Knights of the TM

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Dinner Table

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GMW1 K&C102

a b le Game Master’s Workshop

v ail volume one: Beneath the Waves
A
O W
N ur
o
at y
c al
lo o r e.
e st
gam
ly
On
.9 5
$9

Game Master’s Workshop, Beneath the Waves and the Kenzer and Company Logo are trademarks of Kenzer and Company.

Danger awaits bold adventurers beneath the waves of Whimdol Bay in this the first volume
of an exciting new line of RPG products from Kenzer and Company. This supplement offers
the Game Master a wealth of generic source material upon which to build an extended series
of adventures. Dozens of prominent NPCs are fully detailed in regards to their personali-
ties, motives and general abilities. A myriad of “Adventure Hooks” for the Game Master to
develop are interwoven into the scenario.
 Knights of the
KENZER &

Dinner Table
TM
COMPANY
Knights of the Dinner Table #20
Hack in Space
June, 1998
_______________
© Copyright 1998, Kenzer and

“Hack in Space!”
Company, All Rights Reserved.
Knights of the Dinner Table™
magazine is published monthly by
Kenzer and Company.
Subscriptions: A one year sub-
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(US $32.00 in Canada and US
Created by Jolly R. Blackburn
$50.00 Overseas).
To subscribe, send a check or
Ongoing Developers: Jolly R. Blackburn, Brian Jelke,
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Kenzer and Company) to:
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Back Issues: Back issues and
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available. See inside cover of this
issue or our website for details.
Legal Notice: Knights of the
Dinner Table, Hack in Space, Game
Vine, Hacknoia, Wadizitz, KODT,
HackMaster, Hard Eight Ent.,
Gary Jackson Files, the Kenzer
and Co. Logo, and all prominent
characters and likenesses thereof
are trademarks of Kenzer and Co.
Mailing Address: Kenzer and
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Phone/fax: (650) 233-8270.
Internet: JollyRB@aol.com
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inquiries). World Wide Web:
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Submissions: We accept submis-
sions for strip ideas, jokes, car-
toons, etc. We are interested in run-
ning anything that other gamers
and fans would enjoy. Send a
S.A.S.E. for writer’s guidelines to
the address listed above or E-mail
restin@aol.com.
Advertising: A copy of our latest
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 Editorial of a Madman
S
everal issues ago, I promised I would occasionally
use this editorial to answer some of the questions in
CRIES FROM THE ATTIC
the ever-growing mountain of reader mail that has
been piling up in my in-box. Every letter is read immedi-
ately, of course, but sadly, my schedule prevents me from
anwsering each letter personally.
So I save all the questions and routinely go through
them to pick out the most frequently asked, (or more
amusing) questions to answer here.
Recently several fan-produced KODT websites have
gone up. Hopefully, I can persuade one of them to com-
pile and maintain an official KODT FAQ list, If someone
volunteers for the task, I’ll let you know where you can
find it. (By the way, be sure to check our own homepage
at http://members.aol.com/relkin/kenzerco.html for the
latest KODT news and developments as well as links to
our favorite web sites).
With that said, let’s answer a few questions put forth by
our readers.
Q: How did you come up with the name, “Knights of
the Dinner Table”?
A: I’m surprised how many people ask this question
since it’s an obvious play on the title, “knights of the
round table”. There is a bit of history behind the name
though. I attended a rather large high school and the cafe-
teria was HUGE! The student body was so large that after
you grabbed your tray of food you could spend several
minutes looking for a familiar face to sit with and eat your
lunch. To make things easier, various circles of friends
would choose their own regular-table to sit and eat at each
day. My friends and I dubbed ourselves Knights of the
Round Table because we had chosen the only round table
in the cafeteria (strategically located next to the jukebox
which endlessly played Smoke on the Water by Deep
Purple). Eventually the name evolved to Knights of the
Cafeteria, Knights of the Lunch Table, etc.
Q: The strip is set in Muncie, Indiana. Are all the
places mentioned in the strip real?
A: The strip is set in Muncie because that’s where I
attended college (Ball State University). It’s where I was
introduced to roleplaying and where I did most of my
gaming. Since the strip was originally written to amuse
my old gaming buddies and to poke fun at them, it was
only natural to center the strip in Muncie.
All of the places mentioned in KODT are real or were
inspired by real places but the names are always changed.
aw c’mon sara!! that’s not WEIRD PETE to purchase the
ewwwwwwww!! look at fair. what happened to
SARA!! her HALF-ORC the PEEK-A_BOO
BARBARIAN has facial CHAIN MAIL blouse
hair!! how gross!! and LEATHER THONG??
(With the exception of Ball State University itself). I have
a lot of fun spoofing the places I used to stomp around.
However, I think the Knights would be comfortable wan-
dering around any gaming circle.
Q: I hear KODT appears in other publications. Which
ones?
A: As most of you know, KODT first appeared in
Shadis Magazine. You can find KODT strips in Issues 2
to 21 (1990 to 1995) of Shadis if you can find any back
issues. KODT has appeared in Dragon since issue 226.
The Gary Jackson Files debuted in the magazine
Familiar and ran for four issues before the magazine fold-
ed. All of the aforementioned strips can be found, as well
as many others that have appeared in various small press
publications no longer available, in Tales From the Vault.
The Vault is available through your local retailer (retail
$9.95) and is now in it’s second printing.
Other appearances of the strip: KODT appeared in
issue 2 of Troll. More recently strips have appeared in
Palladium Book’s RIFTERS (number 1 and 2).
Q: Is HackMaster a real game? If not, are you plan-
ning on developing it?
A: We’ve been amazed at the demand for a
HackMaster RPG. No, it’s not a real game — yet. A few
years back I had announced that HackMaster was coming
out but then we went monthly with the comic book and it
took a back seat. The KODT Development Team are pret-
ty much in agreement at this point. We will definitely be
doing HackMaster but we want to do it right. Afterall,
Gary Jackson’s name is going to go on it. We’ll keep our
readers posted on its development. Meanwhile, if you have
a wish list of what you’d like to see in HackMaster, let us
know.
Q: Is Knobby Foot coming back! I can’t believe Bob
and Dave treated him so badly.
A: I find it a bit ironic that an NPC torchbearer from a
campaign of a non-existent game system run by one of the
characters in KODT has been the subject of so many letters
of sympathy and outcry.
The same thing happened when Dave’s ‘magic cow’
was killed and eaten. Poor Bob!! The guy has been por-
trayed in a body cast a half dozen times and not ONE let-
ter of sympathy for him. It breaks my heart.
sorry guys!! i convinced Jolly R. Blackburn
April 28, 1998
FEMALE FIGHTER
ENHANCEMENT FILTERS for DAMN
VIRTUAL HACKMASTER. HIS HIDE!!
 Our Readers Talk Back!
Dear KODT,
Just recently became aware of this whole KODT phenomi-
nom....let me just say that I'm hooked! (I guess I've been living
in a cave for the past ten years...) Recently bought up all the
back issues I could find and have been passing them out to my
group. They were unaware of this gem as well. (It's a really big
cave that we all live in...)
Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for the great comics.
You now have a couple more fans looking forward to your
comics each month.
Bradford Hardman
BatBrad@aol.com
Dear KODT,
I would just like to tell you how much I enjoy your strip.
They are definitely the funniest group of gamers I've ever
"read". Each month I can't wait for another issue of Dragon
magazine to come out just so I can read KODT. I've been gam-
ing for about 15 years now, and have been in the military for the
last 8 years. It's been hard keeping a campaign going since I'm
always moving from military base to base.
I'm currently stationed in Japan, and have not found anyone
to game with. This is where KODT comes in, all I have to do is
read about these guys and a smile comes to my face. I can defi-
nitely associate with the humor here, and the strip brings back a
lot of old gaming memories. Keep up the great work, and never
loose that sense of humor!
Brian Thomas
via E-mail
Thanks for the feedback, Brian. I did a stint in the military
myself and was stationed in Germany for four years - I know
what it’s like to be a stranger in a strange land and not being
able to hook up with a gaming group. I may be able to help you.
Ever hear of J.I.G.G.? (Japan’s International Gamers Guild). It
was founded by a group of gamers-in-uniform who were sta-
tioned in Japan a few years ago. They have their own newslet-
ter called GUILD NOTES and the last I heard from them (sum-
mer of 1997) they were still going strong.
The last contact information I have for them is; Steven
Brown, Kopo Senju #605, Motoichiba 232-1, Fuji-shi,
Shizuoka-ken 416. Phone: (0545) 62-4678. I hope it’s still cur-
rent. If any of our readers have any other information on
J.I.G.G. and its status, please let me know.
Hope that helps you Brian. Let me know if you hook up with
them and let us know what they’re up to.
Jolly
Dear KODT,
Firstly I must say that I have enjoyed your strip since
Shadis, and have been picking up your regular comic since
issue 10 (I live in the middle of nowhere, and didn't realize you
had gone through the transition to full comic book until the local
game store that I currently frequent opened!!!) I have a few
comments however (who doesn't)
In issue 18, one guy who wrote in complained about why
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY SMART GUY??
well, you can write to us via e-mail at
JollyRB@aol.com!!
or you can send your snail mail to
K O D T L E T T E R B O X , 1003 Monroe Pike, Marion, IN 46953
SO C’MON, HACKJOCKEY!!! SAY YOUR PIECE!!
TABLE TALK: READER MAIL
does he have to be Sara, Man can I ever empathize with that!!
Not too long ago I got stuck in an extremely annoying
Cyberpunk adventure that played exactly like issue 13 (Men
that Hack) "Bob" and "Dave" were too busy looking for
things to blow up and high powers, to realize just what the hell
was going on!! and the worst part of all was weeks before I had
tried to get the GM of this adventure to read KODT, he
replyed "No thanks, that's just for mindless hack and slasher
types!" well I guess those who do not learn from history are
doomed to repeat it!!!
I like the inclusion of the Black Hand, It's kind of a nice
change of pace to see alternate groups (Is Earl Slackmozer's
campaign too far behind!)
Instead of giving that schmuck Stevil his own feature, I
think you should have an advice column fro each of the KODT,
that would be KEWL!
Well that's all for now. I gotta say keep up the good work
and I look forward to next month’s installment (even if certain
cyberpunk GMs don’t!)
Jamie Herbert
Ghost81@hotmail.com
West Burlington, Iowa
Dear KODT,
This must be the funniest comic I have ever read. Both
myself and my role-playing buddies agree that players are
among the stupidest beings on the face of the planet, at least
when it comes to their characters.
I distinctly remember one nasty bit of random destruction
that destroyed most of the entire city of Chicago. The players
decided to take a little stroll through the sewers (mainly to
avoid being hunted down on the surface, but that's another
story). And of course, the sewers are every GMs favorite place
because anything can and does show up in the sewers. One
particularly nasty, and icky, thing started chasing us around
down there. And being the player characters that we are, we
decided to fight back with all possible force. Well, one thing
led to another, until we ended up with an open natural gas line
and C-4 explosives. We took out two whole city blocks in one
moment of stupidity. Needless to say, the city's supernatural
inhabitants were not very pleased, and took out most of the rest
of the city trying to get us out. Eventually we got the message,
and left the Midwest for a very long time.
Thank you for letting me relate my player character stupid-
ity story, and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for
this great comic, and also to thank Brian, Mark, Paul, and
unfortunately, even Demitri for the great and memorable Role-
playing times I've had. Great work guys! Myself, and RPers
the country over wish you the best.
With Pride at being a Hack-N-Slasher,
Andy Goode
via E-mail
Open gas line? C-4 Explosives? Hey, it could have hap-
pened to anyone. I hate to see you blame yourself by calling it
an ‘act of stupidity’. You’re obviously playing under the tyran-
ny of a Killer-GM. Rise up and revolt!!
Jolly
IN YER FACE EVERY MONTH!!!
SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL
GAMESHOP!!! IT”S THE KEWL
THING TO DO!!

Issue 21 Issue 22
Available July, 1998 Available August, 1998

Be Sure to Reserve Your Copy of the Next Issue

at your favorite Game or Comic Shop!!
KODT FANS DEMANDED IT...
IT’S ALL HERE!!!
CRAMMED
BETWEEN TWO
COVERS AND
BURSTING AT
THE SEAMS.
ALL THE KODT
STRIPS THAT
HAVE APPEARED
IN:

DRAGON™
__
SHADIS™
__
THE
FAMILIAR™
__
THE GAMER’S
• INCLUDES ORIGINAL KODT STRIPS
NEVER BEFORE PUBLISHED!!!! CONNECTION™
• EXPANDED BIOS OF YOUR FAVORITE __
KODT CHARACTERS AND ELSE-
• KODT TRIVIA AND HISTORICAL NOTES
• 64 PAGES AND ALL FOR JUST $9.95!!
WHERE!!

AVAILABLE NOW FROM YOUR LOCAL

GAME OR COMIC SHOP!!
A Novel Idea by jolly blackburn

okay guys, before you take off i promised SARA she could
address the group. i think she’s struck upon a
WONDERFUL IDEA and i want everyone to show some
GOODWILL and some TEAM SPIRIT
and support her on this.
thanks B.A.!! i’ve been thinking a lot about BOOK CLUBS
lately. it’s where a group of friends, like us, all pick the
same book to read. then we get together once a week and
discuss the book. i thought perhaps we could put a spin on
it and start a FANTASY BOOK CLUB!!

you’ve got the

floor sara!!
?!! book
club??
i love the idea!!

now before someone goes accusing me of why ya wanna go stirring up bad

being DIFFICULT or anything, i just memories!! HUH!! just the thought hey i know what she’s talking
want to point something out. this sounds of having to read another one of about. i meet in a chatroom
SUSPICIOUSLY like my ENGLISH those CLIFFE NOTES makes me every tuesday online with a
LITERATURE CLASS in high school!! wanna put a gun to my head!! book club. it’s a lot of fun!!

it’s not like that, guys.

let her finish explaining.

really brian?? you’re participating in a all i’m suggesting is that we pick a FANTASY NOVEL that
BOOK CLUB?? i think that’s wonderful. we can all read and after the game each week we spend a
what kind of books do you discuss?? few minutes discussing what we’ve read. not only does it
strengthen the bond between friends but it helps us to get
right now we’re reading CODE to know each other more, AND it helps you get more out of
WARS: THE HISTORY OF your reading. it makes reading a SHARED EXPERIENCE just
HIGH-LEVEL PROGRAMMING like ROLEPLAYING!! we should give it a try.
IN AMERICA!! we’ve been having
some pretty heavy discussion on it. why not a i’ll read anything but
VIDEO HARLAN ELLISON.
pick a book? who me and him don’t get
gets to decide?? CLUB?? we can
discuss movies. along ever since he
ragged on SHATNER!!

5
 well to start things off, i’ve already elizabeth martley?? oh c’mon guys!! you can’t be that closed
picked a book. and i’ve already bought a copy cripes - tell me ya didn’t minded. are you telling me a woman can’t
for each of you - MY TREAT!! all you pick a freakin’ ROMANCE write GOOD fantasy?? MS. MARTLEY
have to do is pick it up at WEIRD PETE’S. NOVEL!! no way in hell i’m happens to be the HIGHEST PAID
i thought we could read NINE SCARS by wading through that crap. author in the business. and for your infor-
ELIZABETH MARTLEY!! mation she used to write under an alias!!
why can’t you pick a man’s name —
something we’ll ALL HORTON P. FOOTE!!
it’s getting rave like? something with
reviews in all the HACKIN’ in it!! the guy who wrote
game magazines. the DEATH SHROUD
after this one we CHRONICLES is
can rotate and some dame??
someone else can
pick the next book.

look, i’ll sweeten the pot,
guys!! anyone who
participates in the AFTER
GAME book discussions
will get a fi‚‚ EXPERI-
ENCE POINT GRATU-
ITY added to that
evening’s TAKE!! how’s
that grab ya?
HEALING?? tell ya what, i’ll come up to flfi‚ on the
E.P.’S and throw in a flat TWENTY HIT POINTS for
the group that you can allocate as needed. HUH??
make it ‡fi‚ and you caught me in a good mood. DONE DEAL!!
HORTON P.
throw in ¤D¤‚ FOOTE is a
points of HEALING
good job, bob!! how kewl!! this will be girl?? are
and you got a deal!! you sure??
fun. you’ll see.

ONE WEEK LATER AFTER THE GAME≥≥ i thought the scene where LORD
STOUT-HEART stood on the RAMPART
of his RUINED CASTLE and cursed the
this is so exciting. our very first BOOK DISCUSSION!! i just know GAWDS was the defining moment of the
you’ll find this a rewarding and worthwhile endeavor. hopefully it book. by blaming the gawds for his own
will become part of our traditional game night. since this is new to failure in battle LORD STOUT_HEART
most of you, let me kick off the discussion by telling you which proved he was
moment in the book was MOST MEANINGFUL to me. unworthy of being
a leader of men. a
is this a test? nobody said true leader
nothing about any tests!! i’m it’s not a test. it’s just a would learn from
not properly prepared. discussion. you’ll see. failure and build
on it.

6
 see how this works?? c’mon dave, why don’t well, uh....you know the guy, i think he was somebody’s brother or
you break the ice and tell us what part of sumthun? he killed that other dude? you know the one who seemed like
the book touched you the most. he was mad at a lot of people?? well...uh...i thought that was kewl.

yeah, yeah, he it wasn’t an axe. it was a hatchet.

gee, i missed that killed that i highlighted that part.
missed it?? oh well,
cursin’ the gawds dude. with an
tell us about your !!!! okay, i know what you’re talking about,
stuff. what page axe!! that was
favorite moment in dave. it just seemed like so much backdrop
was that on? pretty neat.
the story. to me. but that’s your opinion. that’s good.
BOB?? what was your favorite moment??

gee dave already took what i was gonna
say. that HATCHET-TO-THE-FACE thing
was just about the best part of the book.
well, yes, but that was in the OPENING
CHAPTER. surely there was something
else about the book you found interesting.
hmmmmmmm....let’s see. uh...oh,
when the other guy put his foot okay, so we all agree the
on the dude’s face so he could ENTIRE hatchet-thing was
pull the hatchet out of his kewl. can’t you think of
cheek bone - THAT was kewl. anything else?? (sigh) B.A.?
that
rocked!
well i thought it was interesting that the TUMUL-
TUOUS ROMANCE between LADY GEERVEY and LORD
STOUT_HEART seemed to be in sync with the EBB AND
FLOW of the CIVIL WAR which was shattering the
URTHSYTE KINGDOM in the background. it was sad
that when the HOSTILITIES ceased so did their love
for each other. of course i could be reading too much into
it but that’s what struck me most about the book.
ooh that’s beautiful. i hadn’t even made that
connection. you’re right!! YOU SEE?? this is
what BOOK CLUBS are all about. beautiful
observation, B.A.!!! just beautiful!!
where the WOW!!
hell was
THAT??

no hold on a sec. i had a lot of problems with this book. okay, first off this LORD STOUT-FART or whatever his
this MARTLEY CHICK don’t know JACK about writing name was - who the hell was he?? this is the hero of the
fantasy. i gotta be honest. this book BLEW!! sorry, sara. book? what a joke! the man’s got no MAGIC WEAPONS,
no MAGIC ARMOR!! he killed four dudes when they
except that part no, no, this is good. don’t apol- tried to carry off his bride and the IDIOT didn’t even stop
where the guy got ogize this isn’t about agreeing to search the bodies. i was so mad i was YELLING at the
killed with the with each other. we’re here to book. then when he was searching that KEEP to rescue his
hatchet!! discuss the book. tell us captured men he didn’t check for SECRET DOOR ONE!!! no
what your problems were. checks for TRAPS!!NADA!! ZIP!! what a goof!!

ARE YOU
SERIOUS??
he had a bride??
good points
bob!!!

7
 actually my BEEF with the book is
oh?? so you agree with with its lack of PLAUSIBILITY!!
bob’s comments?? let’s it took the guy FOUR MONTHS to
hear YOUR views on cross the DESERTS OF BARROON.
the book, brian. i put my HACKMASTER HEX OVER-
LAY on the map they printed on the
back cover and that dude should
have been traveling FOUR HEXES
per day EASY!! ten days tops and he
should have been out of that desert.
well once i stumbled upon that little mistake i got to
thinking so i did some calculations. i was able to take
the FENCING-DUEL between LORD STOUT-HEART
and MASTER DU’MARE and get a fair approximation
of his MAXIMUM HITPOINTS!! it was an easy
matter of dividing the fight into combat rounds and,
(using the descriptive text), assign TO-HIT DAMAGE
to each blow until LORD STOUT-HEART passed out
from the pain. by my figures he had ⁄‚° H.P.’s,
a very interesting
number. that would
seem to indicate he
was an °TH to ⁄‚TH
LEVEL FIGHTER!!
about right for a man
of his POSITION
and STATUS!!

but what happens?? the guy gets in a fist fight with a lowly STABLE MASTER, (a zero level npc type by all
accounts) and gets COLD-COCKED with ONE PUNCH!!! PREPOSTEROUS!! then when he runs out of food
while lost in THE THICKETS OF WOE he collapses from NEAR-STARVATION after a mere SIX DAYS!!!
INCREDIBLE!!! even if you allow for the maximum of a ⁄‚ HITPOINT loss per day from lack of food the guy
could have easily gone TEN DAYS without FOOD!! the list goes ON AND ON!! one major discrepancy and
technical flaw after the other. and let’s not even get started on the subject of WEAPON PROFICIENCIES,
PRIMARY SKILLS, KNOWN LANGUAGES, etc. i give this book the BIG THUMBS DOWN!!

uh huh. i couldn’t put my thumb on a lowly STABLE uh..er...uh...

it but i knew there was something MASTER??
fishy about that dude.

okay, okay, so the BOOK CLUB thing was a BAD IDEA!! i should have known you’d be subjecting everything to the HACK-
MASTER BAROMETER. not even SHAKESPEARE could stand up to your TOUGH HACK-N-SLASH standards!!

i’m glad we did this. i’m going to go

yeah!! he was kickass!! over ALL my HORTON P. FOOTE
SHAKESPEARE?? isn’t i got my ANKLETS OF
that the LICHE LORD books and do the math.
LEVITATION from him. looks like HE has a little
from module B-⁄¤:
SWAMP PHANTOMS?? CREDIBILITY problem.

8
The Hang Nail Incident
the BARKEEP throws a
DWARVEN HAND AXE at you
BOB!! it barely misses your
head. unfortunately, since EL
RAVAGER was backing you up
he gets hit for ⁄fl POINTS
of damage!!
well it really doesn’t matter
if you think it’s right or not. in
the frontier town of HANG-
NAIL might makes right!! with
a snap of his fingers ten well
armed, brutish looking
BOUNCERS emerge from the
back room and ask you to leave.
DO MY EARS DECEIVE ME??
HUH?? are you suggesting we RUN
AWAY from a fight?? this sudden
display of COWARDICE sickens me!!
BACK OFF JACK!! i’m just
sayin’ we aren’t exactly in
top fighting condition -
that’s all!!
by jolly blackburn
apparently the SURLY for crying out loud bob you
WAITRESS is his wife.
what the hell is wrong were trying to shoot a
with this guy? all i did PEACH PIT off her head
i got hit?? with your CROSSBOW and
was WUSS-SLAP the DAMN!! i didn’t you missed!! TWICE!!!
SURLY WAITRESS do anything!
for giving me LIP!!
it’s not bob’s fault the
light is crappy in this bar.
uh.....bob....hold on a sec. we came to town to rest and
BOUNCERS!! that’s a HEAL UP - remember?? after getting WHACKED
good name for them coz i’m with that axe i’m down to › HIT POINTS!! i don’t
gonna BOUNCE their think we can handle these guys!!
heads off the floor and
slam dunk them!! i got a i’m down to ⁄¤ hit-
fi,‚‚‚ GOLD PIECE bet points myself from yeah we took a beating
on this PEACH PIT thing. the OGRE AMBUSH. in the DUNGEON OF
THORN RIDGE!!
ever hear the GAAAA!!! she said it!! you heard her!! she said RUN
expression, “he AWAY!! oh i’m not believin’ this. looks like KNUCKLES
who runs away, the KING OF WALL CLIMBERS hooked up with a bunch
lives to fight of YELLER NO GOOD.....
another day”? you better not be callin’ EL RAVAGER no coward!
i can tell you THAT!! you want a fight so bad you just
might find one - on the end of my HACKMASTER +⁄¤¡¡
guys, chill
out! please!
9
 while you guys are arguing the
BOUNCERS start laughing at
you!! one of them nudges another
and points at you saying,
“awwwwwww, da widdle warriors
are afraid to fight!” (snicker)
oh great!! this is just what i was
talking about. i wouldn’t be surprised
if our STREET CRED goes down
TWENTY PERCENTILES!!!
LAUGHING! they’re
laughing at us?
awh man, i hate that.
don’t fall for it dave. can’t you see
B.A. is trying to prod you into a fight?
walk away!! you can always come
back to deal with your pride when
you’re at FULL HITPOINTS!!!
sara’s right, dave. but
still...they ARE
laughing at us.

so what? they’re laughing at us. haven’t you ever heard the i never thought i’d live to see the day when my comrades
expression, “he who laughs last, laughs lon.....” would run away from a run-of-the-mill BAR FIGHT!!
you’re breakin’ my heart here. you really are.

oh just PUT A LID ON IT!! will ya?? bob all this BRAVADO
you’re NOT a MAN, sara. you don’t under- gee..i didn’t sounds really nice but
stand. they’re not JUST laughing at us. look at it like motivational speeches
they’re trampling on our HONOR!! that. i think don’t change the FACTS!!
i see your point. we’re on our last leg here.

DAMMIT!! the
dwarf is right!!

no SELF RESPECTING HERO would allow himself to be COUNT ME IN DUDE!! c’mon HIGH FIVE!!! let’s kick
pushed around by some LOWLY BAR SCUM!!! if they want some ass and bring the roof down on these BASTARDS!!!
a fight - BY GAWD LET’S GIVE IT TO “EM!!

HOODY HOO!!
i knew i could count
on my boys!!
SL
AP
¡¡

10
TEN MINUTES LATER≥≥≥
you wake up in a TURNIP FIELD twelve miles outside of town. you’ve been stripped naked, tarred and feathered,
hog-tied and your buttocks have been branded with the RUNE OF COWARDICE!! (you each took 2 hitpoints from
the pain of being branded, by the way.) iron leg bands with little copper bells have been riveted around your wrists
and ankles so no matter where you wander, you can be properly HECKLED AND MOCKED. a note has been pinned
to the flesh of bob’s chest (another 1 hitpoint of damage for the needle) which reads,
“STAY OUT OF HANG NAIL OR YOU”LL GET MORE OF THE SAME!”

no offense bob but who ever said that, “walk away and hey, hey, don’t be stingy
live to fight another day” crap was a FREAKIN’ with the MEDIC-SKILLS i wouldn’t mind a
GENIUS!! i think SARA was on to something. dude. how about rubbin’ little medical
some of that stuff on me? attention myself,
hey we might brian. would you be
have lost but a dear?? (snicker)
at least we oh yeah, we can hold our heads up high as
still have our we jing, jing, jingle our way by proudly.
YO!! and firk-ding-blast!!
pride dude!! me too!! who do i look
i’m making a SALVE out
of some crushed turnup like?? DOCTOR
leaves and applying it to FREAKIN’
my butt wound!! RUTH??

i’m swearing an OATH to so what??

my patron gawd, LOKI!! okay, okay, so we we’ll rest up,
the sun shall not set rest up. THEN but we got no
steal some weapons, no
again on the town of we go KICK but we’re clothes and
HANG NAIL!! i curse the but dude we only SOME ASS!! armor!! we’re
have a handful of NAKED!! THEN we go like a bunch of
place and all those who WASTE THOSE
dwell in it!! the WRATH hitpoints left BUMS!!
between us!! DUDES!!!
OF KNUCKLES is about
to descend upon them!!

11
 GEEZE LOUEEZE!! what’s happened to your FIGHTING B.A.!! we’re marching back down that road
SPIRIT?? so what if things are stacked against us?? so toward HANG NAIL!!! let me know if we
what if we took a little beating?? it’s no time to QUIT!! when run into anybody on the way there.
the going gets rough the rough get going!! you pull yourself up
by the BOOTSTRAPS and jump back into the FRAY¡¡
you’re...you’re going THAT”S RIGHT!! and as for
does this mean we have to get the dwarf back?? to HANG me, i’m holding my head high and
our butts kicked again?? if right!! NAIL?? naked, tarred walking like i got a purpose!!
it ain’t and feathered?? just
no!! it means we use amen!! preach on, over til going back?? but...but, we’re heading
our WITS and brother bob!! it’s over!! uh,,,er.. back? NOW??
regain our EDGE!!

TEN MINUTES LATER≥≥≥

relax guys, it’s TWELVE
MILES back to town. you
gotta trust me on this.
i think i’ve got a plan.
you THINK you
have a plan??
i suggest we break
for a BATHROOM
HUDDLE to discuss
my plan.
TRUST YOU?? following
a NAKED MAN with a
BRAND ON HIS BUTT
and BELLS on his ankles
doesn’t inspire a whole lot
of TRUST!!
let’s see what he
comes up with.
okay you walk about FIVE MILES and come across TWO
BEGGARS fighting over a DEAD CHIPMUNK by the
road side. they hear the RINGING CHORUS of BELLS
approaching and stop to look up and watch you approach!!
i smile warmly and extend my arms in a friendly manner.
“my friends!!” i say, “look how the people of HANG
NAIL treat the POOR and UNFORTUNATE!!”
uh, they looked all we did was ask to
shocked. “they did drink from their well!!
these things to
you? why?”

one of the beggars looks at
you in disbelief. “but my
friend, we were just heading
for that place. we were told
that the people of HANG
NAIL were generous and kind
to the DOWN TRODDEN!!”
“of course that’s what you heard. they find GREAT SPORT in
mistreating those of NO MEANS. they spread that rumor to
attract others so that they may give them the same treatment we’ve got to teach
we received.” b.a., i show them the note they pinned to my chest. those bASTARDS
that they can’t treat
we are going back there to down with BEGGARS like this!!
teach them a lesson!! join the rich!!
us!! won’t you??

12
 well, i guess the BEGGARS would be sufficiently TWENTY MINUTES LATER≥≥≥
ANGERED by your ALLEGATIONS to join up with you.
okay you walk about two miles and you run into
TWO ALMSMEN and a PANHANDLER!!
HOODY HOO!!! i tell them to fall
into rank. then we’ll proceed down the
road. don’t forget you HAVE to roll yer damn straight they do!! go ahead
for RANDOM ENCOUNTERS every what’s the ver- and recruit them. that puts us at
TURN on a PATROLLED ROAD!! dict, brian?? fifty-eight total!! two more and
these guys we’ll have SIX MOBS!!*
what they hell qualify as we’re well on our way to our quota!!!
are they up to?? BEGGARS??
this just
outstanding!! might work!

BEGGAR and they are encoun-

MOBS!!! sorry b.a., you CAN”T stop us. tered in groups of that’s assuming we walk a
i KNOW what you we happen to know that 75% ⁄D⁄‚!! by the time we which TWENTY MINUTE-MILE
guys are up to. of ALL random encounters get to HANG NAIL we works pace. that’s TWO
don’t even think i’m along a PATROLLED ROAD estimate we’ll have an out to ⁄fi ENCOUNTERS per mile for
going to let you in a TEMPERATE ZONE are army of at least ⁄fi‚ MOBS!! a total of TWENTY FOUR
get away with it. BEGGAR ENCOUNTERS!! BEGGARS!! ENCOUNTERS!!

A WEE BIT LATER≥≥≥≥
okay your BEGGAR ARMY sweeps
over the town of HANG NAIL like a
swarm of locusts subduing everyone
that crosses their path!! buildings
are set ablaze, wagons are over-
turned, the shrine in the middle of
the market place is toppled!!
GREAT!! i’ll grab the SIX BEGGARS i kept in reserve. since us FOUR have techni-
cally been relegated to BEGGAR STATUS we should constitute a BEGGAR MOB
per the rules. i’ll lead OUR mob to the tavern. we’ll quickly OVERBEAR anyone we
find there. during the commotion, BRIAN will break off to retrieve our belongings!!
where do they keep the TAR and don’t forget the bells!!
FEATHERS?? i’m going to we’ll need LOTS of bells.
DOUBLE-DIP that BARKEEP!!
sweet, sweet, revenge!!

* See KODT#12 :An Overbearing Situation

13
Brian’s Eggs by jolly blackburn and david kenzer

okay the last OWLBEAR shrieks in pain and collapses EGGS?? we went through ALL THAT and
in a bloody heap. after searching the OWLBEARS’ lair there’s nothing in here but some STUPID
you discover why they fought so VALIANTLY!!! you EGGS?? i’ll STOMP on them and then
find a large nest that contains SIX EGGS!! we’ll get the HELL out of here and move on.
what a waste of time!! at least
we cleaned up on EXPERIENCE
POINTS. that was a pretty
sorry guys, i tried decent fight.
to tell you it was
JUST a lair. BOB WAIT!!! don’t
stomp on the eggs!!

why?? well..er..uh...SPELL COMPONENTS!! that’s it. i read an article

HUH?? in HACKJOURNAL recently on gathering spell components and OWL
why not?? BEAR EGGS are loaded with them. they could come in handy.

i don’t recall that

go ahead!!! knock yourself out, article. which issue
?!! dude!! they’re all yours!! was that? oh, uh. it was in the
BRITISH version.

LATER THAT NIGHT≥≥≥

outstanding. i’ll line the CAGE BOTTOM with FRESH STRAW and gently
okay brian, the arrange the OWLBEAR EGGS in a circle and cover them with a WOOLEN
CARPENTER finishes BLANKET. then i’ll cover the cage with CANVAS. i’m payin’ the STABLE
the CAGE you asked he’s fussin’ over BOY one gold piece per day to stand watch over the cage and make sure no
him to build. he says those eggs like one disturbs it. i’ll check on it when we come back to town each night.
he’ll deliver it to an OLD
the STABLE as MOTHER the BIG GUY’s gone brian, that is SO sweet!!
directed. HEN!! soft on us.

14
 ONE WEEK LATER≥≥≥
thank gawd!! i thought perhaps the EGGS had
brian, the what the hell are you up to gone bad. i’m going pay the VET a retainer
VETERINARIAN brian?? you sure are wasting a to be on call at all times.
you summoned arrives. lot of time and money on those
he looks at the eggs STUPID EGGS. you wouldn’t i’m so proud of you brian. if you need any help
and tells you the be planning on selling them or turning the eggs or guarding them, i’ll be glad to
strange mold growing on something and keeping the pull a fews shifts and sleep in the stable.
the eggs is natural. money for yourself would you?
there’s nothing to
worry about.
YOU
FREAK!!

A FEW GAME SESSION LATER≥≥≥ brian, dude, what the hell has gotten into you?? you’re
raising FREAKIN’ OWLBEARS for gawd’s sake!! SNAP
okay brian, your ROUTINE GROW SPELLS bring the OUT OF IT!! this has been going on for weeks.
OWL BEAR CUBS up to FULL MATURITY in a mat-
ter of days. there are now ‹fl eggs in the hatchery. guys, brian’s character is
if you don’t put an going to learn many wonder-
END to it - bob and ful and exciting things
this ain’t natural!! HOLY MOLY!! he’s raising i will intervene!! about these creatures.
he’s breeding mon- a whole GAGGLE we’re warning you!!
sters!!! somebody of OWL BEARS!!
relax guys,
needs to put a check it out...
stop to this i order more cages and
MADNESS!! separate the adult
OWLBEARS from the
EGGS & CUBS.

b.a., i use a SPEAR and kill the SIX ADULT OWLBEARS don’t worry guys!! i’ll let each of you have a
in their cages. i estimate they are worth ·‚‚ EXPERI- SHARE of the E.P.æS in the NEXT HARVEST!!
ENCE POINTS a pop for a total of °,⁄‚‚ E.P.’s!!! once my HATCHERY is up and running at full
speed i expect to be cranking out TWO to THREE
HUNDRED OWLBEARS a week.
°,‚‚‚
EXPERIENCE
POINTS¡¡ i am SO
disappointed in
you BRIAN!!
HOODY-HOO¡¡

15
Virtual Liabilities by jolly blackburn

well, that wraps up tonight’s game.
i think this adventure is shaping up
nicely. if all goes well you should
reach the DUNGEON next week and
things will really HIT THE FAN!!
i sure hope so. getting lost in that FOREST MAZE for six weeks SUCKED!!
sometimes i think you just do that because you don’t have anything prepared.
i’m was so sick of hearing “a my breadcrumb trail would
large tree blocks your way.” have worked if it hadn’t been
for those darn bands of
FORAGING SQUIRRELS!!
i’ll say!!

yeah...well, those oh yeah. of course. we

MAZES can be pretty can still do that. how
oh B.A., you haven’t forgotten about about NOONISH!!! great!! i’ll be here.
tough sometimes but saturday have you?? you promised i think you’ll like
they ARE a large part of i could bring over my computer so you what i’ve come up
CLASSIC FANTASY can PLAYTEST my new computer with this time.
ROLE-PLAYING! any- game, VIRTUAL LIABILITIES!! he’s been working on that
way, that concludes game for ages, it seems.
tonight’s game. i’ll see brian is so
you guys next week. where does he
find the time? kewl!!

THE FOLLOWING SATURDAY≥≥≥
wow brian this really seems com-
plex. this won’t hurt MOLLY will
it? you know how SKIDDISH i am
about tampering with her since that
little ACCIDENT!!
i know you keep saying that but when the screen kept
flashing the message, “MEMORY IS INFECTED!!
TAKING MAXIMUM AGGRESSIVE
MEASURES. PLEASE STAND AWAY FROM THE
relax, all i did was network COMPUTER!” i just can’t shake my doubts that
our computers. and i wish your program wasn’t responsible.
you would just forget
about that LITTLE man, you know how to beat a dead horse
MISHAP last summer. i’m don’t you?? can we drop it?? i came to
tellin’ ya, memory boards show you my NEW program not talk
explode all the time. it had about water under the bridge. SHEESH!!
nothing to do with my
VIRUS PROTECTION
PROGRAM!!

16
 alright, alright, so tell i believe i’m on the THRESHOLD of something BIG!! you know true computer games have
me about this game you’ve only been around for TWENTY-FIVE years or so. it all started with some lame ass game
been spending so much time called PONG and eventually led to the first CRUDE arcade style games like SPACE
on. what’s it called? INVADERS and CENTIPEDE. think of it!! those primitive games garnered MILLIONS
VIRTUAL AND MILLIONS of dollars for their creators. but how far have we come since those
LIABILITIES?? fledgling days?? not far my friend!! sure you have your FANCY-SMANCY GRAPHICS
what’s that all about?? and your NERD-BRAT YUPPIE PROGRAMMERS cranking out their MINDLESS
some kind of STOCK SCREEN-TRASH interactive simulations. how the hell they justify putting a FIFTY DOL-
MARKET LAR price tag on a crummy fifty cent CD ROM really burns my ass!! WHAT?? these guys
SIMULATION think i’m made of money?? i gotta choose between paying rent or buying the latest PIECE OF
or something? CRAP they’re churning out every four days?? another thing that ticks me off is....

uh huh...yeah...er...brian...BRIAN!!

BRIAN¡¡

well..what i was TRYING to tell you BEFORE you so rudely interrupted is

i don’t want to hear your tired
old SPIEL on COMPUTER
GAMES. i’ve heard it. just
tell me what this game is all
about and let’s play!!
that ALL the computer games programmed to date have had one MAJOR
FLAW!! while they attempt to immerse the player in a SIMULATED ENVI-
RONMENT where he is supposedly pitted against various foes in LIFE-OR-
DEATH situations they have forgotten one important detail!! the player has
NOTHING to lose in the simulation but the time and effort he’s invested in
the game. he knows he can always start over again. there is no risk, no sense of
loss, therefore the immersion into the computer environment can never be fully
attained!!! UNTIL NOW!! i’ve broken the LIABILITY BARRIER.

really? LIABILITY BARRIER huh? you know,
i think i know what you’re talking about. i never
really enjoyed COMPUTER RPGS because
i could never really identify with the onscreen
character. you may be on to something.
okay, hitting enter.......OOOOHHHH!!!! yeah, i see you.
looks like you’re standing about TEN FEET away and
uh...you’re brandishing a rather large looking
SWORD!! hmmmmmmm....okay, so what do i do next?

i’m tellin’ ya - it’s a MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH!! just stand fast. i’m gonna
let’s get started. just hit enter. i’ve already set us swing at ya so you can get
up for a ONE-ON-ONE armed encounter so you can your first TASTE of
get a feel for what i’ve done. VIRTUAL LIABILITY!!
TA AP
T
PP PA
A

17
 WAGER?
WHOAH!! what’s ASSETS?? what
that noise?? my do you mean? no, the program determines what assets you
relax, that’s just my spe- are risking in combat. it searches your HARD
computer cial SERVO-INTERFACE don’t i get to set
is vibrating. my own wager?? DRIVE and selects the TOP TWENTY most
communicating with your frequently accessed DOCUMENT FILES and
computer and determining what assets??
assigns them as DAMAGE ZONES.
what assets you are
WAGERING for the
DUEL!! you’ll see in a
moment. here comes
my first swing!!
S
RA PI W
TT N - K HI
A- WU
SH R BULACKRR
OO R!! ZZ -B RR
KA ZZ AN !!
Z! G
!

HUH??? YA SEE?? you’re feelin’ it aren’t ya?? kinda gets you right in the pit of
GAAA!!! AAAAEEIIII!!!
WAA....WHAT??? it’s deleting
my ELECTRONIC CHECK-
BOOK!!! my HACKMASTER
NOVEL??? FRIIIIPPP!!!
FURP-DING-SHGUURRTTT!!
your stomach. by adding the RISK of LOSING something of PERSONAL
VALUE and IMPORT i’ve managed to add SIMULATED PAIN to the game.
my....my....ADVENTURE ARCHIVES??
GONE?? TURN IT OFF!!! shut this
DAMN THING DOWN!!! pretty intense huh??
brace yourself, i’m going
NOW!!!! for the ABDOMEN!!!

S
S CR
SC RUBUB-S
RU -S CR
B- CR UB GN
SC UB
RU KRGNAAW-
B AC RL
PP PA

KL
A
TA AP

E
T

damn, looks like that LOW

THRESHOLD-OF-PAIN demon
is still going to be a problem.

S
S CR
SC RUBUB-S
RU -S CR

P ¡ B- CR UB
SC UB
RU
GN
KRGNAAW-

P LO B
AC RL
KL
E

18
Have a Little Faith by steve johansson
okay, dave the SWACK-IRON OH MAN, THAT DRAGON KICKED OUR BUTTS!!!
DRAGON hits you squarely GAAA!!! and and b.a. is on one of his lucky-streaks!!
with his huge tail and knocks i’m out of that dragon ain’t missed a to hit roll yet!!
you across the chamber. you’re CROSSBOW
OUT COLD!!! this means that BOLTS!!
KNUCKLES THE THIEF is the well, it you might as well save
ONLY ONE left standing!! looks grim. yourself bob and run for it!

look, bob, i have to be upfront with you. brian’s last GEE!! WHAT SHOULD don’t worry bob!!! no one’s
FIREBALL BARRAGE left the DRAGON with i do?? RUN AWAY or going to give you any flack
only 12 hitpoints!!!! unfortunately, you only have SAVE MY if you save yourself!!
four hit points left. you can choose to run now or BUDDIES??
attack the dragon one more time. if you miss,
however, you’re dead and the entire party DIES!!
i might as well
yeah, why sacrifice pull out a NEW
your life for a character sheet
LOST CAUSE!!! and get started.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! have a LITTLE FAITH in
me, HUH??? sheesh!!!! you think i’m the kinda guy who
would leave his FALLEN COMRADES on the field of
battle?? huh??? KNUCKLES is there when the CHIPS
ARE DOWN!!! you got that??
it’s not that bob, we just don’t think there’s a CHANCE
IN HELL of you KILLING this dragon. remember that
“run and fight another day” thing we learned??

i ain’t believin’ the odds and we ARE

this. you guys are just talking about
really don’t too great! ‘THREE-
think i can do it. STRIKES’
KNUCKLES
here.

besides i think you’re for-

getting who you’re dealing
with here. KNUCKLES
has gotten out of a
PINCH many times before.

19
 there ya go knocking down KNUCKLES again!!!! WHAT THE
HELL’S UP WITH THAT??? he’s the last guy standing isn’t SORRY BOB.
he?? huh?? how many times does he have to save your butts YOU’RE RIGHT.
from a tight spot before he earns a LITTLE RESPECT?? GOOD LUCK!!

calm down, bob. DAMN, CHILL OUT DUDE!!! well, if yer

i don’t think they we’re just saying the odds of pulling gonna do it -
meant anything by it. this off are pretty slim. that’s all. DO IT!!

FINE, OK!!
brian, can you hand me down a you RAT BASTARDS!!
NEW CHARACTER SHEET i get the POINT. i’ll (quote) run
from your brief case?? and fight another day (unquote)
okay, i can throw in a but there’s a few things i need to
PLASTIC DOCUMENT take care of first...
PROTECTOR for 15 extra
while you’re at it, cents.
?!! you might as
well get me one.

i ARTFULLY DODGE my way over to TEFLON

BILLY’S corpse and LIBERATE that okay you managed to evade the dragon and retrieve
POTION OF INVISIBILITY he keeps the POTION. you’re now INVISIBLE!!
tucked in his SOCK!! once i have that BAD
BABY in my little hands i’m going to drink it.

okay, since i’m there, i’ll go ahead and grab

TEFLON BILLY’S, RING OF HEFTY DAMAGE,
his coin pouch, the RUBY in his navel and his
BRACERS OF DIMENSIONAL SHIFT!!

20
 look CUE BALL!!! you made your point. now quit joking
around and get us RAISED FROM THE DEAD!!
oh gee, i’m outta CROSSBOW BOLTS ain’t i? well,
never mind. looks like there’s a perfectly good
HACKMASTER +⁄¤ laying near the STUPID whoah!! what was that?? i thought
LOOKING fighter type over here. i heard a noise?? the acoustics in this
CAVERN are down right EERIE!!
uh...bob, are we mean it!! gimme my sword
you sure you oh yeah, i know what back and get us out of here!!
know what i’m doing. next i’m gonna
you’re doing? go over and.... c’mon bob!!
oh i’m sorry. i can’t
SPEAK DEAD!! can’t
make out a single word.

okay after i’m finished packing the last mule, i’ll tip my hat at the DRAGON’S LAIR where i was FORCED to
leave the bodies of my BELOVED COMRADES. i shed a tear and turn away. for a brief moment thoughts of
retrieving their bodies and taking them with me crosses my mind, but their LAST WORDS keep ringing in my
ears. “THREE STRIKES KNUCKLES!! RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!” consoled by the memory of their last
wishes i RUN AWAY - right back to town where i plan on having a FAT STEAK and a BOTTLE OF COGNAC!!!

it should only take real funny!!! the joke’s over. c’mon, uh...i think he hmmmmrrrrffff!!
you a few hours to turn around and get our bodies. may be serious. like a common
reach town. thief!!!

LATER THAT EVENING...
i use the last of the gold from selling TEFLON
BILLY’S spellbooks to put the final gilded touches
on KNUCKLES MANOR. i then go out and review
my MERCENARY REGIMENT i hired on the
those strange
proceeds from EL RAVAGER’S HACKMASTER +⁄¤...
okay, and your GOLD-
PLATED armor is ready
to be picked up.
bob, when we said “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT ANOTHER
DAY” we meant you should come back THE NEXT DAY and
FIGHT that DRAGON and retrieve our bodies!!
gee, i hear
so you don’t SPEAK DEAD huh??
maybe i should translate it into
noises again. FIST-SPEAK for ya!!

21
Monday Mourning
wow sara, you saved my
life!! that BANTERING
SNOD-WYRM jumped up
from nowhere!!
hey, B.S.W’s are a common
random monster in COLD
MOUNTAINOUS
REGIONS!!
i’m really sorry that your
BARBARIAN bit the dust,
sara. although we were
never close, i thought she
was pretty kewl
uh, as far as babe
characters go.
by jolly blackburn
uh....thanks, dave. (i think). i’ll miss ZAYRE!! she
was probably the longest running character
i ever played. oh well....like they say, without
the threat of death you can’t really be a hero!!
best way to handle death
is to ride away from it.

it’s sad. sometimes you just get caught up in the

brian is right!! you gotta
jump back up on that horse
and move on. you’ll feel bet-
ter when you have a blank
character sheet before you
and a handful of dice!!
ADVENTURE and you just assume that it will go on and
and if you ever feel like you on forever. you never really expect one of your friends
need to talk about it- i’ll be to die or that there will suddenly be an EMPTY
there for ya. you know when POSITION in the MARCHING ORDER. (sigh).
i lost GORE-MONGER i got
really depressed and stuff. it
took me a long time to accept guys, i’m fine. REALLY!!
EL RAVAGER.

uh guys.....look...i...uh...appreciate your con-

cern, really, but it’s no big deal. i can han-
dle this. to tell you the truth i’m looking
forward to playing a new CHARACTER
CLASS and exploring other avenues of
roleplaying. i’m fine - really!!
whoah, put down those SHIELDS, missy!! you’re
among friends here. we know it’s tearing you up inside.
yeah, you had a great character there. no one’s
gonna hold a few tears against you. we understand.

seriously - i’m OKAY!! i mean, ZAYRE was

just a series of numbers on a piece of paper.
i had a blast running her but it’s over.
ZAYRE is
history!! let me my gawd she’s in pain!!
roll up another
character and we
can get on with
the game.

23
i mean, c’mon - after all it IS just a my gawd you’re a COLD BITCH aren’t you??
GAME. and it would be silly for me what kind of person are you?? how can you
to get all upset about....uh....er...uh.. sit there and run ZAYRE into the ground
i mean ZAYRE’S stats were like that?? SHE SAVED MY LIFE!!
actually QUITE AVERAGE!!
you all knew that. it’s really
amazing she survived as long as not only that now
she did. she’s probably better you’re gonna DUMP on
off, anyway. right? RIGHT?? hackmaster?? but i...
JUST A GAME?? but...

well.....i’m glad to hear you talking some sense. hey it’s okay getting
forget i said anything. you’re right, i’m taking it upset because your character is dead and all but that’s NO
pretty hard. i guess i was in a state of denial. EXCUSE to go knocking HACKMASTER or DIS’N a GOOD CHAR-
yeah, i’m REALLY upset about ZAYRE’S ACTER!! i’m really surprised at your attitude SARA!!
DEATH. i’m so glad you guys were there for me.
yeah, for a moment look, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to
there i thought i was say it. like i said i was in denial.
looking at an EVIL i’m okay now - REALLY!!
DOPPLEGANGER
SARA!! that’s good, sara. now
the healing can begin.

i’m still not sure. how do we know you’re just not telling us SEVERAL MINUTES LATER≥≥≥
what you THINK we want to hear. how do we know you’re
SINCERE??? huh?? MISS ICE WOMAN!! c’mon sara. stop
cryin’ i had no idea how about we laminate ZAYRE’S
you were so upset character sheet and frame it? that
bob’s right. you’re not and hurt deep would be nice, huh?? cheer up sara.
just yanking our chains good point, guys. maybe inside. don’t cry. ya
are ya? you said some she’s just jerkin’ us want a SODA?? i knew DRAMA ⁄‚⁄
pretty HARSH stuff. around so we’ll get would come in handy
off her case. (sniff) you know someday. (sheesh)
what? i never got to
say goodbye! (SOB)

24
I Write the Songs, I Write the Songs! by jolly blackburn

for crying out loud,

okay NEWT, did you i thought we were going for hmmmm... bards
roll up a NEW can be useful.
CHARACTER to yes i did. i decided a bard? we’ve never PARTY BALANCE here?? their songs can
replace GRONDEL to run an ELVEN had anyone run a bard we need another fighter not give bonuses to
before. this should some POET-IN-TIGHTS
MOON BARKER?? BARD named the party’s honor
be interesting. strummin’ on a freakin’
BEN STRING- and fame factors.
LYRE singing about the
PLUCKER!! moon in the trees.

it’s even better than that. BEN has an ⁄° maybe it’s just me but the thought of
CHARISMA so his singing can CHARM some FREAK following us around and
LISTENERS into joining his cause and even singing to us kinda WEIRDS ME OUT!! it
doing battle for him. and if i play while you just doesn’t feel like HIGH FANTASY!! awh gee, that sounds
guys are engaged in combat you get a +fi on like fun. damn shame
your TO-HITS and DAMAGE!! i didn’t pick a
great!! maybe you MUSICAL
hey FIRE BLOSSOM knows guys can form a INSTRUMENT
how to play the GNOMISH band and call PROFICIENCY for
sounds like the kid did MANDOLIN!!! maybe we
his homework. yourselves, my character.
could JAM together around QUEEZY and the
the camp fire sometime. BLOWHARD.

LATER THAT NIGHT≥≥≥ ˙øœ the brave men set out from GRAND HOLLOW,
they boldly set off down the trail.
and danger lurked near - but they had no fear,
wait sir!! BEN STRING- the brave, brave men from GRAND HOLLOW!!
okay, you guys set up PLUCKER has finished his oh there never seems to be enough rhymes,
CAMP on the shore of first BALLAD. he wants to for all the songs of our good times,
the lake on a patch of sing it to his comrades. it’s MEN FROM GRAND HOLLOW!!
SANDY BEACH. the worth 3 points of healing!! FRIENDS FROM GRAND HOLLOW!!!
next morning you resume woooo-wooooo-ooooooohhh-oohhh-wooooooo!!!!˙øœ *
your journey to the...
i got a
way to go, BAD hey, it’s about US!!! rasputin is
NEWT!! FEELING annoyed!!
about this!!

* Sung to the tune of “Time in a Bottle” 25

 uh...that..was....uh, that was nice, NEWT. i didn’t hey, i have a little
realize BARDS wrote songs about trivial things like TRAVELING
moving from POINT A to POINT B especially when DIDDY which will
NOTHING REALLY HAPPENS!!! but that was a, uh, make our journey more hey i wasn’t kidding!!
cute little song. real nice. enjoyable. -fi VS, RASPUTIN was REALLY
ROAD FATIGUE!! annoyed by your singing.
now, as i was saying, the i can’t even begin to tell you
party moves on down how FREAKIN’ ANNOYED
awfully he was. maybe you should
the road and should thoughtful
reach the DUNGEON lay off the CROONING.
of you
by nightfall. NEWT!

TEN MINUTES LATER≥≥

˙øœ we’re off to find the DUNGEON, the one we heard RUMORS about.
it could be real, it could be false, we really won’t know til we’re there. ??!!
we’ll spike the doors, we’ll search the floors, we’ll map the halls with pen and quill, hey STEVIL,
and then we’ll kill, we’ll kill, we’ll kill, WE’LL KILL!!! oh i bet it will be a wonderful THRILL!!! i thought
we’re off to find the DUNGEON, the one we heard rumors about!!! ˙øœ* rasputin
HATED newt’s
oh yeah, that’s very catchy. singing??
what a catchy hey, NEWT sing the first
little tune. verse over again would ya??

A FEW SECONDS LATER≥≥

i’m sorry NEWT, there’s nothing i can do. apparently your music KICK ASS!! i needed
drove RASPUTIN berserk!! it wouldn’t be right to OVER RULE a the +fi TO HIT/DAM- damn, stevil. that
player who is just trying to stay in character. you roll up a NEW AGE BONUS listening to WAS a fairly
CHARACTER and we’ll have another go at it next week. his song gave me in order catchy tune. i was
to successfully BACK- just starting to
STAB him. let him put get into it.
don’t worry newt, FIRE BLOSSOM plays, THAT in his SONG
“MY COMRADE HAS FALLEN” on his BOOK!! (snicker)
GNOMISH MANDOLIN at your burial.

sob,
snort,

* Sung to the tune of “Follow the Yellow Brick Road.” 26

L
ike the Musketeers of old, I have spent the
last month on a quest—a quest for honor
and truth. It began simply enough, when I
The Man in the Iron Mask
attended a screening of The Man in the Iron
Mask (hereafter “Iron Mask”) with a group of
gaming friends while at the SunQuest/MegaCon
gaming and comic book convention in Florida.
While I enjoyed the lavish beauty of the produc-
tion and certain of the performances (more about
that later), it was apparent that I did not enjoy the
movie as much as some of my gaming companions. Where some
others had laughed loudly or sobbed vigorously, I was only moved
to occasional smiles, interrupted by wistful sighs and a least one
derisive snort of disbelief. These were simply not the Musketeers of
my memory—those swashbuckling and honorable heroes that I
thought I knew. In addition, there were whole pieces of plot not to
be believed. But after all, it would not be honorable to criticize both
tone and plot based on half-remembered, misty memories of my
youth. I determined to refresh my memories (largely formed by
prior films and secondary references) and consult the original source
material. Perhaps my memories were too rosy—perhaps the plot
problems were those of novelist Alexandre Dumas.
Accordingly, I marched into the nearest video store (swaggering
just doesn’t work like it used to) and asked the clerk for a copy of
The Three Musketeers (“3M”). “I’m sorry. The Man in the Iron
Mask isn’t available yet.” “No,” I insisted, “the old version of The
Three Musketeers.” “Oh, you mean the Charlie Sheen movie
(“Musketeers Lite”) from 1993.” “No, although, I’ll also rent that.
The old version I saw at the theatre years ago.” She consulted her
books. “There’s a version with Don Am. . .something.” “Don
Ameche. . .he was in Trading Places. I’m not that old. The version
with Michael York, Oliver Reed, and Richard Chamberlain.”
“Who?” “There was a sequel called The Four Musketeers (“4M”).
“Oh, from 1974 and 1975. That’s not in print anymore.” Numerous
calls and video store visits later, I was able to watch 3M and 4M
(okay on video disc, with Japanese subtitles—it was the best I could
do), a 1989 sequel with the same cast, Return of the Musketeers
(“Return”; based on Dumas’ second Musketeer work, “Twenty Years
After”), as well as Musketeers Lite. Next, I read Dumas’ original
work (okay, an English translation—I didn’t have time to learn
French just for this review). Then, I saw Iron Mask again, and,
while I enjoyed it more the second time, I was still saddened by its
view of honor and how that tone differs from Dumas’ “The Three
Musketeers” and the very skillful rendering of that tone (a bit light-
hearted, but not far from the mark) in 3M and 4M.
I think that gamers know more than a little about honor. While it
may differ from game setting to game setting and even somewhat
from one character type to another, it is integral to many campaigns
and tournaments. It can be quiet, earnest, and polite, as in Oriental
Adventures. It can be flamboyant, even a tad superficial, as in the
swashbuckling affairs of such heroes as the Musketeers. It can found
in adventurous duty, as in the quests of a paladin or Knight of
Solamnia, or in the toilsome ritual of a parent going off to a job they
hate day after day to support their family. There can even be honor
among thieves or between adversaries. And, while I am the first to
admit that the honor of Dumas’ fictional heroes in “The Three
Musketeers” is somewhat tarnished (particularly by the ambition and
intrigue of Aramis) in “The Man in the Iron Mask”, the movie Iron
Mask breaks covenant with movie-goers by having the Musketeers
do dishonorable things. By this, I do not mean so much the major
plot actions of Athos, Aramis, and Porthos in conspiring to replace
the king with his twin brother—that has the noblest of motives—nor
D’Artagnan’s efforts to thwart them—that is merely in service to his
oath and his King. Instead, I refer to the lack of concern by the
Musketeers toward their fellow Musketeers and toward innocent life.
Though it may make for a good action and plot sequence for Athos
to arrive, full of rage at the King for what has happened to his son,
Raoul, and attack several fellow Musketeers in a frenzy, it is dishon-
orable for him to leave by pulling his sword from the chest of a com-
patriot and striding away without a thought for the life or health of
the wounded Musketeer. Honorable men do not attack and kill their
by Donald J. Bingle ©1998
A GAMER’S VIEW OF THE MOVIES
compatriots—especially when they are fellow soldiers or law
enforcement officers. (This has bothered me in a number of movies,
such as Mission Impossible and Face Off, to name just a few.)
Aramis, Athos, and Porthos also abandon their young usurper in one
scene, rather than fighting to the death. The final charge of the
Musketeers against the King and their fellow Musketeers is splendid
in its look, but it is simply not convincing that, in order to die in bat-
tle, these supposedly honorable men are going to attack and kill men
of their own squadron when there is no real hope in any of them that
anything will be accomplished by the charge. (D’Artagnan at least
mutters “Spare their lives, if you can.”, but it’s not enough.) The
final revelation concerning D’Artagnan—and revelation it is, since it
is a complete departure from the books—may make D’Artagnan a
noble and tragic figure, but it reveals a dishonorable past (and an
unbelievable time line, by the way). This is perhaps, the saddest cut
of all.
Iron Mask includes great visuals, a stirring soundtrack, and fine
performances by Leonardo DiCaprio and, especially, Gabriel Byrne,
as D’Artagnan, who deserves an Oscar nomination for Best
Supporting Actor and much better than the fifth billing he received.
Aside from my concerns about the honor of the characters as por-
trayed in the movie, the film is flawed by inconsistent accents (rang-
ing from the authentic, but at times barely comprehensible, French
accent of Gerard Depardieu as Porthos to the generic aristocratic
accent of Jeremy Irons as Aramis to the bland American delivery of
John Malkovich as Athos), a flaw that it highlighted by the occa-
sional uses of French and Italian in the script. The film also strug-
gles to overcome the generally lackluster performance of John
Malkovich (who sleepwalks through his performance almost as
much as Charlie Sheen did in Musketeers Lite) and some non-cred-
ible scenes (none of which come from the Dumas novels). For
instance, Aramis spirits a prisoner out of the Bastille in a sequence
that I am convinced many gamers have tried or would try, but which
does not come off as very believable as portrayed. Athos also tries
at one point to convince the King’s men to let him and his compan-
ions go by declaring the real King to be the imposter and threatening
the supposed imposter’s life. Huh?!?!? Why would the guards care
if he offed the imposter? And, while I did not believe for a moment
when the man in the iron mask took off his mask that the movie peo-
ple would allow Leonardo’s face to be covered with the vermin and
sores that it would have after wearing a mask for 6 years (he, instead,
looked pretty much like Michael Landon did in I Was a Teenage
Werewolf), I was shocked to see that his hands, while dirty, had per-
fectly manicured fingernails. Yeah, I know it’s a bit nit-picky, but
with a budget in the tens of millions, you think they could have
sprung for some broken Lee’s Press-On Nails. Lastly, the reference
at the beginning of the movie to storming the Bastille may mislead
those unfamiliar with French history (surely not any of my readers!)
to believe the time frame of the movie is at the time of the French
revolution rather than more than 100 years earlier.
Sure, you should still go see Iron Mask. Better yet, go on a quest
and see what honor and the original Dumas books were all about by
finding and watching 3M and 4M (Return is interesting to watch so
as to continue the sequence, but a disappointment overall). If you
must, you can also watch Musketeers Lite, either as a comparison to
the better movies or just to watch young studs at swordplay. (Think
of it as a Cliff Notes or Classic Comic Books version of the original
Dumas book, which 3M tells us, is the most often read book in the
world, other than the Bible.) If you crave yet more swashbuckling,
try the classic Errol Flynn movies, Captain Blood, Robin Hood, and
The Sea Hawk, with stirring soundtracks by Erich Wolfgang
Korngold. C
 News, Rumors and Industry Buzz plucked
Look Who’s Talkin!
HEA RD IT ON THE GAME VINE

“The word ‘game’ is a term we old-fogey RPG players used as a verb

to describe roleplaying before the advent of Magic. I miss the adven-
ture of those early roleplaying experiences.”
Brent Fishbaugh, Editor of Inquest
“Every now and then I’ll run into one my old players from ‘85 and the
conversation will turn to old characters or the time I ran the Frost
Giant adventure. It’s kinda sad. Like two old baseball players talking
about the time they almost went to the World Series. We’ll sigh with
regret and wish we still had the time and energy to play like we used
to. I think there must be a lot of old gamers out there who feel the
same way.”
Timothy Owen in a letter to the editor.
“I need a place a reorder - Quickly! I’m losing hitpoints even
as we speak!”
Comment from a Game Distributor calling to order backissues of KODT

“I shall draw not back a foot’s width. Nor shall I flee before the watch-
er of treasure; I shall stand as a rock before the dragon. Ye warriors
in armour, watch ye from the mound so that ye may perceive which
of us is best able to survive the deadly battle. This is not your fight. It
is my fight. The adventure is mine only!”
Beowulf in Beowulf and the Dragon (German Myths and Legends)

HEY KIDS!! “We played Dungeons and Dragons!! I played an Elf but he died.”
Homer Simpson telling his family about his short-lived college career, The Simpsons
(Bart’s reply was, “Ooooooh no, my dad’s a geek!)
Be a KODT “One night one of my buddies made an interesting discovery. If you
GameVine Cub
turn out all the lights so it’s totally dark and smash a twenty-sider with
Reporter!! a sledge hammer it produces a flash of light and sparks. No joke!! We
Send your news items to must have smashed 100 dice that night and it really works!!
gamevine@aol.com Micheal Hammonds, old gaming buddy of the editor.

GAME VINE™??
What the hell is Game Vine™? Game Vine is a new column where you can put an ear to the wall and catch up on what’s
going on in the game industry. Month to month we will be plucking choice bits of news, gossip and rumor and gather
them together to run here for your reading enjoyment. Basically, if it’s of interest to gamers it’s fair game for the Game
Vine. We need your help!! Keep us in mind while you are attending conventions, surfing the net or hanging out at the
counter at your local gameshop. If you stumble across something newsworthy, funny, or simply amusing please let us
know. You can email your news item directly to gamevine@aol.com or mail it to:
GAMEVINE C/O KODT, 1003 MONROE PIKE, MARION, IN 46953.

A Moment in
Gaming History #51
At the turn of the century, Kiss the Fish was
sweeping the country by storm. The game,
(also known as Flounder Tag and Herring
Chase) was brought to the country by
Norwegian immigrants. It wasn’t a game for
the weak of heart. Flounder Tag Teams were
often comprised of rough and hardy men who
were known to play off court just as hard as
they did on court. The 1879 Nationals was one
of the most violent, scandal ridden sporting
events to ever be held in America. The infa-
mous Jelke Brothers (Jelke’s Thugs) pum-
meled and their way to victory admist accusa-
tions of point shaving and fixed games. When
called before a board of inquiry, Stimp Jelke The Jelke Brothers. Left to Right: Stimp, Virgil, Jeb, Gus and Earl
shocked the nation by biting the head off a
blue herring and spitting it at the Judge. C after taking the Nationals in Willow Creek, Vermont 1879.
from the vine for your reading enjoyment
WADIZITZ™
Wadizitz’s are simple abstract draw-
ings. The challenge is to guess what
that drawing is. Some Wadizit’s may
have more than one correct answer.
• ANSWER•
A cat walking away.
“BEAM ME UP SCOTTY”
(and pass the dice)
Last Unicorn Games recently
announced that they have acquired the
rights to do roleplaying products for all
the Star Trek series. This apparently
includes all the Television series (Star
Trek, Next Generation, Deep Space Nine
and Voyager) as well as the hit movies.
As Mr. Spock would say,
“Fascinating!” Don’t run down to your
local gameshop just yet - Last Unicorn
has announced that they won’t be releas-
ing any Star Trek product until 1999.
Until then you’ll have to be content with
your Star Trek screen savers and Mr.
Worf action figures. C
ORIGINS ‘98
LINEUP EXPANDED
Representatives at Andon Unlimited
recently announced that it is expanding
the popular game convention, Origins
to include the comic hobby. R.A.P. pro-
ductions have been hired to put togeth-
er a comic-book show for the conven-
tion which will be held July 2-5 at the
Columbus convention center in Ohio.
R.A.P. has announced it has already
signed up several comic creators to
appear at the show as well as a host of
comic-book related events.
The expanded program at what we
already considered a great show can
only mean a better event for everyone.
Hoody Hoo! C

SHORECON GEARS UP FOR FIFTH YEAR

What: SHORECON'98
When: September 17-20, 1998
Where: Hilton Cherry Hill, Cherry Hill, NJ
Anime, Auction, Vendor Room, Demonstrations, Seminars,
WANTED
Open 24 HOURS (drop by anytime), Online Registration Four Days
of the finest board, card, live-action, miniature and RPGs games!!
Over 180 Gaming Events; New product demonstrations; RPGA
Eventsp; 3rd annual Magic Pentathlon (sponsored by Olde Tyme
Hobby Shoppe); Board games (Puffing Billy track), Historical
Minis and other RPGs; Full Weekend Vampire LARP and 7 other
mini-games
For more info: Multigenre, Inc. (732) 657-3311 -or- OK SFF 11
2432 Steiner Rd. Lakehurst, NJ 08733-3437
http://www.multigenre.com.C

Sailor Moon RPG To Be Released

By Guardians Of Order
Guardians Of Order, in association with Kodansha Ltd., recent-
ly announced that it will release The Sailor Moon Role-Playing
Game and Resource Book in the summer of 1998.
The Sailor Moon animated television series (or anime) is based
on the shojo manga (young girls comic) Bishojo Senshi
Sailormoon from acclaimed Japanese artist and storyteller Naoko
Takeuchi. Since its television debut in 1992, Sailor Moon has-
reached millions of anime fans in Japan, North America and around
the globe. The Sailor Moon Role-Playing Game and Resource
Book (ISBN 0-9682431-1-8; Product Number #03-001) will be
written by Mark MacKinnon and released in the summer of 1998.
Cheers
Pyramid Magazine
For dropping paper publishing and going
electronic via the web. If you haven’t
checked it out - do so. It Rocks!!
Have you seen this man? This strange character has
been seen roaming conventions all across the country
playing his sad little con game on unsuspecting
gamers everwhere. Dubbed the ‘balloon dude’ by
Convention Police in Miami, Florida, this confidence
man wins over his victims by offering them helium
filled balloons and allowing gamers to wear his ‘cow-
boy hat’. He’s also been known to let out a hearty,
“Hoody Hoo!” to help pass himself off as ‘one of the
boys’ at any gaming sessions he may happen across.
Once his victims are lulled into a false sense of secu-
rity he stuffs his pockets with any dice he can find
and moves on to his next victim. Police believe he
may be working in some game-related occupation so
he can be close to a source of new victims.
 Life’s a MEN IN BLACK RPG
BRIAN’S SMALL PRESS PICKS
Game!! West End Games
PLAY!! wegedit@aol.com
This game is kind of similar to Gary
Jackson’s “Hacknoia™”, the game
of secret agents, conspiracies and
paranoia. The game uses WEG’s
popular D6 system and offers a rich,
interesting and sometimes humor-
ous setting. I literally was able to
create a character in 5 minutes and
role-players ranging in experience
from novice to old-timer will enjoy
this romp through the adventures of
the earth-based intergalactic secret
police. A system that works, a set-
ting that’s fun - What more do you
want in an RPG?

Brian’s Rating: You know too much

already. Report for duty.

AVELON: THE SCROLLS OF DYOM - PREVIEW

Drawbridge Studios
2887 Cela Rd., Memphis TN 38128
DrwBrdg01@aol.com

This is a really kewl independent comic introducing the world of

Avelon and the fascinating adventures of the characters
Quillyan, Darden and Grimshaw. If future issues are written in
as gripping a fashion as this 16 page preview, the ongoing story
should be great. The aim of the publishers is “to make the best
fantasy comic ever made”. I think these guys are well on their
way toward achieving that goal. These guys are providing high
quality art and stories for the love of the genre. Now that’s some-
thing worthwhile.

Brian’s Rating: Support your independent comic publisher!

GOVERNMENT-FUNDED
ROBOT ASSASSINS FROM HELL
Propaganda Publishing
3020 Boutin Dr. #106
Cape Girardeau, MO 63701
proppub@midwest.net
$6.00

This is a kind of scary card game about killing all your favorite
(or not so favorite) game designers. It is produced in the clas-
sic manner that has endeared small press games to us for
years - Low budget. Take some crappy art, make cards with it,
xerox it and throw it in a plastic bag. The consumer even has
to cut out his own cards. This is not a slam - I love games like
this. Aside from the morbid scenario (or perhaps because of),
the game is a fun romp through the world of hobby game
design. I like the rule that if you get your target (game design-
er) cards autographed, their game value is greater. Support
independent game designers like Philip Reed from
Propaganda, they’ll be worth more when you “acquire” them.

Brian’s Rating: A classic beer ‘n pretzels game. Points

deducted because there’s no KODT card.
ATTENTION GPA MEMBERS!!! Place an ad in WEIRD PETE’S BULLETIN BOARD. It’s an inexpensive way to reach your target audience.
YOU’RE READIN’ THIS AIN’T YA??? (contact Mr. Ashton at weirdpete@aol.com for an ad rate sheet)

KODT FANS DEMANDED IT... Erektor,

Have observed major fluctuations in the magnetic field.
Mass and energy are both unbalanced. First Law violators
$19.95 will ultimately pay the inevitable fine.
Grailman

WEIRD PETE’S BULLETIN BOARD

+ $3 s/h

CONVENTION ORGANIZERS!!
Are you interested in having a special KODT
VIP [Jolly Blackburn or one of his elves] at
your con? Can you cover travel & lodging? If so,
contact Brian Jelke at restin@aol.com
or (650) 233-8270 with convention dates, location
and projected attendance.
KODT T-Shirts are now available!! Classic black with the above
strip in white. Size XL only. Available exclusively from Kenzer and
Company. Our mail order address is listed below. KEWL!! Just a reminder, KODT #4 [Have Dice Will Travel] is still available for only $5.95!

WEIRD PETE”S BULLETIN BOARD

WANTED is a meeting place where readers may pass
dig up yer KODT story ideas!! along information, barter, trade and gossip.
Readers are invited to place classified ads,
got a funny story you think would make a great KODT strip?? announce group meetings, seek out other
e-mail kenzerco@aol.com for submission guidelines. players, etc. Subscribers of KODT may place
classified ads free of charge with a limit of one
ad per issue and a maximum of twenty-five
words. Non-Subscribers may place ads at the
rate of 50¢ per word with a limit of 25 words.
Companies may place ads at the following
rates: [5.5” x 2” - $50], [2.75” x 2” - $25], [1.5” x
1” - $10]. Non-profit organizations (serving the
gaming community) and Conventions or
Seminars may place ads for free. All ads are
placed on a first-come first-serve basis with
subscribers having priority.

The KODT
Buyers Guild:

ty
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Tragee Boo ks
in th se of Pac 9
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Tem jy $6.9
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7
$6.9
Free ng
pi
ship oDT
on K ck
s of ign ba rs
dom mpa orde
King mar ca
Kala ing $20
.97
sett

Joining this exclusive members-only organization entitles you to special deals on Kenzer and
Company’s entire line of quality gaming products.
• Kingdoms of Kalamar products 30% off. That’s right, you can get the deluxe
boxed campaign setting for only $20.97* and Tragedy in the House of Brodeln or
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 THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO, “HMMMM!”
LITTLE KNOWN FACTS THAT SEEM TOO WHACKED TO BE TRUE
• Every day more money is printed for Monopoly® than for
the US Treasury.
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
• Smartest dogs: 1) Scottish border collie; 2) Poodle;
3) Golden retriever. Dumbest: Afghan hound.
• The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters.
• Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear
better.
PARTING SHOTS
• Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating
one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000
• City with the most Rolls Royce®'s per capita: Hong Kong
• State with the highest percentage of people who walk to
work: Alaska
• Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
• Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
• Barbie®'s measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
• Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven
$ 6,400
• Average number of people airborne over the US any given
hour: 61,000.
• Percentage of Americans who have visited
Disneyland®/Disney World®: 70%
• Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
• Only President to win a Pulitzer Prize®: John F. Kennedy
for Profiles in Courage.
• Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
• The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in
China in 1910.
• The youngest pope was 11 years old.
• Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola® per capita than any
other nation.
• First novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
• A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
• In the 1940s, the FCC assigned television's Channel 1 to
mobile services (two-way radios in taxicabs, for instance)
but did not re-number the other channel assignments. That
is why your TV set has channels 2 and up, but no channel 1.
• The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
• The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without
repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable".
• Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.
• Did you know that there are coffee-flavored PEZ®?
• The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the
days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The
horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out
how to walk up straight staircases.
• The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the American Pie.
(Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
• When opossums are playing 'possum they are not
"playing." They actually pass out from sheer terror.
• The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.
• The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch
every year because when it was built, engineers failed to
take into account the weight of all the books that would
occupy the building.
• Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king
from history: Spades: King David, Clubs: Alexander the
Great, Hearts: Charlemagne, and Diamonds: Julius Caesar.
• Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence
on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of
the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't
added until 5 years later.
• "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English
language.
• The term "the whole 9 yards" came from W.W. II fighter
pilots. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50
caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet,
before being into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their
ammo at a target, it got "the whole 9 yards."
• Hershey's Kisses® are called that because the machine that
makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
• The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English
law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with any
thing wider than your thumb.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.
• The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen
seconds.
• The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in
every five must be straight. These straight sections are
usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
• David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star
Wars®. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that
he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until
he saw the screening of the movie.
• Superman appears in every episode of Seinfeld.
• The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the
army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
• The Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia has twice as many
bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s,
the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring
separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
• The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six
inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• Cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
• The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest
point in Colorado.
• Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
• If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies,
you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money
in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
• The first toilet ever seen on television was on Leave It To
Beaver.
• Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
• Coca-Cola® was originally green.
Hot off the Presses...
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