Free Guide Transforming March 31 PDF

Transforming the Inner Mother:
Become the Mother You Always Wantedto Yourself
A FREE GUIDE
BETHANY WEBSTER
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Introduction!
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Developmentally,!our!relationship!with!our!mother!serves!as!a!
template!for!our!relationship!with!ourselves.!As!female!children!
we!absorbed!information!about!how!she!felt!about!herself,!about!
us!as!her!child!and!about!the!world.!Naturally!we!internalized!
these!beliefs!and!worldviews!to!form!the!basis!of!our!very!own!
beliefs!and!sense!of!self.!
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We!learned!to!treat!ourselves!the!way!our!mother!treated!
herself.!!
Our!task!as!awakened!women!is!to!transform!the!inner!mother!
within!our!psyche!from!a!duplicate!of!our!biological!mother!with!
her!human!limitations!into!the!mother!we!always!needed!and!
wanted.!In!doing!this,!the!inner!mother!accurately!meets!our!
needs!and!unconditionally!nurtures!us!in!ways!our!outer!mothers!
may!have!been!unable!to.!!
We!can!become!the!mother!we!always!wantedto!ourselves.!!
In!this!way,!we!become!capable!of!accepting!the!limitations!of!our!
outer!mother!because!the!inner!mother!becomes!the!primary!one!
we!can!rely!on!in!ways!that!perhaps!we!were!never!able!to!rely!on!
our!outer!mother.
!Bethany!Webster!2014.!All!Rights!Reserved.!http://womboflight.com! 1!
Transforming!the!Inner!Mother:!A!Free!Guide.!!
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Our!mother!could!only!love!us!to!the!extent!that!she!could!love!
herself.!
At!a!certain!point!we!must!face!that!our!mothers!could!not!and!
will!not!meet!our!needs!in!all!the!ways!that!we!needed!and!
wanted!her!to.!This!must!be!grieved!all!the!way!through.!We!have!
to!grieve!the!ways!we!had!to!compensate!and!suffer!from!the!
mother!wound.!In!the!process!of!grieving!we!have!the!chance!to!
realize!that!the!fact!that!we!felt!unloved!or!abandoned!in!
moments!was!not!our!fault!and!we!can!stop!struggling!to!prove!
our!worth!to!the!world.!In!the!grieving!process,!we!can!also!have!
compassion!for!our!mothers!and!the!burdens!they!carried.!
Healing!the!mother!wound!transforms!your!life!beyond!
anything!you!can!imagine.!!
Through!facing!this!pain,!we!may!find!that!what!we!thought!was!
our!pain!may!actually!be!partly!our!mothers!pain!that!we!have!
been!carrying!for!her!out!of!love.!We!can!now!choose!to!put!this!
burden!down.!Instead!of!attenuating!ourselves!out!of!guilt,!we!
can!stand!confidently!in!our!bodies!and!hearts!with!a!sense!of!
true!wholeness!and!selfClove.!
By!becoming!the!good!enough!mother!to!ourselves,!we!
liberate!not!only!ourselves,!but!everyone!else!in!our!lives.!!
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It!is!challenging!to!admit!to!ourselves!where!we!felt!unloved!in!
our!relationship!with!our!mother.!We!may!recall!seeing!how!
burdened!and!overwhelmed!she!was!and!we!may!have!thought!
that!we!were!the!source!of!her!pain.!This!daughter!guilt!can!
keep!us!stuck.!Recognizing!the!innocence!and!legitimacy!of!our!
childhood!needs!is!a!way!of!releasing!shame!and!baptizing!
ourselves!into!the!truth!of!our!goodness.!Once!we!first!grieve!for!
ourselves,!we!can!then!grieve!for!our!mothers!and!for!women!as!a!
whole.!
Grief!replenishes!and!strengthens!us.!
As!women!we!can!heal!and!give!ourselves!what!our!mothers!
could!not!give!us.!We!can!become!our!own!source.!The!collective!
female!pain!body!is!healed!one!woman!at!a!time.!And!as!the!
female!pain!body!heals!so!does!the!collective!human!pain!body.!
Our!own!healing!is!not!only!a!gift!to!ourselves,!but!to!the!world.!
The!mother!wound!is!a!great!opportunity.!
As!we!allow!ourselves!to!contact!what!feels!like!an!ancient,!
inexhaustible!hunger!for!an!inexhaustible!motherwe!birth!
ourselves!into!our!true!identitywhat!I!call!the!womb!of!light,!
an!inexhaustible,!overflowing!fountain!of!love!and!abundance!
that!is!not!dependent!on!circumstances!or!conditions.!We!then!
can!live!in!service!to!that!which!we!truly!arelove!itself.
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Transforming!the!Inner!Mother!
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Even!though!we!are!adult!women!the!mother/daughter!
relationship!continues!to!live!within!our!psyche.!!
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Mother/daughter!relationships!are!on!a!continuum,!with!healthy!
and!supportive!on!one!end!and!abusive,!conflictCridden!on!the!
other!end.!We!all!fall!somewhere!on!this!continuum.!Depending!
upon!the!level!of!positive!bonding!that!you!experienced!with!your!
mother,!your!mothers!voice!may!be!the!supportive,!nurturing,!
comforting!voice!that!encourages!you!when!you!feel!confused!or!
challenged.!And!likewise,!you!may!recognize!the!voice!of!the!inner!
critic!to!be!the!voice!of!your!mother,!causing!you!to!feel!doubtful,!
stuck!and!limited.!!
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There!is!no!such!thing!as!a!perfect!mother/daughter!relationship.!
And!many!women!have!experienced!great!pain!and!conflict!with!
their!mothers.!!
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Our!task!as!we!heal!the!mother!wound!is!to!transform!the!inner!
mother!within!us!from!a!duplicate!of!our!human!mother!(with!her!
limitations)!into!the!mother!we!always!wantedan!inner!mother!
that!can!abundantly!meet!our!needs!and!support!us!in!
flourishing!and!loving!ourselves!for!who!we!truly!are.!!!
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Even!if!you!have!had!challenges!with!our!mother,!its!possible!to!
create!an!unconditionally!loving!mother!on!the!inside.!!
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The!relationship!between!your!inner!mother!and!your!inner!child!
is!a!container!that!supports!you!in!living!a!life!that!truly!fulfills!
you.!This!relationship!is!created!by!having!regular!dialogues!with!
your!inner!child!and!by!demonstrating!your!ability!to!nurture,!
listen!and!comfort!her!on!a!consistent!basis.!!
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Over!time!a!safe!inner!bond!is!formed!that!fills!the!gap!of!
mothering!that!you!did!not!get!from!your!own!mother.!Gradually,!
this!allows!you!to!cease!searching!for!this!love!on!the!outside!
because!you!are!finding!it!within.!It!is!a!powerful!process!that!has!
ripple!effects!on!every!area!of!your!life.!!!
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Giving!Yourself!Permission!to!Love!Yourself!
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What!many!people!dont!realize!is!that!what!we!really!want!is!our!
OWN!love.!This!is!the!love!that!is!truly!infinite!and!without!limit.!
The!reason!it!seems!that!we!may!be!searching!and!longing!for!our!
mothers!love!or!approval!is!because!a!mothers!love!is!what!
gives!a!child!PERMISSION!to!love!herself.!!
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This!is!a!developmental!need!and!when!that!need!is!not!met!in!
childhood,!as!adults!we!end!up!unconsciously!projecting!this!need!
onto!other!people!and!situations!in!our!lives,!expecting!them!to!
give!us!that!sense!of!validation,!approval!and!love!that!they!
simply!cannot!give.!This!can!keep!us!stuck!and!frustrated.!!
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As!adults,!we!can!finally!give!ourselves!permission!to!love!
ourselves.!We!do!this!by!first!mourning!the!fact!that!our!original!
chance!to!get!that!permission!from!our!mothers!is!gone!because!
we!cant!go!back!to!childhood.!What!creates!the!shift!is!really!
seeing!the!truth!that!it!was!never!your!fault!that!you!didnt!get!
the!mothering!you!needed.!It!was!simply!the!result!of!the!
environmental!factors!that!were!present!in!your!early!childhood,!
including!the!issues!of!the!adults!surrounding!you.!You!were!a!
child!and!had!no!control!over!the!situation.!!
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Mourning!our!Powerlessness!as!Children!
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The!way!a!child!interprets!maternal!deficits!is!to!make!itself!
wrong!and!something!to!improve!upon.!This!is!because!the!child!
must!preserve!the!belief!that!the!mother!is!allCgood!and!allC
knowing!in!order!to!survive!emotionally!intact.!It!creates!the!
belief!that:!There!must!be!something!wrong!with!me.!This!
internal!message!is!a!survival!mechanism!protecting!the!child!
from!the!reality!of!the!situation,!which!could!otherwise!devastate!
the!child.!Because!of!this!early!survival!mechanism,!many!of!us!
may!unconsciously!carry!this!belief!into!adulthood!to!some!
degree,!which!can!cause!a!lot!of!pain!and!struggle.!!
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We!did!not!have!the!capacity!to!mourn!the!situation!as!children!
but!as!adults!we!do!and!we!must,!in!order!to!claim!and!live!our!
full!potential.!!
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It!is!an!important!step!to!really!allow!yourself!to!see!that!your!
pain!was!never!your!fault!and!to!grieve!the!fact!that!you!cannot!
go!back!and!get!that!nurturing!you!needed.!!
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In!taking!this!step,!you!begin!the!process!of!liberating!yourself!to!
become!the!powerful,!unique,!amazing!woman!that!you!are!and!
to!live!your!life!authentically!expressing!your!truth!and!your!gifts!
to!the!world.!!
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This!process!can!take!a!while!but!it!works!!Be!patient!with!
yourself.!If!you!stick!with!it,!you!will!increasingly!feel!the!weight!
and!pressure!lift!off!of!you!and!a!new!sense!of!freedom!will!begin!
to!dawn!in!your!life.!You!gradually!become!free!to!be!you,!without!
guilt,!shame!or!selfCdoubt,!but!rather!with!clarity,!confidence!and!
joy!!!
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Your!Inner!Child!
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Your!Inner!Child!is!a!source!of!creativity,!vitality!and!innocent!
wisdom.!Many!of!us!were!rejected!to!some!degree!in!childhood!
and!compensated!in!some!way!by!creating!a!false!self.!This!false!
self!was!the!self!we!had!to!show!to!the!outside!world!in!order!to!
be!accepted.!The!parts!of!us!that!were!rejected!went!into!shadow!
and!remain!inaccessible!to!us!until!we!retrieve!our!inner!child!and!
create!a!nurturing,!safe!inner!relationship!that!allows!for!our!true,!
authentic!self!to!emerge.!!
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Creating!Inner!Safety!
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What!we!call!the!inner!child!is!a!real!energy!that!lives!in!us!
as!adults.!If!left!ignored,!the!inner!child!may!still!be!splitCoff!
and!frozen!due!to!unresolved!early!traumatic!experiences.!
This!can!cause!us!to!unconsciously!sabotage!ourselves!due!
to!unresolved!beliefs!and!fears!from!early!childhood.!
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By!opening!the!dialogue!with!your!inner!child,!the!inner!
frozen!places!that!keep!you!stuck!in!painful!patterns!begin!
to!open!up,!creating!space!for!more!fulfillment,!joy!and!
creativity.!!
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Examples!of!questions!to!ask!your!inner!child:!!
How!are!you!feeling!today?!
What!do!you!need!from!me!in!this!moment?!
What!can!I!do!for!you!right!now?!
I!sense!that!you!are!feeling!______.!Would!you!like!to!talk!
about!it?!
What!would!you!like!to!do!right!now?!
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Examples!of!affirming!things!you!can!say!to!your!inner!child:!!
You!are!thoroughly!good!and!wonderful.!
You!are!lovable!and!special.!
You!are!safe.!
I!respect!you.!
I!am!so!proud!of!you!!
Im!so!happy!you!are!here!!
You!can!do!it!!
Im!right!here!for!you!whenever!you!need!me.!
Its!OK!to!have!needs.!I!love!filling!your!needs!!
I!love!taking!care!of!you!!
Its!OK!to!make!mistakes.!
All!of!your!feelings!are!OK.!
You!can!rest!in!me.!
Theres!nothing!you!could!say!or!do!that!would!make!me!not!
love!you.!
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Your!inner!Mother!
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Your!inner!Mother!is!your!adult!self,!with!all!your!knowledge!and!
power,!supported!by!higher!forces!such!as!the!universe,!
God/Goddess!and!higher!self.!!
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As!the!inner!mother,!you!help!your!inner!child!within!you!to!see!
that!the!past!is!truly!in!the!past.!You!do!this!by!being!conscious!of!
your!inner!childs!emotional!state!and!making!new!choices!that!
demonstrate!that!the!dangers!of!early!childhood!are!no!longer!
present.!!
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You!as!the!inner!mother!have!the!ability!to!care!for!your!inner!
child!and!provide!things!that!your!mother!may!not!have!been!
able!to.!!!
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Some!examples:!
o Soothing!her!when!she!is!scared!
o Comforting!her!when!you!are!moving!into!a!new!
direction!that!seems!risky!to!her!
o Supporting!her!by!affirming!her!worth,!value!and!
deservingness!
o Protecting!her!boundaries!
o Supporting!her!in!her!desires!to!play,!learn,!explore!
and!grow!
o Affirming!her!goodness!that!is!indestructible!no!matter!
what!happens!in!life!
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The!inner!bond!that!will!change!your!life!in!profound!ways!
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You!move!back!and!forth!between!being!the!inner!mother!and!
the!inner!child.!In!this!way,!you!receive!the!nurturing!you!need!
and!you!provide!the!safe!container!that!you!needed!as!a!child.!
One!could!say!that!through!this!relationship,!you!create!a!center!!
of!wholeness!and!safety!within!that!allows!you!to!truly!thrive!and!
flourish!in!the!world.!This!relationship!continues!to!deepen!over!
time!and!brings!a!great!richness!to!life.!!
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When!your!inner!child!really!understands,!with!your!help,!the!
truth!that!her!pain!was!never!her!fault,!a!major!shift!happens:!!
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The!primary$attachment!bond!from!shifts!from!the!limited!
outer!mother!to!the!unconditionally!loving!inner!mother.!!
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You!become!increasingly!able!to!feel!the!reality!of!your!own!
loveableCness!and!rejoice!in!your!own!goodness!and!value,!
no!matter!the!outer!circumstances.!
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You!are!better!able!to!receive!love!from!others!because!a!
part!of!you!is!no!longer!invested!in!seeing!yourself!as!less!
than!as!a!form!of!being!loyal!to!your!mother.!(Waiting!
indefinitely!for!your!mother!to!show!up!in!the!ways!that!you!
needed!her!to.)!!!
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You!are!able!to!accurately!see!yourself.!You!can!see!your!
own!faults,!flaws!or!mistakes!while!remaining!firmly!rooted!
in!your!basic!sense!of!goodness!and!value.!External!approval!
may!come!but!you!no!longer!need!it!to!feel!OK.!!
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Ways!to!cultivate!the!Good!Enough!Inner!Mother!
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By!cultivating!the!good!enough!mother!you!are!developing!a!new!
relationship!within!yourself.!You!dont!have!to!be!perfect;!you!will!
make!mistakes.!The!important!thing!is!that!you!are!willing!to!keep!
going!!And!every!little!bit!goes!a!very!long!way!!!
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What!were!some!of!the!things!you!wanted!when!you!were!little!
that!you!never!got?!!
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As!a!little!girl,!did!you!wish!your!mother?!
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Lovingly!brushed!your!hair!
Laid!out!your!clothes!the!night!before!school!
Read!you!a!bedtime!story!every!night!
Truly!listened!to!what!you!had!to!say!
Console!you!and!help!you!to!brainstorm!solutions!when!you!
were!upset!
Paid!for!you!to!take!music!or!art!lessons!
Gave!you!lots!of!hugs!and!was!physically!affectionate!
towards!you!
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Action!step:!Make!a!list!of!things!your!inner!child!longed!for!from!
your!mother!and!actually!do!them!!This!sends!a!very!strong!
message!to!your!inner!child!that!she!is!worthy,!deserving,!
important!and!special.!She!starts!to!see!that!you!are!the!source!of!!
love!that!she!needs,!not!the!outer!mother!who!shes!been!waiting!
and!longing!for.!
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Action!Step:!Consistently!checkCin!and!dialogue!with!your!inner!
child:!!
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o Post!a!picture!of!yourself!as!a!child!in!a!prominent!
place!where!you!can!see!it!every!day.!!
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o You!can!start!out!small!with!just!a!few!minutes!of!
dialogue!per!day.!(silently!or!aloud)!
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o Speak!to!her!as!you!would!a!child!in!a!nurturing,!soft!
voice.!!
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o Empathy!is!key.!Express!empathy!for!how!she!has!been!
suffering!and!waiting!for!mother!to!change.!Explain!
that!she!no!longer!needs!to!wait,!that!you!are!now!
here!to!take!care!of!her!from!now!on.!!
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o Tell!her!how!special,!unique,!and!wonderful!she!is!!
Give!her!examples!of!her!wonderful!qualities.!!
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o Tell!her!you!are!so!happy!she!is!here!!That!she!is!alive!
and!in!your!life!!(something!she!may!not!have!heard!at!
all!as!a!child)!
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o Cultivate!maternal!compassion!and!love!for!yourself!as!
a!child.!You!can!do!this!by!flipping!through!photo!
albums!and!admiring!what!an!adorable,!wonderful!
child!you!were.!Really!look!and!sense!yourself!as!a!
child,!how!precious!and!special!you!were.!!
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o Visualize!a!beautiful!inner!place!where!you!and!your!
inner!child!can!connect!and!interact.!Perhaps!a!
gorgeous!meadow,!on!the!beach!or!in!a!safe!home!that!
is!beautiful!and!cozy.!Return!to!this!place!consistently!
to!connect,!nurture!and!comfort!your!inner!child.!!
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o Even!when!you!are!active!in!the!world!a!part!of!you!
can!always!be!connected!to!her.!She!can!always!be!
tucked!in!safely!your!heart.!
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As!adults,!we!have!a!second!chance!to!get!the!!
mothering!we!need.!
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We!can!get!the!mothering!we!need!from!many!different!sources:!!
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o Other!people!who!are!generous,!safe!and!trustworthy.!
All!the!love,!kindness,!respect,!that!we!receive!from!
others!can!feed!us!and!nurture!the!child!within.!!
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o Observe!loving!mothers!interact!with!their!children.!
Bring!that!loving!energy!into!yourself!and!into!your!
relationship!with!your!own!inner!child.!!
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o We!consciously!make!new!choices!that!we!couldnt!
make!in!the!past!AND!in!doing!so!we!receive!emotional!
nutrients!that!replace!earlier!deficits.!(Examples:!
setting!boundaries,!voicing!our!truth,!comforting!
ourselves!rather!than!condemning!ourselves,!etc.)!
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o For!example,!if!you!were!shamed!for!speaking!your!
mind!as!a!child,!as!an!adult!rather!than!continuing!the!
pattern!of!remaining!silent!due!to!fear!of!rejection,!
one!can!shift!the!pattern!by!taking!the!risk!to!speak!
your!mind!as!an!adult,!even!if!it!feels!uncomfortable!in!
order!to!experience!a!different!outcome.!!
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o When!we!do!this!(acting!counter!to!the!pattern)!
theres!a!chance!we!will!have!a!different!experience!
than!we!did!as!a!child,!which!can!be!very!healing.!!
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o When!you!have!this!different!experience,!perhaps!by!
being!supported!in!speaking!your!mind!(rather!than!
shamed)!your!inner!child!gets!the!message!that!things!
ARE!different!now.!It!demonstrates!that!you!are!not!
frozen!in!the!past,!stuck!in!that!pattern,!but!that!you,!
as!an!adult,!are!capable!of!new!experiences!of!yourself!
and!life.!Your!inner!child!begins!to!trust!you!more!and!
more.!!
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o Working!with!symbols!and!archetypes.!(Example:!
Create!an!image!of!the!good!mother!and!work!with!it.!
Visualizations,!art!work,!collage,!drawings,!etc.)!!
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o Help!from!the!Divine!Mother:!Mother!Mary,!The!
Goddesses,!other!images!and!figures!of!divine!
feminine!power!and!love,!etc.!
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o Get!Support:!We!cannot!heal!in!isolation.!Its!
important!to!reach!out!and!get!the!support!you!need.!
Depending!where!you!are!in!your!healing!journey,!
different!forms!of!support!may!be!needed!or!desired!
at!different!times.!No!matter!what!modality!you!use,!
the!most!important!thing!is!to!have!a!safe!place!to!
process!some!of!the!deeper!feelings!you!may!be!
experiencing!and!integrate!them!in!a!healthy!way!that!
supports!you!in!loving!yourself.!!
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o Some!examples!of!support!are:!!
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! Individual!therapy!
! Group!therapy!!
! Support!groups!
! Workshops!
! Energy!work!
! Movement!therapy/yoga!
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Conclusion!
Transforming!the!inner!mother!is!a!powerful!process!that!guides!
women!to!heal!from!interCgenerational!wounds!and!to!claim!their!
authentic!power!and!potential.!It!is!a!simple!process!that!over!
time!can!create!major!positive!change!in!your!life.!I!hope!youve!
enjoyed!this!free!report!and!feel!inspired!to!love!and!support!
yourself!in!this!way!!
!
Learn!more!about!programs!and!offerings!from!Bethany!
Webster!
The!guide!is!a!brief!excerpt!from!a!larger!module!on!transforming!
the!inner!mother,!which!is!a!single!component!of!a!sevenCstep!
process!I!teach!on!how!to!transform!the!pain!of!maternal!
wounding!into!divine!feminine!power.!Stay!tuned!to!my!website!
for!upcoming!announcements!about!online!courses,!live!
workshops!and!opportunities!to!invest!in!personal!coaching!with!
me.!I!welcome!the!opportunity!to!serve!you!on!your!unique!path!
of!healing!and!transformation!!http://womboflight.com!
!
!
!
Important!Notes:!!
If!your!relationship!with!your!mother!was!characterized!by!
severe!abuse!or!neglect,!it!is!highly!recommended!that!you!
work!individually!with!a!professional!therapist!who!
specializes!in!trauma!and!attachment.!Take!time!to!
interview!the!therapist!to!make!sure!it!is!a!match.!!
This!process!takes!time!and!cannot!be!rushed.!Be!
compassionate!with!yourself.!Get!the!support!you!need.!!
You!deserve!it!!
!
About!Bethany!Webster:!!
Bethany!Webster!is!a!writer,!international!speaker!and!what!you!
could!call!a!midwife!of!the!heart.!Her!work!is!focused!on!
supporting!women!in!realizing!their!true!identity!as!
consciousness,!claiming!their!brilliance!and!embodying!their!truth!
with!authenticity!and!selfClove.!She!is!the!author!of!the!
forthcoming!book!Healing$the$Mother$Wound:$Move$Beyond$
What$Your$Mother$Never$Gave$You$and$Become$the$Woman$
Youre$Meant$to$Be.!Contact:!info@womboflight.com!
Disclaimer:$The$content$of$this$report$is$informational$in$nature$
and$intended$to$inspire$women$to$fulfill$their$potential.$The$
information$is$based$on$my$own$education,$life$experiences,$
memories,$perspectives$and$opinions.$While$I$do$have$degrees$in$
psychology,$I$am$not$a$licensed$psychotherapist.$If$you$are$seeking$
medical,$professional$or$legal$advice,$please$contact$those$
professionals$who$are$licensed$to$provide$that$information.$!

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Transforming the Inner Mother:

Become the Mother You Always Wantedto Yourself

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