Professional Documents
Culture Documents
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Step back and slow down
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Express strong feelings without blame
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Explore what is most important the
Most of us repeat unhelpful behaviors in Strongfeelings make it impossible for us to other person by listening and asking
conflicts because we are unaware of reallylisten questions out of curiosity
what we are doing Use “I-statements” to express what People do not usuallyenter a conflict bystating
We can onlychange habits through awareness you’re feeling what is most important to them
Plan what you want to sayto avoidsaying Be sure to state a feeling(as opposedto a You can onlyproblemsolve if you knowwhat
somethingthat will escalate a conflict judgingstatement) after saying“I feel” the other person reallywants
Be sure to carefullydescribe the other party’s People usuallyenter a conflict with onlyone
solution (theirs) to a problem
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behavior without addingevaluations to it
The keyis to be completelyhonest without
Be clear about your intentions
and goals for the conversation
blamingthe other
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If your most important goal is to win, blame or Let go of the myths about conflict
change the other party, the conflict will prob- .......................................................................................... Conflict is not a contest—don’t make it one
ablyescalate, no matter what skills you use Be aware of how your own Conflict is not always negative
If your intention is to blame or change others, self image might make you
you don’t learn howto prevent the problem more defensive
fromrepeatingitself
Onlybegin a conversation about a conflict in
Avoidan all or nothing, blackandwhite view
of yourself—in this wayyou will become
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Remember the four principal
order to learn somethingnew, express your more open to feedback
approaches to conflict
views andfeelings, or to problem-solve.
Acknowledge the conflict
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Take responsibility for
If you resist, theywill push even harder
To acknowledge does not mean to agree
Listen first to understand—ask your assumptions Be willingto change
questions to explore the other Be willingto let go of your interpretation—
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person’s story believingthat our beliefs andconclusions about
If others feel listenedto theyare more likelyto others are “the truth” creates a lot of conflict ..........................................................................................
tryto understandyou Share with others what you see as the rawdata When initiating a conversation about
Leverage for change comes fromunderstanding, andhowyou interpret it (your thought process) a conflict
not fromconvincingthemyou are right When others speakabout their conclusions, ask Askthe other partyif theyare willingto
It is rare for people to feel trulylistenedto and howtheycame to those conclusions have a conversation
still experience the conflict as negative Tell themthe topicandthe importance of the
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Be aware of your internal barriers to really conversation to you in maintaininga good
listening, such as thinkingyou are right and relationship
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strongfeelings about the subject matter Allowthemto save face
Find common ground
Be sure to note areas of agreement as well
as areas of disagreement
Identifyingareas of agreement reduces
defensiveness
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Be open to learning new information
Resolve it if you can—call us if you can’t, (206) 443-9603 Or, visit us at kcdrc.org for more options.