[ĐỀ THI IELTS WRITING VIỆT NAM 08/12/2018]
BÀI SỬA LẦN 1
Currently, many people fail to balance the work with other parts of lives, what are the
reason and how to solve it
Nowadays, an increasing number of people are more concerned about their occupation
than their personal activities such as entertaining or taking care of their beloved. There are
a number of elements that may cause this issue, and I personally feel that people
surrounded should join with each individual in an effort to focus equally on works and
private lives.
Concerning the reasons, in this modern life, the competitions among colleagues as well as
companies are getting harder, which leads to an extreme pressure at work. Moreover,
they cannot quit those jobs because they have to afford many things. As a
result,to make the working productivity effective the employees are required to
be extremely focus, which distracts people from others aspects of their life. Hence,
they spend most of their time working at company and even resolving related
problems after leaving from the office. Additionally, after a hard-working day,
they are too bushed to go out with friends or take care of other family members.
There are, in fact, several ways to help people balance the two mentioned aspects.
First of all, each individual must have a detailed daily schedule and follow it
strictly so that he is not absorbed in his work. For example, when a person
intends to spend 8 hours working and 2 hours playing with children, he or she
should not fail to do that at any circumstances. Secondly, family members
Commented [MOU1]: Em viết theo template á em cho
nhanh, viết được cho mọi đề task 2 á
In this day and age, more and more contemporary
attention has been placed on the fact that today people
more focus on their work, rather than other parts of
lives. Below is the essay outlining several reasons for
this alarming tendency and then suggesting some
feasible measures to tackle this issue.
Commented [MOU2]: trong introduction không cần phải
nêu rõ lí do gì hoặc là chi tiết how to solve it, cái đó nói
ở thân bài mà
Commented [MOU3]: There are two factors acting as
the main culprits behind the current trend, among
which the root cause is
dùng cấu trúc này nè cho sang xíu em
Commented [MOU4]: Sắp xếp bố cục câu cho hợp lí em
đọc nè https://www.ieltstutor.me/blog/bo-cuc-ielts-writing
There are two factors acting as the main culprits behind
the current trend, among which the root cause is fierce
/ tough competion from colleagues  đây là câu main
idea 1, nêu ra lí do thứ 1 vì sao người ta không có
work life balance  sau đoạn này em sẽ nêu ra câu
giải thích cho cái main idea em vừa đưa ra + một ví dụ,
em đọc thêm ở cái link trên
Commented [MOU5]: Không có viết 1 body mà nhiều ý
như này được, 1 đoạn body chỉ nhiều nhất là 2 câu main
idea, sau đó em sẽ nêu ra lí do để support nó
Commented [MOU6]: Urgent actions are called for to put a
halt to this trend ….
Commented [MOU7]: Vì ielts là văn academic nên em
tránh viết theo lối tiêu cực á đọc nè
https://www.ieltstutor.me/blog/luu-y-ielts-writing-task-2
 dùng should
Commented [MOU8]: He or she
Commented [MOU9]: Exhausted
should be willing to help them get over that issue instead of blaming them for

focusing too much on work. To be more specific, family members especially Commented [MOU10]: Cố gắng dùng nhiều cấu trúc hơn là
dùng cấu trúc đơn giản như này
 It is necessary for family members to help them out of
husbands should share the chores work with their wives so that they do not feel this unbalanced life ….

overloaded at home. As a result, they can work effectively then have more time
Commented [MOU11]: For example
for family and even themselves. Commented [MOU12]: Chỗ này viết nghe sao cho nó
academic chút em, tập dùng mấy từ academic á

In conclusion, due to the financial burden and pressure of the jobs, people are so concerned

about their work that they even do not have time for family and themselves. To get over Commented [MOU13]: They dont have enough quality
time with their family

this issue, each individual should have high awareness about it and their beloved should Commented [MOU14]: Là như nào???

always try to support them in ways as I mentioned above. Commented [MOU15]: Hoặc là viết Therefore, preventive
measures i have just mentioned above should be applied to
reverse this tendency.
 lần sau viết nhớ đếm số từ

[ĐỀ THI IELTS WRITING VIỆT NAM 08/12/2018]

Currently, many people fail to balance the work with other parts of lives, what are the

reason and how to solve it

BÀI SỬA LẦN 2

In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on the fact
that today people more focus on their work, rather than other parts of lives. Below is the
essay outlining several reasons for this alarming tendency and then suggesting some
feasible measures to tackle this issue.
Commented [MOU16]: Không đếm được
There are two factors acting as the main culprits behind the current trend, among which the Commented [MOU17]: In order to increase work
root cause is fierce competition from colleagues which leads to an extreme pressure at work. productivity, employees
As a result, to make the working productivity effective the employees are required to be
Do đang nói chung chung mà thêm the vào làm gì
extremely focus, which distracts people from others aspects of their life. For example, due to
Commented [MOU18]: , including their family members or
the high workload which cannot be resolved during the working hours, the employees have friends
to work over time instead of going home to play with children or cook a meal for their
Commented [MOU19]: Playing
beloved. Additionally, after a hard-working day, they are too bushed to go out with friends or
Commented [MOU20]: Exhausted , từ em dùng nó đang
take care of other family members. mang nghĩa informal INFORMAL very tired
Urgent actions are called for to put a halt to this trend. First of all, each individual should
have a detailed daily schedule and follow it strictly so that he or she is not exhausted in
work. For example, when a person intends to spend 8 hours working and 2 hours playing Commented [MOU21]: Dùng mấy cụm khó khó hơn đi
with children, he or she should not fail to do that at any circumstances. Secondly, It is So that he or she can work much more effetcively
/ can manage tasks in a much more effective way
necessary for family members to help them out of this unbalanced life instead of blaming
them for focusing too much on work. For instance, by sharing the chores work, husbands Commented [MOU22]: Household chores
can help their wives reduce the stress at work. This encourages them to work effectively Commented [MOU23]: Tập nối câu lại
consequently have more time for family and themselves as a whole , which encourages …
Commented [MOU24]: And thereby have…
In conclusion, due to the financial burden and pressure of the jobs, people are so concerned
about their work that they dont have enough quality time with their family. Therefore,
preventive measures I have just mentioned above should be applied to reverse this
tendency.
[ĐỀ THI IELTS WRITING VIỆT NAM 08/12/2018]

Currently, many people fail to balance the work with other parts of lives, what are the

reason and how to solve it

BÀI SỬA LẦN 3

In this day and age, more and more contemporary attention has been placed on the fact
that today people more focus on their work, rather than other parts of lives. Below is the
essay outlining several reasons for this alarming tendency and then suggesting some
feasible measures to tackle this issue.

There are two factors acting as the main culprits behind the current trend, among which the
root cause is fierce competition from colleagues. In fact, in order to increase work
productivity, employees are required to be extremely focus, which distracts people from
others aspects of their life, including their family members or friends. For example, due to the
high workload which cannot be resolved during the working hours, the employees have to
work over time instead of playing with their children or cooking a meal for their beloved.
Additionally, after a hard-working day, they are too exhausted to go out with their friends or
take care of other family members.

Urgent actions are called for to put a halt to this trend. First of all, each individual should
have a detailed daily schedule and follow it strictly so that he or she can work much more
effectively. For example, when a person plans to spend 8 hours working and 2 hours playing
with children, he or she should not fail to do that under any circumstances. Secondly, It is
necessary for family members to help them out of this unbalanced life instead of blaming
them for focusing too much on work. For instance, by sharing the household chores,
husbands can help their wives reduce the stress at work, which encourages them to work
effectively and thereby have more time for family and themselves as a whole

In conclusion, due to the financial burden and pressure of the jobs, people are so concerned
about their work that they do not have enough quality time with their family. Therefore,
preventive measures I have just mentioned above should be applied to reverse this tendency.

1. In this day and age: at the present time

2. Contemporary (adj) existing or happening now
3. Alarming(adj): causing worry or fear
4. Feasible (adj) : able to be made (synonym: practicable)
5. Tackle (v): try to deal with something or someone
6. Culprit (n) : a fact or situation that is the reason for something bad happening
7. Distract (v): to make someone stop giving their attention to something ( distract some
one from something)
8. Halt  call a halt to sth: to prevent something from continuing
9. under any circumstances: a way to emphasize that something must not or will not
happen
10. burden (n): a duty or responsibility that is hard to bear
11. reverse (v): cause something to go in the opposite direction, order, or position: