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15/03/01 Issue no: 1006

Competitions Life after the The Barearts

Womb Phantom
p7 p17 p3 p5-16

International Gala By Sariqa Wagely

International Correspon

Coming up to the end of the international week, Friday night saw

an impressive gala. Four of the largest societies on campus put
together a spectacular show that had audience mesmerised. The
vice chancellor kick started the evening by making the audience
shake hands and greet other fellow spectators in their own tradi-
tional way. This broke the ice and created an enjoyable atmos-
phere that set the pace for the rest of the evening. The Korean,
Asian, Afro-Caribbean and the Arabic society provided the enter-
tainment for the night.

The Korean Society

Kun-Jung Li provided live music with traditional folksongs, all
played on a violin. The music was mellow and soft however this
was just the gentle side of the Korean society. The melodious
Tai Kwon do takes a step further Fashion Show
tracks about love and lovers was followed up by the explosive and
fiery action provided by the martial arts experts in Taikwondo.
JungYoul Yee ,the president, introduced Taikwondo as one of lat-
est sports to be introduced to the Sydney 2000 Olympics. The
martial arts students had the audience on the edge of their seats
as they decided to show us their expertise in how to kick coke
cans – at the audience. No do not fear these martial arts students
as are as friendly as Casper the friendly ghost, however I still
wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of them. the president of
the society did a very good job in getting his part of the show
together as he had only been president for three weeks the audi-
ence loved him with his sweet and loveable character.

The Afro-Caribbean Society

One of the Afro Carribbean many dance routines
The ex-president of the society gave us a brief but nevertheless
inspiring insight into the tradition of Africa and the Caribbean.
Everyone was dressed in their traditional clothes, the colours and
styles were absolutely amazing. The music and dancing were so
good that words cannot describe it. Whoever choreographed cer-
tainly knew what they were doing, as the dancing was in another
level. And whoah were the topless men oh so great to look at.
Barefacts own poet, Maissa Hireka, was present reading her
poem, “Black” accompanied by traditional drums and guitar. Their Question and answer session International style
segment ended with more interactive dancing to ‘Sorry Miss
Jackson’ involving more ‘mature’ members of the audience. I’m
sure they weren’t sorry to get up on the stage and strut their thing.
It is hard to describe their performance but the audience were
buzzing all the way through the interval that followed.

Asian society
We are proud to say we are part of this society as they presented
an excellent show which delivered different colours of Asia. As
many people know Asia is renowned for its very good looking
women and this was no exception as shown in a mini fashion
show, illustrating traditional costumes. The fashion show was very
professionally done, the women dressed in sarees and Shalwar
Kameez looked very stunning and glamorous. But as a females
ourselves, we must add that the men weren’t that bad looking as
well, as us Asian girls know it’s hard to find a damn good looking
Asian bloke around here. As well as the fashion show there was
also traditional dancing, performed by the girls and a little step for
the guys as they were obviously shy. Each step of the dance was
excellently, performed, was very impressive. Overall, the music
A traditional dance was and the audience enjoyed every single bit of it. Belly dancing in action
continued page 3

Student Council 1pm, Tuesday 20th March, Main Union

barefacts@ussu.co.uk
News 1-3 n Features 3-6, n Barearts 5-16 n Lifestyle 18 n Sport 19-20
 2 News
Editorial
Editorial Team Another short one from me this week. It’s Comic
Editor Relief tomorrow in case you haven’t noticed. So our
Kevin ‘Living on the street’ Marston wonderful Phantom has decided that she’ll gunge two
people live in the Union on Silly Night, next
Deputy Editor Wednesday. The first person will be our President
Miss Fiona Wareham, since we have now collected
Luke ‘Anyone for a’ Hickey
the fifty quid necessary to splat her.
The other person is up to you. Look at page 3 to see
Production Editor
Andy ‘Bumhole’ Thomas who you can vote for and how to vote, it’ll cost you
50p a time and all the money raised does go to a fan-
Editor-at-Large tastic cause so please give generously.
Rumour has it that it’s tight at the top between
Thomas W D ‘40’ Wells
Tristan O’Dwyer and Lisa Widdows with Adam
Jakeway and David Abbott not too far behind, but
News Editor there’s age to go so make your vote count.
Mike ‘Lotta’ Rolfe Thanks to Luke, Andy, Chops and Tom W who have
done quite a bit of this week’s paper and to all the
Political Editor contributors, who this week seem to include Zippy,
Reuben ‘Stupid Hair’ Thompson Bungle and George. Obviously the Comic Relief spir-
it is in the air.
Features Editor ‘phased’ be hitting your news-stands again in May
David ‘Mr. Constitution’ Abbott and so we are looking for anybody who fancies writ-
ing for it to let me know. It can be on anything; a fea-
Music Editor ture, an interview, a story, a review of a
Owen ‘Marion’ Hazelby gig/theatre/book or anything else. If you would like to
contribuate but are not sure what to do please contact
Film Editor me or David Abbott (features ed) as we both are
brimmed full of ideas.
Libby ‘I’m’ Hurt
Kev.
Sports Editor
Dave ‘Lamby’ Chapman
Marketing Team ...News In Brief...News In Brief...News
Ali ‘Miss Piggy’ Danby
Ellen ‘I’ve got a British Passport’ van Keulen Trouble at the Union
Late last Friday night (9th March) saw an incident in
Comic Relief Editor the Students union which required police attendance.
The Phantom Flinger Eye-witnesses told barefacts that two males were
involved with the first male punching the second one
Contributors for an unknown reason leading to a retailatory bite
Zippy from the second male. The second male was believed
Bungle to have been a guest of a UniS student. The matter is
George now in the hands of the police and the union disipli-
Lucy ‘Miss Naughty Nurse’ Andrews nary procedures. The eyewitness told barefacts that
there were general problems on the dance floor for
barefacts large parts of the night, with ‘one too many idiots in the
Union House, University Of Surrey union’ for most of it.
Guildford, Surrey, GU2 7XH
Tel: 01483 879275 Countryside Closed
Fax: 01483 534749 Since the start of the foot and mouth crisis, large parts
email: barefacts@surrey.ac.uk of the countryside have been closed in an effort to
stop the spread of the disease from one part of the
country to another. All the National Parks have been
Deadline for Publication closed, including the New Forest for the first time in
Features and Arts: Friday 12pmNews: Monday history. Despite the closures and the signs telling peo-
12pm ple in case they don’t know, some members of the
public are still walking and cycling in the areas that are
officially shut. Most of the common land around
Submissions Guildford is also closed and anyone found going
preferably on disk / email in Word 6.0 Format, against the ban could be liable for a fine of up to
£5,000.
Text in Arial, size 9 font
barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper, published by the University of Surrey Students' Union Communications Office. Foot & Mouth Grip Eased by Licences
The views expressed within the paper are those of individual authors, and do not necessarily Some livestock have begun to move to abattoirs this
represent the views of the Editor, the Editorial Board, the University of Surrey Students' Union week as Surrey County Council issues licences for the
or the University of Surrey. movement of unaffected animals for slaughter. The
This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express permission relaxing of the regulations on the movement of unin-
of the publisher.
fected animals comes as a relief for the owners of the
All submissions must include the author's name and Union or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication.
Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles will not be published. abattoirs and butchers shops that rely on the meat
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions.
trade to stay in business. The licences are valid for
Printed by five days and have strict regulations, which include a
complete health inspection for the animals when they
East End Offset (TU), Bow, London, E3 3LT arrive.
© USSU Communications Office 2001
NO Meat Shortages
Butchers in Guildford have reported that the ongoing
Foot & Mouth crisis has not caused them to run out of
meat. In fact the only thing to change from a month
ago is that the price of meat has gone up slightly. The
public has obviously learnt from the petrol crisis and
not gone out panic buying this time when supplies
were threatened. Last time I was at the supermarkets
they didn’t seem to have a problem either, so don’t
worry, at least not yet.
Massive staff shortage in the postal services
Guildford’s postal service has been thrown into chaos
recently because of a desperate staff shortage. There
15/03/01
ps The battle between the Pahntom and Big sis is
turning into a full scale war, who will win, stay tuned
next semester.
pps If you have nothing to do on Sunday pop on
down to the sports hall and watch the Ultimate
Frisbee Tournmant from 10am - 4pm . (Watch some
of barefacts finest in action)
ppps Sorry for any misunderstanding in last week
International Exhibtion article, the Arabic society does
not contain Iran ian Society but is a collection of
Arabian Countries.
are more than 100 vacancies in Guildford and the sur-
rounding area. Around 30 full and part time staff are
needed in the delivery centre, just down the road from
campus, to fill the gaps that currently exist. The short-
ages have been blamed on the Royal Mail’s standard-
ised wage structure that means all staff are paid the
same, regardless of where they live. Here in Surrey
where the average wage is higher, the salaries offered
seem less attractive then some other jobs, so Royal
Mail find recruiting difficult.
So, students, if you are struggling to make ends meet,
why not go down there to see if they can offer you any -
thing.
‘Killer boiler’ blamed for woman’s death
A young woman died when she and her boyfriend
were gassed by a faulty central heating boiler.
Amanda Rhys-Davies, 24, and Wayne Court, 27, had
only moved into the rented flat three weeks before the
tragic accident. The landlord has been charged with
several counts of breaching safety regulations directly
related to the incident.
This should be a warning to all of you out there who
are looking for houses for next year. Make sure that
the landlord has the appropriate safety certification
and that the house is safe before you move in.
Phone mast ban
Environmental and public health campaigns will be
celebrating a small victory this week after Guildford
Borough Council banned any mobile phone company
from erecting masts on the council’s land. Nick
Sutcliffe, the councillor who proposed the motion for
the ban, said after the meeting: “I want to see a debate
about the longer term future of mobile phone masts in
our urban and rural areas.”
He added: “Not only do the masts often have an
unsightly impact on the environment, but there is a
great deal of public concern about the potential health
risks.”
Local Man Charged With Robberies
A man has been charged with the robberies of sever-
al local shops back in January. The robberies are the
same crimes, which we reported to you in barefacts a
few weeks ago. Paul Montgomery, 25, from Park
Barn, Guildford has been charged with the knifepoint
robberies of two shops in mid-January.
Rights of way mapped in new project
The Countryside Agency will be launching a major
project to map all of the rights of way and areas of
common land in England. The project will begin with
the South East and include more than 4,000 square
miles of countryside.
15/03/01 News & Feature 3

It’s The Final Countdown

Hiya, it’s big ol me again.

In Gunging News (seeing as I’m in the News Section this week I thought I ought to be formal):
This week has lead to some interesting developments with regards to the gunge. Problems have arisen in the
Communications department, since alleged discussions broke down after efforts were made to try and make them talk.
This has resulted in a delay for the team, merely buying more time for the candidates, and giving the Students of Surrey
extra time to place donations.

In other news:
Anyone wishing to place a donation on any of the Candidates can do so at the Union reception, or by paying various
members of the barefacts team. All proceeds go to Comic Relief. Results will now be announced just before midnight on
Wednesday 21st. If you do not wish to have an indication of the results, ‘then look away now’. Pre-election polls indicate
that it is very tight amongst the leading four candidates with two others close behind . Here are the candidates:

David Abbott James Buller David Chapman John Geeson

Denise Goodwin Logan Hillier Adam Jakeway Kevin Marston

Tristan O’Dwyer Spenser Theobold Lisa Widdows Bulent Yazici

You will probably see most of the Barefacts team running around making complete and utter fools of themselves over the next week, just to try and convince you to vote in the elections.
So please abide. It’ll only cost you 50 little pence to vote and all money raised goes to Comic Relief.
The gunging will take place on the Union stage on Wednesday 21st March; Fiona (if the union staff have coughed up £50 by then) will be splatted at 11pm and then the ‘winner’ of the
election will be announced and got at midnight.
So back to the flans: Chef your time is almost upon us… and if your lucky I may reveal myself to you afterwards. Naughty nurse Jo P what is this I hear you have been up to…please
expect retribution. Spikey Sawyer I here your past is about to catch up with you, hope it won’t be of the creamy variety. As always flanning requests to phantom_flinger@hotmail.com

International Gala Cont..

Arabic Society performance was great, we
This society started of with don’t even want to know
their traditional foot tapping how she can bend her body
dance - all the performers like that.
stood in a line , holding each
other and moved co-ordi- All in all, the night was just
nately to the rhythm of the brilliant. This could not
music. It was most fun to have been done without the
watch and got most of the international society presi-
audience tapping to the dent Mona Sahlabadi, who
music. The fashion show was thanked immensely by
was great, we didn’t know the vice chancellor. We
that they had so many cus- have to say that we wish
toms and costumes in all the there were more events like
Middle-eastern countries. this as it really brought
Each of the costumes repre- everyone together.
sented a different part of
Arabia. As we know Arabs
are famous for belly dancing,
and boy did we get a bit on
show that night. As the belly
dancer swayed to the music
the sexual tension in the air
was just unbelievable. This
was one of the performanc-
es which made even the old
men (no offence) stand up
on their feet and dance. The
music was fantastic and the
 4 Environment
Greenbelt Vs Growth for Uni-S
You may or may not be aware
that the University owns a large
area of land adjacent to the
Research Park and behind the
hospital. This land, as well as our
current site at Stag Hill, was set
aside in 1965 for the long-term
development of the University.
Although it has since been desig-
nated as falling within the
Greenbelt, the University main-
tains a planning permission out-
standing from before the change in
definition of the area. Now, as the
University continues to expand in
terms of student numbers there is
a need for an expansion – accom-
modation being a key priority at
this stage (many of you, like
myself, will have to return to cam-
pus for your final year, only to be
told that there are not enough
spaces available). Hand in hand
with this go the longer-term strate-
gic development and relocation of
academic buildings, and a
sports/social infrastructure. But
can these reasons really justify
building on the Greenbelt – of
which a part is defined as being
one of “Great Landscape Value”
which is home to a wide diversity
of wildlife including some quite
rare species….?
Personally, I believe that some
development should be allowed.
Current regulations allow “institu-
tions standing in extensive
grounds” to build on Greenbelt
land, and I feel the University has
a need to develop in order to
remain competitive as an Institute
of Higher Education, and also just
to meet existing students needs.
Greensoc have spoken with both
sides of the case, and their views
and plans are summarised below.
The Centre for the Protection of
Rural England (CPRE) are strong-
ly opposed to any sort of develop-
ment on Manor Farm. Their rea-
Real Ale@ussu.co.uk
By Shaggy/ Rob Haggart
Beer Correspondent
There is a theory that beer was
first made by the Egyptians
around 3000 BC, not that this fact
is going to lead anywhere, I’d just
thought I would show off and drop
it in. So beer you’ve all drunk it,
spilt it and worn it. But there is
more to beer than the Union Bar
has to offer.
There are two main types of
beer: One is dead, this is beer that
is pasteurised to kill the yeast and
so stop the brewing process,
examples of the type of beer
include 1664, Carling,
Worthington’s and Beamish. The
other type of beer is alive, this
means the yeast is alive and
happy right up until the moment
you drink it, which is probably not
the best image to have when
hung-over, this beer is called real
ale. Half the people who have got
this far have now put BF down
and run away screaming because
The Manor Farm Debate
sons include loss of wildlife habitat
and open recreation land, adverse
changes in the visual perception of
the area both for local residents
and from the Hogs Back (an Area
of Outstanding Natural Beauty),
lack of clarity over what and how
the University intends to use the
land, and a need to protect a part
of the site which has historical
(Romanic) value which has not
been fully investigated. In addition
there are fears that the University
wishes to use the land simply to
expand the Research Park, thus
creating an enterprise site to gen-
erate income, and worries over the
extra traffic flow that any sort of
development will create on already
busy roads. They suggest that the
University should develop on other
brownfield sites in and around
Guildford, and adopt different
forms of education methods to
maximise efficiency of the
University system (distance learn-
ing, longer terms/ shorter breaks,
IT based learning etc.).
In response to this, the
University has shown Greensoc
their actual plans and strategies,
and most of the objections raised
above can be nullified. While it is
inevitable that any building on the
site is going to have some impact
on the natural environment, impact
assessments have and will been
carried out to ensure that as its
implications on wildlife are min-
imised. This includes maintaining
‘wildlife corridors’ through the site,
keeping large areas of land unde-
veloped by concentrating building
on the town side of the site initially
at least, and in doing so also min-
imising the visual impact of the
development by using the areas
least visible to the Hogs Back and
Onslow Village (behind the site). In
addition the historic area would be
protected.
they can spot somebody about to
go off on one. You know what,
they’re right.
Real ale is a drink unique to the
UK, with over 2000 different beers
brewed (another good fact) the
range of strengths, flavours and
colours is huge. And real ale is
coming to USSU, well to
Chancellor’s, with the beer com-
ing from a local brewery. The
Hogs Back is Surrey’s largest
independent brewery with three
regular brews and over 25 occa-
sional brews, which range from
The Hair of the Hog (3.5%abv) to
A over T (9%abv). The real star of
the Hogs Back is T.E.A.
(Traditional English Ale) which
won the best bitter award at the
Great British Beer Festival 2000
and the silver award in the best
beer of the festival.
The basic message for the hard
of thinking is drink real ale it’s
something different, local and it
tastes good.
As already stated, the land is to
be used in its first phase for extra
student accommodation, and we
must all agree there is a need for
this due to high private rents in
town and the advantages of living
close to the University’s resources.
Twenty-nine other sites around the
town have been investigated, but
none have been deemed suited to
the University’s current needs –
the main problem being size and
all the factors that go with
increased dispersion of the
University. As it is, the University
plans in the longer term to sell
Hazel Farm to help meet local
housing demands, and re-accom-
modate these students on either
the Manor Farm or Stag Hill cam-
pus. There are no plans to expand
the Research Park, and there will
only be 250 parking spaces on the
site, matching a commitment by
the University that the develop-
ment will increase traffic flow by no
more than 5%. Instead, the
University will be improving pedes-
trian, cycle and bus routes
between the sites, including the
existing subways that are current
sources of concern.
Later on, the University will move
academic buildings and depart-
ments across such as nursing,
which, with the proximity to the
hospital, seems a sensible propo-
sition.
In order to continue to thrive, the
University needs to increase its
intake of students in accordance
with national Government policy.
There is not sufficient demand for
non-contact education that the
CPRE suggests would achieve
this increase. Restructuring the
academic terms would also imple-
ment a whole range of problems
with staffing, researchers, accom-
modation etc. Monitored and con-
trolled development of the Manor
Farm site appears in this case to
be the best solution, and providing
it is carefully planned to minimise
environmental impacts I feel it
should be supported.
What do you think? Greensoc
and the University are keen to
know your views, so if you have an
opinion, please either email myself
(Greensoc Chair – mu91ev@sur-
rey.ac.uk ) or Dr Malcolm Parry
(M.Parry@surrey.ac.uk ), or else
come to a Greensoc meeting
(Thursday @ 6:30pm in Roots)
and we can discuss it further.
15/03/01
THINKING
OF
FLYING?
Planning a foreign holiday this
year? Did you realise that just
one return flight from here to the
USA causes more CO2 pollution
than the average motorist causes
in a whole year? Last year a
Friends of the Earth and climate
scientists produced a report out-
lining the in's and out's of the
econimic and environmental
costs of flying. Carbon dioxide
pollution is the principal cause of
climate change resulting from
increased global temperatures
i.e. global warming. Unlike road
users, airlines do not have to pay
any tax on the fuel they use. This
acts as a subsidy in comparison
with other modes of transport
and therefore there is less finan-
cial incentive for them to reduce
their fuel output. Increase in
world travel and the demand for
flights means that improvements
in aircraft and engine technology
will not be enough to counter the
consequent increase in CO2
emissions. In other words, if we
are to lessen the impacts of fly-
ing, we need to reduce the num-
ber of flights we take and encour-
age airline companies to invest
more money into developing less
polluting engines and look into
greener fuel alternatives. Friends
of the Earth are trying to encour-
age more people to take their
holidays closer to home, and
there are advantages to this - It is
generally cheaper; You are less
likely to have to have all those
nasty injections now necessary
for many foreign holiday destina-
tions; You won't get airsick; You
can get on with enjoying your hol-
iday by reducing the distance,
therefore time spent travelling;
And, most importantly you will be
reducing the consequences of
global warming.
 Ocean Colour Scene

This Week in barearts:

Live reviews,
CD Reviews,
OFU
& GU2
 6 Music 15/03/01

Music News
Nigel picked her - Kym from Hear’Say

U2 have had to add extra dates to the UK
leg of their forthcoming tour due to extreme
popularity. All the initial tickets sold out with-
in a couple of hours and extra dates that
were announced have also been sold out.
The band are now playing 2 dates in
Birmingham, 2 dates in Manchester and 4
dates at Earls Court, London. All the shows
will take place during April and with ticket
prices ranging from £32.50 to £45, U2 are
set to make a lot of money from the shows.
You thought it was all over, but the Spice
Girls are not splitting. Spice Girl Mel Cwho
was reported to say that she felt “uncomfort-
able” being in the Spice Girls and that she
wouldn’t be returning to work with them, has
now denied the split rumours. Speaking in a
telephone interview on Saturday mornings
CD:UK Mel C said “At the moment we’re
concentrating on solo stuff, but no-one has
left the band. I’ve not left the Spice Girls,
we’re still together.” Oh well, we can always
dream I suppose
Hearsay, the band from ITV’s Popstars,
have this week performed their first live
show at London’s G.A.Y at the Astoria. The
bands 5 song set, composing of forthcoming
single ‘Pure and Simple’ (played twice) and
Simon and Garfunkel’s ‘Bridge over trou-
bled water’, was filmed for the TV pro-
gramme and was well received by the
crowds. ‘Pure and Simple’ is released this
week (Mon 12th) and is expected to make a
big impact on the charts and knock
Westlife’s charity single ‘Uptown girl’ off the
top spot after only one week.
Finally this week, Queens of the Stone
Age have been approached to play this
years Reading/Leeds festival which will be
held between 24-27th August on the bank three day festival. If they are going to play We’ll try and keep you posted for more infor-
holiday weekend. The US rockers have then industry insiders predict that the band mation.
apparently been offered a “good slot” at the will play a low key one off gig for a warm up. Simon Robinson

Competition Time!!
Hiya, it’s me again for the penultimate time ever, sob, sob and general
sadness but despair not for I am going out on a high and have some
fantastic prizes to give away this week. But first, last week’s winners;
well done to Emma James who told us that last week was International
Week, and what a fantastic week it was too, congratulations to every-
body involved. Anyway, Emma wins to tickets to Tuesday’s Levellers
Concert.
Well done also to Matthew Badcock and Adam King who won
themselves a bottle of vodka each. They told us that Russia is famous
for drinking vodka. And finally, six FNO tickets to tomorrow’s Orange
night (worth £24 – not bad), went to Matt Sheppard who told us that his
favourite pastime was ‘getting up on a Sunday morning with a hangover
to go to the library and film a girl licking cream from an inflatable shark.’
Whatever turns you on Matt.
Usual rules apply, entries to barefacts@ussu.co.uk by 5pm Monday
19th March.
Win The Annual and Launch Party Tickets
The most exciting and creative talent from the UK, Europe and the US
has been unleashed by the creators of Dazed & Confused Magazine –
in the form of a freestyle retro-collection of ‘The Annual’. The style bible
revives the fondly remembered format of our childhood ‘fun books’ to
bring together both celebrated and emerging artists, writers, graphic
designers, ad agency creatives, illustrators, photographers, musicians
and filmmakers – all in the name of creative freedom. Topman, the high-
street Menswear giants, have included a double page that displays the
highs and lows of fashion history.
With paper engineering techniques such as rubdown transfers, stick-
ers, Braille, die-cut shapes and even a flat-pack lampshade, all vacuum
sealed in a unique, printed bag, Annual is also going to be a thing of
beauty in its own right. It’s a collector’s item in the making.
We’ve got 2 of these style bibles (worth £30 each) to give away and 2
pairs of tickets to the launch party at Dazed & Confused Galleries taking
place on March 29 th. To win just answer this question:
Win a WAP Mobile Phone
Orange, the global communications company, offers
Orange on Campus, a mobile phone service spe-
cially designed for students. The deal is designed to
help make the most out of a busy social life at uni-
versity so arguments over the telephone bill are a
thing of the past. This exclusive pre-pay package
offers a 20% discount on voice calls and a 40% dis-
count on text messages between Orange on
Campus users.
As part of the launch package, Orange offered all
text media services free of charge until the end of
January 2001. Now students can still receive one
text media service free of charge, on an ongoing basis. There’s a wealth of topics to choose from, including
sport, news and gig-guides, students can choose to receive regular updates or select the time they wish to
receive them.
Included in the price of Orange on Campus, students get access to Orange.net with email, 30 text mes-
sages a month and email alerts to their Orange phone. In addition students can choose off-peak hours to suit
them. Customers who choose their own off-peak hours still receive a fixed off-peak time between 11pm and
7am and can pick an additional four hours from a list of choices.
To celebrate this we have a Motorola V2288e WAP phone to give away, which comes with the Orange on
Campus phone package. If you want it answer this question:
Who is bringing the Freestylers to USSU tomorrow night?
Purple
Orange
Blue with yellow dots

What is the name of the current VP Sports?

Ben McCauley
Luke MacKenzie
Anna Stone
Win FNO tickets
Fancy six guest list tickets to the last FNO before Easter (Friday 23rd March)? Well if so tell us

Who is the best looking member of the bf team and why?

I’ll go 50:50

come on, the beer’s

Don’t forget to vote Kev for gunge
not that bad!
15/03/01 Live 7

More Life Off The Tramp’s Chest

Arab Strap/David Kitt, London Scala, 26/02/2001
What a perfect night for an Arab Strap
gig, the skies above London are dark
and miserable and nothing is going to
stop anyone from revelling in this mood.
Tonight's gig is more of musical work-
shop with young student types sitting
cross legged on the floor smoking dirty
roll ups telling each other their own exis-
tentialist bedroom tales which Arab
Strap so often sing about. The sombre
mood is set and David Kitt does nothing
to lighten it with similar poetic mum-
blings that make him sound like he was
trained by the master Moffat himself.
But there is something missing from
Kitt's performance and this something is
what makes Arab Strap so special, that
is atmosphere. As soon as Arab Strap
take the stage they create a stratos-
pheric amount of atmosphere made up
of synths, bass and Moffat's indistin-
guishable poetic drawls. Every member
of the audience is caught in the cacoph- Strapping young men...
ony of noise as they play through most
of their new album 'The Red Thread'
including the piano stomping 'Love
Detective' and the sombre 'The Long
Sea'. However, further through the set
you some how get the feeling that
you've heard it all the song before.
Moffat's ramblings eventually become
like a drunken tramp's tales, funny at
first but when they won't leave you alone
it becomes a pain. Tonight it never
becomes that bad as Moffat cleverly
crafts his mumbles in between the lone-
some music create by Middleton and
the rest of the band. However, you get
the feeling that you have been caught
up in a thick fog. Your caught up in
atmosphere but really you have never
left the ground.
Simon Robinson

We’re Still The Mods!

Ocean Colour Scene, Mo Solid Gold, Reading Rivermead, 07/03/2001
Scene and heard

This was certainly a night to remember.
It kicked off at 8pm with Mo Solid Gold
who played at our very own union on a
Sunday night last Semester. They start-
ed with a classy cover of Jimi Hendrix's
Manic Depression without vocals. This
got the crowd clapping and shouting
from the start. The Singer seems to
have 'ants in his pants' as his jigging
about on stage and movement would
suggest. He involves the crowd and
plays to them and there was a big roar
when they started to play the latest sin-
gle 'personal saviour'. It was a solidly
shining performance, just a shame it
was only a 30-minute set.
When Ocean Colour Scene hit the stage
half an hour later there was a lot of
cheering and chanting. They started
with a couple of new tracks from their
forthcoming album 'Mechanical
Wonder'. They sounded fairly average
and maybe lacklustre but this soon
changed when they played their clas-
sics. Running through hit after hit, 'The
Circle', 'Travellers Tune', 'Better Day',
'Profit in Peace', getting a great
response as the crowd were constantly
jumping and surging. Steve Craddock
was in particularly good form and must
have changed guitars about fifteen
times, including a few times during a
song. When the classic 'The Riverboat
Song' (famed for being the TFI Friday
tune played when guests enter), was
played the crowd went mad and the
band seemed to slow the song down
almost out of sympathy for the sweat-
ridden fans. 'Hundred Mile High City'
was truly amazing and the crowd were
totally up for it, which fed off on the
band's performance. Equally good was
the classic 'The Day We Caught The
Train'.
When the time came for the band to
leave the stage there was a constant
scream for 'more' and 'O...C...S'. As
expected the band came back on for an
encore. Well actually only Simon
Fowler came back on and asked what
the crowd wanted to hear. A resounding
'Robin Hood' drowning out all but a few
other calls for songs was heard. 'Robin
Hood it is then' was the reply and the
acoustic number went down a treat at a
point where the crowd were truly knack-
ered. The rest of the band came back
on and they played another Moseley
shoals classic 'Get Away'. Steve's guitar
work on this track is probably his most
defining and his feedback control was
great to watch. The band left the stage
gain and came back on to play a 'Small
Faces' cover, which was real class and
a great way to finish.
It was a truly solid performance from a
band that are nowhere near as popular
or successful as they used to be. The
new songs were the only real disap-
pointment as only a couple out of the
five or six they played were absolute
class. Notwithstanding this they per-
formed brilliantly in front of a passionate
crowd and deserve all the success they
achieve.
Nigel Martin
 8 Music 15/03/01

top ten chart position for the phonics. 7/10

Singles
CRAZY TOWN - Butterfly (Sony)
This single is a sudden swing in music style
for Crazy Town as it brings them into the
realms of radio airplay. Butterfly takes on the
sweet ballads of Red Hot Chili Peppers and
rapping style of Linkin Park to deliver a punk
edged choon. 7/10 K.M.
THE STEREOPHONICS - Mr. Writer (V2)
'Mr. Writer' is the first single taken from their
forthcoming album 'Just Enough Education
to Perform'. It is in a similar style to songs
from their previous albums but possibly not
quite as lively. This song definitely grows on
you, on first listen it's bland but after that it
improves significantly. It should ensure a
N.M.
Single of the Week
SISTER BLISS FEAT. JOHN MARTYN -
Deliver Me (Multiply)
The original version of 'Deliver Me', first
THE
HELLACOPTERS - Stereo
appeared on The Beloved's 1996 album 'X'. (Mercury)
The bad boys of the Swedish
This house cover, with John Martyn on
hard rock scene return with an
vocals deceives the listener; the sound is a
mixture of towering, ambitious strings and impressive array of solid, fast
ROCK. Rock as it should sound
simple electronic samples. The unusual
pairing of Sister Bliss and folk-legend like. The CD also comes with a
specially embroidered patch for
Martyn is surprisingly effective. 7/10 A.R.
all those hard-core fans who
NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS - As I love to stitch their jackets up…
how can you say no? 8/10 O.C.
Sat Sadly By Her Side (Mute)
Another beautiful ballad from Australia's
number one singer… This song, with its
haunting piano chorus and the usual emo-
tion Mr Cave puts into his singing will leave BRAVE CAPTAIN - Better Living Through chunky guitars a la Teenage Fanclub and
you mesmerised. The b-sides are quite Reckless Experimentation (Wichita) clever lyrics make this quite a good single
good too! 7/10 O.C.
This is one of those CDs that grow on you… 7/10 J.H.

ics will undoubtedly sing the praises of

'Asleep In The Back', I fear the buying pub-
Album of the Week
Albums lic however, will be more reticent. 8/10 A.R.

DAFT PUNK - Discovery (Virgin)

The duo return again bringing their electro
THE DIVINE COMEDY
Regeneration (Parlophone)
The band's first album since leav-
-

ELBOW - Asleep In The Back Sampler
(V2)
'Asleep In The Back' is Elbow's first release
since leaving Ugly Man Records; it follows
the critically acclaimed 'Any Day Now' EP.
The five songs reviewed here are a repre-
sentative selection of what the LP will have
to offer. 'Newborn' has been earmarked as a
single and deservedly so, it's the best song
on the sampler. 'Coming Second' starts
promisingly until it is ruined by the inclusion
of obnoxious, shrieking noises; evidence
that experimentation is not always wise. The
rest of the sampler exemplifies what the
band do best; Elbow write songs that never
fail to elicit a reaction. Their songs are
melancholic trips, intertwined with occasion-
al euphoria. 'Red' is the first single sched-
uled for release; the song's quality parallels
previous releases in every aspect. The crit-
sounds of the 70's and 80's to the forefront
of the music world. It's of no wonder that the
album starts off with 'One More Time' and
leads into their current single 'Aerodynamic'.
The two contrasting styles you are met with
run parallel with the Daft Punk's ethos of
uniting old and past styles of music with ele-
ments of the house craze. 'Digital Love'
takes smoothness of 'One More Time' and
brings it down the funk style of the 60's.
While 'High Life' takes on the 70's disco
style and subdues it the Daft Punk experi-
ence. Discovery is an extension to where
'Homework' left off and adds a taste of Air to
the Daft Punk experience. An exquisite
piece of work. 8/10 K.M.
ing Setanta shows a distinct
change of direction. After the
pomp and grandeur of 1998's 'Fin
de Siecle', 'Regeneration' is very
much the band going back to
basics. The influence of Nigel
Godrich (producer of Radiohead
fame) is obvious from the bleepy
noises Jonny Greenwood would
be proud of, and the many layers
of sound on all tracks. But Neil
Hannon's inimitable style remains,
even if it is more introspective than
on previous albums. On 'Mastermind', he says "you don't need an indie song to figure out
what's going on". These can't be described as "indie" (particularly when they're on a label
that distributes through EMI anyway), they are lovely, charming, simple songs with such
recurring DC themes as love ('Perfect Lovesong' is dedicated to Neil's new wife at gigs) and
religion (he is still rebelling against his bishop father on 'Eye Of The Needle'). The suits, silly
beards, cravats and smoking jackets have all gone, in favour of jeans and T-shirts. Much
like the music - very simple. But in a good way. 9/10 A.W.

USSU Stage IMPACT

Just over two years ago, Matt
Milchard was the founder
member of a band, expected
by most to become the most
successful groups of recent
years. Comprising of two girls
and two guys, Matt being one
of them, the group unfortunate -
ly split after about one year.
After a period of solo singing,
IMPACT was formed when the 19-
year-old Danny Ross joined Matt
after moving to England from the
South of Spain. Since then
IMPACT have gone from strength
to strength, producing a variety of
music varying from Rock and Pop
to Funk and R&B with influences of
stars such as Will Smith, 5ive and
the Back Street Boys evident in
their music.
At last weeks Outrage I man-
aged to catch up with both Danny
and Matt and in the conversation
we had, it emerged that both had a
very diverse introduction to the
music industry.
Matt, born in Canterbury started
off in the modelling industry, and
after many successful photo
shoots and fashion shows to his
name, used his many talents to co-
present various shows including
MTV and many other shows, along
side the likes of Jeff Banks. Matt
has also appeared in a variety of
music and pop videos, and on the
stages of many nightclubs around
the country as a highly successful
podium dancer. In his spare time
Matt, finds time to practice many
martial arts and he continues to
study at one of the countries most
prestigious dance studios in the
heart of London.
Danny Ross also hails from the
south of England but his introduc-
tion to the music industry followed
a different path. Since the tender
age of nine Danny has been writ-
ing his own songs and performing
whenever he could get the chance.
In more recent years Danny has
stared in many television adverts,
promoting a variety if products
including the soft drink Fanta, and
the perfume Obsession from the
Calvin Klein range. In his spare
time Danny enjoys playing the gui-
tar and, like Matt, works out at the
gym whenever possible.
Starting off with a mini tour sup-
porting the Ba Ha Men, Danny and
Matt have achieved a great deal in
the short space of time they have
been together. Having travelled
the length and breadth of the coun-
try with ATT (more commonly
known as the two twins from ITV’s
Fun House), playing to hundreds
and thousands of people in night-
clubs and Students Union’
IMPACT have gained the experi-
ence and confidence needed to
play at bigger venues in front of
much bigger audiences. Since
their mini tour round the UK,
IMPACT have been recording their
new single, due for release in the
very near future, in Marbella,
Spain. They have also played in
front of 50,000 people at the
Cambridge Fireworks display and
appeared as guests at the Clothes
Show.
Aside from all this the biggest
achievement, for both Danny and
Matt, is being signed by JCA
records. Other bands under JCA
include Deep Purple and it is the
guy’s aspiration to emulate the
success of this truly great band
who are time and time again, cited
as the band that crafted heavy
rock to a fine art. Nevertheless
Danny and Matt know that it will
take a lot of grit and determination
to accomplish this, especially in a
time when ‘boy bands’ are two a
penny. They also realise that it
takes a lot to earn the reputed $
2,000,000 per gig that bands like
Deep Purple earn.
Throughout our ‘tête-à-tête’ one
fact became clear from both lads.
IMPACT constantly underlined the
fact that if other people wanted to
go into the music industry then
they should keep trying and trying
and never give up. Matt summed
this up in one sentence “ If you
come across a brick wall then do
your best to climb over it; however
if you fall down then try and climb
it again, because if you truly
believe in the outcome, then noth-
ing will ever stop you from accom-
plishing your goals.
Looking to the future both guys
would like to stay within the music
industry; Danny’s goal is to
become a successful music pro-
ducer while Matt is just looking for-
ward to a lot of sleep!
I would personally like to thank
Matt and Danny for coming to
USSU for the night and, by the
reaction of many people in the
Union last Wednesday night,
IMPACT are set to become a
name for the future.
For any further info please log on
to www.meermusic.com and go to
IMPACT or contact Chris Connor
in the Students’ Union.

Watch out for the Ocean Colour Scene

Competition in Next Week’s barefacts!!!
15/03/01 GU2 9
12 Music 15/03/01
 15/03/01 Story 13

Point of no return A short story

Simon lay on his back staring at the plaster on the ceiling of
the darkened room. The white noise hiss of the rain outside
combined with the orange sodium glow of the street light out-
side made the room unusually different from how it was in
daylight. The noise of the rain was very occasionally broken
by the drone of a car passing down the road outside the flat,
but otherwise it was just the night and the rain that filled the
room. It was 4am on a Thursday morning and Simon could-
n't sleep.
Simon was smiling and frowning, smiling because
he had just come to realise that the most important thing in
his life was lying asleep next to him; the fact that she was
asleep was making him frown.
Simon had met Jenny two months before and
instantly got on; they were so alike it had been uncanny. But
now they had grown to accept that they were just good for
each other, no questions asked. Now he was lying next to
her in bed in the half-light of the street lamps, not really
believing he was there. Jenny looked so beautiful asleep;
she was lying on side, facing away from him. She was naked
and the covers had slipped to reveal her back, which in this
light was a soft orange colour; the dimness making it look
soft and flawless, the bumps of her spine were the only fea-
tures.
Simon had been awake ever since they had gone
to bed, he hadn't been able to sleep because of how excited
he felt just to be near her, and how she made him feel. He so
desperately wanted to tell her everything that he felt for her,
but the moment had never seemed right, something always
happened to spoil it, or it had never felt right from the begin-
ning. He admitted to himself that he had never felt like this
about any of his ex's, never quite the same spark or anything
like that, but maybe it was never meant to feel the same, and
that's what made it exciting each time. Each little difference
making him feel giddy with excitement and special just
because it was different from the last time. Jane- Good
sense of humour, but mean with it, Sam-absolutely stunning
but dizzy as hell, Lise-Intelligent AND funny but never the long curtains to sneak a look at the outside world. The some strange reason. I can't tell you how I can't concentrate
seemed that interested in him and then Megan, his last ex,
rain had stopped now leaving the world soaking and misty, on anything anymore because I'm constantly thinking about
she was the best of a bad bunch. Simon had gone out with the street lights leaving long smears of orange on wet tarmac you all the time, how I can't sleep at home now because I
Megan for the best part of 18 months, she was funny, good and cars. He turned back in to the room and looked at her, miss being next to you and I'm thinking about you constant-
looking, intelligent. She was everything he wanted; it was
she hadn't moved an inch; her back was still turned to him. ly. I didn't think it could be possible to think about someone
just a shame that someone else felt the same. It had ended He sat down on the beanbag that was slumped in as much, yet I am. It's, no you, are driving me slowly insane
horribly, she had come home in tears and told him everything the corner of the room and just watched her breathing as she with how much you are making me love you. It scares me
about this twat in her office that she was leaving him for.
slept. sometimes that I love you so much and how I've fallen for
Which was nice. 'God, you are so beautiful, you know that? You you.'
But now he was with Jenny and things just felt dif- have no idea how lucky you make me feel, every day since Simon put the glass on the floor and got up off the
ferent from the others, he felt that he actually knew Jenny.
we met, I have felt there was more definition in my life, every- beanbag, he headed back over to the window and stuck his
From the very first moment they had met there was this affin- thing felt good and right and great, you have changed my life head through the curtains again, nothing much had changed
ity; a sense that they had known each other for their entire in such a way that I never want it to end because it will be since the last time he checked the outside world. There was
lives, even longer than that maybe. When he looked into her
too short a time with you. Am I making any sense to you? an orange and yellow smudge on the horizon, which sig-
eyes, he sometimes felt that he was staring back at himself. Sorry, I was forgetting that I'm talking to myself. It's just that nalled the sun was coming to enlighten this little section of
The rain was now gently rapping on the window as I feel like I have known you much more than I have, like the world again. The rain clouds had begun to clear and the
Simon was sat up in bed, resigned to the fact that he proba- you've been at the back of mind for my entire life. sun was catching the high ones and made them look like
bly wasn't going to sleep tonight. Every time you enter my thoughts, which is pretty beaten bronze. It was going to be a beautiful day.
'Are you awake Jen?' He whispered
much all the time, I get this tingle up my back and I can't for He came back into the room and wandered back
There was no response, not even a movement to confirm the life of me explain how it feels. Every day I wonder how I over to the bed and climbed back in, just to be next to her
that she had heard him. can possibly love you more than yesterday, yet it happens again. He rolled onto his back and began to stare at the plas-
' Right I know this is probably the worse possible
and it astounds me each and every day. I think I can safely ter on the ceiling again.
time to tell you, what with it being the middle of the night and say that I have never felt the same about anyone ever. God, 'I feel better for being able to tell you this now; it's
you being asleep. But I just have to tell you this now. I'm using every single cliché in the book tonight, aren't I? just a shame that you didn't hear a thing. But the thing is that
I really cannot explain how you make me feel, the closest
That's the thing about being in love and talking you've got such a hold on me that I would never be able to
thing that I can think of to describe it is that I'm in love with about love is that everyone has written about it and said say these things to your face when you were awake. Maybe
you, but it so much deeper that I could never do it justice. everything there is to say about it, that you can't help think- I will one day soon, when I get my confidence up and when
You are so important and special to me that I can't bare to be
ing that someone, somewhere has written what you've just it feels right to tell you. But all I want you to know now is that
away from you. I constantly worry when you're not with me. said, it makes you feel constantly unoriginal. Don't you I love you more than you could ever know and that I want you
It's crazy I know but you have such an effect on me that think?' to be a part of my life.'
you've got me acting this way. You make me go completely
Simon giggled again as he rolled off the bean bag Jenny rolled over and looked at him, it was quite
out of character. Normally, I'm just this quiet bloke who just and wandered across the room to the small ensuite bath- obvious she was awake, and had been for quite some time.
gets on with his life, not really letting anyone get too close to room, It had been added long after the building of the house 'I know you love me, Simon, and I do feel the same
me, but when I'm with you I'm this extrovert that wants my life
had been completed. He pulled the cord and was greeted by way. But it's nearly five in the morning so give me a hug, shut
to slow down so I can enjoy it more, do you know what I the buzzing of the fluorescent strip light and the extractor fan up and go to sleep'
mean? No, of course you don't, you're asleep. noisily wining up to a gentle hum. Even in the light Simon could see she was smiling.
I love being around you, you make me this bloke that I've He leant on the sink and looked at himself in the 'So you… you've been awake… You heard every-
always wanted to be but never had the courage to come out mirror, there were dark patches under his eyes from the thing? How long have you been awake?'
of my shell and let happen.
sleep he wasn't getting. But he was still smiling. 'Ever since you asked me if I was awake and yes, I
I love you so much, that I couldn't possibly explain 'Look what she's doing to you, you daft sod!' he said did hear everything, and I love you too. Now am I going to
how you make me feel. It's like standing on the edge of a to his reflection. 'She's got you so happy that you won't sleep get a kiss and a hug or what?'
really tall cliff, a precipice, and you know that when you look
in case you miss something. How'd she get under your skin Simon grinned as he leant forward to kiss and hug
down your stomach is just going to explode with butterflies so much?' her, he felt as if a load had been lifted off of his shoulders and
and you are excited and scared all at once. That's how I feel. He picked up the glass that was sat on the edge of heart. After he had hugged and kissed her, they rolled back
I feel like it's a point of no return, that when I look at you and
the sink, filled it with cold water and wandered back to the over, still in each other's arms, and finally fell soundly asleep.
talk to you, I stumble over the edge of this cliff and I just fall beanbag after turning off the light. Once again he sat there
for you all over again. Oh my god, I'm sounding so fucking in the semi orange darkness, drinking the water and watch- Stan Richards
soft. This is what you do to me Jen!'
ing her sleep.
He chuckled at this as he got out of bed. He ambled over to 'You know, I wish I had the guts to tell you all this to
the large Victorian bay window and stuck his head through your face. But I can't. I can't tell you how much I love you, for
14 Classical 15/03/01

London Philharmonic Orchestra at the Royal Festival Hall

by Alexander Van Ingen just because she isn’t at all fat and gives a “ray of hope”, and was ‘cello pizz was absolutely dead on. ly suspicious for tuning, but with
has good looks, honestly. played spot-on together. A violin At the end, the solo violin soared the sombreness of the strings, sur-
Conducted by Manfred Honeck, She sang a series of five songs solo gives beauty. However, this upwards – but stopped short of the prisingly made me sit up and get
the LPO were in fine form, opening by Richard Strauss, who devoted didn’t quite get the iridescent touch note you would expect, leaving the involved. A violin and cello duet
with Weber’s overture “Der over half his life to opera, and also I felt it could do with. Wild storms audience craving, yearning for him accompanied by violins 1&2 was
Freischutz”. There were some wrote over 200 songs – most for from the timps and celli precede just to go a note further in the lovely and after a well-played horn
lovely horn chords, generally spot- soprano voice (many for the sopra- strings and sequence. But tune, a triangle takes us back to
on, both in terms of tuning, and in no Pauline de Ahna, whom he mar- brass swells such is Strauss’ the beginning music. The tam-
togetherness. The following strings ried. during the verse mastery of bourine makes a short appear-
pizzicato was similarly very togeth- Sung in the original German, “I “your storms orchestration, ance, adding well to the texture,
er indeed – not easy with a large Wanted To Make Up A Posy” opens were wild, you he doesn’t let it before a few timp rolls.
number of string players, and the with voice. The words were easily raged and you h a p p e n , Unfortunately, the bass drum and
next section of the work sounded identifiable, making following them shook, like the instead amplify- cymbal notes after this were not
quite Mozartian! Amusingly in the programme for the transla- surf when it ing the text of quite together. The trumpet arpeg-
enough, after this came a part that tion an easy task. Strauss’ orches- swells” – some the song by gios were all right, but the xylo-
was most reminiscent of a Johann tration includes a somewhat excellent “word nearly, ever so phone ones excelled!
Strauss waltz! Some pleasant wind “cheesy” chord sequence, to lead painting” from nearly reaching Barbara Bonney throughout sang
chords came and went, and then it into the minor key section. There Strauss here. a gorgeous, marvelously. Her command of the
ended – very nice. was a delightful little solo passage Horn chords, wonderful, pic- instrument that is her voice is
Next up was Barbara Bonney – from the clarinet, before the end, harking back to ture-book unparalleled (I suppose it would
apparently a celebrated singer. I featuring some lovely violin play- the beginning a future… we’ll be, wouldn’t it? – but seriously, it
say apparently, because when ing. little, but restful get there… was truly excellent). Her annuncia-
Barbara Bonney: “She won me over
asked down a crackling ‘phone line The next song “Pleasant Vision” rather than tomorrow. And tion was clear, and facial expres-
- not just because she isn’t at all fat
if I wanted to go to this concert, I was sung over a luscious string sombre, here of course, sions suited to the context. Vibrato
and has good looks, honestly.”
thought it was “with Barbarolli”. “cushion” reminiscent of a dream. accompany the tomorrow never was controlled very well – none of
Thinking how good that would be, I The second half is very much a last “Rest, rest, comes. the over-the-top-ness usually
accepted, only to realise that, of repeat of the first, and was played my soul” and the harp pizzicato The last song, and indeed the associated with singers somewhat
course, the great conductor every bit as beautifully. Towards solo leading to the end was exe- last piece of the first half of the larger around the waist.
Barbarolli is sadly deceased. And the end a solo violin had a high cuted well. concert, was “The Three Holy She has my approval – and
so it turned out to be a singer. Now note over the orchestra’s thick The fourth song in this series Kings from the Orient”. The tune indeed recommendation – and she
I’ve never claimed to be the great- chord, which simply blended won- “Tomorrow!” was equally good. The from the outer cellos was nice, but passed the acid test here: the
est fan of singers (especially those derfully. solo violin over harp arpeggios was a little late and slightly away from orchestra liked her and her singing
accustomed to music of around the “Rest My Soul”, the third song, most lyrical, beautifully played by the beat. The triangle reminded very much.
Romantic period), but Barbara began with sombre, heavy brass the LPO’s guest leader, Alexander one of the Orient, and the oboe
Bonney, an exclusive Decca artist chords, setting the mood well. The Kerr, and again at the end. The first solo did likewise. The timp notes Rating:****-
since 1996, won me over – and not flute and harp pizz in between lines line repeated beautifully, and the under the triangle were occasional-

Unexpected Passion Surrey University

Chamber Concert at Williamson Art Gallery
by Alexander Van Ingen ing down a canal, passing under
drooping willow trees on a sum-
This was a delightful recital by a mer’s day, for example. Whilst this
good number of young musicians. need be no less passionate, it
performers thus far played the
finale to a Schumann (Clara) piano
trio. April Johnson and Stephanie
Oade, along with Stephanie’s
WIND BAND
CONCERT
The first item was most amusing wouldn’t be quite so like Tosca’s mother, Julie, on the piano, gave a
(and I was also roped in to page- throws of emotion before she leaps most convincing performance.
turn at the last minute). It was of the balcony. Some of the ensemble, though,
Quilter’s “Children’s Overture”, a Through a Scottish Reel, a spot occasionally felt a little forced, with
piece I didn’t know by a composer of Puccini (“O mio babino caro”) people wanting to do their own
I’d never heard of. Played by Justin and a Heller “Etude”, to Kreisler’s thing, rather than all playing
Martindale and Adam Duncan, it “Liebesleid”. Played expertly by together completely. Given the
was, basically, a medley of nursery April Johnson, this is a lovely violin short rehearsal time they had, Tuesday 20th March 2001 @ 7:30pm
rhymes, and other similar chil- piece. An influence similar to that however, they pulled off this diffi- PATS Studio 1
dren’s songs. Some were quite seen on many pupils of the Royal cult work wonderfully.
basic in conception and orchestra- Northern School of Music on A Hess pastorale and a Bach
tion, but others were far more elab- Giga followed, before David Gould
orate. Some of the harmonies in had a bash at the first movement of 'The Simpsons'
“Baa Baa Black Sheep” were sim- Brahms’ E minor Sonata for ‘cello.
ply gorgeous, and there were quite This was reasonable, but there Disney Highlights
a few ‘Howellian’ moments. were errors in places. Once he had 'Seven Years in Tibet',
We moved on to the 2nd move- got through two pages, it substan-
ment of Mozart’s Concerto in G, tially improved, as he found himself
played capably on the flute by concentrating on the music, rather plus traditional repertoire - Elgar, Sibelius, Wagner,
Josie Dickinson, before ‘cellist than the audience. It certainly was- Vaughan Williams……
Stephanie Oade gave us an excel- n’t because the piece gets any
lent rendition of Saint-Saens’ “Le easier – from experience I can tell
Cygne”. This was perfectly in tune, you that it doesn’t! Featuring 'Over the Rainbow'
and her sound filled the gallery A spot of Faure for a flute, and
beautifully. She played with pas - then the last item, “Maracatu and sung by Union President
sion unexpected of one as young Compasa” for a drum ensemble.
(15) – though this, I felt, was per-
Roger Quilter, 1877-1953
Nothing like the rest of the after- FIONA WAREHAM
haps not entirely appropriate. If noon, this was a definite wake-up
you forgot the piece’s title, and lis- call for those who had been lulled
tened, it was indeed a fantastic Manchester (that of over to sleep! A foot-tapping piece, the
performance. However, when Romanticity, and over vibrato) was rhythmic theme stayed in my head
bearing in mind that this is called slightly evident, creeping through, for several hours afterwards.
“The Swan”, I felt it could have but not enough to taint a sound
done with much less vibrato, and a performance. Rating:***—
relaxed, elegant feel – a swan glid- After the interval, the two “best”

Do you want to become a Millennium Volunteer?

email: a.stone@surrey.ac.uk
15/03/01
We’ll Wait Until After P.E., Once
You’ve Loosened Up
Porn just isn’t scared anymore.
When I was a kid, the highest form
of cinematic entertainment was a
pseudo-legendary pornographical
film called “Animal Farm”, the con-
tent of which needs no synopsis.
This was allegedly owned on
VHS by Mick Farrell’s elder broth-
er, but somehow it was always on
loan to one of his friends.
Considering that Mick Farrell’s
elder brother worked in the local
Co-Op and was widely rumoured
to have casseroled a hamster, it
seemed quite unlikely that any of
these equally elusive friends exist-
ed - but somehow, no-one ever,
ever raised this point in his
company.
Now.
That sort of thing just doesn’t
happen in America. And it stands
as an eternal testament to the
foresight of our transatlantic
friends that they saw the English
predilection for bestiality as far
ago as the 18th century. American
colonists actually took to their
arms as a consequence of a pass-
ing fad amongst English tourists
for violating buffalo, but this tends
to be overlooked by contemporary
historians.
Roland Emmerich’s film plunges
us into the midst of this passionate
conflict at the grass-roots level.
We are shown the consequences
of the War on the families and
homesteads of America. And it’s
all very heart-pounding and sensi-
tive, whilst having some panoram -
ic battle scenes that rival the
impact of “Saving Private Ryan” -
which, incidentally, was also
scripted by Roland Rodat.
There’s Mel Gibson. There’s Tom
Wilkinson. There’s “handsome
Australian” Heath Ledger as his
defiant and insubordinate son,
who isn’t about to let being hanged
deter him from fighting the indiffer-
ent fight. It’s a rather long film. It’s
pretty good. We’ll be showing it in
Lecture Theatre G at 8pm this
Film
Sunday.
Next Wednesday, University Arts
Cinema will be showing Fritz
Lang’s “M”. An uncontestable tri-
umph, “M” is a solemn and insight-
ful portrait of a city in the grip of
terror as a psychopathic child killer
roams free. Lang uses the film to
analyze how the entire city reacts
to the crimes amongst their midst -
and attempt to understand the
killer. Understand, not sympathise;
and Peter Lorre’s performance as
the child killer brings this under-
standing vividly to the screen, as
both the law and the underworld
close upon him.
University Arts Cinema shall be
screening Fritz Lang’s “M” in
Lecture Theatre G at 8pm, next
Wednesday. It’s not quite as much
fun as “The Patriot”, but it’s a bet-
ter film.
[this week’s column written by
Encrocklement McRedie]
15
The
Student
Alphabet
A - Alcohol: The key to surviving university
B - Beer: The most dangerous alcohol of all, but great for chug-
ging
C - Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after a Thursday
night party
D - Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every student, usually
done pathetically, in a meat market.
E - Emergency: A complete lack of A
F - Fucked Up: Signified by having your head in the toilet, puking
your guts out
G - Games: Anything that involves cards, dice and the loser having to
drink so much they get F’d
H - Hang-over: Reminds you of how great last night was.
I - Idiot: The guy that spilled his beer on you and everyone else at the
party
J - Jail: Where you’ll end up after vomiting over a copper
K - Kissing: What you’ll do to anything that moves after 15 beers
L - Lord, Dear: Person you beg to get you out of every situation
involving alcohol
M - Money: That which you no longer have due to too much A
N - Not Again!: What you scream when you wake up beside some-
one you don’t know
O - Oh shit!: What you scream as you’re falling down the stairs. Usually
due to trying to pull your trousers on whilst in the process of running
away from whatever it was that made you N
P - Pee: What you have to do every five minutes while you’re
drinking beer
Q - Quilt: What you puked on last night in bed and have to clean in the
morning- YUCK!
R - Reform: What you promise god you will do while you’re puking
in the toilet
S - Sex: What you did with that person you met last night while you
were drunk
T - Ten: The number of kidneys you’re allowed on the NHS
U - Underage: Investigate this before S otherwise it will lead to J if
you’re found out and A when YOU find out
V - Vodka: The mother of all alcohols and the best way to get
drunk in an hour
W - Worm: The part of Tequila that reminds you of Biology class tomor-
row
X – X-Ray: How they can see into your stomach before they pump
it
Y - Yourself: The one who drinks WAY TOO MUCH every week-end
Z – The mark you’ll get in your final exams. See all entries above.
Tom Wells
15/03/01 Gossip, Sex and The Universe 17
Big Sister LIFE AFTER
Security have been called out to several houses this
week, but one in particular drew our attention. At five,
was anything to go by it wasn't a night to be missed.
Chancellors on saturday got sparks flying. Motion, have
THE
early in the morning there was a phone call from a student
asking for help because she had lost her keys...but why
you been taking advice from GMas? There was certainly
trouble in your ocean, you couldn't hear yourself think with
WOMB
had she only realised at that time? It seems she had spent that incessant noise you were playing. It seemed there by Rich W
the night with a bloke but when he decided he wasn't get- was a bit of attitude on your part when you were asked to
ting his fill of oats, he wanted her out. Even the excuse turn it down. Oh dear, did you need another smoke to calm
she had lost her keys failed to keep her in his bed. your nerves boys? Isn’t sleep a funny thing? I’ve often
Naughty naughty! Big sister has its own goss, in that we have changed our thought that out of all the things us
Saturday night seemed to be the night of all nights! A address. You can now write to us on humans regard as beneficial to us
party in Stag Hill 40 kept nearby residents awake with the big_sister_unis@hotmail.com that we count sleep somewhere near
beat of greek music and the smell of feta cheese. The the bottom, along with irrigation of
naughty antics that were going on in that house are too Boa one sort or another and the ability to
hot to mention, but if the state of the outside of the house gargle. I for one have a tremendous affinity with sleep: more
often than not you will find me curled up with my teddy-bear
enjoying the little plays that my mind puts on for me while I
wander the hills and valleys of slumberland; one of the worst
Caught on Camera things imaginable for me is that feeling just after you throw
back your duvet when the cold of the morning air first hits you
and you realize it’s going to be another day until your bed and
you are re-united again; one of the best things I can imagine is
waking up at around 11am and knowing that you don’t have to
get up until much, much later in the afternoon. These are, in
fact, the moments I live for.
A funny one is when you wake up about twenty minutes
before your alarm goes off: what invariably happens is that you
lie there, totally aware that in a short amount of time you will
have to get up and face the perils of the day, and instead of
being bothered by this thought, you kind of doze - it really is
just the best thing in the whole wide world. There really is no
describing that sensation of stealing those few minutes when it
seems like you’ve hit the ‘pause’ button and no-one can touch
you. If I had to liken it to something, then it would be like get-
ting in from a rather hefty night out and finding you still have a
Where is he now? (back row far right)
ten pound note in your pocket.
Of course, the best thing about sleeping is dreaming - it
affords you the opportunity to do pretty much what the hell you
like and the comfort of non-chance to laugh about it afterwards.
Everyone has the weirdest dreams and everyone is ok with
that: social accommodation and acceptance at its best.
Supposedly, dreams are meant to mean something. Now, I’m
perfectly willing to accept that (I have no reason to believe to
the contrary); the only thing I would have to query, though, is
quite what this particular dream of mine means: I’m sitting in
my room, only it’s not my room. Well, it is my room, but it’s the
mirror image of my room and so everything is back-to-front in a
kind of opposite-way-around-kind of way. Then I get told that I
have to snog one of my best female friends or I will die. So I’m
faced with the choice of either the best friend who was
engaged (as in to get married) or the one who is gay. I think
you’ll agree with me when I say the choice wasn’t exactly
extensive. So with this I am ok and I eventually opt for the gay
friend under the thinking that it will mean a lot less to her and
so she’ll be more comfortable with it.
And then suddenly we’re all naked.
But not properly naked, but more that kind of dream-like “I
know I’m naked but no-one can really see anything because it’s
only a dream and so it’s more the knowledge that we’re naked
that is bothering us”. Let’s be honest, ambiguity in dream
nakedness is a widespread phenomena. So anyway, I’m about
to kiss my gay best friend when suddenly I can’t because one
of my other friends (a male this time) insists on watching, and I
If you have any photos or personals that you would like to see in bf, can’t for the life of me kiss the girl while this particular friend is
please pop into the office or send us an email to barefacts@ussu.co.uk watching (and, in case you are wondering, no - he’s not naked).
And that is pretty much it - I can’t save my own life by kissing
someone because a friend of mine is watching. Should anyone
This Week’s Personals know what that means, be sure to let me know.
The other thing about sleep is that if you can’t get to sleep,
*Grandad Mark house 63, Holby city isn't *Killer darts anyone?? Suggest a *KATTY(?!) RE:NATHAN/ESSEX it’s the single most worst thing in the world: you just lie there
on tonight so you can come out. lunchtime start this time? PASS THIS ON... thinking about the silliest little things because your mind latches
sheep_fetish@hotmail.com on to the slightest thing it can. Should the corner of the rug be
*Who the hell is Fat Andy? It seems like *Andy, Gav, Dunky, Mike. What have I slightly turned up, I’ll guarantee you’ll have to put it back down
he really gets around... ever done to offend you guys? Why *I know more about Gazza than I know before you can sleep if you’re having one of those nights.
d'you make'a Jez cry?? wankers... about my course. When are our “read Should you have neglected your daily ritual of 100 sit-ups, it’s a
*Hey there country girl, all I can think while you pee” posters changing?! fact that won’t escape you until you get out of bed and com-
about is beingled next to you right now *Tom Wells would like to apologise to the plete every single last one. Should you suddenly decide you
;o) Superb... general public, no particular reason, just *Danny is a whore. fancy eating an entire loaf of toasted bread, then just do it and
felt the need to apologise. get it over with - the urge for crumbs on your chest will not sub-
*Barron - You may think that we are *Jo Nobblett - have you not worked out side until you’ve eaten.
chain-smoking alcoholics, but we think *Pete, still struggling??? the gantlet has who your admirer is yet? Surely ‘he could It’s just one of those things, isn’t it? If you get enough of the
you are an asinine little twerp. Grow up, been dropped. produce some photos of you’ was a big stuff, then sleep is the greatest. If you don’t, then it isn’t.
literally. P.S. We don’t want to play with enough clue from the Phantom. And But no matter what you do, be it pickle aubergine’s and grow
you anymore you butt-grabbing, loudly *New dating agency for barefacts lonely what’s this that the bf team are all ugly? marrow’s or any of the usual stuff, you know that you will end
swearing wanker. - S&K hearts, send all single women to the ed up in your bed at the end of the day and that ultimately, you’ll
team. *dib dib dib? be a better person for it.
*Hill5, Solley7, Sugarman8*, Fisher6, (Unless you’re in someone else’s bed: then you’ll be a slight -
Chan5, Christos5, Eiffler8, *What goes well with Chops? *dob, dob, dob? ly-less-than-better-person because that kind of circumstance
inevitably involves the compromising of personal morals and
Hemmingway6, Read8, Wehr8, Shaw7,
Stillwell7, Strutton6, Chris6. Sorry no *Mint sauce. *hmmm....it’s going to be fun!!!!!!! ethics).
report, I can't think of anyone to insult
*What’s the excuse this week Kev?
18 Lifestyle 15/03/01

Dr Russ
Dear Russ
I still haven’t got my career
sorted out. I’m panicking a
bit, but I haven’t got much
time at the moment to do
anything about it. Got any
good advice?
Dear Imran
About this time every year, we
hear of a number of final year
students who say they are
worried that they haven’t got
anything lined up for after they
graduate. Let me say first of
all that this is not unusual. We
know from previous surveys
that only half of Surrey’s grad-
uates have something definite
to go to by the time they finish
here. Yet we also know that
six months later nearly every-
body is either employed or
doing some sort of further
study.
Where is clear evidence that
many graduates are choosing
to delay their career search
until after graduation. For
example, every year about
30% of Surrey graduates
obtain their first job by replying
to an advertisement. Since
many recruiters who place ads
expect applicants to be able to
start as soon as possible, the
closer you are to graduation,
the better are your chances of
success when replying to an
advertised vacancy. Small
and medium-sized employers
in particular are much more
likely to look for graduates
after Finals. That’s why our
own Immediate Vacancy
Bulletin is at its fattest in the
summer months.
Let me encourage you with
another statistic. Large num-
bers of Surrey graduates are
known to get their jobs by writ-
ing out of the blue to an
employer they fancy working
for. Once again, it is far easier
to pick up these jobs when you
are available to start work
immediately than it is while
you are still a student.
There’s also encouraging
news if you are thinking about
postgraduate study. Once
Finals results are known,
members of academic staff
have a better idea of who is
eligible for awards for post-
graduate degrees. If the stu-
dent they had provisionally
offered a place fails to get the
required degree, they try to fill
the place, in rather a hurry,
with someone else. This pro-
vides you with an unexpected
opportunity.
So there are good reasons
for not panicking! I would
encourage you to concentrate
on getting the best degree you
can and apply yourself to your
career planning when time
permits. You may not have
anything fixed up yet, but if
past years are anything to go
by, you shouldn’t have to wait
too long before you dofs.
Russ Clark
Careers Service

A weekend with Sheep Want a Job?

The highlight of the moun -
taineering club calendar was
finally upon us, a weekend of
climbing with a black tie dinner
on the Saturday night.
Unfortunately, even though the
weather was on our side (for
the first time this year), cir -
cumstance wasn’t. The cur -
rent foot and mouth epidemic
put paid to any outdoor climb -
ing at any of the South Wales
sea cliffs. We were also
informed on the Wednesday
before we left that our pre
booked campsite for the Friday
night was now closed, this
could have been a bit of a
problem what with 30 of us
needing somewhere to stay!
Fortunately Toms mum came
to the rescue and offered us a
roof for the night (and break -
fast in the morning) at her
house near Cardiff.
Leaving Guildford on Friday
evening in a blizzard kind of made
us rather glad that we were stay -
ing in a house and not having to
camp! Arriving in Cardiff after a
relatively trouble free journey
(apart from finding that the gear
bus had the worlds most dodgy
steering and extremely intermit-
tent brakes) we adjourned to the
pub to begin the weekend as we
meant to go on.
Saturday commenced with a fan-
tastic fried breakfast (thanks again
to Toms mum) and we made our
way to the Welsh National Indoor
Climbing Centre near Merthyr
Tydfil. A good few of hours climb-
ing at this excellent indoor wall
and we where off again to our
hotel in Tenby (the gear bus taking
the most convoluted route feasible
O.K, O.K More realistically are you skint? Maybe we can help.
but getting there eventually). trousers so that he would have to
The dinner went well, if a little go for breakie in his skirt – not a
Guildford Job centre offer a free matching service to introduce Surrey
quickly, with GI looking lovely (!) in chance, GI chickened out and
University Students to employers in the area. Previously, this could be
his mini skirt and then it was on to stayed firmly in his room until his
found at the reception of the Union building between 11am and 4pm
the awards. A few new ones jeans reappeared!
on Wednesdays. However as of the 22th March the service will move
appeared this year including the Sunday was spent on Tenby
to Thursdays. If you require details of part time work don’t hesitate to
Golden Haircut for GI’s mohecan beach in brilliant sunshine playing
approach the employment service rep. Morgan ‘Trust me i’m a civil
and all the usual awards going to cricket, rounders, ultimate frisbee
servant’ Laurent and he will provide you with details of jobs which suit
those most deserving, with Tom and bouldering on the small lime-
the hours you are avaliable.
receiving tart of the year for chat- stone cliffs. Stinky was again the
ting up a women who the rest of butt of several jokes and ended up
the club described as a troll on a being staked out in the sand, (the AGM’s No Wave
trip a few months ago. Stinky Pete fool even helped us set up the
was awarded cowboy of the year stakes and ropes thinking we were 22nd March
Atheletics
for his interesting Czech climbing going to play volleyball), being GMR 7.30pm
15th March
gear and the fact that he actually buried up to his neck and then,
TB18 6.30pm
uses it and received two lengths of after stupidly putting sand down Nightline
string that he will no doubt climb Evil’s trousers, was forced to eat Week 9 Wed 6pm
on at a later date! sand. It can safely be said that Womens Football Venue tbc
The annual vomit inducer that is Stinky is now somewhat paranoid. Week 9 (15thMarch)
the Chairman’s pint this year came Guernsey spent the entire day 8pm Varsity
Canoe Club
to £40 for the three pints needed, lying on a roll mat trying to sleep of Wednesday Week 10,
the addition of two measures of the previous nights excesses so MADSOC 1pm Haris' Bar
Pernod into the concoction made that he would be able to share the Monday 19th March
sure that it tasted evil. The current driving with Senior on the way 7pm TB Ultimate
chairman, Tom, and ex-chairman home and Matt attempted to recre-
Tuesday Week 10
Jim lined up with Mags who was ate the Valley of the Kings in min- GameSoc 19th March 7pm
unfortunate enough to have her uture. LTA on Sunday 18th March at Venue Haris Bar
birthday at the same time as the The time came when we had to
3pm.
dinner. Tom bravely, if somewhat leave the beach and head back for
stupidly, necked his pint and even Guildford where we (somehow) Archery
managed to keep it down, Jim and managed to arrive in time for last Fencing Sat 5th May
Mags took a little longer but fin- orders. A fantastic weekend even Thursday Week 8 TB18 5pm
ished eventually. Jim too kept it though proper outdoor climbing 7.30pm, UniSport
down, but Mags became the first was not possible, hopefully the cri- Main Hall
Elec Eng Soc
member of the nights chunder sis will soon be over and we can
club, probably a good thing when get out on the rocks again. Ski Club Tuesday week 10, 1pm,
you consider what was in the pint! March 19th Grant Mitchell Room
The rest of the evening passed in GMR 6pm
traditional drunken style with Dan Driscoll (USMC secretary) Badminton
Guernsey Dave joining Mags and Tuesday 24 April
Economics 17.00 GMR
Sarah in the pukers posse and 20th March
Stinky being tied up with his own LTG 5pm
award for no reason other than we Womens Rugby
felt like it. 24th April
The next morning GI discovered
Womens Waterpolo 6pm Main Union
Tuesday 20th March
that Blondie had nicked all his
7.30pm Grant Mitchell

be heard
Communications Office
 15/03/01
Sports Day
21st March 2001 at the Varsity
Centre
Get a team and be part of the fun.
Sports competitions all day with
party in the evening.
Sports clubs, Departments,
Societies and Houses all welcome
to enter.
Sports Club Space
Just a note to remind any sports
club wanting to book space at the
Sport Centre over the vacation
(23rd March – 23 rd April) to con-
tact us as soon as possible
s.edie@surrey.ac.uk
Sports clubs do no necessarily
take priority during vacation time
but we will do our best to meet
your needs.
Return forms for clubs for the fol-
Sporting
hatE-mails
Without wanting to get in any way
finnicky and taking into account
some of my points may have been
due to typing errors, can I suggest
the following ammendments to the
article, Formula 2001 from the 8th
of March isuue.
1. I believe both Mika Hakkinen
and David Coulthard drive
Mclarens, not Maclarens - general-
ly you find babies being pushed
around in a Maclaren push-chair!
2. Did the writer seriously expect a
Sporting
Vernacular
Colours Ball (4th May) tickets are
now on sale. No really they are!
Get yours soon. Social Sports Day
entries are due tomorrow.
Last week featured more points
up for grabs in “Spot the mistake
Chops has made” for quite a while.
The heading for the RiFFle club
article was slightly misleading and
then a certain central word was
misspelled a few times.
lowing will be required by 26th
March 2001:
Summer (Spring Semester II 23rd
April – 25 th May)
Summer Vacation (4th June –
August 24th)
Autumn Semester (3rd September
– December 14th)
Intramural Sports
This term has seen a great pres-
ence from departments and many
of the competitions have now
come to a climax!
Winners Runners-up
Monday 5-a-side Football
CCSR Anwar’s All Stars
Tuesday Frisbee
much different result other than
that which was posted during the
race?
3. It was Michael Schumacher’s
fifth consecutive win, not his sixth!
(the previous wins being Italy,
USA, Japan and Malaysia last sea-
son)
4. Kimi Raikonnen did not ‘come in’
sixth. He came in seventh and due
to the disqulification of Olivier
Panis, was promoted to sixth
place.
Anyway this week we have the
proper report on the Surf
Nationals, a Tai Jitsu profile, a let-
ter of complaint (!!!) and … Yes,
well, moving on.
Just focusing on the letter regard-
ing the “Formula 2001” article,
although it may have had a few
minor errors, the letter itself illus -
trates that it is all to easy to do so.
To my eye there are four spelling
Sport 19
ST 2nd XI SSTL
Wednesday Pop Lacross
Bill Gates SSTL
Thursday Cricket
CCSR A AQABATS A
Friday Badminton
AQABATS 3 AQABATS
Racket Ball: Finals this week.
Touch Rugby: Finals this week.
Evening Soccer: Finals this week.
Racket Ball: Finals this week.
Netball: Finals this week.
Do you want to enter a team
next time? Contact
d.Hitchcock@surrey.ac.uk
Exam Stress
Try out a Reiki Healing Session
a natural form of healing and is
ideal to relieve that stress.
Contact m.white@surrey.ac.uk
or tel. Ext. 9975.
5. I do hope that the person who
wrote the article enjoys watching
the
Grand Prix in Singapore at 2 am
next week. I will personally be
enjoying the Malaysian Grand Prix
in Sepang at 4 am!
Yours, a very sad and nerdy yet
knowledgeable Grand Prix freak!
Thomas Burton
mistakes in the letter. I have left
them in to illustrate the point that
no one is perfect.
Coming up next week we have
Birds Rugby and Ultimate Frisbee
features. Bernie, sorry it didn’t go
in this week, if I didn’t have to type
it up, it might have been.
Chops
 SURREY PRIDE
S URF C HAMPIONSHIPS
Even though we had a huge number of
problems, the first BUSA National Surf
Championships was a great success
and neither the men’s or the women’s
team came last. Despite trying my
hardest, I was unable to get a full
men’s or women’s team together.
Sadly the top two women we had lined
up were unable to make it due to work
and our top man missed Friday due to
work and was ill on Saturday.
Regardless, in what is the largest surf
competition in Europe, our women’s
team broke into the top 45% and the
men managed a top 60% placement.
The first of our problems started
when we went to collect the keys for
the minibus. Due to the driving skills
of someone who was fortunately not
named (and therefore not killed slowly
and painfully), one of the wing-mirrors
on our bus had been broken off putting
it off the road. As there are only two
minibuses with roof racks we might
have been looking at missing what is
the largest surfing competition in
Europe. After a little juggling we got
Duncan’s impresive wipe out!
hold of the other bus and loaded it with
boards and wetsuits in time for an
early departure at 6pm. After delays
due mainly to Tom forgetting his BSA
membership card that I had reminded
him several times to not forget on any
account, we set off. Annabel (of
Trampolining fame) was blessed with
the presence of a working stereo in the
replacement bus and for what seemed
to be most of the journey we were sub-
jected to her “Cheese – love it!” tape,
Shaggys lovely new number and of
course her tuneful renditions of all of
the above.
Arriving slightly later than planned
we somehow managed to find the new
hostel we were staying at. This would
not normally be such a hard task how-
ever there was only an A4 poster in
the window distinguished it from sur-
rounding houses. Inside, the only sign
of life was one of the guys staying
there and a note on the reception door
telling us what rooms we were in.
Friday morning saw a very early
board loading followed by an early
registration and the famous Fistral
beach, breaks looking somewhat
pathetic. The BSA folk decided we
One of but a few decent waves that day.
would wait until 10am to see if the surf
had improved. By then only a few
surfers bothered to get changed and
paddle out and only one or two of the
longboarders were able to catch any
of the small waves. So we were told to
wait until 2.30pm when another deci-
sion would be made. The
Championships ended up being called
off for the first day and with winds turn-
ing off-shore, the prospects for any
surf on Saturday were not brilliant.
Saturday was as early a start as
Friday had been. After I realized that
two heats at a time meant we would
get through them twice as quickly,
there was a mad rush to get Duncan to
the beach and ready to surf in time.
Somehow we managed it and in rea-
sonable conditions, he put in a decent
performance. Sadly due to the lack of
surf the previous day, only the first
placed surfer in each heat got through
to the next round. Everyone headed
back to the hostel to get some break-
fast and get warmed up while I stayed
on the beach to try to meet up with ex-
Plymouth B team surfer Darren.
Finally we bumped into each other but
having spent the night in his car, he
was feeling ill and wasn’t too keen on
getting a soaking. He also had a cer-
tain Sam Bleakley (European
Annabel in the quarter final!
Longboard Champion) in his heat so
essentially had no chance of getting
through. Watching his heat from the
beach, we were impressed by suitably
amazing surfing in small conditions.
On his first wave, Sam got a “hang
five” (where the toes of one foot are
over the nose of the board). On the
next wave he took off with the board
faced the wrong way round and spun it
round smoothly while dropping down
“Does my bum look big in this?” -
Tom “trick surfer” Wells.
the face of the wave and finished the
ride off with two separate hang fives
and some good board walking. If this
doesn’t sound hard, Sam came third
overall with some surfing which I con-
sidered less skilled than some of what
he displayed in his first heat.
Tom put in another good showing for
Surrey and one which belied his inex -
perience on a surf boarddemonstrat-
ing some fantastic trick surfing such as
the head stand which went on to be
the most sought after move of the
Surrey teams. Sven “wheel spin the
minibus” Bassett also had a good heat
even if the changeable conditions
meant he had to work with fairly small
waves and it was a big change from
his home reef-breaks. Will was next
into the water where his windsurfing
skills seemed to cross-over effectively.
His hand stand clearly rivaled Toms
earlier performance. Last into the
water for the men was yours truly. The
less said about the pathetic excuse for
surfing that followed, the better. I can
safely say that I deserved my last
place with what was sadly my worst
Annabel’s opposition
surfing for ages.
The first of the women’s heats fea-
tured Annabel. Although she could not
carry the nine foot board, once in the
water she started to fly. With some
great waves and a couple of trick
moves, she cruised her heat for a well-
deserved place in the quarterfinals.
Next in the women’s event were Aida
and Carrie who were both in the water
at the same time, just in separate
heats. Carrie did great regardless of
her inexperience and so did Aida for
making what she did of the waves that
were not quite up to typical Canary
Island standards.
Annabel’s heat on Sunday wasn’t
quite as good as her first round and
sadly the competition had improved.
Merely reaching the quarterfinals in
the National Championships was an
amazing achievement considering
only the winner of each round
SPORTS P ROFILE:
TAI JITSU
Warm up…
Name & age: Lorna Jones, 19
Nickname: Kitten?
Sex Kitten!
Best feature: My big stick
What you look for in a man or women: I couldn’t possible com-
ment (photo might help here – Chops (Sports Ed))
Availability: If you can find me
110%… Surreal
Favourite position (this question applies to relevent sports only
– no innuendo intended honestly): Standing over opponent
holding his sword against his throat
Best thing about your sport: The weapons
Worst thing about your sport: Training Sunday with après
Saturday hangover
Best single moment in your sporting life: Catching a black belt
with a sleeper hold
Ultimate sporting dream: to train in Japan
Worst injury: Bruised shoulder from a bad throw
Sporting idol: Hatsumi
Most embarassing sporting moment: My first backward roll;
went sideways
Tip: Never underestimate your opponent
Hidden aspects to your sport: That would be telling
Cool down…
Worst fear: Nothing is to be feared, only to be understood
Chancellors or Roots: Chancellors
You in three words: Erratic eccentric ninja
advanced.
More pictures are on the website www.geocities.com/surrey-
surf2/nationals.html and more details are available from
Surf@surrey.ac.uk & 07941035843
Special thanks to everyone at the BSA and Jo at BUSA for
making it possible, Duncan for his driving, Sven for his driving
and minibus cleaning and Carrie for her driver support.
Cheers also to Tom & Will for their photography skills and
Annabel and Aida for helping us make the Championships
such a great success.
Chops