 9. R'nning thro'gh the h%lls. The s%#e s'r*ey 7'estion $%s %s)ed 4A ye%rs /one gener%tion0 l%ter, in 2=II. The %ns$ers $ere st%rtlingly different. Here %re the #%in +ro&le#s of tod%y's high s(hool st'dents1 2. A&ortion 3. A DS 4. R%+e

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>. Dr'gs 9. Fe%r of *iolent de%th, #'rder, g'ns, %nd )ni*es in s(hool ry not to be a man of success but rather try to be a man of value. %%8lbert Einstein O s#o)ing Choi(es &y Peter "reeft, ++. 2C3.

OLD VALUES ARE NOT OBSOLETE !%l'es s'(h %s res+onsi&ility, integrity, (o##it#ent, %nd +%triotis# %re (onsidered old &y so#e. These #%y &e old *%l'es &'t they %re (ert%inly not o&solete. They h%*e stood the test of ti#e %nd $ill &e here fore*er. These *%l'es h%*e the s%#e #e%ning in ?e$ Yor) %s in ?e$ Delhi or ?e$ Te%l%nd. They %re 'ni*ers%l. don't )no$ of %ny ti#e or ('lt're in history $hi(h does not res+e(t these *%l'es. VALUES ARE AT AN ALL-TIME LOW n %ny so(iety, &%si( i##or%lity %nd inK'sti(e le%d to des+%ir. The greedy %nd in(onsider%te $ho see) i##or%l +le%s'res #'st &e sto++ed &y those (o##itted $ith *%l'es. We h%*e str%yed in the +ro(ess of (h%nge. Any so(iety th%t h%s lost its #or%l &e%ring is he%ding for dis%ster &e(%'se %ll f%il'res in history h%*e &een #or%l f%il'res. 8ore th%n h%lf % (ent'ry %go, A#eri(% $%s in the #iddle of % $ren(hing de+ression. OneFthird of o'r n%tion's $e%lth *%nished in % #%tter of #onths. 8%n'f%(t'ring de(lined BBM. OneFfo'rth of the l%&or for(e $%s left idle. 8%ny (ities (o'ld not %fford to )ee+ s(hools o+en. T$enty +er(ent of ?e$ Yor) s(hool(hildren $ere #%lno'rished. At one +oint, 4> #illion #en, $o#en, %nd (hildren $ere $itho't %ny in(o#e %t %ll. Yet in the de+ths of th%t h%rdshi+, $ith its so'+ )it(hens, &%n) (losings, %nd h'nger, Fr%n)lin Roose*elt (o'ld tell the n%tion in % r%dio %ddress, 6O'r diffi('lties, th%n) ;od, (on(ern only #%teri%l things.6O WHAT IS GOODNESS? f $e too) % s'r*ey, %s)ing +eo+le one 7'estion, 6Are yo' goodJ6 #ost +eo+le $o'ld res+ond, 6YesN6 As) the#, 6Wh%t #%)es yo' goodJ6 Res+onses $ill &e1

don't (he%t so '# good. don't lie so th%t #%)es #e good. don't ste%l, so '# good.

f yo' %n%ly5e the %&o*e r%tion%les, there is not #'(h s'&st%n(e in the#. @'st thin) of the +erson $ho s%ys, 6 don't (he%t.6 Well, th%t only #e%ns th%t he is not % (he%t. And the +ersons $ho s%y they don't lie %nd ste%l, only #e%n th%t they %re not li%rs %nd thie*es. B't th%t doesn't #%)e the# good. A +erson &e(o#es good $hen he %(t'%lly does good r%ther th%n not doing $rong. A +erson of *%l'es $o'ld &e one $ho h%s 7'%lities s'(h %s f%irness, (o#+%ssion, (o'r%ge, integrity, e#+%thy, h'#ility, loy%lty %nd

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(o'rtesy. Wh%t #%)es % +erson $ith these 7'%lities good +ersonJ t is &e(%'se these %re the )ind of +eo+le $ho %re de+end%&le, st%nd '+ for K'sti(e, hel+ the needy, #%)e life &etter for the#sel*es %nd those %ro'nd the#. To re(ogni5e goodness in %ll its for#s, $e need &en(h#%r)s %nd st%nd%rds. Ben(h#%r)s (%n &e ethi(%l, or leg%l, or &oth. Ethi(%l ones de%l $ith right %nd $rong %nd %ll the gr%y %re%s th%t %re in &et$een le%ding to $h%t is good %nd #ore good %nd $h%t is &%d %nd #ore &%d.

OKo'rn%l of the A#eri(%n F%#ily Asso(i%tion, ?o*e#&er H De(e#&er 2==2. HOW HIGH ARE OUR ETHICAL STANDARDS? Wh%t $o'ld yo' do in the follo$ing sit'%tionsJ 2. Yo' )no$ the t%-i f%re fro# yo'r ho#e to the %ir+ort is SD>. Yo' h%*e +%id it &efore, yo' )no$ it is the (orre(t f%re. This ti#e the t%-i dri*er %s)s for S43. Wh%t $o'ld yo' doJ 3. Yo' %re dining in % rest%'r%nt %nd yo' ordered fo'r dishes %nd the $%iter &ro'ght %ll fo'r &'t &y #ist%)e, &illed yo' for only three. Wh%t $o'ld yo' doJ 4. Yo'r &est friend is ter#in%lly ill %nd yo' %re % life %ss'r%n(e s%les#%n. They needed S2AA,AAA $orth of ins'r%n(e. ?o one )no$s %nd no one (%n find o't th%t yo'r friend is dying. Wo'ld yo' $rite the +oli(yJ Yo' (%nnot legisl%te ethi(s. Wh%t %d*i(e $o'ld yo' gi*e to yo'r (hildren 'nder the s%#e (ir('#st%n(esJ s yo'r &eh%*ior (onfor#ing $ith the %d*i(e yo' $o'ld gi*e yo'r (hildren in the s%#e sit'%tionJ We st%rt le%rning ethi(s right %fter &irth %nd %ll thro'gh o'r li*es. C%n $e (h%nge ethi(%l &eh%*iorJ Yes, $e need ethi(%l tr%ining. WHAT AFFECTS ETHICS?

;reed Fe%r Press're

Press're to +erfor# does not K'stify 'nethi(%l %(ts. To &e tre%ted f%irly is not the s%#e thing %s &eing tre%ted e7'%lly. ETHICS IN BUSINESS Ethi(s or l%() of it is e*ident in e*ery +rofession. ;reedy do(tors do 'nne(ess%ry +ro(ed'res %nd s'rgery. L%$yers &end the tr'th. P%rents %nd (hildren %li)e tell $hite lies. A((o'nt%nts %nd se(ret%ries often f%lsify re+orts. When $e (he%t the +eo+le %ro'nd 's, #ost of %ll $e %re (he%ting o'rsel*es. We %re +re+%ring o'rsel*es to &e (he%ted. Pros+erity &rings res+onsi&ility. We (%nnot &'ild ind'stry %nd infr%str'(t're $hile destroying the #or%l %nd so(i%l fi&er. The (onse7'en(es of not follo$ing ethi(%l &eh%*ior %re the s%#e %s not follo$ing leg%l &eh%*ior. So#e +eo+le $ill ne*er &e ethi(%l. They thin) they %re t%)ing the e%sy $%y. n

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re%lity it is the to'gher $%y. Co'ld yo' f%(e yo'rself if yo' didn't do the right thing for yo'r (lientJ Co'ld yo' &r%g to yo'r )ids %nd &e +ro'd %nd feel goodJ f yo' (%n't, then th%t &eh%*ior is 'nethi(%l. A sense of h'#or %nd +ride in oneself )ee+ % +erson on (o'rse. VISION Why don't +eo+le %(hie*e e-(ellen(eJ The &ig re%son is the l%() of *ision or li#ited *ision. We need to dre%# &eyond $h%t is +ossi&le. E*erything th%t $e see tod%y $%s % dre%# &efore it &e(%#e re%lity. Li*e $ith enth'si%s#, dire(tion %nd $ith % sense of +'r+ose. Do yo' h%*e % dre%#J Wh%t is yo'r dre%#J E*ery d%y th%t yo' li*e, %re yo' getting (loser to yo'r +'r+oseJ ;et yo'r %d*i(e fro# s'((essf'l +eo+le %nd not fro# li*ing f%il'res $ho $ill tell yo' ho$ to s'((eed. Where the *ision is one ye%r, ('lti*%te flo$ers. Where the *ision is ten ye%rs, ('lti*%te trees. Where the *ision is eternity, ('lti*%te +eo+le. Orient%l s%ying Re#e#&er, $inners don't do different things, they do things differentlyN

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