Beyond Grief

It was Thanksgiving, one year after my brother died. It was a

year of firsts. For the first time ever, when I needed advice, my brother wasn’t there.
I celebrated my 40th birthday without him. My youngest child graduated from high
school, and her uncle wasn’t there. The pain was so sharp at first. But I learned to
cope as each day passed. I put one foot in front of the other and just “dealt with
daily life.”

Looking back at my year of firsts, I realized that I still grieve. But the grief has shifted.
The pain has decreased in some ways, but grown in others. When I first lost my
brother, I had to survive; I had to lead our family. It was like I had to live two lives:
one where I told everyone that I was getting along just fine; and another where I
was screaming inside with pain. The pain really sunk in for me when I finally felt
like I just got my feet under me. And then reality set in. I can never call my brother
again. I can never hug him again. And
that is when a whole new hurt began.
It was beyond grief.
My brother has been gone for a
decade now and just like during that
first year, the pain is still there, but the
grief has shifted. I will always love him.
But now telling stories of his big laugh,
mischievous ways and wild youth bring
me joy, not pain. When I look at my
oldest son and see my brother’s huge
brown eyes staring back at me, I feel
warmth and comfort, not grief. I will
always miss him. But he will always be
a part of me. He will always be a part
of my family. The first year without my
brother was the hardest. It might be
hardest for you too. But, as you smile
through your tears, and cope with each
day, soon the grief will shift. Embrace
each memory as it floods over you. Let
yourself cry. Let yourself remember.
At times I thought my tears were
beyond grief. That my sadness was
beyond ‘normal.’ I was continually
encouraged that my grief was ‘normal,’
but it sure felt like it was beyond
‘normal.’ What is ‘normal’ anyway
when you are grieving? It is so different
for every person. For many, the first
anniversary of a loss comes with heavy
emotions and feelings of grief and
maybe guilt. Ironically, the one-year
anniversary is considered the end of
the mourning period. However, it may
seem like the beginning all over again.
Annually for years to come.
Here are some meaningful experiences and opportunities to help express your grief:

• Visit the cemetery to place fresh flowers or a memento on your loved one’s grave

• Take a day trip to a place of significance from your past

• Share a meal at your loved one’s favorite restaurant

E mbrace each memory as it floods over you.

Let yourself cry. Let yourself remember.

• Look at photos or scrapbooks with friends or family

• Watch a favorite movie or listen to your loved one’s favorite music

• Start a new tradition, which will provide you with comfort on this day for
years to come.
The anniversary date of a loved one’s death is particularly significant. You will
have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier – to have
said goodbye. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as
important to you as life itself. All those times you thought your grief was beyond
‘normal.’

Now, as you walk into a new year, may you walk beyond grieving and into
remembering without sadness. And may you be able to enjoy reminiscing without
pain. You will learn in this new year a new type of grief. It was hard to lose my
brother, but it was harder yet to learn to live without him. As time moved forward I
could enjoy life again; and you will too. If you’re having trouble moving forward, feel
free to call us at (269) 441-9300.
 Non-Profit
Organization
US Postage
PAID
Kalamazoo, MI
49007

200 West Michigan Ave. Battle Creek, MI 49017

www.SeniorCarePartnersMI.org • 269-441-9300

Mr. John Anybody

1234 Main Street
Battle Creek, MI 49017