Torrenueva, Lanolyn Laurens R.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

The author of this book made a love lab where they had studied many couples and they
monitored couples here. The author says that just by 5 minutes proper observation we can
predict 91 percent of successful divorce, and these observations are based on “Empirical”
studies. The author also says that couples' therapy will not work long term, Author says that in
emotionally intelligent marriages, dynamics is established where negative thoughts and feelings
are kept from overwhelming the positive ones.
In this book, the author shows some statistics which I think is kind of accurate based on my
observations on some couples around me. Author says that over 40 years period, 67 percent
marriages end and half of which get divorced within 7 years of their marriage, people who stay
in happy married life forever, they live 4 years longer and bad marriages lead to psychological
and physiological problems, such as anxiety, stress blood pressure etc, Author also says That
Happy Divorce in Better than disastrous and unhappy married life. This book also states that
issue is not that they argue but How they argue. There are 4 signs of possible relational
problems that leads to separation.
1.Harsh startup- it means how argument or discussion starts, harsh startup discussions starts
usually with criticism and sarcasm.
2.Four horsemen of the apocalypse- the author says that criticism, contempt, defensiveness
and stonewalling are the most dangerous or toxic for a relationship. Other reasons which lead
to marriage problems are body language and bad memories.
3) Reciprocity keeps a good relationship, Author says this myth is Wrong, It is Reciprocity means
keeping a tab on things, the author says that it is bad for relationships, Author says happy
couple just do things because they feel good about Their relationship.
The more you know your partner the more intimacy happens or what the author also called the
love map of your partner, here you need to know your partner very well, happy couples are
very much familiar to each other they know each other very well, here you know everything
about your partner from small and big things.
For me one of the most important that the author states in the book is that for the long term
and happy relationship or for happy marriage it is really very important that couples admire and
respect each other, these two elements are really very important for any long-term
relationship if its missing then love is missing the security and trust also symbolizes.
Issues which comes for balancing pleasure and security, the author says if disagreement over
money handling goes beyond newlywed couples' stages of marriages, thus this issue is the sigh
on an unsolvable problem, and bad negotiation, as underlying are the deeply held values of
each of the partner.

Here are the 5 magic hours activities that you can find in the book for us to use daily to improve
our relationships
1. Parting: before saying goodbyes in the morning you need to find out one thing which is
happening in the partner’s life that day.
2. Reunions: here you need to have stress-reducing conversation daily at the end of the
day
3. Admiration and appreciation: you need to find out a reason every day to show your
affection and appreciation towards your spouse.
4. Affection: Kiss, hold hands, hug when you both are together.
5. Weekly date: This could be a relaxing low-pressure way to stay connected. Go out for a
date, stay connected talk about each other problems etc.

REFLECTION
The author studied and observed how the couples talked to each other. The couples everyday
routine, , the simple and serious conversations and even the fights. What they observed is that
fighting is not what breaks marriages up. In fact, fighting can be good for marriages in some
ways. The best part of the book is that if you and your partner are BOTH willing to do so, you
can learn to incorporate the seven principles into your life together so that you can love each
other, even when you are in disagreement or a difficult time
In every marriage, even those of the marriage gurus, preacher, spiritual guides ,are vulnerable
to infidelity. Individuals need to control those urges that lead to unfaithfulness.
Marriage is supposed to support each other for their dreams not to manipulate the other one
to not to achieve their goals, marriage is about supporting and understanding each other goals
and dreams. Happy couples create a family by involving both of their dreams, and also they
become open to each other’s opinion and perspective, happy couple naturally come close to
each other.